#and the pho place is closed on sundays. hell world hell world hell world.

[nail-bat-butch]

why are we here??? just to suffer??? i was trying to get some jelly from the fridge for my english muffin, and the container of leftover pho decided to take a swan dive. what the pho, man.

[princessdevy03]

Tumblr Exclusive!!!!

Author’s Note: My peeps with prostates – GET THAT SHIT CHECKED!

For @anybodihearme and No Shave November....

Hair RaisEdd

Kevin trudged through Jimmy’s kitchen and then practically threw himself into the seat in the middle of the floor.

“What’s it going to be?” The blond asked as he pulled Kevin’s ever present snapback off his head and handed it to him before flipping out the smock that would keep the redhead’s clothes free from auburn clippings.

“The usual and do you think you can line me up?” Kevin asked sheepishly as he removed his scarf and Jimmy gasped.

“Well, hello there, Stud,” the blond giggled and Kevin’s cheeks and hair started to match.

“C’mon, Jimmy,” the ginger whined and Jimmy whipped the smock around him with a flourish.

“You got it.”

Twenty minutes later, the smock was covered in auburn and black hair, but Kevin felt like he looked okay.

Not like his dad, but like he was trying too hard to look grown up, either.

So maybe he could get a date this weekend and not look like a total douchebag skeeveball doing it.

“You’re gonna knock ‘em dead, Dude,” Jimmy snickered when Kevin handed him the mirror back and stood up to dig out his wallet.  “Hey, Edd!”

Kevin turned around as Edd shut the door and while Edd knew it was rude to stare, he couldn’t help himself.

Or the force of habit that made him tug his beanie off his head as soon as he walked into Jimmy’s home barber shop.

Wild ebony curls flopped out from under the hat, white streaks crowding around the crown of his head making him look a bit like a mad scientist, or angel, Kevin couldn’t decide.

But the genius was floored that the black beard Kevin had apparently been hiding all Halloween weekend was on his face at all as his face was generally hairless any other time he had ever seen him.

“That’ll be $20, Kev,” Jimmy said as he wiggled his fingers at the stunned ginger, breaking the shock and awe going down in his kitchen. “And not a word of this to anyone, understand?” He continued as he pocketed the money with one hand and pointed at a sheepish Edd with the other.

When Kevin started to protest, Jimmy gave him a silencing glare and the redhead nodded before hurrying out the house, clapping Edd on the shoulder, tossing a small, “But it looks good, though,” over his own as the backdoor slammed behind him.

“Knock ‘em dead, Kev!” Jimmy called after him with a laugh and Kevin’s groan resounded all over the backyard, which made one of Rolf’s chickens squawk in annoyance at all the noise.

Edd let out a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding when the door slammed closed and Jimmy giggled.

“He won’t tell,” the blond said firmly as he flipped all of Kevin’s hair off the smock and Edd took off his coat, putting his beanie in a sleeve.

“I know.”

“You boys behave!” Mrs Vincent said as she slipped into the Über, Edd’s father sizing up the redhead standing next to his son before his wife hissed at him to get in the car.

“Goodbye! Call me when you land!” Edd called after them with a few enthusiastic hand waves goodbye as the car pulled away and Mrs Vincent blew kisses as Mr Vincent glared at Kevin.

“Can we go inside now!?” Kevin whined once the ride sharing service car pulled out of the cul-de-sac. “My face is cold.”

“His face is cold,” Edd mocked as he jammed his key in the front door’s lock and stormed inside. “YOUR FACE IS COLD?!” He screamed as Kevin slammed the door behind him and started to toe off his shoes.

“JIMMY’S SEEN YOUR HAIR!” Kevin retorted and both of Edd’s shoes hit him in his shins as the ravenette stormed into the kitchen.

Kevin found him pacing between the sink and the stove, hands in front of his face in thoughtful contemplation, but his blue eyes were still in a same state of shock as they were the day before when they ran into each other at Jimmy’s.

The same shock they’ve been in all night since Kevin stopped by to hang out and had dinner with Edd and his parents before heading to the arcade to hang out some more, grab some ice cream, and then head back to Edd’s just as his parents left for another quick business trip.

“What?!” Kevin said accusingly and Edd exploded.

“What?! What do you mean, ‘what?!’” He seethed. “Where in the world did all that hair on your face come from?!”

“The same place as the hair on your head!” Kevin snarked back and Edd screamed in exasperation. “Don’t you dare, Double Dork!” Kevin fumed. “How come Jimmy can see your hair but I can’t?!”

Edd looked into hurt green eyes and knew that while he may have been wrong to keep his secret from Kevin for so long, he still needed to get his hair cut and Jimmy wasn’t gonna brag about it.

“Because you can’t keep your mouth shut!”

“Can, too!”

“You all but told my parents we’ve had sex! You don’t do that!”

“Well we can’t have sex when I can’t get my damn boyfriend out of his damn hat or pants for that matter,” Kevin pouted as he eyeballed the beanie on Edd’s head.

