#and then i will scroll through job postings that make me want to kms and go back to work

[mistninja]

Having one of those Tuesdays

[ossumsauce]

ignore me i'm exploding into a million pieces rn

this is why i wonder why people dm me with fundraisers. people dont follow me because i just reblog things and i vent about how bad my mental health is contantly . i don't have financial independance. my parents yell at me to bring my phone downstairs at 8 while i'm 18 . i have constant guilt for being alive because i feel so mentally bad when i should be fine . i dont have a job. the money i have to my name is from christmasses and birthdays because i just dont use it and stay in bed every day until 4 pm. i failed both my electives in my first year because i cant be a person and i havent told my parents yet because i know they'll just yell and make it worse. what is anything at all bro

i'd be all "ahh time to kms" if i wasnt a selfish pussy who's scared of pain and just hoping i can work this out so i can just get coddled for the rest of my life because it turns out i'm like the vitamin guy where like half of my brain is upside down and everyones wondering how i lived this long with semirotatedbrainitis and i get one million dollars

is it obvious i'm not medicated for anything yet . my running theory is ive been depressed since i was a child and i have adhd (and also osdd but shhhh i cant talk about that outside of my friend group or im faking shhhh) so maybe someone somewhere can take pity on me bro

sometimes i do wonder if ill get internet famous or something .like i make a video game like i want to and then someone laboriously scrolls through my entire reblog blog (here) and finds little posts like this and then ill be percieved ripped open in this way because ive been too open about my feelings online

but the thing is i cant really TALK to anyone in person . i dont have any friends that im this open with and i cant just walk up to one of my friends and dump everything ever on them because thats just plain a shitty thing to do

i just want people to like me bro but it feels so selfish so i cant work towards that at all

but its not like many people hate me?? its not like people arent my friends or love me because im a shitty person, im just a nothing burger and other people are so much more interesting

or im just annoying and nobody bvothered to tell me thats an option

in full "someones gonna murder me" mode but its in a chill guy way. trust me

[schlepped]

Warm In Winter

Hi. So yeah, before his birthday is over, I would like to post a birthday one-shot of Double B because i miss them a lot. 

English is not my first language so there might be grammatical errors. hope you enjoy it!

- - -

On one of the meaningful days for Hanbin, he scoffed as he found himself working on some paperworks. He should’ve spent the day like any other weekend he always been, cuddling up with Jiwon while watching movies together, but the funny thing is both of them need to work on something.

Not fair, he thought to himself. But he finishes his work a little earlier than he had expected and he’s watching the gray sky with flashes of lightning dancing vigorously through his office window while holding a paper bag that contains the newest so-called-zombie-apocalypse-game-that-only-Jiwon knows what inside the bag. He’s been whining for the past few weeks about how much he wanted the video game.

“He’s going to like it,” he mumbles.

He steps out of the building with drizzles pouring down from the sky, making small droplets on his light blue shirt then turns into a heavy rain within seconds making him rushing to the nearest bus stop while hugging the paper bag to make sure it is safe without any watermarks on it.

Rain. Hanbin never really like the rain. He doesn’t hate it but he doesn’t like it either. Like if there was a parameter to measure his liking for rain then he would have placed in the middle. He’s not good at resisting cold—thanks to the rhinitis—Winter December’s breeze is sure is cold, with -4 Celsius degree and 8 km/hr wind velocity, it’s cold enough for Hanbin staying outside.

He pulls his phone and finds there are no new notifications and an alert of low battery on his screen. He sighs while looking at the 7% on the upper right side of his phone. Hanbin grows in anxiety as there is no sign of Jiwon to pick him up leaving him restless with his battery slowly decreasing to zero.

***

On the other side of Seoul, a man is rushing to start an engine of his loud-monster, a Ford Mustang GT in the basement. Worriedness etched evidently on his face as he hears a voicemail answering his call instead of the owner.

The road is wet, with loud thumps of rain droplets falling on his car windshield like a clockwise ticking. He sees Hanbin standing alone at the bus stop as his cars slowly getting closer and stops right in front to call him.

