#and the master doesnt know what to do with the doctor who isnt fighting him but also isnt fighting for him to stay. he's just letting him b | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

a-red-panda · 2 years

Text

2 people wanted this so here we go! the full this will be under the read more cuz its a lot. also ignore spelling mistakes im too lazy to fix them also the ratings are my opinions. if you feel differently please lmk cuz i love talking about these movies

Hellraiser 1 - the original. The best tbh. Sets up a really good foundation for the rest of the series. The plot is mainly about a family thats kinda not that great with each other. Kristi doesnt like her stepmom and the feeling is mutual. But also the stepmom has had an affair with her husband, kristis dad, brother frank. Frank wanted to be more kinky and heard of a way to do so (hint thats the box and also the “you opened the box. I came”) but uh oh! He summoned ancient sex demons called cenobites! But he escaped and now is making kristis stepmom kill people to bring him back. Long story short kristi finds the box, makes a deal with the hell priest aka pinhead, and eventually kills frank. Frank does say a fucking great line right at the end tho. Also there is a dragon

Easy 10/10 classic also the scene with chatters fingers in kritis mouth gets me feeling some sort of way

Hellraiser 2 - a direct sequel to the first. Still follows kristi. Frank is dead dead. But kristis mom is still here and is now making a doctor (who loves to basically torture his patients) kill for her. So she is the new and improved frank. But there is also a puzzle master who was manipulated into opening the box. But she didnt know what the box does so the cenobites just let her go. We see leviathan, the god in charge of creating cenobites basically. Kristis mom is kinda like the mediator. Also the doctor becomes a cenobite and is kinda fucked up in the best way. But puzzle master defeats levathens box-that-turned-into-a-triangle.

Another 10/10 for me. Love the maze also girlboss

Hellraiser 3 - the one that starts to have it go downhill. No kristi. Now a reporter. But also theres a girl who cant dream with a toxic af ex. The ex has a cenobite statue and kills girls after he had sex with them. The statue wants the girl who cant dream. Also wants the reporter. At this point its a solid story imo but itll soon go downhill. Basically the key moment in this movie is when the club gets taken over and a bunch of shitty cenobites are spawned. Theres cd-head who spits cds. Camera-head who had a great one liner and thats it. (please look up pics of cd and camera head its fucking great) The ex was one also but tbh i dont remember. The girl who cant dream also turned into a cenobite which made no sense. Also her design sucked ass.

6/10 the fight at the end was funny and great but not very hellraiser tbh

Hellraiser bloodline - this is it. This is where the series goes downhill. So there is 3 different timelines that all go on simultaneously. And it kinda sucks. Im gonna tell the story in chronological order and not how the movie did it. So some rich dude in the 1800(?) wanted a box to summon a demon. Toymaker made one. They summoned a demon. This box is the box that summons the cenobites. Its now named the lament configuration. Descendants of the toymaker is hunted by this demon chick. She isnt a cenobite btw. But then some dude in “modern” time (modern for when this movie came out) is an artist (architect? Tbh i dont remember) but also a descendant. So the demon chick hunts him down. He summons cenobites. They make the demon girl a cenobite. The toymaker lineage is still going strong in the YEAR 3000???? IN SPACE??? WE ARE IN SPACE BRUH anyways the new descendant wants to blow up this ship to kill the cenobites. Cuz the box works in space. And it works i guess??

4/10 sexy demon lady cenobite is fucking hot

Hellraiser Inferno - the main character is a cop that cheats on his wife, does hard drugs, doesnt seem to care for his kid, and lies to his boss about important murder info. So basically hes terrible. So this dude is obsessed with finding the engineer who is killing people. Also the lament configuration is still here. He meets more new cenobites mainly the wire twins (which has the most confusingly erotic scene in the whole film iynyn) everyone think the main dude is the killer. Everyone around him dies and also he seems to be going through a lot mentally when in reality he opened the box and pinhead is coming after him. Big plot twist? Hes now in a time loop 3/10 points for the wire twins

Hellraiser Hellseeker - ok so. Kristi is back! She is now married to a piece of shit dude who brought her the box for their wedding anniversary. But also she is missing and the husband is the #1 suspect obviously. But he swears that its not him. But also he cheats on kristi with his boss. The husband has a series of hallucinations cuz he opened the box. But also his boss is now dead and he is the #1 suspect…….again. But his coworker was like “dude you fucked up our plan to get all of kristis money when we wanted to stage her death as a suicide”. Turns out this entire thing was a dream and kristi made a deal with the cenobites and she is still alive

5/10 tbh the plot twist at the end saved the entire movie for me

Hellraiser Deader - ok this one is confusing and tbh i barely remember it so bare with me. Reporter girl is given a tape by her boss and told to investigate it. Its a cult around the lament configuration. So she is trying to figure out more and goes on wacky adventures including an orgy train. But the people who died in this cult place actually come back to life. Thats a big part. But it has to be a certain way. Ok so at this point i googled the plot and i still cant make sense of it sooo…….

6/10 i actually enjoyed this movie even tho i have no clue whats going on

Hellraiser hellworld - hear me out. What if the lament configuration was a video game? I shit you not that is the plot. If you solve the box then you get an invitation to a special party. Bunch of friends blame themselves for their friends suicide btw. The host is this old man btw. But the people are taken apart one by one and killed by the cenobites. Or the host. Actually its kinda both. The host is actually their dead friends dad who drugged them and turned out this is all a hallucination. Also he summoned the cenobites from the box that his son used so turns out their dead friend was just kinky. But 2 people lived

4/10 not bad but not good. Also i had no idea that henry cavill was in it

Hellraiser Revelations - 2 families meet up on the anniversary of their sons death. One son was dating the others daughter. They filmed themselves going to mexico and getting drunk. Also having sex with other ladies and filming it. But one of them died. So they kinda go on the run? But in the end they are given the box so its kinda obvious where they are. But its not! Cuz one of them, the one with the sister, is still alive! But hes not acting right! Also the house is kinda in its own space field cuz they cant go anywhere or call anyone. Turns out (after a fucking awful scene where the bro and sis kiss) the brother isnt actually the brother but the friend who stole the others skin. But the dude comes back and kills him

5/10 eh wanted more pinhead

Hellraiser judgment - so this dude (who is highkey kinda cute tho) writes peoples sins? And another dude eats it. Its so fucking gross. So there is a detective who works with his bro. Detective is way to invested in the person that they are looking for who is killing a lot of people. Also btw the dog doesnt die! The dog is just stuffed in a ladies womb! Tbh i actually liked this movie. New detective sees that the dude is kinda sus. The bro says nah hes cool. But also hes not. He meets the cenobites but a fucking angel was like nope he cant die send him back out. Pinhead is essentially a mob boss in this one and i kinda love it. But he is not happy he wants to kill. The dude opened the box so pinhead must kill. Anyways turns out the dude is the killer and they figured this out from tale of 2 cities. But pinhead wants to kill!!! The angel stops him again saying that they need more sin. Hey remember how frank died in the first film with the hooks and that awesome final line? Yea they remake that with the angel it was pretty sick tbh

8/10 the eating in this movie made me sick

#hellraiser #slasher #horror movies #slashers #im gonna reblog this later with my verdict with the new one #i just wanted to get this out there

1 note · View note

hasbedidoneanythingbad · 3 years

Text

Dinadan | Ruler

Dinadan - Ruler Dinadan manifested in this class due to not having a wish for the grail. He is the only knight other than the king themself to manifest under the Ruler class. Even when alive, he had no wish, he was just content with what he had. He was even content in his dying moments when he was held so closely in Lancelot’s arms.

Dinadan never cared for fighting or for courtly love. No one is sure why he became a knight, he’s not even sure why either.

Appearance:

Dinadan is a knight of shorter stature, about the height of Sir Mordred. He’s got brown hair that reaches his shoulders and he’s got blue eyes. He also has a little bit of stubble but it’s very faint.

In his first stage, he wears a gown befitting the queen of Camelot herself. He wears this gown due to the part of Arthurian where Lancelot beat him in combat in a dress and then forced him into one, and then paraded around Camelot together in said dresses.

In his other stages, he switches out the gown for a proper suit of armor. He carries a lyre on his back in all of the stages, he doesnt use it during battle, he just prefers to keep it n him

Personality:

Dinadan is known as the ‘class clown’ out of the knights. He was constantly seen cracking jokes and making light of even the most darkest of situations. His relatively friendly nature and carefree nature was what got him killed, for merely being friends with another knight who was related to the man who killed Mordred and Agravain’s father(King Lot).

When it comes to his relationship with his master, he easily trusts them. This is evident in his bond lines where he openly talks about his life. He even tells them straight out that he’s not a very good knight in his later bonds

Voice lines:

Upon being summoned:

“Nice to meet you master! The name is Dinadan, ruler class. I hope I don’t disappoint!”

Bond Level 1:

“Hey master, I ought to tell you. I aint really good when it comes to fighting, not really my thing. But I’ll try my best!”

Bond Level 2:

“Hey master, I should write you a song sometime! Oh yeah I’ve written a couple songs! Like once I wrote one about King Mark, Sir Tristan’s uncle. He didnt like it very much..”

Bond Level 3:

“I dont see how you can be so interested in me. I’m not very interesting or as special as your other servants. I’m just some measly little knight that clings to his lyre.”

Bond Level 4:

“You know you’d like Isolde...for some reason you remind me of her. I dunno why! Maybe it’s because you’re so nice to me. And you dont find me annoying like some of the other knights. So thank you for being nice to me!”

Bond Level 5:

“Hey master I wrote you that song! Here let me play it for you...hey no its not like the one I wrote for Mark. This is a ballad about your victories! Your heroic deeds!”

Dialogue about Tristan:

“Sir Tristan! It’s been such a long time since I saw you! You look handsome as ever..Hey dont look so sad my friend. It really is me..I won’t leave you this time.”

Dialogue about Mordred:

“Master please shield me from Mordred! Now isnt the time to ask questions! Please protect me!”

Dialogue about Lancelot(saber):

“Lance my friend! It’s good to see you! Thank you for being there for me in my last moments and for taking me to Camelot...Anyways! We should spar sometime! Maybe this time, I can put you in a dress and parade you around!”

