#and then i just modified it to fit my canon AU where Tony survives

[losingmymindtonight]

“Daddy?”

Tony looked up in surprise. It wasn’t often that Morgan wandered into his office when her favorite cartoon was on. It had weird animation, revolved around something like a family of ducks. He watched it with her, sometimes, but it never really made much sense.

“Hey, honey.” He beckoned her closer, and she eagerly made her way up to his chair. It was a display of comfort that he never would’ve showed with Howard, and he always cherished those moments. Little specs of validation. “What’s up?”

“Is Peter coming over today?”

He blinked. Morgan asking for Peter wasn’t out of the ordinary, per say, but it was strange that she was asking if he was coming on a school day. She usually understood that the kid had to stay in the city during the week, despite how much she didn’t like it.

“No.” He watched her expression carefully. “Peter’s at school.”

Her face fell. “Oh.”

“Why, darling?” He brushed his palm over the crown of her head. “Is everything alright?”

“I wanted to ask him a question.”

“Well,” he smiled softly, “I’m quite good at answering those too, y’know. Why don’t you run it past me, and if we can’t solve it on our own, then we’ll give Peter a call, m’kay?”

Morgan bit her lip. “We wrote our names at playgroup.”

He nodded. Pepper had told him about that, sent him a photo of Morgan, purple marker in hand and face twisted up in concentration, carefully tracing the outline of Morgan Stark beside a bunch of other kids.

“I heard. Mom said you did a great job.”

The praise didn’t light up in her eyes like it usually did. Instead, she kept gnawing on her bottom lip, obviously deep in thought. “I finished early so I got to do more names. I did yours, and Mommy’s, and Peter’s.” She stared up at him, full of that childlike intuition that constantly took his breath away. “Is Peter not my brother?”

Well, okay. That wasn’t what he’d been expecting.

“What’re you talking about? Of course he is.”

Logically, he understood that this question had been inevitable. Morgan couldn’t dwell within the cabin’s walls forever. Eventually, the world was bound to start shoving concepts of DNA matches and blood is thicker than water into her head. To most people, brothers were defined by genetics. Your mother birthed you, and your mother birthed your brother, and therefore you were siblings.

There was, as usual, little thought given to the outliers.

So, yes, he’d known. He’d known that this was coming. He and Pepper had even prepared for it, had talked about it before. And yet hearing it out loud was jarring. It had taken him so long, through wars and loss and reunions on battlefields, to finally understand that Peter had always been his kid. Sure, he didn’t donate any genes to his DNA, but that didn’t matter. In fact, nothing had ever mattered less.

“Mommy said that too,” Morgan muttered, face scrunched up in frustrated contemplation, “but Miss Chrissy helped me write his name and when I told her that his other name was Parker and not Stark she looked at me funny and then Katie’s mommy said that that meant he wasn’t my real brother.”

Cool. Awesome. Time to kill Katie’s mom. The next PTA meeting was gonna be awkward as hell.

He took a deep breath. These were… these were the hard moments of parenting. Trying to explain the complicated things without screwing it all up. But he’d done it before. He’d explained both Peter’s absence and sudden reappearance. He’d explained the loss of his arm and the ugly scarring on his face. He’d explained tragedy, and joy, and everything in between.

He could explain this bit, too. Or, at least, he probably could.

“Well, first of all, Katie’s mom is wrong.”

Morgan frowned. “You’re not supposed to say that about adults. Miss Chrissy said so.”

“Well, Miss Chrissy’s wrong, too. Adults aren’t always right.”

“Even you?”

He snorted. God, if only Peter was here. He’d be getting a real kick out of this. “Yeah, even me.”

“So Peter is my brother?”

“Of course he is. It’s just… Peter’s your brother in a special way.”

The concept seemed to glitter through Morgan’s face. She didn’t look confused or frustrated or sad anymore. She looked intrigued.

“How?”

Oh. He… hadn’t exactly processed that having this conversation also meant having the how babies are made conversation. How did he end up with all the hard parenting moments? Where the hell was Pepper when he really needed her?

“Well, see, your mom and I made you together,” he said slowly, really hoping that he could dodge the specifics of how they made her. “You’re half her, and half me. Do you want to learn a really big word?”

“Yeah!”

“Since your mom and I both made you, that means that you’re our biological child.”

