#and the only ones capable of stopping her are Vetra and Jaal

[thelonegreywarden]

My in-game Ryder is way more calm and seemingly harmless when in reality I KNOW She is frothing at the mouth and out for blood.

[pathofcomets]

soldier, keep on marching on (3)

fandom: mass effect andromeda

pairing: (eventual) jaal/ryder

summary: Sara Ryder will replay that moment before she died for the first time many times afterwards.

playlist: spotify

Sara didn’t image that mourning a death will take so many celebrations. Doctor Carlyle takes her through the basics regarding her new connection with SAM, a voice now ever-present, experiences always shared. But the Nexus staff – her bosses now, she thinks – are quick to celebrate the new Pathfinder and the return of the human ark. She sits through the speeches, feeling her skin crawl with how much she despises everything. She wants to curl up in her dad’s bed and cry. Scott has still not woken up. Cora is upset with her now, over a situation she had no say in. She gets it though: working your entire life for something, and see a good-at-nothing fledgling take over instead.

And she hates Foster Addison, with her cutting words and the superiority complex that has no backing. Director Tann at least knows his limits and apologizes when he’s wrong, though he seems to keep an air of superiority that irks Sara more than the direct aggression of his human counterpart. Kandros is too busy with his teams to pay too much attention to her, though he is nice whenever she passes by his office. Kesh though, Kesh could become a friend, because she is the only one who takes the leftover Ryder seriously. Like someone who is here to get things done, as much as anyone else.

Of course, Sara has not been trained for any of this. But she is her father’s daughter, and when thrown in the midst of Eos with only a new crew that she has no idea how to make her friends, she picks up her gun and carries on. She takes Vetra and Cora – one because she has no idea what she’s capable of, and the other because she knows exactly what she’s capable of. There’s still some stiffness and awkwardness between them, but in the middle of a battle, it won’t matter.

It goes away when the Pathfinder jumps in the middle of a battle, her shields trembling all around her as bullets fly off, trusting her team to have her back. Later on, Vetra will attribute it to the fact that she’s never been in actual combat – just the training on the Citadel. Because Sara Ryder has no regard for her well-being, accepting chips in her armour if it gets her closer to a clean head-shot. Adrenaline junkie like her father and brother, Cora will say. But for Sara, this is just the way she knows how to fight: straight through the enemy lines, no pain no gain. And because the others are the veteran fighters, they learn to accommodate the erratic battle style of their Pathfinder. In the middle of a battle, the only thing that matters if they end up alive on the other side.

“You fight like that; you win the battle. Not sure if you’ll last to see the entire war through, though,” Vetra chastises when they’re going through broken armours and containers.

“It’s the only way I know how,” Sara replies, but so frustrated that she is close to tears.

She loved sniper training, once, when she was young: but when enemies drop from the air, when beasts are unleashed on her, she can do nothing but hope she has enough bullets in her gun and shoot. She has no idea how to properly fight, her body just goes on auto-pilot, survival being the only thing that matters. That she’s brimming with anger, which numbs the cut of the bullets or the itch of a bite, then that’s the bonus.

Still, her fighting is no more erratic than that of Nackmor Drack. He’s a legend between his people, SAM lets her know – and apparently an acquaintance of Vetra. Sara knows, immediately, that she wants to fight by this man’s side, though he is wary of the Initiative. She understands why, because after seeing the state of the Nexus, she wouldn’t want to be associated with it either. Too bad she has no choice in the matter, their insignia over her suit, her ship flying in their name.

The truth is, Sara is not doing anything in the name of the Initiative, but in that of her family. Whatever the Pathfinder may mean for the Nexus, for humanity – for her it’s the last few links she has with her dead parents and her comatose brother. She pushes forward, fighting Remnant and Kett alike because if she’d stop, the Ryder name would not go on, all the work of her parents would be for nothing. She cannot let that happen now, on the other side of the universe, when they tried so hard to make it happen in the first place, when they threw away not their own life, but that of their children as well. Her mother died because of her work, not before she had her son born with biotics. Her father died for his work, not before passing over his title and responsibilities to his daughter. They were always making sure to share things equally between the twins.

If Scott were to wake up, he’d say it’s not fair that she’s got a head start, while he is still sleeping. Sara closes her eyes against the churning sun, in the middle of the desert, and tries not to think how far away a world in which she heard his voice is. Then she fights more Remnant, preparing to start up vaults and terraform worlds.

She’s pretty sure that’s not in the job description. She’s pretty sure she’s not even being paid for this job. But she has no choice. If she stops to question it, if she stops from running around, listening to SAM, uncovering the secrets of the Andromeda galaxy, then no one else will survive. This is a life and death matter, for four different species.

Why on Earth did Alec Ryder think that his historian daughter would be fit for this? Even her schooling is nothing compared to Peebe’s bright curiosity – and she allows her to join them in revving up the Remnant technology because SAM cannot know absolutely everything, only guess.

She remembers the dust, coming to swallow up intruders, and as she runs for the door, air burning her lungs, stinging at her eyes, Sara Ryder loses herself inside her own mind. Her body works on its own, at saving her, and she crushes into Vetra’s hard shell when finally, the door closes shut behind them, rendering them safe. She rubs at her nose, silently accepts Cora’s outstretched arm to stabilize herself.

She has run away from something like this once before. She lost her father to it. In her gaze, the others can read this painful truth, and know that wherever the Pathfinder is right now, it’s not here with them anymore.

SAM’s voice is soothing inside her brain, familiar enough not to panic her even further, but firm enough that she snaps out of it. Of course, they managed to terraform Eos. It’ll take months, years, maybe even decades before the effects will show, but the planet is now habitable. The sun won’t burn off layers of skin anymore, though the desert heat remains almost unbearable, the mind playing tricks in the scorching rays.

“An outpost?” Cora asks, because that’s the actual Pathfinder procedure, that’s what they’ve been sent out to do, at the end of the day.

The rest is just making sure the people she’s sending out won’t die anymore.

[apocryphalfemme]

Designatory Date Night

Well, I lied.  I finally played Mass Effect: Andromeda a week or so back and I’m here to report that I love Vetra Nyx so completely that I was inspired to write some simply brain-rotting fluff.  (An entire two years ahead of schedule, I know!)  Und so, I give you Designatory Date Night.  Read it below the cut, or on AO3.

Love,

Clithroe

““Pathfinder?”

“Yeah, SAM?”

“If I may ask, what is it you’re thinking of doing?”

“I’m thinking...”  As she recalled her earlier train of thought, Ryder’s face lit up.  “I’m thinking I’ve got an idea for the best date night, ever.””

Or

Ryder leverages the privileges of her job to show Vetra a good time.

“Anwar, what the hell am I looking at?”

“It appears to be a... a solar system, Pathfinder,” Suvi murmured.  “The solar system, in fact.  I believe we’ve found Avaarus.”  Ryder drummed her fingers against her console, brimming with nervous anticipation. 

“But it’s in the middle of nowhere.  We’re not even in Heleus space anymore, right Kallo?” she asked.

“Confirmed, Pathfinder.  We’re in deep space, just a ways outside of home.  I should mention that the next known celestial cluster is the Boone Traverse and we’re not getting anywhere near there without a mass relay,” Kallo said.  “Whatever this is, it’s a lone entity.”

“So... what?” Ryder breathed, disbelieving.  “Heleus just lost an entire star and a handful of planets?  Did it wander off when the angara weren’t looking or something?” 

“Ryder,” Suvi piped up. “It’s possible that what we’re seeing here is one of the more dramatic effects of the Scourge.  If Avaarus really was originally located where angaran maps say, then the system may have been wholly ejected from the cluster as the Scourge spread.”  Their pilot chirped an incredulous noise.

“Is that even possible?”

“Come on Kallo, two whole years in Andromeda and you’re still asking questions like that?” Suvi teased.  Kallo cut back with something sarcastic, but Ryder wasn’t listening; her attention had been caught by what was orbiting their runaway star.

“Okay, no, that can’t be right.  Avaarus is supposed to have four orbiting bodies.  That,” she pointed, “is at least seven.”  That got their attention.  Kallo and Suvi’s conversation petered out as they each ran their own, individual counts of this bizarre, seemingly truant system.  Kallo was first to break the silence.

“With eyes alone, I’m actually counting nine, Pathfinder”

“I think I’m seeing thirteen,” Suvi reported.  SAM’s vox crackled to life over the bridge speakers, only to prove them all wrong.

“Pathfinder, there are at least sixteen distinguishable celestial bodies orbiting this star.”  Kallo gaped, shocked into silence.  Suvi giggled, a tad manic.  Ryder swore.

“Holy shit.  SAM, what… are they?  Where did they come from?”

“The majority appear to be planets in varying states of compositional decay, Pathfinder.  Preliminary scans indicate that many may have once been capable of bearing life.  Cross-referencing with what remains of old angaran star charts and the inferable ejection path of the star Avaarus, I believe it is possible that we have discovered what happened to several planets that the angara report as having mysteriously disappeared over the last several centuries.”

“Holy shit,” Ryder swore again, for good measure.  “So if this really is Avaarus… I guess our friend here decided it wasn’t going out alone, huh?  Stole a few planets on the way out the door.”

“Ryder, the implications of this are incredible,” Suvi babbled, ecstatic.  “We knew the Scourge was powerful, but to learn that it can generate gravitational effects significant enough to move entire stars… forget terraforming, this is stellaforming!”

“Tann’s going to have an aneurysm,” Ryder chuckled.

“Don’t forget why we’re here, guys.  We’ve still got a job to do,” Kallo said, gently reminding them of their purpose in hunting down this most elusive system.  

“Right, yes.”  Ryder ran a hand through her hair before tapping her mic.  “Jaal, can you come up to the bridge?  I think we may have found what we’ve been looking for.”  Their resident angaran’s voice crackled immediately back.

“Oh, really now?  Of course!  On my way, Ryder.”

“God, it isn’t half pretty, is it?” murmured Suvi, completely ignoring her instruments panel in favor of staring at the solar system projected before them with a slightly glazed look.  

Ryder had to admit that her science officer’s assessment was dead on: Avaarus was a gorgeous system and that was putting it lightly.  Around the titanic, vividly blue-white star, sharply violet shades of gas spiraled out in a tight corkscrew.  At the edge of the heliosphere, thousands upon tens of thousands of asteroids spun in a truly magnificent debris disk.  All throughout, a plethora of mostly ringed planets hung suspended in the void, bathed in astral gases, caught in the midst of their aeons-long cosmic dance.  It was a perfect celestial tableau.  The fact that Ryder had seen dozens of equally stunning systems did nothing to detract from the moment; this sort of thing was enough to steal the breath from your lungs and, for her, it still did, every time.

Vetra would love this, she thought.  Before that particular idea could go anywhere, however, the quiet reverie they had fallen into was interrupted by the opening whoosh of the bridge doors.

“Alright Ryder, show me what you’ve got!” Jaal called cheerily, sauntering up to them.  Ryder turned and grinned.

“Hey, Jaal.  Allow me to present, for your consideration... the long-lost Avaarus system!” she said, spinning back to fling her arms wide.  “Or at least, we think it is.”  Jaal laughed.

“It’s a start, to be certain.  Any luck in finding the colony?”

“Anj Guhloan was supposedly on the fourth planet from Avaarus, right?”

“Correct.”  Ryder hummed an acknowledgement and cast a critical eye upon the projection.

“Right, then.  SAM, scan everything that could be big enough for an angaran settlement to hide on.  With all the crap this star picked up on the way out, who knows if Avaarus IV is still where it should be.”  Only after the merest second of delay, her AI chirped his response.

“Done.  I have identified what may be the remains of an angaran satellite in orbit around the fifth planet.”

“Bingo.  Kallo, I know this place is a minefield, but can you get us in closer?”

“Oh, please,” Kallo scoffed.  “I could fly through this blindfolded.”

“As entertaining as that sounds, I’d rather not be on the ship while you attempted it,” Jaal protested.  Kallo chuckled to himself.

“Have it your way.  Approach vector clear, Pathfinder; taking us in.”  The ever-present hum of the drive core pitched up a little as Kallo wove through the debris disk and into the core of the heliosphere.  Ryder had to hand it to him: while he could be a little over-sure at times, he was, inarguably, a pilot of sterling quality.  The Tempest progressed at a healthy pace through a chunk of space so dense with detritus that a lesser navigator would have been reduced to crawl.  