Dialogue about Merlin:

“Up to no good I see. Hey I want in, I’m not a snitch. Oh we’re gonna mess with the doctor? Nice! Lets do it!”

After finishing the Camelot singularity:

“I wish I had lived long enough to stop the knights with Bedi..but alas, I did not… I dont regret many things but I regret that.”

Likes:

“Oh I like to play music and crack jokes! And to be honest, I really like wearing dresses. Lancelot made me realize that...I’ll tell you the tale some other time.”

Dislikes:

“Oh I dont really care for fighting. So I guess that?”

About the grail:

“I’d advise you not mess with that. I don’t think it’d be wise. No I don’t want it. I dont have any use for it.”

During an Event:

“Is that a party? Lets go master!”

Your Birthday:

“Oh it’s your birthday! Well happy birthday! Lets get some sweets and I’ll play you a song, whatever you want!”

#Sir Dinadan #dinadan tag #fanservant #fgo #oc

10 notes · View notes

drkcnry67 · 4 years

Text

break the news... (day 14)

A/N: @obxmermaid this is the 14th entry in the lives of Draco and YN as we get closer to christmas they have now been stuck in the school as their classmates have gone elsewhere for the holidays. but a fire message from YN’s parents inviting them to a gathering makes this a whole less boring.

pairing: Draco Malfoy x reader

Prompt: “come on down for the weekend, the family is gathering and we would be honored to have you both here.”

mentioning: @sweetness47

25 days of hogwarts

the message, ah yes the fire message a way for wizards and witches to communicate without the use of modern technology. also very good way to be somewhat discreet.

this is how you got a fire message that changed your weekend of a lifetime.

“dearest daughter, you and Draco are invited to come home for the weekend to enjoy our family gathering. this is the one day a year as you know that the entire family gets together under one roof, grudges and petty judgements go out the window. minus your father who is doing well, but the doctors are getting his magic up to full strength again. please reply and say you both will be in attendance for it would mean the world to us. love mom.”

you turned to draco as you both took one look at the fire message and smiled.

Draco: i guess we need to pack a weekend bag. we can share a bag right?

YN: yep. but a fair warning this weekend my family will be doing all sorts of magic. its like this every single damn year. its basically one big game of catch up that lasts the entire weekend.

just as draco was about to speak your fire place went crazy. then a figure resembling your mother appeared.

YN: mom?

Laura: ah daughter thank goodness i found the right one. so did you get the fire message...

YN: yes we were just discussing it.

Laura: oh come on down for the weekend, the family is gathering and we would be honored to have you both here. please say you will come... you know the family will want to know how you are doing and meet draco...

YN: yes thats what im afraid of, all the grilling and questions and and... oh fine.. but do us all a favor and hide the bourbon from uncle ned, you know how lushy he gets. wait which place is it at this year?

Laura: ive already done that... oh dont worry ive spoken to dumbledore by fire message he will have a port key ready.

YN: oh so you knew i would say yes.

laura: i hoped you would. now we will see you both on friday at 3pm or sooner. by the way your father is fine. i know you probably got my update note but to reaffirm he is fine. he woke up. the doctors were able to heal him all up. he wont be at the feast they are keeping him a few more days to make sure he is fully functional with his magic.

YN: we will have to find time to visit him then...

Laura: yes. now we will see you both in a few days. remember YN be nice to these people they are family but they are gonna be ruthless to anything they dont understand yet.

YN: what do you mean?

Laura: i mean some of the family is old school like they dont think open relationship policy is a good idea.

YN: well this will be a shock for them then. see you on friday mom.

the fire went back to normal as you flopped back onto the couch your head spinning, you know how your family reacts to the abnormal.

You bringing home a boy, who is not from your own house is like people who don't listen to the law.

The law is hard but it is the law. This was one thing you were desperately prepared to fight for, this was your life you werent gonna let your family determine how you get to live it.

anyway back to the story, you and draco decided to pack and you both went to dumbledore’s office on friday at noon and went through the port key landing just outside of paris at one of your family country mansions.

Draco: love, this place is incredible so why would we not come here more often.

YN: cause i want to be independent so i take only what i need and every month they transfer 10,000 into my bank account and another 10,000 into my gringotts. both of these accounts were of my parents doing, not mine. but its mostly their way of support before we go further we need to figure out how to approach this to my family.

Draco cups your cheeks and kisses you when he pulled back he spoke calmly.

Draco: we will handle this with smiles, and friendliness and happy thoughts, we are the only people who matter in this relationship, the people who support us matter as long as they support our union. at the end of it, we are the ones that matter and have final say in this relationship. that and the ministry when we tell fudge.

YN: yes that, we need to do that soon... maybe sooner than we think if this dinner doesnt go well.

Draco: well lets go inside, im sure your mom knows we are here... dear we are just prolonging the inevitable.

YN: your right. lets go... but im surprised that someone isnt here to greet me...

you let out a sharp whistle, letting your purse sit now on the ground. just as you did that, you heard a screech.

Draco: what was that love?

YN: that is my griffin...

Draco: im sorry what...

just then a griffin with golden feathers with tints of black and brown through it lands in front of you. approaching you as you bow, the griffin nuzzles your face with its own.

YN: i missed you too girl. Draco, this is Opal. Opal this is Draco my boyfriend.

Opal turns to draco, Draco bows to Opal who approaches Draco and sniffs him and waits a few seconds and then nuzzles Draco’s head. draco then began petting Opal.

YN: she likes you, its always polite etiquette to bow to a griffin or a hippogriff before approaching it. this gesture will show the griffin that you are not a threat. this is a show of good faith. of good will.

Draco: opal, I think we need a guard to get to the door.

Opal growls lightly before leading the way to the door. You both get to the door and opal nudges you before she bows letting you and Draco go inside. your mother comes round the corner from the kitchen and rushes to hug you.

Laura: im so glad you both are here... now YN your room is fully prepared for you and Draco. not to worry i pre warned most of the family that someone has a big announcement. no one questioned or said anything. not to worry though, people will begin to arrive in a few hours. go on up and un pack.

YN: its good to see you too mom. this way love.

you take draco by the hand as you both walk upstairs down the hall and too the right. into your master suite or as you call it “the tower”. this room complete with your own walk in closet, a king size canopy bed, your own bathroom. decorated in a teal color to combine yours and dracos magic essence.

YN: this is our room for the weekend.

Draco: its perfect. i love this bed and the color and you.

You turned to face him, to meet his eyes with your own.

YN: careful love thats seduction in your tones. we have 2 years to wait before we can be married. or even consider that possibility.

Draco: doesnt mean we can lay here for as long as possible and just play wizards chess or something.

you snap your fingers and you both were laying with a wizards chess board on the bed.

YN: we are gonna play this till we are called several thousand times. by everyone who wants to see me and grill me and... ugh... this is stupid.... my family is so passed screwed that its a long long time between gatherings for the reason of they dont know what they want, against every fibre of better judgement that they have, they dont know how much the world has changed.

Draco: love don't worry too much. Let's just play and not worry about anything else right now. Nothing is gonna ruin our weekend. Nothing at all. i believe white goes first love.

you have been planning your entire strategy for this game you were 6 moves ahead of draco and you planned to keep it that way.

YN: pawn to g4

draco: knight to f6

YN: pawn to g5

draco: knight to d5

YN: knight to a3

draco: pawn to e5

to this point you had counted for every angle every move that draco could possibly counter.

YN: knight to c4

Draco: queen to g5

you now had an opportunity to get rid of his queen if you did it correctly.

YN: pawn to d3

draco: queen to f6

YN: knight to a5

draco: pawn to b5

YN: knight to f3

draco: your good love, but im slightly better... bishop to b7

YN: only as a slight... but not better enough. Knight to b7

Draco: knight to c6

YN: pawn to e3

Draco: love that wasnt very smart of you... knight to e3

YN: love that also wasnt smart of you. Pawn to e3

draco: clever love, pawn to d5

YN: bishop to d2

draco: pawn to e4

You smile as you begin to make Draco think you are preparing to checkmate his king.

YN: bishop to B4

Draco: oh my dear you are not gonna win right now... bishop to b4, by the way love, check...

you were so unsure of what to do, now looking at the board you knew now that you were screwed, you were about to loose.

you had to attempt to get your king out of check.

YN: im not gonna go down without a final attempt... king to e2

draco: sorry love, queen to f3... i believe its checkmate!

Yn: how I had this all planned out, I had this all planned out... Omg congrats love you win.

You kissed Draco, his hands pushing the chess board off the bed. That started the make out session of the next 10 min. Before someone came up the stairs and knocked on your door...

You turned toward the door and snapped your fingers...

Yn: come on in

You and Draco sat on the bed in each other's embrace watching as the door opened to reveal Hermione Harry and Ron.

You both got up and embraced them. They were here but how did they know.

Hermione: didn't think I would miss family gathering weekend did you... plus i figured we could use the backup, plus these 3 are the first outsiders at this family weekend. you my dear cousin could use a little bit of extra happiness before the rest of our family arrive. besides did you show Draco the extension of the grounds. all the griffins that you have trained.

YN: he did meet opal who took to him right away. he did surprisingly well for his first encounter with a griffin. But tomorrow we will go to the griffin sanctuary. Tonight we meet the family. I've been avoiding going down, how many are here yet?

Hermione: too many, more than usually show up first. no one has fought yet so its good and pleasant so far. cuz we should put on the family crest!

though you didnt want to Hermione pulled out a bag from your closet and led you into the washroom. you both put on the knee length black dresses and did a hair check before exiting back to the guys.

Draco took one look at you, came over and kissed you...

Draco: that dress is absolutely gorgeous on you!

YN: thank you love, this is the family crest, its style takes after our hogwarts crests. but it is our family crest. i however look forward to the day when we can be married where we have the freedom to disappear under new names so we can live our lives in hiding, in peace.

no one except draco heard you say those words as your ears heard the sound of fencing swords... you and hermione took off down the stairs and watched as your uncles all have fencing swords and are fencing throughout the house/property.

YN: well the fun begins. hermione tell the guys to stay upstairs im gonna stay here and watch this wait for my chance to intervene.

hermione: i should be by your side for this...

YN: no you should wait with the guys, make sure you give them their anti tracking bracelets. make sure that they understand the rules, make sure that they know what they are and are not allowed to do while here. make the rules abundantly clear.

