#and the other's ending is uncertain and unresolved

[temsiik]

Someone probably already said something similar to this at some point, but I want to get this out myself: I feel like Roy and Riza not getting an on-screen happy resolution (and an obstacle in them getting it ever, though if they ultimately do is left to the audience's imagination) is not only not a flaw or something missing from the ending, but actually a good thing. Not because I don't like RoyAi - I do, but because it works thematically. This aspect I find interesting when contrasted with the other major couple in the series, Ed and Winry, who get about as definitive of a conclusion as you can get (and with the proposal scene, and the family photo in the montage - the EdWin "confirmation" is pretty much what caps off the series).

 When Riza tells Ed about Ishval, and her and Roy's plan to have those who carried it out tried as war criminals, she tells him to not worry about them, but be more concerned about himself. Basically: "your hands aren't stained with blood, go and be happy, don't get bogged down by those like us whose are". And I think this sentiment applies to the romantic couples: Ed and Winry are innocent, and get to maintain that innocence throughout the story (Ed held on to his principles, primarily about not killing, Winry didn't pull that trigger), so we see them get the happy ending. Roy and Riza aren't innocent, so they don't get that conclusion. I even like to think that that's why in that conversation Riza so casually brings up Ed loving Winry. Maybe she's seeing herself and Roy in them, but unlike with herself there's nothing stopping them from finding happiness together, so she wants them to. I'm looking at this through a shipping lense, because I enjoy examining this aspect from that perspective, but honestly this applies to the ending overall. Ed accomplishes his goals, and through the final episode/chapter we definitively know that he and the people closest to him (like Al and Winry) pretty much get to live happily ever after. Roy by series end hasn't yet accomplished his goal of becoming Fuhrer, his romantic arc isn't resolved, there's still that "tried as war criminals” thing they're planning looming over. His ending is a lot more up in the air. Team Mustang not named Roy or Riza actually do get happy endings via photos, and sure enough those are the ones who didn't serve in Ishval.

[cepheustarot]

What awaits you in August?

Attention! This reading is for entertainment purposes only. This tarot reading does not give a 100% guarantee that all the described situations will occur or being ultimate truth. You build your own life and destiny and only you know yourself best.

✧ Masterlist ✧ Paid readings

Pick a pile. Choose one or more pictures. Trust your intuition.

Pile 1: At the beginning of the month, you may encounter a lot of misunderstanding from a loved one, it may be both your bestie and your partner. You will be very upset by this behavior on the part of a person, since you expected them to understand and support you, besides, you usually support and help each other, do not condemn, but try to understand each other. You may also feel resentment or anger at this person, you will want to respond in kind, add fuel to the fire. In this case, you will only quarrel more and move away, so it is important to remember that you should not be against each other. If the misunderstanding is related to some kind of problematic situation or with everyday life, then it is necessary to solve this issue together, and not be against each other. Also, as the cards show, you will be able to make peace and forget your grievances, so in any case there will be peace between you again.

The middle of the month will be as peaceful for you as possible. You will rest a lot, gain strength, you will not be burdened by any problems or unresolved issues. You can also see your family, relatives or friends often, these meetings will be filled with positive emotions and will charge you emotionally, leave good memories. If you were planning to go somewhere, that your trip will also take place and you will get a good impression of it.

At the end of the month, there is a high probability that you will receive an offer for a new project or for a new position/job. Of course, you will be pleased with this, but because of this offer you will feel uncertain, you will weigh everything and decide whether you need to change jobs, whether to take on this project or not, since there are nuances that will not suit you or you like the job you are currently in. You will think about this for a very long time and carefully, but the more you think, the more you will be in uncertainty, so here the cards recommend doing as your heart tells you. In most cases, this event concerns the field of work and finance, but it can also happen in other areas, keep this in mind.

Pile 2: Probably your work or your activity is closely related to interacting with people, perhaps you will also communicate a lot lately, get to know or see someone and in the end it will exhaust you emotionally, you will feel very tired of communicating with people. It's like you've wasted your energy or there were some kind of energy vampires among people, hence the consequences. This month, the cards recommend to be alone with yourself, replenish your strength and take care of yourself, do not limit yourself and pamper yourself, and also do not worry about other people, I am sure they will understand you and will not condemn you.

As soon as you rest and gain strength, you will immediately have a sudden desire to occupy yourself with something, realize your plans or try yourself in something new. In general, there will be a sudden impulse to do something. And here nothing will stop or strain you, you will succeed, your actions will be accompanied by success, so go ahead. This month you will also have a glow up, you will not only change externally, but also internally. In addition, you will have a very good mood, strong self-confidence, you will literally shine and attract other people with your aura, they will admire you.

Because you have changed, you may face an internal crisis. Your views and principles have changed a lot and the previous goals are no longer relevant for you, they no longer respond to you, and therefore, at the end of the month, the topic of finding yourself, finding a further goal will be relevant for you. To begin with, you will have many options for what you would like to do, but gradually you will come to something that will really be important and relevant to you, so do not worry about this crisis, you will definitely cope with everything, because you are very strong and brave.

Pile 3: At the beginning of the month, you will deal with the piled-up cases, it can be both in terms of work / study, and outside of these areas. If it's about studying or working, then you will probably try to end everything so that you can safely go on vacation or on holiday without leaving unfinished business behind. There is also a possibility that you will go or fly somewhere to rest, so you will work hard and deal with issues so that nothing distracts you on vacation and you will not worry about the thought that you forgot to do something.

In the middle of the month, there is a high probability that you will have to spend a lot of money on gifts to your loved ones, perhaps there will be many holidays during this period, or maybe you want to please your friends and family. As I wrote earlier, there is a possibility that you will go on vacation or on a trip out of town with a company, it can be both your friends and your family. In this case, your financial expenses will be spent on preparing for this trip. And in general, this period will be filled with anticipation of the upcoming trip.

The end of August will be extremely good for you, you will spend a lot of time for your own pleasure, you will be in a good mood, you will realize all your plans and desires that you conceived, in general it will be a good end to the summer for you. For those who are in a relationship, the end of summer will also be filled with romantic vibes, as you will spend a lot of time with your partner, see each other often and go on dates. And for those who are looking for a relationship, it is highly likely that you will meet your love, with whom you will also spend a lot of time together, get to know each other better, and there is a chance that both of you will feel sympathy for each other.

Thank you for reading! I will be glad of any feedback 💕

[fruitjoos]

I choose you

art donaldson x reader, patrick zweig x reader

part two

summary: you and art had a baby right after college, but you were both so young and had different goals, so you split. despite the separation, you co-parented well and moved on. then you met patrick, who brought a new light into your life and made you feel like yourself again. time moved quickly, and patrick wants to meet your daughter. When art and patrick finally come face to face, it stirs up old feelings and challenges. now, you’re left questioning whether you’re as strong as you believed.

It was one of those warm summer nights that should have felt serene, yet the air thrummed with a tension you couldn't shake. You stood at the edge of the driveway, arms crossed, watching as Art pulled up, your daughter in the backseat. Your pulse faltered the moment he stepped out of the car. He looked exactly the same as he always had. Composed, familiar, and infuriatingly steady.

This wasn’t where you thought you’d be at 25. Pregnant before you were ready, tied to a man you still loved but couldn’t seem to build a future with. You and Art had tried. When your daughter was born, you both clung to the dream of a family, thinking love would somehow mend the cracks. But love wasn’t enough. The breakup wasn’t explosive; it was the kind that left loose ends—unanswered questions and words left unsaid.

A year after the split, you met Patrick. He was different, uncomplicated. He brought laughter back into your life when you’d forgotten how to even smile. With him, life felt lighter, easier. After a year of dating, it seemed to be getting serious. He asked to meet your daughter, and for once, it didn’t feel overwhelming. It felt like the natural next step.

But Art lingered, a shadow over everything.

As you walked the pavement, Patrick trailing behind you, you hadn’t expected the world to tilt. Art was helping your daughter out of the car when he turned toward the house, his eyes instantly locking onto Patrick. For a moment, time stalled.

Patrick froze, his easygoing smile flickering into something softer, uncertain. His lips parted in surprise, a flicker of relief crossing his face, as if seeing Art was a dreaded confrontation he was somehow relieved to face. His shoulders relaxed slightly, and in that brief exchange, a faint echo of the friendship they once shared surfaced, a time before everything went wrong.

"Art?" Patrick’s voice was low, tentative, as if he were testing the weight of the name in the air. No anger, just surprise, perhaps even a hint of warmth.

Art’s reaction, though, was colder. His expression hardened, eyes narrowing as he glanced between you and Patrick. The sight of Patrick standing there, next to you, stirred something deep and bitter inside him. The last time they’d seen each other, their friendship had crumbled, leaving only unresolved tension in its wake. And now Patrick was here, comfortable, a part of the life Art had once imagined for himself.

“Patrick,” Art muttered, his voice as cool as his gaze. He couldn’t hide the jealousy that bubbled beneath the surface. His hand tightened slightly on your daughter’s shoulder as his eyes flicked over the scene before him. Patrick, beside you, looking like he belonged. Art’s jaw clenched. Patrick wasn’t supposed to be in the picture, but there he stood, like a ghost from the past Art hadn’t wanted to face.

You stood between them, feeling the tension thickening. You glanced between Patrick’s softened expression and Art’s tightened jaw, confusion swirling inside you.

"Oh, you two know each other?" Your voice broke the silence, a strained attempt to defuse the mounting tension.

Patrick gave a small, uneasy smile, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah, you could say that."

Art’s eyes flicked to you, sharp, unreadable. "We used to." His tone was cool, laced with an unmistakable edge.

You walked toward him, your nerves fluttering. "Be nice," you whispered, locking eyes with him, the intensity between you a little too familiar. "Patrick’s a good guy. I really like him."

Art raised an eyebrow, smirking in that cynical way you knew too well. "I’m always nice."

You shot him a look, exasperated. "I’m serious. Please, don’t do this."

But there was something in his gaze that told you it was already too late.

Dinner began smoothly enough, or so you thought. Patrick was his usual charming self, effortlessly making your daughter giggle. But Art was watching, his eyes narrowing at every laugh, his mouth tightening when your daughter leaned into Patrick, laughing at his impressions.

Then it started—slowly, almost imperceptibly at first. Art casually questioned Patrick’s job, poking at his easygoing attitude. The comments grew sharper, until finally, Art set his fork down and said, "You don’t seem like the marrying type. Too... temporary."

Patrick tried to brush it off with a chuckle, but you noticed the tension in his jaw, the way his grip on his wine glass tightened.

Art didn’t stop. "Let’s be real. This isn’t going anywhere long-term. We have a child together, that’s forever. You and me? We’re family. Things always come full circle."

Your stomach dropped. The room fell into an awkward silence as Patrick’s smile disappeared. You glared at Art, but he just leaned back, clearly satisfied with himself.

The rest of the evening dragged on, the atmosphere thick with silent resentment. By the time Art left, your daughter tucked away in bed, Patrick had gone quiet. He stood in the kitchen doorway, his hands shoved into his pockets, staring at the floor.

"Are you okay?" you asked gently, placing a hand on his arm.

"Do you want to marry me?" His voice was tight, catching you off guard. His eyes searched yours, filled with a doubt you hadn’t seen before. "You talked about marriage with Art... but you’ve never even mentioned it with me."

You opened your mouth to respond, but he continued.

"And kids... Do you want more? With me? Or is that off the table because Art’s already in the picture?"

"Patrick, no..." You sighed, running a hand over your hair. "It’s not like that."

"Then what is it?" His voice cracked, the frustration spilling over. "Because right now, it feels like I’m competing with him. Like no matter what I do, he’ll always be part of your life. Your real life."

Your heart clenched at his words, guilt gnawing at you. "This isn’t about you," you said softly. "It’s not about choosing him over you, or whatever contest you think he’s trying to win. I just... I can’t pretend Art doesn’t exist. He’s my daughter’s father, and that’s never going to change."

Patrick’s face softened, but the hurt lingered in his eyes. "I just don’t know if I can keep feeling like the second choice."

Your chest tightened. "Patrick, you’re not the second choice. You’ve brought light back into my life. Something I didn’t even realize I needed." You took his hand, but he hesitated. "I’m still figuring this out, and I can’t rush into anything. Not after everything that’s happened. Not when I’m still trying to be the best mother I can be."

Patrick exhaled slowly, his shoulders loosening as he pulled you into his arms. "Okay," he whispered, his voice warm against your hair. "No rush. Just us."

But the unease lingered in the days that followed. It seemed as though the tension had lifted, but beneath Patrick’s lighthearted demeanor, something deeper simmered.

One evening, as you sat on the couch after your daughter had gone to nap, Patrick’s voice broke the quiet.

"I know you need time," he said softly, his eyes serious, "but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m still competing with him." He looked down at his hands. "Hearing Art talk about how you two are a family... it got to me. Maybe I shouldn’t let it bother me, but it does. I see the way he looks at you, and I just—" He paused, his voice dropping to a whisper. "I don’t know if I’ll ever be enough."

Your heart twisted at his words. "Patrick, you are enough," you insisted, your voice strong. "What Art said…that was him trying to get to you. He knows how to push buttons, but it doesn’t mean anything. What matters is us."

Patrick sighed, his voice small. "But what if he’s right? What if, in the end, you and Art end up back together? You have a child with him. That’s a bond I’ll never have."

You reached out, cupping his face in your hands. "Art and I are over. Yes, we have a child together, and that will always connect us. But that’s all it is. I’m with you now. I chose you."

Patrick’s eyes softened as he exhaled shakily. "I just needed to hear that."

You smiled, leaning in to kiss him softly. "Let’s move on together. No more worrying about Art. No more doubts. Just us."

And for the first time in a long while, you felt a glimmer of hope. Despite the history with Art, you were choosing a future with Patrick. And for now, that was enough.

It was well past midnight when your phone lit up beside your bed, casting a soft glow over the room. You squinted at the screen, heart sinking slightly when you saw the name: Art.

You hesitated, thumb hovering over the message. Patrick was fast asleep beside you, his breath steady and calm and oblivious.

Are you up? Can we talk?

Your pulse quickened. It wasn’t like him to text this late. You thought about ignoring it, but something in the pit of your stomach told you that if you didn’t respond, he’d show up at your door. And besides, you were already awake, thoughts of Patrick’s earlier words still gnawing at you.

Yeah, I’m up. What’s going on?

The reply was instant.

I need to see you.

Slipping out of bed quietly, you tiptoed into the living room, sitting down on the edge of the couch. You didn’t know what to expect, but there was an uneasy feeling in your chest. After a few minutes, your phone buzzed again.

I’m outside.

