#and that's. the only other little guy i've got far enough to have potentially seen that

[tiredassmage]

also was anyone gonna tell me that the sis operative that shows up on corellia if you take out ardun's sis team also has the last name hawkins (as in, mia hawkins from that tatooine arc), or was i just supposed to come by that information myself /lh

[shirefantasies]

Hi Marti! I think I've got a doozy for ya, hope your up for it. How do you think The Company of Thorin Oakenshield would go about trying to set two folks up, like romantically? What's everyone's like technique I guess- who's more straightforward with introducing people to eachother, who's a background guy like manipulating things so the two potential lovebirds end up sharing space at a public event, who's talking up the other person when they aren't around, who's explicitly like 'you and this person would make a cute pair.' and. and and and- most importantly- how does this change if this involves their brothers/relations? I'm grinning so damn hard rn, I believe in you!

I'm absolutely obsessed with this ok??? YES 🅱️LS (also, portraying this like it’s you & another company member hehe)

Warnings: a suggestive joke or two

How Thorin’s Company Would Set You Up With Someone

Balin

✧ Sensible, subtle, simple. His approach will be more along the lines of getting you and his target to spend more time together.

✧ He’ll ask you both to go complete a task like gathering firewood together.

✧ As you two (even if forcibly) are spending more time together, he might start bringing them up more, daring to ask a question about that.

✧ One tell he has is the proud, sly little smile that can sometimes be seen upon his face as you two interact.

✧ When you two actually get together, he makes his grand reveal, smugly telling you both he’s been around long enough to be able to tell when two are right for each other.

Dwalin

✧ Has no clue what he’s doing, frankly, and likely is only doing it because his brother or someone else roped him into it.

✧ Or else he has a really strong protective instinct toward you, the other company member, or both. Then it becomes a matter of greater urgency, more based upon the concept of making sure you are with someone he trusts. Simply put, no one else will do.

✧ Rather than wax poetic, Dwalin prefers putting you in situations that display his target’s skills and worth. If they’re a fighter, he’ll send them in to save you, for example.

✧ Very subtle with the stereotypical ‘wingman’ comments, but they're there. “Looks like you got rescued today, eh?” "You know, if there's anyone I trust for help with that, why it would have to be..."

✧ His eyebrows raise when you actually announce this very soul to the company as your one, but he's the first to clap hands to your shoulders and bring up a shout of celebration.

Thorin

✧ By far the most awkward about it- he can barely process his own feelings, let alone others’.

✧ “I- I just want you to be happy.” Hopes you know what he means by that, but it’s a coin toss honestly.

✧ Relents and assigns you two joint tasks like unsaddling the ponies or gathering firewood, hoping that’s enough to help draw you closer.

✧ If one of you expresses any sort of heavy emotion, he actually does a really good job relating it to the other’s experience and directing you that way, prompting a heart-to-heart.

✧ Smiles widely and pulls you both lightly into his arms at the news, taking it as a sign of continuation and prosperity to come.

Oin

✧ Surprisingly one of the more discreet ones.

✧ Makes a lot of conversation as he patches you up anyway, so teasing questions about who amongst them you fancy most just seem to come with the job.

✧ Little do you know that the moment you spill, Oin turns around and starts teasing the other party about what a catch you are. What? He’s getting older, let him have his fun.

✧ He makes you his nursemaid of sorts to help the next time they get hurt. If you take great issue at such sights he’ll just ask you to keep them company upon being patched up.

✧ “I said it would be a match, and a match it is!” He calls out, fists pumped into the air at your revelation.

Gloin

✧ Physically shoves you in the direction of his intended target under the guise of merriment. Not hard, just enough to get them to turn and look at you and see the moment's right.

✧ Comes up with team games so you two can be on a team against him and whichever friend or brother he's roped in that time.

✧ Finding out if your feelings are true is in the interest of his betting pool, so Gloin is not above asking you the occasional alluding question, usually a small one like what your type is.

✧ The first to laugh heartily and slap you on the back if you display any sort of flirting behaviors!

✧ Shouts with wild abandon when you come out with it, racking up all his sacks of coins with glee before he grabs you two and gives you an affectionate, proud shake!

Bifur

✧ Silent observers are some of the most deeply perceptive individuals.

✧ Thus, whoever’s end it’s on, Bifur can see feelings blossoming, his head bobbing back and forth between you two with interest at nearly every interaction.

✧ Eagerly employs some rather…unorthodox… methods of seeing you set up. “I can steal his socks and give them to you so you can be the hero who finds them!”

✧ Begins telling both you and his intended match heavily exaggerated stories of each other’s great feats, completely unaware of the separate conversations about them you’ll then have.

✧ Grabs your hands and joins them when he hears the news, nodding and clapping proudly!

Bofur

✧ Can be obvious about it, but still one of the most natural.

✧ Throws an arm around you both, all but dragging you over to the fire to sing and dance with him…and more importantly each other!

✧ He’s often off doing the laundry, so he oh-so-innocently spills something one day and asks his target to surrender their shirt…right in your full view, of course!

✧ Pulls you into more jokes with whoever fancied, teasing them and then calling you out by name to join in: “Isn’t that right?” He winks at you the moment you look at him, the scoundrel!

✧ “See, didn’t I tell ya it was meant to be? Nothing but blessings from me, you two.”

Bombur

✧ Finds himself smiling and clasping his hands whenever you two interact. Maybe he can help it along...

✧ Excuse king. “Say, could you go fetch ‘im for me? …Why? Oh, because I borrowed something the other night.” “Can you sit there? It’s just I’m a bit warm, so I’d like to be further away from the fire if you please.”

✧ Being married himself, he understands some of the best how a good relationship starts, i.e. with a firm friendship. Thus he starts talking to you both and joking around more to make memories that bring you together!

✧ Also gives his targets credit for anything. “Lost one of my gloves the other day ‘n’ you’ll never guess who found it!”

✧ Beams and offers the biggest bear hugs he can when you announce your relationship. Bragging rights who? Bombur just loves love.

Dori

✧ Lives for the drama anyway, but general investment would grow tenfold if that person happened to be one of his little brothers.

✧ The questioning sort, suddenly asking you things like if you’ve ever considered settling down after this is all over and if so, any inklings with what type of person?

✧ Suddenly he can’t speak highly enough of this person even if it’s not one of his siblings, tossing it into your teatime conversations how they’re that strong or this skilled or he hears that family crafts the finest courting beads if he’s one of the dwarves.

✧ It’s enough that you pick up on what he’s doing and tell him that well, if that company member is interested then they’d best just tell you, prompting Dori to rush to them and try to convince them to confess.

✧ Whether they need the push or not, Dori’s target eventually makes a move, leaving the older dwarf to brag like a proud father, uncle, big brother, you name the dynamic he can do it!

Nori

✧ Not shy about any part of the whole affair. Watches you both with a shit eating grin.

✧ “So, if it had to be anyone there, who’d it be? …what, I can’t be the first one to be asking that, can I?”

✧ Heavily contemplates going the jealously route. Barring you getting uncomfortable, Nori starts being far more friendly with you and putting his arm around you more often to see what his target does.

✧ Proceeding, of course, to teasingly confront them about it later. “What, did it bother you? Wonder why. Maybe you oughta take that up with ‘em, then.”

✧ Some company members bought his act a little too well, gazes swiveling between you and your match and Nori himself as if expecting him to now be jealous.

Ori

✧ Surprisingly great at matchmaking- his fear of being discovered keeps him very very discreet, and he has a great sense for love.

✧ “Can you two sit right there? I’d like to get some drawings while we’ve got the time. Thank you! Oh, just a little bit closer. Little bit more. There we go!”

✧ The moment you need help, Ori knows someone who can help you! Sends you right their way with an innocent little smile.

✧ Has made it his business to have a general idea of what everyone likes, which comes quite well in handy pointing out to you that someone else in the company's got a similar interest or hobby. Grins to himself when he sees you actually approach them about it.

✧ Feels no need to come out and announce himself to you once you're together, but he brags about predicting and matchmaking you two endlessly to Dori, who listens with great pride.

Fili

✧ Having the absolute time of his life.

✧ He’s likely gotten up to this due to gaining the knowledge- or else it simply being that obvious- that one of you has feelings for the other or is attracted to them. Thus, teasing abounds!

✧ “Ever thought about it? …what? Why, you two, of course! Everyone else has, after all.”

✧ Leans on his sword or against a tree, giving his best attempt at a smooth pose as he whispers that they like you too. Yes, even if he isn't certain that you like them as well.

✧ "Finally!" He calls out the first time he sees you two kiss. It may earn him a smack, but it's worth it.

Kili

✧ Likely doing this teamed up with Fili and also having the absolute time of his life.

✧ Jokes around any time you two are paired for things. “Well you two make quite the handsome couple, don’t you?”

✧ Plays sides with whoever he's closest to, possibly with his brother falling to the person's other side. "Be honest, who do you think is the best looking of us all? What do you think of that one there?"

✧ "Come on now," he asks you directly if you have any interest in his target, especially if he knows you do, "you can tell me." This, of course, is punctuated with a wink.

✧ He wasn't expecting to actually become your confidant, but when you tell him you trust him with your news and that he's the first to know, he can't help beaming and pulling you into a hug.

Bilbo

✧ Insists to all the other company members that hobbits are the best at matchmaking, thank you. But that, of course, leaves him to prove it.

✧ Step one: food. Food is one of the greatest bonding agents known to hobbits, so Bilbo will task you with bringing your potential interest dinner and thus sitting at their side for the meal.

✧ Step two: common interests. Bilbo himself becomes something of a double agent, talking to one of you and then the other and dropping names at any good opportunity. Perhaps both of you knit. Maybe you need your blades sharpened and they've just done theirs. You could simply just have the same favorite animal and the both of you will know it by the time Bilbo is through.

✧ Step three: strategically moving your bedrolls to be right next to each other. What? It works! That night his target ends up rolling against you in his sleep and you lean up against him.

✧ When you wake up the following morning, shock overtakes you, then shy smiles and a private conversation that has Bilbo smirking to the rest of the company triumphantly.

Taglist: @lokilover476 @fuckyoumakeart @kilibaggins @mossthebogwitch @ibabblealot @joonies-word @stormchaser819 @pirate-lord-of-narnia | Reply/Ask/Message to join!

[gallus-rising]

mp100 horror fic recs 👻🎃

For a while now I've been thinking about mp100's amazing horror potential and how it really doesn't get enough attention. SO! For the spooky season why don't you settle down with a nice scary story ;D

All of these fics are complete and have no shipping. I've only linked 1 fic per author so this list doesn't get bloated, but all of these wonderful authors have other fics just waiting for you to read them ❤ Some definitely freaked me out more than others, but I'm not gonna give any particular ratings since "scary" is so subjective. All fics are properly tagged and you know your own limits better than I do.

Also feel free to add on your own recs!! My general reading preferences and parameters when making this list is only a small sampling, so please share any and all of your favs ❤ Hope you enjoy!

If you see an "N/A" instead of a Tumblr UN that means there wasn't one linked in either the fics' notes or author's bio. If you know the author or are the author yourself feel free to let me know so I can edit the post :] And now in no particular order I present:

The Immeasurable Dark: @tinkertoysdamn Immediately breaking my own "no ships" rule just this once because I can't resist a good House of Leaves inspired story! If you've read HoL is you know what's up. If not expect a fucked-up house and impossibly large spaces, funky text formatting and footnotes, maybe a minotaur. Ship featured is background established serirei.

a pilgrimage: @tooomuchtofu Divine Tree arc bad ending. Told from the PoV of an unnamed worshiper on their first visit to "the capital" aka an overgrown Seasoning City. Uses second person pov wonderfully to build the dread.

And Who Is Killing Me?: @sammisafetypin Koyama beats the shit outta Mob a little harder than in canon, hospitalizing him and delaying the 7th Division rescue arc by [TIME NOT FOUND]. The Awakening Lab kids are so minor I tend to forget they even exist, but oh my god does this author make you care about them! This fic is written with great suddenly swapping PoVs that keep you feeling off kilter without making you lose track of the story. It's the longest fic on this list by far but 100% worth every second of it. A real gut punch.

Adoration: (N/A) The Divine Tree takes a particular interest in Reigen. I don't think I've ever seen anyone properly touch on how creepy the Psycho Helm constructs themselves are like this fic has. God, those things freak me out so much. Features "shipping" in the sense of a sentient broccoli becoming fixated on a guy. Keep in mind that the Psycho Helms look like Mob if you think that'll squick you out, but for me personally it added to the horror.

Similarities: (N/A) Reigen receives a fucked up email. Ends on the sillier side, but BOY is that email fucked up!

The Water Ran Clean: @bandtrees A Mogami-mentors-Mob AU and a damn fine one at that. Love the sort of fragmented style it's written in, and the exploration of Mogami's fucked up moral code is great. There's some Choice viscerally described imagery here 👌👌 Features a drawing of Mob covered in blood just in case that freaks you out; but worry, it's not his :]

An Outlier Among a Sea of Common Denominators: @hebezunet A rewrite of the early Divine Tree arc that asks the question we've all been too scared to consider: What if the brainwashing was like cordyceps? In particular I want to highlight the opening scene where after eating the broccoli powder cookies Teru has to physically rip florets out of his body to resist being brainwashed. Very gnarly stuff.