Hermione gives you a swift nod, realizing that you were right, she went back upstairs to the boys. You let out a ear pi3rcing whistle forcing your family present to stop in their tracks.

Yn: family, family should we not be calm, should we be merry and sheath our swords for it is supposed to be the one weekend out of the year where we gather together as one whole magical family, but today you me, you pessimistic grown ass men are acting like children on this the weekend of peace. So every man in here and on this property shall hence forth not herald another sword as long as we all exist within this property border, for today i tell you all that im the one with the announcement.

You turn to see hermione coming down the stairs, draco following behind her, harry and ron behind him. Draco comes up at your side, proudly sporting his house crest as he places his hand to your own.

YN: this man beside me is my announcement, this young man is my boyfriend of 2 and a half years, this is Draco Malfoy. yes his parents are followers of you-know-who but Draco is different, i saved him from his parents, i saved him from whatever they wanted for him, more importantly we saved each other. without draco i would not be standing before you all to declare that my parents have blessed this union and we are the start of the open house relationship policy in the wizarding world, which now states “any witch or wizard that so sees fit to love someone not of their own house shall be free to be with whoever their heart desires within or without their house crest. for eternity shall this be!” Draco and i will be the first of a long line of students to follow our hearts. if i earn not even one of your approvals this weekend just know this, my parents support us and these 3 behind us support us, the school and its professors and students support us. we are supported and loved in every single direction. but a week ago Draco gave me this necklace with our couples initials and our anniversary date which pairs perfectly with this ring i gave him, neither of us are leaving this relationship and no one can make us.

for the room was silent all eyes were on you, and neither you nor draco said anything else, you both just walked over to the kitchen to help mom with some baking and rolling of spring rolls, and mixing of drinks yet still no one said anything, they just all stared at you both.

by the end of the first day you guys had been among the people, no one said a word to either of you. the night was peaceful, you both stood out on the balcony as opal slept beside where you both stood (yes the balcony is big enough for a griffin to sleep on... odd how story telling can be warped to our standards as authors) you both went inside after an hour and a bit later and went to sleep.

the next morning when you both woke it was to the sound of drills and hammers, something was going down and from the sound of it something was happening.

you both went to the balcony and discovered that the family was building something in the yard. opal was freaking out but she was also tied to a post in the yard.

YN: either my family has decided to work together or we are in lots of trouble.

thats when you received a fire message.

YN: its from my cousin she says that the family locked her ron harry and my mother in the barn with the griffins, tied up opal and insist on crucifying us all insisting we are all under the dark lords influence unless you and draco renounce your relationship and never see each other again.

Draco: what are we going to do... i cant live without you, and im never going to renounce our love.

YN: i have an idea but im gonna need you to do a fire message as well, send one to hermione in the barn tell her that she needs to comfort my mother, help is on the way... i have 1 message to send myself, to hogwarts.

you prepared your message as draco did his, you both sent them off, you knew hermione couldnt reply but she could receive, the one going to hogwarts however arrived in the hands of who you addressed it.

dumbledore received the message, he summoned minerva and snape to his office...

Dumbledore: im afraid this is not a social call, this is quite urgent in fact, a literal matter of life or death. YN and Draco had left yesterday to YN’s parents place, but i just received an urgent fire message... this reads, “Headmaster, this message is Urgent! we need help my family didnt take the news of me and Draco being together very well, they plan to crucify us, to crucify mine, hermiones, dracos, harrys, rons and my moms magical and physical forms. we need assistance, they have me and draco locked in the tower, and the others in the barn. please bring help, we need to get out of here. but they boarded the room we have a balcony but we wouldnt survive the jump. help us, get us out of here, by any means necessary and headmaster thank you for letting me and Draco live our lives together. help us asap!”

minerva: what do we have to do albus, how do we save the children and YN’s mother...

Dumbledore: quite easily, we 3 are going to YN’s family property where i will tqalk to the courtyard, one of you goes to the barn, the other goes to the tower, we meet back in the courtyard hopefully with everyone safe and sound. hopefully in that time frame i will have calmed down the courtyard and come up with a plan. now lets go...

the 3 professors by port key traveled and arrived outside the gate to your family estate. with 3 wands this would surely work better than expected.

snape, minerva & dumbledore: bombarda maxima

with that the gate, and half the wall on either side of the gate blew up, shattered into a thousand pieces. the explosion was loud enough to shake the entire estate. you and draco stood up slightly knowing that help had arrived.

your family on the other hand saw snape, minerva and dumbledore walk through the debris and they parted like the red sea, going completely silent, dropping whatever they were holding. for they all knew that this was not gonna be an easy task.

snape went toward the barn in which he found Harry, Ron, Hermione & of course your mom in the corner tied up like animals. he used his wand to untie them all and then waited for the signal to start emerging from the barn.

minerva went inside the house and up the stairs, where she found and broke down your tower door.

Minerva: time to go grab what you need lets go.

YN: thank you so much professor for coming.

Minerva: i am just glad im not too late... now lets see what dumbledore is saying to your family.

Dumbledore was now on a platform speaking to your family. or at least those that were in the courtyard.

Dumbledore: these children have done no harm, these people have made nothing wrong, why do you all believe they should be crucified, they have done nothing wrong except learn to love.

one person exclaimed: they are working for the dark lord

another person exclaimed: their relationship is toxic and needs to be purified by crucifixion

another person screamed: cause its not right, this is not how the rules dictate...

dumbledore was fed up with all the same types of answers...

Dumbledore: i albus dumbledore have seen the love that these 2 children share, ive seen it projected through their school work and through their vocals, its as pure and good as any in house relationships that have happened. ive decreed this to the school and am waiting for my meeting with the ministry to tell them about this. it will be a few weeks for that but i state this to you all: whoever goes from here to another soul and speaks ill of what has happened here shall henceforth no more have the ability to speak anything bad, and further more i decree that as long as there are good people running hogwarts, the houses can be free to love whosoever they desire! this began with Draco and YN, this decree is sealed by the signing of this parchment by me, professor mcgonigal, professor snape, YN and Draco. these 2 and the rest of their friends and family are not to come to any harm... now commence with the signing... YN and Draco first, then minerva and severus, i will sign last.

you and draco walked up to the parchment, you signed it first then handed the pen to draco who followed in signing the parchment. then minerva and severus signed next, then dumbledore before he spoke again.

Dumbledore: now all of you clean this yard up, none of you will be able to speak of this day, none of you will remember the horrors that were unleashed today. now go back to cleaning this yard and repairing this wall, YN didnt come back for family weekend and you guys do not remember anything.

the spoken words echo on the property as your mom gave you, hermione, draco, harry and ron a longing look that seemed to say ill see you soon. like that you all ended up back at hogwarts in dumbledores office.

Dumbledore: i wonder if i could speak with YN and Draco alone a moment.

Minerva: of course Albus, i will make sure these children make it back to the dorms. come along children.

the 5 people left the room leaving you and Draco alone in the office.

dumbledore: now children lets speak a bit about what happened...

YN: its my fault headmaster, i was so looking forward to telling my family, i didnt know it would go that wrong... i thought the old laws were no longer in effect, that crucifixions were illegal in the muggle and wizarding worlds.

Dumbledore: unfortunately the old laws are the laws that were drilled deeply into lots of witches and wizards and mostly in pureblood families such as both of yours. but unfortunatly we can not change their minds or their ways for that matter, the only thing we can do about this is move forward starting with my meeting with the ministry. now i expect you both to take the day, relax, take a load off and just relax its best not to speak of what happened to anyone its better that not very many people know yet. now be off, spend as much time as needed to push this days events from your minds.

you and draco walk out of the room, down the hall, through the changing stair cases to the shared dorm, where your room was.

He walked through the door with you, you both fell back on the bed. Just exhausted mentally.

Draco: are you OK love?

Yn: no I'm not... My family rejected me, rejected our relationship. for that they will have to learn the hard way with the decree, hopefully they will listen to that and hopefully when and or if fudge decides to make the announcement in the daily prophet. i know every single member of my family makes the effort to read the daily prophet... So we are gonna make sure it's front page worthy...

You turned over to face him and watched his eyes search your own. He was concerned about you, about your feelings, about your well being.

Draco brushed his hand gently against your cheek and smiled.

Draco: just lean into me and close your eyes. Don't dwell on what happened, dwell on our future think about that.. I love you YN, I love you so much! Just relax my love, just relax.

You leaned into the arms of your love, and happily lulled off to a state of peace and relaxation. You were not sure what tomorrow would hold but as long as nothing else bad happened you would be fine.

~to be continued~

#obxmermaidholiday #plot twist

3 notes · View notes

taehyungsgrowl · 4 years

Text

SFW Alphabet for Nate

I think I did it wrong last time bc I was waiting for people to send me letters when I was just supposed to go down the list. But I’m a dummy so disregard half of what I say.

i hope you guys like them and thank you virgo anon for the input w these 🥺i love our baby 🥺

Here we go:

A- Activity (What is their favorite activity to do with you.)

-- i think he likes doing new things w you. and i know that sounds cliche BUT hear me out. duncan is a bit of a home body 🥺loves to be curled up w reader sharing kissies and cuddling. nate enjoys that too but i think trying new adventures w you is his favorite. i can see him being the type to like hiking dates!! (also lets not forget the tik tok videos you guys make together )

B- Beginnings (How do they act in the beginning of a relationship)

-- considering the beginning did start off as something kinda casual between him and reader, he kept it as such. but he’s such a natural charmer that even when he’s not trying, he just comes across as super sweet. they’d finish hooking up and he’d offer her to stay over or get them food (not bc he felt like he needed to but it’s just the kinda guy he is) i think he probably let his goofy side out right at the beginning as well. its what helped y/n open up to him and feel at ease w him 🥺

C- Communication (Are they good communicators? How do they normally talk about their problems or solve issues)

-- big sigh. nate? was the KING of communication!! hell! he was able to talk to duncan (who ISNT the best at communicating) when they weren’t even friends and helped him talk to dumb!reader. plus he’d always been open about his feelings. told y/n right away when he knew he was in love. (i only say he WAS bc he should have told y/n he was struggling before he ended up in the hospital 🥺)

D- Drunk (What are they like when they’re drunk)

-- koala bear cuddly drunk!! not just between him and reader! but he will love on anyone! (omg.. you know dunc was a little 😳when drunk!bro!nate started hugging him... hiding his face in duncs neck... telling he smells good... telling him how much he loves him... bros 👯‍♂️)

E- Emergency (How are they in emergency situations? You get hurt, they get hurt, someone is dying etc..)

