#and then my sister said idek what to trigger me to start listing

[altruistic-meme]

my sister set off hyperfixation mode at the end of trivia tonight. and i sat there and listed as many bsd characters as i could remember bc i was trying to list all of the Japanese authors i knew the names of. and then i turned to my left and the trivia group was staring at me jfkajfksjdj

[jpegjade]

Wedding Vibes (Spencer Fluff)

Synopsis:

reader is a wedding photographer and spencer steps in the place of her assistant photographer for the day when her assistant gets sick. spencer gets wedding fever.

Tag list:

idek but if anyone wants to join, the list is open for future fics

Trigger warnings:

none, unless you are allergic to love and cuteness

Gender:

idk if i mentioned it.

Story Below the cut!

“You’re going to be okay, right?” You asked your assistant photographer over the phone.

“Yeah! It’s just a little walking pneumonia.” They said, chuckling.

The chuckle turned into a cough and that did nothing to make you feel better about the situation. In fact, it made your nerves worse because you were thinking about the upcoming weddings you booked together.

“Hey, y/n?” Spencer walks through the front door, carrying a handful of groceries along his arms.

“Yeah, okay. Sure. Just get better, okay?” You said, getting off the phone.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were on the phone.” Spencer said, gingerly walking through the apartment.

Stepping around your gear, you watched as spencer moved through the apartment like an angel who could do no wrong. Because in your mind, he could do no wrong.

“It’s okay. I was just getting off the phone with Josh anyway.” You said, slipping the phone in your back pocket.

“You’re about to leave and meet him at the wedding, right?” Spencer said as he moved around the kitchen.

Spencer put away the milk in the fridge, something you forgot to pick up when you went to the store to grab batteries that morning. You were pacing in the living room, trying to make sure you had everything packed for the 4th time.

“Well… I’m supposed to, yes, but I might have to pick up my sister because I need a second shooter for today.” You sighed.

“What happened to that guy?” Spencer said, closing the cabinet door as he put away a few dishes you washed and left to dry.

“Josh.” You chuckle, knowing Spencer was always a little bit jealous of him. You smiled to yourself and sat on the couch.

Nothing ever happened between you and Josh. He was a guy you went to high school with and then reconnected and started photographing weddings together for the past year. It was easy to shoot with him because it wasn’t like having to watch over someone to make sure they’re doing their job right.

“Yes, what happened to him?” Spencer asked, walking over to where you were putting away your cameras on the couch.

“Walking pneumonia.” You sighed, pausing to look at him.

“I knew his cough was a little bit funny.” Spencer smiled to himself about being right but tried not to show it because Josh was still your friend.

“I’m out of a second photographer for today.” You said, groaning.

“Can I help?” Spencer said, pulling you into him for a moment.

He knew when you were stressed, you needed him to ground you so you didn’t lose all of your marbles at once. A few at a time? Sure. But he was there to make it as few as possible.

“Unless you know your way around a camera, no.” You sighed.

It took a moment for it to click in your brain before you shout up, standing up.

“Spencer, you dummy, I love you.” You said, watching his eyes scan your face in understanding.

“I didn’t say anything.” Spencer remarked.

You finished packing with a smile on your face. You figured it out and it wasn’t a bad idea. That is… If he was up for it.

“You’re going to ask me to be your assistant today, aren’t you?” Spencer finally caught on.

“You know me so well, Spence.” Finally packed, you put the bags by the door and looked at the time.

Perfect. Enough time to spend a few minutes with Spencer getting him caught up.

“Will you?” You asked, sitting next to him on the couch.

“If it means I get to eat some of the cake, sure.” Spencer smiled as he thought about all the other weddings that you brought home wedding cake and how good it was.

“I’ll get you a slice and I’ll give you my slice as bonus.” You said, a smile growing on your face at the solved problem.

—

Spencer had no clue what he was doing and it made him nervous so he did something he rarely did:

He Googled “How to be a wedding photographer.”

You took care of the driving, telling him about all of the amazing photos you want to get and how the wedding will progress. You told him about your high school connection to the couple and how this was the perfect time for him to work with you because there was no pressure. You were excited to let your high school family meet the love of your life. Then you quickly returned to how excited you were to show him how to shoot the wedding as a professional photographer.

“Do you want me to do anything special?” Spencer asked, getting distracted from finding the next article because he was so in love with how you talked about your job.

