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crowdvscritic · 3 years ago

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round up // AUGUST 21

Happy 2nd birthday to these Round Ups! For two years I’ve been making monthly pop culture picks, and they’ve included:

More than 200 movies

32 TV shows and specials, plus 8 different Saturday Night Live Round Ups

27 albums, singles, playlists, and more music picks

13 podcasts

12 books

2 concerts

There have also been articles, events, museums, social media bits, trailers, and a service that helps you find movies across streaming platforms. (Find all of them here.) This month I’m adding a few more, like:

2 podcasts

2 albums

5 vampire movies

A conversation between two GOATs

A very funny dead guy

A terrifying Robert Mitchum performance

Another Dumb Rom-Com I Nevertheless Enjoyed

Here’s to another year!

August Crowd-Pleasers

1. Jungle Cruise (2021)

Indiana Jones meets Pirates of the Caribbean with a dash of The African Queen. I like all those movies, so sue me, I had a nice time! Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7/10

2. Deep Blue Sea (1999)

Genetically-enhanced sharks try to break free of their cages in an ocean research facility, chaos ensues for the characters, and it’s a delight for us. For no intelligent reason, I love movies that make me guess who’s going to get killed off next, so a big dumb shark movie starring L.L. Cool J and Samuel L. Jackson? It’s a particular brand of joy. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 5.5/10

3. Double Feature — Adam Sandler Comedies: 50 First Dates (2004) + Murder Mystery (2019)

Adam Sandler movies are little like IcyHot for the brain—that is, they’re the relaxing kind of mind-numbing. Thanks to a stressful month at work, I watched six Sandler flicks in August—which I don’t necessarily recommend but also don’t regret—and the Netflix original Murder Mystery (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7/10) was one of the the best of the bunch. It’s a silly spoof of Agatha Christie’s work, and it’s a scenic two-hour European vacay. I also gave 50 First Dates (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7/10) another try and was pleasantly surprised. Once you get past some of the gross-out humor at the beginning, you’ll find a sweet story all about how we need to keep showing up for the people we love.

4. Double Feature — SNL Comedies: Wayne’s World (1992) + Hot Rod (2007)

My love for Saturday Night Live is more than well-documented, so exactly zero mes were surprised that I loved these flicks from its alums. Wayne’s World (Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 7/10) follows up with Wayne and Garth in the basement we first saw on late night. Now they have the opportunity to make it big on TV thanks to a sleazy exec (Rob Lowe). Brian Doyle-Murray and Chris Farley show up, and so do Laverne and Shirley? Hot Rod (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 6.5/10) follows Rod (Andy Samberg) as he tries to make it big as a stuntman and impress his stepdad (Ian McShane). Will Arnett, Bill Hader, and Chris Parnell show up, and now I can mostly forgive all those boys in high school who quoted this movie non-stop.

5. Weekend at Bernie’s (1989)

If those SNL comedies weren’t enough silliness for you, how about you add some Bernie to your lineup? Andrew McCarthy and Jonathan Silverman are wannabe-yuppies who think they’ve got their career breaks when an exec named Bernie invites them to his vacation home for the weekend. What they don’t know is that Bernie (Terry Kiser) has been laundering money, is connected to the mob, and, is now, um, dead. The right thing would be to call the police, but then we wouldn’t have a 97-minute high-concept comedy, now would we? Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 7/10

6. Twilight series (2008-12)

I mostly skipped the Twilight phenomenon at its peak, but I’m so glad I hopped on the train years later—this series of vampire vs. werewolf showdowns are ridiculous. But major kudos to the filmmakers who somehow turned a dump truck of nonsensical gobbledygook and unhealthy teenage relationships into something insanely watchable. Also, major kudos to Billy Burke and his understated, curmudgeonly, sarcastic performance. Bella’s dad is the MVP with the only appropriate responses to all of the nonsense he's forced to participate in and the only tether this franchise has to reality. Be sure to watch with a friend so you have someone else to process this weirdness with. Series Crowd: 8/10 // Series Critic: 5/10

7. Seven Brides for Seven Brothers at The Muny

You know what’s great? Live theater! This month I made my first trip back to the stage at America’s oldest and largest outdoor amphitheater, the Muny in St. Louis. Their productions never disappoint, and these performers reminded me of Howard Keel, Jane Powell, and Russ Tamblyn in the best ways.

8. Wimbledon (2004)

Paul Bettany and Kirsten fall in love at Wimbledon! Frankly, that premise alone should be enough to sell you on this very winning rom-com. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7.5/10

9. Career Opportunities (1991)

This month’s Dumb Rom-Com I Nevertheless Enjoyed! Frank Whaley and Jennifer Connelly fall in love while stuck overnight at a Target—which honestly sounds like a dream scenario—and since it’s a John Hughes script, it’s got some heart beneath its thin premise. John Hughes directing would’ve made it better, but there’s enough Hughes in there to catch my heart. Crowd: 7/10 // Critic: 4.5/10

10. First Blood (1982)

Aka Rambo: Part I. Sylvester Stallone is a tough-as-nails Vietnam vet, and Brian Dennehy is the self-righteous sheriff who ticks him off. It digs a bit into PTSD and how we don’t take care of our veterans, but mostly, it’s just Stallone going ape with a knife and explosives. Oddly, also from the same director as Weekend at Bernie’s! Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7/10

August Critic Picks

1. TCM’s The Plot Thickens Season 2 (2021)

You know those movies that make you ask, “How on Earth did this get made?” This season of The Plot Thickens, subtitled The Devil’s Candy, is an attempt to answer that question. Pretty much no one thinks 1990’s The Bonfire of the Vanities works as a film—including yours truly—and reporter Julie Salomon documented many of its production troubles leading to the final product. A must-listen for anyone who loves hearing behind-the-scenes stories or just gets a kick out of schadenfreude.

2. Gene and Roger (2021)

Gene and Roger, the summer series on The Big Picture podcast, is an overview and reflection on the work of Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert, starting with the launch of their individual careers in the ‘60s through their partnership that lasted into the ‘90s. Another must-listen for movie lovers, especially those who love digging into the history and criticism.

3. Gold-Diggers Sound by Leon Bridges (2021)

Chill vibes and cool groves to transition you from Summer to Autumn.

4. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (1966)

Come for the Clint Eastwood, stay for the Ennio Morricone. Actually you can stay for Eastwood, too, because his humor is at his driest, and for Eli Wallach, whose Tuco is an insanely charming cockroach. It’s almost three hours, but this treasure hunt breezes by like a tumbleweed in the wind. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 9/10

5. AFI’s Master Class - The Art of Collaboration: Steven Spielberg and John Williams (2011)

Two GOATS talking about making some of the GOATs. They share clips and explain their collaborative process (including on projects like Jaws and Schindler’s List), and they take questions from film students at AFI. I’m only wishing it were 10 hours instead of 1!

6. The Night of the Hunter (1955)

Robert Mitchum’s terrifying preacher elevates this classic into more than just a standard crime thriller. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 8.5/10

7. Respect (2021)

While a few scenes indulge in melodrama, Jennifer Hudson’s killer performance—both in vocals and character work—more than makes up for it. This Aretha Franklin biopic hits the familiar beats, but it makes you feel like you’re in the room listening to Franklin sing , which is really all you want from a movie like this. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 8/10

8. Solar Power by Lorde (2021)

At first listen, this minimalist pop record sounds worlds away from the angst of Pure Heroine and the melodrama of Melodrama. At second listen, you realize it’s the Lorde you know and love, just with a Laurel Canyon influence. Carole King even gets a shout!

Also in August…

This month Kyla and I checked out Loveline, a call-in radio show popular during the run of Gilmore Girls. Should our favorite Yale students give up dating OR call into the syndicated radio show Loveline? Should Dr. Drew Pinsky and Adam Carolla give strangers advice OR make fun of them? Oh, and Germany OR Florida? Listen to ep. 107 of SO IT’S A SHOW?

The '40s are coming! Reviews of 1940s Best Picture winners are on their way, and I kicked it off with an overview of the Academy that decade focusing on how they responded to World War II and their new prestigious reputation.

Photo credits: The Muny, The Plot Thickens, Gene and Roger, Leon Bridges, AFI, Lorde. All others IMDb.com.

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fieldsofplay · 4 years ago

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Favorite Albums of 2020

25. Dehd – Flower of Devotion

Rather than look back on the shit year that was 2020, lets keep our eye on the hope of the horizon. Speaking of which, Dehd herald much of what’s to come on this here list. While as previously mentioned a shit year for most everything besides presidential politics, 2020 proved to be a great year for good old fashioned guitar music. Could I be accused of curling up with my version of musical comfort food? Perhaps. But starting off with Dehd, we have a type of band that used to be everywhere and now seems to be almost nowhere. Jangly lo-fi guitars, perky drums, and straightforward unadorned singing. About five years ago you couldn’t throw a rock in Brooklyn without hitting a band like this, but now that that fad is long gone. I’m glad that Chicago’s Dehd are still carrying the torch.

24. Perfume Genius – Set My Heart on Fire Immediately

I’ve always liked Perfume Genius, but for whatever reason Set My Heart on Fire Immediately is the album that took him out of the realm of casual background musical encounter to something I sought out. Chamber pop has never really been my thing (except for those couple summers where Grizzly Bear was totally my jam), but here the torch songs catch fire by the compressed force of Michael Hadreas’ longing. This record also pulls off the impressive feat of each song gradually morphing just a bit from what proceeds it, so that the whole record sounds similar and yet each song carves out its own little generic niche, the whole thing united by the quivering power of that pleading voice.

23. 2nd Grade – Hit to Hit

If you ever found yourself wondering what Guided by Voices would sound like if they wanted to be Big Star instead of punk rock Kinks, we now have the answer, and it’s Phily’s 2nd Grade. In the noble tradition of Bee Thousand and Alien Lanes, Hit to Hit’s 24 tracks breeze by in a mere 41 minutes and 8 seconds. An earworm sunny melody, a quick guitar hook, a second verse (maybe), and poof, each song is gone before you could ever miss it. You would think variation would be difficult working within such tight musical corners, but while each song clearly shares common DNA, there is actually a lot of variance here, from weepy country ditties (“Bye Bye Texas”) to overdriven stompers (“Baby’s First Word”) though they all tend to orbit the same (big) star.

22. Tame Impala – The Slow Rush

I’ll be the first to admit that The Slow Rush isn’t my favorite Tame Impala record, not by a long shot. Having said that, this album still feels like it got short shrift this year (not that anyone can really complain about that in these here times). If we never knew that Lonerism or Innerspeaker or Currents existed, I wonder how much people would be head over heels for this album. “One More Year” “Is It True” and “Posthumous Forgiveness” are all top notch Impala jams. Seems like this album is the soundtrack for the chilled out summer hangs that we never got to have, and thus it’s fitting that it seems condemned for the ash-heap of history rather than the late-night come downs we never got up to.

21. Against All Logic – 2017 – 2019

Ah, speaking of complicated musical relationships, I can never seem to chart a clear course with Nicolas Jaar. The music he puts out under his own name never seems to do much for me, but I dug his collaboration with Dave Harrington as Darkside, and I really love most everything he’s put out as Against All Logic. While admittedly not a great year for house music—normally a liberating genre of communal interconnectivity, now a cruel reminder that we all live in Footloose—a banger remains a banger, and 2017-2019 is full to the brim with them. While I honestly can’t remember the last time I went dancing, I’ll still crank up “Fantasy” and bop around my living room, literally dancing by myself (lets be honest, something I would have done pandemic or no).

20. Fiona Apple – Fetch the Bolt Cutters

Fetch the Bolt Cutters has had a lot of great things said about it this year, so I don’t really have to add that much. What I will say is this is perhaps the most interesting percussion I’ve ever heard on a record. There is percussion all over the place, but almost none of it in the form of full-kit drumming. Fiona always used the left hand on the piano as the rhythmic center of her songs, but here there is drilling, tapping, rapping, patting. The phrase DIY gets tossed around all the time (and almost never applied to big money, big label Fiona) but to me the most impressive thing about this record is how it always sounds like she is sitting at a rickety upright piano in the corner of a living room, while everyone congregating around keeps the beat by tapping on pots and pans, the walls, whatever is at hand. I’ve truly never heard anything like it.

19. Advertisement – American Advertisement

Godbless Seattle’s Advertisement. So long as there is cheap beer, old shitty cars driving with the windows down, and the U-SofA, there’ll be bands like Advertisement. Straight out of the vein of Cheap Trick and the more recent White Reaper, Advertisement play power pop with the emphasis on the power. Sometimes this type of music gets called sleazy, but honestly I don’t get it. I think its probably because you can imagine it playing while Wooderson drives around Austin looking for redheads. While we rightfully cancelled the song of summer this year, “Upstream Boogie” would have gotten my vote, perfect for backyard bbqs and cannonballing into creeks.

18. Nation of Language – Introduction, Presence

I didn’t set it up this way, but if Advertisement has a diametric opposite, its probably Nation of Language. Where Advertisement is all frayed edges and foam, Nation of Language is as buttoned up as those terrible sports jackets people wore in the early ‘90s. While its not as good as my beloved Black Marble, those bands share enough DNA to make me a big fan of this synth pop gem. It’s not as dark as the cold-wave Black Marble, but it does share that bands fondness for stark baselines and crisp arpeggios. If you’ve ever envisioned your life as a scene from a John Hughes movie, Nation of Language could easily be playing in the background.

17. The Soft Pink Truth – Shall we Go on Sinning so that Grace May Increase?

Indulge me in a moment of naval gazing. Every year as I put these things together I reach a point where I’m lack “damn, this album is this low on the list?” And the point at which that thought enters my head is usually indicative of how good a year for music it was. Now 2020 wasn’t a good year for anything, and I probably spent the least time of any year listening to music, new, old, whatever. For the most part I just listened to the Grateful Dead and ambient albums. However, for my idiosyncratic tastes, 2020 was actually a pretty fucking incredible year for new music, as evinced by the fact that this album is all the way down at 17.

Earlier on in 2020 as I was bombarding my poor local music text thread with yet more of my inane musings, I think I declared this a top 3 album of the year. And I wasn’t lying! “Pretty” is often a dirty word in aesthetic appreciation, but this is certainly the “prettiest” album of the year in the best sense of the word. From the Drew Daniel half of Matmos comes Shall we Go on Sinning so that Grace May Increase? A record that is somehow simultaneously deep house and feather light, so much so that it needs its own dumb internet music writing moniker—shallow house? wide house? vacation house? (actually kinda like that last one). With vocals from Jana Hunter, Angel Deradoorian, and Colin Self (with whom I wasn’t previously familiar) this thing will simultaneously make you want to tap your foot and drift off into the clouds. This is album is like the prayer Madonna sang about all those years ago.