— oh god. nate is the type to keep cool and collected in an emergency - even if he were the one having an emergency 🥺 like if reader would’ve been w him during his car accident, she would have been worried sick over him and he’d just be like, “hey, look at me. i’m okay, yeah? a lot stronger than i look, babe.” even if it hurt like hell because he doesn’t wanna worry her. if you were in an emergency or got hurt, he’d go into sexy doctor mode. “tell me where it hurts.” squeezing your hand to reassure you, “i got you.” also kissies where it hurts 🥺 and he’s such a good listener too wow we have no choice but to simp.

F- Free Spot (I’ll give you any headcanon I come up with)

-- i’m just gonna share one head canon that virgo anon tossed at me that really made me 🥺 baby nate 🥺 and how when he was younger he was always a nice boy 🥺 but wasnt the popular or “hot” one until he grew into himself in college 🥺 when he got maxie and it helped him manage his stress enough to be able to make connections 🥺y’all when she said that it made me heart 🥺 my sweet boy

G- Gifts (What kind of gifts do they give? What kind of gifts do they get?)

-- i think his gifts are rarely “over the top” but !! they’re simple and personalized!!! like a lil necklace w his initials / name 🥺or maybe he has someone make a picture of you two into an animation? like have someone draw you guys (do u know what im talking about?) as far as gifts for him, he enjoys like “interactive gifts” like sending him on a lil scavenger hunt (nate loves setting them up for you too 🥺) but if you set one up for HIM? god! he’d love you!

H- Hugs (How do they show affection/cuddle)

-- nate loves! loves! to give forehead kissies (not just because he’s tall fjhsjh) and being hugged (or picked up) in his strong arms!! loves it!! he loves being the big spoon 🥺i love him.

I- Irritation (What is something that irritates them? How do they show their irritation?)

-- that reader continues to choose duncan over him fkjsvsfkv he wears his heart on his sleeve so i think when nate is upset or irritated... you know.

J- Jackpot (How would they spend their winnings if they won the lottery?)

-- does nate have more $ than the shepherds? debatable. but he isn’t as... flashy w his money as duncan is. he’s a little more down to earth if that makes sense. BUT thats besides the point. he’d probably donate a lot to a charity of his choice than take you on a little get away. maybe a cross country road trip 🥺 or off to an island getaway. he’s flexible.

K- Kryptonite (What is their ultimate weakness?)

-- virgo anon made me 🥺when we were talking about this bc nate would do anything for the people he loves and 🥺that gets him hurt. especially when he feels like those people dont love him in the way he does them 🥺

L- Laughter (What makes them laugh?)

-- clown!! nate is the guy that always keeps you laughing 🥺and most times he cant even contain his own laughter omg i will cry im in love with one man

M- Morning ( How do they wake up in the morning? Are they a morning person or a morning grouch?)

-- he’s a morning person 🥺 likes to start off his morning with a run and protein shake SMH fitness KING.

N- Needy (When do they feel particularly needy? How do they show it?)

-- he’s so used to being the one who’s needed 🥺 it takes him a while to be comfy being vulnerable and needy. idk if there’s anything in particular that sets him off to be like this - but i’d like to think it happens at random. like youre on the couch and he just nuzzles his face on your tummy for you to pet his hair. he demonstrates it by wanting to be close to you 🥺

O- Oasis (Where is their happy place? Where would they go if they didn’t have anything holding them back?)

-- i think he’d be the kinda guy that enjoys the sun (not just bc he looks hot, shirtless on a beach) but yes. somewhere nice and sunny where he could have maxie w him 🥺if he could stay on the beach where he started falling for dumb!reader (with her) for ever he would 🥺

P- Pain (How do they handle pain? How do they handle when you are in pain?)

-- emotional or physical? jfgksjdgsdk but no i think if he’s well regulated, he can handle pain well - it’s when he’s not that it’s a problem (w emotional pain) he stops taking care of himself the way he should and really spirals into his head a lot you know 🥺i think he can handle others being in pain better than himself bc he loves a lot and its easier to focus his attention on trying to fix things for them (like we said his biggest weakness is doing too much for those he loves)

Q- Quote (What’s a quote that fits them and your relationship)

-- “loving is easy” fjskfsf not to be too corny but 🥺being w nate was easy... always on the same page.. and made her feel good. 🥺

R- Reunion (How do they celebrate seeing you after a long time of being apart)

-- lots!!! of kissies!! picking you up!! holding you close!!! physical touch is pretty high on his love language list i think 🥺(i think quality time or acts of service might be his top two though)

S- Stress (What stresses them out? How do deal with stress and how do they relieve it?)

-- i generally think duncan is more of a control freak than nate, but i do think to some extent, they’re similar that when things feel out of their control, it really stresses them out. i think it manifests at different times. i think for duncan its more trivial things whereas w nate, if he feels like he could be doing something to “fix” something and he cant do anything it freaks him out. hes a healer, you know. i think working out is a big stress reliever for him 🥺my strong baby!! that and goofing off w reader 🥺

T- Terror (What are they afraid of?)

-- this kinda ties into his weakness (and could be amplified by his younger years) but he’s afraid of not really being enough for those he loves. especially if he was teased as a kid 🥺maybe thats why in a lot of his nightmares the theme of abandonment appears a lot 🥺i made myself SAD 🥺

U- Unique (What is a quirk that is unique to them?)

-- i asked virgo anon for help on this one 🥺and i love her so much 🥺 nate tugs on his hair when he’s nervous 🥺 he gets a lil annoyed after he buzzes it off and doesnt have much to pull on 🥺he likes to hold hands when spooning. loves to sing along to disney movies (but lets be honest, he’s the real prince KING)

V- Violence (Do they fight a lot? Are they a good fighter? What is their fighting style?)

-- well... idk if it’s fair to say he fights a lot because he tries not to resort to that - especially grad school nate. mostly because he knows he’s good at fighting. omfg... boxer!nate.... may have all my rights. and he doesn’t really wanna hurt anyone. BUT if needed!!! he will throw down. (ex. when dunc wouldnt let y/n leave the house. and then attacked him!! nate had to stand his ground 😌

W- Wow (What do you do that really surprises them? What do you do that they really like?)

-- idk i think nate was probably really surprised when reader gave him that second chance at friendship in the bathroom 🥺didnt think she would. on a lighter note, surprising him w fresh cooked meals always make him 🥺because... he’s trying but hasnt mastered the cooking thing yet.

X- (Explicit headcanon. For all you degenerates)

-- he’s uhh packing 😳and it hits all the right spots, you know 😳omfg and lets not forget the dickscussion we had about his head game being stronger than duncans 😌

Y- Yucky (Is there something that grosses them out so badly that they can’t deal with it?)

-- i wasnt sure what really grossed out medical professionals (if anything djsfs) but we kinda head canon for him to be into family / pediatric medicine so anything w LOTS of blood loss probably freaks him out

Z- ZZZ’s (What are their sleeping habits? Both with and without you)

-- my baby. nate has really bad night terrors especially on bad(tm) days. it usually helps to have someone w him to be able to keep him calm when he wakes up 🥺if its not y/n you can bet maxie will be there for tons of kissies. he’s a sleep talker 🥺and when sleeping w you he loves being big spoon 🥺and when he’s alone, he kinda sleeps curled up and w a lot of pillows. comfort KING

#nate #dumb!reader #nate x dumb!reader #duncan x dumb!reader x nate #duncan shepherd

7 notes · View notes

thedyingtimelady · 5 years

Text

What we are

Friendship!Soulmate FF Delgado!Master x The dying Timelady (OC) An empty Planet was the perfect place to think. Nobody lived here, so nobody would hear me crying or screaming. Nobody would sneak behind me and attack me. I had a big fight with the Doctor. Sometimes, my Husband was too much for me. I couldnt stand a minute with him, without getting frustrated. Even I need a break from him, thats why I always come to this Planet. Its quiet, peaceful. The Mountains and the dry ground was spreaded around the whole planet. The Sunsets are beautiful here and the wind brings warmth over me. I sat on a rock, sighing, as I heard a fimiliar sound not far from here. First, I felt a big cold knot in my stomach.

Did he really find my secret Place? Cant I ever have some alone time? But as I saw, how a antique statue appeared infront of me, I realized, that not my husband found me but rather someone else. Someone I know really good. The Master came out of his TARDIS, that immediately changed into a big rock. „How did you found me?“, I asked seriously. „Cant you leave me in peace?“ „First at all, my TARDIS brought me here and second…“, he came closer to me and looked directly in my eyes. „I felt your presents. I couldnt just ignore it. I had to see you, Catherin“, he said softly. His expression changed. Infront of me wasnt standing the evil man, how tries to kill my husband for not explainble reasons. My best friend stand infront of me, knowing, that I felt alone, terrible and just… tired. I relaxed in his presents and sigh again. „Whats wrong?“, he took my hand with his gloved hand and hold it tight. „Just tired. The Doctor driving me mad. I just… I cant anymore. I love him. But… He… ARRRRRG!“, I screamed and shaked my head. „WHY? WHY HE IS LIKE THAT? WHY? HE CANT CHANGE MY FATE! HE KNOWS THAT I HAVE TO DIE AND DIE AND DIE! Again and Again! It doesnt stop! He cant stop it! He cant fix my broken Body, my broken Heart! Why he doesnt understand it?“, I started to sob. „Why he treat me like a child, when I getting sick? I hate it so… so much! He wont travel with me, when I am sick. He want me to stay somewhere save. I understand why… But I dont want it. It doesnt matter! It doesnt change anything!“, the Master hugged me after I started to crying, holding me close and caress my back softly, while listening to me. He gave me comfort, I felt save in his arms.

