#and the photo would make an excellent profile pic

[tiredwishes]

i want an oscar or lando hat for the sole purpose of putting in on fred (my djungelskog)

[dark-fics-4-you]

Ahhh you knocked it out of the park!!! Thank you for doing my request (somno step bro Rafe). Would love if you did more or some virginity loss or something :) I feel like reader would catch Rafe being hard around her accidentally and get innocently curious

Saving the spicy stuff for a main chapters but I was inspired by this ask so here’s a lil blurb 😏

Rafe sat on the couch, scrolling through your instagram feed. Pic after pic of you at parties, past halloween costumes that were much too skimpy for you to be posting for just anyone to see, and photos of you posing with friends filled your profile.

He paused on a beach pic that you had posted a few weeks ago. Sarah was an excellent photographer, and you two frequently did little photoshoots together for each other.

You were in the sand, lying on your back on a blue beach towel, propped up by your elbows with your legs stretched out. The white bikini you were wearing barely covered anything, and Rafe could see your hardened nipples poking through the thin material.

His tongue darted between his lips, pants tightening as he grew hard. Rafe took a screenshot, saving the pic to his folder of his favorite pictures of you.

When he heard the door open behind him, he quickly pocketed his phone, glancing over his shoulder to see you bouncing in with a grin.

“Hey Rafey, I was looking for you!”

“C’mere bunny.” He gestured for you to come closer.

He wasn’t expecting you to climb into his lap for a hug.

You threw your legs over his lap, wrapping your arms around his chest and squeezing him in a hug.

Rafe tensed, trying to think about anything other than his adorable lil step sis sitting in his lap. Despite his efforts, he could feel himself getting harder as you squirmed.

“Do you think we could make a liquor run soon? I have that party with Sarah and John B and the other guys tonight!” You were clearly excited about the get together, a little too excited for Rafe’s comfort.

“You’re actually going to that?” Rafe asked in annoyance, trying to focus on something other than your bare thighs so close to him.

“I mean yeah, they’re my friends! I like hanging out with John B, Pope, Kie, and JJ!”

At the mention of JJ’s name, Rafe’s jaw tightened, jealously flashing through him.

He knew that JJ was just like all the other Pogues. No good trash from the Cut, who would steal and lie to get what they want. But Rafe’s qualms with JJ went beyond just Kook vs Pogue war.

Rafe knew that JJ liked you. It’s not like he had to be an genius to notice, he had seen JJ staring at you so many times that he had grown accustomed to hating the other blond even more than the rest of the Pogues.

JJ was nothing but bad news. The type of guy that slept around and broke new girl’s hearts weekly. The type of guy who would eat you alive if given the chance.

And the thought of JJ putting his hands on you, or even thinking about putting his hands on you, made Rafe want to explode with rage.

“You’ve been hanging around those pogues a lot recently,” Rafe spat out, jaw clenching.

“Ugh lighten up, Rafey. I’m here now, aren’t I?” You asked in annoyance as you rolled your eyes, shifting on his lap.

Rafe bit back a groan at the motion, passing it off as a cough.

“Damn Rafe, you gotta stop smoking, it’s already affecting your lungs,” you teased lightly, completely unaware of what he was hiding from you.

“Mm, hmm, you’re right bunny,” he said, distracted, mind somewhere much different than yours.

Suddenly, he remembered your plans for the night, and he was overwhelmed with the desire to keep you from going out, “you should stay in tonight, Y/N/N. We can watch a movie, one of your favorites. Plus I’ll make you all the drinks you want.”

“Mmm,” you considered his offer for a moment before making up your mind with an excited smile. “Okay! That sounds nice!”

When you shifted again, you noticed something poking at your ass.

“Rafeyy, do you have something in your pocket?”

“Oh uh, yeah, just my phone, Y/N/N,” Rafe lied.

And like the dumb, trusting little sister you were, you believed him.

[gothamstudio]

Today's Millennial photographer in Melbourne! 

The world of photography has changed drastically! There were times when people used to hire photographers only to get passport-size pictures and occasions photographed. Photography has evolved from the stage of documenting historical events to now capturing timeless pieces of art. Now, millennial photography has changed the game altogether. When we say millennial photography, we mean the concept of the poses and uses of headshots for social media sites like LinkedIn and others, which is mainly more popular with the youngster in today's age. So, if you are looking for such photographers who have changed the photography's outlook and offer the latest norms of photography, then it's no one else but Gotham Studios in Melbourne. So, we will look at the primary services they excel in today's millennial photography.  

LinkedIn professional headshots  

LinkedIn is the most popular and widely accepted professional network worldwide. Professionals post their profiles and pictures. In today's world, where infections like COVID-19 are present, it becomes difficult to meet anyone in person. LinkedIn provides a platform to everyone where they connect professionally, create long-lasting, great impressions, and seek more opportunities for jobs and business. So, for such purposes, millennial photography has emerged, where Gotham Melbourne captures professional headshots for your profile. Since the first impression is essential, people would connect with you only if you are represented attractively. Casual profile pictures attract less attention than the viewer might think you need to be more professional. These LinkedIn professional headshots help you create your brand name under your name. After this, if you post any podcast or blog, people will pay more attention to you; they will go through your profile and will be interested to know more about you and if they can hire you or do business with you.  

Food photography  

Gotham in Melbourne has mastered the art of capturing irresistible images of food. They have been helping with brilliant and mouth water images of food for different customers. One of the current achievements they have created is the grain waves logo for their food. A simple snacking item with juicy tomatoes and cucumbers, placed with a bowl of chili seasoning, looks mouth-watering. The color combinations presented on the plate and the pack of grain waves logo really make you feel hungry. It also informs you that the snack item is healthy and comes in different flavors. So, you can pick and choose as per your preference. Apart from the Grain waves logo, Gotham studios have created tempting food shots for their clients that make you want to go to that restaurant and eat the same dish. These images can be used in marketing campaigns like magazines, airline magazines, advertisement billboards, menus, pamphlets, and social media. They will also help you shoot for the business profile photo shoot if you are in the food business. These photographs will help highlight not only your professionalism but also the products that you have to offer. This way, you will attract customers and business opportunities on social media sites like LinkedIn.  

Product Photography  

If you are looking to sell your products and want to create the best marketing campaign with the most inviting images, then Gotham in Melbourne is your one-stop shop. Along with LinkedIn professional profile pic, they can also help you do the business profile shoot where they will also capture the most powerful images of your products like a gazebo, water bottles, real estate, and many others. They will capture the picture to help you highlight the best angle and features of the product, which will then help you attract customers. In the end, that's what we all want to attract more and more customers.  

Retouching the images  

As a photographer, one must know how to make his capture look better than the original. Therefore, Gotham studios are experts in giving the final touches to the images, which are realistic and provide a high-end look. If we talk about headshots, they will take care of the fine line and wrinkles to a certain extent to make you look professional and bright. The turnaround time of these images is fast, and they are also great value for money. As for product photography, it will highlight the main product and its colors and will make the background attractive.  

Final Thought  

Photography standards have evolved, including their requirements and devices. Photography is an art, like how painters create beautiful and timeless artwork with the help of colors and brushes; similarly, photographers do their magic with a camera and a little touch-up. LinkedIn is the most powerful professional network. Gotham in Melbourne has set an outstanding example of how one could gain undivided attention on your profile or business portfolio with the help of their photoshoot. And same goes for their food and product photography; you can gain customers' attention through the single image they have clicked. With the help of minor right retouch up, they can help you and your product look unique, bright, and attractive. So, if you are looking for such millennial photography, then search no more, as Gotham studios in Melbourne is here to serve you!  

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

CTRL+ALT+DECEIT

Warnings: non-consent sex and rape; oral, fucking, stalking, hacking, threats, implied violence.

This is dark!Jake Jensen x reader and explicit. 18+ only.  Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Synopsis: You find your pictures on someone else’s Insta but that’s not the only thing he’s stolen.

Note: Yay, another Jensen fic at last. I’m probably gonna try to work in more one shots between my series. I’m looking at Andy Barber, Ransom Drysdale, or Lee Bodecker right now for next week but we’ll see.

Thanks to everyone for sticking around and putting up with me and thanks in advance for all your feedback. :)

I really hope you enjoy. 💋

<3 Let me know what you think with a like or reblog or reply or an ask! Love ya!

The chirp of the chat pierced your eardrum once more as you ignored it for the spreadsheet of dates on your other monitor. Working from home could be both peaceful and distracting but the third bing had you muting and pushing your headset to your neck with a grumble. You switched windows as the chat box blinked.

‘So why didn’t u tell me u had a bf?’ Zia’s bubble blipped up followed by impatient emojis.

“Wat r u talking bout?’ you typed back and clicked back to the spreadsheet to update the status of each course. That noise came again and you flipped back.

‘I’m not stupid! Come on. He’s far away but he’s cute.’

You frowned and tapped the space bar lightly. You were utterly confused. The only activity in your daily life were the general notifications from Tindr. You repeated the question and she sent an emoji rolling its eyes.

‘I’m serious.’ you replied.

She sent a link and then a laughing GIF attached to another bubbled response, ‘I’m not buyin it.’

You clicked on the hyperlink and a new tab opened. You scrolled down on the Insta as the air was knocked out of you at the sight of your own face. Not only were their pics taken from your public profile but several you’d never even posted. Your skin crawled and the bing sounded again.

‘So… an online thing huh.’ Zia pressed on.

‘I gotta work.’ you closed out of the window entirely but stayed on the Insta.

You scrolled through about a dozen or so selfies of you, each labeled as ‘missing my lady’ or ‘she’s so sweet, sending me pics to keep me company’. Your stomached roiled with mortification and the unsettling sensation of intrusion. It was easy enough to guess you’d been hacked but to think this was what the creep did with it was even more startling.

You changed the password on your Insta and went through the process of doing so with all of your accounts and ran a scan on your PC. You would likely have to file a ticket for a proper inspection with a specialist. You couldn’t help but shake as you went back to the profile after checking your bank account and PayPal to make sure it wasn’t worse than just pics.

You went back to the profile and found photos of the culprit. His spiky blond hair and glasses were unsurprising and his comic book tee shirt was even less. Your disgust was quickly replaced with anger as you hit the chat icon above his info.

‘Hey, jackass, care to tell me how you have my photos on your profile?!’

The read icon appeared almost and you saw him typing. It stopped and then started again.

‘You’re so beautiful, I wanted to share it with everyone.’

You scoffed at the message and cringed at the screen. ‘Are you nuts? Like actually. You stole my photos! You hacked me. Creep.’

You blocked him immediately after hitting send and logged out. You opened Excel again and tried to focus on the coloured cells. You could hardly process what you were doing as your phone began to vibe on the corner of your desk. It didn’t let up and you couldn’t focus past the incessant buzzing.

You snatched it up and several messages covered the screen as you unlocked it. ‘You really think that’s gonna work’; ‘You can’t block me’... several in a similar vein that you deleted before blocking the number. You silenced your phone and turned back to your monitor.

Suddenly the screen went black and you blinked. You hit the keyboard and clicked, assuming it fell asleep. It lit up again but all you saw was yourself staring back. Your mouth fell open and you ripped the clip-on cam from atop your monitor. You disconnected it as the notepad opened and typing flicked up across the white space.

‘I didn’t want it to be like this.’

You could move the mouse or backspace. All control was lost and you sat there helplessly watching the scrawl.

‘I think we’d be really good together if you only gave me a chance. Can’t you see I worship you?’

Your phone began to shake constantly and a private number flashed. You picked it up and hollered into the speaker, “leave me alone”. You hung up but it kept on and your screen turned to black once more. Your PC was still on but there was no reaction from the machine.

Fuck, you sat back and looked at your phone. You couldn’t even call work to tell them because the damn thing wouldn’t stop ringing. You put your head in your hands and grunted in frustration. How the fuck did all this happen?

🖱️

After your initial panic died down, you disconnected your tower and shut off your phone. You left your cell behind as it was just as useless. You hauled the PC down to IT at your work and filled out the ticket without giving intricate details on everything the weirdo had taken.

You left with a borrowed laptop. You wouldn’t sign into your personal accounts and stick to the company portal. You were embarrassed but happy to have a temporary solution. You got home and set up the new computer and reconfigured your wi-fi. You finished the last of the day’s work and ended the day with a glass of wine.

When you dared to turn your phone on again the next morning, it was filled with notifications from all platforms but each one you clicked on errored and prompted you to sign-in. All your new passwords were wrong and you knew it was him. 

You checked the Insta and found a screenshot on his profile from the day before, your mouth agape in horror that could easily mistaken for surprise.

‘Her face when you pop the question on the call’. The caption made your stomach curdle and you nearly flung the phone away. You couldn’t comment without logging in or message. So you created a shell account with a throwaway email you used on Reddit.

‘Why won’t you stop?’ you sent the message through as you waited for your coffee to brew.

‘Stop what?’ he added a winky face with his reply and you growled.

‘You know who this is! Why are you doing this?’

‘Hmmm…’ he let the message hang there and you sat down with your mug and listened to the birds outside. ‘Imagine what someone else would do with everything I have.’

‘Look at what you’re doing. You’re ruining my life.’

‘Ruining? Sweetie, I’m watching over you. Protecting you.’

Your nostrils flared and you burnt your tongue on the coffee and planted it on the table so it sloshed over the sides.

‘Love you, sweetie. See ya soon.’

The chat box turned grey as you realised he blocked you. That pissed you off more than anything and you lobbed your phone away with a shout of anguish. This guy was fucked!  

You were shaking so much you couldn’t even drink your coffee. You got up and paced until you could think straight. You dialed into work and told them you were taking the day off for a personal emergency and shut down your phone. You were too afraid he would find a way onto your work laptop and you didn’t want to have to explain that to IT too.

🖱️

Zia showed up on Saturday and she wasn’t happy. She buzzed up and banged on your door impatiently. You let her in and she crossed her arms over the strap of her purse as she crooked her hip.

“I know I shouldn’t have snooped but if you’re mad at me, you should’ve just said so. I would’ve backed off,” she scowled.

“I’m not mad,” you said as you backed into the front room and dragged your feet over the rug.

“Sure, you’re just ignoring all my messages by accident,” she stayed at the other side of the room.

“Not exactly, no,” you shrugged, “it’s a long story.”

“And you couldn’t shoot me a message to say that at least?”

“Look, I’m stressed the fuck out. I’m sorry but the only reason I didn’t answer you is because I can’t.” 

“You can’t?”

“I can’t even turn my phone on anymore.”

“What--”

“Just--” you touched your temples, “I don’t even know how to explain--”

“Jesus, are you okay?” her anger slaked away as her voice softened.

“No, I’m not,” you sniffed, “I’ve been trapped in this apartment and I can’t think straight and I can’t even talk to anyone because my phone and my life is totally fucked.”

“How about we get a coffee and you can tell me once you’ve calmed down,” she said, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so worked up.”

“You don’t know how bad it is. I really fucked up,” you whined, “I don’t even know how it happened.”

“Is this about the boyfriend?”

You huffed and shook your head, “I told you, he’s not my boyfriend-- Let me get dressed.”

After you felt presentable enough to leave the apartment, the thought of getting away ushered you down the winding stairwell and onto the sidewalk. You and Zia walked down to the cafe on the corner where you always overspent on their specialty drink and caught up.

You ordered but when you tried to use your card, the machine beeped in rejection. You tried again but still no luck. Zia offered to pay and you promised you’d pay her back. Anxiety pitted deep in your stomach as you sat. You’d have to call the bank and figure out why eight dollars would bounce.

“So,” Zia said as she shaded her eyes against the sunlight streaming onto the open patio, “he’s not your boyfriend?”

“I don’t even know the dude,” you hissed as you almost overturned your cup, “Zee, those pictures, they were all on my phone. I never sent them to anyone. I don’t even know his real name and when I confronted him, he crashed my whole system and blew up my phone. I haven’t been able to log into anything because of him.”

“You’re shitting me,” she chuckled.

“Zee, I’m not fucking kidding,” you blinked, “don’t you think if I was dating some dude out in who knows where, you’d be the first to know? You think I’m wasting my time with the idiots on Tindr for fun?”

“No way,” she scoffed.

“Zia, look me in the eye,” you said as you gave her a stern look, “I’m freaking the fuck out.”

“Did you call the police?” she asked.

You sat back and closed your eyes. You were so swept up in the panic, you hadn’t even thought. You could report it to the police, just get a record of it even if they didn’t do anything else. You heard horror stories of hackers and how little could be done but you had to at least try.

“I guess I should go down to the station today,” you ran your fingertips along your chin, “I don’t know, I felt so alone, I thought--”

“And call your bank right now,” she slid her phone over, “figure out what’s going on with your accounts.”

You took her cell and dialed the number on the back of the card. You dragged your finger down the side of your cup as you listened to the automated message and hit the buttons to direct you to customer service. The hold song bubbled in your head and finally picked up as you finished the last of your mocha.

You explained the issue after giving your information as Zia sat patiently across from you. She watched the other patrons and looked out across the street as you waited on the representative on the other end.

“Looks like your account has been locked. Your savings and checking have been placed on hold citing possible fraud,” the woman explained.

“Well, can’t you unlock them? Why would they be flagged?”

“Hmm, well I see no suspicious spending so possibly… it could be due to an external lock, not us.”

“What does that mean?”

“I can’t speak to that. Have you received any communications from the Revenue service?”

“Revenue service? I don’t--no,” you gulped.

“I’m sorry, there’s nothing else I can tell you,” she said, “you should consider contacting federal services.”

You hung up and handed Zia her phone back. “Apparently, I’m under investigation for fraud? I don’t know.”

“Shit,” she took her cell, “are you sure?”

“It sounded like it but-- I gotta check my credit card,” you stood and grabbed your empty cup and your purse.

You stormed down the street to the ATM at the corner and inserted your card. LOCKED the machine made a hideous noise and you pulled out your card in irritation. You put your wallet and touched the sides of your neck as the heat swelled through you.

“I don’t understand--”

“Um, you should see this,” Zia said.

Zia turned her screen towards you and your heart dropped to your toes. There was a picture softened by a blush Insta filter and the caption read, ‘just got into town, surprising bae with flowers’. Over the cluster of petals at the bottom of the image were you and Zia sitting at the cafe patio.

You spun and searched around for any sign of the man and the bouquet. You could hardly breath as it felt like you were being squished between invisible walls. You clapped your hand against the wall and steadied yourself as Zia gently rubbed your arm.

“Let’s go to the station,” you croaked as tears welled in your eyes, “please.”

🖱️

The police told you everything you expected. Even as you showed them the photos and explained how you never met that man in your life, they only offered you words on a piece of paper. They’d file the report and follow-up in case of any further escalation. It was a non-answer, a cold shrug.

Zia went home with you as she offered to stay the night. You gladly accepted and the two of you cozied up on your bed and spent the night watching early 00s rom coms. You found it hard to relax even with her there. You couldn’t stop thinking about how close he’d been without you even knowing.

You at last began to doze off as Reese Witherspoon triumphed and exhausted by the endless maelstrom of dread, you slipped into a deep but perilous sleep. You were locked in limbo between waking and slumber, almost as if you could hear everything around you but remained blind and unknowing all the same.

You woke with a start as you felt like you were falling. You sat up and reached to the other side of the bed. Zia was gone. She must have got up to get water or use the bathroom. You took a breath and turned your legs over the edge. You got up groggily and lumbered across the room, your mouth dry and head aching. Some tylenol and water would do you well.

You hesitated as you noticed the bloom of light just around the corner from your doorway. Zia must be having trouble sleeping, you guessed as you kept on. As you came in sight of the front room, you heard a whimper and you backed up against the wall as tall figure stood before the coffee table. The flowers laid across the wood, slightly crumpled from a struggle.

As Zia whined, he jabbed her with his foot and she grunted around the rag tied around her mouth. Her arms and legs were bound behind her as the man loomed over her. You recognized his blond hair and glasses, the menacing blue eyes as he raised his chin and crossed his arms.

“Been waiting on you,” he stepped over her, “I was disappointed when I realised it was her. Good friend though, hanging around…”

“Don’t hurt her, please. What do you want?”

“You can’t figure that out?” he taunted, “huh, I’m sure you can guess what it will take for me to leave her in one piece.”

Zia wiggled and received another boot. You pushed yourself forward and he stepped closer, predatory as he dropped his arms and clenched then unclenched his fists. He chuckled as you stopped short and gaped up at him.

“She’s cute,” he said, “she can join us if that makes it easier for you.”

“You’re disgusting,” you snarled and winced as he reached out to touch your cheek. You fought not to shove him away, your eyes on Zia’s bound figure.

“Play nice and I will,” he warned, “every time I hurt her, that’s on you. I wish I didn’t have to do this to show you how much I love you.”

You shook your head as your lip trembled. He pressed his palms to your cheek and ran his thumb along your lips. He leaned in and you cowered as you realised how big he was. You didn’t expect that looking at him from the other side of a screen.

“Do we put on a show for her or did you want a little privacy?”

“You won’t get away with this,” you hissed.

“Oh yeah? I locked you out of your social media, your pc, your bank… do you really want to see how far I can take this?”

He smothered your murmured answer with his mouth and kissed you gruffly. He pulled away and looked you in the eye. He bit his lip and hummed.

“So, do we do this here?”

“You’re sick,” you grabbed his hand and wrenched it away from your face. You yanked him and directed him to the bedroom, “you monster.”

“Now come on,” he twisted his wrist around and grabbed your elbow, “I could’ve killed her. Don’t think I won’t.”

You quivered as he forced you back into your bedroom, the street lights casting shadows between your curtains. He flung you ahead of him, as strong as his thick arms would suggest. You stumbled and caught yourself on the side of the bed. You turned as the door slammed and he prowled towards you like a wild cat.

“Well,” he threw his hands up and you caught a glint of light against the lens of his glasses, “you want me to undress you or you think you can handle that, sweetie?”

You puffed in repulsion and looked away from him. Even in the dark, you could feel his eyes on you. You jittered as you reached to the neck of your loose tee and slowly raised it over your head. You dropped it to crumple on the floor and you touched the top of your shorts. You heard him moving around and shied away as he flipped the switch and light shone across the room.

You pushed down your shorts as you heard a thump from the next room. His jaw twitched as his eyes lingered on you and he reluctantly glanced away. He swung the door open and stormed out into the front room. You went to the door and heard his snarl.

“Stop fucking moving,” he rasped, “every time I have to tell you, I’ll pop another out.”

Zia gave a muffled sob as you heard a sickly crack and you hurried to look around the wall into the room. He blocked your sight with his broad chest and pointed you back to the room.

“I didn’t say you could leave the room,” he spun you and slapped your bare ass, “fast, fast, fast… before I lose my patience.”

Your skin stung from the strike and you tripped through the doorway as he followed quickly. Another slam and he poked you further into the room with his knuckle. You stepped away from him and tried to cover yourself as you faced him in horror.

He quickly swooped his shirt over his head and revealed a buff chest thick with blond hair. He kicked off his shoes and fumbled to undo his fly. He tilted his head as he looked you over and groped himself through his jeans.

“You know what to do,” he said, “I’ve seen the way you touch yourself… cyber security 101, cover your webcam.”

You shuddered as he beckoned you closer. He stopped you and put your hands on the waist of his jeans. He leaned in and nuzzled your temple as his hot breath seeped into your goosebumped skin.

“My turn,” he pushed on your hands until you pulled down the denim on your own strength.

He stepped out of his jeans and snapped the elastic of his boxers. You stood and latched onto those shakily. He ran his fingers along your arms as you pulled them past his erection and they fell to the floor with a whisper. You didn’t look down, instead staring past him as his hand swept up to cup your tits.

His fingers crawled up your chest and his hands wrapped around your neck. He squeezed and turned you so that your back was to the bed. He marched you backwards as you felt his dick bobbing between your bodies. You gasped as he pushed you down onto your mattress, your legs dangling over the edge as he came up to straddle you.

“Such a good girl,” he taunted, “look at you… I bet you’re wet already.”

He pulled a hand away and stroked his length as he raised himself on his knees. He clung to your neck as he leaned over you and planted his hand on the bed above you. He hovered his dick over your head and you closed your eyes.

“Put it in your mouth,” he ordered, “now, or I’m putting it in your ass.”

You reached up blindly and angled his tip against your lips. He dipped his hips down and you choked as he prodded at your throat. Your legs twitched as he forced his cock past your gag reflex and your whole body tensed at the intrusion.

He balanced on the hand above your head and the one on your neck. He thrust harder and harder as sloppy sucking reverberated around the room between his dark groans.

“That’s it,” he purred, “look at you taking my cock. I can only imagine how tight that cunt of yours is.”

Your eyes welled and you flicked your lashes as you tried to bat them away. You kept your hand at the base of his dick as you tried to ease his motion. He ignored your reluctance and only delved deeper as he brought himself to his limit, your lips touching the fuzz along his pelvis.

When you couldn’t breath, you slapped his hard stomach and he reared out of you abruptly. You coughed up spit as he sat back on his heels and released you. He huffed as he looked down at his glistening dick and climbed off of you.

“Stand up, turn around,” he snarled as his eyes flashed. 

His glasses were low on his nose and he slipped them off entirely and folded them up on your night table. He squinted as he watched you stand and turn stiffly. He smacked his hand in the middle of your back and pushed you over impatiently. He stepped closer and tapped his tip against your cunt as you were exposed to him.

He bent his legs and poked along your slick folds. You were wet enough for him to glide in and fill you up completely. He was so big it was painful and you arched your back as you tried to take it. He pulled back and slammed into you harshly. You let out a garble and he repeated the motion, taking you off your feet.

He leaned over you and grabbed your knees, lifting them on the bed as he urged you forward. His hand brushed up over your ass and he pressed between your shoulder blades until your face was flush to the mattress, your arms bent around you like a broken doll.

He thrust again and the loud slap made you wince. He jerked his hips roughly until he found his motion, rutting into you with hissy breaths as his other hand groped your ass. He hummed as your body shook before him, ruled by his touch as your walls clenched him.