You stood and crossed the room, pulling the curtain aside just enough to see his car parked out front. A sigh escaped your lips as you opened the door, stepping into the cool night air. Art was leaning against his car, hands shoved deep into his jeans pockets. His eyes found yours immediately, a mixture of desperation and some other odd, unreadable emotion flickering in their depths.

“What’s going on?” you asked softly, wrapping your arms around yourself to ward off the chill, though you knew the cold had nothing to do with the sudden shiver running through you.

He exhaled heavily, pushing off the car and stepping closer. “I just... I couldn’t stop thinking about you. About us. About our daughter.” His voice was low, rough, like he hadn’t slept in days. “This isn’t how things are supposed to be.”

You swallowed, unsure of where he was going with this, but the unease in your chest only grew. “Art, it’s late. If this is about something with our daughter—”

“It’s not just about her,” he interrupted, running a hand through his hair, his movements agitated. “It’s about us. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. How we were. What we had.”

A pit formed in your stomach. “Art...”

He took a step closer, his eyes locking onto yours with an intensity that made you feel like the ground beneath you was shifting. “We’re supposed to be together. A family. I don’t care what happened between us in the past. I still love you. I never stopped.”

Your heart stuttered, confusion swirling in your mind. “You can’t just say things like that. We’ve both moved on. You know that.”

“Have we?” he shot back, voice sharp. “You can sit there and tell me you don’t feel anything when you see me? When we’re around each other?”

You opened your mouth to protest, but the words got caught in your throat because the truth was more complicated than you wanted to admit. There was always a pull with Art, always a part of you that couldn’t forget what you had shared. What you had lost.

“I don’t want to talk about this,” you whispered, shaking your head.

“Well, I do,” he said, stepping closer still, his voice urgent. “You and I have a daughter together. We are bound for life, whether we like it or not. And that means something. We’re a family. We should be together. Not... not split up. Not dragging other people into our mess.”

You froze, your mind immediately jumping to Patrick. “What are you trying to say, Art?”

He sighed, frustration coloring his features. “Patrick isn’t part of this. He’s an outsider. I don’t care how much fun he is or how good he makes you feel. He doesn’t belong in this, with our family.”

Anger flared inside you, but you bit it back, refusing to raise your voice in the middle of the night. “Art, you don’t get to make that call. Patrick has been there for me in ways you haven’t.”

His jaw clenched. “Because you never gave me the chance. You shut me out. We broke up, and suddenly, you’re with him. What about us? What about trying to make this work for the sake of our daughter?”

“We tried,” you reminded him, your voice wavering. “We tried to make it work, and it didn’t. We hurt each other, Art. You know that.”

His hand reached out, gently brushing your arm, the touch so familiar it sent a shiver down your spine. “But we can try again. We should try again. For her. Don’t you see? A family is supposed to be together. Not fractured. Not pulled in different directions.” His eyes searched yours, the desperation there making your heart twist. “We owe it to her to give this another shot. To be a real family.”

Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes, the weight of his words pressing down on you. A part of you wanted to believe him. Wanted to believe that it could be as simple as that. Trying again, picking up the pieces, and finding a way back to each other. But the other part of you, the part that had spent months rebuilding your life, knew it wasn’t that simple.

“And what about Patrick?” you asked, your voice barely a whisper. “He’s been good to me. To her. I can’t just throw him away because you suddenly decide you want us back.”

Art’s expression darkened slightly, his voice dropping. “He’s not part of this equation. You and I are the only ones who matter here. We have history. A family. He’ll never understand that the way I do. He’ll always be on the outside looking in. Can you really see a future with him, knowing that I’m always going to be there? Always going to be a part of your life?”

You bit your lip, your mind spinning. He was right about one thing. Art would always be there. He wasn’t someone you could just forget, or leave in the past. And that had always been the hardest part of trying to move on.

“I don’t want to hurt him,” you whispered.

“And I don’t want to hurt you,” Art said softly, stepping even closer, his voice low and persuasive. “I just want us to be a family. A real family, without anyone else getting in the way.”

His hand cupped your cheek, his touch warm, and for a moment, you felt yourself falter. You thought of your daughter, of the life you had once imagined with Art, the life that had slipped through your fingers. Could you really just let that go? Could you really keep pretending that Patrick was enough when this was the man you had once built your world around?

“We can do this,” Art murmured, his thumb brushing gently against your skin. “We can make this work, I know we can. Just give me another chance. Give us another chance.”

Your heart ached, torn between the weight of your past and the uncertainty of your future. And in that moment, standing in the stillness of the night with Art’s hand on your cheek, you didn’t know what to believe anymore.

[wisesoultarot]

What do you need to hear about your love life?

Hello, everyone! 🥰 I'm Amrita, the proprietor of Wise Soul Tarot. I'm thrilled to share my inaugural 'pick a card' reading post with you all. Feel free to refer to me as Ami if that's easier for you.

Instagram | Want to tip me for my work? | For personal reading

Image 1 (butterfly)-

For singles - Financial concerns may be distracting you from focusing on your romantic life. You aim to secure financial and career stability before contemplating your personal life, as you're hesitant to take risks or make commitments until you feel secure. However, it's advisable to remain open-hearted without entirely shutting yourself off from potential relationships.

For committed/in a relationship- At times, it may seem like you and your partner frequently argue or disagree on certain matters, leading to communication issues after each altercation. This relationship has the potential for long-term success and emotional fulfillment, but it is crucial for both of you to enhance your communication skills to prevent unnecessary conflicts. Often, these communication challenges stem from unresolved issues from the past. The key is to release these past burdens. For those who find this message relatable, if you are experiencing numerous problems in your current relationship yet remain firmly attached to one another, it may be time to either let go of this bond or engage in deep reflection to assess the state of your partnership.

In separation- Firstly, you are a person of great value. You are grounded, practical, realistic, and stable when it comes to love. What you seek is commitment and security in your romantic life. At this moment, you might find yourself curious about your partner's activities—not out of suspicion, but simple curiosity. For some, there may be an anticipation of a text or call from their significant other. There appears to be a renewal on the horizon concerning this relationship, suggesting you still have significant influence over your partner. They continue to harbor passionate feelings for you, and it seems likely that you will once again capture their heart. This person still holds you in high regard, yet the ultimate destiny of this relationship rests with you, as its progression depends on your desires for its future.

Image 2 (glass door)-

For singles - It seems that right now your love life isn't at the forefront of your mind. Many of you may have recently moved on from someone who left you feeling uncertain. Currently, you're prioritizing your personal growth and development, which is bringing a sense of clarity and structure to your romantic journey amidst the surrounding chaos.

For committed/in a relationship- The individual you are engaging with may possess a keen mind and intellect. They take their work very seriously and typically do not display much emotion. This relationship might have experienced some challenges or a conclusion recently, but it is now moving towards a more positive phase. Both of you could be contemplating the future of this connection, or you might be considering ways to strengthen this partnership through collaboration and unity.

In separation- This individual is understanding, calm, composed, and emotionally mature, and importantly, they still harbor feelings for you. If you haven't heard from them yet, expect it soon, as a message from their end is imminent. However, be prepared for a more direct form of communication this time.

Image 3 (flower)-

For singles - It sounds like you've made significant progress in navigating the ups and downs of your love life. While it’s understandable to feel anxious about the future and stressed about being single, it’s great to see that you’re channeling your energy into work as a distraction. Staying busy can sometimes help us avoid confronting our fears, but it’s important to recognize that allowing yourself to feel those emotions is part of the journey. Remember, keeping your heart open and tuning into your intuition can lead to wonderful opportunities for love. Take some time to reflect on what qualities you truly seek in a partner—someone who resonates with your essence and complements your personality. By using mindfulness, meditation, and positive affirmations to break down emotional and mental barriers, you’ll be better positioned to welcome love into your life when the time is right. Stay hopeful; love could be just around the corner!

For committed/in a relationship- The individual you are engaging with is your soulmate or life partner. There is a strong potential for long-term success, but it appears that you sometimes become anxious about the future of this relationship. However, there is no need for concern as there is a perfect balance, harmony, and love in this connection. There is also passion and excitement present. What is necessary is for you to remain decisive, trust your intuition, and leave the rest to the universe.

In separation- From the moment of separation, it may feel as though all your joy left with them. You might be bearing the weight of the past and the pain of the separation. The connection has not fully ended yet. The advice for you is that rather than blaming yourself or shouldering the weight of what transpired, it would be beneficial to engage in social activities and concentrate on your work, career, or studies, or perhaps focus on financial growth. What is essential now is to discover your inner fortitude and not to wait for their return. When the time is right, they may come back into your life. For now, it's best to direct your attention to other pursuits.

Image 4 (crystals)-

For singles - You appear to be diligently focusing on your career to build a better future. A new relationship may be emerging for you, but it could go unnoticed as you are deeply engrossed in your work. While continuing to concentrate on your career and financial goals, remain open to the possibilities of love.

For committed/in a relationship- Some of you might be questioning whether your partner is currently unfaithful. I genuinely believe this is unlikely, as your partner is an ambitious and serious individual who considers the long-term implications of their actions. Additionally, some of you may have noticed your partner seems distracted and may be questioning their current intentions. It's essential for both of you to manage your egos, which are leading to miscommunication. Altering your communication patterns could foster a fresh start in your relationship.

In separation- The energetic connection remains despite the current separation. Both of you, preoccupied with work and responsibilities, continue to think about one another. A small effort could fortify this bond. Rather than abandoning the relationship, mutual efforts could lead to a long-term commitment. However, prior to taking this step, it's crucial for both parties to contemplate their current position in this relationship and whether reconciliation is a mutual consideration.

[sunnie-angel]

Part 2: The Decision

part 1 | part 3 | series masterlist | ao3 link

jason todd x f!reader

summary: jason todd easily sees the potential for something more in his friendship with you but resolves to keep his distance.

tags: fluff, self-loathing, off-screen killing

rated explicit (mdni) | wc: 2.8k

a/n: sooo i had planned to get the second chapter out much sooner, wrote it, realized that what i had planned for chapter 3 worked better, had to rewrite chapter 3 as chapter 2, and ended up here (cue the internal screaming). on the upside, that means you’ll all get an update on chapter 3 (formerly chapter 2) much sooner.

Jason Todd has somehow gotten back on track to graduate university, fallen in with a group of friends, and may have found the first person to truly understand him this side of the Pit. He’d been uncertain about finishing university, already dealing with the hassle of running a criminal empire and the tattered threads of his family relationships. But Talia had suggested, “Better not to be consumed by revenge so that one may properly enjoy its results,” and that had been all it took to convince him. Barbara, for all their problems still unresolved, had helped him hide the decision from the bats and hadn’t that been a lovely conversation to have?

Sitting in class that first day had been strange, a sense of deja vu hitting him of all the times he’d sat in classrooms before. A different person answers now when he’s called on to introduce Jason Todd. As part of his time with the League, Talia had arranged for him to take courses by correspondence but none of that had prepared him for it would be like to be in a classroom with a handful of 20-somethings. It makes him feel old to hear them discuss their plans for the future with the surety of a world that will shape itself to their expectations. If he’s honest with himself, it also makes him envious.

He hadn’t expected to be invited to lunch that first day, though he’d at least seen the blonde’s approach. It had been… nice to be noticed, like he was any other 22 year old new to campus and looking for friends. What had really caught Jason’s eye though was Danika’s (that’s what her name was, right?) friend, standing a few rows back. She’d looked downright mortified by her friend’s antics but had smiled tentatively at him anyway. He’d rushed through his meeting with Dr. Okafor, really just confirming a time to discuss his credit transfers. Clearly he’s interrupted yet another embarrassing moment for you, but you handle it with a grace that rivals only Alfred’s ability to deal with inconvenient situations.

That intrigues him though, your kindness even when uncomfortable. Finding out you’re from home, another Crime Alley kid that defied the odds but never forgot your roots endears you to him even more. You bite back, take the attention away from him when you see how flustered he is by Lina calling him pretty and he’s determined now to make you a friend.

You’re smaller than he thought once you’re finally sitting next to him. He’s acutely aware of how the booth forces the two of you together, the long length of him pressed up against your side. The way your knee knocks into his thigh and the soft cushion of where your hip meets his. You’re one of his already, one of those that the Red Hood has claimed as under his protection, but the reality of you drives home who his work is really helping. Your mention of food pulls him out of his thoughts and scrambling to rectify the situation by offering to share his own. He’s positively delighted by your reaction, the way your compliments freely given still have a bite to them that’s honest. A warmth in his stomach that doesn’t originate from the spices in his meal only makes him want to figure out more ways to draw you out of your shell.

You share another class with him in the afternoon and he’s thanking whichever lucky star is smiling down at him that he’ll get you to himself at least once a week for the next few months. Walking into class with an acquaintance, though maybe it's too soon to call you that, is everything he wanted in the time from Before. Lost day dreams of sharing a desk with a friend in high school, hanging out together after, longings for in-jokes and shared histories are rearing their heads. Class passes quickly, a flurry of information and a hyper awareness of how close his body is to yours. It’s only an introductory class, but already he can tell that you’re clever from the few times you speak up. Makes him look forward to the next class when he’d never planned for academics to be his priority.

Class lets out into the evening air just starting to turn crisp with a hint of dampness. He’ll have to go soon, get started with patrol now that darkness was coating the city. He turns to you and distracts himself from the strip of skin where your shirt rides up as you stretch by asking you about your plans for the evening. Walking you to the bus stop is nice, in a quiet kind of way. He stays until he’s sure you’re safely on the bus, doors closing with a pneumatic hiss. Walks off the path and out of the halo of the street lamp until the shadows have swallowed him whole. Takes care to check that no one’s looking and scales the side of the building, gothic stonework rough under his bare palms. Scans the horizon until he’s found your bus again and goes to follow. Thinks that maybe the paranoia that had persuaded him to pack most of his Hood gear in a school bag isn’t the worst thing to suffer from. It’s overboard yeah, but you’re a pretty girl planning to walk alone at night. He just wants to make sure that you get home all right. You weren’t exaggerating when you said the bus stop was only a block from your apartment, but he still breathes easier when he sees the warm glow of lamp light click on through your apartment window. You should have better locks on your window if it’s looking out onto a fire escape, he thinks idly. But its a problem for later and when he’s got a more solid reason to bring it up.

Patrol is quiet most of the night. Buoyed by the unexpected success of the day, his usual route feels brand new. He takes pleasure in the way the wind picks up his jacket and whips it around him, almost laughs out loud at the way his stomach swoops before the grappling line pulls taut. Jason’s managed a full day of normalcy, something that no one thought he could do. Not after everything. He’d talked to people his age that for once weren’t the victim of some terrible crime and came away with the potential for friendships. It’s been a long time since he’s had more than a work related conversation with his men or a cryptic conversation with Talia he doesn’t count all the arguments with his fath— with Bruce. For the first time in a long time being the Hood isn’t the burden it had become. The peace doesn’t last for long though.

