#and then i had to physically stop myself from being thrown sideways and hitting the floor

[redux-iterum]

Oh, golly, that's no good. I'm at a screen pretty much all day, every day. So far I've been fine, but then that weird brain thing happened and since then I've been struggling to look at my drawing tablet without getting sick. I may check in on those glasses.

[fireinmywoods]

Whenever you (gleefully) describe Jim's octopus-like sleeping preferences, we often see Bones complaining about how hard it is to escape when he has to pee. But how often is he getting up to pee in the night? Does he need to get this checked out, or is he really just an old man in body AND spirit?

I actually went back and fact-checked myself on this, wondering what exactly I’ve been communicating about poor Leonard’s urological health! It is indeed established in septenary that Leonard sometimes needs to get up to pee at night and that Jim makes this exceedingly difficult, but the phrasing leaves the frequency of these incidents rather open to interpretation, so allow me to clarify that it was intended to imply that this might happen at most once a night, and not necessarily every night.

In Leonard’s defense (and, frankly, my own), it's not abnormal to sometimes need to get up to pee once during the night, especially if you’re of a certain age and keep yourself well hydrated, and especially if, like Leonard and Jim, you're in the habit of frequently having a drink or two before bed. (Alcohol is a diuretic, meaning it makes you have to pee more, and as a health professional who works on sleep hygiene I feel obligated to advise you that it also disrupts REM sleep and overall negatively impacts your sleep quality and how rested you feel the next day.)

Now, it may not seem like getting up just once per night would be such an onerous task, but consider this:

You drift into a hazy awareness, heavy with lingering sleep, a touch overheated where the back of your neck meets the pillow and in the hundred places your lover's bare skin meets yours. His legs are twined through your own, his leaden arm is belted securely over your middle, his cheek is hot against your shoulder, and all along your side are plastered the slack skin-warm weight of chest and ribs and gently rising belly.

You're comfortable. You shouldn't be, maybe, but this is the least of the paradoxical contradictions you've had cause to reckon with since Jim Kirk came careening into your life, and all things considered you've decided it doesn't especially warrant fretting over. Jim sleeps like a boa constrictor that opted for a mid-meal nap, suffocatingly strong and entirely immovable, and you've never slept better in your life. Chalk it up as yet another mystery of the unfathomable universe.

You do kind of need to empty your bladder, though. It's nothing terribly urgent, but it's there, and you know it'll only grow more pressing by morning, when Jim will be drowsy-sweet and playful, offering and inviting the sort of languorous physical affection you find most difficult to resist. You'll want to laze around with him then, indulging in his idle touches, soaking up the easy intimacy of your bodies wound together, admiring the smoothness of his skin and the arcs of his comet trails as he hums and preens under your hands - and in order to grant your morning self that luxury, your groggy midnight self needs to take the hit and get up to use the head.

It really ought not to be such an ordeal. Unlike some other nights in recent memory, you're not obliged to step away from your campfire into the treacherous dark of a screeching alien jungle, nor to make profoundly awkward conversation with a chatty royal attendant before being admitted into the (God help you) communal relief chamber. Your own private, sanitized bathroom is only steps away, and making use of it will be a matter of less than a minute.

It would be one thing if you could slip unnoticed from the bed, the way you’ve done countless times before with past partners - if you could simply ease Jim down to the mattress and leave him resting peacefully in a heap of pale skin and fluttering eyelashes while you went and took care of business. You might even tuck a pillow into his arms to curl around in your absence, reassure him with a stroke to his lightly furrowed brow that you weren’t going far, and when you returned you'd gather him back against you with a sigh or a snuffle and drop near instantly back into the deep slumber that's still teasing at the edges of your reluctant consciousness.

Yeah, that would be nice. But, of course, nothing where Jim’s involved can ever be that easy.

You begin by levering your numb arm away from Jim's back, wincing at the stinging start of pins and needles, and even as you’re flexing your prickling fingers Jim is already registering his discontent, huddling even more tightly against your side with a low noise of distress, as though you'd thrown off a blanket to expose him to a biting winter chill.

You attempt to shift sideways, hoping against all reason and precedent that you might be able to slide free of Jim's grasp without needing to grapple with him, only to find yourself caged in still more inescapably by Jim's tensing limbs. He makes another sound, complaint and injury, the wounded cry of a man forsaken.

"Jim," you sigh, because at this point it's clear you're not getting away without verbal negotiation. You jiggle your tingling arm and shoulder under him, trying to jostle him into something resembling conscious reasoning. "Wake up."

“Mrmph.” Jim nuzzles your shoulder, obstinate and sweet, frustrating your efforts to muster up some nice productive impatience with him. Lord, how much simpler everyone’s lives would be if this recalcitrant little bastard weren’t so charming in his defiance.

“I gotta take a leak, kid. Loosen up some.”

This does seem to register. Jim grumbles another sulky noise into your shoulder, but his arm retracts slowly and grudgingly back over your belly, and his legs stir against yours in a feeble attempt at disentangling.

You take advantage of his weakened grip and ease yourself out of his clutches, rolling toward the edge of the bed and heaving your legs over to propel yourself into something resembling a seated position, and with your feet now firmly on the cool floor you think to yourself get a move on and now’s your chance and sooner you go sooner you can get back, all too aware that if you hesitate or look back now you’ll be trapped again.

So you get up and go, trudging across the short distance to the head, and when you’ve done your business and shuffled back it’s to find Jim still awake, as he always is, a familiar blurry-edged silhouette in the two percent light. As many times as you play out this scene, your fool heart still pangs a bit at the sight: the faint glint of his eyes seeking you out in the dark, the unspoken plea of his arm outstretched across your side of the bed.

“Budge over,” you say, though there’s plenty of space, because it’s the middle of the goddamn night and that’s no kind of time to allow yourself to feel any type of way about how Jim won’t sleep without you.

Jim draws his arm back some, a perfunctory concession, as much for show as your little pantomime of grievance as you pour your weary bones into bed and find yourself captured once more by the strangling embrace of the man you pray to God never stops reaching for you in the night.

[simpsiren]

dong sicheng x reader, ft, taeyong

“Your brain works like a computer, like clockwork. Yet you just can’t think straight because you’re thinking of her, right?”

description. I watched in pain as my best friend whom I liked for ages become delusional of my feelings and fall in love with another girl. I never told my feelings for him, and I never will. Little did I know that he felt the same as well. The feelings that took him so long to realise, now with hope that it wouldn’t be too late.

genre. aNgsT, fluff, friends au, unrequited love au

warnings. sad but also not a sad ending. depends how you look at it cudndjdn

word count. 9.2k~

a/n. do yall ever feel emo and suddenly want to write a sad ff? yes this is one of those times. i actually never wrote a ff where it was eXtrEmElY sad but oh wells let’s put you on an emotional roller coaster ride while you read this HAHA enjoy!

Dong Sicheng. Winwin as his nickname and what everyone, teachers and students, call him by. He’s smart, kind, sweet, and appearance wise you can never say no to that beautiful face. He’s an all rounder perfect student that everyone adores and admires. He’s extremely friendly, being able to socialise with everyone in the hallways right off the bat. I can confirm in my three years of high school that no one has never disliked him before.

The only thing that everyone dislike though is the fact that I’m his best friend. The only one that calls him by his real name, the one that can get close to him in terms of physical touch, and just have him by my side almost all the time. I received hate for being his best friend since they think he deserves better. But at this point, I really couldn’t care less, opting to stay quiet and accept the harsh words thrown at me with zero care for the world.

Since those insults are given to me when I’m away from Winwin, I never told him about what happens outside of his sight since I didn’t want him to be concerned for me and have him worry over a small matter. Things like this in high school are what I consider childish, which is why I try my best to ignore it as much as possible.

“Here. Another box of cookies and perfume. Also, a ton of love letters.” I said lazily, tossing the bag of gifts to Winwin’s lap and taking the seat beside him with a groan. I hated it when girls asked me to pass their gifts to Winwin because they’re too shy to do it themselves. It’s not like I’m some delivery girl in charge of taking care of their gifts. But I got used to it. Not sure if that’s exactly a good thing or not.

“You can have the cookies.” Winwin took out the box of cookies and handed it over to me. I took it and scoffed in amusement. “The price for the ingredients to make regular cookies is way more cheaper than buying it from wherever she got this.” I inspected the box and the cookies inside, noticing how expensive it looked with the decorations.

Regardless, I opened the box and picked up a cookie to take a bite. “Okay well it tastes good.” I said in defeat. Winwin wasted no time to grab a cookie and try it, instantly humming dreamily. “Oh wow it’s actual good.” Winwin moaned out as he finishes the cookie in his mouth.

“Being the school’s most adored student couldn’t get any more better, huh?” I reached into the bag of gifts and took out a random letter, twirling it around in my hand as I observed the aesthetics of it.

Winwin huffed, leaning back into the seat. “It’s tiring. I’m only down for the free food. And perfumes.” Winwin takes out the perfume, which I could already tell from its packaging that it was an expensive one. He unboxes it and squirts once to smell the fragrance in the air. He shrugged and shook his head. “Expected better. I’ll just sell this.”

I chuckled at his reaction, sniffing the scent that was in the air and nodding in agreement. “By the way...” Winwin suddenly started. I noticed his change in behaviour. He’s acting all shy and somewhat embarrassed, looking down and fidgeting with his fingers and feet. I raised at eyebrow at his unexpected mood change.

“You know the new student that got transferred four months ago?” I clicked my tongue and nodded. “Haeun, right? What about her?” I asked, though I wasn’t fully concentrated on the conversation because I couldn’t stop shoving the cookies into my mouth and admiring it’s savoury taste.

“Would it be weird to say I like her?”

I froze in my spot, a cookie halfway into my mouth as I tilted my head up from the cookies to look at Winwin. Though he was looking down to his feet, I could tell he was smiling to himself like an idiot and blushing intensively.

I knew where this was going. And I didn’t like it. It hurts my heart, like a needle constantly jabbing into my heart as the question that Winwin asked resonates in my head. Not receiving a reply, Winwin called out to me, making me shake my head and blinking my eyes rapidly to snap myself out of my thoughts.

“Um well, how’s she like?” I asked hesitantly. Why was I dumb enough to ask this? I’ll only be hurting myself more with the answer Winwin was about to give.

“She’s a badass. She’s strong, and she knows how to stand up to the students that bully her. I admire her a lot because she’s fearless. The way she can even fight back to the teacher and actually having valid arguments. She’s not like anyone else here.”

Of course she isn’t. She not at all like me either. I took a deep breath, knowing I’ve done a great job at stabbing myself in the back as I lump filled my throat, once again unable to give a single reaction of sentence. “You okay? You seem worked up suddenly.” Winwin suddenly got closer and I quickly inched back.

I felt my body getting tensed up as my face gave a blank expression. I wasn’t sure what to feel. Anger, sadness, heart fluttering due to Winwin’s small action of getting close to my face. Maybe all three.

“You do remember what happened the other times you have liked a girl, right? You know they didn’t end well. I don’t see why you’re still trying.”

That, was the only excuse I could come up with to have Winwin not having any interest in other girls. Before high school, he’s liked plenty of girls. But they’ve all rejected him, causing him to come to me for comfort. It hurt my heart, seeing that I’m the one that has to watch him go through a heartbreak and being the hopeless romantic he was. It also pained me in a way that I couldn’t describe.

If only you were mine, you wouldn’t have gone through any of that.

“What if someone else liked you? What would you do?” Winwin tilted his head upwards with a finger on his chin for a moment as he stopped to think. He had an unreadable expression on his face, only making me wonder what he would reply.

“Depends on who.” Winwin simply replied.

“What if that someone is really close to you?” His forehead creased with raised brows, probably either curious as to why I’m asking such questions or trying to figure out where this conversation is heading.

“The only ones I’m close to are you and Yuta.” A few seconds later, Winwin gaped his mouth open and covered it with the palm of his hand, letting out a shocking gasp. “Is Yuta gay?!” Winwin burst out laughing crazily, smacking his thigh as he had a hand on his stomach.

I could only sit there with an unamused face. I glanced sideways and forced a smile. A simpered smile that would best hide what I truly felt. I rose from my seat with the box of cookies in hand. “I meant the other person, Dong Sicheng.” I looked straight into his eyes with a face of seriousness. Though I doubt Winwin understood what I meant by that.

Not being able to handle this any longer, I walked away, despite Winwin calling out my name multiple times. I walked till I hid behind a wall where it was out of Winwim’s sight, beginning to slide my back down the wall till I hit the ground, my eyes starting to get flooded with tears till they finally stream down my face. I brought my knees close to my chest with the box of cookis in between and hiding my face with my arms.

How long do I have to keep this up? How long do I have to wait till Winwin realises my feelings for him? All this time while he went through constant heartbreaks, I was the only one there for him. Me. I had to watch him cry days on end all because of a girl who doesn’t even mean much.

And now I have to watch him go through it again. But I can’t stop him. It’s his feelings. Despite my constant share of concerns for him, he never seemed to stop being the stupid one in love. Dong Sicheng was, and always will be, a hopeless romantic.

But in a way, I was as well. Not being able to let go of my feelings for him that has kept me tied down for so long. I liked him for years and I knew my love was more than what the girls he liked before could offer. If only he could just see that. But waiting for that moment slowly began to get tiring.

I wondered where Winwin has gone to as I laid on the living room couch with my phone held in the air showing Winwin’s contact on the screen. I contemplated on whether I should call him or not.

There have been days where Winwin would come back to our apartment late, but it’s either because he had family events (which happens quite often in Winwin’s case) or just an outing with Yuta. But I would have known the reason either way since he’d always update me whenever he went. It felt out of place to not know where he was and it made me a little worried.

As I was about to press on the call button, I heard the front door open. Lifting my head from the couch, I turned around and saw Winwin taking off his shoes and walking in. “Where the heck have you been, you dork?!” I shouted, throwing a pillow from under my head.

He got hit by it, resulting him to frown and let out a wince due to his overreacting nature. “Chill I just went out of Haeun, alright?” Winwin picked up the pillow from the ground and tossed it back to me.

I didn’t even bother asking why he went out with her. I didn’t want to hear about it either, knowing that my emotional feelings for him that I’ve tried to hide for so long will start to flare up. Regardless, Winwin ran over to me and pushed my legs off fhe couch to give him space to sit. I groaned at his act and sat up straight.

“Today was so fun! I went to the amusement park with Haeun and holy shit was she good at winning games but I wasn’t able to win any for her and I felt bad so we...”

As Winwin rambled on about his amazingly perfect night out with Haeun, I spaced out and could only think about what I have to deal with once Haeun leaves Winwin again. Though now I’m starting to doubt that because well, who wouldn’t want Winwin? He had a major glow up from elementary school to high school anyways.

But now my mind has wondered off to the possibility that I might actually lose Winwin once he gets together with her. And how the feelings that I’ve kept solely for him would go to waste and my times of waiting on him would mean nothing.

“Good that you had fun. I’ll go to bed now.” I said in monotoned manner when Winwin finally stopped talking.

“Oh um okay... goodnight. Sleep tight. Dream of me, alright?” He probably noticed my sudden change in attitude but didn’t bother asking, and instead tried to lighten the mood with a little joke.

“I always dream of you.” I mumbled under my breath as I walked away and entered my room.

Little did I know, my soft mumble wasn’t as soft as it seemed.

“Why did she sound serious when she said that?” Winwin asked himself as he sat there in silence. He started to think about her weird behaviour these days. Especially whenever he brought up about Haeun. Was there something wrong with talking about Haeun? Why did she look like all the energy was drained out of her whenever he spoke Haeun’s name?

Winwin’s deep thoughts got cut off when he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He took it out to see a notification from Haeun asking if they should go out more often. He didn’t bother to reply as his mind was only filled with his best friend, deeply concerned but also anxious.

“What am I feeling right now?”

Yuta and I decided to eat lunch together since Winwin’s chemistry teacher held his class back for a reason that he never specified.

Our conversation was going well till somehow our topic swerved into talking about Winwin.

“I heard Winwin’s going out with Haeun more often, and ditching you too.” Yuta suddenly mentioned, taking a sip of his lemon tea.

I suspired and nodded my head. “Yeah well, I’m not too happy about that.” I swirled my straw in my drink, getting mesmerised at the sight. “Of course you don’t. You like him.”

My eyes immediately shot up to Yuta’s, narrowing my eyes in an intimidating manner as I whispered, “Don’t mention it, please. It already hurts enough that it’s a fact.” I said, my eyes softening right after as I frowned. 

“You still aren’t giving me a proper answer as to why you can’t tell him.” Yuta bobbed his shoulders, adjusting his blazer. “I told you time and time again.”

I groaned, covering my eyes with a hand. “He’s my best friend. You know how weird it’ll be if we have feelings for each other. Secondly, even if he does like me back, how will things turn out between us if we argue or something? It’s worse for you because you’re friends with the both of us.” I explained, making random hand gestures like you would do in a presentation. 

“But still. It’s important to be friends before lovers. Better yet best friends to lovers. You’re basically saying that a male and female can’t be friends without one of them falling in love. Well. I mean you fell in love but-”

“But what, huh?” 

Yuta let out a deep sigh before leaning in, resting his chin on his hands with his fingers interlocked together. “But that doesn’t explain you and me. We’re friends but we’ve never fell in love.” Yuta gave a cheeky smile. I growled and smacked his forehead, hard. “What it’s the truth! Anyways, if you aren’t going to anything about Sicheng, I will.”

As soon as he said those words, I wasted no time to loom over the table to grab him by the collar. “Do anything, and you’ll get brutally killed.”

Yuta simpered, knowing he fucked up as he laughed in fear. “W-with what?” Yuta asked hesitantly. I slowly picked up the fork from my tray and raising it beside my head. 

“This fork.” This time, Yuta laughed hysterically, removing my hand away from his collar and throwing me back down to me seat. I let out a huff, slamming the fork back on the plate. “Which body part do you want to hit with a fork, sweetie?” Yuta teased.

I threw him a sharp glare with a line appearing between my brows. “I’ll carve out your eyeballs first so you’ll never see the light of day.” I rolled my eyes and shook my head, finding Yuta shaking in fear as he waved his hands in the air in defense. “Okay, okay. I’ll shut up. Jeez...”

“I just want him to realise my feelings himself. Have you seen what he’s gone through? I have to deal with his stupid feelings while I have to bear the fact that he won’t see me as anything more than a best friend. His delusional ass that I can’t stop falling for...” I continued.

“I’m more stupid in this situation than him if we’re going to be honest.”

Later that day, Yuta and I invited Winwin to go out and have dinner. We were waiting in front of the restaurant only to be greeted with Winwin and a somewhat unwanted guest.

“Oh! Haha it’s Haeun...” Yuta waved a hand to her. She greeted him back with a gentle smile that could possibly mesmerised anyone if she wanted to. Yuta took a quick glance at me. I was pretty sure we were both thinking the same thing. About how I’m not liking the fact that she’s here with Winwin. He brought his hand to my back and rubbed it gently as a sign of comfort.

Don’t get me wrong. I hold no hatred or grudge towards her. It’s just that I didn’t want to see Winwin with another girl. Clearly, I was jealous. I was just too weary of Winwin’s feelings and mine to own up to it.

“Let’s go in then?” She asked excitedly, looking up to Winwin as she tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear. Winwin smiled back and patted her on the head. I was already not liking how physically close they were.

Little actions like patting the head, hugging, ruffling the hair. Those were all actions that only Winwin has ever done to me. He wouldn’t even be this close to the girls that he used to like. Seeing that he’s now becoming more open, it made me disappointed a lot more than it should due to the deep stupid meaning I hold of the little things he does.

Our conversations while we were eating were quite general. Most questions were about Haeun and getting to know her better. Well, more specifically it was Yuta since I’m pretty sure Winwin already knew a lot about her. As for me, I didn’t bother.

“You should try this. It’s delicious.” Haeun suddenly said, picking up a drumstick of the chicken that was just served to us and bringing it to Winwin’s mouth. Haeun placed a finger in Winwin’s chin to bring his head closer. With Winwin opening his mouth widely, Haeun feeds him with the most brightest smile.

“You’re so cute.” I heard Winwin whisper as he leaned down to Haeun’s ear. She giggled with glee and nudged him in the shoulder. It was obvious that she was liking it. Her blushing couldn’t get any more serious.

He hummed in satisfaction as he chewed on the chicken. “You should try it, too.” Winwin said, passing me a drumstick and putting it on my plate. I forced a smile, which turned out to me only giving a half-smile due to my effort of trying to hide my feelings slowly becoming drained.

Seeing how Yuta kept stealing glances at me, I could only assume that he knew what I was feeling when he suddenly said, “Actually it seems like she’s getting tired. I’ll see her off. You guys have fun.” Yuta swung an arm around my shoulder as the two of us stood up and grabbed our belongings before heading out and leaving the two to hang out by themselves.

“You didn’t have to do that...” I whispered, looking into my bag and checking if I left anything behind. Yuta shook his head and shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “I had to. It was hard to watch you die inside while they were being all lovey-dovey.” Yuta replied.

“Anyways, can you go home yourself?” I gaped my mouth and scoffed, glancing sideway before looking up to him with a raised brow. “You brought me out here but you can’t be a gentleman and send me home!?” I hissed.

“The food inside was actually good and I’m willing to finish whatever’s on my plate!” Yuta retorted with a cute pout as a way to persuade me to follow his way. With the unamused face I gave him, he huffed and ran a hand through his hair.

As though a lightbulb was suddenly lif above his head, he snapped his fingers and shouted, “Ahah!” making me flinch back at the sudden noise. “I’ll text Taeyong to drive you home on his motorbike.”

I furrowed my eyebrows, but shrugged in the end as I admitted it was a good idea. “Yeah sure. I find him cute.” I said plainly, which somehow earned me a weird look from Yuta.

“You called him cute?” Yuta asked in a way that told me that he was surprised. I nodded my head slowly, not sure about why he reacted that way but I was quick to figure it out. “Don’t be an idiot and assume I like him. Everyone finds him cute, okay? It’s like how fangirls call their idols cute all the time. It means nothing.” I said with a sigh.

Yuta’s surprised face slowly turned into a sinister one as his mouth formed a wide smirk. “Hey. Honestly speaking, if you can’t have Winwin, You should try Taeyong. He’s a good catch.” Yuta winked at me before looking down to this phone and texting Taeyong.

I smacked him in the arm, making him wince in pain but recovered in no time due to his endurace of me beating him up almost all the time. “You think my three years of affection for Winwin will just magically go away if I liked him? Don’t be ridiculous, will you?” I let out a ‘tsk’ as I threw him a death glare.

“You never know, sweetie.” Yuta breathed out, putting his phone away and getting close to me. “He’s coming in ten minutes so I’ll go now, okay? Text me when you get home.” Yuta gave a heartwarming smile as he reached both his hands out to rub my shoulders before bidding his last goodbye and going back in.

I scratched my head as I sat down at one of the benches near the entrance while I waited for Taeyong. I soon saw the motorbike that looked familiar since it was always parked at the parking lot at school, knowing it was him.

Taeyong stopped in front of me and lifted the shield of his helmet, revealing his face. He stepped down from his bike and headed to the trunk to take out a spare helmet. I walked up to him with a soft smile.

“Thanks for wanting to send me home. I would’ve gone myself.” I said as I took the helmet that Taeyong handed out to me. “It’s fine. I was pretty free and wanted to go out for a bit.” Taeyong smiled back with a light shrug.

