#and the red and green ones are also super ambiguous and white passing

[they-them-that]

Don't Buy "Be Fashion Academy" Dolls

I want to put this out there in case anyone is willing to give this doll line the benefit of the doubt.

They're fairly new but they've made several posts already showcasing the dolls in all their pasty glory. They're just ignoring the problem and only replying to comments that point it out rather than making a public post addressing the issue.

Their reason also doesn't fly. Be Fashion Academy should've corrected this mistake before even revealing the dolls to the public, why would you use the white washed dolls at all??? Even if we believe that this is the fault of the manufacturer, Be Fashion Academy still allowed it and put them out to the public the way they are! If they cared about diversity, they should've picked a manufacturing company that did provide other skin tones!

Accurately representing melanin does not get to be an after thought! You can't just say "yeah we're just selling them white for now, we'll add skin diversity later (if you support us enough)". Black and brown girls are being expected to tolerate white washing because their identity is apparently "more work" to portray and Be Fashion Academy does not have the patience for that...

[jcisthebestfightme]

BJYX Song #5: Rainbow

BJYX Song Series List

Disclaimer: This is all my own speculation. Do not take seriously.

After two bittersweet songs from dd, time we start our heart-wrenching journey with gg. 

The song “Rainbow” by Fish Leong was sang by gg during a bts that was filmed on dd’s birthday (160 minutes 1 year anniversary bts.) Right before he sang this, dd’s assistant was called about some “arrangement.” We have no idea what the arrangement is but we know it involves dd arranging something for gg because the assistant asked gg “arrange what?” and then gg responded with “Lao-Wang (dd) wanted you to arrange.” Then the assistant said “Oh, you guys are in such a hurry about it, I thought it was something super important.” Gg then repeated “No, Lao-wang wanted you to arrange it.” The poor assistant then said “I arranged it.” And gg responded “You arranged it, I got it.” Then dd chimed in “I already arranged it for you, why don’t you understand.” Then dd and his assistant started talking about his manager coming. The camera then panned to gg who started singing this song. 

So from this exchange, we don’t know what they were arranging. It’s possible that it’s something like a type of food that dd wanted his assistant to give gg. But does this require them to confirm with the assistant that it’s already arranged? So it must be more important than snacks. On the flip side, the assistant seem to think the arrangement isn’t super urgent, which tells us that it’s not some super important job-related issue. Thus, from eliminating other hypothesis, my personal theory is that they were talking about dinner, more specifically dd’s birthday dinner that he wants to spend with gg since that was the day of his birthday.

So if they’re spending dd’s birthday night together and it’s all loving and sweet, why would gg sing such a sad song at the moment? There are multiple things happening at this moment. CQL filming is coming to an end and ggdd no longer have an official reason to be together all the time anymore. In addition, they will need to leave their roles as WWX and LWJ. I’m unsure of ggdd’s relationship at this point. I think it’s either still flirting/two-sided crush without clear confession or very early stage of a very immature relationship. Either way, even though gg already confirmed his inner feelings on 622, the relationship, or lack of an official one, is at a point that will make him feel insecure. I think this is true for the start of every early relationship. You’re very happy and excited that you’re together. But because you love the other person so that that you’re also afraid of losing them and thus become insecure on the inside.  I think this song “Rainbow” perfectly describes this fear of loss feeling. 

坐在浴缸里，莲蓬头。(Sitting in the bathtub, with shower head on.)

代替我哭泣，像下雨。 (It [shower water] is substituting for my tears, just like the rain.) 其实我不知道，眼泪有没有流。(Actually I don’t know, if my tears are coming out) 就像这故事中，你有没有爱过我。(Just like in this story, whether you truly loved me or not.)

When gg started singing, he sang the two bolded lines. I’m not sure if he kept singing because the camera was cut off. It’s possible they cut it because the next line was too obvious. While he was singing, he did look over at dd.

I find it interesting that he didn’t start in the beginning of the song. Usually when we think of a song, we either start singing in the beginning or at the chorus. But gg started in the middle of a stance, in the middle of a sentence! Why? This tells us this particular line stood out to him. Obviously, gg wasn’t crying at the time, at least not visibly. Is he saying that even though you don’t see his tears, he’s sad on the inside? The line “in this story” is also significant. The story can mean the story of CQL, as the story of WWX and LWJ are coming to an end. It can also mean the story of their summer together. Gg described the filming of CQL before as a “dream.” Is he scare this chapter of his life is closing and he has to let go of something, someone, or a relationship? Then the next line “whether you truly loved me or not” can be gg questioning whether his relationship with dd is based on LWJ and WWX’s relationship. To me, gg is almost asking if dd ever loved him in this summer of filming and that he’s content if he did, even if their relationship doesn’t last afterwards.

