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luxekook · 5 years

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intensity | myg

⇥ pairing: yoongi x reader ⇥ genre: angst, smut, fluff, established relationship ⇥ summary: this is a sequel to intimidation. in which yoongi is intense in every facet of their relationship, except one… and the reader is on a mission to find out why. ⇥ word count: 3.9k ⇥ warnings: nc17, cursing, dirty talk, general chaos, dom!yoongi with a side of switch, sub!reader with a side of switch, rough smut [oral (f receiving), light choking, spanking, breast worship, slight marking, slight ownership kink, unprotected sex (wrap it, folx, please), mentions of threesomes]

⇥ dedication: @shadowsremedy heaaaath bby! i hope you like this! i think it might be terrible, but plz enjoy anyway sdfsdhbakj

⇥ prequel: intimidation

Six months into dating Min Yoongi and you were so fucking whipped for him that you might just say the dreaded “L” word.

Was it too soon to know? The majority of your friends sure thought so - Nia being the exception.

(“Wife him up, girl!”)

The majority of your friends also thought that Yoongi never outwardly showed how much he cared for you. But, you knew they just weren’t looking hard enough.

They weren’t looking at the way he linked his pinky with yours just to be connected to you. They weren’t looking at the way he always gave you his full and undivided attention no matter how trivial of a story you told. They weren’t looking at the way he flushed a light shade of pink whenever you complimented his music.

But you were looking. God, you were looking so hard you feared you might just melt under the intensity that was Min Yoongi.

Everything about Yoongi was intense: his aura, his focus, his ambition.

Everything about dating Yoongi was even more intense: his devotion, his affection, his possessive nature.

Everything about him was intense… Everything except one thing.

Sex.

And you were baffled.

Yoongi treated you like a queen, albeit a fragile one. He fucked you like you might break under him. He fucked you softly, sweetly.

You weren’t saying that the sex wasn’t good. He always made sure that you came multiple times with his fingers, his tongue, his cock. But it just wasn’t enough. It was like he was holding part of himself back from you. And you just wanted to know why.

Were you not attractive enough to evoke such fervor? Was he not into it? Oh lord, did he think you sucked at sex? You could pull out some receipts that said otherwise.

And, yet, the absolute worst part of it all was the fact that Yoongi’s reputation for being a dominant lover preceded him. You heard it from your friends, you heard it from the twitter-verse, you heard it from his friends… fuck, you’d even heard it from your damn T.A.

And yet, all Yoongi gave you was sweet, sweet vanilla.

And all you wanted was some damn rocky road.

The tipping point came earlier that night when you had overheard Yoongi and his friends talking about you…

“Aren’t you bored, Yoongi? What do you even do together? Make flashcards?”

That was one fucking time, you had glared accusingly at the wooden door that separated you from where Yoongi and his friends had been congregated in his tiny dorm room. Your ears had strained to catch Yoongi’s muttered response through the cacophony of laughter and had failed miserably.

When you had planned to surprise your boyfriend after your night class had been cancelled, you’d never thought that you would end up being the one caught off guard.

You hadn’t initially meant to eavesdrop on their conversation, but his friends had just been so loud and your curiosity had just gotten the best of you.

“She’s such a goody-goody… I bet she doesn’t let you get rough.”

That time you had heard Yoongi’s answer: “I just don’t know if she could handle it… (y/n) is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I don’t want to mess it up if I blow her back out and break her.”

You had heard enough. Turning on your heel, you had marched back down the dimly lit hallway towards the stairwell.

“Couldn’t handle it. Couldn’t handle it?”

Now, you found yourself still seething hours later. Livid, but not without plans. You had already decided to take this matter into your own hands days earlier, but now your timeline had shifted. Oh, Min Yoongi would rue the day…

You smiled at your reflection in the mirror as you applied your blood red lipstick. Your phone long since silenced lit up for the umpteenth time that evening.

You were ignoring him. Was it petty? Yes. Was it strategic? Fuck yes.

You knew that Yoongi would be going to Seokjin’s birthday party tonight. The older boy had blackmailed Yoongi into going a few weeks ago by threatening to release an old demo that Yoongi had made in his early teens.

Suddenly, you were also going to make an appearance - a complete coincidence, of course.

Nia had convinced you that going with her to this party would drive Yoongi crazy, especially since you'd been ignoring him. But she also had an ulterior motive. Nia and Jimin had been hooking up on and off since you and Yoongi had gotten together; and, right now, they were very much in an 'on' phase.

You gave yourself one last glance over in the mirror and shrugged. The little black dress and heeled ankle boots would do. After all, it was really what was underneath that counted.

The new lingerie that you had impulse-ordered a few days ago after brainstorming ideas on how to make Yoongi lose his mind had arrived. The set that you settled on tonight might just achieve that goal - all black lace with garters and thigh highs.

It had put a nice dent in your wallet, but it would be well worth it if your boyfriend finally fucked you into next week.

Speaking of... your phone lit up yet again, this time with an incoming call. You were so tempted to pick up. Yoongi's voice was your favorite - all deep and raspy and teasing.

Your freshly manicured finger sent him to voicemail.

“(Y/n)!” Nia’s voice called from her bedroom adjacent to the bathroom you currently resided in, “Are you ready?”

“Yes, let’s do this.”

Fifteen minutes later, you walked through Jin’s front door. “Whoa,” Nia stopped short, making you bump into her.

“What?” You surveyed the crowded room. Then you spotted him. “Oh my god.”

Jin stood atop the coffee table wearing nothing but a pair of banana-printed shorts and a felt birthday cake hat. He was also dancing rather aggressively to “Birthday Cake” by Rihanna.

“Yah!” His attention suddenly fell on you and Nia, “Wel-come and put your name on it.”

You both gaped at the birthday boy who now was descending into a twerking fit while screaming the word ‘cake’ alongside Rihanna.

“Do you think it’s too late to turn back?” You whispered to Nia.

“He’s already seen us. We’re doomed,” Nia responded, her eyes still glued to Jin’s writhing form.

Laughing, you grabbed Nia’s wrist and tugged her towards the kitchen.

Suddenly, you felt eyes on you, on your body. You knew that Yoongi was here somewhere, and he’d seen you. It would be so easy to just go up to your boyfriend and smother him with kisses and affection like usual; but, that was not on the agenda. And so you forged forth without a backwards glance towards the living room where he must have been.

After fixing a drink and losing Nia quickly to Jimin, you were still steadfastly avoiding going back into the living room. Now, you were in a nice conversation with a boy named Jinyoung about the merits of being in Slytherin.

"Can I talk to you?" Yoongi pushed in between you and Jinyoung, effectively interrupting your rant over how Slytherin ambition can be used for good.

"Can it wait?" You spared your boyfriend a cursory glance before turning back to Jinyoung. Yoongi already looked thoroughly pissed off. Perfect. Suppressing a smile, you tried to reinstate your conversation with Jinyoung and pretend that Yoongi was not even there.

Yoongi let out a low growl before snapping, “No, it can't wait." He grabbed your hand and began to pull you down the narrow hallway. Your feigned protests fell on deaf ears as he continued to tug you along towards Jin's room. You waved in departure at an amused Jinyoung who just raised his glass in your direction.

Opening the door, Yoongi pushed you inside and slammed the door shut behind him. Crossing his arms across his chest, Yoongi pinned you with his stare. “Are you mad at me?" His question came with an accompanying head tilt and eyebrow raise.

“No. What makes you say that?” You reveled in the scoff he made in response.

Yoongi stalked towards where you stood at the foot of Jin’s bed. “You haven’t answered my texts or calls. You haven’t acknowledged me all night. You even walked right by me earlier in the living room, baby. So help me out, because I’m a little confused.”

“Join the club.”

“What was that?” His narrowed eyes spat fire in your direction. The words you had mumbled under your breath were obviously not as subtle as you thought.