“By the way...” I let out while adjusting my helmet. “Hm?” Taeyong asked.

“Can you take me to an ice cream shop? Any will do. I just need to eat something sweet right now.”

Taeyong got on his back and tapped the seat behind him to signal me to get on as he started up his motorbike. “Sure. I have a place in mind.”

I hopped on as I thought we were about to head off, Taeyong turned his head back to look at me. “You should place your hands on my shoulder. If it’s uncomfortable for you, just hold onto the handles beside you. Just... make sure you have something to grip on.”

I looked down to one of my sides to find the handle that Taeyong mentioned but there’s wasn’t any. I didn’t bother asking and made the quick decision if placing my hands on his shoulders to not keep him waiting. He finally puts down the shield of his helmet as we drove off.

Taeyong ended up taking me to an ice cream shop that was opened for twenty four hours. Which I was thankful for since it meant that there’s an ice cream shop I could go to at four in the morning in case I was in my feels one night.

I ordered two scoops of cookie dough while Taeyong ordered three scoops of cookies and cream. We had to sit at the roadside since the shop didn’t provide anywhere to sit. But I was fully fine with it since I wanted to feel the night air as well as look at the night sky.

We both ate in silence till I fed myself a bite and stuck my spoon into the ice cream, looking up to the sky and closing my eyes for moment.

“Are you on your period, perhaps?” Taeyong suddenly asked. I opened my eyes and tilted my head back down to look at him, shaking my head. “Why’d you think that?”

“I know that most girls have cravings that kick in at random times of the day during their periods. I also know girls crave sweet things too.” I chuckled at his response, nodding my head in agreement. “You’re right about the craving thing. But I’m not on my period.”

I paused for a moment before letting out a soft sigh. “It’s more of eating something sweet to wash down all the bitter feelings that build up in my throat.” I whispered, grabbing my spoon to take another bite.

Taeyong clicked his tongue and nodded his head slowly. “Do you mind me asking why? I-If it’s too personal you don’t have to-“

“What would you do if you liked a girl who’s your best friend for three years but she ended up liking someone else?” I cut him off, tilting my head to the side.

Taeyong looked up to stop and think. “I’ll probably do something to lose my feelings for her. I wouldn’t want to make myself suffer by keeping my feelings depite me knowing she won’t except it.”

“You know like move on. If I liked a girl for three years, I’ll probably take a long time to let go but maybe with the help of meeting new people and distancing myself away from her, I’ll eventually forget about her.” Taeyong added.

As I listened to his advice, I understood what he meant. Why do I burden myself with such feelings? It’s like I’ve been trapped in a cage due to the unrequited love I have for Winwin. Why make myself suffer any longer?

“That’s true... I probably should- I-I mean a friend asked me- Oh who am I kidding I’m asking you this for my sake.” I let out a sigh in defeat, stabbing my spoon into the ice cream before aggressively taking another bite.

“Let’s play some music. It’ll lighten the mood up a little.” Taeyong said with a warm smile, noticing my somber aura and wanting to do something about it.

He opened his phone as he scrolled through his playlist to find a song. “I really like this song so if I suddenly burst out dancing stupidly, don’t make fun of me.” I chuckled before nodding my head, eagerly as I was curious about the song he wanted to play. “I’m not judgy I promise.”

While the spoon that was filled with ice cream was being brough up to my lips, the song started playing and I quickly took a bite before swallong and gaping my mouth open as I instantly recognised the intro.

“Roses by Finn Askew?!” I asked with excitement. Taeyong nodded his head happily as he began to sing the lyrics, bringing his hands up and vibing to the music.

I laughed as I watched him sing and have fun. I decided to let go and sing as well, grooving my body as I finished my last spoon of ice cream.

Throughout the whole song, the two of us didn’t stop dancing in our seats. I constantly laughed at the weird movements and actions he did while we nodded our heads to the soothing music that we both loved.

Taeyong’s singing talent also shined through as he sang the song. I was definitely impressed by how much of a good singer he was. “I didn’t know you could sing like that, Taeyong.” I complimented as another song began to play in the background.

“It’s just a hidden talent most people don’t know. But I’m more to rapping.” Taeyong said with a shrug, placing his now empty cup beside him.

“Actually you’re one of the few people that know I rap.” Taeyong added.

I giggled in response. “I’m honoured to be one of the lucky few. Send me an audio of you rapping sometime. I’d love to hear it.” Taeyong chuckled lowly.

I quicly glance at my phone to check the time. I realised it was getting late and that I shouldn’t be out any longer. I looked at Taeyong, wanting to ask if he could take me home.

He turned to me and gave me a smile. A smile that I was suddenly to drawn into. The way his eyes formed a thin line as his lips curled up. He looked perfect and could make anyone swoon. He was cute.

“I know it’s getting late but can we just stay here a little while longer? I’m trying to savour this atmosphere.” I whispered.

Taeyong nodded and handed me his phone out of the blue. I raised an eyebrow at his sudden action. “Play any song you want. We can stay here as long as you want to.” Taeyong said in a gentle voice.

With that, I spent at least a few hours just sitting at the roadside with Taeyong as I swayed my head to peaceful songs that fit the mood. Taeyong was kind enough to let me play whatever song I liked even though I know there’s a few he wouldn’t know. Surprisingly, Taeyong and I had the same taste in music, which made us talk sbout our favourite artists etc.

I realised how quickly I got to know Taeyong. In a matter of a few hours, it felt like I instantly clicksd with him and I somehow felt as though I’ve known him for a long time. This feeling with Taeyong was refreshing and new. I liked it without a doubt.

Once we decided it was actually getting late, we called it a nighy and have Taeyong drive me home. When we arrived at my apartment, I got off and took off the helmet, passing it to Taeyong as he got off his motorbike as well to put the helmet back in the trunk.

“It was nice hanging out with you. I actually had fun for the first time in a long time.” I said after Taeyong closed the lid of the trunk and turned to me.

“Just call me if you need more ice cream.” Taeyong winked playfully. I took my phone out for him to put his number in. Once that was done, I stood in front of Taeyong, wanting to wait for him to drive off but he didn’t seem to move, leaning back against the motorbike.

“Aren’t you going to go?” I asked.

“I’m waiting for you to head inside so I know you got home safely.” Taeyong mentioned casually.

I chuckled and shook my head, nodding before making my way to the entrance. I turned around and flashed him one last smile and a small wave before heading in.

“Oi! Why the fuck are you home so late?! Did you know how worried I was?! Yuta told me Taeyong was going to send you home!” Damn, I just had to come home with Winwin shouting at me.

“I went out with him for a bit! And can you shut up it’s late at night and you’ll wake up the neighbours.”

I made my way to my room only to have Winwin following behind me and entering as well. “You shouldn’t be staying out late with a guy you barely know. Who knows what could happen to you?”

I took out my belongings from my sling bag and hung it behind my door, scoffing loudly.

“Oh so now you’re worrying? I bet you were out with Haeun and came home late as well.” I fought back.

“I came home earlier than you.”

“Taeyong is Yuta’s friend. And I do know him. So shut it and get out of my face. I’m tired.” I lashed out, pushing Winwin out of my room and slamming the door shut.

I plopped myself onto my bed as I took in the comfort of laying down on the most comfortable space I’ll ever know.

As I played with my phone, I suddenly got a text from an unknown number.

Unknown number: hey it’s Taeyong. you dont have to reply since i bet you’ll be sleeping by now but hope you made it home safely.

I let out an “Ah...” now knowing this was Taeyong’s number and saving it into my contacts.

Y/n: oMg chIlL i got home just fine thanks to you. hope you made it home safe as well

the ice cream man: i did, dont worry. i hope i got to get rid of any bitter feelings you had. goodnight :)

I left him on seen as I placed my phone screen down beside me and looked up the ceiling.

The night I spent with Taeyong somehow felt, magical. Like Cinderella at the ball. I had a lot of fun with him and I was able to let myself be free. Surprisingly, Winwin wasn’t on my mind for a second while I was with Taeyong. I only wished to continue being Cinderella for more than one night as I craved to hang out with Taeyong.

But also, the advice that Taeyong gave me continuously resonated in my head.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to let go after all.

On the very same night, Winwin had to face his feelings as well.

“What’s your real reason for going out with Haeun?” Yuta asked as he walked to the living room where Winwin was at and taking a seat beside him. Winwin took a sip of water from the cups that Yuta brought from the kitchen. “Because I like her.”

“Now’s not the time to fuck with me, Winwin. I know it’s something else.” 

Winwin exhaled sharply and fighting back with a, “What else is there? I like Haeun, so I asked her out.” Yuta scoffed and slammed his cup down on the table, his eyes narrowed down to Winwin.

“How long are you going to keep this up? What are you trying to do? Hide your feelings? Use Haeun to distract yourself from her? How low can you get?”

Winwin took in a deep breath and rubbed one hand down his face in frustration. “I told you. I like her as a friend.”

“No.” Yuta replied instantly with a stern tone. “You think I don’t know you? You don’t think I see you staring at her during class? Or that one time where you ranted to me about how she went out with a group of guys from our class.” Yuta got closer to Winwin and he wasn’t fazed at all, determined to maintain this eyecontact that was filled to the brim with tension.

“So? It’s because I care for her. Are friends not suppose to do that?” Winwin retorted back, leaning in as he bored his eyes into Yuta’s. 

 “She’s right. You really are delusional. I don’t know why I bothered trying.” Yuta downed the rest of his drink and stood up, placing the cup on the table. “Well, she told me I should just make you realise it yourself.” Yuta bent down to meet Winwin’s eye level.

“And you better pray that by the time you do, it won’t be too late.”

With that, Yuta grabbed his belongings and headed to the door, exiting and slamming the door shut. Winwin blinked his eyes a few times and stared at the door.

To be honest, Winwin didn’t understand what just happened. A lot of questions popped up in his mind after Yuta left. What did he meant by delusional? What was he delusional about? What did he have to realise for himself? And what did she have to do with all this? 

The longer he sat there in deep thought with analysing everything that Yuta said, Yuta was right in some way. The fact that he gets concerned for her with whatever action she did, but ended up not doing anything about it. He stared at her in class to make sure she wouldn’t fall asleep. He was overprotective about her being around guys because he didn’t want guy to be with her but himself and Yuta. The problem is, why did Yuta talked to him about it as if it was something else? Isn’t this what you do with your friends?

Winwin’s eyes immediately darted back to the front door where he heard the shuffling of footsteps coming. He knew it was her. The moment she opened the door, one last questioned surfaced in his mind.

“What’s too late?”

Little by little, one ice cream date at a time, I began to get a lot more closer to Taeyong. He never lets down an ice cream date and everytime I was with him, he gave me a place where I could go away from my sufferings of my complex love situation. It was as if he gave me a way to escape. Just by being with him, I felt that I didn’t need to suffer.

Our ice cream dates evolved into doing other things like exploring the city, or trying out restaurants we’ve never been to before. To be honest, I would do anything if it meant being with Taeyong. He really was like my very own escape world, where I could run away from the only problem I’m currently facing. Which was Winwin.

Since our exams were coming up, our dates naturally became centered around studying. Today was no different, going to the study cafe that we’ve been to a couple of times.

We decided to sit at the corner of the cafe so that we’ll be able to concentrate better. Me being the relatively smarter one, I had to tutor Taeyong. It was a good thing that he wasn’t one to slack on his studies. He’s avarage in terms of academics but he was willing to try and get better. It made it easy for me to tutor him since he would try his best to understand and stay attentive.

Though, I couldn’t help but notice him stealing quick glances of me whenever I wasn’t looking at him. Does he perhaps like me or something?

“I want coffee.” Taeyong groaned out, pouting cutely in front of me as he desperately asked for a break. I chuckled at his adorable nature and ruffled his hair. “A fifteen minute break, alright? I’ll buy you coffee.”

I was about to stand up from my seat when Taeyong gripped onto my wrist and sat me back down. “I’ll do it myself. Do you want your favourite drink?” I smiled and nodded my head eagerly.

Taeyong rose from his seat. Before he walked off, he bent down and placed a quick peck on my cheek and ran off in a matter of seconds. Taeyong turned around and flashed his cheeky playful smile with mouthing, “That was intentional.”

I giggled and waved a hand in the air, signalling him to turn to the cashier who was waiting for him to order. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel something after that small kiss.

Over time as our friendship grew, Taeyong became more affectionate towards me. He was a natural at it. Without me knowing, he ended up holding hands and giving each other kisses on the cheek of forehead. It made my heart race every time and he would tease me whenever I blushed. Of course I did the same to him.

A little while later he came back with the drinks, placing them on the table before taking his seat next to me.

We resumed studying till I heard the bell above the door rang, signalling that someone has came in. I didn’t really care about it as the music from Taeyong’s phone played on one side of the earpiece that I wore was loud. I then however heard a very familiar voice.

Looking up, I saw Winwin and Haeun standing by the counter to order. With creases formed on my forehead with eyes that were glued to the two of them, Taeyong noticed my expression and looked at where my gaze was at. “I’m assuming that’s the guy you like for three years?” I nodded with a defeated sigh.

“We can go if you want. I’m afraid it’ll distract you.” Taeyong whispered. Right as I was about to reply, Winwin and Haeun turned around with their drinks as they tried finding a seat. While Winwin’s eyes scanned through the area, he made eye contact with me, causing him to give a confused look until Haeun went up to kiss his cheek and urging him to sit at the spot she found for them.

I bowed my head to greet him while Winwin did the same. I turned back to Taeyong after that awkward encounter. “It’s fine. It’ll be a hassle for us to waste time to go somewhere else.” Taeyong shrugged and nodded his head, resuming to look at the question in front of him.

We were studying for quite some time and I started to feel my adrenaline to continue studying slowly disappearing. With my chin on the palm of my hand, I tried to close my eyes to let them rest for a moment while letting out a tired sigh. Suddenly, I felt Taeyong’s hand guiding my head to rest on his shoulder.

I moved my head around to try and find a comfortable position, which ended up with my head being buried in the crook of Taeyong’s neck. I sniffed the strong scent of his perfume that I oh so adore. “You always smell good.” I complimented.

Taeyong chuckled in response. “I’ll continue to smell good if it means that you’ll rest your head on me more.” I tilted my head up with my chin still resting on his shoulder as I looked up. Taeyong brought his head down to make eye contact with me, leaning in slowly and kissing my forehead ever so gently.

“Go sleep. You need some rest.” With a hand slowly snaking around my waist, I got comfortable with Taeyong’s embrace. Before I closed my eyes, I absentmindedly looked towards where Winwin was sitting. For some reason, he gave me a look of anger, with a tensed body and clenched fist on the table and eyes lit with fire. It disappeared almost instantly when Haeun called out to him, forcing him to look back at her with a wide grin.

What the fuck was she doing with Taeyong? When has she gotten so clingy with him? How are they that close in the span of a few months? Questions like these circled Winwin’s mind throughout the time he was at the study cafe with Haeun.

Oddly, he couldn’t get his eyes and mind off her and Taeyong. He observed their very move closely. He felt like raging every time Taeyong even placed a finger on her. You could imagine how Winwin felt when Taeyong had his arm around her waist and her head on his shoulder.

She said they were just friends. But Winwin couldn’t believe that claim at all. Friends are not so touchy like this, right? As much as he wanted to agree to that question, he couldn’t. Because that’s what he’s been doing with her as well. Being physically close while still being friends. He just never imagined she’d do it with someone else.

Winwin knew for a fact that what he was feeling was pure jealousy. It shocked him due to how mad he could get at this.

After his study session with Haeun, he went straight back home. Realising you weren’t there, he assumed you went out with Taeyong again. He rushed into his room and threw himself onto his bed, placing a pillow over his face and screaming into it.

Winwin threw the pillow beside him and huffed, looking up at the ceiling. Once again he was deep in thought as he stared at the ceiling. This time, he was fighting a war in his head as he tried his best not to admit his feelings. The pride he held to deny it. But he couldn’t hold on anymore. Allowing his wall to crumble down as he came face to face with his true feelings. He decided to call Yuta to ask for help.

The moment Yuta picked up the phone, Winwin said, “Okay you’re right. I can’t beat around the fucking bush anymore. I like her. I like her a lot. I denied my feelings for her because I didn’t want our friendship to be at risk. I only used Haeun to get over her but I can’t. She’s on my mind even though I’m with Haeun.”

It took awhile for him to hear an answer from the other end of the line, only silence and breathing could be heard till Yuta responded with a, “Tell her that once you get into college. Right now, she’s probably studying hard for the high school leaving examinations. It would be best to stay out of her way and focus on your studies.” With that, Yuta hung up.

Winwin was left with his thoughts, unable to sleep till three in the morning because all he could think about was her. Whatever Yuta said the other day now made sense. She’s liked him for so long but she never confessed. He realised how dumb and delusional he was to not see that someone liked him right under his nose but he didn’t know it, brushing it off like it meant nothing because he didn’t want to admit his feelings for her. Fuck his pride and delusional ass.

As the days of the exams are coming closer than ever, Winwin tried his best to stay focus and study to the best of his abilities. Though he still couldn’t get her off his mind. It wasn’t the main thing he thought about but it was always hidden in the folds of his thoughts. It sometimes made him malfunction a little as well.

“Sicheng are you serious?! This is basic shit I thought you know about this!” Yuta scolded as he tapped in pen on the table and pointed to the question that Winwin answered incorrectly. Yuta sighed and covered his eyes with a hand for a moment before turning to Winwin.

“You aren’t working right today. You good, bro?” Yuta asked with concern. Winwin frowned and ran a hand down his face. “Is it that bad?”

Yuta clicked his tongue and places his pen down, leaning against the table.

“You’re one of the smartest students. Your brain works like a computer, like clockwork. Yet you just can’t seem to think straight because you’re thinking of her, right?”

It took awhile for Winwin to answer before he nodded slowly and gulping. “I can’t do anytning about it now. I don’t want to disrupt her studies. It’s fucking killing me...” Winwin laid his head on the table and covered himself with his arms, earning a big smack in the back by Yuta that made him jolted back up.

“Let’s forget it for awhile. Stay focus. We need to get into college, alright? Come on, let’s get something to drink before continuing.”

A year later.

I finally made it through your high school leaving examination and got accepted into the college I signed up for. Surpringly, Taeyong made it as well. Despite us having different majors, we did share a common elective for History.

“Today’s class was fun.” I said sarcastically, waving my hands in the air lazily. Taeyong laughed and shoved his hands into his pockets. “Very.” He commented.

Today we decided to stay back and hang out in the music studio where the music majors use to record their singing etc. Taeyong promised me to play me one of the new songs he wrote.

The studio was located on the first floor of the campus and it was near the entrance as well. Basically the window of the studio showed fhe streets and people could walk by and see whoever’s inside. Well, only if they bent because the window is half the size of a regular one due to the studio being a little lower than ground floor.

We chilled in there for awhile. With me laying on Taeyong’s lap while the two of us were on our phones. I got bored of reading the news on twitter so I turned off my put and looked out at Taeyong. “Play your song now!” I whined. He immediately placed his phone away and looked down on me.

“Okay, okay chill!” Taeyong shouted out, leaning in to kiss my forehead. I got off his lap and allowed him to set up to play his new song.

He got inside the recording booth and told me to sit down and wear the headphones. I followed his instructions, though I was confused when he told me to press a button that would play the song but I got around that.

“Can you hear me?” Taeyong asked, placing his mouth near the microphone in front of him. I nodded and gave him a thumbs up, proceeding to press the button that would start the song.

The first few beats of the song already got my hyped up as I began to nod my head to the music while looking at Taeyong while a bright smile. He smiled back before starting to rap. I was intrigued instantly and started vibing to his voice.

As the continued on with the song, I couldn’t help myself but stand up to dance. He saw me dancing and looked to me while he sang into the microphone, starting to move to the beat as well.

I laughed happily as I started to make weird movements which triggered Taeyong to fall off his rhythm a little and laugh, picking up right where he left off soon after.

Absentmindedly, I glanced sideways to the window and saw a pair of legs facing towards the window. Like I said, since the studio was a little lower than ground floor, the window only showed a small portion of the streets.

To see a pair of legs there was weird. Whoever it was, they stayed there for quite some time since I didn’t see them leave until Taeyong finished the song.

Taeyong took off the headphones he had on and got out of the recording booth. “So how was that?”

I immediately ran up to him and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him close and placing a warm peck on his lips. “Perfect as usual, Mister Lee Taeyong.” I ran a hand through his hair and giggled with glee.

Winwin’s POV.

I stood there as I heard her laugh. The unique signature laugh that I once used to hear everyday. The one that never failed to brighten my day no matter the situation. The familiarity of it brought me home, but at the same time it brought a different feeling. A hurtful one that made my heart ache. To know that the one that made her laugh wasn’t me.

I couldn’t stop regretting not telling her how I feel. I planned to tell her after the exams, but life moved too quickly for the two of us and we eventually went our separate ways. A year now has passed as I still held my feelings for her close to my heart. I understood how she felt now. Not being able to tell her how I feel for a whole year. How did she survive liking me with an additional two years.

I know I can’t have her back. She was able to let go of me and be together with someone that made her happy instead of the burden I made her go through. But at the very least, I hope to make her happy one last time before I disappear from her sight forever.

One night, I received a text from Winwin. Of course I still had his number because I didn’t see a reason to delete it. We naturally went our separate ways due to college and all. The text said to meet him at the big tree beside our high school. I found it odd. Considering how it was ten in the night. I figured maybe he needed someone to talk to in person.

“Sicheng!” I called out to him, waving my hand up in the air slightly. Winwin waved back as I took a seat next to him. “What’d you call me out here for? It’s pretty late as well.” I glanced at the time on my phone before looking to Winwin.

“I asked you to come because I have something to tell you.” Winwin said, looking down and fidgeting with his thumbs. I grew nervous as I didn’t know what to expect.

“Um... What is it?” I asked hesitantly, tilting my head slightly to look at his face that he hid by looking down.

After a moment of silence, he finally cleared his throat as looked up, staring deep into my eyes.

“I liked you.” He whispered.

Did I hear that correctly? I couldn’t have, right?

“I really did. I liked you.” Winwin repeated himself when he realised he didn’t get a reponse.

I gulped as I could only stare back in disbelief. The words I wanted to hear for years. Why did I feel different from the way I expected to react from it.

I sighed, licking my bottom lip. “It’s been so long, Sicheng. Saying it now... I don’t feel anything from it anymore.” I replied reluctantly.

“I know. I just felt the need to tell you. You’re happy with Taeyong. I understand that.”

Another moment of silence (longer silence this time) filled the air. The two of us looked up into the sky, getting lost in its darkness.

“Just wanted you to know that I did like you back in high school. I was just dumb to realise it myself.” Winwin added on with a soft laugh. The hurtful kind of laugh.

I punched him lightly in the arm, making him look at me with a surprised face. “You really were.” I whispered.

“I actually got a dance gig at America.”

I widened my eyes as my mouth gaped open slightly. “Really?!” I gasped. He nodded.

“It also meant that I’m moving to America in a few days.” Winwin glanced sideway before sighing.

I placed a hand on his back, rubbing it up and down slowly. “You’ll do great there. I’ll keep in contact.”

“I’m happy I get to tell you about my feelings and talk to you before I go.”

I reached my arms out and pulled him into a hug. I suddenly hear him sobbing into my shirt, damping it a little as his sobs were muffled. I brought my hand up to his hair, caressing it gently.