He pushed his thumb down between your cheeks and circled your asshole. You strained and lifted your head in alarm. His other hand quickly stretched over your crown and pinned your face to the bed. He felt along your cunt and slickened his thumb before trailing back to your puckered ring.

He pushed lightly at first and as he broke through you gasped and whined. You gripped the blankets as he moved his thumb in and out of you, his hips still rocking steadily into you. He slid his thumb out entirely and prodded with two fingers instead. Before you could react, he forced them inside and you cried out in surprise and pain.

“I know you want it, sweetheart,” he groaned, “I can feel…” he kept fucking you, “I can fucking hear it.”

Your holes tightened around you as he carried the pace. A new pressure began to bloom inside of you, unlike anything you’d felt before. The burning in your ass and the stretching of your cunt mingled to an agonized bliss. You sobbed into the blankets as you came uncontrollably around him, shamed by the unwanted release.

“Fuck,” he drew out the word as both his hand and his hips sped up, “look at you cumming for me. Cumming for this creep.”

You moaned and curled your fingers around the duvet tighter. You felt the same knotting deep inside and you came again as he reached a tantamount. This time, you gushed around his cock and felt the deluge down your thighs as the noise grew wetter and louder.

“Look at you, sweetheart, you can’t handle it, can you?” He snorted as he sucked in a breath suddenly and his hips staggered.

He pushed his fingers deeper and kept them there as he fucked you as hard as he could. He slammed into your cunt over and over. Your hips throbbed with each tilt of his pelvis and you smothered your cries as you felt him coat your walls in his release. 

He stopped just as suddenly and dragged his fingers out of your ass. He leaned against you until your legs collapsed and fell onto you with a sigh. He covered your body with his as his shallow breaths hazed around you. 

Your own heart raced as you stretched your arms out stiffly and quivered. You tried to pull yourself from beneath him. He kept you pinned under his weight and jolted you with a cruel thrust.

“Oh, we’re not done, sweetheart,” he muttered along the shell of your ear, “not even close.”

[mel-the-fangirl]

The Escort

Walter Marshall x Reader

Words: 2,064

Warnings: none

Happy super late Valentine’s, Cavillry! As usual, this is a very very late upload but in my defense, it does say in my bio that I am a procrastinator soooo... Anyway, I’m really excited about this miniseries because I love the movie (The Wedding Date, 2005) and I really wanted to write Walter, I hope I do him justice!

Feedback (good and bad!) means the world to me as rookie writer, so I hope you’ll like, reblog and leave me some replies!

---------------------------------------

You could not believe you were doing this. You just couldn't. But there you were doing it, even though your mind screeched at you to stop and save a little dignity for yourself.

The fact that you even considered doing this was already a serious loss of dignity points, so what the hell. People did this all the time, didn’t they? There wouldn’t be a whole network of people clumped into this app if it wasn’t a normal occurrence.

It just wasn’t a normal occurrence for you.

Once you filled your head with rationalisations to make yourself feel better, you took a deep breath and began browsing through what the great city of New York had to offer.

Z, 6’, loving hands, fit, athletic, good manners, for water sports, caramel complexion.

For water sports? What in the hell did that mean? And that single initial in place of an actual name? Serial killer vibes. No, thank you.

Lenny, 6’2”, pretty fit Italian, excellent dinner companion, all occasions catered.

Alright. Okay. Now we’re talking. Tall, European, excellent dinner companion equals to good conversationalist, accommodating. Lenny goes on the list of possibilities.

Terry, 6’, my soft voice will arouse you, my strong hands will pleasure you,  let me show you how a woman should be treated, hourly/overnight rates.

Oh no no no. Major creep vibes from Terry. That ad alone had you reaching for another long swig of wine.

Joey, 5’8”, are you into champagne?, bodybuilder, will treat you like a queen.

“If you like piña coladas…” you sang in not even remotely the right key, topping off your drink

Josh, 5’9”, I can make you feel sexy and wanted. Fit, sensual, strong.

“Well!” you exclaimed drunkenly, almost spilling wine on your couch, “Tough beans, Josh! I don’t need a man to make me feel sexy and wanted!” you faltered a bit, your drunk mind still seeing the holes in your logic

“I just… Need a man to help me not look like a tragic spinster in front of my family and my ex...”

With that thought fresh in your mind, you reached for some more wine.

The ads went on and on as you scrolled through your phone, it was all a little overwhelming, how were you going to make sure you weren't hiring some psychopathic serial killing pervert to pose as your date to your sister's wedding?

The groan you let out bounced off the walls of your apartment. The reality of your situation was sinking in little by little. 

Yes. You were hiring a male escort for your sister's wedding. It was your baby sister's wedding, by the way. You were a hundred percent aware that what you were doing was completely and utterly pathetic but you’ve already weighed the pros and cons in your head countless times.

Showing up alone: pitying looks, whispering behind your back, having to face ex by yourself, staggering levels of embarrassment.

Showing up with handsome -hired- date: mother can finally get off your back, date is more handsome than ex, ex will want to shrivel up and die, no one will know date is male escort except you and him.

Now, let’s break down some of the guests just for the sake of being thorough. 

There’s your slightly overbearing mother (slightly meaning every call you have with her opens with the question: “how's your love life, dear?” or “I have the most amazing man to set you up with!”), all of her judgy eagle-eyed friends (mostly rich widows whose sons your mom shamelessly shoves your way), your extended family (some terrifyingly old school great aunts and uncles who will definitely ask if you’re married and smile sympathetically when you say you’re not), and last but certainly not the least, Jeffrey, your ex-fiancé (best man, but apparently not the best man for you, his words not yours).

"Lordy fuck." you exhaled hard, chugging your wine straight from the bottle

How on earth did you get here? Sitting alone in your apartment, working your way through your second bottle of wine (or third? Who was keeping count?), clicking on ads that spoke of "hot single males in your area" waiting to meet you.

Would it be fair to pin it all on the end of your engagement?

Picturing that moment, you decided that it was only fair. Those were five years of your life you would never get back, you were prepared to sign on for more but, yeah.

You were blindsided, that's the only way to describe it. All the while, you thought that you and Jeffrey were on the same page, at the same place in life. You were the golden couple, the couple that all the other couples wished they could be, when you two walked past, girlfriends would give their boyfriends a slap on the shoulder that meant, "Why can't we be more like them?"

It was so out of nowhere, one minute you were discussing wedding cake options over dinner, then suddenly you're putting the ring in his palm, completely in shock. 

After that, you threw yourself into your work despite the fact that you were already a budding workaholic to begin with. That's how you ended up earning six figures a year. 

Six figure salary, check. Doing pretty well in life all things considered, check.

But even with all that, there weren't any conversations over casseroles and cobblers about your many achievements. Nope, your mother and her friends would much rather discuss their worries that you would essentially, die alone.

Your little sister, Amy, getting married before you didn't exactly help to put a lid on all the chatter. And with Jeffrey being the best man? And you being maid of honour? 

It was a disaster waiting to happen.

Maybe you could make up an excuse believable enough to get you off the hook so you wouldn’t have to go?

Were you really thinking about bailing on your little sister’s wedding? If she wasn’t taking cues from your mother, it would be the only one she ever had.

Not one of your finest moments as a sibling.

With the complications of your situation fully realised, you took to reading the ads with a little more effort. Luckily, you didn’t have to look for long.

Nick, 6’, male, tall, good looking, strong build. You will not be disappointed.

The ad was considerably less flashy than the others but you supposed that’s what drew you to it in the first place. It was understated, simple, and his ad wasn’t entirely made up of overcompensating flexing pics.

Mostly because he didn’t need them.

Call off the search, send the boys home. You had a winner here!

Staring up at you from your phone screen was the most handsome man you have ever seen in your life. Literally.

A mane of thick, artfully disheveled curly hair, eyes that were a light shade of blue that had a sort of dark intensity and intelligence that you could spend days trying to understand, and a smile. Oh, that smile was absolutely suckerpunching. It was odd though, something in your head was telling you that this man did not smile often.

You couldn’t tell if the warmth blooming in your chest and creeping towards your cheeks was from all the wine or from examining this prime specimen. Jeez Louise!

“Phew!” you fanned yourself upon stumbling on a photo of him crossing his arms in a tank top. Good God, you hoped he had a license for those guns!

You had to set your phone down for a minute to think things through although it seemed absolutely nuts that you had to think twice at all. It’s just that after the initial excitement and hormones wore off, it was becoming more and more evident that this man was too good to be true.

Just look at him! Were there actually men that looked like that? And why didn’t they live closer to you? A quick sweep of his profile placed him in Minneapolis.

What were the crime rates like there? And did they have a high rate of murders relating to escort services?

Before you could even google anything related to that, you stopped yourself. If you kept at this rate, you would never get anything done! Finally, after a methodical deliberation (aka ogling the pictures on his ad), you saved Nick’s contact number to your phone.

Aaand that’s as far as you’d go for the night. You could call him tomorrow when you weren’t a floundering drunk. It was like your mother always said, “Always be sober for a business transaction, but anything else calls for a cocktail.”

-------------------------

The following morning, you sat at your little breakfast nook, eggs still piping hot and untouched, and a hangover in full effect. You’ve been staring at the phone number for so long, you could say it in your sleep.

Come on, Y/N, the wedding is five freaking days away.

What if this guy was fully booked? You didn’t want to spend five days surrounded by family with Mr. my-soft-voice-will-arouse-you, did you?

You slammed your finger down on the call icon and stuck the phone to your ear. Your heart beat faster and faster with every ring and your palms became so slick with sweat that you almost dropped your phone a couple of times. 

Maybe you should have taken your mother up on the multiple occasions that she wanted to set you up with someone. Alright, on second thought, you didn’t really want to be with someone who only looked good on paper but was actually an insufferable mama’s boy.

“Hello?” a male voice answered, catching you off-guard

Oh, God. Okay, you’re really doing this.

“Yes, hi! Hi. Uh, I’m looking for Nick!” you chirped, in a startled high pitched squeak you didn’t dare recognise as your own

The silence on the other end was starting to make you sweat behind the knees. It suddenly dawned on you that you didn’t mention any specifics.

“Uh, sorry! I got this number from the, uh, the ad. I’m looking for Nick?”

“Yes! Yes, that’s right, but Nick isn’t in right now. This is his manager.”

Was that a good sign? That a male escort had a manager? Did all male escorts have managers? You clearly didn’t know enough about this stuff.

“It’s a pleasure, Mister..?”

There was another beat of silence before the person on the other line answered, you tried your hardest not to overthink about what that could have meant.

“Foley! I’m Foley, Nick’s manager.” Mr. Foley’s voice returned to your ear, sounding much too bright for your liking. 

Christ, what were you, a cop? To be honest, you were exhausted. Despite all the alcohol in your system last night, you barely got any sleep. You spent the rest of the night reading through some reviews of Nick’s service as an escort.

He had a glittering five star rating.

One woman hired him to pose as her husband at a high school reunion and by the end of the night, she ended up proposing to him. He respectfully declined and even bought her dinner afterwards.

That review alone was enough to convince you that you would be in good hands. So, it was time to buckle down, swallow the nerves, and handle your business like the adult you were.

“Mr. Foley,” you shook your hair out and put on your professional voice. “I’d like to book your client for five days, give or take. I need a plus one for a wedding. Is he available to leave on the-”

“Please hold. I’ll check his schedule.”

“Oh. But I didn’t mention when I-”

“He’s available. Would you prefer to pick him up at JFK or will he meet you at your place of residence?”

“Oh. Uh, I guess I could pick him up. Do I pay for his ticket or..?” you were feeling a teensy bit of whiplash at how fast this was all going

There was some rustling on the other line and the muffled sounds of bickering. You tried not to let that concern you.

“We’ll handle that, Ms. Y/L/N. We have your number, we’ll be in touch for further details. Good bye.”

The line went dead and you were left staring at your phone in confusion. Did you tell him your name?

[choconanime]

🤥 📣 📸 for zinnia maybe…? 😳

OMGEEE VY HELLO😳😳 KISSY OFC OFC

🤥 LYING - are they good liars? do they have tells to show they're lying?

Zinnia isn't good nor bad at lying unless you count not saying anything as lying? She excels at simply never telling you enough information even if it would ease a situation she just "..." And takes the consequences of her silence. However if she does lie there's no indication she is lying unless is about herself, as when it comes to herself,she has many conflicting feelings she can't properly hide away so she hopes looking away would conceal some of it.

📣 MEGAPHONE - how loud are they? what do they speak like? got a voice claim?

Loud! Main reason she's so quiet is because she has a "booming" voice(as even when she murmurs she still can be heard even when not next to her), doesn't help she speaks quite fast-ish resulting in intimidating othersy a little so now she always waits to be approached first and if need to call out for someone she does her best to get to them first n calling for them as a last option.

But despite her natural loud voice, she learned how to find a middle ground over time by trying to speak formal and sofly as possible gives the impression she has a more "mature" vibes(if that makes Sence) which is better than giving the impression she's some kind of "deliquent" because of her informal and loud speech she lets slip by when talking to friend's(or when she's piss off, immediately drops formalities).

And yes she has a VC in mind♥️Satsuki Yukino

📸 CAMERA - do they enjoy having their picture taken? what's their go-to pose? do they like taking photos? what do they take photos of?

Doesn't particularly mind, doesn't enjoy pictures neither that means she hates them just simply put wouldn't have the guts to say no if it's someone close to her asked for one.

Her go-to pose would be tucking her hair behind her ear(to much hair) while giving a soft smile or similar pose but she hiding her smile with her hand a little+if far away pics she just has a hand holding her other arm while posing almost in a side profile+any close up pictures with her usually means she will hunch down a bit as she's usually towering other's.

Pictures she usually take of is about her bloodhound dog, thooty being a cutey or new food she made successfully at home aside from that rarely does she takes pictures about anything else.

[pikapeppa]

Professor Solas AU: Wrong

Chapter 7 of Inadvisable (Solas +Abelas + Felassan modern university AU) is posted! 

In which Tamaris decides whether to bother replying to Felassan’s message, and Solas talks shop with Abelas... then fantasizes thinks about Nare.

~4500 words; read on AO3 instead.

*********************

- TAMARIS -

Tamaris opened the apartment door for Feynriel and gave him a stern look. “All right, follow those aftercare instructions properly. No swimming, no scented moisturizer shit.”

Feynriel nodded and smiled, then winced. “Ow. Smiling hurts my face.”

Tamaris smirked. “Yeah, that’s what happens when you get tattoos on your cheeks. It’ll stop hurting in a couple of days.” She tapped the aftercare instruction pamphlet in his hand. “If you have questions, problems, you call me, okay?”

He nodded and stepped out of the apartment. “Okay. Thanks again, Tamaris. For the history lesson and everything as well as the vallaslin.”

“Anytime,” she said. She waited for him to make his way down the stairs, then closed the door behind him and went to clean up the detritus of their tattoo session.

She padded down the hallway that led toward Athera’s bedroom and turned into the fourth bedroom, which did double-duty as her tattoo studio and Nare’s art studio. She threw away the crumpled witch hazel and alcohol wipes and the unused tattoo ink, and as she placed the used needle into the sharps container, she made a mental note to change the nearly-full container to a new one. 

She sighed wearily as she wiped the counter down with bleach; she already had another full sharps container in the corner, so it was probably time to take them all to the pharmacy down the street to dispose of them properly. 

When the space was clean once more, Tamaris plopped down onto her padded stool with a sigh, then reached for her phone. Just as she was about to pick it up, she remembered the message she’d received that morning.

Her belly jolted. She hesitated for a second, then picked up her phone and swiped through to her PMs on Instagram.

felassan 08:13AM Deep mushroom sometime?

She huffed to herself. She could practically see his shit-eating grin in the letters on her screen. 

She pursed her lips as she studied the short message. In all honesty, she was surprised to hear from him. After coming home from the mixer last night with Athera and Nare, Tamaris had spent some time wondering why the fuck Felassan had left her in the alley instead of coming home with her, and she could only conclude that she must have offended him somehow. She had a tendency to do that, after all; when you were as short-tempered and indelicate as Tamaris could be, pissing people off kind of came with the territory. 

It must have been when she called him a playboy. Everything seemed like it was going fine until that point. But that’s hardly an insult if it’s true, she thought in disgruntlement. Despite Felassan’s protests that he wasn’t a smooth operator, she didn’t believe him. She had no reason to believe him, after all. He was a handsome and charming man who seemed to know all the right things to say to soften her up, and the way he kissed her was nothing short of perfectly seductive, so of course she didn’t believe him.

Tamaris ultimately went to bed last night concluding that even if she had offended Felassan, it was for the best. Someone that handsome and smooth-talking could only be full of shit, so she was better off without him.

But then she’d woken up around ten to find that he had messaged her early this morning. The fact that he’d contacted her had thrown her off so much that she’d closed the app and not replied. 

Now, almost five hours after he’d sent that message, Tamaris still hadn’t replied. And she wasn’t sure she even should. What was the point, after all? She didn’t want anything other than simple and uncomplicated sex. This contact with Felassan was already more complicated than it needed to be, with his whole disappearing act last night followed by this coy message on Instagram this morning.

Too much trouble,  she thought, and she closed the app once more. But as she sat there on her stool with her phone dangling from her hand, she couldn’t help but think about some of the things he’d said last night. 

He’d said she was looking for a reason to smile. It sounded like a smooth line, but there was something about the way he said it that made her think he actually meant it. Something about the look on his face, like he somehow knew what it was like to be looking for a reason to be optimistic and hopeful and all that shit. 

And if he really did mean it, if he really did think she’d been searching the for a reason to smile…

All the more reason to avoid him, she thought grumpily. The last thing she needed was someone who was going to act like he knew her based solely on the look on her face. 

She sat idly on her stool for a few minutes. Then she opened Instagram and swiped through to Felassan’s profile.

It was devoid of any helpful insights, unfortunately. His profile was empty with no photos at all, not even a profile photo.

Fucking weird, she thought. She stared at her screen for a moment longer, then swiped back to her PMs. 

felassan 8:13AM Deep mushroom sometime?

She stared at the message for a moment. Then, before she could change her mind, she replied.

tamaris_tattoos 12:43PM  your empty insta makes you look like a predator. or a grandma

She minimized the app without waiting for a response and checked her emails instead. She read through her emails for a minute, then returned to Instagram. 

felassan 12:43PM Is that how you speak to all of your potential clients?

She scoffed before replying.

tamaris_tattoos 12:45PM shut the fuck up. you’re not a potential client

felassan 12:45PM Not with that charmingly rude attitude, I’m not.

tamaris_tattoos 12:45PM what do you want then

felassan 12:45PM A repeat of last night wouldn’t go amiss.

Her heart skipped a beat, but he was typing another message. 

felassan 12:45PM The deep mushroom, I mean. Whoever your source is, the quality of their product is excellent.}

Tamaris smirked despite herself. He was such a cheeky shithead.

tamaris_tattoos 12:45PM no source. i grow my own and no, i won’t sell you any, so don’t bother to ask

felassan 12:45PM I wouldn’t dare ask. It wouldn’t be the same if I couldn’t enjoy the taste of your lips on the joint.

She barked out a laugh before replying.

tamaris_tattoos 12:46PM you’re so full of shit lol you say you’re not a playboy and then you throw down a line like that

felassan 12:46PM And yet you replied. With a ‘lol’ to boot. I must be doing something right.

tamaris_tattoos 12:46PM you’re fucking bold you know that

felassan 12:46PM Only when I’m deeply inspired. But I will back off if that’s what you want.

Tamaris hesitated for a long moment. She hated to admit it, but his cleverness was extremely attractive. And the way he kissed her last night…

She nibbled the inside of her cheek for a second. Then, slowly, she tapped out another message. 

tamaris_tattoos 12:47PM fine. drinks later. what’s your number

felassan 12:47PM Now who’s bold?

tamaris_tattoos 12:47PM for fuck’s sake do you want to meet up or not

felassan 12:47PM I would be honoured. Let me know the time and place. 519-555-3352

tamaris_tattoos 12:48PM ok i’m not bringing any deep mushroom though so you’re shit out of luck if that’s what you wanted

felassan 12:48PM I assure you that deep mushroom is the last thing on my mind.

She huffed and closed the app. He was way too smooth. There was no way he wasn’t a playboy.

It was fine, though. She’d just meet up with him, have a drink, fuck him, and then she’d never have to see him again. 

Good plan, she told herself. She went back to her bedroom and grabbed her laptop, then sat down in the living room to read her emails and messages from possible clients until her two o’clock client arrived. But as she looked through the reference pics that one possible client had sent her, she found herself thinking about Felassan and his surprising lack of tattoos – specifically of vallaslin.

She supposed she shouldn’t be that surprised that Arlathani elves didn’t share the same traditions as Dalish elves. The elves that had eventually split off into the Dalish clans had left Arlathan hundreds of years ago, after all. Maybe even a thousand years ago? Athera would know the exact dates if she was here. Regardless, it was long enough for traditions to change. But still, the way Felassan described the difference between the Dalish and the Arlathani elves was interesting: so far removed as to be incomparable. That was a pretty intriguing statement, if Tamaris was honest. Not to mention that thing he’d said about there being a reason he had decided to stay in Orlais instead of going back to Arlathan… 

She mulled this over for a moment, then shrugged it off. It’s probably just a ploy, she thought. All part of his charm to try and get her interested enough to see him again. And here she was, falling into his charming trap. 

She tsked at herself and got up to make a cup of coffee. It’s not falling into his trap if this is the last time I see him, she thought. And really, that’s all there was to it: she’d see him this one time, have sex with him, and that would be the end of it. It’s not like she was emotionally equipped to actually fall for anyone, anyway.

And certainly not for a smooth-as-fuck player like Felassan.

- SOLAS -

Late that afternoon, after all the students and research assistants had gone home, Solas sat at the desk in his office staring absently at his computer screen. 

He really should be working. He had meant to finish editing the response piece he was submitting to the Journal of Orlesian History by tomorrow afternoon, and he had an early meeting with Merrill in the morning, so tonight was really the only time he had to finish the edits. 

He put on his reading glasses and signed into his computer, then opened the response piece and stared at it without taking in a single word. He really needed to focus, but his thoughts were spinning fruitlessly through his head like leaves in a windstorm, and they kept coming back to Nare. 

Nare, the irresistible woman from the bar last night — the student from the bar last night. 

Nare, his Master’s student. 

He rubbed his forehead. It still felt surreal that the beautiful and tempting woman who had approached him so boldly at the bar last night was his new Master’s student. 

And to his shame, the fact that she was his student hadn’t diminished his interest in her at all.

Quite the opposite, in fact. In his art theory and critique seminar today, she had asked so many incisive questions about the ancient Elvhen principles of art criticism that he’d had a hard time keeping a straight face while answering her. And then she’d actually engaged him in a rousing debate about whether those principles were still relevant today when there was so much interaction between different forms and traditions of art. Solas was as impressed by the quality of Nare’s logic as he was by the fact that she dared to debate with him — something that few students did. 

All in all, she was proving to be just as keen and inquisitive as she was beautiful. And for Solas, this was a terrible problem. 

He blew out a bracing breath. It is not a problem, he assured himself; after all, he and Nare both wanted the same thing: a good mentor-student relationship. And her behaviour during the seminar had been very professional.

If he didn’t count the intense way she watched him during the lecture portion of his seminar, or those mischievous little smiles she gave him when no one else was looking. 

He frowned at himself and ran a hand over his scalp as though to brush the thoughts away. There was no reason for him to think that she was trying to flirt with him during the seminar with her oceanic eyes or her little smiles. He was probably just imagining her to be a vixen because of the way she’d approached him last night.

That was over now, though. He ought to forget entirely about the Nare he had met last night at the campus bar, and focus solely on the Nare who was his clever and sharp-minded Master’s student. 

He sighed. If only he wasn’t finding her intelligence as alluring as her smile or the enticing curve of her spine. 

Then someone knocked on the door.

Solas’s heart leapt into his throat. Was it possible that it was Nare?

He cleared his throat subtly. “Yes?” he called. 

When Abelas opened the door, Solas couldn’t decide whether to be relieved or disappointed. “Abelas,” he greeted. “Are you heading home shortly?”

“Not yet,” Abelas said. He entered the office and closed the door behind him. “I wanted to discuss a few things with you before we part ways for the night.”

“Certainly,” Solas said. “What’s on your mind?”

Abelas handed him a report. “The waitlists for our program’s classes are growing longer still. We should consider speaking to the head of the history department about an increase in class sizes.”

Solas scanned the first page of the report, then looked up at Abelas in surprise. “The waitlist for your fourth-year literature class has more students than the class itself.”

“You see the problem, then,” he said.

“This is not a problem,” Solas said. “This is excellent.” He smiled at Abelas. “You should be pleased that your class is so popular.”

“Hm,” Abelas grunted. “Your first- and second-year classes are also particularly in demand.”

“Not the upper year ones, however,” Solas said drolly. 

Abelas raised one eyebrow. “It seems that your reputation precedes you, Fen’Harel.”

Solas laughed. “Hearing that nickname from Felassan is bad enough. Am I to suffer it from you as well, then?”

Abelas grunted again, and Solas fondly noted the twitch of a near-smile at the corner of Abelas’s mouth. Then Abelas pointed to the report. “Speaking of Felassan: his courses are overly popular as well.” He folded his arms. “I believe it’s because he is being too lenient with grading.”

“What makes you think that?” Solas asked.

“He said as much today,” Abelas said.

Solas frowned. “He did?”

“Yes, when he was speaking to Athera.”

Solas relaxed. “Ah. It was more than likely a joke.”

Abelas pursed his lips. “I have my doubts. I will find some time to audit his classes in the next two weeks.”

 “Why?” Solas said in surprise.

“To ensure that he is fulfilling his duties properly.”

Solas eyed him with growing exasperation. Abelas has always had an admirable devotion to his work, but ever since they had come to Orlais, his devotion had almost become an obsession. 

“I don’t believe that such extreme measures are necessary,” Solas said.