After seeing the horrors of the world, he gets to come home to you editing photos of people having their times of their lives with the loves of their lives. The most he could wish was to have those moments with you one day but he hasn’t had the courage to say it yet. every time he tried to bring it up, the intrusive thoughts returned, telling him you wouldn’t want to marry a nervous wreck like him. They didn’t even know how he was going to handle the wedding. So many people… So many germs… How had he never thought about this before. Maybe-

“I’ve dreamed about this moment so many times…” You said, bringing his curiosity back into this moment in the car as you pulled into a parking spot.

“Hmm?” Spencer said.

He always tried to hide those thoughts when they started to invade his mind but you could always tell. He knew because you would grab his hand and gently squeeze a few times to make sure he knew he wasn’t alone in his head.

“I don’t know… I see these instagram couples that are like… ‘shooting a wedding with my boyfriend today.’ And I always wanted that…” You said, smiling at him.

“Oh…” Spencer said, slightly blushing. “I’m glad I could contribute my existence to making your aspirations a reality.”

“I love you too, Spencer.” You chuckled, knowing he didn’t really know what to say.

—

The two of you went on through the wedding day, photographing the moments as you would with Spencer trying to copy some of the things he memorized on the Google searches. When he showed you images, you almost cried every time but he was always trying to figure out why. They weeren’t the most stunning images but you looked at them like you hadn’t seen anything better in your life. It was a weird feeling for him to see consistently.

It was time for the ceremony, where his instructions were to take photos throughout the ceremony of family members, guests, wedding party, things like that. He watched the reactions as the bride walked down the aisle and it hit his heart like Miley Cyrus riding the wrecking ball: He didn’t want to be the guy taking photos. He didn’t want to be the one who was in the crowd, like so many weddings before him. He didn’t want to officiate and talk about love.

He wanted to show you how much he loved you and only you. He wanted to be the one at the alter as you walked down, his eyes welling with tears while Morgan claps his hand on Spencer’s shoulder before going, “you did good, kid.”

Spencer wanted to marry you. In that moment, there was no question about it.

—

“Would you have a big guest list?” Spencer said, standing in line for dinner with you.

As wedding photographers, you always had to negotiate eating at the same time as the married couple because you needed to be ready for when they were ready. You didn’t need spencer for the reception so he was on “content duty,” which was much harder to him.

“Whut?” You said, putting a slice of salad in your mouth as soon as you sat down.

You had a tendency of scarfing down everything too quickly at the wedding so you could be ready.

“Our wedding. Would you like a big guest list?” Spencer sat down across from you at the table.

“Spencer-” You almost choked on your salad.

“I was thinking…” Spencer started, tapping his leg as people passed his chair.

It put him on edge to not be able to see everyone but he was focused on you so his world was a lot more focused.

“What if we got married? A nice venue, our friends and family, a honeymoon to follow?” Spencer was nervous because you looked confused, not excited.

“Where did this come from?” You said, sipping some of the tea.

“Meeting the bride, your friend, the groom, and everyone… How many people do you think find their soulmate? So early in life…” He was trying to make sense of this whole thing for months.

“Spencer.” You said, pulling your chair closer to him. “Are you okay?”

You put your hand on his forehead before sliding it down to his cheek.

“I love you. More than I have ever loved anyone or anything. I love you more than the stars love the light of the moon. And I never want to be without you. If you asked, I would quit my job and take wedding photos all the time.” Spencer said, still trying to assess your response.

“Spencer, what are you… Are you saying you want to spend more time with me? I can switch my schedule around, if so. I can edit at different times or…” You looked hopeful but you didn’t know how to really respond.

“I want to marry you.” Spencer said, getting drowned out by the sounds of the emcee announcing cake cutting.

“You want what?” You asked, distracted by the announcement.

“Have a wedding.” Spencer said, once again drowned out by the announcer.

You whipped your head around to the sound of chairs scooting back from the table, across the wood.

Cake cutting was the last event in the night and you were scheduled to leave right after.

“I’ll tell you in the car.” Spencer said, starting to help you pack up things up before going to the car.

—

“What were you saying?” You asked Spencer, nearly skipping to the car with all of the ideas you came up with through the car. It was exhausting but you were excited to edit them in a couple days, when you recovered.

“Do you want to get married?” He asked, putting the bags in the trunk of the car.

“Yeah, one day…” You sighed, putting in your bags before closing the trunk.

“Okay.” Spencer said, looking down at you.