“Nothing, baby.” You smiled innocently despite your boyfriend’s growing fury. “I just didn’t see you or your texts earlier.”

Yoongi’s jaw clenched. “Bullshit.”

“Yoongi, drop it.”

“No, I won’t drop it, (y/n)! You’re obviously mad at something I did.”

“I’m not!”

“Oh my god. You’re fucking furious.”

“I’m not mad, okay? God, I am so tired of you parading around like you know every damn thing about me. Well, guess what: you don’t, Min Yoongi!”

Your boyfriend’s eyebrows had practically disappeared under the fringe of his hair during your outburst. His eyes were comically wide as you continued.

“You think I’m so fucking breakable? Newsflash, buddy, I’ve been someone else’s sub before! But you wouldn’t know that, would you? You wouldn’t even know the first thing about what I like in bed. And you know why? Because you’ve never asked!”

Yoongi no longer looked shellshocked. No. Now, he just looked downright agitated. “Baby, calm down.”

This little shit right here…

“Oh no, you don’t get to tell me to calm down! Not when you’ve been going around telling everyone and their mother that you fuck me like I’m fragile. And, meanwhile, I’m over here being bombarded with people ranting and raving about how rough you are in bed! Well, if you’re so rough and ready then why the fuck am I still getting this sweet vanilla shit? Am I not attractive enough for you, is that it?”

“Kitten, I’d really advise you to stop talking.” The new nickname flew right over your head as you spared a glance in his direction and swallowed. His expression was thunderous. Too bad you were too far into your rant to turn back now.

“I must be really fucking boring to you if you won’t even consider spicing things up with me! Am I not pleasing enough for you to want your fucking mark on my body? Is that it? Or are you just tired of me in general?“

“You’re playing a very dangerous game here, (y/n)…” Yoongi cupped your chin in his hand tightly and drew your face up to his. You gulped. You had never seen your boyfriend look so angry, so punishing, so hot. He continued, “I’ve told you before that I’d give you anything if you just asked for it. So, I just want you to think about what you’re asking for here.”

The words were out of your mouth before you could stop them. “I haven’t thought about anything else for fucking weeks! I even considered asking Sehyun for advice!”

“And who’s Sehyun?”

Oh, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. You had not planned to mention your dominant ex-boyfriend as part of this conversation.

“(Y/n), I am going to ask you one more time… Who. Is. Sehyun?”

In your tiniest voice, you replied, “My ex who used to dom me.”

Yoongi hissed a breath in between his teeth. “So, you’re telling me that instead of coming to me with this, you thought about going to your fucking ex? Your old dom?”

This was not good. This was really not good.

“That’s not the point!”

“You’re right.” Yoongi suddenly sits on the edge of the bed and tugged me face down across his lap. “The point is that you’ve been bad. And bad girls get punished.”

It was honestly embarrassing how quickly you got wet after he uttered those words with you splayed out on top of him. Positioned like this, you felt vulnerable, totally at his mercy.

Yoongi rolled up the bottom of your dress. As you felt the cool air of the room brush your lace-covered ass and thighs, Yoongi sucked in a breath. You felt his gaze on you. “Kitten,” His voice came out deeper than you had ever heard it before, "Did you buy these for me?"

You shimmied your hips on his lap, craving any sort of friction. "Yes," you moaned as you felt Yoongi's fingers hook under one of your garters, before pulling and snapping it back onto the skin of your thigh. The accompanying sharp sting of pain only made you even more soaked - a fact that was not lost on Yoongi.

"You like that, don't you?" Yoongi repeats his actions on your other thigh before murmuring lowly, "Don't you, my little slut?"

You let out an involuntary moan at his filthy words, grinding into his dark jeans.

Smack. Yoongi slapped one of your cheeks, startling you with both the sound and the sting.

“I asked you a question.“ Yoongi's hand kneaded your ass, causing the prickling of pain to quickly turn to pleasure.

"I do! I do like it, daddy.” The title slipped out automatically, but judging by the way Yoongi's cock twitched underneath you, he didn't mind.

"Fuck yeah, kitten. Call me daddy.”

Yup, he really didn't mind.

"Now, I want you to count," Yoongi growled, hand squeezing you roughly before sliding your panties and thigh highs off to fully uncover your ass and thighs.

"Yes, daddy.” The anticipation, though brief, made your heart race.

"This is for ignoring my messages.”

Smack. "One."

“This one is for ignoring me in person.”

Smack. "T-two."

”This is for lying to me."

Smack. "Three."

"This is for thinking you're not attractive enough for me."

Smack. "Four."

"This is for even considering that I might find you boring."

Smack. "F-five."

“Look at you,” Yoongi’s fingers suddenly ceased their kneading and drifted to your drenched pussy, “You’re fucking soaked, and you’re only halfway though your punishment.” His finger slid inside you fleetingly before sliding back out. Your back arched in search of contact - something, anything.

“This is for not saying you wanted my mark sooner."

Smack. “Si-ix.”

“Actually, kitten, I’m going to give you two for that one.”

Smack. “Mm, seven.” The heat from his smacks was spreading from your ass to your pussy, settling low in your belly.

”This is for mentioning that prick Sehyun."

Smack. "You don't even know h-" Smack. Smack.

“E-eight!”

"This is for being a brat and not coming to me with your issues."

Smack. “Nine.”

“This is for fucking dripping all over my jeans despite the fact that this was supposed to be a punishment.”

Smack. “Ten.”

You laid slack in his lap for a bit, pliant under his kneading hands.

“You did so well, kitten.” Yoongi cradled you in his arms, pulling you into an upright position before laying you down on the bed with your legs hanging off the side. “I’m going to fuck you so hard…” He groaned, burying his face against your breasts, lips seeking. “But first, I think you need a little reward after taking that punishment so well.”

You arched, needing his mouth.

“Let’s get these clothes off of you.” He pulled your dress over your head before quickly unhooking your bra from behind your back.

“Goddamn, you really do have the prettiest fucking nipples I’ve ever seen, kitten. I always wonder if I could make you cum just by sucking them. I bet I can…”

Your mind grew hazy when he finally turned his head and took one of your nipples between his lips, dragging his tongue over the sensitive bud. He sucked it into his mouth with a groan, and you couldn’t help but moan, “Yes, daddy!” Your body felt like it was burning; but, still, you wanted more.

He turned to your other nipple and muttered, “You taste so sweet, (y/n)...” Yoongi worshipped your other nipple with his mouth, his tongue, and even the slightest bite of teeth. After finally leaving that one as aching as the other, he pulled back to face you.

“Kitten, you’re so fucking sexy.” He hovered over you, taking his time kissing down your stomach, leaving marks in his wake. Intentionally skipping the place you need him most, Yoongi trailed kisses on the insides of your thighs. Finally, he was poised over the seam of your pussy.

“This,” his breath caressed your slit, “Belongs to me.” You squirmed, anxious with anticipation.

“Say it,” Yoongi growled, slapping your pussy lightly, “Say that this pretty pussy is all mine.”

“It’s yours. God, Yoongi, it’s yours. Please, daddy.” Your pleas burst from your mouth in an embarrassingly whiny tone.

And then it happened in a blink. His mouth was on you. His hot tongue swiped over your clit before drawing it into his mouth and sucking it.

As he devoured you, a growl sounded from his chest; and, the idea of finally, finally inspiring that kind of lust turned you on so fucking much.

“D-daddy, I’m going to c-come!” You were already coming undone with each skilled swipe of his tongue.

Yoongi pulled back. Honestly, you really should have seen that coming.

(Or should have seen yourself not coming for that matter.)

Before you could even attempt to slide your own hand down to where you needed it most, Yoongi pulled you up towards him. Your legs shook as you tried to find your balance, but he was too impatient for that evidently.

Yoongi picked you up, and you instinctively wrapped your legs around his slim waist.

Stumbling, you both crashed into the wall. His hips pressed firmly into yours, wanting you to feel him.