Abelas frowned. “It doesn’t bother you to imagine him making a mockery of our work here? You would rather let him have free reign than allow me to audit his classes?”

Solas raised his eyebrows at Abelas’s waspish tone, then slowly sat back in his chair. “It is not my place to allow you to do anything,” he said evenly. “You are the program director, after all.”

Abelas clenched his jaw, and Solas sympathetically regarded his longtime friend. “You are doing it again, you know,” he said gently. “Taking on more than is necessary to keep things running smoothly.” 

“I am not taking on too much,” Abelas snapped. “I am doing what my duty requires of me.”

Solas steadily met his eyes, then switched to Elvhen. “This is not the military, Abelas.”

“I am aware of that,” Abelas retorted.

“Are you?”

Abelas clenched his jaw and looked away before speaking in the common tongue once more. “I will have a word with Felassan. In private.”

“That sounds like a much better plan,” Solas said. He put his reading glasses back on and turned to his computer. “Is there anything else? I have some editing to do that requires my undivided attention.”

Abelas frowned. “For the response piece? I thought you had intended to finish that before your seminar.”

“I had, yes,” Solas said wryly. “But I have been unusually distracted.” He forced his expression to remain pleasantly neutral as he spoke. He was telling the truth, after all; he had been regrettably distracted all afternoon. There was absolutely no need to tell Abelas that the distraction was in the form of his alluring new Master’s student.

Abelas raised his eyebrows. “Distracted? That is unlike you.”

Solas gave him a small smile. “There is no need to rub it in.”

“That was not my intention,” Abelas said. He clasped his hands behind his back. “Are you in need of assistance?” 

Solas shot him a wry look. “And add another task to your overfilled plate? I wouldn’t dare, for fear that you would actually agree to take it on.”

Abelas harrumphed, but before he could reply, there was another knock on Solas’s door. 

Solas raised his eyebrows at Abelas — who else was still here at this hour? — then called out to the person at the door. “Come in.”

The door opened, and Athera poked her head in with a smile. “Hi Solas, I — oh, Abelas! I mean, Professor Abelas. I didn’t… um.” She broke off and shot them both a sheepish smile. “I didn’t mean to interrupt. I was just going to let you know I finished digitizing the contents of one shelf in the archive room. I’ll—”

Abelas cut in. “You finished the first shelf?”

“Not the whole bookshelf,” Athera said quickly. “Just the top shelf of the first bookshelf.”

Abelas blinked. “You — the entire top shelf?”

Athera’s smile was fading into a cautious look. “Yes. Is that okay?”

“It’s excellent, Athera,” Solas said firmly. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” she said. “I’ll keep going tomorrow when I have time.”

Solas nodded and smiled, and Athera smiled back at him before shifting her gaze to Abelas. “Let me know if you want me to start that proposal for the NAS system,” she said.

“Not yet,” Abelas said brusquely. “I must review the program budget first.” 

To Solas’s mild surprise, Athera wasn’t cowed by Abelas’s unfriendly tone; instead, she widened her grey eyes. “I know. I’m just saying to let me know when and I’ll get started.”

Abelas folded his arms and nodded. Then Athera tugged her ear and gave them both an awkward little smile. “Okay, uh, goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” Solas said politely.

She shot Abelas one last glance before leaving the office. Once she was gone, Abelas sighed and ran a hand over his braid.

Solas raised his eyebrows. “You were nearly polite. I’m impressed.”

Abelas shot him a resentful look, then rubbed his chin. “I… snapped at her earlier today,” he admitted.

Solas sighed. “Abelas…”

“Do not act as though you are surprised,” he complained. “You knew I didn’t want her here. I didn’t want a lab coordinator.”

“You said you understood the necessity of the position,” Solas said.

“I know what I said,” Abelas said in a hard voice. “I am allowed to understand the need but still be resentful.”

“As long as you don’t remain resentful for too long,” Solas said. He clicked his mouse to wake up the screen, then looked at his colleague over the top of his glasses. “You know I insisted on this position out of concern for you.”

“I am aware,” he muttered. “You remind me incessantly.”

Solas lifted his chin slightly, and Abelas sighed. “I understand the necessity, Solas.”

“All right.” Solas quickly corrected a typo, then shot him a sideways glance. “You don’t have genuine concerns about her competence, do you?”

Abelas hesitated for long enough that Solas actually paused his activities to look at him fully. “Do you truly have concerns?”

“No,” Abelas said. “She appears to be…” He sighed and ran his hand over his hair once more. “She is more organized and efficient than she appears to be.”

Solas raised his eyebrows. “That sounds like praise. I don’t know if I should believe my ears.”

Abelas shot him an annoyed look. “She is trying to change things after a single day here.”

Solas smiled faintly. “Some change was inevitable when bringing in a new member of the lab. And I know you have no great love for change–”

“Don’t make me sound so inflexible,” Abelas snapped. “I left Arlathan to come to this place, did I not?”

“Reluctantly, yes,” Solas said.

Abelas folded his arms, and Solas leaned his elbows on the desk. “It is temporary, Abelas,” he said soothingly. “Just remember that. Our contract lasts for three more years, and then we can return home. But we must—”

Abelas interrupted him. “We need to obtain exclusive rights to the Elvhen ruins in the Arbour Wilds first,” he said testily. “I haven’t forgotten.”

“I know you haven’t,” Solas said. “Just remember this when you are feeling irritated. The situation is temporary.”

Abelas nodded, then took a step back from his desk. “I will leave you to your work.”

Solas shot him a knowing look over the top of his glasses. “You should leave for the night.”

Abelas replied in Elvhen. “The rose should not disdain the holly leaf for its thorns.”

Solas laughed. “Don’t quote classic Arlathani poetry at me. My current circumstances are exceptional. You are a workaholic.”

Abelas harrumphed and left without a reply, closing the office door behind him. Solas chuckled as he settled back into his work, and for a time, he was actually able to concentrate on his edits. 

When his phone chimed with a text, however, his mind instantly went to Nare. 

He glanced eagerly at his phone, but a little thud of disappointment jolted his belly; it was just a text from Dorian inviting him for lunch next week. 

He sighed and turned back to his computer, but his focus was once again spoiled by thoughts of Nare — guilty thoughts about the fact that he was hoping she would text him. She had no reason to text him, after all; they wouldn’t need to meet one-on-one for another week. In fact, she would likely not need to return to the lab until their next meeting, so it was possible that he might not have any contact with her at all for an entire week. 

That thought shouldn’t disappoint him so much, especially since they had only just met. There was absolutely no reason that Solas should be this preoccupied by thoughts of Nare’s keen mind and her scintillating laugh. There was no good reason that he should be thinking this much about the way her smile shifted from shy to coquettish to heatedly brazen and bold. 

There was no reason why three encounters with this one woman should be enough to bring him to his knees. 

Or better yet, to imagine her on her knees in front of him. 

A sudden flash of a fantasy invaded his mind: Nare on her knees before him wearing that lovely red dress from last night, her palms resting demurely on her knees while Solas tilted her chin up with one hand. Nare lifting her chin eagerly, bringing her smiling lips closer to the rising hardness of his shaft. Nare panting and struggling to remain upright while Solas knelt in front of her in a similarly compromising position… 

His trousers felt tight around his groin. He scowled at his lap and shifted in his chair to try and relieve the pressure. Stop this, he scolded himself. It was wrong to feel this way. It was wrong to feel so drawn to Nare – to feel as though the connection they had made last night was something rare and precious, and to want to foster that connection.

Just like it had been wrong of him to confess to her during their meeting today that she was so thoroughly distracting. And it was certainly wrong for him to feel a distinct unfurling of satisfaction in his gut at the hopeful widening of her eyes when he’d made that forbidden confession.

He sighed and leaned back in his chair, momentarily defeated by his own traitorous libido. He closed his eyes and briefly ran his palm over his own hardness through his trousers. Not enough to bring himself any kind of release, of course, but enough to soothe himself… and unfortunately, to worsen the fantasies that were running unchecked through his mind. 

Solas sat idly in his office chair for a time, thinking terrible tempting thoughts and cursing himself silently for his lack of discipline while his work sat untouched on the screen before him. If wanting Nare was so completely wrong, why did the wanting have to feel so torturously good? 

[skia-oura]

Closing Costs

A/N: Just a fun lil fic about the Ben Trio going house hunting :)

ao3

___________________________________________________

CORDALINE GABLES

Senior Sales Associate

hello@cordgab.org

Phone  HomeStar Inc. Messaging

 Originally from Fairfax, Old Jersey, Cordaline Gables made her home in Norfolk over a decade ago, and has worked in real estate for nineteen years. She double-majored in Business and Transcendence-Age Architecture at the prestigious University of San Antonio. Her expertise is in finding gems hidden in the crooks and corners of suburban Norfolk, but she is additionally skilled at scouting lovely apartments and homes further away from the city center. When she isn’t matching clients to their dream homes, Cordelia enjoys playing recreational badminton with her partner and taking long walks together with their beloved dog, Sniffles. Please place your trust in Cordelia!

Audio Version             Non-English Versions             Font Adjustment

 -

 New Automated Message: New Customer Application Form

NAME: Torako Lam

PARTNER: Yes [2] ; NAME: Bentley Farkas ; NAME: Tyrone Pines

CHILDREN: No

AGE: 27 ; DOB: June 17 3016

PHONE  EMAIL

PRICE RANGE: Up to $350,000  flexible inflexible

LOCATION: Within [75]km from [Niklakka Labs]

SIZE: 450—600 m2

BD: [3+]        

BTH: [1.5+]    

K: [Yes]          

LR: [No]

GRG: [No]

BY/GDN: [Yes]          

à SIZE: 125—175 m2

ADDITIONAL REQUESTS HERE:

--No dimensional subspaces

--Away from magically-charged hotspots

--Customizable Security Systems

--Garden Shed on premises, please

--Large Windows a Plus

Thank you for accommodating us! We look forward to hearing back about the properties under your purview and making our viewing appointments!

 -

 To: tora@lam.com

From: hello@cordgab.org

SUBJECT: Hello from Homestar Realtors!!

RECEIVED: July 19th, 3042

 Dear Torako Lam,

           It’s a pleasure to make your virtual acquaintance! My name is Cordelia Gables, and I’m your HomeStar Inc. appointed estate agent. I look forward to working with you and fulfilling your needs in this new chapter of your life. I have attached a list of five properties that I think may fit your needs. Please view them with your partners and let me know if there are any that don’t fit your specifications so that we may get them out of the way before viewing the homes in person. I await your reply at your earliest convenience!

 Sincerely,

Cordelia Gables

HomeStar Inc. Realtors

 House Profile 1/5:

1345 16th Avenue

Norfolk, VA 68C 22980

4 Beds  | 2 Bath  |  529 m2  | $298,000

[49 img]

 A lovely four-bedroom family home, this property includes high-quality faux-wood flooring, recently renovated wallboard, and a lovely spiral staircase straight out of a 2500’s property magazine. The kitchen boasts a brand-new stove and oven set as well as a state of the art StayFridge™ made from the finest recycled materials from North Africa. The front garden is already blooming with the loveliest daphnes, and the entire property is fenced in by rosebushes. The backyard is perfect for the smallest feet, whether those be of children or beloved pets. Don’t forget the stylish and practical EverExpanding Cabinetry installed in every part of the house—you will never run out of storage space! Each bathroom boasts a shower-tub combo, and the upper floor bathroom comes with gorgeous hand-tiled floors.

House Profile 2/5:

195 St. Phillip’s Crtwy.

Norfolk, VA 68C 22980

3 Beds  | 3 Bath  |  501 m2  |  $311,000

[12 img]

 This three-bedroom, three-story property sits in the center of the city, a mere five-minute’s walk from two elementary schools and ten minutes from the nearest junior high school. While the original structure dates back all the way to 2258, its most recent renovation was completed less than five years ago in 3039. You are certain to love the open kitchen-dining-living room setup that comprises the bottom floor, leaving the remaining three beds and two baths on the upper two floors. Each bedroom has a Magical View Window, with settings that include worldwide destinations as well as the default ‘Real’ setting for those who prefer to stay close to home. Comes with a Laundry Room in an AltBasement. Gardening space and shed included.

 House Profile 3/5:

98 Summer Estates 29¾ th St.

Norfolk, VA 68C 22981

5 Beds  | 2.5 Bath  |  598 m2  | $253,000

[28 img]

             Don’t let this house’s exterior fool you! This customizable and generous home is sure to make you feel a sense of belonging inside with its cozy ethically-sourced carpets, warm ReelWoodTM paneled walls, and burnished staircase leading to a second floor. This home includes a basement for any storage needs as well as an attic! An antique kitchen with a real non-stasis fridge are sure to fill you with longing for older, simpler times away from the busy heyday of modern life and modern worries. While the garden needs some tender love in the front (perfect for those who love a project!), the back hosts two sheds and plenty of space to grow your own produce!

 House Profile 4/5:

637 S. Felicity Dr.

Norfolk, VA 68C 22982

4 Beds  | 2 Bath  |  645 m2  | $290,000

[118 img]

             Comfortably situated in the hilly outskirts of Norfolk, this property will let you live out all your rural life fantasies without sacrificing the conveniences of urban living. Located close to a municipal transport station and within a ten minute’s bike ride of a small neighborhood shopping center, this two-story house boasts an expansive front porch and a balcony off the master bedroom. Each bedroom is larger than average, and each bathroom has a shower/tub room separate from the toilet and wash sink. The kitchen is recently renovated with state of the art appliances included in the price of purchase. The grounds around the property are large enough for both a garden and for outdoor activities such as badminton or good old fashioned tag. A basement provides adequate storage space without the hassle of dimensional subspace installment or upkeep.

 House Profile 5/5:

12841 NE 112th Pl.

Norfolk, VA 68C 22981

3 Beds  | 1.5 Bath  |  398 m2  |  $215,000

[56 img]

             Boasting a reasonably large garden, this cozy home is at the southern end of the city, within convenient distance of a major hospital, a police station, and several schools. Public transportation is not an issue! And neither will be cooking in the quaint kitchenette, set directly across a furnished dining room. One bedroom and half bathroom are on the bottom floor, and the remaining rooms are located on the second floor. Please see the attached images for more information!

 -

 July 19th

KoraTora

I’ve forwarded you the message the realtors sent me. Objections to any of these before I comb through them for my own preferences?

 DipTipTyrone

i still vote we just shack up with the sheep

 KoraTora

Oh my stars dips that’s

we agreed that’s not a possibility

we would literally go insane

 Bentley:

No, we would go mad almost immediately

Yes what Tora said

Um, looking at them, House 1 is out for sure. You sure you specified no extra-dimensional subspaces?

 KoraTora

You know I did

 DipTipTyrone

i got a perfectly good house up there. antique. ud love it. historians dream. excellent neighbors too. dont pry. no drama.

also protip house3 has some srs bad vibes. I think I actually recognize the basement wallpaper, on second thought.

 KoraTora

????

 DipTipTyrone

Yeah, that striping—oh, that was a pretty good one. Didn’t need to answer a call for the following five years.

 Bentley

In that case, I think we’re not going to do house 3, Tora.

 KoraTora

Ohshit

Whaddya mean, Ben?? Don’t want to live there?? It could???? Be fun!!!!

 Bentley

Yeah no

 KoraTora

Roger that, no worries.

So no to 1 and 3, any others problematic?

Oh wait Ben, u might want to take another look at 2 if u haven’t already.

 Bentley

?

What do you mean, it looked fine?

3 stories are good by me

Sure the counters in the kitchen are ugly in the photos but?

 DipTipTyrone

AltBasement and Magic Windows

u wont like them

 Bentley

Oh

Okay, then 1-3 are all out. You good with 4 and 5, Tora? Dip?

 KoraTora

Yeah I hated 2’s counters too

So I’m good with checking 4 and 5 out for now.

We can always see others after this too!!

 DipTipTyrone

youre the ones actually living there

 KoraTora

Don’t u start on that mister

ur living with us, even if you’re not always around

 Bentley

It’s gonna be your home too, you know

Anyways, I can make time for an appointment next week, Tora, so don’t worry about timing on my end too much

They keep trying to send me home early anyways. Keep talking about PTSD and resting and whatever.

 KoraTora

What happened??

I will drag you home

And lay on you

And make you rest

 Bentley

Nothing happened!! They’re just worried

All the time

…Dipper you did not show up at the front desk.

This is not a good place for you

Dipper

 KoraTorako

Dipper yes!!

But also no!!!!!!

 DipTipTyrone

We’ll be home soon.

Love you.

 KoraTorako

<3

But also that was dumb shit you just pulled

 -

Appointment Notice

7/21/42

SSA: Gables, ID 980039385

CLIENT: Torako Lam +2, ID 64239

PROPERTIES: House #4428, House #6609

START TIME: 10:30, from HomeStar Inc. HQ

END TIME: 12:30, SPECIAL ALLOWANCE Late Lunch Hour, Gables, ID 980039385

NOTES:

Will initially view House #4428 before venturing out to the outskirts of Norfolk to view House #6609. Hopefully one suffices; if not, consider suggesting Houses #1103, #4345, and #3327.

Potentially choosy clients.

 -

 Shari Ndadia, 11:28 AM

Cords, I heard you’re back early?

What happened?

 Cordelia Gables, 11:29 AM

My intuition was right, they are uncannily choosy clients

We didn’t even make it into 4428 before one of them stopped still and said ‘No.’

 Shari Ndadia, 11:29 AM

Holy shit

What??

What was it?? It couldn’t have been the exterior. It was so nice in the pics I’ve seen.

You always snatch up the nice ones.

 Cordelia Gables, 11:30 AM

Apparently

The InvisiFence was too magical

 Shari Ndadia, 11:30 AM

What the?

But, like, almost all the houses in Norfolk proper have InvisiFences?

 Cordelia Gables, 11:30 AM

Exactly

Which is why I thought ‘oh thank God we’ve got 6609, no InvisiFence’

And it went well at first, but then I told them about the security system

And the tall one was like ‘oh no’

And I was also like ‘oh no’

 Shari Ndadia, 11:32 AM

Wait

Wait

You’re still at square one with these clients?

 Cordelia Gables, 11:32 AM

Yes.

 Shari Ndadia, 11:32 AM

You? Queen of Sales?

She Who Strikes Yes On At Least One Initial Property?

 Cordelia Gables, 11:33 AM

Like I said: choosy.

 Shari Ndadia, 11:33 AM

What was wrong with the security system?

 Cordelia Gables, 11:33 AM

Not customizable

Though to be fair

They probably were only going to give that house a maybe

They weren’t too thrilled about the stasis fridge

 Shari Ndadia, 11:35 AM

…choosy.

I wish you luck with them. You going to go through our backlog of communal properties yet?

 Cordelia Gables, 11:36 AM

I’m not that desperate yet.

 -

To: olpink@homstar.com

From: cogable@homestar.com

SUBJECT: Issue with Client Lam [64239]

RECEIVED: July 30th, 3042

Mx. Pinkflax

           I regret to inform you that I have truly exhausted all of our listed properties for Client Lam and her partners. They have refused everything I have offered; I wonder myself if the property they want even exists within Norfolk. Between their confusing and adamant disdain for any kind of dimensional subspace (including things as mundane as storage spaces) and their insistence on customizable security systems, as well as their avoidance and hesitance around any kind of technology that involves stasis in any way, shape, or form, it has been impossible to fulfil their needs with the properties available to us.

           My suggestion moving forward is to either assign them to another Realtor within HomeStar, or to transfer their entire application to another company. If I recall correctly, you are on friendly terms with Lindquist Realtors. Perhaps something in their directory will suffice.

 Sincerely

Cordelia Gables

 To: cogable@homestar.com

From: olpink@homestar.com

SUBJECT: RE: Issue with Client Lam [64239]

RECEIVED: July 30th, 3042

Cordelia,

           Are you sure there’s nothing? You’ve gone through the communal backlog? I’ve looked over the application and I have some thoughts. What about House #7421? Or #8577? They’re a bit above price range, but I believe they could work.

 Olive Pinkflax

 To: olpink@homstar.com

From: cogable@homestar.com

SUBJECT: RE: Issue with Client Lam [64239]

RECEIVED: July 30th, 3042

Mx. Pinkflax,

           With all due respect, I have met with this trio every day for the last week. I dug into the backlog. I have recommended over 50 properties and shown them about a third of those. I was close with #4443, but the damn pet flap and subspace pet room killed it. If I don’t get a break from dealing with these very nice, very terrible clients, I will explode. The brown haired one has taken to very poorly concealed laughter whenever the hoodie-mask one refuses to set foot on the property. I cannot.

           If you have ideas of properties that would suffice, please be my guest. It would be nice to get back into the practical side if things, wouldn’t it?

 Sincerely,

Cordelia Gables

 -                              

 OLIVE PINKFLAX

Senior Realtor

hello@pinkoliv.org

Phone  HomeStar Inc. Messaging

 Born and raised in Norfolk, Olive Pinkflax hasn’t always wanted to be in the real estate business. They studied History of Architecture and Design in Georgia at the University of Savannah with the intent of pursuing a career in either graphic design or interior decorating. They then went abroad to work at non-profit agencies for a total of five years—in which the job market back home changed, largely at the fault of the Recession of 2978. Due to a lack of job openings, however, they eventually took a secretarial position at UniqNorfolq, a small real-estate business. There, they learned the tools of the trade due to insufficient staffing. By 2995, UniqNorfolq had become HomeStar under Pinkflax’s capable hand. While still small, they have grown the company into a name synonymous with quality, perseverance, and dedication to their clients. When not busy at their company, Pinkflax enjoys painting at home and doting on their pet rat, Squeakums.  

Audio Version             Non-English Versions             Font Adjustment

 -

 Client Transfer Notice, HomeStar Inc. Realtors

7/30/42

CLIENT: Torako Lam +2, ID 64239

ORG SSA: Gables, ID 980039385

NEW SSA: Pinkflax, ID 980012114

REASONING:

Client Lam and her partners have proven to be challenging cases. As this is the case, I have decided that the current best course of action would be to handle their properties personally. Attached to their case file are a list of all the properties that they have been recommended and shown, as well as notes describing their reasons for discontinuing interest. I am open to collaboration and ideas.

Pinkflax

 -

 July 31st

KoraTorako

We’ve been transferred to another Realtor at HomeStar, guys. Apparently it’s the owner of the company.

Bentley

I was afraid this would happen.

We’re being so picky.

DipTipTyrone

Better to be picky now and end up with what we want later!

A quickly made deal is always worse for the receiving party. Better to bide our time.

KoraTorako

Yeah, what Dip said

Also, of course we’re picky??? We’re traumatized.

We’re allowed to be picky, even if they don’t know why.

Bentley

I mean…I could live with a subspace we’d never use, I guess

KoraTorako

No

DipTipTyrone

No

Bentley

Why??

It’s my hangup

KoraTorako

You’re already compromising on stasisware

Bentley

We can always replace that!!

KoraTorako

So?? It still makes you super uncomfortable for completely valid reasons.

I still think we shouldn’t compromise on that.

Bentley

If we didn’t compromise on that

There would be nothing in Norfolk

I’m starting to think there is nothing with our current demands

The house on Clement was cute, wasn’t it? It was nice!

DipTipTyrone

It had the subspace pet flap

Bentley

That we’d never use!!

KoraTorako

You looked ready to start sparking

Or glittering

And also you had that ‘I’m on the edge of reexperiencing all of my recent traumas’ face on

Bentley

If I can deal with everything in daily life

I can deal with a pet flap

KoraTorako

But it’s our home

You shouldn’t have to deal with it at home

This is supposed to be a safe space.

DipTipTyrone

Home isn’t daily—ok Torako got me.

Bentley

It’d be better than the apartment we’re living in right now

Which

If you remember

Is where I got kidnapped from

DipTipTyrone

I do keep mentioning we can live with the Sheep

KoraTorako

You make a fair point, Bentley But also, this is a house we’re going to be in for a long while

Let’s make it worth it, ok?

Bentley

I

Fine, whatever

KoraTorako

I don’t want us to live here either

If we need to we can, I don’t know, AirDrop an apartment for a couple months

Keep our stuff in the apartment so that we don’t have to move it all immediately

We can make this work, Ben. We can have our steak and eat it too.

…

Bentley?

 -

Appointment Notice

8/03/42

SSA: Pinkflax, ID 980012114

CLIENT: Torako Lam +2

PROPERTIES: House #7421, House #8577, House #2468, House #1697

START TIME: 12:30, departure from HomeStar Inc. HQ

END TIME: 15:30, departure either from House #1697 or from HomeStar Inc. HQ in best case scenario

Starting with Houses #8577 and #7421 on the very outskirts of Norfolk, we will work our way into the center of town where both House #2468 and #1697 are located. None of the properties have any listed subspace technology integrated into the premises, none of them have magically-powered fences or windows, and only one comes equipped with a stasis fridge. Will make offer to replace fridge with an older but still highly functional device free of charge if the property is accepted.

 -

Client Profile Update

DATE:8/03/42

CLIENT: Torako Lam +2 [Bentley Farkas, Tyrone Pines]

CLIENT ID: 64239

CLASSIFICATION: Buyer

SPECIFICATIONS: Listed below

…

PROPERTY RECORD:

SSA: Gables, ID 980039385

 House #1212: Declined w/o viewing.

Reasoning: Extra-dimensional installations and heavy reliance on Magitech Appliances. [detail: Kitchen Appliances, Cabinetry]

 House #3958: Declined w/o viewing.

Reasoning: Extra-dimensional installations and heavy reliance on Magitech Appliances. [detail: Alternative Basement, Windows]

 House # 2249: Declined w/o viewing.

Reasoning: Basement wallpaper and house history. [detail: 2950’s owners were heavily involved with the Cult of Futures Past, Decorative Preferences]

 House #4428: Viewed, but declined.

Reasoning: Heavy reliance on Magitech Appliances [detail: InvisiFence surrounding property. Client Farkas refused to cross the boundary, saying “No” nearly immediately. Apparently sensitive to magical energy. Caution moving onwards is advised.]