16. Kurt Vile – Speed, Sound, Lonely KV

It’s not at all surprising that if Kurt Vile decided he wanted to go country western he’d be really fucking good at it. First of all, he’s an exceptional acoustic guitar picker. Secondly, his voice, while always befitting his hazed out urban rockers, has just enough twang to it that in retrospect it always sounded a little bit country. This record also gives me room to offer up an homage to the late great John Prine, for whom the EP is essentially a tribute. Vile covers two Prine songs, dueting with the man himself on “How Lucky.” Saying goodbye is never easy, but on Speed, Sound, Lonely (both the album, and the song more or less by that name) Vile manages a fitting tribute to a lost legend.

15. Lomelda – Hannah

The reviews of Hannah really did Lomelda a disservice. Sure, they were glowing, but they made it sound like this was some weepy milquetoast singer songwriter affair, when it’s actually a knotty album full off elliptical piano and fuzzed out electric guitar. Its 14 tracks hurtle by, largely due to the fact that almost all of them are under 3 and a ½ minutes. Things really get going with the second track, “Hannah Sun” with is squiggly synth effects and driving acoustic strums carrying on Hannah Read’s musings. It’s an album of relentless forward musical movement even if the vibe feels like it’s always looking back over its shoulder. Basically this album is what emo would sound like if it wasn’t made by the worst people in the universe.

14. Shabaka and the Ancestors – We are Sent here by History

Jazz! Another great year for jazz (Asher Gamedze’s Dialectic Soul and Keefe Jackson, Jim Baker, & Julian Kirshner’s So Glossy and So Thin are with a strong group that just missed the cut). In the midst of an excellent jazz renaissance (you gotta use super annoying words like “renaissance” when talking about jazz) Shebaka Hutchins remains my absolute fave of the bunch, and We are Sent here by History is probably my favorite thing he has put out so far.

13. Waxahatchee – Saint Cloud

While I really liked Waxahatchee’s low-fi emoish debut—American Weekend—I’ll readily admit I wasn’t much about the popier albums that followed, frequently jesting, honestly, that Allison was my preferred musical Crutchfield sister. All that changed for me with Saint Cloud. I’ve certainly drifted far off into country and Americana as I’ve aged, and it appears the same came be said for Katie Crutchfield. These songs have a giddyup to them but they never break out into a gallop, allowing the strength of the melodies to carry them along across the plains, with just the right hint of twilight. Saint Cloud is the sound of Patsy Cline if she played to roadside inns rather than the Grand Ol’ Opry.

12. Neil Young – Homegrown

This was the hardest album to place on the list this year. For starters, should it even count? Clearly I say yes. While some of these songs have been available for over 30 years, as an album, Homegrown was a “new” release here in 2020, even though it was originally slated to come out in ’75 between On the Beach (my personal fave Neil record) and Zuma. As a pure piece of music, is it better than most, if not all, of the records that follow? Of course yes. But what does a new Neil Young record mean in 2020? As a thought experiment its fascinating. Do we value this album within the musical context of 2020 or 1975? Fortunately, it’s an even more enjoyable listen than it is a thought experiment. From the first strums of “Separate Ways” you’re like “oh shit, this is the vintage stuff.” Gentle amber acoustic numbers (“Try”) share space with electric stompers (“Vacancy”). The best thing you can say about Homegrown is that if Neil had originally decided to release this instead of Tonight’s The Night, it would have fit right in amongst his unimpeachable run from Everybody Knows This is Nowhere up through Zuma. A classic is still a classic, no matter what year it finally sees the light of day.

11. Destroyer – Have we Met

Ah Dan Bejar, boy was I wrong about you. I kinda got into Destroyer’s Rubies, I loved his contributions to Swan Lake and The New Pornographers, but yet when Chinatown started really making waves, I just couldn’t do it. It was soft rock! I hate soft rock! I hate everything about it! This preconceived notion wasn’t helped by the fact that I saw him open for the War on Drugs in Pontiac once and he was so drunk he could barely stand up and had to read his own lyrics from a sheet. And yet, for some reason I never really gave up on it. I can’t tell you why exactly, but two summers ago Chinatown just slowly became my go-to for early morning / late afternoon strolls. I found comfort in giving myself over to its pillowy soft embrace / cheating on my own aesthetic judgments. Now that I’m card-carrying Bejarhead, I greeted Have we Met with open arms, and I was not disappointed. The synths glimmer, the guitars add just enough punch, and his lyrics remain sharp as ever. Its fitting that this was the last concert I saw before the iron curtain fell. The one thing I had always turned my back on ended up being the last memory of dionysian group enthrallment I had to carry with me out into the desert of social isolation. Come back soon Destroyer, come back soon, everyone.

10. Deeper – Auto-Pain

Ladies and gentlemen, get ready, because post punk is back! I always say my favorite genre is ‘sad songs you can dance to’ but post punk is a close second. When I was in college post punk underwent a bit of a renaissance in the form of Interpol (back when they were still good), Bloc Party (ditto), Franz Ferdinand, and a whole slew of British one hit wonders (Maximo Park, Futureheads, Art Brut, the Bravery). Fortunately, as is always the case, what’s old is new again, and stark melodic bass lines, angular guitars, and moody introspective speak-singing are back in full force. Of the three post punk bands gracing this here top ten (Deeper, Fontaines DC, and Crack Cloud) each has its own little slice of the generic pie. Fontaines have the deep gloom of Interpol/Joy Division, Crack Cloud ripple with the staccato energy of Gang of Four, and Deeper have the wiry dancieness of, well, Wire. So long as leather jackets and black and white photography remain cool, there’ll always be bands like this, and thank god for that. In a true sign o’ the times, I learned about this band from some random girl’s Tik Tok in my for-you feed. She repped five bands, two of which are in my top three, so I was like, sure I’ll give this band Deeper a go. God bless the internet. Finally, Deeper get bonus points for naming a song “This Heat,” who I’ve been spending a lot of time revisiting this year, and whose spikey guitars are all over this record.

9. The Flaming Lips – American Head

There are few things as satisfying in art as being genuinely surprised by a beloved artist you had given up as culturally dead. Since putting out their last masterpiece (2009’s Embryonic) the Lips have put out a string of good, if inconsequential, albums that befitting the ethos of the band could best be described as half baked (The Terror, Oczy Moldy, and a series of collaborative experiments). Basically, they had reached that dreaded nadir where I was no longer interested in listening to their new output (cough The National, cough cough Arcade Fire). So what made me give American Head a chance? That reader, is the point of art criticism! I can’t remember how the blurb on pitchfork read exactly, but I knew it referenced Tom Petty and a return to a preoccupation with more Earthly concerns—namely ‘70s heartland rock. Well, this sounded intriguing, and boy was I not disappointed. Sure, the Flaming Lips have already reached their sell-by date twice over (first in 1992, immediately followed by their MTV reinvention on 1993’s Transmissions from the Satellite Heart; and then again in the late ‘90s with the departure of guitarist Ronald Jones, followed by their creative pinnacle, ‘99’s symphonic masterpiece The Soft Bulletin), so it shouldn’t be all that surprising that this band could rise from the dead a third time. Only, for the most part, they didn’t. I guess I’m not surprised that American Head failed to reach a broader audience. Most people probably aren’t even aware that they are still a going concern, and after the failures of the last decade it makes sense that most weren’t interested in more tunes from the Oklahoma freaknicks. But for those willing to give the band another chance, American Head easily delivers their best album since Embryonic, if not all the way back to Yoshimi. Mixing ‘70s Americana with the star gazing of Soft Bulletin’s “Sleeping on the Roof,” the Lips deliver their best album in decades by foregoing the parlor tricks and returning to what they do best, taking trips to distant galaxies while keeping their feet firmly planted in the soil and songcraft of Oklahoma.

8. Cut Worms – Nobody Lives Here Anymore

This one is pretty easy. Do you like George Harrison’s All Things Must Pass? If yes, listen to Nobody Lives Here Anymore and revel in this double album’s upbeat acoustic rock mediations. If no, well there’s plenty of other good stuff out there. Not quite as metaphysical or orchestral as All Things Must Pass, Nobody Lives Here Anymore still manages to hit that rockabiliy-pop sweet spot that Harrison used to mine. I’m not quite sure what the definition of “troubadour” is, but it feels safe to call Cut Worms a troubadour, which is certainly better than his terrible stage name.

7. Cigarettes for Breakfast – Aphantasia

Similar to Cut Worms, Cigarettes for Breakfast also involves a simple influence equation. Do you pray at the altar of Loveless? If so, Aphantasia is just the record for you. Sure, it’s a bit of My Bloody Valentine paint by numbers (“Breathe” even features the same squally guitar noise [it’s really hard to try and describe My Bloody Valentine effects ha] as “Soft as Snow (But Warm Inside)”) but when you’re as into shoegaze as I am, that’s never really a bad thing. Plus, I’m being a bit unfair. Everyone with textured tremolo heavy wall-of-sound guitars and cooed vocals is going to inevitably be compared to MBV, and Cigarettes for Breakfast do enough to chart their own course. Perhaps most interesting is the musical journey this record charts. Its loudest moment is its opening, where pummeling guitars more reminiscent of Sonic Youth with a touch of Dinosaur Jr. rip across hardcore style drumming. From there each song becomes a little more ambient, until closer “If Someone Could Help Me, Please” more or less floats away on its shimmering sheets of beautiful noise clouds. In this sense, it bears a resemblance in structure, if not in sound, to Deerhunter’s Cryptograms, another album I spent a lot of time revisiting this year. A shutout here is owed to the fine folks at Radio K, who had me diving for my shazam as this thing ripped across their airwaves. So long as there is college radio, there’ll be a new crop of kids discovering via Kevin Shields that the electric guitar contains endless sonic possibilities.

6. Fontaines D.C. – A Hero’s Death

The second entry in our top-ten post punk trio is A Hero’s Death by Fontaines D.C. I’ll admit, on first blush it’s kind of a dumb band name (I just assumed they were some hardcore band from Washington DC chasing those Dischord Records glory days), but when you learn that the “DC” stands for Dublin City, it all clicks, as this band is sorta inescapably Irish in the way that James Joyce is. Now this fact at first was also off-putting—if I went the rest of my life without ever hearing the Dropkick Murphy’s again I’d be quite content—but eventually it becomes integral to their sound, and not just because of the brogue in Garin Chatten’s vocals. “Love is the Main Thing” is an incredible song in many ways, most notably because of the hypnotic quality of the drumming with its counterpoint between riding cymbal and staccato toms, but perhaps in the main (*wink*) for the way it manages to connote the weariness of a grey urban environment without ever being explicitly about it. Just as Turn on the Bright Lights managed to perfectly capture New York in 2001, A Hero’s Death to me is the aural equivalent of a dense urban center like Dublin, especially after nightfall.

5. Imaginary Softwoods – Annual Flowers in Color

It should come as no surprise that I listened to A LOT of ambient this year, and to me there was no better electronic record to chill the fuck out to during this insane year than Annual Flowers in Color. I absolutely loved Emeralds’ Does it Look Like I’m Here? and was devastated they never followed that gem (*wink*) up. In the immediate aftermath of the demise of Emeralds Mark McGuire’s solo albums got a lot of attention, but apparently the person I really loved in Emeralds was Imaginary Softwoods’ John Elliot. Annual Flowers in Color is like if Dead City’s, Red Seas, Lost Ghosts were waiting in the departure’s lounge of Eno’s airport. At the heart of the album lies the 10 plus minutes of “Another First/Sea Machine.” I could listen to this song forever, and on some particularly WTF 2020 lakewalks I more or less have. Chunky synths, arpeggios that drift off to infinity, ‘80s soundtrack nostalgia. I could live in these Softwoods for the rest of my sonic days.

4. Pottery – Welcome to Bobby’s Motel

In another moment of nostalgia for my college years, Pottery are a welcome return to weird ass experimental Canadian bands. They don’t sound anything like the Unicorns, but in spirit Pottery kind of remind me of them. I’ve spilled a lot of digital ink here and elsewhere bemoaning the fact that Pitchfork (or perhaps, me) isn’t cool anymore, and to me no band embodies this more than Pottery. They take a bunch of fun disparate elements—Talking Heads dance art rock, periodic weird pitch shifted vocal effects, hazy deep purple style guitars, and Queen style machismo disco—throw them into a witch’s cauldron, and come up with something off the wall that sounds like nothing else but is also instantly familiar. This is the type of thing Pitchfork would have been all over in 2007, but instead now they’re too busy chasing conde nast clout clicks. Oh well, nothing gold can last. But enough negativity, this here is a celebration of the joy of new music, and no new band embodies that unbridled joy like Pottery. Along with Fontaines DC, this is the band I wish I most could have bopped around to with a bunch of sweaty strangers in the 7th St. Entry or Turf Club. You can just imagine the call and response vocals and funky grooves getting the people moving. Oh well, hopefully we’ll soon all be rocking the vaccine, they can breeze through town, and I’ll be the first person on the dance floor embarrassingly pumping my fist a half beat behind the rhythm.

3. Pure X – Pure X

To paraphrase Same Elliott in the Big Lebowski, sometimes there’s a band, and well, sometimes there’s a band. For me this year, that band was Pure X. I absolutely loved their debut Pleasure way back in 2011, when lo-fi reverb heavy slow guitar music (ie, Galaxie 500) was all the rage. Their follow up Crawling up the Stairs was so bad I didn’t even bother listening to Angel, though perhaps that also owed a decent amount to just how terrible the art on that record is. (I’ve since remedied this mistake; turns out that record rules). Being that as it may, I can’t particularly tell you what drew me in to this year’s self-titled album, a full nine years after Pleasure first graced the stage. In one sense it’s probably because Pleasure is one those albums that just never went out of my rotation. Whenever the fahrenheit tips past 90 and the walk to the bodega is a few blocks longer than you’d like, that record always hits the spot. Maybe I just knew this was the record I needed this year. Either way, from the first bars of “Middle America” I was hooked. The guitars crash over you, but never in a threatening way. Rather, they envelop you like a weighted blanket, comforting you in their sonic embrace. Nowhere is this more true than on “Fantasy,” easily my favorite song of 2020 (especially since this was a year entirely devoid of dance floor bangers). If this album came out in 1999 rather than 2020 I would have hit the repeat button on my discman and listened to this song forever.

2. Crack Cloud – Pain Olympics

Pain Olympics is the answer to the question that no one asked: what if Arcade Fire’s (back when they were good) communal uplift was paired with Gang of Four’s stark anthem’s of industrialism’s collapse? While on first blush this might sound like your standard album of punkish fist pumping angst, from when the female vocals (sorry there are too many people in this band for me to be able to figure out whose who) come in on opener “Post Truth (Birth of a Nation)” Pain Olympics reveals itself to be a very strange animal (likely a unicorn of some sort), especially as little orchestral swirls creep into the mix, giving it an almost Judy Garland (in hell) quality. This subtle genre pastiche is given its best effect on stunner “The Next Fix.” That song starts out as an elastic spoken-word call and response addiction rumination, at the minute mark it starts to segue into a vocoded chill raver, then some horns crop up out of nowhere, then a spoken word passage, then at the two minute mark a chorus of voices come in, doing their best Broken Social Scene in the truest sense of the phrase. This is perhaps one of the strangest records I’ve ever heard, but what is strangest of all is just how beautiful it is. Crack Cloud are not for everyone, but if you really give it a chance, the returns are limitless.