It was only a few short minutes before they were close enough to the planet in question for Suvi to start taking more detailed scans.  Ryder was less than thrilled to see her science officer’s face falling as she pored over her gathered readings.

“That’s not a happy expression, Anwar.  What are you getting?”  Suvi muttered something unintelligible and tapped her mic to ping their AI.

“SAM, can you get me a scan of the star, please?”

“Of course, Ms. Anwar.”  As her eyes flicked across the new influx of data, Suvi spat something foul.

“Keep us in the loop, Suvi, what have you got?” Ryder asked.

“Bad news, I’m afraid.”  Suvi twisted in her seat to face them.  “It looks like the star Avaarus is well on its way to becoming a superluminous supernova; this system’s going to go off like a firecracker sometime in the next couple centuries.  Avaarus IV - or, Avaarus V now, I guess - if it ever really was Anj Guhloan, has been a molten, liquid hunk of rock for a long time now.  I’m sorry, guys.  The planet’s cooked.”  A hand pressed to her forehead, Ryder sighed.

“Damn.  I’m sorry, Jaal.  That is not the news I wanted to give the angara.”  She was surprised when Jaal smiled at her, apparently far less distraught than she had expected.

“Do not worry, my friend.  The angara, myself included, have accepted that, between the Scourge, the kett, and our own occasional stupidity, many of the settlements that once were are now undoubtedly gone.  Though I am disappointed the lost colony of Anj Guhloan was not waiting for us, I am thankful to have borne witness to its fate.  The angara who lived here will not be forgotten, for we now know what happened to them.”  Ryder smiled wistfully back.

“Well, I’m glad we could at least give you that.  SAM, send a report to Aya and update the Initiative’s maps.”  Ryder rolled her neck, eliciting a disconcerting crack in the process.  She groaned.  “And on that note, I think we’re done for the day.  Kallo, Suvi, go eat something and get some sleep.  And…” she trailed off as she checked her omnitool.  “Oh my god, guys, tell me when we’ve been going for longer than eight hours!”  Kallo and Suvi, now standing and working out their own muscular kinks, looked at her in surprise.

“I, uh… I didn’t notice, Pathfinder,” Kallo murmured.

“How long have we…?” Suvi asked.

“I believe you three have been up here flying for more than ten hours, actually.  Last I checked, that is,” Jaal said, grinning.  Head cradled in her hands, Ryder heaved another groan, this one infinitely more weary than the last.

“Then remind me instead to set an alarm next time, or something.  Alright, clear the bridge you lot, I’m going to get enough hell as it is from Lexi about overworking you.”

“Oh, come on, Ryder,” Kallo argued.  

Suvi cut over him, to say: “This is what we signed up for!”  Ryder pointed at the door, but couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across her face.

“Out, now!  Food and then bed; we can poke around the system in more detail tomorrow.  Jaal, make sure they get some of that roast Drack made yesterday down their throats?”

“You’ve got it, Ryder.”  Saint that he was, Jaal gently but firmly shepherded her protesting bridge crew out and down to the galley.  The door slid shut behind them, leaving the Pathfinder by herself.  

Sometimes, you don’t realize how tired you are until you’ve a second to yourself; the newfound silence afforded Ryder both a blissful moment of recuperation and the recognition of the fact that she was, indeed, knackered.  She stretched her arms - damn, if she wasn’t stiff - and turned her attention back to the now rediscovered Avaarus system.  Exhausted as she was, she didn’t quite want to leave it yet, especially for something so trivial as sleep.  (Yes, she was entirely a hypocrite).  There was something equal parts forlorn and magical about watching the silver-blue star floating alone in the void; so far away from everything.  And yet, as if in defiance of its exile, Avaarus burned all the more beautiful.  Though, it wasn’t really alone, was it?  It had its stolen planets to comfort it through the coming explosion.  In much the same way as the ultimate fate of Anj Guhloan was beheld by Jaal, so too would the fate of Avaarus be beheld by its stolen audience.  It was a strangely reassuring thought.  As she gazed at the plethora of elliptical orbiters, a thought occurred to her.

“Hey, SAM.”

“Yes, Ryder?”

“What’s the plan for these planets?”

“Initiative protocol dictates that they be scanned, designated, and marked on Initiative maps.  Planets of note - those that could be potentially habitable or those with valuable resources - will be highlighted and the relevant officials made aware of their existence.  In the case of these particular planets, considering they are molten slag bar none and located a significant distance from the Heleus cluster, it is unlikely the Initiative will take any interest beyond the academic.  There may be some investigation into the stellaforming effects of the Scourge, as Ms. Anwar puts is it, but that is where it will likely end.”

“So this is as far as things go for them, huh?  At least, as far as we’re concerned?”

“That is correct, Pathfinder.  The Initiative has more immediate concerns.”

“That’s kind of sad.  Something so beautiful deserves a bit more attention than... wait, SAM, what exactly are these planets being designated?”

“I have tagged the orbiting bodies, in order, as H-977, H-978, H-979a, H-979b, H-.”  Before he could get too far into his alphanumeric monologue, Ryder cut him off.

“Okay, right, thanks SAM.”  Chewing at the inside of her cheek, she stared off into space, thoughtful.

“Pathfinder?”

“Yeah, SAM?”

“If I may ask, what is it you’re thinking of doing?”

“I’m thinking...”  As she recalled her earlier train of thought, Ryder’s face lit up.  “I’m thinking I’ve got an idea for the best date night, ever.”

“Ah.  I believe I understand.  Would you like me to ask Ms. Nyx to come up to the bridge?”

“Nah, I’ll go grab her.”  Ryder turned around and made for the door, but was arrested in her escape by SAM once more.

“Have fun, Ryder.”  Ryder beamed.

“Thanks, buddy.”  

With a hop, skip, and a slap to the face to keep herself awake, Ryder was away.  She didn’t bother with the ladder to the lower deck - as she jogged onto the clear plex of the catwalk, she unceremoniously jumped off the side to land on the ground below.  A combination of her biotics and sleep deprivation was enough to negate the jarring impact entirely and in the span of a heartbeat, she was off down the hall.  As she hustled past the med bay, she caught at the very edge of her vision Lexi’s head poking out to investigate the noise.

“Ryder, what on earth did you just-.”

“No time, doc!  Everything’s fine, don’t worry about it.”

“Ryder, you know full well that your telling me not to worry about something only ever makes me worry more!”  But Ryder was gone and heading into the cargo bay before Lexi could get too far into giving a proper scolding.  Lucky for her, it looked like just about everyone else was asleep - no one was around to see her eager jog over to what had become Vetra’s office.  

Slowing to a stop, Ryder took a moment to catch her breath.  She didn’t want to look excessively keen - though in a committed relationship she and Vetra may have been, she still had a calm and collected reputation to maintain.  It didn’t matter that Vetra knew it all to be, by and large, a conscious affect: it was the principle of the thing.  The Pathfinder was always composed - even in the face of giddying affection.  Once she had herself together, Ryder headed in.  The door slid open to reveal Vetra hunched over a mess of crates.  She was, quite impressively, stacking them with just the one hand while simultaneously checking them against the list projected on her omnitool, all while muttering obscenities under her breath.  Ryder crossed her arms and leaned against the frame, indulging in having caught her partner unawares and in her element.  Vetra was much more relaxed when other people - Ryder aside - weren’t around and it gave Ryder a sort of tender joy to see her so at ease.  But of course, such sappy sentiments would never stop her from teasing her girlfriend, not at all.  As Vetra straightened back up, Ryder announced her presence in as serious a tone as she could fake.

“Ms. Nyx, your assistance is urgently required on the bridge.”  Vetra turned around to meet Ryder’s gaze, crossing her own arms in the process.

“Is it now, Pathfinder?” she said, with a poorly constrained smile.  

“Indeed.  Life and death situation; fate of the cluster at stake.  The usual.”

“Mmm, I’m sure.  Unfortunately for you, Ryder, it just so happens that I’m currently having the time of my life processing requisitions.  Can your little ‘situation’ measure up to the sheer euphoria of cataloguing rolls of toilet paper?”  Vetra deadpanned the statement so completely that Ryder found herself staring at her partner in disbelief, mouth dropping.  Vetra, clearly delighting in Ryder’s bewilderment, had the gall to wink at her.  Too tired to retort, Ryder finally broke.  She sprang forward, proffering a hand and letting all her excitement shine past the bit.

“Oh my god, come on already, you silly turian, I want to show you something!”  Vetra smiled in turn and reached out to take said hand.

“Yeah, alright, I was getting pretty sick of checking for delivery discrepancies anyway.  So what have you - whoah!”  As soon as she had a hold on her, Ryder tugged Vetra into a jog, pulling her out of the office and around onto the cargo lift.  She punched the ascent and the thing began its slow, clunky climb.  Unfortunately, slow and clunky was something of an understatement; Ryder found herself tapping her foot with impatience as they rose ploddingly.

“Excited, are we?” Vetra poked.

“Trust me, babe, you’re going to love this.”  

“If it’s whatever’s responsible for you smiling like this, then I’m sure I will.”  Vetra slung an arm around Ryder’s shoulders, who in turn threw an arm around Vetra’s waist; overt affection came more easily when they were alone.  Additionally, being wrapped around each other had the added benefit of slowing Ryder down a bit: pulled close to Vetra’s side, she was forced to adopt a slightly more sane pace as they made their way back through the ship and up to the bridge.  Ryder didn’t mind.  It was totally worth trading speed for.  When they eventually came up on the bridge doors, Ryder called a halt before they could enter.

“Okay, close your eyes.”

“Seriously?”

“Hey, I did it that time you tried to kill me with a blackened piece of cow.”

“Fair point.”

“Look, I’d cover them for you if I could, but I can’t help the fact that you’re absurdly tall.”  Vetra grinned evilly down at her.

“Well, I can’t help the fact that you’re a shrimp.  And don’t pretend you don’t love it, short stack.”

“Yeah, I do, now close ‘em, Nyx!” Ryder muttered, her face flushing a little as Vetra eyed her.  Apparently sufficiently appeased, her partner deigned to close her eyes.  Ryder guided her temporarily sightless charge through the doors and to the fore of the bridge.  With her implant, she signaled SAM to collapse the navigation panel and guided Vetra to sit on the now available ledge before joining her by her side.

“Okay, you can open your eyes.”  Vetra did so and promptly gasped.

“Oh, wow.”

“Right?”

“That’s...”

“Right?!”

“Hot damn, Ryder.  That’s gorgeous.”  Ryder hummed an affirmation, thoroughly pleased with herself.  “You know how to pick ‘em, babe.”

“What can I say?  I’ve got exceptional taste in star systems.”  Vetra elbowed her affectionately.  

“You sure do.”

“So... do you wanna name them?”  Vetra spluttered, incredulously amused.

“Be serious.”

“I am serious!”

“Ryder, is that even something you’re allowed to do?”

“Aw, c’mon, I’m the Pathfinder.  If anyone can get away with naming a couple of planets, I think it’s me.”

“You’re ridiculous.”  Vetra shook her head, but Ryder knew she just about had her.  Her partner just needed the right incentive.

“I’m giving you dibs on naming the first one.”  That got her.  Vetra opened her mouth to speak, closed it again, and peered curiously into space.

“Which one’s that?”  Ryder snorted and pointed.

“Purple-blue ice giant with the three moons, very edge of the heliosphere.”

“Oh, you spoil me.”

“I try.  So, give us a name!  What are you thinking?”

“Hmm.  I’m thinking… Not Dead Yet.”  Ryder stifled a chuckle.  

“Why that?”

“Looks like it’s almost been ejected from the system, but the big bastard’s clinging on something fierce.”

“A name the Initiative can relate to, I’m sure.”

“That’s the idea.  Alright, your turn, oh mighty Pathfinder.  What’re we going to call that one?”  The planet in question was a chthonian-in-progress; a gas giant in close orbit to Avaarus, its emerald-colored atmosphere in the process of being stripped away to reveal the molten aluminum-iron core.

“Stinky.”  Vetra burst out laughing.

“What?! You’re messing with me.”

“Look at it!  That thing is trailing bright green gas like no one’s business.”

“Ryder, I’m no scientist, but I’m pretty certain that’s burning atmosphere.”

“Yeah and it’s stinking up the neighborhood as it goes.”  Vetra heaved a much-put upon sigh, but the breadth of her toothy turian grin and the fluttering of her mandibles betrayed her amusement.

