#and the drama they were talking about isnt supposed to be a comedy at all its a drama drama

[fishy-lava]

stop pitting BLs from different countries against each other challenge: fucking failed. again

[r--g--b]

got roped into watching hazbin hotel and its so so infuriating that all that money on voice talent, music production, animation was spent on...a really mediocre show? like the concept even has potential its just the writing and execution is embarrassingly bad. despite its attempts to be complex the characters feel so one dimensional and the dialogue is painful to sit through. even the music, which is pretty decent, is hard to bear because often it doesnt match the tone of the episode or the scene. it feels like the show defaults to tropes because no one wanted to do any higher level thinking on how characters should actually think and act. the show is presented as a parody but takes itself serious enough that you cant blame comedy or parody for its shortcomings.

also the designs are so functionally bad like i was shocked when i was told what the previous lives of these characters were supposed to be because its barely communicated at all visually. you pick up almost nothing from their designs because theyre so busy that the purposefully simplified background characters are more appealing than the main characters. thats not to mention how the animators are clearly struggling to stay on model because of the weird proportions. and theres no excuse for it because Villainous pulled off almost the exact same style and did so while communicating information about the characters and looking professional quality.

this isnt even tackling the everything else about the creator and the drama and controversies. i only really care about the show on its own so thats all im going to talk about. i really just needed to rant so i guess the sentiment im trying to convey is i wish this concept had been put in more experienced hands so that all this money and effort wasnt wasted. there were parts i enjoyed but it really doesnt balance out the rest of the show.

[letterstomilen]

i discuss the classification of igneous petrology as you fall asleep during my lecture (PART 1) (ASMR)

Childe/Zhongli, Alternate Universe (read part 2 here) When Childe's younger sister tells him about the volunteer at the library, he does not make the connection between that and his new favorite ASMR YouTuber, Rex Lapis.

Childe has a very effective method of getting through college. His little sister, who’s caught him making coffee at three in the morning on more than one occasion the past week alone, would beg to differ. 

“You’re the best older brother,” she starts off, and he’s sure she’s trying to convince herself more than him at this point, “but you need to fix your sleeping habits.” Then, because she’s his little sister, she’d flash him a smile and pat his shoulder reassuringly.

(The comment is not lost on him though. He understands his sleeping situation will eventually wear him down if it hadn’t already, but he believes if he’ll drink a coffee every morning and a Monster every night, he’ll get through three days. By the third day, he’ll hardly be coherent but that doesn’t matter because he’ll conk out for the next twelve hours and then repeat.)

“Don’t worry, Tonia,” he says, trying to sound as reassuring as possible as he contemplates whether it’s worth it or not to swallow a pill of 5-hour energy with his morning coffee. “Once break ends, I’ll get back to normal.”

“You said that six seasons ago.”

Childe frowns, trying to remember if his sleeping schedule was this dysfunctional last year. “Huh?”

“The Walking Dead seasons,” Tonia clarifies, as if she’s not twelve years old and the show is for grown adults. He thinks. He hasn’t checked Commonsensemedia ever since La Signora labeled him as a “helicopter parent” and his Netflix tab has been playing How to Get Away with Murder as background noise for the past few weeks.

Isn’t it a show about zombies though? Tonia’s sheepish smile tells it all, because it’s the same exact guilty look he had when he got caught red-handed as a kid.

(Once he remembers later, Childe promises himself, he’ll check out The Walking Dead.)

“Oh. Well. I have a lot of shows to catch up on, you know. Not to mention a ton of my professors gave me reading for over the break.”

A half lie. They did give him a lot of reading because each professor assumed that their classes were his only one, and with seven days left, he still has a textbook worth of reading to go through. But there are no shows that Childe would sacrifice his precious sleep for. As a matter of fact, he would love to sleep. He’s spent the majority of his classes back in high school sleeping and faking attention, saving his grade at the last minute — it was quite the extreme sport really, if he says so himself.