1. SAULT – Untitled (Rise) / Untitled (Black Is)

You cannot tell the story of 2020 without SAULT, which is why this pair of records is here at the top, even if under the influence of sodium pentothal (lets be honest, veritaserum) I might lean more towards Pain Olympics. In June, the “anonymous” London project put out Untitled (Black Is), and then quickly followed that gem up with September’s Untitled (Rise). Perhaps more amazing still is that these two albums, released so close together, have unique personalities. Black Is is more pop/R&B whereas Rise has a dancy, electr(on)ic feel. I lean more towards the latter, but honestly, both albums are so overstuffed with amazing moments that it’s borderline unbelievable that one outfit could put out so much amazing music in such a short span. While these records would chart high even if sung in Hopelandic, there’s no escaping the social import of the lyrics. One need look no further than Black Is’s “Don’t Shoot Guns Down” for the 2020 dance party at the end of the world. As if that weren’t more than enough, it finds its analogue on Rise’s “Street Fighter,” and that’s SAULT in a nutshell: two albums in constant communication with one another, and more importantly, with the state of the world. Guns down. Don’t Shoot. Let’s dance.

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pattonsperfectfamily-asks · 4 years ago

Text

Chapter 18- What’s in a Name

TW: forcing someone to throw up, lying, yelling, manipulation,

Masterpost

1st day of vacation

“C'mon Virgil, hurry up!” Damien says anxiously, hurriedly pulling the fourteen-year-old behind him as he tried to run through the woods.

“Where are we going?” Virgil says worriedly, looking down at Sela, who kept pace at his side, occasionally snapping at the flowing fabric of the white sundress he was wearing. “Dad said the berry bushes we on the other fork in the trail.”

“We’re not going berry picking Virgil, now come on!” Damien rolls his eyes, beginning to sprint when he saw the unattended beach on the other side of the island. “Here, help me get some sticks!”

“What are you doing?” Virgil asks, tilting his head and stopping at the treeline as Damien began to rush around picking up sticks. Sela sat down next to him, licking his palm and letting out a small yap.

“We’re gonna spell Roman’s last name out with sticks. He’s famous.” Damien explains tiredly, grabbing another stick.

“Why are you gonna do that?”

“So that someone in a plane might see it and think ‘hey, that missing author’s last name is spelled on that beach down there’!”

“So?”

“So then they’d rescue us, Virgil!” The nineteen year old snaps, “Now help me!”

“Why would they want to rescue us? Nothing’s wrong. And since when is Uncle Roman famous?”

“God damn it, Virgil!” Damien groans, hiding his head in his hands.

Virgil pouts, moving to the sea and pulling off his shoes.

“What are you doing?” Damien asks tiredly.

“I’m going swimming!” Virgil says excitedly, seemingly forgetting the argument as he wades into the water. Sela follows him happily.

“I’m supposed to be watching you, get back over here!” Damien orders.

“You’re not that good of a babysitter. I wanna swim, not make some dumb sign.” Virgil whines, crossing his arms and staring back at his brother.

Damien throws up his arms, looking at the sky. “God? Anybody, for crying out loud!”

“Come swim with me!” Virgil whines. Damien sighs.

“First Patton takes my yarmulke, and now he takes everyone else’s sanity. Fine!” Yanking off his shoes, Damien angrily throws them down on the sand and runs into the water.

Virgil smiles at him, diving under the water and swimming a few feet away before surfacing. “There’s shells!”

“Just don’t get bit by a shark.” Damien sighs, before his eyes light up with an idea. “Do you want to do something fun?”

“What?” Virgil asks, giggling when Sela began to swim out towards him, her head bobbing in the water.

“Let’s make a raft!” Damien suggests. “We could paddle it around.”

Virgil pauses, looking unsure. “I don’t know. We’re supposed to be picking berries.”

Damien bites back a snarky reply and smiles as brightly as he can. “Dad and Papa are spending time together. They won’t even notice we’re gone. And with the way you eat, they won’t question any missing berries either.”

Virgil laughs, diving underwater again and disappearing.

Damien waits until Virgil resurfaces, beginning to play fetch in the water with Sela before he goes back to shore.

Without Virgil’s help, it takes Damien a lot longer to make the sign, but he eventually makes a sizeable Sanders in the sand with sticks and rocks.

“Come on Virgil, it’s getting late!” Damien calls. The younger boy looks over at him, then begins to swim for shore.

Virgil shivers once he catches up to Damien, obediently following him on the trail back to the summer house.

“Look at you two, you’re soaked to the bone and freezing!” Patton comes out when he sees the two approaching, holding two fluffy towels.

Virgil giggles as Patton aggressively begins to dry his hair off. “Dad, my purple is fading out again, can we dye my hair soon?”

“Ohh, but honey, you look so pretty with your dark hair.” Patton pouts, ruffling the still-wet hair. “Plus, we’re on an island right now. We can’t go to the store until vacation is over. Can we leave your hair black for a bit kiddo?”

Virgil’s bright smile falters slightly, before turning into an all out pout. “Okay…”

Patton smiles, kissing his son on the nose before looking down at the empty basket. “Did you eat all the berries already jelly bean?”

“We went swimming instead.” Damien cuts in truthfully, not giving Virgil any time to speak about the sign.

“That sounds fun!” Patton smiles, grabbing Virgil’s hand and straightening. “Let’s get you out of that dress and into a nice, dry nightgown. It’s getting late.”

2nd day of vacation

“Damien!”

A hard shove.

Damien grunts, rolling over and trying to pull the covers back over his head, only to be stopped by some force.

“Damien wake up!” That voice again!

“Remy stop it.” Damien mumbles.

“Dami stop it!” The voice whines. “Who’s Remy?”

Damien’s eyes shoot open.

Virgil.

Groaning he rolls over and stares at the god awful ocean-themed room.

“Damien dad’s yelling…” Virgil whimpers. “Please get up, I don’t want him to be more mad…”

Damien sits up, looking at Virgil wearily. “Why’s he mad? What did you do?”

“Nothing! He was mad at Uncle Remus, and then he and Uncle Roman started arguing…” Virgil crawls into the bed next to Damien, wrapping his arms around Damien’s waist and hiding his face in their chest. “I don’t like when they yell…”

Damien rolls his eyes, reluctantly wrapping his arms around Virgil and picking the smaller boy up, carrying him downstairs.

“-to have made it, it’s his name!”

“Look at him Patton, he can’t do anything because of you!”

“So you did it then?”

“No! I was here all day!”

Damien’s eyes widen, setting Virgil down as the two adults look over at them.

“Morning kiddos!” Patton greets peppily, forcing a smile onto his face. “Uncle Roman and I are just having a little disagreement, why don’t you go play outside?”

“Why are you fighting?” Damien asks, grabbing Virgil’s hand and squeezing it.

“Patton think I made a sign on the beach.” Roman glares. “Which I didn’t. I’m not an idiot.”

“Or Remus did it.” Patton retorts.

“He just sits around all day! How the hell could he make a sign?” Roman yells.

“How do you know it wasn’t Logan?” Damien asks, a wash of anger and guilt settling in his stomach.

“Because he was here with me. Are you saying that you did it?” Patton asks, grabbing Damien’s chin and forcing the teen to look him in the eyes.

“No.” Damien says, his voice steady. “I was with Virgil all day.”

“So it’s settled then?” Patton smiles sickly sweet. “It was either Roman or Remus, and if Remus can’t walk without someone telling him to…”

Patton cuts off, turning and moving to storm back over to Roman.

“I did it!”

Patton stops and turns, Roman looking at Virgil in shock.

“What?” Damien looks down at Virgil, trying to hide his panic.

“I…” Virgil sniffles, his eyes watering as Patton kneels down next to him. “I jus-just made it be-because I thought it would cheer Uncle Remus up…I didn’t know you’d be mad…”

“Really honey?” Patton asks, his voice scarily calm.

“Mhm…” Virgil nods, staring at the ground and shrinking into himself, trying to look meek.

“There!” Damien announces. “It was an accident.”

“Dami, my little baker, if a chef accidentally puts peanuts into an order of someone that was allergic to peanuts, would they still get sued for physical endangerment?”

“Uhm…” Damien shifts. “Yeah, but what does that have to do with-?”

“If the chef has to suffer the consequences of their mistake, and learn to be more careful when preparing food, then Virgil should too.” Patton harshly grabs Virgil’s arm and starts to pull them into the room he shared with Logan.

“Pl-Please, I’m sorry dad!” Virgil wailed as Patton’s nails dug into his skin.

“Patton stop!” Roman tries futilely.

“I did it!"

Patton stops just outside the door to the bedroom, looks back at Damien and then grins. "Nice try, Spartacus.”

“Patton-!” Damien rushes forward, pounding his fists on the closed door. “Patton please, it really was me, don’t hurt him!”

There’s silence from inside the room, then a loud cry from Virgil. Damien hardly noticed his knuckles getting bloody until Roman grabbed him by the waist and pulled him away from the door.

Virgil sobbed as Patton leaned him forward again and he emptied his stomach into the toilet in front of him.

“There we go baby…” Patton gently cards his fingers through Virgil’s hair and dabs at the sweat on his face as he heaved. “You won’t be making that mistake again, will you?”

“N-No!” Virgil manages to get out before puking again, the gross taste embedding itself in his throat, and even his nose.

“It’ll only last a few more seconds Virgey.” Patton gently kisses the side of Virgil’s head. “Then I’ll make you a nice big breakfast. You’re staying inside with me and Papa all day today, m'kay? Maybe I’ll trust you on the beach in the morning.”

Virgil sniffled, his eyes watering, as his stomach finally settled. Sitting still, he allows Patton to clean off his face and help him rinse out his mouth, before collapsing into his arms with one last sob.

“It’s okay sweetie, I’ve got you.” Patton murmurs, gently rocking the boy.

Virgil let’s his eyes drift shut.

Words: 1,515

Taglist

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@kai-the-person

@the-insanelycoolmylesoliver

@no-no-no-no-6

@samuel-the-gay

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@imliterallyvirgilandlogan

@supbitchss

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@avocados26

@anxietea-and-insanitea

@yay-gay-ships

@the-office-cat

@fluffyspirits--butclueless

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@youthquake-in-the-making

@yerkesdodsoncurve

@trisyllabic-rhymes

@shade-romeo

@itsawitchesworld

@catathyst

@that-one-braincell

@ssuperfruitxvirgil

@robynyouofsanderssidescontent

@theoddkidnextdoor

@just-violet-flowers

#manipulation #yelling #forced vomiting #lying #unsympathetic Patton sanders #unsympathetic patton

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randombtsprincessa · 5 years ago

Text

Boketto

[bo-ke-tto] Jap. (v.) act of gazing into the distance without a thought

Author: Randombtsprincessa

Characters: Kim Namjoon x Reader (2nd POV)

Words: 3.9k

Genre: Pure Fluff

Summary: It is the birthday of the love of your life. What do you have planned?

Warning: Nothing! Just a little suggestive ending!

A/N: Happy Birthday, Namjoon! I haven’t forgotten how much I love you! This piece is actually quite private, sitting in my drafts since 2016...I had to shave it down to not let it get away from me!

I love Feedback!

The day was perfect. You knew it was rare; either the sun would be too strong, too much wind or somehow too cool, but today, even the weather seemed to be in tune with your plans. Well, it could be that, or maybe your boyfriend was just that blessed.

You smiled at the soft rays of sunlight that streaked in when you carefully parted the curtains, just a little so as to not disturb the snoozing man still in bed.

Letting the gauzy material slip out of your fingers to return the room to its dusk, you padded to the bathroom first, stretching out sleep stiff muscles, making sure to stay quiet as you brushed your teeth and took a quick shower. You had enough time in hand but he needed his sleep, he deserved it after all the hard work he put in for so many long months, all culminating in exhausting years.

You slipped on a summer dress of soft cloth, letting it brush to your calves as you walked to the living room now, setting the coffee maker to work and checking the duffle bag you’d brought along.

While it had been a couple years that you and he had been dating, there were a few talks you’d always kept closely to yourself, mainly due to the fact that his work never really allowed the time or the headspace for him to actually ponder matters as such. Like the talk about moving in together, had never really been broached, yet you knew it gnawed on him just as it gnawed at you. There were others, like visits at work, taking vacations outside in the public together, all matters that you had personally forbidden to yourself, for the sake of his mental peace.

Like the matter of saying I love you…another topic that you knew bothered him deeply when he had the time to give it thought.

You didn’t look it, but you knew that when your relationship crossed the one year mark, these unsaid conversations were going to be strains – matters that would more likely hurt him or cause him disturbance rather than give him the sense of calm that you wanted to provide.

You saw it in his eyes, when you would get up from his couch to leave for your own home, the bite of his lower lip when he warred with himself to ask if you wouldn’t rather just stay, stay with him to avoid the hassle. You saw it in the furrow of his brow when he came over to find you in the kitchen and instead of greeting him with the emotion you both knew you felt, you would just smile and greet him with a perfunctory welcome. You saw it in the tense shoulders he would carry, when he showed you pictures of his solo adventures, knowing he desperately wanted you with him on one.

So, you had taken up initiative. A smile spread across your chapped lips as you made sure everything was in the duffel bag of supplies. Your boyfriend had been less that surprised when you’d shown up on his doorstep, greeting him with a light peck to his plump lips. His surprise was more towards the number of bags in your hand, a joke falling from those lips that you had already planned to move in before he cut himself off, moving to the kitchen quietly to bring you some water.

Well, he wouldn’t need to cut himself off for much longer…or so you hoped. It all depended on him today.

You felt rather than heard him shuffle around in his bed, getting to your feet and quickly peeking in to see him turn his head to your side of the king size. One arm freed itself from under the pillow, sweeping across the span of where your absence had cooled the sheets. You walked over when you saw him frowning to himself, his sleep lagged brain starting to pull itself towards consciousness.

You scooted into your side, letting his palm find yours, clasping them together as his face smoothed out, eyelids fluttering as you leaned in.

“Happy Birthday, Namjoon.” You whispered to him, plush lips curving upwards slowly as he kept his eyes closed.

“It’s today, isn’t it?” He asked, morning voice all low and grumbles.

“Yep, I wanted to give you all the sleep time you needed.”

“I missed you.” He muttered.

“I wasn’t even gone, I was right here when you woke up.” You reassured, lowering yourself to kiss away the pout already forming on his lips.

“Why are you all dressed? Get back into bed.” He sighed, finally turning around and cracking his eyes open.