 House #6609: Viewed, but declined.

Reasoning: Security System installed in the property is incapable of being customized. [detail: Client Lam has expressed that a non-customizable security system is out of the question. Furthermore, Client Farkas expressed discomfort with the Stasis Fridge. Caution moving onwards is advised.]

 House #1033: Declined w/o viewing.

Reasoning: Interior did not align with Client Decorative Preferences. [detail: shag carpeting, loud wallpaper, windows too small]

 House #3290: Declined w/o viewing.

Reasoning: Security System installed in the property is incapable of being customized.

[detail: Client Lam somehow pieced together the security code engraved around all the doors and windows, researched it, and discovered that the code is unalterable without starting over completely from scratch. IE, a warding expert carefully sanding down the inscribed code and then re-installing it to customer specifications. The House Profile has since been updated. Client Lam has since expressed that she would be open to having an initially insecure home to make secure herself. Uncertain if actually qualified to do such work.]

 House #5533: Viewed, but declined.

Reasoning: Household Electrical Wiring is too reliant on MagiTech. [detail: Client Farkas, again, expressed his distaste with the whole affair immediately upon entering the house by saying, “No,” and walking out again. How he noticed the wiring through solid wall is a mystery for the ages. Sensitivity to magic alone cannot explain it.]

 House #7567: Viewed, but declined.

Reasoning: Interior did not align with Client Decorative Preferences. [detail: Upon seeing the decoratively engraved floorboards up close, Client Pines recoiled and uttered, verbatim, “The day I spend any significant amount of time in this accursed home is the day I lay waste to the whole of humanity.” Apparently the script contains excerpts from the original Twin Souls literature. Housing detail has been accordingly updated.]

 House #2675: Declined w/o viewing.

Reasoning: Interior did not align with Client Decorative Preferences. [detail: Apparently, Clients Lam, Farkas, and Pines are not fans of rooster-themed kitchen décor.]

 House #1181: Viewed, but declined.

Reasoning: Basement too reliant on MagiTech and extra-dimensional subspace technology. [detail: The basement was a secret basement. Client Pines stared at the living room floor for an uncomfortably long time before raising his head and telling the SSA, “You might want to be careful opening that.” Property Owner has since been alerted and advised to proceed with caution.]

[UPDATE 7/29: Property has been pulled from the market while police reopen a case and conduct an investigation.]

 House #4482: Declined w/o viewing.

Reasoning: Interior did not align with Client Preferences. [detail: 3 bedrooms minimum is non-negotiable and the bathrooms were too cramped]

 House #5319: Declined w/o viewing.

Reasoning: Interior did not align with Client Decorative Preferences. [detail: They don’t like the color of the walls. Note to stay away from overly bright greens and yellows in the future.]

 …

[scrolling]

…

 House #5497: Declined w/o viewing.

Reasoning: House Address. [detail: like many other clients before them, the prospects of living at 6969 Dickinson Straightway appear to have caused the clients to decline this particular property.]

 House #9569: Viewed, but declined.

Reasoning: Building Materials not up to Client Standards. [detail: After showing the clients around the property for fifteen minutes, Client Lam hummed, squinted her eyes at the nearest window, and said, “Does that window look like somebody could break through it to you two?” The next five minutes were spent by Clients Lam and Pines discussing the fragility of triple-reinforced glass against various potential weapons, tools, etc {not limited to but including demonic powers, a bazooka, and a thumbtack} while Client Farkas sat down on the floor, put his gloved hands over his face, and muttered a nearly unintelligible “I’m sorry” to presumably the SSA. These clients are hopeless.]

 House #4443: Viewed, but declined.

Reasoning: Pet Flap and Pet Room are too reliant on extra-dimensional subspaces. [detail: Client Farkas stared at the pet flap, turned around, and put his hand on the SSA’s shoulder before saying, “No,” and walking out. Housing information has since been updated to include the unlisted Pet Room.]

 House #3944: Declined w/o viewing.

Reasoning: Unclear. [detail: Client Lam, in the emailed response, simply said, “Look, we’re all tired and this house is too square(?) for {Client Pines}, so we’re just gonna give it a couple days before trying again.”]

[SSA is going to file for a transfer of client.]

 SSA: Pinkflax, ID 980012114

 House #7421: Viewed, but declined.

Reasoning: Distance.

Detail: Too far from nearest transporter station.

SSA Comments: Clients appeared pleased with most aspects of the house. As per SSA Gable’s consultation, Client Lam appears most concerned with matters of household security. Client Farkas is harder to read, due to constantly wearing sunglasses, a hoodie, and a surgical mask despite the weather, but does not hesitate to make his opinions clear. Client Pines is…a mystery.

 House #8577: Viewed, but declined.

Reasoning: Décor, House Layout, Location.

Detail: Housing does not come with security, but the spackled walls and ceiling are apparently difficult to do the variety of warding Client Lam is used to. Layout is, according to Client Pines, confusing. House 8577 is also apparently on the edge of a minor magical hotspot, as Client Farkas has confirmed.

SSA Comments: The difficulty in getting the clients a suitable home is evident. Client Farkas appears to be the biggest wildcard, despite his consistency in what he refuses. There simply does not seem to be a reliable way to ensure that the properties will not set him against them and are simultaneously up to other standards shared by all three clients.

 House #2468: Viewed, but declined.

Reasoning: House Size, presence of Extra-Dimensional Subspace, Décor.

Detail: At 780m2, the premises were too large for upkeep. While Client Pines seemed to disagree, offering to do more cleaning in exchange for snacks and ice cream, both Client Lam and Client Farkas weren’t convinced enough to ignore the décor (the elaborate crown molding is too “ostentatious” and “creepy,”) and certainly not when the non-disclosed extra-dimensional subspace was discovered in a false wardrobe.

SSA Comments: After the clients left, I investigated. Inside the subspace, kept pristine likely only by the fact that time does not pass quickly within those places, was an additional bed and a luxurious bathroom. The style of bedsheets and drapes indicates that the subspace was installed nearly a century ago, which seems odd seeing as subspaces in those days were unstable and tended to disintegrate. On a different note, this time it was both Clients Pines and Farkas who balked at the presence of the subspace. Take note to pay more attention to reactions in the future, and to survey properties properly before visitations.

 House #1697: Viewed, but declined.

Reasoning: Security System.

Detail: Client Lam disagreed with the validity and effectiveness of the existing security system, and upon a close study of it (25 minutes), declared that it would be too difficult to properly alter and that removal would only be slightly easier.

SSA Comments: I would pay for the removal myself if it made these clients buy the house. There were no other issues with it. Upon my making the offer out loud, Client Lam laughed and said, “No, no, that’s all right! I’d rather find something a little more ready first!”

 House #2292: Declined w/o viewing.

Reasoning: House Layout.

Detail: House is built like a townhome, with a main room and bathroom on each of its 5 levels; Clients professed concern regarding the kitchen being on a separate floor from the living and dining room.

SSA Comments: Unfortunate. The building fit all of their specifications—the security system installed is simple to both customize and remove, there are miraculously no extra dimensional spaces on premises, and the only significant presence of magical technology in the entire property is the mailbox, which can be replaced at a very low cost. We investigated ourselves. Client Lam, their partnership’s point of contact, did say that it was a close call, but that ultimately they would only purchase when completely satisfied.

 House #1357: Viewed, but declined.

Reasoning: Décor.

Detail: Client Pines felt the colors were too ‘smorple’ and ‘floreen’ and several other descriptors that do not appear in any dictionary. When asked if he had noticed the issues when viewing the profile sent to them, he confessed that the colors simply ‘were different in person.’ Client Lam agreed that she didn’t appreciate the tile flooring in the kitchen. Client Farkas was quiet.  

SSA Comments: I hate to admit it, but I know a lost cause when I see one. Do they even want a house?

 -

 To: qilarlindquist@lindquistrealtors.com

From: olpink@homestar.com

Attached: ClientRecord64239.qbf

SUBJECT: A Professional Request

RECEIVED: August 7th, 3042

Dearest Qilar,

             I hope that this message finds you well. How is your family doing? I (and Squeakums, for that matter) look forward to our bi-weekly dinner and movie. I know you’ve discussed that the last full moon has left you feeling worn out, and I look forward to relaxing with you for a night.

           I write this message in the hopes that you would be amenable to taking on a client of ours. Unfortunately, we have been incapable of finding a property that would completely satisfy their desires. We have exhausted our listings. I know that you have several properties in Norfolk, and even those close to major terminals outside of Norfolk. I also know that you like a challenge.

           Attached is the client file for your information. Names and personal information have, of course, been redacted. They will be readable upon your agreement to take these clients on. The clients have of course been notified about this possible course of action. Should you decline this case, I would be more than understanding.

 Well wishes to you and yours,

Olive Pinkflax

 -

 To: tora@lam.com

From: hello@qilarlind.org

SUBJECT: Welcome to your experience at Lindquist Realtors!

RECEIVED: August 10th, 3042

 Dear Ms. Lam,

           Hello. My name is Qilar Lindquist. You and I have not had the pleasure of meeting, but I am sure that when we do, it will be wonderful. As you may know, my good friend Mx. Pinkflax conveyed to me their concerns that they didn’t have the property best suited to you in their register. However, with access to a larger company such as Lindquist Realtors, they hoped that you would have more success. If you are still obliging, I am more than happy to take you and your partners on as clients of Lindquist Realtors. It would be thrilling to find you the house you and your partners have been dreaming of. Please respond to this message as soon as you are capable, so that we may begin the process.

 Sincerely,

Qilar Lindquist

Lindquist Realtors

 -

 QILAR LINDQUIST

Senior Realtor

hello@qilarlind.org

Phone  Lindquist Realtors Homepage

Alternative Display Options

             While not born and raised in Norfolk, Qilar Lindquist has been settled in this fine city for the past 20 years. A born werewolf, Qilar has always wanted to follow his parents’ footsteps. He succeeded as well, opening up a new branch of Lindquist Realtors in Norfolk at the tender age of 28. He studied business, architecture, and chemistry at the University of Des Moines. Intelligent, quick-witted, and charming, Qilar Lindquist is dedicated to serving his clients in any way he can. Outside of work, he is involved with the local community theater and can be found volunteering at various non-profit goodwill organizations around the city. His husband often joins him in these endeavors.  

 Back to Realtor Biographies Homepage

 -

 August 13th, 3042

Chat with Saint Akuapem

6:36 PM

Thank you for the scones the other day. Hepsa enjoyed them.

So did I.

How is house-hunting going?

6:59 PM

Sorry, still working that Thompson case.

Thanks for working with me on it.

And the house hunting’s not going so great.

7:12 PM

Of course. You’re bright. I like hearing your input.

Just not situated to be a public officer of the law.

What with your friend.

7:13 PM

I know.

7:13 PM

I’m sorry to hear it is not going as well as hoped.

Would you like to talk about it?

7:14 PM

The realtor company you recommended couldn’t find anything for us

So we’ve been transferred to another realtor.

7:15 PM

Nothing? Really?

What realtor?

7:15 PM

Yeah, nothing. Lindquist Realtors.

7:16 PM

Hepsa says they are good. You are in good hands.

7:16 PM

Yeah, we had our first house hunting today.

I’m just worried it’s going to go nowhere here as well.

7:18 PM

Sorry for saying but. I find that hard to believe.

You will find a house.

What are your specifications?

7:19 PM

Ummm 3 BR 2 BTH Defs LDK

450-600 SQM

Garden with like 100-200 SQM?

No Magitech if possible, no exdim subspaces at all

Security system gotta be customizable or not there at all

We can be a little picky with décor sometimes

And house gotta be sturdy

There’s probably something else

7:26 PM

I see.

That would be difficult.

Are you willing to compromise on anything?

7:27 PM

Price. I put down 350k but if it gets me the house I want

Then I’ll pay more.

7:27 PM

Understood.

Where are you staying now?

7:27 PM

Still in the apartment

Got the lease to finish

Hate it but until we have somewhere else

7:29 PM

…how is Bentley?

7:29 PM

He’s stressed.

With the house, and being here

He’s always having nightmares

So tired all the time

Insists on going to work though and I cant talk him out of it

I want to get a house for him

But I don’t want him to have to deal with all the shit he is in the apartment

He doesn’t see himself as important enough to take care of, sometimes

So I have to take that into account

7:32 PM

What exactly is going on, Torako?

How is Bentley not taking care of himself?

7:32 PM

Like, it’s not that I don’t understand where hes coming from

I get that I might be being a bit unreasonable

But he keeps saying ‘oh I can just DEAL with having an exdim subspace in the house’

‘never mind that it’s a huge trigger for all my trauma’

‘and that I sometimes cant stop looking at it just to make sure its still there and im still on the reality side of things’

‘ill just wear my magic-cancelling glasses all the time’

‘and be unable to sleep from the headache’

‘it’s not that big of a deal, torako, let’s have the magitech here that hurts to look at too much’

‘who cares, it’s just a fridge torako!! Not like it was used to TRANSPORT ME to a FOREIGN COUNTRY so that a MADMAN could CONDUCT EXPERIMENTS ON ME to the point that I almost took FATALLY DRASTIC ACTION’

He keeps saying he’ll just put up with his trauma like it’s a minor inconvenience!!

And he shouldn’t have to do that.

Not in a house that’s our own.

7:36 PM

Bentley was what now.

7:36 PM

Oh right

You didn’t know that part

7:36 PM

You went to get him.

7:36 PM

of course

I love him

7:36 PM

Therapy?

7:36 PM

Bentley? Yeah.

Hell of an NDA.

7:37 PM

No, you.

7:37 PM

She’s the only other person who knows everything.

Like, everything everything.

wait what?

7:37 PM

Torako.

I think you’re not doing as well as you think you are.

7:37 PM

Bentley was tortured

I wasnt

7:38 PM

I’ll believe you on that.

But you still devoted yourself to finding him.

And he was tortured, and you have to deal with the consequences of that too.

7:38 PM

???

7:39 PM

You sound stressed, Torako.

And scared.

7:39 PM

Maybe a little

But Bentleys more important rn

7:40 PM

I would say you’re both equally important.

Sorry, Torako, Hepsa is calling me; we’re going to a late night movie.

I’ll keep my eye out for you.

7:40 PM

OK

Thank you

I really appreciate it

 -

 Client Profile Update

DATE:8/15/42

CLIENT: Torako Lam +2 [Bentley Farkas, Tyrone Pines]

CLIENT ID: IMP64239

CLASSIFICATION: Buyer

CAUTION: PICKY, SPECIFIC, UNCOMPROMISING

SPECIFICATIONS: Listed below

…

LINDQUIST REALTORS PROPERTY RECORD:

SSA: Lindquist, ID 109A854D

…

…

NEW UPDATES 8/15/42

 HOUSE ID: 798A 209X

ADDRESS: 389 West Hampton Drive

SELLER: Mx. Adelaide Hanson

STATUS: DECLINED

NOTES: Unfortunately, despite attempts to the contrary, the clients were not impressed with the security system. We discussed it at length at Lindquist Realtors and felt it sufficient, but Client Lam insisted quite sternly that she needed to have full control over the system. RapierSolutions is a top of the line system. I tried to convey that to Client Lam, but she refused to hear sense. “I need to be able to alter it,” she said. “If I can’t alter it, it’s a no-go—especially with those weak windows and the shallow hinges on the entryways.” Mx. Pinkflax was not kidding around when they said Client Lam was a bit controlling over safety specifications. Possible paranoia?

 HOUSE ID: 665D 187L

ADDRESS: 9821 NW 4736 PL

SELLER: Mr. and Ms. Nakatani

STATUS: DECLINED, INACTIVE

NOTES: We combed the premises for subspaces personally. Nevertheless, Client Farkas quietly pointed out that there was a secret bunker hidden under the premises, and that it spanned the entire property. While he hastened to assure us that it wouldn’t be that much of an issue, Client Lam overheard and insisted that they wouldn’t buy any property with extradimensional subspaces. When Client Farkas attempted to tell his partner that they weren’t going to use that garden gate anyways, Client Lam shut him down. Client Pines also wandered over from where he was inspecting the brick wall of the garden, said “This place might be cursed,” and waved his partners cheerily off of the premises.

Upon notifying the authorities as required by law that there may or may not be a curse on the premises, the police shut down the premises. Any attempt to contact Mr. and Mrs. Nakatani beyond alerting them to the existence of the subspace has been unsuccessful.

UPDATE: the extradimensional basement is now the scene of a crime. 665D 187L is now under government jurisdiction.

 HOUSE ID: 278K 396V

ADDRESS: 421 Wildstar Avenue

SELLER: Mr. Fegelhorn and Mr. Gil

STATUS: DECLINED

NOTES: Client Lam, predictably, criticized the ‘astounding lack of security’ in the warding system, the ‘structural instability’ of a perfectly good cellar window, and the presence of a stasis fridge on the premises. Client Farkas was silent. Client Pines said that he ‘liked the staircase’ but that the upstairs bathroom tub was ‘too small for his preferences.’ Naturally, the clients declined the home.

 HOUSE ID: 525P 792S

ADDRESS: 98 Maplefarm S. Street

SELLER: Mrs. Polinski

STATUS: DECLINED, INACTIVE

NOTES: Surprisingly, it was not Client Lam or Client Farkas who had reason to decline the property. This is probably because Client Pines, five steps past the garden gate, hissed and bodily hauled his partners away from the grounds. When asked what the matter was, he snarled out in the most terrifying voice something about unquestionable evil and the screams of the undead. As required by Law, we have notified the authorities.

UPDATE: Property is now under police jurisdiction. Norfolk Government Demonologists and Exorcists evacuated the entire block for a full 48 hours. It seems Mrs. Polinski was being possessed by a terribly old demon, Hyutgen the Voracious and had been for an undetermined amount of time.

What is up with these Clients and finding horrific crime scenes?

-

August 15th, 3042

Chat with Handsome <3 <3 <3

5:28 PM

Darling, what’s up?

You seem to be staying late at the agency today

As of late, really.

Is it The Clients?

5:57 PM

I’m so sorry.

Yes, it is.

This is much more difficult than anticipated.

Olive called it a challenge and I was foolish enough to think I had it in the bag.

The Clients are insatiable.

There’s always something wrong with the properties. Always.

And they keep uncovering properties as crime scenes??

6:03 PM

I’m so sorry darling.

6:03 PM

I don’t know if I can do this anymore, Bayani.

I’m so tired.

I’ve shown them over 30 properties, personally.

6:04 PM

Do you want to talk it out?

I can get your favorite dinner together

We can curl up on the couch

Put on some Strandson

6:05 PM

You know what?

Yeah.

Yeah, that sounds nice.

I’ll be home in 10 minutes.

6:06 PM

See you soon <3

6:06 PM

<3 <3

 -

 To: tora@lam.com

From: hello@qilarlind.org

SUBKECT: Realtor Change Notification

RECEIVED: August 16th, 3042

 Dear Ms. Lam,

           My apologies in advance for the contents of this email, though I hope it finds you well. Unfortunately, due to my position as head of company, I am unable to continue being your Realtor. I have transferred you to the care of one of my very capable senior agents. Mx. Ya-en. I hope that you understand, and that Mx. Ya-en can see to your needs better than I have.

 Sincerely,

Qilar Lindquist

Lindquist Realtors

 -

 HARLEY YA-EN

Senior Realtor

hello@harleyyaen.org

Phone  Lindquist Realtors Homepage

Alternative Display Options

             Harley Ya-en, despite xir elderly age of 84, is one of Lindquist Realtor’s most capable senior Realtors. A psychic who can read auras, Harley Ya-en is capable of anticipating the client’s needs and emotions. This allows Mx. Ya-en practical insight into which properties will suit a buying client’s needs. Xe also has a wealth of knowledge regarding the Norfolk area due to living here for the past 50 years, and is a font of trivia sure to satisfy the most curious of souls. Xe lives with xir husband and wife, and enjoys taking road trips—

 -

 To: qilarlindquist@lindquistrealtors.com

From: harleyyaen@lindquistrealtors.com

SUBJECT: LOL NO

RECEIVED: August 17th, 3042

 Qilar,

           Holy fucking shit you do not pay me enough for this. You have to transfer them. I cannot work with these clients.

Sincerely,

Harley

 -

 To: harleyyaen@lindquistrealtors.com

From: qilarlindquist@lindquistrealtors.com

SUBJECT: RE: LOL NO

RECEIVED: August 17th, 3042

 Harley,

           What happened?? What did they do??

 Qilar

 -

 To: qilarlindquist@lindquistrealtors.com

From: harleyyaen@lindquistrealtors.com

SUBJECT: RE: LOL NO

RECEIVED: August 17th, 3042

 Qilar,

           They didn’t do anything in particular. They’re just impossible clients—I’m thinking it’s not even their fault, entirely—and I have read their file. Even with that, I was hesitantly down for the challenge until I saw their auras and interacted with them today. I am Not Doing It. I am too old for this. Give me another assignment.

 Sincerely,

Harley

 -

 To: harleyyaen@lindquistrealtors.com

From: qilarlindquist@lindquistrealtors.com

SUBJECT: RE: LOL NO

RECEIVED: August 17th, 3042

 Harley,

           I’m sorry, I need more explanation than this to take you off immediately. I handled a week. So can you. You can’t use your age as an excuse all the time.

 Qilar

 -

 To: qilarlindquist@lindquistrealtors.com

From: harleyyaen@lindquistrealtors.com

SUBJECT: RE: LOL NO

RECEIVED: August 17th, 3042

 Qilar,

           Fine: here it is.

           I only got the two Clients. Client Pines was, as they said, out on important business, who knows when he’ll be back. Something was fishy about that but okay, I won’t pry, and these two are setting me off on edge a little as is so maybe it’s just that.

           Then the more I interact with them, the more I realize that Client Farkas’s aura is just fucking weird. Bananapants, CocoNutPuffs, whatever you want to call it. It’s all muddled and patchy and a headache and a half to read. It’s like somebody took his aura, threw out most of it, and stuffed a bunch of excess aura in to fill the gaps. There’s no way he was born like that, and there’s no way whatever happened was pretty (or probably even painless). He’s definitely trying, though, so I figured aight, we’ll see if we can’t compromise with this whippersnapper.

           The problem is Client Lam.

           Client Lam doesn’t want to be pleased. Client Lam, for whatever reason, is terrified. And overprotective of Client Farkas. And she’s absolutely looking for reasons to be disappointed, or she’s at least seeing shadows where there are none. We could present Client Lam with a fortress and she wouldn’t be satisfied. My bet is that whatever happened to Farkas’s aura was traumatizing, and Lam was impacted by that trauma. I showed her two viable properties at excellent prices with wonderful locations and an astounding lack of extradimensional pockets or Magitech gadgets, and she found fault with them. Neither were crime scenes, thankfully.

           You may want to assign them with somebody who has experience—but you could also use this opportunity to show some junior realtors how tough clients can be. Also, the junior realtors might not be so entrenched in the practice, and they could have some excellent ideas.

           Or you could just…send these clients to somebody else. Your choice. I’m just not dealing with it. They’ll drive me into an early grave if I take this too seriously, and you know how I get.

 Sincerely,

Harley

 -

 To: tora@lam.com

From: hello@amarshir.org

SUBJECT: Realtor Change Notification

RECEIVED: August 18th, 3042

 Dear Ms. Lam,

           Hello! What a pleasure it is to meet you. I’m writing to inform you that unfortunately, Mx. Ya-en is unable to continue handling your case. The upside is that I am able to do so in xir stead! My name is Amar Shirvani, and I’m going to be handling your case from now on. I’m excited to work with you and your partners, and hope that you are as excited to work with me! I promise I will do my best to help you achieve your housing dreams!

 Yours,

Amar Shirvani

Lindquist Realtors

 -

 AMAR SHIRVANI

Junior Realtor

hello@amarshir.org

Phone  Lindquist Realtors Homepage

Alternative Display Options

             Native to Norfolk, Amar Shirvani is the youngest member of Lindquist Realtors at 22 years old. He recently graduated from the Offet University of Business with honors. While not the most experienced, Amar brings exuberance and creative thinking to the team at Lindquist Realtors. He has been involved with volunteer work from early childhood due to his parents—

 -

 TweetyFlaps Trending

#clientwoes

 world aint gonna end til I end it myself

@Silverforks

So I’ve got a kind of sort of customer service job, right. And so far it’s been fine! I’ve had ok clients. And then Bossman slides me a paunchy one cross the table and I start to understand #clientwoes for the first awful real time. 1/ 10:48 AM        23 AUG 3042

______________________________________________________________________

 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            

Replying to @Silverforks

2/ i know from the start its gonna be a Ride. Like, chalk and candles intensity. Client file is thicc w/rejected properties (im in housing). But I’m game!! Im always game, you know me haha. Unfortunately… 10:50 AM        23 AUG 3042

 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            

Replying to @Silverforks

3/ these are clients from hell. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were actually demons in disguise. Here to torture me. For something. I aint actually ever summoned nothing. But like, it’s unreal how BAD this exp has been. 10:51 AM        23 AUG 3042

 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            

Replying to @Silverforks

4/ for 1, they all look normal expt one of them. Head to toe, covered. Would think was vampire, but that’s usu specified in reports. Nobody’s seen his skin other than flashes. Aight, tho, I aint prejudiced, i’ll roll with it. 10:53 AM        23 AUG 3042

 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            

Replying to @Silverforks

5/ so they super picky clients, right. I thought nah, they cant be that bad!! Just haven’t hooked the right worm yet. So I pick out a coupla worms (houses) that I think they might enjoy and hoo boy was that a chore, but im satisfied! Spoiler: they aint. 10:56 AM        23 AUG 3042

 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            

Replying to @Silverforks

6/ they aint never gon be satisfied. #1, not-vampire client mentions v v quietly to me that sorry, theres a thing he cant deal with on premises, but mb they can still keep it in mind?? But (super good hearing???) another client hears and squawks about it. he aint having it, apparently.   10:58 AM        23 AUG 3042

 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            

Replying to @Silverforks

7/ and then third client (Harpy) hears bc squawk, and she SUPER aint having it, so we just go to the next house. And the next one. And—u get it already.   10:59 AM        23 AUG 3042

 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            

Replying to @Silverforks

8/ and like, im patient. Im pretty lowkey. But today’s house was—perfect?? There was nothing wrong with it. Client Hoodie didn’t say nothing bad. Liked the rooms. Client EllieEars don’t complain bout no weird curses or dead bodies or bad décor. But Client Harpy?? Client Harpy is impossible. 11:02 AM        23 AUG 3042

 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            

Replying to @Silverforks

9/ u kno what she said?? She said, and I repeat: the front door is too thin.