A whisper of black fabric on a rooftop just outside of the territory he’s established brings him crashing back down, a reminder of just how badly his attempts at anything other than solitude have fractured. It’s a bracing kind hurt, like when the air’s too cold after a snowfall and you can practically taste the ice crystals as they tear into the soft heat of your lungs. He needs it though, that reminder that no one who knows him is capable of seeing him without the siren call of suspicion following him. That thought follows him through the rest of patrol and the mechanical motions of getting to bed. It solidifies as he drifts off to sleep just as the first rays of light start to clear the skyline. He’ll grasp at this chance to be someone else for a bit, Jason Todd the fresh faced student, but that’s all it’ll be. A façade to keep everyone else from getting too close. Danika, Will, “call me Lina”, Rei, even you. Friends, but at a distance.

Jason doesn’t have any classes on Tuesday, but he runs into you as he exits his meeting with Dr. Okafor. It’s a new building to him, despite the time he’s spent pouring over all of the campus’ blueprints. He turns a corner on a staircase looking for an exit and almost knocks you back down where you’d just emerged from.

“Hey! Are you blind or— oh. Jason.” Your tone goes from indignant to wondering in a second, eyes wide with recognition.

“Not blind, but definitely not paying enough attention. You good though?” And he should probably be a little more sorry about it, but the glee of not having to wait until the next week to see you again outweighs it.

“Oh after the class I just had, it’d take a lot more than that to ruin my day.” A group tries to pass you two on the stairs, buffets the two of you into the railing.

“You wanna take this somewhere else? Give me another chance to ruin your day?” He grins, lopsided but hopeful.

You nod, and he leads the way, hulking figure cutting through the stream of people. He finds a nook on the first floor, big overstuffed chairs surprisingly empty for this time of day. You throw yourself into a chair dramatically, a sigh on your lips as your head tilts back.

“Class really that bad?” He prompts you.

“God I hate assholes that manage to make the most interesting subject painful. Like, at least wait until the second class before you start telling every single student their interpretation is wrong.” You swipe a hand across your face before visibly trying to pull yourself back together. “But as much as I hate Duvall’s teaching it’s mandatory for my program so I’m just gonna have to put up with his shit until next semester. Get my revenge during prof evaluations.”

“Look we don’t know each other that well, but by my reckonin’ you know what you’re on about. Don’t let him shake you, yeah?”

“Oh I know all about not listening to people that think my opinion isn’t worth the paper it’s written on. It just pisses me off that I still gotta deal with it every week for the foreseeable future.”

“Hey I’m all ears.” He offers, and it’s not entirely altruistic. Jason wants to support you, but it’s also a chance to learn more about you. It’s all a chance to be regular civilian he tells himself, and a civilian would do this for a friend.

“I’d love to but I think it’s right about—“ and the alarm on your phone sounds out, “yep, its about time for me to head to my internship.” You start to gather your things together. “But usually our group gets together on Wednesday afternoons to grab lunch and study together. We usually grab the same table in the student union around noon if you want to join us.”

Jason does join the study session, not that he needs to. But it's nice to spend time with people who like who they think he is. He arrives just as you slide into the booth, secures himself the seat next you (and the rest of the bench for himself). Your hair falls as you spread out your books and Jason’s close enough to smell whatever product you used last. It dazes him for a minute, and its only the arrival of Lina and Rei that shakes him out of his stupor. He starts up a conversation with Rei on the Gotham U swim team and gets roped in to come practice with him sometime next week. Not to be out done, Lina gently starts asking him how he’s settling in. He answers noncommittally, more focused on the way you’ve started to twirl your pen between your fingers as you come across a particularly dense passage. Seeming to understand that she won’t get much more out of Jason, Lina nudges Rei and they turn to their own books, though not without a tight-lipped and knowing smile on her face. The four of you work in silence broken only by the scribbling of pens and clacking of keyboards. Danika and Will turn up just as your stomach starts rumbling, causing you to meet Jason’s eyes in embarrassment.

He winks at you, before pulling out two Tupperware containers with chopsticks. Sliding one over to you he pretends not to notice as at first you protest, then guiltily start digging in as soon as you smell it.

Brandishing your chopsticks at him, you say “Don’t think I’m not keeping score mister. This has got to count as psychological warfare, there’s no way a sane person could turn you down after tasting your food once.”

He tucks a smile away and simply keeps eating. Will drags over some chairs for him and Danika, the one extra person throwing off your previously established seating arrangements. Conversation buzzes at the other end of the table but he can’t tear his attention away from you enjoying the labours of his hands. Eventually the table turns back to studying and you slide the container back to him with murmured words of thanks. Even you can only study for so long, so it's no great surprise when your books softly thump closed. You rest your forehead on the table and groan.

“Why is there so much reading? It’s only the first week back.”

“Ooooh, you know what that means though?” Danika exclaims. “We have to celebrate the first week back and that means going out! We’ll get dressed up, I’ll do your makeup, we can pregame at mine. You know you want to.” She wheedles.

You mock groan at her pronouncement, turn to rest your temple on the table to make eye contact with her. “Lina does my makeup and we’re done by 1 AM.”

“Awe, killjoy,” the blonde pouts.

“Lina does my makeup, Jason’s in charge of picking the post-club takeout, and we’re done by 2 AM. Final offer.”

Lina grins at Jason before shrugging. “Fine by me.”

Jason’s not sure what to expect when he shows up to the address Danika had sent through the group text. It’s a nicer part of town, a part of Gotham Heights he’s had no reason to visit as either of his identities. The doorman lets him in without too much fuss once Danika calls down to confirm he’s expected. She lets him in excitedly, limbs uncoordinated with the help of a few drinks. Rei leans forward to pour Jason a drink and at the same time you turn to look for who had arrived. The first thing Jason notices is the shiny red lip gloss you’re wearing as your lips spread into a smile at the sight of them. Something about the colour, bolder than you usually wear, sends heat straight to his groin. He hadn’t even realized that his hearing had gone muffled until Rei asks him for a second time how many shots Jason wants in his drink. Oh, he thinks distractedly. This could be a problem.

It definitely is a problem when he’s washing blood off his hands in the early hours of the morning and the only thing he can think of is that same cherry red lip gloss wrapped around the straw of your drink under the club’s strobing lights. How you’d looked up at him with pupils dilated from the drink and the heat, lips parted and gloss catching the light. The self-loathing hits then, crippling in its intensity. You’re smart and funny and so pretty it makes his breath catch. The last thing you need is him fantasizing after you less than an hour after he’d taken a life. The colour of a man’s life blood shouldn’t be causing him desperate to see if you’d taste as sweet as you look. It’s selfish and cowardly but he doesn’t want to give you up just yet. Doesn’t want to see the little smiles and commiserating looks turn to fear and hatred just yet. No, he can do this. He can smile and play nice, play at the Jason Todd you deserve. The one that won’t make you worry or hurt you with the truth of himself. Rules, he decides, rules are what he needs because it’s oh so easy to get caught up in you.

He can get close, but he can’t touch. It doesn’t matter how soft your skin looks or how tempting it would be to play with your hair. If he lets himself touch he is lost.

He will never let himself enter your home. He’s already followed you there, it’s a lost cause to pretend that he won’t check up on your safety. Better to decide now to never cross that final threshold.

He won’t let you in. He’ll be the best friend he is capable of being but he won’t let you see the truth of him. After all, it’s what’s sent those that know him running.

He will never tell you that he’s ever thought about anything more than friendship.

Part 3

[acute-crashout-jeyuso]

A03 coming soon..

personal break until 01/15/2025

Masterlists ⬇️

Between the Ropes Trilogy

In Between the Ropes, a secret love between Jey and Rhea slowly evolves from stolen glances and fleeting moments into a blazing passion that threatens to defy the rules of family and loyalty. As their connection deepens, their choices leave scars not only on their bodies but on their hearts. Amidst the scrutiny of the world around them, they find themselves caught in a love they can’t control, with consequences that reach far beyond their personal desires.

Between The Ropes Masterlist

In Sacrifices, Rhea and Jey are about to welcome a new life into the world, but the excitement of impending parenthood brings with it the resurfacing shadows of Rhea’s traumatic past. Old relationships, unresolved pain, and personal demons test their bond as they face pressures from all sides. Their love is put to the ultimate test as they must confront what it truly means to build a future together, but as Rhea’s history catches up to them, their path forward becomes uncertain.

Sacrifices Masterlist

The trilogy culminates in Checkmate, where tragedy strikes, leaving Jey to raise their son, Jeyson, alone. Grief-stricken and guilt-ridden, he isolates himself, consumed by the need to protect his son. Meanwhile, Rhea is forced to confront the consequences of her past decisions as she struggles to survive. Both face immense challenges—Jey with his guilt, and Rhea with her fight for redemption. In the end, the question remains: Will their love survive the ultimate test, or will everything they’ve fought for come crashing down, leaving nothing but regret and broken dreams?

Checkmate: is a chess move that makes it impossible for your opponent to win.

Checkmate Masterlist

Rating: M for Mature Content

Author’s Note: if you are having difficulty with the timeline, a thorough broken down timeline is Sacrfices Chapter 19: You lied pt. 2.

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. The characters, events, and storylines depicted in this fanfiction are purely fictional and created for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or deceased, or actual events is purely coincidental. This story is not affiliated with or endorsed by WWE, its performers, or any other entities related to professional wrestling. The characters are portrayed in a fictional manner and are not representative of the real-life individuals. This fanfiction is told in a non-linear narrative style, with some events presented out of chronological order. Flashbacks, present-day scenes, and future events are woven together to give a deeper understanding of the characters and their journey. Please keep this in mind as you read, as timelines may shift to enhance the emotional and thematic storytelling.

Across The Ropes… a Zilla Fatu x OC Fic.

Across The Ropes follows Zilla Fatu, a 25-year-old aspiring WWE wrestler, haunted by the legacy of his late father's addiction and death. When he meets Dahlia Martinez, a 20-year-old college student with her own painful past, their connection sparks an unexpected emotional and physical bond. Dahlia, a ward of the state who lost her mother to an overdose, struggles with trust and vulnerability. As they spend more time together, they navigate their shared trauma, facing moments of intimacy, miscommunication, and fear of attachment. Their journey explores love, healing, and the challenges of overcoming their pasts to build something real. Can Zilla and Dahlia find a way to embrace their flaws and heal together, or will their scars keep them apart?

This is set in the Between the Ropes universe with mentions of characters from that trilogy.

Across The Ropes Masterlist

Possession: a Jey Uso x Rhea Ripley x Jimmy Uso fanfic.

Plot: When Jey Uso is sidelined by a severe injury, his girlfriend Rhea Ripley is paired with his twin brother, Jimmy, to compete as a team. Their growing in-ring chemistry soon extends outside the ring, complicating relationships as Jimmy’s professional admiration turns into an unhealthy obsession. WWE capitalizes on their dynamic for a storyline, fueling Jimmy’s possessiveness and straining Rhea’s bond with Jey. Caught between the brothers and the pressures of WWE’s narrative, Rhea faces tough choices that blur the line between fiction and reality, threatening her relationship and career. Will Jey and Rhea’s connection survive the chaos?

This is told in an alternative Wrestling Universe with some elements that have happened incorporated..

Possession Masterlist

Power: a Bloodline x Rhea Ripley.

Plot: Demi Bennett is caught in a complex and dark dynamic with a group of powerful men—Jonathan, Joe, Joseph, and Joshua—each exerting different forms of control and influence over her. As the tension between them escalates, Demi is pushed to her emotional and physical limits, struggling to reconcile the pain, vulnerability, and occasional tenderness that exists within the power dynamics. As she endures the intense experiences thrust upon her, Demi must navigate her own desires, fears, and a growing conflict over whether to continue down this dangerous path or attempt to escape the grip of those who dominate her life.

A/N This fic was taken down after excessive bullying but after a break and some helpful contributors it is back.

This story falls into the dark romance genre and includes non con/reluctance themes that may be triggering and unsuitable for some readers. This is a work of fiction and I in no way advocate for this type of thing in real life. All characters are operating under the PRICK acronym, Personal responsibility in consensual kink. If this is not for you please keep scrolling.

Power Masterlist

[new-components]

what your favourite caves of qud ship says about you

neelahind/eskhind: classic disaster lesbians. probably would have held a repressed requited crush for several centuries if it weren't for the player's meddling. you're a dork and love things like love letters and hesitantly holding hands and slowly but surely bringing out the best in each other qas/qon: you're a monsterfucker, and that means you get to be a monster. your dream is to be part of a dangerously confident lesbian power couple that is destined to take over the world someday and can shoot irisdual beam at level 5, instantly mulching wayward moon kings argyve/indrix: you KNOW they're eccentric gay lovers and you KNOW argyve tops. you may be a bit guarded and can come off as abrasive, and you dream of having someone to show your softer side to, along with have electric sex involving high-voltage arc winders and a two-handed fullerite battleaxe. you're a proud member of the "pariahs" faction tikva/tau: you hate an unhappy ending. why couldn't they have just been together and be one, forever? o uncertain and cruel world! you're definitely "over" that breakup that happened three decades ago under unresolved circumstances

[stopper-my-heart]

Have you considered the shenanigans happening in between episodes 4 and 5 of season 1 of Heartstopper?

This was Nick and Charlie at the end of episode 4:

Charlie had been panicking that he was behaving in ways that would reveal the secret romantic aspect of their relationship to others and that that would be upsetting to Nick. Nick was beginning to reassure Charlie, or at least to take on the blame for their predicament for himself ("I'm the one who should be saying sorry..."), when Isaac abruptly entered. Isaac then left, but it was too late: Nick beat a hasty retreat and Nick and Charlie's respective guilt was left unresolved.

Jump to where we pick up with Nick and Charlie at the beginning of episode 5:

We have Charlie between-the-lines inviting Nick to his birthday party ("Me and my friends are going bowling, and I was gonna ask you if you wanted to come, but I know you don't really know them so you don't have to."), and Nick enthusiastically accepting almost before Charlie has finished speaking. There are smiles and small touches (and arms pressed together) and fond looks...All seems well in Nick-and-Charlie land.

But why? Or, maybe, how? What happened between that...I don't want to say "catastrophic" but surely unfortunate lack of discussion or closure between them in the infirmary and the cosy happy times in their form group?

This is why I call shenanigans.

Except I think there weren't shenanigans.

Potentially even worse, I think there was wilful ignoring and wishful thinking.