Prison Surveillance: (N/A) Touichirou was a very bad boss so Hatori pulls a The Ring to torment him in Psychic Supermax Prison. Was written pre-season 3 so Hatori doesn't work for the government.

Stairs: (N/A) Reigen and Mob have a job in the woods. There are some stairs. Inspired by an r/nosleep story which the author links to if you'd like to check that out as well.

Fight, Flight, or Fraud: @cowardlybean So everyone's got a really specific supernatural fear, right? Something that could absolutely never happen in real life but when you see it in media it freaks you the fuck out? Mine is someone I know being killed and replaced by an evil doppelganger and I'm the only one who knows. I've not seen anything since The Magnus Archives that's properly captured that fear like this fic, which is some of the highest praise I can bestow.

In Quicksand: @ghoststrawberries Reigen catches a nasty cold and by that I mean he gets possessed. Very fun the way Reigen's train of thought and feeling shifts around as the evil spirit tries to influence him while he's unconsciously resisting it. The scene where the gang realizes Reigen's been possessed is a real "OOOOOH, SHIT!!!" moment, but I won't spoil ;D

Playing Human: (N/A) Espers and psychic powers might not be real but spirits are. Poor baby Mob is a ghost possessing his own dead body. Features Dimple as the bad guy.

Mithridatism: If I may be so self-indulgent to list one of my own fics here :3 Absorbing evil spirits while still alive was actively killing Mogami and I wanted to dig into that! Features my Signature™ (lol) "HEY, DON'T EAT THAT!!" style of body horror.

[mercymermaid]

well here's my full season 5 (nezha edition) rant bc what did i just watch

obvious spoilers 💀

what the fuck was that

blah blah animation, blah blah main character sacrifice, wowee

first off, the mechs?? yeah, i know it's just product placement, and i've never actually liked the concept. in a world of mythology and magic, something to technological belongs in a sci-fi movie, not among gods. and in season 5 especially, they feel *so* out of place. the only people who end up actually using their mech are nezha (twice) and mei (once.) i can't be mad at mei, since yeah it's just one time to have an epic moment and goes away after that, but it's nezha that i'm mad about. that standoff at the festival? okay, product placement, epic moment, never brought up again. but then during the battle thing against the chaos guy??? he's the *only one* using a mech and it ticks me off. i wanna see the third lotus prince not the third lotuce mech!! i wanna see him being all badass with his staff and firewheels (like sealing off the jade emperor's power in s4)

i'm gonna be so honest, i only watched the season (and show) for nezha, as i tend to do to medias when i have a top unbeatable absolute favorite. and the show did not deliver.

tldr; nezha had so much potential and all of it went right down the drain

speaking of the power

so you're telling me that mr. "my job is super duper important and more important than my life" would take lightly to his dad going "lmao no" and just taking his seal and reinforcing it with his little magic house?

OH. THE LI JING SITUATION.

"i've always been proud of you" NO YOU HAVE NOT??? YOU HATED NEZHA SO MUCH YOU BURNT DOWN HIS TEMPLE AND LITERALLY YOU GUYS HAVE A BURNING HATRED TOWARDS EACH OTHER?????

i wanted a fucking fight scene SO BAD. SO FUCKING BAD. but noooOOOOOO you're DEFENDING YOUR BITCH DAD??? okay, i get it, power imbalance or something! give nezha a *reason* to be so buddy buddy with his dad, because he sure as hell wouldn't do it without one!!

that ties in to the whole pagoda thing, how fucking hurtful must it be for your dad, who you are far from on good terms with, to pop in, take the power you've put on your shoulders, deem you not good enough ("you got demoted!"), and push you around?? very! very very!

you do not understand what i would've done, what war crimes i would've committed in order for nezha to get some focus on HIM. specifically angst. with the shit that he went through in s3, being nerfed and having his long-term position as guardian of the map pulled out from right under him by his little friendly rival, and then *s4*, getting his ass absolutely kicked by the shit that went down with azure, being the most injured and put under the giant strain of containing the jade emperor's power, you're not gonna elaborate and give him some depth besides "big brother energy but distant and super 'regal'"?? (btw if you've ever EVER written nezha angst (or even some nezha-centric stuff in general) on ao3 i've probably read it and oh my god i love you so much for gifting it to the world, and if you read this far recs are always appreciated 😭)

actually on that note, mk is the one constantly making trauma jokes, and while i get that he's the main character, everyone's gone through shit. s5 at least kind of works with that, with mei's samadhi fire thing and wukong/macaque's death memory thing, along with pigsy's insecurity moment and sandy's little "i'm very very angry but i control myself" spiel, but like come on ☹️ (not a ruse to get nezha some angsty focus wdym)

ALSO mk breaking the seal? yk how in s4 we had that little thing where their eyes flashed and they felt the jade emperor die? i was lowkey expecting a little similar shot of nezha feeling his seal on the power break but no we needed the emotional moment 😒

i was so excited in the festival scene for nezha to go "yeah, okay, i see you", fight against his father, and join the MCG, but nooooOoo he gets sent to the celestial realm to not be seen until the end of the world

OH SPEAKING OF not nezha but red son??? what happened to the poor guy i feel so bad for red son enjoyers because he had ONE EPISODE of screen time. that's worse than us nezha fans. that little bit about the dog videos meaning help us could've so been used later, he literally joked about how this time he was invited and just. didn't show up?? there could've been such a sick moment of mei sending the dog video, and red son seeing it and coming in and being all badass with them but no he was just literally not featured again except for the 'world is ending/being saved' flash shots. (unrelated but please i want canon big brother nezha lil bro red son content those guys are Iconic)

ANYWAY it's coming to an end now, and boy oh boy

basically i have futile, naive hopes for s6 - please, PLEASE give nezha focus that lasts longer than 1-2 scenes. it literally does not have to be angsty, nor big brother energy, not even a badass moment!! just make it mechless and put the camera on *him*, and i will die a happy woman. (another badass moment, in which he wins for once, would make me cry for joy. a big brother, to literally anybody, specifically red son or mk, would make shake and snarl like a feral animal. an angsty moment would make me force the world to be puppies and rainbows. a nezha episode would make me implode and take the world with it.)

bring back li jing and do it *right*. make nezha bring up their horrible past, and at that point, i'd even settle for a corny talk-it-out session with wise words and an issue that gets resolved way too quickly, though an epic fight scene would be preferable. angst not optional, because you can't tell me that interaction would end without tears and breakdowns on nezha's end. (at this point, i'll write it myself)

LET NEZHA WIN. i do not care what he fights, who he fights, when he fights, why he fights, how he fights, let him actually cop a win for once. this fearsome general who was entrusted with guarding the samadhi map, is a protector deity, and managed to singlehandedly contain the jade emperor's power has never won a single fight within his show screen time?? bull fucking shit i tell you. stop treating this guy who carried the end of s4 like some shit side character who never gets his way, and start treating the guy right.

can you tell i'm mad about this

also ACTUAL s5 thing, not gonna lie, mk's decision is stupid. nüwa is trying to protect her creations like a good mighty goddess, and you go "erm actually me some random guy who you created to save the world and was about to do so is gonna undo all of your work and decide to make my own path and simultaneously create a massive crisis where i not only flip normal on its ass and give everyone magic but also potentially unleash the same cosmis horror you're protecting us from"

i'm kinda curious about this new magic tho... (pls have a negative effect or some sort of effect) (pls let nezha win)

yeah okay i think that's it if you've stuck around to the end here's a selection of desserts because you need it after the crash of the season ending 🍮🍭🍬🍫🥧🧁🍰��🎂🍩🍨🍧🍦🥠🍡🥮🍥

[iffeelscouldkill]

Grand Jeté (A Gwen x Miles ficlet)

A/N: Back in Into the Spiderverse fandom there was a headcanon I really liked about Miles getting into ballet (and/or gymnastics, but particularly ballet) to level up his Spider-Man skills, inspired by Gwen. I didn't wind up writing anything on it (though I had a whole fic plan I just discovered yesterday) but I thought it would be cool to revisit the idea for an ATSV ficlet.

This is a kind of alternate version of Gwen and Miles swinging through Brooklyn together, since it's not really designed to fit in with the film version. It's just intended as a fluffy little canon divergent scene! Enjoy ~

(PS: I'm not a ballet dancer; I did a bit of research for this fic but I hope there aren't any glaring issues! More notes at the end)

---

"I've got some new moves," Miles told Gwen, because he was eager to show her how far he'd come in the time they'd been apart. When they'd met, he'd barely begun to find his feet as Spider-Man (hell, he'd barely begun to *be* Spider-Man) and most of their interactions had centered around what he couldn't do. He wanted to show her that he could hold his own now, that he was more than just the overwhelmed Spider-newbie.

He couldn't say to her, You're an inspiration to me, but he could show her.

"Show me," Gwen said, and they were off, swinging across Brooklyn. A thrill rose within him to have Gwen back by his side, and everything else that had been horrible about the day - being late to the party, the cakes, his parents, the stupid Spot - faded into insignificance. He would overcome it, because he was Spider-Man.

Miles watched Gwen's movements through the air. When he'd first seen her in action as Spider-Woman, he'd been struck by her grace and precision, but now he had a whole new appreciation for what she was doing. He could almost hear his ballet teacher in his head, tone approving: Demi-pointe, glissade, grand jeté. Very nice form.

He could feel his own muscles stretching back into the familiar forms, waking back up like they did every time he warmed up, the stretch a faint echo of how he'd felt at the beginning, when everything was awkward and unfamiliar. Miles had almost quit multiple times, feeling like an idiot in front of a class of mostly girls, with the only other guy being white and also someone who'd taken ballet classes when he was little (he hadn't danced in years, hence the beginner's class, but it was obvious that it was coming back to him pretty easily). His teacher, Mme. Howard, had convinced him to stick at it.

"If you truly don't want to be here, you can stop; but I see a lot of potential in you, Miles Morales. And I think it would be a shame," she told him.

It was close enough to what his dad had said - about seeing a 'spark' in Miles - that the jeering, doubting voice in his head quietened down a bit, enough for him to push past it and keep going, getting some practice sessions in on his own where he didn't have to worry about what other people thought.

Also, when he started to get better at it, ballet felt really cool. And being Spider-Man felt cooler.

He and Gwen came to perch on top of the Williamsburg bank building and Miles exhaled happily. He could feel Gwen's gaze on him, and he did his best to act casual while also sneaking a glance out of the corner of his eye. Did she seem impressed?

"You do have some new moves," Gwen remarked, and yeah, she definitely sounded impressed (and a little surprised). Miles couldn't help the proud grin that overtook his face. "You've improved your flexibility a lot."

"I've been taking some gymnastics classes," Miles told her, because he had, and he enjoyed learning different things from both gymnastics and ballet, and thinking about how to combine elements of each while web-slinging. But he wasn't sure why he didn't just come out and tell Gwen that he'd been learning ballet. Suddenly, he was afraid she might laugh - not because he was a guy, but because it was obvious that he'd taken it up because of her. It felt like another embarrassing show of his heart on his sleeve - like the drawings in his sketchbook.

Gwen hummed, but he could tell that she wasn't quite satisfied with that response. "Some of those didn't look like gymnastics moves, though. I could have sworn-"

"What about you, though?" Miles blurted over her. "You've been adding some new stuff into your style, too. Also, your jeté is looking really-" His mouth snapped shut, but Gwen had already whipped around to stare at him. "Uhh-"

"I knew those were ballet moves you were using earlier," Gwen said. "Have you been taking classes?"

Miles ducked his head. "Yeah, uh, for about a year now."

"That's... really cool," Gwen said wonderingly. "Why didn't you want to tell me? You know I do ballet too, so I'm not going to think it's weird." Her tone turned teasing. "Or are you worried it'll ruin your image?"

"I thought you might-" Miles began and then broke off. Gwen waited, and Miles pulled himself together enough to admit, "I thought your style was awesome, with the dance moves. They had a ballet demonstration at Visions, and I realised I recognised the moves from you, and - I had the chance to sign up for classes. I wanted to learn how to do what you do, but I thought you might find it..."

"Sweet?" Gwen finished for him, softly. "Touching? One of the coolest things imaginable?"

Miles couldn't help laughing, his face heating up as he finally met her eyes. "Uh, yeah."

"Of course I love it, Miles," Gwen said, and Miles savoured the words "love it" in Gwen's voice, imagining she might have said something else instead. "I finally have someone to share my love of dance with. And now, when I practice... I can think about you doing the same."

Happier than he could remember being in a long time, Miles leaned into Gwen, and together they looked out over the city.

After a few minutes, Miles said in a low voice, "For real, though, I've got aches in muscles I didn't even know I had."

"Oh god, tell me about it."

--

A/N: I initially planned to write this as "you can read it as friendship or shippy" but then towards the end I went "fuck it, this is shippy" xD

Demi-pointe: A foot position in which the dancer has the weight on the balls of their feet with their heels off the floor.

Glissant: French for "sliding", a ballet step that can be used as preparation for jumps or leaps.

Grand jeté: A broad, high leap with one leg stretched forward and the other backward, like doing the splits in midair.