“Alright, fine.  Stinky it is.  Which one next?”

“That one.  Whatcha got?”  The planet Ryder was indicating was another gas giant, though this one was significantly prettier than the newly-dubbed Stinky.  Ivory clouds of gas billowed across it, cut though with the occasional twisting carmine storm.  It was a bloody, alabaster gem, stark against the black.  Vetra considered it thoughtfully.

“Would I sound crazy if I said it kind of looks like my sister?”

“Y’know... no, I see it, it kind of does.”  Ryder and Vetra gave each other a dubious, slant-eyed look at exactly the same time and erupted in giggles.

“Spirits, babe, Sid’s going to flip if I tell her I named a planet after her!”

“All the more reason to do it!”  Vetra huffed.

“Screw it.  Planet, I dub thee Sidera.”

“She’ll be thrilled.”  Falling victim to a yawn of massive proportions, Ryder leaned her head against Vetra’s shoulder and fought to keep her eyes open.  “Go on, you can do the next one too.”  Vetra cast her eyes around the system, searching for her next victim.

“How about that protoplanet?” she asked.  As Ryder murmured her sleepy approval, Vetra curled an arm around her.  “Well, as long as I’m being all sentimental… Prag’rath.”  Ryder scrunched her nose in confusion.

“Prag’rath?”

“The batarian mercenary who taught me to shoot.”

“Aw, that’s sweet.”

“She’d kick my ass for it.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell.”  Though there were yet planets in need of names, tiredness and the sheer splendor of the system had Vetra and Ryder lapsing into a warm and comfortable silence, pressed close together.  The Avaarus system slowly and silently spun before them, its striking beauty framed by the stars so incredibly remote in the distance.

“Is this something normal couples do?” Ryder asked.  Vetra peered down at her.

“Naming planets?  I mean... no, probably not.”  Vetra brought Ryder’s hand up to her lips, pressing a kiss to the back of it.  “But I’d like to think it’s very us.  This was a lot of fun, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“I’m glad.”  Ryder settled further against her partner and finally stopped fighting the exhaustion of the day, letting her eyes droop shut.  Though already half-asleep, she whispered, “Vetra?”

“Yeah, babe?”

“I love you.”  The last things Ryder registered before finally succumbing to sleep were the pale, sparkling light of Avaarus and Vetra’s voice, murmuring in her ear.

“I love you too.”

[crqstalite]

video game questionnaire :)

tagged by @greencrusader13 ! might be a little disappointed because anything i’ve posted recently (ME, DA + SWTOR) are the only games I’ve ever played. i know, i’m a gaming baby but i’m getting there lol.

Rules: Fill in your answers below and tag some buddies!

Games

First game you ever played: I want to say World of Warcraft. I was born a few months after it was released [it’ll be 16 before I am :( ] and my parents absolutely loved it throughout my childhood. They stopped playing retail a while back, but they got me into it back during Mists of Pandaria. I don’t play it anymore (no real reason other than that except for one time, I’ve been locked to free to play since I picked it up)

Favorite game: If you mean game I go back to just for the hell of it when I’m sad or bored, SWTOR.

Game you’ve played through multiple times: ...SWTOR. I have quite a few toons that are honestly just copies of each other. It isn’t perfect, but besides WOW it’s a game from my childhood. Been playing since beta (okay ‘playing’ is a rather complex word for wandering around and not knowing what the hell to do at eight years old)

Game you hated at first but now love: I’m usually willing to give most games a chance, even if I don’t like it. See: MEA. Can’t say I love it, but some of the characters I like.

Game you used to love but now hate: Overwatch. I used to be really into the competitive scene but the highest rank I ever managed was bottom of the barrel silver. They make it rather difficult to rise in rank, and I gave up a few years ago. Still play when I need a little bit of chaos in my life but it’s not on my list of games to love anymore.

Your favorite game atmosphere/setting(s): Mass Effect 1. Now saying I’ve been through the whole trilogy and then some, I like the setting of the calm before the storm. Shepard + co. know something’s up, but without real proof they can’t really do anything. It’s a little unnerving, really.

Game with the best group/companion(s): Mass Effect 2. With the largest crew in the trilogy, it’s impossible not to get attached to them. Except for Jacob. I will never be attached to Jacob.

A game with your favorite ending: I might be too hard on games, but I legitimately can not think of an ending where I went ‘wow! I worked really hard for this and my characters prospered because of it!’. Except for ME2, where I was flying by the seat of my pants at first, entirely unaware of how the ending system worked and honestly, probably only managed the best ending because of mutuals (you know who you are ;). Made it all the more satisfying seeing all of my squadmates at the end.

A game with the WORST ending: MEA. I didn’t like the entire game to begin with, and the Meridian stuff honestly flew over my head like a damn jet. I always liked the Tempest’s theme, and that gave me chills over the ending, but it was rather anticlimatic. Unlike the two games before it, there’s really no risk factor in the ending. And Ryder 1 was a poor excuse for a culmination of your work. I did not spend a majority of those 65 hours on that game to not get another cutscene or epilogue with my 100% viability.

Best character customization?: I’ve been told DAI has one of the best. However, I personally like MEA’s, the realism is nice but a little jarring when it’s animated in-game.

Hero and Companions

Your favorite playable character: The Inquisitor and Trooper from SWTOR are my favorite classes to play. Shepard is pretty great too.

The funniest playable character: Currently, the Smuggler from SWTOR.

Your favorite companion(s): Elara Dorne, Andronikos Revel, Doc, Theron Shan, Lana Beniko + Gault (SWTOR), Alistair and Morrigan (DAO; I know, it’s early but they’re fun!), Garrus Vakarian, Kaidan Alenko, Tali’zorah nar Rayya vas Normandy + EDI (ME OT), Vetra, Drack, Jaal + Kallo (MEA)

Companions you could live without: Skadge, Jacob + PeeBee. I would’ve said James, but he grew on me during ME3′s campaign. Liam and Gil are sort of climbing up there, but I can see where MEA tried to grow their characters so I’m giving them a pass for now.

Relationships

Favorite game friendship(s): Shepard + Garrus. Sorry these two snip at each other so much of you let them, and that line ‘There is no Shepard without Vakarian’ kills me every single time. None of my Shepards have actually romanced him but it’s cool to see a female/male friendship that isn’t dependent on a relationship to back it. On that note, Joker + Shepard as well. He doesn’t have that big of place in the game, but he obviously really cares about them. He’s omnipresent in the series too, and one of the few characters that can’t die in the game. Hell, Anderson even asked him to watch over their stress levels, and he was obviously serious about it too. And Tali + Shepard. While that can also be a romance (apparently was even a bi one before it was cut entirely, thank you modders for restoring it), the friendship you can have with her is undeniably sweet. She feels like a completely capable younger sister that you watch grow up through the games, from a young Quarian on her pilgrimage to an Admiral who was ready to do what was right for her people.

Favorite game relationship(s): ...Shepard/Kaidan (ME3, specifically. I mean you guys you’ve seen my blog), Shepard/Garrus, Ryder/Jaal, Ryder/Reyes, F!SW/Theron, F!Consular/Felix, F!Trooper/Aric

Favorite companion banter: ...you guys play games with banter between companions? I kid, but I like the banter between Ashley and Kaidan in ME1. And Morrigan and Alistair’s in DAO.

A relationship you loved but went bad: Malavai Quinn and a female Sith Warrior. I loved the way it was going during the vanilla story, but then the betrayal hit and he disappeared for six years and two expansions. A double whammy if you ask me. This kind of goes for all the vanilla romances, especially Vector for me.

A relationship you weren’t sure of but loved: Jaal and Ryder, and then Thane and Shepard. I did Jaal’s with Fia, and have yet to do Thane’s with Shepard. Jaal was unbelievably sweet if you did romance him, and he has a living family you visit in game. Thane’s is sweet, but also heart wrenchingly sad because you knew he was going to die in the next game but you’re still entirely willing to go after him.

A character you wish you COULD romance: Joker. Sorry, I am not sorry. I mean apparently there’s even a line where he alludes to if there was an alternate universe, he’d quote on quote “Rock your world”. Bioware, lock away the good romances why don’t you. I can just imagine how quickly the conversations in the cockpit would turn on their heads...and Zenith. Zenith I wanted as an option. I feel like the Consular would’ve worked rather well with him.

A minor character you wish could be a companion: Nihlus. I know next to nothing about him, but the fact he was killed off so fast is annoying to say the least. Skavak from SWTOR as well, I know he was an antagonist for a whole chapter, but I mean, we chased Jaesa down for a whole Act, so Skavak should’ve been fair game too.

Fun

Shoutout to a random NPC: Green took mine, but yes, that officer from the Citadel in ME2, “Sir Isaac Newton is the deadliest son of a bitch in space!”

A game you love watching playthroughs for and want to play: Left 4 Dead. I know, it’s an old game but I love zombies. I would probably have nightmares for a while but the universe fascinates me at least.

Love watching playthroughs but won’t ever play: Walking Dead (Telltale; not even for the zombies but because the story telling is not as great as it could’ve been), Dead by Daylight (yet again, the universe is cool, I just don’t like other people)

Online gaming or solo?: Solo. Up until recently I’d only ever played with PUGs during FPs and that was rather frustrating. It got so bad that I ended up just running them to level and do the story quests at higher levels, especially for classes like the Inquisitor that I’d run plenty of times before. Still, some new Discord mutuals fixed that for me, it’s actually fun to do FPs now.

Why do you play video games?: For someone who grew up rather sheltered (and is still sheltered, shhhh), video games were my escape from kids who liked the sun and animals a little too much. So I played video games. It distracted me from my other problems in real life and gave me something else to focus on, like saving the galaxy a few times over.

tagging: @sheyshen , @the-sith-in-the-sky-with-diamond , @roguescarlett

[kawaiibobatea-blog]

Chapter 05: Despair and Surprises

Despair had never been a primary emotion; sadness yes, but never pure despair. A human was so complex and capable of so many emotions, it almost felt like a waste to have it all pegged to just one extreme emotion. Nevertheless, that’s all Ain could feel while both of her hands were wrapped around the limp one of her brother.

“Scott… sorry I haven’t been by recently. A lot of things have happened… I’ve… I’ve got so much to tell you.”

However, when her lips had parted to explain everything to him only a small whimper escaped along with a choke. Pretending not to see Dr. Carlisle out of the corner of the corner of her eyes practically breaking his neck to look at them in case something was wrong, she coughed hoping to sate the doctor’s curiosity and diminish his worry. The doctor’s attention thankfully turned back to his data pad, scrolling through the charts of the patients. She closed her eyes and took a couple deep breaths still occasionally feeling Dr. Carlisle’s eyes on her back.

It’s unbecoming of a Pathfinder to break down… Stay strong.

Making her flinch, Dr. Carlisle’s gruff voice came from behind her, “Ain, I have to go and check on some of the cryo pods that had some weird readings, you think that you could hold down the fort for me?”

“Yeah, of course. Are you forgetting how cool I am?” Halfway through her sentence, Ain heard her own voice crack and hoped that Dr. Carlisle hadn’t heard. “I am the Human Pathfinder after all.” Hopefully her feint would divert from the crack.

“You’re also just one person, Ain.” Thankfully, he didn’t continue further. Either sensing her emotional turmoil or believing her ruse, his footsteps retreated and the swish of the door opening and closing echoed against the walls of the almost completely unoccupied med bay.

Her grip on Scott’s hand tightened and she found herself putting her forehead against their hands. It had been days, maybe weeks—time was still a fickle thing in Andromeda--and he wasn’t awake. Only upon that realization did she grasp that her hands were shaking and that they were now soaked with a layer of tears. Realizing this burst the metaphorical dam holding everything back. With shaking shoulders, the tears continued to fall. Her eyes screwed shut almost like if they were tight enough, the tears would stop but to no avail. Pained sobs tore from her chest; quiet at first but all too quickly they turned into something that shook her whole body and turned into tormented screams, desperate for the release they had been deprived of. Breathing was almost impossible between her sobs causing her to feel lightheaded, yet they didn’t stop.