虚弱的窗帘，留不住。(Weak curtains, can’t hold on.)

房里的黑夜，也要走。(Darkness in the room, also need to leave.)

清晨唤醒了我，照亮昨夜的梦，(Dawn woke me up, shining on last night’s dream)

一直到这时候，才开始有一点懂。(It is not until now, I finally start to understand a bit)

The first three line is describing waking up from a dark night. It feels like the person is trying to keep a dark feeling bundled up but reality is shining light on that darkness and forcing them to come out. It’s like coming back to their real lives, in modern clothing, that this reality is waking gg up from his dream. But his dream with dd should be happy right? Why is it dark? I think it’s dark not because it’s a nightmare, but because his feelings about it aren’t clear. He feels like the relationship isn’t grounded and thus it feels “dark.” This is also why reality is like sunlight, exposing their muddled, unclear relationship. There’s a word in Chinese call “曖昧 (ai mei)” that perfectly describe this feeling of excitement mixed with sad uncertainty people have in an ambiguous time of a relationship.

The last line talks about finally able to understand something, but the song doesn’t tell us what that something is. I think to gg, he’s starting to make plans of what to do with his feelings and relationship with dd after filming. He’s starting to understand how to sort out whether their relationship is real or if it’s affected by the summer. (Spoiler alert, he went to Japan and had weak contact with dd for awhile to try to get out of his role. I believe there was also a period in late 2018 where they didn’t really talk but they finally sort out their feelings in 2019). 

你的爱就像彩虹，雨后的天空。(Your love is like a rainbow, the sky after rain.)

绚烂却教人迷惑，蓝绿黄红。(It’s gorgeous yet perplexing, blue, green, yellow, and red.)

Here, the song tells us that the love, the relationship is beautiful, just like a “rainbow” so we know that the “darkness” we talked about before is not that the love isn’t beautiful. It’s a rainbow that comes after the rain, which usually represent tears and sadness. So we know that this love is bittersweet. It’s also “gorgeous yet perplexing”, furthering emphasizing the ambiguity of the relationship. Here, four colors in the rainbow are described. Here’s my analysis of the color: “blue” is LWJ, “green” is dd, “yellow” is a combination of ggdd, and “red” is both gg and WWX. People often say that ggdd are in a four-way relationship with WWX and LWJ. These 4 colors perfectly describe the harmony yet dissonance we see building this “rainbow” of a relationship. While the 4 can make up a relationship, they’re ultimately still separate colors and we want the harmony of “yellow”, not a mix of the other three colors. 

Side note, there are many motifs that come up in songs gg choose. “Blue” and “green” are colors that repeat. The word “summer”, “wind/breeze”, “dream” and “loneliness” also tend to show up. This paints us a picture the scenery that gg is trying to describe. To him, this relationship is a picture of a summer day with gentle breeze, with blue sky and green fields and it’s like a dream. Doesn’t this scene look just like the hills we see in the Untamed? It’s probably also why “blue sky white cloud” is a symbol of love to ggdd. (I swear the motifs in songs gg pick are more consistent than some literature I read in high school.)

你的爱就像彩虹，我张开了手。(Your love is like a rainbow, I open my hands.)

Oh！却只能抱住风。(Oh! I could only embrace the wind.)

In this part of the song, even though the love is beautiful like a rainbow, the person can only hold on to the wind, and not the beautiful rainbow. Why wind? I think it’s because “wind” is fleeting, like the quickly passing by and leaving love. That’s how I think gg feels about this relationship, it’s beautiful yet ephemeral. 

吻我离开我，你就像。(Kiss me and then leave me. You are like)

出太阳下雨，难捉摸。(Sun comes out, rain falls, hard to decipher.)

越是努力揣摩，越是搞不懂。(The more I want to understand, the less I understand.)

只好慢慢承认，这故事叫做错。(I can only slowly admit, that this story is wrong.)

