#and then i jever learn it

[noisy-weasel]

Pissbabies having absolute fits on r/rhythmgames because they can't follow the notes in a fucking 4 button game. Literally talking straight fucking nonsense.

[panvani]

Kindnof the problem is that my sphere of interests overlaps so totally w the fate/ fandom that I fully expect that if I were ever actually able to finish a post-KnK Nasu work I'd probably like it on at least some superficial level, but unfortunately I get so fucking mad any time I think about or learn about any Nasu work that this is literally jever going to happen

[hourglassian83]

Why not Joe? Jacob.

Joe had completely blanked out during it, he momentary left himself. He didcthis from time to time and I though it was because he was gentle soul and it was too much to bare. Goof.

I had experience the 2 hour drive back in full. The unreasonable wheel began to form and thwn Deb, John, Suhaib and Jeff finished the job. Goof.

That and being on foit, on bike and fucking Florida! Do you know how difficult and unsafe it is to cross the fucking street on a crosswalk here in florida?! Holy shit! Cops do it too!!!

Goif is flashing something at me. When I was back in Jersey, married, I was crossing over Bloomfield ave to go home and a driver on red truck ran a red light and missed me by a hairline. A cop did see it and took off like no other.

I don't know what hapoen though.

I had a real bad fear crossing streets for awhile, but I worked past, but it still there. That you can't unfuck.

There was another situation where I was on bike, in the right, and man in a white car cut me off and I said something, then stop and starting his mouth, and I was like, "What the hell?! I am the one on bike!" And then I rode away.

Apparently it's confession time. When I was at the shelter, I wa drunk riding my drunk back home and usually good on bike expect that one time where I fell over 3x times, but safely dp into grass and I was going as slow as turtle, so no harm done.

Anyways, for whatever I decided I was take, my unusual excellent biking while drunk skills and get cocky and speed faster than usual snd stupid crashed into a small sign pole and I hurt my knee and broke my left brake on my purple bike.

It had to hapoen to cycle to continue and to teach me a lesson about being cocky.

Lesson learned. I jever did it again. Thank God.

Goif.

[lottiepumpkinofficial]

day 29 (a day late)

chap’s 33,34,35

i am so fucking tired so we’ll see how much i read before i fall asleep

snowdrops symbolise hope, new beginnings and purity

i want a lesson on how to commit espionage

okay but what if raphael secretly is undercover but bc he’s so good at acting nobody knows

ooh who is whose plus one though? if jamie is ellie’s that looks suspicious but also jamie being ani’s plus one??? weird

i love that ani’s just been roped in and despite her efforts to just get on with life it’s somehow useful to the group

fucking hell that’s confusing

awww lottie doesn’t get to watch ellie being a prince :(( it’s so cute that she wants to do both

i hate that everyone teases her for it though, like sometimes things don’t click until they do

i like that binah uses a sweet themed metaphor to lighten the mood and relate it to tompkins, clever

lottieeeee since when do you not want to participate in extracurricular learning

thank god for binah, she is literally the only thing keeping these people together

okay i’m really getting into the details here which i shouldn’t bc i need sleep, but professor devine counts everyone, but uses jamie’s name- is this maybe her even in the tiniest way, allowing him to be a little more human than he lets himself be or idk im probably overthinking this

i love that professor devine is just like fuck henry the 8th i love that for her

baked bean man!!

i love that binah isn’t even slightly scared of jamie

hey, lottie, it’s not your job to slow down so someone can catch you up- you have got to move at your own pace and you can’t stop or force anyone to speed up their own journey

he will get lost though, oh and you will too

ollie, really? you thought surprising lottie, grabbing. her without giving her a chance to see you, knowing she has a TRAINED BIDYGUARD would be a good idea? this is like raph at new year’s eve

^ more proof olliel is slay

okay but if the princess of maradova is as famous as they’ve made her out to be, how do kate and charlie not already know? like at this point, even if they were still keeping it low down, there would definitely be at least a couple of photos of her circulating around

baby monkey, riding on a pig, baby monkey

lottie nooo it’s so sad she doesn’t talk about olloe

which tunnel? where were ellie and lottie?

foreshadow the hair cut

binahs spare glasses don’t make lottie not see so either lottie is just rawdogging bad eyesight or binah doesn’t actually need glasses and they’re all fake