I think both Nick and Charlie are choosing to ignore their issues and act like things are okay, and since the other's acting like things are okay, well, everything's okay then, right?

(No.)

For Charlie's side, I expect Nick's cut-off apology in the infirmary has left him trying to keep in mind that Nick isn't blaming him but probably otherwise very unsteady and out of the loop.

From Nick's point of view, he's likely not yet ready to make any promises to change things, so what good would randomly bringing up his conflicted and difficult feelings do? Besides, maybe Charlie understood what he was trying to get at (Nick can hope).

Not only is this relationship pretty new and feeling tenuous, but relationships in general are new to Nick, and a relationship with someone who cares about him is new to Charlie. They're both insecure and uncertain about how the other feels and what they want (while feeling and wanting a lot themselves, making it extra scary). It's easier not to rock the boat, especially if the other is acting like things are okay.

So where does that leave them? Not in a bad place, but certainly in an unresolved one. Episode 5 shows us more of that and finally brings us some resolution. (Not all, mind you, but some.)

Note that the resolution that episode 5 brings is some of the resolution missing from all the way back at the beginning of episode 4 rather than just at the end of it. Although the kiss in the rain under the umbrella went towards affirming their relationship, it seems like Nick and Charlie never had a conversation about what 'they' are, just that they're keeping 'them' a secret.

(It's reasonable to point out that the infirmary (sort-of) conversation likely happened on a Saturday and the birthday (sort-of) invitation likely happened on the Monday right afterwards, plus for the latter they're in school, so having any sort of bigger discussion in between these events would be challenging.

That said, Nick and Charlie also don't seem to have a bigger conversation during the week between Nick agreeing to go to Charlie's birthday party and the party itself, and they probably could have found time at some point if they'd really wanted to.)

More on episode 5 to come. In the meantime, want a refresher on the infirmary scene?

[divinesangel]

So… is seunghan ever returning to riize?

— is seunghan returning to riize?

it seems like there’s a chance for seunghan to return to the group and end the hiatus. he is trying to show the company that he can be reliable and stable, but the decision hasn’t been made yet. it feels like they’re still in the process of healing from the situation or scandal. i sense that the company might still be very disappointed in him because of what happened, and it seems to involve a woman? whether he was caught with her or if she played a role in the situation, it feels like both he and the company are disappointed that things have reached this point because of someone else. the company, in particular, seems to be struggling with accepting this and coming to terms with it. if you’re wondering whether he will return to the group this year, it feels like they’ve been considering it. the company has been thinking about what to do in his case because they feel like they need to make a decision, but the scandal still weighs heavily on them. they’re unsure whether bringing him back is the right choice, and that’s why they haven’t acted yet. it’s as if the scandal was just too much for them to handle, and they’re still questioning whether he deserves to rejoin the group.

the energy around seunghan feels unstable and uncertain because he’s currently going through a phase of loss. it seems like the incident that happened was something that completely shattered his world and surroundings, a sudden and drastic change. now, he’s trying to fix things, but there’s uncertainty about whether it’s even worth the effort. it’s as if he’s giving so much of himself to something that may not have a solution, like that feeling when you invest everything into something, only for nothing to happen, leaving you with a sense of loss and hopelessness. he wants to show others that he’s consistent and eager to move forward, but there’s a deep fear of failure and losing everything he has. for now, he’s staying strong and trying to maintain a positive outlook, expecting some sort of change. it feels like he’s been waiting for something to happen for a while, and there’s a desire within him to come clean, to expose himself, and maybe start over.

it seems like the waiting and uncertainty are really taking a toll on him. he’s feeling hurt and unhappy, because there are so many things he wants to do, but it feels like he’s unable to. if he leaves the group, it seems more likely that it will be his choice, not the company's. i sense there’s a chance he might leave because he’s growing tired of always waiting. it feels like he’s constantly waiting for someone from the company to approach him with an offer or a conclusion about everything.

as time passes, he seems to be focusing more on the future and what lies ahead. he’s very aware of his potential and knows he can achieve great things, which is why this situation is wearing him down. it feels like he’s walking on eggshells, hoping something will happen, but nothing is changing. he really wants to move into a better phase of his life and find the support he’s been needing, which he might not be receiving as much as he hoped for, or at least that’s how it feels to him right now.

when it comes to the idea of returning to the group, that’s where the confusion arises. he’s pondered it, but there’s a strong fear of judgment and public opinion. at the moment, he’s hiding from the world, so while the situation stirs some conversation, it doesn’t affect him as much. still, part of him wonders if coming back would be the right choice, and whether the company will even support that decision, given the reactions it might provoke. he wants to continue his career, but there’s a real risk that the company might not be on board. there’s a lot happening behind the scenes that you guys are not yet seeing (obviously). i feel like there are many conflicts within the company right now, and a lot of unresolved questions. despite the time they've spent on this, they still seem quite uncertain about what steps to take next.

when it comes to the actual question of whether he will return to the group, it feels like some more time needs to pass, as there seems to be some legal matters happening behind the scenes. i’m not sure if the company entered a legal battle or took some legal action regarding the scandal, but it seems that something involving the justice or legal system needs to be resolved first. i’m also sensing that a superior or higher-up will make the final decision about his return. it’s going to be a very carefully considered choice, and there’s still this energy of needing to think things through deeply before taking any action. i feel like the main reason nothing is happening at the moment is due to these legal matters. once those are settled, it seems like things will start moving forward for this idol.

over the next four months, it feels like he’s going to have the support of a feminine energy in his life, someone who will stand by him throughout everything. but i sense that he’s going to grow very tired of the situation. he seems frustrated with not being able to speak up or have much say in what’s happening, and this might lead him to reconsider many aspects of his career and his place in the group. i feel like he may even try to talk to the company about it.

[javiddenkins]

Javid Denkins is not interested in answering questions. 

It's 9:30 in the morning and I'm sitting across from Denkins in a conference room at the AMC Studios offices. Denkins declined to meet anywhere more personal than this beige and glass room, impersonal Muzak buzzing through the speakers, windows overlooking an empty studio lot. There are posters on the wall but none, strangely, for Blow the Man Down, the runaway hit Denkins conceived, writes, and now showruns. 

Blow the Man Down, or BTMD as it's frequently referred to by fans and journalists alike, is a workplace comedy set in the Golden Age of Piracy. This unusual premise would be interesting enough even without the top-tier leads brought on by AMC to play opposing pirate captains Sam Bellamy and Olivier Levasseur—Oscar Issac and John Boyega light up the screen and bring surprising comedy chops to the pirate-filled stage they share with such talents as Michelle Yeoh ("Zheng Yi Sao") and Sam Neill ("Captain Benjamin Hornigold"). 

But beyond that, BTMD seems to be that rare thing in mainstream media: a slow romance between two middle-aged men finding love for the first time. The first—and so far, only—season ends on a cliffhanger, our heroes separated by an ocean but determined to reach one another, and their love story—if it is one—stays unresolved. 

Usually an interview like this—between seasons, after renewal and filming but before advertising—would be the perfect opportunity to delve into the mind behind the magic and attempt to tease out hints about what's to come. 

But Denkins seems determined to ignore Hollywood's traditional playbook. 

Whether this is the standard conference room used for interviewing reluctant showrunners, or if Denkins picked it especially for the purpose, I'll never find out. I've already been waiting half an hour, uncertain if Denkins intends to join me at all. When he does finally arrive, he makes his position clear. 

"I'm only doing this because you agreed to my terms," he says. 

I'd describe what he looked like, if he had a coffee or a snack or a smoker's twitching nerves, if he sounded tired or amused or angry—but I can't. If you see a description here, it's because Denkins decided, for whatever reason, to approve it. Otherwise, sharing my impression of Denkins is off the table, one of many terms and conditions my editorial team and I had to agree to before Denkins would accept this meeting. 

Denkins doesn't want to make my job easy. Photos of him do exist from the few red carpets he's attended; enthusiastic interviews with the cast, writers, and production team of BTMD definitely paint a picture that belies Denkins's apparent efforts to avoid perception. But here and now, in the oppressive air conditioning of the AMC offices, I am contractually obligated to interview a cipher.

If he can be all business, though, then so can I. I hit a button on my phone's recording app, set it down between us, and ask what made him decide to tell the story of an obscure pair of pirates like Sam Bellamy and Olivier Levasseur.

He shrugs. "Why does anyone write anything? This is my job." 

It's not the kind of answer I was expecting. Something must show on my face, because he follows with, "That's unsatisfying, isn't it. No definitive answer."

"It's not what I expected," I hedge.

"What did you want to hear?"

I try to gather my thoughts, but I'm definitely stalling, uncertain that this is what Denkins intends. "I did a little research," I say. "Not as much as I imagine you did, but I found some of Bellamy and Levasseur's history together and, later, apart. Bellamy's ship is the only fully authenticated Golden Age shipwreck in the world, so it makes sense that the wrecking of the Whydah is an important turning point in season one. Levasseur, on the other hand, is best known for the mystery of his encoded treasure map, flung into the crowd at his hanging and only ever partially solved, which you seem to have used as a foundation for the coding and decoding motifs throughout. But for a show that seems determined to discuss the consequences of fame and reputation, it's fascinating that you've chosen two men most casual viewers have never heard of."

"Outside the narrative they built for themselves," Denkins corrects. "Is there a question in there?"

I remember again that Denkins isn't here to make this easy for me. "Why not choose one of the more well-known pirates of the era? Henry Morgan, Captain Kidd, and Blackbeard are all arguably more famous both now and when they were alive. What made you choose Bellamy and Levasseur for this story?"

"I think," Denkins says, "I just answered that. There's a difference between how you perceive yourself, and how the world perceives you. Those famous pirates retained their notoriety even after death. Sam and Ollie did have reputations when they were alive, but if people today know them at all, it's typically for reasons completely unrelated to whatever little fame they achieved in life."

"And that fascinates you?"

Denkins looks irritated. "It doesn't matter what fascinates me. That's the story, that's—look, I don't know how to write a puff piece like this," Denkins says. "I don't know if it would really sound like this, if anyone would bother caring enough about what I want to get this far."

"Excuse me?" I say.

"Do you honestly think," Denkins says, "there's a single journalist out there that would actually agree to these interview conditions? This is a fantasy, a what-if, and it still doesn't work."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean," says Denkins, "I didn't even give you a name."

And that's true, I realize. I don't have a name. 

"Right," says Denkins, as if hearing my thoughts—and I suppose, in a way, he does. "And you don't know how you got here, and you don't know where you'll go after. I made you up. I made all this up."

I look at my recorder, which isn't a recorder. I look at the room, which isn't a room. 

"Okay," I say. "So what did you want to happen?"

Denkins taps my phone's screen to stop the recording. Denkins imagines me noticing that he taps the screen, and so this must have meaning. There is no room for junk words and actions in prose, and even less in television. Whatever's on the page has to have meaning, or it's wasted space, wasted time, a moment that could have been useful now gone and never coming back.

Denkins shoves my phone back to the center of the table and says, "I wanted to see if I could just talk about the story without making it about me."

"But you're part of it," I point out. "You have to be. It came from you. It was something you thought was important, and then you put the effort in to create it. The story exists because of you, in relation to you. That's why people, why fans, want to know more about you. They love the story, and you made it, so they want to love you, too."

"I don't like that," says Denkins. "Rephrase it."

"They love the story," I say, parroting back at my creator, "and you made it. They want to know about you so they can know more about what the story means."

Denkins's chair creaks as he pushes it back, puts his head in his hands. I wonder if he's doing that in the real world, too, in the place where he's imagining this interview that will never exist. 

(Except I'm not the one wondering. He is. He's wondering what an interviewer would think of him if he allowed himself to show this weakness. Rephrase. Show this ache. Rephrase. Show this.)

"I'm not a story," Denkins says, face still hidden. The Muzak piped into the room seems too loud, too discordant now. Maybe that's what the world sounds like to him. "I'm not imaginary. I'm not a specimen to study under a microscope until every part of me is uncovered and connected one by one to every part of the show." He drags his hands back down and I think I can say that he looks very, very tired. 

"Yes, maybe I put some of myself in Blow the Man Down," he continues. "Maybe I did in season two as well. Maybe I put something in The Gang, and maybe I'll put something into whatever else I make for the next fifty years. And what I put there is—will be—has to be—my choice. All things I chose to share. But this?" He waves a hand at the nonexistent conference room, at nonexistent me. "This isn't a choice. It's a demand. I'm being held hostage for answers, as if me keeping my boundaries somehow ruins the show, ruins the story."

"Because you're not a story," I repeat back, watching for confirmation. "Because what you choose to reveal is the only story the audience should need."

"Yes," says Denkins. "That's it."

That's not it, though. I know this, because I'm him, talking to himself. Thinking all this through. 

"So you cut yourself off," I say. "No one can know anything about you, because they're already clawing for what you're not willing to share—so how much worse would it get if you gave them a chance to come closer, right?" 

"To take, and get it wrong anyway," he says. "Or get it right, but not like it. Not like me. How I'm perceived might change how the story is perceived. And even skipping over the whole art of it all—this is a business. How the story is perceived affects dozens, if not hundreds of people and careers. And all of it can get destroyed in an instant if there's some aspect of me that the audience decides is wrong."

Denkins pushes back from the table, stands up as if to leave. I'm not done yet, though. He's not done yet.

"Sounds lonely," I say.

"Sounds like something a fan would say," he shoots back, and I shrug.

"Blame yourself for thinking it and making me say it, then. It sounds lonely. It is lonely. It's lonely to think there's no way that you could open yourself up, talk about who you are and what your art means to you, without feeling like someone, everyone, will take advantage of that vulnerability."

I pause, and in that pause I find something to latch onto. "You've imagined me," I say. "You've imagined this scenario, where you stay cut off and oblique and hidden." I pick up my phone from where it's placed between us, and I shut it down completely—not because it exists, but because it's a symbol he understands. "What would happen if you imagined being part of the story?" I ask. Rephrase. "What would happen if you imagined being free?"

We look at each other. The tinny music of this artificial space comes to a sudden halt.

Denkins leaves the room. 

I am—

Denkins comes back. He sits down. He looks at me.

Time doesn't exist in the beige and glass room. But behind him, now, there is a poster of Sam Bellamy and Olivier Levasseur, a drilled coin on a cord stretched taut between them. And the Muzak hasn't restarted.

Denkins looks different. Or maybe he just feels different. Those things are functionally the same, here.

"You know the old movie trailers?" Denkins starts, not really a question. "The ones that start with 'in a world…'"

I nod. 

