#and then d3 of the final d-day tour happened and i teared up during life goes on (as one does) and i cried when yoongi cried
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tell me I'm alive album (all time low) 🤝🏻 1989 Taylor's version 🤝🏻 d-day album (agust d)
Heal your inner child already for fuck's sake
#i was 17 and a senior in high school and depressed as fuck when 1989 came out#that was also the year i discovered all time low#future hearts was the album that came out then#(their future hearts tour was my first ever concert so it holds a special place in my heart but i digress)#those two got me through the rest of high school and my early adult years#i was 24 and happy when i discovered bts and they still taught me to love myself even more#but it was this year#earlier this year tell me i'm alive dropped#and something about it hit different#even more than future hearts did#and the d-day fucking happened#do i even need to explain how amygdala and snooze and life goes on all hit different#but for me it hit different in the same way that tell me i'm alove hit different and for months i could not tell you why#and then d3 of the final d-day tour happened and i teared up during life goes on (as one does) and i cried when yoongi cried#(bc how could you not)#and then at the end he walked thru the amygdala door (!!!!!) and it's beautiful how that signifies that he's healed and moved on#and i had a bunch of 4am ramblings about it but it's been a few days so those 4am ramblings have evolved into deep complex 9am thoughts#it's something i had an inkling of at 4am but couldn't properly form into an actual concept or idea until this morning#in the aftermath of taylor announcing last night that 1989 (taylor's version) will be out in oct. & something about that hitting different#what the universe has been trying to tell me all year long through my three great music loves is to finally heal my inner child & inner teen#adult jay? she's doing great! but little jay is still lost and lonely and scared and teen jay is still sad and hurt and angry#there are decisions i make and behaviors i have that are not dictated by average adult-type feelings and beliefs#they're being dictated by those lingering feelings of being sad and angry and hurt and scared#adult me has processed what happened in an adult way and haved moved on but moving on does not equal letting go#and i have not let go of anything ever i am still dragging all this shit behind me and that's not conducive to healing#bts taught adult me how to love myself and it's now adult me's job to pass that on#because at this point i am the only one who can tell them#what happened to you was not okay. it wasnt fair and you didnt deserve it and i'm sorry.#and i cry a little every time i say that. but i also feel just the tiniest bit lighter too#& i know this will take a long time but now i know what i'm doing & someday i'll be able to walk thru my own door and say i am finally clean
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