#and that's gotta be more impactful coming from someone's who's job before the apocalypse included finding kids

[nagashtheundying]

i wish rick hadn't been a sheriff

[piratefalls]

A McDanno rec list for a new friend. (These are also authors I enjoy, so consider this a blanket rec list.)

The Bareknuckle Poet by pleasebekidding

After a serious accident left Steve temporarily wheelchair-bound, working towards his recovery, he enrolled at Rutgers for a year. He met Danny Williams in his criminology course, wearing pride pins and chipped black nail polish, so sure of himself that Steve found it breathtaking. What happened next redefined Steve's sense of self, his ambitions, and many of his priorities.

Tax Benefits by renecdote

“Everyone already assumes we’re married so maybe we should just...” Danny gestures broadly with his beer. He’s maybe a little bit… Not drunk, but definitely tipsy.

“For the tax benefits.”

Danny gives him an aggravated look. “Yes, Steven, for the tax benefits.”

Danny (jokingly) suggests they should get married. Steve takes him seriously.

ua kaha aku la ka nalu o kuu aina (the surf has pressed upon my land) by icoulddothisallday, TetrodotoxinB

Steve knows, he learned, how a man behaves. He can play his part. Danny, who is a good man and great father, looks nothing like what Steve was taught. Reconciling the two means giving up everything he's clung too for the last two decades, and there's nothing about it that's easy.

*potentially triggery AF (deals with effects of conversion therapy) but beautifully rendered

the art of leaving and saying goodbye by Verasteine

2007 is the year Danny learns that choice can be the worst kind of heartbreak. AU.

*warning for infidelity (not mcdanno)

in jest by apathyinreverie

“No, babe,” Danny shakes his head with a grin. “If the apocalypse were to go down while I’m elsewhere for some godforsaken reason, then you stay put and I’m coming to wherever you are.” His grin widens. “And I expect you to have cleared any aliens or zombies or whatever else might be messing with us off the island and to have set up a nice, comfortable military dictatorship for us to rule over by the time I get back.”

It’s a joke.

Of course it’s a joke.

Until it isn’t.

(A the-day-after-tomorrow-style apocalypse AU, where the world decides to end right when Danny is visiting one of the other islands with Grace. Because, of course, it does.)

not just friendship (romance too) by earthquakedream

Steve's gone and gotten himself a boyfriend. Danny's not sure what worse: the fact that he's stupidly jealous or that he actually likes the guy.

All I Ever Wanted (It Comes with a Price) by leviarty

Steve gets shot. Again. Danny is not okay.

* warning: a young grace shoots someone to protect both herself and a gravely injured steve

After All Our Troubles, We Have This by Banshi13

"I'm ending this," McGarrett muttered after a few moments of silence. "I'm not coming back until Wo Fat is in the ground. I'll dig his own grave and bury him myself if I have to, but my father is dead, my mother is running all over the world in hiding, my sister and I were uprooted from our lives, and now he's got Danny locked somewhere in a basement in the middle of Japan." He looked both Chin and Kono in the eye, deadly resolve in his eyes. "This ends. Now. This is the absolute last time that man interferes with my life and my family."

The Other Guy by haldoor

Danny tells Steve what he thinks is a funny story from when he attended Grace's school play. Steve doesn't think it's so funny; in fact, it makes him jealous.

Strapped by stellarmeadow

Steve's determined Danny's going to be prepared next time.

Warm to the Touch by veronicaluv

Danny didn't think twice about going to North Korea to find Steve. He just didn't know everything would go to hell when they got back.

Me and my heart (We got issues) by SquaresAreNotCircles

“I’m in love with you, Steve,” Danny says. He does it softly, quietly, laying the words into the darkness of Steve’s backyard like they’re something breakable, something to be tiptoed around. “I thought you should know.”

Steve’s heart jumps. It rams against his ribcage so hard it’s going to leave bruises. So hard he startles awake, and he almost yells before he realizes he’s outside because he fell asleep in one of the garden chairs in his backyard again.

how to be gay for your best friend in ten easy steps by commatme

See, the thing is that Danny doesn’t really do gay sex, what with being straight and all, but when Steve says I love you he sounds so earnest he makes Danny want to consider it. Which is crazy, right? He’s pretty sure that’s crazy, or at least a little unhinged.

It’s Not So Easy Caving In by paradis

The one where Danny used to be a heroin addict.

blame it on the ocean view by carryokee

Danny gives in, freaks out, and comes to his senses.