Whenever he tries to sleep recently, his thoughts run at several hundred miles per hour, and he spends several hours staring at the ceiling before succumbing to the computer at his desk and watching trashy movies. At this point, he must have gone through the entire romance comedy list on Netflix. (Not a proud point in his life but if anybody ever wanted him to give a list of best to worst romance comedy movies, he now has one.)

Tonia, on the other hand, isn’t incredibly convinced.

Admittedly, the excuse was lame. Also, he can’t easily lie to his little sister, who’s far shrewder than he takes her for at times.

“You never start your reading in advance. You like to speed read it right before your class or watch a five-minute video on the chapters while your teachers take attendance. But that’s… uh, ‘a bad work ethic.’” Tonia looks immensely proud of herself as she says this, finishing it off with, “Zhongli told me that.”

“Zhongli?” he repeats, trying to remember if that’s one of her classmates or some stranger that’s hoping to kidnap his sister.

“The guy that volunteers at the library sometimes. He recommended me a loot of good books to read, but he talks like an old man.”

“How old?” Childe can tell she’s enjoying this — talking about her new friend at the library that he’ll probably have to run a background check on.

“Like he’s in his sixties or something. But he looks… actually, he looks your age! And he’s a student too. I told him all about you.”

Well, that doesn’t sound very reassuring coming from the mouth of a twelve-year-old. He’s not sure if that translates to his social security number, his current dilemma, or just that he’s her older brother.

“Like all of the stories you told me when I was a kid. And then when Lumine came to pick me up, she stayed to show him pictures of you too.”

“Of course she did,” he mumbles, ruffling her hair. One of these days he’s going to move without telling his classmates and the twins won’t enter his apartment unannounced. (But Tonia adores their company and the stories they tell her far too much for him to actually do it. But that doesn’t mean he’s above making threats when they tell his little sister about the bet he made about white-out and how it could dye hair. The jury is still out on this one.) “She’s just mad because I get away with it and she doesn’t. But don’t do it yourself. It’s a bad habit,” he adds, remembering that he should at least try to be a good influence on his younger sister when he can.

“Okaaay,” she says unconvincingly, before shaking her hair and running off to her room with lunch he prepared for her.

Watching her close the door and no doubt continue her binge of The Walking Dead, he takes out his phone and texts Lumine.

 Childe

12:35

ur a horrible influence on tonia

 Childe

12:35

and whos this ZHONGLI

 Childe

12:35

also is twd appropriate for 12 y/os

 Twin 1

12:37

a normal person would say hi

 Twin 1

12:37

also 1. me n aether watched it when we were 12 so probably and 2. some guy at the library that also goes to our school

 Well. At least he’s somebody they know. But The Walking Dead?

 Childe

12:38

thats not very convincing

 Childe

12:38

also dont ppl DIE? get BITTEN???? what if she gets nightmares

 Twin 1

12:39

isnt she 12 r u telling me u weren’t watching R rated movies at 12

 Childe

12:42

thats very different from a 10 season long show that is hailed as “one of the greatest horror shows in history” and “paved the way for post-apocalyptic horror”

 Twin 1

12:42

well if she has trouble sleeping she could always watch asmr. that helps me during midterms idk

 Childe

12:42

whats asmr

 Childe

12:43

asking for my sister btw

 Twin 1

12:44

A feeling of well-being combined with a tingling sensation in the scalp and down the back of the neck, as experienced by some people in response to a specific gentle stimulus, often a particular sound.

 Childe

12:45

wtf?

 Twin 1

12:45

people on the internet make random sounds or just talk into a mic n its supposed to be very relaxing. how have u never found out abt this?????

 Childe

12:45

idk the only thing on my youtube recommended r greatest stunts and chapter review videos

 Twin 1

12:47

… makes sense

 Twin 1

12:47

check out rex lapis’ channel he looks like ur type

 Childe

12:48

i thought we were talking about my sister????

 Twin 1

12:50

[message screenshots.jpg]

 Twin 1

12:50

ya she told me everything

 Twin 1

12:50

have fun i need to convince aether to not commit arson bc of his TA

 Childe

12:51

hope he does it

He opens his Youtube app, typing in Rex Lapis and expecting Lumine’s suggestion to be a joke. Despite them being friends for nearly two years now, she’s never made any indication of knowing his type. And he’s sure he’s never been that vocal about it either, only shooting appreciative looks at history majors and paying more attention than necessary to the TA for ‘Tradition of Justice and Law.’ (It’s unfortunate that those short-term crushes never led to anything, but maybe that’s for the better seeing that Childe has never understood the appeal of relationships.)