“I’m happy I got to love you for once in my life. Despite it being tiring, it did make me who I am today.”

[writerffalse]

I don't know if the translation will be totally the same, since it was based on the Google translator, sorry.

N/b = boy's name.

C/y/e = color of your eyes.

— You can't do this anymore! — Liam changes, scaring the girl in front of him a little.

— You can't stop me! I want to help! — Y/n complains in a higher tone. If he wants to scream, I scream louder, that's what the girl thought.

— You can't take chances like that anymore, Y/n! It's too dangerous... — Liam lowers his voice, feeling exhausted. He just wanted Y/n to be safe, without being in danger, but it seems that the more he tried to get you away from everything, the more you got into the pack's affairs. — I can not lose you...

— You won't lose me, Liam! — Y/n exclaims tiredly. Tired of being underestimated just for being human, so what if she wasn't a werewolf? Or a Kitsune? Or even a hunter? Stiles was also human and that was not why they kept excluding him and putting him out of business. She could help, she wanted to help... But it seems that her boyfriend did not understand and that frustrated her.

— You do not know! — Liam yells running his hands through his hair aggressively and it irritates the girl a lot. He hated being yelled at. — Scott also trusted that he would not lose Allison and now she is dead!

Y/n takes a step back, feeling the impact of those harsh words thrown at her, it was as if she had been shot... A shot by the person she trusted most. Liam regrets his words at the same time they left his mouth, despite not knowing the hunter, he knew he had been a great friend of his girlfriend and knew that it hurt her deeply seeing his shocked and very hurt expression on his eyes, hit yourself mentally. It had crossed the line.

— Y/n... II... I'm sorry... — the boy tries to approach his girlfriend to apologize and feels his heart being broken when she walks away, shaking her head. And it was at that moment that he realized the shit he had done and did not know if S / n would forgive him so easily. — Please... Give me...

— No, Liam! — despite changing his voice a little, Y/n takes a deep breath to compose himself. — No, Liam...

The girl turns to get out of there as quickly as possible, she couldn't stand looking at the boy's face. I was too hurt for that.

— Where are you going? Y/n... — Liam calls her starting to go after her, but stops when the following words come out of the mouth that he loves so much.

— Leave me, Liam. I need some time. — she for a few seconds before completing so that he understood better. — A time without you, a time from you.

And that time lasted for weeks, the two did not speak for long weeks. The girl for still being extremely hurt by the phrase of the boyfriend and the boy — after much advice from Lydia — to give the space that the girlfriend asked for.

They were both miserable, but neither would give their arm to cheer to admit that they needed each other. They were so proud. Everyone around them was tired of seeing them suffer, but they couldn't do anything about it when the decision was unique to the teenagers.

Liam aggression problems had gradually worsened since the fight over the unfortunate feeling of his Alpha, Scott. The boy could not control himself in the face of a stressful situation and the rest of the pack always had to be two steps away from him so that he did not become among the students or even hurt someone.

Now Y/n, despite not wanting to see the boy or painted by another, needed him as much as he needed her. Her anxiety attacks increased in a surprising way, if she couldn't take it before, imagine now. She was exhausted, her dark circles very apparent indicated that, they were big dark bags under her eyes C/y/e, purple rings that she tried to hide with pounds of makeup, which was not much use, by the way. And these problems of aggression and anxiety attacks, only they could solve these problems. The boyfriends helped each other, that was a fact.

Everyone at the school was already aware that the couple were fighting and that made several people "excited". Especially a boy who was talking to Y/n at that very moment. Although the boys were happy that Y/n was "single", none of them were brave enough to approach the girl, knew about Liam's background and would not risk it that way. With the exception of N/b, of course.

If looks killed, they would be dead only by Liam's firing who watched the two of them talking, his hands were shaking with anger and he was trying to control himself as much as possible not to go after the boy, but if he kept hitting on his girl, I wasn't sure if I could control myself.

— Come on... It'll be cool. — it was the third time that N/b insisted that Y/n accept to go out with him. The girl had already refused the first two and was starting to get stressed by the annoying boy's insistence. The boy was nice, had a good chat and was distracting her lately, but it was just friendship. At first Y/n thought he just wanted it, but now he had doubts about it. All she wanted was for him to leave her alone at that moment so that she could go to her last class and finally go home to become a vegetable again.

— Look... Thanks for the invitation, but no. — Y/n already tired of all this, she turns to leave, but is stopped abruptly by a somewhat strong grip on her arm.

— I'll have to insist a little more. — The boy smiles in a strange way and she was ready to punch him in the face when someone else intervenes.

Liam, who was watching everything from afar, was just waiting for the right moment to disturb them both, but the fuse was to see him hold her in that unkind way, leaving his things on the floor, he quickly went towards the closet of Y/n under Scott protests.

— Hey man ... Let her go. — Liam speech catches the eye of the N / g who rolls his eyes.

— Y/n doesn't want your presence here, does it, Y/n? - N/b looks at the girl waiting for her answer but she keeps silent. At that, N/b turns to Liam. — She told me herself.

Liam looks at Y/n expecting her to deny that statement, but when he doesn't have it, he feels his heart break a little more. Y/n felt guilty for not being able to deny it, after all it was not a lie. I had even told N/b that I didn't want the boy's presence, but that was in the first week of the fight, when I was still very angry, but now there was no going back and there was no use trying to explain myself, they weren't even talking done.

— Just let me go, okay? — Y/n asked pulling his arm abruptly to get out of his grip ignoring the look of dog without owner of Liam.

— Wait a minute ... Let's talk, babe. — N/b pulls her closer and that's the trigger for Liam to explode.

— She told you to let go! — Liam cries out by attacking the boy.

— Liam! — Y/n exclaims in shock seeing the scene in front of him. She jumps back when the two boys start to grapple with each other. N/b punches Liam in the jaw which seems to infuriate him even more, because the boy is a werewolf and his problem with aggression, N/b face was already bathed in blood. — Liam stop! Scott! Separate them!

Y/n asks desperately for the alpha who had arrived there at that exact moment with the other curious students. The crooked-chin boy pulls his beta sharply and presses it with all his strength in the school lockers, Liam struggles furiously making Scott look sideways to see if anyone is watching them, noting that the students are helping N/b to get up — since he was about to pass out — he turns to Liam with his red alpha eyes.

— Liam, for now! — the uncontrolled beta calms down a little by the order of the alpha, taking a deep breath to calm down.

— What's going on here?! — Professor of Economics and Physical Education Coach, Bobby Finstock arrives screaming seeing the confusion that was there. The students leave in fear of being left for them, leaving only Y/n, Liam, Scott and N/b. — I don't want to know, everyone for detention! Now! And you, my son, try not to stain the floor with blood!

— You will stay here until I say you can leave! — Finstock yells when everyone enters the library. — Pack up all the books! Go, go!

The arrest would be to organize all the books in the library as punishment, Y/n was frustrated since she hadn't asked Liam to get into a fight for her, but she was also grateful. Scott had freed himself from the punishment by saying that he had only separated the two.

There were three of them and that wouldn’t be good for Y/n. She decides to ignore the two and start her work to leave as soon as possible, the tension was almost palpable and it bothered her in an unequaled way. The professor had already left saying that he had no patience to keep an eye on inconsequential young people.

N/b soon tried to start also going to one of the shelves at the back, Liam already decided to try to start a conversation with the girl. Preventing the passage of Y/n, it catches your eye.

— Y/n... — the girl looks at him in disbelief. — We can talk?

— Not now, Liam.

— Not! You will hear me! I know I am not sure in this situation, but that is not doing any good for either of them. — exasperates tired of the whole situation. — II want to apologize for what I said that day, I have no excuse for that, but I was angry and you know how I look when I'm like this. But I can't take it anymore, your lack is killing me! Thinking of you became my daily torture, I know I lost you for a stupid mistake I made, but my heart doesn't understand that you don't want me anymore... I ran for hours and hours in the forest every day in the hope that tiredness make me get you out of my head, I hate to miss you! I hate to be so dependent on you! But damn, I love you! I love you so much and I'm afraid of losing you! I don't know what I would do if you got hurt and...

His speech is cut off when Y/n throws himself into his arms and embraces him with all his strength, the two enjoy the first physical contact after weeks apart. Liam sighs in relief knowing that that hug means that Y/n had excused him, but in a mental note he remembers that his girlfriend is quite spiteful and that he would have to try harder to have his forgiveness definitively.

— Science says that love is like a drug... When I see you go into a trance, the adrenaline runs faster and stronger through my veins, my heartbeat is completely unregulated. The feeling of love is like cocaine, every day I become more addicted to you, the more I saw you far away, but I needed to get your forgiveness, but my pride was greater. I never loved anyone like I love you, because I never met someone as perfect as you. I love you and that's enough for me to be happy. My heart is sincere and my words are honest, I assume that I love you to infinity. I will not lie to myself anymore... I want to be with you every day of my life!

— I love you. — Y/n says emotionally with all the beautiful words that her boyfriend said.

— You guys are so cheesy. — the boy with his face all bruised ends with the cute moment of the couple leaving them irritated.

The two turn to N/b and say together:

— Shut up!

[xmxisxforxmaybe]

Decryption_Error: “Decided”

Summary: Y/N can’t sleep knowing how she hurt Elliot. She tries to make amends, but will Elliot forgive her? 

Story Summary,  “The Server Room, Part I”,  “The Server Room, Part II”  “The Long Weekend, Part I”,  “The Long Weekend, Part II”,  “The Aftermath”,  “Undecided”

Word Count: 3800

Tags: @sherlollydramoine  @rami-malek-trash  @teamwolf2411  @limabein @txmel  @hopplessdreamer  @ouatlovr  @backoftheroomandnotbelonging@alottanothing  @moon-stars-soul  @free-rami  @ramimedley

If you want added, let me know.

Warning: Smut, 18+ only, please

A/N: I just couldn’t sit on the follow up! I wanted to space updates out a bit more, but here it is : ) Forgive me when it feels like it takes forever before I update again, but rest assured, there’s still much more to come. 

I fucked up. I fucked up. I fucked up.

The mantra wouldn’t stop. From the time I got off my train, to when I walked in my front door, as I dropped my bag, as I got ready for bed, my mind kept circling, fixated on what I’d just done. And every I fucked up was interspersed with that look on Elliot’s face.

I didn’t deserve to have peace, didn’t deserve to have the mantra cease. How could I have done that to him? All I wanted was for him to make the first move, and he did, and I ran. I ran, not Elliot.

After everything I said to him about friendship and trust, after the kiss, and the talks, and the touching, and the vulnerability Idrew out of him—I was nothing more than a. . .

Liar. Liar. Liar. Liar. Liar.

Alright. A new mantra, an even worse chant. Ever since the incident in the server room, I wanted to prove to Elliot people were better than he thought, at least that I was better, that I was good. And he was ready—he put himself out there, I mean, the timing absolutely sucked, but he did it. He took a risk and I panicked and shot him down, point blank.

Maybe that’s where I start? I tell him I panicked. I freaked the fuck out. He, of all people, should understand that.

It was 2 am and somehow I knew Elliot was still awake. It’s like I could feel it, like our energies were connected like the grids of electricity that ran under our city.

I could just die for being so stupid, I thought as I flung my blanket off, hot and agitated, and thumped down the hallway to the living room. Opening the balcony door, I was hit with a waft of stale, humid air that was a stark contrast to the cool air running through the vents in my apartment. It was like purgatory was welcoming me into its grasp, ready to hold me, sweaty and writhing in my guilt until I atoned for my sin.

“Fuck!” I yelled as I thumped my hands on the railing.

“How could I have been so stupid?” I asked the night in a harsh whisper as I listened to the city answer, groaning beneath me.

I pushed my hands off the balcony and marched inside before I lost my nerve, damn near jogging down the hallway. Flicking on the light of the closet, I rummaged for something to wear, settling on a simple, knee-length, black maxi dress. I changed into a pair of lime green panties and wrestled into a nice black bra in the event things went exactly how I really wanted them to go.

I slipped into my sandals and opted to throw my wallet and my keys along with a few overnight essentials into a mini-backpack. I also rummaged through my junk drawer for my pepper spray on a keychain and slipped the little metal ring over my middle finger to inconspicuously hold onto it.

I growled as I remembered I needed to grab my metro card out of my wallet and flung my backpack off, digging out the card.

The subway ride to Elliot’s was pretty quiet, and I probably looked agitated and strung out, which meant eyes worked to avoid me. I had thrown my hair up in a messy bun because it was so hot and I had been tossing and turning like a madwoman.

It had also occurred to me as I made my way to the subway that Elliot may have invited Sarah home, or he may have went home with her. Jealousy burned in my gut, and I hesitated when the train reached his stop.

Fuck it! I thought. Hesitation was the reason for this current disaster.

I rushed out of the train doors and quickly made my way to Elliot’s building, gripping my pepper spray a little tighter.

It was fairly quiet in the entryway, but I could hear the thump of a speaker from somewhere beside me as I climbed the stairs to his apartment.

I took a deep breath and banged on the door, the sound reverberating through the stairwell.

Please be home. Home. Alone. Alone. Please be alone.

In less than ten seconds, I heard the sliding of the lock-chain and the turning of the knob as Elliot slowly opened the door, his bright eyes reflecting the dim overhead light in the hall.

He said nothing—just stared at me through the thin crack in the door and I wanted to just melt into the despicable blob of a being that I was.

“Can I come in?” I barked out more as a command than a question.

Elliot seemed to realize he was still only peering out into the hallway, not quite processing my appearance on his doorstep and he stepped back quickly, opening the door the rest of the way to let me in.

As soon I was inside, he shut the door, but didn’t turn to face me. Instead, he stayed in his place with his hand on the doorknob.

He spoke to the empty space in front of him, his voice filled with sadness, not anger.

“What are you doing here?”

He was dressed in dark jeans and a dark t-shirt, his hair looking a little more haphazardly than usual and I wondered if I had woken him until I glanced at his computer monitor, the dull light of his desktop casting a shadow over his bed. The only other light on in the apartment was the light that was fixed over his sink.

Elliot was still standing sideways, his hand still on the doorknob, his eyes unwilling to meet mine.

I shook my pepper spray off my finger and laid it on his kitchen table, then I shrugged out of my backpack, too.

Elliot’s eyes flicked to note my movements, but his head remained looking straight, staring into empty space.

My body was almost sick with anticipation. My heart was pounding and my stomach was in knots, desperate to just run to Elliot—to hug him, kiss him, and beg him to be with me. I was always careful in our physical interactions, but I just couldn’t figure out any other way to begin.

I quickly closed the space between us, pulling his hand off the doorknob and turning his hips so I could push him flush against the door. I still left space between our bodies, not wanting to force something he didn’t want, too.

I kept my fingers at his hips, but I dipped my head to force him to meet my gaze. That same hurt, that same vulnerability from earlier was still there and I wanted to punch myself in the face for causing it.

“Yes, Elliot. Yes, I will go home with you,” I breathed, my face inching closer to his, waiting to see if he’d close the gap.

“I panicked—it was stupid and I’m so sorry. Please, Elliot. Forgive me.”

He let out a breath I hadn’t realized he had been holding and he pressed his lips to mine. That was all it took for everything I had been feeling, everything we had been feeling, to just have the fucking lid blown off.

I pressed into him so hard his head thumped against the door, but at the full body contact, Elliot groaned and I licked into his mouth, tasting him, not caring about the lingering taste of cigarettes of which he’d clearly been chain smoking. There was something so uniquely Elliot wrapped up in his smell and in his taste that it overpowered everything else, leaving me incoherent, a bundle of raw nerves and want.

My kiss was bruising, controlling, and I used my tongue to memorize his mouth and my teeth to nip at that damn lower lip he was always biting, sucking it into my mouth and making Elliot elicit the most delicious sounds I had ever heard in between our heavy breaths.

Elliot’s fingers had been digging into the flesh of my lower back, but he shifted his hands to push me away, his eyes wide and searching as he asked, “Are you sure you want this?”

“I want you,” I said, my eyes locked on his. “Do you want me?”

I’ll go to my grave remembering the exact way Elliot’s eyes changed as he took in what I said. The vulnerability melted away and was replaced with a look of unabashed affection as Elliot’s mouth formed a little grin, his head nodding yes, a tiny, almost imperceptible movement.

What followed next was a blur of movement, a frenzy of desperate kisses and scattered clothes. Our hands and mouths never left each other’s bodies as Elliot pushed me toward his bed, reaching down to gather the fabric of my dress in his hands to toss it god knew where. His shirt had already been yanked off and my sandals stumbled out of.

By the time we hit the mattress, nothing was left except my lime green panties and his black boxerbriefs. And as soon as we hit the mattress, I spread my legs, inviting him to crawl between them and to continue our heavy kissing.

His hard cock was rocking against my core and my legs were wrapped around him in a vice. I never wanted him to move from between them again, but as Elliot moved down my body, I was forced to relinquish my grip, my thighs twitching under the grasp of his fingers as he spread them further apart.

He reached to pull my underwear off and I lifted my hips to help, spreading my legs as he sat on his haunches and looked at me. I should’ve felt shy considering this was our first time together, but there was nothing but that adoration on his face.

I was so wet, so willing, and Elliot seemed unable to believe that we were finally here, that we were finally about to become much more than friends.

I toed at his underwear and he took the hint and shucked them off, crawling back between my legs before I gasped and scooted away from him. Elliot looked incredibly alarmed, but I choked out, “Protection?” before he could start apologizing.

“Oh, fuck,” Elliot said, frowning, clearly unprepared.

“Go grab my backpack,” I said pleased he didn’t have a lot of female companions. And then my grin fell as I watched his ass flex as he hurried over to the table, the muscles in his back shifting as he reached for the bag.

Or that just meant he had a lot of female companions. No, no, I told my mind. Don’t do that now.

Elliot handed me my backpack and I dug out the condom box, pulling one out and then setting the box on the side of the bed we weren’t using. I had shifted up onto my knees and I met Elliot who was in the same stance. We resumed our heated kissing and I let my hands roam over his ass, his back, his thighs, anything I could reach.

Elliot’s hands were following a similar trajectory on my body, but he moved to grasp my breasts, feeling the weight of them in his hands and running his thumbs over my hard nipples.

I pushed on his shoulders, nudging him to lay on his back. He readily complied, and I opened the condom, rolling it onto his cock which hadn’t lost any of its hardness during his foray to the kitchen.

I pinched the tip of the condom and reached between my own legs to gather the excess wetness. I made sure Elliot saw my glistening fingers as I rubbed them over the top of his covered cock. I positioned my hips over his cock and all I needed to do was slide down and he’d be inside of me.

Elliot was watching where our bodies were about to join, and I reached up to cup his face, using my thumb to push his chin up.

When his eyes were settled on mine, I slowly slid down onto his cock, both of us fighting not to close our eyes in pleasure, both of us groaning in unison at the sensation.

From that moment on, we were locked onto each other, fucking each other with our bodies and our eyes, the sensation overwhelming both of us as I rode him.

Soon, Elliot grabbed onto my hips and pulled me with him as he moved into a sitting position. I adjusted my knees and continued my now slower pace.

And then I realized, this was about consuming each other—it wasn’t about fucking.

Both Elliot and I began to break out into a sweat and it was evident his apartment didn’t have air conditioning. My hair was still in some sort of wild bun on top of my head which left Elliot with unimpaired access to my neck.

He was quiet as a lover, but attentive, kissing and sucking on places to draw out moans as I clung to him, my arms wrapped around his shoulders, my breasts squeezed between us, sweat trickling down my chest and from his temples.

He was running his hands over my back, his fingers digging in as he clung to me in the same way I clung to him, both of us chasing our pleasure. I moved to reach between our bodies and to circle my clit, but Elliot, clearly perceptive, replaced my hand with his own, first bringing my fingers to his mouth to press kisses to the pads of my fingertips, licking my wetness from the middle and first finger.

I shuddered, a moan reverberating through my body at how sexy it looked when he took my fingers in his mouth. I left them there, lingering as I traced his lips and his strong fingers found my clit.

He rubbed lightly, hesitantly and I whispered, “Harder. Faster.”

Elliot followed my direction and I was soon grinding my hips into his as he shakily thrust up to meet mine. My orgasm was so close, my chest flushed, the sweat now breaking out across my brow as I started to shake, to moan from the buildup of pressure that was so close to releasing.

My eyes started to close and my head tilted back, but Elliot used his free hand to grasp my face in a mirror of my earlier gesture. He wanted to watch me come; he wanted to know he was the reason why.

“Fuck!” I yelled. “Oh, god, Elliot!”

Once I locked my eyes onto his, I came quickly, Elliot’s eyes darting between mine as if he were memorizing the moment.

I clenched around him, both of our thrusts erratic and out of rhythm, but it didn’t matter because Elliot’s hips bucked up into mine, his hands grasping at my hips to still them while he spilled into me.

His eyes were locked on my face as he came, his features twisted into the most perfect picture of release.

We stayed, locked together, our breathing still ghosting over each other’s hot skin until we needed to stretch and untangle ourselves.

I reached down to hold onto the condom as I moved off of Elliot, flopping over onto my back to finish catching my breath. I felt the bed bounce up as Elliot walked to the bathroom, the light flicking on as he threw away the condom and turned on the sink.

Elliot came back with a wet washcloth and I thanked him. I cleaned up a bit and then crawled out of bed to go use the bathroom, not bothering to put a stitch of clothing on.

When I came back out, I was surprised to see Elliot had put his pants on and was smoking a cigarette on the couch, the window open to try to take out some of the smoke. I actually jumped a little because I hadn’t expected him to be there.

And now I felt really awkward in my nakedness, his eyes avoiding me as I stood half in and out of the doorway.

“Do you . . . want me to go?” I asked, puzzled.

Elliot blew a stream of smoke toward the window.

“El?” I questioned when he continued to smoke, his eyes not meeting mine.  

By now, I was walking toward the couch, but when he didn’t answer, I stopped and put a hand on my hip. If this was going to be awkward for me, I wasn’t going to make it any easier on him by getting dressed. “I still like it when you call me that,” he said, relaxing into the couch, his head leaning onto the back of the sofa.

I huffed, a little noise of a laugh and finished walking over to him. I stopped for just a second before I crawled onto his lap, my knees settling on either side of his jeans.   “Well,” I said, reaching out to pluck the cigarette from his fingers, then stubbing it out in the ashtray. “It’s more articulate than the ungodly noise I make in my mind when I see you doing something cute, you know, like walking, breathing, typing, blinking—" Elliot laughed and pulled me close, his face smushed between my breasts as he hugged me.

“Why did you put pants on?” I asked, my hands scratching his scalp, mussing his hair even more.

He looked up at me, his head lulling back on the couch again, as he explained, “I didn’t want to literally be caught with my pants down if you waltzed out of the bathroom and said, ‘Goodnight. See you at work on Monday.’ I figured I’d rather not be dually exposed for . . . that.”

I laughed at the tiny octave Elliot’s voice went up as he presumably imitated me.

“Is that what I sound like?” I asked through giggles.

“Maybe,” Elliot said, smiling.

“So, it was better that I was the one who thought I was being kicked out.”

“Better for me, yes. And, well, you did reject me once already tonight.”

I swallowed, hard.

“Elliot—”

“I don’t wanna talk about it now. It worked out alright, didn’t it?”

“It did,” I said slowly, frowning a little.