He smiles a little. "Okay. In a world where Blow the Man Down doesn't exist. Let's say there's something else instead. Let's say it's called Our Flag Means Death. It's a workplace comedy, it's the Golden Age of Piracy, the works. They even manage to kiss in the first season, though the cliffhanger is worse. And in that world, there's a different guy who runs it, a guy named David Jenkins, who seems nicer and more outgoing and shares a lot more of himself than I do. And I think it goes mostly okay for him, except he has to scrub his social media, delete most of his Instagram, and never gets to name his wife anywhere in case a fan might notice and start following her around."

"Sounds grim," I say.

He shrugs. "It's another way of handling it. David, in that world, has made a choice to draw the enemy fire toward himself, instead of hiding away and letting it scatter at random. It seems to work okay for him, and maybe it would for me too, but, you know. Maybe that's a little of myself I gave Ollie. Because I also like the idea of testing something first, all the way to destruction."

A little of myself. This—this is personal information. Something that, in the negotiations that never happened, he said he'd never give me.

My phone, with its blackened screen, is right there. I keep my hands still, folded together, decidedly not reaching for the phone. Denkins watches, sees. His shoulders loosen; neither of us, I think, realized how tense he'd been.

"In that world," he says, "there's a second season coming that no one knows anything about and there's a fandom going feral. Echo chambers that feed off their own theories because there's nothing new to add to the pot. Just like our world, right? In the absence of good data, overwrought ideology works just as well.

"And in the middle of this, to provide a distraction, maybe, or to draw that enemy fire like he so often does, David Jenkins says he'll get a Tumblr—you know, one of those not-really-social-media internet places. And maybe he does. He doesn't tell anyone his username, so it's a mystery whether he really did it or not. But someone opens an account. And someone says they're definitely not David Jenkins."

Javid Denkins is holding a cup of coffee. So am I, now. We take sips, mirrors of each other. The coffee tastes like it has seven sugars in it.

Denkins swirls his cup gently, not looking up at me. "When you're trying to figure out something that's terrifying," he says, slow and careful, "and enraging, and so big and so much that it feels like you'll collapse under the weight of it…sometimes you need to find a way to conceptualize it more abstractly. Make it manageable. Put it in bite-sized chunks. 

"So instead of me, dealing with all this fame, and these expectations, and these pulls to turn me from a person into a plot point…maybe there's this other guy. In this other universe, with this other pirate show. Another writer, who says he's definitely not David Jenkins. But—he could be. He could be. And either way, there's enough uncertainty that the fandom can't tell right away."

"Schrödinger's showrunner," I say. 

Denkins tips his mug at me. "Yeah, that gets pointed out, too. Because either it's really him and the fandom will eat at him—death by a thousand needy bites of demand, and something that feels like connection but by its nature can't be—or it's not him, just a fan pretending to be him, attention-seeking, scamming, stealing unearned laurels to crown a meaningless triumph: successfully mimicking the concept of David Jenkins."

"Pretty binary."

Denkins shrugs. "You saw the first season. I'm a sucker for duality." 

He hums and looks out the conference room's window. The AMC lot is gone. More accurately, it was never there. Outside the window is an ocean. The water is green-screen perfect, and there are two tall-masted ships in the distance: Bellamy's Whydah Gally and Levasseur's La Louise. They float angled toward one another, counterpart to their captains on the poster behind Jenkins, missing only the drilled coin between them.

"Except," says Denkins, slow and musing as he watches the distant ships, "in the vast multiverse of imaginable possible outcomes, it turns out that there is the very slimmest possible chance of a third thing happening."

There is another ship floating now between the Whydah and La Louise. It's freshly painted, poorly rigged, and its figurehead is a unicorn. Instead of one flag, it has half a dozen. And I know, because Denkins knows, that instead of gunpowder in its hold, it carries jars and jars of harmless marmalade.

"So," I say, "David Jenkins—"

"Oh, definitely not David Jenkins," says Javid Denkins, amusement lighting up his face. He keeps his eyes on that third ship.

"So the person who is definitely not David Jenkins," I say. "He comes and starts a social media account. He answers questions."

"Sort of. Nothing specific, really. Just…narrative likelihoods. Enough to dangle hope. But the fandom wants more. There's a Richard Siken line he sees, that if he'd chosen to stay anonymous maybe he could've actually posted: 'but monsters are always hungry, darling.' It's like that. So he backs up a little, and considers how to hold off the inevitable. The season two hints are vague? Make them vaguer. Add some smoke and mirrors to hide how little substance they have. There are only so many general pirate tropes around? Stretch out how long it takes to get the ones he has. Add steps. Add puzzles. Make the fandom work for it, and maybe they won't notice how little there is to find. Give them an interesting enough box to open, and they'll ignore the fact that there isn't an answer on the inside, just another, smaller box." He tilts his head and looks at me. The light outside is now luminous pink and yellow, flashing off the water and highlighting his face like a duotone painting. "Then he…" Denkins sighs. Puts down his mug. "Then I sit back and see what happens. I see if it's as bad as I think it would be if I did it here, in the real world."

"And is it?"

Denkins reaches out with one hand, tugging my phone over to his side of the table. He starts fiddling with the buttons, attention on it instead of me. "To start with? Yes. And no. It didn't matter that the one thing I promised was that I wasn't David Jenkins. They—the fandom—found me anyway. They assumed I was him. And I was right, of course I was right, they asked me questions. Hundreds of them. Like that was the only reason I existed, like I couldn't just be a regular person like the rest of them, just on Tumblr to read about the Carpathia and get taken out by the color of the sky."

"For better or for worse, you're a public person," I say. "They think they know what it means when a public person breaks down the barrier between themselves and the fans. Even well-meaning people make assumptions."

The recorder is no longer a phone and app; it's an old cassette player with thick plastic buttons like I, or more accurately Denkins, had as a child. It matches the ones his elementary school classrooms had, which in turn looked like the device Mr. Spock carried at his hip to record and interpret data from strange new worlds. 

Denkins, in the here and now, half-presses the play and record buttons, which would trigger the record function if pushed down completely. He holds back. Riding the edge of commitment. Over and over. 

"Yeah," he says. "Yes. That's true. And I could've been completely anonymous if I wanted to be left alone entirely. I suppose I wanted to prove that everything I believe—everything I'm afraid of—is true, and that I'm justified in hiding away, refusing to be 'known' by anyone I haven't specifically agreed to. Hence the thought exercise. And when I was done, and I had my proof," he says, leaving off the recorder buttons to raise a pointed finger at me, "I wouldn't have to see you again either."

We look at each other. "But here you are," I say.

He laughs. It's rusty, but sure. "Here I am," he agrees.

"So what happened?"

"Turns out," he says, "that in that infinite universe of possibilities a writer can dream up, there's a world where, yes, all my worst fears are confirmed…but that's not all that happens."

He stops, and we are both silent for a long, long moment. His fingertips brush over the recorder buttons, repetitive and soothing, like he's calming something feral and unused to human touch.

"Would you believe," he says at last, hushed and small in this glass and beige room floating on a digital sea, "that there is a world where fans—people—don't ask for more than I want to give? Who see the box I'm in, and instead of ripping it open to grasp for whatever good thing they think they can find inside…they give something back. 

"I played it all out, you see." He waves his hand over the recorder. Now there are two of them, sitting side by side, each with a row of thick black plastic buttons along the edge: one to play, one to rewind, one to record, and one to pop open its lid so that the cassette can be changed. One of the recorders is a little bigger than the other. "If I can imagine it," he says, "it has to be possible."

He looks at the two recorders; he's quiet now, talking to himself rather than me. I don't think I'm as necessary as I was before. I think maybe this is just him. Just Denkins in this lonely little room. He moves the smaller recorder so that it's lined up with the larger one, like he's lining up Matryoshka dolls as he reveals them.

"It started small," he says. "There were people who saw my puzzles, and made puzzles back for me, just to play along. People who saw my puzzles, and shared what they knew about them, just to help others play too. Small things. Little things. Possible things. I liked it. I didn't expect it. I…wanted to give back, too. Not just in the story, I mean. It was me who wanted it. Wanted to add to a world, to a community, where that sort of giving could happen. So I went further. I didn't just try to hint at common story beats this other show might hit—I started listening, following, asking what would be most welcome, and then gave that instead. And it grew. It grew until it wasn't really just an experiment anymore. It stopped being an adversarial proof. It started being…something else."

Denkins reaches out, and now there are three recorders on the table. The newest one is the smallest. He lines it up with the others.

"I'd already made David Jenkins," he says, "and in turn he'd made his own Javid Denkins. So why not do it again? This other Javid Denkins, this me who's me but not me, goes deeper. He uses the tools at his disposal. Our Flag Means Death has pirates named Edward Teach and Stede Bonnet. OFMD has a fandom like BTMD does, where people write stories about the characters, for themselves and—for others. Fan fiction. A thing that can be a gift, if you want it to be. So I started to write one."

One by one, Denkins hits the 'play' button on each of the recorders. The cassettes whir, a steady background hum. Each starts playing a part of some orchestral piece. Not the individual instruments, but something stranger. It's as if each cassette contains the whole work, but with fragments missing that the others complete. There are still some gaps in the playback.

Denkins waves his hand over the collection again, and a fourth recorder, smallest of all, appears. He presses play on it too, and the music fills in. It's a pretty little melody. Simple, if you know how to hear it.

Denkins hums a little of it before looking up, seeing me again. "That was it, really. That's what finally made all this small enough for me to understand. Made it small enough, far enough away from my actual world that I could finally let myself feel it. In this story that I'm telling, here is Edward Teach." Denkins touches the smallest recorder very, very gently. "Teach lives in a world where he's not the main character; he's just a fan of a gay pirate romcom called Blow the Man Down. He's tired, and he's angry, and he doesn't know how to deal with the world the way it is, with the fandom as he perceives it. He makes a Twitter account, anonymously, to prove that what he fears is real."

Denkins covers the recorder with both hands, only muffling the music a little. "Here's Edward Teach, made up of all my fears and saying them out loud."

He raises his hands, and now there are two little recorders, the same size, both playing the same parts together. He touches the new recorder with his fingertip, as if it's a bubble that could too easily break. "Here's Stede Bonnet," he says, "made up of all my fears coming true. And then having to live through it anyway." He stares down at this new recorder; the same as the Edward Teach one, but evidently special in some way to Denkins. He says, to me, to it, to the room: "It's a hell of a thing, to need to go so far away just to see what you've been carrying on your back the whole time."

After a moment, he looks back up at me. "In my story," he says, "Stede survives the disaster. My disaster. He survives it, because he has Ed—a love interest, yes, but not just that. He's someone he opened up to. And more than that, I saw—because I could imagine it, and so it must be possible, it has to actually be possible—I saw the fandom become…people."

With both hands, Denkins presses a button on each of these two small recorders.

Their lids pop open.

And from the walls, from the ceiling, from the glass windows and the limitless sea, there comes a multiverse of music.

"These people," says Denkins, tilting his head to listen as the swells of unseen instruments add to the gentle overture of his pocket worlds and turn the piece into something greater than the sum of its parts. "They're not some nameless collective made up of their worst impulses. They're just people. People are complicated. You can never know them completely; they can never know you. All you really get is what they—we—choose to do. 

"And I saw people try to help Stede. People, strangers, who didn't know who he was, not really. And they felt compassion anyway."

After a long moment, just taking in the music, Denkins sighs and carefully closes the lids on the two small recorders. The singing universe becomes just a recorded orchestral piece once again—though no less beautiful for it. He gently pushes the two recorders together until they're touching, side by side, and covers them with his hand. He says, "Ed got to see this. He got to know that even if his worst fear happens, he'll be okay on the other side of it. And he won't be alone." 

He lifts his hand; the two are now one, still playing its little melody.

Denkins picks up this amalgamated recorder and sets it on top of the next largest. He puts his hand over the stack he's just made. "Move it up a level," Denkins says. "David Jenkins, or someone who is definitely not David Jenkins, runs a Tumblr with games and puzzles and digital tools that stretch the boundaries of the narrative. He sees the reactions to his story. Sees fans who know it isn't real, who know that Stede and Ed are characters in a narrative—and nevertheless, these fans, these people, see that these characters are hurting. They try to help. They don't know who's behind the masks labeled 'Stede' and 'Ed,' not really. But they feel compassion anyway."

He lifts his hand. The little recorder atop the larger is gone. The music is different. Not lessened, but changed. It's come closer. 

Once more, Denkins moves the smaller combined recorder onto the last one—or, I suppose, the first of all of them. "So move it up one more time," he says. The music isn't audible in the room now; but I hear it anyway. It's in me. Us. The last little notes coming from the final recorders just a reminder of what the world could sound like.

He covers the top recorder with both hands. His touch is aching and very, very soft. "Here's me. Javid Denkins. I don't know if there's a world where I could open myself up and not have everything burn down in flames. I don't know if it could ever be possible for me to leave this room, open my laptop, and start something, somewhere, called 'definitely not Javid Denkins,' and have it be as beautiful and awe-inspiring as it was in my thought experiment.

"But God," he says, "I want it."

He lifts his hands, and all that's left is the final recorder, the one that was my phone to begin with. The music dissipates completely. But the feeling of it remains. Denkins rests his hands on either side of this solitary recorder. He says, "I don't know if all of that—all of them, my fans, my friends, all of what we made together…I don't know if it already exists for me in the real world. Just waiting for me to be brave enough to look. I don't know. But I think I have to believe that it does. That they do. I have to believe that it's possible not just to imagine that kind of grace, but to live it." 

Denkins brushes his thumb over the last recorder's play button. "I think that's what it means to be human," he says. "To try anyway. To unlock yourself despite your fears, and find hope there waiting for you."

He closes his eyes. I close my eyes. We take a deep breath together.

We open our eyes.

After a moment, I smile at Denkins, a little crooked. I've got one last question to ask, and it's one he might even answer. 

"Who are you, really?" I ask. 

It's something we all have to answer about ourselves eventually, and it seems particularly relevant now.

Denkins shrugs, and his smile mirrors mine. "Does it matter?"

"It feels like it does."

"How about this," he says. "Who are you, really?"

And knowing what I know now…if I'm anyone at all, then I suppose I'm Javid Denkins. An aspect. A reflection. A dream.

And so, in these universes he's imagined, is everyone.

"So," Denkins says. "You think I can start over?"

I smile wider. It feels good. "I'd love that."

He pushes the recorder back to me, and in my heart I hear his laughing request for one last rephrase—

Javid Denkins has been waiting for me.

It's 9:30 in the morning and I'm sitting across the table from a cheerful enigma. Denkins was already in the room when I arrived, a hot coffee by my seat and a box filled with fresh breakfast pastries and marmalade open and ready to be enjoyed. An advertising standup emblazoned with the unreleased (at time of writing) air date for season two of Denkins's Blow the Man Down takes pride of place at the head of the table. Through the windows opposite, bright sunlight bounces off the buzzing AMC studio lot, and I think I hear a certain pirate romcom's theme music playing quietly over the room's speakers.

