#and the deep anxiety & work stress thats been fucking w/ my sleep

[uwooyoungs]

//

[tsukishimas-shortcake]

Relationship Headcanons

↦ Character(s): Hakkai Shiba x fem!reader

↦ Rating/Warning: No rating though there are some light mentions of abuse (if you have read the manga you are aware of what I am talking about, I’m not going very deep into it though it literally just mentions it), mentions of anxiety attacks (no detail though), fluff, not proof read

↦ Word count: 1.8k (longer than planned, sections are bolded)

↦ Your Momo’s Receipt: Hello~ I’m post yet another TR headcanon and this was requested by the lovely @strawbub I hope this doesn’t disappoint, it did get longer than planned but I enjoyed writing it. I'll prob do a part two that's more of a scenario based on your first date or something since I didn't go into it here. Please note: for those of you who don’t know my blog is currently under construction, meaning I will not be updating my masterlist for the time being.

So how did you guys meet, well mostly because of Yuzuha,

One day in like elementary you’re walking home and you see this super pretty middle school girl just like yelling at this small group of guys

The guys end up running off just because they don’t wanna deal with her or the attention she's drawn to them

Behind her was a boy, taller than her but obviously younger. You didn’t assume they knew eachother though.

The boy and yuzuha began walking in opposite directions because one was going home while the other was going to pick up something like groceries

You’re so entranced by how she stood up to them yet she’s a girl who was far smaller and you end up catching up to her, almost stepping on her heels

You end up absent mindedly following her into the grocery store and eventually she just freezes, turns, and stare directly at you

Your eyes widen since you must’ve been staring and she just goes “may I ask why you’re following me?” And you explain how cool she was earlier. She invites you over for dinner (esp since her older brother won’t be home) and figured it’d be good for Hakkai to meet someone his age

You end up going over but Hakkai didn’t come down to eat so you never actually got to meet him, though from then on you would see Yuzuha every so often, visit every other weekend or so

But no matter how often you came over the next few months, you never once met hakkai,

That was until you both reached the end of your middle school education and we’re about to begin high school

You had gone over because you were going to borrow an old work book from Yuzuha, and when you go to knock on the door the door opens before your closed fist could hit it, instead hitting a firm chest

You blush and quickly apologize but the person in front of you doesn’t move at all, doesn’t say anything and almost looks like they drifted into space with their dead stare

You assume this is yuzuha’s older brother because you’ve also never met him and you immediately turn to walk away but Yuzuha calls over hakkai’s shoulder

“Y/N-Chan! You just got here where are you going?” This was def not yuzuha’s older brother. There’s no way she’d be that happy with him around; oh my god. Realization hit, the guy who you hit (though it was more of a tap) was hakkai.

The hakkai you had only caught a glimpse of in yuzuha’s photos, never talked to or actually seen in person despite going to the same school and living in the same neighborhood

He must hate you. That’s why he avoids you. That’s def why - is what you think

Yuzuha drags hakkai back inside and invites you in; you sit down with them in the living room and watch hakkai visibly relax now that he’s inside his house, his own space, with a pillow behind him and a blanket covering his lower half, he almost curls up into it as he continues to avoid your stare

“Hi hakkai…Kun? Im L/N Y/N” you say and you see his face dead pan once again

Yuzuha can be heard laughing from the kitchen as she comes back in.

She leans over and begins explaining that hakkai literally just freezes with any interaction between him and girls who aren’t in his family

You nod, thinking maybe it’s an anxiety thing? Which is the case with you, but only because he’s been watching you since you’ve come over (not in a creepy way) wanting to and working the courage up to talk to you

The 5th or so time you came over after that encounter he was inches away from introducing himself before the house phone rang causing everyone to kind of “wake up” in a sense

Every time since then he gets closer and closer but isn’t able to say anything; he even realizes he has a crush on you.

The way you sit when you do homework and how cute you look when you’re focused.

How your forehead scrunches up when you’re trying to figure something out and you end up just sitting back with a small huff followed by yuzuha’s signature laughter.