“Stay here?” Elliot asked, whispering into my shoulder so he didn’t have to look into my eyes as he asked.

“Of course,” I said, pressing a sweet kiss into his hair.

Elliot nodded as I shuffled off his lap and pulled him toward the bed. Elliot clicked off the monitors on his computer, leaving only the recessed light above his sink in the kitchen on. I crawled in and settled under the sheet, and I heard Elliot kick off his jeans. I stretched out on my side in my sleeping position, exhausted, but one more thing weighed on my mind.

Elliot didn’t wrap his body around me; instead, he shuffled in close so that he was right next to me, his skin ghosting along mine.

“El?”

“Yeah?”

“I need to ask, well, to—to tell you something. Possibly tell. No, definitely tell.” “You’re cute when you’re shy,” he mumbled sleepily. “We need to tell HR.”

I thought Elliot had fallen asleep bc he was quiet for so long. When his very awake response sounded in the dark, I jumped.   “Don’t you want to keep this a secret?” “Do you want me to be a secret?” I asked rolling over to look at him in the dim light. “Because if all you want is a friend to fuck kinda thing then I made a big mistake.” Elliot was still facing the ceiling as he said softly, “You want me to be—to be your boyfriend?” “Yes.” Elliot turned his head and his eyes moved over my face and again, I wondered what the hell was going on inside his head, and then his hand was on my cheek and my jaw, cupping my face and pulling me in for a desperate kiss. Immediately, I was lost in it. I didn’t know it was possible to feel so wanted just by a kiss. And just as immediately, Elliot was pushing me back and pushing my legs apart, his hard cock bumping my inner thigh. I pushed him back, holding onto his face and whispering, “Hey, hey. Slow down for a second.” “Talk to me,” I said, my thumbs caressing his cheekbones. Elliot pulled his bottom lip in and I could see him nibbling at it as he searched my face again. “I—I don’t know how else to tell you how much I want to be with you. I’m afraid if I say it, if I say I want it, then it won’t happen.” I laughed softly, “Sooo you just want to fuck your feelings into me?”

Elliot laughed as he hung his head.

“I told you I’m not good with people.”

“I don’t want to be a ‘people’ to you, remember?”

“I do,” Elliot said as he brushed a kiss against my lips. Before the kiss could turn into anything else, I gripped Elliot’s chin and looked at him, making sure his big grey eyes were focused on me.

“I don’t live my life in the shadows. I strive to live with integrity. Sometimes . . . the vulnerability that comes with that can be too much. I want you in my life, Elliot. And I want us to be good together, and we can’t be if we’re a secret or if we keep secrets.”

Again, Elliot was quiet for a long time, his eyes reading mine, wondering if it was possible for someone to be this truthful with him, this open. There were so many times like this, so many times when I could read his thoughts. Until . . . well, that doesn’t matter right now.  

“I will always be truthful with you, El. I want to earn your trust because I know you think trust is an illusion. I want to prove you wrong.”

Elliot’s eyes flickered over my face and he said, his voice tinging with emotion, “You have.”

I took a deep breath before Elliot’s lips crashed onto mine. Again, we made love with a feverish desperation to consume one another, this time with him on top of me, thrusting into me at a steady pace until we were both trembling, our fingers digging into each other’s flesh as we clung to one another and rode out our highs.

As we settled into sleep, the greying light of dawn began to creep into the night, and Elliot curled his body around mine, holding onto me tightly as if he could hardly believe I was real.

He whispered, “I don’t know how to be a good boyfriend.”

I quietly laughed and lifted his hand to my lips, placing a kiss on the soft skin of his palm.

“You’re off to a damn good start.”

I could feel him smile into the skin of my shoulder before he placed a kiss there, sighing contentedly as he rolled back and settled onto his own pillow.

[ryder-s-block]

Jaig Eyes (Ch 50)

Jaig Eyes (50/?)

Summary:

Kida, a former slave who now thrives as a bounty hunter, finds herself sucked into the war she advised Jango Fett against. Now that she’s involved, she has to finally mourn the loss of Jango, seeing his face in the clones that man the GAR. What happens when she allows herself to get attached to one, not for his resemblance to her former mentor, but for his heart?

————————-

Chapter Fifty: The Citadel

“Fear,” I heard a voice say in the darkness. “A Jedi spends his whole life training against it.” In the blackness, I began to hear the buzz of a generator. The clicking of buttons. I saw the glow of monitors. 

I could tell by the slightly overbearing, claustrophobic feeling over my skin that what I was seeing was through the Force. I was likely still frozen in a block of carbonite...hopefully on our way past the defenses of the Citadel. And hopefully not on our way to death or worse...imprisonment.

“But at the Citadel,” the voice continued, making me turn to see a Phindian looking over a series of monitors. “Breaking Jedi is our specialty. Within these walls, they will learn to fear us. And if not, they die.” 

I was bombarded with images. A Lannik with a terrible scar over his eye suspended in the air. Droids torturing him. He was a jedi.

Republic officers locked in cells.

The pain the Jedi was feeling.

Over and over.

  The smugness of the Phindian. I prodded into his mind. His name. Osi Sobeck. 

--------------------------------

I lurched out of my brick of carbonite like a drowning child being drawn from a pool. Coughing and spluttered, I chased the Force visions from my mind as I righted myself, letting my cramped muscles loosen slowly.

“Hey, Snips,” I heard Skywalker say casually, making me turn. A grin crept to my lips as I saw Ahsoka stretching her neck, having just exited her own carbonite.

“Hey, Master,” she greeted back with the same nonchalance. 

And then it dawned on Skywalker. He looked sideways at his padawan with an angry expression as Obi-wan and I joined him. “I must have carbon sickness,” Obi-wan expressed. “Because I could swear that’s Ahsoka.”

“Your eyes are fine,” Anakin said with a sigh. “It’s Ahsoka’s hearing that needs help.” My eyebrows shot up as the padawan scowled.

“I received orders to join the team,” she lied smoothly, her glance cutting to me quickly. “I thought you knew.”

“Orders? From who?” her master pressed.

“I discussed it with Master Plo.” I smirked beside her, watching Obi-wan go and check on the men. Sure, she’d discussed it with Plo. But I was the one who prodded her to go on the mission.

“He didn’t tell me,” Anakin growled.

“You were already in carbonite.”

“Well, I gave you a specific order not to come.”

Ahsoka crossed her arms. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned from you, Master, it’s that following direct orders isn’t always the best way to solve a problem.”

I smiled as Obi-wan returned to the group, the clones having been checked on. “I see Anakin’s new teaching method is do as I say, not as I do.” He looked to the young Togruta. “Welcome aboard.”

Ahsoka gave him a slight smile as the clones went about preparing, the droids discarding the leftover carbonite. And then...we started to walk.

I fell in beside the padawan, giving her shoulder a nudge. “I see you took my advice. You didn’t have to lie to cover my ass, though,” I said in a hushed tone.

“What?” she smiled. “I didn’t lie. I talked to Master Plo.”

“Right,” I chuckled, glancing at the clones around me, all of whom were pretending they weren’t listening. I looked down at my boots briefly, remembering the visions I’d seen in the carbonite.

“That was weird, wasn’t it?” Fives muttered to his brother. “Like a dreamless sleep.”

Yeah, I wish mine had been dreamless.

“Are you alright?” Ahsoka asked, butting into my thoughts. “You seem troubled.”

“We are breaking into the Citadel,” I lied smoothly--even better than she had. “It’s not something to take lightly.”

She frowned at me. Damned Jedi and their extra senses. “It’s more than that.”

I sighed. “I had a vision. I saw Master Piell.”

Obi-wan turned abruptly from in front of us--apparently he was listening in, too. “What did you see?”

I stopped in my tracks, all eyes on me now. Ah...now I knew how awkward this would all be with my new abilities. And they didn’t even know it all yet.

“He was being tortured. But he’s alive, for now. The officers are alive, too,” I assured.

“Then we’re not too late,” Anakin said with relief.

“There are cameras in every corridor,” I cut him off, not wanting anyone to get too confident. “The guy in charge is a Phindian named Osi Sobeck.”

“Yes,” Obi-wan mused, regarding me as he stroked his beard. “He’s been the warden of this Citadel for some time. And he’s not a threat we should take lightly. Come along. We are almost there.”

We rounded the corner of the cliffside we walked on, the Citadel looming before us, speckled with spotlights and security measures. I could feel Rex’s gaze on me, but I ignored it as Anakin took out electrobinoculars to examine the wall. “I see the entry point,” he announced.

“You were right,” Cody said beside me. “The wind conditions are too strong for jetpacks.” I dropped my goggles down, engaging the interface to scan the wall we’d have to climb to reach the door.

“Yes,” Kenobi replied to his commander. “We’ll have to do it the old-fashioned way, with ascension cables and a steel grip.”

“I don’t think so,” Anakin sighed, seeing the same thing I was seeing.

“What do you mean?” the jedi asked.

I chuckled, pushing my goggles up my forehead again. “Electro-mines.”

“She’s right,” Anakin mused. “We hit one of those, the mission’s over. They’ll know we’re here.”

Rex stepped up beside me, looking it over with his helmet specs. He glanced at me for only a moment before speaking. “I suppose that means we free-climb it.”

I breathed out slowly through my nose, steadying myself as I’d been taught by my masters. Obi-wan. Qui-Gon. Yilria. Bendu. Even Darth Bane. And even Jango.

And we started to climb. 

With no ascension cables, I felt like I was back on Tatooine where Jabba would send my scrawny ass crawling to the tops of his Sail Barge to fetch his disobedient pet. Despite having his favor, I was still only a slave to him. And I was the only one light enough to crawl up there and get his monkey-lizard. 

Or...it reminded me of when I would have to go clean the Rancor pit and scale the walls to get the pieces of armor that had been thrown around when the creature devoured its meal. Poor thing was starved. It really wasn’t that mean of a thing, as I’d seen it with its handler be rather sweet. He was raised in domestication, so he wasn’t raised to be savage. But Jabba didn’t feed him enough and chose to use him for entertainment.

What was I, a slave, supposed to say against his wishes?

Electricity bounced over my head as it zapped between the electro-mines. “You hanging in there, Snips?” Anakin called back to the padawan beside me.

She leaned in her hold on the wall, looking up at her master. “Couldn’t be better.” Her voice quieted as she started climbing again, glancing at me. “I could do without the wind, though.”

Sweat was beading under the rims of my goggles when Obi-wan glanced down at us. “The entry point is just a few more meters.” He scaled the last distance, pulling his nose up over the edge of the platform. Suddenly, he dropped down, hanging with only one hand, pressing a finger to his lips.

Anakin motioned for everyone to stop, my breath catching in my throat as we held on in silence. I heard the clanking of droid feet as they stepped out to inspect the platform above us, my fingers aching from gripping the stone wall. The footsteps receded again in a moment, followed by a sound that made my heart stop.

It sounded like a ray shield engaging.

“They locked the door,” Obi-wan called down, confirming my fears. “It’s ray-shielded.”

“Ray-shielded?” Anakin groaned. “That wasn’t the plan.”

I crawled up beside him, grunting. “Well it’s in the plan now.” I glanced over at Ahsoka as she crawled to the side to look up. 

“There’s an opening up there,” she announced.

“We know,” Anakin dismissed. “The ventilation ducts. But they’re too small for us to gain access.”

“Too small for you, maybe,” Ahsoka argued. “But I think I can squeeze through.”

“Well, we hadn’t planned on Ahsoka being here,” Obi-wan allowed. “Perhaps she’s right.” 

Anakin gave his padawan a nod, all of us resuming our climb up the wall as she pounced up deftly, slipping through the ventilation shaft with ease. I smirked, watching the ray shield disengage when she got inside.

“See?” she said, greeting her master as we pulled ourselves onto the platform. “I can handle myself after all.”

He smirked at her, but waved his hand. “Kida could have done that.”

“Not with my armor on, I couldn’t,” I called back, sitting for a moment at the edge of the platform, breathing hard. All my Force-based training had taken away from my usual physical work outs.

I was losing my edge.

I took a deep breath, getting up to help Fives as he found his way to the edge. I pulled him up, the two of us offering our hands to Rex, who was following close behind. The captain grabbed our hands, letting us haul him up onto the platform. 

As Fives moved to help the next clone, I was kept still by Rex still gripping my hand. It was brief and discreet, so we didn’t draw attention...but it was enough.

He looked right at me, squeezed my hand in thanks, and then helped me to my feet beside him. I met his gaze from behind his helmet, but our moment was wrecked in a single second.

“Charger!” Fives yelled beside me, making us all turn and see the clone slipping down the wall. I leapt forward, throwing my upper body over the edge, feeling Fives grab my legs. He was too far out of reach for me to grab.

So I caught him with something else.

The clone--Charger--stopped midair, suspended by the Force. I could feel the surprise of the group, but I shoved them from my thoughts, focusing on getting Charger back safely.

It was hard. I hadn’t used it to hold something this big, or from this far...ever. And if I had, it was before I had training and was tapping into my rampant darkness.

Rex was beside me in a moment, leaning over the edge to reach for Charger’s rising outstretched hand. He grabbed his soldier hauling him up onto the platform, both panting from adrenaline.

“Thank you,” Charger breathed, touching my shoulder gently. I gave him a nod, feeling terribly drained.

And this mission had barely even begun.

The alarms sounded, all of our heads shooting up. “Well,” Obi-wan mused. “They know we’re here.”

“How?” Ahsoka asked, leading the way into the Citadel halls. “We didn’t hit a mine.”

“I’m assuming our shuttle was cleared for landing,” I breathed beside her, trying to muster my strength again. “We didn’t land where we were supposed to.”

“Take out their surveillance,” Anakin ordered as we raced down the halls. Fives took out a camera, only to have a series of wall turrets aim at us.

“Cover,” I called, ducking into the walling beside us, letting the Jedi deflect the incoming bolts with their sabers. Mine practically itched in the pouch at the back of my belt. The kyber was daring me to use it. It reflected my own soul quite a lot, I realized… the more I got to know it.

It was daring. Determined. Stubborn. But also had a love for life. For fighting. For protecting. For excitement.

So it wasn’t very happy that I was electing not to use it just yet.

The clones and Jedi worked together to destroy the turrets, barely spending any effort on the matter. My head lifted at the sound of something booting up.

“The walls are electrified,” a clone reported, turning our heads to the sight of an electrical field heading towards us. “Go! Go! Go! Go!”

I darted around the corner after Rex and Fives, feeling the electricity pass behind my heels. Someone screamed, a body flying past, encased in lightning. 

“Longshot!” Cody called, leaning into the hall to see the dead soldier. I felt the immediate grief through the group. It nearly knocked me over, my hand reaching out blindly to find the wall. It caught Rex’s shoulder pauldron instead, prodding him to grab my shoulders.

“Are you alright?” he muttered softly, doing the best to smother his own grief. I shook my head, but stepped away to try and separate our touch. Him touching me only intensified my connection to him through the Force. It made the loss of the clone--his brother--horrible to bear.

“We must keep moving,”  Obi-wan said gently, the clones following him easily.

I ran with them, making our way towards the holding cells. “I’m sorry about your vod,” I whispered gently. It was loud enough for the clones around me to hear, but soft enough that the Jedi leading us would not.

They were quiet for a moment before I heard them softly recite the Mando’a I had learned so long ago. I knew Jango had taught it to them. I was there when he had gently taught it to some clones after a training accident took one of their squad.

“Nu kyr’adyc, shi taab’echaaj’la.”

It was whispered softly, but it still felt like a chorus. As we came upon the holding cells, I muttered it back to them, understanding.

“He’s inside,” Anakin muttered at a door, stepping aside for Fives and Echo to take the lead. The door hissed open, the ARC troopers spinning into the room with ease and taking down the special units arranged along the walls.

Rex stepped in with me, easily shooting down the droid that was torturing the Jedi Master. I stepped forward immediately, seeing the Jedi as I’d seen him in my vision--suspended in the air, looking exhausted. I knelt at the base, pulling it apart to find the switch.

“You’re not who I expected,” the Jedi grunted above me. He wasn’t teasing, nor was he complaining. He was just making a statement.

“Secure the entrance,” Anakin commanded as he entered the room, lightsaber engaged. I rolled my eyes as I worked on the base, knowing the room was already secured by the clones. I found the switch, pulling the wires from their homes to disengage the restraints. 

Obi-wan was beside me in seconds, helping the wounded Jedi to the ground. “Master Piell, are you alright?”

“Obi-wan,” Piell groaned out. “What took you guys so long?”

Anakin let out a grunt of amusement, helping the master to his feet. “At least your sense of humor is still intact.”

“It takes more than they got to break me, young Skywalker,” Piell assured, accepting the spare lightsaber Obi-wan had brought for him.

“So you have the coordinates for the Nexus Route?” Anakin asked, getting right to the point.

“I got them, all right. Half of them, anyway.” The Lannik turned to look over us with his one good eye. “My captain’s got the other half.” That would explain why I’d seen the officers in my vision. “I erased the computers when we were boarded and had both of us memorize part of the intel. That way, if somehow I cracked, the information would be useless to them without the other half.”

“Where’s your captain?” Obi-wan asked.

“Being held with the other officers, I assume.” I earned some glances around the room after Piell spoke. They’d remembered what I’d said about my vision.

Anakin sighed. “We’re going to need a new plan for getting out.”

“We can figure that out on the way,” I dismissed, glancing out the door to the sound of the alarms still blaring. “But we need to get moving now.”

Piell smirked at me as he led everyone from the room. “I like your style” he grunted at me before running off down the halls. I lifted my eyebrow earning a teasing punch in the shoulder from Fives as he ran by.

We hurried into the halls, making our way towards where the clones and officers were being held. As we moved, Cody taking point, I glanced around, my hair on edge.

“We’re being watched,” I whispered, Echo glancing at me knowingly. Whirring sounded at the end of the hall, commando droids pouncing into our line of vision. Kenobi and Skywalker stepped in front of us with lightsaber ignited, only for more to appear behind us. We were cornered in.

I stayed behind Ahsoka as she blocked the shots, firing my pistols over her shoulder. I hated commandos. Not only were they deadly, they were damn hard to shoot because they never stopped moving and jumping and twisting.

I almost envied their ability to move so fast.

They were getting too close, one dodging my blasts and pouncing straight into Ahsoka. She fell back into me, both of us pinned below the droid. It grabbed at her neck and lightsaber, letting me lift my pistol beside her montrals and shoot the droid in the head. She pushed it off, helping me up as the rest of the group downed the final commandos.

“We need to keep moving,” Kenobi said, leading us forward past the scrapped droids.

A loud, high pitched, whine sounded over the speakers, making us all flinch and hold our ears. I watched in horror as our guns were drawn to the ceiling...as well as Skywalker and I. There were magnets, pulling my armor with our weapons.

I would have laughed at Skywalker being pulled up by his metal arm if the situation wasn’t so dire. And then the ceiling ignited in electricity, Anakin and I both screaming as it enveloped our bodies.

The laugh I recognized as Osi Sobeck came over the loudspeaker. “You fools!” he cried with glee, more commando droids appearing around us. “I hope you enjoyed the reunion with your fellow Jedi, because you’re going to be my guests for a very long time.”

I watched in a daze from the ceiling as Ahsoka, Obi-wan, and Piell used the Force to push the commandos backwards, only for them to move only a few feet. “They’re magnetized,” Kenobi worried, pushing again. The clones did their best to fight with their fists...but let’s be honest...human fists against metal assassin droids? It wasn’t their best idea but I appreciated the gusto.

Glancing over to Anakin, I saw him reaching for his saber, my eyes widening. “Anakin, don’t!” More electricity coursed through the mechanism, making us both cry out. To my surprise, despite the terrible pain, Anakin was still reaching for his weapon. He got it, slicing through the ceiling, disengaging the magnets. We fell hard to the floor. I did my best to land deftly, but my legs gave out, making me crumble beside Anakin. 

Now with their weapons, the Jedi and clones took down the remaining commandos, Fives and Echo coming over to us. “Are you alright, sir?” Echo asked, helping Anakin to his feet. Fives helped me up by my elbow, steadying me.

“Yeah,” Anakin breathed. “Let’s get out of here.”

They led the group out, Rex shooting out the camera Sobeck had been watching us through. He ran beside me, glancing over. “You alright?”

“I mean,” I shrugged, trying to brush off the remaining soreness from both the electrocution and the fall. “It didn’t feel great.”

He surprised me with a light chuckle as we rounded into the next hallway of cells. The clones locked down the hallway as I joined the Jedi at the locked door. I could feel the clones inside.

Anakin ignited his lightsaber, waiting with his eyes closed in front of the door. Suddenly, he pushed it through the door, destroying the droid on the other side and unlocking it. Ahsoka leapt in from above, taking out the second guard.

“General,” an accented officer greeted as Peill entered the room. He was a slight man who stood with a rigid back and emanated arrogance. My nose crinkled slightly.

“Captain Tarkin,” Piell greeted back. 

The captain stepped forward to greet the Jedi as the clones tended to the four that had been captive. “I never thought I’d see you again. And you’ve brought friends.”

“Tarkin, this is Obi-wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker.”

The man didn’t greet the Jedi, merely glancing at them before addressing the room as a whole. “Now that you’ve found us, how do you expect to get us out? If they’ve locked this fortress down, there’s at least ten squads on their way. It’s going to be impossible to escape.”

“Well, he’s quite an optimist,” I muttered as the clones exited the cell beside me. I earned a few chuckles from them, the newly freed ones giving me a grateful nod.

“What if we split up?” Kenobi mused. “My team will create a diversion, while Anakin leads the others away. That way, if one of us is captured, the enemy will only have part of the information, and not all of it.”

My eyebrow rose as Tarkin stepped forward, a frown on his face. “General Kenobi, I think it’s better if we stick together. A stronger force would have a better chance of protecting the information.

“Not in this situation,” Obi-wan bit, obviously having a distaste for the captain.

“But surely we’d have more strength in numbers, Tarkin persisted, stepping after the Jedi. “Rather than divide us.”

“Obi-wan has a point,” Piell cut in with finality in his tone. “I’ll go with him. You go with Skywalker.”

I glanced between the captain and the Jedi before following them out of the cell. “Kida,” Obi-wan said, looking back at me. “You’re with me.”

I nodded, not missing the slight anxiety coming from Rex when he heard we were separating. “I’ll be fine,” I muttered beside him as the group readied to split. He nodded only slightly at me before turning to prepare his men.

“Shoot straight, kid,” Fives said, knuckling my shoulder pauldron again. I grinned at him, telling him to do the same.

Echo touched me shoulder gently, a jolt going through me that I couldn’t quite pinpoint the meaning behind. “Stay safe.”

“Yeah,” I whispered, watching the brothers give me a nod before following Skywalker and Ahsoka. “You too.”

Yet, as they receded, I felt the Force ripple with a sense of dread and sadness. And it was centered around Echo.

I couldn’t shake the feeling that something terrible was going to happen...and I wouldn’t be there to help.

------------------------------------------

MANDO’A

Nu kyr’adyc, shi taab’echaaj’la--  not gone, merely marching away (tribute to a dead comrade)

[theyoutubedork]

I’m not a wizard: part 3

tag list: @strangemaximoff

You stand with Peter, casually chatting while the ship hurtles through space. He keeps asking you questions.

“So you live in New York?” He asks.

“In the New York Sanctum,”

“Where’s that?”