It is an ASMR channel, judging by the ASMR playlist he finds as he scrolls through the account. The icon shows no face — only a microphone — which leaves him skeptical. Most of the video titles belong in a petrology lecture as well, which makes him even more convinced that it’s a joke. He finds a few readings of ancient literature and decides to pick ‘I discuss the classification of igneous petrology as you fall asleep during my lecture (PART 1) (ASMR)’ because that’s exactly what he needs. (Not the very moment — but ten hours later when he’s in the bed memorizing the pattern of his ceiling wondering why he stole from his fifth grade teacher’s candy jar during lunch.)

When Childe opens the video, he damn near gasps.

The man in the video is exactly his type. His eyes are a soft amber color, framed with long lashes, and it’s almost enough for him to lose his dignity and message Lumine a long thank you text about how she is always right and he’ll pay for her coffee for the following week.  He smiles at the screen, albeit a little sheepishly, dark hair framing his face with a long ponytail that Childe can’t see the end of. On his right ear, there are a pair of earrings with a single feather that brush against his neck when he moves his head.

Even before he speaks, Childe is mesmerized, sure he’ll already memorize his features from the curve of his nose to the way he tilts his head, displaying the expanse of his neck.

Really — he reminds him of actors in historical dramas, the way he sits regally, and how he speaks. His voice is low and slow as he adopts a careful manner of speaking, leaning into the mic.

“I’m Rex Lapis, and I’ll be discussing igneous petrology today, which is part one in a three-part petrology series. I apologize in advance, seeing that my knowledge is limited compared to many petrologists out there but my friend Venti said that many of my viewers are here for my voice, so I’m very excited to start today’s video.”

Holy shit.

For the following week, Childe learns less about petrology, the philosophy of economics, and historical revisionism concerning matters of war and more about Rex Lapis, who is not in love with his voice but often finds himself in the middle of long tangents without explanations. His favorite book series is the Legend of the Lone Sword, which he says he’ll look forward to reading out loud for the channel. (Childe replays that part of the video again and again, captivated by his excitement as he mindlessly taps the mic while he speaks, his tangent cutting off mid-word — as it usually does, much to his dismay.)

His guilty obsession is not lost on Tonia, who realizes that instead of drinking Monster every night he’s been engrossed in his phone completely, often not noticing her or when the water starts bubbling. But because his sleeping schedule has been alleviated, she says nothing until Lumine comes over as she always does, not forgetting their weekly schedule of watching trashy movies while leeching off of Childe’s food.

Because he doesn’t trust the twins with the kitchen — even if they can cook — she instead spends her time sitting next to Tonia and spreading more of her anti-Childe propaganda while they wait. This usually involves Tonia occasionally calling out Childe’s name and asking, “Is that true?” or “Did you really do that?”

This time is different though.

Worried that Lumine finally decided to show Tonia a video of last semester’s presentation, he leans over, looking at the computer screen.

And he’s wrong. Unfortunately. Maybe it should’ve been his presentation because even if he botched it and accidentally projected his work process — screaming notes and all — to the class instead of his actual presentation, it would’ve been better than the two of them watching one of Rex Lapis’ videos together.

The ‘I read Erosion: Essays of Undoing to you as it rains outside’ video, to be specific, which is where Rex Lapis is embarrassed by Venti mid video when asked if this was his idea of a date with a lover. (And then it ends with Rex Lapis asking for video suggestions from the commentors, his face still flushed from the previous comments.)

Oh God — oh fuck.

“So he is your type,” Lumine says, her expression a bit too smug for his liking. Tonia looks half awake, scrolling through articles as the video plays, more interested in ‘Top 10 Glenn Rhee Moments’ than Childe’s crush. Her expression is a bit guilty as she does so — she’s biting her lip and avoiding his gaze, but he assumes that it’s just because they went through his YouTube history.