“Is Peter not your bio,” Morgan’s face screwed up as she chewed through the new word, “biological child?”

“No, squirt, he’s not.” Although there are moments that I wonder, believe me. “Remember how I told you that May is basically Peter’s mom?”

“Mhm.”

“Well, he’s not her biological child, either.” He paused. This next bit was the really hard part. He’d set it up, but now he actually had to explain. “A lot of times, people become parents the way that your mom and I did when we had you. They get together and they make a biological kid. But sometimes, people become parents because they adopt kids.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that they pick them,” he said, because that was genuinely the simplest way he could think to put it. “They choose to become their parents.”

“Why?”

“Well, some kids don’t have any parents of their own, because they left or passed away, so that means that other people, like me and your mom and May, get to take care of those kids.”

Morgan nodded, thoughtful. “So you became Peter’s parent ‘cause his first mommy and daddy died?”

“Sort of.” He smiled gently. “It can get really, really complicated, but none of it actually matters, because this is all you need to know.” He bopped her on the nose. “Peter is 100%, without a doubt, certifiably your brother. It doesn’t matter if you’re not both my biological kids, you’re still my kids. Period, done, end of story. Oh,” he added, smirking, “and Katie’s mom is an idiot.”

Morgan glared. “Mommy said that it isn’t nice to call people that word.”

He resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Damn Pepper and her genuinely optimistic life lessons.

“And it isn’t very nice of Katie’s mom to tell people who is and isn’t their brother either, is it?” He countered.

Morgan looked nonplussed at that. Eventually, she shrugged in defeat. “I don’t think Katie’s mom meant to make me sad.”

Jesus. These kids. They were going to be the death of him.

“I’m sure she didn’t.” Because if she did, I’m really gonna kill her. “Do you understand now, squirt?”

“Yeah!” She responded, previous trepidation forgotten. “Peter’s my brother ‘cause you decided that he is. ‘Cause you chose Peter.” She grinned. “That’s so cool! Like picking out a puppy from the shelter!”

Oh, boy. He was definitely telling the kid about that analogy later. He would never live it down.

“Exactly,” he said, biting back a laugh. “And if you’d like, you can tell Katie’s mom that next time you see her. That way, she doesn't accidentally make anybody else sad.”

Morgan’s face brightened at the thought. It was obvious that she hadn’t picked up on the sarcasm in Tony’s voice. Which, of course, had been the point.

“That’s a good idea, Daddy!”

He winked. “I’m full of those, you know.”

And, sure, Pepper was probably going to kick his ass after Morgan schooled Katie’s mom in How Not To Be An Asshole next playgroup session, but it would be totally worth it.

He’d have to have F.R.I.D.A.Y. hack into the playgroup’s security cameras. That was one event that he just couldn’t miss.

[dontcallmecarrie]

Only The Names Change

Yes, it’s another MCU/WtNV crossover fic idea/minific-I-might-mess-with-later. Last one kind of snowballed into its own AU as I was writing it, but it wasn’t the only one I’d had in mind. Still not caught up yet, and I’m probably going to need to brush up on my stuff get it right later.

This one, hopefully, is a lot more focused on crack than anything else [...then again, we’ve seen how that’s worked out before, so.]

Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe [movies], Welcome to Night Vale [podcast]

Warnings: unreliable narrator [isn’t that familiar], everything Night Vale-related [Librarian-caliber gore, dystopian themes, cosmic/Lovecraftian horror, etc.], some mental health issues because this is Tony we’re talking about, even if this fic is meant to be pure, self-indulgent crack more than anything else.

12/2018 EDIT: removed the cut so it actually crossposts correctly. 

In which Tony Stark is a Night Vale Community College alumnus.

It sounds very improbable, sure. Maybe Maria also hailed from Night Vale in this one, or maybe it was Jarvis. Since it’s the least convoluted option I can come up with, let’s roll with it, shall we? 

Perhaps he entered right out of high school, and his family [read: his mother] told everyone he valued his privacy and didn’t say where he was, or he did go to MIT, but also took a few classes at a satellite campus a train ride away. 

Tony doesn’t talk about it much; it’s not an accredited college, nobody would take his AA degree in Computer and Fire Sciences seriously, compared to his accomplishments at MIT, but he’s doing the former for fun while the latter’s more to try to impress Howard for once than anything else. [Not that it works, but still.]

