#and the worst thing is i fr now feel so annoyed with him god bless

[ashmp3]

GODSD my mind is a prison i just woke up so sorry about spelling but i had a dream girl posted a screenshot of jeonghan paying for her only fans and being down BAD and buying her gifts and communicating just the way he speaks english and i was sick to my stomach i had to gather everyone around me to make an announcement and i went and Met the girl and she didn’t look anything like me she had hugeee ass and i was like of course h likes u he is a libra sun venus and scorpio mars and then i was suicidal but it was so terrible and now i woke up and i’m pissedmslalsldlfkmfmfn. This is nanas fault bc she sent me jay parks only fans. 1000%

[rnaryjune]

OH HELL YEA CAST LIST TIME

let’s do some (inevitably wrong) first impressions, shall we?

(following is based on cast bios ONLY, haven’t watched any interviews

Steve: he’s either a derrick or a glenn and it’s a little hard to say which but im leaning towards glenn. that being said i agree with the whole “don’t have a strategy thing” because he’s right, this show can be too unpredictable. however, should have at least *some* outline about what he wants to do. wanna say he’s gonna make it at least to week 2

Sam: YOOOOOOOO WHY SHE GOT THE “I NEED TO SPEAK TO THE MANAGER” HAIRCUT SHE’S ONLY 27 SHE’S TOO YOUNG FOR THAT. i get the distinct feeling mom won’t like her which means i almost certainly will. i like her strategy because. same. but also im intrigued that she called the show a social experiment cause like....it’s been so long since anyone’s really seen the show in that way. it’s kinda nice tbh. anyway imma keep an eye on her.

Haleigh: WHY DO I SUDDENLY HAVE AARYN FLASHBACKS OH HELL NO SHE THINKS DERRICK WAS *CUTE* ARE YOU *SHITTING ME* like okay imma feel bad if she’s actually decent but i mean. she’s from texas. and she likes derrick. which is the safest fucking choice man come ON. she’ll make it to jury before being backstabbed by an all-guy alliance tbh. sidenote: chainsaws and crossing the street are absolUTELY reasonable fears tbh.

Kaycee: okay i immediately wanna like her but why the hell is a pro football player in this game like what do THEY need the money for. i mean it’s not as bad as fr*nkie grande but still. well anyway she’s gonna be one of those women you THINK is gonna kick ass at physical comps but ends up giving it up to the guys who end up backstabbing her and HANG ON WAIT SHE LIKES *CODY*? FUCKING MCFUCKWAD *CODY*? OH HELL NO okay tbf if she just means from a game standpoint like. i *guess* but also there are just. so many other ppl u could choose cody is weak sauce as a choice. ALSO HOLD UP SHE GAY? THIS GIRL IS A ROLLERCOASTER FIRST I LIKE HER THEN I DON’T IDK IM SO ON THE FENCE WITH HER. then again mom probs won’t like her so im kinda obligated to ka;dshflkasdhflksadfk

Tyler: oh BOY. HE SAID HE’S “QUESTIONABLE” KHSALFHADSFLKA oh lord i can already tell ppl are gonna stan him cause he named victor zach and dan as his faves and like. maybe one outta three is good lmaoooo. (victor was okay i *guess* but zach? pfffffffffffft) im sorry it’s a no from me im not feeling it. curious to see if he’s gonna be sweet or if he’s a complete ditz.

Bayleigh: bayleigh and haleigh alright sure bbcasting. “i call ppl out irl” oh hell. she’s not gonna last. im sorry i wish she would but i already see them picking on her and sending her out. i really really really wanna be wrong but like do u SEE another black woman in the house. uggggggggggggggh not looking forward to the ugly shit they’re gonna say this season. fucking hell casting can u be more diverse pls im so tired of just seeing y’all fill spots with the usual suspects. anyway bayleigh has a sweet smile and i love that she chose donny as her fave; unfortunately ppl who choose donny never seem to make it far.

Kaitlyn: a life coach oh brother. “im gonna use my messages from my guides” oh LORD. okay she might be nice but she ain’t gonna last. honestly so far i think she’s gonna be the first to go.

Winston: this the one mom is probs gonna like (actually come to think of it maybe tyler too). he writes love notes to his dog? oh mom’s definitely gonna love him. KHAEIFHAEOFSFDL okay ryan reynolds i can kinda see but justin timberlake? who the hell saw THAT. anyway hard to read him but imma say a tentative yes cause i see potential

Angie: oh LORD. i shoulda known she liked joey cause soon as i saw her i was like well there’s joey sdajlhslhsdfl. she’ll get on with kaitlyn. maybe try and do an all-girls alliance? but like. ya gotta win comps to pull anything off. and i don’t see it. might actually be the first to go. next.

