#and the third time is now that I've had an incubation period

[kenjakusbraincum]

he had to get drunk to ask me out guys im so scary

[wonderful-prompts]

what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

Why'd you start this blog?

What do you do when you're stuck on a scene?

Hoo boy. This got long. Third question's answer is under the cut

The first would be family in every sense. How I was raised, how certain actions (or lack thereof) were treated by adults raising me, the circumstances of my family at different times in my life, and genetics. The second would be relationships I've had, whether friendships or mentorships or just knowing people who would influence me in some way or another. (Shout out to the really nice lady who owns the weird little museum/gift shop who gave me free bones and sold me tarot cards!) And the third would be the Internet because unrestricted internet access from the age of 11 probably rewired some shit that cannot be unwired.

I started this blog because I was 14 and ambitious. I kept a notebook of writing prompts and realized I could run a writing prompt blog after discovering many other people doing the same (via reposts of tumblr screenshots elsewhere). So now, 7—nearly 8—years later, I am still here.

When I'm stuck on a scene, it depends on why I'm stuck.

If it's something like “I'm so tired I can't think of a single sentence to continue” I stop and rest. I might take a break for bodily functions or sustenance if it turns out my brain was too focused on writing to remember those things.

If it's “Okay, and—hm. This sentence is wrong. [backspace] [rewrite] Wait, this version is wrong, too.” I switch to either doing something else or writing something else. I remember reading a post that referred to "mental crop rotation" as a good strategy for when things stagnate. I often have 2-3 WIPs I work on at a time depending on my mood.

And if it's because I can't think of anything to happen next, I also do mental crop rotation for something else I can continue or try to build up my knowledge.

Reading published works helps people write better because it establishes rules you can follow or break. It can also ingrain certain things like grammar structure or syntax or diction without giving you the same lectures as teachers give you when you're a teenager. (But have kept some books from my assigned reading in high school because some of it Actually Helped.)

Additionally, if you're playing around with different things like tropes commonly found in movies or TV, it makes sense to try to give yourself a base. Not just "wow this movie was so good" or "that sucked so bad i'm gonna think about it for the rest of my life" or "wow i already forgot what this was about" but figuring out why.

Short version:

Ensure you have attended to all bodily functions and maintenance (or as many as you can)

Check to see if you're stagnating and need to do something else/work on something else

If all else fails: enter an incubation period where you gain more knowledge whether actively (taking notes) or passively (have turned writer brain OFF). If you are getting frustrated while Active, you might need to find ways to turn writer brain OFF.

[january31st]

In coming and going... (Pt.1)

Cruella (2021) x reader

This is a request from the lovely @cosmicbrownies7 “a cruella fic where she’s obsessed with the reader since the reader has been with her since they were little. And after Cruellas success the reader tries to leave but cruella won’t “let” her. Or something along those lines.”

yes i had fun procrastinating and making this cover, now look at it.

A/N: I’ve already apologised a thousand times for how long it’s taken, but thank you for your patience as well as everyone who’s been waiting for me to drop something. Here it is! This is the first half of this fic, the second half is coming very, very soon, I promise, and it is considerably longer than this one. Also, I might have gone off the request a bit, but this was what I managed to come up with.

Uni has been keeping me busy and mentally unstable, as it does, and the holidays never fail to make me spiral, followed by the adorable, cute and lovely exam season for which I can only seem to be able to blink and breathe, AnD! to make things better right in the middle of exam season (had 2/4 exams done) MY ROOMMATE GOT COVID :') I'm still negative and I've switched rooms but we're always together so I do believe it's just the incubation period. fun! today i'm missing an exam that i'll take on the 18th feb instead (considering that my classes start on the 21st…..) and on monday i have calc (for which i am utterly lost and I have to study bc i've failed a subject already but I still don't know if I'm positive and get to miss it or if I have to take it on monday kdjjdksksdj). life rant aside, that is why things. yes. the tiny amounts of time i've had to write have been like little nuggets of sanity, so i very much enjoyed writing it, and very much hope you enjoy reading it <3

warnings: parent death, generally traumatic childhood, yall know me, i don’t do cute backstories. let me know if there's anything else i should add.

|| Masterlist || ... who have you become? || Wattpad Link || AO3 Link ||

~3000 words

Knowing her past, of course it pained you to have to leave, just like everyone else did in her life, and unfortunately that included you, all those years ago, twice. And now you sat here contemplating your options, and leaving again was the most likely outcome.