“We have plans, baby.”

“We do?”

You hummed, running your fingertips gently across his hairline, his head automatically nuzzling in the comforting touch before you slid off the bed again, much to his displeasure.

“Ok, we have to be up now,” you clapped your hands enthusiastically as Namjoon propped himself up, looking pitifully dazed.

“Five more minutes,” he mustered in the face of your excitement.

You turned from the doorway as you looked at the hunkering frame of your boyfriend, a light sigh escaping you at his cuteness.

“You can sleep in the car.” You answered; his reply an indulgent ‘fine’.

And sleep Namjoon did in the car…

He let you slide into the driver’s side, the sleeveless shirt and shorts you’d put out for him matching his pajamas as he pushed the passenger seat all the way back, spreading out like a buffet.

“So, what’s the plan?” he asked, muffling a yawn.

“You’ll see,” you smiled absently, adjusting the rearview mirror. “You should sleep.”

Namjoon snorted. “Babe, I’ve been awake longer than 25 hours one time, you know.”

All big words, because the moment you turned onto the express way, Namjoon’s head dropped back, mouth open and snores filling the space between you. His sandals came off, then his hat, all tossed into the backseat as he submitted himself to slumber.

You couldn’t help but glance at him fondly, the slight tremble of his nostrils each time a snore passed them oddly endearing.

God, the things you noticed when in love…

And the man you loved was definitely worth noticing, even when he woke up like death as you pulled up in front of the small section of beach where you’d decided to celebrate his birthday.

“Where…are we?” Namjoon questioned dazedly, peering at the smooth white sands leading up to the foaming clear waters.

“The beach,”

“This is not the beach I remember. Did you drive to the northern borders?”

“Not really; they have private sections for people who want to book them.” You told him, docking your car at the small driveway of the cabin adjoining your haven for today.

Namjoon nodded at the explanation, looking somewhat satisfied. The both of you exited the car, you walking over to unlock the door of the cabin.

Inside, it was light and bright, exactly what the brochures had promised and you let out a gentle sigh of relief while your boyfriend set your bags down near the sofa, going straight to the balcony.

You clasped your hands together, moving in the space to make sure everything was the way it should be, the way you paid for them to be. The living room was sparse with bamboo and galvanized chrome furniture, the kitchen clean and stocked; no sea food thankfully, you didn’t want Namjoon to be traumatized realizing he had devoured a precious ‘friend’ on his birthday. You peeked into the bedroom, noting the plush bedding on the metal bed and critically eyed the bathroom.

Toilet, sink, bathtub with shower…all seemed to be in order…you were happy to say.

“Baby,” You turned your head to see Namjoon waiting patiently for you to be done, his own fingers twisting the hem of his shirt, rumpling it further.

“What’s wrong?” You asked, going over to cup his chin. If there was one thing you didn’t want him to do, it was worry about anything.

“I just realized. These things…they cost a lot. Jackson threw a party at a beach like this and it burned a hole through his pocket.”

“Joon, that was because Jackson’s friends turned out to be assholes that nearly destroyed that beach. The poor thing was ranting about never inviting the morons who had no civic or environmental sense. Half that money was for clean up. We won’t be doing anything bad here. We both hate littering, we’re only two people and you are basically a fish.”

Namjoon tilted his head at the consolation, not offended at being compared to a water creature for his love of them.

“I know; but still, how much did you pay?”

You pursed your lips. “Does it matter? It’s your birthday.”

Namjoon shrugged. “I don’t like you spending so much on me. I’d have been glad with take out on my couch and for you to…just stay.”

You gulped. It was too soon. You’d planned all sorts of timings for these conversations.

“You know you spend more on me. I like spoiling you too sometimes.” You whispered. He didn’t look much convinced.

“I’ve been saving for this from the start of the year; I didn’t get too much of a hit on my paychecks darling. Besides, this is a gift for me as much as you. I never get to take you out.”

Namjoon’s pout vanished, his posture straightening as he eyed you with a new zeal. “You’re right. I’m being dumb. I have zero right to do anything but to enjoy our present and bask in all the attention you can give me.” Namjoon pumped his fists lightly in a ‘let’s do this’ movement before gripping your hand tightly.

“Now if you’re done checking for mold or cockroaches, let’s go to the sea; my home in my past life.”

Brittle rock prickled at your soles, the lush waters providing a smoothening feel over the tops of your feet as you stood, absolutely still, reveling in the pure power of nature.

Namjoon and you had walked a little down the shore, leaving footprints that you enjoyed watching being washed away with the currents. Of course, your boyfriend took it upon himself to wax poetic about how this meant that none of you were permanent; just fixtures that could as easily be torn down as you were put up.

You’d shushed him, laughing gently and pointing to the shoals where you were pretty sure Namjoon could crab hunt.

And well…you’d been right.

Within moments, Namjoon was calf deep in the waters, bending over till his face was inches above the surface and hands clasped as if in prayer to find something or the other. You had stayed back, choosing to take some salty deep breaths to rejuvenate yourself.

The stuffy city life was all fine and dandy till the excitement wore away, leaving only a longing for something…green…

Closing your eyes you let your arms loosen up, stretching them away from your body a bit; the skirt of your dress fluttering in the breeze. Maybe you looked silly, but if there was any one you expected to not laugh at you, it would be Namjoon.

Who at that very moment wrapped a muscular arm around your waist, tugging you gently into him, “I’m a little disappointed; no crabs.”

Your eyes popped open, soft and fondly trained on the way Namjoon ducked his head, plump lips jutting out to sulk and the edges of his clothes wet. He looked at you a little sheepishly.

“Sorry, I’m being childish.”

You shook your head immediately, cupping his face and patting those precious dimpled cheeks. “Come on, let’s feed you, you big baby.”

The inside of the cabin, when you tugged him back was warmer than outside, prompting you and Namjoon to open up all the windows and the balcony. Namjoon rummaged through his luggage, pulling out a sheaf of fan mail to read on the deck while you busied yourself in the kitchen.

The sizzle of the pan oil that sautéed the veggies hissed through the air, the scent of honey basted stir fry chicken permeating the small area as you micro waved instant rice. You glanced at the man hunched in thought over at the balcony before noticing the pencil in his hand.

“Yah! Are you writing?” You screeched, the wooden spatula in your hand rising before you could help yourself.

Namjoon flinched, the bunch of papers that you had assumed were letters turning out to be loose papers bound together and a pencil twirling between his dexterous fingers. “I’m just…”

“I thought you promised no work?”

“Yes baby, I was just…struck with a little inspiration.” For his benefit, he did look guilty; knowing that he always being in the ‘work’ mode had been a cause of discomfort more often to him than you. Yet, he never seemed to change…

Well, he wouldn’t be the man you fell for if he did…

You shook your head to yourself, sighing as you pointed to the table. “Ok, come and eat. We can change and sit outside later.” You offered him your hand and Namjoon grasped it quickly, tossing away the writing material on the sofa to join you at the table you’d set.

You’d kept lunch short, sending Namjoon in to shower and change out of his salty wet clothes and changing yourself into another summer dress – this time, a gift from Namjoon. It was blue, hugging at the waist, bought by your boyfriend when he was somewhere near the Caribbean. The small deck at the back of cabin was perfect for watching the sunset and the onset of the thunderstorm, you decided.

Just for the sake of it, you made sure that the contraption was properly nailed down into the fixtures before resting your picnic basket on it, stocked with olives, cherries, a couple strawberries and cheese. You saved the bottle of wine chilling in the fridge for later.

Namjoon soon walked out, a matching blue denim shirt and khaki shorts on with his sleeves rolled up, something he knew you loved on him.

“Hey, we match.” Namjoon beamed at you, the shower having washed away much of the earlier grime from his countenance as he leaned down to kiss you before admiring the small picnic spread on the table. “I know we just ate, but there’s a thunderstorm on the forecast tonight and I thought that we could just sit and watch it begin while having this before heading in for the night?” You ended it as a suggestion, not wanting to sound like you were hijacking the plans for his special day. You totally had planned everything down to a tee but you still wanted Joon to have some say in it.

“I don’t mind; I’d like to see the storm a bit.” Namjoon assured, pulling out a chair for you before plopping down opposite to you, eyes turning once to keenly check the horizon and how bad it could get.

After all, it wouldn’t be Kim Namjoon if he didn’t check things through, no matter how much his girlfriend was always on top of them.

You and Namjoon slowly went through the picnic food while catching up, all your office tales regurgitated for him to comment on or advice upon how to handle while he allowed himself to relax and complain just how overworked he was starting to feel before putting a collective foot down with his members for the break.

You popped a slice of cheese in his mouth. “Good, get angry Kim, you don’t do that enough.”

“I do it a whole lot more than I show babe.”

You smiled at him spewing out further around the mouthful of cheese when you noticed the shadows finally setting in. Almost in synchrony, the both of you turned your heads to look at the sea.

The sun crept towards the horizon, blinking cheekily up at the darkening clouds that loomed overhead. You chewed on your bottom lip, a small trickle of worry trying to worm its way through you. What if you had miscalculated? What if the onslaught of storm was harsher than you had anticipated?

The ocean had picked up its pace, turning a darker, much more intimidating shade compared to the brilliant teal it had been earlier in the day. You turned your head to look at Namjoon, about to voice your concerns and to ask if he wanted to head in sooner rather than later.

Of course, the words stuttered and then died on your lips, your brain too foggy with the image of your awed lover to bring up such trivial matters.

Namjoon had his head craned up at the sky, mouth open slightly as he looked at the clouds with literal heart eyes. His nose was scrunched at the base ever so slightly, making his nostrils flare. His jaw and neck strained, the tight cording in his arms bunching muscles as he hunched over to get a closer look from under the awning. Hair rippled in the quickening wind, lashing against his forehead and flattening it back.

He was beautiful…and you loved him so, so much.

Namjoon’s eyes widened, his head turning to you so fast, he must’ve given himself whiplash. “What did you just say?” He demanded. You blinked, a little slow on the uptake. “What?”

Namjoon stared at you, if possible, much more flabbergasted than he had been at the raging waters. His hands pressed flat to the table, torso nearly bending over it towards you. “What did you just say? I want you to repeat it.”

You gulped; taking a second more to realize that in your stumped wonder, you had accidentally blurted out what you’d been thinking. You had told your boyfriend you loved him, with no consciousness.

Well, there went your first plan.

“Y/N,” Namjoon warned.

“I love you.” You answered meekly. “I love you Kim Namjoon. I love you so much. You are the kindest, gentlest, sweetest man to have graced my life. You are intelligent, understanding, and steady and you have so many ideas I can never keep up with you but I love the chase and I love it when you wait for me to get there. I love how you never make me chase you, just your mind. I love how you’re patient, calm even if you’re a bouncy ball of stress. I love how you could be vibrating but you hold my hand through everything. I love how you sing moonchild to me when I don’t like where I am and I love how you call me your love. I love how you sleep, you big breadcrumb, all over me that I nearly die but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I wouldn’t have you any other way.”

You had barely finished but Namjoon was already out of his chair, hunkering down to yank you up from yours and to crush you to his chest, big arms wrapped tightly around you as he tried to fit his much larger frame into yours. You cooed over him, brushing through his hair as he literally shook.

“Damn, I’ve wanted to say all of that for so long, but you beat me to it. I don’t know if I should be mad at you or not but this is absolutely the best birthday ever.”

You giggled at him, petting the baby hairs at the back of his neck. “Don’t say that just yet, love. I have one more gift for you.”

Namjoon pulled away, an odd glint reflecting deep within his coffee eyes. “There’s more?” he whispered, the same bouncy energy radiating from him, reminiscent of when Jimin had helped you bake a mega two tier Ryan cake, complete with attached body and a head.

“Yep,” you dipped your hand into the shallow pockets - yes! Your dress had pockets! - Of your dress, watching his eyes drift down to your hands in anticipation. You waited a beat, suddenly uncertain.

Did you really want to do this? Were you even ready? Was he ready?

You sighed when you felt his gaze return to you, excitement softening into concern. No, you could do this. You only had to trust him and that was the easiest thing in the world.

Your fingers surfaced, pinky hooked into the loop of the keychain, one key hanging from it.

You let it dangle in front of a now frowning Namjoon, the key swaying in his sight before he raised his palm, letting you drop it into his cupped hand. “Your key; why are you giving me your apartment key…?”

“Well, that’s the gift, I guess.” You mumbled before looking up at him, squaring your shoulders. “I’m willing to stay. I’m ready to move in with you. I mean, of course, it’s up to you and it’s your house but I’m really just going out on a limb here. You can say no and I would totally understand. I don’t want to put you in a spot, I swear.”

“Stop babbling, sweetheart,” Namjoon cut in.

You stammered before guzzling out, while Namjoon let out a huff, hugging you to him again, just for a split second, a tight embrace that gave you no time to wrap your own arms around him again. He pulled away just as soon, one arm around you, holding you to his side as he stared at the key in his palm.

“Of course I want you to move in, Y/N. How many times have I told you to just stay when you walk to the door? How many times have I told you to sleep in with me when you’re rushing to get home so you could go to work? Oh and by the way, I calculated and the time to get to your office is lesser from my place. I was totally going to hit you with that next time. So, yes, I want you to move in. However, the key is yours.” He returned the key to your pocket, hand splaying against the flesh.

His eyes moved to yours, mirroring the small smile dancing around your lips.

“I want to wake up next to you, all crazy haired and puffy. I want to share showers with you, cook you breakfast and clean up with you. I want to call you when I forget what groceries you needed. I want to walk in to see you in the kitchen or on the sofa or maybe even in the bath. I want to show you my pieces when inspiration strikes at 2 AM. I want to stare at you while you nap so I can dedicate you songs. I want you to rant to me while I’m watching TV. I want you to be there to kiss me to shut up at midnight when I get philosophical. I want all of that with you, at all and any time.”

You weren’t going to cry, you vowed. At least not right now…

You wound your arms around his neck, pulling yourself flush to him as matching grins lit up your faces.

“We’re just two morons who talk too damn much.” You whispered, your lips ghosting against him.

Namjoon opened his mouth to retaliate when an almighty flash of lightening broke across the night sky, signaling the start of the storm.

“Well, I suppose that’s the start of that. I would love to watch this.” He said wistfully before turning playful again. “I can think of a better way to end the day though.”

You laughed, swatting his arm when you felt the hand around your waist, inch closer to the curve of your behind.

“Lead the way, birthday boy.”