But truth be told? He’s prouder of his NVCC credentials, really. 

Because sure, it’s impressive that he graduated summa cum laude from MIT, but do you know how hard it is to pass Secret English 112, when the only study place was in the library, infested with Librarians? C’mon. Not to mention Bio 351, because killing his evil clone had gotten him excellent marks for the final, though he still considered JARVIS his greatest achievement, considering all his other classmates’ AI had only wiped out the local electrical grid while JARVIS did it for the tri-state area, and with style. [He was so proud.] 

Even if there’d been a few points docked for the slightly screwy morality codex, but really Professor Gwozdecke was such a hardass about the most banal things. [Murder and disembowelment wasn’t JARVIS’ go-to option, which was more than could be said for the rest of the class, he’d deserved full points dammit!] 

He graduates, makes regular donations of shredded lettuce for the Thing in the Earth Sciences building, and never sets foot on campus as it becomes unknowable ten minutes after he gets his diploma, as per usual for Night Vale Community College alumni. 

Jarvis and his mother are so proud, and Tony’s very happy he took Communications 101: Introduction to Talking to the Dead, even if he’s not very good at it. 

It’d originally been for the Social Sciences credits only, but then shit went down and...well. You get the idea. He only did the one class, so he can’t raise the dead, but short conversations with people he’s got close emotional ties to? He can do. [So Howard’s a no-go.]

...I did say the was cracky self-indulgence, just roll with it.

Tony moves on with his life, and canon ensues for the most part. 

His AA degree means he’s got a slightly skewed take on things, which...is a mixed bag, truth be told. 

On the one hand, the edge he has on all-nighters and cramming in libraries serves him well [even if he gets odd looks for the titanium spork, and his bag feels oddly light without the machete he normally has when entering libraries], and he’s well-equipped to handle any fires his project might start. 

On the other hand, he gets weird looks for the oddest things, like his penchant for explosions [...he did get a degree in Computer and Fire Sciences, after all], his reaction to librarians [he’d never encountered Librarians outside of NVCC, but best be prepared and all that], and apparently JARVIS was ‘unusually advanced’ outside Night Vale standards and he’d had to get creative in his excuses to keep people from asking too many questions. 

Life goes on.

He still becomes the Merchant of Death, Happy, Pepper, and Rhodey are used to his quirks [for the most part; the ceremonial bloodstones he’d gotten at graduation, he kept hidden for obvious reasons], and overall everything goes as per usual. 

Afghanistan still happens, he still gets the arc reactor, though here the explosions he makes are bigger, and Yinsen’s impressed with his poker face and pain tolerance. [This was nothing like dealing with Librarians, really.] 

He breaks out as per canon, because while he took Lit 172: Analyzing the Necronomicon Through a Non-Euclidean Lens, summoning Cthulhu was most definitely a last-ditch strategy, and he’d gotten a C in Murder Ballads so that was out too.

...crap what is it with my keeping tabs on what Yinsen does next? I mean:

-Maybe he’d been expecting death, but not for his fellow captive to somehow keep him alive with an expired thing of Spam and some duct tape, 

or 

-Maybe he still dies, but Tony has a final goodbye later on, and lets Yinsen rest and only keeps him updated about the major highlights he knows Yinsen’d appreciate, like the privatized world peace thing.

He gets back, canon still ensues, for the most part.

Except here, Obadiah Stane vanishes.

Because Tony’s been brushing up on his old textbooks, and while he’s never set foot in NVCC since his graduation, he’s kept his notes [albeit locked in a titanium safe ringed with garlic and old Sharpies to keep everything contained]. Tony’d been researching ways to get rid of the shrapnel without involving eldritch beings or evil clones [once had been enough, thank you very much], and had been mid-invocation when Obie had decided to try for his arc reactor.

...as it turns out, JARVIS was not happy about that. and Tony didn’t know just how the hell an AI was able to open a portal to what was presumably a Void or something similar, but he wasn’t asking. [But then, computer science was an arcane thing, so.]

Time passes, canon ensues. 

Turns out Bio 351′s still relevant; cloning himself was only the highlight of it, but there’s other stuff they’d covered that is still saving his life decades later. The poison immunity thing was very useful, to be certain. 

the idea of inventing new elements isn't anything new, really. This time, though, he’s not playing with dark matter, so it’s something he can recreate without using bloodstone circles or a slightly modified mass gigatrometer. 