I'm not 100% sure these are all terms Miles would know after just a year of ballet, but let's pretend ;3

[basedkikuenjoyer]

I hit 100 followers a while ago. It's not the biggest thing ever I know, but I also didn't really expect anything like that when I started this silly little blog about a mysterious lady and her goofy samurai gang. For 50 we did 27 favorites. People seemed to like it. Main cast taking up a bunch of spots is boring, though I do think a few of these could potentially end up in the main one. For now though that's Nami, Brook, & Jinbei. This time is more measured, I actually thought about a Sweet 16 and why. It's fun to see how it changes over time:

Cabbage: I love pretty idiots in anime. This one was necessary to keep me invested in Dressrosa. But there is a real amount of nobility there and the story of actually being a fallen prince obsessed with stardom is a good one! Most little guy Leo is surging but Cavendish is still my favorite of the Grand Fleet captains.

Queen Otohime: I've already said a lot about her with our Seafloor Sidestory. Such a great examination of a political leader, a civil rights icon. I've flirted with that role myself at times and always been around it as a quirk of fate...so it's cool to see someone who gets the nuances like Oda did with this story. How it plays off of Tiger's, influences someone like Jinbei. I rate Fishman Island very high and Otohime is a huge part of that.

Pudding: Pudding is such a two-faced little snot but young enough and cartoonish enough about it I think she's funny. Whole Cake is a great arc, love how she plays off of Sanji, the "Doll" element hits a little close to home.

Crocodile: He's got style, he's got grace. He'll throw sand in your face. Cool villain, loved him in Impel Down/Marineford, epitome of T-Boy swag.

Miss Goldenweek: Marianne, Goldie...such a treasure. Girl makes me laugh so much. Comically lazy but the secret weapon that was a nightmare for Luffy. Cover story that made her shine as a capable operative and Rainbow of Dreams rocks. Please come back to Cross Guild you little weirdo. I need you and Buggy playing off each other, I need Crocodile hyping up one of his superstar agents to Mihawk only for her to doze off/ask for snacks in the middle of it.

Nekomamushi: He is a massive yellow cat man. This is a great start. Had a nice theme song too. He loves lasagna but isn't an asshole like Garfield. Rising love. Samurai cat man. Then he's Kiku's lil bro and I enjoy pondering that dynamic. Goro nya nya.

Kin'emon: He was pretty funny before, making the chauvinist a simp for his classy af wife and the confused, but caring father figure to a sweetheart trans girl is hilarious. I love his devil fruit and impersonating Doffy was classic. His supernatural luck forced his way deeply into my heart.

Conis: Conis is lovely. Sweet angel girl...with a big ol bazooka she is not afraid to use. People forget Conis but I still love her. Sky Island was fun.

Jewelry Bonney: Being an angry child makes her so much more fun. Always thought she was a solid Supernova. Being such a glutton is funny. Egghead has elevated her. Interesting devil fruit, it's the one my sweetie would want to eat himself which is neat.

Izo: Izo is very, very pretty. He is also good at shooty but have you seen how pretty he is? He is also the dashing elder brother of #1 blorbo...

Kiku: I know this inclusion will surprise some of you. She's a total sweetie with hidden narrative weirdness. What's not to love and obsess over? Plus she's really tall and forgets that when hiding behind things. Imagine if we saw her trying to hide behind Chopper sticking most of his body out from behind a hiding place. That would tick us back at least one minute from midnight.

Cindry: The other Okiku and subject of our Spooky Sidestory. Maliciously compliant zombie with a showgirl vibe. Far out. Hucking plates rules as a combat style.

Ginny: Some might say she's too new. Some Might Say is a pretty good early Oasis song. Neither of those are relevant right now. I love Ginny. She's wonderful. She got done dirty because flashback characters always get done dirty.

Hina: Hina pleased to be included. Hina pleased. She was our Shackled Sidestory and I love her. The cool vibe mixed with a couple of childish traits. One of our truly good Marines who probably hasn't gotten high enough up the ladder to really know how depraved the World Government is. Cool fruit too, perfect for a Marine.

Monet: Punk Hazard came out right before I went into grad school. I love thinking of her as the beleaguered, far more talented assistant to Caesar Clown who I hate and should just die. Harpies are also classic cool and I will not accept statements to the contrary. I love her snow power too.

Gecko Moria: Touched on this in a post about him for Halloween. He's grown on me a lot as a villain as I've gotten old enough to understand him. There's a realism in his motivations that makes him more of a unique villain. I actually believe if he was serious from the start Luffy would never have stood a chance. Shadow fruit is cool and Thriller Bark is an excellent arc.

Bellemere, Kawamatsu, Denjiro, and Hancock would be the honorable mentions. But these are my true One Piece loves.

[skypiea]

(I'm with you with regards to the "quite easily I like it" OP post btw! Just wanna make that clear ^^;;) I almost wonder if the gripes are like, in part people who see how the women are drawn and base All Their Opinions of the series on that. That or they got mad at the clown thing Tumblr did and just decided to hate the series for it. Or they're just a little hater, honestly anything can apply. I'm not a fan of OP, haven't seen a second of it to make a decision, but like. 5 or 6 (including you- im not just a random, im just really shy LOL) of my friends are, and the one thing keeping me off from watching it is the fact that it's one of the longest animes still going- And I almost wonder if that also has a part to play in the "lol how can u watch one piece" thing people have going on. Also, have you seen the bananawanis yet?? I don't go here but I love them.

Thanks for the message! I hope you don't mind a bit of rambling (all that I'm capable of, always).

The thing is, I think there are plenty of things to criticize about one piece. I’ve seen and had many thoughtful discussions about elements of the work that can easily be considered harmful stereotypes, as well as some well-intentioned ideas that I think were executed in a subpar and clumsy manner. Some of these are directly a result of the author being only 1 guy with 1 lived experience, some are the result of broader issues in the shonen genre.

And these discussions are great! Everyone is better off for having thought about these potentially damaging aspects deeper, and it’s incredibly important to be able to recognize that an author you respect and follow isn’t perfect and doesn’t need defending over every single thing. And at the same time, I fully respect anyone who has no interest in getting into the work because they don’t want to put up with any of the parts that are far from perfect.

Personally, what I can’t stand is the tone of condescension people are very quick to take… I do not fault anyone for not digging the show's visual style, it's not for everyone. But I don't really appreciate the implication that I'm like, stupid or misogynist or cumbrained just because I enjoy the work overall. Or even because I do enjoy Oda's art; I think he is a really talented artist, but elements of his stylization are not always my favorite, including both his general figures for both women and men. This is not even starting to mention the incredible talents of many of the individual animators who work on the one piece anime, who all put a lot of their own amazing flair into adapting the work.

On the topic of the latter thing, I've truly never understood the length being a barrier to the ability to enjoy the work. It's always really baffled me...? I don't know if it's like, people who are only interested in getting into OP specifically to interact with the fandom, but in my opinion there's no actual factor that makes you need to catch up to current as fast as possible. In my mind, having so much of a new thing is wonderful for me; I'll have a lot of great story to enjoy, I can take it at my own pace, enjoy watching a bit at a time for a long time. I guess everyone just wants to be done with something as fast as possible these days... Pretty sad... Make it last and enjoy it lots :-)

I've gone on for long enough, but basically, I couldn't care less if anyone doesn't enjoy the same thing that I enjoy a lot--that's life! I simply can't stand being treated like some sort of idiot for liking it, and I'm done basically agreeing with those kinds of people by giving them any ground. None of this is a super serious problem of course, just a pet peeve... but what is a blog for if not talking at length about my silly little pet peeves ;-)

Of course I adore the Bananawani, as well as all the other fun and silly animals of the one piece world. I hope we'll see them again one day, it's been so long... Here's one of my favorite one piece species for you, the Lapin. Love these guys.

To finish off, I'm just going to include one of my favorite recent pieces of one piece's animation. Hope everyone's havin a lovely day ^_^

[motheatenscarf]

Okay, I'm at the point where I need to do a trial in order to progress the story and I'm a tank, so I'll actually have to watch a video for that, so I took a day off to parse my thoughts on things that WEREN'T unspeakable goddamn tragedies.

I will also post thoughts on the tragedy, but later. I want to see the consequences of this loss in the narrative play out first before making a value judgment, but so far I am already leaning towards "good story beat, actually emotionally impacted me and the characters in text and was thematically appropriate."

For non-tragedy thoughts, I'm just going through screenshots and gonna post my thoughts in order based on what I clearly thought was worth screenshotting;

Okay, I already talked about how I came around on Estinien, but I also really like Ysayle. I love that she earns the name "Lady Iceheart" but is the most emotionally driven character so far in her desire for peace and believes that she's the reincarnated soul of this ancient dragon's old flame. Quite the blow to realize she isn't that and this guy doesn't recognize or care about her and that she just summoned up a primal based on her own desperate beliefs. WOOF. That's a good character arc. I want to see where she goes from there.

Also the fact that she just loves Moogles because they're adorable and makes a comment like "My heart is aflutter from mere... fluffiness??" and like, girl, same, they're so cute.

Another interaction I liked from the Moogles was when Alphinaud got mad at them for making his trial of worthiness just be the chores none of them wanted to do. He got so pissed he went and said something like, "I don't know what a 'kupo nut' is but I know they use it for currency and I've half a mind to demand some for the work I just did!" and, YOU GET EM, SWEETIE! We'll make a lil pinko out of you yet, demand compensation for your labor, work to rule, honey! I'm so proud of him!!

And another fun Alphinaud moment was when he said, in the fanciest little lad way possible, "Last one to finish their job is a rotten egg!"

And speaking of babies, Nanamo's okay! I've actually got mixed feelings on that.

On the one hand, I really like Nanamo and I fucking love Raubahn, I'm full on going to switch my faction allegiance to the Immortal Flames once I max out rep in the Malestrom, but man. The MOST exciting part of the end of ARR was when they shifted the status quo that hard! I grant you the scions are still missing and we still had to retreat to Ishgard to seek new allies, but man, handwaving it so that things can more or less go back to the way they were before kinda sucks.

I was EXCITED for that change! I'm of course glad that Ruabahn is okay and gets to keep being surrounded by tiny adorable lalafel, and I really liked Nanamo and her struggle to figure out how to help her people was compelling, but man... idk... I feel like there was more to be explored with that Ul'dah crew on the run and the city in chaos that had a lot of potential we never got to see :T

This is a relatively minor complaint, of course, the stuff with Isghard is certainly gripping enough. I'm fine if Raubahn only ever gets to be that gif of the drunk girls with the puppies when it comes to keeping all of the itty bitty babies in his life safe

Final thought, UH, they kinda dropped a bomb on me that apparently half-elves exist in this world???

I .... I mean, one would assume it was possible, but we haven't seen any until now, despite there being plenty of instances of inter-species relationships that it actually raises MORE questions than it answers. Even if Dragon Age is a copout answer, it at least means they don't have to program unique models to make all children between elves and humans just humans. It means the same of probably other pairings as well, but if you put half-elves in a setting, it BEGS the question, okay, what do mixed heritages look like across the board? And namely, uh, where are all the others? I refuse to believe that this Hilda woman is special, if there is ONE thing I know about humans and elves in any given setting it's that you can't leave them alone for 5 goddamn minutes together without drowning in half-elves. Also, the others, huh? Where are the human/au-ra babies? Where are the Au-Ra/Elezen babies? I know people be fucking these anime uwu catboys and catgirls, where are the lanky elf-cats and scaley dragon cats?!

My brother actually pointed out a very real possibility that if we have humans, and we have hrothgar..... maybe that is where miqo'te came from in the first place, which begs the question of like, okay, if you can have a half and half baby of mixed heritage, what happens if that baby has babies with a third entirely different option?

You cannot introduce this element so cavalierly and then kill my goddamn elf husband and expect me to forget, I WON'T FORGET THE HALF-ELVES THAT COULD HAVE BEEN, FF14, YOU WILL ANSWER ME!

[sullina]

What are your thoughts in a modern au melban ?how do you think they'd meet and would they have the same dynamics? Love your stuff so wanted to ask your thought :D

I'm happy you like my stuff and thanks for the ask^^ I hope you like what I wrote^^ Enjoy :D

So modern au MelBan... I do think they would still have pretty much the same dynamic with each other, but maybe not necessarily with the people around them.

Since alcohol, in modern times, is getting let's say "less popular", I can see Meliodas being rather and sneaky and kind of hiding how much he actually drinks from his friends and maybe family, depending on how much his family is actually in the picture.

Ban doesn't drink much, but for the one sole reason that he gets drunk super fast and just physically cannot lift his glass to his mouth after a few drinks.