“Hanbin!” He shouted and a smile appears on Hanbin’s face as he hurries into his car.

The smell of rain welcomes him when Hanbin opens the door and there he is, sitting awkwardly hugging a paper bag on his arms.

“Hi.” He said shyly.

"Hey."

Jiwon looks at him for a moment before turning away, trying to reach a hoodie with his long hand in the back seat. “Open your shirt.”

“Huh? My shirt? All of sudden?”

Hanbin is flustered, but then realizes what he meant by opening his shirt when Jiwon throws him a hoodie on his lap.

“Your shirt. It’s wet.”

“Okay. But please look somewhere else.”

Jiwon turns his head into another direction but Hanbin knows he’s smiling smugly on the other side, “what? I’ve seen all the parts of your body. Just open.”

His cheeks feel hot at the moment Jiwon said his first sentence. Even though it’s true, Hanbin himself still finds it amusing and embarrassing at the same time. But he still pulls his shirt up when he knows Jiwon sneakily peeking on him.

“I said don’t look!”

“Okay! Okay! I won't look!”

Jiwon’s apartment is…. messy like the usual. Nothing new. A pair of dirty socks in the doorsteps, clothes hanging on the sofa. They’re necessarily “Jiwon” thing.

They straightly go into Jiwon’s room and he pulls a t-shirt and a boxer from his drawer and put it on the bed.

“You can take the shower first.”

Hanbin nods and Jiwon walked out, closing the door behind him and just like that, Hanbin is left alone in his room. No matter how much he’s been into his room, a strange feeling still lingers on him since it is Jiwon’s private area. He doesn’t want to invade much so he goes to take shower right away.

Scrolling through his phone while looking up to some weird yet funny memes, Jiwon finds Hanbin standing on the door edge.

“Hey. You’re done? And by the way, are you hungry?”

“Yeah. I’ll make the dinner, you can just go shower.”

The dinner is served by the time Jiwon steps out of his room, rubbing his hair roughly with a dry towel. It’s just two over-cooked instant Ramen and two cups of hot water to warm themselves on this rainy night.

Small talks hovering while they eat their dinners, like how was their day and stuff. It went so quickly. The next thing Hanbin knows, they’re sitting on the sofa, watching La La Land on Netflix.

“You’re not going to your Mom’s. That’s new.”

Jiwon looks at him, “Yeah. I just wanted to spend the day with you tonight.”

“Do you really think it would be okay?”

“Why it wouldn’t be okay?”

“I feel like I ruined your family traditions.”

Hanbin swallowed his saliva. Hard. He knows this will start an argument but before he even back to the reality the words already slip out of his mouth and he feels regret after seeing a flash tense on Jiwon’s face.

“Hanbin. Why you always think like this? Even though I don’t get to celebrate it with my family, it’s just for this year only. And it’s my day. It doesn’t have anything to do with you. I get to choose whoever I want to spend my day with and I choose you. Doesn’t it mean anything to you?”

“It means everything to me. It’s just, I don’t want to get in the way… I… you know.”

“Okay. You need to stop to think everything is your fault. You’re not ruin anything. This is purely my choice. I choose you to be my partner on my birthday. So what? I spend my time with my family every Sunday. I gotta have time to spend with you too like we always do every Saturday. And for some reason, God puts December 21 on Saturday. So it’s our day. I don’t want to hear any complaints from you. Can we just focus on the movie?”

Hanbin goes silent. His mind is processing every word coming out from Jiwon’s mouth. Slowly building his thought that he’s the one Jiwon chooses to spend his time with on this day.

“For the sake of this argument, let’s just say that I’m Ash Ketchum and wants to spend his day with his lifetime partner Pikachu. Alright?”

A smile cracks on Hanbin’s face. “Now you’re saying that I’m Pikachu? Can’t believe you’re using Pokémon to get on this.”

“There’s no other way. Besides Pokemon is the only thing I remember since there was Pokémon on TV this morning.”