“Near the park we were fighting at,”

Peter asked you questions with an adorable curiosity. His eyes widened whenever you spoke, making your heart race from his attention towards you.

“So how do you do all that manic stuff?” He asks. You show him your sling ring.

“We channel it through what we call a sling ring. It lets me do stuff like this,” you explain, creating rings around your arms while you create a golden string of light. Golden sparks fall on the floor.

“So that’s what helps you use your legs?” He asks, pointing to the ring. You nod your head.

“Why do you have to do that? What happened?” He asks. You sigh.

“You don’t have to tell me,” he mumbles, retracting his question.

“No it’s fine, I’m just thinking. You see, I used to be a dancer, a ballerina specifically, I was late for a show one day when a car crashed into me when I was on my bike. I lost the ability to feel from the waist down since a fractured a ton of bones. For over a year I wasn’t able to recover fully, so I was able to find Dr. Strange since I’ve heard of paraplegics like me fully recovering. I learned to use inter dimensional energy to keep myself upright.” You say.

“So you’re constantly channeling that?” Peter says. You nod.

“Doesn’t that get tiring?”

“Not anymore, it’s just like a little hum in my bones. But I guess when I got super angry earlier I must’ve just stopped doing it. That’s why I fell.” You say.

“Oooh, that makes more sense I guess,” he realizes. You laugh at the large o he forms with his mouth, finding his face really pretty.

Suddenly the ship begins to close in on a planet.

“Hey what’s going on?” Peter asked.

“I think we’re here,” said Doc.

I don’t think this rig has a self park function. Get your hand inside the steering gimbal. Close those around it” Tony instructed Peter.

“This is meant for one big guy so we gotta move at the same time.”

The ship starts sailing towards some wreckage.

“Turn turn turn!” Peter yells. The ship crashes through it sideways, making the ship hurtle forward. You run forward to Dr. strange who conjures up a shield around you. You try to reinforce it, adding extra layers of strength around it. You crouch right next to Peter, ready to protect him if needed. The ship skids on the ground. You all stumble slightly and you latch your arms to Peter as you keep up your shield. You plant your feet to the ground, keeping you both steady. His suit releases the spider tendrils, latching to the floor of the ship. When the ship finally stops you let go of Peter taking a breath, Strange drops his shield, as do you.

“You all right?”

“Yeah. That was close. I owe you one.” Tony says. You look over to see Peter hanging upside down. “Let me just say if wind up implanting things in my chest or something and I eat one of you I’m sorry,” He says. You roll your eyes, smiling.

“I do not want another single pop culture reference out of you for the rest of the trip. You understand?”

“I’m trying to say that something is coming,”

Suddenly you feel an explosion throwing you backwards into the wreckage. A group of people march inside and a man throws something at Strange, who block it, sending the cloak to him. A figure shoots at iron man. You stumble up to see an alien walking towards Peter who starts frantically shooting webs. You run over to save him.

“Whoa whoa whoa! Please don’t put your eggs in me!” She gets tied in webs before the man kicks Peter in the face. Peter runs away and you go over to the alien woman wrapping her with a golden whip, restraining her against your chest. The group is at a standoff, and you fearfully look at Peter with worry, who was in the arms of a blonde man who unveils his mask.

“Everybody stay where you are Chill the eff out!” The man yells, “I’m going to ask you this one time, where is gamora?”

“Yeah I’ll do you one better, who is Gamora?” Tony says. The man under his boot challenges him,

“I’ll do you one better. WHY IS GAMORA?” He yells.

“Tell me where the girl is or I swear to you I’m gonna French fry this little freak.”

“Let’s do it. You shoot my guy and I’ll blast him let’s go!”

“Do it Quill! I can take it.”

The bug lady struggles against you,

“No he can’t take it!”

“She’s right you can’t.” Strange says.

“Oh yeah? You don’t wanna tell me where she is? That’s fine. I’ll kill all four of you and I’ll beat it out of Thanks myself. Starting with you!” He says, pointing the gun at Peter.

“Thanos?” You ask.

“Wait What Thanos? All right let me ask you this one time. What master do you serve?” Strange asks.

“What master do I serve? What am I supposed to say, Jesus?”

“You’re from Earth,”

“I’m not from earth I’m from Missouri.” Quill says. You scoff.

“That’s on earth dipshit,” both you and Tony say in unison.

“What are you hassling is for?” Tony asked.

“So you’re not with Thanos?” Says Peter.

“With Thanos? No, I’m her to kill Thanos. He took my girl. Wait, who are you?” Quill asks.

Peter reveals his face,

“We’re the avengers, man.”

“Oh,” Quill says, letting them go.

“You’re the ones Thor told us about!” Says the alien girl.

“You know Thor?”

“Yeah, tall guy, not that good looking,” both you and Peter furrow your eyebrows in confusion at this, “needed saving”

“Not that good looking?” You echo in protest, but Strange interrupts you.

“Where is he now?”

“We don’t really know,”

All of you were in position, waiting for Strange’s signal. You had time to kill before Thanos appeared.

You are sat right next to Peter, ready for him to swing you both into action.

“This is so crazy Peter,” you say under your breath. He unveils his mask, looking at you as his hair waved slightly.

“It’s gonna be ok Y/N. We got this. Besides, aren’t you and Dr. Strange masters of the mystic arts?” He says, placing a hand on your shoulder.

“Well he certainly is, I dunno about me though,”

“Aww, don’t say that! You protected me when the ship was coming down! You also helped me with that big alien guy with your portal! You just have to do the same this so I can kick Thanks around. No biggie!” He says enthusiastically. You grin.

“At least I get to help beat Thanks with one of the coolest people in New York.” You gush. You see him blush.

“I could say the same thing about you. You’re pretty awesome too,” Peter mumbles. You give his a kiss on the cheek.

“Thanks Pete.” You say, turning back to the ground, seeing Thanos appear from a portal. He and Strange start talking. You and Peter creep closer. You fiddle with the sling ring on your fingers in anticipation.

“I think you’ll find our will equal to yours” says strange, summoning his rings. Tony slams the ship onto him, the rest of the crew jumping into action. You throw space shards at Thanos, helping Peter land blow after blow on him. Strange summons his sword as you summon your flail staff, whipping it at his face, making him yell out. You stand back, helping create shields for Quill to step upon, creating a portal for him to jump through when planting a bomb. You create sling rings for Peter, who yells phrases as he kick the purple freak.

“Magic! More magic! Magic with a kick! magic with a—“ Thanks grabs Peter and you yell and he’s slammed into the ground throwing him, you shove strange out of the way, letting Peter fall into you. Both of you hitting the ground hard. You all keep landing small hit on Thanos, being there to protect your friends as much as you can. Creating shields or catching them when their thrown to the side.

Another girl jumps in, arguing with him. Everyone begins to restrain Thanos, including you, using the same bright red vines as Strange to jerk his other arm to the side. Tony begins to help you with the gauntlet, as you pull the hot strings backwards with every bit of strength you have. Thanks screams as Mantis tries to get him to sleep.

“Parker get over here”

Peter comes to help.

Quill walks over beginning to faint Thanos. After Gamora is revealed to have been killed tony talks to Quill.

“Ok Quill, you gotta cool it right now. You understand? Don’t don’t don’t engage! We almost got this thing off!” Tony yells. Peter begins to hit Thanos, Mantis losing her grip. Tony reaches for Quill.

“Stop!” Thanos breaks from everyone’s grip, sending Mantis flying.

“Oh god,” says Peter, swinging to save her. You see Thanos take the moon and send it flying towards you all. . You scream as you run towards Peter.

“Peter grab everyone!” You yell as you try to flying over to Strange. Strange duplicates himself. You create shields to direct them directly towards Thanos. He takes one of the boulders and throws it, before Strange tangles him with whips. You quickly break the rock with your shield. Strange is grabbed by the titan, and before he reaches him he teleports the time stone to you. You grab it, quickly unleashing it. You plant your feet on the ground, conjuring a time spell. You begin to turn back the clock, the debris from the moon going back up, you scream as you try to go back to when you all had him in your hold. You see thanks physically struggling against your spell, and you quickly bring Strange into your spell. He looks at you,

“Get the gauntlet!” You yell. He looks at you, but is suddenly subdued by Thanos, who was able to break through your spell. You quickly drop the spell, focusing all your attention to Thanos. You try to duplicate yourself like strange, by Thanks is able to eliminate them just like with Strange. He bounds towards you punching you into the ground. You try to conjure shields but he just breaks them. He punches you with such force you feel your legs give out, making you slam onto the ground, unable to run away. You see a sling ring open, and strange grabs the time stone before Thanos could. Thanks cries out in frustration, punching you repeatedly into the ground. Blow after blow, you feel entire body crumple into itself. Thanks than runs, fighting with Tony. You hear someone call out your name as your feel blood drip and soak almost all of your clothes. You scream in pain. You feel all your senses numb as your world turns to black.

You wake up feeling ice cold liquid spray on your body. You open your eyes and see three faces.

“Hey guys! Did we win!” You cough. Peter, Tony, and Strange all give each other a look. Your face drops.

“I-I gave up the stone Y/N,” Strange admits. Blood boils throughout your system.

“You...what?” You growl.

“Y/N it’s ok, Mr. Strange said he did it for a reason.” Peter said, trying to calm you down. You try to stand, but your legs completely give out.

“WHY DID YOU GIVE UP THE STONE?!” You scream. Peter hold you back, holding you in his chest.

“It was the only way,” said Strange, giving you a knowing look. You sigh, in realization.

“Goddammit, we’re all gonna die aren’t we?” You sob, latching on to Peter. He hugs you back, placing his head in your neck.

“I don’t wanna die Peter,” you cry, feeling your composure slipping away.

“It’s going to be ok, it’s going to be ok, I promise.” He says, you both stand, you leaning on your quarterstaff. Everyone assembled together. You all take in your surroundings when you feel your stomach turn.

“Somethings happening,” Says Mantis. You see her disintegrate before your eyes. Dead disappears right after. Then Quill. You look at Strange. He looks at you and Tony. “Tony. This was no other way,” he says. Before your eyes he disappears before you. Tears stream down your face. This can’t be happening. This isn’t real.

“Mr. Stark, I don’t feel so good,”

You turn and see Peter latching onto Tony,

“I don’t know what happening. I don’t know...I don’t wanna go, I don’t wanna go, sir please,” he pleads. You cry in anguish as you rush over.

“Please I don’t wanna go. I don’t wanna go.” He sobs. You kneel right beside him, next to Tony. He lays there, you go down and kiss him on his cheek, which almost falls under your touch.

“No..Peter please don’t leave,” you cry. He looks at you, then Tony.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. He drifts away in the wind. Tony struggle to sit as he looks at you. The clutch in your stomach begins to increase. Not you too. You look at Tony.

“Tony, please, this can be undone, save us T-“ you explain before you feel your body release its self, and you no longer feel any physical pain.

[hookaroo]

A Captain’s Heart (27 of 33?)

Chapter 1 Chapter 26

Rated T for language and graphic descriptions of injuries.

Also on FF.net: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12937105/1/A-Captain-s-Heart

Tagging @therooksshiningknight & @killian-whump by request :) Also @zippidyzany for the “hello” ;)

Killian was unaware of the point at which the Jolly Roger sailed out of the volcano’s reach and beyond Zeus’ invisible shielding. He stood frozen in a daze, mind completely disengaged, sailing by instinct alone. Oblivious to the lightening of the sky, the clearing of the air, the softening of all ambient noise. Something buoyed him up, preventing his logical collapse, and were he asked, the weary captain would probably have credited the living spirit of the vessel beneath his feet. And maybe that wouldn’t have been so far from the truth.

But he blinked, and he was somehow still standing, and somehow beyond the threat of death, and he could feel nothing but an overwhelming exhaustion in every corner of his soul. He examined the ship stretched out before him, barely registering the beautiful rose-gold highlights cast by a late evening sun.

It should have come as no surprise when three beings materialized on deck just meters away. But Killian had forgotten all but his own name and the name of his ship, and he gawked through bloodshot, burning eyes.

“I knew you were the man for the job!” came the grating voice of a crowing Eris. Killian grimaced at the noise, which was just familiar enough to hammer vague awareness into his reluctant brain. The goddess stalked closer, trailed by her two shadows - bodyguards, worshippers, whoever. Killian knew she was after something, but couldn’t remember what.

“Where is it?” she growled, holding out her hand impatiently. Killian responded with a slow blink, a clumsy shifting of his weight, noticeably out of sync with the gentle rocking of the deck.

“Bugger off,” said the pirate thickly. His tongue was as slow to react as the rest of him. Uncoordinated. Raging, Eris began to close the remaining distance between them. Then she spotted the crystal phial, tipped sideways on the deck, having rolled almost the whole way to the gunwale. She hissed as she waved her hand. The vessel appeared in her grip and she shook it lightly. A scant mouthful remained; the rest had flooded out onto the boards when the potion had fallen forgotten.

“Careless fool!” she screeched. Killian flinched instinctively as she flung a blast of furious magic in his direction. But it passed harmlessly around him, and he sighed a single, mirthless laugh.

“Immune,” he reminded, unable to keep the taunt from his voice, tired as it was.

“Is that so?” Eris poofed the remaining distance, and when she reappeared, she drove a vicious fist into his middle, directly in the center of Excalibur’s damage. Killian crumpled to the floor, too winded to even cry out, feeling himself being gored all over again despite the blade’s absence.

Apparently deciding that he wasn’t worthy of any more of her time, Eris turned away from the half-dead pirate. As she held up the phial, she gave it another wiggle and heard the small splash of its contents.

“You had better pray there’s enough left for me to use. I may not be able to shield my handiwork from Zeus and his minions, but I can at least protect myself.”

With that, she tipped the potion down her gullet. And though Killian was expecting the outburst that followed, he hadn’t imagined it would be quite so dramatic. Curled into a ball, eyes streaming, still struggling for breath, Killian could just barely make out the goddess’ agonized writhing that preceded a ripple, then a literal explosion of unrecognizable elements. The shards swirled, coalesced into a brief whirlwind, repelled each other and scattered to the heavens.

The clatter of phial against deck was followed by a stunned silence as Eris’ henchmen tried to process what had just happened. They appeared more surprised than aggrieved. When one of them spotted the fresh droplets of potion on the wood, he began to back away nervously. The other quickly followed suit, and an instant later, they both vanished. Doubtless off to instigate their own brand of mischief, or perhaps find another deity to serve. And Killian lacked the strength to rise from his fetal position, much less celebrate their departure.

In his misery, Killian missed seeing the setting sun cast a brilliant red glow over wave and cloud, mimicking both the dried and fresh blood staining his bandages. He missed the first stirrings of a breeze caressing the sails above, the gentle pulse of the moving ship below. He even missed the first hint of a portal parting the waves ahead, but as the whirlpool gathered strength and its roar increased in volume, Killian finally collected the gumption to raise his head, discern what was happening, and realize that he should probably find something to hold on to.

With a quiet whimper, Killian made it as far as his knees. He was less than two meters from the wheel, but that distance felt like miles. The portal loomed closer, the ship began to quake, and Killian forced himself forward. One knee. Then the other. Brace clutched tightly against his abdomen. Hand not taking his weight; crumpling to elbow, forearm. Gasping. Waves increasing in intensity, the deck bobbing. Another knee dragged forward. The wheel just out of reach.

There came a violent splash as the bow split the final watery hill before beginning its descent into the tunnel. The dramatic tilting of the deck was enough to send Killian sliding the remaining few feet, and he caught the wheel with a grunt just before the portal’s corkscrew path took hold. The Jolly Roger tumbled into the void, everything topsy-turvy for far too long, especially when each shudder sent a jolt of anguish through the pirate's battered body. But if Killian let loose with a cry of pain or two, it was impossible to hear over the deafening rush of water and magic all around.

The spiral tightened. Even for a seasoned sailor, the dizzying effect bordered on nauseating. And then, just when Killian’s weight had tripled and he felt as if he would smash through the floor, the ship leapt from the portal's exit. Its crash back onto a residual churning wake tore the wheel from Killian’s grasp. He toppled forward, stopping his fall with protesting arms, hissing as different kinds of pain raced up each one. But at least he was still on his knees and hadn’t hit the deck yet again.

It was lighter here, midday at most. Killian’s exhausted brain and eyes couldn’t handle it. He knew he ought to take stock of their surroundings, look for danger, and check the ship for damage. He also knew it was hopeless to make even a token effort. So when a familiar figure appeared on board, he was hunched on his knees, clutching his abdomen and rubbing his eyes with a quivering hand, and he didn’t notice. Not until that figure spoke.

“Killian? What the hell!”

The pirate managed a strained smile of relief, genuinely happy to hear the alarm in Emma’s voice. It meant she was here. More than that, that she was okay. Killian’s hand dropped to his thigh in a moment of rest while he worked on peeling his eyes open. By this time, despite her shock, Emma had teleported to his side, and as she crouched, he reached a feeble hand in her direction.

“Emma.”

Emma surrounded his hand in hers, all the while taking in his appalling state. Countless wounds - a number haphazardly bandaged, others exposed - decorated his person, oozing blood. Some dripping it, if he moved a certain way. He hadn’t appeared so close to keeling over since his rescue in the Underworld. Gaze slightly unfocused, butterfly bandages askew on his cheek and forehead, Killian fixed her with the saddest eyes she had seen in quite some time.

“Killian. What happened?”

At a loss where to start, Killian eventually just pulled her closer, intent on bringing her into his embrace and never letting go. Emma inched gingerly forward, apparently more concerned about protecting his injuries than he was. And then she stiffened.

“The hell?”

She sounded so thrown that for a moment, Killian forgot his physical complaints and quickly twisted to check what had her so rattled. When he saw, his pained groan was cut off before it could fully form. Frantic, he attempted to rise to his feet with muscles too injured to respond, reflexes dulled by exhaustion and blood loss. Swearing softly, Emma moved to help him; she knew it was useless to try and stop the mad scramble.

“Marvel,” breathed Killian, listing wildly, clinging to Emma but shuffling forward all the same. “You’re here.”

The human figure shimmered before them, not quite solid. The faint outline of the stern railing could be seen intersecting her torso. She wore a melancholy smile, and when she spoke, the words had an ethereal echo about them that sent a chill right down Killian’s spine.

“We’re here,” she amended. “We made it, dearest.”

Killian stopped a few paces away. With her hand a support behind his back, Emma halted as well. Killian’s arm tensed, his fingers twitching as he wrestled against the urge to reach toward the apparition. Finally, both shoulders slumped, and he leaned more heavily against his wife.

“How long?” was his plea, in a voice so low and tremulous that it broke Emma’s heart. Marvel’s expression stiffened.

“Not long.”

In the silence that followed, the waves caressing the hull became a heartbeat, the rippling of sails a repeated sigh. Ghost Marvel took a step forward, and Emma squeezed her husband's arm in solidarity.

“I only wanted to say-” began the ship’s soul, but Killian cut her off.

“Don’t. Please. Don’t say goodbye.”

Marvel’s lips twitched in a sly smile. “Hello.” Her next breath was half chuckle, half sob. “Hello, Captain. It’s so very nice to meet you.”

Killian echoed her strangled sort-of laugh and raised his hand in an automatic gesture. “Likewise, my darling.”

Marvel drifted closer, taking steps that seemed unnecessary as no friction propelled her along the floorboards. She lifted her own hand - her right hand - and rested it gently atop his, feeling like nothing so much as the faintest of breaths against his palm, the lightest of flower petals. Killian bent to kiss it anyway. And then he found he could not let her go.

“Stay?” His voice was hoarse, thick with emotion. “Can’t you just… stay?”

“Oh, Captain.” She brushed her free hand along his cheek, a mere wisp of sensation. “We’ve had such wonderful adventures. And we’ll continue to do so. But this… this is when we talked.”

Her ghostly thumb caught a teardrop before it fell. For an instant, her gaze turned to Emma’s, and they shared a silent conversation, their mutual love for the man between them providing effortless understanding. Then Marvel gave Killian a soft smile.

“Go back to your big, beautiful house, with so many people to love and be loved by. Run around, be human. Live. And know that I will always be here when you need me, ever happy to see you, but rejoicing when I don’t. Because I understand things better now. Sorrow and fear and shame… and joy.” She withdrew her hands, placing one on her own chest and the other on his. “Human or not, this ship’s heart belongs forever to her captain. And all I will ever want for you is total happiness. For the rest of your days.”

Trembling, Killian tried to reach up, to place his hand over hers, but she seemed less solid than before, and his fingers grasped nothing. He gulped a breath and began,

“Marvel, I have to say… and… and I had hopes of…”

The words caught in his throat. He couldn’t finish either thought. As tears flooded his eyes, Emma tightened her embrace and caught his lonely wandering hand. Marvel smiled softly through crystalline tears of her own.

“I know, my love.”

And then she began to glimmer. Little stars of light flickering in a random dance within her image. She seemed to almost revel in the sensation, giggling as she watched and turned her palms this way and that. Then she met Killian’s despairing gaze with one of excitement, almost glee.

“Watch this,” she winked.

The stars drifted apart and multiplied as they slowly lifted higher into the breeze. The greater the number of lights, the fainter Marvel’s image, and Killian was torn between watching the spectacle and keeping his eyes trained on the last glimpse he would have of the ship incarnate. For her part, Marvel kept her head thrown back, delighting in the beauty above.

Slowly the stars began to outcompete the cloud-covered sun in brightness. There were just so many, and each burned with a ferocity that made looking directly at it painful. Between one heartbeat and the next, Marvel’s form dissolved into a final spattering of lights, which hastened to join the others, noticeably playful in their movements.

The constellations migrated toward the bulk of the ship, and reflexively, Killian pivoted to keep them in sight. He leaned almost his entire weight against Emma now, but for a moment, neither of them noticed. Then, with a blinding flash and a crack of displaced air, the stars raced to line every inch of the ship’s perimeter. It only served to make the normally-beautiful Jolly Roger even more breathtaking.

Killian and Emma lost track of the amount of time they stood dazzled by the sight. But then, one by one, the twinkling lights started to flicker out. And as they faded, so did the remainder of Killian’s strength. His knees buckled and he sank to the deck, pulling Emma down with him. Still watching the sparkles, silent tears tracking down his face, he allowed himself to settle back on his haunches. Emma knelt beside him and gently lay her head on his shoulder; after a moment, he rested his cheek against her.

They stayed that way until the lights winked out, the waves were water once more, the breeze no longer breath. And the Jolly Roger, marvel that she was, floated inert.

[strangerererthings]

peaches ix

Summary: What if Bob had an adopted daughter?  What happens now?

Pairing: Billy Hargrove x Reader

Disclaimer: I don’t own the show or the characters, surprise, surprise!

Author’s Note: So much angst.  Also, I believe there’s going to be one more chapter after this and then an epilogue.

Warnings: Abuse, Blood.  It’s all under the cut.

Word Count: 1,871

part one/part two/part three/part four/part five/part six/part seven/part eight/part ten/part eleven/epilogue

It happened on Thanksgiving.

The few days before the holiday had been spent in a blur of the Party, helping Joyce and Hopper cook, and Billy.  Always Billy.  He’d randomly appear while you were in the kitchen, wrapping his arms around your waist and trying to distract you from the turkey you were marinating.  He’d whisper sweet things in your ear before suddenly tickling you, leading you to squirt marinade all over him.  He had just laughed and pulled you to him, getting it all over you as well.