#namjoon fanfic #namjoon fluff #namjoon scenarios #bts fanfic #bts fluff #bts scenarios #namjoon #namjoon x reader #kim namjoon #rm #bts rm #bts

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svmmerdays · 4 years ago

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( 09 / muse 25 / cis female & she/her ) contrary to what the campers might tell you, that’s not macarena garcia. that’s theodora ‘theo’ montoya! this is their 2nd year working here and they’re a counselor. they’re 20, and i just found out during ice breakers they’re a scorpio. at first they might seem pretty manipulative, but they’re actually really ambitious. when they have down time, you can usually catch them tanning by the lake. try to get to know them for yourself this summer! ( pepper / she/her / 24 / est )

ABOUT THE MUN what is that? that freaky thing? yes that’s right it’s a naked mole rat

it’s me, pepper, with a second muse despite the fact that i probably don’t really need a second muse. but i’ve been making bad decisions since 1996 babey, i see no reason to stop now!

BIO. she’s a maneater, make you work hard, make you spend hard, make you want all of her love.

Theodora Juana Montoya was brought into the world and immediately wrapped in rich silk. Honestly. The first thing in her life to touch her skin was more expensive than anything most people touch in their lifetime and that set the tone for the rest of Theo’s life like nothing else could.

Theo’s father, Arturo ‘Art’ Montoya, was the CEO of a manufacturing company and her mother, Silvia, was beautiful. Really. That was her entire occupation. Before she married her father Theo heard that her mother used to be more. She was a model in Mexico, an amateur actress too. But growing up all Theo knew her mother to do was stand there, or occasionally sit there, and look pretty. And as a child Theo couldn’t think of a greater job in the world.

Until it became suddenly and abundantly clear that pretty wasn’t enough. Because of course other women could be pretty too. While Theo’s mother was particularly good at it, she didn’t have the market cornered. Theo’s nanny’s brand of pretty was not only enough to get Papa Mo into bed with her, but enough to get him to leave his wife and daughter too. Theo remembers the day he left with particular clarity. Half because it was her sixth birthday and half because that was the first time Theo had ever seen her mother look ugly. Because Silvia Montoya’s rage was ugly and that ugliness showed as she chased Arturo out of their house for good.

Theo’s father didn’t want her. Theo, that is, not her mother (although, frankly, he didn’t seem to want her either). He didn’t say it in so many words but there was no custody battle. Her mother got her without the slightest bit of fight and half of her father’s money to boot. Silvia still wanted Art’s head on a spike but the money eased her pain. It soothed her. And when she found Theo, crying about feeling unwanted and unloved, she had the money lick her wounds too. That day Theo got a solid gold necklace with her name on it, a pony, and tickets to see Jesse McCartney. That day Theo learned to wipe her tears on hundred dollar bills.

Her mother taught her other lessons as she grew up. First that you really could make money off of just being pretty. It was eye opening for Theo to see her mother use her looks to seduce men into marrying her. Successful men. Rich men. Men who should really know better, but easily fell to the charms of a pretty face. Silvia would usually get these men to wed her, stick around just for long enough to avoid questions, and then leave with half of their fortune. It was a subtle con but it was one that worked more than once, and through it all Silvia made sure her daughter knew everything she had come to learn, so that she wouldn’t make the same mistakes she did.

So Theo learnt from the best. Not the best mother by any means (her mother was cold, irate, and critical on her best days, and almost cruel on her worst) but the best black widow in the country for sure. She saw her mother singlehandedly ruin these men in both heart and bank account, and she participated. She made them fall in love with her, not in the same way her mother did of course, but as a daughter. Always daddy’s little girl for whichever daddy of the week it was. Always starry eyed. Always in awe. The perfect little girl who could ask daddy for a grand and get double that because she could do no wrong. She could never do anything wrong, even as behind closed doors she used that money for certainly less than right things. Drugs, gambling, partying, drinking, Theo dabbled in it all probably way too early. But who needed to know? Certainly not daddy.

The Montoya women lived well for a while (well, one Montoya woman and whatever surname her mother had taken from her husband of the year). They had more money than they knew what to do with, all without either of them having to work a day for it. And they were greedy to boot. Theo expected the two of them to live this way for the rest of their lives. And maybe they would have if Silvia didn’t slip up.

Against all odds, Theo’s mother fell in love. And she married that man, for love. It was made all the more ridiculous by the fact that the man was none other than Theo’s father. After all he had done. After all they had been through.

Theo was fifteen when her parents got remarried. Theo got nothing out of the arrangement but a maid of honour dress she promptly burned, twin half siblings she actively despised, and her biological father back, she supposed. She hated it. She hated her father, and at that point she felt lied to by her mother, the one person she had been able to trust. Their household quickly became a warzone. Theo vs her parents. Theo rebelled against them whether that be through subtle rich bitch antics (getting a boy she liked to crash her daddy’s car, making a scene at an important event, trashing the house with a massive party, ‘losing’ her siblings in increasingly outlandish ways, etc) or straight out hostility. It did nothing but make Theo feel better honestly, but Theo selfishly thought that was more than enough. Until they decided to send her to boarding school, like that was supposed to fix absolutely anything. It didn’t. It just angered her more than anything.

But that was Theo’s life for a while. Going to boarding school during the school year, seeing her parents briefly during the Christmas break, and to top it all off, the most humiliating of all being shipped to Dagwood in the summers. Theo first set foot on Dagwood soil at fourteen because her parents thought that the experience would humble her or build character or god knows what else. While her boarding school friends were vacationing in Paris or Greece or Hawaii, Theo was stuck swatting mosquitoes by a fresh water lake in the middle of nowhere surrounded by children too dumb to wipe their own noses. Initially Theo despised the whole thing and made that no secret to the campers around her. Honestly, she was really and truly a brat for the first month of that summer. But eventually Theo... got lonely. She’d die before admitting it, but it’s the truth. After all, being a bitch to everybody didn’t tend to make you any genuine friends. Minions maybe, but friends? Not so much. And considering she was being forced to endure Dagwood at least the rest of the summer, she decided to try a different tactic. So frankly, some people probably remember Theo positively from camp and some people probably remember her really negatively depending on whether or not she decided to stop being a bitch to them specifically sdkjsdkj however for the following summers Theo really did come to almost enjoy coming to Dagwood because of the friends she made there, so yes that is a big wc gimme that squad pls and thanks. Definitely caused havoc, might have snuck some alcohol into their cabin, definitely were just... true pains in the asses for the counselors and heads alike, we love to see it. Anyways, moving on dkjsdjk

When Theo actually was home with her parents she was force to watch the woman her mother was waste away into something lovestruck and meek and anxious. Silvia was terrified that Art would cheat again, that if she didn’t keep him 100% happy he would leave her. She drank to cope. Popped more than a few pills too. And that’s how Theo learned that one of her earliest memories was a misunderstanding. That it wasn’t rage on Silvia’s face but desperation. She didn’t chase Arturo out, he left. The new perspective was eye opening. Her mother wasn’t who she thought she was, or maybe she was, but love changed her. The rose coloured glasses she used to fool men into loving her were over her own eyes now, and they had made her weak.

And then of course her father cheated. Again. Theo caught him in the act herself and she wasn’t the slightest bit surprised. He begged her not to tell her mother, to keep it between them. Theo countered his pleading with a saccharine sweet request for a new car. And later a new wardrobe. A yacht? A trip to Paris with her friends? Oh daddy, would you look at this cute little plane, I have to have it! Please?

And just like that all was right with the world then. Theo had the upper hand. She had a father, her real one, wrapped around her little finger. Her mother was still a disappointment but she was learning to cope with that. It was all looking up. Until the day before Theo’s eighteenth birthday. Because apparently, she’s cursed.

The day before Theo’s birthday her father was very quietly arrested, and if you’re wondering, yes it did put a damper on her birthday party the following day. It should be mentioned that Arturo Montoya was the CEO of a weapons manufacturing company, and according to the government he had been selling said weapons at a considerable discount to the wrong people. Now honestly, Theo wouldn’t have minded her father going to jail. Yes, it was embarrassing but the government was keeping things very discreet as they underwent their investigation, and her father would be going to a comfy white collar jail to boot. No one would even know that Art Montoya was behind bars.

But then they took her mother with him as an accomplice. And while Theo’s heart might not be very big or warm, she does have some loyalty.

And well, shortly after they seized their bank accounts, and that was the last straw. Because while Theo could maybe perhaps deal with being orphaned, being poor??? Was unthinkable.

This was all just before Theo went to university and she has told almost nobody about the incident. Theo trusts very few people honestly, call it her mother’s influence. No one knows that her parents are in jail and no one knows that she is technically not rich anymore because Theo has been keeping up appearances really, really well. She’s just as snobby as before. Just as materialistic as before. Just as willing to throw money around as before, even if she doesn’t technically have it.

Well, didn’t technically have it. Upon becoming bankrupt and (semi) orphaned Theo she called up some of her old stepfathers. Even though most of them (⅔) were still foolishly heartbroken over her mother, they all still loved Theo. They funded her without a second thought, giving her more than enough to get herself on her feet. But it couldn’t last forever. After all, she wasn’t even their step daughter anymore. But it’s due to their help and the scholarship that Theo was offered for her academic performance (that she honestly never thought that she’d actually need) that Theo can go to university at all.

Well, that and her side hustle, an entrepreneurial opportunity that came to Theo at a time when her bank account was running particularly low and her professor made a pass at her like a sign from god. Or maybe Zeus, that perv. Anyways, the point is everything suddenly clicked into place.

Skeevy, lonely, old, rich, married men. That was her in. That was her salvation. She’d get them to cheat, or even just come close to it. Take a few pictures maybe. Save a few text messages. Record a few phone calls. And finally blackmail them and milk them for all they’re worth. Cut and dry, a piece of cake. A bit of effort and Theo gets everything she wants as always. And no one has to know. Order will be restored. She’ll be on top.

Theo has been doing this for about two years and she’s been pretty successful. It helps her pay her bills and fuels her shopping habit. She also has a few sugar daddies on file because, well, a girl’s gotta do what a girls gotta do. But to almost everyone in her life Theo just simply continues to put on the facade of being effortlessly rich. She even still goes to some rich people events and stuff like that just to keep up appearances, even if it drains her funds like nothing else. If anyone ever asks where her parents are, they’re out of town. Oh, Mom is in Milan for fashion week, and Dad is in China on a business trip. She has too much pride to admit the truth to anyone, because despite everything Theo is a little embarrassed of it and she does not want anyone by any means to ever pity her.

But by the end of the second semester of her first year Theo was getting worried. Yes, she had stepdad 1 pay for her tuition for the year and yes stepdad 2 was wiring money to her monthly for her rent and other expenses (which was really just code for Theo letting him help her raise her parents bail) all while she had stepdad 3 on standby for an emergency and a few profs and sugar daddies in rotation, but it still wasn’t enough. Theo still needed money to actually pay for her rent and expenses, not to mention extra to maintain her lifestyle, and her step father’s love could only stretch so far. So, for the first time in her life Theodora Montoya decided to get a... job. The very thought still makes her shudder on occasion, but she’s slightly soothed by the fact that she’s at least working at Dagwood. Not the most glamorous job by any means even when she ties her counselor shirt up just so, but the most subtle for sure. After all, she could easily disguise her actual need for money by saying she just wanted to hang out with some of her old camp friends and reminisce about their past antics. No one would question her, after all, Theo doesn’t tend to act like she actually wants to keep her job, what with how often she would bring her campers to the lake so that she could tan, or sit them down and give them questionable romance advice and call it exercise.

That was until Theo well and truly fucked up. It’s a rare occurrence but it happens, occasionally, and when it does Theo can sometimes admit it. One of her campers almost drowning on her watch was one of those times. Honestly, it was simply a circumstance where Theo was too freaked out to lie. Yes, she might be a horrible person and yes she dislikes kids in general, but she actually likes her little trolls. And she would never want to actually hurt one. And knowing that one may have died on her watch was a shock to the system. For once in her life Theo was actually genuinely remorseful. She honestly considered turning down the head of staff’s offer of a second chance, despite knowing she needed the money, because she truly wasn’t sure if she even should be in charge of kids. But in the end she accepted it, knowing she wanted to spend more time with the people and campers she’d grown attached to here.

But then came karma, the bitch who hits back in the form of the head who had decided to blackmail her in return. Honestly, it was almost funny how ironic it all was. Well, it would be if it wasn’t happening to her. As it is, Theo is doing her best to be on her best behavior as of late. That is at least until she can find herself with an opportunity to get some dirt of her own.

HEADCANNONS. i’m not killing people, i’m killing boys

was head bitch in charge in high school, head cheerleader, etc. very spoiled honestly, is used to asking people to jump and them asking how high, and can occasionally come off a bit bossy because of it.

still very much loves dance and gymnastics from her time cheerleading, actually used to do ballet growing up too. she is probably on a dance or gymnastic club at her university and on the competitive cheer team Considered becoming a dance major at one point but instead took freaking pre med (* elle woods vc * what, like it’s hard? dfkjdjk) for the money and only the money though!

honestly theo plays dumb a lot of the time and tbh,,, she is a bit of dumb when it comes to certain things (straight up thought that a banana would cost ten dollars before she started buying her own food, thinks you have to pay to get your mail, like rich people dumb yk) sdkjsdjk but she does really well academically like she’s never really struggled to much to make grades. will joke that she’s just in the medical department to try and meet her future husband though, and generally won’t share her grades because honestly she figures if people know she’s smart they’ll see her coming,,, and she doesn’t want that, if people think she’s just a pretty face it’s easier to screw them over.

is a really good student though and takes school pretty seriously but doesn’t want it to look like she does? like she wants to seem effortlessly smart, but she studies her ass off when no one’s looking. her binders are all colour coded and sexy, like she is a secret nerd for sure.

used to travel all over the place with her mother because of the amount of times her mother got married like it’d straight up be like i’m marrying this guy from sydney australia so off we go baby pack your bags aksbsj we’re moving. So she’s spent time all over the place honestly, i’d say she’s at least lived in five different countries in her life? So despite being born in New York, she’s been all over.

i’m going to say her mom got married three times in nine years so?? definitely sus but nothing too crazy like some men just do that anyways so dkjdjk

Can speak spanish (she learned from her mom), french, italian, german, and knows a bit of latin mostly because she took it in high school though so it truly is just a rich bitch thing. can speak bits and pieces of a few other languages but not fluent by any means

doesn’t tend to have the highest opinion of men in general because of the way she was raised but she’s not an asshole about it yk like unless you’re an older man she can exploit you’re safe.

a bisexual icon like all of my muses honestly! very much inspired by me finally starting to watch dare me and it taking over my life so yes this bitch swings both ways!

honestly lowkey really craves love and acceptance from her father but is so salty after the initial rejection that she won’t give him the chance to reject her again! she��d rather die!

honestly rejection is probably one of her biggest fears

a philophobe but i feel like no one is surprised. thinks love makes you stupid and yk what she’s not wrong! has never been in love!! or maybe she has,,, wc mayhaps??

watches a lot of reality tv and the entirety of her cabin is probably judging her for it but she doesn’t care!! will watch bachelor in paradise on her phone behind the mess hall in the living room (rip bip 2020,,, you will be missed)

speaking of the cabins, theo is super messy so fgkfdkj good luck y’all! her take out containers are probably stacked up in the staff fridge if they have one, and her room looks like tornado just went through it because this girl is used to having maids to clean up after her and now that she doesn’t she doesn’t know how to act!!