“You’re weird.”

“That’s one way to say it, Hanbin.”

Jiwon leans his face close and the next thing he knows, he’s kissing Hanbin’s soft lips gently. Like a Japanese cotton sponge cake, his lips taste sweet and soft. The kiss grows intense as he slips his hand underneath Hanbin’s t-shirt tracing his skin softly, giving a sensual tension for Hanbin to let out small gasps between the kiss.

His hand slowly going lower and lower towards the V area outside his pants, stroking it slowly and bitting Hanbin’s lips at the same time. One at the time, clothes are scattering on the floor leaving Jiwon and Hanbin only on their pants, both panting while resting their foreheads on each other.

“Do you want me to go down?” Jiwon asks cautiously, biting his lip.

Hanbin nods, “yeah. Please.”

Jiwon kisses him on the neck, slowly leaving kiss marks all over his neck as he goes down to the torso reaching down to his ‘Nihilism’ tattoo. And his hand opening the zipper while pulling it down and stroking Hanbin’s cock through his underwear.

A loud moan is echoing the room followed by heavy breathes and long gasp, and Hanbin’s begging for him to go inside. Touching it for real, skin to skin.

He slips his finger inside Hanbin’s panty and finds his boner on its position, tense as ever. He rubbed it slowly, occasionally messaging it. Shivers strikes down to Hanbin’s spine as he feels he’s about hit his limit.

“Ah! Shit! Jiwon I’m about time to-“

“Shh. Hold it for a second.”

Pulling down his underwear, Jiwon goes closer to his boner to suck it up and twist it with his tongue. And a moment later he hit his limit as cum flushes out.

Hanbin tries to catch his breath before fixing his position and looks at Jiwon in some-kind of expression Jiwon unable to apprehend.

“Do you… want me to do it too?”

He’s slightly taken aback at his blatant question, but nods. They’re switching places with Hanbin’s on top and he’s on the bottom.

Jiwon lets a small moan out of his mouth as Hanbin pulls his pants down, looking at his tensed boner. He plants light kisses on his cock, before kissing it more gently and rubbing his balls with his hand.

Never once he thought Hanbin will be this good at sucking. He’s almost blackout when his tongue twists his cock and thrusting it in and out of his mouth. He becomes speechless as the minute goes by, but every minute feels like a year.

This feels like a heavenly punishment yet the best gift he’s ever received this year.

“FUCK!”

Hanbin stops, looking up at Jiwon with his big doe eyes and it makes Jiwon desperate as he wants it more and more. Why the hell did he stop when he knows he enjoys it?

“Do-don’t stop.”

He smiles before continuing sucking his cock while giving hand-job by rubbing and messaging his balls gently. Jiwon finally comes to his limits with his cum flushes out on Hanbin’s mouth along with Jiwon’s long moan echoing across the room.

Hanbin pecks his lips while lifted strands of hair from Jiwon’s face.

“Fuck. That was- amazing.”

“Amazingly bad or?”

“It was amazingly good.”

Hanbin gets up and pulling up his pants, then goes to the pantry. He gives Jiwon the paper bag he was carrying with him since he’s still in the office.

“I’ve been wondering what is this.”

“Open it. It’s a present. I know you like it so just open and tell me what do you think about it.”

He opens the gift box and his face lits up when he sees his most-wanted video game placed inside the box. “God! I can’t believe you got me this. Are you serious about this? Don’t you hate it when I play video games and started ignoring you? Whoa… you’re really amazing. Still can’t believe you give me this for my birthday.”

The way his talk started to turn into rapping makes Hanbin chuckles softly. Child-like smile, with his voice pitched-up, he is really excited about getting that video game. He knows the consequences by giving it as a present, but there’s nothing more that makes him happy than seeing him happy.

“I’m going to take it away from you if you’re going to ignore me.”

He pouts, “No way. I’m going to hide this really well so you won’t find it.”

Such a big baby, he laughs at his own thoughts.

“What? What?! Why are you laughing?”