„I have… to agree with the Doctor for once. His method to do it, is very wrong, because I know how you are. And he, as you Husband, should know it too. But its right from him to be worried about you. He loves you.“, the Masters voice was rough, whispery. I looked up in disbelieve. „Did-Did you really said that? You agree with him?“ The Master snort and roll his eyes. „Dont interpret too much in it. I still think he is an Idiot for not ruling the Univers with me.“ I started laughing and hugging him more. He released himself from me. „Stop laughing! You are so annoying sometimes. I dont know why I did even come? You just laughing at me!“

„I-I´m sorry Hahaha“, I answered, still laughing. After I calmed down myself, I notice, how the Master watched me closely. „Is something wrong?“ „No. But I found out something. We are… Soulmates.“, his expression changed into a serious one and his hand became a fist. „Didnt you know that?“ Confusing was on his face. „You….You knew it?“ „Naturally. I felt it the first time, when I met you.“ He blinked. He open his mouth to say something, but close it again. We stand together, the wind softly messing our hair, as the sunset drown us in orange light. „I love you… but not in the same way as the Doctor does. I cant really explain. Its not romantically.“ „Just because we are Soulmates, it doesnt mean, that we are meant to be lovers.“, I said softly and smiled. „Soulmates are two people, who having a strong bond. Something so strong, that nobody can break it. You can do a soulbond, but being soulmates…its from the start. Until the end. Throught Space and Time. It was always there and will be there until the univers crumble back into dust again.“

He looked softly at me, while I was talking. He hold my hands in his, squeezing them softly. „Sometimes, I wished, everything would be different. That we three could co-exist again, like long time ago, when we were children. But it isnt possible. Never ever again.“, his voice became dark and his eyes filled with hate. I squeezed his hands again, bringing my Soulmate back to me. His eyes looking now friendly at me again. He smiles softly at me, giving my hands a soft kiss. Then he came closer, wraping his arms around my waist and kissed my forehead. „I´m always here for you. It doesnt matter what is between the Doctor and me. If you need help, call me. Nevermind where we are and when. I will always help you. Remember that.“ „I know. He same is for you. Expect when you fight the Doctor, I will be there, when you need me“, I whispered and kissed his cheek softly. We were looking at the sunset for a long time, holding hands, just enjoying each other company in total silent. We dont need any words, we understand us without them. As the Sun disappeared behind the horizon and the stars were shining above us, when the Master looked at me again. He noticed that something was glowing between our hands. „Look“, he whispered, letting my hand go. A glowing green string was around his pinky. He pulled of his glove and stared at the string what was connecting us. „Our String. The humans of japan have something similiar like that.“, I looked at my pinky.

The red String connects the soulmates. The soulmate of love. „Our string is green. I dont know really why. I read about that, that everyone has their own color. But… why is our green?“, I frowned. „Your eyes“ „huh?“ „It has the color of your eyes. It remember me of your eyes. Filled with Peace and… Hope.“, he looked at me. Suprised I stared at him. I didnt expect that. Then it hit me. Green is equal for Hope. We both have burden. We both giving us hope, when the moments arrived there darkest times. Even when our ways are seperated most of the time and even when dont have the same opinion, we giving us hope and help eachother, when we are lost in our own darkness. In your fears. I holded his hand, where the string connected us very tight. „Yes…Hope.“, I smiled softly at him, he smiled back. Then he let my hand go, the string still connecting us. Without a word, he walked to his TARDIS. The String became longer and longer. Before he goes into his TARDIS, he turned back to me and grin. „Until the time let meet us again my fairest Soulmate“, he laughed and his TARDIS disappeared quietly, giving me a soft, warm wind thats blows throught my hair. I looked after him for a long time, still smiling. I couldnt see the String anymore, but I felt it.

It will be always there. Forever.

#delgado!master #The master #Doctor who #Classic who #soulmates #friendship #the dying timelady #hope #the doctor #the green string #soulbond #soulmate bond #Doctor who OC #OC

6 notes · View notes

romana73 · 6 years

Text

REYLO VS BALDIOS

Post written by ME. The animated gifs and pictures shown, however, AREN’T MINE and DON’T BELONG TO ME IN ANY WAY. Sorry for my mistakes, but English isn’t my first language

"I'll destroy her...and you...and all of it" (Kylo Ren, from "Star Wars, Episode VIII, The Last Jedi" movie) I read much worry ‘cause at end of movie and book "Star Wars. Episode VIII. The last Jedi ", Kylo Ren has decided and declared he wants to destroy Rey... who could read Episode VIII script said, at movie’s end, Rey and Kylo are described as" enemies with complications". In book, after explosion caused by their struggle for possession of Anakin’s old lightsaber, Kylo wakes up surprised to be alive. He discovers Rey has awakened before him and he understands she hasn’t killed him and... he blames her. Kylo thinks Rey was wrong and decision didn’t kill him would have destroyed her. He would have destroyed Rey. This is perfectly in line with Kylo’s character. Unlike Anakin who fell into Dark Side for FEAR OF LOSING LOVE, his wife Padmé, Kylo REFUSES any kind of feeling. Commenting on Finn’s escape, a former First Order soldier who, at the beginning of "Star Wars. Episode VII. The Force Awakens" movie, Kylo observes:

“How capable are your soldiers, General?”

“I won't have you question my methods”

“They're obviously skilled at committing high treason. Perhaps Leader Snoke should consider using a clone army”

(Kylo Ren and General Hux, from "Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens" movie)

Joke about Clones isn’t just a reference to Star Wars prequels. In Star Wars. Episode II, it’s explained clones are PROGRAMMED to war, to take orders, without disobeying or posing moral dilemmas. In this perspective, we also understand some parts of this dialogue between Kylo and Rey, in "Star Wars, Episode VIII, The Last Jedi" movie:

“Why did you hate your father? Do you have something? A cowl, or something you could put on? Why did you hate your father? Give me an honest answer. You had a father who loved you; he gave a damn about you!”

“I didn't hate him”

[...]

“No? Your parents threw you away like garbage”

“They didn't”

“They did, but you can't stop needing them. It's your greatest weakness. Looking for them everywhere, in Han Solo, and now in Skywalker [...]”

“Let the past die. Kill it if you have to. That's the only way to become what you were meant to be.”

(Rey and Kylo Ren, from "Star Wars, Episode VIII, The Last Jedi" movie)

Kylo was TEACHING Rey to have less possible feelings ‘cause, for Kylo, HAVE FEELINGS means having WEAK POINTS. ‘Cause this, Kylo becomes enraged when he realizes Rey might feel something for him: ‘cause it means he hasn’t taught anything to her, ‘cause HE has become Rey's WEAK POINT, 'cause he’s in DANGER, since he could REPLACE Rey and this would be an OBSTACLE to accomplish what he proposes ... to explain all this and to reassure those who believe Ben Solo/Kylo Ren CAN’T REDEEM HIMSELF, ‘cause he killed his father Han, he chose Dark Side in full awareness, etc... I decided to propose parallels between Reylo and old robotic cartoon "Baldios". Comprised of 34 episodes, Baldios was produced in 1980 by Ashi Production. Unfortunately, cartoon was too modern for that time and, due to poor audience, it was interrupted abruptly, leaving without end Earth’s story and LOVE STORY between MARIN, male protagonist and APHRODIA, Marin’s BIG ENEMY. Fortunately, in 1981, Toei Animation produced "Baldios. The Movie" animated movie, which represents story’s end:

Story is this: getting too close to sun, contaminated by radiation, Saul 1 planet (S1) is dying. Sea and vegetation have disappeared. The air is unbreathable and population is forced to live underground, but even this solution begins to no longer work, due to lack of resources. S1 EMPEROR is called to make a decision, mediating between two groups in struggle: scientists, led by Professor Reigan who found a solution, able to make living S1 again, but they need time to study it and implement it. Military, led by Theo Gattler, commander of Aldebaran’s army, S1 militias, wish instead to take away S1 population and colonize a second habitable planet, Earth. Battle also ends with Marin Reigan, a pilot, Reigan’son who, in front of room hosting the meeting, clashes with soldier Miran and two of his friends. To sedate spirits, arrived Aphrodia, Miran's elder sister and head of Gattler's guards, as well as his beloved. Affected by girl, Marin doesn’t realize he has lost his identification card, collected by Aphrodia. Gattler proposes to Aphrodia and Miran a decisive solution to win dispute: murder Emperor and all scientists. Aphrodia is responsible for Emperor’s murder, in whose room he drops Marin’s ID card so he’s to be blamed for murder. Miran and his men will instead take care of killing scientists. Plan’s first part is fine: Aphrodia kills Emperor, dropping Marin badge on floor, while Gattler declares himself Dictator, electing Aphrodia as ARMY’S SUPREME COMMANDER. Miran goes to scientists' lab and, showing Marin's card, he informs Professor Reigan his son is accused of murdering Emperor. Knowing Marin is innocent, Reigan reacts to defend him. Miran prepares to shoot, but Marin arrives to save his father. Miran tries to kill man again, but Marin throws a piece of iron into his neck, killing him. Aphrodia arrives, to whom dead brother’s sight breaks her heart. Learning Marin was who killed her brother, Aphrodia swears she will never forgive him and she will take her revenge. Marin answers he will never forgive her. Marin and his father try to escape, but man is killed by military. Marin takes his spaceship and tries to stop Gattler's mother ship from leaving S1, but Aphrodia arrives trying to kill him. In battle, Marin's ship is sucked into a vortex temporal space. Marin crashes on Moon where he’s picked up by the Blue Fixers, a special team at United Nations terrestrial service, which take him to their base on Earth. At beginning, Marin was met with suspicion and treated as a prisoner, interrogated and incarcerated. Only beautiful Jamie Oshino and Professor Era Quinstein, base scientist, seem to believe him. Upon forces of Gattler and Aphrodia’s arrival, who have decided to conquer and colonize Earth, everything changes. Marin’s knowledge and his skills in battle make him win trust of Blue Fixers and Jonathan Bannister, base’s head. Marin accepts to stand on Terrans side against Aldebaran. Meanwhile, despite battles and hatred, Aphrodia begins to feels something for Marin, but... In a flashback we learn as children, Aphrodia and Miran lost their parents in a tragic car accident. Gattler has come to their rescue. He has adopted and educated them. A Baldios. The Movie’s scene suggests, having become ADULT, Aphrodia was ABUSED by Gattler, although this is NEVER explicitly said:

