#and then I have an entire Moment(TM) over it even tho it's not the first time I've heard it or thought about it??

[howthesleeplesswander]

((Tonight on: I dissect a single line of a character's dialogue bc I'm oh so very normal about my love for them—

In the fateful scene where Kaeya and Dainsleif finally meet face-to-face, Dain casually reveals that Kaeya's family, the Alberich's, founded the Abyss Order. When Paimon asks Kaeya if he's involved with the Abyss Order in any way, Kaeya's response is simply:

"So what if I know my ancestry? Do I strike you as the type who would be bound by that kind of thing?"

Not bothering to confirm or deny it. Merely suggesting that the idea of him being bound by "ancestry"—by family—is absurd.

Of course, it's understandable for Paimon and the Traveler to immediately have that concern when they learn about Kaeya's family. But the irony here is that they've got it backwards:

Family doesn't bind Kaeya to Khaenri'ah.

It's what would have bound Kaeya to Mondstadt.

He hasn't seen his birth father in twenty years. At this point, they're family in name only. Crepus Ragnvindr was the one who raised him and cared for him, unlike his biological father who abandoned him in a place that would hate and reject him if the truth ever came out.

Whether he was a legitimate part of the Ragnvindr family or not, they were the only ancestry that earned Kaeya's love—and thus, could bind his loyalty.

This line of dialogue was likely the only thing Kaeya said in that entire conversation that wasn't a lie. The catastrophic falling out between Kaeya and Diluc quite literally burned that bridge of loyalty long ago. Between his biological father's abandonment and Diluc's apparent hatred, both sides of his lineage have forsaken him.

So, no: Kaeya isn't loyal to Khaenri'ah out of familial obligation. He's learned better than to place his trust in people (no matter how much he foolishly cares for them).

He's loyal to a nation that still suffers punishment for one single mistake, and to its citizens who have been cast off, abandoned, and twisted into monsters—just like him.))

[alice1505]

I made the mistake of rewatching Sherlock because I never did finish it back in the day (I was -clenches fist- seething over the queerbaiting and rage quit after not fully watching episode 1 of s4) and I'm here to make my side hyperfixation (what year is this??? Who am I???) Tumblr's problem. The more I sit with s4, the less I like it 😂 There were pieces and elements I liked, but overall, it left a bad taste in my mouth. Forgive me if any or all if these points have been talked to death, I missed all the discourse and I'm hella late, but I need to flail and send my thoughts into the void because what even WAS that season? I can't believe I avoided it for years, got drawn in by a couple of tiktoks making fun (affectionately) of superwholock Era and That Scene about the fucking phone charger port, binged all of it, only to be left with..... that. Not nearly as disappointing or rage inducing as spn's ending but by God, did it leave a hole in me. So please ignore my rambling thoughts as I slap them down here for my own sanity.

• First and foremost, what - and I can't stress this enough - the fuck was UP with the assassination of John's entire character???? What was that??? Why????

• Related to that point - I can appreciate the angst point and potential it provides, as I'm reading many, many fics, but AYO WHY didn't anyone rip John an entire new one for that beat down he did on Sherlock????? Hello???? 911?????

• Tell me why everything felt so stilted and borderline icy. Like I get the high emotions and shit, but after a certain point... 😭 was there a falling out between Benedict and Martin that I'm not aware of? Did they just try to ungay everything so hard and were so pissed at the audience picking up everything THAT THEY PUT???? into this show and their interactions that they just hit the brakes hard enough to make everything feel weird???

• A lot of it felt weird. Off kilter a little. Forced in some places, toned down in others (and toned down where it shouldn't have been), a nod to ships but weirdly/hatefully??? Idk if that makes sense. Like the whole Sherlock and Molly phone call (I do not mean any hate to this ship, I really hope it doesn't come off this way. Not my cup of tea but you are valid). Why was Molly so upset BEFORE the call? Did I miss something? Also I don't personally think or feel she'd still have those feelings for him??? I??? I am bamboozled.

• to that whole point, Eurus was.... Hmm. Mmmm. She was. Something. (Confused derogatory)

• I like Mary as a character. I also hated her. (Definitely biased by my shipper trash ass self for johnlock, I'm sorry). Wtf were those messages, please. Edit: AND ANOTHER THING. John's reaction to Sherlock's death - awful, gut wrenching, beautiful, my heart breaks with and for him, utterly devasting. John's reaction to Mary's death - had me sitting there like🧍‍♀️(it was weird. so weird. awkward. w h y. (we know why, but also the acting choices were Something TM, in both cases! for different reasons!) i'm sorry i just can't get past my anger and put off-ness with mary, fun as she could be)

• why did mycroft and John switch roles 😭 pls. The last episode was just. So Much. The lackluster responses from John, to John, to Sherlock, between them, like.... hello???? Who are these people?? Help me. Moriarty saved me for a brief shining moment tho, God bless.

There's more I could spew, but that's what's sitting right at the top of my head. I guess all this just to say, if a show runner/writer really just fucking hates the audience they got (instead of the one they wanted), they probably shouldn't have fucking become a show runner/writer in the first place. Either hand it to someone who can actually handle it and listens, or fuck off. I will never understand when shows and plots and characters gets kamikaze'd because of a show runner being pissy and egotistical. Like ????? Grow up. Learn from Bryan Fuller and Hannibal or something.

Sorry for all the rambling, bless anyone who reads this and makes sense of it 😂

[bloodydeanwinchester]

hi jenna gif questions for u 💜 what's your favorite part of making gifs? what's the most valuable thing/tip/trick you've learned? what's some of your favorite gif sets you've made?

hi ida!!!! sorry i took a couple days to answer this i wanted to wait until i had some time to think about it before i answer! i loooove these questions tho so thank you so much for sending them 💜💜

my favorite part about making gifs is probably coloring and like...that moment when i get the gif to look exactly how i want it to. i like to play around with coloring and try a lot of different things with it and that can be so fun! i think over the last like 6-8 months my coloring has really improved a lot and i've been having a lot of fun learning new ways to do things! but i actually had a really hard time coming up with an answer for this question because i mostly enjoy the entire process! the only part that i don't really enjoy is picking out the frames for each gif. i always start with way too many and then i have to cut stuff out and i hate that part. also it's reaaally hard sometimes to not end up with like 20 gifs cause there's so much i want to include!!!

okay im gonna cheat on this one and give a few things i've learned since i started that have been sooooo valuable to me. first is the importance of having a good quality download to start with. i think my gifs got significantly better when i finally downloaded all of the episodes in 1080p instead of using the screen recording on netflix like i had been before. second sharpening is so important! i did not do any sharpening on my first gifs i made! sharpening makes the gifs loook sooo sharp and crisp and pretty. third and kind of similar to sharpening was learning/figuring out how to use the camera raw filter. there's sooooo much you can do with camera raw filter (coloring sharpening lightening). and finally one thing i learned that i think made my coloring look significantly better was to try not to lighten the gif too much and/or to figure out ways to lighten darker gifs without it messing up the background too much (sometimes when they're lightened too much it will like pixelate the background and it looks awful)

and finally (in order of when they were made from oldest to newest) here are links to some of my favorite gifsets:

Bloody Dean Throughout the Seasons Set - this one actually came out really good considering the fact that it was made only a month after i first started making gifs! if i remember correctly it's the first set that i ever used sharpening on.

6x20 F+TM King Set - this one is a favorite mostly just because i love the song so much and tmwwbk is one of my favorite episodes. i think some of my favorite sets to make are the ones that i add lyrics to.

2022 Nov 5th Set - i was really happy with how this one came out! it's so hard to get gifs from episodes over different seasons to look the same! and this one had gifs from 12 different seasons! also i think this was the first set i ever made that got over 1000 notes which i remember being really excited about!

Laughing Dean Set - this one is a favorite purely based on the content of the set. it feels like injecting serotonin every time i look at it<3

1x12 Faith Set - another one based on the content of the set. i just love this episode so much.

Season 9 Dean Set - i LOVE the coloring in this set! and season 9 dean is so beloved to me. he is just so beautiful and bloody and sad.

2023 Cas Day Set - another f+tm lyric set! i love the space overlay that i added and the blue-pink of the coloring so much!

4x18 Destiel Every Episode Set - i loooove this scene so much! this gif series has by far been more popular than any of the other gifs that i post and this set is definitely the most popular in the series. no other set has ever even come close to getting 4k notes like this one did. also i really like the purple coloring a lot<3

[captain-cargoshorts]

I just got done with my first day of work and it went... Well. It certainly was something.

So I had a 4 hour shift today training on registers. It's scary bc they're the old style with a tiny screen so you can't see what you're doing until the end and if you do something wrong it yells at you. I have a trainer with me pretty much the entire time though so I'm doing okay. She says I'm picking it up pretty quick and doing a great job (validation!) and I've figured out how to keep conversation going with customers so they follow the pin pad prompts and everything.

The first three hours go great. My trainer seems pretty tired tho and between customers she talks about how she's burnt out and wishes she could leave retail bc it's a lot. I share about my previous jobs and we both agree that retail is hard and customers are awful. Then about half an hour before we close a Chinese family (I promise it's relevant) comes in and start looking around. They have a toddler with them that immediately goes to the toys by the register and pulls out all the cars to play with on the floor. Irritating, but not a problem until he starts climbing on the fixture. I try to get the mother's attention without leaving the register unattended bc I'm not supposed to and she ignores me until I'm pretty much yelling "MA'AM YOUR BABY" over and over. Finally she turns around and gets him down, but she shoots me a dirty look as she does so. She then goes back to talking to her mother (I think) in mandarin. Guys, I don't speak mandarin. I didn't know what they're saying, and I don't really care? Until I notice my trainer looking Extremely Nonchalant (tm). You know the look. Turns out, she understands mandarin and the ladies are major gossips. I don't ask for a translation bc there's still other customers and it's my job to ring them up and talk about the rewards program. But they've been standing in the kitchen area for like thirty minutes.

It's now time to close. They ignored the warnings 15 and then 5 minutes out and haven't moved. My trainer meanwhile has started getting extremely antsy. Not only are we supposed to be starting on closing tasks, but the ladies have noticed her looking over and are now talking about her. "That girl with the yardstick keeps looking at us" etc. Apparently. Again, I don't speak mandarin. She sends me away to do a sweep of the store for stuff that's out of place, etc, so I don't know what happens for a bit but my trainer stays up at the front to check out the ladies and let them out whenever they finally decide to leave because the door is locked to prevent other people coming in. She doesn't approach them to ask them to hurry up though. Like, she's ADAMANT that she won't. I, being extremely new, don't know what to do. They don't leave.

Eventually our manager comes down from the cash office and asks them if they're going to buy anything, because we're very much closed for business. It is now 20 minutes after closing, and they've been here almost an hour. They grab one (1) spoon and check out with the manager, which is a massive waste of everyone's time because they don't seem to even want the spoon? But finally they leave and we can take out the trash and do the bathrooms and stuff.

To the surprise of literally nobody, we get out late. Apparently we usually get out at like 7:45. It's 8:15. We're going to have to explain that to the store manager tomorrow. I walk the other non-manager employee to her car bc it's polite, but I noticed that the manager bad the trainer stayed back to talk so i check back in with them. The moment I get within earshot they stop talking and are like "what's up? You were leaving?" I said yeah but you stopped and we usually make sure everyone gets to their cars. I just want to check that everything's okay. They say they're fine and I get the feeling that whatever is going on is Absolutely Not My Business so I start walking back to my apartment.

There's a dead raccoon on the sidewalk on the way home.

[sonohban]

honestly while Piccolo was kind of an ass in dbssh, I think its justified to a degree. He has ulterior motives (getting gohan to fight) but he still had a good reason and total control over the situation... and he was kinda right about how Gohan SHOULD have sensed his energy... (which I think is out of character for Gohan, ngl. He should've been more than smart enough to know it was piccolo)

i think you're kinda right. i think it's in character for piccolo to be mad that gohan slacked off on training (i don't really blame gohan tho. i know phd students it's rough out there) and even kidnap pan to get him back in the game but i still think it was kind of an insane move considering piccolo would know how gohan would react to that emotionally considering what was at stake (at least in gohan's eyes?). which i know was the whole point (gohan sees loved one in danger> goes insane pipeline) but the fact that piccolo specifically put pan "in danger" even knowing about cell max just to get him to train more was kinda wack. i also know pan was supposed to not be in any real danger but like cell max should have set off some alarm bells imo. i'm not really upset about this choice too much anymore because again i think it's kind of in character for piccolo and also dragon ball doesn't go deep into exploring complex emotions so whatever it made for a good movie

AND YES IT WAS OOC THAT GOHAN DIDN'T SENSE PICCOLO'S ENERGY WTF.... me and my friends joke that he was so frazzled from being in The Zone that he just was totally out of it but the second he saw red ribbon goons show up he should have been more on guard. now that i think of it it's funny that he was treating them like a casual nuisance not just because of his strength but because it's also a very "you're goku's son alright" moment but in the end he should have at least noticed one of them had a strong ki signature :[

ok this is also entirely unrelated- was gonna write this in the tags but *i* think it's too funny for that. like if they had showed gohan visibly sleep deprived and/or hopped up on caffeine MAYBE that would have conveyed the obliviousness a little less ooc BUT ALSO how funny would it be if beast gohan was a DIRECT result of the unholy cocktail of massive sleep deprivation and energy drinks. beast gohan more like monster (tm) gohan

[brendaonao3]

Just read mile high after seeing you share it in the discord and I'm just<3 l'm not really one for smut as my brain tends to just skim it without even meaning to but the description was such an interesting premise that I had to click!