He rested his forehead against yours, and, breathing heavily, he said, "I can't believe you thought for one second that I didn't find you attractive." His hips ground into yours. You felt his hardness, his heat, his desire for you. "Does this feel like I'm not attracted to you, kitten? Can’t you tell how hard I am for you? Fuck, you just had me on my knees, facedown in your pussy... Don’t you know that you fucking own me?"

"Y-yoongi," You gasped for air, breathless from his admissions and his actions, "I know it now. You fucking own me, too."

His lips turned up at the corners before slamming down onto yours, kissing you as if you would disappear if he stopped. Your hand twined around his neck, lacing your fingers through the short strands of his hair and kissing him back with equal vigor.

He tasted so fucking good, like soju and strawberries. You sucked on his tongue, and he groaned. Yoongi’s fingers dug even deeper into the sensitive flesh of your upper thighs.

“Need to fuck you now,” He muttered into your mouth.

"You're gonna have to strip for that to happen, daddy,” You said, smirking as he set you down.

Smack. “I should have known you were a fucking brat,” he laughed.

You pouted in response as you watched your hot-as-sin boyfriend make quick work of his clothes. Your eyes drifted over the lean muscles of his body before settling on the hard length of his cock. What you wouldn’t give to take him in your mouth right now…

“No time for that,” Yoongi chuckled, noticing your attention and catching onto your train of thought, “Now be a good girl and bend over the bed.”

Well, since he asked so nicely.

You complied, bending over with a mix of excitement and arousal bubbling in your stomach. You could feel Yoongi standing over you. He snaked one hand around your body to thumb one of your nipples. His other hand ventured lower, and one of his fingers pumped inside your pussy.

He pinched your nipple. “Fuck, kitten, you’re so fucking wet for me.”

“Please, daddy. Please fuck me.” You groaned, arching into his finger as he pumped it in and out of you. “I need your cock.”

“Yeah? You want daddy’s cock?” Yoongi’s finger disappeared. In its place, you felt the crown of his cock slowly stroking your folds. “Then, you’ll get it.”

He slid into you with a deep groan, his hand twining into your hair. He was so hard; his arousal only made you needier. He slowly began to slide in and out.You moved your hips to match his, wanting to feel his full-length reach deep inside you with every stroke.

His thrusts became faster and harder. “Good girl.” You could feel his gaze fixed between your legs. “I see you taking me.”

Still gripping your hair, Yoongi pulled out and slammed back in, giving everything into each thrust and rocking you against the bed.

You buried your head into the duvet to muffle your moans. It took every muscle in you not to come.

"Fuck, (y/n),“ He groaned as he plunged into you. You backed up into him, trying to get him even deeper inside you. He lifted you onto all fours and the resulting angle was divine.

Your body started shaking. Subconsciously, one of your hands shimmied down your body to touch your clit, needing that final push.

Apparently, not on Yoongi’s watch.

He pulled one hand away from its grip on your hip and set it back down with a smack. Your right ass cheek stung fiercely. “I didn’t give you permission to touch yourself, kitten,” Yoongi growled, “That’s my job.”

And, with that, Yoongi pinched your clit and slammed into you. That was all it took to push you over the edge. “Ah, Yoongi!” You screamed into the comforter of the bed in hopes that it might muffle your exclamation.

“That’s right, kitten, milk daddy’s cock. Fuck yes,” Yoongi continued to pound into you through your own orgasm. His moans got louder as his thrusts grew sloppier until his hot cum poured into you.

Breathing heavily, he collapsed on top of you briefly before pulling out and falling to your side. You both continued to pant in your collapsed positions on the bed. You could hardly move.

You turned your head to the side to look at your boyfriend. His eyes were hooded, his hair a mess. “Round two?” You suggested with a smile.

Yoongi’s gummy smile made a brief appearance, “You’re going to kill me, (y/n).”

“No,” Jin’s voice came from the doorway, “I’m going to kill you both.”

You and Yoongi screamed as you scrambled to pull the comforter over your naked bodies.

“I can’t believe this,” the birthday boy continued, “You fucked in my room? In my bed? On my birthday? And I didn’t even get an invite?” His eyes were twitching murderously. “I’m the one who’s supposed to have birthday sex! Me, you peasants, me!”

You shot Yoongi a speculative look as Jin continued to rant.

“Really?” Your boyfriend groaned at your unspoken question, “Right now?”

“It’s his birthday!” You hissed, “Besides, I did show up without a present…”

Yoongi pondered it, “Fine, but I am so punishing you for this later. Fucking hell, how many more kinks do you have that I don’t know about?”

As Yoongi trailed off, muttering about masochism and threesomes, you stood. Clutching the blanket to your body, you walked over to where Jin had finally quieted down.

The boy eyed you suspiciously, “What?”

“You said you wanted an invite, Kim.” You dropped the blanket, “Consider the invitation sent.”

a/n: big yikes on how this turned out skskskss hope you liked it anyway despite the chaotic-ness that is this fic

#bangtanhq #btswritingcafe #btswriterscollective #ficswithluv #bangtanarmynet #btsbookclub #hyunglinenetwork #180knet #kwritersworldnet #yoongi x reader #min yoongi #yoongi #smut #bts #bts smut #bts fic #myg

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paaradoxum · 5 years

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BakuTodo Rec List of Fics Vol. II

It’s been a while since the last time I did the other list and many new, wonderful fics appeared (the dynamics will be the same: AO3 fics that includes top!Bakugou and bottom!Todoroki for those that are NSFW), so if you wanna check out here is Part I.

This time there are 32 fics in this list, I have more and probably I will make Part III soon.

Spoiler: EVERY SINGLE one of these stories are FUCKING AWESOME.

Rating: G

→ flowers die, feelings grow by kinneyb

Summary: When Bakugo first visits a local flower shop with Jirou, he buys some flowers in a lame attempt to piss off one of the employees - a guy named Shouto. But then he gets a little too invested in keeping his flowers alive.

→ Pretty by doop-doop.

Summary: Like so many things that had to do with Shouto, the question took Bakugou entirely by surprise. “Do you think I’m pretty?”

→ For a Single Moment by itsclowreedsfault.

Summary: Katsuki shakes his head with a sigh and an unbidden smile. Shouto's always been like an overexcited kid when it came to cats; Katsuki should've known he didn't stand a chance against them in Shouto's first visit to a cat cafe.

Rating: T

→ Ruin My Life by justhavesex.

Summary: He's not a vengeful person, really, he's not.

But him and Bakugou have started this little on-going war of theirs back in middle school when they were 10 years old and Todoroki had accidentally—if you got Todoroki drunk enough and fed his ego well enough he would, in fact, admit that it was very much on purpose—accidentally fed Bakugou's limited edition All Might magazine to his cat.

→ Aesthetic Distance by llyn.

Summary: This was around the time Shouto was appearing in all the blogs and rags and instagrams wearing a hideous faux fur coat of bright, hot neon like some awful crawling creature from an acid trip had been hunted and skinned, its pelt draped over Shouto's shoulders.

→ Dance To This by justhavesex.

Summary: Bakugou has never cared much about being an alpha, not really, not until he met the most frustrating omega in all existence: Todoroki Shouto.

→ Welcome to the Mile-High Club by minhakos.

Summary: In which Todoroki realizes that maybe airplanes aren't the only thing that should make him nervous.

→ Boyfriend Tactics by Esselle.

Summary: 'Shouto's eyes go impossibly wide. He seems to lose all powers of communication for a moment and just stands there, frozen, staring at Katsuki and the kitten. Finally, eventually, he utters the tiniest noise Katsuki has ever heard him make.

"Ah…" '

Katsuki comes to the aid of a small and fluffy civilian while on patrol.

→ Line by Line by Lillabelle.