JC: holy SHIT i can’t tell u how glad i am he said he liked josh and not fr*nkie or zach. mom is almost certain to not like him so i gotta. do i think he’ll last? proooooobably not but we shall see.

Brett: okay no THIS is the one mom’s gonna like. oh my god he’s an IDIOT HE FUCKING SAID “TROPHY” TO DESCRIBE HIMSELF DJLAHODFHAEOIFEOIF MAYBE HE’S JUST CONCEITED IDK. vehement is a good word but like hmmmm not sure it’s a great character descriptor. oh god yea he IS conceited i HATE him so yea mom’s def gonna like him.

Angela: oh she gonna get with brett. she sees herself in rachel @god pls i would be so down for a rachel 2.0. anyway aside from her shit taste in men because im calling it now she’s gonna get with brett, i think i like her. she’s probs gonna be the worst woman this season tho lol

Scottie: hello oddball man u will never be dentist johnny though. oh man this guy’s gonna be annoying as hell. he likes evel dick which...i know y’all hate him and i understand why but i’ll be damned if he isn’t one of the most iconic players. anyway im fine with that hOWEVER IDC UR A 26-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN HE JUST WANTS TO GET SOME TAIL which actually he might with kaitlyn idk. anyway pass.

Faysal: i kinda like him but idk how well he’s gonna do. once again hard to read but i see potential.

Rachel: SPEAKING OF RACHEL 2.0. AND SHE’S ACTUALLY A VEGAS PERSON OMFG. oddly enough she likes britney oh man this is great yea sorry she’s top of my list just because i really really want her to be good and she probably won’t be bUT

Chris: gotta disagree that derrick is better than paul but aside from that i mean. he’s kinda right wrt paul? like would i say top 5? ...probably not but paul WAS a good player. a shitty person but a good player. do i think he was “robbed” of the half million? no dude blew up his own game TWICE he got what he deserved he’ll be okay. anyway. DUDE I ALWAYS WANTED TO BRING A NOTEBOOK IN THE HOUSE TOO BLESS. okay yea no i like him i think he’ll be underestimated and tbh i really wanna see him go far.

[knight-gwaine]

i keep talkin bout you bc youre my only real way of measuring my progress. you were the best and worst. yesterday or honestly whenever, i made posts along the lines of some shit like you suck ass, which ya do, but if you got your life together we could be friends or sum. but i mean. that’s a concept. what i’m realising is that every day, i’m getting further away from you. and that is a GOD DAMN BLESSING. i say all these nice things but thats for the fake fun and great version of you that exists in my head as just a comforting thought when i feel like thinking about love. but damn, i keep forgetting until i really think about it that, i literally am so fucking happy to be away. i am so happy we never have to be friends again and talk and shit. because you /seem/ cool, especially when we barely talk but if i had to actually deal with you. id rather punch myself in the god damn face. also wow it sucks that id still be down for your dick bc you be lookin like a god damn mess like eww??? i barely /actually/ see you and then when i do i realise oh yeah this b for real aint shit. like i wonder what he is actually getting done w his life. and okay, any progress is great. like if you on your own are trying. great. thats fantastic like im proud of you. everyobe works at their own pace. but in terms of me being friends w you. nah b, you lame as fuck. i aint got time for that. i have been meeting waaayy too many incredible peoole this year and have done waaay to many incredible things to be settlin for someone like you. idk dude. i see you. i hear things about you. i see the shit you do and say and i know you cant judge someone really unless you really get to know em or whatever but sometimes peoples social media and their friends can say a looooottt about them. a lot. and i do not. ever. wanna. fuck. w. you. HEEELLL NOOO.

as much as i wish for myself to never speak of you again and all that. i dont think thats going to happen for a long time. three years is a long time. even if this one seems to have lasted forever, three years is longer. and thinking back on all of it helps me realise how much ive progressed. and how much i keep progressing every day. i literally can only remember one. one. bad day. through this whole year. only one. maybe two? i remember one bad moment? but ive only ever had one bad day.

it is such a feeling. to finally. be free. all my emotions are controlled by me. i never feel depressed and alone on a cloudy quiet sunday. i never feel dreary when its pouring rain out. i never feel affected by the mundane weather. because i have done so much and i honestly will never stop. because what is the point in not trying to have fun and live your best life every moment of your life? fr that one song by anderson paak, i aint never comin down. i spent too much time bein scared and believing i was incapable and antisocial and no one likes me or whatever. but how do people get rid of their fears? you go out and face it. i feel like i can do almost anything now, im not gonna lie. like, if i really want to. because thats genuinely all it takes. if you WANT to do something, you will find a way to do it. so you will succeed. if you WANT to, even if theres everything stopping you, you find a way around it. once you realise that, nothing fucking stops you. i say this same old stuff over and over again but it just took me so long to learn and you hear about it but you never believe it. i still am amazed every day by how my life is now.