Kylo Ren was MANIPOLATED and CORROTTED by Supreme Leader Snoke, who took him to Dark Side:

In closing theme of each episode of Baldios cartoon series, Marin and Aphrodia hold hands, watching sunset over sea:

In "Star Wars. Episode VIII. The Last Jedi" movie, Rey offers her hand to Kylo and he ACCEPT TO TAKE IT:

In first cartoon’s episode, Marin notices Aphrodia is a beautiful woman, despite always wearing glasses, uniform and wear hair hidden under military hat:

In "Star Wars. Episode VII. The Force Awakens" movie, Rey remains disoriented when Kylo removes his mask, revealing to be a normal boy:

In cartoon’s first episode, Aphrodia declares: "Emotional alterations lead to unpredictable mistakes ..." (Aphrodia 1x01 Baldios)

In "Star Wars. Episode VII. The Force Awakens" movie, when Snoke informs Kylo that BB8 is on ship of Han Solo, his father and Kylo will have to kill him, he answers: "He means nothing to me" "Even you, Master of the Knights of Ren, have never faced such a test" "By the grace of your training I will not be seduced " (Kylo Ren and Snoke, from "Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens” movie)

Marin and Aphrodia flee from Gattler. Arrived on Earth, exhausted, they faint on a lighthouse’s floor. Aphrodia recovers first and she tries to KILL Marin, still unconscious, but she can’t do it:

In "Star Wars. Episode VIII. The Last Jedi" movie, Rey and Ben Solo/Kylo Ren fight over Anakin's lightsaber possession. Fight causes explosion of spaceship on which they are and throws Rey and Ben Solo/Kylo Ren to opposite sides of Throne Room. They falled unconscious. Rey recovers first and flees, LEAVING IN LIFE Kylo Ren:

Awakening, Marin leads Aphrodia to base, where she’s imprisoned and brutally interrogated. Marin disagrees, but his friends remind him how many terrestrials Aphrodia deliberately killed, including their families. In end, Marin blocks interrogation, bringing Aphrodia to doctor who, reluctantly, cares her:

In "Star Wars. Episode VIII. The Last Jedi" movie, Kylo Ren brings Rey in Snoke’s presence, who interrogates her in a brutal way:

In "Baldios. The Movie ", Gattler incites Aphrodia to KILL Marin: "Come on, Aphrodia, it's your time! You take your revenge for your brother! Isn’t it true you fought until now for this moment? " (Gattiger to Aphrodia, Baldios the film)

But Aphrodia kills Gattler himself:

In "Star Wars. Episode VIII. The Last Jedi" movie, Snoke incites Kylo Ren to KILL Rey:

“My worthy apprentice, son of darkness, heir apparent to Lord Vader. Where there was conflict, I now sense resolve; Where there was weakness, strength. Complete your training, and fulfill your destiny”

(Snoke to Kylo Ren, from "Star Wars, Episode VIII, The Last Jedi" movie)

But Kylo Ren kills Snoke in order to save Rey:

To escape from Blue Fixers' base, Aphrodia takes Jamie hostage. Marin, Oliver and Roy arrive in order to save Jamie: "Aphrodia, let go of Jamie, please. I know you well, I know you would not be able to do it ... " "…but please! Do not make me laugh! What is it, do you think you allow me to be touched by your COMPASSION? " "Heard? In that witch hasn’t been humanity left" (Marin, Aphrodia and Oliver, Baldios, the Movie)

In a deleted scene from "Star Wars. Episode VII. The Force Awakens" movie, but reported in TFA novel, Snoke accuses Kylo to feel COMPASSION for Rey: The Supreme Leader's voice was flat. "You have COMPASSION for her." "No-never. Compassion? For an enemy of the Order? " (Snoke and Kylo Ren talking about Rey, from "Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens" novel)

In "Star Wars. Episode VIII. The Last Jedi" movie, Rey tells Luke there isn’t LIGHT in Kylo Ren:

In "Baldios. The Movie ", Aphrodia asks for a DUEL with laser guns with Marin, to kill him and avenge his brother. Marin accepts and, before starting, he says to Aphrodia: "Perhaps, Aphrodia, if you hadn’t chosen to go wrong way, things between us would have been very different" (Marin to Aphrodia, Baldios, The Movie)

In "Star Wars. Episode VII. The Force Awakens" movie, Rey and Ben Solo/Kylo Ren fight a DUEL :

In "Star Wars. Episode VIII. The Last Jedi", with a broken heart, Rey looks at Ben Solo/Kylo Ren to replace Snoke as First Order SUPREME LEADER and she asks him DON’T TO DO THAT :

In "Baldios. The Movie", Aphrodia is badly wounded and exhausted, so Marin SCOOPS HER IN HIS ARMS and he take her on beach:

In "Star Wars. Episode VII. The Force Awakens" movie, Kylo Ren captures Rey, he falls asleep her and he SCOOPS HER IN HIS ARMS, take her on his spaceship:

#aphrodia #baldios #ben solo #gattler #kylo ren #Marin Reigan #parallels #rey #reylo #snoke #star wars

15 notes · View notes

tumblunni · 5 years

Text

Wow i had such a weird dream?? The story itself wasnt too unusual, just an emotional moment of an anime that doesnt exist, but the way the dream delivered it was really confusing!

The plot of this apparant anime was that there was some sort of ragtag group of monster people wandering the earth looking for a place they could belong without being hated. And i got the feeling here that they'd just found a place where things were going good, but the show's recurring villains appeared and revealed their secret to the town and now they had to flee again as everyone they thought was a friend took up pitchforks against them.

And the main focus character was really interesting? I dont think he was actually the protagonist but he got the focal role in this episode. Cos the monsters had to disguise themselves as humans to live in this town, and this was the youngest monster who didnt know how to do that yet. He had a really emotional struggle of pushing himself so hard to try and master this skill, because he was actually unique amoung the group for being a monster that was actually once human. So it was a combination of frustration at being a burden to his new friends, with desperation to finally see his own face in the mirror again.

And I feel like maybe before he became a monster he was bigoted against them and scared of them? Within the dream i recalled watching that other episode some other day, and apparantly it was super emotional. It started off just seeming like another 'we find the town of the day along our journey and meet some friends and/or solve a conflict' type thing. And this kid was mostly antagonistic through the episode, a dumb naive kid who believed everything negative about monsters and now struggled with the situation of being the only one who knew the truth that these guys are monsters but also now theyre doubting whether they should reveal it because these people seem so..normal?? And scared?? Starts to doubt whether all the other monsters executed by the corrupt church in their town were fully sentient too, and every time the 'nice' priest was teaching them how to spot liars he was really teaching them how to kill innocent monster people who were just as scared as the humans are of them. But the roots of gaslighting and abuse from this priest ran deep, so the kid struggled with the choice and ultimately made the wrong decision. Also i think maybe theres a reveal that the priest was actually their biological dad too, just for even more levels of why theyd make that wrong decision. And more reasons why its horrifying that the priest dad just treats his kid like shit once they outlived their usefulness. Im thinking something like the kid tries to make up for their mistake and save the protagonists but they get captured by their dad and like.. Ok holy fuck this dude is outright willing to murder his son and he's eminantly aware that these monster people are 100% sentiebt because he's using the threat of killing his son as a way to get them to lay down their weapons and agree to be recaptured. And then i think there was something super messed up when it was revealed all the monster attacks that happened to the town to get them so scared and paranoid were actually orchestrated by the priest as a form of control over his citizens. He had some sort of Ominous Doom Science to both turn people into monsters and control them to do his bidding. And like the predictable asshole he is, even after the protagonists gave up in order to save the kid he still killed him anyway. And after snapping his neck he threw him down into the prison cell with the protagonists and was like 'lets torment them by making them fight the kid they wanted to save'. Because it turned out he'd been doping the kid with a special dose of the monster formula ever since birth, and he was his 'secret weapon' all along without knowing it. Ultra super mega concentrated doom form of the artifical monsters he uses in his army, activated upon the moment of the kid's death. But then it turns out the ultimate experiment was too much for him to control and the kid was able to keep their mind in their new form, and turn against him to save their new friends. But when they realized what had happened to them, they broke down in fear. And everything was super depressing cos the protagonists knew this poor kid was now doomed to share their fate as monsters, and theyd have to take them away fron everythung theyd ever known in order to keep them safe. But also heartwarming at the same time because the kid had never known a truly loving family before, and as they passed out in the arms of main protagonist mom friend werewolf they felt like maybe this is what having a real family is like...

So anyway that led to a bit of an angsty team dynamic with this new recruit? The kid was obviously all new to monsterness and terrified of everything. But also even now they were struggling with that 'what if my abusive dad is right' instinct drilled into them from all those years. They still struggled with really believing that monsters arent evil, and like 'no i must have only disobeyed him because i was infected and i didnt know it, monsters are evil and i became one because i'm evil too'. Unwilling to believe that their dad did that to them and trying to find excuses where it would be their own fault. Maybe the kid was even tricked by another villain at some point who lied about having a cure? Like even whenthey became more able to trust their new monster friends they were still like 'theyd be happier if they became normal right?' Lots of angst and messing up and this poor kid feeling not only weak and useless to the team but also outright toxic to them.

So all of this led to this situation where disguising yourself as a human is a skill all the other team members already mastered and this kid is struggling real hard to accomplish it in order to save the day. Ans its extra depressing cos they havent seen their original human face in months, and theyre trying to cling onto the memories but scared they migjt forget what it was like to be human. And then i cant really recall all the details but i feel like the writing and cinematography were just super amazing emotional on this scene of the kid struggling to Do The Thing in time to save their friends, and like.. Atone for all their mistakes.

Also i think like the kid had this big super kaiju ultimate chimera form which was what their dad designed them to be, but also most of the time they were poofed into a tiny mascot sized version of that. And theycd never actually managed to control their powers enough to turn into their battle form willingly until now. Just this super depressing and also uplifting scene of this fuckin tiny monster kid being pinned to the ground underneath the villain's heel, trying desperately to turn human again to save their friends. And i think it was an awesome moment where they did manage to regain their old face for just a few seconds, but instead of actually learning to master the human transformation they learned to master their battle form instead. Like, accepting that that old face isnt who they are anymore, and it wont help like they thought it would. What they really need now is their REAL face! Some sort of dramatic badass speech about this that cuts the villain's philosophy right in half, and then a badass scene of tiny kid finally being able to control (and not be scared of!) their beast form, and fight the whole damn army singlehandedly to save their friends!