Summary: With half his sketchbook filled with drawings of the guy, Katsuki wondered if he’s already crossed the line of being insanely creepy. They’ve never spoken, and he honestly only knew the person’s name was Todoroki Shouto because of role call in class. Shouto was just… so unique to look at with his half and half appearance. It was hard for Katsuki’s eyes not to get drawn to him. Not to mention they shared several classes, so if Katsuki ever got bored and felt like drawing something, there he was.

→ a todobaku one-shot collection by kagehinataboke.

Summary: all of my multiple, multiple, multiple todobaku one-shots. i stan two (2) dipshit boys that are obviously in love and hate with each other.

→ amaryllis by ?

Summary: The amaryllis has come to symbolize pride, determination and radiant beauty. Somehow this all suited Katsuki a lot more than Shouto expected.

→ tell ourselves a good lie by ElmoIsSatan. (In-Progress 12/?)

Summary: For a straight guy with anger issues, getting a “boyfriend” might just be his only escape.

Or-

Bakugo makes an impulsive decision and suddenly gains a boyfriend just to prove his parents wrong... The only problem is it’s all fake.

→ how to register for a library card (and get a boyfriend in the process) by Kaleid369.

Summary: “Friends have each other’s numbers, yeah?” Bakugou shrugs. “I don’t hate you, I guess.”

“Lucky me.”

“Lucky you,” Bakugou snorts. “I gotta go. Text me so I have your number.”

“I will.”

He's already started walking away when Shouto blurts out, “See you tomorrow?”

Bakugou shoots him a smirk over his shoulder, as if to say, Duh.

Shouto stands and stares at his retreating back, and the thought of kissing him pounds along with the beat of his heart.

→ on brand by dinosuns.

Summary: Midoriya is honestly unsure what’s worse: the tragic fact that Todoroki Shouto can make anything look objectively incredible or the fact Kacchan has six versions of the exact same photograph saved onto his camera roll.

Nobody saves a photo that many times by accident.

Kacchan set the bar, Todoroki raised it. That is not a good thing.

→ The Journey Home by dinosuns.

Summary: “Your hair looks real fucking nice.”

“I thought it was about time I grew it out,” Todoroki says, something wistful caught in his voice. “You were always saying I should.”

That’s true. And Bakugou is satisfied to know he was right about it looking good, but it’s not like he can share that with the fucking class anymore.

Bakugou tells himself that he's fine with how things turned out between them. He also tells himself he's not still in love.

Rating: M

→ Zephyr by yeetin. (In-Progress 4/?)

Summary: The breeze that sifted gently through a golden sea of tall, dry grass brought the tiny spike of a different scent. An inconspicuous little prickle down the spine, barely even worth paying attention to. Something no one else would even imagine being able to notice.

But Bakugou did.

→ Objection, Your Honor by Myona. (In-Progress (8/?)

Summary: Shoto Todoroki hated Katsuki Bakugou. And he had plenty of reasons to do so.

But he didn't know that how things can change for the two of them who saw nothing but trouble in each other's presence and life altogether. Katsuki was a trouble from the first time Shoto heard his name, to the first day he met the man.

Rating: E

→ On Hot Blondes and Drunken Hookups by Crossfire. (In-Progress 4/?) I love this so so much.

Summary: “I’m Bakugou. What’s your name, Pretty Boy?”

Shouto looks at the drink in his hand, then back to the beautiful blonde boy, then back to the drink and downs it in one go, ignoring the slight burn as it slides down his throat, and while it would have been more suave to appear unaffected, he gives his head a little shake. He takes a quick breath and forces the words out before he has a chance to realize what a massive mistake this all is.

“Hot blondes I want to bang can call me Shouto.”

→ Tick Tick Boom by Ajaxthegreat. (In-Progress 6/?) THIS is so good, I’m in love.

Summary: An exhausted socially awkward violin prodigy and a deaf punk rock drummer walk into a bar.

→ Better Take a Mental Picture by chibibeeee. This is HOT HOT.

Summary: The one where Deku watches Bakugou take Todoroki and their exhibitionist kink is unlocked.

→ Cover: Blown by darkanddank. (In-Progress 1/2)

Summary: Some undercover agents got hooked on drugs. Went full Stockholm Syndrome, flipped and joined up with the other side. As Bakugou’s palm went flat over Todoroki’s navel and dove beneath his closed zipper, Todoroki started to understand just how easy it might be to go rogue.

...aka cop Todoroki gets his world rocked so hard by bad guy Bakugou that he has an existential crisis

→ Just One Bite by Crossfire.

Summary: This particular fuckup begins when he saves a cat from a demon in a sketchy alley.

Well, maybe slightly before that when his esteemed hedge-witch mentor turned out to be an incubus who coincidentally turned him and his stupid nerdy neighbor into incubi.

Or maybe when he was born to a non-magic family, but early on developed minor magical inclinations that turned out to be not-so-minor and kind-of-hugely-destructive.

Wherever this fuckup was born, it’s culminated as follows: Bakugou has been an incubus for one hundred and twenty-two days, seven hours, and thirty-six minutes, has not had a single successful feed, and is essentially slowly starving to death. His mentor is suspiciously MIA and that stupid shitty nerd has managed to secure himself a two-person harem so it’s just Bakugou, starving. To death. Slowly.

→ Gangster by Brixxen.

Summary: Bakugou is a detective trying to solve a case that's been open for months. He ends up in a town and meets a man who could be his undoing...

Todoroki wasn't expecting the blonde at the bar to leave him wanting more...

→ How to spend a Friday night by veltana.

Summary: That's how Katsuki ended up on his bed on a Friday night leaning against the headboard with his laptop between his spread legs, his hard dick in his hand, watching Shouto open himself up for him on the screen.

→ Your Turn by doop-doop.

Summary: An extra scene/epilogue/continuation of smd.

Bakugou and Todoroki housesit for Bakugou's parents and take advantage of Bakugou's large bed.

→ Comfort by hellaradholly.

Summary: Katsuki agrees to be Shouto's roommate after UA despite having an unbearable crush on him.a gift for Katie for the BakuTodo Valentine's Day Exchange!

→ Empire of Dirt by castiiron, clairesail. (In-Progress 5/?)

Summary: There was something different about being with Bakugou Katsuki. Something that Shouto had been searching for tonight, to no avail. A consistent burn in his gut, the warmth of a fire that hadn’t been stoked in many years. Katsuki had been inexcusably rough with him. Harsh in a way that had pulled him back to reality. Shouto hadn’t realized he was missing out, being so used to what he knew; going through the motions, a means to an end. His life for the last few years had revolved around mediocre sex as a way to abate constant desire, always at the forefront of his mind.

Unhealthy coping mechanisms are easier to hide when you aren't screwing your ex-classmate.

→ Be Quiet by chibibeeee.

Summary: Katsuki and Shouto stay the night at Deku's. If only they had any self control, then they wouldn't have to keep so quiet.

→ Speak Softly My Sweet Villain by Brixxen.

Summary: Ask anyone in Tokyo and they’ll tell you the same thing. That the No.1 Pro Hero Todoroki Shoto is the perfect hero. He’s kind to everyone, always the first to arrive on a crime scene, always the calm and collected hero everyone wants him to be.

It was ironic how things happened to lead Shoto to his current situation. Him moaning and shuddering like a teenager, clinging to the strong perfect body of the most wanted villain in Japan, Ground Zero.

→ Peanuts and Wolves by cashmeresho.

Summary: “Yeah, man, okay!” The guy holds up his hands in surrender and Shouto shoots him another apologetic look. “I really didn't know you guys were married! I didn't see a ring!”

“Oh,” Katsuki says. He frowns hard for a minute and then grabs Shouto by the arm to whisk him away to his table with Izuku and Kirishima to guard him or sniff him or whatever weird territorial thing he wants to do.

→ College Roommates|BakuTodo by S_Kuro.