Scott… please wake up…

I’m so alone…

I can’t… I can’t say goodbye again…

I’m so afraid…

I’m so sorry, Scott…

None of her thoughts were making any sense, just bouncing around from one apology to another in and out of different emotions. She knew this and yet she just continued to cry. Part of her mind wondered how she didn’t have people coming in to check on her with the amount of literal screaming she was doing. Perhaps Harry had told the surrounding people that they needed to clear out because the Pathfinder needed time. If that’s what happened, she was thankful. If not, she was sure people would be talking about how incompetent she was as Pathfinder.

“Ryder, your vitals are increasing to unsafe levels.”

“I! Don’t! Care!” Ain exclaimed, enunciating every word. “Let it rise!”

“If you do that, they will continue to rise, and you may pass out or other health concerns may arise. I would advise you to calm down.”

”SAM, I-“ A sharp pain ripped through Ain’s chest painful enough to stop her grieving in its tracks and leave her more breathless than she had been while crying, her eyes wide and blinking while she gasped for air almost making choking sounds. Just as quickly as it had happened, it stopped leaving Ain holding onto her chest. “w-what was that?”

“Your vitals spiked to a dangerous level for a human, leaving you in your previous state.”

“…”

“I would advise against repeating this in the future. If continued, heart problems may arise. Keep in mind, the brain is only able to survive approximately six minutes without oxygen before it begins to die.”

“Such a cheery thought…” Ain said, finally getting some air back into her lungs and coughing her words.

Looking back at Scott, she saw that he looked just as peaceful as he did when she came in. Even though she had a mental and emotional breakdown it looked like she hadn’t even been here excluding the missing doctor. A small smile found its way to her lips although it was strained. He was here, he was alive… just asleep. She had to remember that. Just because he couldn’t talk to her didn’t mean that he wasn’t there. It made coping a little bit easier, but it didn’t calm her at all. With a shaky exhale, she grabbed Scott’s hand with both of her’s.

“Things are bad, Scott… but… we have little baby steps: we have an outpost on this planet called Eos and we’ve made acquaintances with a species here called the Angara. An Angaran male named Jaal is helping us try and stop the Kett; the enemies we’re facing… the ones that are trying to keep us from settling here in Andromeda. They want these vault things that are here, and I can interface with them with SAM’s help. They’re healing the planets when activated and… we honestly still have no idea what the Archon—their boss guy—wants with them.” Getting all of that off her chest made her feel a little bit better, but everything wasn’t wonderful in Andromeda even close to home.

“My crew… they’re… well difficult. Peebee she’s an Asari and very… eccentric. Yeah, we’ll go with that. She’s studying the Remnant—those beings that are surrounding the vaults—Cora, you met her, remember? She was the one next in line to be Pathfinder after Dad…? Well, she’s salty about that even though she pretends that she’s not.” She wished with all her heart that Scott would sit up and comment on her words, but alas nothing about him changed. Honestly, she wasn’t even sure if she could be heard. Dr. Carlisle had said that he could hear her, but that didn’t mean that she was sure that he could hear and understand her all the time. However, she had to keep that in her head that he could hear her it would be the only thing keeping her sane right now. “Kallo, a Salarian, was one of the people that built my ship—the Tempest—Suvi is part of the crew actually our resident science officer. She’s a Human. Gil works to make sure that all the internal stuff is working correctly. Lexi T’Perro is our Asari doctor. I’m pretty sure that she hates me since I’m always getting hurt and won’t stay in one spot when I am. She took over for Harry. Um… let’s see… Drack Nakmor, a Krogan who’s super old. For some reason he calls me ‘Buttercup’, and reminds me of a grandpa, but he gets aggravated when I call him Grandpa Drack.”

Even though it sounded like they were all one big happy family, she could hardly keep them all on the same chapter let alone the same page. It was literally the least cohesive team that she had ever seen or even heard of. I just want to punch the hell out of all of them… Jaal included! They were ridiculous when it came to interacting with each other and she was surprised with her short temper that she hadn’t thrown something at each of them among the stray various items that were on the Tempest. “Vetra Nyx… she’s awesome. A Turian and honestly the one I get along with the most other than Liam Kosta, a Human. You briefly met him the same time as Cora, but I’m not sure if you remember. He’s really um… nice and… well…” A blush came to her face and she cleared her throat. “I got shot—before you freak out—obviously I’m fine, but he hugged me and said that he was glad I was okay, but I’m pretty sure he kissed the top of my head. I know! I know! It sounds weird, but, it’s true… I think.”

I sound so fucking creepy oh my God… Please I hope that you didn’t hear that Scott.

Watching the slow rise and fall of his chest and his unwavering face, not even fluttering eyelids she felt tears build up in her eyes. Who was she kidding? There was no way that he was going to be able to hear her. He wasn’t even going to wake up… if he was going to, he would’ve already done it. Well, he was shaking off a 400-year sleep, but that didn’t mean anything. He would’ve woken up already, she felt it. Even thinking it made more tears fall.

“Scott… please wake up soon… I’m falling apart here man.” Ain joked, giving a small laugh through her tears. She went over and touched his head. “I’ll be back and visit again soon…”

If Ain was being truthful, she could’ve stayed with him day and night until he woke up. Unfortunately, life had dealt her a shit hand and it was just getting shittier. Granted, they had done some good, but even still it felt like they were taking one step forward and two steps back. They had gotten the Moshae back and had already been given permission to go into Aya’s vault, but the last thing that she wanted to do was push the Moshae when she was captured for so long, and especially if her immune system was as decimated as Jaal had said it was. It wasn’t enough though, things were still terrible here on the Nexus. Speaking of that, she had to meet up with Grandpa Drack in Kesh’s office. Sighing, she headed to the door and turned to look at her brother one more time before leaving.

Ain had walked to Kesh’s office on autopilot thinking about Scott, her mother, and her father. Even though she had the crew back on the Tempest, the more that she spent on the ship, the more alone that she felt. Maybe it was paranoia, but were they all gaining up on her? Especially during the meeting when they “welcomed” Jaal into the crew. Before she knew it, she had walked into Kesh’s office and a deep, gruff voice ripped her from her reverie.

“There you are. I was starting to wonder if you forgot how to… get… here…” Grandpa Drack trailed off when he looked at Ain. She had been hoping that all signs of her breakdown would’ve left before she got to Kesh’s office, but apparently luck wasn’t on her side once again. “Hey Buttercup, you alright?”

“Huh?” Ain looked at Kesh who was also intently staring at her and scanning over her face. She had to look terrible if she had not only one Krogan worrying about her, but two. “Oh, uh yeah, fine.” She coughed and sniffled. “Just allergies… you know, pollen?”

Wow… that excuse was pathetic. That was probably the stupidest excuse I could’ve come up with. Maybe I’m the one that needs to get decked.

“That pollen does get pretty bad this time of year.” Drack agreed and then looked at Kesh who nodded in agreement.

Kesh seemed like she was ready to start this meeting because she came from behind her desk to stand near them and looked around almost to make sure that she wasn’t going to have someone overhear her. From what Ain had heard, Kesh was the last person anyone wanted to fuck with on the Nexus having literally kicked someone out of a room with a Krogan foot up the ass. “I’m going to skip the pleasantries.” She announced, “Things are getting bad.”

“How bad is bad?” Drack asked.

“Are we talking about like someone murdering your whole family bad or pissed in your cheerios bad?” Ain asked and held out both of her hands like she was physically weighing the choices with them.

“The first one. Spender has—despite my best efforts to impede it—has gained favor with the Nexus leadership.”

“Yikes… sounds bad like he pissed in someone’s cheerios before murdering everyone.” Despite the situation, Ain heard a loud laugh coming from Drack. Even Kesh cracked a smile.

Maybe they’re just feeling bad for me…

“I believe there’s a way to stop this from getting even bigger. I have a strong belief that Spender is still speaking with the exiles. From my position, I don’t have the ability or the clearance to investigate further.”

“I do though.”

“Yes, you do. I suggest you speak with Kandros and obtain proof of his betrayal to show what kind of creature he really is.”

“You got it, Kesh.”

Drack had already left and she was almost to the door when Kesh’s voice stopped her, it was odd. She had never heard this tone before, it sounded worried and almost… small. “Pathfinder Ryder… no… Ain, I have a favor to ask you.”

This was the first time that Kesh had asked anything of her let alone called her on a first name basis. Perhaps Kesh took it as a sign of a growing friendship, Ain honestly hoped so. She could use all the moral and emotional support that anyone had to offer. They all had to be on each other’s side in this dire time.

“Name it.”

“My Grandfather… he tries to do everything by himself, but… he… he isn’t invincible despite what he thinks.”

“Yeah…”

“He’s old Ain… Very old. Most of him is synthetic, he’s had too many injuries to count. It’s almost like he has a death wish.” Kesh gave a small laugh and looked down almost like she was remembering something. “Look after him for me. Krogan always try to give off the vibe that we don’t need anyone but ourselves, but not all of us are like that. My Grandfather… he’s a good man.”

“He is.”

“Too good to die on the battlefield from these bastards.”

“Don’t worry Kesh, I’ll look after him. I’d do it even if you didn’t ask. He means a lot to me too.”

“Thank you… You’re a good Pathfinder, but an even better person.” Kesh tilted her chin towards the doorway. “Better head out before he gets suspicious.”

Ain left and looked at Drack who had been eyeing her as soon as the door opened.

“What were you and Kesh talkin’ about?”

“Oh, you know… girl talk.” Ain cleared her throat when she let out a pitiful laugh.

Another weak ass excuse. He totally won’t be able to see through that.

Thankfully, Drack didn’t pry anymore. She felt a little better than she had when she was with Scott, but she still had the aching feeling of dread. Rubbing her hand down her face, she sighed again. Addison wouldn’t like it if Ain went to go talk with Kandros with Drack by her side. The Krogan still weren’t trusted on the Nexus and speaking with the military director may make some fidgety. Of course, she didn’t want to tell Drack that. Drack was a good guy and she didn’t want to hurt his feelings but hurting the feelings of a Krogan especially one as old as him would be a feat.

“So, Buttercup, what’s actually wrong with you?”

Great… pry about something else old man.

“H-Huh?”

“Don’t try and pull that pollen story on me again Kid. We don’t even have pollen here.”

“Y-Yeah we do! What they’re growing in the botanical department.” Ain tried to protest more, but seeing Drack fold his arms at her, her voice lowered to nothing more than a murmur, “I mean… it’s really not that big of a deal… I just kinda had a small breakdown…it’s really nothing to worry about.”

“Look, I’d ask you more about it, but I know you wouldn’t talk, or come up with another stupid excuse. I’ll be waiting back on the Tempest, they won’t take too kindly to me talking to Kandros with you.”

Ain watched Drack depart and let out an external sigh. All she wanted to do was go hide in her bedroom and go to sleep. Alas, no such luck. She vaulted over the balcony and headed over to Kandros. She ignored one of the Nexus officials grumbling about “these damn kids having no respect for architecture these days”. Kandros seemed surprised that she was there. He blinked and cleared his throat, “What can I do for you, Pathfinder?”

Okay. Pro mode.

“I’m investigating a possible link between Spender and the Nexus uprising. I have reason to believe that he may still be in contact with the exiles.”

“Hmm… it’s funny you bring this up, Pathfinder. I was just thinking about that. There were some… discrepancies, but, I haven’t had the time to check further with everyone needing something and breathing down my neck.” Kandros brought up his Omni-tool and tapped on it a few times. “Check the video archives. Maybe you could find something I couldn’t.”

Sweet!! Hell yeah! Nothing could possibly go wrong n-

“Ryder, this video footage has been deliberately corrupted.” SAM stated when Ain brought up the available video footage.

I hate life.

“Ryder, as of right now, there is insufficient proof of Spender’s guilt.”

I hate life even more now…

“Well… shit.” Ain stated and rubbed her hand down her face again and looked at the screen again before sighing.

Can’t I ever catch a break?

Ain trudged back to the Tempest. She didn’t want to be the bearer of bad news. After all, these were Drack’s people that this rode on. If the Krogan were going to have a future in Andromeda, a true future, then they were going to have to get this whole mess with Spender and the Nexus sorted out. Even though it wasn’t her fault that she hadn’t been able to catch Spender on the footage, she couldn’t help but take it personally. After all, she had promised that she would help. The familiar walls of the Tempest did nothing to comfort her, in fact, it made her feel even worse. It meant that she was closer to having to tell Drack the news.