The front door. Which is a solid 5 cm of wood (real!! Wood!!). is too thin. It’s “Insecure”. 11:03 AM        23 AUG 3042

 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            

Replying to @Silverforks

10/11 I didn’t say it bc im a good worker, but I really wanted to go off on her. She’s impossible. This is the worst assignment ever. Ive worked so hard my soul’s gonna feel it 5 carnations down.   11:05 AM        23 AUG 3042

 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            

Replying to @Silverforks

11/11 srsly. 5 cm of solid wood!! Insecure. Unbelievable. #clientwoes 11:05 AM        23 AUG 3042

 -

 August 23rd  

Bentley

Sally Mihn at work sent me this.

You might want to take a look.

https://tweetyflap.com/silverforks/status/1199679934986810752

 DipTipTyrone

oh boy

that’s about us alright

 Bentley

Yeah

It is

Torako

We need to have a fucking talk

 KoraTorako

We do need to have a talk with the realtors

That’s unacceptable

 Bentley

What we need to do with the realtors is apologize

What we three need to do is discuss what the fuck we’re doing

 KoraTorako

No, that was completely unprofessional

And what do you mean, what are we doing?? We’re looking for a house.

 DipTipTyrone

I’ll take care of the tweets for a pack of gummies

 Bentley

No, Dipper

Torako

We have been house-hunting for a month

We have looked at over 200 houses by this point

 KoraTorako

Thanks dip but probs not

 Bentley

And you have said no

To all

Of them

We need to fucking compromise

 KoraTorako

Compromise on what?? Our safety?? Our comfort?

 Bentley

No, on your unachievable standards

 DipTipTyrone

Oh

Oh no

 KoraTorako

Who says they unachievable??

 Bentley

The 200+ houses we’ve looked at to dismiss out of hand!

 DipTipTyrone

This is a fight, isn’t it

 KoraTorako

I’m just making sure that whatever we get will be safe!

 Bentley

Most of them HAVE been safe!

You’re just being STUPIDLY overprotective!

 DipTipTyrone

oh no im the

im the middle party aren’t i

 KoraTorako

I am not!

 Bentley

Yes you are! You need to trust me to make choices for myself!!

 KoraTorako

Well, I would if you weren’t so insistent on ignoring your own wellbeing!

 DipTipTyrone

How does one mediate

 Bentley

I’m just trying to find a fucking house! I’m trying to meet them in the middle!

 KoraTorako

Not on that you shouldn’t!

 Bentley

It’s MY choice!

 KoraTorako

And it’s MINE TOO!

You shouldn’t be in an environment that causes you to have so many fucking nightmares!

Like you are NOW

 DipTipTyrone

Uuuhhh shit shit shit um

You’re both right and both wrong?

 Bentley

Love you, but Shut up dip

And maybe I’m having nightmares because we’re still in this fucking apartment

 KoraTorako

I told you we could stay at another Rental until we found a house!

And shut up dip, im the right one here

 Bentley

You’re the right one???

We can’t solve everything with money, Torako!! And at the pace we’re going, we’d be in that rental place until our current lease is up Next January

 DipTipTyrone

…maybe this is an in-person convo?

 KoraTorako

I just want our house to be safe!! What if something happens again?

 Bentley

It won’t fucking happen again! Fantino was a one-off. I haven’t pissed off any other researchers overly invested in their research lately!

 DipTipTyrone

What about that one guy at work?

Wait no ignore that

 KoraTorako

But it MIGHT! We! Don’t! Know for sure!!

 Bentley

We don’t know that it WILL happen, Torako!

You need to just let this stupid fucking paranoia go

 DipTipTyrone

Uh

 KoraTorako

Stupid?? Fucking paranoia??

 DipTipTyrone

Bentley that was not uh

Not good

 KoraTorako

It’s not paranoia if it could happen again. It happened once.

I can’t forget that, Bentley. I can’t forget going to open that door and finding it unlocked. I can’t forget opening the apartment to you being gone, and to the wards being destroyed, and to everything I thought was keeping us safe not actually keeping us safe.

I’m not doing that, Ben.

The house we’re getting?? Is going to be fucking safe, and I am going to make it that way.

 DipTipTyrone

Torako…

 Bentley

Look, I get that

But there were ways of making the houses we looked at safe that you weren’t willing to entertain.

That one, with the green roof and the cute staircase?? That was totally viable. We absolutely could have torn the security system out with no trouble.

We literally have Dipper to do that for us.

But you said no! Like you said no to the one with the nice garden, and the one with the really big open windows.

I just want a house, Torako.

It’s not even like we’re necessarily going to live here forever? So if it’s not perfect, I’m ok. I just want somewhere to live that’s not the apartment.

 KoraTorako

And I just want us to be safe, Bentley.

I cant do this right now.

I have to go.

 DipTipTyrone

Is it over?

…fuck it isn’t, is it.

Fuck.

 -

To: hello@qilarlind.org

From: tora@lam.com

SUBJECT: Important

RECEIVED: August 23rd 3042

 Dear Mr. Lindquist,

      ��    Hello. I’m writing to inform you that one of your employees—I’m assuming our current agent, Mr. Amar Shirvani—vented about my partners and I on a public forum. Here is the link: https://tweetyflap.com/silverforks/status/1199679934986810752

           While I understand that we have not been very accommodating clients—myself particularly—I don’t believe that this appropriate behavior. Venting is important, but the place where Mr. Shirvani chose to express his frustrations wasn’t the right one. Please convey this to him for me.

           I don’t want him to lose his job. He’s young and hasn’t learned this particular lesson yet. But I also find myself hesitant to keep working with Mr. Shirvani. Would you be willing to either transfer us to another realtor, or recommend us to another company like Mx. Pinkflax did? I would really appreciate it.

 Sincerely,

Torako Lam

Private Investigator

.

-

 To: tora@lam.com

From: hello@qilarlind.org

SUBJECT: RE: Important

RECEIVED: August 24th 3042

 Dear Ms. Lam,

           I’m very sorry to hear about what Mr. Shirvani did. We’ve discussed the incident and he understands the impropriety of his actions. Thank you for bringing this to my attention.

           While I believe that we have exhausted our properties here at Lindquist Realtors, I am happy to recommend you to a few other businesses in the Norfolk Area. They’re smaller, but perhaps they have the specific kind of property that you are looking for. I will do my best to put in a good word for you. Should that fail, I will personally endeavor to find you the house you need.

 Sincerely,

Qilar Lindquist

Lindquist Realtors

 -

 August 24th

Chat with Reynash Pines

11:01 AM

Hey Reynash

Can I ask you a question?

11:02 AM

What a surprise to hear from you via text!

Usually you just pop in and scare my soul out of my chest.

But for your question-- please ask

There’s nothing to do at work at the moment.

11:02 AM

Wouldn’t you usually leave?

Or have things changed again without me realizing it?

11:03 AM

Oh no, normally I would

But I have an appointment at 11:45 that I have to stick around for.

What’s your question?

11:04 AM

Torako and Bentley are fighting over housing.

We’ve told you about the house-hunting, right?

11:04 AM

Oh dear. Yes, I know.

Why are they fighting?

11:05 AM

Trauma. I think. They didn’t say themselves.

But I think it’s trauma.

Anyways, that’s not the important part.

What’s important is how do I help them?

11:06 AM

From the incident back around May?

Oh dear.

Are you sure that’s not the important part?

11:06 AM

Mostly.

Anyway. I just need to know how to mediate.

I haven’t mediated in…

In forever?

I can’t remember.

11:07 AM

…why are you even asking me?

11:07 AM

Because not many people know me as me

And you’re one of the only people who has known me as me for a significant amount of time and are also NOT ben or tora

And also you’re pretty calm mostly except when I show up and scare you

11:09 AM

Well

In my defense, I think most people would be scared if you showed up out of thin air and yelled strange things like WHAT YOU CRAVIN or whatever.

11:10 AM

Are you…sassy?

11:10 AM

Possibly

Back to your predicament: mediating

Have Bentley and Torako been able to talk to each other in person about this?

11:11 AM

No :(

They’ve been very quiet around each other at home.

And Bentley’s going on a trip soon.

So they won’t have a chance for a while.

Do they have to??

11:12 AM

It’s just easier to mediate when you’re all there.

Basically

They have to have the conversation, right?

Your job as mediator is to make sure they stay on task

And that no thoughtlessly cruel words are said.

11:12 AM

So they can say mean things

But they can’t mean the mean things?

11:13 AM

Okay, let me rephrase:

They’re mad at each other. They might say mean things that just hurt each other. Words that are meant to hurt each other.

They should not do that.

That does not help the conversation.

11:13 AM

Oh

Hm

So if one says the other is being stupidly paranoid

That’s where I say no, stop?

11:13 AM

Right.

11:14 AM

And if the other says one is being needlessly reckless with his own mental health

That’s where I say no, stop?

11:14 AM

Er

Maybe not, depending

Is he being needlessly reckless with his own mental health?

11:14 AM

I don’t know? Maybe? How do I tell?

11:15 AM

I can’t believe I’m saying this but

We might need to have this conversation face to face.

Please come he0-awekjhwel

11:39 AM

And remember what we discussed

And the pamphlets I sent you

And also please remind Torako and Bentley that Lata would like to see them sometime next month if they’re able to.

11:39 AM

Thanks Ray!

I really appreciate everything

Sorry for making you scream!

 -

 To: qilarlindquist@lindquistrealtors.com

From: simonkhoo@khoohootrealtors.com

SUBJECT: RE: Professional Request

RECEIVED: August 25th, 3042

 Dear Qilar Lindquist

           Thank you very much for the request. I’m honored that you would consider sending us clients that you yourself could not satisfy. It honestly instills an incredible, renewed sense of capability in us here at Khoohoo Realtors.

           Upon viewing the file you sent, however, one of my junior realtors raised concerns that these particular clients may be too difficult for a firm of our moderate size to adequately deal with. Between yourselves and HomeStar Realtors, these three clients weren’t satisfied. That, to us, is a bit of a red flag. We reviewed their specifications in comparison to our own catalogue, but don’t believe we have anything that they would be interested in actually buying. Therefore, in the interest of saving everybody a great deal of time and energy, I must admit that we cannot at this time take on your clients.

 Have an excellent day,

Simon Khoo

Head of Khoohoo Realtors

 -

 To: qilarlindquist@lindquistrealtors.com

From: lancefraiser@dreamhomerealtors.com

SUBJECT: RE: Professional Request

RECEIVED: August 25th, 3042

 Dear Qilar Lindquist

             Thank you very much for this request.

           Unfortunately, we don’t have the time or patience for clients that would require a great deal of energy. From the looks of the file you attached, that seems to be the case with these clients. Therefore, in short, no.

 Yours,

Lance Fraiser

Senior Realtor

DreamHome Realtors

 -

 To: qilarlindquist@lindquistrealtors.com

From: naitafellen@redfinrealtors.com

Attachment: 2042-PoliceRecoverKidnappedManwithHelpFromCivillian.qbf

SUBJECT: RE: Professional Request

RECEIVED: August 27th, 3042

 Qilar,

           Long time no talk, friend!! Wow it’s been a while, I guess we’ve both been busy. I know this is a professional request and all, but we should get drinks or something!! I hear there’s a great alfree bar that’s just opened up downtown. Apparently it has killer drinks, and it of course it doesn’t have alcoholic stuff so you’re good to drink whatever.

           I took a look at the client rec you sent me, and hoo boy they’ve sure got a record! RedFin usually takes whatever, and you know that, but I don’t actually think we can get them anything?? I’d feel bad chucking properties at them that I know they won’t like. I think they’ve already checked out like three quarters of Norfolk lol. Talk about trying to summon with a broom and a lighter!

           Also, they really remind me of this one tweety I read recently? Oof, if that was one of your kiddos who posted it, you should really tell them that’s a bad call—both for them and the clients. These clients aren’t going to get anything in Norfolk, not with that popular tweety paired with that record. And if it gets out that your kiddo was the one that posted that??? Aint nobody gonna hire them, not with all this client confidentiality and all at stake. Gotta be careful what you post online, even when it is venting.

           Yo, but hey, hope you find somebody for these clients! They seem like they got some scary baggage. The one who nopes around magitec and exdims reminds me of something I read in the news a while ago—it was an article that was hushed down p quickly out of respect for the victim, but I still got the doc. I’ve attached it if you want to read! It might even help you figure stuff out with your clients, even if they aren’t the same.

 Let’s meet up for drinks sometime!

Naita Fellen

Owner of RedFin Realtors, Norfolk

Senior Realtor

 -

 August 27th

KoraTorako

I just received an email from Qilar that he’s going to continue to handle our case, but that it may take a while to comb through what properties they have left.

I said it was fine because Bentley’s off on a trip.

 DipTipTyrone

Great!!

This seems like a good time to have a heart to heart, don’t you think?

 KoraTorako

I, uh, what?

 DipTipTyrone

Bentley’s doing nothing right now! Bentley, talk

Bentley, talk or I’ll make you talk.

Bentley I know you’re at your hotel.

 Bentley

Oh my stars dip

What??

 DipTipTyrone

You guys argued a lot last time we really had a discussion

And you’re angry

And you need to talk about why you’re angry

So that you have a healthy conclusion to your argument

And so that you understand each other’s viewpoints better.

It’s important!

 KoraTorako

But why…now?

 DipTipTyrone

Because you sent that message

And I’m sure Bentley’s feeling vicious about it

 Bentley

No I’m not!

 DipTipTyrone

Yes you are

I can see your aura, and while it’s difficult to read, you’re very dlskajlkwjelkjewnsd;nlab

Aslkdjgwaelkl;kwa;ljk

Dlkjaw-000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

 KoraTorako

What the fuck

 DipTipTyrone

You can’t take my phone away from me!! Ha! I win!

 Bentley

You can’t just half slide through the wall so that I can’t tell you’ve blipped in!

What the hell??

 KoraTorako

Okay okay so youre serious about this

Fine

What do you want us to talk about

 DipTipTyrone

Your feelings, I guess?

Like, Bentley. Tell us how you feel about Torako’s latest message.

 Bentley

You’re not my therapist

 DipTipTyrone

No, but we’re family

Which means communication

So tell us.

 Bentley

Uuuuuggghhh

Fine

Torako, that email proves why it was stupid to just dismiss all the properties as soon as we saw them and I feel vindicated but also tired

 DipTipTyrone

Hey, um, you gotta cut all the negativity against the other person out of your message

Try again!

 Bentley

…

The email proves that it was wrong to dismiss the properties without really thinking further about them. I feel vindicated. I feel tired.

Happy?

 DipTipTyrone

Better!

Torako, your turn!

 KoraTorako

Oh my stars are we really doing this

This is so stupid

 DipTipTyrone

Do it

 Bentley

Yeah tora, do it

If I have to, so do you

 KoraTorako

Fine

I’m just tired, ok?? This has taken so much longer than I thought it would. And I know I’m at fault for some of it!!

But I’m sick of Bentley falling to the pressure of ‘picking’ because it’s what’s expected of us. I don’t want him to feel scared or uncertain or uncomfortable in whatever house we pick, even if we’re only there for a couple years until we can pay off the place.

 DipTipTyrone

Thank you Torako! I don’t see any unnecessarily hostile language in there, so that’s A-OK, you pass. Bentley?

 Bentley

I just feel bad because everybody’s trying so hard

And we’re being so hard on them

And sometimes I just don’t understand why you reject the houses? So what that the security system isn’t perfect. I don’t mind going to the effort of pulling it out and starting it again. Heck, I would pay Dip to do it easy!

 KoraTorako

But that’s not your problem

That’s a me problem

I just…I want it to be good from the beginning. I want it to work from the start so that we don’t have to worry about it.

 Bentley

But that’s not going to happen

Sometimes you have to work to make something work for you

And if we gotta do that

I’m fine with it

 KoraTorako

I…I guess

I’m still not completely comfortable with that

 Bentley

We can work on it together

And hey

If I promise to not say yes to houses that make me uncomfortable will you promise to give things like security systems and house integrity a chance?

Like, not dismiss them immediately?

 KoraTorako

…yeah. I can do that, I think.

 DipTipTyrone

Good!! I’m glad we had this discussion

You know, I’m a pretty great mediator!

 Bentley

Dipper I watched you leaf through those pamphlets during the discussion

But yeah

Thank you, dipper

 KoraTorako

Thank you, dipper <3

 Bentley

He’s blushing!!

Compliment him more

 DipTipTyrone

No!

Stop ganging up on me!

 KoraTorako

You’re so cute, Dips!!

 Bentley

The cutest

Aw, he’s glowing

 DipTipTyrone

I should have let you keep fighting

 -

 August 29th, 3042

Chat with Saint Akuapem

4:12 PM

Torako, how are you?

Hepsa says hello

Are you still looking for houses?

4:15 PM

Yeah, we are

Say hello back for me

I’m ok, but a bit tired.

4:15 PM

Excellent

A parent of one of Hepsa’s students mentioned that their mother passed away recently

And that they were willing to sell the property

It seems the mother was afflicted with a curse that prevented her from using most Magitech

And she didn’t trust extra-dimensional spaces

It was a family home, so there are 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a nice garden.

Would you be interested in looking at it?

4:17 PM

Are you fucking serious.

Yes please, a thousand times yes

When can we look?

4:18 PM

Let me ask Hepsa to ask for me.

4:49 PM

Would you be available tomorrow afternoon?

3:30 PM.

 4:51 PM

Oh gosh oh yes

What’s the address?

4:51 PM

Just meet me at our apartment.

We will walk you over.

4:51 PM

Officer you really are a saint

I could kiss you

4:52 PM

Bring some more of those brownies. It’ll be even then.

 -

 “So? What do you think?”

           Torako trailed her fingers across the mantle for the fireplace. It was a real one; apparently, pure electric fireplaces were hell to install and more hell to maintain. There were no runes carved into the rough brick, no faint thrum of magic that Torako could now pick up if she closed her eyes and concentrated really, really hard.

           The whole house had very little by the way of magic.

           “It’s…” Torako looked down at the fireplace proper. It had been cleaned, recently, shiny in the way that old things gleam when properly taken care of. The house had been loved, she was sure of it. “It’s not bad.”

           A touch to her elbow. She looked over at Bentley, whose eyebrows were quirked. “Torako. Please. Be honest.”

           She hummed, turned to lean against the mantle and look out the big windows that provided a view of the garden space. Unmaintained, a little wild. They could put a vegetable patch there, she thought. Maybe a couple fruit trees.

           “I’m not a fan of the front porch steps,” she said, “or the ramp. It’s a bit rickety.”

           “We can fix it up,” Bentley said. He paused, tilted his head, then gave her a sly little grin. “Or at least, we know somebody who works cheap for that kind of thing.”

           “Hey, you can’t let me hear that,” Dipper said from the other room, where he was laying flat on the ground with his ear to the floorboards. “My prices might go up.”

           “Is it all good over there?” Bentley asked in lieu of answering. Torako looked up at the ceiling, where runes or wards or protective magics would be. Magics that would be hers, so they would hurt less to Bentley’s sensitive eye.

           “No creepy basements filled with cadavers or slaughtered cultmembers, if that’s what you’re asking,” Dipper said. Thankfully, Illya had left them to look over her dead mother’s home one last time, so there were no surprised gasps or queer glances. “Though we may want a couple rugs. I think this floor gets cold in the wintertime.”

           “Windowpanes are a little thin,” she muttered to herself. Her fingers tapped against her leg. “Could stand to be a bit more reinforced—though the French doors are probably okay, they seem sturdy enough—”

           “Torako.”

           Bentley’s warm hand slid over the one on her leg. Torako looked at him again. He peered at her over the rims of his oversized sunglasses, golden eye shimmering just a little. “Is there anything seriously wrong with this place? Anything that can’t be fixed?”

           Torako pressed her lips together. The aching anxiety in her chest pressed against her sternum. She tried to ignore it, and the thoughts of shadowy figures cutting through the glass panes, burning through the front door, squeezing through the cracks in the floorboards to steal Bentley away from—

           “Hey,” Bentley said, soft.

           “Hey,” Dipper said, a little brighter and brasher. He took her hand in his human hand. “We’re here, okay?”

           Torako turned her head to Dipper, brown eyes crinkled at the edges (and when had he put wrinkles on?) and grin still just a little too wide for human mouths to stand. She took a deep breath, and exhaled.

           “No,” she said. Bentley inhaled, sharp. “No, not no no! I just meant, ugh, there’s nothing I don’t like about this house that can’t be fixed. That no. Not the ‘let’s not do this’ no.”

           Both of her boys relaxed on either side of her. “Yeah,” Bentley said. “Yeah, I thought this was a good one, too.”

           She twisted her hand in theirs so that she could hold them.

           “Plus, it’s like, dirt cheap,” Dipper said. “Who knew that buying a house without a Realtor handling fee would result in such a bargain?”

           “Okay,” Torako said, a grin starting to pull at the corners of her mouth. The sunlight from the window was warm against her feet, reaching up to soothe the phantom pains in her shins from all those months ago. “Let’s tell Ilya.”

           It would be a good home.

 -

To: olpink@homestar.com

From: qilarlindquist@lindquistrealtors.com

SUBJECT: FWD: Thank you for your help

RECEIVED: August 31st, 3042

I don’t know whether to be furious or relieved. Mostly I’m just tired.

You up for dinner tonight?

Qilar

 >>To: hello@qilarlind.org

>>From: tora@lam.com

>>Attached: NewHouse+US.png

>>SUBJECT: Thank you for your help

>>RECEIVED: August 31st, 3042

>> 

>>Dear Mr. Lindquist,

           >> I email you to thank you so much for all your assistance. I don’t think we would have gotten as far as we did without you. Due to this journey, my partners and I realized some very important things.

           >>As you might have realized based on the name of the attachment, my partners and I have found a house through one of our acquaintances! It was lovely and off-market, and I probably wouldn’t have said no if it weren’t for our experiences with everybody at Lindquist Realtors and HomeStar Realtors. Thank you so much for your time and effort and energy, and I hope that you have a chance to relax now that we’re out of your hair.

>> 

>>Thank you again,

>>Torako Lam

>>Private Investigator

 -

 From: olpink@homestar.com

To: qilarlindquist@lindquistrealtors.com

 Qilar,

           What the fuck, even. Truly. What the fuck.

           I’ll bring the sparkling apple cider.

Olive

[fairiesherefairiesthere]

Fraxus fake Boyfriend AU part 1/?

So it’s Fraxus day, but this isn’t finished yet so I decided to split it up. Here’s part one folks! (it’s a modern au)

"No Freed, you can't hack your father's bank account. The feds will get you and then I will be tragically best friend-less."

"No, you don't get it", Freed says and on the grainy computer screen, Laxus can see him shake his head. "If I go to jail, it'll probably be in Crocus, which means you can actually visit me instead of videocalling me at stupid o'clock in the morning. Also orange is an excellent colour on me."

A quick glance at the lower corner of his screen and a bit of mental math tells Laxus that it's indeed way too early in the morning for Freed to even consider to talk to him. "Justine it's three in the morning there, why are you even awake?"

Although it's hard to tell with the awful videoquality, Laxus thinks he can see the other man pout. "Talking to my bestie, duh", Freed replies and bashes his eyelashes obnoxiously, drawing a huff of laughter out of Laxus. "What are you, a fifteen year old schoolgirl? The lack of sleep is clearly getting to your head."

Smoothly ignoring Laxus' criticism of his horrendous sleeping habits, Freed continues the earlier topic. "Speaking of besties, made any friends yet?" Groaning, Laxus rolls his eyes. "My roommate is an actual nutjob and I don't know why I'm fond of him. He introduced me to his absolute bitch of a friend and I think I like her even more", he confesses and the pixelated image of Freed gives him a smug smirk. "It's because you like to be bullied, Laxus dearest. You won't say it, so I'll say it for you : bottom rights baby."

"I hate you and if you were here I'd smack you", he half-heartedly threatens and Freed replies "Kinky" without missing a beat. While the two of them are engaged in a staring match without actually being able to make out each other's eyes in the blur of colours on the screen, Bickslow throws open Laxus' bedroom door and yells: "Time to hide your porn blondie, it's time for reallife interaction with actual human beings!"

On instinct, Laxus does click away and as soon as the connection with Freed breaks he sees it fit to pout like a child. Their schedules matching (or one of them not sleeping for a day) and their wifi allowing them to see each other is a ridiculously difficult situation to stumble upon and now he's wasted his chance. Bickslow looks at least apologetic. Laxus was going to forgive him, until he opened his godforsaken mouth. "Dang man, the porn that good?"

"I hate you too", he says without clarifying to Bickslow who the other despised person is. He doesn't seem to mind as he plucks Laxus' computer from his bed, plops it down the nearby desk and sits himself down right in front of Laxus, legs in lotus position and bouncing with way too much energy. "I had a great idea", he announces and Laxus immediately doubts him.

"You see Ever and I, we thought you were a bit lonely and it might heal your soul to... Nah, scratch all of that, Ever and I were really fucking bored and we thought : Hey, let's set our absolute bestie up on a date! So here we are. Get dressed, you're going on a date."

"I can't", he says and desperately tries to come up with a reason. Uni work won't fool them, because they know that he's actually a good student, other activities won't work either because he's a social recluse and not even Makarov can save him because for some reason, the little shits he calls friends are all buddy-buddy with his grandpa.