Summary: Todoroki is the son of the famous Todoroki Enji, also known as Endeavor, his father is a famous business man that wants Todoroki to take over his business, but Todoroki wants to become a photographer. He goes against his father's wishes and goes to an art university miles away from home. There he meets a certain explosive blonde, who turns out to be his roommate. what sorts of ridiculous shenanigans will they find themselves in and what relationships will they end up in.

a BakuTodo fanfic

This is my first fanfic with these two, so don't judge me and I hope you like it.

→ Locker Room by darkqueen_25.

Summary: There are worse things to walk in on in a locker room, Inasa thinks, than your two new friends fucking against the shower walls.

There's probably nothing better than being asked to join in, though.

#bnha #mha #bakutodo #todobaku #todoroki shouto #bakugou katsuki #shouto todoroki #katsuki bakugou #bakugou x todoroki #top!bakugou #bottom!todoroki #bakutodobaku #fanfic #fic recommendations #fic list

234 notes · View notes

incarnateirony · 5 years

Note

as an emerging lgbtq+ (i'm 'BT') guy i am so glad you're making the point you made in your last post. I've always gravitated towards Dean because he is so 'imperfect' in his queerness, like me. but he's not a uwu soft queer so apparently that bothers a lot of ppl on here? Especially younger queer women, I've noticed. But a lot of guys, cis and trans, struggle with being attracted to men so much in a way that is simply different (not better or worse) than (1/2)

being wlw, especially depending on one’s generation and region, etc. basically what i’m saying is a lot of the few queer men that there are in the fandom stay quieter as it is almost completely queer women dictating what is and what isnt, and not quite empathizing with the unique struggle many queer men have with internalized homophobia/being Unmanly for being attracted to men. hope this wasn’t too all over the place, ive had this on my mind for a Long time and i’m glad you brought it up. (2/2)

ps: I’m not trying to put down queer women for being a significant part of the fandom. I just really wish the environment of the fandom felt more like somewhere queer men’s voices can be heard better, considering the largest pairing is, needless to say, mlm

Well, first of all, welcome Nonnie. I take it you’re addressing this untitled post addressing intersectionality, representation vs tokenization, represented demographics and just general motivations of those in discussion, yes? (x)

You’ll find this is a longstanding topic of my blog, be it excavating creator commentary people have buried for their own motivations and talked down and around, or dual faceted issues.

(If you haven’t read the crosslinks on the post you’re addressing, you may want to read The Problem With Dreamhunter (x) It discusses exactly this issue, even if it was written over a year ago at that point, showing just how cyclic this issue is. It talks about MLM/WLW intersectional issues, migrating goalposts, a bunch of show stuff and some of Bobo’s sociopolitical commentary from 2003 about advancing LGBT representation through moderate incremental methods being proven effective at expanding the media presence/platform exponentially above liberal, or more severe/extreme styles)

But when it comes down to it, basically: Yeah, you right.

I didn’t just arbitrarily develop this opinion. I didn’t… just magically tune in to what the LGBT men that literally dodge fandom, for exactly the reasons you say, and know it’s because of the reasons you say – like that didn’t manifest. It came from leaving fandom (un)”safe” spaces. It came from engaging a great variety of LGBT males in real life, many of which engage the content. From observing how they spoke of the content in multifandom servers, or even *why* they chose to avoid speaking up.

And no, I personally didn’t get a read of you, like, insulting LGBT women for their part in fandom. Women engage social media for primetime TV fandoms at an exponential rate above men, so it’s almost unavoidable and it’s nobody’s fault really, but that says nothing for the perpetual habit of drowning out their voices to the fact that– well, they literally abandon engaging.

I’ve seen it enough times it *hurts* me. I shouldn’t *have* to pull my gay writing buddy out of holes to face this, and him still hide silently. I shouldn’t *have* to be the vein of news and information on the show to the bi male friend I have that refuses to touch this fandom. I shouldn’t *have* to even speak up about this. I really do want *you all* to speak up about this, because I can only speak so far, because you’re right: OUR JOURNEYS ARE DIFFERENT.

Hell, even a cis lgbt male vs a trans lgb(t obvious) male have entirely different journeys even though they’re both validly men. These battles are not the same. One community can speak up to defend another, and help hold them up and amplify them if there’s just not enough of them to project the way they need to, and this is something *greatly under respected* in this fandom. Nobody’s holding up the LGBT male voices when actually talking about representation. And you’re right, it’s mostly women, and you’re right, our path is different and our struggles and needs and wants and lives are different. But unless you take a considerable amount of time talking and sharing and learning personally the perspective of the LGBT male community, you’re not… really… helping them speak.

And let it be said, “holding up LGBT male voices” does not and should never equate to “despite having multiple LGBT men saying one thing, I found the one LGBT male saying the thing that matches what I want, who may or may not even actually be in the targeted demographic set of the character we’re discussing representation about, because it’s more than just being bi, it’s entire lives, paths and challenges– but you know, I found the ONE, so fuck the others.” That’s using your friends as tokens and cards. If you want to genuinely add to the conversation, what you do is you introduce your male LGBT friend to the other male LGBT friends and let them have a long conversation to talk out the sources of their disagreements before engaging in conversation.

But drawing a pretty base line collective from all people in the represented demographic, respectfully learning the majority wants and needs and struggles, and helping voice those is pretty key.

Women can sit here all day, and pass around things they’ve been told by other women are woke points, or things that sound progressive and good, and often sort of decontextualized from their purpose (be that the dresswear mentioned shortly hereafter, or what LGBT want/expect/SHOULD want or expect – but in the end, if you’re not sitting down and having dialogues – not just with one, or two, or even three LGBT men – but large handfuls and subsets, able to actually critically examine the differences in LGBT males of gen X, Y, or Z and their lives and stories – if you’re not doing that… If *that* isn’t the core of your discussion values, rather than pass-along buzz vibes– then you’re really not talking representation. You think you are. But you’re not.

There’s the uh. Thing. You noticed. About how women expect the men to engage.

When it comes to young queer women, I’m going to risk pissing some people off, but the long and short of it is (I could probably dig up the link but it’s been an eternity) a while ago they ran a psychological study to figure out why young women were attracted to yaoi, and gay porn, especially what is essentially stereotypical force-role type gay porn. It has to do with blooming attraction, primal fear, and trying to make the men more appealing in a way that does not intimidate them.

This later manifests into feminizing them, setting twink/bear roles that go beyond into top/bottom, and conflating it with penetration, position, power, dom/sub, fork/spoon, sometimes served with a dose of internalized misogyny being projected into the vessel of whatever twink/sub is positioned, and generally— like, kink culture. Often this is passed with narrowly progressive-masked arguments of “Men should be allowed to be feminine if they want!” rather than a genuine answer to, “Why do you perpetually heterosexually resize, or reframe, and enforce heterosexual structure onto characters that do not meet this mold, and why is that a personal gain to you?” because in the end– it’s a personal gain. And again, at that point it’s not about representation.

Now again, I’m not… shaming anyone for having a kink. But kink/fetish needs/wants have blurred themselves in as if to hedge on equal territory to discussing canon content. Or sprinkling the quite literal fetishized art (power to you if that’s your thing, I guess, even if I do bear discomfort over fetishization of any LGBT demographic, even by another LGBT demographic) and reasoning with dialogue that implies it as being representative, and inserting that into the representation discussion, which *literally* just makes the entire bog muddier, makes the LGBT men trying to speak more easily dismissed in a vat of “just women/fetishists”, it just– it’s Not a Good. I’m… personally not a fan of it. Like at all. A lot of it makes me angry tbh. So I don’t engage. I don’t browse fanfiction. I look at very little art.

Hell most of the people around here don’t even realize it’s actually a *minority* of LGBT men that choose to engage in penetrative sex, but it’s become a topic of outright obsession around here. There is so much simple… lack of awareness and discussion of the lives LGBT men lead, even by LGBT women because again – we don’t have your path. We can only listen to you. (And BOY have I gotten earfuls from my LGBT male friends absolutely going apeshit banana bonkers over fandom’s obsession with penetration culture, gender role enforcement while feigning it as liberation, and all kinds of other stuff. And that’s what I base most of my talking points on.)