“I can neither confirm nor deny that statement,” he retorts, but the YouTube history she pulls up once Tonia hands the computer over to her says it all. (It’s quite mortifying, really — even Tonia is giving him a look, but it’s not as bad as Lumine’s shit eating grin.)

“Well… he does have a nice voice,” Childe finally says, thinking that perfectly encompasses his most recent obsession. Because he does have a nice voice — it’s soothing and speaks to him without really speaking to him directly. (The good looks are a bonus, he assures himself. A fantastic bonus, but a bonus nonetheless.)

“He does,” Tonia confirms, smiling toothily up at him, and he resists the urge to ruffle her hair with Lumine staring at him so skeptically. “But I don’t understand much of what he’s saying. He — heh — talks like an old man.”

“Don’t worry, Tonia, your brother likes him because he’s attractive,” Lumine informs her, now fast forwarding on one of Rex Lapis’ videos. “Did you know that he lives nearby?”

“Huh?”

The knife he’s holding clatters to the floor, and the two look down and back up at him with— hold on, why does it feel like they’re in on a secret he doesn’t know about?

“Yeah, he’s working on his grad thesis I think… Aether told me it was about something on history,” she muses. “That’s why I recommended his channel to you. He’s a bit of a celebrity in his department.” Childe’s sure his jaw dropped now, trying to maintain his facial expression as he takes out a new knife to chop up the onions.

“Really,” he tries to say as calmly as possible, wondering how he should accompany Aether to his lectures without trying to seem as obvious as possible. His voice is a bit shaky he realizes but he can’t quite make the connection between Rex Lapis and actual graduate student that goes to his university.

“Yeah, actually…” Lumine is definitely pretending to think now, enjoying this far too much. “He—”

“It’s Zhongli!” his little sister yells excitedly, practically jumping up and down at this point as if she won the lottery. “Zhongli runs an ASMR channel and he talks just like that in real life! Right, Lumine?”

“Yeah.”

Childe sighs, holding a hand up to his face. The realization that he’s been obsessed with the same guy that hears about every stupid thing he did secondhand is way too much — and the fact that he’s been listening to his voice every night before he went to bed the past week is way too much. He’s sure his face is redder than before judging by the amused expressions on Lumine’s and Tonia’s faces — really, they’re mirror images of each other right now.

Not for the first time, Childe swears to himself that he’ll never let her into his apartment without signing a contract ever again.

[yoitscro]

On twitter I told people to like a post if they wanted me to explain why I like Cronus (and by extent, the Beforans) and I got like 25 takers so. Here ya go.

“I'm going to casually (and more importantly, for fun) brief about why Cronus interests me. No ground breaking reveals. Cover your eyes for these wretched takes.

Of course in a real sense, hot takes are suppose to be provocative words on some quick subject. I'm pretty chill about this thing only I talk about, and if someone gets provoked by me using my tumblr to just talk about a character I like......okay, lol. get well soon.

1. I Like Beforan Trolls. The concept of these not even seconday characters amuse me. The fact they're simple premises for improv and building blocks to establish their base characters, past actions, and world. You can't really get that (acceptable, at least) free range with Karkat and the gang, who have multiple arcs you have to juggle and certain blunt traits spelled out for you versus leaving you to fill in the blanks. I also tend to be attracted to the room the alpha trolls have for humor while still pertaining dark tones. 

Finally, I'm find that these young adults being strung in their own connected dramas is amusing, and can be relatable in some cases as young adult myself. I also <3 theorizing on what their world was like. In short...these characters carry many mysteries and open ends to fill. Same with Ancestors, tbh.

2. I Like Sea Dwellers. They are currently the most mysterious blood castes right next to lime, and that only adds to the headcanon field, like the Beforan trolls alone. Accept you add Beforan, and Seadweller, and boom. You get Cronus. Fish people shake the core, man.