I'll admit I didn't really absorb much of the sex/ beginning hotel room scene(except the dialogue- jakes thoughts getting caught for a sec on workouts lol and I love me a good hungman joke) but the whole flight I really loved the dynamic between them and Jake just really going for it with the terrible flirting was very amusing(thank the Gods Mav was Into It^TM).

And the banquet. My goodness the banquet was just. "R.I.P. his entire career." The mortification he was feeling at that moment had me all like *gasp* and ~oh fuck the / revelation/~. With the *Jake felt like he was having the weirdest out-of-body experience ever." And "Jake slumped against the wall, groaning, as his entire life flashed before his eyes. I showed goddamn naked selfies to a living legend, he groaned, mournfully. Where was an enemy MiG to take him out when he needed one?" And how fairly soon afterwards he just was like my god he's even hotter/more impressive than before.

and Starbucks at the end was perfect in how it referenced the moment of shock and wtf-ness with the embarrassment of being reminded of it. Dunno, it just felt that it helped balance and round the fic with some humour at the end. Nice and light

Sorry that this wasn't a very like full comment? Like I didn't actually include much substance i guess and I’m sorry. But comments are something I'm still getting use to doing and attaching a name to it on ao3 or direct in the discord was a bit intimidating so I thought I'd just send an anon with the thoughts my brain keeps returning to after reading it! Like I read it and I'm just sitting here like oh oh I need to reread this line or that paragraph and even tho it's not my usual sort of fic this is definitely going on my Remember/TBRR(To-Be-ReRead) list because it’s like super amazing and I love how you’ve written Jake’s enthusiasm/praise kink(his reactions to praise I guess? Is it a kink probably but there might be another word for it that I’m missing)

Thank you so so much for writing this fic and sharing it! It was a pleasure to read and sorry for word vomiting about it in your inbox

Hi there, Nonnie!!

First off, never apologize for leaving comments like this in my inbox - I've been kicking my heels like a little kid ever since I got it. It's a beautiful and beautifully detailed comment about what you liked and what grabbed you and what kept you reading, and I love reading it <3

And second, I'm thrilled that my fic made you click on a rating/trope you normally would have skipped!! That's the goal!!

So thank you again, from the bottom of my heart, and I hope you find many more fics (mine or other people's) to enjoy!! (And don't feel bad about skimming over sex scenes - I promise, you're not alone there)

[sassydefendorflower]

VIOLENCE BE UPON YE! 4, 13, 24

!!!! HELL YEAH!!

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

Oh DAMN! Truly a choose violence ask game... since I don't do screenshots, and I won't ever put someone's username on a post like this (because I enjoy being catty, but not like that) descriptions will have to do :D

I saw a post asking whether or not Roy Mustang actually groomed Riza Hawkeye like... two minutes ago and that might have been one of the worst FMA takes I have seen in the fandom in some time. And I do have my strives with the fandom as a whole, but that might have just taken the cake (? how do you conjugate sayings???).

Also just pretty much every discussion about the brain "not actually being fully developed until the age of 25" (which is bullshit btw) and the subsequent people infantilizing grown ass adults. But those mostly just make me angry, so...

13. worst blorboficiation

Hm... Tim Drake for DC for sure. Like... every member of the Batfamily suffers from blorbofication, but there is a certain subset of Tim Drake content out there - especially in fanon circles - where Tim Drake just becomes a meek little puppet without any characterization outside of his blorbo-ness. And again... to a certain degree the entire Batfam suffers from this. Dick's Happy Family Man demeanor is an absolutely horrendous crime against his actual character core, and whatever the hell Jason has going on in fandom circles... I don't even want to know.

What was that saying? Fandom is the 5 good friends who share your tastes and the block button? Something like that.

Ed also suffers from it in FMA - I think with him it is the most obvious with all the post-canon content that refuses to acknowledge all the ways in which he grew up during the series? When he keeps his alchemy, automail, height issues and stays with the military... its like... wasn't his entire character arc about growing up? About healing? About accepting loses? About respecting boundaries? About making sacrifices? For me his character loses a lot the moment his character growth is lost - and I would describe it as blorbofication, since his Cool Powers :tm: are what drew people to him in the first place.

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

Do you have to ask? Shipping, of course.

Tho... FMA has a special spot reserved exclusively for War Crimes Discourse and the fact that fics from 2010 manage to be more complex and in depth about the military state in FMA than many fics from 2023. You'd think the world would be getting more anti-military, but then you read fic in a fandom with present and well-rounded military characters and suddenly everyone wants to suck their dick. Like... I am very much not condemning the porn. Really, I support the porn. I am talking about plot heavy, worldbuilding stories in which canonical anti-military characters, who canonically criticize the military state, are suddenly on board with being soldiers and officers without question. This is also not about stories that tell us about this world from the Point Of View of a soldier - I am talking about the lack of a conversation about what the political system in FMA actually is in fics which deal heavily with the politics of it all.

But yeah... shipping. People going nuts over which FICTIONAL pairing is morally okay to ship. The things I've seen, the words I'm swallowing down because I want to keep my head.

Thanks for the ask!!!

[choose violence ask game]

[husbandhoshi]

ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLRIGHTY.......it is time....we cheered! i am so ready to tuck into this like a delicious meal <3 liveblogging under the cut :')

You’re sitting in the bathroom, staring at the uneven paint where the tiles meet the wall, wondering if you could ever manage to crawl into one of the cracks there and disappear forever....It’s hard to focus on one thing when it feels like the whole world is happening at once without you in it.

see i feel like we have already started off so strong. i feel like whenever /i/ write long introspective sections it feels like it drags but this is so perfect. i had to do the ole english essay ellipses to cut the passage but the whole stretch was so evocative without being lengthy.

The hot tears suddenly feel ice cold against your burning skin, and exhaustion crashes down on you. The sink is dripping again.

You’ll have to get it fixed.

Everything.

this is so real. i think it's so hard to write like. Mental Illness tm or at least like. raw moments and make it seem Not Corny slash stereotypical but this is perfect.

Vernon knows your coffee and takeout orders by heart, and you do his. Even if he’s a worse texter than talker, you still very much enjoy his company, and mostly the ability to exist together in comfortable silence.

this and the paragraphs before this are i think the perfect characterization of vernon. spot on. esp the hum in response like truly my man is Not nosy whatsoever.

He could see even during class how out of it you were, certainly he could, but he didn’t want to bring up something you were not comfortable sharing on your own. So all he did was slide a lone earphone over, and put on a playlist he made for you. Of course, he would never tell you that - or anyone for that matter.

okay see like sometimes POV switches are corny and gratuitous but i feel like this was so smoothly done and provides a bit of extra characterization to help inform the rest of the fic. i think it's also really interesting to see how different vernon's thoughts and actions are versus yn's...where yn wears their emotions on their sleeve and vernon is kind of a mask. like it's an interesting dichotomy.

You are his first love, even if he would never admit it to anyone, not even himself.

nothing to say here i was just gagged. i also said THREE YEARS? out loud. oh my god we are really in this.

That night you fall asleep wondering what it’d be like to hold Vernon’s hands on a 2am walk. You dream about your kitchen window being gone.

the prose here is so yummy. the cadence of this paragraph especially. Yes...

He helps the girl lay down, and she mumbles something similar to a “don’t go, you’re so cute”, which Vernon decides to ignore, and turns her on her side instead - just in case she gets sick.

BASED and woke public health king

You find yourself spending more and more nights in the kitchen, the quiet hum of the fridge and lone passersby keeping you company as you watch the world go by. It was peaceful in a terrible way, one which you were sure was no good for you.

OK IM SEEING THE THEMES.... i also love how you write little snippets of everyday life and make them seem so romantic..so lived in and wonderful even tho they're just typical things. you know.

not gnna paste in the text messages but just know that vernon using punctuation??? Something is Cooking. also him taking the initiative to ask yn to build a snowman is really sweet knowing that he is typically not the type to initiate things.

You move your gaze towards him, and suddenly his face is way too close...You swallow nervously and your eyes flicker to his lips.

this passage made me bite my fist..the way u so easily transition from the introspective moments to dialogue to fluff...... also didn't want to grab the ENTIRE convenience store section but i love how the midnight connections tm have become a staple of your fic. i think it's a perfect little bite of the liminal in-between moments. the things people want to say and can't. things you think will be forgotten by the morning. you know. also loving how reserved vernon is w his friends and then him lighting up when he's w yn it rlly is so sweet to see :( and the added detail that he is tired as shit but will still make time for them.

Once you say your goodbyes you slowly make your way home, walking past the half finished snowman.

yn is so earnest and that's one of my favorite things abt them. like this is such a cute gesture. esp because like they weren't that eager to leave the house in the first place but the sheer Wonderfulness of the moment drives them to be a little whimsical when that would have been so out of character for them earlier...character development.

He dreams about the feeling of your lips on his.

ok the callback to the dreams...honestly like its the perfect throwback to the earlier part but also adds sooo much to the thematic/atmospheric cohesion here. also i screamed

Being alone feels suffocating, even though you’re the one who turned Vernon down once again. It’s been weird seeing him around at school, only being able to think about how pretty he looks under cheap neon lights. He doesn’t make much of an effort to reach out either.

this is actually so real. i'm learning a lot from the way u write fic and i think this part is so simply but well said. like what characters do dont HAVE to make sense. sometimes feelings are complicated and we do things we dont want to do and say things we dont want to say etc etc.

“I’m getting kind of hungry,” she pouts at him, and he feels like this is his chance to get out.

“I know just the place.”

WELCOME HOME CHEATER also im not grabbing anything from this next section bc it would be too long but like.. oh nawurrr.... not them connecting and then disconnecting and then falling into other people.... also re: the POV shift thing i actually think it has become such a wonderful little utility here. like i see the vision now. yes this is ab yn but it's also about VERNON and his emotional constipation and his self sabotage. and how HE weathers the seasons. THE MISSED CALL AND TEXT MESSAGE???? killing myself and then killing myself again............ OK SHONDA RHIMES..

You still dream about draping your scarf around Vernon, late night grocery runs, a kitchen window that’s brighter and doesn’t make you feel like the shell of who you used to be.

nothing to say here except chefs kiss of a sentence. the window callback is another chefs kiss and i think the motif is so fitting bc in a way they both feel like outsiders looking in....starting to see why this is called parallels and almosts ... (sorry i am slow.)

“How’s Seohyun?” You take a step back, and Vernon visibly gulps. Somehow he just knows that you’ve been talking to Seungkwan.

um i gasped aloud........... season finale type beat. also like i'm no vernon shooter but yn getting mad at vernon when they Also were Talking to seungkwan OK emoji .

Vernon feels like a stranger and your dearest friend at the same time. Sometimes when you look at him too much you go back to the night where things still felt okay and you wonder if he ever thinks about it - about how badly you wanted to hold his hands, kiss him still lying in the snow.

this makes my tummy hurt because i think you encapsulated the feeling of time passing so well. like its only been 10k words but i feel like there is actual history there even tho there was only one scene where they really bonded... you know. like their past feels so storied to me.

“Maybe.”

“Oh you’re one to talk, like you’d ever tell me any of it!”

see like i think this is such a masterful way of tying it together.. like yeah. they both SUCKED at communication. PARALLELS AND ALMOSTS.

nothing to say ab the next section (Maybe you've already fallen hard...You wake up crying at 2 AM) except that i think it's one of my fave sections of Prose in this.

Almost on instinct you lean your head on Vernon’s shoulder, and you feel his arm circling your waist and squeezing gently, his head coming to rest on top of yours.

literally my eyes opened so wide. we Going situationship?????????????? i think the dream thing that you have going on is especially potent here bc it really feels like we Have vernon and then we don't. and then it repeats.

“There’s gonna be a party tonight,” he turns to you suddenly. “I want you to come.”

FULL CIRCLE...fly hands....

OK the ending. OMG. the kiss scene was sweet and not corny. and the way you transformed the space when vernon moves in... like the idea of Home and Space and feeling Trapped the whole fic has i think is so lovely. i think there is a very tactile way you described things here and so it feels lived in and natural. like you dont have to SAY how yn is feeling as explicitly because you can SEE it in the way the space changes around them. and then the callback at the end is really sweet :')

overall i think this was such an enjoyable read!! you continue to be the master of atmospheric fic. like it really sucks you in and i think you describe yn so fully that it's hard to not empathize w them even if you don't really relate to the things happening in their life. and i think there is such a simplicity to the setting and the plot points that you can really Sit in the feelings that the characters are feeling. i think the next strongest bit of this was the parallels theme!! i loved seeing how the sections echoed each other and how the imagery/environments reflected the progression of the characters and plot.

tldr i loved it and i will never Not sing your praises as a writer!!!

parallels & almosts

♡ pairing: vernon x reader

♡ genre: friends to lovers, light angst

♡ word count: 10k

♡ warnings: slight description of panic attacks, alcohol consumption, slow burn-ish lol, occasional cursing, a little sad bc i wrote it in winter, yearning

a/n: i wrote this last christmas inspired by my first sem at uni, and finally got around to proofreading :) hope you like it, and if you have any thoughts about it id love to know &lt;3

masterlist

♡ ♡ ♡

One day you’ll inevitably fall for someone. Someone, who will touch you for the first time like no one ever did before, and maybe no one ever will again. Full of love, admiration, and tenderness. Your chest is going to fill with pain and unending yearning, a fleeting moment that’s going to feel like nothing and everything whenever you think about it. And you’ll fall hard, hard enough that if any of it was real it might break your body in unspeakable ways.