Denkins grins at me, and it's easy to see why his actors and writers speak so highly of the experience of working with him. Because I can tell already: this is going to be fun. 

It starts when he leans forward, eyes bright, and presses the record button on my phone for me.

"Let's play," he says, and—we do.

[dontyouworrydaddy]

Please don’t leave me

John Price x gn! reader

Warning: this is just gonna be sad

Summary: John and you have been arguing a lot recently. You now decide to leave but john doesn’t want you to leave….

꒱࿐♡ ˚.*ೃ

The room was filled with tension as John and you stood face to face, locked in a heated argument. Lately, it seemed like every conversation ended in a clash of wills, driving a wedge between the two of you. The frustration had reached its boiling point, and now, as you grabbed your bag, ready to storm out, John couldn't bear to see you go.

"Please, just stay," John pleaded, his voice laced with desperation. "We can't keep doing this to each other. I can't lose you."

You paused, your hand gripping the strap of your bag tightly. The hurt in John's eyes mirrored the ache in your own heart. Despite the countless arguments, the love you shared was undeniable. But lately, it seemed like it was drowning in a sea of misunderstandings and unresolved conflicts.

"I can't do this anymore, John" you finally said, your voice quivering with a mix of anger and sadness. "We need time apart, some space to figure things out."

John's heart sank, his pleading gaze turning into a look of defeat. He reached out, his hand trembling, as if trying to grasp onto something slipping away.

"But we can work through this. We always have," he protested, his voice laced with desperation. "I'll do whatever it takes, just please don't leave."

Tears welled up in your eyes as you watched the man you loved struggle to keep you from walking away. The pain in his voice tugged at your heartstrings, but you knew deep down that staying in this toxic cycle would only lead to more hurt.

"I wish it were that simple," you whispered, your voice barely audible. "But staying here right now feels like suffocating. I need to find myself again."

John's face contorted with anguish, his voice breaking as he fought back tears. "I don't want to lose you. You mean everything to me."

A sob escaped your lips as you struggled to hold yourself together. The weight of the argument, the weight of your decision, bore down on you like a heavy burden.

"I love you, John" you choked out between sobs. "But love isn't enough sometimes. We need to find our own paths, heal our wounds and maybe, just maybe, we can come back together stronger."

The room fell silent, the air heavy with unspoken emotions. The love between you was undeniable, but the pain and damage caused by the arguments were tearing you apart. With a trembling hand, you wiped away your tears, steeling yourself for the difficult task ahead.

"I'm sorry, John…" you whispered, your voice filled with a mixture of regret and determination. "I have to go."

John's eyes searched yours, his face etched with sorrow. He nodded, a single tear sliding down his cheek, as he reluctantly stepped back, giving you the space you needed.

As you walked towards the door, your heart shattered with every step. Leaving John behind was the hardest thing you had ever done, but you knew it was necessary for both of you to find the peace and understanding you so desperately craved.

With one final glance back at the man you loved, you opened the door and stepped into the unknown, the weight of the world on your shoulders. The future was uncertain, but deep down, you held onto a flicker of hope that someday, the two of you would find your way back to each other, stronger and wiser.

And so, as the door closed behind you, the echoes of your shattered love resonated through the empty room, leaving John standing alone, with tears streaming down his face and a shattered heart in his hands.

[withlovebuccellati]

Rendezvous, regrets and reconciliations ☆彡

Summary: Living life through Italy's mafioso lifestyle, Guido Mista broke his lover's heart to keep her safe. But when a dangerous mission leaves him wounded and desperate, he's back outside her door, sparking up a long awaited reunion.

A/N: Couldn’t find many Guido Mista works that I loved so I had to take matters into my own hands :p The lack of drama in my life kinda prompted this lol

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･* *･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'･*

Guido Mista had always lived on the edge, his existence bound by the unspoken rules of Passione, the most powerful criminal organization in Italy. His days were filled with peril and uncertainty, a constant dance with death. It was this treacherous life that had driven him to break her heart. Months ago, he had ended things abruptly, leaving her with cryptic words about her safety and his duty. He couldn’t bear the thought of her being caught in the crossfire of his violent world. Every day since, the decision haunted him, but he convinced himself it was ultimately for the best; for her.

Tonight, everything was bound to change. A mission had gone disastrously wrong, leaving him wounded and desperate. There was only one person he trusted with his life, the only one who knew how to heal his wounds—her. Swallowing his pride, he staggered to her door, blood seeping through his shirt, each step a painful reminder of his vulnerability.

When she opened the door, her eyes widened with shock and anger. They hadn’t seen each other since the breakup, and the sight of him, battered and broken, ignited a storm of emotions. Her hesitation was palpable, the instinct to care for him warring with the hurt he had caused.

“You shouldn’t be here,” she said, her voice trembling with a mix of fear and fury. “I had nowhere else to go,” he replied, his voice strained with pain.

Reluctantly, she let him in, her heart pounding with a mixture of apprehension and unresolved feelings. She guided him to the couch, where he sank heavily, the tension between them palpable in the heavy silence that enveloped the room. His labored breathing echoed in the stillness, a stark reminder of the danger that he had narrowly escaped.

As she carefully tended to his wounds, their hands brushed, sending a jolt of electricity through them both. Memories of their shared past flooded back, each touch reigniting the deep connection they had once shared.

"I never wanted to hurt you, you know," he said suddenly, his voice breaking the silence that had settled between them. "I thought leaving was the only way to keep you safe."

Her eyes flickered with a mix of emotions—pain, confusion, and a flicker of understanding. She swallowed hard, grappling with the conflicting feelings that his words stirred within her. The weight of his confession hung heavily in the air, mingling with the scent of antiseptic and the soft murmur of distant traffic outside. In that moment, they both realized the complexity of their shared history and the fragile hope of a future still uncertain.

"Do you have any idea how much you hurt me?" she shot back, her voice trembling with a mixture of anger and pain, her eyes glistening with unshed tears that threatened to spill over. She stood before him, her posture tense and her hands clenched into fists. The weight of his absence had carved a hole into her heart, a void of unanswered questions and lingering pain.

"You left without a word, without an explanation," she continued, her voice wavering as she struggled to contain the emotions that surged within her.

"I thought I was doing the right thing," he admitted softly, his voice barely a whisper, his gaze fixed on the ground as he finally met her gaze. "But I was wrong. Being away from you has been torture."

His words hung in the air between them, heavy with regret and longing. The room felt suffocatingly small, filled with the echo of their unresolved feelings and the ache of lost time. She searched his face for any sign of the man she once knew, grappling with the complexity of forgiveness and the undeniable pull of their shared history.

“Do you think it was any easier for me?” Her voice broke, trembling with the weight of unspoken pain. She clenched her fists, her knuckles turning white, as tears welled up in her eyes. “Every day, I wondered why you left, if you were alive, if you cared at all.”

The room seemed to close in around her, the air thick with the tension of years of unanswered questions. “I spent sleepless nights staring at the ceiling, hoping for a sign, a clue, anything that would tell me you were out there somewhere.” She turned away, her shoulders shaking with silent sobs, unable to meet his gaze. “Each day was a battle against the crushing silence, the unanswered questions that gnawed at my sanity.”

“I cared too much,” he said, wincing slightly as he shifted on the couch. His eyes held a mix of pain and regret, haunted by the decisions that had led them to this moment. “I couldn’t stand the thought of you getting hurt because of me.”

She was visibly frustrated now, her emotions raw and unfiltered. “But you did hurt me, Guido,” she replied, her voice tinged with disappointment and lingering hurt. “You hurt me more than anyone else ever could.”

Their words hung in the air between them, heavy with unresolved tension and the weight of unspoken truths. As she finished bandaging him, their heated conversation simmered into a tense truce. The raw honesty of their exchange began to dissolve the walls that had kept them apart.

Mista reached out, his hand trembling slightly as he gently took her hand in his. Their fingers intertwined, a silent acknowledgment of the tangled emotions that bound them together. The raw honesty of their exchange began to dissolve the walls between them. Mista reached out, gently taking her hand in his.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice thick with regret as he looked deeply into her eyes. “I was a fool to think I could live without you. I truly do think that we’re soulmates, there’s no one who could make me feel things you do.”

Her long-surprised emotions had finally hit her as Tears finally escaped her eyes, freely trailing down her cheeks. She nodded slowly, her body trembling with the intensity of their reunion. The pain of their separation mingled with the overwhelming relief of his return, creating a whirlwind of emotions within her.

In that moment, the world seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of them standing together. The room, with its dim lighting and soft murmurs of distant conversations hailing from the show that she was *previously* watching, became a distant backdrop to their long awaited reunion. They had both realized that no matter the dangers and uncertainties that lay ahead, they couldn’t deny their love.

They had found solace in each other’s arms, slowly piecing back the fragments of their broken hearts. Their reunion was a testament to the strength of their bond, a love that could withstand even the darkest of worlds.

Suddenly, the raw tension between them shifted like a gust of wind changing direction. Her hands trembled slightly as she reached out to touch the bandage wrapped around his torso, the reality of their dangerous situation looming large in the air around them.

"How bad is it?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper, her eyes searching his face for reassurance.

"Bad enough," he admitted with a grimace, his gaze dropping briefly to the floor before meeting hers again. "It was a setup. They knew we were coming."

Her brow furrowed in concern, a mix of fear and anger surfacing in her expression. "Who did this to you, Guido?" Her voice quivered with a mixture of emotions, betraying her worry and determination to get to the bottom of the betrayal that had left him wounded and their mission compromised.

He hesitated, a shadow crossing his face as he revealed the danger that had brought him to her doorstep. The weight of his words echoed in the dimly lit room, where the silence between them held the gravity of their shared past and uncertain future. “A rival faction within Passione. Someone wants me out of the picture.”

Her breath caught in her throat, her eyes widening with alarm as she grasped the implications. The room felt smaller, suffused with tension thick enough to cut with a knife. “And you came here? To me? You know they could follow you.”

“I had no choice,” he admitted, his voice urgent yet tinged with a hint of desperation. He shifted uncomfortably, aware of the risk he had brought to her doorstep. “I couldn’t trust anyone else. And… I needed to see you. To make things right.” Her hands trembled slightly as she reached out, a mixture of fear and unresolved feelings bubbling to the surface. The hierarchy of their shared history, the bonds and betrayals of their intertwined lives, loomed large in the space between them. “What if they find you here? What if they come after me?”

His grip on her hand tightened, a silent vow underscored by the weight of their entangled fates. “I won’t let that happen. I’ll protect you, no matter what.”

“How Guido? …By leaving me again?” Her voice trembled with bitterness, the wounds of past abandonment still raw despite the years that had passed. “No,” he said firmly, his resolve stealing his voice. “This time, I’m staying. We’ll figure this out together.”

She searched his eyes, seeing a glimmer of the man she had once trusted implicitly amidst the shadows of doubt. “You promise?”

“I promise,” he affirmed, pulling her into a fierce embrace that spoke volumes of unspoken apologies and renewed determination.

“We’ll face whatever comes. Together.”

[illwynd]

What direction would you have enjoyed most for Thor and Loki after TDW?

I recall in the long dry years between TDW and TR, a large part of the conversation in the fandom around this topic was on how pissed off Thor would be when he learned that Loki hadn’t actually died and had kept that fact from him (or “faked his death,” however you wanna phrase it) and how much trust would have to be rebuilt. And there is definitely that aspect of it. I think there was trust that needed to be rebuilt on both sides, in fact, and many long-overdue conversations about everything that had gone wrong to get them to that point. Conversations about Loki’s ancestry and his miscalculation with the Destroyer and all the questions Thor didn’t ask when Loki reappeared and not visiting him in the cells and ancient resentments and so many other things. 

But most of the fandom, in the discussions I’ve seen, seems to have been hoping for resolution between them, for things to get all healed and tied up in a tidy little bow and have their character arcs just ride off into the sunset and… yeah, I don’t want that. I never wanted that. There is way too much emphasis these days on “healthy” and “wholesome” and, goddamn, like what are y’all doing looking at these two if you’re looking for therapist-approved wellbeing? You’re digging in the wrong place. (Something that I feel is carried over from Norse mythology into their characters is the idea that there is value and importance in lives that don’t have a Happily Ever After, worlds ending in destruction and final defeat but with a deep integrity to what mattered. The world doesn’t promise healing. Sometimes, living with the knowledge that things will not be fixed in the end but it all matters anyway, and the connections between people matter, and the ability to find flickering moments of joy amidst the sorrows… to me that is far better, far more fitting to who they are than any tidy, happy resolution could ever be.)

One of the things that I love about many of their comics arcs is the sense that while things do change between them over time, with different emphases coming into focus and into prominence, there is an essence to both of them that keeps them in perpetual conflict and ALSO keeps the love strong enough that neither of them ever wants to go their separate ways permanently. They both have their own lives, with Thor doing his best at heroing and Loki doing his best at being himself, but Their Relationship is a constant, and it’s nobody else’s business, and whether they’re on opposite sides in their daily lives doesn’t really factor into it. 

So basically, in my ideal world in which phase 3+ didn’t suck, TR would have involved some of those long-overdue conversations and some working together against a bigger bad, but the kiss-and-make-up would have been incomplete, like an unresolved chord at the end of a phrase of music. Loki would have disappeared again but this time making sure Thor knew he wasn’t dead, and he’d have popped up again from time to time, always with uncertain allegiances, to have a few poignant interactions with Thor, or to absolutely destroy some big bad that’s threatening Thor’s life but in the meantime doing something that makes it seem like he got some material gain out of doing so (just to keep everyone on their toes), and if anyone questions this in Thor’s presence you’d get a very stormy look and a subtle suggestion that he doesn’t have to be slumming it on Earth. 

Loki would be there to be The Most Important Person in Thor’s life even when he’s not physically present, and the niggling itch that never quite goes away from the fact that things aren’t resolved and may be unresolvable. (Having a relationship like that—where it is possible or likely that things can’t be fixed—is actually really important to telling Thor stories that have emotional weight. Resolving the relationship or making the question null through death cuts off so many of the important questions that cling to Thor in themes and resonances. To a character who embodies the virtue of striving for heroism and goodness, an unquenchable love for such a liminal character as Loki, whose moral standing flits all across the field at any given moment, and having Thor see that not as a problem, as a liability or an inconsistency but instead as a value in itself—that keeps Thor from becoming an insufferable, inflexible moral pedant.) And Thor—Loki’s love and devotion to Thor, mingled with his resentment of him and the lingering frayed edges of his trust and the centuries-old anger and desire to win against him just once—would be there to rest like a base color underpainted beneath everything Loki does in his schemes and clever workings and, a gnarled anchor or a rusted root, keep him from wandering too far afield.