Meliodas, at some point after becoming an adult, has opened the Boar Hat using money he either worked for or already had from his family or he sold something valuable, point is he had enough money to open the bar. Things weren't going well at first, but he needed employees and Hawk came in and took the job, which actually saved the bar, even if Meliodas would never ever admit it, because Hawk already had experience with running a business while Meliodas had no fucking clue on what to do beyond "buy and sell alcohol". Hawks ego was big enough as it is XD and like this, Meliodas and Hawk became somewhat friends. Elizabeth and Meliodas obv aren't together in this, but they're still close friends and cherish each other. Elizabeth also met Hawk over Meliodas and immediately fell in love with him. Not romantically, she just thinks he's super adorable and those two actually get along really well. Elizabeth occasionally also helps out at the bar when she can, since she wants her friend to succeed. (depending on whether or not this modern au still had magic and stuff, Hawk can be a pig/purgatory creature here or not, I'll leave it up to you, but I do want to say that I'm not opposed to magic in a modern au)

Enough on Meliodas though, onto Ban. Ban is a real kleptomaniac, but has miraculously never gotten a jail sentence. He did get the police called on him frequently though, because he tended to be aggressive, but only got taken in for the night, you like those cells the police put drunk people into to sober them up and let them go the next day? (a translator said it was called a "drunk tank" but I've never seen that being used, so I'm not 100% sure it's the right term ._. )

now how do they meet?

Well, Meliodas' bar was doing relatively well, but it wasn't exactly a hit either. He needed money and a lot of it. Same situation with Ban. He was flat out broke and he was living with friends who were nice enough to let him stay and crash for a while (King and Elaine, I guess would be the most logical choice here), he didn't want to be an eternal burden on them. The solution? Well, there was a fight festival coming up, and the prize money was nothing to sneeze at.

Ban being Ban was no stranger to fighting, so he had quite a lot of experience just out of necessity, giving him a pretty good chance at winning, if not first place, he could still get second or third, both of which also came with some prize money and as far as Ban was concerned, anything was better than nothing.

Meliodas on the other hand didn't seem like the fighting kind of guy, right? True. It's actually a very closely kept secret of his, but he really really like pretty much any kind of fighting sport. In his family, he was more or less forced to learn some kind of martial art bc "status" and stuff. That's one thing he didn't mind though, since he actually kind of enjoyed it, even if it was a little tedious at times. He was told that they (him and his brother(s) (depending on if Estarossa is included here or not)) had to take it up for exercise, but Meliodas suspected that their father wasn't 100% clean and wanted them to be able to defend themselves against potential kidnappers and didn't trust security guys that could be bought. Even after he left, Meliodas still kept up his training in secret, but also got into less "reputable" (?) fighting sports like, idk, wrestling I guess? And this lead to his sort of mixing a few kinds of fighting into his own style. This was definitely an advantage when someone wanted to start shit in the Boar Hat, like when they didn't want to pay for the food or something.

So Meliodas and Ban both enter and end up fighthing each other. I'd say Meliodas takes first place while Ban takes second. Diane also entered, but I'm not sure yet what place she would take, but it's definitely higher up. Might be third place even.

Ban is accompanied by King and Elaine while Meliodas came alone, since he doesn't want his friends to know that he can fight as well as he can (not necessarily because they would judge him for it, it's just that it's his secret and he'd like it to stay that way). Diane is here on her own, but is loosely acquainted with Elaine and Elizabeth (not quite friends, but not strangers either) and she loosely knows Meliodas as well, but is shy around him, because she has a slight crush on him. Not as big and obvious as in canon, but enough for her to take an interest in him. They're not close though. Merlin comes as an independent party to watch along with Gowther and Escanor. She's here for research purposes and may want Escanor to enter to test his strength, or maybe not.

So Ban and Meliodas meet in the fight festival, but because they fight in the finale, they actually "meet" before that. The festival takes several days and during those days, the participants are granted a room to stay in. It's a very popular festival, so the organizers can afford to do that. While staying, there's a bit of a problem in the kitchen one day and the food takes longer. The hungry participants are getting impatient, which is a terrible combination and Ban is getting hungry, too. Instead of just complaining about it though, he wordlessly enters the kitchen and starts helping out, which is noticed by none other than Meliodas, who, as you know, is an absolutely terrible cook. That day, the food tastes especially good, which leads to Meliodas approaching Ban and getting the info out of him that HE'S the reason for it.

Now that already intrigues Meliodas, but only after the festival, after they fought for first place, is he 100% sure that he wants Ban to come back with him. Now what exactly happens, I can't tell you, but they bond while fighting bc they're just Like That. And even though he lost, Ban had so much fun that he immediately tells Meliodas that they should go again, because no matter how much Ban tries to bury it with alcohol and a shitty attitude, he's still a good person and a bit of a child (in a good way) at heart. King sees it too, which is one of the reasons why he's so patient with him, even if Ban frustrates him to no end. Meliodas agrees to fight with Ban again, but only if he comes with him (to work as his cook in the bar). Ban is more than happy to take the job, because cooking is one of the things he's actually good at and enjoys. And Meliodas can even offer him a room right above the bar if he needs a place to stay! (it's one of those 'work on the ground floor and house/home above, all under one roof, like in canon).

Ban, who is not only in need of a job, but also wants to stay with this new friend he made, takes the offer. Of course he can't exactly Just Go with Meliodas from the fight festival, he's with King and Elaine there and he still has all his stuff at their place. So they get to talking and find that they actually live relatively close, maybe in the next town over or so! He doesn't take the room right away though.

('m basing this on germany, where the next town over is like 10 minutes by car btw)

Ban gets used to the work fast. His food is an absolute hit, leading to a fast increase in customers, which means more profits. Before all that though, Ban messes up a few times. Due to past experiences, he believes Meliodas might fire him, but he doesn't. He's actually very patient with him and even cares for him when he gets blackout drunk and doesn't judge him for it. It's this pure kindness and patience that makes Ban like Meliodas and develop a slight crush on him.

As for Meliodas, well the two still fight on the regular, just for fun. After one of these sparring sessions, Ban asks how Meliodas got into fighting, because he doesn't really seem like the fighting type. Meliodas is reluctant to tell the truth about his upbringing. Before he actually gets to it though, Ban, being able to tell that he's uncomfortable, stops him and tells him that it doesn't matter. Whatever his past was like, they're friends now.

Oooh, I just thought of a great reason why Meliodas keeps his fighting thing a secret, because when he just left home or even before that, people would think it was kinda creepy or weird, which kept Meliodas from making friends. He didn't mind in the fight festival, because he figured no one knew him there plus he was only there for the money anyway. Becoming friends with Ban was a lucky coincidence.

So Ban and Meliodas become closer and closer and Ban moves into the room that Meliodas keeps offering him. So they spend practically 24/7 around each other now, and they don't really think much of it (just bros being bros). Hawk doesn't live with them, since he lives very close by, like in the next building over or so. Close enough that he can be there in less than 5 minutes by foot.

While living together, Meliodas' mood improves A LOT. He's hadn't realized it, but he's actually been pretty lonely living all by himself and with Ban it's a lot less lonely and he doesn't feel like he has to hide anything from him. Meliodas also learned that Ban is an unexpectedly grabby person when drunk and will latch onto the nearest person and fall asleep. Most nights, this is Meliodas. The first time this happened, Meliodas was a bit uncomfortable, because it was unfamiliar, and tried to bring Ban to bed and to let go. It didn't work. So Meliodas had to sleep in the same bed as him for the night. Thing is, Ban also tends to mumble in his drunken sleep, and confessed to Meliodas that he has a crush on him! It was hard for Meliodas to fall asleep after that... and Ban woke up the next morning with no memory of what happened.

Meliodas is a bit of a blushy mess for a few days afterwards, because on the one hand, he kinda likes Ban back, but on the other, what if it was just drunken babbling and Ban doesn't actually like him like that? If that's the case, then coming onto Ban could ruin their friendship and that's the last thing Meliodas wants to happen.

Eventually though, with enough encouragement from their friends, Ban and Meliodas do end up confessing to each other. Without alcohol this time. Or their friends set them up, like setting up a romantic dinner to finally officially get them together.

[thatoneguy031]

Can I talk about something? Out of character, I mean.

It's a long post, but you don't have to read it if you're not interested. It's more of a vent post than anything else.

I've been having a hard time with this blog. Not in the popularity sense, this is what I expected from this kind of thing. I mean like... I don't know what to do with it. I've experimented with a few things(You can go way back in my post history if you want to see what I mean), but those ideas sorta fell flat, no?

This was originally meant to be a storytelling blog. I wanted to share my little synopses of my characters and plot points or whatever, because I was genuinely proud of what I've done so far.

Then I resorted to trying to be a comedian. I would try to post something funny under most reblogs, leaving them be if I couldn't come up with a remark of any kind.

It wasn't until recently that I decided to turn this into a Pokemon IRL blog, and I'm not even doing that well with this. That, and I'm afraid that I come off as self-centered, so I cut any posts that give that kind of vibe. Heck, I even tried doing a playthrough series, but I keep forgetting about it, and when I do remember that it exists, I just postpone the next update to oblivion.

I really want to keep this blog going, and trust me when I say I'm going to, but it's not going anywhere, and I feel like nothing is happening. At first, I thought it was just Tumblr having boring days, but I realized that I'm just not doing anything entertaining. My blog just turned into a pool of reblogs with the occasional Pokemon-related post or rant. And I mostly wait for either @the-one-from-dres or @drizzileiscool to bring up the occasional topic that I might have enough insight to talk about. Sorry for @'ing you guys, by the way, I just need folks to know who I'm talking about. Y'all the goats.

Once I got my drawing tablet, I thought that I could do a bunch of art stuff, but then it devolved into the same potential self-obsession problem, where I would just draw that one character(which is literally just a Samurott with anxiety and a Goku complex, let's be honest with ourselves here) over and over again. I have other characters I can draw, and I'm even taking free art requests. Granted, I haven't gotten any requests yet, but the option was still there.

And that's how we got here. I have to retake my Regents in literally under 24 hours, and I'm bitching and moaning about how I'm not getting anywhere in my ha-ha internet blog, which everyone already takes as a joke anyway.

If anything, I think my problem comes from a lack of communication. There was this like, 4 day period that I didn't hear a word from Dres, and I thought he hated me for something I did, until he involved me in 3 back-to-back reblog games literally the next day.

I still feel awful about it now, it was so petty of me to even think that way. For context, Dres might as well be my day one, and he's inadvertently taught me the ins and outs of Tumblr, like how to use tags and things like that. Hell, we even played DnD together once. No exaggeration, he's the closest thing I've had to a real friend in years, and I'm convinced that's only the case because he hasn't seen me in person.

I love him deeply, and only wish the best for him. To think that he'd leave me after I did basically nothing, I've really hit a new level of desperate. He likely had his own things to do, while I'm still stressing about things that probably don't even matter in hindsight.

Back to my original point, I want to do a lot more on this blog, and I also wanted to make it a chill place.

That's one of the reasons why I don't talk about politics myself. I don't want to get involved in things like that at all, because I want people to live without worry. The furthest I go with that kind of thing is "Stop being dicks to each other. We're people, deal with it." I know it's more complicated than that, but at this point, I'm almost scared to get involved in that kind of thing. I don't even know what a terf is. I didn't know Rowling was a bad person until recently when Drizzile was talking about her.

And it's like, I don't even know why it's so hard to talk to people for me. But at the same time, I think I really have something wrong with me, but I'm too scared to get it checked out. And, while I'm not getting into personal details, I don't have the right circumstances to even have that happen in the first place. That's the out of character reason why I say I might have ADHD, instead of outright saying I have it. I literally can't get it diagnosed myself if I wanted to, and I don't do the self-diagnosis stuff because I always get paranoid and think my problem is worse than it is. For example, I've convinced myself three times within the past year and a half that I had appendicitis, because I would get this really specific pain in my stomach. Guess who I told about it?

No one. I was terrified of wasting someone's time just for it to be me freaking out over nothing, and if I'm being honest, I still am. At this point, I have a plethora of things wrong with me, I know that now, but I don't ever get them checked out. I'm doing well so far with them, why worry about it now.

I just don't want to offend anyone. All I wanted to do was make a place where I and other people could have fun.

This is still going to primarily be a Pokemon IRL blog, but I'm doing something different. Please, if there's anything you all want to see on here, let me know. Stuff for Guy, art stuff, whatever floats your boat besides the obvious. And I'll do my best to keep up with my stories and fanfics or whatever. Once I get my stuff settled again, obviously, but I don't want to make it seem like I'm doing this for myself.

I don't want to turn this into a pity party. I really don't. At this point, I'm sick of having people worry about me. Whenever they do, I feel like I'm being an attention hog, and it sucks. If you did read this, thanks for listening. I just needed to get this much off my chest.

[pendarksmindandmadness]

There are times when it feels as if my life is a continuous cycle of "what-if," "might have," and "could have been." I sometimes struggle to believe that whatever is in charge of the universe is doing more than using me as a source of amusement. My life feels like one of those old hidden camera shows where they follow some unsuspecting guy around just to see how long it takes him to realize that it has all been a setup.

So far, it has been 35 years of adulthood. I've been through no less than 6 religions, 4 marriages, 8 other non-marriage relationships, 2 kids (that I know of), 17 jobs I remember clearly, and a few periods of homelessness. Surely whomever is collecting the footage has enough for the "don't be like this guy" segment of the program.

I have stubbornly refused to deprive the world of my pressence, even after two bouts of deep depression, one of which found me with both the means and the opportunity to do so with a simple flick of my pointer finger. I don't even remember what stopped me then, but that was 27 years ago.