“Nothing. Just.. you know, you’re such a baby.”

“Well. I am your baby.”

“Yeah. A big one.”

[weddings2018-blog]

Updates On Painless Secrets In RussiansBrides

New Post has been published on https://flowersontheporch.com/updates-on-painless-secrets-in-russiansbrides/

Updates On Painless Secrets In RussiansBrides

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Andy tells the story of a young woman who had made some bad decisions. She had grown up in a Christian house, but she now spent most of her after-work life in bars. She had had a string of unhealthy russian brides for marriage relationships. She was doing nicely professionally, but her personal life was a multitude, riddled with some addictions that she was attempting to defeat.

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Create two picture albums of your favourite reminiscences together. One for you and one for him. Web page through it together over a phone call. Or go through the photograph album and write a letter to him about it. Throughout a time when you do not feel hot russian brides like you’ve much in frequent, that is going to help you relate to one another and give you a technique to really feel linked.

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How many online dating apps can you title? From Tinder , Hinge , Bumble , and Happn to J-Date , eHarmony , Match , and EliteSingles — to not point out numerous others, a quick web search will have you scratching your noggin’, trying to determine which one is best on your lifestyle and taste. On-line dating knowledgeable and writer hot russian brides Julie Spira explains the first step towards success is doing a bit of soul searching. Since you want to spend less time with your head down scrolling through profiles and more time assembly women in particular person over drinks or espresso, you first need to find out what you’re looking for.

Speak to your Russian wife off the location. Visit her. Marry her. Act as if you’re having the time of your life and it has nothing to do with her. Being a dad or mum means committing to information your little one by means russiansbrides of many difficult and difficult levels of life. You go from altering their diapers, to educating them easy methods to tie their footwear, to eventually helping them understand dating and love.

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Practical Plans Of RussiansBrides

News On Clear-Cut Secrets For Russians Brides

After a cumbersome and prolonged process, as quickly as she received her exit permit (Svetlana) left the Soviet Union to follow her husband who, dedicated to his job, had returned to Japan earlier and patiently waited for his wife. The couple lives the life of newlyweds in Gamagori. Svetlana remains to be in class. While she had already managed to earn all the credit for a diploma, right now she is working on her thesis. As she devotes all her attention to her research, studying Japanese has to take a again russian wives seat for the time being. Right now, Svetlana speaks not a phrase of Japanese and the couple communicates exclusivity in Russian. She barely leaves the house. Within the morning, after her husband leaves for work, she spends her time finding out. If she gets tired, she listens to Soviet music. She follows the identical schedule day in and time out”, one reads within the local newspaper, the Gamaguri Shimbun, published 300 km from Tokyo in August 1975.

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[acertainnobody]

Apple: The curious case of the Cupertino Conglomerate

I think you may have taken a guess already at where this post is headed. But if I tell you that I have been religiously using Apple products since I first switched to a Mac in 2009, you would agree that wanting to get out of the ecosystem is difficult as hell, even with the constant frustrations of Apple throwing ��innovations’ at us that follow the philosophy of Steve Jobs; that the customers mostly doesn’t know what they want until you place in front of them.

My feeling is that the folks at Apple are trying hard to keep the idea of Steve Jobs alive (may he rest in peace), and there’s nothing wrong with doing that. But not paying attention to why customers love Apple, despite its uptight ‘I know the best’ attitude, can be a bit of a problem.

The new iPhone. It is 7.

Take the iPhone 7 for example, it’s a beauty of a product and I’m sure most will agree. But, and it’s a huge BUT for me, the omission of the audio jack is THE single reason that I’ve not yet bought the iPhone 7 Plus, apart from the fact that I have not found a buyer for my kidney yet, so that I can pay for it. 

I cannot tell you the number of times I use the phone with headphones and charge it at the same time. It’s just the way I use it at work because I find it easier, and I know a lot of people who use their phones that way. Buying a phone without an audio jack means I cannot do that, unless of course I buy a bluetooth headset, or even better, the AirPods, if I can find a buyer for my other kidney as well.