Is freaking tiny man. Like legitimately like 5’2.

dabbles in witchy stuff mostly for fun. believes in ghost. the one to pull out a ouija board at a party. very much into astrology. needs to know the time you were born.

her mom calls her juana but she’s really the only one to. goes by theo or thee for the most part, or mo depending on the person. her insta handle is @theomo

goes to visit her mom in prison like once a month. gets the guards to call her father over only so he can sit down, pick up the little phone thingie, and theo can look him in the eye as she hangs up on him sdkjdskj.

still a bitch for jesse mccartney! also one direction! the jonas brothers! also probably most boy bands, like she likes to pretend to be like yes hmm classical music because she wants to seem classy but just wATCH HER POP HER PUSSY TO BURNING UP! her campers have probably come back from activities to her doing entire performances in her fluffy bathrobe and bunny slippers and you know what good for them it was a whole show!

loves her campers because they treat her like a queen. i imagine most of the 13-15 year old girls are impressionable and see theo as some sort of god with her bottomless makeup tips and rich girl stories, and theo just basks in that. they make her feel powerful. she adores them.

won’t smoke, but will vape. also a lightweight when it comes to drinking, but she doesn’t want anybody to know that! will pop pills, but is very particular about it cause she doesn’t want an addiction. pill popping is for special occasions.

is incredibly ticklish on the low!

PERSONALITY. it’s not easy to apologize and that’s exactly why i won’t do it

FUN! theo enjoys a good party and isn’t nearly as posh as she likes to come across, so once you get to know her underneath the ice queen exterior she is a lot of fun.

quite WITTY mostly because she likes one upping people even in verbal spars. will give you the funniest advice and anecdotes because she’s just really snarky?

SELFISH as all hell god. feels no remorse about destroying these men’s lives. the embodiment of that killing eve scene where the guy is trying to bargain with villanelle to spare him like ‘i have kids!’ and villanelle is like ??? ‘i don’t want your kids’ aosbsjsq

GREEDY, kind of stuck up, materialistic, spoiled

in love with herself honestly. no one loves themselves more than theo loves theo. is she insecure underneath it all? i guess i’ll find out

kind of MEAN i’m not going to lie fgjkdfjk but only really to strangers and people she hates. hates a lot of people though, but is the type to be nice to their face and trash talk them behind their back, or trash talk them to their face sometimes too yk to mix it up

LOYAL! like if you’ve broken through her walls she’d probably kill a man for you (if she could get away with it scott free ofc)

SUPERIORity complex. doesn’t care what people think of her as long as they know she’s better than them wkenekej

EMOTIONALLY DISTANT. if you’re ever upset and need someone to comfort you do not come to theo she’ll just ask if you want to do some online shopping sksbsjs does not have a healthy relationship with her emotions at all. a straight shopoholic when she’s upset like she just fills that void with stuff or goes on a bit of a self destructive party spree (hence why she legit did still have her eighteenth birthday party after her parents were arrested)

a DRAMATIC bitch honestly.

WANTED CONNECTIONS. i want it all! i want it, want it, want it, the fame and the fortune and more! I WANT IT ALL!

BEST FRIENDS. her squad from camp please! also childhood friends mayhaps! a pen pal she confided in as she moved place to place! maybe someone she met at boarding school???

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE. someone who goes to her uni maybe? i’m pretty flexible about what school she goes to!

PEOPLE WHO KNOW HER FROM BOARDING SCHOOL. i said what i said! or people she used to pick on from boarding school, or even people who used to be on her cheer squad, or even people who HATED HER IN HIGH SCHOOL CAUSE YOU’RE VALID.

FIRST LOVE. first love at camp,,, once again i am putting this connection down cause it so cute

GIRL SQUAD. honestly just give me a group of girls that get up to wild antics together. it’s rare to see one of them without at least one of the others and it’s just cute and fun!

SOMEONE WHO SEES THROUGH HER BULLSHIT. someone who’s onto her! whether that be in her fake rich bitch antics or the entire ice queen facade!

FWB/EWB. open to ladies and gents, you know what it is.

EX FWB/EWB. same thing bby girls and boys come one come all.

ENEMIES. just !!! mutual hate man!! we love to see it! theo is vocal and passionate when she hates someone so!! give it to me!

SOMEONE WHOSE DAD SHE’S BLACKMAILING. i mean???? could be wild folks. we don’t have to make it that theo slept with him but she definitely got close enough to be able to blackmail him.

PLATONIC SOULMATE. just a soft f/m friendship where they know each other really well and get along really well and they really are not dating or even interested in that but everybody is like omg y’all should date but they’re like !!! never gonna happen it’s not like that

SIBLING LIKE RELATIONSHIP. they annoy each other! and drive each other crazy! but they would do almost anything for each other rip.

EX STEP SIBLING. theo’s mom definitely used their dad for money but maybe they don’t know that! or maybe they do! theo is probably currently using their dad for money and maybe they’re like girl you better STOP or maybe they want in on it, who knows.

GOD SIBLING. also cute and valid! they’ve known each other forever! maybe the only person to know about her parents cause they’re family? could also be a family friend.

PARTY FRIENDS. !!! give me friends who sneak out of dagwood together to go the club or something, or USED to sneak out of dagwood together before but now theo won’t cause she’s turning a new leaf and all that, or straight up friends who sneak out to the lake or by the woods to drink and party together.

SUGAR BABY. give me someone who theo spoils or used to spoil just because she does indeed love them. their is no sex involve probably, she just has a soft spot for their poor ass, even now that she’s technically poor herself.

FAMILY ENEMY. maybe like? an enemy of her family or something? their families are rivals or something like that or have a longstanding fued? could be wild could be fun.

ONE NIGHT STAND. self explanatory, could be from any time or anywhere tbh.

EXES. theo could honestly have a lot of these, once again… f or m or nb, any of the above work. theo doesn’t really know how to like? love someone though so this would be messy. she was probably only looking for a good time and probably played with their feelings more than a bit because of it. maybe dumped them or maybe they dumped her! if they dumped her than tksjdkjsd theo is incredibly offended and is probably trying to get them back and/or ruin their life out of spite so jot that down!

#dagwoodintro #how is this one even longer i don't understand #t.m. | intro.

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bolbianddolanhouse · 4 years ago

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BNHA self insert AU [Book 4]

Foo I dunno what to put here anymore... read here, then here and then here!

Chapter 1: Midsummer Madness by Joji

It’s a fine summer morning, and it was quiet in the Iida household....until the sound of dramatic groaning rose from the girl’s room. Which was routine for Hanaka Rosa, youngest twin and sister of the siblings. She was not a morning person and sure as hell wasn’t going to wake up early on summer vacation! And just down the hall, rose older twin Tensei Oro to greet the day. Hanaka and Tensei couldn’t be anymore different from each other! Gender aside, these twins were like night and day in personalities and intellect. There was never a quiet and normal day with them in the mix, which always starts with Tensei waking up his twin sister.

“Wake up Rosa!” yelled Tensei from outside her bedroom door.

Hanaka groaned “Why?! It’s summer vacation!”

“Are you forgetting what today is?!” Tensei said before teleporting inside “Pendeja, it’s the school carnival!”

“Huh? School carnival?” Hanaka sat up and rubbed her eyes “It’s not Saturday yet.”

Tensei arm chopped at the calendar on the wall “Well maybe if you actually slashed the days, you’d remember!”

“Why do I even need that thing! I have a phone that checks the time and day for me” Hanaka huffed “Get with the times bro!”

“Okay then, check your phone right now” Tensei crossed his arms.

Hanaka grumbled as she picked up her phone and her eyes bulged out of her eyes “Oh FUCK! It’s Saturday!” She jumps out of bed “FUCK WE’RE GONNA BE LATE!”

“Hurry up because I am not waiting for you” Tensei opened the door to leave “I’m going to have my café in peace.”

Tensei slides down the stair railing to the waiting breakfast on the nook.

“Good morning mijo” greeted their mother “What were you scolding your sister on this time?”

Tensei hopped on his usual seat “I have a concert today at the school carnival and Hanaka volunteered to do a food booth with her friends. And of course she forgot and is now getting dressed.”

“I’ll take you both, no need to rush your sister” Their dad responded as he served his plate of breakfast.

“You spoil her too much dad” scolded Tensei “How is she ever going to do things for herself?! She needs to learn some responsibility.”

“Oooo he got you there Tenya” agreed mom “I think she should uphold some responsibility, when I was her age, I was always on top of my duties.”

“But you were middle class in public school, Hanaka doesn’t have to fist fight 3 people to get to her first class!” arm chopped Dad “I’m taking the kids to the carnival and that’s final!”

Mom rolled her eyes and brought her cup to her lips “Whatever you say dear, it’s not like we had two older children that are independent or anything.”

Tensei tried really hard to stifle his laughter as their Mom, once again, threw major shade at Dad. It’s just any other morning here in the Iida household.

“OKAY I’M READY!” Hanaka yelled from the base of the stairs, fists in the air.

“Come and have some coffee at least” Dad offered.

“No time for café dad” huffed Hanaka “I gotta go! They called me to hurry up because the barbecue pits aren’t lighting strong enough!” she bounced and pulled her twin by the arm “Cmon cmon cmon! Teleport us there!”

“We are not teleporting Rosa!” scolded Tensei “I’m taking my bike, you should’ve figured this out when you signed up to volunteer.”

“But Tensei!” whined Hanaka “it far! And I can’t run that fast without getting tired! Please, pretty please, teleport me?”

“No, and stop batting your eyes like that” her twin said in disgust “You look like Donkey from Shrek 2.”

“You take that back!” Hanaka got offensive “You look like pretzel stick!”

“Short!”

“Wannabe!”

“Stop your fighting! I’m taking you both right this instant” Dad said sternly “I want you both in the car in one minute, no talking.”

“Yes father” said the twins in defeat before making their way to the driveway.

Mom chuckled “Ya know, I thought having twins would make them best friends. Turns out if they’re half latina, they have a built in hatred for each other.”

“I thought they’d get along better now that they’re older” Dad sighed and grabbed his keys “When will it end.”

It was silence and scowls from the twins in the backseat...also a normal thing now that Lili and Iwata don’t live in the house. Iwata is going into his second year of high school at UA, so he visits when he can. Lili is also in her second year at dance academy in France, she visits during Christmas time. Leaving the twins in their 1st year of middle school, everyone’s favorite school years! Tensei is one of the smartest kids in school with promise of being a lawyer due to his amazing debating skills. He’s also known for his musical talent along with his little band that sometimes plays some backyard gigs. So today’s their biggest gig at this school carnival, Tensei had to pull a few strings to get their band in, but it’s all about to pay off.

Once they got dropped off, the twins sped off to their places. Hanaka was weaving her way around some of her fellow student volunteers to get to the food stalls. She’s notorious for having a bad attitude and being short tempered, but she’s not alone! Her two best friends are the same way and band together to aid each other in school fights. The three of them are known as the ‘Squak’ and you don’t want to get on their bad side!

“Hanaka! Don’t tell me you forgot today we’re on grilling duty” cawed Petti as she fanned the dying fire “We need some serious fire power if we’re gonna be here all day.”

“Sorry! I didn’t set my alarm” Hanaka panted as she walked into the booth “Where’s Kyanka?”

“Here!” cried out their other friend, their paw hand in the air “No more coals or wood to burn, nya.”

“Oh shit, alright then ladies” Hanaka rolled up her sleeves and did a little stretch “stand back, I’m about to crank up the heat!” She sticks her arm in the glowing coals and ignites her hand to coax the coals to raise a steady flame “We got fire, time to get cooking!”

“Tensei! We were starting to get worried you were a no show” gasped their friend Tetsu “You’re usually the first one to gigs.”

“Sorry to make you wait” sighed Tensei as he put his guitar case down “My twin got her way again and I had to wait for her.”

“Geez, we aren’t children anymore” responded Ashido “Hana-chan is still having tantrums?!”

“Tch, be thankful he didn’t show up scorched again” said Huei as he rolled his eyes “Anyways, sensei wanted to see you. They’re at the soundboard.”

The carnival went without a hitch thankfully. Everyone liked Tensei’s little band that they’re invited to more school events. His band doesn’t have any particular sound, they just cover some alternative songs and pop radio stuff. To be honest, if Tensei didn’t look so plain and clean-cut, he’d be the handsome frontman and popularize his band.

“How was the carnival kids?” asked the twin’s mother as the two staggered their way in the house.

“Wack” said Hanaka, on the verge of crying “I didn’t get a chance to eat my free food!”

“I had fun, the boys and I are going to be doing more school events!” Tensei responded with a big, dumb smile “I’m just so excited for the upcoming school term!”

“Wait- school term?” Hanaka muttered under her breath as she counted on her fingers “aww man! Schools starts on Monday huh?!”

“Better get your summer homework done Hanaka” warned their mother.

Hanaka huffed “How come you never tell Tensei to do his homework!”

“Tensei is on the honor roll at school” their mother crossed her arms “Far as I know, he probably finished it 3 days after break started. So you best wash up and crack those books open.”

-Fast forward, beginning of second year-

“Where’s Tensei?” asked Petti as she sat in the back corner desk of homeroom.

“Where he belongs” Hanaka propped her legs up on the desk “In the honors class.”

“Owo does that mean no more scolding?” Kyanka perked up her tail.

“Yup, no more nagging nor teacher’s pet Tensei to bug us” Hanaka leaned back on her chair “We’re sensei’s problem now!”

Petti slams a small bag on her desk “CAW! Time to put on makeup in class!”

The girls quickly do their goth eyeliner in their little corner of the classroom. These three have been friends since they were in pre-school, Petti and Hanaka go back farther to their infant days. Petti is Tokoyami’s daughter, full name Peregine Tokoyami. Kyanka is Ojiro’s daughter, in fact, his only daughter as they have two older sons.

“Class, please take your seats” the teacher announces “Welcome to your 2nd year, I’m sure you all had the same homeroom as last year and know each other. But we have a new student this year” they motioned for the person at the door to come in “I’d like you be nice to your new classmate. Would you like to introduce yourself?”

“Hi, my name is Lumi Aoyama” said the girl “and I’m from France, and no, I will not say anything in french for you.”

“Oh that’s...lovely!” the teacher was trying really hard to say something positive “why don’t you take the seat over there in the back?”

The three girls eye the new girl as she briskly walked to the seat next to Petti. She takes notice and gives Petti the side eye.

“You wanna fight?” the new girl spat with hostile energy.

“Excuse me?” responded Petti, matching energy.

“Hi, I’m Hanaka” intervened the Iida twin “I like your highlight, what brand is that?”

The new girl darted her eyes onto Hanaka “I’m not wearing makeup, it’s my skin.”