This part of the song is probably the saddest. It describes a relationship so uncertain that it’s painful. It’s possible that gg feel like his relationship has a lot of push and pull. Sometimes they’re super close and happy, yet other times he’s unsure if it’s true love. The reason I say this is that in another song that dd later share, he also described this feeling of push and pull, uncertain of how close they should be. (Yes, foreshadowing a future analysis.) I think many relationships have this period of ups and down. The end talks about how this “story is wrong.” Does gg think he’s wrong about how dd feels about him in this relationship? I don’t think so. But I think he feels like it’s “wrong” because he’s not sure what’s “right” or how to make it “right.”

Oh！一层一层，一层一层，一层一层，又一层层，的迷宫，我来不及回头。 (Oh many many many many many many, [and another] many layers of a maze, I don’t have enough time to look back.) Oh！忽左忽右，忽上忽下，忽东忽西，忽前忽后，的折磨，都是你的捉弄。(Oh sometimes left, sometimes right, sometimes up, sometimes down, sometimes east, sometimes west, sometimes forward, sometimes back, the pain, it’s all your trick.)

This part was really hard to translate because the song was trying to use fast repetition to mimic the feeling of agitation you feel from being lost in an ambiguous relationship. The person is completely lost inside the maze created by the person they love. So does dd create a maze for gg to decipher? I don’t think so. We all know that dd is straightforward with his feelings. But gg still feel like he’s trapped in a maze because there are too many outside factors that can ruin this relationship. 

吻我离开我，你就像。(Kiss me and then leave me. You are like)

出太阳下雨，难捉摸。 (Sun comes out, rain falls, hard to decipher.)

越是努力挽留，越是一无所有。(The more I want you to stay, the more likely I would end up with nothing.)

只好慢慢期待，雨后你的影踪。(All I can do is to look forward to your shadow after the rain.)

I think the last two lines fits gg’s personality and his feelings that we have discussed before in “If I were a song” perfectly. Gg’s love the type that creates a secure home for the other person, and is willing to wait for them, not asking to bind them right now. So he knows the more he wants dd to “stay” and forced a relationship after they’re done filming to be just like when they’re filming, thee more likely it will end badly. This is one of the most mature ways I’ve seen someone deal with relationship. I feel like too many people are obsessed with “we were once this way or that way” so when the environment changed, you can’t accept that the relationship may change and constantly try to live up to a past memory (I myself fell victim to this once.) So gg knows that in order for the relationship to be stable, he must be mature and wait for dd to come back to him on his own. This is because he knows his own feelings for dd will not change. After the “rain”, the dark ambiguous feeling that is muddle by filming, is over, if the relationship last, gg know dd will come back to him.

I definitely think gg is more secure and mature in this relationship than dd. But he still have uncertainty he has to face. He also can’t 100% predict what dd is thinking or feeling. He’s probably also worry that dd is too young and may change or regret his decision later. In both “If I were a song” and “Rainbow”, we see gg giving dd the space to choose the type of relationship and how the relationship will develop. A lot of people believe that dd likes gg more because he’s more straightfoward and obvious about it. But I actually think, that gg loves dd just as much, if not even more because gg is constantly thinking about this relationship realistically and trying to plan for the best, realistic future for both of them. Happy early 23rd birthday dd! I hope after two years, the ephemeral rainbow has turn into an eternal yellow ray of sunshine. 

[seraphichan]