So Have I Loved You by Brumeier

In which Grace has a surprise for Steve's birthday and there's not a dry eye in the house.

take it back to a couple years yesterday by itsrosencrantz

Danny really, really doesn't want to go to his twenty year high school reunion.

Steve decides they're going anyway, and Danny takes it about as well as you'd expect.

View From The Shipwreck by flowerfan

Danny Williams isn’t in a great place – he’s a reluctant transplant to Oahu and an outsider at HPD. Former Navy SEAL Steve McGarrett isn’t doing much better, having suffered a career ending injury. When Danny’s young daughter Grace wanders into Steve’s bar after getting lost on a school field trip, Danny is drawn to Steve, somewhat against his better judgement – he’s got enough on his plate. He’s not exactly sure what Steve sees in him. As they spend more time together, Danny learns how Steve’s injury has changed his life in many ways, but not the most important ones. As one thing leads to another, Danny realizes that things might be looking up after all.

True North by lavvyan

“Tell you what, my dad’s throwing his annual Christmas Ball on Saturday. It’s not a trip to Aspen or anything, but it is nice. Fancy food and everything. You guys should come!”

On the trail of a suspected war criminal, Steve and Danny have to go undercover at a fancy ball. The sacrifices they make for the job.

Oh, and Steve's pining like the taiga. Nothing new there.

outside the lines by withoutwords

“I’m Detective Williams.” Danny says, not trying too hard to keep it smug free. “This is my partner, Detective Mackenzie.”

Ken Doll keeps his arms up, his eyes flickering between them all as if he's only seeing police for the first time. “Good cover,” he tells Danny, and it sets Danny’s teeth on edge.

“This is the part where you say sorry for assaulting a police detective, for compromising an investigation, and for acting like a complete asshole while doing it,” Danny growls, about to change his mind and cuff the guy himself.

“Sorry, Officer.”

The bastard is still grinning.

Boys Like Me, We Try Too Hard by romanticallyinept

Steve's always wound so fucking tight.

And Danny's worried about him. Legitimately worried about him. Because maybe Steve always lays into the perps a little hard, and maybe he follows his own rules and his own morals and doesn't stop to sleep unless his body's actually shutting down around him, but usually, Steve's okay at the end of the day. Usually, Steve's not leaning against the wall of the alley they're in, eyes closed and shaking, with the perp he'd cuffed a minute earlier lying on the ground and crying about his broken nose.

Steve keeps a secret, and Danny does his best to patch him back up when it comes to light.

Transformative by boxparade

“You know, I’d heard you’d changed a lot after high school, but I’ve gotta admit, this is a little weird.”

* trans (FTM) Danny

All the Way by VictoriaAGrey

Danny has lost count of how many times he and Steve have used the sexual tension between them for undercover work, only for it to be bottled away after the op is over. With Saint Michael as his witness, that ends tonight.

Nocturne in C# Minor (featuring Stevie Ray Vaughn) by minor_demimonde

So, to recap, Danny has beautiful eyes, great shoulders, a pleasantly-shaped butt, a delectable mouth, expressive hands, and he smells good.

You know, Steve has gone to bed with women who didn’t have that much going for them.

seen it in the flight of birds by Siria

AU from the beginning of Season 2. The Five-0 task force has been reinstated, but the new governor's determined to shake things up. Facing changes and unexpected betrayals, the team has to work together to face new challenges.

It Ain’t Me Babe (Nah), It Ain’t Me You’re Looking For (Babe) by tourdefierce

A story in which Danny makes lists and can't find his heterosexuality underneath all his homogay, Steve has a lot of faces, Kono is perfect in every way and Chin continues to keep Hawaii safe from the Five-O's general disfunction—Or, a story about Kono being awesome and how she likes her men with hearts in their eyes for each other.

Ratios, Decimals, and Percentages by fuchs

In which Steve takes an internet quiz and slowly loses his mind. Danny's okay with it.

Let’s Dance Like We Used To by AndreaLyn

There isn't a world in which Danny wouldn't go after Grace. So when Rachel moves the family to California, Danny goes with. Steve gets left to process life without Danny.

Gunfire, Rainfall, and Beach Erosion by thegrrrl2002

Steve and Danny are kidnapped. After which there is too much swimming and too much rain and it's all very romantic. If you are Steve, that is.

