#and the most recent health crisis hasn't helped

[cold-neon-ocean]

short-ish vent/explanation as to why things have been so slow sobs

I don’t really feel the passage of time anymore but it’s crazy how much time I’ve lost just since February to just one after another dealing with the house pets. First our puppy’s neuter, then my sister bringing her cats into the house, her cats tearing things up and needing to be watched constantly (by me of course bc I’m the only one here), her cats then giving everyone ringworm which was a nearly 2 month ordeal that we’re still recovering from physically and financially, and now both puppies (one has seemed to recover now) are having some sort of intestinal issue the vets don’t know the cause of, but I’m just cleaning bloody diarrhea (its not parvo, the vet tested) and doing laundry all day.

I never really got the chance to recover from the introduction of the puppies back in September last year. I feel like my life has been overtaken by all these animals completely against my will and out of my control. Mom is just hemorrhaging money from all these obligations and vet bills she never planned/asked for, and I’m trying to help (despite none of these pets being mine) while also barely having the time to work that I used to. I used to be able to sit at my desk nearly all day without being interrupted but now dealing with all these animals by the time I get to sit at my desk I’m exhausted and it’s like 7pm but I gotta get up at 6am to give out medications and make breakfast for 5 pets.

Its starting to calm down but I’m just really upset over how all this affected my ability to work since these extended wait times reflects on my business very poorly and it’s just been killing me because this is not how I normally conduct things but I just had the rug completely snatched from under me and haven’t really been able to get back up. 

I also want to make clear that none of these animals are mine, nor did I have anything to do with the decision making to get them. I was told by my fam that it was expressly kept secret from me- literally until the animals came through the front door, because they knew I’d be upset because I’d have to watch them since I’m the only one home. The only pet that belongs to me is my leopard gecko who is a perfect angel boy who I’ve had not one issue with since getting him (he just turned 2 last month). 

Things are (hopefully) starting to stabilize, I’m praying that we can have just a little time without an animal having some sort of health crisis. I’m really sorry this has been such a long running thing, I never could have anticipated for any of it. I’m so grateful for the patience of my commissioners and am especially sorry to them, this isn’t normally how my business handles and I’m really ashamed of it.

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

Unpopular opinion about the Waleses:

I think that there's more going on with Kate than the cancer. I think that between this and all the attacks she's received, not only recently but for the past few years as well (out of everyone in the family, she's the one who's been the most attacked: H&M supporters constantly go after her looks, her marriage, her family, her kids, accusing her of racism, of bullying H&M out of the family), I think she might be mentally exhausted and needed a break from everything, including her royal duties. I get the criticism that she's received, saying that regular people don't have the luxury to stop working but I feel like there's also a case of mental exhaustion

Also, as someone who has deal with people with cancer and has been a caregiver, having cancer is one of these diseases that will make you reevaluate your life, think about what you want and what makes me happy. I don't know how Kate is doing but she's well enough to take the kids to a festival and go to Wimbledon.

As someone who has watched Kate grow since she started dating William to now, she never struck me as someone who is a social climber or desperate to be Queen, like so many people believe. She and William were in the same circle. She could've easily done a Pippa, married a rich aristocrat and lived a rich life without being in the public eye.

And even after she and William got married, she always gave me the vibes of someone who loves being a stay-at-home mum, living peacefully in the countryside. I never thought her (or William for that matter) really liked royal life. Look at how many years it took for them to start solo projects and even then, it looks like they're not really that involved (Heads Together is the perfect example)

Maybe, this health crisis and her finally taking the time to reflect on everything is making her realise that she doesn't really like this life, which is why she hasn't come back to doing engagements, unlike Charles (I know he's the monarch but he's always been very hard-working)

Could be. I know a lot of others that share your opinion.

Something I think is worthwhile to remember is that we’re in the middle of a huge paradigm shift as to what royalty is, what they do, and what they mean, moving from traditional monarchy (best embodied globally by the BRF and Queen Elizabeth) to modern monarchy (which no one really knows what that looks like because we all look to the BRF for that model, despite dozens of other monarchies around the world who have been able to make that transition somewhat successfully). Charles certainly has ideas of what modern monarchy can be, but he’s also a product of traditional monarchy and is still somewhat beholden to those ideals, though his own diagnosis seems to have made him realize there is some merit to a modern, scaled back approach.