“Nya, it hurts my eyes” said Kyanka, squinting to see.

“Humph! Then look away cat girl!” the girl said in a stuck up manner “before I fight you too.”

“Hey, you don’t talk to my friends like that” Petti got defensive “If you wanna fight, then we gonna fight.”

“Oh yeah? Then it’s you and me, after school at the sports shed.”

“You’re on new girl!” growled Petti.

The rest of the day was full of tense glares from the two girls. Hanaka and Kyanka not doing much but watch and wait. The final bell rings and the new girl dashes ahead.

“Petti you aren’t going to fight her are you?” asked Hanaka “Let’s patch things up and be friends with her, it’s the first day!”

“I’m gonna fight! I don’t care if it’s the first day” Petti defended herself “She was being rude to you two and I don’t like bitches that think they can talk down to my friends!” She turns to Kyanka “You record it, I want this bitch to know not to mess with me!”

Begrudgingly, Hanaka made her way to the sports shed to watch this fight. Might as well right? It’s not like her twin knows where she is...wonder what he’s up to.

“Iida-kun, may I speak with you?”

“Yes coach?” responded Tensei before leaving the classroom “is there something the matter?”

“Nothing is wrong, I just wanted to ask you if you’re doing debate this year”

“I am, I had such a good season last year that I want to do it again” Tensei beamed “I’m thinking about getting onto the Junior Varsity team.”

“Oh! That’s great because I was going to ask if you wanted to move up to JV” the teacher said in relief “One of our JV debaters graduated and we’re short a member. Plus with all the amazing work you’ve put in last year, how would you like to go to Nationals in the spring?”

Tensei’s eyes widened and jaw dropped “I’d be honored to! I won’t let my team down coach!”

The teacher opens a manila folder “Perfect! I’m going to send you home with the paperwork for your parents to overlook and sign. Bring it back to me by Friday.”

Tensei could hardly contain his excitement as he gleefully skipped down the empty school hall. He couldn’t wait to tell his parents, because his twin doesn’t care about his ‘silly little hobbies’ as she puts it. No matter, he’s happy and nothing can ruin this for him...until he got outside and saw his twin and her friends in a fight.

“STOP! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Tensei dashed to break up the fight “Are you three crazy?! It’s the first day!”

“Fuck off Tensei this is my fight!” yelled Petti as the male twin blocked her target.

“You leave me no choice but to go get an adult.” Tensei said sternly.

“Whatever Tensei, you’re ruining the shot nya” Kyanka said out of annoyance.

“Yeah Tensei, go kiss ass to the principal why don’t you?!” spat his twin.

“What is going on here?!” said a loud voice behind them “A fight on the first day?! Everyone in my office NOW!”

All five of them where in the principal’s office, awaiting for their parents to come. Which is something the three girls were used to, but Tensei was very stiff and nervous to what his mom is going to think.

“I’m here, what happened?” bust in the twin’s mother “I got here as fast as I could.”

“Mrs Iida, good to see you again” greeted the principal “We’re awaiting the other parents.”

“I’m here on the behalf of Mr Tokoyami and Mr Ojiro as well” the mother explained “They’re both on duty.”

“Of course they are” said Petti and Kyanka in unison.

“Hey, you know they work hard for you” the mother snapped “I would appreciate it if you showed a little understanding that they’re doing important things right now.”

“Sorry Mrs Iida” they apologized.

The mother sighed as she took a seat “On the first day? What prompted it this time?!”

“I suggested to not fight for the record” Hanaka spoke up “And Tensei ran in to break up the fight.”

Tensei nodded vigorously “That’s right, I didn’t want the girls to get in trouble on the first day.”

“The new girl challenged me and insulted my friends” Petti explained “I was willing to be friendly but she just started to be rude to us!”

“That’s not true! You’re just saying that” out-bursted the new girl “You guys were staring at me and made comments about my skin. IT’S MY QUIRK YOU ASSHOLES!”

“Young lady watch your language!” demanded the principal “It seems like you were off to a rough first day. I know you didn’t have much time to settle in the area, so we’ll wait for your father to come and talk things out.”

“Ugh he doesn’t care enough about me to come” grumbled the new girl, arms crossed “He’s probably looking at himself in the mirror and forgot.”

A few minutes passed and a man ran in the room.

“Bambina! On the first day?!” cried out the man “You promised.”

“Wait hol up- Aoyama?” stood up the mother “No way! You’re back?!”

“Mrs CEO herself?!” responded the man “Your kids attend this school?”

“Yes, mine are the mini Tenya and the curly haired one” she gestured “And those two are Tokoyami’s and Ojiro’s, don’t they look so much like their fathers?”

“Nya I don’t look like my daddy” huffed Kyanka, tail standing up at attention.

“How do you know each other?” asked the new girl.

“I went to UA with her, her husband and their fathers” Aoyama put his hand on the twin’s mother shoulder “She’s saved my hide a few times in those days and I went to her wedding. It’s been so long my friend, and may I say, you look so good for being a mother of 4!”

“Oh stop!” the mother put her hands on her cheeks “You flatter me too much! And you’re still very shining.”

The kids were looking at the display in shock. Never have they seen a reunion in such an unlikely situation.

“Ahem, if you don’t mind Mrs Iida and Mr Aoyama.”

“Oh right, of course!” the mother cleared her throat and sat down “What are the disciplinary actions? Since it’s so early in the school year.”

The principal folded his hands “We have clean up duties for a month or have them go with the district behavioral specialist for evaluating.”

“Now just wait a moment, a behavioral specialist?” the mother spoke up “They got into a fight after school, you send students to a behavioral specialist if they show signs of a sociopath. And this isn’t sociopathic, clearly the lack of parental guidance and teenage angst.” she shot at look at the girls “I believe the month long clean up duty will suffice.”

“I take full responsibility!” Petti spoke up “Hanaka and Kyanka didn’t do anything wrong, it was all my idea.”

“I will admit that I challenged her to fight me” said the new girl with guilt.

The principal looked perplexed “That’s a first. Owning up to your mistakes?” they gathered themselves quickly “Then it’s settled, Miss Tokoyami and Miss Aoyama will be serving a month of cleaning duties starting tomorrow.”

Everyone left to their respectful households after that. Hanaka felt the change in the air and it kind of scared her. What the hell is going to happen now?

-Two weeks later, after-school-

“Nya! It’s finally Friday” cried Kyanka out as she stretched out her paws “My stinky brothers aren’t home if you guys wanna come over.”

“Sounds like fun” groaned the new girl.

Hanaka cringed “Right, cleaning duties punishment! Sorry.”

“Man, I wanted to get a new choker today at the mall” sighed Petti “And my dumb dad wants me home by 6 until my punishment is up. Not like he’s gonna be home to uphold me to that.”

The two girls got up to leave “Well, hope things go by quickly!” waved Hanaka “Bye Petti, Aoyama-san.”

The two punished girls went on to do their sweeping.

“Hey, you’ve been here your whole life” new girl broke the silence “How is like living in Japan? What is there to do?”

Petti stopped sweeping to answer “Hmmm, I guess it’s fine? There’s lots of shopping and hang out spots in this area. And the beach this a short commute from here.”

“The beach!? I’ve never been to a beach!” new girl beamed “It’s is fun?”

For the first time since the first day, Petti and the new girl had a long conversation. Anything was better than cleaning in silence.

“Hey, what do you like to be called by?” asked Petti as they walked to the front of the school.

“Oh, I guess my first name?” new girl paused to think “I don’t like my name though, I was named after my grandma.”

“I don’t like my name either, my dumb dad named me Peregrine because of my feather pattern” Petti pointed at her face “I hated being a bird of prey, so I gave myself the name Petti. Because I’m petty as hell and it’s kind of my quirk.”

“That’s so cool! Lumi is short for luminescent” she giggled “Then I guess you can call me....Twinkle. Because of how I shine.”

“That’s a cute name, I like it” Petti stopped at the front gate “Well Twinkle, I’m going this way. See you Monday!”

“Bye!” Twinkle waved Petti goodbye before turning toward the waiting car in the pick up area.

“How was school bambina?” asked her father as she opened the car door “Did you make a friend?”

Twinkle rolled her eyes “Not like you care.”

Her father sighed “You know I care about you Lumi, I want what’s best for you.”

“Whatever, lets just go home” she said as she put on her seatbelt.

They drove in silence for a while.

“Your mother called earlier, she misses you”

“I miss her too” Twinkle said meekly “Dad, are things really better out here? Or are you homesick?”

“Things are better here in Japan, look how much safer and cleaner the cities are. And I’m sure you can see how much better this middle school academy is to private school in France” her father looked over to her “And I can tell you’re happier here.”

“How am I happier here?”

“Your smile right before you got in the car” he explained “You didn’t fight with that girl you waved bye to. I haven’t seen you smile like that in so long, not since your sister moved out. It’s okay to feel better in this new place and let your guard down a little.”

Twinkle relaxed her shoulders “I do feel a little bit comfortable at that school. And the people here have good hygiene” she laughed “But you still haven’t shown me around!”

-The next day-

“Tensei-kun, when are you going on your nerd trip?” asked Ashido-kun as he tuned his bass.

“It’s called Debate Nationals, and I’m going in exactly one month” responded Tensei with an arm chop “Debate isn’t a nerd thing!”

“Sure it isn’t, that’s why you’re on the top team at a top school” sarcastically spoke Huei.

“We go to the same school Huei-kun” Tensei crossed his arms “Don’t act cool like you don’t have good grades either!”

“Oooooh he told you!” laughed Tetsu.

“I wish I had grades like yours” sighed Ashido-kun “So I can be a top choice for hero school.”

“You want to go to hero school? Does our generation still want to go into such things?” Tensei questioned “Like, yea your mom, my dad and Tetsu’s parents are heroes. But should we? There’s already so many in the hero career, Japan is overflowing with heroes!”

“Don’t be such a buzzkill dude!” Ashido-kun retorted, putting his bass strap over his shoulder “What’s your career choice?!”

“I want to be a lawyer” Tensei said proudly.

The other three boys busted into howling laughter. Quickly turning into tears and gasping for air type laughter.

Tetsu fell off his drumming stool “Oh man, you’re such a nerd Tensei-kun!”

“Being a lawyer isn’t nerdy!” Tensei crossed his arms with a scowl “Theres a whole untapped career market for Hero Law Practice! Imagine all the accountability for those heroes that don’t follow their ethics code? Agencies that don’t pay their lower ranked heroes the minimum wage can get sued. Justice for the justice keepers!”

“Oh I can see it already! You in your little suit, carrying one of those fancy briefcases with your name embossed on it” belittled Huei “Going in the courtroom with an arm chop and going ‘OBJECTION YOUR HONOR!’”

That made the boys start laughing again, irritating Tensei even more.

“Whatever! Lets just start yeah?” Tensei rolled his eyes, regretting opening up to his friends like that “Can I get a count off to Strangers in a Dream.”

The boys gathered themselves to start playing. They haven’t practiced in a while since school started and they had a gig coming up. So they had to get back to the groove of things in Ashido-kun’s garage.

Fast forward to after Tensei’s Debate trip...he bombed it so badly that he was barred from going to another competition until he redeems himself in the mock trials. Hanaka gets suspended for a week but what else is new? So both of the twins are brooding in their rooms on a Saturday afternoon, this called for some parent intervention.

“Mijo? Are you okay?” asked their mother outside the door “may I come in?”

“Sure, come in.”

Tensei was face down on his bed, completely stiff and straight.

“Aw honey, not the coping mechanism” his mother sat on his bed “I thought we grew out of that.”

Tensei lifted his head slightly to respond “I’m so disappointed in myself mom, debate was the one thing I had going for me! I took my one chance to get noticed by my choice of high schools so I can debate for them AND I BLEW IT!” He slammed his face back down “I’m just a nerd that tarnished the school’s debate reputation. My career is ruined!”

“Tensei! Life doesn’t end when you lose a few arguments” his mother comforted “You’re 13 years old, you don’t have a career yet! You’re not even done with puberty, there’s so much more to explore and create. Come on, get up.” Tensei sits up “Good, now go and do something that makes you happy. Whenever something flops for me, I go take a trip to the cafe and buy myself something nice.”

“I don’t know if strumming will make me feel any better” Tensei sighed as he looked at his guitar “I still have to go to school and face my peers with my failure.”

“Ya know what’s nice about hitting rock bottom?”

“What?” asked Tensei with curiosity.

“There’s nowhere to go but up” she smiled “You can build yourself back up, prove it to everyone that you’re worthy of a second chance. Or who knows, maybe this is your chance to move on to another thing that you like and change image.”

Those words lingered with Tensei for what seemed like weeks. Yeah debate was everything to him but was it really time for a change? Every now and then he gets hit with an identity crisis because of getting compared to his dad and twin sister. He’s a little too much like his dad and not as naturally gifted like his twin in terms of quirk. There’s no competition in Tensei’s mind, everyone is going to favor Hanaka over him anyways! It’s always been like that, but at least he has his mother on his side. She’s his biggest inspiration in life, the reason why he wants to go into law and music. She’s encouraged him to use his voice for good and that hard work will always pay off.

-Late Spring, after school-

“Hey Hanaka, how come you don’t use your engines?” Twinkle asked as the group of girls walked to the shoe lockers “My dad says you have the same quirk as your dad and he can run really fast. And it seems like with your fire quirk, you can run even faster.”

Hanaka looked at her engines then shrugged “I dunno, sometimes when I’m in a pinch I use them. But I don’t really have a reason to train myself to use them to their fullest” she takes her shoes out of the locker “Tensei is the one with the cooler quirks, he can teleport and bend metal! All I’m good for is being a heat source.”

Twinkle paused to think “It seems like all of us have our dad’s quirks.” She jumped up on the bench and struck a pose “What if we became heroes?”

“Nya? Us?” Kyanka questioned “I don’t think being a cat girl will get me through hero school.”

“I think it’s a good idea” Petti said, tying her shoe “I don’t really see myself doing anything else to be honest.”

Hanaka opened her mouth to protest, then paused to think it some more “You know what...I don’t see myself doing anything else either.” she put hands on her hips “That’s pretty wack, I don’t wanna be like my daddy and uncle!”

“We’ll brand ourselves differently!” Twinkle suggested, striking a different pose “Lets be gothy girl heroes, fighting by night!”

The four girls exchanged looks of agreement.

“Alright then, we’ll do that” Hanaka caved “But we gotta start training somehow.”

“Oh! Beach training!” jumped Kyanka “Summer break is coming up, lets do beach training and summer assignments together!”

The girls walked together to plan out their training...meanwhile, Tensei was getting whipped into shape verbally.

“...and my closing statement is that quirk suppressant medicine is an attack on human ethics.”

The debate coach quickly scribbled on his paper “Alright, the winner is all for the opposition. Nice work Iida and Tanaka.”

Tensei loudly sighed out in relief, slumping back on his chair “Oh thank the lord! I didn’t know if that ethics line was going to work.”