“Okay?” You looked at Spencer with a puzzled look.

“Oh. Do you want to get married… To me?” Spencer said, nervous at the thought and hoping this was okay.

“Yeah… One day.” You smiled, finally catching on.

Spencer took a step back and got down on one knee.

“I don’t have a ring…” Spencer patted his pockets.

“I don’t have my nails painted or hands lotioned or anything. Take my as I am?” You asked, chuckling.

“Only if you take me home to bed, where I can hold you and think about our wedding obsessively…” Spencer took your hand in his and kissed it before standing and pulling you into one of your favorite hugs: a spencer hug.

[settled-heart]

Deleted Scenes - 10/16/24

The Amusement Park A little heavy handed but effective, from other reviews it was planned as a literal PSA and it feels exactly like one. I thought the fortune telling scene and the book reading at the end were especially effective

My grandma died this summer and there was just so much misery that came with it idek what order i could describe it in so instead just a list of stuff that will always stick with me:

*Trigger warning for death and hospitalization stuff

The had two homemakers who would help around the apartment and keep her company on different days. One had called her and hadn't heard from her for an unusual amount of time but instead of going to check on her or calling the police (she also was the only other person with the key) she called my dad. He was on a plane at the time and didn't see the call for a couple hours. When he landed he went straight there, 4 hours after her homemaker had first called her. He found her on the ground in a pool of blood and vomit, he called the cops and held her while she was purple and barely alive. We don't know what happened but it seems like maybe she had a double dose of insulin or fell while doing laundry since she felt private about that and wanted to do it herself.

This same fucking idiot would go on to tell me in a non-stop hour yapping session while she was hospitalized and we looked for her documents that the day before she fell her bird "kept looking right at her and lifting her wings as if it was an omen", i never felt more fucking angry fuck her

The hospital from the start had no faith in her living (she was very old at 94), and were so careless about it they didn't perform testing that they explicitly told us they did. Not until my sister (a doctor) came and could verify what they were talking about/advocate for her did she receive testing. They declared her as a lost cause before even checking absolute fucking miserable shit

When they moved her out of the ER she still had open/active wounds that weren't dressed. We asked them to dress the main one at least and the brutish nurse on this new floor (everyone in the ER was great but long term care was rough) dressed the wound with this extremely adhesive tape that looked like it grabbed at her thin skin. The wound was likely CAUSED by blood drying against the floor and tearing her skin when the paramedics moved her!!! Im so fucking mad i hate picturing all these people again i hope this is a sufficient journaling i can see his fucking face this fucking nurse who was rude and weird since we got to that floor

I want to get the hospital out of my mind and I dont want to talk about family drama so skipping ahead to the night before she passed. She suddenly became much worse and i booked it to the hispital to keep my dad company. The room is spinning remembering it and the memory of the smell is nauseating again. Some sort of bacterial mucus was coming from her mouth regularly, drying her lips and making it hard to breath. I cant get the image or smell out of my head. I could keep her company through most of the hospitalization only leaving for care that asked for her to have privacy, but this really felt so terrible i dont know how to vocalize it. I was so terrified and so miserable and left my mind racing with every miserable existential dread i could feel. Reckoning with how slow death is most of the time and how humbling it is shook me to my core

My grandma had prepped her funeral entirely (she had said). We found all her paperwork very easily, she was very organized with all her stuff. The funeral home, however, said she had not, and pretty much had only paid for her grave. We couldn't find proof and their records didn't show anything so we didnt argue but whatever, it wasnt the most angering thing just pathetic

Organizing her place we found so many minor stories of grim shit. The safe that my dad never came to build. The random bulk purchases of stuff like cleaning supplies or propane tanks from vendors that go apartment to apartment preying on the elderly as easy marks. The door being knocked on by neighbors to take her stuff (which we all agreed was good, helpful, and what my grandma would want, but still felt like shit).

I didn't expect to feel so terrible writing stuff out it was not a relief and it just makes me feel so angry and sad. Theres so much left unsaid too and always will be, so much life that just disappears.

From an extremely independent person who managed herself her whole life, to someone screamed at for needing help while not wanting it. After her favorite bird passed she started saying she wanted to too. My dad hesitant to get her the kitten she was asking for many reasons but everyone also silently weighing if she would live long enough to be able to care for it. Idk im really rambling.

Giving people the bare minimum to get by while just waiting for them to die, idk if theres a way to really reckon with it.