It’s also a huge thing that you get along with Yuzuha.

So enough with first meeting time for the confession.

He ends up confessing accidentally. He didn’t know you were coming over to begin with so he was flustered out of his mind. And how was he supposed to know you hadn’t actually fallen asleep and you could hear him over the tv

The tv was more white noise than anything and the day was hot since it was the middle of summer causing the window to be open and the sound of soft wind and small birds to drift in; this was the hot that makes you tired so you were all sprawled out of just sitting in a daze

So while resting your head on the table you’re dozing in and out but then you hear hakkai begin to speak, something he never really did around you

Now did you and hakkai text? Yes. Did it take him an hour to reply because his brain would explode when you replied to him? Yes. But was it a start to communication? Also a yes.

You hear him say your name quietly before he moved closer, you can feel his gaze on your features

“I like you” is all he says. Simple and sweet. But you sit there in shock, trying not to blush so he’ll have no idea you heard him but he can tell because your forehead scrunches

You heard him and are focused on if you should reply or not. And he knows that.

You open your eyes and just look up at him, he’s closer than expected. His hand close to yours on the floor and he reaches over and grabs it lightly. Hoping you’ll also return the gesture by holding his hand instead of leaving your hand limp inside his.

And you do, thank goodness, and Hakkai almost mentally can’t handle it.

Once you start dating it’s more so just hanging out at his house or yours; however he talks a bit more and you text a lot more. He’s gotten better at replying. It usually takes him like 15 minutes now

He’s kinda stressed about your relationship but not due to anything you or him did

He’s stressed because of the mentality his older brother gave him

Is he even allowed to be this happy?

He finally has someone thats small enough and naive enough that he can protect you; compared to constantly being protected it’s a sudden, strong, yet good change for him

He’s touch s t a r v e d

Yes Yuzuha shows affection; but he stopped accepting her hugs when he was around 8 just because he physically wasn’t able to handle it due to his bruises and such

But with you, even with his bruises and all you take care of him. Able to coax him into using medicines and toning down the physical violence (that he can control himself)

He also finds it super soothing when you lightly brush over his scars (especially those that his brother gave him), it helps him believe that scars are only physical and can fade with help

One thing that stresses him out the most is trying to hide you from his brother. Any time you leave something at the house its easy to pass it off as yuzuha's but when it comes to things like photos he has with you, he can't hang them up, show them off, or have them as his phone Lock Screen, etc. because he just really doesn't want his brother to know and target you since he'll then know that you're his weakness (aside from yuzuha as well)

Sometimes won't explain why he can't hang out and has legit pushed you out of his house before at the last minute notice of his brother coming home

Will always make sure you get home safe though, usually by having Yuzuha go with you since then she can just say you're a friend from school

Your parents love him, though they were a bit hesitant it became a "you always have a place to stay" because they learned about their family situation from you and yuzuha. So expect him to spend the night when he's too scared to deal with his brother. Same with yuzuha. (yes I know this isn't yuzuha head canons but its hard to write for him without mentioning her when they're so close)

We're talking three person sleep overs. Yuzuha and you of course share the bed and Hakkai takes some time to even set foot in your room much less sleep on a mattress that's on the floor

He has a small heart attack every time he comes into your room because he's overwhelmed with everything, he's never been so comfortable and it makes him feel restless. Like he's never and I mean n e v e r been less stressed and slept better than when he does so in your room

The smell, the colors, just being surrounded by you is something that completely changes his mood

Once showed up after he fought with his brother, tears in his eyes and clothes a bit tattered and you just pulled him to your room, and sat down with him.

You laid on your bed with him laying down onto of you, head on your chest as you rubbed his head and only said a few words "its not your fault"

He ends up crying so hard he falls asleep and gets dehydrated and you have to make him drink a bunch of water when he finally wakes up.