Moving In (To Every Single Aspect of Danny’s Life, Including the Boring Bits like Dry-Cleaning by westgirl

It felt wrong for Steve to sound unsure of his place in Danny’s life. His place in Danny’s life was at Danny’s side, driving him slowly insane. Steve should feel secure about that.

Always Known What I Wanted To Be by mickeysixx

Grace Williams has always wanted to be a cop.

The Taper Phase by popfly

It’s like being run over by an armored car, like the impact of gunshot to tac vest. The pride Danny feels for his daughter and something else, something about Steve’s tank top sticking to his stomach, the way his shorts stretch across his thighs. The goofy grin that lights up Steve’s face when he sees Danny and Charlie, waving one hand while he nudges Grace with the other.

Pitching Woo by SBG

In which Danny pitches (and then accidentally catches) woo.

clue: four letters, ‘is a many splendored thing’ by armillarysphere

“Crosswords? What are you, sixty?”

“They stimulate brain activity, Danno. You ought to try it sometime.”

Steve doesn’t even look up from his newspaper, half-chewed pen resting at the corner of his mouth in an entirely too distracting way.

That’s Not Just Friendship, That’s Romance by thismuchmore

Danny and Steve start out accidentally dating each other, and it turns into something more.

it’s not what you’re sure of (it’s what you don’t know) by somehowunbroken

Art thief Steve McGarrett and his team come up against FBI Special Agent Danny Williams, and things spin wildly out of control from there.

Same Deep Water by JiM, kalena

This isn't the first lifetime Danny's been in Hawaii. When the stress ratchets up, the dreams get more and more real. Turns out Danny has some unfinished business . . . with Steve.

Warning: Ambien use may lower inhibitions in a wakeful state.

Curiosity Didn’t Kill This Cat by unadrift

"I'm confused," Rachel says. "Are you two dating or not?"

Danny sighs. "You remember that thing with the cat in the box? The one that's both dead and alive?"

"Schroedinger's cat?"  

"It's kind of like that."

"Okay," Rachel says. She clearly has no idea what he's talking about.

2727 Piikoi Street by imaginary_iby

The ways in which Danny makes himself at home by Steve's side, and the family he gains as the years go by. (Featuring Steve in Timberland boots and little else, and happy goofs who like to make out against the front door).

All The Earth Awaits Thee by Portrait_of_a_Fool

Steve knows all about war and willpower, but this is still the hardest battle he’s ever had to fight.

* warning: life threatening illness, no MCD

The Vertical Challenge by AlamoGirl80

Five times Danny thinks about his height, and then realizes that being "not-tall" doesn't really suck at all.

Some Things to Think About When You Decide to Be an Asshole by sutlers

Steve gets high and tries to fuck Danny; things devolve from there.

Inked by thehoyden

Of course Steve is enjoying himself. They're bait for a serial killer who has some sort of serious hangup about tattooing loved ones' names on their skin -- of course Steve thinks this is practically like a vacation, but better, because the chances of collateral damage are higher.

This Thing Of Ours (It Needs a Better Name) by leupagus

Cosa Nostra: (kō'sə nō'strə) etym: Italian n. The branch of the Mafia operating in the United States. Literally, "our thing" or "this thing of ours."

Ho’oponopono by ember_firedrake

Groundhog Day AU. Danny finds himself trapped in the same day over and over again.

Swim for Brighter Days by zarah5

Danny kisses Steve late on a Tuesday, early on a Wednesday. Steve punches him. (Set vaguely post-finale, so spoilers for that.)

All My Guards Away by sheafrotherdon

Tag to episode 1x18, with all the heartache that implies. Now with bonus fixes. With thanks to dogeared for all her suggestions and edits.

Let’s Take it from the Top by pterawaters

Steve goes along with the bachelor-party-in-Vegas, because he chose Danny to be his best man, and that's what Danny wants to do. Unfortunately, the things that happen in Vegas don't necessarily stay there.

How to Keep Your Mouth Shut by primetime

Danny’s sometimes gay. Gay, sometimes. Does dudes. He doesn’t know how to say it right. He doesn’t know how to say it at all.

Don’t Turn Me Home Again by gyzym

After a rough day of island living, Danny wakes up in New Jersey and learns the hard way to be careful what he wishes for.

End-Around by t_fic

Steve hesitates with his hand on the doorknob, looking back over his shoulder at Danny and nodding once before disappearing inside, and yeah, Danny is going to be so fucking lucky to get through this night without a coronary event.