Somehow, I have held onto some semblance of sanity, my basic talents, a few added skills, and kept myself from the desperation that leads to prison time or worse. Alcohol and I have a love-hate relationship. Drugs and I never got along. Although I am not totally averse to a holiday shot or puff of a good pipe on a rare occasion, if you catch my meaning. I refrain from both, though, because my "day job" involves kids. And what kind of a crap example would I be?

I have never traveled outside the United States. I've taken a few really long trips along highways within them, however. I may never see some of the places I'd like to except on television or the internet. And, strangely, I'm pretty okay with that. I don't feel like I need to travel to be completed. I do enjoy reading or listening to other people's stories of places they've been. And, admittedly, there is an occasional pang of "that must have been nice."

I've been on a few adventures. Vegas a few times, hikes in mountain passes, ocean beaches, important landmarks such as The Alamo, The Golden Spike Railroad, Roswell, The Grand Canyon, Graceland, as well as all manner of weird little hole in the wall museums on back highways. I've had memories and keepsakes. Some of them are more fondly remembered than others. In the end, I'm certain that I will have far more good memories than bad.

I look back now and wonder how many of the people that were there along the course of this life such as it has been, will remember me being there. I can't help wondering how many people along my 25 or so years in various parts of "B-level" theater will remember I was even there. Does it really matter? Did the productions really matter? I retain skills learned, so in that regard, perhaps the purpose of my being there was served.

I have few lasting regrets. I've learned the hardest way possible, that mistakes can be outlived, that hardships can be overcome, and that fear serves no purpose beyond keeping one cautious. I have also learned that sometimes caution must be thrown to the wind. I've only been in mortal danger once that I remember. That's a story for another day. I've seen creepy times, had weird things happen, and suffered some ugly consequences for ill-planned actions.

But even when I wasn't at my best, nor acting as a shining example of the potential of humanity, I have always found a way. I've never totally been without help or without hope. There are a great many people I remember along the way, who did things as simple as offer me a bottle of water or a sandwich. People that loaned me a few bucks, or a couple hundred. People that gave me a chance to learn a new skill or work a new job. People that gave me a place to stay.

I've tried to repay that to the universe. I have shoveled walks, pulled tree stumps, spent hundreds of sleepless nights watching over kids in some capacity, handed out change to beggars, and even paid for other people's gas or food. Little acts that I can only hope have made a difference.

I don't know how long I have left. I could walk into a bullet or get hit by a bus. I might get cancer or a tumor. Barring any of that, I might live to be 100, which is actually much closer now than I like to believe. What I will not do is fail to live while I'm here. I'm actually curious to see how this show ends. I am interested in what events are still to come in this story. So, I read on.

[carica-ficus]

“Fourth Wing”

25/12/2023

Reading progress: 105/498 (21%)

Read through since last update: 105

I'm not going to lie, throughout this last year or so, as "Fourth Wing" reached the height of its popularity, I kept thinking whether or not it would even make sense for me to give it a chance. Sure, I do like a good YA novel, and I am a huge lover of dragons, but I know this book would potentially not be cut out for me. Still, when I noticed my library finally had a copy available, and when I heard my friend actually liked it and thought of it as fun, I decided to give it a chance. I don't expect this to be my favorite book. Far from it. But I do hope it's at least going to be entertaining. So I'm staying positive! I actually do hope I'll like it in the end. And I do hope I'll like the romance part of it!

And so, without further ado, the notes so far: (Spoilers ahead!!!)

I hate when female characters, especially teenage or adolescent ones, are portrayed as if they hate their perfect, curvy body because it's not up to another character's standard. It's such a pet peeve of mine. If you want to have an unattractive or flawed character, at least try to make one. Don't try to sell me a beautiful girl that somehow doesn't understand she's beautiful. We've been over that trope one too many times.

The dialogue is so tacky. I feel like I'm reading a fanfiction made by a 13 y/o.

She's surprised she passed the physical even though her mom mentions she was one of the top applicants?

Wait a second. The riders quadrant is the only sector that takes up only volunteers. But what about Xaden then? And the other rebels?

Chapter 1 is done. It's extremely info-dumpish. Too much is said, as if the author wasn't ready to let go of her first draft and was concerned her bland characters wouldn't keep her reader's attention, so she compensated by revealing too much, which, in my case, didn't work. I started reading this with low expectations, but seems like they weren't low enough...

At least three people have asked her if she's really the General's daughter in the last 5 pages.

Maybe it's because I just read "Gideon the Ninth" and was blown away by how realistic Muir portrayed physical exertion, or if it's my own experience in sport, but I don't vibe with the way Yarros writes about Violet's training and her approach to high stress during some performance (like walking over the parapet). It feels so... Plastic. Unrealistic.

Things are looking up after chapter 2. Even though I feel as if there's still too much happening, it's at least becoming more interesting. But I am yet to find a character I actually find likeable. All of them are so bland...

It gets a little better, then it gets a little worse. That scene with Xaden on the rotunda and Dain trying to protect Violet is so forced. And for what? And now she's running? And for what? Is Xaden really this animalistic to hurt Violet in broad daylight, without being provoked? (Going back to this after continuing with reading and I still don't really understand the point of it?)

I hate how easy this romance is structured. Xaden is the bad guy that secretly probably has the hots for Violet, while Dain is the "good guy" that seems to be the right choice, but is way too overprotective. And Violet is the token beautiful, snarky female protagonist that doesn't comprehend her worth. It's like they were picked straight out of the "generic love triangle mold".

I do wanna read this book. I wanna know what comes next, I'll confess that much. But the balant info-dumping that happens in every chapter... Not to mention the incredibly poor worldbuilding... It sticks out too much for my own liking.

Okay, okay! Now we're talking! That Battle Brief class was actually very well constructed! Much better that what I've seen so far. Now that was a good scene where I got a lot of information in a very interesting and entertaining way!

As for stuff that's been revealed. I like the idea of wards. I like the idea that they're faltering. I like how Violent used her chance to prove she's cunning! Nice nice nice.

Okay, I'm 50/50 on the sexual talk. Sometimes it's fine, sometimes it's so forced. The fact that guys train without their shirts? Idk, weird and yucky in my opinion. I know this is a romance, and I'm no prude, but like... Not liking this choice. Mostly because it's kinda stupid. They don't wear shirts cause they fear someone is gonna grab them by it and use it as their advantage? By that logic, they should be completely naked? (You could say I'm nitpicking, but it's weird. And I'm entitled to my own opinion. 🤷)

The training montage was cool! I really like how brutal Imogen was with Violet. Made the ending so much more effective. And painful. That's going to hurt for a while.

Can Dain just fuck off already?! I know he's worried, but damn. Leave the girl alone! She doesn't know what she's doing, but she's smart enough to push through anyway.

I do love the relationship Mira has with Violet. And I like how they kept that one little memory of Brennan. Yes, it's useful, but it's also obviously comforting, and I love how that feeling was portrayed in the text.

I get you, Violet. I'm not keen on names either. I suck at them. But still, Yarros really doesn't have to keep making a background out of every single character that appears in this book. Violet doesn't know their names because she doesn't have to. Like, come on, just say it's some guy and move on with the dialogue.

I really liked that snarky little remark from Xaden when he says she should go back to bed. 👌

Speaking of which, glad to know the separatists are teaming up and scheming. Because now I'm wondering what they're scheming about. What's the catch here? 🤔 I'm guessing that there's more to the rebellion that meets the eye. In other words, the Naveare ain't as guiltless in the whole thing as they present in Basgiath.

Yoo, Rhiannon and Tara?? Nice. Knew there was something fruity about her.

Oh, stuff is cooking. I like the whole part with Brennan and Naolin, the former rider of the black dragon, though there's something left unsaid here. It's unlikely he wanted to revive Brennan just because he wanted to win a favor with the General. Something else is at hand here. Maybe love? Maybe treason?

Violet really put herself into deep shit by going a little too far with her concoctions. Fighting Xaden next? What an ending to a chapter.

Okay, I'm done for now. Probably gonna continue tomorrow (especially because I got sick and now I'm bedridden :<).

After a very rough beginning, this book started to be really fun and I'm glad I kept reading! It is generic, but at least things are finally starting to fit into place and it seems like Yarros finally grew into her style. (If that makes any sense.)

[uglypastels]

So i went to a wedding this weekend

And it fucked me up.

It was so beautiful and so fun to see my family and to see them happy. It was kind of a theme how we're all getting older. Like, my great uncle was shocked to see me taking shots haha, but also like, the bride was my second cousin (idk the terms exactly, but its that kind of connection) and she was like the baby of that side of the family (also one of my favorite people in the whole world) and here she was getting marries and looking so beautiful and happy with her groom. Like, seriously, watching her and him felt like a fucking movie. And her sister just had a baby and its the cutest little munchkin ever. I hadnt seen either of them in ages and finally got to meet both their partners and during the entire wedding i was surrounded by my parents, my uncle and aunt and all these people loving each other with families of their own and for the first time i actually thought like fuck this does actually look kind of nice. Like, i would like to have something like that. And like during some of the quieter bits i started lile thinking of my own little hypothetical wedding.

But at the same time, we had all been so close and used to constantly see each other but then people moved away and this had been the first time in six years that i saw most of my family. Last time since another previous wedding (my grandma's actually. Her second one and she and her husband are just the perfect pensioner couple, just vibing and traveling the world). So its become that kind of thing and so obviously people started joking "oh guess we'll see each other next time at your wedding hahah" meaning me. And my mind immediately went to, so we'll never see each other again because whenthefuck could it happen? I've never been in an actual relationship, coming closest to obsessing over celebrities/fictional characters or getting too attached to some random guys i stumble into online who either live too far away to make anything work or turn out to be fucking assholes, or just both - mostly because i have never felt that i could find anything real in my life... but then again i've never made an effort, did i?

And not even just romantically... like, i was looking around at the wedding and there were so many people there. Of course mostly family from both sides of the happy couple, but also friends and i just couldnt stop thinking how, if i were to make a guest list, i wouldnt have anyone to put on it. Maybe 3-5 froends and even those  friends might be a stretch since we dont even keep in contact often so would they would care to come to my wedding (i am getting so fucking pathetically dumb here but im spiralling so let me rant assdfggsjsjksld)

Like, there were a lot of people invited here that the bride and groom knew from university... and im in my second (out of 3) year rn and i would not want anyone from this time at my wedding. At least, theres, no one who i am close enough to, to think Yeah they should deffinotely be there ony special day. I absolutely blame myself from this distancing away from everything but then i did have three potential great uni friends last year and then they fucking backstabbed me and i cant be in a room with them without wanting to cry so thats a fucking great experience. And i tried spending this year finding new friends but 1) i'm too afraid to innitiate any kind of conversation 2) i am horrible at talking to people wether i know them or not - even my own family. I literally kill the conversation bc i dont know what to say to them 3) i get too self conscious and immediately get the feeling they hate me 4) i am uncomfortable with making plans so will never have opportunities to like strengthen any kind of relationship outside of said class. -> this then also leads to the mlst uneventful student live ever.

But in the end, this is all such fucking bushit. On the rational level because i know i am only 21 and i have a whole life ahead of me and i dont know what will and could happen. But however logical that is, it doesnt matter because nothing would work since i have horrible commitment issues, no healthy references of relationships that could help me form any sort of mental support or idea on how to do anything. I have no personal confidence or belief i could find someone, and have no care for myself so how would i know how to care for someone else, especially with my horrible lack of understanding other people or social... anything.

That then also ties into having kids. Like yeah, happy family and all that (of course i know that baby does not equal the only solution to happiness etc.) But i do not think my body would be able to handle it and i doubt i would be able to take care of another whole human being that depends on it.

So yeah, i'm a fucking train wreck.

Its 1 am and im crying in bed writing this giant hugely personal venting speech out and i dont even know if i should post it bc on one side it might make me a bit better to let it out there in the world, but then i also dont need the whole world to see it

[gabessquishytum]

oh wow okay so "hob going to their meeting knowing he's going into heat" is god tier in any century but man the whump and hurt/comfort potential of 1689?? hob who knows he should be trying to find somewhere safe to hide and wait out his heat but he can't miss this meeting. hob who's pushed very very fast from pre-heat to full heat by dream taking care of him, even when all he does is order hob food and let him eat.

dream doesn't clue in to what's happening until hob's stretching the last of his food, taking tiny little bites in between telling dream about his last century. the other patrons have stopped glaring at hob and started looking at him with... uncomfortable interest. hob's shrinking in on himself. and dream has seen enough nightmares to know that it would be very, very cruel to leave hob alone tonight.

-🐈‍⬛

I'm convinced we're actually sharing braincells because. The summary for the thing I'm writing currently is.

Hob goes into heat at every single one of his centennial meetings with Dream. It's totally a coincidence and nothing to do with them being true mates. Nothing at all.