… Needless to say, Drack didn’t take it well. Their fridge had a dent in it now from his fist. She sighed for what was probably the six millionth time that day. Of course, she didn’t blame him or anything like that. If the situation was switched, she would be upset too. Although she hated making promises, she swore that she would get to the bottom of it if it was the last thing that she did. Grandpa Drack wasn’t completely sated by that, but it seemed to calm him a little. Even a slightly less angry Krogan was better than a full angry one.

Even better, everyone was having mixed feelings on this “exaltation” that the Kett had showed in their facility. Peebee and Cora were fascinated by it, and it worried her a little. Of course, Lexi was as well, but that was to be expected. She was a doctor after all. If they were there… they would have a different view. Ain stood outside the Tech Lab, debating on whether to try and talk to Jaal again. After all, they... their last conversation didn’t go over too well.

I am unhappy with us right now.

Ain winced, remembering Jaal’s words and how harsh they had sounded. Ain was about to walk inside the Tech Lab when she felt another pain in her chest and the same feeling gripped her that had back on the Nexus with Scott and she coughed a couple of times.

“Ryder, your vitals are spiking again.” SAM explained.

No. Fucking. Shit.

Her eyelids fluttered, and a choking sound emitted from her lips as she tried to call for help. Her vision began to turn to a haze and her hearing was drowned out, the last thing that she heard was doors opening and a murmur that may have been her name and she fell, knocking her head against the wall in the process. However, she didn’t hit the floor. The pain in her chest stopped and air filled her lungs, she was able to look around and breath. She was being held… by who? Turning her head, she saw none other than Drack holding her up from hitting the floor.

“O-Old man…” Ain trailed off, blinking back the three Krogans in her vision to one.

“Damn Kid, if anyone’s going to go first, it should be me.” Drack laughed, but she could see worry in his eyes. All of her teammates were around, each eyeing her with the same internal question wanting to be asked:

What the hell just happened?

Holding the side of her head where the massive pain was at, she stood up with Drack and Vetra’s help, staggering slightly which Liam straightened her out from.

“S-Sorry… I’m just tired…” Ain lied. Telling her team that this was the second time this happened would only cause them to worry more and they needed to have full concentration when they were on the battlefield. One wrong move and they could all get killed.

“Ain… don’t try and act tough.” Vetra said and laid a hand on her shoulder. “You know you can tell us if something’s wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong. You’re worrying too much. I’m just tired. That’s all. I promise.” Ain assured, but none of them seemed really convinced. It looked like they just didn’t want to pry because they knew that they weren’t going to get anywhere if they tried. “Besides, we need to go and check on the Moshae and see how she’s doing. I’m worried about her, she looked in pretty bad shape when we dropped her off at Aya.”

“Our healers are very talented. At the least, the Moshae should be able to take us to the vault.” Jaal informed, not taking his eyes off Ain who was still holding her head.

“At the best?” Ain asked, trying not to talk too loudly to keep her head from pounding.

“She’ll guide us to the vault, enter, explain things, and hopefully talk to Evfra about how he treated you. The Moshae is very keen on people being treated according to their deeds. The Moshae trusts you.”

Ain looked over at her teammates and the crew that was behind her. They had all come to check on her? Maybe they weren’t as big of assholes as she thought they were. Then again, if she died they’d all be fucked. That’s probably what it was… they just didn’t want to travel all the way to Andromeda to get screwed. “Kallo… set us a course for Aya.”

“… Yes Pathfinder.”

“I… I’m going to go and lay down. Someone come and get me when we get there.” Ain rubbed her head gingerly and staggered towards her door, keeping an arm out so she wouldn’t fall against the wall. Unknown to her, Liam wanted to come to her rescue, but Peebee held him back and shook her head. Ain wasn’t one to be babied and she didn’t want to worry her teammates more than they already were. She was just tired. She’d lay down and get better and no more of that… whatever that was would happen. Taking off her shoes at almost record speed, she collapsed onto her bed and pulled the blankets over her head and turned on her side where her head wasn’t tender. “SAM, lights out please…”

“Yes Pathfinder.” Ain wasn’t even conscious long enough to thank SAM before she had fallen asleep. Dreams weren’t really something that Ain had often, nightmares more so. Yet, she had cut a break and was having a nice dream for once.

Andromeda had panned out and everything was fine. She was on the Tempest talking to her crew and everyone was smiling and happy. Fear was a thing of the past as was worrying for survival. She suddenly found herself on Aya and it was beautiful and had an air of peace and prosperity almost intertwined in the air. Moshae Sjefa had already welcomed her and her team as official citizens of Aya and she was walking with the Moshae; laughing as stories were exchanged among them. They turned a corner and Ain ran into a soft but hard wall. When she looked up, Jaal and her met eye contact. There was something there that seemed natural; raw even.

Ain looked down from Jaal but felt a gentle hand under her chin that guided her head to look up at him and lock eye contact once more; a fierce… almost fiery look. Heat arose in her cheeks and her mouth felt dry. Her breathing even slowed, but she didn’t want to hide or run. A gentle smile rose to his lips and a hand caressed her face, grabbing onto the back of her neck while the other hand snaked around her waist and went to rest on her lower back.

“I’ve been waiting for you, Darling One.” His voice was hardly above a whisper. “I have missed you.”

She had been gone for a couple of days going around and checking on the many settlements that she had placed among the planets. Everyone was happy to see her, and she was glad to check on the status of the places they had worked so hard to create. Bradley had been the most excited to see her, since Eos had been the hardest one to settle in her opinion.

“I-I wasn’t gone that long.”

“To me, it felt very long. You are very special to me. Everything about you. Your eyes, your hair, your nose…” His eyes trailed down to her lips and a thumb gently brushed along the skin, having moved from her lower back. “your lips. All of you.”

Ain gripped onto his clothes and closed her eyes, feeling him pull her closer by the back of her neck.

Ain opened her eyes and sat up quickly with a sound of surprise. When her brain processed what had happened and what she was seeing, she felt her eyes widen and the world stopped around her. A few inches from her face was the precursor to what she had seen in her dream. The blue eyes that were opposite her own widened, obviously just as shocked at the extreme turn of events. She felt like she couldn’t breathe again, but it wasn’t painful this time. She parted her lips and was about to scream when she felt a gloved hand over her mouth. What was happening? Was he going to kill her in her sleep like he had threatened when they first met, or was he going to-

No! No! Absolutely not! No way!

“I uh… I can explain, Ryder.” Jaal cleared his throat and she could see he was scrambling.

Are you scrambling for an excuse?! I may be a woman, but I can still fight buddy…

“Will you listen to my explanation?”

As soon as you take your hand off my mouth I’m going to scream. See how well you can explain it to every-

“If I take my hand off your mouth, will you not scream?”

… Angara must be mind readers…

“Well?”

Ain nodded and slowly Jaal took his hand off her mouth. For a split second, Ain had thought about keeping to her original plan and screaming, however if Jaal had come in there to kill her, if she screamed he would do it without a second thought and then probably kill everyone else on the ship. Maybe… she didn’t want to test the theory.

“You see… there is a very simple explanation as to why I am in your bedroom and… this close to your… bed.”

“…”

Jaal cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck obviously embarrassed at the way things were progressing in this conversation. This isn’t the way that someone wanted things to go among two completely different species not even knowing each other for a year yet.

Or at all because I’m not even into Jaal like that!! What the hell brain!?

“Well, are you going to tell me or not?” Ain prodded, wanting to hear this so called “simple explanation”.

“You stated before for someone to come and get you when we arrived at Aya.”

“Uh-huh, and?”

“… We have arrived at Aya.”

Ain looked out her window to see the patch of paradise awaiting them upon landing.

“O-Oh... so we have…”

Wow… you’re an absolute idiot, Ain.

“I was asked if I would retrieve you since I was the closest.”

“O-Oh… r-right.”

“Is my explanation sufficient, Ryder?”

“Y-Yeah. It um… sure.” Ain quickly stood up and got tangled in the blankets and ended up heading towards the floor but was caught by Jaal.

“You are still unsteady on your feet. Or is this something Humans do?”

Ain gave the most awkward nervous laugh she had ever produced in her whole entire life. She tried her damndest to untangle her legs from the blankets, but to no avail. This couldn’t be happening.

“Sit down, Ryder.”

“What for?”

Jaal didn’t answer and sat her down on the bed and held her leg while he tried to untangle the blanket and sheet from them. His eyes were completely focused on the task that he was doing not even paying attention to the surroundings or what he was really doing.

“Um, you don’t have to do that, I can do it.”

“We will be waiting for quite a while if it was left up to you. You are sick, remember?”

“N-No really, I’m feeling better now.” His hand had traveled up to just above her knee to untangle the blankets, making this even more awkward.

“Jaal, really I ca-“

Are you serious?

Ain was cut off by the sound of her door opening. Standing in the doorway was Liam; stunned at the view before him. Honestly, Ain couldn’t blame him. This looked… suggestive. Ain had shorts and a tank top on, her legs were tangled up in blankets, Jaal was on his knees in front of her with his hands all over her legs trying to get blankets untangled from them.

“I… um… I came to see if Ain had got up okay…” His eyes had never left Jaal’s hands on her legs.

“I’ll be right there!” Ain said and quickly tried her hardest to get her legs untangled, and… failed.

“If you would stop moving this would not be taking a long time.” Jaal reprimanded (Totally unsure).

“Here, I’ll take one leg, you take the other.” Liam said and knelt next to Jaal and worked at the other leg. “Geez, how did you manage to get tangled up this bad?”

“Skill…” Ain said sarcastically and looked at the two men; both who had at one time or another said they like to do things with their hands, get things and take them apart, and use them well.

Ain stop! Oh my God! It’s like I’m in a science fiction story with a love triangle and the author is trying to give fan service or something! This is ridiculous! My luck is terrible…

“Finally.” Liam said and helped Ain stand up. “We’ll wait for you at the hanger.”

“R-Right… Thanks…” Ain blushed and faced the window and only turned back around when the door had closed. “Holy crap… Dammit bed! Why did you betray me?! Actually! Brain! Why did you betray me?” She sighed and went to her closet to change. If she didn’t get moving, someone would come back and check on her and knowing her luck it would be Jaal or Liam… or both. Again.

No! My fragile heart can’t take it!

Ain grabbed a hanger that had sweat pants on it and began to cough again. She leaned against the wall and had the pants at her side. The coughing only increased, and she hoped that she wasn’t getting sick. They didn’t have vaccines for anything in Andromeda and she didn’t want to infect any of the Angara if it were true. Then again, she had gasped quite a lot lately.

I’m sure I got something… caught in my throat.

Finally, the coughing subsided.

W-What?

On her hand was a bit of blood. The blood in her veins turned to ice upon seeing her hand. She went over to the mirror in her room and sure enough there was blood on her lips and chin.

”… What’s happening to me?”

[lafaiette]

Give Yourself To Harmony - 3 / ?

This huge alien who looks like a chubby, purple potato, this loud man who is part of the newest alien species just discovered in Heleus, this angara who expresses himself so freely and openly just like the rest of his species, is his sister’s boyfriend.

Her first boyfriend, since her nerd ass never found someone intelligent enough to understand how special she is.

At least, that means this weird guy is clever.

In which Scott Ryder finally meets Jaal Ama Darav, his sister’s boyfriend. It will take him a while to get used to this.

Chapter 1 - 2

Also on AO3

Warning: this fic contains spoilers of the game, the ending, and the post-game content!

Dinner proceeds almost normally after that. Liam sits in a corner, pouting at everyone and playing with his food until Drack scolds him – “Kallo and I worked our asses off to make that, kid!” – and after that he pouts even more.

Scott took the blow admirably well and the earbuds are currently inside one of the pockets of his pants, ready for later use. He pretends they aren’t there, but he already knows he will use them every night, hoping the silence won’t cause his poor imagination to run wild.

“How do you guys even use earbuds?” Ryder asks Vetra, her voice as low as she can get it, while her brother is distracted by Suvi.

“You mean us poor aliens without visible ears?” The turian clears her throat. “Liam, uh… gave us those fuzzy things you humans call earmuffs.”

“I’m going to die.”

“I’m not joking.”

“That’s why I’m going to die, Vetra.”

“Please, my love.” Jaal whines, looking at her with visible distress. The mere idea of her dying again is enough to upset him beyond measure. “Don’t say such things.”

“Sorry, honey.” Ryder smiles apologetically at him and pats his hand. “It’s just an idiom. Sometimes we humans exaggerate a lot.”

