#and the kids shouldnt see me like that or my dad xhoking me bc it will scare them
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literally no one irl knows abt my hallucinations beyond hte stupid jokes i make abr them
#whuch is good bc it would only cause problems bt at the same time#i have this fcking crippling anxiety abt how bad i get bc ik how bad it gets and how incoherent i get and i genuinely cant get like that in#front of someone ever firstly bc my parents will freak out and my moms solution is always to pass the problem to someone else so shell cal#someone whos either going to be my dad or the cops or an ambulance#and my dad has fantasies abt choking someone into submission ik this he says it he wants to hurt someone and wirhan opportunity it would be#and the kids shouldnt see me like that or my dad xhoking me bc it will scare them#i will scare them#bc ppl see me as logical nd i keep the peace and i know what to say and how to say it bt i get so incoherent and confused and confusingnd#scared i get so scared#nd i eont want someone to take care of me eithervc none of it is real whatsoever and no one deserves to have to take care of me esp in tha#state and also literally none of it is real but i think it is and i get so scared and no one can know#and no one knows and it should and will stay that way i pray it stays that way
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