I've only got as far as 1489 but. There's gonna be smut, there's gonna be whump, I'll probably cry, I can't wait to share it with you!

sksjdjaha I love you guys <3

[lokislytherin]

do you think ptj will do jaeyeol/jay’s character any justice? 🥲 i’ve read so many comments on reddit saying that ptj will just throw jay away because he’s served his purpose (attracting a large enough fanbase through queer-baiting) because jay’s potential to be a great character is just going down the drain (he’s the son of steve hong, he should he able to step in and help right? also big daniel is kidnapped and jay used to have such a strong “daniel is in trouble i gotta go help him” sensor so where tf is he?)

okay, but excluding all that, i think jay should be developed further as a character because he has so much potential that’s being wasted so far. i really hope ptj hasn’t forgotten about him and pulls an eli jang arc for jay because he’s super interesting to me, like i wanna know why he doesn’t talk, why he isn’t acknowledged by his family (?), where tf is he when all this is going down, what does he do in his free time, what are his likes (besides daniel lol)??? i just want to know more about him as a person IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK PTJ???

ahem, sorry for the rant, i just caught up to the latest chapter and i am FUMING because the last time we saw jay was in chapter 300+ and he wasn’t even that prominent in the chapter? i just miss when all we had to care about was daniel having to hide his 2 bodies from people, crystal being a snoop, jay and joy fighting over the same man, zack and mira’s relationship, zoe’s inner conflict not knowing she likes the very same person, etc. like what’s with all these new characters i do not give a single shit about? i loved the hostel chapters though but once they got to the worker’s arc, man…. pls just bring the original cast back.. this story is getting too much man..

so what do you think? 😅🥲

hello anon, thank you for the ask! hoo boy this is a big one so imma break it down into bitesized chunks if you don't mind

jay as the queerbait character: honestly i see where those redditors are coming from? insert a hot male character with a good, interesting dynamic with the mc who is also male, and you have the interest of women and queers! even if we don't count me being a jaeseok ship fic writer, i still really enjoy the dynamic they have, the only one that comes close for me is vasco and jace but to me jay's queer energy is too strong to see them as solid bros yk. as a queer who is horrible in social situations i kinda see myself in jay sometimes and it's really nice to have that TT

jay's potential as a character: anon you're so right. jay is the son of steve hong and honestly he could have a much bigger role to play not only as a character who can fight (because hello?? maybe jay's not the best in a dirty street fight but systema and kali are deadly in their own right) but also as a Plot Relevant Character? i've probably mentioned this before in other posts but he reminds me of khun maria agnis from tower of god: both were shown in early chapters and had a decently big impact on at least one of the main characters, both have long bangs and eyes that have not been seen in 300+ chapters, neither character has been seen in 200+ chapters i swear to god. maybe i'm on copium but i still believe that this is bc they're preparing for their comeback as an insanely OP character

more on jay's potential: dear ptj, where is jay's 1) backstory 2) CURRENT SELF. WHERE TF IS HE. as i've said before my predictions are 1) med school so he can be the 'call an ambulance! but not for me! oh wait i am the first aid' guy 2) preparing for his OP character arc

I MISS EARLY LOOKISM CHAPTERS TOO ANON. WHEN ARE ZACK AND MIRA GOING TO GET TOGETHER FOR REAL. LIKE WHERE'S DANIEL'S MOM. unless daniel went 'i'm going to get myself into a shitload of trouble do you mind looking after my mom for me in case things go wrong 🥺' and jay said yes at the cost of his canon appearances bc he's whipped. pathetic gay little man (affectionate)

i hope that answered things? i feel like you sent me a rant and i just ranted back with more speculations and headcanons LMAO

anyway join me let's hold hands and start a prayer circle for hong 'jay' jaeyeol's reappearance in canon anybody who misses jay is more than welcome to join bc i'm p sure jay's fandom is almost as big as samuel seo's tiddies and they're pretty damn massive, so ptj's bound to notice us and bring jay back as an Important Character... right...?

btw i'm not caught up with the manhwa oops. i'm only up to ep 394 but i'm speedrunning the latest chapters and my urge to punch eugene increases every chapter.

[writtenfangirl]

A Reason Why

This has to be the longest fic I've ever written! I'm a little nervous since this is different from what I usually write so I hope I did the request justice!

8,073 words

Request by @sunnydreams03 Hey I really like your work and I don’t know where to send a request lol. I wanted to see if you can write a ceo!steve rogers x reader where the reader is Steve’s assistant and they are having an affair (Steve is married). Steve keeps telling reader that he is going to divorce his wife and reader over hears him telling his wife that they are going to take a vacation. Reader not knowing it his last vacation before the divorce. Reader tells Steve she has had enough of his lies and that he has to chose between his wife or her and he still goes to the trip. When Steve comes back reader has quit her job and she finds out she is prego. Make it have a happy ending.

CEO!Steve Rogers

In all honesty, Y/N hadn’t expected her life to go this way. She never imagined herself to be the other woman. After all, her father had his own string of affairs that nearly tore her family apart and she had sworn to herself that she would never let herself be cheated on nor will she ever cheat.

In Y/N’s opinion, it was a despicable thing to cheat on the person you love. It was always a volitional choice. A person doesn’t just accidentally sleep with a coworker nor do they just accidentally fall in love with someone else. It was a choice that people considered and weighed. There were no accidents when it came to cheating, only mistakes.

Except, perhaps when the mistress involved didn’t know that the man she loved was married.

Then that was a different situation entirely.

Women, after all, tended to lift up other women. When they find out that the man they called boyfriend was being called husband by somebody else, they were usually quick to break things off and inform the wife of her husband’s infidelity. Usually being the operative term.

Because sometimes, women can be real assholes. Bold, brash assholes who consider only themselves.

Y/N always hated those types of women. As a feminist, she hated everything they represented. A woman putting another woman down? A woman holding up a man who’s ego is probably too big for his head? She couldn’t stand them.

Then she became one of them and somehow she understood.

To be honest, she hadn’t realized when it started. All she knew was that it didn’t start at the beginning because at the beginning, Steve was cold.

He was never disrespectful or tough, of course not. He was always polite to her, the perfect gentleman. He was just cold and detached, almost unfeeling.

Y/N understood why of course. Her father was a CEO of a Fortune 500 company, a direct rival of Steve’s and Y/N had seen firsthand what working in the cutthroat environment of the corporate world could do.

It was probably what drew her to him.

Steve was a powerful guy, that much was true. He knew the extent of his own abilities and it reached far and wide. Yet, Steve was always kind. There wasn’t single employee in the company—whether a manager, a security guard or even a janitor—who didn’t speak highly of him. He was tough, yes, but he took care of the people under him. He always looked out for the little guy. Steve worked hard to make sure that everyone got their Christmas bonuses and he worked even harder so that everyone could have two whole weeks off.

Y/N remembered that once, they had spent seven nights together poring over the books and making sure everything was in order because Carl from accounting had an appendectomy. And then Steve made sure that Y/N got home safe every night by having his personal chauffeur drive her home.

There were other times too.

Once, Steve had an important meeting with a potential supplier and had asked Y/N to come help him and make sure that the contents of the contract were in order since the supplier was German and Y/N was multilingual. When the supplier placed his hand on Y/N’s thigh cavalierly and Y/N was clearly uncomfortable, Steve stood up and put a stop to the meeting.

“Tell him we’ll find someone else,” Steve ordered while he buttoned up his suit jacket.

“What?” Y/N asked, bewildered as she followed her boss. She couldn’t stop the relief that sagged her shoulders as the man’s hands fell off her lap and Y/N knew by Steve’s narrowed eyes that he saw her actions, no matter how minuscule. “You want to drop him?”

“I do.”

“Why? He’s an important supplier, Steve. He’ll help bring expenses down by at least 40% if we bring him in.”

Steve turned to the supplier and said in perfect German, “I will never work with a despicable man who can’t show a woman respect. We’ll find someone else. I wish you a good day, Mr. Zola.”

And he’d walked out, with Y/N following suit.

Yes, Y/N was sure now. That is what first drew her in.

She thought it was just a harmless crush. After all, who wouldn’t have a crush on Mr. Steven Grant Rogers? He was every girl’s dream man.

With his tall stature, jacked built hidden behind his expensive suits, suave blonde hair, clear blue eyes and a jawline sharp enough to cut through steel, he would have made any girl lucky.

Not to mention the fact that he was nice, insanely charismatic and had one of the most beautiful smiles in the world.

He was just so… cold.

He was to Y/N at least.

Because Wanda, the HR manager and Y/N’s longtime friend, told Y/N that Steve was never cold, at least not to her.

“He’s really nice. I don’t understand why you think he’s cold,” Wanda remarked as she stirred the warm coffee in her hands.

“He never smiles at me, he always keeps his distance and even when he orders me around, it’s always so monotonous. Did I do something to offend him? Does he have plans to fire me?” Y/N bit at her lip. She’d been working for Steve for a little over a year and he’d never once told her that she was doing a good job and it was hard to guess at it too since Steve rarely smiled around her.

“I don’t think so.” Wanda sipped at her drink before she continued. “When I went over there with Bruce last week to talk about our new salary budget, he recommended you first for a raise.”

Y/N paused. “He wants to give me a raise?”

“Mm-hmm. He didn’t tell you?”

“No,” Y/N frowned. “Was I suppose to find out when I made payroll next week?”

“Maybe he wanted it to be a surprise.” Wanda shrugged her shoulders. “I wouldn’t put it past Steve to do something like that. Two years ago, he bought Scott a car for his bonus since he mentioned that he was still using the old van he had since his college days to come to work.”

“So he doesn’t want to fire me.”

“No,” Wanda laughed. “In fact, he gave you rave reviews for the employee evaluation. He said that you always gave it your 110%. Aside from Steve, you’re probably the only one of us who could run this company since you know the operations so well.”

“Well, I don’t know about that,” Y/N laughed breathily, a dusting of pink on her cheek from Wanda’s brazen compliments.

“By the way, are you going to Nat’s party tonight? It’s Clint’s birthday and we’re throwing him a surprise. Vis agreed to come. Maybe you can meet him this time.”

Vis was Wanda’s husband and Y/N had never met him once, which was odd all things considered. He often attended company functions to support his wife and yet when Y/N tries to introduce herself, something would come up or Vis would be anywhere else but near Wanda or Y/N. It became a running joke between her and Wanda that Vis turned into a ghost whenever she was around and simply walked through walls to avoid her.

“I was suppose to but then Steve asked me to stay late to go over the accounts for the Stark merger. We’ll make a night of it.” Y/N sighed. Late nights with Steve were becoming more and more frequent nowadays.

The day soon passed by and Y/N found herself in Steve’s office, looking over the contract for the Stark merger. Plates full of sushi were scattered around the table, the dinner that Steve had requested for the night.

Steve sat opposite from her, going through his own stack of papers. His suit jacket laid abandoned at the arm of the sleek, leather couch; the sleeves of his pristine, white dress shirt were pushed up his arms.

Y/N tried not stare but it was hard not to when he looked so good.

She felt suddenly under dressed next to him in her blue blouse and black pencil skirt. Her blazer laid abandoned next to her and she had her hair swept up and away from her face.

“What?” Steve asked, looking up from his papers as Y/N shoveled a piece of sushi in her mouth. “You’ve been staring at me for the past few minutes.”

Y/N felt a blush creep on her cheek as she drank a mouthful of water. “I wasn’t staring.”

Steve gave her a dubious look and Y/N could feel her neck heat up under his attention.

“Wanda told me that you recommended me for a raise,” Y/N said, carefully considering her words. Y/N always thought she was good at reading people but Steve was different. He always acted like there was a glass wall between them. He was kind and respectful but he wasn’t friendly. Y/N couldn’t ever build a rapport with Steve, no matter how hard she tried.

“I did. You do a good job, you’re a hard worker. Truth be told, you’re overqualified for a job as a corporate secretary. Giving you a raise is one of the ways I can keep you here, working for me.” Steve said it in a matter-of-fact tone, like he was simply commenting on the weather.

“So you do like me,” Y/N noted with a smug look.

“Did I ever gave you the impression that I didn’t?” Steve said, eyebrows raised.

Something told Y/N that Steve was starting to warm up to her so the next words out of her mouth wasn’t too careful. “Well, yeah. You never tell me that I do a good job and you never smile. I always felt like I was walking on eggshells around you.”

“You didn’t seem like the type of person who likes being praised for a job well done.”

“It’s still nice to hear it every once in a while.”

“Will that stop you from accepting the job offer from DC?”

This time, Y/N paused and frowned. “How did you know about that?”

The job offer she had from DC was something she hadn’t told anyone, not even Wanda. It was a higher paying job, better benefits and it was for a fashion magazine Y/N always dreamed of working in as a child.

She’d turned them down. Twice. It was a difficult decision but she was happy working for Steve. She couldn’t imagine leaving, especially not now that she’s placed down roots in New York.

Still, despite the rejection, it hadn’t stopped them from emailing her about it. An unopened email was still sitting in her inbox, awaiting her reply.

“They contacted Wanda. Asked how much we were paying you so they could double it.” Steve said, leaning against the black leather couch, the papers before them all but forgotten. “She took another shot at your resume and found that we were paying you too low. I just asked her to right your salary and then some.”

“Wow,” Y/N said, stunned. “Thank you.”

“It’s what should have been done in the first place.”

“Still. I didn’t ask for a raise. The money that I was earning was more than enough to keep up with my lifestyle and I was satisfied with it. You didn’t have to do that.”

“I wanted to. You and I both know that this place only runs smoothly because of you.”

The compliment warmed her, shooting itself down to her core. This was probably the nicest thing Steve has ever said to her.

“As for the not smiling thing,” Steve continued, oblivious to the giddiness that threatened to show itself from Y/N. “I didn’t think I had to.”