"My boyfriend would hate it", he continues, cheeks colouring. It's because of the lying, not because he can only come up with one boyfriend-candidate in his mind. The statement is bland and straight to the point, which makes his words sound all the more true. Of course, Bickslow doesn't even buy a little bit of it. "Prove it", he demands.

While mentally apologising to Freed, Laxus digs up his contact information and futily tries to call him. After the third time trying, Bickslow looks even less convinced, which is an impressive feat considering he didn't believe Laxus from the beginning. Sighing, he goes to their chat instead and unlike their usual nonsense, he finds a sweet (?) message from Freed.

Damn, the wifi is really fucking with us huh? Wish we could talk more and I wish I could see your pretty face instead of a black screen and some smudges of colour here. X from the most beautiful man you know."

'Conceited brat', he thinks fondly and replies: Cymbeline (Act 3, Scene 4) Line 35-39, but replace 'slander' with 'you bitch'. They've adopted this weird system where Freed uses slang and Laxus literary references, just to meet each other's vibes somewhat. Sometimes it works, most of the times it really doesn't, but at least it's fun.

"Bro have you forgotten about my entire existence already? Stop smiling at your phone and admit that you don't have a mans!" Wordlessly, Laxus passes his phone to Bickslow who gasps. "Book quotes? Shit man, you're in deep. I'm gonna tell Ever." Without a warning, Bickslow disappears through the window, probably giving Evergreen her twentieth heart attack of this month by landing on her balcony. If the school thought a floor would seperate girls and boys, then they clearly hadn't met Bickslow.

Too late Laxus realises that Bicks has taken his phone with him and hopes his friends somewhat value his privacy and don't scroll too far up. There are the occassional way too deep talks around midnight but also a one time onceler x barry b benson bdsm roleplay (Freed had needed help with a creative writing assignment and Laxus had contributed a whole lot of nothing).

Barely five minutes later, Evergreen marches right into his bedroom, heels clicking snappily on his floor. "What", she spits and waves with his phone, "is this?"

"My cellphone."

Unperturbed, she continues her dramatic rant. "You have a boyfriend and you don't bother telling us?" Her tone turns sly and she elegantly flops down on his bed, rearranging her body to give herself a 'stern posture'. She looks like an irod rod trying to do yoga. "Or are you just making things up? Feel free to prove me wrong by showing us what he looks like."

"Why would I bring my photoalbums to uni?" he asks dumbfounded and Ever looks at him as though he just came down from Mars. "Laxus, honey, snapchat is a thing? Email if you're oldfashioned? Where are your boyfriend's nudes?"

"You're in a relationship."

"With a great guy who loves and trusts me and knows I ain't gonna cheat on him. Show me the dickpicks." Annoyed, he gives her a little shove. "I don't have any, I'm used to him being around. He's on another continent now and I just recently realised that all my memorabilias are at home."

"Convenient", Ever remarks dryly and Laxus sighs deeply and stretches out his hand. After she dumped his phone in it, he sends Freed a message ('Bro send me a pic of u ppl wanna know u exist') and shows it to both of his friends. "There."

Surprisingly fast, he gets a message back. 'No. The paparazzi and the FBI agent assigned to me will have to try harder than that to get a hold of ME (why is this man so ridiculous).' He shows it to Ever and Bicks and the former uses this opportunity to snatch his phone, typing a response before Laxus can properly register what's happening. "Hi I'm Laxus friend and I don't believe you're his boyfriend. Send a thirst trap to prove you exist. Or nudes", she reads aloud. Bickslow guffaws at that and Laxus sighs, resigning himself to face the consequences of his actions. What he does not expect however, is for Freed to send a picture back.

It's an awful photo of high school-aged Freed, complete with braces and a very unnatural smile. He's gangly, thin and looks like the walking embodiment of an awkward teen. 'This is a nude, as my soul has never been as bare as in this one picture', the caption reads and Ever laughs. "You know what, he passes the test." She purses her lips. "For now at least, I'm going to need more concrete evidence of this being an existing human being, because everyone can pluck a photo from the internet. Anyway, you're way too late for your date, so you get off easy Laxus."

After brushing nonexistent dirt from her skirt she opens her arms for Bickslow. "Take me home, spiderman", she orders and he gives her a salute. "Roger madame!" he yells before plucking Ever from the floor and leaping over the balcony railing. Their trust in each other is remarkable, but Laxus does think they're weirdos.

The very next day, Ever once again bursts through his door and Laxus mentally curses because he hasn't had the chance to discuss this whole thing with Freed yet. "Laxus", she says, voice dead-serious. "Evergreen.", he greets back as she half-crawls under the covers of his bed. "It's fucking cold", she clarifies before opening her laptop. That seemingly insignificant action makes Laxus weary, as Ever is holding her rickety laptop that's for illegal purposes only.

"I reverse searched that pic of your boyfriend and before I tell you the results, I'd like to know how exactly you met him."

He recognises her nosiness for what it really is (worry) and with a sigh, he gives her the sparknotes version of their history.

"We lived in the same town and we became friends because both of our fathers were absolute shit. They were friends so we became friends. At age thirteen he moved to Alakitasia and we reconnected because we matched on that stupid tinder profile you guys made me."

"Are you sure you weren't catfished?"

"Yup, because we skype regularly."

"Okay. Then certainly you're aware that he's a billionaire? Like, the heir to Justine Industries, the biggest technologie giant at the moment?"

He tries to see the whole situation from her perspective and has to admit that 'I have a boyfriend overseas, who's also a billionaire', sounds a bit too over the top to be true. "Yep, his pa's job is the reason he moved. I know this whole situation sounds like a huge lie to stop you guys' antics (probably because it is), but I swear it's true (it really isn't)."

"Okay then", she mumbles before putting her feet into Laxus' lap. The audicity of this woman, he thinks as he does absolutely nothing to move her. "I'm sorry for the whole 'setting you up' thing, it was rude of us. We just wanted you to have someone, you know? Because you deserve it and we can also see that you kind of want it and we wanted to help. We were too overzealous."

Ah, what a festive feeling brews in his chest. Nothing like a bucket of guilt to get your morning refreshment. The worst part is that Evergreen isn't even done yet with her sentimental speech. "Also, you get really happy whenever your man sends you a message, so all in all I'm glad our big plans didn't work out. I'm still going to be weary of  his actual existence until I meet him, I hope you don't mind." He shakes his head. "Nah, be weary all you want."  

After dropping Evergreen off at her boyfriend's, he rushes to his room to send Freed a message to update him on his situation (he even uses the actual sms-system instead of the internet, which is crazy expensive but he's in a bit of a panic). Unlike most of the time, Freed responds quickly. Laxus wonders why his wifi is absolute shit if he's rich enough to pay for intercontinential messaging. An agonising five minutes pass as the speech bubble ominously keeps showing that the other is typing. When it finally shows up, all it reads is :

"Lol"

"That's all you have to say?" he furiously types back, but before he can hit send, he gets another message. "Whatever man, I'll be the hottest boyfriend ever." After that, it's radio silence again.

The silence between them is broken a few days later. Laxus is trying to enjoy his lunch while Bickslow and Evergreen bicker over something or other, when his phone pings. Little gremlins that they are, they've already looked at the message as soon as it pops up. They read the godawful collection of words "Send me a pic of your feet" before he does.

"Romance at its finest", Bickslow dryly jokes and Evergreen turns to him with big worried eyes. "You're sure he's not a catfish? Or is this what you consider a raunchy picture?" Laxus would answer if he knew what the fuck is happening. Another message appears :  "With measuring tapes surrounding them, not in a weird, gross, fifty year old with a feet kink kind of way. I want to spoil my boyfriend (with my father's creditcard)."

"Aw how sweet, he's committing crimes for ya", Bickslow croons and Laxus grumbles. "I'm not about to give him anymore excuses to commit theft.", he says while typing "Absolutely not." At the other side of the table Evergreen collects her phone from her bag and opens Instagram. After looking for and finding Freed's profile, she sends him a selfie with Laxus and Bickslow in the background and adds a thoughtful message detailing Laxus' feet. "Honey, you need shoes that fit you. No stores have your size and if your insanely rich boyfriend's dad can involuntarily provide, why not take the chance?"

A few days later, the shoes do arrive. They're the most comfortable pair Laxus has ever owned and there's no obnoxious trademarked name smacked on it. He thanks Freed, but asks him to please not do something along those lines again. Knowing full well that Freed himself would never be financially bothered by it, he still feels guilty. Freed apologises (he really shouldn't, he's been nothing but an angel while Laxus is being bothersome) and drops the matter.

"Where are you rn?" The message feels somewhat ominous, but Laxus ignores his gutfeeling that tells him that today is going to be weird. "The western outside food court of Crocus' uni, why?" The response that he gets is a simple :  " :) ". Like a dumbass, he decides to not question it.

While he's chilling out, head resting on his crossed arms, he hears an unusual amount of chattering. Although he and his friends had chosen this place because of how little people came here, it seems like that peace is now gone. Rest in peace, piece. Vibrating bothersomely, his phone grabs his attention. "Got ya another present!" Brows furrowing, Laxus reads the new incoming message : "Kids and their phones these days. Look up darling !"

[csykora]

Hi! I was wondering if you have a collection of NHLer photos showcasing the tank tummy/skater belly and, if so, would you be willing to compile them into a post?

I mean, I have Vladimir Tarasenko’s instagram.

When I was pulling pics for this, I started worrying that people would read them as a bunch of pics of belly fat. Fat-bellied is an excellent way for a person to be, but it’s not what I’m pointing to as skater/ballet belly. We have a problem seeing the difference between muscle and fat, and between different sorts of muscle development, so I want to meander on this a bit.

Let’s start with everybody’s favorite hockey player, Jason Momoa.

This is what Momoa looks like. He has protective connective tissue covering his important internal bits, plenty of fat and fluid to balance his body temperature and his cellular nutrition while he does physical work.

The way Momoa looks in movies is the way he looks when he is dehydrated (and his blood is mostly potato.

Dehydration is defined when you body loses more fluid than it takes in. Vomiting, diarrhea, substances that increase urine output, and sweating are ways you can do the first bit, and not getting enough to drink does the second. Clinical dehydration is an unstable state: mathematically, if you keep losing more than you get, you will run out. Once you are dehydrated, you are going to not be dehydrated one way or another soon.

(Official position of this blog is still that you are not dehydrated. You don’t need to do whatever water challenge you’re thinking about doing. Any Health content that tells you all our bodies need the exact same amount of water all the time, regardless how big we are or what we’re doing, should be transparently silly.)

Right before a performance, male movie stars cut back on food and drink a solution of boiled potatoes. The actual potato and its carbohydrates are strained out, leaving thick starch, which forces water out of their tissues. They’ll also take diuretic medications against prescription. Emptied of water, their tissues temporarily deflate. Their skin gets that thin clinging Saran-wrap look, revealing muscles and blood vessels on parts of the body that are usually padded.* 

On most dehydrated patients, the skin will look loose as if it’s gotten larger, but in fact you’ve shrunk inside of it. But these men are also working their muscles to have high muscle tone: some fibers of their muscles are tight all the time, making the muscle puff up and fill that space.

I’ve written before about how heeled shoes make legs ‘toned’. Muscle tone is a body function that helps us hold our posture and balance: it doesn’t add to our strength. For some tasks, like the swing of a skating stride, it’s going to stop us using our full strength.

Momoa has worked really hard to develop his underlying muscles in a particular pattern. He happens to have broad shoulders, narrow and flat ribs, and a narrow pelvis. And then he’s deliberately developed the muscles of his upper chest to add volume, and very carefully developed the muscles of his lower abdomen and sides to get high muscle tone without adding ’too much’ volume to exaggerate the visual effect of a ‘waist’, or, as he endearingly puts it, “abs ’n’ shit.”

A ‘waist’ is not an anatomical structure like your elbow or your liver is. It’s just a visual quality, ‘narrowness’, a ratio between structures, an absence instead of a presence. It’s less of a ‘good’ or a ‘bad’ thing than a made-up thing, in the sense that it’s an idea we created in our minds, and that idea has changed over time. In practice, our abdomens are where we store stuff: there’s no reason for us to narrow there, and most of us don’t.

After the performance, they’ll (faint and need an IV or) drink water: their tissue will rebound, and they’ll let the high tone muscles relax.

When I’m talking about a skater’s belly, I do like to see a layer of fat/water, but I expect to see fat vary throughout the season. So I’m also trying to look under it for another pattern of muscle development, which we see similarly on boys even with a different amount of fat and a variety of bones. Instead of low-volume, high-tone, narrow abdominals, with most of the muscle up high toward their ribs, skaters are going to carry muscle volume loose and long and relaxed down low

Some boys with Classic broad shoulders, tapered ribs, and narrow hips:

Broad round ribs that make him more straight-up-and-down:

[via @bradenholtby]

Boeser and Other G are both carrying offseason padding: they’re well-hydrated with plump fat over their muscle. But you can also see the long vertical lines of muscle, which add visible mass in profile when they turn. Gru is low-fat from the playoffs, but he still has a low square profile.

Some carrot sticks with incongruous curves:

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Evgeny Kuznetsov (@kuzy092) on May 14, 2015 at 8:15pm PDT

and, of course, the greatest Tank Show in town:

*nobody better accuse me of not liking visible hand veins

[onlinetutoringjobs3-blog]

10 Methods to Generate income On the internet and Generate Good Profits

how to start forex trading

The world wide web provides terrific moneymaking opportunities for individuals with pc information and competencies required to thrive within this on the internet medium. There are actually quite a few ways to get paid dollars on the net even so the 10 finest probable strategies to gain revenue on line are:

earn money on facebook

Check out advertising points around the Web. That's the easiest strategy for making money on the net utilizing the Online. Offering products and solutions over the world-wide-web by way of online shopping portals, virtual auction web pages, or organising an online retail outlet within your individual web page presents a terrific money possibility to absolutely everyone who has something wonderful to promote to prospective customers on the net. This is perfect for generating the needed volume of income on the long-term basis and it is the only of moneymaking selections readily available on-line.

For all individuals who think that their photography abilities can impress any one, there is a excellent selection to market pics on the web and receive cash. You will find many inventory images businesses current on line, which make it easier to in advertising your pics on line. These companies supply excellent incentives and money chances to budding photographers. The quantity is paid with a per-download basis to these photographers just after receiving the royalty payment legal rights from them. This can be a really helpful strategy to make dollars on the net in the event you provide the needed skill set.

Numerous concept boards have many guests for their internet sites. These information boards are depending on normal contributions within the forum customers to help keep the group alive as well as discussion escalating. Since the information boards get well-liked, you can find likelihood that far more members which are new will join the discussion board and get their queries solved or add in direction of the dialogue. These message boards obtain the ample advertisements to pay to their most energetic associates, which have been submitting with a common basis, thus offering them a chance to make some cash.

Through different social networking websites, it really is basically achievable to receive dollars though going through unique profile of people that are customers of such internet sites. Some social networking websites spend its customers income to further improve site impressions within their profile to appeal to much more readers. These web pages also present revenue for uploading and sharing photos and referring new associates on the social networking site. The money provided to somebody depends over a proportionate payment composition setup through the internet site that distributes nearly fifty percent of its promoting revenues to its customers.

Filling up surveys is yet another technique to get paid cash online. Filling up current market study study could appear to be an exceptionally monotonous activity nevertheless the opportunities to receive dollars in this particular variety of labor are unlimited. You can find thousands of research groups on the net, which would choose to consider your viewpoint about different things as well as in that approach, pay back you for presenting your opinion. For every study finished, there are specific points or income specified out on the users. After the money-earning restrict is hit, the survey staff will allow the person the chance to go ahead and take revenue or exchange the details for your sure sum of money.

Yet another great way to make funds on the web is through blogs. The entire process of running a blog may help buyers make large amount of money online by placing in innovative content in their blogs. There are actually two means of heading concerning this running a blog action: a person will be to generate your own personal weblog and generate the many content material on the personal. That is a painful method exactly where you have to do many of the challenging work to get paid income. The 2nd just one will be to set up a sponsored weblog wherever you produce critiques about items for corporations seeking to market their business enterprise. These weblog sites shell out you revenue for offering favorable view about a specific product or service. This really is probably the greatest money options current on line.

The online market place provides the best platform for freelancers to generate money by delivering solutions based on their talent sets. These might contain talent these kinds of as crafting, programming, graphic designing, and education. There are actually numerous web sites where customer posts their prerequisites for a distinct assignment and freelancers can bid for that assignment. The customer then selects the service provider for your assignment and assigns the endeavor to them. This is certainly just one from the most secure methods to make dollars online and the website can take a particular slice out of your payment given that the intermediary to have bought you the work. It is actually more or less a win-win proposition for everyone involved.

The three other methods to gain cash online is by betting, starting an on-line small business, or by playing personal computer game titles. Every of these alternatives offers various kind of earning likely and demands distinct volume of energy to established the ball rolling and produce the needed amount of money to suit your needs.

[famovs]

Headshot Photographers London

The headshot. It's the solitary essential marketing tool for an actor, and also it's impressive the amount of people do it wrong just to cut a couple of corners. Stars, it's time to take it more seriously. When that little headshot jpeg pops up on a spreading supervisor's computer, you want them to claim, "Yes, bring that individual in!" Not "Yikes, that person kinda frightens me."

Your headshot is your business card. A nice colour 8x10 of your face, from which people will certainly employ you, and you will certainly make great deals of cash for them. It will certainly be sent out as well as emailed to lots of casting supervisors and representatives, that see thousands of these every day, on their work desk as well as on their computer system. If your headshot is bad, you look poor. You want to be seen as a pro, not an amateur, so the method you present yourself in your picture is whatever. If you want individuals to take you seriously, you must have a good, high quality, killer headshot. Not an iPhone pic, not a Facebook photo of you outside with the wind delicately blowing your hair, and also not a JCPenney glamour fired with hand trees in the background that you recreated at Kinko's. Save those for your granny's mantle.

Right here is what you require to bear in mind when it involves your headshots:

1. Go pro.

Spend the cash. It's worth it. Most likely to a specialist, who is trained, understands lights, as well as takes headshots for a living, not some buddy that takes place to have a respectable video camera who "sorta recognizes a little about photography." Conserve those images for Instagram, and also leave the headshots to the pros. Excellent headshots range from $400-$1200, and also to get them properly duplicated (not at CVS) will certainly cost you another $100. Anything much less is just a glorified ticket photo. If the headshots look cheap, they most likely are. And you resemble you do not care about your profession.

2. Choose personality over glamour.

Make certain it looks like you. Chill with the airbrushing. Casting supervisors anticipate you to look just like your headshot, as well as will certainly not more than happy when you turn up looking completely various, or 10 years older. It's not about looking rather, it's about representing your kind, age wrinkles consisted of. It ought to resemble you on your best day, showing your age, and that you are currently. It's not regarding the type you intend to be, it's the type you are.

3. It's all about the eyes.

Just like with on-camera performing, it's all about the eyes, as well as what's happening behind them. It's your closeup, your moment. Your eyes should be completely in emphasis, to life, and also invigorated, and also not dead and glazed over. There need to be strong inner ideas, implying a backstory and also a life behind the eyes. A slight squint as well as solid piercing eyes will certainly bring a picture to life and also assist it stick out in a heap of hundreds. An excellent headshot digital photographer knows exactly how to bring this out in you.

4. Pay attention to framework, lights, and history.

As a whole, a good headshot is chest-up with great lighting on your face, as well as no solid dramatic darkness, unless you are adopting "The Phantom of the Opera." Three-quarter shots benefit print, and severe close-ups are good for, well, nothing. Look directly right into the camera, and also the emphasis needs to be on the facility of your eyes, not your left ear, or your t shirt collar. No tranquility indications, weird face hair, or the renowned "hand on face" position. Make certain the history is obscured, which implies it's shot with a great, high-quality video camera with a high deepness of area, which makes you stand apart. We do not need to see that you are basing on the beach in Santa Monica, or on an excursion boat before the Statue of Liberty. It's about you, not the atmosphere.

5. All-natural light vs. studio.

Some photographers do both, as they use a different look and feel. All-natural light gives a very genuine, "film" appearance, which I favor. Workshop illumination often tends to be a little bit extra sleek, with a much more neutral backdrop. Both can be wonderful. If you are even more of a sitcom actor, perhaps an excellent well-lit studio headshot is much more fit for you. If you intend to resemble you get on "True Detective," then go for the outdoor look.

6. Garments and also props.

I once saw a headshot of a person with a bird on his head. Why? Due to the fact that he wanted to stand out. Allow's not obtain insane below. Keep it basic as well as classy, as well as follow the typical layout. Expertise obtains you saw, not desperation. Leave the Ed Hardy as well as the "statement" shirts in the house. A basic, strong shade tee shirt with a little texture that fits you well as well as matches your eyes must suffice. No whites and also no graphics or anything you believe might distract from your face. As well as no props. (You know that, right?) If you think you are mosting likely to play police officer roles, you don't need to put on the outfit in the headshot. It's a bit much and extremely limiting.

7. Don't go nuts with the makeup.

Yes, whole lots can be done with retouching. There is no requirement to put on lots of makeup. You want to appear like on your own on your best day, and also not look like you attempted also hard. Women, be on your own, do your hair the means you would for every tryout. People, bring some oil sheets to take down the sparkle, as well as possibly utilize a gently tinted moisturizer to get the inflammation and even your complexion. Some individuals invest method too much on makeup, only to have to obtain their headshots redone later due to the fact that they look fake in all the images.

Find a photographer that gets you. You need to vibe with the photographer, and that individual needs to make you feel very comfy, as you will hopefully be using this headshot for a couple of years and also sending it to everyone in town. Research study professional photographers on the internet, most likely to Reproductions and also check out their portfolio books, look through the checklist of photographers in Backstage, request for an assessment, get a feel for exactly how they photograph your kind, your ethnicity, your gender, etc

As well as most importantly, don't reduce edges.

LEADING IDEAS FOR PROFESSIONAL HEADSHOTS LONDON

So you require new headshots and don't know where to begin. The most essential action is locating the ideal photographer! You can have all the style guidance and also presenting expertise worldwide, however it can all be combated by a mismatched portrait photographer. A headshot photographer is capturing your significance as a star; he or she needs to understand you, your style, and the kinds of roles you'll be going out for.

Once you've located a seemingly good match thanks to a suggestion from a friend, an online testimonial, or-- as all in-the-know stars do-- Backstage's Call Sheet, there are numerous vital concerns to ask your photographer before securing it in and composing the check. There's not necessarily a "right" answer to any one of them, however it is essential to assess his/her techniques as well as plans to see if they satisfy every one of your less noticeable requirements as a photo subject. The listed below concerns are an excellent area to start!

1. "The Amount Of?"

Any type of possible image topic should be asking the head photographer the number of shots are administered per session and also whether or not they're electronic or movie. How many photos of those shots will you inevitably obtain for consideration? Will they be retouched? How will these proofs be received (e-mail, CD, flash drive, prints)? How long after the initial shoot will these proofs be ready for seeing?

2. "HOW SHOULD I LOOK?"

Some photographers consist of hair as well as makeup therapy in his/her session price. Does this photographer have you covered? And obviously it matters what you use to a picture session-- will he/she assist you choose an attire? The number of outfits should you bring?

3. "WHERE TO?"

What you wear can quite rely on where this shoot is most likely to occur. If it's warm as well as windy for your headshot session in Central Park, dress appropriately! Or if the photographer has a studio, how will the unnatural illumination affect the way you do your make-up? How are you circumnavigating? If you're walking from Central Park to a studio in Chelsea, it's probably best to forgo the heels.

4. "What's the strategy?"

You can find out a lot about a headshot photographer's style just by looking at the remainder of their profile, yet it never ever harms to ask for a basic plan of exactly how they'll be framing your stunning face! Are they attempting to catch any kind of specific high qualities? Based on their experience in the market, exactly how different should facial expressions and also positions be? For which duties are they setting you up for success?

5. "... Can we try that once more?"

We understand mom taught you it's discourteous to talk about loan, yet one of the first concerns you should ask concerns payment. How and also when does the photographer anticipate repayment? And while you never intend to enter a session expecting the worst, it's also good to check in on their plan for reshoots. If you're not satisfied with exactly how the pictures came out, it's your job to speak out as well as throw down the gauntlet.

OFTEN ASKED INQUIRIES REGARDING PROFESSIONAL HEADSHOTS DO I REALLY DEMAND A PROFESSIONAL HEADSHOT?

If you have an on the internet presence after that yes, you require a professional headshot. There was a time when just expert stars and also actresses required headshots. Thankfully for headshot professional photographers those days are lengthy gone. Absolutely, any kind of actress or star that is not upgrading their headshot consistently ought to be, yet these days almost everyone must have an approximately date headshot.

If you're an individual, your existence on social media sites as well as professional sites can be first aesthetic perception someone will obtain of you. Making that first impression with professional headshot can make the distinction in how you're regarded and also make sure that both professional and personal partnerships obtain off on the right foot. If you have a web page for your organisation a headshot is a must-have component for your "About" area. If you're searching for a suit on a dating web site as well as most of us know that we are judged first by our appearances. That vacation image you've cropped everyone else out of is not most likely to do the job. You'll hear it time and again on this website: Headshots tell a story. If your tale requires to be among a certain, friendly professional, obtain a professional headshot.

HOW OFTEN SHOULD I UPGRADE MY HEADSHOT?

Actors, actresses, and those in the carrying out arts should have headshots done yearly. Youngsters as well as teenagers in carrying out arts should update their headshot extra frequently as their look modifications much more quickly. For corporate settings, pictures can be scheduled whenever a new worker comes on board and those whose look has actually changed significantly should have updated photos taken.

WHAT ABOUT MY HAIR?

Your picture must show you at your ideal, as well as hair is an important part of that look. If you have a stylist you go to consistently, as well as trust, I recommend going to them, not somebody brand-new. Unless you are coming straight from your stylist to your shoot, plan to go a couple of days in advance. This will enable the cut or style to set-in a little bit. For males, take into consideration the photo you want to represent. If you're clean cut and professional, turn up looking in this way. If you choose a 5 o'clock shadow as well as use it well, show up as is. Here comes that line once more, headshots narrate. The essential point is to take some time well before your session to think about the tale you wish to tell as well as make certain your look fits that narrative. If you prefer to have a stylist on-site for your shoot we have a variety of specialists who can assist..