Jokes apart, I have been using Bluetooth headsets since 2010 because I used to generally plug them to watch TV without disturbing others. If I want to better the way I do things, I will when I think I want to, and not because a certain company feels that it’s time for me to upgrade. I don’t mind the few extra mm’s of thickness for the audio jack because that jack makes things easier for me, like not having to worry about charging the headset for instance. Seriously, how many things will you remember to charge at night? Phone, Watch/Fitbit, Tablet, Headset, what else? But look at the bright side: your before-sleep routine can tire you enough to make you fall into sleep instantly. 

On a different note, imagine going to a party where you need to put on some music but cannot because the speaker has an audio jack but your phone does not. Of course, bluetooth is quickly becoming a norm on speakers so this particular problem should wash away in a year or two but then add speakers to the above list of charging devices.

It’s been over 30 months to my current phone and this is the longest that I have gone in the last decade without upgrading my phone in 24 months or lesser, all thanks to the missing audio jack. I should actually be thankful; it’s made me not want to spend gold to buy a shiny new phone.

The mind-blowing new Macbook Pro. Touch me up there!

The case with the new Macbook Pro is not the same as my phone. I simply had to buy the new Macbook Pro, and I feel it’s a wonderful piece of technology. I had the 2011 Macbook Pro, which was no longer as fluid as it was 6 years back. When my company got acquired last year and we were hired by the acquiring company, they gave me a 2015 MBP, and hence I sold off my old one. Exactly one year later, I’m back out in the cold, wanting to build something new to keep warm. Of course, that meant that I had to buy a new MBP, and imagine my horror when I realised that if I want a 2015 MBP with all conventional ports built in, I’ll have to make do with 128GB SSD only. I found out the cost to upgrade the SSD to 480GB would be almost half the cost of the computer! I even explored options to add more storage capacity by adding a memory card that’ll fit into the SD card reader of the 2015 MBP, but then ruled out the option since it was just going to be not worth living the pain of managing two different disks on the same system and altering the performance. The hustles that you have to think of when you are dealing with a company, that is used to sweeping the carpet off your feet in a swift move.

Thus, I had no choice but to look at the new MBP with USB-C ports. But to be honest, it dawned on me that it was no point in resisting the new USB-C MBP when it is pretty evident that USB-C is going to be the ‘one port to rule them all’. Post that, the dilemma was to get one with a touch bar or without, 256 GB or 512 GB. Wait, if you want 512GB, you’ll have to get the touch bar model as its the default. This, of course, would not be a problem in markets like the US where you can customise your computers as per your needs. In a market like India, the models are sold on fixed configurations, and thus I was stuck with a touch bar model if I want a 512GB SSD. Then the question was, whose kidney can I sell now that both of mine are on the block to buy the iPhone 7 Plus and AirPods?

I managed to get a great deal on the 2016 512GB MBP with Touch Bar in a svelte Space Gray, and grabbed it. In the few days that I have been using it, there a few observations that I have come up with:

Likes:

The computer is portable like never before, making it even easier to carry.

The Touch Bar is very useful when you use apps like QuickTime Player, Music and Photos. The scroll through the TouchBar makes controlling your media effortless.

It looks way too sexy in Space Gray.

It’s too early to comment on the performance but I have no doubt that it’s a beast.

Dislikes:

The battery life couldn’t have gone any worse. My 2011 and 2015 MBPs were much better in conserving battery life. I feel that the TouchBar is an electron guzzler.

There is no control centre in System Preferences for the Touch Bar, if I want it to stay steady with system buttons, and not change as per the apps.

The escape button used to be one the most used buttons on the F-keys row for me, and with it changing to touch, I have to look every time to make sure it is esc I’m pressing. The problem with non-physical buttons is that the usability gets altered in case you like to be quick with the keyboard.