Because if I’m going to talk representation, I’m going to talk about representing the demographic the character is supposed to represent, not molding him into a tokenized wash-over of every single person’s wants. If you’re an LGBT woman that can resonate with Dean Winchester, that’s great. Sometimes representation can be shared. But a character’s origin determines what demo he represents and not all of any given representative’s character’s attributes, methods, functions, anything – not all of it is going to meet any one person’s goals collectively, but the target demographic is inevitably closer to it.

Another point to raise is that it feels like people have lost track of *what* the representation battle is about. It isn’t just about any one person attaching to any one character. It’s about developing a TVscape that looks more representative of the real world, with a fair presence of PoC, of women, of LGBT people of all types, of the disabled community, of people that are even more than one of these, of people with different stories: people. About, well, normalizing it, because it should be normal. About saturating television enough that one day, and that day will not just be tomorrow per convenience, that people won’t be desperate for representation even vaguely in their wheelhouse, that they can turn on and see people of any intersectional type and go– wow, the world finally realizes we’re real. And that in that wide, realistic menu, yes, being able to turn a channel and eventually see someone *just like you*. A day when any show turned on has at least *someone* in your wheelhouse because every show eventually should have some sort of realistic spread, but if you find the *right* show, *there you are.*

That’s how it’s built. We don’t start by footstomping and tokenizing everyone to be vaguely representative of everyone or it doesn’t count because it didn’t work for *them*. We start by sharing truly diverse narratives, each unique to their own, just as diverse as straight stories are, maybe even more. That’s the only way you’re actually going to end up with a TVscape full of The Gays, and full enough to find *explicitly yourself* in there.

Deleting normalized, non-sensationalist text for lacking either visibility or flavor, even if you weren’t the intended demographic for it to speak to, is quite literally contrary to the entire fight.

and tbh?

This shit is why I hate shipping culture.

And I say that as someone who presumably “ships” Dean and Cas, if it’s shipping to address canon bullshit happening in front of you and just watch the show as it folds out without going into denial for *whatever* personal reason.

There’s a lot of well intended people, most shipping fandom is full of good beans, but as a collective group – skewed by sociopathically manipulated dialogues we can literally track the origins of – have been driven into much of the above while genuinely believing they were doing the right thing, in a long chain of being told this was what and how to fight for, without really stopping and critically examining the nuance of the conversation. Because why would you? Seems to be the popular gay thing to do – while a lot of bisexual people currently hide their commentary via reblog hashtags or hedge awkwardly into an anon box sideways.

That all said, it continues to be my focus. It will never change on this blog. I will never surrender to being pressured, be it by antis or bitters or people just wanting to argue, into pretending things that were text are subtext. I will not move that goalpost. You are real, and you are valid, and you are welcome in my inbox any time, Nonnie, confidentiality guaranteed. Like, DM too.

but lmao like shit, dawg. There’s a reason the LGBT guys I’ve had as writing partners as Dean literally refuse to play with another Cas. That’s not just because I’m a *super aweSOME auTHOr*, it’s because they recognize I do not come from the wing lost to fanfiction, to troll wars, or even to shipping culture, love of a ship be damned. I don’t try to force gender roles on them. I listen when they speak, and often, surprise many with the angle I ever enter discussion or listening from to begin with, because of spending so many years listening to begin with. It’s an intrinsic understanding of why they resonate with the content, not what I can pull some transformative art stuff on or wanting to *make* it into anything else to fit *my* molds. It’s because of being someone engaged to the male perspective, without the need to twist or change a character to be content with it, and being WILLING to hold those challenging conversations.

Listen first. Talk later. But never in front of or over the people you claim to be talking for.

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littlemisskookie · 6 years

Text

Four Letters: Ch 7

Four Letters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Ship: FWB!Jungkook | IceQueen!Reader | Yoongi Description: College!AU. Enemies to Lovers. Your icy exterior makes it seem as though you dislike everyone- which is partially true. But the one person you truly dislike is the cocky frat boy Jeon Jungkook. Warnings: Lots of Angst, Lots of Vomit, Intercourse, Blowjob, Deepthroating, Breathplay, Dirty Talk, Choking, D/S Themes, Degrading Names, Praise Kink, Light Hitting? Overstimulation, Multiple Orgasms, Fingering, Cum Play, Cumeating Word Count: 10,760

"Wait- you're what?" Xiyeon question, her eyes wide as she blinked up at you.

You gnaw on your lower hip, taking in a deep breath, avoiding Lisa's accusing stare. "I'm... hooking up with Jeon."

"As in... Jeon? Jeon Jungkook?" Xiyeon asked, dumbfounded.

"What other Jeon?" Lisa questioned, scoffing. She had been acting snippy to Xiyeon all day today, despite the fact the focus was supposed to be you confessing the dreaded secret to them. You didn't know what her damage was today- but you didn't exactly feel like getting into it.

"Yeah. That Jeon," you affirm, ignoring the tension. "We've... been hooking up for a few months now."

"When did this begin?" Xiyeon questions.

"You know that concert I went to? For that cover band I liked? Well, he was there as well, and he and I sort of hooked up. After that it became a lot more consistent," you explained.

Lisa put her hands on her hips, cocking her weight to one side. "I want to know why you didn't tell me- us, this before."

You let out a sigh, giving her a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry. I guess it was fun keeping it a secret- it's what we both agreed on. I guess it was also kind of embarrassing considering the fact that I hated him for so long."

"That's understandable," Xiyeon nodded along, looking to Lisa nervously. "I thought I sensed something different between you two."

Lisa's face softened as she looked at you. "Are you guys friends with benefits now?"

"What? I mean, I guess. Not like, exclusively or anything. But I guess so," you murmur.

"Why're you telling us this now, anyway?" Xiyeon asked.

Your mind flashed back to what happened the night prior.

"What?" you question, raising yourself from his chest slowly to look at him properly. "What brings this up?"

Jungkook gives you a nervous glance, obviously anticipating your shock from his question- and perhaps even worse. "It doesn't have to be now, or anything, just... maybe in the future."

Your brows furrow. "What's this about?"

"Nothing. I guess... I dunno. It's hard keeping you a secret. I don't want to keep you a secret. It's tiring having to sneak around and such and gets in the way a lot," Jungkook admitted. His eyes changed from the sheepish expression to one of lust. "I don't want to keep it a secret that I want you just because there are friends around."

You purse your lips, wary. "So this would just be to help us hook up more often?"

"Yes! Exactly. It's difficult having to make sure no one else is in the house or around or yada yada," Jungkook rambled.

"Makes sense... So this is so that it's all more convenient, right?" you say softly.

Jungkook's mouth goes small. "You don't have to decide now. It doesn't have to be immediate. I was just... wondering. No pressure."

You couldn't help but think about what your friends would think. They'd be shocked, and Lisa would be furious that you didn't tell her earlier. And Yoongi?

Would he stop liking you if he found out?

"I should tell you something, actually," you say quietly. "Um... Jimin already knows."

Jungkook's eyes are wide. "Wait- what?"

"Um, remember when you and I hooked up? And you walked out of the room and talked a bit to Jimin?" you question, bashful.

Jungkook's jaw clenches. "I remember."

"Well, basically I walked out of the room after you, and Jimin was there and put two and two together. He was planning to hold it over me, sort of as a joke, but it went too far. When he asked if anyone hooked up with a friend in the friend group, the question was targetted to us, to tease us. He figured we would lie, but Xiyeon ended up blowing it anyway. After that, he's been trying to get on my good side, especially with how guilty he feels," you explain.

Jungkook sighs, rubbing his hands over his face. "Why didn't you tell me this before? I didn't even know he knew."

"I'm sorry. I guess... I dunno, I didn't know how you'd react," you admit. You didn't know what you were trying to say truthfully. Were you afraid everything would stop suddenly?