To which I think is the “between a rock and a hard place” that William and Kate are in - as the face of “modern monarchy,” they’ve had to do a lot of work figuring out what that looks like, and what they seemed to have settled on is quality over quantity, and their focus is quality of everything - quality of life, quality of work, quality of health, quality of engagement. And I think we’re seeing that in their joint decision to let Kate have the time and space she needs to heal not just physically but mentally as well.

Which is an uncomfortable notion because we’re used to a royalty that “has to be seen to be believed.”

The flip side of your argument about Heads Together and how uninvolved they are today is “well, that’s totally the point.” It goes back to William’s approach to charity work; he wants to train, teach, help the locals to do this work. He gives them the seed money or the initial support to launch, but then he backs out of it, turning the reigns over to the locals or the experts, which has a far greater chance of long-term success because then you’re addressing systemic challenges. (Which is the opposite of Harry’s approach, which is that it needs to be fixed right now, so flood the system with everything and everyone you need to eradicate the immediate problem, take credit for that, then take your money and experts somewhere else and leave the locals unable to do anything except watch the problem redevelop or worsen, because you haven’t taught them what to do. The brothers have butted heads over this and it’s something often discussed by the Royal rota in their books.) So again, it’s a conscious choice by William to prioritize quality over quantity; making sure to invest in the people involved in his initiatives to address issues at the core root.

But at the end of the day, there is no right or wrong answer at what’s going on. It’s just change. And change is uncomfortable because it makes “what we’re used to” different. But it doesn’t necessarily mean that change and different is bad. We just don’t know. And we won’t know until William gets a chance to effect his plans.

As for Kate, she signed up to be William’s wife and accepted that the crown comes with it. She’ll show up when she needs to because that’s the woman she is; when it matters the most, she’ll be there. Yes, it matters somewhat now to a lot of people, but it’s doesn’t matter the most right now. It’ll be okay.

And if it isn’t, if things change and Kate doesn’t show up when she critically needs to, we’ll worry about it then. But for now, let’s take her at her own words that sometimes she has bad days and sometimes she has good days and when she’s having a good day, she wants to make the most of it. She had a good day this weekend and went out with her family and had a good time. Is she not allowed to do that? Are all cancer patients or all people with major health issues not allowed to enjoy their good days when they have them? Because if so, someone better let the Make A Wish Foundation, and all wish charities, know they need to shut down since sick people aren’t allowed to have fun.

[nyctophobia-au]

Where I've Been

Okay, so, 'sup babygrills. This is going to be a bit of a lengthy post, but I feel like I should update followers on here as to where I've been because I haven't been active for, like, months.

If you don't care to read all of the stuff under the cut, that's fine. Here's my TL;DR: I've been having issues with mental illness, trauma, motivation, gender dysphoria (?), and have been busy with college and YouTube/social media stuff. However, luckily my HK special interest has returned and I plan on posting more often hopefully. (Mild cw for mental health mentions ig.)

Okay, so, to begin, I've been gone a lot due to responsibilities outside of making Nyctophobia content. So, up until recently, I've been working on graduating from college. I've been finishing up my final class this Summer, but last quarter in the Spring was really difficult for me time-wise and mental health-wise. I've had a lot of issues with depression and anxiety throughout my life, and being at college was torturous and sapped all of my energy. It did not help that, last quarter, I had to be there at the college for six hours of my day five days a week. It was not easy to make art for myself and my channel, much less for this blog.

Outside of college, and I've mentioned this before in passing, but I also make YouTube videos and, at the moment, YT is my income (alongside comms as well). I've been pretty focused on keeping my my schedule at least a little bit consistent, and that alone has been draining and tiring. It also affects the kind of art that I can create, as I have to draw certain things for certain videos. I've been really weary when it comes to making content as of late, and I really need to take a small break so that I can work on stuff I actually want to work on rather than being stuck drawing certain things for the sake of videos I'm not inspired to make.