WHAT ABOUT MAKEUP?

Don't overdo it. Modern photography captures extraordinary information and also an over abundance of makeup seldom flatters. That said, it's important to recognise that studio lights can rinse colour from your face, so it is very important to use at the very least light makeup. Eye make-up, particularly mascara and eyeliner, can highlight your eyes. Lipstick with a matte coating photos well. Powder is advised to maintain radiate off your face so there is no glow on the completed portrait. If you prefer to have a stylist on-site for your shoot we have a number of experts who can aid..

DO YOU RETOUCH YOUR IMAGES?

Mark Grey - London Photographer

Grey Corporate Headshots London 71-75 Shelton St, Holborn, London WC2H 9JQ, United Kingdom +44 7764 801420

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James & Ava

James: [let's say he puts up an insta of those bubs playing with those torts for her to see] Ava: 🥰 So happy they like 'em, I would've tried to get a real one but they were not fitting in the hand-luggage and apparently that's illegal 🤷 James: [ages later like] James: picking you up from A&E is one thing, a holding cell is quite another Ava: I understand, there's fast and then there's that Ava: thank GOD my Dad will front my bail 😏 James: & your brother's practically a lawyer so there's that Ava: If it weren't him I'd raise questions about having a 'basically' lawyer take my case but yeah Ava: do the torts have names yet? Ava: keep me posted tah James: they do James: Clover & Dandy Ava: 👏 Ava: very creative, very cute Ava: must take after you James: Matty's suggestions were all rejected for being too confusing, which in my opinion was slightly brutal of Jay, but I do also see her point Ava: 😂 Ava: They can have some confusing but adorable nicknames Ava: I couldn't say either my brother or sister's names for the longest time Ava: stuck being 'Uster and 'Ancy James: & yet if the roles were reversed they'd have had such an easy time James: yet more evidence you're a 😇 Ava: and very easy to spell when I got to School, thanks mum and dad Ava: you were alright, 'til it gets to your surname, bit unfair that James: I used to just do a J James: ironic now but I didn't like writing much when I was younger James: added the a & y later when everyone started calling me it Ava: It must've been something, to get to pass that on James: she did it without asking me James: but I know she could have fared a lot worse Ava: Oh, really Ava: I guess that's a thoughtful gesture on her part James: from an outsiders perspective, yes, but I understand why she actually did it Ava: Why? James: because she wanted me to step up & it was the most obvious way there is to say that she's mine & I had to Ava: Ah, that makes sense Ava: in that case, thoughtful as in well thought out but not beyond that Ava: she took your name from you that's James: I'm happy for Jay to have it now though, she'd hate a 'girly' name James: I would have had to find a nickname she could bear to be called in that instance Ava: Yes, at least she's the one who actually has the name, that's never gonna feel bad James: I don't remember where Matilda's came from, we were barely speaking then James: so that does feel worse Ava: at least there's an excellent book and character waiting James: very true James: & she had terrible parents Ava: You won't be getting a hat glued to your head any time soon James: today I won't, we've all learned so many 🐢 facts Ava: Go for esio trot first James: I will, I haven't read it before James: thank you, Ava Ava: You'll like it, and for Roald Dahl, it's pretty sweet Ava: no bad ideas before bed time, like James: does it have a happy ending? Ava: It does Ava: for humans and 🐢 alike James: I've missed you Ava: I've missed you Ava: Obviously couldn't commit the cliche of meeting me off the plane, but when can I see you? James: what are you doing tomorrow? Ava: Avoiding unpacking Ava: I think I've got a brunch date but beyond that, I'm free James: my dad is out of the office all day if you'd like to come & visit me Ava: I'd like that a lot Ava: I definitely will Ava: that'll be okay, right James: she's not going to also decide to visit me James: or talk to anyone that could see you doing so Ava: okay good Ava: Obviously you've thought it through but got a 😇 rep to protect James: I'll never be reckless when your halo is at stake, I assure you James: it's very important to me Ava: What about my 😈 Ava: You can do something about them too, yeah? James: absolutely James: those horns need to stay sharp, of course Ava: God you're hot James Ava: I've missed you so much you have no idea because I lack the words to explain it in any way that would convey just how hard it's been being so far away from you Ava: but I am very much ready to show you tomorrow Ava: and I'm not just talking about the holiday snaps that were not suitable for public display James: It's vital that the protagonist of my 1st novel is very multifaceted 😇 & 😈 which is why I wouldn't write it about just anyone James: I'll show you tomorrow, why it has to be you Ava: I'm so glad that it's me Ava: fuck James: I've lost hours thinking about the tan lines you potentially do or don't have, I'm very invested Ava: I have a strict no spoilers policy Ava: all will be revealed James: but I need to know Ava: 😏 Ava: It does seem cruel and unusual to make you wait when you've already been waiting so long Ava: too 😈 perhaps James: but sending gifts was very 😇 James: what decision are you going to make? Ava: It was just a little something Ava: if I had to get something every time I thought about you, we're talking grains of sand on the beach level Ava: I can't send you pictures, can I James: no, she has an app that restores any pictures I delete Ava: Hmm James: that said, you don't have any tattoos or anything clearly identifying Ava: that's true Ava: can she see the account of who's sent the pictures Ava: because it doesn't have to be me who sends them, or anyone else that actually exists to hunt down James: how many times are you going to go above & beyond to prove to me that you're too smart for King's? James: I believed you on the 1st tour Ava: I can be smart as long as we need to be smart Ava: and I had to make sure you wanted to talk to me after the 1st tour, of course James: I wanted to talk to you before the 1st tour, you know that Ava: I know Ava: Can I ask you something, if you promise to be honest James: yes Ava: Did you think badly of me for trying to pursue you when I knew you were married Ava: or what did you think of me, I guess James: I was too busy being glad that you wanted to James: but of course I wondered why James: I still wonder what it is that you could ever be interested in about me Ava: I can't profess to giving it particular or cohesive prior thought myself Ava: we both allowed some recklessness that day, clearly Ava: and I know you do, I'll write you a book one day Ava: but it'll take me a while to get down everything I find interesting and worthwhile about you James: I can wait Ava: Good Ava: One job at a time Ava: and this profile is looking pretty realistic and is as close to untraceable as is possible Ava: but I'm assuming she doesn't moonlight for MI5 James: do you? James: because you perhaps should Ava: 😏 Ava: Only to write my award-winning, world-changing exposé James: you're going to be a spectacular journalist Ava: Thank you 😊 Ava: I'll spare waxing lyrical about the vitality of a free press, don't think the readers will be about it when we could be talking more about my tan lines James: please do continue James: on whatever subject you feel the most passionate Ava: [a message request from this fake profile moment] James: [immediately accepts and immediately dies] James: oh Ava: you said passionate James: I did Ava: You're a subject I can get really worked up about, like James: I can see that James: & feel it Ava: Good Ava: Are you allowed to send photos to a fake girl or no? James: I don't care if the fake girl gets discovered James: she means nothing to me Ava: Poor fake girl Ava: still, can't be all bad James: it's not James: because now I can show you how much you mean James: [and does because FINALLY can send each other whatever they want] Ava: [what a glorious moment also over here like don't say ily don't say ily] Ava: OH James: Thrilled as I am to be behind a locked door, I'd be even gladder if you were here too Ava: yeah I Ava: feel that Ava: really feel it James: it's my turn to ask you a question James: do you want to hear the story of what would happen if we currently had all the time we could possibly want to really delve into 2 weeks of thoughts, dreams & wish fulfilment or do you want a narrative that's more realistically framed, so unfortunately there's not much opportunity for description or dialogue but instead every second is intensely action driven because we don't have a single one to waste? Ava: The latter Ava: I know the story, as the protagonist I've been living it with you Ava: Call mystery girl, she'll be as quiet as she can James: [does of course] Ava: Well James: I'm speechless James: but still here Ava: Please stay Ava: I hope you can stay James: I'll try Ava: Remember I told you this is different James: yes Ava: I really haven't felt like this before Ava: is what I'm saying Ava: I'm even more sure this is entirely new now James: understood James: I know you understand that it's the same for me Ava: I do James: Ava James: please stay too Ava: I will Ava: Literally nowhere else I'd rather be Ava: or no one else James: I'll try to understand that Ava: I'll try to make it clearer Ava: long as that may take Ava: not a quitter James: you've also never been unclear Ava: But you should know by now Ava: you know James: that's my error, not yours Ava: Shh James: I can't because Ava: Why? James: none of the blame for what I don't know rests on you Ava: but Ava: yeah, that's true Ava: but there's more ways I could show you Ava: tell you James: are there? Ava: yeah Ava: but you know Ava: scary James: that I do know for definite Ava: You don't think I'm 🙀 James: I think you're brave James: but you recognise when to be cautious Ava: I recognize it Ava: I rarely want to be cautious though James: we wouldn't have a story if you did Ava: 😏 okay Ava: I feel less bad James: don't feel bad at all James: please Ava: okay Ava: I'll try Ava: if you do James: you shake Frank's paw & I'll shake a 🐢's James: arm? whatever they have Ava: 🥰 you are so fucking cute Ava: and it's a deal James: [sends her a pic of him doing it because he can now #nerd] Ava: [send a video of Frank mugging her off like get away from me mother] James: 😂 Ava: I still agree to the terms and conditions Ava: he's just a diva and thinks I'm trying to give him an unwanted manipedi James: I can relate to the dread of an unwanted makeover James: tell him I apologise for laughing Ava: Dad duties? James: the reality of a very controlling wife Ava: 😑 Ava: Well we'll go shopping, one day James: only if Jay can come too, nobody hates having no influence over their own wardrobe more than she does Ava: Of course Ava: she's got to meet Frank James: she would love to, you honestly have no idea Ava: One day soon Ava: I can handle bumping into you at the park without being too 😍 James: I don't know whether to be happy or sad that you can apparently handle that Ava: I'm nothing if not over-ambitious Ava: and over-confident James: I like both of those things about you Ava: There's nothing I don't like about you James: I got it really wrong, you're not trying to age me, you're trying to kill me Ava: Never Ava: What would I do without you? James: you'd survive, as you're always saying Ava: 🥺 Ava: no James: it's okay, we don't have to find out James: I want you with me, not without me Ava: I need you James: Ava James: I haven't got in it me to walk away again, I mean it Ava: Then don't Ava: it isn't what I want Ava: but as well, I really don't think it's right, for you or for anyone, me included Ava: It wouldn't be easy, at all, but if I thought this was wrong, I wouldn't do it, I'd have to stop, somehow James: I know Ava: I'm not a bad person Ava: and neither are you James: you're a good person James: & being with you isn't what makes me a bad one Ava: You're a good one Ava: one of my favourites James: no, but you make me want to be better at being a person James: because you're one of my favourites too Ava: We're all just trying to get better at being people, yeah James: most of us Ava: The rest are gonna wake up and realize they wasted a lot of time pretending they had it all figured out, too late James: I'm so happy I met you Ava: That is definitely very mutual James: even if this all goes wrong again tomorrow or any time before how long we want it to last, I want you to know I won't be sorry about the start or the middle Ava: That means more than that phrase can convey James: & I want to emphasise I'm not only saying so because everything else in my life is going horribly James: if I was happy I'd want to share that with you too Ava: I love you James: Ava Ava: I couldn't not say it anymore, I'm sorry James: I don't want you to be sorry if you're not Ava: I'm not sorry that I mean it, or feel it Ava: but I am if I crossed a boundary James: you can say anything to me Ava: Well Ava: there it is James: what are we going to do about it? Ava: Up to you really Ava: we don't have to do anything Ava: do we? James: but that wouldn't be right James: things shouldn't go on as they are Ava: Sometimes they have to though Ava: anyway, does it even count as a declaration of love if I don't run to your house in the pouring rain in something made of white silk, like James: it counts that you're the 1st adult who has honestly said that to me Ava: Then I'll say it again Ava: I love you, James James: Then we need to find a way to be together properly Ava: Yeah? James: yes James: you can't be this important & the other most important person in my life not know that you exist James: or never have woken up next to me James: I still have no idea how beautiful you look when you're asleep Ava: We'll work it out Ava: be together properly James: I promise James: because I have no intention of breaking it Ava: I'm thinking maybe you want me dead too James: not even hypothetically James: I need you too much Ava: My legs feel like they ache from not being allowed to come run and find you right now James: I keep accidentally hurting you, don't I? James: Frank has no skills as a masseur I assume? James: IOU Ava: I'm holding you to that one like it's a bonafide promise too James: good James: because while I don't technically have any skills of my own, I'm confident you'll let me know if you like my attempts or not Ava: fake girl might be quiet as a mouse but that's not my style unless absolutely necessary James: that's why you're my favourite & she's my scapegoat Ava: 🥰😏 I can only be so sorry James: well, it's fine because apologies aren't what I wanna hear Ava: All I wanna hear is my alarm so it means I get to see you today James: almost looking forward to going to the office myself James: how unusual Ava: They're so welcome for the boost in morale, like James: if I could keep you on my desk all day, I would Ava: When the novel is ready and you're ready to be fired, then we can do that James: okay James: I'll pull a few more all-nighters James: see if I can't get these chapters finished Ava: I'll nap beside you Ava: at my most inspiring when I 😴 James: I find it hard to believe you'd be anything other than distracting Ava: Who, me? 😇 James: yes, you James: you're very beautiful, you know Ava: 😊 Ava: You're lovely James: it's true, you make me wish I knew how to paint Ava: You make me wish a lot of things, I get that James: tell me one day Ava: Every wish? James: yes Ava: Okay Ava: we can count how many have come true James: until they all have Ava: Happily ever after James: it would be over ambitious & over confident of me to suggest I'm capable of giving you anything close & I'm not anything close to being either Ava: You're just less talk, more make it happen Ava: you've shown that plenty already Ava: I believe in you, I always tell you James: I can always feel how sincere you're being when you do Ava: Good 'cos I don't lie Ava: even to be nice James: I like that about you most of all Ava: If I wasn't conceited before 😂 James: you weren't, it's fine Ava: Well Ava: 🤏 Ava: but it is fine Ava: not not fine enough to warrant stopping you complimenting me James: you couldn't stop me, darling Ava: is that so? James: of course James: even if you made me speechless again, compliments don't have to be spoken Ava: 🤤 Ava: can we put that to the test James: give me a minute James: [a dramatic pause that's longer than either of them would like] Ava: James? James: okay, test me Ava: How though? James: how do you think you can 😶? Ava: Oh, that's easy Ava: I just need the help of a friend James: it's easy to give you compliments Ava: I know, that's why I've gotta go hard over here Ava: bear with James: take all the time you need Ava: I won't need that long Ava: don't like wasting time with you ever James: are you saying you think you've already lost? Ava: Um, no Ava: I'm saying it won't be long until you can see the finished product and be 😶 Ava: how rude of you 😏 James: then it couldn't possibly be a waste of time Ava: [sends him a video on the fake profile] Ava: might wanna turn your sound way down James: well, now I want to turn it up Ava: do so at your own risk Ava: I'm very much alone rn so I could be as loud as is necessary James: [sends her a pic so she knows how into that video he was because worth a thousand words] Ava: Now that is a compliment James: like I said, it's easy to be complimentary towards you Ava: I can see that 🤭 James: I need to see you James: why the fuck isn't it tomorrow yet? Ava: It's actually so unfair Ava: dunno if we can claim starcrossed but you know James: it'll feel less tragic once I get in the shower & can actually turn the volume up Ava: You're really gonna inspire a sequel that easily, huh James: a saga James: longer than Twilight Ava: would just about see us through 'til morning Ava: me @ brunch 🥴 James: I'm wide awake if you are Ava: Of course Ava: new challenge Ava: make you speechless and get you to 💤 pass out, like James: I'm not sure if it's an advantage or disadvantage that I haven't slept well for the last 6 years Ava: We'll work that out together Ava: but wait Ava: say night now so I don't miss it later James: it'll definitely prove helpful in the morning since we have a habit of leaving cups of coffee untouched when we're together James: Oh Ava, you're so sweet James: goodnight for later, my darling Ava: True Ava: and Edward is so jealous Ava: you can't help being more interesting Ava: or better at sweet talk James: we'll make everyone jealous, one day James: when you're my girlfriend Ava: I can't wait Ava: legitimately James: me either Ava: Did you have many girlfriends before Ava: or just do hookups James: I didn't have any girlfriends before Ava: suppose you didn't have much time, nah Ava: not for serious ones James: I didn't want a serious one in school & my parents absolutely didn't want me to have one either, for all the good that did Ava: Makes sense Ava: parents rarely get what they want though, like you said James: I was having too much fun not being serious about anything, until I wasn't any more Ava: That's a lot of people Ava: if there's a time for it James: that's everyone I knew then & a lot of different people I also know now Ava: Yeah, it is a bit like they typecast this entire area most of the time James: I'll make every attempt to avoid it when I set the scene in my novel Ava: like you said too, fun 'til it ain't Ava: I always leave before then James: I always did too, until I got to rehab & leaving was no longer an option James: kind of its unique selling point Ava: How long ago was that? James: it's been years Ava: What did you go in for, if you don't mind me asking James: do you remember that expensive drug habit I mentioned as being one of the only things I used to care about? it honestly was Ava: I was just worried you were meant to be sober Ava: 'cos that would've been really awkward Ava: that's amazing though Ava: well done James: I'm mostly sober but sometimes I fuck that up, which is awkward, you're right Ava: I'm sorry Ava: that night was totally my idea, I steamrolled you so hard James: it was my bad idea to get drunk, that's not your fault James: it's also not your fault that I did something I shouldn't to try & stop myself from doing something else that I'd convinced myself that I shouldn't James: because I'm well aware of how well that doesn't work Ava: Alright Ava: but I'll be more supportive now I know, for the record Ava: though I see your logic there, even if it didn't exactly go to plan James: it went according to an even better plan James: because here we are James: & I don't want to spoil your fun, Ava Ava: I can't even claim it as my plan, sadly Ava: 'cos I couldn't even imagine we'd get here Ava: and you won't, you don't Ava: there's more than one way to have fun Ava: every time I've met up with you has been fun and I was only drinking one of those times so safe to say it isn't required, like James: tomorrow won't be any different, I promise James: despite the fact my office has never been fun before Ava: yeah but I've never been there before Ava: obviously the issue James: the main issue, absolutely Ava: having your dad as a co-worker is probably a fair 2nd James: technically he's my boss & how often he likes to make that known is the 3rd Ava: ick Ava: 🙄 Ava: he's not getting in the book James: I'll put him in the acknowledgements for spurring me on in getting the chapters done quickly Ava: 😂 A subtle dig is the best kind James: 🖋 vs ⚔ Ava: your 🤓 brain is sexy James: I'll happily say again that everything about you is Ava: I'll be even happier when I can hear you actually say it tomorrow James: you can hear me say it now James: I'll bring you into the 🚿 with me Ava: I love you James: [okay we skipping to tomorrow for my evil cockblocking deeds] James: Teddy's here Ava: Oh Ava: to visit or put in hours? James: the latter apparently, which he has wisely decided to do when my dad isn't here to supervise him Ava: Well, good for him Ava: right, what's the plan then James: I'm gonna go get Matty, she might as well here too since you can't be James: maybe she'll annoy him enough that he'll leave earlier than he's currently planning to Ava: Cross my fingers, like Ava: she's pretty sweet overall though James: Teddy really doesn't like children though Ava: I can't imagine him interacting with one tbf Ava: keep me posted then, I guess James: he dropped Jay when she was a bit older than Matty, it can't have helped matters James: if nothing else I'll try & leave earlier than I actually need to when I go to pick her up James: it won't give us long but it's the best I can do Ava: Kids are made of sturdy stuff, if my fam has taught me anything Ava: bless him Ava: that's cool Ava: the girls were going on to the shops so I'll just join them James: okay Ava: can't be helped, can it James: not yet James: but I'm still sorry Ava: not your fault James: [sends her all the deets because he's booked her a massage since he can't give her one & she's now got loads of spare time, like ILY babe] Ava: You didn't have to do that Ava: but as far as 2nd best options go Ava: I've lucked out there, thank you James: I'm aware how frustrating all of this is, in every possible aspect of the word James: so hopefully this will help Ava: It is Ava: but you're worth it to me so I'm in if you are Ava: though probably warn me beforehand if it's that kind of massage, otherwise it could get awkward James: 😂 I have heard she's very good but I can't personally vouch for whether or not that's why she's as highly recommended as she is James: you'll have to let me know Ava: 😏 I'll let you know if your friends are shameless perverts or not, yeah James: thank you James: it would be useful information to have because both my parents have separately been there Ava: 😬 Ava: do you reckon that's ever happened Ava: having an affair with the same person by accident James: it must have at some point Ava: I mean, a thruple is the last resort of every middle-aged couple wanting to reignite things so give it a go James: thank god I'm not yet middle aged & my marriage is dead in the water James: it was strange enough when a friend made a pass at me at a party who I know had slept with her previously without seeking us it out Ava: as much as it pains me you aren't, babe Ava: she's not my type either sorry James: understandable, he wasn't mine Ava: you straight? James: shocking, I know Ava: Again, tragically not but I thought I better check 😉 James: as much as she'd probably love that to be the reason I want to leave her, it's not Ava: That cliche really is played out though James: agreed, it's not one of my preferred cliches Ava: Fine, fine, I WON'T sleep with the masseuse, you don't have to beg James: if you could not sleep with anyone else, regardless of their profession, that'd be a relief Ava: 'Course I won't Ava: I love you, there'd be no point James: I miss you so much Ava: I know, I miss you too Ava: not just because all my friends seem to have got new boyfriends at once that they all had to talk about James: two fake profiles would be a step too far, right? Ava: 🤏 just Ava: anyway, fake girl means nothing Ava: I don't wanna claim fake boy either, just you James: maybe you should come to the office & let Teddy see you, it would get everything out in the open Ava: I don't think you're ready for that, are you James: there is no way to ready myself for it though, is there? Ava: There's some ways Ava: even if you know your wife is obviously gonna be a nightmare regardless Ava: can ease everyone else in Ava: maybe mention you've met someone to him? see how he is with that first James: I don't really want to involve him to such a dramatic degree, yours is a much better idea Ava: Believe me, I wanna be there as much as you want me there Ava: but I don't wanna fuck it up James: me either, it's gotten so bad with her James: as bad as it's ever been Ava: What are you going to do? James: I don't know, I tried to leave when...after I left you & James: well, I'm still there, aren't I? Ava: It's really fucking complicated Ava: and that's an understatement Ava: it will probably be worse after, when you do leave Ava: but then, when she can't follow through with her threats, 'cos it's all bullshit, what can she do, you know what I mean James: she's said things that mean I can't risk leaving her alone with the children at all now James: not that I particularly did before but there were things I believed she'd do then & things I didn't actually Ava: You'd have to take them with you Ava: so that means you need to keep your place Ava: but I assume the chances of her leaving are slim to none Ava: unless Ava: hmm James: she's said she wants to go, start over, but that means nothing James: I know she'd refuse to just to spite me Ava: Appearance is everything with her, yeah? James: it is Ava: you need to do something that will make her leave then, feel like she's made the decision Ava: like if you were gay, something that she can't make go away on the socials James: we can't have a baby just so she'll fuck off Ava: No, I can't even have news of a fake baby getting back to my parents Ava: but seriously Ava: if we did out us, show people we were Ava: would she find a way to hack that or no? James: she'd find a way to destroy your entire life Ava: No she wouldn't Ava: she's doing that to yours, has been for too long James: she would, Ava James: she's done it before, to your sister, to any other girls she's found out about James: & I didn't even care about them the way I do about you Ava: What could she possibly say about me? Ava: I'm a homewrecker? If she wants everyone to know how unhappily married she is Ava: Everyone knows all about my weird family, I've dealt with that for years Ava: Anything she could say, I'd own up to or I'd prove wrong, she doesn't control my narrative James: even if you are right, she still controls mine James: my children's James: I'm not allowed to just take them, am I? She'll have me arrested or something Ava: Only mentally Ava: you can break that, you will Ava: 'cos she doesn't provide any finances, she doesn't look after the kids, what does she offer, like Ava: there is no hold over you but her mental one Ava: Your name is on their birth certificates too, you're as entitled to be with them Ava: anyway, you don't have to go anywhere, who owns your flat, like? James: my dad owns everything Ava: Yeah, your dad Ava: He's not going to put his grandkids out, even if he doesn't side with you Ava: and if it comes to it, he'll have to have you both out whilst you sort out the divorce Ava: there's no way she's automatically entitled to that flat, it isn't either of yours Ava: and she's not automatically entitled to the kids, especially with all the worrying things she's said, yeah James: but I'm not either, I'm an addict Ava: Recovered, literally went to rehab Ava: and let's be honest, half this town is on it to that degree but they're not owning up and calling it a problem Ava: you did that and you sorted it out James: what if they aren't actually mine? James: she's cheated as much as I have Ava: Oh, James Ava: I don't know Ava: you could find out Ava: if you were ready for that but Ava: I see the appeal of not knowing Ava: she probably does though, if she's thought to use it against you before, it's at least crossed her mind too James: as much as she's said it, I've never actually believed her James: but what if I find out that they aren't, it'll be the end, nothing else that we've just said would even have any relevance James: I can't lose them, Ava, I'd rather stay with her forever than let that happen Ava: Of course Ava: they're yours, you raised them Ava: does she Ava: stupid question but does she actually want them? James: no James: she told me she never did, either of them Ava: I don't Ava: as spiteful as she is Ava: would she keep two kids she doesn't love or want Ava: what about her parents, what do they think? James: they're both at their wits end Ava: They'd back you, then James: they know they can't back her James: too much has happened that her mum knows about Ava: If you have proof and people backing you that she's unfit to be the sole provider, then she'd have to sort out visitation and work with you Ava: and I can't see her bothering, if she means all she's said Ava: but Ava: I don't know Ava: it's scary James: if she knows it's you I'm with, I honestly couldn't guarantee anything with regards to what she would or wouldn't do James: her strange obsession with your siblings is something I've never quite understood Ava: None of this is about me, or my wellbeing Ava: I don't care, there's nothing she can do to me Ava: if that was all we were worried about I'd move myself in today but it ain't James: but what I'm saying is, she could go further than we're thinking she would with regards to the children because she doesn't want me to be happy with you specifically James: not just because she doesn't want me to be happy ever Ava: Okay, I get it Ava: So you'll either stay, forever Ava: or she'll take the kids and you'll have to battle in the courts to see them James: that's how it appears James: & if they aren't mine, she just takes them if I don't stay forever Ava: That's why if you do decide to leave Ava: you need to know that first James: I'm scared to know it Ava: That's understandable Ava: there's few things scarier that I can think of James: Matty wouldn't remember if I disappeared from her life now but Jay needs me Ava: You aren't going to just disappear Ava: whatever you decide, whatever happens, we won't let it be that James: can you forget everything I said about trying to be sober, please, I really need a drink James: lots of drinks actually Ava: Tell whoever you need to that you need to go home, okay Ava: then come meet me Ava: I shouldn't have started this conversation right now, I'm so sorry Ava: come be with me James: I can't, you've got a massage to get to & that's the least of what's expected of me James: not leaving Ava: Okay, have you got Matty? Ava: Because go do that then, spend some time with her James: I don't think I should, she'll pick up on how I feel & then nobody'll get any work done Ava: Alright, are you sure you want to stay, you'll be alright? James: I'll be fine Ava: I'll leave you to it then Ava: try to distract yourself, sure Teddy will help you James: I'll talk to you later Ava: Sure, no worries James: [later] James: I'm sorry Ava: I totally get it Ava: well, I don't, but I totally get that too Ava: I'm sorry as well James: everything is indescribably terrible Ava: Yeah Ava: it's bad James: I'm so sorry, Ava Ava: You don't have to say sorry to me Ava: I chose what I chose Ava: you didn't know what you were signing up for, how could you James: now you know what you're signing up for, if you don't want to be any more, I understand Ava: Don't say that James: I have to say it Ava: Now you have then but I'm ignoring you James: please don't Ava: I could never, you know how I feel Ava: that's not changing, it can't James: I know & you know I don't want it to Ava: I just wish there was something I could do Ava: to actually help James: you do help James: more than I can find words to express Ava: I'm not gonna bring it all up again but Ava: all I can think is we have two spare rooms at mine, alright Ava: if you ever need them James: what about your parents? Ava: I could talk to them Ava: and both rooms have bathrooms, and it's only me on that floor as well so the girls wouldn't have to feel like they've got to meet loads of new people James: but what could you possibly say? Ava: As much of the truth as they need to know Ava: Don't worry about that, they're easier to sort than any of the rest of this, yeah James: I'm fairly certain that'd be the whole truth & that wouldn't be easy Ava: They're big rooms, the girls could share or you could have one with Matty Ava: I'm saying, we don't have to say you could as easily share mine James: I wouldn't want someone as fucked up as me going out with either of my daughters Ava: You aren't Ava: it'll just be the age gap but they'll get over that Ava: anyway, the space is there, that's about all I've come up with since earlier James: thank you James: for even trying to come up with anything while I've just been James: again, I don't know what the word is, or could be Ava: You needed to stop Ava: as much as you ever can James: & now I need to see you but it can never just be that simple Ava: Does Jay have anything on tonight, like a club or a lesson or? James: ballet, so I have to stay because she hates it Ava: Fair enough Ava: Is lunch tomorrow an option or? James: I'll make sure it is Ava: Okay, I'll see you then Ava: could you do a phonecall during ballet, even for five minutes Ava: just so I can hear your voice, tell you all the things I wanna James: no promises Ava: of course James: aren't you glad you came back from holiday to all this Ava: I wasn't planning to stay there forever regardless Ava: you know how much I missed you Ava: still do James: tell me about it, or the massage, or your friends' boyfriends, anything that isn't the subject of my misery Ava: It was a good massage Ava: though the way my shoulders killed, you wouldn't think I'd just been on holiday Ava: you definitely need to try it yourself James: I'll book us in together next time Ava: That'll be perfect James: but before I do, did she try & seduce you? Ava: 😂 Ava: not enough to convince me I need to go back every fortnight 💔 James: did you not tell her I've got a best selling novel to write? Ava: Of course Ava: doing the hard sell on everyone for you, babe James: I appreciate it, very much Ava: I appreciate you Ava: What time will you be back, I'll uber eats you something for dinner Ava: you must be exhausted James: only if you order the same thing, it'll almost be like having dinner together Ava: You have the best ideas James: [a time that he'll be back] Ava: It's a date James: I'll dress up for you James: get out of these work clothes Ava: 😳 'scuse you Ava: warn me before you're gonna be that hot please James: if you were warned, you'd be less likely to 😳 Ava: I'll always blush for you Ava: like it or not James: you know how much I like it Ava: I seriously wish you were here Ava: such a waste of pink James: I wish you were here Ava: Gutted my ballet days are behind me James: she doesn't want to go, is there anywhere we actually could meet? Ava: With the kids? Ava: I hear that new soft play does a good coffee James: okay Ava: It's one place adults are actually encouraged to chat to each other so it won't be weird to Jay James: as soon as I tell her she doesn't have to put her tutu on, that's all she'll care about Ava: Bless her James: not to mention the bun, that's a war I'm happy to call a ceasefire on Ava: I'll put my hair down Ava: not trigger her 😂 James: just me then 😍 Ava: it's still a date, like Ava: got to keep you on your toes James: can we draw the line at a pirouette though please? I'm very tired Ava: alright, another time 😏 James: tomorrow maybe Ava: you'll feel up to it then? Ava: planning on a 💤 night of sleep James: you said the coffee's good James: if I actually manage to drink it, who knows Ava: Don't you know you're too big for the ball pit? James: that's an outrageous thing to say! after the day I've had, I couldn't deserve a ball pit more James: you've really devastated me there Ava: Okay, okay, I'm sorry Ava: sneaky hold my hand under the balls? Ava: please James: regardless of your apology, I'm gonna have to throw you in James: so yes Ava: 😱 Ava: now that's actually outrageous James: 😏 Ava: 😈 Ava: how you play James: with you Ava: so inappropriate to make me 😳 in soft play James: oh, so you want best behaviour? James: I can do that too Ava: No Ava: never said that Ava: I might like inappropriate James: I also think you might, let's find out Ava: 🥰 Ava: Let's James: Ava James: I seriously don't know what I would do without you James: no, that's wrong actually, I do. I'd be in such a state right now, really drunk or worse James: because it's not talking about it that's the problem James: we have to keep talking about it, okay? James: I have to figure out what I'm going to do Ava: I love you, James Ava: of course we can keep talking, I'm not going to leave you Ava: whatever you need means just that Ava: you will figure it out Ava: You will not lose them, okay, whatever that takes James: but what you need is just as important & if that's ever taking a step back, not talking about it or whatever else, do it Ava: Of course Ava: I will, I'll try James: good, I've already dragged you into this & I refuse to also drag you down Ava: You'll see how hard it is to do that in the ball pit James: 😂 Ava: Not without a fight, ever James: if they don't use that as the film tagline, such a waste Ava: They might want you as lead for that Ava: negotiations are ongoing James: you're the face, it's non-negotiable Ava: 🥺 I wanna kiss your face James: I want to press my lips against every single bit of your skin, all the time Ava: Oh James: there's never enough hours for everything I want to do with you Ava: Making up for all that lost time should be very, very good James: we're going to need days, weeks, months James: I want to give you that Ava: You can promise James: can I? Ava: Yeah Ava: we'll find a way, right? James: I promise you Ava: 💙 Ava: I promise you it'll get better James: of course, there's no crying in the ballpit Ava: not even when I beat you James: hypothetically not even then, but you won't so it's no problem Ava: 😏 that's fighting talk James: yes, it very much is Ava: Don't try to swoon your way to victory Ava: I'm definitely not that easy, nope James: I'm not Mr Darcy James: we can both do better than that James: that said, I am wearing a white shirt Ava: Shame there's not a good lake around James: but we should still go swimming some time Ava: Only if you pick the bikini Ava: tradition now James: of course, I'd hate to break tradition Ava: take you off the alumnus James: & then how would I meet girls Ava: 😲 Ava: Cheek James: that's all it is, I assure you Ava: not a threat then? James: no James: I'm not planning to lose you in the ball pit Ava: Good luck Ava: take more than a subtle hint to get rid of me, babe James: it'd be very bad luck Ava: 🍀 James: how soon can you be there? Ava: it isn't far, is it Ava: 15-20 minutes James: okay Ava: You better show up first so I can tell 'em I'm meeting you Ava: convincing a not-bothered 6-year-old I have an imaginary child is one thing Ava: reception will just be getting 🚨 James: I'll let you know when we do Ava: 👍 Ava: I'm looking forward to it Ava: even if it'll be odd to leave it at a kiss on the cheek James: & very odd for you & Jay to finally be in the same place Ava: Yeah, you sure you're alright with it? Ava: No doubt she'll totally blank me, who wouldn't when faced with the joy of soft play James: obviously it's far from ideal for me or you but Ava: I just wanna see you Ava: I'm fine with it James: I know I should probably care more but I swear, if this day ends without seeing you James: I will actually lose my mind Ava: We're not doing anything wrong Ava: you can't help it if random women talk to you at soft play Ava: have to keep you literally locked up to avoid that so James: It does happen a lot & yet I've so far avoided being chained to the wall Ava: Exactly Ava: not even anything noteworthy Ava: and I'm not gonna like Ava: overstep or be too much with either of the girls, you don't need to worry Ava: I wouldn't do that, or anything you weren't comfortable with James: I'm not worried about that James: I'd never have brought Matty over to your house if I thought it was going to make either of us feel uncomfortable Ava: 'Course Ava: you're a good dad James: but if you do feel anything close to it, with Jay or with anything, just tell me Ava: I will Ava: You're doing this well, you know James: I'm trying to Ava: And if she ever says, you know Ava: she doesn't like me or whatever Ava: then you can tell me and we won't meet when you have to be with them Ava: take it slower Ava: I know it would make it harder but I know they come first and I'm totally cool with that James: you're doing this really well too Ava: I hope so Ava: it's new territory for both of us, all of us Ava: we'll work this out too James: I trust you, Ava Ava: Thank you Ava: you can Ava: I'm not gonna let you down James: but you can, like you said, we're all just trying to get better at being people, aren't we Ava: Yeah, okay Ava: Too cocky? Ava: I'll try really, really hard not to let you down, but no promises Ava: How's that? James: I don't want you to think that me thinking you're perfect means you have to be James: 😇 & 😈 remember, mistakes are what rewrites exist for & I already made mine in trying to let you go James: you're allowed to get it wrong too Ava: I just really don't want to hurt you James: I don't want to hurt you either Ava: as long as we know that, even if we do by accident or whatever Ava: that's better, isn't it Ava: than me leaving you alone James: anything would be better than that James: but yes, especially if we know what we want & don't want James: I'd let you hurt me over & over again if it meant you didn't leave but I know that isn't what you want Ava: Never ever Ava: even thinking about it is making me hurt James: so we're not going to let it happen even hypothetically Ava: only fun hypotheticals James: like the traffic not being horrendous so I get to soft play before the children start a riot James: because we're finally ready to go Ava: That's so hypothetical it borders on a pipe dream but maybe the universe will play fair after the day you've had 🙏🤞 James: so much so that I'm hypothetically considering walking Ava: how many hypothetical stops would you have to make 'cos she wants to look at something or pick something up she shouldn't Ava: Frank can make a ten minute walk take a good thirty, easy James: enough that I could hypothetically catch my breath after all the cigarette breaks I've had today & I might not hypothetically pass out Ava: Just thinking of your health, clearly James: I should quit, again Ava: How long did you manage? James: which time? Ava: 😏 most successful time then James: 6 months maybe Ava: Not to be sniffed at Ava: longer than I've gone and I'm a shameless 'social' smoker as if that's alright James: how long have you managed? Ava: However long between whenever I've been offered one Ava: I've not tried really James: do you want me to not offer you any? Ava: Sounds like you need to catch your breath Ava: take that as you will James: okay Ava: 😊 Ava: Tell me when I need to leave James: [a long enough pause] James: you can leave now, if you'd like Ava: On my way Ava: how strict is your sweet policy? James: arguably not as strict as it should be, but I don't share that hypothetical opinion Ava: I'll stop in the shop on the way Ava: now, do I guess and see how my choice rates or do I cheat and ask you what the faves are Ava: 🤔 James: you heard me say I trust you, right? Ava: Okay, I got this James: I believe it & in you, darling Ava: 😍 you could say that again Ava: if you liked James: I've got no end of faith in you, Ava Ava: Ugh, bye Ava: I've melted James: what I'm hearing is that I'm going to have to pour you into the ball pit? Ava: If you can pick me up off the floor, yes Ava: also what I'm hearing is you want a treat too, noted James: of course I'll pick you up Ava: Actually trying to kill me Ava: I'm trying to walk, like James: if I could carry you over the threshold of this soft play centre, I would Ava: Babe 😩 James: not the time nor the place, understood Ava: Sadly not James: when the filmmaker takes certain liberties with the source material, we'll attempt it then Ava: Directors cut, yeah James: yes Ava: right, 'scuse me whilst I focus Ava: 🍭🍫🍬 important decisions to be made James: you're sweeter than any of it Ava: James James: sorry, you need to concentrate 😶 Ava: 😈 you Ava: but 😇 at the same time Ava: how do you do it? James: how do you? Ava: Touche Ava: maybe we're a good match James: I think we are Ava: What a coincidence Ava: Me too James: 🍀 Ava: [do we wanna end it here and just work out how it goes?] James: [yeah we can do] Ava: [I'm saying she went animal-themed and got her like percy pigs and an animal bar and the animal biscuits etc and got Matty some rusks or something soz baby snacks aren't as fun and then got him some candy cigarettes] James: [we all know that'd go down amazingly well done babe & I'm saying the baby made the loudest sound when she saw her again like oh hey girl] Ava: [that would be so cute] James: [we all know they already like each other] Ava: [lbr you haven't got any competition in Chloe, all you need to do is not be a massive bitch] James: [mhhmmm I'm also saying he let Jay decide what she wanted to wear because she deserves that thank you] Ava: [when you're busy living your best life so I assume you'll be alright even if you're like hello stranger?] James: [she'd be in such a good mood thankfully] Ava: [we all deserve this to be a moment, lads] James: [even if it can't be as much of a moment as you'd both like, keep it sneaky lads] Ava: [🐍[ James: [the self control required after the day they've had and how highkey their emotions are rn] Ava: [truly, at least no adults are there to pick up on what is way more than the vibe] James: [the receptionist been knew but who's she telling] Ava: [lmao imagine the amount of people conducting sneaky affairs she stay in her lane] James: [I bet they would cos their kids could not be more distracted] Ava: [its perfect tbh] James: [100% am throwing her in the ballpit excuse us children] Ava: [must be done] James: [let him be young goddamn it, he was robbed] Ava: [be young and have fun] James: [Jau just talking about soft play constantly for the foreseeable but Chloe none the wiser lol] Ava: [gonna steal your kids and your man 'cos you don't want 'em James: [they gotta come back because not only is it a great cover it'd be a really swag soft play like better than the one Louise always goes to even because posh people] Ava: [remember on scummymummies they said that one did booze lol they've got so fancy] James: [you're missing out Chlo, soz not soz] Ava: [literally no one is soz, not even your baby] James: [the baby should have her tort with her because feels] Ava: [awh yas] James: [no other kids steal it thank you] Ava: [baby fight lmao] James: [I hope not because the mum would be so judgey cos he's young & Ava's even younger] James: [not sorry we all serving looks & living our best lives at this soft play] Ava: [no one shall bring them down rn or I'll brawl] James: [but I do hope Jay's hair is the messiest it's ever been because fuck you chloe] Ava: [i always wonder what chloe is actually doing 'cos like, nothing ever is the tea] James: [truly how much shopping can you do girl] Ava: [waiting for your fairytale in your sham of a life, like] James: [ooh Ava should do something with Jay's hair that she actually likes cos maybe she's getting annoyed at it while she's trying to play & live her best life and James is like pikachu meme what is this witchcraft but she thinks he's like 😧 how dare you for the hottest of secs] Ava: [a mood just like lowkey how dare you but also how teach me lmao] James: [just falling more in love with the bae by the second over here] Ava: [queen of understated and simple shoutout to your mother for that one] James: [yas I've always loved that about Bea] Ava: [the levels of fuss Chloe is is not a mood for anyone] James: [one of many reasons Jay hates you babe] Ava: [those poor kids she ends up having like rip] James: [I hope she only dresses James now when they are going out because lord] Ava: [poor boy not a mood] James: [especially now you got the hottest bae ever] Ava: [nothing you can do to cockblock this honey] James: [she should obvs find the fake profile like immediately though] Ava: [we can do that next] James: [& if she messages it Ava will be able to see what she's like] Ava: [the delight that is, okay letgo]

