#and the paperwork? very hermitcraft season 10

[sapphoismymuse]

idk how to explain this one, but alfur from hilda is grian

[ilexdiapason]

[@theminecraftbee inspired this fic! hermitcraft season 10's south neighbourhood becoming werewolves for the bit, ft. ren's propensity to take it seriously, and being the only one who does]

It was Stress who started it.

"C'mon, it'll be fun! I've never been a wolf before!"

"Werewolf," Ren corrects, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose tetchily. "And it's not fun. It's a chronic condition that needs constant management and can lead to some serious carnage if it's not properly cared for."

"Ah, who cares about a bit'a carnage? It's, like, week two. People die, they'll come back, no harm done. And you're tellin' me you don't see the appeal in a pair'a teeth like that?"

"Not - not really?"

Stress huffs, good-natured, tilting her head and baring her neck. "Think about it!"

"That's vampires," says Ren, "you're thinking of vampires who bite necks. Werewolves don't have a designated spot to bite. Because, like I said, it's not supposed to be fun. You're not supposed to want it."

She sighs loudly and uprights herself. "Alright. Figure something else out, then, shall I?"

"Do what you will," he tells her.

And then...

Well, it's a very unfortunate coincidence, is what it is.

He doesn't mean to get as wrapped up in his Ministerial Administrative duties as he does. There's a lot of paperwork that Xisuma cheerfully shrugged off on him when he realised Ren was assuming an admin position willingly - inventory checks and server code assessments and Right To Host permits that all need to be thoroughly combed through before they can be signed off on. It's not the most interesting job in the world, but Ren's been dying for a bit of busywork for a little while now. Strange how a life full of nothing but card games and deadly dungeons can leave you pining for the simpler days.

But the evening stretches on, and the letters start to swim before his eyes a little, and it's all too easy to just let himself rest on top of the pile of papers for a second before he gets back into things, gently lit by the glow of the full moon...

Ren wakes up, as he does more often than he'd care to admit, entirely naked.

He's in the street. Or what will be the street once the roadworks have gone underway, which is currently a patch of grass like all the other patches of grass around him. His office is maybe fifty blocks eastward, his trousers are nowhere to be seen, and the sunlight is altogether far too bright for him to take in much more than that.

Once he stumbles back to the office with naught but a pair of paws for cover, he finds his sunglasses and his shirt, and he can start putting the pieces together. Namely that his upper body is quite thoroughly splashed with blood, his claws are also caked in red, and the vial of wolfsbane he was meant to take last night is sitting unopened on the floor amid a pile of shredded paperwork.

So. Erm.

Some explaining to be done, then.

His clothes were shredded by his transformation, but of course he's got spares on hand for emergencies exactly like these ones. Shame about his periwinkle tie; it's going to need a cold wash, a hot wash, and a good bit of stitching to get it back in pristine condition. Unless he could convince Xisuma to do a rollback, but he doubts it at this early point in the season where so many people are working through the night to get themselves set up. Mending will have to suffice.

He also finds his comm lying in the wreckage. The chat history is... illuminating.

<Iskall85> is that ren i see outside?

<Xisuma> Looks like

<Iskall85> oh dear

<Iskall85> oh dear oh dear

<Iskall85> everybody keep your doors locked unless you want to become a werewolf

<StressMonster101> ...

<Iskall85> stress???

<StressMonster101> well i was finkin about it?

<Iskall85> you're insane

<Iskall85> go on then. girl's night

<StressMonster101> false! you coming?

<falsesymmetry> to get infected with lycanthropy?

<falsesymmetry> yeah, alright

<ZombieCleo> did i hear girls night?

<Iskall85> i take it back. we're ALL insane

<falsesymmetry> wait, this won't kill me, will it?

<Iskall85> yes??? what do you think turning into a werewolf is

<falsesymmetry> oh, better not risk it then

<Iskall85> only on the hermitcraft server

<hypnotizd> do NOT start without me

Ren blinks, and blinks again, and checks his claws, as though he might be able to tell which of his friends' blood is under them.

Girl's night. They're all transformed into hideous creatures of the night just like him because they thought it would be fun. And here he stands uncognizant of any of it.

He's gonna need to call another meeting.

(At sundown, though. Today is a writeoff for the vast majority of the neighbourhood. Worse than any hangover, trust me.)