Third time would be the charm, she thought, and you knew it, you could tell by the sparkle in her eye and the way she held your hand. Her grip on you was always tight, and it got tighter every time you went away and came back.

It's destiny, she would argue. It's fate, that the two of you should meet again and again. But you knew it to be a coincidence, you knew you would always come back to London, even if for a short time, just like now. You had to be rational, since her feelings would always cloud reality. Because your own feelings couldn't mean that much. Of course you liked her, of course you cared about her, but you couldn't let her mean too much to you. As kids it didn't matter much. Later on things got a bit more complicated.

Your own mum worked at the bakery near where Estella and her mum lived, so, in your free time as a little kid (which was basically all of your time) you would go play with her on the street, in her house, in the kitchens of the bakery. Making clothes, drawing each other, and doing all the things kids do.

And of course time could not allow that to go on forever, so the tragic day came.

You didn't know the details of it, and you never cared much to do your research, because thinking too much about it felt like torture to you. But you knew that one day your mum died in an accident at the bakery, something about getting crushed after some of the heavier supplies fell down.

And then you were left to the world.

You could have stayed, you knew in your heart that Katherine would have taken you in, you could have lived with them, but you didn't really have much of a choice.

The orphanage came for you that very day, your mum's employers at the bakery knew that your dad was completely out of the picture, so they reported the issue right away.

You were little, you didn't know anything else. And it wouldn't be until you were both fifteen that you would find Estella again.

Well, let's say that she found you.

Or, Jasper did.

You had been rather unfortunate with your foster families. You weren't a particularly troublesome kid, in fact, you'd like to believe that you were perfectly normal. But your first family consisted of a drunk couple who wanted the money from child support. The second one was almost the same, only worse. They weren't drunks, they were drug addicts. And the years in between consisted of this unlucky sorting of families, until you ran away at last, now fifteen, and found yourself in London somehow, face to face with this boy who tried to steal a little plushie that used to be a pin cushion for sewing, and that you wore dangling from your backpack's zipper.

Jasper thought your watchful eye would be useful to them, since no one else had ever realised they stole something, and he also spotted right on that you didn't really have a family to go home to. So in his mind he offered his family, and his home, but he offered much more without even knowing. A couple hours later you would meet a red haired girl who claimed that she had a plushie like that as a kid. You told her a childhood friend gave it to you, her name was Estella. And that was when the two of you realised that you did know eachother, and even now, after all the time that passed, she never forgot that you kept the stupid plushie.

That was one of the days you would never forget. Finding her again. The way her face lit up and the way it felt to you, no longer being alone in the world. You took your time to study her, the way she had changed, or just grown, essentially, as you knew you had too, just not quite as much as her this time. Both of you explained what life had been like for the past few years, her story flowing out with the addition of your own tears. It warmed your heart that you had found her, it was a relief, a feeling of returning home, though you’d barely known what that word meant at all, but it also broke your heart to know what had happened to her mum, and to know (to know! oh you knew it too well) what she had to live through.

And you loved her, from her box dyed red hair, to her smudged eyeliner, to those small habits she shared with the boys, but you also loved how she was exactly the same person you had to leave before. With her gentle heart and caring soul, and how she always made sure you felt safe, and always listened to your rants about society and general social critique. You knew she got defensive sometimes, but never with you. All the trouble she had made in school seemed perfectly reasonable since you knew who she was in her heart.

☽◯☾

The four of you lived along like this for almost two years. Passing each day through your little robberies. Jasper and Horace would roam the streets to see what places would be more profitable, getting Wink to sniff out small entrances to places, as you and Estella poured over the outfits. When the four of you were together, there wouldn't be a moment of quiet, each joke coming after the previous in rapid fire, reenacting the day's job, the warehouse was alive with laughter.