NSFW

super fucking careful w you

almost annoyingly so, but you're understanding

He knows that he might be taking things frustratingly slow but he knows that since you understand and know his history that you can help him get through it

Your first time you think you'll have to call it off because he's shaking so bad

"baby... are you sure it won't hurt you?" he keeps asking.

pretty sure that's the longest its ever taken him to finish because he was so anxious

despite being so slow and hesitant, late he isn't too scared to get a bit rougher

but im not talking anything crazy im talking like he's willing to pull your hair a bit or nip a bit harder at your neck.

Please never ask him to do anything like degrade you or some type of harsh physical rough shit, he can't

like literally im 99% sure that if you ask him to choke you or something he will pass out because of the anxiety attack he would have at even the thought.

in short with nsfw though he is sweet boy. He's a switch through and through. Loves when you take care of everything because then he doesn't have to be scared of hurting you.

[trqnsboy-moved-blog]

alright so like one person liked it but im still gonna complain openly, this is gonna be rlly long cause i gotta put all that context

so i was sick for like a week and a half, and during that time i missed an entire essay in my english class, and the solutions my teachers came up w was “do it at lunch” i asked if i could take it home, they said no.i am barely surviving school as it is, i need time w my friends so i dont dissociate, and i need all that time bc i cant even get through the day now. 

so i havent come in for lunch to work on it, and ive been lowkey anxious (ty anxiety meds) abt this essay since not doing it will drop my grade. 

on monday the teacher brought up the fact that they were grading the essays, then she took us to her dance room to do a game thing??? in english?? but anyways, my fried wasnt there, i was in a different setting, and i just wasnt feeling the best that day.

 this one guy was limping when we walked down to the dance room, and the teacher saw and let him sit out to the side and do nothing but listen the entire time. so we get into the room and she tells us all to go into pairs and i shuffle off to the back cause i Did Not Feel good, and the teacher called my (kinda) name and said she had a partner for me and i said i was good (this teacher knows i have anxiety) and she was rlly confused. she went to go get the door and when she passed me she asked what was happening, and i said i couldnt do the activity bc of my anxiety.

but instead of letting me sit off to the side like the guy w the hurt leg (who basically sleeps in class) she made me (the one who puts his hand up for almost every question) write a summary of the thing we working on.

so i did it, cause of course i did, and when class ended i handed it in, and i tried to ask her if i could take it home, but i was stressed from the situation and it just came up all jumbled, and the teacher looked at me as if i was crazy and said no, and told me to ask my other teacher.

so like, that freaked me out,so i decided i would go talk to a guidance counselor for help, and i did. he sent an email to the teachers and told me to check back in two days later, so a day passes and its today (thursday) and my guidance counselor finds me during art and tells me to meet him at lunch to talk to my teachers.

so lunch comes and we go to the room and im kinda nervous, then one teacher comes and she sits besides the guidance counselor, which makes me kinda unsettled, but the chair was there. and she asks me to start the conversation ans i say smthg like, “uhh i just kinda wanted to take my essay home, i know that if i could take it home i could do it in a night, but when i asked u i felt kinda crazy” and then the teacher told me that u cant just judge other ppls emotions and all that stuff thats been told to me a million times, i have anxiety sharon, i cant help it.

the other teacher comes, and she sits on the other side of the guidance counselor, and i feel way more uncomfortable, bc now in basically surrounded by them. and the other teacher comes and she tells me what wonderful work ive been doing, and she started to talk abt my anxiety, but in that way that teachers talk abt things they r teaching. “who told me that u had anxiety?...” “uhh, me?” “yes thats right” and she just talked abt that, then the other teacher jumped in and they started talking about the real problem

so she says “we arent mind readers, we cant tell whats going on in ur brain, u have to tell us.” i have told u brenda, ive asked both of u twice now. “and u didnt come and see us for a week after we offered time, then suddenly i bring up that we r marking essays and u want to do it” 1st its called i have memory problems linda, 2ndly ???? i didnt bring this up bc u mntioned it?? i dont even remember u bringing it up???

and throughout this my guidance counselor is quietly nodding along, and when the teachers go on long tangents, i dissociate. 