Ambiguous

(also on ao3)

~~~~~

Levi’s phone pinged and he dug it out of his pocket, tapped at the notification and opened his email. It was an e-vite to Erwin’s birthday party. Hange already knew Levi was coming -  he had helped them book the hotel for the occasion just a few days prior - but he supposed this was his official invitation. He replied with a Of course I’m coming, you shitstain, then scrolled to the bottom in search of the most important information.

What the fuck to take.

He had asked Hange to list some ideas so he could attempt to get a decent present for once - he was abysmal at gift giving, tending to go for things that were boring and practical over exciting and inventive.

Levi stopped scrolling when he saw “gift ideas” and pursed his lips in disappointment when he read the message:

Bring something nice! :)

How unspecific and unhelpful.

Levi sighed and put his phone away. He had a few weeks. That was plenty of time to think of something.

Not that he did.

The party was only a couple of hours away and Levi had nothing but a rising sense of urgency to find something, anything that could pass as an acceptable gift.

Think, you idiot, think, he reprimanded himself. What did Erwin like? Too much sugar in his tea. Those super fuzzy socks with rubber on the bottom to keep you from slipping on floors. Mike’s butt.

Levi sighed. If nothing else, he supposed he could get Erwin a gift card. He hated doing that, though. It felt like the easy way out, like he hadn’t put any thought into it. Which he hadn’t really, but he wanted to make it look like he did.

Eventually he pulled into the parking lot of Barnes and Nobles. Erwin liked books. Levi just had stumble upon one he didn’t happen to have yet, so he beelined for the table of new releases as soon as he walked in, thinking his best bet would be to get something from there. He picked up the one closest to him and skimmed the back. It sounded kind of boring to Levi, but maybe Erwin would like it? He put it back and picked up the one next to it, read the summary on this one as well. Or maybe this was good? He put it back down and went to the next one.

He repeated this until he had gone through every book, only realizing what he had done once he read a summary that sounded strangely familiar and noticed that it was the first book again.

“Fuck,” he whispered. He still didn’t know which one to choose.

“Sir? Can I...help you?” a voice asked.

Levi turned his head to find an employee - judging from the tacky green apron and nametag reading “Armin” - standing a few feet from him. He had blonde hair tied into a loose bun at the top of his head and two sky blue eyes framed by a pair of round reading glasses. He was taller than Levi - rarely was there a person who wasn’t - but not by much. Levi didn’t have to crane his neck to look at him anyway. He liked this guy already.

“I need a book,” Levi answered.

Armin chuckled. “Then I’m happy to tell you that you’re in the right place.”

Levi snorted. He had Levi there.

“Do you have a specific genre you’re looking for?”

Levi shrugged. Erwin read just about anything as far as he knew.

“Hm…” Armin circled the table, fingers tapping at his chin. “Try this one,” he said, holding up a paperback with a pair of white wings surrounded by barbed wire on the cover.

“Wings and war?” Levi asked as he read the title. He didn’t remember the summary for that one.

“It’s historical fiction based on events in the Great War and the use of homing pigeons. It’s cooler than it sounds,” he added when Levi gave him a skeptical look. “Oh! Like in one of the chapters--”

And he was off, talking rapidly, hands gesturing wildly as he spoke. Levi wasn’t really following what he was saying, too busy marveling at how Armin’s face lit up, his eyes shining with excitement. It was kind of endearing. Levi found himself wishing he could go back so he actually could listen.

Armin must have noticed Levi staring because he trailed off and cleared his throat.

“Sorry. I get carried away sometimes.”

“It’s fine. You made it sound good.”

“Really?”

Levi hummed. Armin’s enthusiasm was all the convincing he needed. Plus, now that he thought about it, Erwin was a history buff.

“Thanks.” Levi took the book, looked at it a few moments, then looked back at Armin. “Hey.”

“Yeah?”

“Do you...want to go to a party later?”

“A party?” Armin tilted his head.

“Yeah. For a friend’s birthday. The invitation said to bring something nice. You seem nice. And cute.”

The words had come out of his mouth before he had really thought about them, and Levi felt his face turn red. Fuck.

“Sorry,” Levi blurted quickly, shoving the book at Armin. He backpedaled and turned, practically running out of the store and across the parking lot to his car. He flopped into the driver’s seat and groaned, leaning forward and smacking his forehead on the steering wheel.

“Idiot,” he grumbled. “Well, I can never go back to that bookstore again.” And he had left before buying the book, so he was back to square one with Erwin’s gift.

It was not his day.

A knock at his window made him jump and Levi looked up to find Armin standing there. Levi rolled down his window.

“You forgot this.” Armin held up the book.

“You...bought it for me?”

Armin nodded.

“You really are nice. Thank you,” he said quietly, taking it from Armin’s hands.

“Pick me up at seven?”

“Huh?”

“That’s when my shift ends. Or is that too late? For the party?”

Levi blinked at him in surprise. “...You want to go?”

“I do. That was one of the most embarrassingly sweet ways anyone has ever asked me out. How can I say no?”

Levi felt his face heat up again and he scowled. “I take it back, you’re not nice at all.”

Armin pushed out his bottom lip in an exaggerated frown.

“Still cute, though,” Levi mumbled.

“I’ll take it. So, seven?”

“Yeah.”

“Great. I’ll see you then…?”

“Oh. Levi.”

Armin gave him a crooked smile. “I’ll see you then, Levi.”