[hubpeakweb]

4 Brand-Building Tips on Using Instagram for Your Business

How to Create a Powerful Instagram Social Media Marketing Strategy

One of the most powerful marketing tools marketers have today is social media. From Facebook posts to tweets on Twitter, sharing your products or services on social media platforms is a great way to increase brand awareness, engagement, sales and leads.

However, many people are left scratching their heads when it comes to marketing with Instagram.

Many of us use Instagram as a personal account to post photos of our family, friends, vacations and food - but how can it tie into business? And should it?

With the speed of which Instagram is growing, don't underestimate its value to boost your brand and marketing efforts.

It has grown into an incredibly valuable marketing platform and even though the 18-29 year old's are still prevalent users, the higher age groups are catching on and catching up fast.

Some 2018 Instagram stats from Sprout Social are telling:

• 7 out of 10 hashtags on Instagram are branded

• 80% of users follow a business on Instagram

• 65% of top-performing Instagram posts feature products

If you feel the tug to explore Instagram as part of your social media marketing strategy, check out these initial pointers to help you get started:

Use Hashtags Wisely

You don't need to cram every hashtag you can think of in one post, but you do need at least a few.

A hashtag is the # sign followed by descriptive words about your image as in this example, I used #marketing and #ctaconf, which was the conference I was attending at the time.

When a user clicks/taps on a hashtag or types a hashtag into the search box, it brings up all images that use that hashtag. The user can even subscribe to continue to follow that hashtag.

The hope is the user will see your photo, head to your profile and best-case scenario, follow you and get engaged with more of your posts!

However, when hashtags are extremely popular, the competition to show up in the results is fierce. Similar to SEO keywords, the more popular a term is, the harder it is to stay at the top of the search results. Thus, my example of using #marketing really was futile if I wanted to get any traction from that post.

You want to make your hashtags relevant to your business and location, but also engaging enough that a user would type them into Instagram's search box.

For instance:

• Say you have a pizza joint in Vancouver. You post a pic of your Pepperoni pizza with the hashtags #VancouversBestPizza #NicolosRestaurant #DeliciousDeepDish

• Or you're a Toronto wedding planner. You post an image of a bride and groom's first dance with the hashtags #TorontoWeddingPlanner #LoveWins #WinterWedding

Holidays and special events are an excellent time to promote your business and gain Instagram followers. Whether it's a sale on Black Friday, a Thanksgiving-related use for your product or a product shout-out on National Dog Day, they are all ideal opportunities to showcase your business brand in a non-salesy way.

Thank Your Audience for Showing Up

You don't just post a bunch of photos and hashtags and wait for the likes to roll in.

To gain Instagram followers, engage with your audience and grow sales or leads, you need to put in the time.

See an example here from video expert Michele Moreno where she responds back to each of the comments left on her video post.

So if someone leaves a comment or question on one of your posts, take the time to reply and thank them/answer their question.

Take a look at their profile, and if you like what you see, follow them.

Businesses often follow commenters first, in the hopes that they might return the favour.

You can also look for people who might be interested in your product, then comment on their photos and/or follow them, but don't spam them with an ask to follow you right away.

Interact with the Right Influencers

Influencers are Instagram users who can influence your target audience because of their popularity and/or social media following.

Danielle Bernstein is a good example of an influencer who worked with a brand. You may not recognize her name, but the 1.8 million followers of her Instagram account WeWoreWhat do.

Bernstein and FIJI Water worked together to create BodyWoreWhat, a marketing campaign offering 8-minute workout videos with her and her personal trainer.

That may be an extreme example, and unless you have deep pockets you probably won't be able to attract an influencer with almost two million followers.

But don't despair. From mommy bloggers to local foodies, you can always find someone who your target audience follows, likes or admires. Maybe they'd be willing to review your product or take a photo using it - use your imagination!

Don't Just Shill Your Products

Instagram is not the place to simply share product shots all the time. Think of the experience people have using what you're offering, or the benefits it gives people.

Even better, show real-examples. Asking for user-generated content from your audience is one way to do this. That means that users share their photos using a hashtag you provide.

The online furniture store Wayfair.com does user-generated content very well. They have a user-generated campaign that lets customers share photos of their stylish Wayfair-filled homes using the hashtag #WayfairAtHome.

Be sure to let people know that their images might be featured on your page and you can increase your Instagram content big time - for free!

No matter how you use Instagram for your business, be authentic and true to your brand. It's what the platform is all about, and it's going to help you grow your business, gain Instagram followers and attract sales or leads.

Susan Friesen, founder of the award-winning  free Instagram followers trial  web development and digital marketing firm eVision Media, is a Web Specialist, Business & Marketing Consultant. r. She works with entrepreneurs who struggle with having the lack of knowledge, skill and support needed to create their online business presence.

[news4dzhozhar]

**Not sure why I'm even posting this nonsense. Not exactly journalism when your source is a movie...and they're still claiming she remarried and had another baby (because someone got a pic of her carrying Ailinas baby...who is now like 4 years old) Rehash & BS**

What did she know, when did she know it, and how could she not know? Six years after the Boston Marathon bombings, questions remain surrounding the role of Katherine Russell as a potential accomplice to the deadly crimes committed by Islamic extremists Tamerlan and Dzhokhar Tsarnaev.

Katherine Russell (who sometimes went by her married name, Karima Tsarnaev) has never been charged in connection with the 2013 Boston Marathon Bombing terrorist attacks, which killed three, resulted in 17 amputees, and wounded another 240 innocent people.

While the two perpetrators of the attacks have been brought to justice (with Tamerlan’s death and Dzhokhar currently locked up in a supermax prison), Russell has somehow escaped justice for potentially being an accomplice to a vicious Islamic terror attack on U.S. soil.

She who was born to a “tight-knit” Catholic family in Rhode Island, had excelled in school and enrolled in Suffolk University. Affectionately known to her friends simply as Katie, Russell was described as a popular, friendly person who had everything going for her.

Her life took a radical turn for the worst in 2009 after meeting Tamerlan Tsarnaev, a devout Muslim who would watch radical Islamic videos and generally hated what the United States stands for, according to a neighbor.

Russell converted to Islam in 2010 at the Masjid al Qur’aan in Boston. Later that year, she dropped out of college. She was rarely seen outside of the apartment (other than making her trips to and from work as a home health care assistant) she shared with her husband and young child, according to neighbors. This means that she was almost certainly present as her husband used their apartment (which was smaller than 800 square feet) to make pressure cooker bombs and watch radical jihadi videos.

Her defense team has framed her relationship with Tamerlan as an abusive one. They claim she worked tirelessly, and spent the rest of her time caring for their child and isolated from even the people inside her small home. They say she had no advanced knowledge of his plans.

However, there is more than just circumstantial evidence tying Russell to the terrorist act.

Months before the bombing, she conducted online searches on her Macbook computer for “wife of mujahedeen” and “If your husband becomes a Shahid, what are the rewards for you?” prosecutors said during the 2015 trial. Mujahedeen means people engaged in jihad, or Islamic holy war. A Shahid is a martyr for the religion of Islam.

Following the attacks, she seemed to justify the ruthless methods of her husband and brother-in-law, texting a friend: “Although a lot more people are killed every day in Syria and other places. Innocent people.”

She also retained radical Islamic propaganda videos on her personal computer, such as al Qaeda’s infamous “Make a Bomb in the Kitchen of Your Mom” video that has provided bomb-making guidance for countless jihadis.

After the bombing, police sought out the help of the local Boston community to help find the suspects they had identified through grainy photos. When pictures of Tamerlan’s face had started to appear on television, Russell called him to inform him, according to police sources, who told The Weekly Standard at the time.

Russell was profiled as someone who was well aware of the planning stages of the attacks in the movie “Patriots Day,” the 2016 film about the Boston Marathon bombings. Her lawyers insist that it unfairly portrays their client, while the filmmakers stand by their research related to her role in the attack.

Since the terror attacks, Russell has jumped around from state to state. She first attempted to move back into her family home in Rhode Island. Although there were signs of initial reconciliation, the efforts to bring her back into the fold failed after she clashed with her family over her Islamic faith, according to one relative.

She found a better fit in the New Jersey home of her late husband’s sisters, Bella and Ailina Tsarnaev, the latter who appears to be a radical Islamist. In 2015, she told her boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend that she knew people who could set off a bomb in her home.

Russell has since remarried and had another baby, Ailina Tsarnaev said.

It remains unclear whether prosecutors will ever decide to pursue charges against Russell. She has kept an extremely low profile over the past year. In September 2016, authorities wanted to question her with regard to Tamerlan Tsarnaev’s activities. Russell released a statement through her lawyers in September 2016.

“The injuries and loss of life – to people who came to celebrate a race and a holiday – has caused profound distress and sorrow to Katie and her family. The reports of involvement by her husband and brother-in-law came as an absolute shock to them all,” the statement said.

[getrealinstagramfollowersan-blog]

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