I really really miss the magnetic nature of the MagSafe 2 port. I think it was one of the best inventions that Apple came forward with. Like connecting the charger was a breeze because of the magnet. Now, with USB-C, you have to be careful to not scratch the body around the port. Like the battery indicator (I loved Mac for it) was killed with 2015 MBP, the MagSafe 2 has been killed with this new breed. Even the charging indicator of orange and green lights on the MagSafe connector was useful as I could make out the computer was charging without having to wake up the screen.

You can even take the adapter, which had hooks on both sides so that your wire can be  wound up around them thereby causing no chaotic wire issues. In the 2016 MBP onwards, that’s been dumped too.

It’s a sad moment for people like me who loved these small but pretty handy features on older MacBooks.

I dread that there will be a day when Apple will kill the physical keyboard and turn the entire keyboard surface into a touch writing/typing area. It was natural to do it on phones, but will it be a natural progression for computers too? I hope not; but you never know, because it’s Apple, they even shit different.

Though I must admit, thank god for Apple to show others how it’s done. And Microsoft and Samsung are learning pretty fast. Never has a Microsoft product made me drool the way Microsoft Surface Pro 4 has done. And the new Samsung Galaxy S8 series, whoa!

I still love Apple; it has proved, quite fantastically, that technology can be elegant and functional at the same time. Let’s see how long are they able to hold on to customers like me with all of their antics.

Too much of whiling away time; let me get back to work now! Cheers.

~ KM

[chappykm]

Shout out to the parents

So I was scrolling through my newsfeed yesterday in zombie mode after a massive day of work and I noticed a post from my Mum…yes both Mum and Dad are on Facebook and surprisingly they have some how manage to grasp the concept… well maybe no entirely, but they do know the difference between publicly commenting on something and sending a private message and they only occasionally confuse my sister and I (#notthedoctor).  

My mum posted a photo of herself dressed in all this new hiking gear. For the last three months she has become a fixture of the Nerang State Forest and other than avoiding snakes, sleep and the local drug dealer Pete’s business locations, she has clocked up some serious kms in crazy heat as she prepares to walk across the camio pilgrimage in Spain.  In 7 days she will fly to Europe with some friends and embark of this incredible challenge to walk 870 kms in just 34 days. 

While she does this, my dad won’t be joining…He’s already had his adventures dropping off cliff faces as his ride his mountain bike down hills in QLD, NSW, NZ and Tasmania, with his sights on Whistlers. He is not going just because he has no shortage of extreme sporting holidays under his belt and that he also has a false hip. He’s not going because aside from this ‘hobbie’ he runs an incredibly successful company that challenges the traditional cultural and business structures of SMEs all over the world, but he’s also studying his masters (forgive me if I got the degree wrong, but lets me real you’re still not entirely sure what I do haha). Whatever it is, he has to write 10 thousand words in the next 8 weeks before he makes sure 90 skis safely make it on a 700km journey over the course of a week to raise money for Variety Children’s Charity… I did mention he had a false hip yeah? It’s okay mum gets back a few days before it starts so she is stoked she can do it also. 

Other than it being clear that they are both batshit crazy… I am so lucky to have two people lead me through this life that refuse to give up or say no to a challenge.

Last year I applied for a job that was way above my experience level simply because it was in the field I want to be in. After securing the position with the company my parents asked me if I thought I could pull it off (their method of parenting is making sure you know you could fail, its truly beautiful) and I said well I am going to take the leap and learn as quickly as I can on the way down.

I’ve realised that it is because I have watched them never be comfortable and always be challenged that I can handle situations like this. This job has brought a whole new meaning to responsibility, multi-tasking and work load. I am completely and utterly stressed out but I am also thriving. 

My boss sat me down yesterday after 8 weeks well and truly in the deep end and he asked me how I was coping, if I needed a hand of maybe some clients leverage off me. I told him, that if I was poorly performing than by all means take them away from me…but I will never, ever predict I can’t do something and give up before I try. It’s not who I am, it’s not what my role models have taught me and it’s not in my DNA.

So until I fail, I’ll continue to find my inspiration and motivation in two of the most crazy, driven, energetic and incredible people I know and look up to. My parents.