And, I mean, they’re gods. If you carry any story on long enough it ends in death, but in a story of superheroes and modern legends, the gods should still be there in the end, at the edge of the tale, perhaps, but continuing nonetheless, spinning against the stars, the huge half-invisible shadows of giants bordering the far horizon, the cycles of their lives so much longer than ours.

[presidenthades]

What would be the fatal flaw of the main characters in your stories please include the parents and grandparents as well

*puts on my “humanities major analysis” hat*

Viserys, like Rhaegar down the line, is obsessed with the idea that he has a divine purpose in helping produce the Prince That Was Promised. His pursuit of the son he dreamed about kills Aemma, and he rambles about the prophecy when he’s delirious on his deathbed. Why did he never tell the prophecy to Daemon, who was his default heir for years? Because Viserys was convinced he would one day have a son who would supplant Daemon, and maybe also because Daemon is a non-believer. After Aemma dies, Viserys transfers his hope of fulfilling the prophecy to Rhaenyra. At the end of The Golds, we see how his obsession with prophecy screws over his family yet again.

Corlys and Otto are more similar than they admit (what an unholy alliance this would be). They’re both determined to cement a legacy on the Iron Throne, but their ambition is their own undoing. If Otto was less pushy about Aegon’s claim, I think he could’ve been more successful in the long run: less antagonism with Rhaenyra, less likely to be fired, more time to persuade Viserys (this is the route I explore in Lavender). Meanwhile, Corlys’s ambition arguably leads to his children’s death. It’s uncertain if Laena would’ve survived if she married someone else, but Rhaenys blames Daemon for keeping Laena from home. In canon, Laenor’s “death” is attributed to Rhaenyra and Daemon, although I’ve left it a mystery in my fics…

Rhaenys claims she doesn’t care anymore about being passed over for the throne, but she really is still upset about it. She’s judgmental about how Viserys rules (she’s right, he sucks), and she seems bitter during her conversation with young Rhaenyra (she should be bitter, it’s hypocritical). I think this chip on her shoulder makes her want to cement her own legacy too, so all the humiliation she suffered means something in the end. In my fics, she sees the greatest potential for this legacy in Jace, who is also her favorite grandkid.

I’ll include Laena and Laenor because I love them, though their lesser screen time requires some extrapolation. Laena is a headstrong girl and beloved daughter who grows up in a stable nuclear family, and her role (noble lady who will marry to her house’s advantage) is never in question. This gives Laena much self-confidence, which emboldens her to pursue the Rogue Prince. Later in life, however, she realizes she wasn’t his first choice. 😞

Laenor grows up in the same setting but he suffers from a lot more self-doubt. Laenor unfairly blames his sexuality for his failure to meet expectations (“I hate the gods for making me this way”), but TBH I think Corlys is one of those parents with super-high, impossible expectations for his kids, especially with his only son and heir. When Laenor tries, it’s never good enough, so he gives up and blames a factor he can’t control (and he definitely has unresolved trauma from watching Joffrey die violently at his wedding). In my fics, Laenor has biological kids, which gives him a sense of “Hey, I did something right! I met one of the expectations of a Westerosi lord/heir!” But he still shies away from responsibility because he expects to fail.

Daemon has…many flaws. If I had to pick one, it’s his belief that he’s the only one willing to do what’s necessary. So far in my fics, his actions are less ugly than in canon, but it’s this belief which leads him to do things like spy on the girls’ mail and send The Letter to Aemond. By the end of the Handbook, he no longer believes it’s necessary to sabotage the girls’ relationships with the Targbros, but there are other schemes he can get into in the future.

Rhaenyra sees a lot of herself in all her daughters. She realizes she’s made big mistakes in the past, and she wants to prevent her daughters from making the same mistakes. But her actions are based on what she would do in their stead, when her daughters are very different people from herself. So they don’t appreciate her efforts, because it’s not what they want, and sometimes that drives them further away from her.

Alicent is caught in the belief that there should be divine/karmic justice. People who act virtuously are rewarded, people who do wrong are punished. But that isn’t how the world works, and her view of right and wrong isn’t necessarily what everyone else thinks. This helps explain her attitude toward her potential daughters-in-law. She likes Jace because, like Alicent, she is “good” and does the right thing. She has complicated feelings about Luce in large part because of Aemond’s eye and how Luce wronged him in that regard (we’ll see more of Alicent’s reaction in the next chapter of Compromised). Alicent is weirded out by Joff, but Joff hasn’t really done anything (to Alicent’s knowledge) to make Alicent truly dislike her. Yet.

And finally, the children.

Aegon is led by emotion/instinct. He’s rabid for anything that makes him feel good, and he runs from anything uncomfortable. This usually works out well when he’s around Jace, but if he’s left to his own devices, he starts doing reckless shit like fighting crime and buying brothels without thinking of the danger/consequences. Also it’s obvious that his weak spot is Jace. The Tyroshi took advantage of that, and other people will also try in the future. In a world where he loses Jace, he would be 1000% wrecked.

Jace is obsessed with appearing like the ideal heir, which leads to her perfectionist tendencies and attempts to take on A L L the work/responsibilities. She’s keenly aware that a second ruling queen in a row is unappealing to many people, but whereas Rhaenyra tries to minimize her femininity, Jace goes the other way and tries to be a paragon of womanhood: fashion, conduct, reputation, etc. It makes her very prone to burnout, and sometimes she hesitates because she worries about appearing too harsh.

Aemond is pride all the way. All his other qualities can be traced back to pride: determination to be the best, competitiveness with Aegon, difficulty apologizing, not asking for help. He’s just as emotional/instinctive as Aegon, but he tries to keep super tight control over himself. When he inevitably puts too much tension on himself, he snaps. Sometimes this leads him to lash out at people who don’t deserve it, like what happened at Driftmark, and then he doubles down instead of de-escalating.

Luce starts with childish optimism. She believes that all knights are gallant, her family is happy and perfect, and it’s totally OK to climb out the window with a sheet rope. Then life curb-stomps her a lot, and she gets more cynical as she grows up. But she still clings to those childish dreams, so she has a lot of inner conflict between idealism and pragmatism. She ends up with strong ideas of what she wants (e.g. marry Aemond) but hesitates over the potential drawbacks (e.g. constant fighting, king’s disapproval). Might cause her some relationship trouble down the line. 👀

Daeron also possesses childish optimism, but it’ll be a while before he grows out of it. He still believes the best in people, even Daemon. 😇 But I think one day there will be a big triggering event, and Daeron will go berserk.

There is a very good chance that Joff’s interest in magic/sorcery is going to be her doom one day. It’s already come back to bite her, like with Elenar’s birth. But she sees it as her duty and birthright to keep the more occult Valyrian traditions alive…and that’s all I’ll say about it for now.

I debated writing Helaena, Baela, and Rhaena, but this post is already really long and I’m tired so I’ll stop now. ✌🏼

[yuseirra]

Analysis and rant(on what was this piece trying to say and all maybe)

Sorry... I keep talking about this because it really weighs on my mind. From a thematic perspective, this manga touches on some incredibly sensitive topics, and while it doesn’t completely shy away from them, it also doesn’t fully address them. This lack of explanation leaves me constantly unsettled and preoccupied with unresolved aspects of the story.

When it comes to understanding the emotional undercurrents of this manga, I was quite confident.

For example, figuring out who Aqua truly loves, what kind of feelings Ai might have had for her boyfriend, and why they broke up—

I had already deduced these things with accuracy even before the story revealed the full details.

I’m very confident when it comes to this sort of analysis!

well, the rest.. I'll cut and place in the read more.

*has analysis of the plot, thoughts on the work and the subjects it touched, some psychological analysis, etc

As for the extent of Ai’s feelings toward her boyfriend, I had to approach this cautiously and conservatively. After all, throughout the story, the protagonist outright accuses him of being her murderer, and others don’t view him favorably either. The allegations against him were so heinous that I couldn’t confidently claim Ai genuinely loved him until the story confirmed it. At a point where Ai seemed to be the victim, it felt only right to tread carefully and analyze the situation with utmost caution before drawing any conclusions.

Still, I came to the tentative conclusion that Ai probably liked him quite a bit. Given that Ai herself admitted she didn’t fully understand love and had never really experienced it, perhaps what she felt didn’t quite reach the level of “love.” But it must have been an emotion close to it—that was the best I could deduce.

And ultimately, before the story revealed what Ai said in the video, why they broke up, and other details, my predictions turned out to be incredibly accurate.

For example, I wrote something like this before CH 154 was introduced:

++ Early on in the series, there’s a key phrase: “Lies are also a form of love.” Do you think this idea of a 15-year lie could have two meanings?

To her fans, she lied by saying she loved them.

To her boyfriend, she lied by saying she couldn’t love him, even though she did have feelings for him.

In this way, Ai told two lies about love.

I ACTUALLY PREDICTED THE CONTENT OF AI'S VIDEO. I couldn't be more correct about it.

Is this something so obvious that anyone could figure it out? I’m not sure... But that’s why I really thought I had a solid grasp of the emotional dynamics in this manga.

So, despite my anxiety toward the latter half of the story, I felt, This seems right, doesn’t it? I even thought that Ai’s boyfriend might not have tried to scare her at all. What if he only intended to send flowers but things spiraled out of control, leaving him in utter despair? I had already started sketching this idea out around chapters 154–155.

Then, as the manga went on, it had so many breaks! I kept thinking, What if next week the story flips, and he turns out to be an irredeemable villain? But the breaks gave me time to reflect and continue drawing. Even with those worries, I couldn’t stop because the details and the song were so intense.

The accusations were truly horrifying. The situation was dreadful. But the two of them seemed to have cared deeply for each other, and I believed that to be true. So I interpreted their relationship in that direction and expressed it a lot in my work—but can you imagine how nerve-wracking and stressful that was?

Even so, I wasn’t completely uncertain about this interpretation.

Even until the end of the story, Kamiki never acts violently or aggressively, not even once. Threatening or intimidating someone stems from aggression, and he simply doesn’t exhibit that kind of behavior. On the contrary, the way he’s portrayed shows he couldn’t even bring himself to take such an attitude, and it caused him immense suffering. There was no narrative reason to depict him that way if it wasn’t true.

Looking at the story as a whole, you could argue that Kamiki was actually written rather consistently. (really, he COULD be.)

But then, the conclusion becomes this:

That for a significant portion of the story, the events surrounding Kamiki didn’t unfold according to his will. He didn't want things to become like this, but things must have still spiraled into disaster. And if that’s the case, how could that even happen?

This person really seems to be a god. The story HAS another god in human form within the work, the related foreshadowing appears, and they say that there isn't just one of such beings! The actions they take are also so deeply significant...

Why don't they just go on and state this out? LOL;; Seriously.

It feels like the story is about this:

A godly couple protecting the entertainment industry—when the wife is murdered, the husband can’t endure it, abandons his virtues, falls from grace, and deserts his duties. He starts reclaiming the blessings (+ the wife’s love) that they had bestowed on the industry, wandering around, only to eventually face retribution for his actions. That’s what I think it’s about.

The gods loved and cherished humanity, granting them protection and various blessings (like the abilities linked to those star-shaped eyes), and they came down to live as humans for once. But both lost their memories, grew up under abuse, and finally met, barely managing to live happily. However, due to the darkness of the entertainment industry or whatever, they were separated again.

To make it worse, the wife had the husband’s child, and under the twisted logic of “how can an idol have a child,” she was murdered. (At that time, the husband was already in bad shape, so the other gods decided the he needed to be replaced, preparing a surrogate candidate as their proxy-Ruby-.)

Witnessing this drove the husband insane, it seems. He went mad, endlessly searching for a way to bring his wife back. Eventually, a divine decree was issued that he must die since he could no longer fulfill his godly duties, leading to his elimination.

From the moment I heard Fatal, I felt like something was up.

This person doesn’t seem like an ordinary human. It feels like some non-human being, unable to live without their loved one, became so consumed by that purpose that they fell from grace.

I’m pretty sure the story is about that.

This manga... It’s incredibly heavy in terms of its themes, with parts that are very hard to watch, yet the creators didn’t seem entirely thoughtless about how they handle it. For example, Kamiki is a victim of child sexual abuse. If the character had been written as falling into being a serial killer or something like that as a direct consequence, I would have been furious. That would be a disrespectful way to use that subject matter. While it’s not entirely impossible for that to happen, writing it so conveniently would show a lack of deep thought about the people in those situations. It’s a theme that shouldn’t be used as the sole reason for someone’s downfall. There were interpretations of Kamiki’s character like that but I'm so thankful this wasn't the case. I'd have dropped this work if that were to be real.

However, In my opinion, sometimes this manga constructs its narrative in ways that allow for such interpretations, which can feel careless. For instance, there was a time when someone directly messaged me saying, “Isn’t it fine for a 15-year-old to have a child?” I'm sorry, but that had me really baffled; I don’t actively seek out other people’s opinions about the works I’m reading, especially with this manga. I feel like doing so would leave me feeling stifled.

Stories have the power to draw people in, but this manga, despite using sensitive themes, doesn’t feel definitive in its stance on them. It tends to gloss over things or just brush past them. While it did handle the issue of child sexual abuse somewhat strongly, I wouldn’t say I was fully satisfied with it. That aspect of the manga is not something I find to be its strength and I feel it can do much, much better while it's not the worst it can ever be.

As for Ai’s death and the theme of teenage pregnancy, I felt like it wasn’t thoughtless, and it reached a level where I could accept it.

Honestly, I wouldn’t have supported Ai’s relationship if her boyfriend hadn’t been younger than her. (I’m fine if they’re the same age.) Ai is petite, and it’s even mentioned that she might have needed a C-section. She had children at such a young age (though the president’s wife helped with childcare, and the kids were reincarnators, so they weren’t very high-maintenance) and endured so much hardship.

If her boyfriend were older than Ai? That would make him an incredibly thoughtless person. He’d have had to take on responsibility for raising the kids (though many do run away or shirk responsibility). From what’s presented in the story, Ai’s boyfriend also seems like someone who had a tough life up until the time they were dating. The two were just very vulnerable, and they both did their best under the circumstances.

They were simply too young. I think they both needed to be at least five years older at the bare minimum for it to have worked in a realistic sense.

Ai had a personality and circumstances that made it plausible for her to shoulder everything herself, thinking she had to solve it because she was the older one. That aspect of her character and situation was portrayed convincingly, showing how events could unfold that way for someone like her.