But then came Thanksgiving.  It was nearing 8:30 PM, which is the time that everyone was supposed to be there by.  Joyce and Jonathan were already there, with Nancy in tow.  Dustin, Will, Mike, Lucas, and Max were all there.  They had even convinced Steve to come along.

But there was no Billy.

You watched the door anxiously, biting your lip.  He had told you he would most likely be there early as long as he could get away with it.  With the way his grades had been raising, he’d been in the clear a little bit more often than not.  He had been there a lot during your lessons with El, and somehow it ended up with you helping him as well.

“Y/N?” Hopper called, and you glanced back at him.  He smiled, clearly trying to calm you down.  “I’m sure he’s fine.  He’s probably just running late with family things.”

You nodded, but turned back to the window, unconvinced.  Steve watched you quietly.  He had already given Billy the shovel talk, and while they didn’t get along perfectly, they managed to be civil and even have a friendly conversation every once in a while.  It was unavoidable if you were going to be in both of their lives.

You scowled even more as you looked at the clock.  8:43 PM.  Billy had never been late in the entirety of the time you two had been together.  If he even thought he might be, he would call you on the home phone or the record store phone and more often than not, he was no more than thirty seconds late.

The only time he had ever missed anything was that night at the record shop when his dad...

You turned and practically ran into the kitchen, holding out your hand.  “Hopper, I need the keys.”  He looked at you in shock, and opened his mouth to say something before you cut him off.  “Hopper, something’s wrong.  I can feel it.”  You swallowed as you tried to hold back your tears, and Hopper slowly placed the keys in your hand.

You were already practically out the door as soon as the keys were in your hand, almost missing Hopper calling out after you.  “Don’t do anything stupid.”

You threw open the door to Hopper’s car, jamming the keys into the ignition and peeling out of there.  Your hands were trembling the entire drive over to the Hargrove’s.  You made a left onto Cherry, where they lived off of.  They were almost at the very end of the street.  You parked by the mailbox, quickly getting out before you stopped to look at the house in front of you.  All the lights were on except Max’s.  When there would usually be the sound of rock playing from Billy’s radio, there was silence.

There was almost an ominous feeling about it as you ran up to the front door.  You could hear shouting inside that silenced as soon as you knocked.  There were heavy footsteps before the door flung itself open.  An older man that you recognized as Neil Hargrove was standing in front of you.  “What do you want?” He almost growled, a sneer on his lips.

“Is Billy here?”  Your voice cracked slightly, and you cursed yourself.

Your eyes wandered down to Neil’s hands which were covered with blood.  “No, he’s not home.  Probably off fucking some whore.”

You looked back up at him slowly, before pushing past him and running into the house.  “Billy?!  Billy, where are you?!”  You began to throw open doors, your heart pounding.

Suddenly, you felt the back of your sweater being grabbed and you yelped as you were thrown backwards to the ground.  Your head hit the side table and you groaned, looking up with terrified eyes as you realized Neil Hargrove was coming towards you.  You could see the murder in his eyes as he gripped your hair in his hands.  You let out a blood curdling scream as he kicked you in the side, wrenching your head sideways as he did so.  He was shouting things like little slut, whore, bitch, and even cunt.  Everything sounded fuzzy.  Like you were underwater.

“Y/N!”

You managed to turn your head a bit to see Billy in the doorway.  Before you could see his physical wellbeing, he was on Neil, tackling him to the ground.  Fists were flying and you laid there, tears streaming down your cheeks.  God.  Everything fucking hurt.  “B-Billy...,” you choked out.

The front door suddenly burst open.  Hopper was standing there in the doorway with three other policeman.  You felt a wave of relief crash over you as he went to Billy, catching his shoulder.  The boy was holding his father down to the floor by his neck, tears streaming from his eyes.  “Billy, let go, alright?”  Hopper’s voice was gentle, but firm.  Two of the policemen began to search the rest of the house while the one left kept his gun trained on Neil.  “I suggest you don’t move, sir,” Hopper snapped as he got Billy to slowly get up.

As soon as he was away from Neil, Billy turned and ran to you.  He pulled you onto his lap, cradling you like a baby.  “I’m so sorry.  So sorry, baby.”  He was sobbing over you as you clutched onto him, crying as well.  “You shouldn’t have come here.  It’s my fault you were hurt...”  He pulled back, running his hands over your face.  “Where does it hurt?  What all happened?”

You shook your head, checking on him instead.  He had several cuts on his face and bruises were forming around both of his eyes.  Blood was trickling from his busted lip.  “Baby...”  You kissed him gently, the taste of blood lingering on your lips as you pulled away.  “I had to come.  I could feel it.  Something was wrong.”

He shook his head, laughing as he pulled you to him tightly.  “My little idiot.”  He continued to hold you flush against him as Neil was put in handcuffs and put into the back of a police car.  “What would I do without you?”

The sound of someone clearing their throat broke the two of you from your reverie.  Hopper was standing there a bit awkwardly.  “So, I know we have a bunch of paperwork to fill out, but it’s Thanksgiving.”  He held out his hands for the two of you to take.  “Let’s get you two home.”

Billy looked at you, kissing your forehead before the two of you stood.  You and Billy climbed into his Camaro while Hopper took back his police car.  There was a comfortable, relieved, but exhausted silence in the car as you took the winding roads back to Hopper’s.  Billy’s hand clutched onto yours, kissing your fingertips every few minutes.

You walked into the cabin together, everyone jumping up and running to you in a panic.  They were all shouting and reaching and you instinctively hid behind Billy a bit.

“Give ‘em some space,” Joyce shouted, and all of them immediately backed off.  What Joyce wanted, Joyce got.  Partially because they were all scared of her.

Once they were all off of you guys, you took Billy’s hand and led him to the bathroom, shutting the door.  Everyone stayed silent as they watched the two of you go.  You sat him on the toilet, noticing how he winced anytime he moved.  You wet a wash rag, wringing it out a little before gently touching it to his forehead.  He did his best not to react anytime you touched one of his many, many injuries.  “I could feel that something was wrong,” you murmured, concentrating on cleaning his busted lip.  “My skin felt like it was crawling.”  You laughed a bit as you continued, your other hand cupping his cheek gently.  “I knew it was stupid to run in there shouting for you, but I couldn’t stop myself.”

“I love you.”

You froze as you looked at him, not sure if you heard him right.

He looked you dead in the eyes though, his hand moving to cup your cheek as he repeated with complete sincerity.  “I love you, Y/N.”

Your mouth dropped open a bit, your heart racing in your chest.  “I love you, too.”  He pulled you down into a kiss, sitting you on his lap.  He then pulled away, giggling a bit.  “Do you still have a drawer of my clothes?”

“Like I’ve gotten rid of it since yesterday,” you teased as you stood up.  You fixed your hair a bit, wincing as you felt the tenderness from where you had hit the table.

The both of you left the bathroom, Billy going to your room to change and you going to the kitchen.  “There’s our little fighter,” Steve joked as you rolled your eyes, your cheeks going pink.

“I’m hardly a fighter.”  You took a seat next to El, ruffling her curls as you did.

She looked at you with narrowed eyes.  “You got hurt.”  You sighed, biting your lip as she shook her head.  “We’re not stupid, Y/N.”

Hopper burst into laughter, nodding as he stabbed a piece of turkey with his fork.  “She’s right.  We’re not stupid, Y/N.  Maybe you should learn.”

“Sometimes stupid is smart.”  You pointed the serving spoon for the mashed potatoes at Hopper.  “You should know about that.”

“Did you at least kick him in the balls?!” Dustin suddenly blurted.  Him and other boys’ eyes were lit up in excitement.

“No, she didn’t.  But that doesn’t make her any less of a fighter.”  You turned to see Billy in the doorway, leaning against the frame.  He had changed out of his bloodstained shirt into a fresh blue one, the top buttons almost completely done up for once.  He walked over, sitting between you and Max, pressing a kiss to your forehead.  You couldn’t help but notice that he limped anytime he walked.  You scowled, making a note to ask him about it as Max hugged him around the side.

“I’m glad you’re not dead.”  Her voice was muffled, but his laugh was booming and warm.

“Me, too, kiddo.”  He ruffled her hair before everyone began to dig into their food once more.  As you spooned mashed potatoes onto his plate for him, he caught your eye, mouthing “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” you mouthed back.

[kpopfanfictrash]

Addewid (XV)

Author: kpopfanfictrash

Pairing: You / Kai (Jongin)

Rating: PG-13

Word Count: 3,390

Genre: Fey!AU + Series

Summary: “You cannot appeal to my better nature, for I have none. I am not human, little one.”

You’ve always known you were different. You’re able to see them, after all, able to see the Others. You’ve also always ignored them. Until the day comes where you’re forced to make a choice - one that throws your world into chaos. And sends you down a path you might never return from.

Sehun reaches down to remove the bag from the man’s head.

“D-dad?” I choke out, seized with disbelief.

When I try to move, hands encircle my arms. Their grip like iron, yanking me backwards. Dimly, I notice Kai is being similarly restrained. He’s moving his lips but nothing emerges, or maybe it does and I just can’t hear. I can’t understand him, everything is faded but my father, who looks at me with wordless apology.

“Pass the gauntlet,” Maeve’s voice rings out above. “Or be responsible for the death of her father.”

Part XV - The Gauntlet

I can’t remember how to breathe.

I try to scream, but find I’ve forgotten how. On the inside, I’m livid. On the inside, my lungs are burnt, shredded with words and with rage. My father. My father here, kneeling before Sehun while Maeve – my heart resumes motion, the frantic thump, thump of my chest. 

Maeve stands on the other side.

She looks at me. At me, not Kai and I think it’s this which breaks me. I lose control, unsure what I’m doing when I launch myself forward. Somehow, I throw off my guards, elbowing one in the nose, the other in his gut. They topple into one another, grunting in pain but now is no time to be prideful. I don’t know where I’m going, don’t know what I’m doing – only know I need to cause as much pain as possible.

I’m at the wall before I realize, slamming my body into stone over and over. I throw myself forward, nails scraping charcoal as I frantically try to climb. The wall blurs and I realize I’m crying, hot tears sliding down my neck as the room stabilizes. Arms wrench me backwards, pulling me against a chest while Kyungsoo whispers, “It’s okay, it’s okay.” His cheek is warm, comforting. “Please, Y/N – don’t make this worse. Look at Kai,” he begs and upon hearing the desperation in his voice – I look up.

My father appears frantic, trying to mouth something – I can’t quite make out the words. I stare at him, gaze wide until I understand the word don’t.

Don’t fight. Don’t speak. Don’t run.

I remember another day, my dad’s fingers tracing the same word over and over – that time I disobeyed. I didn’t follow his warning, when my dad told me to run. I didn’t obey then, but I do now.

I stop moving. Stop fighting, let Kyungsoo pull me backwards. His touch is gentle, full of apology and tears brim my gaze glancing sideways. Kai stands there bruised, breath heavy. His left eye already swells, angry and red as he glares hatefully at Oh Sehun.

Sehun doesn’t react, keeping his grip steady and I wonder again why he does this. I remember the look he gave me, when Kai and I left his manor. Sehun’s gaze was confused, thrown by whatever he saw in my mind. He didn’t understand the connection between Kai and I – which makes me wonder if that confusion has long faded. I remember Kai explaining Sehun is in love with Maeve. This doesn’t make me forgive him, but I do pity him. The fact that he thinks that’s love. The fact that he needs to prove himself, for the affection of the woman he loves.

I remind myself again this is his choice, as much as hers.

Maeve remains still, looking out at the crowd. The Unseelie hush, excitement betrayed in their expressions. I can taste their desperation, eagerness for blood. They want Kai to see fail, want to watch my father die. What they want for me, I can only guess.

Staring out at the madness, my newfound bravery begins to fade. The Unseelie are endless, their presence formidable and I remind myself that Kai will win – he must. “What is the gauntlet,” I say quietly, looking at Kyungsoo.

“A test. I don’t know what monsters she’ll pick,” Kyungsoo whispers, lips barely moving. “I don’t know who Kai will fight – it’s whomever Maeve decides, for however long she sees fit. He will fight until defeating them all. When she determines the gauntlet has ended, Kai will be crowned victorious – or not.”

My heart races at the thought. Kai is the most skilled swordsman of his age, though. I see the way people fear him. I see how they shy back and I saw him that day in the forest. If anyone can win the gauntlet, Kai can.

Maeve’s lips lift. “The rules,” she declares. “Prince Kai will complete the gauntlet alone,” she states, as though reading some pre-determined list. “He will complete with no outside assistance. Prince Kai may choose one form of weaponry to fight with, though he may not use magic. Prince Kai will fight whomever I decide and in order to win, he must be the only left standing in the arena.”

“Is that all,” Kai asks. He smiles at Maeve, a dark gesture.

Maeve does not flinch. “Take your place in the pit, Prince,” she warns, before turning to the center of her dais.

Kai watches her go, then inclines his head. When he looks at me, his gaze softens. “If I don’t make it,” Kai murmurs, walking so that his lips touch my cheek. “Don’t forget to dream.”

Then he’s gone, walking past to disappear into the heart of the arena. My breath catches, turning to follow. I watch him go, since Kyungsoo stands between us. Though his gaze is sad, I know Kyungsoo won’t hesitate to interfere. Maeve demanded no one help during the gauntlet, which means I can only watch. Below me stands Kai, above me stands my father – leaving me entirely alone.

I watch Kai descend the crowd. The Unseelie part, a sea of shadows. As I watch, I think about Kai living most of his life here. He’s survived this way, shrouded in darkness and fear. Most of Kai’s name wasn’t said in English. Nor did he speak Celtic, Hebrew or any other known language. His name meant light itself, not the word which describes light. It was hope, it was Kai and I don’t know how to explain more than that.

As I watch, slightly dazed – I feel hollow. Feel numb, as though the shock of the past few minutes has apprehended my senses. I feel trapped in a story, as opposed to reality and yet I feel the metal which bites at my wrists. Can hear Kyungsoo breathing beside me. Can see my father kneel, can feel my love for him. I know with certainty, my enemy are around me.

I wish I had power. I wish my tiny drop of Fey blood contained magic – I wish I were magic, wish I were Fey. I try hard to be, for a moment I close my eyes but when they reopen – nothing.

Kai is still walking to his death. My father still stands above. And here I am, powerless to stop any of it.

Below me, Kai tightens the guards of his forearms. He flexes his fingers, wrapping both hands around the hilts of his knives. “I trust these count as one weapon,” Kai announces, looking at Maeve.

He stands in the center of the pit, dirt sloping up on either side. Above him lilts the court, wraiths which hiss in the darkness. Some appear humanoid, these are the Unseelie Lords and Ladies. Noble Fey, like Kai. There are many others are present who are not. Banshees and goblins, ghouls and nightmares come alive from the dark.

These screech their insults, throwing closer, knocking into one another in the process. Occasionally fights break out, when one steps on the foot or knocks the elbow of the wrong person. I ignore all this, splitting my time between looking at Kai and my father.

Maeve clears her throat. That’s the only warning before she stands before me. One second I’m alone, then she’s there. Maeve walks before Kyungsoo, tilting her head to the side. “Sehun,” she rings out, voice sweet. “Will you bring our honored guest down here?”

Sehun lifts my father, dragging him up to lead away. My dad allows this happen, walking calmly until I can see no more of him. Maeve turns to the crowd, waving two chairs into being. “For the guest of honor,” she smiles, waving me forward.

I grunt when her magic takes hold. Ropes bind my body, yanking me forward and depositing me into the chair, legs forced to a sitting position as I’m deposited against on velvet. I arch against this, pushing forward but it’s no use. The invisible ropes tighten, and when I open my mouth to speak – I find I cannot.

“Dear,” Maeve leans forward, voice quiet. “I want you to watch this. Want you to see what happens when my subjects disobey. I don’t know why you came,” she murmurs, gaze blank, “but if you insist on staying – you will learn the consequences of your actions.”

Maeve then withdraws, lacing both hands over her pants. Her eyes glint ice-cold, bright in the room. “Bind him with her,” she instructs Sehun, who has appeared on Maeve’s other side.

My father is tied unceremoniously beside me, head hitting the headrest several times during the process. When he meets my gaze, my dad shakes his head. His eyes are pleading and when he opens his mouth to speak – Maeve clears her throat.  

“Guard the pit,” she instructs both Kyungsoo and Sehun.

They nod, leaving immediately. Maeve continues to stand there as I stare at the back of her neck, pale and graceful. It hurts, physically hurts that I’m bound. That I’m so close, that she’s so unaware. Maeve would never suspect me of harm, a fact which makes my hands curl to fists on either side of my chair.

“Don’t,” my father whispers, so soft I think I’ve imagined it.

Hesitantly, my gaze drifts sideways. I try and speak, only to remember I cannot. Moisture gathers at the corners of my eyes, while my dad smiles faintly.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. Maeve is either too distracted to notice, or she doesn’t care.

I’m grateful for this fact. Grateful, that Sehun forgot to gag my dad. My gaze moves over my his shoulder, staring at Sehun who descends the steps of the pit. He doesn’t look back, turning to take his spot at the entrance of the ring.

I return to my father, gaze misting with tears. I want to tell him I’m sorry, say that it’s my fault. I thought I knew better than him, thought I could survive here – I was woefully mistaken. Because of my arrogance, look where we’ve ended up.

My father shakes his head. “No,” he whispers, hair falling into his eyes. “It was my fault. I heard what happened, know why you’re here. Only you,” he chuckles, which turns into a cough, “could leave home a prisoner and find him.”

My eyes lighten. My dad knows, he understands. I want to cry, want to hug him – have never wanted anything so badly in my entire life. I want to say that I’m sorry, but can’t speak. My mouth bound by invisible chains.

My dad blinks, his smile tilting. “I love you, too,” he whispers. “I’m proud of you. No matter what happens, know that.”

I shake my head, telling him the same. I love him, too.

Below us, things are continuing. Time hasn’t stopped during the exchange, it’s only sped up and when I look down, I see the Unseelie have quieted. Kai stands at the center, looking up at the crowd. He stares first at Maeve, then at me.

The arena quiets. Kai says nothing, but what more can he say? I know he loves me. He knows I love him. He will fight for me, just as I fight for him. I look down knowing all this, stemming my threatening tears. I quiet my fear, since above all else – I believe in us.

Kai nods, a faint smile on his lips as he turns away.

“Fey of the Court,” Maeve cries. She inhales, as though breathing in the night itself. “I give you – the gauntlet.”

Nothing happens.

Nothing I can see anyways, though a certain shudder touches the air. Ancient magic called into effect as the sand at the far end crumbles. Two trap doors open, maws in the earth and when I see what’s within, my eyes widen.

A shadow-beast. One like the two  Kai fought in the woods and though I’m afraid for him, I’m also happy. I’ve seen Kai win before. He was exhausted that first time, he was injured – but he’s fought these beasts and won. Kai can do this again and for the first time in a long time, hope enters my thoughts.

But no – I’m mistaken. It’s not one shadow-beast, not two – but three, hulking monsters. Their shoulders butt one another, their deep eyes red and gleaming. Kai stiffens before me, then sinks into a crouch. The din is nauseating. No one seems worried, merely eager. Eager for Kai to fail, for the position beside the Queen to open.

I sink into my seat, unable to stem my growing terror. Kai will win, he must.

The first thing leaps upwards. It’s an unfortunate blessing the pit is so small, it means all three can’t enter at the same time. Were Kai fighting three shadow-beasts at once – I shudder at the thought.

Kai steps lightly, bouncing on his feet before breaking into a run. His expression turns feral, eyes gleaming as he bursts forward. Kai, tired? Never. His body blurs, moving so fast I can’t see. One second he’s there, the next he’s not. He slices past the demons and whirls, unnaturally fast on his feet. One of Kai’s knives finds home, swiping across the thing’s chin to spill blood on the ground.

The beast yowls, recoiling as the second one leaps into the pit. Kai darts between them both, calmly avoiding their pairs of claws. The cuts he makes are purposeful, mechanical and I begin to see why the Unseelie fear him. War is an equation for Kai, a mathematical cutting of sinew and muscle, forcing the second beast’s legs to contract.

When the first creature lurches upwards, jaws snapping where Kai once was, he bends backwards. The thing’s talons narrowly miss his throat and Kai lands on his back. He flips up, stabbing the creature straight in the heart. The shadow-beast howls, writhing – vacillating, before folding in on itself.

The third beast breaks free. Kai stands panting, breath heavy as I pull against my invisible bonds. I want to help – need to do so, despite having no means of action. The second beast drips blood and gore, stumbling as the third shoves it aside. The last beast is much bigger than the first. It’s slower, though – even tired, Kai is faster.

Using the wounded beast as leverage, Kai runs. He stakes the third animal with his knife, using it to propel himself up and onto its back. Or as close to a back as I can make out, while Kai stabs the second knife into its neck. The weapon lodges there, stuck in bone while the thing lets out an inhuman cry. It stumbles sideways, attempting to buck Kai off.

Kai’s grip remains steady, even while he’s rammed against the sides of the pit. People scurry away from the edge, yelping as blood speckles the crowd. Kai stays upright, struggling to work the knife free. He’s too concentrated on this, doesn’t see the second beast lunge, doesn’t noticing the giant claws nearing his head.

He notices at the last second, ducking sideways and launching himself from the beast. Kai’s second knife remains in the thing’s neck, though he keeps his first tight in his fist. Kai’s body regains control on the way down, flipping once to stab directly into the beast’s eye. He thrusts his knife inward, forcing the animal’s skull back. There’s no noise which signals his victory. Were I closer, maybe I’d hear a choked sort of sputtering, before the second beast caves backwards. It folds in on itself, until just Kai’s knife is left in the sand.

Kai pushes himself up, slower than before. There’s no time for him to rest. The third beast is already running, driven mad by the blade lodged in its back. Kai dodges its first blow, rolling in a blood-soaked arena to crouch at the edge of the sand. The beast turns, letting out a snarl while rushing forward.

Kai pants. He’s exhausted, outnumbered, without his weapons.

Maeve’s lip curls. I don’t understand why, until I see her hands lift in the air. Sudden anger flares within me, as I realize she won’t let Kai die. No, if the third beast proves too much for him – Maeve will intervene. She’ll save Kai, so that she can punish him herself.

Maeve tilts her head, frowning when my gaze returns to the scene.

Kai remains unmoving. He stays crouched in the sand, fingertips splayed and gaze terse. He waits patiently, staring as the beast lumbers closer. One second, the animal is three paces from him. Two seconds, little more than one. One, and Kai launches himself upwards. He grabs hold of a sharpened talon, wrenching himself sideways, using his strength to pull the object straight from its paw.

The beast lets out a yowl. A savage shriek felt in my bones. The thing’s back crashes to the pit, and Kai uses this opportunity to run where the second shadow-beast died. His knife still stands, abandoned in a pile of sand and he scoops this up, turning around at the last second.

The third beast appears enraged, its vendetta now personal and when it moves, it seems uninjured. I’m trembling – I realize this because my dad says something. I think he tries to reach out but, while Sehun forgot to gag him, his ropes are binding.

There are sudden jeers from the crowd. My gaze returns to the arena, and I take in the sight of Kai bleeding. He limps, struggling to regain himself – the monster also bleeds, though. One of Kai’s knives still embedded in its neck, the other in its chest. By some miracle, both blades have narrowly missed organs. It seems impossible – it should be impossible – but then I see Maeve’s hands.