When you wake up the next day you realise you’ll never love anyone as much as this, not in this lifetime.

Then it’s over.

You’re sitting in the bathroom, staring at the uneven paint where the tiles meet the wall, wondering if you could ever manage to crawl into one of the cracks there and disappear forever. No clichéd metaphor seems fitting enough, even though you understand you are not the first, and you won’t be the last either, to experience heartbreak quite like this. Something that squishes your heart until it feels numb, catches in your throat in a way that you can’t even find the words to explain the pain, a constant gloss over your eyes, like tears you can’t blink away.

Your upstairs neighbour is just a little too loud, the static of the tv humming just a little too much, drunk people screaming outside just a little too close, and it all feels so overbearing. You close your eyes, skin buzzing with all the loudness of the inside and outside combined. It’s hard to focus on one thing when it feels like the whole world is happening at once without you in it.

Then the phone rings.

The world stops, but your breathing quickens as panic takes over. It’s all so much in a way that seems impossible to deal with. At least for now, in this passing moment, even if it feels like an eternity. The ringing gets more and more deafening, your breaths quickening, and you know it won’t stop. It never really does. The cacophony of sounds slowly fades out, the only thing you can hear is your own body; your heartbeat, your own breaths, tired gasps for air. It’s okay. You claw at your skin, anything to distract yourself from the ongoing panic attack, even if you know it won’t help. It never does.

It’s okay.

Tears burn the corners of your eyes, even though you don’t know how long you’ve been crying. The world is slowly closing in, and it’s just you on the cold bathroom floor at 2am.

Is it okay?

It’s silent. So suddenly and so loudly, it almost knocks the air back into your lungs, as if the ground is being pulled from underneath your feet. The hot tears suddenly feel ice cold against your burning skin, and exhaustion crashes down on you. The sink is dripping again.

You’ll have to get it fixed.

Everything.

It’s a slow process to drag yourself from the bathroom to bed. The rain knocks politely on the window and you’re tempted to let it in, but instead just stare out into the cold night. The snow is slowly melting away, and you wish it washed away all the thoughts plaguing your mind too. It’s never that easy, you’ve always found it hard to let go of routines. The habit of waking up, turning over to give him a kiss, making coffee together. You don’t even like coffee that much, but for him you would’ve learned to love anything. For him, you even learned to love him. With all the pain and hurt. 

Despite him, you loved him.

It’s all gone, and it’s okay.

-

“You didn’t pick up all weekend,” Vernon says in his usual nonchalant tone without as much as looking in your direction.

After you finally managed to calm down, sleep seemed much more inviting than looking at your phone. The next few days felt so peaceful in isolation, that it wouldn’t have been right to disturb it.

“Sorry.”

He only hums in response, quietly scribbling away in his notebook next to you. His hair is hidden behind one of his many beanies, one earphone in his ear, the other one between the two of you on the desk as a silent offering from his part. It’s the middle of the lecture, but you wordlessly take it anyway, knowing well that you won’t pay attention today no matter what.

Vernon is hard to read, even if you’ve been friends for a few years now. He mostly keeps to himself, barely showing if something is going on in his life. He occasionally lets you in on the big things, like when his sister graduated high school, or when his family got a new cat. You weren’t completely sure if he shared these things with you out of common courtesy - you were glad when he did anyway. He was a little more curious and attentive when you told him about something, but never asked on his own.

Vernon knows your coffee and takeout orders by heart, and you do his. Even if he’s a worse texter than talker, you still very much enjoy his company, and mostly the ability to exist together in comfortable silence.

You get lost in thought, only coming back to reality when your favourite song quietly starts playing in your ear. Vernon is putting his phone back down, giving you a small smile before returning to the paper in front of him. His eyes twinkle in the cheap fluorescent light of the lecture hall, and even if the thought makes your chest feel tight, he does look beautiful even at 9am on a Monday.

He furrows his eyebrows, tapping his pen against the desk to the beat of the music. You rest your head on top of your barely started notes, glancing at Vernon from the corner of your eye before getting lost in thought for the rest of the lecture. You only notice that it’s over when the boy next to you is already leaving, gently tapping your shoulder and giving you a small wave  before walking off into the cold fog of the morning. The professor starts turning the lights off, and you scurry to gather your belongings, making your way to the exit. Suddenly you hear music in your ear once again, and you realise you forgot to give Vernon his earphones back.

However, music means he’s near, so you try and remember which way he went, and spot him a few benches over in front of the building. He’s standing in a lopsided circle with his friends, their laughter visible in the crisp air. You shuffle over to the group, standing a little awkwardly next to Vernon, who’s too invested in whatever conversation they’re having to notice your arrival. One of the boys spots you, and you give him a brief smile before deciding to finally tap Vernon’s shoulder. He quickly turns to you, the corners of his lips quirking up just enough for you to notice. You don’t want to overstay your welcome, so you quickly take the earphone and hand it back to him. His mouth turns into an O shape, and you can feel your cheeks warming up, so you look back down at your palm to avoid staring at his face even longer. He takes it from your hand, his cold fingers igniting fire in their wake. His eyes search for yours, and as soon as they meet you feel a little wobbly, a little warm, and a lot vulnerable.

You only decided on attending any classes you had that day to avoid sitting at home even longer, stewing in your own sadness and tears. When sitting in your bed that morning you felt as if you’d be okay, as if you’ll be able to get through all this without anyone knowing or noticing. As Vernon’s eyes bore into yours, you just knew that he could see everything. You were never sure how close he considered you, and you were always too scared to assume that you are close in the first place.

Your knees feel like they’re about to give out, so you shake your head a little, trying to hide the obvious blush on your cheeks behind your scarf. 

“There’s gonna be a party later tonight, if you uh- If you wanna come,” Vernon tells you.

“It’s Monday,” it almost comes out as a question, eliciting a laugh from the boy.

“I’ll text you the address later, in case you change your mind. I’ll be there.”

His smile always makes everything a little easier, so you nod and turn to leave. For a second he looks like he might say something else, a concerned look on his face, but he fades back into the conversation instead.

As soon as you’re out of earshot Vernon’s got multiple curious eyes on him, waiting for some sort of an explanation. They all know you to some degree of course, but they haven’t seen their friend like this in quite some time.

“Dude,” Seungkwan is the first one to voice his thoughts.

“What?”

“Did we miss something?'' His tone is enough to make Vernon’s eyes widen. “Just a heads up, I’m gonna keep an eye on you tonight. And I’m gonna be updating the group chat constantly, too.”

A round of laughter and general agreement follows Seungkwan’s statement, and though Vernon loves his friends, he has to admit that they can be too much sometimes. Even if he considers himself a private person, he does still keep them up to date most of the time, except at times like this. At times when not only his feelings are concerned.

He could see even during class how out of it you were, certainly he could, but he didn’t want to bring up something you were not comfortable sharing on your own. So all he did was slide a lone earphone over, and put on a playlist he made for you. Of course, he would never tell you that - or anyone for that matter. His feelings and his playlist were kept as his most treasured secrets, even if they’re only meaningful to him. He would be lying to himself if he tried to deny the crush he’s been nursing on you since you met in your first Monday morning class, sitting in the same spot as today. He immediately memorised your name during the quick introduction game the professor insisted on, making use of it as much as he could during class, and right after, too. Grabbing coffee seemed like the logical choice at the time, texting all his friends for recommendations as soon as he could. Once class was over he made his move, striking up conversation with you, albeit a little awkwardly. Surprisingly even to him, you agreed, and shortly after you found yourselves at a small café just off campus. The impromptu hangout felt almost too comfortable for it to be your first time meeting, and Vernon couldn’t think about the way you laughed at his terrible jokes without getting butterflies in his stomach, not even years later.

He later had to face the fact that you’re taken, and even if it broke his heart a little, he enjoyed your company a lot more than for something like this to keep him from you. So here you are, almost 3 years later, still looking at each other with the same unmistakable tenderness that only you two seem to ignore. Always smiling brighter, laughing louder, and whispering even more quietly when the other is around.

You are his first love, even if he would never admit it to anyone, not even himself.

- 

The dim orange street light illuminates the kitchen in a way that squeezes your soul just a little too tight, making you feel nostalgic for things that maybe never really happened. Snowflakes land on the window and melt away slowly, racing down the glass. Lately it only snows at night, so you decide to stay up late, the party Vernon invited you to long forgotten.

Tonight it’s a little different somehow. The air feels heavier than usual, and the streets are fully empty, which is an exceptionally rare sight this close to campus. You open the window, and climb up to sit on the sill, dangling your feet into the night. The crippling pressure on your chest doesn’t seem to cease, and you wish to be able to cry and scream, let it all out while it’s dark and quiet.

In the distance you spot a figure slowly treading through the snow, dressed in all black with their hands in their pockets. Their steps are completely silent except for the occasional crunch of the fresh snow. The knowledge that someone else is just this restless at the same time as you brings an odd sense of peace. Wordless company on such a lonely night.

For a fleeting moment you feel like everything’s going to be okay.

That night you fall asleep wondering what it’d be like to hold Vernon’s hands on a 2am walk. You dream about your kitchen window being gone.

-

Vernon waits for you patiently at the party that night, checking his phone way too often to make sure he doesn’t miss any of your calls or texts. A few drinks and too much teasing from his friends later he’s already getting ready to leave when some girl sidles up to him, giggling drunkenly right into his face. He remembers her from one of his classes, but not her name, and he doesn’t bother asking either.

“Heeey,” the girl chimes. “Are you uh- are you here uh- alone?” She stumbles a little, both with her words and her steps.

Vernon hesitates, but nods anyway.

“Really? So am I, that’s uh-” Vernon gets nervous that the girl might end up ruining his shoes. “That’s so cool. Wanna, do you wanna-”

She closes her eyes for a second and blindly reaches out for something to steady herself, so he grabs her arms on instinct.

“Are you okay?”

“You’re sooo cute, come with me, please?” She tries to pout at Vernon, but it comes out as almost every other emotion instead.

He shuffles through his choices mentally, deciding to make his way back into the living room with the girl clinging to him for dear life. The mind numbing music makes him wince a little, and he makes his way upstairs as fast as possible to get away from the hardcore party scene, not really in the mood for the smell of sweat and alcohol combined with the loudest room he could imagine in this moment. He manages to find an empty room on the third try, having seen a lot more naked people than he’s comfortable with in the span of the past few minutes.

He helps the girl lay down, and she mumbles something similar to a “don’t go, you’re so cute”, which Vernon decides to ignore, and turns her on her side instead - just in case she gets sick. He quickly makes his leave, and he can hear retching from the other side of the closed door as soon as he’s outside. It makes him wanna leave as soon as possible, so he does just that, bidding bye to some of his friends before vanishing into the dark. He’s never been so happy about silence before.

The night is tranquil, even his own footsteps barely audible as he makes his way home. When he hears rustling he looks around to find the source, finding someone climbing into the windowsill in a nearby building. He gets worried, immediately wondering if he should call someone, or maybe yell out to the stranger to stop, the 5th floor is a long way from the ground, it’s not worth it. He decides against it when he sees the stranger quietly settle down, but watches for a bit longer anyway before deciding to continue his journey. 

That night he falls asleep wondering if he should’ve texted you, if you’re even okay.

He dreams about the stranger falling from the window in slow motion, and wakes up in cold sweat before they could hit the ground.

-

You find yourself spending more and more nights in the kitchen, the quiet hum of the fridge and lone passersby keeping you company as you watch the world go by. It was peaceful in a terrible way, one which you were sure was no good for you. That window became your survival, even if it made your chest ache with the sights it presented occasionally. Some nights were different. Some nights your phone buzzed to life with a new text from Vernon, asking about your day or just trying to make conversation. With how unavailable you made yourself he suddenly became better at texting than talking. You had to admit that it always made you a little sad when you didn’t receive his almost routinely ‘hey :)’ just a little past midnight. You always started by scowling him for being up late again, to which he responded by telling you the same.

It’s around 1am when your phone almost buzzes off the countertop.

Vernon: hey :)

Vernon: its finally snowing!!

You didn’t have the heart to tell him that the snowfall at night has been almost the only constant in your life lately.

Vernon: where r u???

Vernon: i know ur up we’re gonna go build a snowman

Vernon: dress warm!!

You’re about to force yourself to lie and turn him down, but something snaps inside of you and you find yourself asking for a location before hurriedly pulling on some warmer clothes. To your surprise he asks to meet in the park about a block from your complex, so you make your way over, waiting a few minutes for Vernon to arrive too.

He greets you with a warm smile, barely half his face visible from his beanie and scarf, his hands tucked deep in his pockets.

“Why are you even up this late?” You ask with furrowed eyebrows.