Pivoting more into specifics about my mental health, I have been needing to see a therapist for a long while, but I haven't had the motivation or the funds to pursue that option up until recently. Hopefully, I will be attending therapy soon. Last year in, uhm, September I had a particularly bad mental health episode and I've come to realise that some events that happened during that time have left me with trauma that I'm still currently working past and healing from. I've had issues with self-harm, depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and self-perception for a long time, but in the Spring they were stifling and impossible to ignore. Lately, they have been better, though. So, that's nice. There hasn't been just the usual stuff lately (oh no, that's be too easy), but I've gotten jumpscared with gender issues (hooray, my favourite /s) during this time, and am struggling with my self-perception regarding my gender up to current day. (Hi, I currently go by Rot or Sexy Fictional Bug Enthusiast and my pronouns are they/them, but they may very well be they/he soon). Also, I had a bad identity crisis a couple of months ago and had to do this whole rebrand thing that was a lot of work and it kinda sucked away a lot of energy and time.

On top of all of that, ya boy's special interest metre has been focused primarily on OC stuff and other things outside of HK. It's pretty well-known that I have autism and Hollow Knight is one of my special interests. I'm unsure how it works for most people, but my fixations tend to come in waves and fluctuate (though super special meaningful ones stick for a long time). So, like, I had this whole issue with my mind always being fixated more on things outside of HK. It's been my OCs for a few months, but alongside that, I also suddenly became enraptured by The Owl House and my Digimon special interest sleeper agent returned for a hot second there. As of recently, I've been interested in HK again, but have been afraid to start/work on projects related to my AU because of me having to work on OC content for my channel and also for my friends who are invested.

As of right now, I have some more time on my hands to make the content I want to make, and my HK fixation is back (thank fuck). I've generally been doing a bit better in the mental health arena, but I will also be taking some time off of YT and posting videos regularly in favour of focusing on making stuff I want to make. So, like, expect me to be more active here for some time. I might be finishing a fic in the next month (hopefully) as well, and I have some general comic and art ideas. I just want to draw Auric again, god dammit. My beloved. <3

Anyways, thanks for reading if you did. Just figured I'd make a post about this for people who thought I died or something (and for the people who were once interested in my projects on here and are starving for content, lmao).

[homlessness-portland-unst242]

Social Change Blog #2- History of Homelessness in Portland and actions now

The Portland Homeless Crisis P:2

Asia Lumoya-Wills 

UNST 242A

  My main research for social change is homelessness in Portland, Oregon. Portland hasn't always been known for the large population of homelessness, but over the years the city of roses has turned into homelessness and a hot spot for drug abuse. Homelessness didn't start to become a major problem till around the late 19th century. “There are many factors that contributed to Oregon’s current homelessness crisis. But most agree that the blame largely falls on one problem: the state’s affordable housing shortage”(Zielinski, 2023). Portland relied on low-wage migrant workers who were employed as warehouse workers, longshoremen, and loggers to keep the Portland economy stable. However, these workers could not afford to buy houses in Portland so there was something called, “short-term lodging houses” in an attempt to fix this issue. These lodging houses were one-room single occupancy hotels with communal kitchens and bathrooms. A large part of why these lodging houses were widely used came down to the low rates that came with spending the night there. Over time the use of short-term lodging decreased and was eventually torn down. In the 1950s and 1960’s these lodging houses were torn down for urban renewal, thus ending short-term lodging.  Upon delving into the history of homelessness in Portland, we have to take into account a fact that most people forget.  Although the homeless crisis has blown up in recent years, Portland has long been at risk for homelessness due to the outrageous housing prices and the ratio of low-income waged workers living there. Although this has always been an issue, homelessness in Portland has taken a completely different shape. Homelessness in recent years has skyrocketed and grown out of the city’s control. Efforts needed to be made to tackle the homeless crisis in the city. 

      Two local non-profit organizations that attempted to do this are the Transition Projects and Operation Night Watch. “In any given year, we help place more than 1,000 people into affordable housing - and then support them in retaining that housing”(Transition Projects, 2023). The transition project is mainly focused on housing and helping others maintain that housing. Operation Night Watch is another nonprofit organization dedicated to improving homelessness in Portland. Their main focus is,“Nighttime hospitality for Portland’s unhoused population to promote dignity, community, and social connection” (Nightwatch,2021).  Essentially this organization provides free individual counseling sessions while also providing essentials such as food, socks, blankets, etc. This is a social way for those on the streets unhoused to get the mental health help they need all while making sure they have the survival necessities they need for living on the street as well. 