"It's ok. I know now. I'm sorry you had to deal with that alone," Jungkook said truthfully.

You bit your lip, making up your mind. "Alright. We can go public."

Jungkook's eyes widened. "What? You're serious?"

You nodded in affirmation. "Yeah. I'll tell the girls, and I guess you can tell the guys. We won't have to sneak around anymore."

"Is this what you want, too, though? I don't want to force you to do anything you're not comfortable with," Jungkook asked nervously. You could tell just how genuine he was from the tone of his voice. It was touching, really.

You nod again, pressing a small kiss to his lips, not trusting yourself to look him in the eyes. "If it's what you want, I want it too."

Jungkook only smiled and wrapped his arms around you, kissing you back.

Xiyeon studied your expression as you told a bit of the story- though leaving out as many details as you could. Lisa only gave you a hardened expression, arms crossed as she pursed her lips. She was pissed to learn you were keeping secrets from her.

"Y/N... Do you like Jungkook?" Xiyeon questioned.

You gave her a confused expression. "What? No! I don't do relationships and neither does Jeon- that'd be ridiculous."

"Sorry, just from how you spoke of him I just-" Xiyeon shook her head as if catching herself. "Sorry, I'm not in the right mindset. Forget it."

Lisa's expression softened as she looked at you. "Y/N- you can't get feelings for Jungkook, alright? He's such a fuckboy- everyone knows it. And trust me when I say that catching feelings for someone who will never feel the same... Let's just say it's the worst thing you could do. I should know better than anyone."

"But you can't control how you feel," Xiyeon pointed out.

You pursed your lips at that, shaking your head. "That's bullshit- of course, you can. Your emotions are yours to control- no one can do it for you."

"I think you're thinking of reactions," Xiyeon explained. "You're going to feel a certain way about something no matter how you try to convince yourself otherwise- but you're allowed to control how you react and what you do. If people could control how they feel... life would be a lot easier, wouldn't it?"

"What would you know about control?" Lisa snapped. "You didn't exactly control your reaction when you slept with Hoseok, did you?"

Both you and Xiyeon turned to look at Lisa, your expressions shocked at what she said. You could see the regret in Lisa's eyes the moment she blurted out, but it was almost as though she were too prideful to admit her wrongdoing. Instead, she stood her ground, looking uneasy as she stared Xiyeon in the eye.

"Lisa, what the fuck?" you whispered, eyes narrowed. "What is up with you today?"

"I should go," Xiyeon says hastily, getting up. "I... probably overstayed my welcome."

You gave Xiyeon a sympathetic look. "Xiyeon, no-"

"It's ok. Lisa has a point... I don't know what I'm talking about. I have the least amount of experience in basically anything out of anyone in our group. I... shouldn't even be here," Xiyeon says softly. You can see her eyes welling up with tears, and deep down you suspect this is something she had been thinking about internally for a while. Possibly for as long as you had known her.

Lisa's face softened at that, and she reached out for Xiyeon. "Wait, I'm s-"

"I should go. I've got an essay to do," Xiyeon says quickly, exiting the room as fast as she could. You heard the echo of the door slamming behind her before you turned to Lisa, crossing your arms with a cold expression. Lisa had never been on this end of your facade, but it wasn't going to go well, that was for sure.

"What the hell do you think you were doing?" you questioned slowly, voice low. The fact it was barely even above a whisper made you even more intimidating. Lisa would've expected screaming or yelling, a red face and veins popping out from the temples- that's what she'd expect from anyone angry. But not you. At your scariest you were low and quiet, calculating, like the small ticking of a bomb in the corner of a room. Screaming and shouting at the top of your lungs indicated the person wasn't in control of the situation and had to attempt to overpower the other person with their voice- and control was your specialty when it came to your reputation. The only difference at the moment was who was at the receiving end.

"You've been acting nothing but cold and distant to Xiyeon- which isn't you. Not only that, but you've been exceptionally rude to her when she's done nothing wrong. I understand you might still be perturbed by what happened between her and Hoseok- but for God's sake, instead of acting like a petty teenager, you can act like a civilized adult and talk it out. Instead, you went out of your way to drive her away from the uncomfortable situation and glare at her the entire day. You told me before that you were completely over what had happened- or at the very least you didn't blame Xiyeon for the happenings of that drunken night. I'm very disappointed to find out that you lied."

Lisa's cheeks flushed with embarrassment, and she felt as though she were being scolded by a parent. You tapped your fingers against your arm, leaning back as you stared at her expectantly, wanting an explaination.

"I'm waiting," you said, cocking your head to the side. Both of you knew that she'd have to crack soon.

Lisa's head hung low as she stared at her feet. "I guess... I got jealous."

"We're all jealous. She's a genius- that's no reason to be an ass, however," you said.

"No, not of that," Lisa said, a lump forming in her throat. "I'm afraid she's gonna replace me."

You quirked a brow at the girl. "I don't follow."

Lisa let out a sigh, rubbing her hands over her tired face. "First with Hoseok- God, you have on clue how many times I thought to myself that he would've preferred her over me. She'd end up being his new friends with benefits, or worse, his girlfriend. And not only that, you two have been getting closer. You're... She... I don't know. I feel left out, and I know you've spent some time together. Hell, didn't you shop for a dress with her or something when you were preparing to meet Jungkook's parents? I guess I feel like she's replacing me in the group. She's gonna be Hoseok's new hook up and your new best friend. I feel unstable enough as it is."

Your expression softened as you saw how she sniffled, tears hitting her cheeks now that she let it out. You rubbed her arm, stepping forward as you comforted her. "No one's gonna replace you, Lisa. Xiyeon isn't the new Lisa. Xiyeon is Xiyeon. You are you. We aren't carbon copies of each other for a reason. Even identical twins have their own identities. I didn't know you were feeling so insecure about your footing here but... We don't plan on letting you go unless you want to be let go. That's how it is for anyone. No one in our group is evil, despite how many mistakes we make. We're all just trying and failing in our own way to live life- we're winging it just like you. We won't push you out."

"I know, I just-" Lisa sniffled again, wiping away tears. "God, I feel so awful for snapping at Xiyeon like that."

"You were sort of a bitch," you weakly offered, showing a small smile simply to humor her. Lisa didn't mimic your false smile, and you let it fall hopelessly. "Well- you can explain. Xiyeon feels insecure about her own place in the group as well, apparently. She'll understand."

"I don't think a simple text will get things through," Lisa sighed. "I doubt she'll want to meet up."

"I'll convince her to come to the next party at the guys' frat. You guys can talk there," you shrug.

Lisa looks at you fondly before throwing her arms around you, giving you a tight squeeze. You feel your lungs try to collect as much breath as possible under Lisa's crushing grip. You pat her back with singular pats, still not exactly the best at the whole comforting thing. Or affection, more accurately.

"I wish we were more like you," Lisa said quietly.

"No, you don't," you manage to grumble with what little breath you have.

"I do," Lisa reaffirmed. "You don't care what people think. You don't care if you're in the group or not, you'd be happy even as a lone wolf, I'm sure. The rest of us are so busy scrambling for available places and you feel secure and are in without even trying..."

"I'm not that secure, Lisa. I'm still uneasy about a lot of things. I doubt myself," you tell her truthfully.

Lisa let you go, though still holds onto your forearms as she looks at you. She's still got tears running down her cheeks. "Well, none of us doubt you. Jungkook especially."

You think back to how you disappointed him with his parents. He should've doubted you then. "I suppose," you weakly offer.

"No, I'm serious. He's... He's admired you for a long time, y'know. Before you changed. Before he changed, for that matter," Lisa says wistfully. "I know I told you not to fall for him. It wouldn't be wise, or logical- and you're both of those things. But Xiyeon was right, as much as I hate to admit. You can't control how you feel. And if you really do feel for him... Well, I'll be nothing but supportive. Do whatever makes you happy. You should choose what's best for you and what you feel like you want. Even if it's Jeon Jungkook."