Lonely People Do Stupid Things by waketosleep

Danny decides to show Steve the true meaning of Christmas, and does it by dragging him to New Jersey.

Down Beneath the Waves by samjohnsson

A picture may be worth a thousand words, but sometimes it takes another thousand to explain it.

Love’s a Battlefield (and the Navy Did Not Train Steve for This Shit) by cyerus

The Kalakaua-Kelly clan are determined to matchmake Steve. Out of desperation, Steve makes up a boyfriend named Danny.

It doesn't quite go according to plan.

put your mind at ease by eleanor_lavish

Somewhere in the last year, while Steve was busy killing bad guys, Don’t Ask Don’t Tell has been erased from the books and guys like Jeff can marry whoever they damn well please.

You’ve Got Hawaii (and all I’ve got is you) by queenklu

In which Danny has issues, presents, and Steve fleas, not necessarily in that order.

Jaws by JoeLawson

Danny has a secret.

[angelholme]

May, Myself and I -- Year 3, Day 26 : Apocalpyse

"Oh, I feel it in my skin, the walls are closin' in and I'm tired of living in these burned-out buildings. Gotta shake the rust Before I turn to dust -- if I still had some faith, I'd pray"

"I, myself, have been going out with him since the 12th century. Or possibly since last week - it's hard to keep track. Because how are you supposed to measure time with the man that you want to spend the rest of your life with? What would make sense? Centuries? Nanoseconds?"

I know there is a time when she wasn't a part of my life -- I mean logically there must have been a part of my life where I didn't know her, where she wasn't in it, where we didn't share everything, talk every day, do all the things we do that have made my life infinitely better and infinitely more bearable in a way that I hadn't even realised I was missing before she came into it -- but as you probably have realised, she is so much a part of my life (although even that doesn't do what I am feeling justice) that I really can't remember a time when she wasn't a part of it. Or if I do, it just seems like a dream, or a life that belonged to someone else.

My entire life has been split into two parts -- my current life is split into two parts as well, but I will come back to that in a moment. My life has been been split into two parts -- the part before I met her, which doesn't really exist any more, and the part since I met her, which is really when I feel like my life began.

And now my life exists in two parts -- the part of my life I have when I'm not with her, not in her arms or by her side, and the part of my life when I am in her arms or by her side.

When I am not with her my life seems empty. I mean -- I have a job that occupies me, I have writing, I have reading, I have video games and a plethora of other diversions, but that is all they really are. Things to divert me, to keep me busy, to make me stop missing her as much as I do.

(If I am giving the impression that my life is somehow bad, or terrible, then I am giving the wrong impression. It is far better than most. As I said -- I have a job, I have a house, I am seldom cold or hungry. And while there is the whole medical thing going on -- which has had a considerable impact on my life -- my life, without her, is on average...... average).

But when you compare it to the part of my life when I am with her, it is -- as I said -- empty.

Because when we are together, even if we are just sitting together doing nothing, life seems better. Just spending time with her, no matter what we're doing, is nice. And I realise I sound vague, and a little like I am not explaining it well, but this is one of those things that can't entirely be explained -- that if you can break it down and explain it properly then it would stop being as magical and wonderful as it is.

I see her, and I smile. I can't help it -- I want to say it is Pavlovian, but that just sounds weird, even to me. (Although at least in that circumstance I am the dog and she is the bell, because in my long life I've learned comparing your girlfriend to a dog is never a good idea. Though now that I think about it there is a song from The Spinners where a guy compares a woman to a battleship which is truly bizarre).

People have written essays, studies, books about how music has the ability to change people's mood (and since the last but one word for this year's "May" is on that topic I will be returning to this subject later on) but just taking her hand and walking down the street can give me more happiness than anything else.

Without her, the world is painted in shades of grey (not like that! I think some phrases -- shades of grey, who you gonna call, the greater good, me and my shadow -- that I am never going to be able to take seriously again) but the moment I am by her side it explodes into colour. Like The Wizard of Oz just with far fewer drug references and wicked witches.

By now you may be wondering what my love for my most beloved has to do with the apocalypse, and I can see why that might be confusing.

I could give you a quote from "Heathers: The Musical" that "Our Love Is God" (We can start and finish wars, we destroyed the dinosaurs, we're the asteroid that's overdue. The dinosaurs will turn to dust, they'll die because we say they must, the new world needed space for me and you) but that would just be a rationalisation -- albeit a good one.