i have met some of the most phenomenal and successful people this year. i never would’ve thought first of all that they would even like me or want to talk to me but you would be damn well surprised by people’s kindness. growing up sheltered and being called annoying, dumb, and all other things, you end up believeing no one will like you its just automatic. this year, got to become friends with my favourite people that i always wanted to hang out with. i got to befriend amazing artists and photographers that are huge in my town. everyone who meets me automatically wants to be my friend. even strangers?? random people that sit next to me in class. doing leads you to meet people. and meeting people leads you to doing. its a fantastic cycle if you think about it. life is never boring. i appreciate all the small little things in my life so much more now. everything. if you arent happy with your life, find a way to make yourself happy. you arent stuck unless you give up and stop trying to change yourself. these. are the reasons why i wouldnt want you back in my life. my life is too phenomenal now. my life is too fantastic for you to be in you wouldnt fit. plus, i think im way too positive for you now. and i unapologetically love myself and every aspect of who i am now and i am constantly working on bettering me that i feel like itd just be too much? id be obnoxious to you i feel like?? and youd be boring. you would be boring. i like your interests. i love hearing what you have to say about music and movies and weird random facts but. i also dont trust you to be a good person. after all that you did too, nah. i dont need that negativity. it would be outrageous for me to believe we are connected in anyway. i hope. i mean this in all honesty with my whole being. i hope youre happy w your girl or whateva bc i want you outta mine. she better be takin fuckin care of your dumbass though i stg. i dont care when my boys get w other girls as long as i know their taken care of. vasya when he got w chelsea? immediately got over my crush for him and was happy af bc she was better than me. max, if he gets w anyone aside from cheyenne i will beat his ass. that b better fuckin be pushing you to strive for the best. she better be pushin you to realise your worth and what youre capable of and pushin you to try new things because LIFE IS TOO FUN TO NOT GO OUT AND HAVE FUN. COOK SHIT TOGETHER. GO HIKE. GO DANCE. DO SHIT. GROW UP. THINK SMART.

i fr dont know what the point of this post is im really out here just writin whatever comes to mind. bc one day i’m gonna go back through all my personal posts and ill remember how my life was rn and ill be like damn. that shit was sick as fuck. life was lit as fuck. tbh i think i was just really shook by that photo of you. ive been writing gay shit bout you for a while and then i saw that and i was like OH FUCK ABORT MISSION THAT B UGLY AS HELL AND HAS NO LIFE BACK OUT BACK OUT and now im here. straight shook. yeah. i dont want you in my life. my life is way better without you. i really am an unstoppable force right now. school is a motherfuckin one. friends are fucking precious and successful amazing wholesome human beings that are also out here doin the motherfuckin most im so proud i love all my friends we are all such successful people with amazing futures ahead of us god im so proud im 😭😭😭 we really out here chasin our dreams n shit. aND SUCCEEDIN. and money situation is L I T. ya baby’s got a fine ass mercedes w the best dad in the world getting me AUTOSTART for this cold winter???? ya baby be workin out and doin yoga everyday, abs comin in HOT. ya gurl developin as an artist with her dream school hittin her the FUCK up for her portfolio?? i am a for real artist now but i refuse to realise my big stuff. only sketches for now, dear world. the public eye doesnt need to see me as an artist yet. no. because they always will bc its always me. but no. i gotta act chill. this isnt the artist years of your life yet. you aint settled down yet no. now is time for fun, life, school, that grind 😤😤, and ecology. BE THAT SICK ASS SCIENTIST BITCH. BE SMART AS FUCK AND SAVE THE EARTH.

2017 got three more months left. i already know that im gonna have the funnest fucking time. fam is leavin for xmas and my sister’s moving out?? ff got house parties like wild?? EVERY MONTH??? northern lights are comin out??? you dont have to wake up early for school so you can go chase them??? A N D YOU HAVE A BUNCHA FRIENDS NOW TO GO WITH??? AND WINTER IS COMING SO THERES GONNA BE MORE EVENTS INSIDE TO GO TO??? AND MEET PEOPLE?? AND YA GETTIN MORE HIGHER PAYING JOBS WITH HELLA TIPS??? YES. i said i was gonna make 2017 my bitch. boy the fuck did i and i am gonna end it with a muthafuckin bang.