3. I Liked Him. Ive been in this fandom since 2015; through fan videos, art, rp, and fiction (as well as my own, having ran an askblog Be-Cronus during then), Cronus was one of the mains I latched onto. Pretty simple. The way he was portrayed in comedy fan content made me laugh, or got reactive emotion from me, even if he did have his overall bad personality in canon. 

Problematic characters yo. We all like at least one of them (and care to fixate on their better traits), even outside of Homestuck. I just happened to prefer cake vs cookie. fish vs spider.

4. I Liked His Character. Say what you want, but all characters have 'character'. It's why people recognize Cronus enough to stray away upon distinction. While some people really prefer stretching his thirst to very....immoral levels (and demonizing his fans likewise, oof), I prefered taking the parts of his character that still worked for me from the amusement perspective, and adding it into interest of wanting to build onto him while still being aware of his canon. 

Cronus as a pathetic flirt (for sport or not) is amusing, and having things blow back in his face is the punchline for me. Seeing how his ego (or otherwise) interacts with other characters is amusing. And if further building's wanted, then writing him like a primary character with reasons good or bad for his attitude and actions makes me invested. 

Is it canon? For any of the Beforan trolls? No, but the exploration is what makes it fun while knowing that this character can exist within a band of other problematic trolls, and figuring out why they tick the way they do. Homestuck fans are always taking Hussie's characters and building in their own way even IF they aren't small, especially to satisfy wants and curiousity with their own imagination. That's not even including Cronus' LORE, which Aranea explains as being the creator of things such as LE's VESSELS.

The fact he has things I've speculated from, from how he became such a douchebag, to what his world was like when it was alive, to his connection with Meenah, Damara, Mituna, Kurloz, his connection to being a Bard of Hope, and SO ON. It's fun to speculate canon!

And in regards to his harry potter protagonist role, /IF/ it's true. Which it probably isn't, since Cronus is Cronus and Hussie wasn't going to do much ever, and that's why AU's exist. That's why my interest in characters and the routes they COULD go exist.

Sandboxes need their sandcastles. Sandcastles need their shells and decor. And really, that's what OpenBound is. One giant sandbox with castles (characters) to build on and let your mind go wild. Theyre filler that you can fill. It's just in the end, they just happened to not get as normalized in fandom like a bunch of background ponies. 

 TLDR I like Cronus because I like Cronus! 

We solved the puzzle of..w/e it was that was the hot take away from this!  I guess you guys know more how I work now versus seeing me think Cronus as some hawt seme bae.

ANYWAYS THAT'S IT! I'd like to say this isnt a defense or response post to anything; it's just a literal discussion and again, written for fun. Some people were authentically curious, and I had enough free time and interest to write up. Nothing big and bold, just fun. Fitting!

[fuckblizzardbearlover]

real talk: movie reviews

Your review/opinion of a movie is complete worthless shit if you dont base it off its intent and needlessly compare it to other things.

a comedy is suppose to be funny, a drama is suppose to be dramatic. If you were to talk about how Jaws wasnt funny enough and gave your kids nightmares cus it was to scary, as a criticism of a movie your review would be stupid, yes?

You have to go into a story, a movie or a series with sincerity. If you are going in thinking “i hope this isnt as bad as i think its going to be” or w/e then you are going in with prejudice. Its not the producers or actors or writers fault if you dont WANT to enjoy the movie, its YOUR fault.

“it had bad acting” ...well....no probably not. You probably mean the Acting was to campy, or the acting wasnt realistic enough, or the acting didnt convey what i think was meant to be conveyed. There are multiple forms of acting. If you want every great historically awesome groundbreaking movie that was filmed in the 20th century they ALL have horrible acting. Except they arent. Thats what acting was like back then. I am not a fan of older movies because they are heavily dialogue based. They focus on monologues and banter and i find the whole thing very boring. But i’m not an fucking idiot, and so i recognize that its a Different Style and dont go around bad mouthing it.