I could also give you a romantic comment about how a life without her now would be the end of the world for me, but then I might sound like Cilla Black.

No -- the truth is that amongst the many talents my most beloved has is picking out random films while we are out shopping. She sees them and thinks "they look fun", so we just pick them up and take them home. (We pay for them first -- while we are a couple, and we are truly in love, we don't want to be the next Bonnie and Clyde). From this we've found a large number of films that have been very good, including -- amongst others -- "Mom & Dad" (a film about parents killing their children -- which is far funnier than it sounds), "Life After Beth" and "Anna and The Apocalypse" -- a zombie Christmas musical with a burning tree.

It is, as films go, very good indeed, and one of my favourite and I am pretty sure I wouldn't have watched it if it was not for my most beloved.

[blondebird]

                                       Headcanon Transfer

                                                      Before + Stationary + Mental Health + Jobs                                                                                 And More...

HC | BEFORE THE APOCAYLPSE

The girl Beth was before the apocalypse is hidden now. There is no time to think back to how she would sit around a bonfire with her friends while they drank wine coolers and moonshine. There was no longer Instagram, or Twitter, or the pressure to dress for a perfect balance of sultry and respectable. She had only gotten her first pair of heels the year before, a kitty heel with polished black faux leather.

Beth thoroughly enjoyed creating birthday cards by hand, caring for the animals on the farm and the ones her father would occasionally bring home. She was close with her mother, learning to cook many different kinds of meat and vegetable dishes. She didn’t eat meat herself, but that didn’t often affect her.

Beth loved cornflower blue and pastel pink, and would decorate the borders of her homework with idle doodles. She loved to draw, but rarely pursued this hobby due to having little time. She played sports, none specifically that she excelled at. She stopped playing soccer when she began high school, preferring to spend her free time with her music.

Beth was an average student. She excelled in Music and English, but struggled with Biology and Math. Even before the apocalypse, she had no intention of going to college for further education. She wanted to try and join a singing group with a few of her friends, and failing that, move to a big city to find an agent on her own.

Beth secretly harbored feelings for a boy named Jimmy, who had the sweetest smile and kindest eyes. She wanted to be a mother one day, and hoped (as much as she feared) that Jimmy would be the boy she married. They’d never done more than kissed, but she’d wondered, and wondered often.

Beth played party games like Never Would I Ever, with water instead of booze. She would play in her friend’s pool, have sleepovers, cry on the phone, lament over celebrities. She would count the letters in her name compared to that of her crush’s, and brainstorm names for their children.

Beth loved the zoo, watched movies on Netflix (when her Internet behaved), went on vacations, made cookies at Christmas, and hearts for Valentines’ Day. She lived for the thrill of giving presents, and blushed at every one she received. She never swore in front of her parents, and prayed at church every Sunday.

HC | DEMEANOR

Beth was raised to show the utmost respect to her peers, elders and seniors. Everyone, really. You were to mind your pleases and thank yous, and avoid swearing unless you catch your finger in any of the farm equipment. (Like the time her daddy got his thumb caught in a pair of bolt cutters, eesh, he cussed so much her mom almost didn’t let him back inside.)

If Beth really likes you, and trusts you, she won’t be hesitant to be honest and up front. The sweet, cautious farm girl demeanor falls away to reveal a thoughtful, observant young woman. Her natural demeanor is one of a follower, and a hard worker. She wants to make sure things run smoothly, and will only rule in her domain (such as when she babysits, or if she’s in charge of dinner).

Beth can even be sarcastic, she can be rude, but both those are only if she feels cornered, of if someone isn’t giving her proper respect. (This is especially true during her time with Daryl, where she learns that being open and honest is far better in this new world.)

HC | STATIONARY

Beth is an absolute stationary fiend. Anything cute, shades of pastel, stripes, spots, just cute, and she’s gotta have it. She has an ENDLESS supply of notebooks with matching pens, stickers, post-it notes, ridiculous arrays of paperclips, and goodness knows what else. This started because she wanted to be organised in school, and quickly became a desperate goal of attaining all of the cute things, ever. And she admits, it’s SHAMEFUL, and it’s shallow, but it doesn’t stop her from enjoying the little things. This includes cute masking tape, staples, ANYTHING you can think of.