“My roommates threw a party,” he closes his eyes and lets out an exasperated sigh, his breath drawing the prettiest shapes in the crisp air. “But I could be asking the same.”

“You could, but don’t,” he laughs at your response. “It’s really fucking cold tonight though, so let’s hurry up with that snowman.”

He grins at you and gently bumps his elbow into yours as you set off to find a good patch of snow. It starts out mellow, rolling snowballs around until you get to a size you’re happy with. However, Vernon gets bored quickly and decides to start targeting you with his snowballs instead. The park is quickly filled with your laughter and screaming, chasing each other around until you’re both too tired to run anymore. He flops down into the snow onto his back, sprawling all his limbs out. He’s still laughing quietly, interrupting himself with a scream when you throw one last snowball at his chest, half of the snow ending up in his face as it falls apart on impact. Your eyes widen as he jumps to his feet, an excited squeal leaving your lips when he sets off running in your direction. You try to make your escape, but of course he’s quicker and tackles you to the ground almost immediately. You both end up on your backs, your heads almost touching and the quiet night comes to life as you burst out in giggles almost in perfect harmony. 

“I think there’s a convenience store a few blocks away,” Vernon says once he’s calmed down enough to talk, and turns his head towards you.

“You hungry?” You move your gaze towards him, and suddenly his face is way too close - you could count his eyelashes or maybe get lost in his eyes forever. For a brief second it’s silent except for the pounding of your heart that you’re sure even he can hear.

“Yeah,” he whispers in response, not breaking eye contact. You swallow nervously and your eyes flicker to his lips. “I- Let’s go.”

“Okay,” you breathe out. Neither of you move.

You feel like even the world stops moving for a second, out of politeness, to give you time to think about what to do. You wonder what you’re so scared of, what is it about him that makes your brain short circuit with a single look. The thought of ruining your friendship with Vernon climbs to the front of your mind and suddenly it’s all you can think about. Your body moves on its own as you finally get up, dusting your clothes off and reaching down to help Vernon up. He stares at you dumbfounded, but takes your hand anyway and stands in front you in silence, watching you chew anxiously on your lower lip. Even if he doesn’t know all that’s been bothering you the past few weeks, he can clearly see that something isn’t quite right.

Suddenly you find himself in his embrace, his head squished to yours and his fingers tangled in the back of your coat. He holds you like this for a bit, playfully ruffling your hair when he finally pulls away.

“There’s nothing convenience store ramen can’t fix,” he says, a small smile playing on his lips.

“Especially since you’re paying,” you grin at him, and he only laughs at you, shaking his head a little. You never want this night to end.

The walk is quick and goes by in comfortable silence, only stealing glances at each other occasionally. You’re sitting under the flickering neon sign of the store, waiting for your ramen to finish cooking, Vernon almost falling asleep over his food. You offer him your couch for the night, but he politely declines, since surely the party must be over by now. You give him a small nod, poking away impatiently at your noodles, deciding to dig in whether it’s done or not, too hungry and tired to care. The clock above the cashier reads a little past 4am. 

With your stomachs full you’re standing outside the shop, mesmerised by the way the green neon highlights Vernon’s face. Even like this, he looks tired and almost a little sad. Your thoughts wander to how little he has said since you left the park, and it leaves a weird taste in your mouth.

“Thank you.” You spot the perplexed look in his eyes. “For tonight. It was… nice. So, thank you.”

He has way too much to say and way too little consciousness left in him for the night. He tries to string his thoughts together in an order so that they make sense, but the lack of sleep takes over and he only manages a tired smile. He can see something in your eyes that’s new to him, but he decides to save that conversation for another time.

Once you say your goodbyes you slowly make your way home, walking past the half finished snowman. Once you reach the other end of the park you let out a sigh and turn around. You pull your freezing hands from your pockets and get to work once again, rolling a head for the snowman and looking around for some twigs for the arms. You put on a few pebbles as decorations, a smile adorning the snowman’s face now. You take your phone and quickly snap a picture to send to Vernon, even though you’re sure he’s already fast asleep.

It’s past 5am once you get home, managing to fall asleep without tossing and turning for the first time in weeks. You don’t have a dream that night.

When Vernon stumbles through the front door he’s greeted by Seungkwan and Soonyoung watching some movie in the living room, probably half asleep as they don’t seem to notice his arrival. He takes off his shoes and coat, quietly moving towards his room when he hears a tired yawn from the couch. Seungkwan blinks at him sleepily, Vernon greeting him with a small wave that either goes unnoticed, or the boy really was asleep.

“You missed movie night,” Seungkwan croaks out. “What time is it anyways?”

“It’s really, really late. I just had to check on a friend.”

“A friend…” Seungkwan studies Vernon’s face. “You look like shit, dude.”

Vernon only looks back at him with a tired expression, letting out a low sigh before disappearing into his room. He flops down on his bed, not even bothering to change out of his clothes. He thinks back to your face so close to his, all the things he could’ve said and done. The moon peeks through his blinds, and he wonders if he kissed you would you have kissed him back.

He dreams about the feeling of your lips on his.

-

Vernon never replies to your finished snowman, and somehow it bothers you a lot more than it should. For the first time this winter the snow didn’t end up melting by the morning, and it’s even there covering the ground in a plush white layer a few days later.

It’s one of those nights again where the dark amplifies your loneliness, and you find yourself in the park again, sitting on a bench in front of your snowman. It’s leaning to the side a little, the daytime sun not taking mercy on it. You stare into its pebble eyes, your elbows resting on your knees and your chin in your palms - almost studying the little creature you made. You know it's going to melt and be gone in a few days, and the thought puts a frown on your face. You wish you never got attached to something so impermanent.

You check your phone for the time, but instead have to face a missed call and a message from Vernon. All it reads is “r u up?”, and you mentally cringe at the tinder-esque nature of his texting habits. You decide not to reply.

You get up to leave, but fix the snowman up before you do so, wrapping your scarf around its neck. You zip your coat up as high as possible and set off with silent steps. Being alone feels suffocating, even though you’re the one who turned Vernon down once again. It’s been weird seeing him around at school, only being able to think about how pretty he looks under cheap neon lights. He doesn’t make much of an effort to reach out either.

Later that week one of his friends invites you to some party he’s hosting, but you politely turn the offer down. You do end up buying a bottle of the cheapest grapefruit soju you can find that very same night, laying drunkenly on the floor and singing along to every song that comes on. You are glad that your phone is dead and you are too out of it to get up for the charger, because all you can think about is texting Vernon. It’s way past midnight when you finally feel well enough to get up, realising that you’ve been ignoring how hungry you are for the past few hours. The kitchen sounds like the worst place to be, so you get dressed and decide on the convenience store that Vernon showed you.

-

Vernon isn’t much for parties, but he realises that he’s in dire need of some socialisation, so when Mingyu invites him over he says yes without thinking. He regrets it just a little when he can hear the blaring music from outside the house, giving himself a mental pep talk before walking inside. He’s immediately met with a crowded room, barely able to squeeze past the swarm of sweaty bodies. Finding any of his friends seems impossible, but the kitchen is right on the other side of the living room, so he beelines there. He grabs a beer from the fridge, and almost jumps out of his skin when he closes the door to find someone standing right next to it, expectantly looking at him. The girl is familiar, but he can’t quite remember her.

“Hey,” she says with a shy smile. “I don’t think we’ve met, at least not when I’m sober.”

The memory suddenly hits him, and the look of realisation on his face makes the girl laugh. She does look different when she’s not about to throw up all over Vernon’s shoes and the floor.

“Oh yeah, that was… A night, for sure. Hi. I’m Vernon, by the way.”

He leans against the counter next to her and cracks his beer open. The girl reaches a free hand towards him, the other cradling a cup of something, and introduces herself as Seohyun. They make small talk for a while, both of them finishing their drinks before she asks Vernon if he wants to dance. He hesitates a little, but nods anyway, and she immediately grabs his hand with a giggle before pulling him into the crowd.

They dance like that, bodies pressed a little too close together, laughing over the music and singing along to every song they know. Vernon feels weird anyway, like something is missing, even if he couldn’t pinpoint what exactly.

He has no idea how long he’s been there when he finally spots Seungkwan in the kitchen, mixing multiple drinks at once. He excuses himself for a second from Seohyun and makes his way over to his friend to greet him. Seungkwan only nods at him, and the response puzzles Vernon.

“What?” Seungkwan asks when he notices Vernon silently staring at him.

“Nothing. Having fun?”

Once again, he only nods. Vernon furrows his eyebrows in confusion, but doesn’t press on, knowing fully well that Seungkwan will eventually tell him whatever is going on.

“Have you seen Mingyu?” Vernon shakes his head no and watches as Seungkwan somehow lifts all the cups at once and disappears out of sight without as much as a bye. He wonders if he should’ve stayed home to sleep instead.

He finds Seohyun on the couch, her head lazily thrown back and her eyes glistening in the dim light. She flashes a small smile when she spots Vernon, gesturing for him to sit down.

“I’m getting kind of hungry,” she pouts at him, and he feels like this is his chance to get out.

“I know just the place.”

-

You’re waiting for your ramen to finish cooking, sitting in the window of the convenience store with the neon lights lazily blinking down at you. Those 5 minutes feel like forever, but you’re not hungry enough to eat raw noodles.

The street in front of you is peaceful, even though there’s barely any snow left outside once again. You wonder how your snowman is doing. You wonder how Vernon is doing.

You look up at the clock above the cashier and notice that your food is finally done. Loud giggling grabs your attention from outside the store, and you wish you got more drunk so that you couldn’t be sitting here right now. Vernon’s eyes bore into your own through the glass, an unreadable expression on his face. The girl next to him is obviously lost as to what she’s witnessing, but doesn’t say anything. You quickly gather your belongings, grabbing your dinner too, before rushing out of the store. You glance at the boy one more time, and even though he’s clearly about to say something you rush off home. Tears blur your vision and leave burning trails along your face, but you just want to be home already.

Vernon is too stunned to move, only coming back to reality when he hears Seohyun’s voice.

“Who was that?”

“Just a friend.” A friend. “Let’s go eat.”

Seohyun beams at him, but he wishes he ran after you.

-

New Year’s Eve comes a lot quicker than you wish it did. Fireworks start going off way before midnight, and you can’t help but be annoyed. Maybe more sad than anything else, not really knowing how to feel excited about the new year. It used to be something you found exciting, but over the years it turned into peak isolation and anxiety season for you. Not out of choice, of course, life just happens sometimes.

You haven’t talked to Vernon at all since the convenience store. You haven’t really talked to anyone lately, except for a short call with your family to wish them happy holidays. You weren’t sure what went wrong, or where, but winter always brings a crippling feeling of cosmic insignificance into your life. Loneliness slowly turns into a black hole that absorbs all light and happiness in your life, and you find it harder and harder with each passing day to reach out. By the end of the year the light is barely a pinhole, and you’re sitting in the kitchen once again, watching the fireworks in silence.

-

Vernon can barely recognize their apartment after Seungkwan and Soonyoung are done with decorating, even less once it’s filled with music and all their friends. He doesn’t know most of them, but for one night he can find it in himself to be okay with this arrangement. His phone buzzes in his pocket, and he finds a text from Seohyun telling him that she’s outside. Vernon takes the elevator down to the first floor to let the girl in. He unlocks the door for her, and she hugs him with the brightest smile on her face. Guilt immediately floods Vernon’s chest, but he doesn’t want to back away now, after all he was the one who invited Seohyun to this party. They make their way up in silence and enter the bustling apartment, Seohyun finding Vernon’s hand quickly at the overwhelming sight.

It’s still a few hours until midnight and Vernon wonders why he ever thought this to be a good idea.

A few drinks and a lot more dancing later he already feels worn out. He’s almost a hundred percent sure that there’s people doing the worst thing imaginable in his room, and the thought alone makes him want to leave for the rest of the night. He’s way too close to actually ditching all his friends and his sort-of-date, when Seungkwan suddenly yells over the music and the crowd, telling everyone to get to the rooftop. Vernon’s never been so relieved to hear his friend yell. He lets the crowd go out first, Seohyun still by his side. They leave last, Vernon making sure to close the door behind them. He catches a mischievous glint in Seohyun’s eyes, and she challenges him to a race to the staircase at the other end of the building. He lets out a tired sigh, but the girl tugs on his arm - and possibly his heartstrings - in a way he can’t resist. So they run, giggling and being just a little too loud.

It’s only a few minutes until the new year when they finally join the others, out of breath and still laughing. He can see Seohyun’s lips moving, but can’t make out any of it over the noise of all other people present. Suddenly the cacophony turns into clear chanting, and he can faintly recognise Seungkwan who yells “ten” first. They join in to the countdown, fireworks already going off in the distance.

Three. Two. One.

The crowd erupts in cheers, fireworks going off all around them as they enter a new year. Seohyun looks up into Vernon’s eyes, getting on her tiptoes and gently grabbing the collar of his coat. It feels wrong, so wrong, to lead someone on like this, and somehow Vernon still decides to kiss her, his hands settling on her waist as their lips meet. She smiles into the kiss, one of her hands gently moving up to rest on his cheek.

“Happy new year,” Seohyun whispers, still out of breath, resting her forehead against Vernon’s. He doesn’t say it back.