Also i think there was an extra emotional moment somewhere along the way where one of yhe villain generals was like 'no, stop, i want to see if they can do this', and actually started motivating the kid. Like i think they were a brainwashed soldier of the old priest bastatd who was sent to kill these monsters supposedly to avenge the priest's dead kid but they were actually starting to have doubts when this terrifying monster that 'killed them' seemed to act so much like a child. So this was the big moment of them finall believing the kid, and getting to see proof it really was them and the priest really was a manipulative evil bastard all along. So i think they switched sides and joined super powered up kiddo in fighting their fellow knights, giving them the keys to go free their friends. And possibly this knight person also joined the team after this and was the first proper human ally theyd ever had? And probably had loads of emotional plots of atoning

ANYWAY that was the cool really engaging story of my dream that i wish i could watch a real anime about!

But the weird part was that this was all delivered really fragmented cos of how little sleep ive had lately. I was seeing it in the form of (for some reason) laying down on the stairs at my abusive father's old house, listening to it playing on the tiny tv he had in his room. And you may have noticed i kept mixing up the kid's pronouns, thats because everyone in the dream was represented visually by a character from some other franchise and it was REALLY confusing! The kid was like an amalgamation of all the dudes from Wolf's Rain which i guess is where the concept of wandering monsters in human illusion came from. (Tho they werent all reverse werewolves like in that show) It was weird cos i knew this character was meant to be a child but they looked like five ripped teenagers smooshed together? Cos i havent seen that show in ages and couldnt even remember the protagonist's name. (Was someone called Hide or is that a guy from tokyo ghoul? I think they had the outfit of the tokyo ghoul guy.) And then predictably the evil priest dad was cornello from full metal alchemist mixed with my old doctor who had the same name. But less predictably the redeemed villain holy paladin knight guy was replica riku from kingdom hearts?? Ans specifically his medal from the app game, like he came with a floating medal attatched to his waist like a mermaid who was also a coffee table.

Also it just ended with a floating box of hair dye that turned to face the camera and it was actually coffee in a hair dye package. Like an exact replica of the blonding bleach i usually use, right down to every detail, but all the text was replaced with coffee info. I..i dont know what that has to do with anything else that just happened...

Oh also i think maybe one of the other teammates was a big cuddly 50-something circus ringleader type guy? He was the friendly comic relief but actually deep downn the most tormented of all of them. He'd been imprisoned as a circus attraction for most of his entire life and dressing up like a ringleader now he was free was kinda a way of coping? But yeh i think he bonded well with the kid cos they both didnt have much experience with being free and everything seemed new and scary. This guy also didnt have much experience of monster society either cos he'd been enslaved since he was a child. Man this anime sounds so fuckin intense and dark and emotional but also full of powerful friendship!! Why cant i watch any more episodes!! give me a sequel dream!!

#weird dream tag

2 notes · View notes

elizadoolittlethings · 6 years

Photo

An Interview with Mark Gatiss

October 12, 2015

Mark Gatiss is a man who has made a career of developing his childhood passions: Doctor Who, Sherlock Holmes, comedy, classic literature, Gatiss has done them all. With work as a screenwriter, actor, novelist and showrunner under his belt, Gatiss's illustrious career has been varied, but one thing has remained steadfast throughout his working life; his love of the dark and unsettling.

At a fundraiser for Darlington Police Memorial Fund on Ocotober 3rd 2015, Gatiss told of how Sherlock has changed his life, how he'd warmly welcome a female Doctor, his lifelong goal to play Jacob Marley and the mysterious gifts he has received from fans. After the event, Gatiss was kind enough to sit down with Shadows at the Door to discuss M.R. James and all things horror. SATD: You did a lot to raise the profile of M.R. James with new audiences with your adaptation of The Tractate Middoth and the accompanying documentary. Do you feel James is as recognised as much as other contemporaries such as Lovecraft? MG: He's the master(!), he's absolutely preeminent and rightly regarded as so. And well, you know the only problem I found with that is when I did Crooked House. They (the BBC) asked me to do an M.R. James and I said that I'd just like to do some new ones, because in a way, he becomes the default. It's a bit like whenever they list the greatest films ever made, it's so often Citizen Kane and people get a bit bored it it. James is clearly the best that's ever been, and people sometimes think 'Oh is he? Yes he is actually!'. But in fact what you want to do is kind of mix it up a bit, and that's all I wanted to do. Tractate came about because they asked me to do the documentary, and I said I'd love to but I'm too busy. But they kept asking and I just thought I'd chance my arm and said I'd do it one condition: let me write and direct a new adaptation and they said yes! Only trouble is that I'd love to do it every year and they haven't asked! And yes, James is incredible but i'd love there to be a broader field for others, such as Sheridan Le Fanu and all those that came after him. He was the best but it would be nice to mix it up a bit and if there were more of them it would be easier-- we could do with an anthology series, really. SATD: Yeah, the Ghost Story for Christmas series is quite sporadic at best, each year we look for it in the listings and it's never there. Is it quite a fight to get the BBC to do another one? MG: Yes it is. I would do one very year until I dropped dead. In fact, I want to do Count Magnus.I'd love to do some more, it's a tough sell because it's a short format and in the 70s it was so easy. The documentary was made via BBC Arts and it was like making one in the 70s, I was left on my own. But essentially, what I'd have to do to make that work is replicate it: do a documentary on someone along with an adaptation, and I can't do James again. But Funnily enough-- no wait, I won't say that because I'll jinx it(!) but it could work again. But it's difficult, it's all about money and ratings and it's a difficult slot whereas if you could make four or five of them together you could make a little series of them but that's expensive. SATD: Do you think that's something that could realistically happen? MG: Maybe. It's just increasingly difficult.

SATD: You're a fan of H.G. Wells too, is that someone whose work you'd try to push with the BBC?

MG: Yeah but I tell you what, rejoice! Because the great Graham Duff has just done a serise of four Wells adaptations for Sky, I've seen them and they're fantastic! He's done The Purple Pileus-- the one about mushrooms-- and The Moth. But the particularly brilliant one stars Micheal Gambon, the name escapes me (Mark cries in frustration), but its just brilliant! It's about a dying old man who's looking an heir because he has n children, it's very sinister and it's fantastic. THey're all directed by Adrian Shergold and they so much capture the spirit of mid-70s horror, they're just really well done so look forward to that. SATD: Sounds fantastic! So moving onto Doctor Who, a lot of your episodes in particular have elements of horror to them. Is this something to comes to you naturally or is it just owed more to Doctor Who's gothic origins?

MG: Well horror is my bent, and to me Doctor Who has always been frightening. My principle memories of a child are being scared by it, it's in the DNA of Doctor Who. But obviously it depends on the story, The Crimson Horror for example is a northern gothic love letter and others are more traditional scares. A Martian in a Russian submarine for example, you just can't do that in any other show, I've yet to see it in Midsummer...

SATD: Speaking of The Crimson Horror, I've got to ask: were there elements of Hillary Briss (Gatiss's demented butcher character from The League of Gentlemen), in the character of the the undertaker?

MG: Oh yeah! He licked his lips a lot, didn't he? I tell who I really wanted for that part, Graham Fellows who plays John Shuttleworth. I really tried to get him but it didn't work out, I think we would have been perfect for that. What does he say? (Mark adopts a thick Yorkshire accent) 'White as the top of Buckton Pike!" (laughs). SATD: In other interviews you've said that you're fatigued by the sheer quantity of modern horror films.

MG: That's true! I was just thinking about this the other day: the absolute constant for me is ghosts, but other things can wax and wane. Personally, I think its now all a bit over saturated. Its a bit like super hero movies, theres too many and you start to get weary. Weirdly, its sort of like the old Chinese curse, be careful what you wish for. There are so many shows now, that are just hyper-gothic, steampunk-y, and Im just a bit saturated.

Therefore, like food or wine your tastes change and your palette changes so now I've gone in a slightly different direction. I used to think nothing could exist without waistcoats and bubbling test tubes and now Im actually more interested in modern horror; the gothic but in a modern context. I dont think it has to be about the old and obviously I still love it but it doesnt have to be about candelabra and castles. You can get the same feeling from modern methods, and in a way that is more frightening. The story which by consensus is the most successful in Crooked House, is the one which is in Barratt home because its like; 'Oh this is horrible because it might actually happen!'.

SATD: So have there been any recent films that have pleasantly surprised you?

MG: Well the problem is, and I was just talking to Simon Pegg about this, its like an addict always searching for their first hit. And whenever someone says; 'Oh my god have you seen x?' like The Babadook, which I really enjoyed, but I found it was much more interesting when it was a very harrowing story about that women going mad. The gothic touches left me cold, and I wondered why they were suddenly doing Poltergeist? Thats not what this story is about, the idea of a woman losing her mind because her child is unstable was really scary but in a different kind of way. (sigh) I suppose Im always just waiting for The Thing, really.

SATD: You have a part in the new Victor Frankenstein movie; does that feel surreal now that you're in a horror movie?

MG: All I can think of is; whats taken so long? But yeah, it was a delight. I only have a small part, and it only took a few days. Paul McGuigan, the chief Sherlock director asked me to do it and it was, you know, a really fucking huge Frankenstein laboratory! And I get to pull the lever and everything! There was a bit when I was going up an iron lift with Freddie Fox and it was all outdoors and raining I mean absolutely lashing with freezing cold rain and I said to Freddie; 'This isnt like being in Frankenstein, this is Frankenstein!' (laughs). And it doesnt get any better than that!

SATD: Do you get to ham it up then?

MG: Well, wait and see! (laughs)

SATD: Well, Mark thank you very much!

MG: Not at all, its been an absolute pleasure.

wanted to know about his Frankenstein role :) though didn’t get to see him much - think they edited a lot

also, for me too “..the absolute constant for me is ghosts, but other things can wax and wane.”