Jaal grunts and scoots closer to her, although he was already glued to her; the sudden motion causes her to bump against Scott, who turns to her, thinking she elbowed him to speak to him.

When he sees that’s not the case and that she is nuzzling Jaal’s cheek, whispering sweet words to him, he sighs and looks back at his plate, shaking his head.

“What?” Drack grins, noticing his reaction. “Too mushy for you, kid?”

“No.” he mumbles, stuffing his mouth with Drack’s Surprise so he won’t have to speak. He wants to, though, so he continues after swallowing hard and clearing his throat: “Maybe. I’m not used to seeing my sister like this.”

Lexi hums and nods; they already talked about this in the medbay, but she doesn’t actually know the true extents of his problem and she wishes to know more to help him better; still, she says nothing, letting him go on.

“Are they… you know…?”

“Virgin? Nah, not anymore.” Drack dismisses the question with a wave of his hand. “Unless they have been making all that noise at night out of nothing.”

“Drack!” Lexi hisses, while Suvi, Peebee, and Kallo stare at Scott in horror, expecting him to faint or start sobbing.

He does neither: his face just turns into a too deep shade of red and his eyes twitch a little, but that’s it. He grimaces as if he swallowed a sour bite, then he clears his throat and says, choked up: “That’s… not what I meant.”

“You wanted to know if they are happy, yes?” Suvi timidly intervenes, her tact proving useful in such a delicate situation. “They are, Scott, they really are. Jaal is the sweetest man in the galaxy and your sister is very lucky to have him, just like he’s lucky to have her.”

They know those words are like a double-edged blade; in fact, Scott smiles, a true, warm smile that shows how relieved and happy he is, but then his face falls and he looks down at the food on his plate with something akin to gloomy resignation and fear.

More cannot be said, because Chloe, Jaal, Liam, and Vetra interrupt their discussion about earmuffs and the colorful styles of the pre-space travel-Earth (“We are talking about prehistory here, guys.”) to discover whatever the others – and Scott – are talking about and hopefully have him participate to the conversation.

“Stop boring him with your elaborate culinary descriptions, old man.” Ryder laughs, grinning at Drack, who fortunately doesn’t reveal what the real topic was and just grunts. “Hey, bro, remember those tacky scrunchies Mom found? Those elastic bands for hair that were supposed to be in a museum, but were discarded because they were ‘too exaggerated’?”

“God, of course I remember them.” he chuckles, shaking his head. “They were the most atrocious accessory I ever laid my eyes upon.”

“Scrunchies?” Jaal blurts out before he can stop himself. His curiosity is great, but he now knows Scott would prefer to talk with his sister alone, without hearing his voice, and he wishes to catch his words and put them back into his mouth.

He tenses up and holds his breath, worriedly glancing at Scott, when the human slightly frowns, but then he keeps eating as if he didn’t even hear him.

The tension in the room raises for a moment, until Chloe smiles at her boyfriend and shows him what she’s talking about using her omnitool.

“These, see? Humans can tie their hair in multiple ways, using different stuff. Many centuries ago, people liked to use these hairbands, called scrunchies.”

“Hm!” Jaal smiles, admiring the colors and patterns. “I like them! They are quite cheerful and original.”

A snort comes from where Scott is and the tension reaches unbearable levels. Everyone tenses up; everyone braces themselves or pretends to be busy with food, preparing for the inevitable argument, for Scott’s bitterness followed by Jaal’s pain which will lead to Ryder’s anger, which will cause Scott’s pain and…

“Why are you laughing, brot- Scott?” Jaal asks, without malice, without anger, without suspicion. He is curious, kind, but also worried, because he fears he said something stupid.

Ryder narrows her eyes at her brother, not wanting him to offend her boyfriend, but also not wishing to argue with him, aware of his delicate psychological state.

The crew’s predictions are getting true and they all hold their breath.

“Because you really have no idea how ugly those things are.” Scott replies and now the tension turns into surprise, because he’s smiling amusedly. He is still not looking at his sister or Jaal, but the smile is clearly directed at them.

“They are too big and the colors are too sharp. Chloe’s even had big Earth animals printed on them. They were atrocious to look at.” He giggles and elbows his sister, finally looking at her. “She was atrocious!”

“Oh, shut up.” she grumbles, playing along and folding her arms. “They were so cute and fluffy! All my classmates at school liked them!”

“I doubt it exists something in the universe capable of making Chloe look bad.” Jaal solemnly says, no doubt in his voice, and she splutters and presses her face against his arm.

“Say that to her old overalls.”

“Overalls?” Cora’s eyes widen, just like her incredulous smile. “Ryder, you did not.”

Ryder’s head immediately snaps up and she babbles, redder than the spicy sauce Drack and Kallo prepared: “I was young and innocent, okay? Back then, Mom was still obsessed with stuff from the XXI century, so she would bring home this… stuff. Really couldn’t do anything about it.”

“Yeah, but you would wear it!” Liam laughs, covering his mouth as he does so because he’s still eating (Drack is still watching him carefully, making sure he empties his plate).

“It… It was cute!” Ryder lamely replies, causing Cora and Liam to laugh harder, much to her chagrin. She pouts and huffs, retreating into Jaal’s arms, and glares at Scott half-heartedly, although she has never been happier to be teased by him.

Does this mean he is already feeling better? Was he so nervous just because of the initial shock, the trauma of finally starting the new life he had dreamed of while getting used to so many new people?

“Show me these overalls.” Jaal murmurs in her ear, a reassuring smile on his lips. He is silently promising her that he won’t laugh and she sighs, nodding.

“Alright. I should have a picture of myself wearing them. Later, in our room, so…”

“That’s not fair! I want to see that too!” Vetra exclaims, promptly followed by Peebee and Kallo, who even tug at each of Ryder’s sleeves.

“It’s too late now! You can’t turn back!”

“Ryder, it’s not like your reputation can get worse than this. Come on!”

“Hell no! This is too embarrassing!” She pulls up her legs and cuddles even further into Jaal’s embrace, glaring at her friends. Gil and Suvi are already whispering to each other, probably coming up with a plan to access her data.

“SAM! If anyone here tries to bribe you…”

“I am incorruptible, Ryder, in any possible way.”

“… or tries to override the security on my files…”

“I won’t allow them to do so.”

“… stop them!”

“Of course, Ryder.”

She doesn’t even see Scott typing something onto his omnitool; she only hears a familiar ping that repeats over and over, until everyone is looking down at their omnitools in surprise. The only one who didn’t receive anything is Chloe herself.

“Wait, no.” She watches, horrified, as her friends open up an old picture of her, wearing the most obnoxious and silly overalls ever crafted by the human race.

A moment of silence, in which Scott smiles smugly at her – and he shouldn’t look so satisfied, not with his puffy, rimmed red eyes -, followed by a howl of laughter from Peebee, Suvi and Lexi’s giggles, Drack’s full laughter, and Gil, Vetra, and Kallo’s shocked faces.

Liam and Cora are almost pissing themselves; it’s good to see the biotic lose her composure so much, until her cheeks are glowing red and tears of mirth shimmer in her eyes, but Ryder is slowly starting to regret this and the second bad look she shoots at Scott is totally a 100% true, full enraged glare.

“It’s pink.” Vetra murmurs, before snorting and looking away, hiding her fit of giggles behind a hand. “Pink, Ryder.”

“Are those flowers, sewed on the knees?” Gil looks offended. “Goodness.”

“This material… it was called jeans, right? Man, no wonder this stuff was supposed to be in a museum.”

Drack and Peebee cackle harder, so much the asari even falls on the ground, holding her stomach and flailing to catch her breath. Lexi is doing her best to stop laughing, but every time she catches a glimpse of the picture, she inevitably goes back to giggling, causing Suvi and Kallo to laugh too.

“Scott, I’m going to cut all your hair in your sleep tonight.” Ryder groans, pressing hard her face against her hands, not even wanting to see her brother’s smug grin. Then she gulps and slowly looks at Jaal, who hasn’t said anything.

He is still looking at the picture, a bright smile on his face. He isn’t studying just the overalls, but also Ryder’s young face and her cute pigtails, tied with two colorful ribbons.

That was a very particular period of her life.

“Close it.” she whines, shaking his arm. “Please, Jaal, I’m going to die of embarrassment here.”

“Why?” He looks surprised, then his expression softens. “Darling One, this picture of you is lovely! You still are, of course, gorgeous, magnificent, but you were so even in this picture.”

She blinks, checking out the photo one last time to make sure he’s really looking at the right one.

“… What?”

“What?” Scott says, frowning.

“Damn, kid, are you blind?” Drack chuckles. “You know how much I love Ryder, but you can’t call this lovely.”

“It’s endearing in its own way.” Suvi concedes, her lips twitching while Kallo continues to laugh and hides his face under his arms on the table.

“Yes, endearing and sweet! I don’t see anything wrong with this outfit. The flowers are cute and…” He looks at her, eyes shining with love. “I never saw your hair like this. It looked great on you.”

“Uh…” She blushes, her embarrassment leaving space to happiness and surprise. She fidgets, torturing her fingers and nails, and mumbles with a goofy smile: “We call that style pigtails. It’s kind of childish, but…”

“I like it! The ribbons are the same color of the flowers too.” He rests his cheek on the top of her head, saying softly: “Never be ashamed of yourself, Darling One, no matter what you used to wear or like. You have no reason to.”

“We could all learn one thing or two from Jaal.” Lexi comments, shaking her head with a fond smile. Drack grunts affirmatively, while Gil and Peebee roll their eyes, but they don’t deny that the mood in the room has changed for the better and everyone suddenly feels kinder and warmer inside.

“Alright, guys, I’m sending everyone romance vids later.” Liam announces, already writing down a few names coming to mind. “Jaal made me crave cheesy feels.”

“You want to experience… feels related to cheese?” the angara frowns. “Isn’t that food?”

“Idiom. It means something overly sweet and kind of cliché.”

“… Cliché?”

“I’ll explain it to you later, honey.” Ryder promises, kissing his cheek. She lowers her voice, adding: “Thank you for saying that, by the way.”

“It is true.” He smiles, holding her hand on the table, but they turn to Scott, a dark feeling settling in their bones, when he scoffs and pushes away his plate.

“Brother…” Jaal starts, sadness creeping in his voice, and the others tense up again, sensing that something is wrong once again.

Ryder starts to doubt: what was Scott trying to do, by sending that picture to her friends and boyfriend? Did he want Jaal to laugh too? Did he want to see whether he would playfully mock her or not? Did he want to scare him, disgust him, and try to make him change his mind about her?

“It’s getting late.” she starts, pushing away her plate as well, hoping the crew will catch the hint and go to bed. A new day will hopefully change things for the better. “We should go to-”

“You don’t believe the sincerity of my words.” Jaal says, still looking at Scott, who refuses to meet his eyes. Ryder is between them and it’s like sitting next to two very different bombs: one that will explode only if triggered in a certain way, after many, many tries, and one that has been ready to explode since from the start, since it entered the ship.

“No, I don’t.” Scott flat-out admits, playing with the crumbs on the table. He’s glaring at them, crushing them under his fingertips. “There is no way you could find that picture endearing.”

“Why not? Chloe is my Darling One. I love everything about her. I love her when she is strange, when she says things I don’t understand, when she does things angara don’t usually do.”

Ryder is torn between smiling and giggling - her usual reaction when Jaal compliments her so - and holding her breath and fearing for the worst, knowing Scott won’t be happy.

In fact, he shoots a heated glare at Jaal and narrows his eyes again. It’s like they are resuming their argument in the corridor.

“You sound fake.” Scott says and Jaal takes the blow admirably, but those words affect him all the same and it shows: he flinches, as if punched, and his hand resting on Ryder’s shakes a little.

“Angara rarely lie. We are all very honest about our feelings and emotions.” He looks at Scott with a solemn, serious face. “I would never lie about my relationship with Chloe and my feelings for her.”

“Scott, you don’t know the angara. If you spent even one day with them on Aya, you would see that Jaal is telling the truth.” Ryder reaches for him and touches his shoulder, but her brother shrugs her off.

That also hurts like a punch.

“Scott!” she exclaims and he tightens his lips, knowing he hurt her. His expression softens for a second, then he retreats back into his shell and stands up, excusing himself with a mumble and avoiding any hand that tries to pull him back.

