#and then he kinda stared for 45 seconds and went what unholy demonic power is this
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got accused of consorting with devils for evil magicks at drama camp by the director today because i *checks notes* untangled some lanyards p quickly (8 minutes tops)
#he was joking we have a friendly relationship but it was extremely funny#when he came in and said oh you untangled one of the lanyards only for the codirector#who was sitting there half watching to go no. they untangled. All of them#and then he kinda stared for 45 seconds and went what unholy demonic power is this#witchcraft???#and i went oh. it's magic#bc i fuck up a lot crocheting and am very autistic about undoing knots was not as good an answer#to be fair to him there were a lot of lanyards and they were hella tangled. he had cut half of them away bc he got tired of trying#to unfuck that situation#so i had to find and remove the lanyardless cords as well
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so I was thinking about the whole hbo supernatural thing and all I could think was how it would fit in my major spn interpretation which is TRANSFEM SAM WINCHESTER!!!!
⢠changed her name to samantha for pure praticity
⢠is a lesbian, so all the romantic part is pretty similar to the canon, monsterfucking and all
⢠in which dean got a little confused about the distinction of gender â sexuality at first like âwait but why did you become a girl if you like girls?â (he doesnât know a lot of queer people, give him some time)
⢠AND SPEAKING OF DEAN! the biggest ally of all times. at first he doesnât understand lots of stuff that seems obvious to sam (âwhy are you putting on a suit?â âdean weâre going to a small town, the case will be way harder if everyone is staring at meâ), asks indiscrety questions (âcan i ask you something?â âit dependsâ âyou wanna chop your dick off?â âNO YOU CANT ASK ITâ) but over time he starts to get it more naturally
⢠despite his numerous hook-ups, dean has never spent so much time in his life in a company of a woman so even the smallest things are extraterrestrial to him (âhey whats that bowl in the microwave?â âdepilatory waxâ âOH CMON SAMMY I WAS GOING TO HEAT UP MY DINNER THEREâ)
⢠of course, there would be a scene where they met some hunter friend of john who says shit about sam, misgender her etc and dean goes FERAL, fist fighting with the guy and stuff. later sam yells at dean, saying she doesn't need dean to protect her and the argument would escalate to all the times that dean treated her in a condescending way, dean yelling back that dad said it was his job to take care of her and sam yelling even louder that dad would probably dead by now (in this moment all the lamps in their room (and in the street) simply explode, but they ignore. it was probably some short circuitâŚ. right?)
⢠ok lets talk about john. still the same asshole, still gave a gun to kid who was afraid of the boogeyman, still tried to summon azazel when his son was in comma in 02X01 BUT now he also has a whole series of microaggressions with sam. sheâs not stupid, she know the dad she has so doesnât come out until sheâs in stanford, SO john finds out sam is trans in 01X16 when john see sam after two years wearing a skirt and holding a .45 gun. he looks at her up and down and doesnât say anything however, suddenly stops calling sam sam and starts calling her strictly samuel.
⢠it got worse after s1 season finale with the whole azazel possessed john > sam had the opportunity of killing azazel/her dad > couldnât do it > azazel escaped > the winchesters get hit by a truck. when sam questions her father about being worried about the colt while his own son is dying, john explodes with her âyou know samuel this is all your fault, once again you couldnât just man up and pull the fucking trigger, kill the thing, you had to be same old sissy and chicken off, if your brother dies its his blood in your handsâ
⢠aaaaaanyway, lets go back to our girl :D
⢠her style is kinda a mess. makeup done in a hurry, most of her clothes are mid skirts, hoodies and long dresses but now and then she spends a week wearing baggy jeans and band t-shirts, like deanâs, and no makeup at all. when he asks her âwhere is the whole angry teen outfit?â sam would simply respond its âbecause of the praticity, itâs tough to fight with a vampire in a dress lolâ dean knows its because sometimes samâs internalized transphobia ft repression gets loud
⢠her music taste is mostly grunge, punk and some alt bands she discover in stanford but dean call all of it emo âoh fuck off sammy, i let you drive once and you already put this emo shitâ âdean this is literally nirvana, you cant call everything made after the 80âs emoâ
⢠when she came out to bobby his reaction was literally âso now youâre a girl?â âuh⌠yeahâ âgonna change your name or something?â ânow is samantha but sam is still fineâ âokay, now look this sigil... (and went back to the lore they were searching)â
⢠samâs catholicism being more portrained on screen and how the dilemma of being a Christian and queer filled sam with religious guilty
⢠her paranormal powers also showed up sooner and since the beginning she knew something was wrong. her throat felt sore every time she recited the rituale romanus and holy water made her skin itchy. the older she got, the harder those âsymptomsâ became and with her denial, desire to be normal combined with religious guilt, it was easier to just convince herself that all this was just god punishing her for living in sin.
⢠surprisingly, all the demons and angels (and most of the monsters) even being assholes treats sam with the right pronouns
⢠which make sam and cas fist encounter even more interesting because cas literally turns to dean and go âis this your sister, samantha winchester?â âyeahâ âABOMINATIONââ
⢠samruby second (cause the real first was ruby killing the seven deadly sins and stuff) encounter on the other side was a little more like "why are you following me?â âbecause youre tall and tall women are sexy as fuckâ (then samâs brain was short circuited for a sec because her height make usually makes her dysphoric)
⢠between s3-s4, dean still in hell, there would be a scene of one of the first times that sam drank blood to exorcise a demon with her mind. so here they are, demon tied in a chair and trapped in a trap, sam with blood all over her chin and ruby looking at her all heart eyes. Sam tries to do the exorcism but it doesnt work so ruby says sam needs more blood. Sam responds that shes nauseous and if takes any more shes gonna puke (cause you know voluntary vampirism came too natural in canon and that disturbs me) so the demon, who's wearing a cheerleader as a vessel, laughs and says "you know sammy, for real women blood tends to be a natural thing". ruby kills her on the spot.
⢠speaking of the catholicism (and the blood drinking) again, sam prays every single time before/after drinking demon blood, ruby mocks her for it but she doesnt care. its a weird feeling because even thinking that what shes doing is right, that she needs to get strong to kill lilith, it still feels bad, unholy in some sense.
⢠of course lucifer tempted her in s5 not only appearing as jess but also saying things like "why samantha, after all, are you willing to sacrifice yourself for a society that treats you like scum, that looks at you like a freak?"
⢠no need to say that in 05x04 "The End" episode when dean faces lucifer using sam as his vessel, she's wearing an outfit way cooler than that abbey-road-john-lennon-white-suit (to know what i mean search amanda seyfried 2018 met gala look THATS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT!!!!!)
⢠even after being clean of blood drinking, sam still has some of her paranormal powers. she can't do exorcises with her mind anymore but she can move small objects with telekinesis (she doesn't do it in front of dean cause she knows it would scares the fuck out of him)
i also had a list of some episodes rewritten in this au but this list is already long, guess i'll post later
#daaaaaaamn i have so many feelings about this#hbo supernatural#trans sam winchester#supernatural#samruby#transfem sam#lesbian sam winchester#kripke era#yeah im projecting#headcanon#mine
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