#and thats got a lot of cisheteronormativity in there so ugh its just. a difficult topic to navigate

[pinkopalina]

I wonder how androgynous I look currently, honestly, because I used to identify as a strictly cis, binary, she/her girl, and I would constantly get misgendered because of my appearance. ive had short hair since 2009 and my nose is hooked which I really used to hate (but I love it's shape now hehe) and people CONSTANTLY called me sir or Mr. or boy and it would piss me off to no end, to the point where I would be really offended if people referred to me as they/them online or if people were confused about what I was because I was so tired of not being seen as my gender. a random person that I didn't even know once asked me in high school if I was a boy or a girl and it really hurt my feelings. substitute teachers who didn't know me would constantly try to get my attention by calling me sir, little kids have called me he, and asked their parents if I was a boy or a girl in front of my face, and it just got to the point where I was so sick of how my womanhood was being invalidated that I would HATE being seen as he/him OR they/them.

but now being a demigirl is so integral to my identity, it's the only piece of myself that I'm 100% sure about and comfortable with. I don't have a word for my sexuality because every annoying gatekeeper has an opinion and I don't feel like letting other people control my identity and prioritize FOR me, what my love and desire look like. so I refuse to label myself outside of the word gay because my partner and I are both afab but it's like, normies don't understand transmasc/nonbinary wlw...

anyways; now, obviously I love it when people refer to me as they/them because that's what I am! while also being she/her! I love my complicated relationship with womanhood and I love my separation from it and I love my gender and my label and my flag and now I kind of hope I'm as androgynous as I was so avoidant of being in high school? but I still don't want to be seen as masculine or he/him. when I first discovered who I was I joked that my gender was just neverboy.

but there are times now where when I'm trying to look androgynous.... I kind of hope I look like a cute boy LOL

it's interesting to look at how things change over time~