But you and Estella? There was no need for talking. You worked to the sound of whatever vinyl you'd stolen last, both of you too focused on your tasks to even bother with exchanging useless words. The right glance was all it took, and whatever the message was, it would be received. But it wasn’t always silence filling the room, because when you weren’t working there was plenty to talk about, how both of you viewed the world and wanted it to change, and that was something else you agreed on completely. Polite society was too dull, and it seemed a waste to just follow the rules when they did more harm than good. Making up your own rules always felt right, because you were kids, and there wasn’t much to keep you from it (how terrible it is that it all had to change- again).

And she stuck to her rules religiously, always had the plan in mind, she knew where she would look and what way to turn to. You worked best by feeling out the atmosphere, reading the people around you, observing their moves. You spent nights upon nights thinking about how she felt when you had to leave again. How she must hate you. You could have just followed the plan, any damn plan, and nothing would have happened that day. Did she even have any idea of why you left? Well she had to, she's the smartest person you've ever met! You were left with no choice but to swear to never see those three again.

Estella was always cautious about sticking to a good plan. The days before a big hit she would stay at home and study the place, think about all the outcomes. Jasper used to lend her some of his wisdom too, sketching out different paths to run off, debating what time was best to strike. Horace did sit around as well, suggesting things none of us could ever come up with, because he always had his mind on what Wink and Buddy could do. But you got stressed out looking at their maps and schedules and lists of things to do. And that was okay, because you were more of a hawk on the spots, quick to tell when something was off and when it was time to go. You were best at looking out, keeping your sacred watch as they did their craft.

Each day after the heists you would go out on your walk, check people out, get your news, eavesdrop on what gossip was going around town. It was how you kept your mind going, by keeping on the move as well. On most days you would bring one or both of the dogs with you, sometimes getting one of the boys to come as well.

She wasn't much of a walker, she had better things to do. When she did though, it was the fountain at Regent's park that she would always go to. And it pained you to know why. To know that someone as lovely as Estella had to live through something that terrible.

The two of you shared a room, with two beds on either side of the big table that was always cluttered with sewing supplies and magazine cutouts. On the chill nights when there was nothing to plan, the boys watched TV and you two spent your alone time doing all sorts of things. Playing cards, drawing things, talking about the most recent fashion show. Sometimes you'd be reading in your bed, lying to one side as you waited for sleep to catch on earlier than usual, and she would come up behind you, spooning you to try to get a glance at your book. She always fell asleep faster when she was next to you, and you would put the book down and follow after her, matching your breathing to the one you felt on your back.

Whenever either of you would have nightmares you knew you could join the other, despite the bed being too small. You would hold on to each other to keep you from falling off, her head on your chest, your legs tangled together.

You never thought much of it because it just felt right. Of course you wouldn’t mind her closeness. Her skin was soft and her perfume was sweet, fruit-like. Her embrace made you feel safe and content. Things stayed this way for those two years. To you this life was perfect, there was no need to change it because there was nothing complicated about it. Not the way you felt nor the way your days passed. But that was to you of course. And in your childish oblivion- more of a purposeful blindness really- both the boys and Estella felt this way as well.

While that might have been the case for Jasper and Horace, it wasn’t for Estella. She’d always been ambitious. And you couldn’t argue that she didn’t have the right to be either. Not with all her talent. But then there was the part you didn’t understand at first. Not until the day you left.

It had never occurred to you that a girl could feel that way about another girl, and it had certainly not occurred to you that she could feel that way about you. Or that what you felt for her, the way you never felt for any guy, could be that.

And it wasn’t until the day you left that you realised.

That day had started off as usual. A chaotic morning of getting ready, everyone getting dressed with their costume, yelling back and forth, disputing the one bathroom you all shared. A rushed breakfast as was also usual, Horace running after Wink with his crispies in hand, Jasper leaning on the kitchen counter with his tea, reading the news as his toast lay forgotten, you with your sandwich.

“Jasper, your toast is getting cold, don’t forget it.” you said to him as you went to wash your dishes.

Estella was still adjusting something, like she always did, a perfectionist through and through. You followed her into the “planning” room on the floor above with an apple in hand, like you always did.

“How many times do I have to tell you to not skip breakfast? We won’t be done with this one for a couple hours.” you said to her, tossing the apple her way when she looked at you from behind the mannequin.