His phone buzzes away on the kitchen counter, your name weakly flashing on the screen. The call disconnects, and the house falls into darkness, before lighting up once again, this time with a text.

“happy new year”

Then it’s dark again.

-

Soon the days start getting longer and you finally say goodbye to snowy nights. You still dream about draping your scarf around Vernon, late night grocery runs, a kitchen window that’s brighter and doesn’t make you feel like the shell of who you used to be.

However, sleep still doesn’t come easy, it never really did. You occasionally find yourself looking out the same window, the sight comforting you with its continuity. Sometimes all you have is the view and the sill where you dangle your feet into a reality where you don't feel so left behind by life.

Tonight is no different, a blanket over your shoulders as you watch over the city. The distant noise of buzzing life makes you feel at peace, and you’re about to crawl back inside when you hear someone yelling your name. The word almost sounds unfamiliar, not having heard it in a while. You look around for the source of the sound, finally spotting Vernon who blends into the night in his usual all black outfit.

“Hey,” he yells once again, and he continues before you can stop him. “Come down? Please?”

You quickly climb inside, Vernon’s voice drowned out by your heart hammering in your chest. You only put on some slippers as you run out of your apartment, fuzzy sucks on your feet and the same blanket still over your shoulder. The elevator ride seems to take forever, but you finally get down, finding Vernon right outside the building sitting on the stairs. He scrambles to his feet when he hears the door behind him open, staring at you with an unreadable expression on his face. Even though it’s dark, you can see he looks different somehow. Maybe more tired, maybe a little more sad.

“What are you doing here?” The question comes out almost as a whisper.

“I recognized your socks. That sounded a little weird, I’m sorry, I just… Haven’t seen you in a while.”

It’s true, you were focused on your exams and skipped most of your classes whenever you didn’t feel like leaving your apartment for the day. It’s also true that Vernon never called you back or replied to your text since new year’s. He couldn’t bring himself to look you in the eyes after kissing Seohyun, even though he told her everything a few days later. She was very understanding, albeit understandably sad, and they did find good friends in each other with Vernon after all that happened.

“Is that my scarf?” You step closer to him, gently touching the soft fabric.

“I found it in the park. I was gonna bring it back, but then things kind of… happened,” His voice is barely above a whisper and he looks a little too deep into your eyes.

“How’s Seohyun?” You take a step back, and Vernon visibly gulps. Somehow he just knows that you’ve been talking to Seungkwan.

“I think she’s got a girlfriend now, actually. How’s your boyfriend?”

You’re taken aback by his question, his words sharp and purposeful, making you wince. He doesn’t say anything else, holding your stare as if it was a challenge. You feel the tears welling in your eyes, but neither of you move.

“Happy with someone else.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You called me down for this? Really, Vernon?” You snap at him, unwinding the scarf from his neck, tears freely racing down your face and you almost miss the front door as you push it open.

“Fuck you,” you spit at him before slamming the door shut.

-

Monday morning classes roll around once again, and you find yourself in your usual spot in the lecture hall. For a few weeks you sit alone, Vernon vanishing out of your life along with winter. It’s not until spring finally arrives that a familiar head of messy hair is occupying the seat next to yours by the time you arrive. You quietly settle into your chair, choosing to look everywhere except for the boy next to you. There’s still time until class starts, and you consider leaving to avoid whatever is about to happen, but Vernon is quicker, sliding a lone earphone in front of you on the desk. He patiently waits for you to pick it up and place it in your ear, one of your favourite songs already softly playing. He doesn’t say anything for the rest of the class, doodling away in his notebook as usual, and it feels like winter again. When class is over Vernon hurries to leave, but you proceed to stop him in his tracks to give him the earphone back. He almost looks disappointed.

For a moment it’s only the two of you, getting lost in each other’s eyes and wondering when things turned like this, so distant and unfamiliar.

“Wanna go grab some coffee?” Vernon asks suddenly, even though he sounds a little unsure himself. It all feels like the first Monday you met.

The walk is quiet, but not in the comfortable way you’re used to. He still knows your order by heart, and somehow it just makes your chest feel even more tight. Vernon feels like a stranger and your dearest friend at the same time. Sometimes when you look at him too much you go back to the night where things still felt okay and you wonder if he ever thinks about it - about how badly you wanted to hold his hands, kiss him still lying in the snow.

“Your face is gonna stay like that if you frown so much,” he says nonchalantly as he hands you a to-go paper cup.

“I wish,” your words make him snort into his drink as he’s about to take a sip, and it makes you smile too.

You let Vernon lead the way through the neighbourhood, making small talk about all the things you missed in each other’s lives, although you don’t have much to offer having mostly sat at home. You end up on a park bench next to a small lake, and you watch as the ducks peacefully swim along. You wonder if the water isn’t still too cold for them. Vernon is still fiddling with his cup, almost looking somewhat nervous. 

“I missed you,” he says quietly.

“You could’ve texted me.” He doesn’t reply. You do your best not to raise your voice. “At least say something now.”

“What the fuck do you want me to say? Confess my undying love for you? Tell you how I think about you every single day? How guilty I feel that I can’t even bring myself to look you in the eyes?” He’s looking for something, anything in your eyes, but you’re too angry to give it to him that easily.

“Maybe.”

“Oh you’re one to talk, like you’d ever tell me any of it!”

Vernon lets out a frustrated sigh, squeezing the cup in his hands until it buckles. His words fill your head, then your whole body, and you feel like your whole being is vibrating and slowly vanishing at the edges.

Maybe you’ve already fallen hard, hard enough that it did break your body in unspeakable ways. You get up to leave, barely standing on shaky legs, not completely aware of your surroundings. The ringing in your ears gets louder and the air feels a little too thick and the sink is dripping again, and you know you’ll have to get it fixed.

Cold hands come to rest on your face, Vernon’s forehead against yours and you wonder if love is supposed to hurt like this. You close your eyes, the snow is falling and your snowman is smiling at you warmly, your scarf around its neck. A teardrop rolls down your face and you open your eyes slowly.

“Are you okay?”

“Kiss me.”

A sad smile appears on his lips, his hands moving from your face and he wraps his arm around you instead, tucking your face into his neck.

“I promise I will,” He pulls away just enough to see your face. “Another time.”

Your head is still buzzing as he walks you home, gently holding your hand, his thumb rubbing circles on the back of your hand. You’re reluctant to let go when you reach your building, and your hesitation draws a faint smile on Vernon’s face.

He leaves a kiss on your forehead before saying bye.

That night you dream about being a duck, floating on glimmering ponds in the early spring sunset. You wake up crying at 2am.

-

You’re on your way home after a late night grocery run when your phone starts vibrating in your pocket. Vernon’s incoming call confuses you at such an odd hour, but you pick it up anyway. It’s loud on the other end of the line, loud music and even louder screaming drowning out Vernon’s voice almost completely.

“Where are you?” He yells into the phone.

“Out. Why?” You’re not sure if he’s sober.

He doesn’t say anything for a few seconds, then suddenly it’s entirely quiet. You check if he’s ended the call. A loud bang reassures you that he’s still there.

“Someone’s having the worst sex I’ve ever witnessed right in my room. Are you free?” The distress in his voice makes you laugh, and you can imagine the frown on his face too well.

“You can come over if you want to, I’ll be home in a bit.”

He doesn’t need much convincing, so you hang up to finally focus on your groceries, grabbing a few extra drinks and snacks for your sudden guest. He’s sitting on the stairs in front of the building when you get home, listening to music that you can faintly make out from his headphones. He notices you as you halt to a stop right in front of him, a tired look on his face as he looks up at you. He smiles at you still and you can’t help but return the gesture.

You blindly reach into your bag, shuffling around for a can of cola that you bought for him. Your fingers finally wrap around the cold metal, and you hand the drink to Vernon, taking another one out for yourself. You take a seat on the stairs next to him, your knees slightly touching - he doesn’t move, so you don’t, either. The wind quietly shakes the barely-there leaves on the trees, and it moves something within you, too.

“I thought you like parties,” you tease him.

“You don’t know what I saw there. Consider yourself lucky, honestly.”

“I mean, you’re lucky that I’m nice enough to offer you my couch for the night.” He scoffs in response, and bumps his knee into yours.

You wonder if Vernon only exists on Mondays and at night.

His profile is sharp and soft at the same time in the flickering, orange light blinking at you from a nearby street lamp. He seems lost in thought and you don’t have it in yourself to bother him right now, not when everything feels so at peace for once. A few faint stars twinkle in the sky, and the moon looks as full as your heart feels. Spring always knew how to take your troubles away - it even happened a little too easily, the ice around your heart melting with the first golden rays of sunshine. 

You know you’re going to be okay.

Almost on instinct you lean your head on Vernon’s shoulder, and you feel his arm circling your waist and squeezing gently, his head coming to rest on top of yours.

Maybe he could help you fix the dripping sink in your bathroom, too.

The lack of sleep finally finds you, the gentle breeze making both of you shiver just enough for you to make your way inside. The elevator has never felt so slow as you wait for it, but when Vernon carefully takes your hand in his, you don’t mind as much anymore. You can feel your face heating up a little, thankful when the elevator dings open. Vernon doesn’t let go of your hand, but you can also tell that his eyes are barely open, so you do your best not to think too much of it even if your skin feels like it’s on fire. You put in your passcode and walk into the small apartment, both of you kicking off your shoes before you lead him into the living room, where he collapses on the couch immediately.

It’s a little endearing somehow, his eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks as he struggles to keep his eyes. You fetch him a blanket and leave a toothbrush on the side of the sink, but he’s fast asleep by the time you get back, a throw pillow tucked under his head. You gently cover him with the blanket, and leave to get ready for bed after whispering a “good night” into the dark room.

You have a hard time falling asleep, wondering if he’s going to be there in the morning.

You dream about having his toothbrush in your cup next to yours.

You wake up to the smell of breakfast, worry flooding your mind before you remember that it’s most likely just Vernon. You slowly open your door, peeking into the kitchen to see him in front of the stove, fumbling with a pan and a pair of chopsticks.

“Smells good,” your sudden voice makes him jump, and he almost drops the pan.

“Just because I don’t know how to unlock the front door you don’t get to scare me to death.”

His focus is back on the eggs in front of him, so you slip into the bathroom to brush your teeth. You grab everything without even looking, but the toothbrush feels foreign in your hand. You look at yourself in the mirror and realise that you’re holding the one that you left out for Vernon last night. Then it hits you, he put it in the cup himself.

You quickly finish your morning routine and walk back into the kitchen where he’s sitting at the table, two plates of food set out for both of you. The sun filters in through the sheer curtain, painting everything golden, and you feel like your heart might rip out of your chest with how it’s hammering away.

Breakfast is quiet and peaceful, Vernon showing no signs of being in a hurry. You thank him for making you food as you place the dishes in the sink, only to find him staring at you when you turn back around. His eyes are soft, a smile playing at the corners of his lips, and you feel almost naked under his gaze.

“What?” You know you’re blushing, but you have nowhere to hide in the small kitchen.

“Nothing.”

The smile doesn’t leave his lips still, and you quickly excuse yourself as you rush into your room, feeling too overwhelmed. It’s weird to have someone, especially him, in your kitchen, looking so domestic and so pretty in the early morning sunlight. You can hear him doing the dishes in the other room and it almost makes you cry. By the time you gather yourself enough to face him again he’s getting ready to leave, one of his shoes already on his feet. You watch in silence, and unlock the door for him when he stands up straight.

He’s halfway out the door when he turns back around and presses a kiss to your cheek; your mouth opens and closes as you try to say something. Vernon says bye with a laugh and leaves you standing there, way too flustered to even close the door.

A neighbour appears in the hallway which prompts you to slam the door shut way too quickly and loudly, pressing your back against it and sliding to the floor.

You wonder if you’re still dreaming.

-

You’re running late to your morning class, having missed your alarm, feeling kind of asleep still. The seat next to yours is empty when you arrive just a few seconds before the professor, and you wish you went back to bed instead of running all the way to school.

The class is halfway through when the door quietly opens and Vernon slips in, two to-go cups in his hands. He looks completely unbothered by the fact that he’s this late as he takes his usual seat. He slides one of the drinks in front of you, your name scribbled on the side of the paper cup. You give him a confused look, but he only nods at you before taking a sip of his coffee. You do the same, quickly realising that he bought you your favourite. Maybe coming to class wasn’t the worst idea.

You leave the lecture together, coming to a halt in front of the building as Vernon spots his friends huddled together in their usual circle.

“There’s gonna be a party tonight,” he turns to you suddenly. “I want you to come.”

His eyes are intense and it makes your heart flutter.

“Okay, I’ll be there. Thank you for the drink.” You give him a soft smile.

“I was gonna be late anyway, so I figured why not.” It’s obvious that he’s not telling the truth, his cheeks turning red along with his ears. It makes you feel warm inside. “I’ll see you tonight?”

“Will you watch the sunset with me before?”

With the way you’re looking at him, he doesn’t think he could say no to you, so he nods and turns to say bye. You stop him, your fingers wrapping around his arm, and you press a quick kiss to his cheek before walking away. He looks even more flustered, his feet glued in place as he watches you disappear into the morning mist.

You can hear his friends faintly as they cheer for him from afar.