An awkward silence falls in the room, then Lexi speaks up, exhaling slowly: “Ryder, I suggest you to take him out on simple recon missions. He needs to get out and see Heleus, meet its people.”

“I want to take him to Aya.” she says, looking at the door Scott left open. He has retreated back into the crew quarters and she is sure he’s crying again. “I want him to meet the angara.”

“Yes. I agree.” Jaal still looks wounded, but his tone is kind and calm. “This way, he might start liking us more.”

“He’s pretty biased and stubborn, though.” Gil intervenes. “Are you sure that won’t do the opposite? Make him hate you even more?”

“That’s a possibility.” Lexi admits, sipping her water. “However, his bias is caused by something pretty specific. He refused to admit it and I didn’t insist, but it’s clear he’s jealous and scared of you, Jaal.”

“Oh boy.” Liam whispers, suddenly understanding why everybody reacted like that when he brought the earbuds.

“But,” Lexi continues, raising a finger, “I believe that jealousy is caused by his loneliness and fear of the future.”

“Oh, Scott.” Ryder groans and bumps her head against the table, staying still. Jaal’s hand move from hers to her thigh and she makes a tiny sound of appreciation and gratefulness.

“As I said, this will take time. Scott’s problems are creating a complex bundle of feelings in him that he doesn’t quite know how to handle.” Lexi sighs and stands up, a bit of tiredness in her eyes. “Ryder, talk to him. He needs you the most right now.”

Chloe raises her head and nods and while the others stand up and start to clean the table, she turns to Jaal and strokes his cheek.

“I’m sorry.” She traces his scar with her thumb and he closes his eyes, enjoying the sensation. “Your meeting with my family isn’t going like I expected.”

“It will get better. I will help you help Scott.” he promises her, opening his eyes and smiling at her. “I won’t let one of my brothers suffer in silence.”

“Thank you.” She presses a soft kiss on his lips and beams at him. “Go to bed in the meantime. I’ll join you soon.”

Today has been hard for all of them, she thinks, but especially for her brother and Jaal, who has been attacked so many times about his feelings, that she isn’t surprised to see melancholy in his eyes as he gets up and helps Suvi and Kallo put the dishes in the sink.

“Hey.” Ryder whispers to him, before leaving the room. “Try not to fall asleep.”

Jaal blinks, a question in his eyes, and she grins.

“Well, since everyone here has everything they need to have a nice, quiet rest at night, I suppose we can be as loud as we want, Darling One.” she explains, raising her voice so that all their friends can hear.

They groan and someone hits Liam somewhere, because he yelps and complains, swearing he didn’t want things to end up like this.

“Pray that Scott will stay here as a crewmember or we’re gonna hear them shout and moan louder than ever every night just to spite us.” Vetra sighs, causing Liam to curse under his breath.

Jaal’s lips curl into a happy, roguish smile.

“I will wait for you, my love.” he promises and Ryder leaves the room with her heart somewhat lighter and warmer.

If Scott refuses to talk with her or listen to her, at least she and Jaal will still be able to spend a beautiful night together, loving each other and hoping the next day will bring better things.

- - - -

Thankfully, it appears Scott is feeling better or at least he manages to stay calm when he is alone with her.

The other members of the crew are still in other parts of the ship, giving Ryder time to talk with her brother, but it’s getting late and they have all been working hard, so she knows she can’t stay too long and steal precious hours of sleep from them.

She will have to be brief, clear, but kind. Straight to the point, without hurting her little bro or making him believe she’s angry at him.

Well, she is, but just a little bit; the anger is partially mitigated by knowing that his reactions and words don’t hide real malice or hatred, just a lot of confusion and fear of the unknown, of this new home that tried to kill him twice and already killed his sister thrice.

“Scott?” she calls, stepping closer to his bed. His back is turned to the door, but he slightly moves his head to let her know that he heard her.

“Can I sit there?”

“I don’t know, can you?”

“Ugh.” She takes a chair and drags it close to his bunkbed. “Your jokes are as bad as Dad’s.”

Scott turns to her at that and she can see he has been crying some more. If he keeps doing that, there won’t be a single drop of water left in his body.

“Sis.” he starts, pale fingers clutching the pillow. He looks younger, too young, and she remembers when he used to have a lot of nightmares about school and she would run to call Mom and Dad to calm him down.

He used to watch her with those same eyes – “Sis, I’m scared.” -, but Dad isn’t here anymore and Mom cannot be awakened.

It’s just them now, he thinks, but she knows that’s not right: there is a whole ship ready to support him and he can’t see that. Or he probably doesn’t want to.

“Are you really happy with Jaal?” he asks, watching her intently. “Like, really happy? He doesn’t act like boyfriends usually act. At least, not like the human ones you see in the vids.”

“I am, Scott. I really am.” She takes his hand and finds it to be alarmingly cold. She rubs it, also hoping to reassure him and calm him down that way. “I’m the happiest woman in the galaxy.”

He looks content and relieved, but at the same time he doesn’t. He lets out a shaky sigh and looks away, tears filling his eyes.

“Scott.” she starts, moving the chair to sit closer to him. “You are still my little brother. You will always be.”

“He is so open.” he mumbles, ignoring her. He glances at her, frowning. “Doesn’t it bother you? Doesn’t it sound fake to you?”

“No.” she smiles, patting his hand. “That’s how all angara are. And Jaal is even more extroverted than most of them, when it comes to his feelings for me.”

“God.” Scott stares down at the floor. “He talks like you two are married.” He gasps and gawks at her, paling. “Wait, you two aren’t married, right?”

“Not yet.” she giggles. There is a clear meaning behind her words, one she put there on purpose, and Scott doesn’t miss it. He is getting agitated and there are many questions swirling in his head, she can tell it from his eyes.

“I met his family.” she continues, knowing he needs to know this, that he needs to accept how serious things are between her and Jaal. He might be jealous, but Lexi confirmed it’s a type of jealousy with no real roots, with no real anger behind it.

He just doesn’t want to remain alone, to be left behind.

“His family?” he repeats with a small voice and she nods, smiling all the time.

“His true mother, Sahuna, and his siblings and relatives. They are all wonderful people, especially Sahuna.” She thinks of all the cute, sweet emails she sends her and she beams at her brother. “She was so happy to hear you were feeling well again! She wants to meet you as soon as possible, but…”

She sighs and squeezes his hand, happy to see he’s not shaking anymore, even though he still looks shaken.

“But that can wait. Now you need to get better inside. Your body has recovered, your mind and soul will do the same soon.”

“Wow, that was deep.” he chuckles, a wet, but boyish sound. “Look at you, all wise and strong. Meanwhile I’m here, crying like a baby after offending your boyfriend multiple times like an ass.”

“Don’t worry. If he had really been offended, he would have punched you.”

Scott stares at her with big, incredulous eyes and she laughs, nodding.

“It’s true! Angara are like that. They talk about their feelings, they show how they feel all the time, and this is why it’s so easy and great to be in their company. At least, once you get used to it. It can be hard for those who come from the Milky Way, at first.”

“I… I met some angara before meeting with Jaal.” Scott reveals and Chloe nods again, not surprised by it one bit. She was suspecting something like that, in fact. “Two were on Meridian, the others on the Nexus. I…” He shakes his head. “I made a terrible impression. I could barely talk and I was scared of fucking everything up.”

He curls up on the bed, partially hiding his face against the pillow, but his grip on Chloe’s hand is iron-like.

“I don’t understand. They were not the first aliens of my life, I mean… we grew up on the Citadel, we’ve been surrounded by aliens since birth!”

“First contacts are always like that, Scott. I was nervous as hell too when I first met the angara.” She rubs her thumb on his knuckles, so different from hers, which are rough and scarred after months of battles and fights in dangerous, cold, hot, sulfuric places.

“Also, you know what? I think that already having access to information about the angara was a disadvantage for you. You thought you knew everything about them, that you knew what to say and do, but when you actually met them, you forgot everything because it just wasn’t the same as reading and there were so many things that could go wrong.”

“Shit, sis.” Scott stares at her like a second head grew on her shoulders. “You are getting too wise now.”

She laughs and he chuckles again, but the sound ends with a sad, heavy sigh.

“How did you do it? How did you create an alliance like this in so little time with such a new, mysterious alien species?”

She thinks about that, but the only answer that comes to mind is ‘luck’, although she knows that isn’t right. She definitely had good luck, no doubt about that, but…

“The angara are good people.” she replies and that makes Scott look back at her with curious eyes. He’s interested. “Good, selfless people who only want to save their worlds and families. It was hard at first and it took us all a while, but we did it. We finally trusted each other and in the end, we prevailed over the kett.”

“Yes, but how did you win their trust? How did you convince them you weren’t helping them just because you wanted to betray them later? After their experiences with the kett, they must have suspected that at least once.”

“Of course.” She smiles at him, shaking her head. Her brother has always been kind of dense about certain things. The answers might be there, right in front of his eyes, and he wouldn’t see them, too busy being stubborn or thinking they must hide somewhere else, too complex for him to find them so easily.

“But the Initiative did something the kett never did. We started sharing things with the angara. We asked them questions, but we also answered theirs and told them everything they wanted to know about us. We showed them we knew we were the strangers here and that this is their home.”

This place is great! I’m learning a great deal.

She giggles, remembering the first time Jaal told her that, happy like a child. Scott raises an eyebrow and she hurries to explain: “Did you see the Cultural Center? Did you see how many angara visit it? That’s one of their favorite places on the Nexus and they always thank us for the information they can find there.”

She opens her omnitool, types a few words in, and shows Scott a picture of the Initiative Embassy on Aya.

“They let us enter one of their most important cities so that we could learn more from each other. They let us see relics of their past and we gave them relics of our old home. There is a section of their museum dedicated to us, you know?”

Scott’s eyes widen and he raises a finger, swiping it across the picture of the Embassy to see the next one: these photos are new to him, he never saw them before, and he studies every detail, counts every figure, admires every symbol and flower of Aya he sees.

“We built this alliance thanks to our mutual efforts.” Chloe concludes softly. “One step at a time. We learned more about each other, we shared thoughts, experiences, knowledge, emotions and we became friends. You cannot build trust without sharing, Scott.”

He nods and asks in a murmur, sounding almost timid: “Is that how you and Jaal got together? Slowly, but steadily, sharing emotions and memories?”

“Yes.” Her heart starts beating faster just thinking about him and the early days of their friendship, followed by their awkward flirting, which culminated with his declaration of love at his family house. He shared his most cherished treasures with her that day.

I don’t show people these things.

Let me show you one more thing you might like. Lie down.

She takes a deep breath, but the blush on her cheeks is so bright, so burning hot, she’s sure it can be seen from outer space.

Scott smiles at her, in that sad and amused way that is so baffling to see.

“I guess it was a pretty sweet ride, huh?”

“Oh, stop it.” she chides him, swatting his hand. At least he’s willing to make puns about her and Jaal now. He lets out a short laugh, then looks at the ceiling, his eyes not really settling on a specific point.

“I was so excited to see Heleus and meet the angara.” he murmurs. “But then I ruined everything and now I can’t stop crying. Everything scares me, everything hides dangers.”

He turns to her, eyes filled with heavy, hot tears, lips and hands shaking again, breath ragged.

“What if…” he starts, babbling. “What if I won’t get better? What if the Archon or the Remnant tech ruined me and I will never stop being scared?”

He grips his sister’s hand and she squeezes it, until their knuckles and nails are white. His tears begin to run down his cheeks and he sniffles.

“What if you will have to leave me behind? What if I will never accomplish anything and I will disappoint everyone?” He makes a low, keening noise and presses his face against the pillow not to let her hear. “I… I will never be like you or Dad.”

“Oh, Scott.” She hugs him, putting all her strength into it to let him know she is there for him, but controlling it so that he won’t be hurt.

Jaal taught her that and the same counts for the angara’s electric abilities; they express their emotions to the maximum, but at the same time they know how to dose them, so nobody will get hurt.

It says so much about them as a people and Scott seems to recognize the difference in the hug, so unlike the silly ones they used to share in the Milky Way, different from Dad’s, which were usually one-sided and goofy, and from Mom’s, warm but too brief.

He sobs against her shoulder, clinging to her like that time when they found out Mom was going to die, and Chloe cries a little with him, rubbing his back and swaying sideways to lull him.

That seems to work, because he stops crying sooner than she expected and slowly falls back onto the bed with just a short series of hiccups and two very puffy eyes.