IVE SAID IT BEFORE AND ILL SAY IT AGAIN LOTTOE IS SO DEMI GIRL AND SO WILLIAM TUFTY AND GENDER IS SO COOL AKD FUNKY

interesting that lottie picks up binahs aroaceism (a word?) bc of her lack of crushes- does this mean she is aware of jamie’s little crush on her bc otherwise he doesn’t show any interest in anyone

aww fam connections

ARTIST FORWSHAWO

LILIANA TUFTY PAINTING FORESHADOW I JEVER NOTICED TBID

pucky puck ollie

[verdantmeadows]

Allura you are being such an asshole. I hate how people use the word lazy. Ever. You should jever use the word lazy. People need breaks to learn!!! That's just true!!! I know she's stressed and worried but she's gotta be more understanding...

Also have the people here are closeted queers and have trauma secrets. They're all able to do it then Pidge is like OH NO THEY CAN'T KNOW I'M TRANS

Watching episode 2 of VLD! Filter #verdant liveblog if you don't wanna see it.

[minzart]

I just had this thought. Like, imagine if Darkener!Yuu and basically all the Darkeners in Ramshackle's Dark World are just, prepared to shut down their Dark Fountain if it looks like it's growing to powerful and consume the world in Darkness. Hell, Yuu probably even tells the TWST cast the second part of the Prophecy we learned towards the end of Chapter 2 in order to get them to agree to this. Just, it's a worse case scenario type deal, one they hope they jever have to act on, but if they do they are ready to do so.

No but seriously, just, imagine. Sure they let Grim create the Ramshackle Dark World, but they ensured there was a straight, quick path to the Dark Fountain. No ifs, ands, or buts they are prepared to have it be destroyed if it means keeping the Light Realm safe. Sure that means themself and the other Darkeners there wouldn't be able to talk to them, hell considering where they came from those Darkeners might, well, die, but it is way better than condemning their friends to eternal darkness.

[lainpsx]

Name: Lynne but also i like the name Eva as an alt one

Pronouns: they or she. i like them equally

Zodiac sign: leo

Height: 5'11 (5'10 and a half but saying 5'11 is easier)

Current time: 12:55 pm

Birthday: August 20

Nationality: vampire castle (US South)

Favorite bands: my chemical romance, iron & wine, black veil brides, pierce the veil, bôa

Favorite solo artists: cavetown (dunno why this is bold)

When you made your blog: sometime in 2017

Why did you choose your url: e like e girl. eva like Evangelion. evampire cause vampire sexy. knight cause knight cool

Last show I binged: soul eater and better call saul

Following count: i think around like 120

Follower count: i think im at 92

Average sleep time: 9-12 hours

Other blogs: got an alt but I dont use it (how do i unbold)

Last thing I googled: when does lord of the rings become public domain

Lucky number: 64 cause I love the n64 and also i won a lot of tournaments with my tag being Saint-64

Currently wearing: celeste hoodie and black jeans

Instrument: i want to learn the cello but otherwise i dont play any. ive always tried but i just could jever figure it out.

Dream trip: road trip to las vegas

Fave food: my dads spaghetti

Fave song: favorite is Komm Susser Todd. Demolition Lovers by MCR and Memories of You from Persona 3 arent far behind

Top three fictional universes: elder scrolls, super mario, shin megami tensei

I dont feel like tagging anyone

(tagged by @girlboydick )

[the0ther-side0f-dawn]

LONG POST - PERSONAL - do not reblog

2 a.m. revelations (posting a draft from last night)

im never going to be loved. like putting aside the fact that im ugly as shit, and barely have any personality; all of my relationships (of any nature) are poisoned by my terrible and inescapable anxiety, an anxiety which also prevents me making new or deep connections, and i have a terrible fear of intimacy and vulnerability (which are both things i want to be able to have), but also i have a tendency to idolise almost anyone who gives me attention or shows me kindness which is an absolutely terrible foundation for any kind of relationship, and i have a tendency to repress things, and let out quiet bursts of brutal honesty, like i will never raise my voice or display signs of anger or aggression (noone will ever see me angry. i have never been permitted to be angry and -circa me at 10 years old- when i used to get angry i was a terrible human), but i explode in ways where everything just spills out all at once, because to not repress things, to always present the truth, is to always and constantly confront the possibility and fear of abondonment or scorn and i cannot live with that constant fear. these are moments which give me actual panic. heart racing. adrenaline. dizzy panic. i cannot face that on the daily, so i repress, and eventually it is too much to hold in, and honestly is a virtue i wish i could stop portraying, how i wish i could just lie and let things slide and be okay with that.