Another recent attempt at improving the homeless situation in Portland came through Oregon ballots. “In 2020, Oregon voters passed the HereTogether-Metro Regional Supportive Housing Measure. This measure is one of the most ambitious efforts in the nation in terms of providing critical funding to services that support people transitioning out of homelessness” (Gaitán, 2023). This measure aimed to decrease the risk of homelessness both in people transitioning out of homelessness and struggling to avoid it. The act is set to be implemented in the year 2030 and is one of the current actions being taken to reduce homelessness in Portland. 

Citations:

Homelessness in Portland. The Official Guide to Portland. (n.d.). https://www.travelportland.com/plan/homelessness-portland/#:~:text=Portland%20is%20a%20compassionate%20city%20with%20extensive%20support%20%E2%80%94%20including%20hunger,health%20treatment%20and%20housing%20solutions 

Our mission. Operation Nightwatch. (n.d.). https://www.operationnightwatch.org/our-mission 

Stories of transition. Transition Projects. (n.d.). https://www.tprojects.org/stories-of-transition 

Zielinski, A. (2023, October 10). How homelessness in Oregon started, grew and became a statewide crisis. opb. https://www.opb.org/article/2023/10/09/oregon-homelessness-history-background-housing-solutions/ 

[pipertransgirl]

First Steps...

Hey hey, I'm Piper and I've just started my journey transitioning from the androgen soaked male impostor I've been playing for the past 40ish years to the soon to be uncloseted femme that's been living inside me for all these decades. The last few years I've been feeling like she is ripping through my chest most days, impostor syndrome is very much alive and well.

I've decided to start a journal to not only share my personal experience transitioning, but also to keep track of what I hope will be positive progress both physically and mentally. Soooo, in the spirit of sharing I'll be taking measurements, sharing my mental journey, and probably also venting a little bit. As much as I'd like to share facial changes I'm very much aware of the dangers of doing so... Well, that and I suffer from debilitating dysphoria when it comes to my face... Maybe that's something that will change as I progress, maybe it won't.

CURRENT STATE OF BEING:

Right now I'm on the cusp of starting HRT, just about to have my final blood tests before my dr can prescribe me hormones. I'll be starting with Estradiol Gel and Cyproterone Acetate with 3 monthly checkups to re-evaluate my general health and hormone levels. Results might be something worth sharing if it helps someone...

I've been suffering with increasingly debilitating dysphoria for the better part of 30 years. At first it was tolerable, however it's gotten to the point where I basically never leave the house unless it's absolutely necessary (food shopping etc). I've suffered panic attacks and chronic anxiety for maybe the last 10 years, though I've been getting that under control with both meditation and a supplement regime including things like Ashwagandha and L-Theanine. Definitely something I'd like to talk more about at some point, it's helped me tremendously and may help someone else.

Right now I'm at the point of "if this doesn't work out I can always check out from life, but if I don't do something now, then I might aswell just get it over with". I am literally done with life if my current state of being is how it's going to be. I have a therapist, and am working on my mental state and personal existential crisis. I don't know if this is going to turn out well, just know that I need to do something, because pretending I don't exist hasn't worked despite me trying several approaches including drugs, psychotherapy, self denial, stoicism and many others.

NEXT STEPS:

Blood tests next week, hopefully all is well and I can start HRT immediately (pending step 2), fingers and toes crossed!

I have to quit smoking after some 30 years of habitual use despite working in cancer research for the last 15 years. Yep, my life is a literal paradox in more ways than one! Got any tips??

I have recently quit my job due to dysphoria becoming so debilitating, so I'm starting up my own Etsy Store making trans orientated clothing as I love designing garments and sewing. Getting myself a space setup to work is important as I have limited funds to survive without income, so that's defo on the todo list!

Better get A into G huh! Happy Friday all xo

[heseemewumbo]

Before reading this, please don't be alarmed. As heavy my heart is right now, and as hard every evening has been lately, crying myself to tiredness every night, I'm fine. Pero if I don't let this out now I will never hold myself accountable, and this is the most humiliating thing that I have to do now, for the sake of my mental health, before it's too late for me.

I am not financially stable. I've been in financial, mental, and emotional crisis over the past year, and I feel I've been covering this all up, for the most part because tbh with the pandemic finally dying down, and coming out of a major surgery last year, I just wanted to go back and live the normal life I've been craving for so long. I've reached a tipping point lately. I've resorted to self-harm recently. I've started breaking things, and I'm scared.

