#and the desperate desire for care that you dont think you'll ever actually get because you cant believe that any of it is real
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Me: writes a viscerally uncomfortable description of gender dysphoria and internalized transphobia through the viewpoint of Ryouta.
Also me: Haha I don't protect my issues onto birds, why would I do that?
#all my hatoful fics are somehow 99% more personal than any of my actual writing#my one about hitoris birthday being about giving up celebrating birthdays because you feel undeserving...#the short ryouta dysphoria fic that i only write when i feel like shit...#lost among the stars (if i ever get past ch 2) being about isolation#and distraction from mental health issues that never actually works#and feeling like you dont actually suffer enough to deserve help#and the desperate desire for care that you dont think you'll ever actually get because you cant believe that any of it is real#... hmmm....#maybe that fic is just a lot and thats why im still only on chapter 2....#something about birds just breaks down my mental walls apparently#anyway this post doesnt really have a point its just 1 am and im emotional#echos personal rambles#huh i should probably tag this as something considering i just sort of went off about my own painful wriginv in the tags#mental health tw
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