Not that the contents is equally as cute. She uses this as a form of self-expression, and it is how she processes the world around her. She likes to treat herself in small ways, and sometimes she will buy a notebook with the express intent of writing songs about love, or ex-boyfriends, or fights with her friends. Now that she’s older, she is freer with her language and her wants, and she no longer worries about revealing too much to the diary. Her parents and sister can’t snoop anymore.

HC | MENTAL HEALTH

  From a writer standpoint, I wanted to take a moment to write a stream of consciousness regarding Beth, and how she has progressed through the series.

  This is not a complete guide, and by no means do I claim to be an expert on mental health. I am going to try and speak in plain terms, and about things I’ve noticed with Beth. I do not claim that what is listed below is consistent with every experience, nor do I believe that any mental illness or disorder should be included into a character for the sake of drama. I hope that I have spoken respectfully about the topic, and feel free to approach me if you feel I have misinterpreted anything.

  There are consequences for the events that Beth has experienced, and they have a direct impact on her experience with others, and her reactions. I just wanted a place to work through these, to discuss the effects it has had on her up to and including her return to Grady. I am unlikely to list direct names of illnesses, but I will state that Beth as I play her experienced depression before the outbreak.

                                                                                 …

  There has always been an indescribable pang to Beth’s existence. It wavered from low periods, to days of uncertainty and heightened states of awareness. Beth had a very loving and supportive family, and friends, and she was cared for. People respected her, and her bouts of ‘low’ periods, but mainly Beth would self-manage. She would push herself out of the lows, and not let on how incredibly unhappy she felt. Because, she justified to herself, she had no reason to be sad. This logical perspective did not dismiss the idle ‘maybe it’s not even worth it’ thoughts that would crop up.

  Beth was active with her church group and her friends, which kept her in the swing of things. She didn’t allow herself to fully acknowledge or feel the lows, and eventually during her time in middle school, around the age of thirteen, this cropped up. Beth had a falling out with her best friend Anna, and that spiraled into a self-destructive attitude. Beth became snappier, a difference from her sunny disposition growing up, and she didn’t know why. She just knew that she was unhappy, at a fundamental level, but there was nothing to blame.

  Whether it was the shift in attitude, or the falling out with Anna, Beth was ostracized from her friends. For several months she sat on the outside of everyone else, quiet, unsure. They would speak to her, but they would also intentionally skirt around her. She was still around them, because it was a small town, but there was a mutual understanding that she was acting out, and they couldn’t discern why. Eventually Hershel noticed a dip in her daughter’s mood, and how she was no longer spending time with her friends after school. Beth was reluctant to eat, had lost interest in choir, and ultimately rode off on her horse one night after these facts were pushed.

  After a teary conversation, Beth admitted that she just didn’t know what she was doing, or why she was doing it. Annette and Hershel took her to see a psychiatrist named Milly, who specialized in adolescent mental health issues. While not the most severe case she had ever seen, she expressed concern over Beth, and helped her reframe her perspective. Much of Beth’s maturity and confidence in changing and being who you are, not who you were, comes from her brief time with Milly. This, in addition to her family, shaped her into a more mindful and optimistic person.

  For a brief time, Beth took antidepressants, and attended sessions once every few months to check her state. She was on a smaller dose of antidepressants as of the outbreak, and her checkup sessions were six months apart. Beth spoke about this with Jimmy, as he had been one of her friends when she’d first had to attend the sessions.

  Beth experiences minor anxiety attacks, and constantly has to check herself, and her actions. Aside from her first suicide attempt at the farm, Beth has not taken to anything related to self-harm. She knows it is something she is capable of, and is actively trying to keep herself away from that side of herself. She does not view those who self-harm as weak, and suicide is not weak. It is a tragedy, and it makes her genuinely upset.

  Since Grady, Beth has experienced panic attacks. One at the sight of a lollipop, and the way in which it was offered to her. This was caused by the trigger of it, but she is unlikely to succumb to it a second time. It was one of the things she buried deep inside her mind, rather than deal with. The other came at a nightmare, after the wolves attacked. She will frequently wake up, with the sensation of being shot cutting through her head. Primarily anything to do with the smell of blood will trigger her to remember her own wound, but she is usually better at managing this.

  Grady prompted a large portion of Beth’s current anxiety and fear, and will often cause her to lock up, but I feel as though Grady needs to have it’s own post.