I'm currently more than half a million pesos in debt. It's a long story, but I've made horrible decisions last year, I thought I could finally invest in a home, I thought I could turn my life around somehow knowing I own something. I've been scammed, and I ended up in debt, renting, no house to my name. Additionally my mother hasn't been helpful either, whom had a big part in all this. She's also in debt. The expectation to live up to my mother's failed dreams, being abandoned by my father, having to stop studying to start helping my family, only to fall back in this pit hole. I don't have any words. I am suffering. And I'm humiliated.

I wrote this letter to myself originally, bc somehow maybe writing this down could help me stabilize a bit, only having come out of a panic attack. I write this letter to you now, whoever's reading this, to say I'm sorry. I feel like I've been deceiving everyone. I pretend I'm fine and I pretend nothing's wrong. In the end I might have been affecting you somehow, without you knowing, probably financially too. And I promised to start this year comnecting to you again. I've tried but it hurts when I get to go back home. It costs me so much to be alive right now. I failed, and I might stop making those promises again. I'm sorry.

I can't take part in anything, at least for the next 2 years. I need to step back from the delusion I've created for myself and face the realities of my situation. I simply cannot afford anything right now. No, I'm not asking for help financially. This is simply a burden I cannot drag you guys into. Yes, if I have debts I'll pay them sooner, and if anything it can be discussed. I just need my head space, and I still have ideas, I can always share them.

I need to let this be known, because I've broken my relationship with money. Perhaps I'm telling you all this now bc at least, for what it's worth, I value our relationship more than anything else, more than any money in the world, and if money somehow ruins it will be the end for me. I don't want to let go, not of you, not of myself, I need to tell you this now before it's too late for me. Perhaps also to warn you, too. I'm sure I'm the only person with the propensity for bad decisions, but simply just. Don't be me? Please don't be like me.

I might take a step back from anything too spend-y for now. I'll jump back by 2024, I hope. Please understand that I might distance myself from a lot of things for now. Likewise, I don't know how reassuring this is, but I'm still here. And I still love y'all. 😊

[kayla1993-world]

Since January 2016, almost 25,000 people have died from opioid-related causes, according to the Public Health Agency of Canada, which compiles the data from all provinces except Quebec.

As a crisis of opioid-related overdoses and deaths rages on in Canada, advocates have long been saying that decriminalization would help to reduce stigma associated with drug use and help save lives.

But even though calls for decriminalization have come from within the Liberal caucus, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau said during the 2021 federal election that it's not something his government is looking to bring in.

Under the Controlled Drugs and Substances Act, jurisdictions can ask the federal government for exemptions to allow people to have small amounts of substances such as cocaine, heroin and fentanyl.

Vancouver formally asked for that in May 2021.

British Columbia was the first province to make its own request, in November 2021. Toronto followed in January.

B.C.’s mental health and addictions minister, Sheila Malcolmson, said that is one of many steps the province is taking to "save lives in the toxic drug crisis."

"The number of people that continue to lose their lives to toxic drug supply while using drugs alone is all the evidence we need that stigma and shame are costing people their lives,” Malcolmson said.

A recent report from the B.C. coroners service showed that between January 2019 and January 2022, more than half of illicit drug toxicity deaths happen at home.

Malcolmson said stigma prevents people from getting help with addictions and shame pushes many to hide their addiction and use drugs alone. That means they risk dying alone.

“Addiction is not a criminal justice problem. It's a health-care problem,” Malcolmson said.

The coroner's report said 2,224 people died of suspected overdoses in B.C. in 2021, the most ever recorded in a year. That’s up 26 percent over 2020.

Malcolmson said responding to the overdose crisis will require multiple approaches.

“It's never going to be decriminalization alone. That alone will not save lives,” she said.

“But if we have the health-care supports for people to turn to, they don't feel the shame and stigma about drug use. They're willing to talk to their primary health care provider,” which can help people get treatment or prescribe a safe supply.

Dr. Eileen de Villa, Toronto's medical officer of health, said she sees the city’s request as a change in the approach to drug policy.

“An approach that focuses, or that involves criminalization, it actually leads to stigma and discrimination, which in fact, worsens the situation on the ground,” said de Villa.

Criminalizing those who use drugs can also put people in harm’s way when they try to access harm reduction services, employment, and housing, de Villa said.