“What do you mean?” Y/N said, cocking her head to the side.

“To everyone else in the building, I have to smile. Put up the walls that are needed to make people feel good and comfortable so they could get their jobs done. With you, I always felt like I didn’t have to do that. That I could drop the mask.” He met her eyes, staring so deep into her that Y/N had to hold her breath. A part of her was terrified that if she so much as breathed incorrectly, he’d look away from her and she couldn’t bare it.

Under the bright fluorescent lights of the office, Y/N saw that Steve’s blue eyes were marred with green, a tiny imperfection that made Y/N love his eyes even more.

His eyes flickered to her lips, a thoughtful look on his face as he did so and for one, insane moment, Y/N thought that Steve would kiss her.

Then Steve looked away, shattering their connection. The air sucked itself back in Y/N’s lungs as she looked at anywhere else but him. His wedding ring flashed under the light and a feeling of guilt dawned on her.

Steve was a married man. She shouldn’t have feelings like this for a married man. Not only that, he was her boss. Whatever relationship they could have had would have been inappropriate. He was her boss and she was an employee. She had to draw the line in the sand right now otherwise… Well, she didn’t know what she’d do.

After that night, Y/N made sure that everything that transpired between her and Steve was purely professional and for the next six months, nothing like that ever happened again. She’d chalked it up to several late nights in a row and that her lapse in judgement was simply because she had been tired.

She even managed to find herself a boyfriend and soon, her interaction with Steve became a distant memory.

And for the next six months, it seemed normal to call Steve a friend. Steve began confiding to her about the problems in his marriage, about his regrets marrying his wife when he was so young. He told her about the frequent arguments he had with her and how he liked to have late nights in the office because coming home late meant that he could avoid another, inevitable argument with his wife. He told her that if they didn’t argue about his job, it was about his desire to have kids while she didn’t.

“Why did you marry her then? If she didn’t want kids and you did?” Y/N asked him one night. Chinese takeout containers laid strewn around the table while the smell of brewing coffee filled the room.

Steve sighed from next to her. His tie was loose around his neck, his jacket abandoned in the opposite couch while his sleeves were pushed up his forearms. He was leaning against the amr of the chait while his legs rested on Y/N’s lap, his shoes abandoned on the floor. “Because she said she wanted them.”

“What made her change her mind?” Y/N asked, staring at Steve intently.

“I’m not sure. To be honest, I don’t think she ever did. I think she never wanted them in the first place and that she only said those things to marry me.”

“That’s horrible,” Y/N frowned. “I’m sorry. You haven’t thought about divorce?”

“I have. Just didn’t really think that was a good enough reason to leave.”

“Irreconcilable differences is a provision for a reason,” Y/N teased, slapping Steve’s calf jokingly.

Steve cracked a smile. “Who knows. Maybe one day, I’ll find my reason.”

And for a while, Y/N was happy and content.

Then she found her boyfriend in bed with another woman and it broke her.

And now, after a late night of what was suppose to be her poring over papers with Steve, she was sobbing in his arms, mascara dripping down her face as she blubbered about how stupid she was for falling for another guy even though the guy before this one hurt her too.

“Imagine! Two men in a row who cheated on me,” Y/N cried as Steve reached for a tissue and passed it to her.

He sat next to her on the catch, the stack of papers written in Russian that laid on the table were all but forgotten. His attention was fixed wholly on her, a look of concern on his face.

“This is my fault,” Y/N sniffled, dabbing at her eyes. “I did this. I keep falling for men who I know will just hurt me. Subliminally, it’s like I don’t want to be happy. I—“ the image of her boyfriend in bed with another woman intruded in her thoughts, bringing another stab in her heart. A fresh wave of tears came out as the feeling of despair clung to her.

Steve frowned and pulled her in a hug. He gripped at her shoulders, his head resting on her crown as he gave her soothing pats. The smell of his cologne enveloped her, briefly distracting her from her horrible thoughts. He smelled good. Her hands found themselves wrapped around his torso, clinging onto any human contact she could find. She just needed a hug right now and she didn’t care who it came from.

“This is not your fault,” Steve said gently as his hand circled her back. “None of this is your fault. He didn’t deserve you. You are one of the kindest, smartest and most beautiful woman I know. He knew that and he let you go. He’s the stupid one.”

Y/N pulled away, his words echoing in her ears. She searched his eyes for any hint of insincerity but found none. He looked at her, eyebrows knit, his breathing deep and heavy. Like he was breathing her in as much as he could. She probably looked like a mess right now but she couldn’t have guessed it with the way Steve looked at her, like she was something special.

She wasn’t sure who leaned in first.

All she knew was that they were kissing. Her hands found themselves in his hair, pulling her to him, closing as much of the gap between them as she could. His hands were on her back, at her neck, at her head, touching her everywhere he could, memorizing every crevice of her body like this was the last time he’d ever feel it and he wanted to savor the moment.

She also wasn’t sure who did what next. All she knew was that their clothes were on the floor and they weren’t going to stop. An asteroid could come crashing down on Earth and Y/N wouldn’t have let go of him.

She knew she shouldn’t. The rational part of her told her to stop before things could go any further, before they’d do something they’d regret. But Y/N knew deep down that she would never regret anything when it came to Steve. He could pour gasoline on the whole world and all she would do was the pass the match and enjoy the light show.

Y/N was Eve and Steve was her forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden and she knew then that she would keep defying God if it meant she could continue tasting its sweetness.

She didn’t care who she’d hurt so long as she didn’t hurt Steve. She waited for him to tell her to stop but he didn’t and to Y/N, that was enough of an answer. There was no stopping, not on his end, and definitely not on hers.

By the time they were done, the sun was beginning to come up and Y/N wasn’t sure which way was up and which way was down. All she knew was that she did an irresponsible thing, one that she would likely pay for in the near future.

Rationality dawned on her then and after a long discussion with Steve about how this could never happen again and that this was a one time thing and that she would never be an office cliche by being the tempting secretary who seduced her boss and made her cheat on his wife and how they have to keep their relationship professional, she went home and took a long, cold shower.

But then they had another long night.

And another long night.

And another, even longer night.

And suddenly, Y/N found herself in a hotel room, naked beneath the duvet, her head resting on Steve’s chest while he absentmindedly played with her hair. Their first time felt like a faraway dream, especially since a year has passed since then.

The business conference they attended here in Germany had ended the day before and Steve and Y/N had decided to stay for a whole week, if only to have time to themselves.

The past few days had been some of the best days of Y/N’s life and she knew, deep down, that she wouldn’t enjoy herself as much as she did if Steve wasn’t around.

And that’s when it hit her.

She looked up at him, his name a whisper on her lips. “Steve?”

“Hmm?” His eyes shifted, focusing on her. She’d recently noticed that every time she spoke or walk into a room, his attention would shift and focus wholly on her and the only time he’d break away was when he had to.

“I think I love you.” There it was. Those three magic words. There was no going back now. Y/N thought the point of no return had been when they first had sex or maybe it was when they kept doing it over and over and over again but this. This had to be the point of no return. Because Y/N didn’t even want to take the words back, especially not when she saw Steve’s face as she said it.

“I love you too,” His eyes were soft, his breathing deep and relaxed, like the words brought him a sense of peace he didn’t have before. Then he said something else that shifted Y/N’s world into axis and snatched the air from her lungs. “You’re my reason.”

That gave her pause. His reason. She didn’t think he’d ever say it and she’d never asked. She was always so afraid that he would say no but hearing it come from him… It felt like she’d been holding her breath for a year and she could finally breathe. “You mean—“

“Yeah. I’m leaving her.” He said the words like it was easy as breathing for him. Like he’d thought about this for months and he’d come to the right conclusion. There was no hint of hesitation in his voice just solid clarity.

“I bet you say that to all the girls,” Y/N joked, a wry smile on her face. She wasn’t sure what to say. She was almost scared that if she expressed too much happiness, it would scare him off. But Steve never left her. Not when she was a blubbering mess, not when she was angry at nothing and not even when she cried in his arms after yet another inevitable fight with her dad. He stuck by her through everything, as though seeing all the horrible parts of her made him want to stay even more.

Steve cracked a smile. “Not all of them. Just the one.”

“Oh?”

“Mm-hmm. She’s kinda amazing, this girl. I wish I’d met her sooner. She’s funny, has the most amazing laugh I’d ever heard. She’s smart too. Did I ever tell you that this girl can speak more languages than I can count? She even graduated top of her class in Yale. She’s warm and caring and is easily one of the best people I’ve ever met.”

“Well, she sounds like a lucky girl.” Y/N grinned. Her heart felt just about ready to burst out of her skin.

“Not really. I have to say I’m the lucky one.”

Y/N rolled her eyes but she couldn’t stop her blush from rising. “You’re very cheesy, Steve.”

“Only to you,” he smiled, placing a kiss on her hair. “Where would you want our next business trip to be?”

Y/N thought for a minute before she replied. “I was thinking Paris. I’ve never been there before.”

“You speak French but you’ve never been to Paris before?”

“Well I speak Spanish and Italian and they’re very similar so it was an easy enough language to learn.”

“What I really want to know is why you’re not working for the UN with the number of languages you speak.”

Y/N grinned. “I’d make a horrible diplomat. Too temperamental. I might accidentally insult a person and start a civil war or something.”

Steve let out a laugh. “I can see that happening. Paris it is then. Someday, I’ll take you there. We’ll take walks along the Seine and drink coffee on little bistros. Buy pastries from a bakery and maybe even visit the Louvre.”

“You shouldn’t say those things to me. It’s filling my head with ideas,” Y/N couldn’t stop the outlandish grin on her face. Paris with Steve sounded like paradise. She could almost picture it, a faraway star that was close enough to pluck out of the sky.

Y/N wished she could stay that way forever. Warm and in Steve’s arms dreaming of dreams for the future.

But even when you were dreaming, you have to wake up.

So they went home and the illusion of a future together turned into smoke when Steve hadn’t broken things off after three months.

She had been patient. She didn’t pressure him, didn’t ask him to do anything he hadn’t already promised her. She didn’t even bring up his promise to her that he would leave her. She knew that what Steve would do was difficult and pressuring him into doing it even more when he wasn’t ready yet would just make an already difficult situation even more so.

But then he’d ask her to book her two flights to Moscow for him and his wife and suddenly, Y/N felt like a stupid, silly girl for listening to him. For putting her trust in him when it was clear that he was just playing with her feelings. She felt foolish and, even though they’d kept their illicit affair a secret, she felt humiliated.

“You’re going on vacation with her,” Y/N said. Her chest felt like a hole had been carved into it and her stomach had felt as though it had disappeared entirely, replaced by a cage full of restless birds fighting for release.

“It’s not what you think,” Steve sighed, running a hand through his face. “I—“

“You made a promise to me, Steve. Or did you forget?” She wanted to gobble the words up after Steve’s flash of hurt but there was no taking them back. They were already out in the open.

“That’s not fair, Y/N.”

“I know, Steve.” Y/N said, clearly frustrated. “I didn’t bring it up for three months. I didn’t talk about it. I didn’t ask you to do it. You offered. You were the one who told me that you were ending things and I didn’t pressure you to do it quickly because I knew that this was a hard thing for you to do. But now you’re going on vacation with her.”

“It’s one trip!”

“And then it’s going to be another. And another. And another until I’ll find myself five years from now, still sleeping with my married boss, sighing after you like some naive school girl. I’m not stupid, Steve. I told you once that I was never going to be the office cliche and I meant it. If you don’t have any intention of breaking things off your wife, you need to tell me. Because I am not going to spend the rest of my life as your mistress.”

Steve sighed, running his head through his hair. The blonde strands spiked up his head, sticking them out in odd angles. His elbows were propped up on his office table as Y/N stood before him and it was clear that Steve was getting tired. “I wasn’t lying and I didn’t forget about my promise to you. It’s one trip. Two weeks at most. Please, can you trust me?”

Y/N didn’t say anything. She simply sighed, and walked out of his office, grabbing her things in the process and descending down the nearly deserted building, hailing a taxi home.

Steve left the next day and Y/N didn’t so much as bid him a goodbye.

Y/N had simply gone to work and gone about her day.

With Steve gone, her time in the office was more relaxed, which was a good thing since she spent most of her morning in the bathroom, throwing her guts up.

Wanda found her like that, her head resting on the toilet, cold sweat glistening on her skin as another wave of nausea hit her and soon, she was throwing up what little food she ate last night.

“Are you okay?” Wanda asked, crouching next to her, pulling her hair back.

“I must have eaten something last night,” Y/N said, grabbing a wad of toilet paper and wiping her mouth before flushing the toilet.

“Are you sure?” Wanda asked, while she helped Y/N to her feet.

“What else could it be? It’s not like I’m—“

She paused, considering her next words.

When was the last time she’d gotten her period? She always had an irregular flow and she would drink birth control to help regulate it. The chances of her getting pregnant was slim to none. So she couldn’t possibly be pregnant, right?

“Stay here,” Wanda said, catching on to her drift. She quickly exited the bathroom, and entered moments after, a pregnancy test in her hand. She locked the door behind her before handing the test to Y/N.

“How did you buy a pregnancy test so fast?” Y/N frowned, taking the test from her friend.