they finely get to the real point which was basically, “we cant let u take the essay home, its school board policy” which??? they idnt need a meeting to say??? they couldve talked to me in class or send an email back??? instead of this?? 

so i can feel myself wanting to cry, but i hold it in, and one of the teachers leave and im just kinda left with the others. they basically say that i have to come in during lunch to do it (the guidance counselor agrees w the teacher here, even though he fully knows i cant) and that i just come in for half of lunch. 

these teachers wanted me. to do,that.today. my teacher says “u can go out and eat w ur friends, destress, then come back so u can do work. i need to destress too.” she compared, my needs to be healthy in this school, as similar to her, nbeing less stressed at work,the kid who has severe anxiety.

she goes “is that ok?” and i take a deep breath and go “tbh, im rlly, rlly, rlly, rlly stressed right now” she asks me “why” and i tell her “because of this?” and the guidance conselour like, jumps into the convo and says something and i go “i think im gonna go home” and they ask,how, and i tell them im gonna text my gran and this fuckin guidance counsellour tells me “what abt ur friends?” and i say ill text the, he tries to convince me to stay and i say “im good.” bite my cheek to hold back my fucking tears and walk to the fucking door

so i start kind of crying there, and i text my gran to pick me up, i play some music o try and calm me down, and i tell my friend hat imgoing home, and wile im tryin to get this fucking message to send, the guidance counselour comes up and lenas againsr the door?? and?? doesnt say anytjhing??? so i start freaking out and i try to text my friend to come but the fucking message wont sendand he fucking calls my name an says “guess that didnt work” and i like nod and look weirdly at him, then he goes “could u come see me in my office?” and i say yeah, and then he goes “are u going home?” and i say yes agan, and he fuckind he fuckin asks if he can help.

no thanks, ive had enough of ur “help” teach

anyways he left and i had an awful day :^)

[original-violence]

It took me 2 days to do this. Christ.

RUDE.

1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up. History’s Stranglers - The Bronx Sun/Rise/Light/Flies - Kasabian Promenade - Street Sweeper Social Club Fistful of Steel - Rage Against The Machine WW III - KMFDM Que No Te Hagas Bobo Jacobo - Molotov

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Probably flea or Anthony Kiedis

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. ‘As a creative thinker I think he’s brilliant and i feel very lucky to have got to meet him’

4) What do you think about most? Work/My anxiety/Food.. probably just a general mix of those things.

5) Ever had a poem or song written about you? Dont fink so. Unless stuff i has written about myself counts.

6) Do you have any strange phobias? Not anything strange, just like.. spiders n stuff.

7) What's your religion? Agnostic i guess.

8) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Going to/from work or to/from getting food somewhere. I have an exciting life.

9) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? Red Hot Chili Peppers, always.

10) What was the last lie you told? ‘Nah im good’ (someone at work who is bad at making tea offered to make me a tea, i was appreciative but they’re real bad.)

11) Do you believe in karma? I mean, it would be nice for such a ‘force’ like that to exist, but it really doesn’t and it’s a shame.

12) What does your URL mean? It’s a lyric from a Slipknot song.

13) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? Weakness: Probably my anxiety, it makes me unreasonably stressed at most times in my life and it makes everything very difficult. My strength is probably my desire to prove myself to literally everyone around me, it makes me work really really hard at everything i do.

14) Who is your celebrity crush? Hmmmmm Alison Brie at the moment.

15) How do you vent your anger? I don’t really get angry to be honest, when i do i just keep it at a level that i can deal with inside before acting on it.

16) Do you have a collection of anything? Mmmmmmmmnope, i have more than 100 video games, i guess that counts as a collection.

17) Are you happy with the person you've become? I will be. Im slowly getting there, there are just a couple more things left to sort out.

18) What's a sound you hate; sound you love? I hate most sounds that wake me up. Aaaand i love the sound of rain when against windows/umbrellas

19) What's your biggest "what if"? What if i would have stuck it out when i was at school? Would i have gotten any good grades? Would i have gone to uni? Would i have just become more overwhelmed than i was and have gone through with a suicide attempt like i was planning? (that got deep, sozza)

20) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Mmmmmm, lets go with.... No and Yes.

21) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. Right arm, my computer and left arm, my mic stand.

22) Smell the air. What do you smell? Paella, i didn’t finish my dinner.

23) What's the worst place you have ever been to? Uhh, Nothing really springs to mind to be honest. There are places that would make me have anxiety but that doesnt make them bad places.

24) Most attractive singer/s of your opposite gender? Literally no one is coming to mind. Sorry, im way too tired to be doing this haha. --AT THIS POINT I STARTED FALLING ASLEEP AND WENT TO BED, THE REST OF THIS WAS WRITTEN TODAY--

25) To you, what is the meaning of life? I think at some point in life, everyone at some single point (maybe multiple points) saves another life. Whether it be ER nurses or just having a meaningful conversation with someone and changing their outlook, i think the meaning of live is to help and support other lives.

26) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? I do not.

27) What was the last movie you saw? Uhhhh American Ultra.

28) What's the worst injury you've ever had? Man i dont know, ive broken my nose and most of my fingers and toes but thats about as worse as i have had it.

29) Do you have any obsessions right now? I’ve started playing rocket league again and its the only game i have played for 3 days.

30) Ever had a rumor spread about you? Not that i know of! 

31) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? Yeahhhh, 100% yes, sometimes it’s important and those people deserve it man.

32) What is your astrological sign? Capricorn

33) What's the last thing you purchased? I bought some new glasses today. Im really hoping they arrive by the end of the week, otherwise im gonna get headaches all the damn time.

34) Love or lust? Obviously contextually dependent, but love is pretty damn cool.

35) In a relationship? N’aw

36) How many relationships have you had? Obviously some have been more serious than others but like... around 8 or so i guess

37) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? I mean, in a general sense, i like making people laugh, if someone likes me because of that, that’s their own damn problem.

38) Where is your best friend? Probably at home i would imagine.

39) What were you doing last night at 12 AM? I want to say sleeping but i was probably watching youtube videos.

40) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? Probably not, but that’s  just because i hate myself..

41) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? Fuck my job, i couldn’t let a dog die. Also ‘ if you are late one more time’ I am NEVER late for work.

42) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? Shit, one month?! I would tell all my friends and family, i would tell people how i really feel about them (literally tell so many people how much they mean to me) and hell yeah i would be afraid. ‘One month’ is pretty vague, months have different lengths!

43) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? Get up and jump - red hot chili peppers

44) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? Love, trust, loyalty and happiness.

45) How can I win your heart? Make me laugh. I fucking love laughing.

46) Can insanity bring on more creativity? ‘Insanity’ is a VERY loose term. It’s difficult to answer that.

47) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? “ becoming friends w/ me HOLLAAAAAAA “ - @ufo-squad 

48) What would you want to be written on your tombstone? Something simple but nice i guess. OR something really dumb like ‘If you’re reading this, stop standing on me’

49) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word "heart." Emotion, working hard, giving something everything you can.

50) Basic question; what's your favorite color/colors? Anything similar to ‘1DF7D2′

51) What is your current desktop picture? I have a cycle of around 50 different backgrounds, despite the fact that i never really look at them.

52) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? Hmm, I don’t think i would want anyone to just explode, that would suck.

53) What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on? God, probably something about my emotions or the way i feel about people.

54) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? Shapeshifting would be awesome.

55) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? Hmmm, probably a really good gig that i had with my old bandmates, i really miss playing live music, so maybe one of the times we played at Jersey Live, they where fun.

56) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? Nahhh, fuck that, im a firm believer that everything happens for a reason in life so i woudn’t want to.

57) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? I am legit not interested in just sleeping with random people that i don’t know, the idea of it is awful to me.

58) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Australia, maybe L.A.

59) Ever been on a plane? I have.

60) Give me your top 5 hottest celebrities. Uhhhhhhhhh okay. Alison Brie Lauren Cohan Daisy Ridley Tom Hardy Kristen Stewart.