Mary Clare Zak is the managing policy director for the city of Vancouver, and she led the city's exemption request.

She said half the people who have drugs confiscated by police in the city right now are carrying less than the possession limits Vancouver wants to implement.

Its proposed thresholds for opioids would be two grams, cocaine at three grams, crack cocaine at one gram and amphetamine at 1.5 grams, according to the request submission.

Anyone found with less than these limits won't face charges and won't have the drugs taken away if there's no evidence of other offences such as trafficking.

“People who get their drugs confiscated, who they addicted to drugs, need to go out and find more drugs,” Zak said.

"And this could lead them to having to make a desperate purchase from a dealer or a source that's unknown to them, and put them at higher risk."

So far, Health Canada hasn't decided on any of the exemption requests, and says it won't comment on applications under review.

A spokesperson said in a statement Friday that the government recognizes the different approaches jurisdictions and organizations are taking and is working with its partners to find “innovative solutions.”

“This is a process that requires some time,” de Villa said.

“My sense from Health Canada staff is they're being as helpful as they can,” Zak said. “They tell us that things are still in play and in progress, and that they're having conversations.”

Malcolmson said her staff is also having active conversations with Health Canada about the B.C. application.

"It certainly is something we're calling for urgently," said Malcolmson, noting that even if they get approval, it will take time to implement the changes.

"This is not just a flick of the light switch."

Ending the opioid crisis is complex, but Zak said decriminalization is something governments can do to help quickly.

“Safe supply is hugely important. And it's going to take a long time, unless the minister has a magic wand to make some changes in stigma within the health system, stigma within regulatory bodies,” she said.

[stubert87]

I've spent some time wondering if coming back here to write something was too self indulgent at a time like this. But I'm going to start writing and if you're reading it then I got to the end, thought it was ok, and posted it.

I think it's fair to say that the nation's mental health, as a whole, is in somewhat of a state of flux at the minute. Our life as we have come to know it has been entirely disrupted, albeit temporarily. I've come back to this space to share some of my musings and offer support to anyone who's mental well-being has been affected since the threat of coronavirus has appeared. For many of us this may just be the most recent trigger in a series of major episodes of anxiety, low mood, etc. For others this may be the first experience of anxiety or any form of negative mental health. I hope this makes sense. Maybe even some of it may resonate.

I'm more than familiar with how isolated our thoughts can make us feel when we're in the midst of a low point. Add to that the very literal isolation that has been placed upon us through social distancing measures, and we have the recipe for a mental health crisis. But it isn't as bad as it sounds. In every new scenario and environment there is opportunity. We just have to be willing to see past the fear, and seize it.

There are some of us adept at change. There are some of us that aren't. I most certainly am not. I'm analytical and need order. I need time to digest my new environment, figure out how to exist within it, and then consciously marry up my strengths to this new situation, while guarding my vulnerabilities, until I establish a comfort zone. For those of us who aren't as fast paced as others when dealing with change, the entire situation is a wall of anxiety that seems insurmountable. We are paralysed by the overwhelming barrage of "what ifs" leading to "I can'ts" that lead to "I'm a failure" and there we have ourselves back on the edge of The Abyss, thinking that this is no way to live and pleading with the universe to make tomorrow better.

The insurmountable wall right now is made up of a combination of catastrophic thoughts that has the potential to cripple us. From worrying about the health of ourselves, our friends and families, to worrying how long this will last, and when we can see each other again, each question is a potential doorway to a 'corridor of catastrophising'. It's very easy to end up at very scary and upsetting conclusions, such as "I'm never going to see xyz again" or "I'm next". Very dark thoughts in an already dark time.

The process of breaking the cycle of worry is a lot greater than anything I can outline in this blog. There's a reason that forms of therapy last many sessions. But I'll try to pass on a few tips that have helped me over the years.

I like to think there's two places you can tackle your worry. If we use the analogy of the 'corridor of catastrophising', the door you walk through and into the corridor is the initial worry, the end of the corridor is the final conclusion you reach: a dead end is a total overwhelming negative thought, taking another door out of the corridor is us reaching a better conclusion.