“Vis and I have been trying. I was suppose to use it later today but you need it more than I do,” Wanda shrugged.

The five minutes that Y/N had to wait for the test was the longest five minutes of her life. And the minute it took for her to read the test was POSITIVE felt even longer.

“I don’t know if I should congratulate you or not,” Wanda said, taking the pregnancy from Y/N’s hand and wrapping it in wads of tissue paper before tossing it out.

“It has to be a false positive,” Y/N said shakily.

“It could be but pregnancy tests are 99% accurate.”

“I’m on birth control. I can’t be pregnant. We used condoms. We—“

Y/N felt her body start to feel numb and if it wasn’t for Wanda’s comforting hand on her shoulder, she would have collapsed into a sobbing mess right there and then.

“It’s Steve’s, isn’t it?” Her voice was low, almost soothing, like she was a mother comforting her child.

Y/N’s head snapped to Wanda, her eyebrow knitting together. “How did you know?”

“Steve had to tell me. Company policy. Before you get mad, he didn’t tell anyone else and I didn’t tell anyone else. We’re the only three people who know.”

Y/N sighed before she sunk to the floor, her back against the wall. Wanda sat next to her, taking her hand in hers. “You must think I’m really irresponsible.” She never envisioned her life going this way and now she was pregnant with no plan. She felt utterly alone and a feeling of devastation weighed her stomach down. What the hell was she going to do?

“To be honest, I thought it was about time,” Wanda reassured. She even said it with a slight shrug, as though being a mistress and pregnant was something that shouldn’t bring Y/N an iota of shame. “I’ve been working here a lot longer than you have, Y/N and I’ve seen Steve with his wife, Kate. That was an unhappy marriage if I ever saw one. He use to tell me he was looking for a reason to leave. I think he finally found it.”

“You don’t think I’m a horrible person? Other people in your place would have called me a whore by now.”

“I’m not other people. Steve loves you more than he ever loved his wife.”

“Well, I don’t know about that,” Y/N sniffled, wiping at her eyes.

“Maybe you don’t notice it but when you enter a room, he’s always the first person to look at you. Whenever you’re around, his smiles get even brighter and he never talks about his wife the way he talks about you. So, trust me when I say that Steve loves you more than he ever loved Kate.”

Y/N sat in silence, letting Wanda’s words sink in. Wanda’s hands felt warm around hers. A sense of comfort settled on her and the feeling of being utterly alone seemed to disappear. Having Wanda be there for her, even for just a moment, felt enough for now.

“If you want to get rid of it, I’d support that too. We can go to Planned Parenthood right now,” Wanda said, interrupting the silence. “It’s your choice.”

Y/N let out a wry chuckle. Despite everything, if there was one thing she was sure of, it was that she was not getting rid of her baby. “Uhm no. I think I want to keep it.”

“Okay,” Wanda said, a little relieved. It seemed, despite her words, the thought of aborting the child was a little too much for her. Still, Y/N appreciated the gesture. It’s not everyone who’d offer to take their friend to Planned Parenthood and hold their hand while they went through an abortion.

“So, what’s the plan?”

Y/N through about it for her a moment before she replied. “He’s not going to leave Kate. He made that clear when he went on vacation with her. Right now, I need to do right by me. Consider this my two weeks notice, Wands.”

Wanda frowned. “You’re leaving?”

“There’s an email on my laptop right now for a job offer in Paris. They said I could have the job if I take it in two weeks. It has good benefits, it’s almost double my current salary and it’s for an executive position. I was suppose to email them that I wasn’t interested but I think leaving is the right move for me right now.”

“What about Steve?”

“What about him?”

“You won’t tell him about the baby?”

Y/N sighed. Her thoughts were running a mile a minute and possibilities of the future haunted her. Steve’s face, his laugh, his smile would flash in her head. She pushed them as far away as she could.

Right now, Steve should be the last thing in her mind.

She should be thinking of her unborn child and herself, not the man who left her to be with his wife. But as hard as she tried, Steve always seemed to permeate her thoughts and right now, he was pleading with her to wait for him.

“Right now, I have to worry about myself, Wands. I should leave as soon as I can.”

“Okay,” Wanda nodded with a frown. “I’ll support you but, I want to let you know that I don’t think leaving is the best course of action.”

“It is for me.”

So before two weeks were over, Y/N was packed and was already in a plane to Paris. Another week passed and she was settled in her job and was looking for OB-GYNs that she could trust.

She couldn’t believe that only three weeks had passed since she left New York. Steve would probably have been back by now.

She tried not to think about him, at least not while she was at work. When Steve wedged himself in her mind, he dominated her space, filled up every single crevice he could find until there was no room left for anything else but him. It was always distracted and usually, wondering about him triggered a bout of morning sickness. Y/N would joked that it was probably her body’s way of purging Steve Rogers from her system. If her mind couldn’t get rid of him, then her body will.

But it was hard not to think about him when she was alone at night with no one to keep her company but her thoughts. She knew that Steve was probably back by now and had learned about her resignation in his absence. She wondered how he had reacted. Was he upset by her sudden departure? Or was he indifferent and apathetic? Did he go back to the cold man he once was?

She didn’t know the answer and even with Wanda checking up on her, she didn’t want to know. Steve was her past. There was no use getting upset over the past. You can only really let go.

And that’s what she did.

She let him go.

She sat outside a tiny cafe by the Seine, the wind whipping at her hair, the metallic smell of the river washing over her.

Coffee was the beverage she couldn’t quite let go of. She gladly gave up alcohol and tea. But coffee? Especially in France? She would have gone crazy.

Luckily, her doctor had advised her that she could still drink coffee, albeit in smaller quantities.

This was her first and only cup of coffee for the day so she relished its taste.

One of the best things about working in her new job was the flexibility of her schedule. So she spent a lot of her leisure time by herself in Parisian cafes, drinking coffee and eating pastries.

She took another, long sip of her coffee, staring ahead to the other side of embankment. Couples strolled around, holding hands and laughing at each other. Y/N felt a pang in her chest at the thought before swatting the feeling aside.

It did not do well to dwell on the past.

She took another sip of her coffee before taking a bite of the soft and buttery croissant. If there’s another thing she loved about Paris, it was the food.

Much to her chagrin, she heard the sound of the chair on the other side of the table scrape against the floor.

She felt just about ready to tell the person who had the audacity to approach her and sit on her table to go merde themselves and leave her alone but upon seeing who the man was, the words died on her lips.

Steve was dressed in a long black coat, its collar popped to protect his neck from the cold wind. His hair was coiffed in it’s usual style and a beard had began to grow on his face. He wasn’t wearing any of the suits Y/N was accustomed to seeing him in but was rather dressed in a style more suited for a man in France. He looked so relax before her that Y/N almost didn’t recognize him.

“I thought coffee was bad for the baby?” Steve said nonchalantly, like this was all so normal to him.

His words gave Y/N a pause. So he knows about the baby.

“It is if you drink too much,” Y/N said, her words measured and precise.

Steve blinked at her. It was her only hint that he was shocked at her words. “I’m surprise you didn’t deny being pregnant.”

“Wanda told you, didn’t she? She knew where to find me and she told you.” There was no malice in her words and she couldn’t even bring herself to be upset that Wanda had ratted her out. Her friend had done so much for her, had offered to fo even more. She couldn’t bring herself to be upset, especially not when she knew that Wanda only had her best interest at heart.

“Yeah. She did.” Steve leaned against the chair, the image of a perfectly relaxed god content to let his subjects rule in peace. The sunlight hit his face, highlighting his strong jawline and the yellowness of his hair.

He looked so good it almost hurt to look at him.

“Let me guess, you’re pissed that I ran off,” Y/N said, her voice still measured and precise.

To anybody walking in the street, it would have been hard to figure out that Y/N and Steve had a complicated history, especially when they presented themselves with such reverent peace that it was like watching two old friends catching up.

“I was, at first,” Steve nodded, the image of calmness. “I’m more upset over the fact that you didn’t have any plans to tell me that you’re carrying my kid.”

“Might not be yours,” Y/N shrugged. “I could have had other relationships.”

A look of hurt flashed in Steve’s blue eyes, cracking the carefully placed facade. Y/N almost wanted to take the words back but a part of her felt a sick feeling of satisfaction at see him hurt by her. After everything he’d done to her, the hurt he felt was little compared to the pain she felt at his hands.

“Well? Were there others?”

“No,” Y/N said, shaking her head. “Of the two of us, you were the only unfaithful one. I only ever had you.”

This time, Steve flinched at her words. The flash of hurt and pain lingered in his face and Y/N could feel her own facade start to break at the sight of it. She could be mean, yes, but she wasn’t cruel. She was saying these things to hurt Steve, to have him feel the same wretched feelings she felt while she cried in the bathroom with Wanda but Y/N still loved Steve and knowing that she was the source of his pain had thorns digging at Y/N’s heart.

“I’m sorry,” Y/N sighed, leaning on the table. “I’m being mean. I didn’t mean what I said.”

“I should be the one apologizing,” Steve said, leaning on the table as well. His previously relaxed position had abandoned him and he seemed to quiver with a restlessness that Y/N always saw when he was nervous about something. “I didn’t even explain why I went to that vacation.”

“Steve, it’s okay if you want to stay with Kate,” Y/N sighed reaching for his hand and gripping it in her own in reassurance. The words hurt to say but Steve didn’t owe her anything. They were two consenting adults and if one of them decided to pull out of their screwed up agreement, the other couldn’t force the other to stay.

“We’re divorced,” Steve said while he turned their hands and rubbed circles on her palm.

“Oh,” Y/N said feebly. Her mind blanked at his words. What was she suppose to say? That she was sorry? That she wish things ended between them differently? She couldn’t say those things, not when she was probably the reason why they ended things in the first place. “That was fast.” Was her only reply.

“It was time,” Steve explained. “I finalized the divorce before leaving to come here and look for you. I wanted to come here as soon as I heard you were gone but I owed Kate an explanation. That’s what the vacation was for. I told her that I’ve been having an affair and that I love you and that I wanted a divorce. She looked a little relieved to be honest. We both were. I don’t think she wanted to stay with me either.”

“I’m guessing the divorce was expensive,” as a millionaire on his way to becoming a billionaire, Y/N wouldn’t have been surprised if Steve had to pay millions in alimony.

“She didn’t ask for much. Just the house we were living in now. She said she wanted as little to do with me as possible and I agreed. I figured, with me staying here in Paris with you, it’s for the best that I gave it to her.”

Y/N gave a little start at his words. “What did you say?”

“I’ve always wanted to open a European division of the company. Now seems like a good place to start. I also intend to marry this amazing girl who’s more than qualified to help me run things as my COO. She would have known all these things if she’d stayed in New York and waited for me like I’d asked.” The look he gave her was pointed and a smirk quirked the side of his lips. He was enjoying this, seeing her squirm under his gaze.

“Well, this girl was pregnant. You can’t blame her for being a little irrational,” Y/N said, her brows knitted together. That still didn’t stop the smile that began to grew on her face at Steve’s words.

“You’re right. I can’t. She still hasn’t told me if she would marry me though,” Steve said. His thumb was still rubbing circles on Y/N’s palm and after three weeks without seeing him or hearing from him, the close contact had a little shiver of delight running down her spine.

“Well if that’s how you plan to propose to her, I don’t think she’ll say yes. I’d bet this girl wants to be proposed to the the old fashioned way and—“ she paused, the words dying on her lips at a sudden thought.

“Steve, you don’t have to marry me for the sake of the baby. They’ll be in your life. I won’t take that away from you or from them,” She frowned.

“What?” He pulled his hand away from her and the sudden loss of contact had her hand suddenly feeling cold.

The words that came out of her were quick, almost garbled with how rushed she sounded. “I don’t want you rushing into another marriage only for you to regret things towards the end. And I know you. You wouldn’t divorce me because we’d have a child together. You’d stay because of him or her or whatever the hell they’ll choose to identify as in the future. I want you to be happy, Steve. Even if that happiness isn’t with me. You deserve—“

“You don’t believe I’ll be happy with you?” Steve frowned.

“Yes. No. I don’t know,” Y/N sighed. She felt frustrated, like they were going around in circles. The uncertainty of her future, their futures, left an ugly, metallic taste in her mouth.

“The two years we were together has to be the best two years of my life,” Steve said sincerely, taking her hand in his again and planting a kiss on it. “As for the future, none of us knows what’ll happen. But all I know is that I want to spend them with you. I’ll face whatever uncertainty there is so long as I face it with you next to me.”

This time, Steve didn’t hesitate as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a red velvet box. He opened it and Y/N couldn’t stop the gasp that came out of her. The diamond was giant and blue and cut into a pretty princess cut with clusters of smaller white diamonds encircling around it while it was set in a band of gold.

It had to be the prettiest thing she’d ever seen.

“I saw it and I thought of you,” Steve said, almost shyly as he plucked it out of the box. “Do you remember when you confronted me about the Stark merger? You were wearing blue then. And that was when I realized that I couldn’t hope to keep you at arm’s length.”

Trust Steve Rogers to remember a completely small detail about her life.

“So, what will it be, Y/N? Will you marry me?”

This time, her answer was automatic. “Yes. I will.”