She twitches, the slight motion turning my gaze crimson. Maeve is doing this. She’s making Kai miss, sensing he’s better than these beasts. Sensing he will win, an outcome she’s keen to avoid. Maeve wants to punish Kai, wants me hurt and so she’s cheating.

I don’t know whether Kai realizes – from the rage on his face, I think he might. He turns aside, weaponless and exhausted. As he moves, though – something extraordinary happens. Kai pauses, then meets Maeve’s gaze as though remembering. While he looks, a soft glow emanates from his fingertips. It wraps his torso, a cocoon of light making the Unseelie instinctively shy away.

I realize why when the glamour fades. Kai appears freshly scrubbed – hair still silver, but less so. He smiles at Maeve, the gesture savage and when I see her fury, I realize what he’s done. Summer magic. He used Summer magic, since Maeve only banned that from Prince Kai. She said nothing of Jongin.

Maeve hisses, thrown by his deception and when Kai turns to face his monster, he does not miss.

The shadow-beast seems stunned, Seelie magic a direct affront on its being. It wavers, hesitating while Kai scrambles up onto its back. Kai grabs the hilt of his knife with both hands, yanking sideways – decapitating the beast entirely. Silver slices through flesh and bone, carving a line down the side of his body. The beast wavers, making keening noise as it slowly caves in.

Kai lands on his feet, light in the sand.

He stands like that, chest rising and falling against his ribcage. His hair obscures his gaze, making it hard for me to see. Hard for me to hear, over the roar of the crowd. It’s too loud, my heart too insistent. 

Maeve’s gaze darkens. Her hands are bone-white, clasped before her. When she raises them to Kai, it takes several moments for the court to fall silent. Thousands of eyes turn her way and Maeve does not move, merely cocking her head. She stands in front of the pit, observing Prince Kai.

At last he looks up. When I see him, exhausted but whole – my vision blurs. To one side, my father exhales – whether it’s in relief or because he truly understands, I do not know.

Maeve smiles. “The gauntlet is not over,” she declares. “There will be one more fight, before our Prince is declared winner. Kyungsoo,” she looks to the side. “Fight Prince Kai – do not hold back. Jongin,” she adds, eyes glinting with malice. “You will not use magic of any kind, under any name.”

“Begin.”

[Master List] 

[lunarl3eauty]

Someone, please, remind me that I’m not alone.

It’s been a while, and I need to get this off my chest.

Do you have someone you love that has an alcohol problem? I’m struggling with someone who has one. My father has anger issues, is bi-polar, paranoid, and an alcoholic. It was much worse a few years ago, this was also before my attitude change. He would yell at me while he was drunk, in this forever loop about whatever it was that pissed him off. I would be trapped there, broken down in tears from being yelled at, waiting for it to be over. Then one day I thought to myself “You know what? I’m an adult and I don’t have to take someone treating me like this. I have a car, I can just leave.” So that’s what I started doing. I avoided him. I would either go to my room, or I would leave. After a while, it got to the point that I just didn’t care anymore. I would come home and he would be drunk. I was sick of hiding out and running away, I live here too and I have every right to be here. I started standing up to him. He didn’t really like that, and it usually made things worse. Anything and everything could set him off. One day it was because I didn’t want to sit in a chair. Many times it was because I didn’t want to sit and watch a youtube video / listen to a song he wanted to play on his computer.( I wouldn’t mind giving him my time, but it’s always when I have to meet someone or go somewhere. When he asks for 5 minutes of my time, it’s never 5 minutes. It always ends up being half an hour or even longer.) Half of his stories just looped around to other ones he’s already told me during the same session. I was annoyed and sick of hearing about his work being out to get him.

One day I was making dinner and he came in there to complain, again, about how they were trying to get him fired at work and such. I think I said something like “I don’t care”. Good god, that really made things blow up. I wasn’t emotional during any of it. Once I started standing up for myself a wall was put up and nothing he said or did would cause me to loose composure in front of him. I’m not going to let the bully win, and that’s what he has become - a bully. As he continued to yell and cuss at me, I just stood in the kitchen making my food. Yes, I was responding which made it worse. Then he called me a bitch, he dropped to his chair wailing, and then got on the ground and crawled to his room. I left my dinner on the counter and left. It didn’t hit me until I was half way to my friend’s house and I started crying. My father has never called me a bitch before, and I never thought in a million years he would. It hurt and I was shocked, my mom once told me when an ex had called me some names, that she would leave my dad if he ever called her those things. A few days later, he was sweeping and just casually told me that he tried to kill himself after I had left that night. He took a bunch of pills. There is no way of knowing if he did or not, and that’s not something I like to take lightly, but at the same time.. my father is great at manipulating people. He does shit to get what he wants. We were all nice to him for a while after that, which is exactly what he wanted. He got away with treating me horribly. He goes through phases were he doesn’t drink and he’s okay, a lot of times he’s moody (he’s bi-polar and constantly takes himself off his meds) and he often picks on me about eating things. He says he’s not making fun of me because no one is around to hear it, as if that makes any difference at all. I have told him before I don’t like him “joking” like that, and he continues to do it anyways. He makes sideways comments all the time. My ex heard one and told me after the fact. He said it took everything in him not to do or say anything. It’s weird because he can tell me how smart I am and how proud he is of me, and then just like that he can turn it around and cuss at me. He wasn’t always like this. He does have good moments, but they seem to be few and very far between.  Last night, was the worst. My family and I came home and waited for each other before going in. We knew he was pissed off and knew that he was drunk. We went inside and the house was a wreck. Chairs had been knocked over in the kitchen, his clothes were all in bags on and around his car, a closet had everything pulled out on to the floor, the computer tower was laying in the living room on it’s side with the printer thrown on top along with something else I couldn’t recognize, the computer room was trashed. Papers were all over the floor, the drawers of the desk were laying about, a chair was over turned, the computer desk and the shelf thing on top (desk with a hutch looking piece attached to the top to give you shelves) was laying on the ground. He yelled and cussed at all of us for half an hour before the police were called. He’s drunk in his own home, there is nothing they can do about it. He hasn’t been physical with anyone, so again, nothing they could do. Fucking up the house, well that’s a civil matter and they can’t do anything about that either. They could talk to him though, which was better than nothing. Oddly enough the officer that responded had been to our house before and remembered my father. “I see you haven’t gotten your car fixed from the last time I was out here. When you drank and drove back home.You may not remember me, but I remember you” My father bounced back and forth from being angry, to doing that crying thing he does, to being okay, and then angry again. He also likes to throw in that he was in the military (he was in the air force and was discharged due to a back injury from holding a heavy box while on a latter. He never saw any kind of battles or action, but when he brings it up, he likes to make you assume he has.) and had to throw in that he has a mental problem. At one point the officer gave him a warning that he would take him for disorderly conduct because he kept interrupting the officer, talking over him, and then yelled at him. Silently, I wished he’d continue and get taken away. Maybe that would have been the wake up call he needs The officer advised us to leave for the night, since my father can’t. They can’t force him out of his own home, and he was too drunk to drive anywhere. So we did, the officer (and two others that showed up randomly) walked us out of the house. The whole time I had been rock solid, my heart had been beating fast, I could feel my body shaking the whole time, but I showed no emotion. Not even when his nose almost touched mine and he was yelling at me about something that had nothing to do with me. He has called me heartless because of this new attitude, but it seems to be the only way I can handle him. I feel better being solid in front of him and not backing down. It’s not like seeing me cry ever made a difference, so why let him see how much he hurts me? I’ve tried to talk to him about it while he was sober before, which went no where. I got a passive aggressive letter flipping it around to be my fault. My father’s behavior makes me sick. He does this wailing crying thing, but then turns around and gets in my face pointing and screaming at me. He’ll give me some half ass apology only to do it again. His apology means nothing anymore. He says he’s sorry like a coward (he says it from another room “I’m sorry.”) and then does the same thing again. I can’t take it anymore. I can’t make him get help, I can’t make him do anything. As long as he continues to live with no consequences, I don’t think he’s ever going to change. Why should he? He gets to drink all he wants, stay home and watch TV, get on the computer and listen to music, or sleep. He gets to treat all of us terribly and then he acts like nothing ever happened. I. AM. DONE. I can’t afford to move out, I can’t support myself due to a whole other situation. I am going to sit down and talk with someone about this later and see what we can do. I’ll give up whatever I have to, whatever I can afford to give up (I can’t stop making car payments for example, but I could give up my gym membership.) I have to get out of that house. I can’t go back to living the way we did a few years ago. I never knew what I was going to come home to. I can’t fucking deal with this abuse anymore. He won’t admit he’s abusing us, but he is, verbally. I don’t know what else to do. I hate to leave my mom alone in that mess, as if I am abandoning her, but she has the same options I do. She could leave him if she wanted. She could go stay somewhere for a while to make him see that he is loosing everything. Maybe that would change his mind, but I doubt it.  You can’t help someone who doesn’t want help. You can’t make someone change, they have to want to change for themselves. It’s a hard reality to deal with and accept. I am going to find a way to get out of this though. I will not continue to live like this. I have nothing else to say to him and he can leave me all the passive aggressive notes that he wants. I won’t bother to read them. The man that lives in my house is not my dad. My dad would never treat me or anyone else the way he has been treating us for years. I don’t care if he has a mental issue (bi-polar), he chooses not to take his medication. I don’t give a fuck what his excuse is going to be this time. I just don’t care. Flat out. I don’t fucking care. After dealing with this for, what four years now?, I just can’t anymore. I use to feel bad for feeling numb or that I didn’t care, but I don’t anymore. No one should have to go through this, no one. I know I am not alone in dealing with this personally (my family has to deal with it), but I know there are many people out in this world who has to deal with someone in their life like that too. 

[fandom-in-reverse]

Young Heroes | Doc Ock/Avengers AU

CHAPTER ONE

“Aren’t you a l'il bitch?” A shove from behind pushed me to my knees, knocking my glasses off my eyes and books onto the floor as well. “Doesn’t even have any parents!” One girl mocked with three of her friends laughing. They gathered around, all of them dressed in fancier clothes than I had; the kind no one else could afford but them, their hair either blonde or brunette. They were a bit larger than me, not in height, though -I towered over them- but I had a thinner figure than them, which is surprising to say.

My hands searched for my glasses but a foot was placed over one of my hands to keep it from searching. “Don’t even try to look, bitch- you’re genes aren’t going to get better.” Again they laugh.

“My name is Lily,” I say while pulling my hand from under their shoe. I look up at the girl, seeing only a blurry image. “And unlike you, my features don’t resemble a dog.”

The same girl took one foot and pushed me against the wall, sending a wave of pain over my shoulder and back. “Listen Specs, I don’t know how many times we have to tell you: no one likes you or your family. You’re a smart-ass who looks like a whore.”

One of the girls, I couldn’t tell for my slight blindness, had taken out their yogurt from breakfast -which ended just up two minutes before- and thrown it towards my head. The container hit the place above my left eye and the dairy product spilled into some of my short hair, cheek, and sweatshirt, before then falling to the floor -I presumed and prayed that it didn’t hit my books.

I heard their feet walk away; once I heard no other sounds, I let a few tears flow. This was a routine, and for the last seven years no less. My father died when I was ten and he was mainly the reason. Why, you might ask? We all know the story of Doctor Octopus, right? The scientist with the tentacles fused to his back due to a fusion experiment gone wrong, seeking revenge on Oscorp and Spider-man? He was smart, everyone will tell you that along with the story, but they’ll say it with a grimace.

Everyone that knows me, or even knows my name, will also tell you that I’m just as smart. However, I am a senior in high school, and if not for my grandfather’s request, I probably would have graduated college with a master’s degree in atomic physics by now. Grandpa Torbert wanted me to stay with people my age and despised the idea of me being away from home and not helping around the house.

I wiped away the yogurt from my face using the heel of my hand as the tears gushed harder. My life has been a living hell because of my name: Liliana Augustina Octavius. With that name, everyone assumes that I’m going to end up just like my father, a mad scientist. No one really understood how the comments hurt and stung when they didn’t even know me. They don’t even know what’s going through my mind before they judged me.

Anxiety and depression have consumed my life since 2004, not because of the normal “it’s a middle school or a high school thing, they’re giving kids a lot of work, and puberty’s rough” crap; but because of what people have been telling me since I needed all the support I could get.

“E-excuse me, st-students are s-supposed t-to be i-in cla-class right now.” I heard an older male voice from my right say. His voice was in the lower register, though still light. I thought I knew who it was, but I wanted to make sure when I found my eye wear.

I wiped my cheek and took a deep breath. “Sorry,” I said under my breath. I look around at the floor though I still couldn’t tell where my glasses were, making sure not to show my left side too much. I patted some of the floors in hopes my fingertips could feel for the glasses’ frame

I heard footsteps come closer and then stop. “W-were you l-looking’ f-for- o-oh, w-what happened?” The voice asked.

I hesitated. “Nothing.” I wiped my eyes once more before reaching my hand out for my glasses.

The man reached my glasses to me and I took them with a little glee. I looked at the man and saw it was the new teacher; tall, stocky frame yet built, and sharp features. His name was Mr. Daniels and though he had been teaching for five years -or so he says- he was always nervous around teens; his stuttering was more prominent when he didn’t know what to do, and it was very prominent now.

“S-some-thing ha-has to b-be up. I-is th-that yogurt?” Mr. Daniels asked.

“Yeah, a group of girls’ done this.” I retorted, trying to wipe more yogurt without smudging my lenses.

“Y-you n-need– we n-need to re-report this-”

“They won’t do anything. The same group of girls has been bullying me for the last seven years, they won’t do anything about it.” I stop him mid-sentence to tell him this.

He looks at me for a second, his face trying to figure out what I was saying as I sucked in my emotions. I pushed back some hair and stood up. I bent done to get my binder and my books. I glanced at Daniels before nodding to him, excusing myself to go to the bathroom.

As I turned to leave he asked for my name. I stopped before glancing back. “Lily.”

“L-lily wha-what?”

I turned to him sideways. “They’ll know who you’re talking about if you’re reporting this to the office, but please, I can take care of this myself.” I hurry off to the restroom to avoid any other questions.

The first period was still underway while I was trying to rinse the yogurt out of my hair and cheek in the sink of the student bathrooms; I also tried to scrub the yogurt off my red sweatshirt. Rinse is the keyword. I had been meaning to put some of those travel-sized shampoo bottles in my locker since I started high-school, or even a large bottle; shampoo could go a long way, and could help me right about now. I stuck my head under the air dryer, brushing my hands while my books sat on the edge of the sink with my glasses sitting on them. After my hair was dry, I put my glasses back on and pulled my books back into my arms.

My first period was physics, and although I’ve read ahead and already knew and completed most of the material earlier in the year, I was obligated to go to the class. Mr. Lee was nice enough to create a lesson plan over the summer when he heard that I was going to be in his class again; when I completed one assignment, he attempted and gave me the next work. I’ve had him three out of the four years I’ve been in high school, minus my freshman year -but I did hear about him.

I opened the door to the physics. Mr. Lee continued to teach the lesson about transformers. He greeted me with a “nice hair” as he glanced up while I made my way to my seat. Several teens looked back at me and laughed. I took a staggered breath in and tried to make my hair settle down as I sat in my seat in the front.

Mr. Lee started to get on with the lesson. He had the smart board on with a desk in front of it. On the desk, he had the Elmo capturing his transformer he made at his house from spare parts. He was turning it gently in his hands, scared to break a part of it. He handled his machines with care and with the utmost respect, unlike most people. Others would toss it around, send it around the classroom where inexperienced children pass it along. Lee’s brown hair was pulled back and styled a bit, and there was not a hair out of place. He had his dark gray dress shirt’s sleeves pulled up on his arm, and his black tie was over his shoulder to keep it out of the way.

Near the middle of first, my name was called over the intercom. I left my stuff, seeing as Lee would take care of it for his favorite student. I made my way to the office, feeling this whelp inside of my chest. I knew what was going to happen, and anyone with anxiety will tell you this, I knew what was going to happen even if I couldn’t.

I entered the principal’s office. Mrs. Clay was a red-headed, hard-nosed lady with pursed lips who treated the jocks better than the rest of the minority. This might be a common trait that most teens would describe their teachers and such; in this case, I wish I was kidding. You haven’t seen all the football players getting scholarships until you came to this high school.

Mr. Daniels was sitting in a chair facing Mrs. Clay’s cluttered desk, his head hanging low as if he was in trouble. Maybe he thought I was mad at him. I was agitated yet I couldn’t hold t against him fully I guessed.

“Daniels has told me your problem, Lily.” Mrs. Clay started. Her lips smacked together with each syllable and her cheeks moved more than what’s normal. “If you’ve been bullied for seven years, why haven’t you told anyone?” Her voice gave off that she didn’t care about what I thought and her opinion was to be taken very seriously.

“Well,” I felt a lump in my throat. “I’ve tried, but the staff never believes me. And when they talk to the girls -Jessie Carol, Maggie Coleman, Nina and Allison Star, by the way- they say they didn’t do anything, so I just gave up.”

“Daniels also said you could ‘take care’ of yourself, but you had… yogurt on your head-”

“They threw it at me, yes. I managed to rinse it out.” I comment.

“And I see you still have some on your shirt.” Clay pointed at the stain.

I look down to the spot and shrugged my shoulders. “People get stains all the time.” I look back up. “I’ve bet you got a couple stains in your time.” I cross my arms cross my chest.

“Miss Octavius,” Mrs. Clay hissed at me, then sighed. “I’m going to call these girls in, and if they say they didn’t do anything,” she poked her stack of papers with her skinny finger. “I’m going to have to believe them because you’re the only one who was there besides Mr. Daniels, who didn’t even see the whole thing.” Daniels turned his head to the right to avoid my glance.

“I don’t even care at this point because there are kids getting bullied and you’re too selfish to look past the ones who don’t deserve anything more than the rest of us. I’ve seen more suicidal kids in these halls than players, so what’s the use?” I again excuse myself to get back to physics.

The bell to second rang and I stayed behind a bit to wait out the teens. And to wait out the group.

I had been managing to try and hide from them, or wait them out, for years now, with a mild success rate. They know what classes I have, either from talking to other people or going to the office, so there are times when the four girls gather around the outside of the door. Other times their minds got side tracked from their friends.

Mr. Lee took a step outside once the tardy bell rang. This was his planning period. He stood out there with his hands behind his back as he looked up and down the hallway. I watched him from my seat as he leaned on his tip toes and greeted several kids who were tardy. “Stragglers” he called them.

After a few more moments, Lee spun on his heel and came back into class. “The coast is clear, but I’d be careful out there if I was you.”

“Can’t I just stay in here instead of going to Spanish?” I pleaded. “I know all I need to know in there.” This was a stretch. I learned quickly, but with languages, those were the subjects I never liked. Other languages were charming, sure, but I’ll keep with writing in English- another strong suit of mine besides science.

He moved to the front of the class where the table was. “All the Spanish you know are cuss words,” Lee paused. “and you learned it from me.” He proceeded to laugh.

“That’s all I need to know.” I stood up and pulled my books into my arms.

I went to the door, as I crossed the threshold, Lee called my name. I turned towards him. “I know it’s hard for you to make friends, but stay safe.”

I glance down at the ground. He knew it was harder for me to make friends; the only reason someone would ever be friends with me was for answers. “I’ll try.”

After school, I made my way to my car in the student parking lot, the sky above graying. The first thing I noticed was there was a sticker on my car. Try your new engine. I groaned. I tried my door and someone had already unlocked. I laid my books in the passenger seat and sat in the driver’s; with putting the key in the ignition, I felt my heart flutter and chest compress. The car wouldn’t start. I tried once more; it sputtered. Once more, and it was silent again. I looked in the glove box for my iPhone, one of the first ones that came out, and my fingers found nothing but the manual.

I slammed the glove box shut. “Shit.” I leaned back in the chair and took my glasses off to rub my face.

[stories-from-my-mind-to-yours]

WORK IN PROGRESS! NO TITLE SO FAR! Suggestions very much appreciated!

I have been working way too much, so I haven’t posted anything in a long time, hopefully that might change.

I wasn’t sure if I should post this publicly, but fuck it, it doesn’t do anyone any good being posted privately on my page(which it has for quite a while). Better to see get it out and see if I should keep writing on it or leave it be. I hope you enjoy!

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Ever since i can remember, as I grew up I’ve kept my distance, and sometimes straight out even alienated myself, like i was looking at the world through a pair of binoculars. Back then I could never really put my finger on anything tangible, but there was always something, just outside of my field of view. Although this might not seem like anything more than mind ghosts, there was something, that drove an invisible wedge between myself and others my age. Not that others have ever treated me in a demeaning way, I’ve just never felt that I belonged with others my age, or even valued the same things as my classmates. To begin my story, and my explanation, just as much for myself as for anyone reading it, I have to go back to the very beginning of the 1980’s. A different time to be sure, a time of freedom, and a time of carelessness. It was a good time while it lasted. But of course it was bound to have an end.

I was born more than reasonably premature, week 24 of my mother’s pregnancy, and as expected in that era, it almost killed me. In fact, it should have killed me. Being born with underdeveloped lungs I spent my first year in the neonatal ICU, fighting for my life, every. Single. Breath. When I was born I weighed 2214 grams. That’s 4 lbs, 14 ounces. Medicine of the time stated it to be impossible. I am living evidence that every rule has an exception. But then again, lots of things have exceptions.

My mother, god bless her soul and memory, never gave up. Not for a single second did she even hesitate, even though she was a nurse, and I do believe that on some level she must’ve known the odds for my survival. When the doctors initially told her I wouldn’t make it through the night, she calmly looked them dead in the eye and simply replied “you just wait.” And they did. And they were almost right. My heart stopped sixteen times the first month. Large bruises appeared on my chest and back, and the doctors believed it was from the cramps of basically dying every other day, and being shocked back into life a couple of times a week. The other times my heart decided to start beating again on its own. Thankfully our room had a nurses station close by, so they kept a watchful eye on me, proving that my mother never laid a hand on me. The story probably would’ve been quite different otherwise. But it was obvious that i was having some form of seizures when my heart resumed beating on its own. 

I spent the major part of my first year in an incubator, battling diseases as pneumonia and jaundice. But for every day that passed I grew stronger, and it was quite apparent I had no intentions of checking out. But nonetheless my mother had to wait before the doctors would let me leave. She waited for 14 months, before the doctors finally agreed, that it was time for me to go home. 

My mother beamed with pride as she walked out the hospital doors with her son in a thick blanket in her arms. I hadn’t died a single time in three months, the seizures had disappeared completely and the bruises were starting to fade. The doctors warned my mother that I would most likely have severe problems growing up. They gave me a minimum 90% chance of being mentally and physically challenged, they said they’d be astonished if I ever learned to walk or talk. And I’d probably never grow to be neither tall nor heavy. She didn’t care, I was alive, and that’s all that mattered to her. For a time, life was good. As kids do, I grew. Not as fast as normal kids my age, no. I grew faster than that. My mother told me she was amazed at how much I could eat, and how much energy I had for a scrawny kid that to begin with didn’t even weigh half of what I should. When I was three years old I was some 30% behind my growth scale. By the time I was six, the gap had gone down to as little as 17%. I had just started playing both hockey and soccer, which helped me grow more in mass than anything, and it was sorely needed. My growth was beyond good at this point. When I was eight, I had almost caught up to my curve, both in weight and length. But you know that feeling when things start to feel like it’s going just a little bit too good? Yeah, things were about to get worse. A lot worse.