The first way you can try to tackle your worry is at the start, by nipping it in the bud. When you open the door and see that "what if" worry, you can ask yourself is this normal worry, or excessive worry. If what you're thinking is something like "I'm worried about the wellbeing of my grandparents because they're vulnerable and isolating for 12 weeks" then this is a perfectly normal worry. Any human being would think this. You then need to make sure you follow up this thought with positive action and find one way to make the situation better. Using the grandparents example, can you set them up with video calling? Can you send them voice notes? Can you get them involved in distanced activities like a video chat quiz or look for events to take part in like the virtual grand national? Taking positive action will help remove the mental isolation and bring about a positive shift in mindset. And much like a negative mindset can spiral, a positive mindset can also gain momentum.

For some of us though this may be to little too late. We might have already walked down the dark corridor to it's gloomy and seemingly absolute end. And also for anyone who hasn't had to work at challenging their thought processes before, simply trying to nip it in the bud is a a lot to get to grips with straight away, and you could actually end up in a strange state of denial where you're pushing the thought away, only for it to come back with a vengeance. So we have to look at reframing our negative thoughts to help us back track and take another turn off the corridor.

The idea is to challenge the thought by asking yourself can I bring any evidence to back that thought up? Can I prove without any shadow of doubt that the thought I have is true? Using the example of grandparents again, it's easy to bring in evidence like "they're old and therefore high risk", "there's already been thousands of deaths". These are natural worries, but they're not concrete evidence to support a worst case scenario. If we try re-framing our thoughts more positively then the thoughts become less consuming and therefore allow us to think more rationally. "They're vulnerable" - correct, but they're shielding for 12 weeks in isolation to ensure the chances of infection are minimal. "There's already been thousands of deaths" - could be challenged by "yes but there's also plenty of cases of recovery and also so many that haven't been infected or shown symptoms. As long as we're all doing our part to stop the spread, we reduce the risk".

By challenging each negative thought we give ourselves chance to minimise their detrimental impact and make them more manageable and easy to digest. It takes a lot of practice but eventually you get quicker at managing these thoughts and you're quickly volleying them away before they can take hold.

Another problem many of us are now facing is the concept of managing our time in isolation so we're not climbing the walls. Not an easy task at all, but one the more analytical of us may find a bit easier. Iregardless it will take practice. It's easy to fall into bad habits when we have too much time to kill. For some of us we'll naturally fall into good habits because we're disciplined. For others amongst us structure and good routine maybe don't come so naturally. The best way to ensure we're getting the most out of our day is to spend up to a week documenting your activities and the mood you experienced while doing it, correlating what our mood was like to the activity and looking for patterns in the day to day, so that we can then start planning more activities that elevate our mood whilst balancing our necessary tasks that may not bring us so much comfort or joy. Sounds simple on paper but I can definitely attest to the fact that challenging your own behaviour and embedding change is never easy.

There are also so many of us who have anxious brains who've suddenly found that we're calmer than usual. That people around us seem more anxious than we are. It's an interesting phenomenon that I've recently found myself in and mused over this somewhat. Having pondered on it a while, I can only draw the conclusion that my mind is used to living in a state of abstract worry. By that I mean I'm worrying about what MIGHT happen, or rumenating on an incident that happened a week ago. None of this worry is in the present. And when you're suffering from a period of mental ill-health it feels almost possible to be present, grounded, and in the moment. But in this pandemic lies a very real, very present threat. One that means our lives are changing by the day. A threat that is very much making us exist in the present. Anyone who's ever been stuck in the rut if anxious thinking knows that when you snap out of it into the present moment, you're capable of thinking and rationalising and lightning speed. So if you're one of us who's found yourself much calmer than ever, make sure you're continuing to keep those positive actions going to build a positive resilience. Think about what you can do to help friends, family, colleagues and your community to keep us all afloat. Sometimes the people who've experienced the darkest of thoughts are the ones who can bring light to others dark times. If this is you, now's your time to shine.

The final key to it all is my age old advice. KEEP TALKING. The second you feel in a slump, pick up the phone and call someone. Video call them. Start a House Party. Never impose further isolation on yourself by withdrawing. On the opposite side, if you haven't heard from someone in a while then call them. Make whatever plans you can in this difficult time.

I think I've meandered on long enough. If you've made it this far, thank you. If you've found any of this thought provoking or even helpful please let me know. I've attached a link to some further reading on covid-19 and anxiety (if you have any reading left in you) I think it's pretty useful