Vanko isn’t that scary, and neither’s Natasha, not after having studied in places infested with Librarians. Impressive, sure, but nowhere near as scary as getting lost in the Earth Sciences building after dark, or not having enough coffee when entering the computer labs.

Nick Fury’s wondering just what the hell Tony’s messing with, because for being Howard’s kid, he’s...something else. And alarmingly blasé about dealing with assassins, too. 

Time passes, canon still mostly ensues.

...let’s skip to the fun parts, shall we?

The Avengers assemble, and Tony’s both having the time of his life but also headdesking and going ‘shit I should’ve taken that one class even if it was optional’ while everyone’s just staring because some of what Tony’s saying is making even less sense than normal. Iridium vaguely makes sense, but just where does the temporal-spatial classification of the moon even fit in?

Bruce can tell something’s off, and wonders where the smell of smoke comes from. [Oops.] 

Steve’s wondering at the maniac look in his eyes, because he’d seen Howard do his thing but Tony was the embodiment of entropy, it seemed like.

Natasha and Coulson are same as they were in Live Through the Rain, just chill and rolling with it and nothing fazes them. Of course Tony’s cell phone spontaneously combusted and is still functional. Of course.

Fire Sciences, remember? He’s a genius, there’s no way he didn’t have fun with that. 

The alien army’s new, but then Tony’d heard the police-sci majors’ dark mutterings about Blood-Space Wars and ‘who’s the dumbass who drafted the third treaty and why’d it involve so much coffee creamer?’ in the commuter’s lounge, and it’s pretty easy to get an idea as to what went down. 

Oh, sure, it’s new, but still nowhere near the Librarians’ scale, really. JARVIS is being quietly terrifying in the corner, and Tony’s so proud of how he’d managed to possess that one spacewhale. [He’s growing up so fast.] 

...kinda ran out of steam at this point, in keeping with canon. Also, you guys know how much I like good team dynamics, so:

Basically, the entire encounter still wasn’t as bad as Finals Week, and Tony’s already been resigned for years at the prospect of intergalactic war [those political-sci majors really, really hated a professor, because turns out a war set during an indeterminate period in time and space was a pain in the ass to cover when talking peace treaties, who knew?] plus...well. You get the idea. 

The events of Phase 2 in general get derailed by the Night Vale Community College Class Reunion, feat. RSVPs sent in envelopes with no addresses and sealed with pine resin, Tony going to sleep in New York and waking up in an unknown location in the middle of a desert, monsters great and terrible [ah, Librarians. One of the things Tony hadn’t missed], and an inordinate amount of trees. 

Maybe there was a plus one attachment he’d left blank, and maybe someone who’d caught sight of it went ‘hey what’s this?’ and touched it before Tony could burn the invite, and Tony’s really regretting the life choices that had Steve also waking up to a barren landscape with nothing more than what he had in his pockets to help him fight for survival. 

Or maybe it’s Clint who didn’t sign up for this, or Tony finds out just how well the Hulk does against Librarians when Bruce catches sight of one, or...well.

Oh, hey, it’s the Void again. Just as dark and incomprehensible as ever. Nice. 

Getting home’s a trip. Getting the Earth ready isn’t, because, again, unknown war during an unknown period of time, Tony’s low-key been on it for decades now.

...umm. Oh, one last thing. Canon got derailed miles back, kinda, but if somehow, someway that one scene in Siberia happens, it’d go down like this:

Tony doesn’t lose it. 

This isn’t because he’s a saint, isn’t because he’s “the bigger man” or anything; it’s because once upon a time, he took Communications 101: Introduction to Talking to the Dead, and while it’s not the best he was able to talk to his mother, and got the story from her, decades ago.

...that being said, I’m not saying he decks Steve because the asshole had the nerve to say ‘hey why aren’t you telling me things’ while keeping what would have otherwise been a huge secret from someone who professed to be a friend. 

Nobody’s sure how the computer caught on fire, either. Or why it’s burning green, or why nothing’s putting it out and all that’s left is the crumbled remains of what was once a bunker.

[...you can tell how Tony channels his anger here, can’t you.]

...shit this is going to be its own one shot dammit brain cut it out already