Edd stared at him in sheer speechlessness for a few moments before whispering, “Your boyfriend?”

Kevin kicked off the kitchen island he was leaning on and walked over to the stunned teen in the middle of the kitchen.

“Only if you want to be, Edd.”

Mutual crushes became obvious after they hung out all night chatting and catching up after spending most of their summer away from home with academic camps and a family vacation on Edd’s part and sports camps and a family reunion on Kevin’s at Nazz’s Back To School party Labor Day weekend.

They went to the homecoming dance as friends, as the other Eds got dates, Nazz went with Johnny, and Marie was skipping the event in feminist protest, but most were sure that it was because Edd wouldn’t take her. When Kevin took Edd out to his favorite pho place for his birthday, Edd’s mother was falling all over herself fawning over their blossoming bromance and his father started to stare the redhead down every chance he got.

When they came back from the ice cream parlor, they were holding hands, and Mrs Vincent was beside herself.

Edd was sure that his father would want to have a chat with him Wednesday evening when they got back home, but his buzzing phone on the counter let him know that nearly everyone that saw them out tonight was wondering what Kevin was wondering rightthissecond.

He slid his beanie off his head and scared blue eyes, full of fear of rejection, looked up into awed green, and a heavy hand twisted itself into silky curls as it tugged their owner in for a kiss.

Edd whined a bit at the scruff of Kevin’s mustache on his upper lip, but the apologetic smooch he got more than made up for the small scratch.

“Is that a yes?”

Blue eyes twinkled as Edd nodded and the next kiss was deeper, the scruff of Kevin’s beard on his chin tickled a bit and he squeaked so Kevin pulled away.

“You okay?”

Edd sighed as he took his face in his hands and said, “This is gonna take some getting used to,” as his thumbs rubbed at the trail of black hair on Kevin’s jaw.

“You’ve got a month,” Kevin shrugged.

“Then let’s get started,” Edd smirked as he drew him in for another kiss, but his hands fell away from his face as Kevin’s tongue teased the gap in his teeth and he moaned.

“Yes, let’s,” Kevin growled as he pulled away and then started to pull Edd to his room.

They fell onto the bed, hands everywhere, the scruff of Kevin’s beard on Edd’s neck driving him insane.

He shoved the redhead’s hands down his pants, moaning for more and begging for relief all at the same time.

Kevin hated that the hair on his face came in a completely different color than the hair on his head and started shaving as soon as the first few dark hairs sprouted towards the end of eighth grade.

They were juniors now, and between his Granddad’s prostate cancer and Nazz’s fussing, he finally decided to grow out a beard for No Shave November.

Begging off of Nazz’s Halloween party with an excuse of homework and finishing up his extension on his art midterm, and thankful that Edd’s parents were in town to distract him from his self-imposed absence, he didn’t put a razor to his face for a full 32 hours.

With his head in a helmet for the game on Friday, everyone wound up in Halloween celebrations on Saturday, he woke up Sunday morning looking just like his father.

But it was all scraggly and messy and he knew he needed help.

Jimmy was clutch, for sure, and even his mom said he looked like young man and not her big baby.

He just didn’t expect Edd to react the way he did, but he liked the smol smarty pants reaction.

He liked it a lot.

Every kiss had a sound coming out of Edd that’s just making him want to do more, but only as far as Edd will let him.

And Edd was hitting the throttle like he’d pump his Harley through the hills that surrounded their small town.

But once he got Edd out of his pants, he stopped.

“Whaaaaaat?!” Edd whined, fully turned on, half naked with only his tank top and socks on as Kevin stared at his crotch.

“Oh. My. Gawd.”

Edd looked down to see what Kevin was staring at and he squeaked when he figured it out and went to cover himself, but Kevin’s hands were faster and locked his long arms above his head.

“Hooooooow?!” He drawled in shocked lust, a silly, slightly mischievous grin on his face, his eyes sparkling with sheer delight.

“I don’t know! Genetics?!” Edd squeaked shyly and Kevin wanted to get all up in his damn gene pool as he looked back down at the mound of red hair between Edd’s legs that ain’t his!

“What the hell kind of genetics is that?!” Kevin said as he released his arms to use both of his hands to point at the joy of Ireland that shows all of Edd’s manhood.

“I could ask you the same damn question!” Edd retorted as he grabbed Kevin’s face, thumbs firmly pinching black haired cheeks.

“My mom’s from Wales.”

“The French have a few redheads, too,” Edd sighed. “I mean, Europe as a whole has a bunch of them running around so it goes to reason that the gene pool will produce a few anomalies.”

“This is not an anomaly,” Kevin said huskily as he took Edd’s cock in his hand and the smaller male arched his back on a moan. “This is fucking amazing.”

A kiss to each nipple made him giggle, tiny bites to his side had him squirming, and Edd knew he wasn’t behaving and didn’t care when Kevin took all of who he was into the back of his throat and hummed.