“its plot was obvious”...well was it suppose to be? I mean people say there are no orginal stories. it doesnt matter WHAT happens but Why. the devil is in the details. I mean if you told me that Dumbledor dies that ...wouldnt be a problem because I dont know WHY he dies, HOW he dies, WHO kills him , WHEn he dies and all the information surrounding that event. Like if the movie is a Jurassic film you know its going to go wrong...thats a given. you might as well insult a horror movie for being scary. Thats just....like...reality. Movies about a lack of conflict arent entertaining. You need conflict. So the movie is about when things go wrong. In order for this to be a valid criticism you’d have to explain why the simple plot is a bad thing

“the villains were obvious”...most villains are. Like we literally have one in the white house right now. If your point is that people would stop obviously villainous people right away you’d be wrong. if your point is people would have a problem working with villains you’d be wrong. We literally have businessmen in real life saying that poor people deserve to die, so how does a fictional villain saying that he’s going to sell a dinosaur to some mafia guys like any different?

“dexu ex machina” first of all i dont think that word means what you think it means. its a reference to the machine of the gods, meaning the moments in plays when the plot could not be resolved so they had the gods come in and fix everything.  It does NOT mean “the heroes got spared because an event out of their control changed the situation”. heck thats often how the conflict starts in the first place.

and again one has to consider the GENRE and intent of the movie.

Like i love all the Jurassic movies...because they are good and fun. Thats just how they are. They have philisophical debates, they have intercharacter conflict (romance or divorces) that leads to cute banter. They have things going horribly out of control. they have contrived coincedences that are fun or funny.

They have heroes barely escaping horrible situations through nothing but luck. Like thats whats fun about it! If you dont like it thats fine but to Insult something just cus you dont like it is idiotic and shows how unprofessional you are.

I HATE coffee but i dont insult it or people who like it

Like in preparation for the next movie i watched jurassic world again and was reminded of all the fun i had.

The horrific Irony of corporate scientiests saying things like “it ate its sister” and that look where you can see they are desperately trying to ignore that big warning sign cus they are trying to be optimistic.

the shot with the dinosaur foot thats actuallly a raven’s foot that plays with audiences expectations of a dramatic scene change of violence “oh  but its actually something harmless” that is common in these movies (they’ve had one for ever movie) while also lampshading the fact that birds are related to dinosaurs. Thats some top notch movieing

the silly divorce plotline that brought humanity to the cast, that kinda showed that the people who end up in horrible situations are people just trying to deal with their things. Not to mention how its almost always tied to the plot? Like how in Jurassic 3 them trying to save their child helped the mother and father heal their relationship, How the brothers attempts to overcome his shittyness because his brother is worried about the divorce leads him to do something dangerous that almost gets them killed

The silly situations and black comedy like in Jurassic 2 where the guy gets eaten in front of hte blockbuster and you hear his comedic “Ug, uuuggk” like the  slowly dying version of the Wilhelm scream. In jurassic world  you had the cute comedy of the frustrated Tourguide person “guys i just work here” and the pteredon stopping right before it would have impaled one of the heroes. The indominous being indignant at the weird things screaming at it so it screams at them back because she’s a petulant child.

And like people give it to much shit and it usually means the critic is being an idiot about it. Like it wasnt Clair it was Masrani who wanted  send in the soldiers with non lethals. Ppl want to talk about the light measures they took but the whole problem wasnt caused by the park but by a rogue scientist creating military grade upgrades without the company knowing about it. Ppl want to talk about how unrealistic the dinosaurs are but they arent dinosaurs? its even discussed within the movie that they are hybrid abominations made to look like what people think dinosaurs are.

and that moment where the nerd guy tries to like ...be all heroic “someone has to stay” to impress his girl coworker to only find out that she’s not that impressed, has a boyfriend and that he’s projecting this romance on their relationship where there is none and gets shot down, is like the single greatest moment in cinematic history, i loved it!

(though Claire utilizing her unique position as the person in charge to risk her   life to use the parks oldest and most iconic asset in order to kill the indominous is a close second).

Like...we get it. You are pretentious and mean and get off on telling other people how things are terrible..

but if you dont mind we are going to be over here having fun? and we are going to keep getting Fun quirky movies about unrealistic dinosaurs and contrived coincedences and campy villians and shitty love stories that take place in the background and these type of movies are going to exist forever because they are FUN

And if you dont like it, die mad about it