“Iida-kun? Are you okay?” his debate partner turned to Tensei “You don’t look too good.”

“I’m fine. Just a little strung out” Tensei responded “I can’t lose these next few cases, mock trials are right before summer break.”

“Please get some rest and don’t worry” one of his teammates added “you’re sweating so much and you look pale! We don’t want you to get sick before the mock trials. It’s okay to sit out the next case or two.”

Tensei stands up “Thank you for your concerns but I’ll be fine” he wipes his sweat “Besides, I have the next 5 cases written out and ready to go.”

“No seriously Iida-kun, we’re worried about you” said the senior member “You still have another year of debate to go. Relax and see how you do in the mocks, nationals doesn’t mean anything after October!”

“Alright team, listen up” the coach spoke up to get everyones attention “for this years mock trials, not only are we having those two school’s teams join us but some high school coaches will be spectating. Seniors, I presume you’re going to be at your top game to get scouted.”

That statement made Tensei’s heart drop. This IS his one shot to redeem himself and be scouted as a second year! Theres no room for error now, he needs to bring his A game in two weeks.

Twins, like night and day, couldn’t be any more different! Until a twist of events closed the gap and changed the course of their fate...

-Book 4, Chapter 1 End-

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#mha #bnha #book 4 chapter 1 #not canon #will update regularly #ask me anything #//Palma-sama Speaks #FINALLY THE TWINS! and friends #You saw the familiar names :3 they're here! Except Tanaka...I put that as a common last name to insert #Aoyama is back in town with his daughter. Who is now part of the girl's group #Don't worry theres more second gen kids to come! Gotta keep reading #Can you tell Tensei is a momma's boy? He has alot of mom's insecurity and overachiever traits #This intro chapter is to show how much they think of themselves to others.#It looks like I'll be back to posting once a week :3 Thanks for respecting the break I gave myself lmao! I promise to deliver

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epacer · 7 years ago

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Back Story

Kadir Nelson, Class of 1992

Kadir Nelson uses fine art to tell stories. From New Yorker covers to Drake and Michael Jackson cover art, from stamps to best-selling children’s books, the LA-based painter has already produced some of the most iconic images of our time. But to jump straight to those highlights is to overlook a lifetime of disciplined art-making and self-improvement. Nelson’s talent was prodigious from his childhood in Atlantic City and thrived on encouragement from a few heroic relatives. This belief in his artistry sustained him through a moment of doubt and ill-fated architecture studies. It made him an all-star art student at Pratt and got him working on Steven Spielberg’s Amistad. He has since illustrated and written over 30 children’s books, most recently the best-selling “Blue Sky, White Stars” (recently proclaimed the 2nd best YA picture book of 2017 by Time Magazine). His New Yorker covers, including “Eustace Negro,” are some of the most compelling in recent memory. The covers he painted for Drake’s “Nothing Was the Same” and Michael Jackson’s posthumous “Michael” are perfectly unforgettable. Last week, Nelson sat down with us in his vast Los Angeles studio to discuss early inspirations, drawing historical figures, illustrating for the New Yorker, the surrealness of working with Drake and Jackson, and how his process has evolved along the way.

We like to start at the beginning: when did you start making art? As soon as I became conscious, you know. My mother says I was about three-years-old when I started. I got my artistic genes from her and my father, who could both draw but didn’t choose it as a career path. Then there was my uncle Mike, who’s a phenomenal artist and an art teacher. He was crucial to my becoming an artist. One day, he was babysitting me and my siblings, and he could tell how focused I was, how intently I was holding the pencil. He told my mom to keep an eye on me because I might be an artist. And so, when I was 11, I went to stay with him in Maryland for a summer, and I became his apprentice. He gave me a strong foundation. He taught me to use different materials; he taught me lighting, shading, color theory, perspective. And he also imparted upon me that it was very important that I take care of my gift, not to do anything dangerous or dumb that would endanger me. This made me very serious about being an artist. From that moment on, I really thought of myself that way. At the end of summer, he gave me a big box of art supplies. That was inspiration enough. I suddenly had everything I needed. I just wanted to fill everything up. I visited him for another summer when I was 16. He had just rediscovered oil-painting for himself and wanted to teach me how to do it. I was drawing a lot by then, so he didn’t have to look over my shoulder when I was working. But if I had any questions, like, how do I paint smoke, he’d give me a lesson. We were two working artists. I would paint in his dining room because his studio was too packed. I am very much indebted to him for taking all that time. I’ve been working with oil ever since.

What kind of motifs did you paint as a teenager? I painted a lot of basketball scenes. Paintings based on Egyptology. That was a new thing I was learning about. I started painting Pharaohs, myself as a pharaoh. Musicians. Whatever it is that I really liked.

When did you start drawing historical figures? Around that same time. There’s a painting called “My Heroes.” Nelson Mandela had just been released from prison. My mother took me to Los Angeles to see him speak at the coliseum, when I was 15 years old. The crowd was so excited, so jubilant. When he came out, they kept cheering for 10 minutes. It made a huge impression on me. I started painting images of people that inspired me — Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, Nelson Mandela. I didn’t necessarily like history in school, because it seemed to be all about memorization. It took me a while to realize that history is a string of stories, and I love stories. I realized then that I could tell them through my work. That was my uncle’s influence, too. He said if my work didn’t mean anything to me, it wouldn’t mean anything to anyone else. I started looking at artwork by Ernie Barnes. He’s an artist whose painting was on the opening credits for Good Times in the 70s. Very expressive artwork, elongated figures. The characters in his work all emoted. They had a special energy. I started copying what he was doing, elongating my figures, learning how to visually communicate emotion, energy, movement. Ernie’s paintings were very fluid. That’s how I learned to make my work emote, how to make my subjects fluid. I learned to move energy through lines, light and colors.

I have noticed that you draw historical figures in a different way than I’ve seen elsewhere. The American history industry likes to turn revolutionaries into saints, draining them of their radical potential. Your paintings restore that revolutionary tension. When I see your Martin Luther King or Nelson Mandela or Abraham Lincoln, they’re strong, they’re determined, and they’re human. Is that an intentional part of your process? I want my subjects to breathe. I want to show their inner strength. I want them to have integrity. These are things that I strive for myself. Before you learn to talk, you learn to communicate through body language, so it can have this incredible impact. I always want to depict my subjects in their best light. Sometimes it works as a counterpoint. Like my painting of the LA riots: that’s a tense, ugly time, but the counterpoint in my paintings is that there’s a very ugly thing happening in a very beautiful place. That gives it a special dynamic. I strive for that.

Interestingly, at Pratt, you first studied architecture. How did it come to that? I guess that would be the only real break I took [from art]. I had always received compliments for my artwork, but I had also heard a lot about starving artists. Several of the artists I met were struggling. One artist I met discouraged me from going to art school, because he said professors would try to make me a version of themselves. They wouldn’t let me have my own style. And I had a very strong style at that point. Between those two arguments, I decided to become an architect. That would be a real job, I thought. But a semester in, I just didn’t feel good about it. I didn’t want to create buildings! I loved drawing and painting! One of my friends on the basketball team brought in his art after practice. It was incredible work, and very much his own style. I asked him if they let him do that kind of work for his assignments. And he said “yes, they don’t try to change you. They’re trying to help you do what you do better.” That was it. The next day I changed my major. I almost lost my scholarship in the process. If I’d known that, I might not have switched. I never looked back.

Were you doing artwork on the side during that architecture spell? I wasn’t painting — except when I went home on vacation, I made two paintings — but I was always sketching on the side.

I guess you couldn’t repress the urge entirely. Well, I could have. I know a lot of artists who were discouraged, or hit a roadblock, and went and did something else. And I can see in their eyes now that they’re really regretting that choice. Because when you go the other way, you lose focus, or your focus changes. I really wanted to draw and paint. Even if it meant that I had to starve, I would have done it. Fortunately, I didn’t have to starve.

Yeah, you started getting jobs while you were still in school. I did commissions, sold a couple paintings, did some t-shirts for Nike. I got an agent. It didn’t really work out with him, but he did get some of my paintings on The Fresh Prince of Bel Air and The Jamie Foxx Show. My paintings also showed up in a couple of films. In Friday, there’s a painting of a basketball player hanging over Ice Cube’s bed. It’s so dark, though, and all you could see was his sneakers. That was very exciting for me.

And then when you graduated, you got right to work on Spielberg’s Amistad. That’s right. Two weeks after graduating, I got a call from DreamWorks, which was brand new back then. I did what’s called visual development for the film — concept artwork. Debbie Allen had been trying to make the film since the ‘70s. And then she saw Schindler’s List and decided she had found the right director. She sold Steven [Spielberg] on the idea, but he was not sure he wanted to direct it, as it was very sensitive subject matter. She and production designer Rick Carter had the idea to hire artists to basically paint the whole film — not storyboards, but basically telling the story scene by scene — so Steven could look at it, and see how to potentially direct it. What we did was basically feed his vision for the film. It was a high-pressure situation. Our contract went two weeks at a time. Every two weeks, they would hire you again if you were doing well. I did all I could to stay on, producing what I thought was my best work. I studied Steven’s films to see how he composed scenes. I pretty much mimicked his visual style, so that it would be very familiar to him. I ended up seeing some of my paintings make it all the way into the final cut. It was a dream. I was a 22-year-old kid.

What did that early success mean to you? It felt like the project was tailor-made for me. It was great for my confidence: I’d worked on a Steven Spielberg film right out of college. It also turned out to be good for my humility because, after I was done, my phone didn’t ring for six months. I hadn’t made it, by any means. I still had a lot of work to do.

You started drawing and then writing children’s books. How did you adapt your paintings to this form? It came naturally to me, because I always told stories with my work. That’s what I was trained to do. I studied illustration for four years. I always tried to straddle the line between illustration and fine art. Early in my career, I worked with other authors. I illustrated children’s books for a few celebrities [like Will and Jada Pinkett Smith and Spike Lee] even if I didn’t really meet them until later. That certainly helped me get visibility. I think it was satisfying until I realized that I could do it myself. If someone else is going to do the writing, the manuscript has to be really outstanding and something I connect with. Such as Martin Luther King Jr. [the subject and hero of Nelson’s book, “I have a Dream”]. He’s a great writer.

You’ve had an extraordinarily successful career illustrating and writing children’s books. Do you write them with your kids in mind or what’s your process? I didn’t start writing until they were much older. And the books I illustrated, they weren’t really into. [Laughs.] My strategy has always been to approach a narrative as though it were a silent film, so you can tell the story without having to read the words. That’s always in the back of my mind — maybe at the forefront of my mind — when I’m creating artwork for books. The marriage between the words and the pictures creates something new but the artwork has to be able to stand on its own. I want people to spiritually connect with my work. I want people to say, ‘I love how this painting makes me feel.’

I think that’s one of the qualities that make your images so iconic. It’s that resonance. This comes across particularly in your New Yorker covers. The best known of them is probably “Eustace Negro.” What’s the story behind that image? Francoise Mouly [the New Yorker’s Art Director] invited me to submit an idea for the 90th anniversary issue. I initially wanted to paint an African-American aristocrat from the 1800s in a similar pose as Eustace Tilley. Francoise suggested making him more contemporary. A light went off. I thought it would be cool if he’d be using his smart phone instead of a spectacle. I couldn’t believe this hadn’t been done yet. I looked around but couldn’t find anything. It all came together for that cover. I love the palette. It’s both very funny and very serious. It’s a conversation piece.

Your cover for Drake’s “Nothing was the Same” is another unforgettable image. How did you think of it? There was a lot of back and forth with him. He didn’t give me any direction, didn’t tell me what he wanted me to paint. He wanted me to make it my own. I flew out to Canada to meet him and a lot of people around him. We flew to different places [in his private plane]. I think he wanted me to see what his life was like. It was all very surreal, constantly being in the middle of all these fans. We went to Target to buy a bunch of CDs, and people were like, “he’s here!” and they’re all running after him. We dashed towards the big cars, and I got locked out, trying to get past all these fans reaching for his autograph. “Sorry about that,” he said. I travelled with them for three days. He played some of the music from his new album for me. I came up with the idea after that. I wanted it to be iconic, classic, something that would live forever, which was a really tall order. So, I was doing a lot of sketching. We kind of went back and forth with ideas. He sent me a bunch of baby pictures. And then he got his haircut, and sent me a picture of himself from the side. I sent him a bunch of sketches and among them were those two images, one of him after the haircut and one of him as a kid with an afro. “What if they’re staring at each other?” he suggested. And that was it.

That’s such a surreal way of making art. Speaking of surreal, your Michael Jackson cover is easily one of the best covers I’ve seen, but also has a fan’s love in it. How was it working for him? A friend that manages a recording studio in Hollywood called me, and said, “Michael Jackson is recording here and he’s going to be calling you a few minutes. Don’t go anywhere.” Of course, I didn’t go anywhere. He called 15 minutes later. He told me that he really liked the paintings of mine that were hanging in that studio, two paintings of Marvin Gaye. Long after, I found out that he had been trying to reach me for a while. Michael would often go to that studio and stare at that painting. They had tried to call me, and I wasn’t home. Michael Jackson doesn’t leave messages on random people’s phones. Anyway, he was really nice. He said how much he loved the painting. Then he got really quiet and said, “well, I want one of my life story — but I want it to be bigger.” I asked him what to read. He suggested Moonwalker and gave me his phone number. I had Michael Jackson’s phone number! Shortly after, he got busy with a court case, so I had to put it on the very far back burner. Then, in 2009, I got word that he had passed away. I called the guy who owned the studio, who ended up being a co-executor of his estate. And he said, “now’s the time to do the painting Michael wanted you to do.” I pushed everything back six months and focused on that painting. I sketched out all the major beats I wanted to hit, all these events in his life divided into several sections. There are 250 portraits in there, and 50 of Michael, because he was 50 when he passed away. I worked on that over the course of a year. Six months of continuous painting — six months of tinkering with it. Unfortunately, there was a lot of art direction at the end, and there was a lot of legal stuff to wade through. A lot of clearances had to happen. Logos. Photos. And some things couldn’t be cleared, so I had to paint over some things, digitally remove people. It was a lot of work. I was working on it until 2 weeks before the release.

You and your work have come such a long way since then. Your book Blue Sky, White Stars was just voted Time Magazine’s 2nd best adult YA picture book of the year. How has your process evolved over the years? I’ve found that the most important thing is to be relaxed. If my nerves are a bit shaky, it’s not a good idea to start working on something serious. I pretty much know how to get there now. I’ll just sit in front of the canvas for a little while until I’m calm enough to start. As for my process, I worked on a drafting table for a long time, hunched over. That was ergonomically problematic. I needed to save my neck. Now, I stand. [Laughs] *Reposted online article from FOLD Moleskine… my journey by The Editors: Kadir Nelson, Epic Illustrator “Telling iconic stories through fine art.”

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