The issue of Ai’s death... I think it has to be framed as Ryosuke’s problem. The excessive expectations placed on idols and entertainers, as well as twisted fandom culture, are undeniable realities. There are real-life cases of entertainers being murdered like this, or at least becoming targets of stalking and various crimes.

However, if the story made her boyfriend the one who orchestrated it, it would dilute the message about these societal issues. While this manga may not aim to deliver a profound social commentary, making the boyfriend the culprit would serve as an entertainment-driven choice to propel the protagonist’s goals. It’s a narrative choice that could work, but the creators seemed to lean toward depicting it differently at the end, and I thought that’s the right approach.

If there’s a message they want to convey, it’s better for the boyfriend not to be the culprit.

Initially, when Aqua assumed so, I thought, “Is that the case?” because there was no evidence to the contrary. Naturally, the story led me in that direction. At the time, the boyfriend seemed involved in something shady, but there was always no clear indication that he harbored animosity toward Ai. In fact, there were hints of lingering affection, to the point where I wondered if there was at least some mixed emotion, if not just outright love.

For example, he still visited Ai’s grave and spoke tenderly. This suggests either he didn’t harm her, or he’s a complete psychopath. After all, visiting the grave of someone you killed and referring to “our child” while looking at their offspring is bizarre behavior.

He also seemed excessively self-blaming. It was clear he wasn’t normal, but his responses towards Yura's death was strangely peculiar. What was he even saying? At that point in the story, his words were incomprehensible, and even by the end, things still remain ambiguous regarding what he actually meant by all that.

To add, when looking at the past, it seems like Ai was like a savior to him, but in reality, they were each other's saviors. They comforted each other and got along quite well, but there were so many things they couldn’t handle due to their circumstances. Both of them really cared about each other, but it seems they ended up parting ways.

And this person was, if anything, naive and excessively gentle, lacking any sense of aggression. Even while being mistreated, he couldn’t speak up, so Ai protected him, and he relied on her. When you break it down, Ai really cared about him. Her actions were those of someone cherishing a deeply loved person. Although she said some very cruel things when they broke up, would that alone make him so ungrateful as to harm Ai? After their breakup, he didn’t do anything for years. If he had intended to get revenge, wouldn’t he have done so back then? And the idea that he would harm her out of anger for being called to see the children? That makes no sense to me. Given his personality, Isn’t that the kind of situation he would like? Like in chapter 160, where he’s smiling while holding a bouquet—that feels like the most likely scenario, doesn’t it?

If you analyze how the authors portray him, it really doesn’t seem like he’s the culprit. Why would they write the character like this if they want to show him as the one responsible for Ai's murder??

The way he describes or remembers Ai is consistently filled with affection.

Once again, it’s hard to depict someone with such a purely positive impression if they’re the person you’ve harmed. Humans tend to rationalize their actions, convincing themselves that they have a reason to do what they did. If he had done something as horrible as that, he’d find fault with Ai in some way, even if there were lingering mixed feelings. It’s nearly impossible to recall her with nothing but beautiful memories. You could say his memory of Ai was firm and cruel when they parted, but from what I see, that was just objectively showing what happened. And the Ai he remembers is always radiant, smiling alongside him. Even the lighting in those scenes is bright. Furthermore, the impression Ai seemed to have of him was also very positive.

How Ai perceived him is critical to understanding their relationship. If a stalker claimed they were in love with the victim, would that hold any weight? This is why I couldn’t say anything until it was made clear. But now that I’ve seen it, the conclusion is that both held very strong affection for each other and thought highly of one another.

Could he have intended to harm Ai? Could he have tried to scare her because she left him? Judging by his personality, I don’t think so. This person—he wasn’t acting. His naturally gentle and kind personality is likely why Ai liked him.

It seems like he has an ingrained tendency to blame himself. If anything, he seems like someone who’d take responsibility for things that weren’t even his fault.

Moreover, he never blames Ai. He says he loved her so much he’d give up his life for her.

And that doesn’t seem like a lie. When you compare it with how he was in his youth, a faint outline of his character starts to emerge. Then, the content of the song comes to mind.

He keeps talking about offering everything, saying he can’t live without her, that he wants to see her. In a previous song, there were lyrics about how he’d give everything, even his life, if her life could return. At first, I thought it was Aqua’s perspective, but it’s not. Looking closely, both songs are about Kamiki.

Given that he feels this way about Ai and has this kind of backstory, could he have harmed Ai? I feel like the probability is just too low. Rather than finding evidence to support that, the more we learn, the less likely it seems. Why? For what reason? And it seems like people around him keep dying. Each time, he appears genuinely tormented.

Looking at the first instance at least, it seems clear that the event was entirely out of his control.

In Japanese mythology, there’s a couple among the gods of entertainment. The husband of the couple, the god of light, has the ability to guide people’s futures, and he's later replaced by Amaterasu. The wife’s name has been directly mentioned by the protagonist in the story, and the shrine where the characters made their wishes is the place where this divine couple was wed. Together, those gods grant wishes.

So, doesn’t this mean Ai and her partner’s essence is those gods?

That’s how my thought process naturally pieced things together, though it wasn’t intentionally organized step by step—it just clicked. (That’s what I mean by intuition.) That’s when I started thinking, "Is this what the story is about?"

And the husband god drowned.

So, if that’s what this is referencing, then it fits perfectly.

But how are people who don’t know the mythology supposed to grasp this?

Even now, people still don’t understand.

The story doesn’t explicitly establish that this is the case, either.

Seriously, how am I even supposed to interpret this manga? It’s exhausting.

I’m not actively trying to piece it together—my mind just connects the dots, and when I wake up, it all comes to me. I wonder if it’s not the case, but...

People call Kamiki a lunatic and an evil criminal. Well, they’re not entirely wrong. He’s clearly committed many crimes, but that’s also what’s so frustrating. He deserves to be punished, but shouldn’t it be done properly? Shouldn’t we figure out who he really is first? Regarding Ai, maybe he doesn’t deserve the criticism. I can’t speak on something I don’t understand, which is why I’ve been carefully analyzing him. To form an opinion, I need to know the details. But he’s such an ambiguous character. We never fully learn what he was doing, what he was thinking, or his true intentions. He doesn’t express them outright, and even Tsukuyomi? She does tell us about what his motives were but... she speaks so vague and I don't think I can buy it so fully.

If the above backstory is true, wouldn’t that significantly change how we evaluate the character? Based on his personality and when you break down the story as a whole, I genuinely think that interpretation fits.

I can’t let go of this. What kind of manga is this, seriously?

Regarding Aqua again. Honestly, the ending left such a bitter aftertaste!!!;;; And even Aqua’s actions—well, in that kind of situation, it’s like, “Oh, okay… I guess you really had no other choice, with your dad being a corrupted god and all... What else could you have done?”—are understandable to a degree.

But the authors are just so cruel. It’s hard for me to go back and read the earlier volumes because they leave such a bad taste. This is a product for sale, after all. Yet, all the earlier parts where Aqua is running around, helping people, torn between two girls, and just wandering aimlessly… None of that ends up affecting the conclusion. It’s meaningless!;; The story just follows the mythology, so all that messy, dramatic buildup earlier? It wasn’t necessary at all.

Sure, Aqua helped Kana and Akane to some extent, allowing them to continue their careers in the entertainment industry, but from a realistic perspective? To me, the experience of losing someone dear to you in such a way would be far more traumatic and overwhelming—a wound that would scar your life forever. So when those two are shown smiling happily at Ruby in the later chapters, is that even convincing? I don’t know. Maybe if the story had allocated more time to those related episodes, it might have worked better, but they didn’t include that, did they?

In the end, Ruby shone as the new sun god after eliminating the maddened former sun god. < This narrative makes it seem like Aqua was just intruding on the story, like he didn’t need to be there. That's how the myth goes, except for the fact that Sarutahiko never went mad and just drowned on his own. The writers made him grow mad after the loss of his wife and had Aqua drown him, that's the change they brought to that basic outline. He would have drowned ANYWAY. If that’s the case, couldn’t the story have worked just as well without Aqua? Just Ruby, Akane, and Kana navigating the entertainment industry together? I feel bitter even making such an evaluation of the protagonist, but with this ending, I don't feel happy revisiting the story and rereading anything related to Aqua. After all, he's going to die anyway, right?;; As I mentioned in my analysis earlier, the story’s narrative structure revolves around the mythological elements, and everything is decided based on the myth’s progression. Aqua doesn’t really matter. He wasn’t supposed to have a role in the myth—he was an addition, something forced into the framework.

Ruby, Kamiki, Ai, and Tsukuyomi? Those guys are the core elements. If you understood what they were, you could have predicted the ending far in advance, regardless of what Aqua was doing. That’s probably why Kamiki’s true nature wasn’t revealed earlier. If the truth about Ai’s boyfriend had been made clear, you could have known exactly how that character’s story would end.

It feels like I’ve ended up saying so much…

Maybe it’s because I care about this manga? Hmm...;; I think I just see a lot of things here, like potential answers the story didn’t give us. There are so many unresolved, painful emotions lingering, and none of it feels properly addressed. It’s frustrating and exhausting.

How do people who’ve followed this series from the very beginning—buying merchandise and everything—evaluate the ending? I suppose it varies from person to person?;; It's too much though; It would’ve been better if the message, or whatever they were trying to convey, was more definitive. But it’s not. You can’t even say, “Oh, they left it as a mystery on purpose,” because the supernatural elements make it impossible to definitively confirm anything unless the author outright says, “This is what happened.” This isn’t a realm of logical deduction—it’s all up to the author’s intent.

Still, I feel the only way any of this explanation makes sense is if my interpretation is correct. I'm never so entitled but I really can't think of a better explanation. In that case, the author should’ve clarified things.

At least I think I got the emotional beats right??; Who else thought after chapter 154 that the context of chapter 160 would come back again? I don’t think many people did. But if you consider Kamiki’s characterization, this should be it. It makes sense that this would happen!; But if that’s the case, it immediately invalidates everything Aqua has done so far. I think that's why they had him rebut him swiftly. What's the point of including those if what Kamiki said isn't the truth? Why include those scenes then? I say Kamiki's stated the truth right there, the lie about it would that he now does intend to hurt people to some extent in order to get Ai back. Since he's given up being kind after what's happened.

And Kamiki—he was 19 at the time. Did him showing Ryosuke a toothbrush really provoke him to kill Ai? That’s more about how terrible Ryosuke was. Do you think Kamiki explicitly told him to go kill or harm Ai? He definitely wouldn't have. If he had, Nino would’ve said so—she would’ve told on it. Why wouldn’t she? What probably happened is that Kamiki’s ability to “guide” people (michihiraki) twisted and drove others in evil directions. It didn’t suddenly make them bad people either; it just amplified their darker tendencies.

Honestly, I can’t stop thinking about this character. Based on the accusations against him, it makes it hard to believe he was a good person… but I can’t shake the feeling that he’s been misjudged. It’s like when someone in prison for a heinous crime still seems suspiciously innocent. That bothers me a lot, you know, so I keep bringing it up because it feels unjust.

I never believed he was completely innocent of course, but…

Even until the very end!!!;;; They left things so ambiguous.

Still, one thing is certain: he genuinely loved Ai and couldn’t live without her. Looking at his backstory, it makes sense why he is so, but there seems to be a deeper, external narrative at play here. It feels like he’s on the level of a husband god who can’t live without his wife. Why else would the Aratate Shrine show up? Why did he listen to Ruby’s wish? He’s that god—the god of light! That’s why the white star shone too!

Wasn’t it Ai and Kamiki together who granted Ruby’s wish in 147? That’s why it came true. The white star must be Ai. She became a star! How can a regular person become a star? Ai is Ame-no-Uzume! She returned to the heavens, while Kamiki, being an earthly god, couldn’t follow her. That’s why, like in the Mephisto song, he kept wishing upon the stars and striving to be with her. He was desperate. Collecting Ai’s light? It was all out of desperation.

If only the story had explained this clearly, it would’ve made so much more sense.

And if he’s a god, it’s understandable that he might grow disillusioned after protecting humans all this time. It’s not like he handled it well. But in the life he lived as a human, aside from Ai, he didn’t have a single good relationship; he was probably an incredibly benevolent god who ended up falling into corruption.

It’s such an exhausting manga.

If nothing stood out to me, maybe I could’ve just moved on. But because it’s all so vague, it lingers in my mind.

I once said before I wished I could feel nothing about this because it's painful, and it would’ve been easier. Once I finish what I’m working on, I just want to let go. No matter what comes next—whether there’s a third season—I won’t care. I’m not watching season 3. Why would I, after an ending like this? I don’t want to watch Aqua die. Even if I like Kamiki and Ai a lot, and the movie arc is actually my favorite, watching it would just be painful.

I also don’t trust the authors to handle the characters properly anymore. If this is how the story ends, they’ll likely turn Kamiki into some irredeemably evil villain for the sake of convenience in anime S3 because that's what's easier for the audience to handle and understand. And I’d hate that. They'll never explain this character in depth. They didn't do it in the source material, it's far too late to do that anytime now.

I have no expectations anymore. Do you think there’s any reason to hope for something good? It’ll just be painful.

I don’t usually speak this way about a work, but I guess I'm really disappointed. To have a fan this dedicated to feel this way, haha...

well, the authors can do what they want, I have my feelings too. If only they explain things!!!;;; but now, I don't want to care, I keep preparing for the worst to come, I don't want to be disappointed anymore, so I hope I lose my expectations and even some degree of my love for it so that it doesn't affect me as much. And that's a lot to say.. for me to wish to say I want to lose my feelings for something. I felt terrible reading the ending though and I don't want to feel that way again. That's what I get for having read this manga, huh. Maybe I only want the love to last but you can't have both...that's impossible.

it really hurts to love something sometimes, I don't want to think I loved the wrong thing, and I learned a lot from it, but it's sad I couldn't be as happy about it as I thought it would.

[ladypiscesmoon]

Alex Turner&Louise Verneuil: relationship/energy

The chariot reversed (lack of direction, lack of discipline, travel issues, defeat, opposition)/6 of swords reversed (emotional baggage, unresolved issues, can't move on, stuck in the past)/3 of wands (opportunity on horizon, expansion, looking ahead, rapid growth, travel)/8 of cups reversed (avoidance, fear of change, fear of loss, aimless, indecision)

situational love oracle deck: the runner (fear of intimacy, running away, intensity&letting go, turmoil&fleeting)/engagement ring (higher commitment, eternity, partnership&union, completion)/separation (sadness, bitterness, missing you, thinking about you, uncertain future)

Doesn't look great at the moment, they have issues with each other. One seems to want to end it, the other had expectations that it would be going in a more permanent direction. I wouldn't be surprised if they have split, or will split soon.

*alleged/for entertainment purposes*