-

It’s already getting dark when you rush out of your apartment towards the address that Vernon texted you. The air is crisp against your skin, and you realise you didn’t dress nearly warm enough to be sitting out in the cold, but it’s too late to go back home. You will yourself to a jogging speed, finally spotting Vernon in front of his complex.

“Please tell me the elevator is working,” you say, still trying to catch your breath. “My body was not made for this.”

“Well…” Vernon starts, but the look in your eyes makes him burst out in laughter. “I’m just fucking with you, it’s fine.”

“You better hope it’s fine, or you’ll get to carry me up to the rooftop on your back,” it’s his turn to give you a distraught look.

Lucky for both of you, the elevator is in working condition, so you only have to take the stairs on the last two floors. Vernon makes a show of opening the door leading up to the rooftop, a fond look on his face as he watches you take in the view. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen you this happy. You turn to him and wrap your arms around him in a tight hug, muttering a “thank you” into his coat. The pink sky, along with the last few rays of sunshine make Vernon look even more angelic than you usually find him, and you wonder if he too can hear how fast and loud your heart is beating. He says something that you can’t hear from being lost in thought, but before you can ask him to repeat himself he’s pulling a blanket from his backpack and putting it down on the ground. You both take a seat, sitting close enough that your thighs are touching, your head almost immediately coming to rest on his shoulder.

The city is quietly buzzing away in the distance, glass buildings glistening pink, birds flying across the horizon. Vernon feels warm and familiar, his head on top of yours and his arm around you. You don’t remember the last time you felt so at peace.

The top of the sky is fading into blue, the last bit of sun still poking out from behind the city, but the stars are already visible. It feels like a moment you’ll remember forever.

You’re getting ready to leave, Vernon reaching a hand towards you to help you up. You watch him fold and put the blanket away in silence, and he freezes when he turns around, his backpack in his hands, finally noticing that you’re looking at him.

“What?” 

He looks confused, but you simply step closer instead of replying. Your mind is a mess of incomprehensible thoughts no matter how hard you try to regain control over yourself.

“Can you kiss me?” It’s barely a whisper, your thoughts somewhere far away, somewhere where you’re lying in the snow, eating ramen under neon lights. Somehow, Vernon looks the same kind of dazed.

His bag lands on the ground with a thud, his hands cupping your face as he leans in without thinking, his lips crashing against yours almost hungrily. Your fingers find his collars easily even with your eyes closed, pulling him closer, closer, closer. Your lips move perfectly together, your hearts beating in unison. He tastes like how it feels to wake up next to someone you love, and even though his lips are cold, a warm feeling floods your whole body. You only pull away when your lungs beg you for air, and as your eyes find Vernon’s you can’t help but smile. With his hands still gently resting on your face he wipes away a few stray tears, and you turn your head to the side to press your lips against his palm.

The air feels thick from all the words left unsaid, but they can wait. For now, you’re okay with this.

“I don’t wanna go to that party anymore.”

“I’ve got a better idea.”

-

You’re sitting at your usual table under the flickering neon lights at the convenience store, already having finished your food. For the first time in months, your chest feels light, and you’re not sure if it’s because of spring or Vernon. You don’t mind either way.

He walks you home, almost kisses you goodnight, but you pull away. He looks at you anxiously, waiting for something to happen.

“Sleep over,” you say in a small voice.

“Your couch isn’t that comfortable,” he’s only half joking, a smirk on his lips and his hands reaching to find yours.

“But my bed is.”

The smile vanishes off his face, his eyes widening, and you’re about to make up an excuse, say that you were only joking, when you notice that he’s blushing. Suddenly he nods, beaming at you, and you mimic his expression, pulling him towards the entrance.

It’s odd, having him this close, especially in your own home after having been alone in it for so long. He smells like your shampoo, and tastes like your toothpaste, and it makes you nervous and excited at the same time, your heart feeling too big for your chest.

You watch with a fond look on your face as he moves around in the apartment, and somehow it feels like this is how it’s always been, his comfortable presence filling a void you weren’t even fully aware of.. 

In the dark of your room, under the warm covers, he holds you against his chest as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. He looks at you, his gaze flickering between your eyes and your lips.

“Can I kiss you?” His question makes you let out an airy laugh, but he waits for your answer patiently.

“Only if you promise that you’ll do it again.”

With that, his lips are on yours, softly and slowly. He’s touching you like no one did before, with so much love and patience, that you can’t help but think about how this will break your body in unspeakable ways.

-

When you wake up, his bag is in the corner of your room, his toothbrush is still next to yours in the cup, and the sink isn’t dripping anymore. He’s still asleep, and you trace his features in your mind, trying to memorise how beautiful he looks even like this.

You know you’ll never love anyone as much as this, not in this lifetime.

A fleeting moment of everything and nothing.

[ventruevitae]

Went back and played nightroad between other responsibilities and it’s always interesting to see some subtle edits made between updates. It’s definitely been over a year since I last read it so ofc I’m sure my memory is fuzzy kinda but there were some small alterations made to a couple things that made me go ‘huh interesting.’ Like I’m pretty sure the malkavian at pattermuster’s morgue believed he was Christ reincarnated last time I read, whereas now it was something like ‘he had met Christ’ or been blessed by him or smth. I played the mobile version so no code diving but I’m curious to see if there’s maybe a note about these minuscule edits somewhere in it. I don’t remember seeing pattermuster or olivecrona’s people at the final scene either.

Anyway Iris/Lettow forever, they’re off in their plane going east and who knows what’s gonna happen. It’s kind of bittersweet with the whole beckoning thing but imo these two seem like they’re probably going to end up blood bonded at some point so I’m not entirely sure anyone cares lmfao. Julian was #disappointed I guess that he got blown off that badly by his ex but Iris is still very staunchly ‘you lied? So much? What did you expect’ about it which is Fair. I think half of his beef was probably just emotional hdjdjd I don’t think he necessarily still has feelings, but it was more of a blow to the ego that she wasn’t just going along with his plans again. She’s Tired okay.

Relationship with the sire was way better here. Pattermuster is on good terms with his childe these days, which was a nice change. St Basil’s stays an abattoir purely thanks to that relationship, which maybe isn’t Iris’ best moment but she’s also just trying to get out of these situations with minimal disturbance. Caul got away and so did the Lampago, but only after some nasty fighting. Ngl that’s probably also another reason she was down to get on that plane, she doesn’t need those headaches in the future. Beckoned or not, being around Lettow offers more protection.

this was definitely the worst relationship I’ve had with Julian lmao. I’ve never played fully through the game with Iris as a Brujah so there might have been some differences in flavour text? On the plus side the camarilla Loved me so real estate was cheap as fuck. No ghoul this time bc I’m also still operating under this being a double courier au & Romina ends up with Raul. Failed the Reremouse mission too, didn’t have enough vitae for disciplines annnd i got the achievement for messy crits 🙃 like I didn’t frenzy but I did fly pretty close to the sun a few times lmao. You Can definitely get though this one with a physical focus for your stats, but having nothing in awareness made some spots trickier. I ended up picking options at the start that were like. I think drive/mechanic stuff so it was an even split between intelligence, drive, and dexterity. We Managed. Romina will probably have a more survival/charisma based build bc she’s not really djjfjf she’s not booksmart like that yk. She’s not the Car Girl TM.

Donati went down so easily tho, like I had maxed out combat skills and just. Sliced her down the middle and that was that hdjfkf like I don’t think that fight has ever been so smooth ever? Wild.

[cognitosclowns]

umm ummmmm so thoughts on tying brett's hands up with his tie and him being all needy and stuff and just overall him whimpering for you to touch him (ride him, fuck him, etc. doesn't matter, he's just a man with needs that you need to feed into) sorry i just get rly blushy over a needy brett

YYYEEEEAAAAA <33 WE'RE ON THE SAME WAVELENGTH ANON

NSFT BELOW, MINORS DNI

OKAY SO,,

YOUD THINK HE WOULDN'T LIKE BONDAGE,, BC OF THE WHOLE,, 38 HELL WEEKS THING?? But actually w/ you he really likes it!!

It feels,, vv safe for him!! He's in a controlled environment where he can just let his brain shut off and know you're gonna take care of him <333

<3 he has super sensitive skin so his tie is actually perfect?? Rope and Cuffs usually just ends with his wrists being super roughed up, which can be nice in the moment for,, Sensory Stuff, but is a lot less sexy when he's gotta do Work And Stuff (tm) with achey wrists lmao smndsm

SO YEA THE <33 TEXTURE OF HIS SUPER SOFT KINDA EXPENSIVE TIES ARE <33333 SO GOOD FOR HIM

AAAAA <333

Ideally he really likes having his hands tied in a way that,, his arms are facing up?? Like his hands tied above his head <333 he feels completely bare even if he's still got his clothes on <333

HE'S GONNA ARCH N DIP INTO EVERY TOUCH. Like if you lean or walk his entire body is gonna sway to follow your movements? he looks hypnotized!!

AAA tug on it?? he's gonna go limp. Just the slightest Yank to the tie, forcing his arms up further? and he's like butter in a hot pan

He's still very self conscious about making noise <3 he's gonna bite his lips red if you don't remind him you wanna hear him!!

SORRY HE'S GONNA CRY <33 they're good tears though!! These beautiful relieved sobs when you finally sink down?? <3 yea

the sound he makes when you clench is akin to The Air Being Knocked Outta His Lungs <3 this long, dragging moan? <3333333 its

LOTS OF FRANTIC NODDING TOO <33 he struggles to find his words so body language is his next best thing <3

you WILL get some words tho!! Lotsa 'y- uh-huh- mm-hmnm?' of him,, trying to remember how Syllables Work sdmnsd

IF YOU WANNA BREAK HIM?? add in some cockwarming.

waiting all that time, being so obedient and sweet, only for you to just,,, seat yourself down on him and wait?

yea if you want begging thats the strategy <33 it's not super intelligible but BY GOLLY FUCK IT SURE IS GENUINE SMNSD

'please? please?' just <33 over and over until it's this lovely, drawn-out humming

'I Love You' is also gonna get put on repeat. head empty only Adoration For You <3 esp if you start bouncing?? Or cooing about how well he's doing?? <3333

HES ALSO SUCH AN AFFECTIONATE GUY </3 not being able to touch you is also gonna make him get vocal <3 asking you to come closer, etc.

He'll start rambling about how close he is,,, probably a solid 5 mins before he actually starts cumming?? msndsmd his brain isn't active he just <333 wants to make sure you aren't taken by surprise

HE LURCHES SO MUCH WHEN HE CUMS <33 he probably twists his shoulder to fuck but <333 he just instinctively curls into himself when it hits!!

AAA THE AFTERCARE <333

he'll always murmur smth, asking if you need anything - a very silly question to ask considering his legs aren't gonna be working for at least a 30 minutes smdnsd

MMMM it's snuggle time <33 lots of adoring giggles if you let him cuddle up in your arms!!! Esp if you start murmuring?? Just little, 'I know <3 shh, come here - It's alright, have a rest <3' HE BECOMES SUCH A LOVEY MESS <33

LIKE YEA BEIN THE BIG SPOON IS NICE BUT <33 SOMETIMES A FELLA JUST WANTS TO FEEL SAFE AND HELD. AND YOU PROVIDE THAT SO EAGERLY LIKE <333 AAA

he really does try to stay awake <33 you can SEE him losing the battle with consciousness. You're just so warm </3 if you play with his hair he's a goner. Out like a light <3

NOT SURE IF THIS WAS WHAT YOU HAD IN MIND!! LMK IF YOU WANTED SMTH ELSE, TYSM!!

[arrowheadedbitch]

Still copy pasting, don't expect that to change anytime soon

You can either have a new fic or I can not copy paste.

Anyways I bet Shawn's CIA badge really gets Lassie going lmao

Gayass

I bet the ID has Shawn making a silly face to the camera

They couldn't get him to make a normal face for the picture

He's too goofy

@pineapple-psychic "shawn: oh yeah i carry a gun cause of that. also look *pulls out official badge*

lassie: jfaoilkwkfaaaaaa

"

And he gets a cooler gun then Lassie hehe

Shawn also has to keep ✨️*government secrets*✨️

He could run this country into ground soooo easyyy

But he doesn't, he'll leave that the the president

Him and his partner speak like 3 languages in common I imagine

They get in a fight and they're switching between the languages they both know and suddenly she yells "YOU KNOW I DONT SPEAK *GERMAN*, SHAWN!"

He speaks more languages than her >:3

Also I think she should be a manipulative little bitch

Like, her and Shawn get on well, they're buddies most of the time, but she has her moments

Shawn speaking in code with some girl who just barged into the precinct that no one seems to know 🔛🔝

It's VERY clearly a code they made up it's great

What if this entire au is just me having a manic episode, what then

@obsidiancreates "Shawn being a jarringly competent spy while everyone else struggles to keep up and Lassie has Issues over the sight of Shawn in spy gear?"

Him and his partner take turns being the asshole(tm)

Omg imagine the chief and Lassie and Jules all telling Shawn he can't go undercover because he wouldn't be good at it and he's been a SPY the whole time

That's why he's so good at coming up with fake names on the fly

And how he keeps sneaking into conventions under false names (see psych interactive office)

He keeps making Scarlet do things from movies even tho they aren't practical

@vertigoevolved "shawn doing quick changes !!!!"