My memories of that, fateful day are… chopped up, fragmented. Glimpses and confusion at best, except for one single moment, that’s seared into my brain forever. I was out riding my bike with my friend Richard. Now, do consider that this was back in ‘89, neither of us had helmets, and riding a bike in the middle of the road was as common as breathing. I was invincible and knew everything. Or well, so I thought. 

But the drunk driver in the old brown Saab that came careening down the road next to our apartment building was about to show me otherwise. The little old lady in the apartment next door to ours was doing her dishes, looking out the window facing the road we were riding our bikes on. That’s about the level of surveillance you had in the 80’s. Basically none whatsoever. 

He missed Richard by a few feet, but hit me head on from behind. He was going so fast that my body was thrown over the hood, hitting the windshield and roof, back first, cracking both my scapulars, basically pulverizing seven ribs and causing most of my rib cage to collapse, and punctured my right lung. My head slammed down sideways on the roof of the car, and the impact split my skull wide open. Our neighbor watched in shock and horror as the car came to a screeching halt, causing my body to again be propelled forward some thirty feet, and roll over several times before stopping, rag doll style, face down into the asphalt. She froze and looked on in disbelief as the driver didn’t get out, instead slammed the car into first gear and drove off with screeching tires, almost hitting a row of parked cars. She was too old and too far away to see the license plate, and thankfully, most of the gruesome details of what had just happened. 

My mother never wanted to talk about that day, I’m assuming too many bad memories. What little she did have to say will stay with me for the rest of my life.

Our neighbor banged on our front door until my mother opened, but could barely speak. She was later treated for shock, and considering she was in her late sixties it was a miracle she didn’t suffer a heart attack or something similar. But my mom understood immediately that something was so very, very wrong. This is the only part that she downright refused to talk about, but reading my medical charts many years after I managed to piece together, and to some extent, understand what happened. But who did what i can not say for sure. 

One thing i’m sure of, is that someone called the emergency number, and an ambulance arrived within minutes. At this point it starts to get... A bit weird. I have a crystal clear memory of seeing my own body laying lifeless on the asphalt, from above. I was hit in the middle of the day, about a month before the summer holiday, but in this memory everything around me is dark as the darkest winter night. I can still see this image in my head, clear as day. Two paramedics, the ambulance, the dark red stain under my head and back, slowly growing. But outside that circle, an impenetrable darkness. A darkness that moved on its own. Like black waves it circled myself and the paramedics, who were working furiously to get me on a stretcher and into the back of the waiting ambulance. On the way to the closest hospital even remotely equipped to handle such an injury, which happened to be the hospital i was born at, my heart stopped three times, and a fourth time as the ambulance pulled up outside the emergency doors. There was no blood left in my body at that stage, and my heart simply had nothing left to keep pumping. As they rushed me through the doors the nurses looked on in horror as they saw the amount of blood on the floor of the ambulance. Not really a life threatening amount from an adult. But from a slightly smaller than average eight year old child? They all knew this battle was lost before it had even begun.

My mother arrived minutes after, another neighbor gave her a ride when the paramedics told her to follow them, and it was probably for the best. A doctor stopped her as she ran in, letting her know i was on my way into surgery immediately, and there was nothing she could do but wait. And again, wait is exactly what she did. 

In the emergency operating theater a team was standing by, waiting for me to come in. Three surgeons and five nurses, and another pair of surgeons on standby. They knew from the paramedics that had radioed ahead how bad it was, but had no intention of giving up before exhausting everything they had at their disposal. These people gave everything to save my life, as well as every unit of matching blood in storage. It didn’t help that my blood type is Rh null, only shared by some 45 people on the entire planet. Not long after i was born, my mother found out my blood was extremely rare, and very hard to get a hold of in case of an emergency. So she arranged to have me give blood twice a year, from the age of three. The blood they had in storage was all from myself, and was just enough to refill what was missing in my system, leaving only a quarter unit remaining. 

But the ordeal was far from over. My skull had fragmented into dozens of sharp pieces, and most of those pieces had lodged themselves into my brain. The first team of surgeons spent eleven hours picking pieces of bone from my mangled brain, after which the second team took over to build a bridge out of my own bone and a fairly large titanium plate to cover the gaping hole in my head. The surgery in total took almost twenty hours, and after that the neck brace was next in line. I had several cracked vertebrae, which meant I probably would never walk again, but if I was brain dead it wouldn’t really matter. When they had done what they could, they isolated me due to risk of infection. My mother had to watch me through a window for the next three months, before she could even hold my hand. 

Now, all of this was the easy part for me, I was in a coma. My brain was so banged up the doctors told my mother that I would never open my eyes, or even breathe on my own again. I was hooked up to machines that kept me alive. But my mother refused to give up, and didn’t leave the hospital for months, while my aunt cared for my older sister. My first memory after the accident is… heh, well, “memory” is an overstatement. It doesn’t even make any sense. I couldn’t explain it then, nor understand it now. But, in some strange way, it did make sense back then. I cant say for sure if it was a hallucination, or just feverish memories created by a brain on fire. I’m pretty sure it was a hallucination, because its been ongoing ever since. Which kinda makes sense too, given the extent of my brain damage, even today. I can’t feel fear, pain or cold. Sometimes i hear and see things that, well, just aren’t real. At least that’s what i used to tell myself. Sometimes I can’t hear or see things that are real. Nowadays i just kind of go with it, my hallucination speaks to me quite often, i can even feel when he touches me. I can feel his breathing when he gets close enough. And the smell… sulfur, death and ash, that’s what he smells like. But every time I see him, the whole world goes dark. Wherever and whenever I am, when he shows up, everything goes dark. A wall of darkness forms around me, like massive, dense waves of shadow that slowly flows around me. Of course no one else can see this, and when it happens, time stands still. And let me tell you, he gets really pissed off when I refer to him as an hallucination.

But even that first time I saw it, it didn’t scare me, even though it should have. But there was something about it, that made me feel safer than I ever had before.

As I slowly woke up I felt the hospital bed under myself, i heard the slow beeping and hissing of machinery connected to my body. I heard the slight ticking of the clock on the wall. When i slowly opened my eyes everything was dark, and the smell reminded me of eggs. Years later as i grew and learned more I identified it to be sulfur. I couldn’t see any walls, only this black and grey haze, in a circle outside my bed. As I sat up and tried to look around me, something in the dark haze made ripples, like on water, but these were vertical, and I heard what sounded like the crackling of a dying fireplace. As I looked, I squinted and tried to make out anything in the black fog, and I was just about to call out “Hello?” When I heard a whisper, a deep, raspy voice that sounded like nothing I had ever heard before. Now that I’m older I think it sounds like bones being ground to dust. “Shh little one…. You don’t want to do that here…” I saw what looked like a large distorted face in the blackness, a hint of large green eyes and a long clawed index finger covering its mouth. “You really shouldn’t be here… but i guess it can’t be helped at this point.” The face and the darkness crept closer as I leaned forward to see what was speaking to me. 

“Do… do i know you?” I quietly asked the shadowy figure. The sound it made was almost like a quiet laugh, but it sounded like a burning log breaking apart. The foggy waves whirled around again, closer this time. “Indeed you ought to know me, but you don’t… Yet.” My confused facial expression was probably easy to read, and the fog whirled up next to my bed, and i saw hints of burning red in the blackness. “I’m Robert.” I said. A short sigh was the only answer i got. “What’s your name?” The silence dragged on for what felt like an eternity, but the eyes could be seen much clearer now. “You shouldn’t ask my name, little one. If you call me by name, others might hear you…” I tilted my head curiously, as I didn’t understand. “How could others hear me? There’s just you and me here, no one else.” The drawn out sigh was easy to hear, and i could tell it was thinking. “I may tell you my name later… when it is safer. Agreed?” I nodded in agreement. “Where am I?” The face wrinkled it’s eyebrows. “You’re in my home… where no human has set foot for all eternity.” I looked around myself again. “It’s really dark here.” The entity laughed silently again, like I had said something funny. “It is, but that’s only to keep you safe. Even though you cannot see them, there are others here… They might not be as kind as I am…” I nodded. “You best go back to sleep little one, i have important things I must attend to, and I cant keep an eye on you all the time.” I nodded again, and lay my head down on the pillow. The darkness crept closer to my bed as i closed my eyes, and i heard the voice whisper “Stay in the darkness little one, for in the light, anyone can see you…”

I have since spoken with plenty of physicians that have all reassured me that strange memories are quite normal after a prolonged period in a coma, and with my brain damage I should be glad that I can even form coherent thoughts. But unbeknownst to me, as I slept peacefully, months passed like days. After six months the administration of the hospital had deemed me brain dead, and tried to convince my mother to pull the plug, and to donate my organs to other children in need. She downright refused. She demanded they give me three months, they agreed to one. My mother refused altogether to talk about this period, so sadly I know very little except what was written in my journals. Five doctors had all agreed on the diagnosis. I was brain dead, and would never wake up. For a month my mother had prepared herself for this day, when she would say goodbye to her only son. 

The doctors, a priest, my mother and aunt were all gathered in my small room. The lights were dimmed, the door and curtains closed. My mother had signed the consent form, and the only thing left to do was to pull the plug. My mother watched me in silence as one of the doctors shut down the machines that controlled my breathing and heartbeats. The room fell silent except for the constant tone of the E.K.G machine, declaring that my heart had stopped beating. One of the doctors placed his stethoscope on my chest and listened, moved it and listened again. He looked at the clock on the wall. “Time of death declared 8:25 pm.” My aunt slowly led my crying mother towards the door, and reached for the handle just as a single sharp beep ripped the silence into a thousand pieces. Every face in the room violently jerked around and looked at my lifeless body. Thirty seconds passed as they all waited. Another beep announced what my body had decided. My body shuddered as i drew a deep breath into my lungs, and a third beep followed by a fourth, and a fifth, and a sixth, announced that i would not go silently into the night. The beeping continued as i drew a second, albeit rough and coughing, but functional breath nonetheless. At that point the entire room erupted into life and movement. A nurse ushered my mother and aunt out of the room, and one of the doctors, presumably the one closest to my bed, pressed his cold stethoscope to my chest. He noticed two large bruises had started forming on my chest, one on my left side, and one just below my right arm. But the heartbeats he heard were each stronger than the previous. 

The journal entry pertaining to this event was filled with confusion and scribbled notes, making it very hard to clearly understand the following hours, or possibly days. The only thing that was obvious, was that no one could explain what exactly happened. They did several x-rays of my brain, and the scarring it showed had only one single conclusion. This brain is clinically dead. It cannot support life or consciousness. But somehow it could still control the heart and lungs. Their diagnosis remained the same, but the decision for my life was no longer in their hands. 

As i slowly opened my eyes, the pain that coursed through my body was almost unbearable. I tried to gasp for air as i bolted upright, and tightly grabbed my chest. I could not draw a single breath, no matter how hard I tried, there was no air to be drawn into my lungs. As i started to feel dizzy i opened my eyes, and saw the face in the fog again, and a long, dark arm extending from the blackness, with its large rough hand covering my mouth and nose. “Shh-sh-sh, little one. I know you are in pain, but this is not the place for children’s screams.” The face was completely out of the fog now, and I could see it clear as day. it looked genuinely concerned. I could make out every single detail of its arm, its skin looked like i imagined a burned lizard would look. The hand slowly lifted from my mouth and i slowly inhaled, trying not to make a sound. When the pain hit me a second time i almost passed out, and the hand quickly covered my mouth again. “Let me help you, little one. Let me take away your pain.” I nodded quickly, not having a second thought of what it had really said or how it would even go about such a thing. It reached out with its other hand and held it tightly to my chest, and just like that, the pain was gone. I was so surprised i almost fell flat on my face.

“Thank you.” I whispered. The large charred face smiled at me. “Think nothing of it, little one. If it weren’t for my actions, you wouldn’t be in pain. In fact, you wouldn’t be here at all.” I didn’t understand what it meant, but i was too young to give it a second thought. I unwrapped my arms from my chest and climbed out of the bed. My legs felt like i had been sleeping for years. The cold hard floor felt good under my feet. “Am i still in your home?” The black face nodded. “Why am i here?” As i spoke i walked around the bed and touched the black fog surrounding my bed. It felt wet, but not cold. It gave way as i pushed it softly, but resisted as i tried to push through it. “You were in an accident. You don’t remember?” I looked at it and shook my head. “Your soul is here, but your body remains.” It pointed to the bed behind me. I turned around and saw myself laying in the bed, a mask with hoses covering my mouth and nose, and cables ran to the blurred machines beside it. I looked down on myself, and saw that my arms were slightly translucent. “Am i a ghost?” I asked the face. “not exactly.” it replied. It looked like it was thinking. “Your body and your soul are two different entities. Both normally occupy the same space, your soul resides inside your body, if that makes sense to you.” I nodded slowly as The face continued. “Now that your body is damaged, your soul wanders. It cannot remain in the body when it is this badly damaged. If i hadn't brought you here, your soul would've gone up into heaven, and your body would have died.” 

I looked up at the big floating head. “Where is your body?” The face looked surprised. “Its here in the fog. Why do you ask?” I shrugged. “You look funny without a body.” The floating head laughed silently again. “I thought it best to only show my head, so i wouldn't scare you.” I shook my head. “You don’t scare me, you're nice.” As the head smiled the dark fog crept further away, revealing a body that was taller than myself, even though it was sitting down and hunched over. “Is that better?” He asked. I nodded and smiled. “You're really big.” 

[acesteria-blog]

Overthrown: Chapter 1

Summary: After the death and possession of her body by her father, Kali is thrown into the quarrels and troubles of people. She is taken to the human kingdom of Malista, and added into the guard with one goal- to kill the king. 

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I remember seeing her in her full form, her golden eyes glaring down at Kae as he laid beneath her, his body beaten and fragile- no longer able to move or escape. I ran to him, stumbling as my legs threatened to give out from under me. A deep, guttural roar exploded from the large beast’s throat as her taloned grasp thrusted towards me. Putting my arms up, my skin turned to deep violet as my scales prepared for impact. However, before contact was made Jin lunged at her, somehow managing to hit her large form away- something I didn't know a human was capable of doing to a fully formed dragon. The air reeked of smoke as the trees around my home burned a bright orange, some of them exploded and splintered around our feet.

I knelt down next to Kae, my father, taking his bloodied hand in mine as he looked up at me. His violet eyes were sad as he began to sit up, straining himself while doing so, face contorting in pain. Blood trickled down his stomach from the large chunk of flesh missing in the upper chest, veins protruding around the crater and swelling like parasites under the skin. I tried to push him down but large hands stopped me, gripping mine tightly as his reassuring eyes stared at me in a way that told me to trust what was about to be done. Taking a knife from his holstered belt he started to carve letters into his forearm, red slowly blotting around the new laceration. Then, father grabbed my hand, rough calloused fingers brushing against mine soothingly as the knife cut down my palm, causing me to flinch at the sting; looking up at me he whispered "I love you" before forcing our wounds together. A bright light erupted between us, throwing me backwards just as the woman flung Jin into a tree- a loud crack sounding out before Jin’s limp body slumped over onto the ground like a doll. My stomach began to heat up as a deep rage and new power filled me; the feeling of living things crawling into my skin through the opening in my palm, taking over.

That's the last thing I remember from that night. I woke up in excruciating pain who knows how many days later- my clothes ripped and covered in my own or someone else’s blood; my body bruised deep blues and purples all over. I searched frantically for Jinizen for hours, but he was nowhere to be found- even the dragon was gone. As I looked around I could feel the same crawling feeling under my skin, now realizing what my father must have done- a transfer spell.

Now here I am, alone in our cave reading my father's journals for any hint as to what I need to do next, my fingers brushing over the old pages that have become a sour yellow with age.

"When will he come for me, do you think?" I ask out loud, knowing well that no one is physically around to hear, that no one is nearby for miles. It's not an external person that I'm talking to, no- it's internal.

"I know what you did." I say sadly, my voice tented with desolation as I rest my chin on my hand, flipping through the journal idly. "What a stupid thing to do, why didn't you just heal yourself? Why didn’t we just try to escape? Why did you feel the need to fight her..."

No response.

"If you're not going to respond to me then I know who will." My voice is falsely strong as I grab the pen beside me, brushing the point across the fair skin of my wrist, writing the ancient symbols effortlessly before running my fingers over them. "Dakki, I evict you."

I flinch as a burn forms onto my wrist, a red orb leaving it and floating behind me. A crimson light flashes and I turn around to see a tall man stretching his arms over his head, his dark green shirt rising up a little to show part of his toned stomach.

"I need to make some more clothes for you." I say simply, standing up to face him, not hiding my eyes wandering over his body in a concerned manner. “You were out 2 weeks ago, how have you already grown this much?”

"I’m growing, just like you. And you just need to take better care of me." He says with a small smile, messing his bright red hair up a little before looking around. "I’m glad to see the cave wasn't messed with. Everything seems to be intact. Why didn't you summon me during the fight?"

"There was nothing you could've done." I look around with him, sighing softly at the hollow feeling in my chest from seeing the empty home- two of it’s inhabitants gone from this world.

"Ouch, right where it hurts. I could have taken her on, I'm not some pussy lizard." He curls his fists into a ball, positioning himself as if to fight someone, “I can take anyone on!”

"Fire can't go up against lightning." I smile at him a little, shaking my head at his confidence as I place the journal on the desk, my fingertips hesitating over it for a split moment before moving away; grabbing a green crochet blanket from the chair and tossing it at him. "It's cold outside, wrap up. I want company while I get some firewood."

I walk out of the cave, breathing in the scent of pine trees as I pull my worn black cloak tighter around my body. It's obvious that there was a large battle here; trees lay on the meadow floor, crushed and burned. A strong metallic smell lingers with the pines, reminding me of how much blood had been spilled.

"You asked, "when will he come" earlier." Dakki starts, his voice deep as he follows close behind me, his hands clasped behind his back. "Who is he?"

"Well, I'm glad to hear someone was listening to me," I say, looking back to give him a smile. "My father told me about this friend of his who lives in the nearby castle. His name is Altair and he's apparently a strong human who works for the king. Father said that if something bad ever happened to him, Altair would come for me. But it's been roughly 3-4 days since the attack and he hasn't come."

"Be patient, humans are slow. They're not the brightest, either."

"Jin was very intelligent and he was a human." My heart aches a little as I say his name; my best friend who had always lived with us out in these woods. I couldn't find his body after I woke up and I haven't seen any sign of him since I lost consciousness.

"He was a weird human. He'd always win when we would wrestle. I mean, keep in mind we were kids, but... it was insane. How could a human be that strong? Where did your dad even find him?" Dakki asks, looking up at the trees as he walks beside me. "He just appeared that day, you know? When we escaped and came here..."

"I know. I never understood, either, honestly. I had slept the whole time during the travel, I don't know when father found him."

"Why did you never ask?" He asks, giving me a sideways glance, his crimson eyes staring intently at my face.

"I did, he won't answer me. Why don't you ask him?"

"Well why don't you summon him, you idiot." Dakki hits me on the arm playfully, earning a glare as we approach the large stacks of chopped wood.

"His soul is too strong for me to summon. I don't have that kind of power, yet." I stop in front of the pile, examining which logs would be best to use. The thicker ones look to be good and they last a while, but we’d have to carry less if they’re too heavy.

"Are you saying that my soul is easier?" He crosses his arms over his chest, raising an eyebrow at me.

"I'm saying that yours is weaker." I bend over, finally deciding to just go with thinner logs so that we can carry more for the time being, stacking a couple into my arms, the rough texture pricking and sticking my skin.

He puts his hand to his heart and gives me a pained expression, his eyes staring pitifully at me, "that hurts! I have feelings, you know!"

I chuckle at the last line and he laughs with me. "Ok, I would've laughed at that as well. The second I said it I felt my skin crawl. But if you're not strong enough then practice more. Leave me out here with you longer. Let me be your... companion." He leans close to me and whispers the last part into my ear, causing me to stiffen up and drop the wood I was picking up, a loud thump sounding from the impact.

"Dakki." I say sternly before grabbing a thick piece of firewood and shoving it into his arms. "Carry this and stay out of my bubble. I'll let you stay out longer, but if I have to use control on you at any point you're in trouble."

He grins and leans over, piling the logs until his arms are full. "Are you saying you'll punish me?"

"Maybe, but it won't be in the way you're wanting." I stack new logs into my arms, looking at him to see that his face is serious. The soft, yet masculine features of his face have gone serious, deep in focus and thought as he listens carefully to the wind brushing through our hair.

"I hear someone coming from the East. From the castle. Do you think its the man?" I nod at him, biting the inside of my cheek before gesturing at him to follow me back to the cave; our arms full.

"We can start a fire for when he arrives, I should make some food for him as well." Sticks crack and crunch under my boots as we walk silently back to our home, the weight of anticipation resting on our shoulders as I think about the man who is soon to appear.

“You may not have enough time, he seems relatively close.” He says, his ears twitching as another breeze kisses our cheeks.

"I wonder how father met him," I say out loud, more to myself than to Dakki as my mind wanders, imagination running wild as I picture what this man could look like.

"How does your father meet half the people he's met. You live in the middle of nowhere, you've never even been into the town." He pouts a little before focusing on a strand of hair that has fallen into his face.

"He used to go to the kingdom often to gather food and cloth, however Jin and I were never allowed to go with him." We were always left alone to read or train together, usually I would evict Dakki and we’d play games or climb trees without father’s knowledge- a few hours of play never hurt when we were constantly studying.

"He'd buy cloth, and yet here I am with no winter clothes, I am left to suffer," he sighs dramatically, attempting to flip his long red bangs out of his eyes with no success. "Even my hair has been neglected; its grown so long."

"You're dead. I mean can you even feel the cold? I gave you a blanket, but you haven’t seemed even a little interested in it since we came out here… Don’t sit here and complain to me when nothing can be done right now and you don’t actually need it. There are other things to be done first.” The words leave my mouth before I can stop them, my frustrations erupting at Dakki unprovoked. I suck in a breath quietly, something he’s bound to have heard, and continue to look forward, ashamed of my response to him but feeling too cowardly and weak to openly apologize for the time being.

"Ah, such a harsh master. " His voice is low and barely above a whisper as he says this, his eyes never touching me again and his mouth not opening, staying quiet until we reach the cave. "I know you're upset over what's happened... But please don't take it out on me." He tosses his logs into the fire pit before stretching slightly, his body making cracking noises as he does so. "I maybe dead, but I'm still alive. I'm still solid. Even if it's only due to your powers."

"Light it." I say, looking at him briefly before placing my stack to the side. His face seems emotionless and I sigh, "please, Dakki. Will you light the fire?"

He nods a little and lets out a soft sigh, reacting to my kinder voice and words, putting his hand out in front of him. "I'll be patient with this rudeness of yours and I'll wait patiently for the kinder version of you to fully return." A small flame trickles from his palm and begins to grow, burning a brilliant red like his hair. He drops it into the pit and the wood lights up immediately, burning strong and roughly like it had been dosed by accelerant.

"What are you?" A deep male voice says from the treeline, causing both of us to look up at him. He stands tall, around the same height as Dakki with dark skin and yellow hair pulled back into a ponytail. He has deep brown eyes that stare at us with curiosity and confidence. He shows no fear toward the action he’s just witnessed.

-Acesteria