“Those must sting.” she says, nodding at them, and he nods, cleaning his nose on his sleeve, much to her disgust.

“Ew, Scott! Use a tissue!”

“I don’t have one.” he weakly replies, doing it again, and she huffs, rummaging into her pockets and giving him her clean handkerchief.

“Here! Even if you don’t deserve it, after showing that picture of me to everyone.”

“Jaal is right, you were kind of cute.” He pretends to shiver. “Those pigtails, though.”

“They were adorable.”

He blows his nose on the handkerchief, giving her a pointed look, and only then he notices a bright pink, elegant “Chloe” sewn onto it.

“Since when you have a customized handkerchief?” he snorts, handing it back to her. She takes it with a grimace and folds it accurately, making sure not to touch the snot.

“Jaal sewed it for me. One day, he asked me how my name was written in our alphabet and I showed it to him. One hour later he gave me this.”

“That’s sweet.” Scott admits with a sniff. He looks at her with the most sheepish expression she ever saw on a human face. “I’m… I’m sorry, sis, I really am. I didn’t mean to treat him like that. I know he’s a cool guy and now that you assured me you are happy with him, I…”

“It’s okay. He knows what you went through. And as for what you said before…” She rests her hand on his and smiles. “You don’t have to worry about that, Scott. I know you will get better soon and even if you won’t, we will never leave you behind. You will never disappoint me or anyone else.”

She brushes back his hair, like Mom used to do before giving them her goodnight kiss. “You don’t have to become like me or Dad. I am not like Dad. We just have to be… us. Understood?”

He makes a tiny, timid affirmative sound, but for today that’s enough. He looks drained, sleepy as hell, and she convinces him to get under the covers to finally get some well-deserved rest.

“Do… do you think we can visit Aya tomorrow?” He asks bashfully, his voice partially muffled by the blanket he has pulled up to his mouth. “I mean, what better way to get used to all this than visit their homeworld?”

Chloe beams at him, happy that he suggested that first. Despite what Lexi and Gil said, Aya might truly be the best starting point for her brother: it’s gorgeous, calm, but lively, and he will be able to see how angara spend their time and fight for those they love.

“Of course. SAM, set the route for Aya and leave a message for Kallo. We can travel during the night, so we will be already there when we wake up.”

“Yes, Pathfinder.”

“Thanks, sis. I… I want this to work. I want to get better and not cause you any trouble with…” Scott hesitates. “With your new family.”

“It’s your new family too, bro.” She shakes his shoulder, smiling. “They have already accepted you.”

He frowns, confused by all that kindness once again.

“Even if they never met me?”

“Yes, even so.”

He whines, but his cheeks have finally regained some color.

“I’d like to meet Sahuna.” he admits. “Is she a cool mom?”

Chloe remembers their first meeting and her first emails, how kind and supportive she was, how she complimented her son in front of her as if to say ‘my boy is the best and he loves you so much, please give him a chance!’.

She remembers all their calls and the emails that followed the exploration of Khi Tasira and the victory on Meridian, Sahuna’s excitement for the future that rivaled Jaal’s, her gratefulness directed at Chloe for loving her son so much, her words of encouragement.

She grins, remembering when she, the other mothers, and Jaal’s siblings came to Meridian to visit it, a large crowd of angara that surrounded her and asked her questions, touched her hair, thanked her, shook her hands.

Sahuna brought a pie for her: she made it using all the Earth recipes she could find and fruits typical of Havarl. The pungent, strong, but pleasant taste is still vivid on Chloe’s tongue, every time she recalls it.

“Is it good, dear?” Sahuna asked, fidgeting just like her son, but she also reminded her of Ellen, the way she stood next to the table whenever she tried a new recipe.

“Is it good, Alec? Kids?”

“It’s great, mom.”

She said that to Sahuna too – she called her ‘mom’ - and the woman’s smile was so big it filled her entire face. Even her eyes looked bigger and Chloe blushed so hard after realizing what she had said, but she didn’t take it back and chuckled, embarrassed and happy at the same time, getting back to her slice of pie.

Jaal, next to her, beamed at his family, proud and overjoyed.

She snaps out of it when her brother laughs softly, a knowing smile on his lips.

“She is that cool?”

“Yes.” She smiles back. “She is the coolest. I’ll introduce you to her soon, I promise.”

She fixes his blanket and pillow, then decides it’s time to go and let the others have their sleep too.

“Did you wash your teeth?”

“Yes.”

“Liar. Do you want one of Vetra’s stuffed toys? I’m sure she won’t mind.”

“Mh.” He pretends to think hard about it, eyes closed, a small line on his brow, then he opens one eye and smiles at his smirking sister. “Eh. Not today, thanks.”

Chloe chuckles and ruffles his hair before getting up and putting the chair back where she found it. She goes to the door, opening it, but before leaving the room she turns to her brother and waves at him.

“Tell Jaal that I’m sorry.” he says, suddenly serious. “I will tell him myself tomorrow, but I want him to know now too.”

“Alright. Leave it to me.”

“Oh! Before I forget…” He takes out the earbuds Liam gave him and puts each into his ears, grinning at his sister. “Wouldn’t want to get even more traumatized.”

She swears, fleeing the room, and her brother’s genuinely cheerful laughter follows her in the corridor, making her smile.

She doesn’t see him pull out his omnitool and look for an angaran dictionary, one of the few things he never read in detail before.

- - - -

Jaal is waiting for her in their bed like he promised.

“Hello, my Darling One.”

He is also completely naked and Chloe freezes on the doorstep for a second, before hurrying to rush in and get to him.

Jaal laughs, opening wide his arms to welcome her, and she jumps into his embrace, enjoying the light sparks of electricity he sends through her skin.

“You are always so warm.” she hums, nuzzling his neck, smiling when he runs a hand through her hair and inhales deeply her scent.

“And you are always so perfect, my light.” He plays with her ponytail, letting her hair fall on the palm of his hand and then twirling it around his finger. His other hand is on the small of her back, pressing her body flush against his.

“How did it go?” he asks, kissing her nose, trepidation and anxiety on his face. She smiles, running her hands across his chest, touching every crevice and angle and protruding bone she knows so well now.

“It went well. Scott apologizes for what he said and he wants you to know that he’s sorry.” She presses her lips on his scarred cheek and adds, grinning: “He also wants to meet Sahuna!”

“Darling One!” Jaal laughs triumphantly and falls back onto the mattress, taking her with him. He rolls them over, so he can settle above her, and she wraps her legs around his waist.

“Also, we’ve set a course for Aya. We are heading there right now.” she says, peppering his face with kisses. Apparently, they didn’t have to wait the next day for the good news to arrive.

“I’m so relieved.” he sighs, resting his forehead on hers. “I want our families to be happy together, Chloe.”

“They will. Scott isn’t really angry at you or jealous, he’s just scared.” She cups his face in her hands and looks into his starry eyes, more beautiful than the space outside. She giggles and he looks at her quizzically, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

“You know, he asked me if we were married.”

“Well…” Jaal chuckles, blushing – she can see it now. “Not yet.”

They smile at each other, never breaking eye contact, and Jaal’s smile hides hope and that same shyness he had in his eyes when he asked her to be together. She brushes a finger down his nose, until she reaches his chin, stopping there.

“Yes. Not yet.” Her cheeks are burning too and her smile is wide and excited; Jaal’s breath hitches in his throat and then he grins, just like he grinned that day on Aya, when he spun her around in the lake.

He descends on her and kisses her just like that day, deeply, without holding back, showing all his love for her like he does with his hugs and electrical sparks.

“Taoshay…” she breathes, eyes half-closed; Jaal’s hands are caressing her breasts and thighs through her clothes and she runs hers down his head, touching the crevices, ridges, and the flaps on his neck in that way that always makes him groan in pleasure.

Without any input, SAM turns the lights off and locks the door; Chloe hears the click and smiles, thanking the AI in her head, then helps Jaal with her clothes.

Once she is completely naked like he is, he goes back between her legs and they kiss each other slowly, meticulously, savoring each kiss and each breath, playing with each other’s lips and tongue.

Jaal kisses her chest, right above her heart, then he takes care of her breasts, which he now knows so well, while she touches that soft spot of his neck that causes him to moan and release more electrical energy.

“Come here.” she says, wishing to kiss him again, and he understands what she wants, immediately pressing his lips against hers.

“Taoshay.” he calls her in return, thumbs stroking her cheeks, and they smile, their hearts beating in unison, a harmony of sounds singing under the stars.

Next chapter: Aya, Evfra's face when he sees there is another Ryder, and maybe Sahuna and the rest of Jaal's family :D

Also these are Chloe's scrunchies, the most decadent and colorful accessories you can imagine. (I used to wear those a lot when I was a kid ;_; )

I don't know if I mentioned it before, but English is not my native language, so I apologize for any typos or mistake in this chapter and in the previous ones!

[qwerty-sparrow]

My Thoughts on ME: A (TRIAL)

Here is my review and thoughts on my trial play on Mass Effect Andromeda.  Warning, very long and might contain spoilers.

Okay, so the game (trial) is not as horrible as some people have been making it out to be.

Let’s address the biggest issue people seem to be having.  The Character Creator.  I’m not going to lie.  It is disappointing compared to DA: I, who allowed you to change the shapes of your features and paved way for many people to make varied and diverse Inquisitors.  It feels like a big step back due to how limited it may feel to some in not only hair options they promised a wide variety of, but facial features as well. 

The fact that you are restricted to the features of the preset face and only allowed to make slight adjustments to it is a huge let down.  It felt like I was in a HD version of DA: O’s CC.  But all is not lost, I, after investing two of my precious trial hours and some TLC, was able to get a Ryder that look fairly like the character I imagined. 

Thankfully, the Bioware team has took our criticisms and concerns to heart and have promises of a Day 1 Patch to remedy this issue.  Here is me hoping that the restrictions are due to it being a trial and early access period.

Sadly, due to how some of the faces are set up, Ryder can at times have funny or funky facial animations, along with other characters, taking me a bit out of immersion due to the fact I am too busy laughing or cringing.  The voice acting in some areas falls flat and feel forced or unnatural.  Honestly, all but the humans got better animations in cutscenes, but that may just be due bugs they have failed to find or address.

Combat has improve quite a bit.  It is leaps better from the combat we experience in ME3.  Ryder feels fluid and they put little details in their movement to make them feel more natural as they walk/run about the environment.  The hoverpack is a GREAT addition to not only exploration but is a great asset to combat as well.

On more than one occasion I have used the hoverpack to flank enemies, gain a higher level, or use it as a escape device should the enemy draw too close for comfort.  The main disappointment I have is the fact the Nomad lacks combat capabilities.  I have to not only stop a good distance away from the fight, but get out of the Nomad to fight Kett, raidiers, and god knows who else are already shooting at you.  

I mean, come on, after the Mako and the Hammerhead, you’re going to leave us with this?  No wonder colonists are dying.  Even if protocols tell you to make peace with the locals (which I highly advise), always prepare for war.  You never know if the alien race you meet might be like the imperialistic Protheans or vicious xenomorphs who will eat your face off.  But I guess that helps drive in the point that the Initiative are a group of explorers, not an army.

Our squadmates are an all new cast of characters.  I only had Liam, Cora, and Vetra to bring with me during the trial.  I would have recruited PeeBee (she is spunky and intelligent) but the Trial hard capped me before I could go further.  I love all of them and am sad I have to wait a week before I can continue to speak with and learn more about them.  I am really excited to meet Jaal and the Angarans.  I want to be punched hugged!  

Liam is very optimistic about this whole fiasco and at most times I feel like he is like that older brother character that encourages you.  He just wants to help others and at times I want to protect him because so far he is a cinnamon roll.  I am curious to see how his story goes and I want to be there when its his time to shine.

Cora can come off as cold and at times intense, but she wants what is best as well, just in a more by the book fashion.  She, to me, represents an older sister who is not going to let you do stupid shit.  She, so far to me, is a no nonsense kind of woman and is not going to hold her option back should you do something fucked up.

Vetra is bae.  Don’t question it, just don’t.  I haven’t had much time with her, but I already love her attitude and while she comes off as a bit shady, remember that right now, the whole Nexus building plan is going tits up and survival is key.

Honestly, I would give the trial a 7/10.  I felt like the game is going to be worth it.  This is only the trial and I have high hopes for this game.  I can tell I’m going to have a good time.