HC | WE ALL GOT JOBS

                                       Beth volunteered to work in the kitchen after a few weeks within Alexandria. When the group arrived, jobs were quickly handed out. Because of the injury sustained at Grady, and the concern about her time spent in the hospital, they kept her in town. She wasn’t allowed to volunteer for scavenging, and was actively discouraged from pursuing any work that would be too physically demanding.

                                       Due to feeling useless within Alexandria, she sought out Deanna and explained her skills. They decided she could easily work within the kitchen, given that she knew how to properly cure meat. This was a pressing issue, due to the group hunting. It also meant that those who went on runs were better equipped with food that would last, and they could rely on the food prepared in Alexandria.

                                        Once Beth has proven she can be alert and contribute to the runs, she is going to speak with Rick and Deanna about it. She doesn’t want to fall into the same position she was in at the prison, where others fought for her. She wants to prove that she more than what people think she is, a fact that is only exacerbated by the attitudes she experienced in Grady.

                                       Beth’s work in the kitchen primarily centers around making jerky, jam, and other easily preserved goods. She also cooks larger meals which are taken by those who do not have time to cook, or those unable to. She makes stews, casseroles, and works with Carol on other, fancier dishes. She is learning a lot, but much of this was knowledge gained from her mother, Annette.

HC | RESPECT FOR THE DEAD

"Help me take her down.“

"Don’t matter, it’s dead.”

"It does matter.“

Beth doesn’t have pity for the walkers. She knows that it’s kill or be killed when it comes to them, and she won’t hesitate to defend herself. What she cannot (and will not) stand for is people who belittle the walkers, and truss them up into games. This is highlighted at the gold club when she attempts to take down the woman with the sign ‘RICH BITCH’ around her neck.

The walkers were once someone’s friend, family, acquaintance, rival, enemy – they werepeople. Desecrating the walkers for personal amusement is akin to playing with any 'human’ corpse, because that’s what they are. They were all once human, and she despises what the world has devolved into.

The humans who take it upon themselves to toy with and torture walkers for personal amusement are despicable to Beth. In the same vein, people who treat them as human, if not higher, are also of a questionable nature. They are nothing but a threat, a tragedy, and a walking corpse. They aren’t toys or people (not anymore).

Beth will avoid killing them as much as possible, and won’t seek a fight. She will also still refer to them by 'he’ and 'her’, assuming the can tell what gender they are. This links back to her first exposure to the walkers, in the form of her friends and family in the barn. She had been taught they were still people, just sick in the head.

And while Beth knows now there is little chance of returning from the state walkers decay into, she still views them as once human, and deserving of her respect. She will try to calmly, peacefully, put the walker out of it’s misery, and make a note in her diary of another person to pray for.

(Above all, she will protect the group and herself, and would never put a walker above that of a living human being.)

HC | HEARTS AND BUTTONS

Sidenote, both Beth and Lori wear necklaces that feature heart iconography. Lori has her locket, which has Rick’s ring on it until they reunite. It’s a proper locket, closed over, with pictures in it no doubt. It ends up on a dark piece of cloth, rather than the chain. Beth, on the other hand, has two hearts, both outlines of hearts, which begins on a proper fine chain, only to be fixed with a cloth strap looking piece later on, as well as a button.

The addition of a second heart to her necklace, as well as a button made me want to look it up. What’s the significance of the button? One definition I found was; a button can symbolize life. Your life can be closed up or too open. Sometimes for your own protection button up against people that just want to interfere in your life. Given the episodes where her necklace gained the button match up with her development with Daryl, I think this was to show it was time for her to open up. Maybe.

Her fine silver chain and single heart were introduced with her, when she was ignorant of the true epidemic. And the necklace stayed that way until well into season three, and appeared in it’s adapted form by the end of season four. The chain is still present across the back, still integral, but behind her. The dark fabric is wrapped around the hearts, keeping them secure. The button – I really wish I knew who the button came from, or if it just fell off her shirt. But there had to be some significance. You don’t just pick up a button and attach it to your necklace.

(And I haven’t even talked about her bracelets. Unnecessary, but properly from Maggie who went on runs. I’m going to headcanon that each came from a different person, one from Glenn, one from Daryl, one from Maggie. Not all were directly given to her, but were brought back for anyone to grab. Or were they brought back, specifically for her? It was her birthday at some point in S3 and S4. Perhaps they were birthday presents?)