Scar ties the tie for him, not because he can't but because it's a classic movie move

@vertigoevolved "scarlet being an unfortunate witness to a crime in SB and she has to play civilian while shawn like staRes into her soul like “DONT BLOW THIS FOR ME”"

"I won't blow *your* cover if you don't blow *mine*, SHAWN, stop calling my scarly it's DEBBIE"

@vertigoevolved "“i can psychically sense she knows nothing of value so we should just let her go”

“shawn she was two feet from the suspect?”"

"AND I CAN *SENSE* HER EYES WERE SHUT"

@vertigoevolved "SHES BLIND 80% IN HER RIGHT EYE AND 100% BLIND IN HER LEFT EYE MOVE ON"

He uses hand signals to let her know to be blind

"YOURE BLIND! BLIND! BE BLIND!" like Jess from that one show but blind instead of gay

@vertigoevolved "she keeps having to be involved in the case and shawn keeps tryina remove her from it and the gang thinks shawn has weird beef with this lady for no reason"

Especially because they keep arguing quietly

Eventually they have to work together and her and Shawn move together in perfect sink and everyone's like "??????"

She's a suspect by design so she can get to Shawn easier to drop off some information 👀

@vertigoevolved "they do a background check on her and find nothing

i mean literally nothing WHO IS SHE????"

"SHAWN, WHO IS THIS WOMAN"

"Who? I uh, I have no idea, in fact uhh, I've never seen her before"

"WHO IS DEBRAAAAAAAA"

@vertigoevolved "“what’s a debra? is that a donkey zebra? anyways guys”"

The chief is this close 👌 to trying to arrest him

"Shawn, who is that girl?"

"Oh, Serena? Yeah, I don't know her-"

"Who tf is Serena?"

"......it was Debra wasn't it? FUCK"

He's peeved they can't call eachother Dill Doe and Pussy Galore

@vertigoevolved "they end up putting them both in the interrogation room and all shawn can say is “this isn’t even the worst job we’ve done”"

They stay there for *hours* talking circles around everyone

They're trained to withstand torture, they're not about to cave for THIS

Imagine the intro to Basic Cable but instead the person sitting next to Shawn not only enjoys his antics but is doing her own antics and they never cave and tell a story

Shawn is REALLY gonna have to find a way to make this up to his friends

And they're especially concerned bc they found a gun hidden in scarlet's person 👀👀👀

PT3/??

Okay guys, time for a long overdue post

Welcome to my CIA!Shawn au

And yes most of this is copy-pasted from discord, leave me be

AU where Shawn used to be a spy 👀👀👀

Old spy partner coming to sb to ask for Shawn's help 👀

I'm more interested in how it would affect the *Despereaux* dynamic tbh

And yeah the traveling the world thing with the many many jobs was the perfect cover

Imagining secret agent Shawn au, him and his partner (her name is scarlet but he usually calls her one of those BAD James Bond ones) have a tactic they call Operation Stick It To The Man

Her name changes every mission like he pretends gus does, because she's a spy so sometimes she's Scarlet and other times she Sara or Debbie or whatever, ykniw

Stick it to the man: It's probably just Shawn goes in and fucks shit up, how he does it is up to him, judgement call, but being destructive is encouraged, while she sneaks in

Also, I don't know why I do this to myself but I came up with her real identity and it's Scarlet Featherman, don't ask why, it quite literally came to me in a dream

And yes she is fine with Shawn calling her Pussy Galore, she thinks is just as funny as he does

I love aus where it's like "Yeah, no, Shawn has had a SUPER high profile job before, in fact maybe he still has it now"

This includes but is not limited to "Oh no, he's a cop, just for a different department." "Yeahh Shawn is in the CIA, he's keeping so many government secrets right now" and "Shawn was a spy. He kinda left the organize and kinda didn't, it's complicated, let's go break something!"

The last one is mine btw lol

I've been thinking about it nonstop for daysssss

If I write it I'm naming the fic "Agent P as in Pineapple"

New OC: Scarly Feather

Lesson learned: Don't be eepy when thinking out an au

This is where we got a more specific channel and I moved there so I'll call that a good ending point

PT 1/?

[smallestapplin]

How would ingo and Emmet react to their s/o that is a mother hen.

Like they always are the big spoon(even if they are smaller than their partner, doesn't matter). Cuddles their subway boss close and pets their hair, cooing sweet nothings into their ears.

Readers backpack always has everything you could possibly need, snacks? Pokemon snacks? Berries? HMs? Tms? Medicine? Tissues? First aid? Hand sanitizer? Water? PokeBalls? Pokedex? Extra sunglasses? Sunscreen? Bugspray? Got you covered! Reader can sometimes fawn over them if they are working to late or seem stressed out. Always wanting to help them and make it easier for them.

They can also be very protective of them and gets on the defensive really quick if someone tries to mess with their partner. Won't hesitate to have a Pokemon or physical brawl. The love won't be just got their partner, I feel like the other twin would get some of the affection too, they are their partners twin after all. Their Pokemon won't be excluded either, they will be spoiled XD.

Like domesticality and nurturing to the max but it's one tough cookie that can hold their own in a brawl or battle.

You got it

🔲Ingo🔲

- two mother hens fall in love-

- But no seriously, both of you are mama hens and both of you are over the top.

- You baby him and he babies you.

- Going through an entire list before leaving for the day to make sure you both have everything.

- To him it feels kind of nice to have someone to care for him like this.

- Gets his heart beating quickly.

- But he gets so concern when you square up with someone.

- There is no hesitation, just one moment you’re beside while he is dealing with the worlds rudest person, the next his depot agents are pulling you off them cause you moved too quickly.

- You get a hefty scolding for that.

- Over all? 10/10

🔳Emmet🔳

- Oh he hates this, hates with a burning passion.

- He is the youngest twin, sure by like 10 minutes but everyone in his life babies him.

- He is a grown man he doesn’t need to be babied.

- But he likes you fawning over him, cause he does the same for you.

- He enjoys reminders before walking out of the house cause sometimes he will forget his keys.

- It’s a fight for dominance 99% of the time, that 1% is he lets you win and lets you be big spoon.

- He probably asks you to drop it by twelve notches.

- You fist fighting someone tho?👀

- Oh he is your biggest cheerleader.

- He puts his whole body into cheering for you.

- His grin is sadistic when you threw a nasty right hook a someone who shoved him after losing a Pokémon battle to him.

- Coos over you like you do him.

- Sweet loving babies.

- 8/10

[synria]

I read a bit of The Remarried Empress Novel, and here are a couple highlights (this covers from the beginning up until navier visiting with heinrey the academy (already covered by the webtoon)

Navier and Heinrley (as Queen and Himself) relationship/Friendship felt more developted. There were more scenes / examination on why Navier feels happy / Navier being more explicitely happy. The scenes were very touching. The webtoon feels a bit rushed on her friendship with Heinrely/Queen, so it was a joy to see this.

I must have missed this before, but Heinrey allows the rumors that he is in love with Rashta in order to protect Navier’s reputation in his kingdom. So, if/when he goes to war, people dont (wrongly) assume Navier is the reason for him to do so, and thus make her reputation worst in both kingdoms.

The novel strikes me as giving a little more time with Heinrey/His pov

Also overall i would say that Rashta is one of the best adapted characters of the novel. The Webtoon is able to capture a lot of her interiority really well and at no point i feel like it missed something intrinsic of her, it captures really well her POV/emotions/feelings/actions/both bad and good moments and etc.

He is still determined to go to war, although he is concerned with Navier. I liked this little exploration of his thoughts

Sovietshu POV on his plan was, i think a little more explored, in that his secretary/friend did comment that Rashta could become greedy as an empress, and Sovietshu said he could deal with it/was confident in doing so. 

“Rashta is kind and gentle, i am sure she will give up the throne with no problem” > LOL

Re-reading it really highlight how Sovietshu communication problem is what destroyed his relationship with Navier and is destroying with Rashta. IE: He discovers about her first baby, and inwardly accepts it, but doesnt reassure her externally. Just nods and pretends to not have saw something. Meanwhile Rashta fear of abandanoment haunts her, and makes her more paranoid, as well as destroying her trust on Sovietshu. She knows he knows, but his lack of reaction scares her and she thinks of the worst

FUCK YEAH, NAVIER BREAKDOWN UPON DISCOVERING HIS PLANS. GIVE ME THE JUICY DRAMA

*CRYING* NAVIEERR ;-;;;

Just!! Its written so well!!! Even tho she doesnt breakdown down, you can see how this is devasting her and her thoughts are just *chef kiss*

Yeah Rashta’s pregnancy timeline is pretty fucked up. And yes it had to be retconned. (AKA : Navier comments that its been a year since she dinned with Heinrey)

tHEIR REUNION IS SO CUTE, NAVIER INTERNAL THOUGHTS IS JUST AAAAAA HE MAKES HER SO HAPPY

I AM GOING FERAL THIS ENTIRE CONVERSATION ITS SUCH AN HURT/COMFORT BITTERSWEET ITS SO SO GOOD

Sidenote: Heinry hearing the mage convo. Since i know Spoilers^TM I SEE WHAT YOU TRULY MEAN HEINREY I SEE IT

JUICY BREAKDOWN YESSS

HE SAYING HER NAME FOR THE FIRST TIME HELPS TO GROUND HER AAAA}

HEINREY IS SO EXCITED AND HAPPY OVER THAT

Niceee. Heinrey hurt over the marriage of convineance does show on his thoughts, although he does  realize something happened to make Navier react this way.

[aria-chicken-flugget]

MC reacts to The Brothers (+Undateables)

In a crop top ~ Yum

Due to the *NSFW undertones, I will NOT be writing any for Luke, obviously.

Sorry this took me ages haha i ran out of creativity for these. On that note, let’s jump straight in 😉

The Undateables

~

Simeon 😇

Similarly to Beel, will not see your request as anything unsavoury you cheeky thing, you

“What is a ... ‘cropped top’?”

Basically wears them anyway

Is used to showing a little skin, so would think nothing of it

After all, God intended Human Beings to be naked, so this is not weird

The only thing odd about it, is that you specifically requested it

He still wouldnt see it in that way tho lol

The one he’d wear wouldn’t surprise you, because it’s not too dissimilar to what he normally wears around RAD

Black, sleek and skin tight - sleeveless to reveal his perfectly sculpted shoulders and with a high neck - cerulean blue accents to match his eyes

Your jaw fell slack at how attractive it looked on him

His piercing blue eyes crinkled as he smiled, “I guess this one suits me, then?”

Oop - ah well, who cares if he knows your staring?

He’s an angel ffs - of course he looks amazing

“You...” you couldn’t seem to find the words to encompass what the mere sight of him did to you

His face would fall a moment, “is something wrong, MC?”

You’d flush, shaking your head with a nervous laugh, “No... well, God probably wouldn’t forgive me for thinking it but -“

You can’t bring yourself to finish that sentence

Fairly certain he was aware of where your thoughts were headed, his cheeks would tinge rouge

He’d play Innocent TM as not to blur the line or complicate things...

You’d make it ducking difficult though

Yes i said ducking, Simeon is an Angel he legally cannot say fuck

It’s just... the way you were ogling him, undressing him with your beautiful and captivating eyes... fjdlficjsn

His chest would tighten, breath caught and heart in his throat

He was well aware what that feeling was, his brows downturned at the thought

“Is something wrong, Simeon?”

He’d hold a hand up, gently but firm, “No, i’m alright, thank you.”

You can’t help but feel a little guilty... after all you did just have certain thoughts about an Angel

Seeing your crestfallen face, he’d immediately snap to - gently reaching for your hand with that crinkly eyes smile,

“Don’t look so glum, MC. Everything’s alright.”

He was simply radiant, you couldnt help but return that smile

Depending on what floats your boat, i’ll let you imagine what the outcome was

Solomon 🧙‍♂️

Hahah oh boy...

“Oh? And why would you want me to wear that?” ;) TEASE

Would give That Smirk TM

This could literally go one of two ways:

One, he wears a cute cropped T and says “Well, what were you expecting from me?” ;) TEEAASSEE

He knows God damn well what you were expecting lmao

OR

Quite literally wears some leather skin tight crop that shows off all his tatts, all his packs and muscles... like dayum haha

Either way you’re speechless

He is one cocky lil shit, he’d love it

“Finally i’ve drawn your attention from those brothers, have i?” “Wh-what?!” “;)”

Nosebleed

“I’d like to request you wear one too, it’s only fair after all.”

Whilst having you gently ensnared against a wall between his palms, with those eyes entrancing you to keep you there

You’d never seen him in that light so deeply than after your request

Your eyes trail his form once again, surprisingly more muscular than you’d anticipated from under the RAD uniform

You’d flush from under his gaze, not quite sure where to look, what to say -

“Cat got your tongue?” Ajsksknxdn

He’d need want to hear you say it.

“I - i didn’t realise you’d tease me about it.” You look away with rosy cheeks

His teasing smile would falter a moment, asking more seriously, “why would you ask me to wear a crop top?”

You’d find his gaze, tongue tied for an answer

You’d swallow from under his penetrating gaze that seemed more serious than before

“I...” why did you ask him again?

“I just... wanted to see it.” “‘It’? That’s not very specific.” Ahsksknsk LOL such a tease

You’d hate that he made you admit it, you forced through gritted teeth, “I wanted to see what you looked like in a crop, what more do you want me to say?”