“You worry too much darling. We’ll be having lunch at that nice restaurant today, we should get enough from our work to go there.” she said to you, smiling widely before taking a bite of the apple, then keeping it in her mouth as she resumed her task.

“I worry too much? Yeah, tell me about it” you said while laughing, and she answered with a furrow of her brows.

You had started to leave for the elevator, but then you felt the urge to look at her again. She looked a lot more stressed than usual.

“Is it because it’s the fancy watch store?”

“What?” she said, putting the apple down on a table.

“You’ve been messing with the cuffs on that shirt forever. You never second-guess your cuffs.”

“Well it’s because it’s satin. This one’s more slippery than usual” she answered without looking at you.

You stepped closer to her, taking her hands into yours to keep her from unpinning those cuffs again.

“It’s going to go just fine. Like it always does. This one’s just a bit more luxurious than usual, but nothing we haven’t done before”

She looked to the side as she huffed in frustration “But this one has a Police station right outside”

“We’ve done that too!”

“I don’t know, I just have a weird feeling about today.”

“The plan you guys came up with is just as good as the ones before, it’ll be fine!” you whispered the last part, tugging on her hand so she would look at you. Her jade eyes fixed on yours before she hugged you like she knew it would be the last time. Tight and long, and you hugged her back, naive as you were. Eventually she started to let go, only to stop and touch her forehead to yours. Your arms were around her waist, and hers had rested around your shoulders before she put one hand over your collarbone, and cupped your head with the other, just behind your ear. And then she leaned in to kiss you. Shy and sweet, her lips barely touched yours before Jasper shouted from underneath, making you two separate at once.

“Girls we should leave in five”

You looked at her, surprise etched all over your face, and she grabbed the apple and made for the elevator, not looking at you at all while it descended.

Then all of you left for the store, separating a couple streets before getting there. You would be the first to get in and the last to leave. Then Estella and Horace, and Jasper at last.

You'd barely paid attention to where you were walking, it was impossible with all those thoughts on your mind. If you hadn't slammed head first into some lady on the street you would have just kept on walking, not realising you'd missed the store already. You turned back around and got into the store, taking your sunglasses off as you did.

You tried very hard to keep a cool appearance, but distress was all you could convey. At this hour, the store was it's busiest, since it would be easier to get things done in the chaos. You tried to melt into the crowd until Estella and Horace walked in, their arms linked together.

You looked everywhere but at them. That was probably one of the reasons why everything went to shit. That and the fact that the Police saw you slam into the woman before getting in, they had an eye on you already.

They went on with the plan, started to talk to an employee the moment Jasper walked in. As Estella said her lines, as convincing as always, Jasper bumped into people to get their wallets, stole things from displays and what-not.

"Well, my husband here came to buy this watch the other day, but I just don't think it matches his eyes. I would very much like to see other options." she said.

You pretended to study a particularly ugly watch, just because it was the one that was displayed with the clearest view to where the pair of them stood.

"Oh absolutely not, that is the ugliest thing I've ever seen." and she went on, saying every watch was ugly, or wouldn't go well with his complexion, buying Jasper the time he needed for the employee to be distracted.

As it was getting time to leave Jasper went to you, as planned, dropped his findings onto your open bag and left. Estella said her last lines, ending the show with a banger.

"Well honey, you picked the lousiest watch store in England, I'm afraid this won't do."

"Ma'am, this company has been selling watches for nearly three centuries! We make watches for the royal family! There isn't any other company with comparable quality!" said the employee, offended.

"I'm afraid that the royal family's standards might be shamefully low. Now, I would like the money back for this watch. We are not keeping it, I might be ill if I have to look at it again."

And the employee begrudgingly gave them the money, so upset that there was no opportunity to check that the watch was real at all, and not a replica.

They left with no troubles, the mission had gone perfectly smoothly until then. And besides your twitchy behaviour, nothing else would have gone wrong if you hadn't messed up at the last moment.

You were forced to run. And so you did. It wouldn’t be until a few years later, under different names, that you would find her again.

|| Masterlist || ... who have you become? || Wattpad Link || AO3 Link ||

if you want to be tagged for part 2 or future works please let me know!(and tell me which) please don't forget to eat and drink water, and stay safe :)