The show uses necklaces throughout it, with Andrea and her sister and the mermaid necklace, with Daryl and the necklace of walker ears, and the 22 necklace that Shane wore. I just find it interesting that there are parralells between Lori and Beth’s jewelry choices. As they both adapt and become stronger, the fine chain transformed into something sturdier, but no less beautiful.

People change. Their accessories reflect that.

HC | FAVORITE THING

The question would have been impossible, once upon a time. Beth had her phone, her laptop, her assortment of heels and finery, and a dozen other bits and pieces she thought she couldn’t live without. All of it had gone up in smoke and flames, the day the walkers had broken through the fences. It went to show you how useless technology was, for all it’s bells and whistles.

Her iPhone was useless; her Macbook AIR was a paperweight; her heels were a liability. Beth looked around in the cell she now lived in, her fingers running along the frame of her bunk. She was fortunate enough to know the people who made the initial runs, and was lucky enough to have bits brought back for her. A locket from Daryl, a book from Glenn, a new pair of sneakers from Maggie, and other things that fleshed out her outfit.

”My favorite thing?” Beth hummed, a mischievous smile always on her lips. She let out a sigh, hands falling to her knees. “Gosh, make it hard why don’t you.” It was then she saw it, tucked into the rungs of the bunk above her. She pried it out with lithe fingers, her index finger playing with the frayed edge of the cover. Beth fell to her tummy now, legs kicked up on her bed.

”Ah bet you’re thinkin’, typical of a girl… Or, or, why a lil’ book? But it’s not what you think. It isn’t all boys n’ school or any of that.” Beth smiled down at the green coated pocket book, the inside cover scrawled with silly phrases. “See, my momma got me this f’Christmas, like she always does. It’s so I could write down my plans, so I could warn her… If I needed to get picked up, from school, or the pool, or church, I could let her know. I was always a bit scatterbrained when it came t’times.”

Beth wiped away a tear, brushing it straight onto the sheets. “See, I forgot about it. I forgot it existed, it was in my school bag from Christmas, t’… Till we ran from the farm. And then through the forests, and through the storage lockers. We didn’t have a proper Christmas last year but — you don’t expect that, not now.” Beth licked her lips, idly dooling in the margins.

”But see, I had written things in it, at the farmhouse, when I wanted — a way out. After m’mom came out of that barn and… Y’know. When things were bad. But I look back to it now, and I just feel better, knowin’ I’ve made it, I’ve changed. I’ve proven myself wrong. And that’s what this book is about.” Beth scratched at the spine of the book like it was a cat keening into her touch.

”Once we cleared the prison, and settled down, I found it again. I didn’t need t’cry anymore, because I knew, like last time, I’d be okay. I wrote in it when the inmates died, Axel, and…” Beth shook her head. “And I wrote in it, when I was feelin’ sad, or lonely, or mad. I didn’t wanna make everyone else suffer f’my problems. Especially ‘cause I was carin’ for Judith, after Lori passed away.”

Beth capped her biro, now sitting up once more. “It’s been good for me. And one day, when I’m old and tellin’ my grandkids about all this, I’ll remember it all. I’ll remember the names of everyone I’ve known, of all their hopes, and dreams, and wishes, ‘cause…” Beth stood up, still cradling the diary. “If you write it down, it’ll come true. Maybe not in this lifetime, but in the sky, in Heaven, they’ll be happy. That’s all I want.”

The blonde wiped at her eyes again, though there were no tears. “Bet y’weren’t looking for me to ramble. That’s why I started the diary. So my mom could see it, in case she’s too busy in Heaven takin’ care of everyone else. She’d be like that, mom… Talkin’ with Lori about how I needa watch myself ‘round boys, while they braid Sophia’s hair. Patricia there, laughing along. Otis cookin’ a barbeque… Jimmy, he’d visit, t’be polite.” Beth let out a laugh, though it didn’t sound at all amused. This was how she coped.

”Don’t tell anyone. I don’t really want them knowin’ I keep a diary. It’s not like that.”

It was her diary, but it had more to it than the name suggested.

HC | BAD JOKES

If Beth sees you frowning for too long, she’ll come over and tell you terrible jokes. Even if you get mad at her, she’ll be happy. Being angry is better than being sad, in her eyes. It means you’re still alive, and still feeling things. It’s also an ideal ice breaker, and a method her choir teacher taught her for making friends with the competition at choir meets.