His smirk tugging on his handsome lips again before warm breath carasses the shell of your ear, “I want to see what you look like too.”

Lmao #Exposed

Nosebleed 2.0

Barbatos 🕰

Yo, you would have some mad guts to request it when he’s working hahah

He would instantly flush and comment calmly how inappropriate your request is

Diavolo would laugh if he heard your request and his reponse from beside you both

But if you were alone with him, perhaps a little closer to him...

I stand by the fact i think ‘Barbietos’ is a Dark Horse TM

This man has a dark side lowkey yandere vibes maybe? Idk yet need to see more of him tbh

if you’re close and you ask, similarly to Solomon he’d smirk and tease

Barbatos is sarcastic but he wouldn’t snark you for this, especially with your blushing features

He’d utter your name, before finally mustering the strength to ask, “what kind of cropped top do you want me to wear?”

You’d have to be immensely private about it, ofc he can have a private life but he is literally at the service of the Prince of that realm

Not just the crop top request etc, the entire relationship would be kept under radar for a long time

I can see his crop being loose, the satin like material draped tastefully from his shoulders and revealing his midriff

The emerald green colour so dark you thought it was black until you saw it’s sheen under the light

You might have already seen his body at this point but you can’t help absorbing his features like a sponge

His abdominal muscles, his strong shoulders... he was also much stronger than he looked under a uniform

He’d stand before you, as you rise to your knees upon his sheets, eye level with his chest

“Tonight, I could serve you for a change.”

He’s probably not as quiet as we think

Diavolo 👑

If Lucifer ever heard about your request, you’ll be out of the Devildom faster than you can say Demonus

You’d have to be incredibly brave and or stupid to even ask in the first place...

However, Diavolo wouldn’t actually mind, “come now Lucifer! It’s a fashion trend in their realm! It sounds fun!” With That Laugh TM

Diavolo is actually pretty lonely, loads of people feel they can’t approach him so he’d acc happy that you felt you could ask that of him

If you were closer than that, you’d be visiting the palace upon his request

If and when you’re alone, you’d ask him to wear one

He still wouldn’t initially see it in that way, his own demon form is shirtless

“I’d like to try one! Have you any ideas in mind?”

After understanding the nature of your request, something will flash passed in those golden irises

“I see... so this garment will grant you a certain gratification?” BLUSH

It’s not secret that Diavolo is the biggest demon, he is one big muscle machine

You’d struggle to find a crop that fit him ngl

he’d have one custom made from your design idea

You’d want him in a maroon or black one, specked with elements of gold to match his eyes

It would be snug due to his size, seeing every inch of muscle from underneath like a marble sculputre

There was something so.. awe inspiringly beautiful about it your breath stopped short

Any prior thought was lost as you silently trace the edges of him with your eyes

“Do you like it?” :) - well... duh haha

“What are you doing still standing over there?”

All would fall silent save for faint breaths and the steady beating of your hearts as you trace the crop’s fabric with your fingertips

He’s surprisingly soften as he’d watch you doing so

He’d wrap his strong arms around you, gentle fingertips stroking your hair

he’d murmur “I’m pleased you like it.”

Soft kisses planted on your forehead and you’re a goner - putty in his arms

“Might I ask... would you wear one?”

You bloody well would lmao

Might edit these later and need to link to the brothers one but hey ho, enjoy! ✨

[vibinorion]

I can write too! Watch this!

The Fugio Valentine's Day Idea Dump TM

I feel like Gio is not much of a celebratory person, Because y'know- His parents kinda sucked- And Fugo over here isn't as extreme as most s/o's would be, but does like the whole aesthetic and history if Valentine's Day. He is still excited because he FINALLY has a boyfriend to give things to on Valentine's Day! But how? He is only an awkward guy...

So Mista just nudges Gio to ask Fugo out or do something special because "the love is in the air! You must get out there for your strawberry lover! He is waiting~"

And during that period Fugo is just

Gone. Disappeared. Poof.

Since he is actually a big brain and planning big brain things because he wants to make Gio happy and give him the best first Valentine's Day experience in history.

And shows he loves him

We all know Fugo shows he loves Gio everyday with the rocks and pebbles he hands him (and Gio handing him a flower everyday as well), but why not also show a huge majority of love for at least one day?

Both Gio n Fugo aren't always love declarers and stuff so they at least need one day to show for it, it's the day of Love itself after all!

At least Fugo thinks so, Rip his wallet and allowance though.. Fugo has many secret side jobs, he needs to help pay the bills somehow! Even tho Bruno never really lets him pay-

Meanwhile, Fugo decorates an entire area in him and Gio's secret place! It's your typical deep in the forest area with a gorgeous lake clearing straight out if a fairy tale~ After a couple hours of decorating it and having the most romantic picnic setting ever, it rained

IT RAINED

ON VALENTINES DAY-

and it was ugly and horrible

All of Fugo's hard work was soggy and ugly and he just stayed outside in the storm crying out of frustration.

Because there needs to be angst somewhere

So Giorno in the meantime bought the basic things to make the boyfriend feel appreciated tm without Mista's help because he wanted to be a good boyfriend! He sat in the living room, waiting for him. After about an hour he asked around to see where Fugo was because he searched everywhere for him and he was worried because it was raining heavily outside- like thunderstorm bad- And so he finally remembered the secret outdoor place and ran there with an umbrella in hand, panting and running like their lives depended on it.

He saw Fugo on the ground, cold, wet, crying, just a sad boyfriend tm moment

Giorno hugged him and covered them both with an umbrella- not caring Fugo was freezing cold. He takes off his sweater and gives it to Fugo so he can have some warmth.

So Fugo is here sniffling and wiping his tears away, not wanting to look at Gio because he thinks that he'll hate him for not being a good boyfriend. Then Gio finally realizes all the pretty Valentine's decorations, which were scattered everywhere and gasps gently. He was touched..

"Was it for me?"

"Naturally, yes- I know I'm not really the romantic type like Bucciarati or Mista... but I thought even if I could show you how much you meant to me for one day...you'll be happy-"

"Oh Panna, I already do know you love me very much, and I am touched by all this. It's better than what I got you, that's for sure"

"I sincerely doubt that, oh and I also got you this.."

Fugo gives gio a strawberry locket- containing a picture of them on their first date because he was a romantic all along!

The locket is rose gold, and the seeds and leaves are golden! The chain is rose gold as well. He has a matching ladybug one, it's also rose gold and gold respectively. If Gio wasn't crying before he surely was now.

So he goes around touching all the decorations and turning them into butterflies, so they just kinda vibe on him as the two head back inside. Everyone just peeks from the corner and Bruno freaks out because it's been raining for a good hour and a half and Fugo is dripping wet and probably going to get sick.

So he makes Fugo take a hot shower to warm himself up as Gio is still crying over the locket and showing everyone how sweet Fugo is for being such a romantic and being so considerate. The butterflies go to his room so they can dry and become the decorations again, while Gio goes to get the items he got for Fugo.

Fugo then emerges with comfy nerdy clothing, and his hair tied up because he's tired and wants to be comfy, fashionable, and show that he reads books in his free time.

Gio just bursts in and excitedly gives Fugo some bouquet of flowers because yes, a box of dark chocolate, PLUS dark chocolate covered strawberries because it's Fugo and he is sophisticated homosexual.

Best part was that also gives him a strawberry plushie with a cute owo face, because it's Fugo and he deserves the best things.

"I also had a jewelry idea, though it's not as good as yours I think it works for us. We are polar opposites and that brings us together, we match so well and I find that the most beautiful love. You're the moon to my sun and the stars in my sky. I love you so very much and I hope this reminds you of that.."

He takes out two jewelry boxes, inside was a golden charm bracelet with a sun, ladybug, and heart charms, and the other was a silver bracelet with a crescent moon, strawberry, and diamond charms.

"I have this one for myself, so I always have a part of you with me. I know I'm new to these celebrations, but I wanted to show that I loved you so much, and that I always will. My love for you will last for eternity and longer."

"Gio.."

Now it was Fugo's turn to cry, not out of sadness, but of joy and love. And there was no where else he would rather be.

The two sat their, hands intertwined as they share a heartwarming kiss.

🐞The End🍓

[fandom-101]

Ok wow! I have been gone for MONTHS!! Sorry! Found new hyperfixations (tht u would know if u check my blog) that i couldnt come back from BUUUUT! I did finish SIEGE AND STORM. I didnt do a live blogging of the rest of it cuz, quite frankly and dont @ me, i just couldnt. cuz book #2 was quite boring for me and definitely landed waaaay blow my expectations.

But i do have Thoughts(TM) that i would like to share. Also they are entirely my opinion but i would also like to discuss it more with the fandom.

Things i particularly didnt like about S&S:

Alina's POV being dry:

This is something tht i find a bit weird in the fact tht Alina herself is very snarky. Her actual dialogues and conversations are funny and sarcastic but POV, her monologue, is so DRY tht it made it hard for me to stay engaged and interested in the story (hello ADHD! Self diagnosed) I have read 1st person POV intimate (whatever u call) before and i held the authors who do it in great admiration cuz i believe (im not a writer but an editor) it must be hard to tell ur story while establishing the world, your character that we are following as well as the caracters we meet with proper personalities and motives, all in one perspective. One of these authors is Rick Riordan with Percy Jackson and, for me, the best and easiest part was that he made the story, the journey, the plot interesting because he is sarcastic and funny and entertaining in his monologue. Fyi, im not comparing the two, im just observing how Rick made his 1st person pov so energizing (even tho u can argue tht aside from a few–all–sarcastic comments, Percy is usually silent) whereas Leigh had her 1st person pov very dry even tho Alina herself is snarky and salty (which i absolutely adore!)

The pacing of the story:

Now! this is something that irked me the most and definitely the biggest factor on my constantly losing focus as well as my difficulty in finishing the book super fast (i am a fast reader). So! the book/plot started pretty quickly with The Darkling finding Alina in the very first chapter and, from then on, things happened consectively until we reach the point where Alina decided to go back to Os Alta as the commader of the second Army (and refuses Nikolai's offer to be her bride) by Chap 9. In between, we had character moments and bonds between Alina and Mal with Sturmhond and his crew (very much needed to establish these characters) along with crucial plot points (the sea whip, Alina's second amplifier, the return to east? Ravka, Sturmhond's reveal etc) And then, we are off to Os Alta that, for some reason, we got extensive details about (aside from the fedyor thing which, maddeningly, was dealt with in mere paragraphs!). Then we reached Os Alta but we still got the whole fucking journey to the grand palace for some reason (even tho, aside from the Vasily thing, we could easily be made aware of the state of town/city in a paragraph or two instead of telling every.single.unimportant detail). And it doesnt help tht we have the dryest POV to get us through. Then we reunite with the Royal Family and the remaining Grisha and just when things picked up they again fell when we were told of the meetings and the new training in fast forward. We got every detail about the travel to the grand palace but we cant know how the tiniest of details about how Alina is settling back at the little palace and as the leader of the grisha and working im a diplomatic setting–something she didnt have any experience with. Aside from the barest mentions).......AND D0NT GET ME STARTED ON THE FACT THT THE BATTLE HAPPENED ON THE SECOND LAST CHAPTER AND WAS OVER BEFORE IT REALLY STARTED! (which in a way makes sense to showcase how powerful The Darkling and his Nichevo'ya army is but still! i wish we could stay on tht for a while)

Also and another example about the pacing being just wrong. I wished the book ended on when Alina and Mal were buried in the collapse of the church/tunnel. Cuz 1. Better cliffhanger. 2. I didnt like tht we rushed past their extraction, the reveal of Tolya and Tamar being the Apparat's spy, the introduction to the White Cathedral as well as their settling in it (we dont know how the others are fairing cough Genya cough), reunion with Apparat, Alina's new look and how she feels about it, and then the final reveal of Alina losing her powers. WHICH, BTW, WAS ALL IN ONE CHAPTER!!!! I would have liked if we had stayed in these moments for a few chapters (maybe 3 or 4).

The actual plot of Seige and Storm:

WHERE. THE. FUCK. WAS. IT!!?!?! 'Seige and storm', im assuming, meant what happened to Ravka with Alina in West Ravka after the events of S&B, right? The coup by The Darkling (and the Apparat) against the king that went Royally bad and caused great upheavel for every living being? Grisha at war with the Otkazat'sya? BUT WE DIDNT SEE ANY OF IT!!! We (Alina) only saw the aftermath. I know its one of the cons of 1st person POV but why have a story where, clearly, the main plot happened/is happening so far away from our main protagonist that makes it impossible for us reader to know what happened and in what extent? How can i feel any of the devastation that Ravka and her people went through when we didnt read about it. Not only that but we got bare mentions about its state whenever Alina found out through outside forces. I was genuinely interested in that! I wanted to know more about it! I thought we might get detailed accounts about the riots and the fights and the coup and how it failed and whatnot. Instead we have that whole travel to Os Alta where nothing remotely interesting happened (certainly not interesting enough to take 3-4 chapters!) and the battle we have been waiting to happen, only to end in approx. 1 chapter (and the unnecessary Malina drama–but thats for another post maybe) Yes, im very bitter about it wbu.

Things i particularly like in S&S:

Nikolai Lanstov.