#Mark Gatiss

6 notes · View notes

joannawillshrink · 7 years

Text

shower thoughts

only this is a thought coming up while watching a Dr Who special called the end of the world part two.

Which I think is a humorous title. End of the world, PART TWO. anyway

The Master character is the baddie and he has a drumming in his head, constantly, driving him crazy. The Doctor says he could help. And the Master replies in a misty voice, “I dont know what I’d be, without that noise.”

Made me immediately think about myself and current life, without my Mom. Like when people lose someone close to them, common advice or like, motivational talk is “go make them proud” and whatnot. And I’m thinking, I wonder if she can see me and see what I’ve become. So bored and depressed and stagnant, different. Because I really do feel very very different. I’m changed. And I dont like it.

But I then went on to think about myself in a break up. How I want the other person to miss me. How I, in a twisted way, think its kindof flattering when someone is fucked up after losing me. Which is partially why I’m having a hard time knowing Jesse is fine and has moved on. Because I want to be mourned more. I want to have more visibly affected him.

And I wonder if, and I’m not saying that my Mom is in any way twisted, or thinking maliciously... this is just my weird thought trail,

But like, if I died and my family were really “fine” quite quickly afterwards, I feel like I’d be a bit bothered! Is that so immature of me? Like of course I’d want them to be functioning and get out there and do their thing, but not like... too soon! I guess everybody copes differently... I feel very out of touch with what other peoples’ lives are actually like. But just, I feel like my world is much more shattered than I was ready for. But is that my fault? For not “getting over it” faster? But Mom was everything, beyond words of worth or value, her love was like gravity. And it was August 9th, 2015 when it happened. Wow, I just had to look up the year. I guess its been longer than I thought? I dont know. I just feel like my processors are broken.

Anyways. I feel like I have so much to unpack about this. “I dont know who I’d be without that noise.” Like, I am now a girl without her Mom. I am Joanna without my Mom. And I dont know who I am. I held on to what I thought was normal, with my relationship with Jesse. But now that ending obliterated the false bonds I had convinced myself were working. The phantom ties.

Theyre gone, and I feel untethered. More purposeless than ever.

When I didnt know who I was before, I leaned against trying to be a good daughter. That was a wall of my definition of self. But now that wall is gone, with her. I still want to be a good daughter, but showing up for her and having her love and friendship is gone. I know the tra-la-la “she’s always with you” but I mean, in real-time, its gone.

And its like, a break up. If you get over it too easily, it kindof seems like it wasnt that big of a deal to you.

But unconditional love is different, right?

I dont even think I know what unconditional love means. I dont think humans are that perfect. I dont think its genuinely possible to unconditionally love someone.

I find it hard to believe that Jesse cared for me that way. I dont think he thinks of me, I think he nothings me. You know? When its like, I dont like you, but I dont dislike you. I nothing you.

I wish I nothing’ed him. I dislike him right now. I dont want bad luck to befall him, but I wish I didnt have to witness his happiness. Because I’m jealous. I want to be happy. When I’m upset and other people are happy I feel like theyre bragging about it, rubbing it in my face. Especially when its a partner or friend, and especially especially when its an Ex.

I used to fear talking to my mom on the phone because if I was sad and needed help or support, she was always more sad. Sadder. And needed MY help. Or if I was happy, and wanted to share it, I was afraid it would sound braggy or she’d feel lesser-than compared to what I had going on. Like, at the beginnings of things with Jesse, I’d mention a detail about kissing or holding hands or something, and she’d get weird about it and throw in some comment about “I wish your father still kissed me” or “goodness, I miss that” or something.

I worry thats rubbed off onto me. If I’m upset, like, deeply bothered, I dont want other people around me to be good at walking away. I want to be seen, and to effect others. If I’m crying I want someone else’s mood to change if they see me or hear my story. I want to be respected for enduring the things that are happening. I feel like when people hear a sad personal tale or listen to what youre feeling at the moment, and get up at the end and are fine and just walk away, its incredibly rude and unfeeling and gross. Offensive, even. Maybe thats playing too much of the victim.

The lawyer in me immediately says “stop wasting your energy trying to get other people to be sad like you, to see you for how sad you are, and use that energy to do something about your own sadness”

but if youre sad, and just put in the energy to make it go away, is that fixing it? or just ignoring it?

is ignoring pain the secret to success? just, get on with it? never let it catch up to you?

I wonder if thats everyones suppressed secret. That they ARE in pain, but just running from it.

I want to be heard and to share my story before I can move on from it. Its like airing out a ghost. Giving it its proper attention and respect so its existence is justified, giving it love, really. I want even the sad parts to be loved.

So when someone just gets up and walks away unphased from a story I’m explaining, I dont feel love or connection or anything at all. It almost adds to the pain itself. Setting it further back down the hill with even more to climb to escape.

I stay in bed a lot. I’m not sure how to air out being upset about my ex Jesse. I want to run my mouth about the shit he was in our relationship. I was lousy too, but different. Definitely no saint, but I understand the quiet spectrum in the motivation of cheaters. Not all cheaters. But I get why some do what they do. Because I seeked out attention from other men, men from my past, because I needed more, but didnt want to give up what could maybe be built with Jesse. I was scared to lose the potential of him. But he behaved so coldly, often cruelly emotionally to me, both in obvious but also very quiet subtle ways, that I needed to be around the energy of men who knew me before all that. Old friends who knew my sparkle. Because I needed to remember it, myself. I wished and wished and wished Jesse saw my sparkle, at the beginning of our relationship I thought he did. Which is why I decided to move to his city from my own, and really give it a try.

But I felt like just another hobby in his life, another thing that needed his precious time. I felt juggled between work, his band, and his motorcycle. Literally, if I saw his eyes light up because he ordered another guitar pedal or motorcycle part, I knew it meant less time/money/enthusiasm for me or our time together. This literally happened, time and time again.

And after losing the one person in my life who I knew I was their everything,

I needed to be loved more. I needed to be loved more than a new amplifier. I needed to have someone look at me and get excited like they would when something new would arrive from Amazon.

I needed to be appreciated for more than just when I was game to have sex.

I needed to have my sparkle be seen and fanned.

So I diminished, and I felt, after a while, that he didnt deserve me. That he didnt deserve my best. So when I traveled or was around old flames or friends who I knew understood me and made me feel great just being me, I gave THEM my best. Which, in black and white on paper, is cheating, and isnt cool.

But my heart needed it. I shouldve broken up with Jesse so much sooner than I did.

But now, we ARE broken up, and I’m super fucked up about it still. I’m glad we’re not together, but in a way like... he treated me this way when we WERE together. Indifferent, not seeing how special I am. How great we could be.

So its like... I guess he’s acting exactly the same. It hurt this much within the relationship, too... but when we were together at least I could yell at him about it. It felt good to yell at somebody for what hurts. His lack of attention still hurts, but now I have no right to get into a fight with him about it.

Its all to be expected. His behavior. He left his wife to be with me. Someone of 8 fucking years. And he never talked about her really. So why should I be surprised that he doesnt talk about me, or miss me, or seem forlorn. He didnt seem forlorn for her. He was barely single. He wasnt single. He jumped right from her to me. And now he’s very shortly on to the next. I really shouldnt be surprised.

It would be easier if he wasnt so entrenched in all the people I know.

Theres always a risk of seeing him out. I wish I was more mature about this. But honestly I’d feel the same even if we were just friends from the start. Its like seeing someone you just simply dont like, regardless of context. If someones a jerk, you dont want them to be where you are.

I may leave Austin. Its weird, being trapped by comfort. My house is pretty good. Like, the shape of the house itself is cute. Theres a porch. Theres a patio, and a coffee shop across the street.

But I dont feel happy here. I have no idea where I’d go. But I’m sick of living in a pot house. EEEVery day its bowl bong weed pot cough cough sneeze laugh lame joke bong bong lame joke bad pun leaving dishes fucking everywhere hoarding objects and never using them leaving dirt and coats and shoes and opened mail and bullshit all over the place.

I feel like I cant bitch because I dont have a job. I’m lazing around sleeping 80% of the day because... of what? Because of sadness, because I dont really want to go out there. I dont want to interact with my roommates who I find annoying. I dont want to take a walk around the neighborhood that I think its pretty boring. I dont want to go to bars and feel less than my past self. Fatter. Older. Uglier. I dont want to go feel my inadequacy proven right. Jesse treated me that way. I moved here five months after my Mom died. Brand new city.

And I didnt get a job. I didnt do a whole lot of anything. And he hated me for it. He didnt understand and it leaked in. It absolutely showed.

So now its February 2018. So many months have passed. And I’m still not doing anything. I just dont want to. I dont know where to get a job here, I dont want to commit my time to something that doesnt feel like anything. I want to exercise but it requires a 15 minute drive to get there. I want to cook but our kitchen is so fucking cluttered it drives me nuts.

Am I too uptight? Like, is this coming off like I cant function unless somethings perfect?

Im sure it sounds that way... I just... feel no spark. When my new roommate cleaned the bathroom and had music going and was doing the shit I normally do, I felt so pleased and relatable, it was marvelous. But then other two roommates come home and toss their coats all over and smoke weed and plop down watching stupid shows, and it just..

Should I try to be more of a leader? Force my way through it and burn my own trail? If theyre watching dumb shit, suggest something better? Take an active interest in life?

I definitely have been passive. I want other people to be interesting. I want to be intrigued by someone’s starting something. Somebody to already have the breadcrumbs laid down and I get to follow them and add to the adventure. I dont know if I have the energy to take the risk of being bold and leading the way, not knowing the caliber of people I’m talking to or bringing with me. Like, I want to spend energy being great around someone I already think is great. I miss having crushes. If I think someone is awesome, I feel like I then get to be super awesome too, in hopes that showing my favorite self, enjoying my own shine... that they’ll notice and enjoy it too.

But like, why shine for boring people? I dont have any interest in that. I dont want to impress people that dont impress me.

That sounds super bitchy but whatever.

Anyways. I’m way off track.

I just remembered that I need to call my Aunt Carol, who I think is mad at me, because she retired today and I’m overdue to call her. I really dont want to but it needs to be done. Calling a family member that you know is disappointed in you is NEVER fun. I feel the weight on my chest already. Okay, gonna call her. I’ll write again soon.

#emotion journal #rant

0 notes