His nose buried deep in Zestfully clean auburn curls made him well up a bit because he couldn’t believe he was finally getting to touch the boy he couldn’t get off his mind.

Said boy couldn’t keep his hands off his face and Kevin’s ego was getting stroked.

Soft hands smoothed back the hair on his beard a bit before gripping his jaw to get him to suck him down harder. When he did so, a bit of pre-cum came out and Kevin had to pull off of him because he knew he’d get him to cum but he wasn’t ready for that just yet.

“Why?!” Edd sobbed as he kissed the mound of red hair that was making him feel a bit like a bull in a china shop.

“B-Because,” Kevin stuttered, suddenly realizing that he didn’t know if Edd was truly ready to go all the way just yet.

“Well, if you’re not going to finish me off then kill me because I’m going to die!” Edd cried, tears coming down his cheeks like rain, hurt in his blue eyes.

“You’re not going to die,” Kevin smiled as pulled him into a cuddle. “I just…”

“Oh. You’re not ready, yet?” Edd asked softly.

“Oh, I’m plenty ready,” Kevin said reassuringly. “I was just wondering –“

He was cut off by Edd rolling him over onto his back and then sitting on his stomach, ass rubbing softly, teasingly against his cock.

“I’m ready when you are.”

And Irish eyes smiled.

It wasn’t anything they hadn’t done before, at least not to each other. Just themselves in curious exploration, then needed hormonal relief.

Where Kevin would need a gentler touch, Edd liked it rougher.

Kisses on his neck turned him on and made him open himself a bit more to the redhead, which made it easier to accept the dick he spent way too much time thinking about in the one place no one but him would ever touch.

A condom provided protection from the semen induced mess and eased Edd’s germ filled mind, and a bit more slickness to the task at hand as the lubed up touches got harder and kisses got rougher, a few leaving burning marks in their wake.

When Edd finally got through the haze the pain of sex had sent him into, he looked up to the man hovering above him, the strain in his arms showing with throbbing veins and his face went hot from all his staring.

“You okay?”

“Move.”

A slightly relieved moan turned into a shrill cry as Kevin’s hips moved out slowly only to snap back in.

“I’m s-sorry.”

“I-It’s okay. J-Just go slow. Please.”

Edd clung to him as he did his best to move as slow as possible moving his face to expose his neck and silently ask for more of those stupid delicious neck kisses.

He shifted his shaking legs a bit to relax them from the strain of being held open so wide, and it made Kevin hit his prostate.

Hard.

He was sure he’d never screamed like that in his life, but he was also sure he’d never felt anything like that ever before, either.

And he needed it to happen again.

NOW.

“A-Again.”

Kevin growled before biting his collarbone as he gave another hard thrust and Edd’s perfectly manicured nails left their mark across his back as he arched his back and screamed again.

“D-Don’t you d-dare stop.”

“Never.”

A heavy hand twisted into his hair and pulled while the other held his knee into his chest. He wrapped his free leg around the redhead’s hips and they kissed sloppily while Kevin railed him as fast and as hard as he could.

When Kevin felt the grip on his shoulders loosen and one of Edd’s hands crawl into the space between them he pulled back a bit to see what the other was up to.

“I don’t think so,” he huffed as batted Edd’s hand away from himself and the ravenette fell back into the bed on a choked sob that turned into a moan as Kevin gripped him and tried to keep his hand and hips moving at the same time.

He failed, but Edd didn’t care.

An opened mouth kiss to the sensitive spot behind his right ear had him shaking, but it was the tiny kiss to the underside of his jaw that made his overstimulated body cum, screaming the redhead’s name into the ceiling so shrilly, if he didn’t have a look of sheer bliss on his face, Kevin was sure he’d hurt him.

But Edd squishing his face into his neck did kinda hurt, especially since he couldn’t breathe and he had to wiggle away, leaving tiny kisses and beard scratches behind as he did so and Edd hummed as he melted into the bed.

In the afterglow, Edd guided him through all their usual kisses that first began after Edd’s birthday, but today seemed just a bit more sweeter, even with the hair on Kevin’s face making things different.

“Just a month?” Edd asked as they sat on the floor of his shower, the hot water easing the crick in his back as he leaned into Kevin’s chest.

“Us?” Kevin asked frantically as he sat up from leaning in the back of the tub and Edd cracked a smirk at the pout on his silly, grown up face.

“No, this,” he said as he pointed to Kevin’s beard.

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” Edd giggled. “I’m not breaking up with you in a month, that’s just silly.”

“Yeah, yeah, ya dork,” Kevin muttered. “I guess I can keep it, if ya like it…”

“I do,” Edd said with a thoughtful look in his eyes. “But, it’s your face.”

“Let’s give it a month,” Kevin shrugged as he pulled him close again.

Ten years later, they got married in November.

Jimmy lined up Kevin’s beard for the event and toasted to them and the continuation of the longest No Shave November ever.