i am always going to be scared because i have never trusted anyone since i learned that even the people closest can turn on you in an instant (a lesson i learned a decade ago, and was really truly cemented last year), and who is going to love someone who cannot trust them? and like, that’s a trauma thing, an anxiety thing. thats not just something i can change my mind on, thats something that has to be worked on, and learning to trust someone takes, well, i dont know how long, because there isnt a person on this earth who i trust fully, like i do not trust anyone not to turn on me or lash out at me, and abandon me, and i mean, i try really hard. and it is a really fucking ingenuine way to live. i feel like i am betraying everyone i know, because everything i do is so calculated, that im fooling them into thinking theyre interacting with a person, but i am not a person. i try to let myself exist,i try to exist in moments, without removing myself to make sure everything my body says and does is correct, but i cannot just let myself be, i cannot trust myself not to fuck things up, to not say the wrong thing, not to embarrass myself, and i havent yet learned how to live with mistakes, how to live with embarrassment and regret and how to forgive myself. i hold myself accountable for everything, for far too much, and i should. i have done unforgivable things. some of these were conscious decisions, where only in retrospect did i realise the ramifications, and other things just happened, impulsive flashes of emotion, because it is so so so easy to do something unforgiveable. and well, i guess, these things, most of them, it is only my own conscious that does not forgive me, because those whom my actions hurt have forgiven and/or forgotten. i tread lightly around everyone, constantly, every interaction- every word i speak is mulled over a dozen times in my mind before i allow myself to interact. who could love someone who is so completely terrified of living and is so fucking insecure that she thinks if she makes the slightest error that her s/o would explode at her and leave her? and it is terribly unfair to be with someone and for me to have that fear because it would suggest that i think so little of them.

also i have high af standards so that doesnt help. like i hate myself, but i do have some morsel of self-respect.

and yknow, that internalised homophobia like heck, i dont even feel like i have the right to look at girls.

also, being closeted and having that homophobic family doesnt help.

and also, i reallt feel like i have missed my window? like im 19 and i have never dated anyone, ive jever kissed anyone, ive never even come close to hitting any of these milestones which i should have right now, and im scared that it makes me so so childish and that noone is going to want to be with someone who is so unsure of themself and doesnt know anything about anything and someone who is experiencing everything for the first time.

like by my very nature, my nature being anxiety, and all that relates to it: insecurity, lack of confidence, untrusting, - i am someone who should not be loved. because i am so incompatible with this entity that is romance.

and what i want, i dont feel is something fair to ask. like i dont want to have to conform with preconceived notions of what a relationship is. i want all the things which i think a relationship should be. i want honesty and communication, i dont want games. i want every shade between the binaries- i dont want things to be polarised between yes and no. i want fluidity. i want things to be slow. i want things to be soft. i want things to happen when we want them, not when we think they should happen. i want friendship, at the beginning and at the core, and everything else is secondary. i want to be a priority. i want to know that i am wanted, i want to learn what it feels like to be important and valued. i want to feel special. i want someone who lets me invest myself in them, who doesnt think i am too much, who is patient, so fucking patient and understanding and compassionate. i want someone who doesnt belittle me because i dont understand sarcasm- because i always believe people are tellinf the truth. i want someone who will let me be pissed for a few days when i need to be, and will give me the space to workout my feelings, who wont pressure me into confronting things when they happen, who understand that good choices arent made in agitated moods, and will let me collect my thoughts and compose myself and will forgive me for the time i need to do that. i want someone who will let me write or be silent when i have too much in my head to talk, i want someone who understand that somedays i just cant talk and listen. i want someone who lets me exist, and accepts my forms of existence. i want someone who understands that (not to use this cliche line) but im not like other people, i have always said thst if people were wavelengths, then id have both a very short amplitude and a very long fequency, but not so flat that im a straight line, i exist very quietly and mostly serenely, and i need to be allowed to be small, because sometimes this means locking myself away for a couple days, sometimes it means not talking or making eye contact. im always very close to be a flatline, shutdown, dead. and i need to be allowed to be close to that. i need to be allowed to not be lively and big. im realising i might be discribing my depression. the thing im trying to explain, is i want someone who is rational and will let me exist as long as i am not causing them, myself, or anyone else any harm, (which is actually a p big deal considering i have not had the luxury of being allowed to be depressed).

[crarsports]

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