"I'm not going to catch feelings for him, Lisa," you assure her.

She gave you a weak smile, wiping away at her tears with her sleeve one last time. "I think this is the first time I've seen you in such a naive light."

You furrow your brows. "What do you mean?"

Lisa giggled at that as she cooed, brushing your hair as she looked at you sympathetically, almost as though she were looking at a child who didn't know any better. It reminded you of the look you gave her at times.

"Because that's the same thing I'd say about Hobi."

Jungkook's nose nuzzles against the side of your neck, running over the expanse of your skin, his hands massaging at your breasts, having your shirt ride up your chest and bunch over his wrists. It still felt weird, simply marching into his frat house as they prepared for the upcoming party, supplying themselves with so much beer that by the end of the night even the air would make someone intoxicated, to hook up with Jeon in the middle of the night. Where you could very publicly drag him away (albeit Yoongi was out of sight) and take him to his bedroom. You were currently straddling his hips, lips pressed against his as he fondled your chest.

Jungkook looked up at you, breathless as he gasped for breath. "God, I want you," Jungkook admitted, licking his lips as his hands slid down from your breasts to your hips, holding onto you firmly.

You grinned at that, loving the feeling of being desired by his lustful gaze. You slid your hand down his broad chest, slipping your fingers down into the waistband of his sweats, palming at his erection before sliding further south to squeeze his balls. "You're about to get me," you tell him, giving him a firm squeeze as you fondled his balls, rolling them in your palm. "All of me."

"Shit," he cursed, tongue diving past your lips to lick at your mouth again, suppressing a grunt. He bucked his hips into your hand as he groaned, cradling your face as he kept you close to him, breathing in the scent and keeping you pressed against him. "Can't wait to fuck you. To feel you," he said as you began descending down his body. He lifted his hips for you to strip away his boxers and sweatpants, hooking them around his knees. "Can't wait to have you crying from cumming so hard on my cock."

You felt arousal flood between your legs at his words, and you pump his erection slowly, licking your lips at the sight. It had been a while since you blew him, admittedly. You loved the small moments when you'd have him squirm beneath you. One of the few moments you truly felt as though you had the power in the situation, and though you loved relinquishing all control to the man, it was funny seeing him so powerless on occasion. "How do you want me, baby?"

"I want your hot mouth all over my cock, babygirl. I know you're hungry for it- so get me ready to fuck you," Jungkook said, hand coming to your head to press it lower, your mouth diving to his balls. You sucked at them, licking against them as you saw his eyes roll into the back of his head. You maintained eye contact with him as your tongue slowly traveled up his erection, from the curve between his balls to slide all the way up his shaft, to finally wrapping your tongue around the pretty pink head, sweeping the wet muscle over the sensitive head.

You grin deviously as you feel his thigh muscles tense under your touch once your mouth leaves his cock. "Gladly," you tell him, descending upon him once more to bury your nose into his pubic hair, sinking to the base as best as you could, doing your best not to gag as the head of his cock reached the back of your throat. You deep throated him as best as you could as he cursed, bucking his hips into your hot mouth instinctively and grabbing onto your hair to sink you down as far as he could.

"Fuck, you fucking minx," Jungkook hissed, slapping down at the back of your head to sink you further, making you squeeze your eyes shut as tears pricked at the corners of your eyes. You stayed down there for a few more seconds before you finally popped off of him, taking deep breaths as your chest heaved up and down, his cock shiny with spit and slobber from your mouth. Once you collected yourself you went down on him again, slightly more prepared, though the walls of your throat still contracted and squeezed around his cock, making the man groan. You could feel his cock twitch inside your mouth as you slowly inched higher and off of him, making sure to let your tongue sweep along the underside of his shaft and cock as you made your way up for air.

Jungkook's cock was an angry shade of red, now, the veins popping out as he tried to control himself. Beads of precum were at the tip from your menstruations, and you were sure if you continued a few minutes more, you'd have his hot and sticky load sliding down your throat. Jungkook grabbed at your face, hands pressed against the sides of your head as he leaned in, pressing your lips sloppily against his own as you still struggled to regain your breath.

"God, you're fucking perfect," Jungkook groaned, making his way down your neck, his tongue tasting the salt of your sweat as he traveled down the glistening skin.

You arched your neck, showing more exposed skin for him to bruise and mark as his own, though your thoughts still lingered on his words. You were far from perfect. You never thought you were good enough ever since what happened.

You pushed away the thoughts, however, the minute Jungkook flipped you over, taking off your pants and underwear before spreading your legs so that they laid flat on the bed. He aligned his head to your entrance, slowly pushing himself in, the familiar squeeze of your slick walls contracting around him making him grunt above you. He began his pace, angling himself at your sweet spot.

"Such a good cockslut. Fuck, you take my dick like such a good girl, don't you?" he grunted, hands so tight on your thighs you were sure it'd bruise. You nodded breathlessly, eyes pleading each time he called you a slut. Jungkook's cock twitched inside of you when he saw you arch beneath him, shuddering as you closed your eyes and let out a drawled out moan. "Fuck, you look so good wrecked beneath me. I could fuck your tight cunt all day, baby."

You grabbed onto his hand at those words, prying it from its grip on your thigh to reach towards your throat. You had been choked before, sure. One or two one night stands had begged to do it, and you didn't hate it.

You wanted his fingers to be clasped around your pretty little throat now.

Jungkook looked to you skeptically, slowing down his brutal pace inside of you. "You sure?"

"Dear God, Jungkook, if you don't choke me now I think I'm gonna choke myself," you say, rolling your eyes. You knew he at least had experience with it. Some of his previous hookups would gossip on what they begged him to do.

Jungkook pressed his forefinger and thumb against the pressure points, constricting your breath immediately as it hitched. You felt his cock twitch inside you at the sight, and he instinctively thrust inside you again, making both of you groan.

Jungkook began plunging himself back into you again. "Tell me if it's too much, ok?" he said, keeping his grip around your neck tight. You trusted him enough to know that he wouldn't hurt you. That would always be the furthest thing from Jungkook's mind.

At least you hoped.

"Fuck, fuck," you managed to gasp out, your face growing hot and red as you felt your orgasm approach. Jungkook's hips slapped so hard against your pelvis you knew it'd bruise by tomorrow, but you didn't care. The way his cock would angle towards your g-spot had you spasming around him, and soon enough you were arching your back and moaning once his hand joined the process, rubbing quickly at your clit. The now familiar wave washed over you as your juices spilled all over him, drenching his sheets and clothes, though he didn't stop until he spilled inside of you, and you were crying from the pain of the overstimulation.

Both of you were breathless once he finally let go, and you were limp beneath him. He panted, leaning over you, caging you in.

"You made such a mess," Jungkook noted, a smile in his voice as he saw some of the droplets that had splattered on you as well. "I'm gonna make you clean that up, babygirl. You made such a mess on my bed."

Your cheeks flared even more out of embarrassment. "I'm sorry," you told him, sheepish.

He dipped his thumb into your hot cavern, pressing your tongue flat against the bottom of your mouth. "You're gonna suck your cum out of my sheets, babygirl. And I'm gonna fuck you from behind Knowing how hot it'll be, I'll be hard enough in no time. Now that I can fuck you whenever I want, you won't be leaving this bed for a long time."

You gulped at that, seeing the mischevious glint in his eyes and knowing he was dead serious.

He licked his lips, hand diving back between your glistening folds to insert two fingers. "But first..." he trailed off, crooking the two fingers into your g-spot with a loud squelch, the cum coated digits having lewd sounds fill the room along with the stench of sex. You gasped out, arching your back at the feeling, his thumb soon colliding with your clit, still overly sensitive from your previous orgasm. "Hear that babygirl? I filled you up so good, didn't I?"

You could hear the fingers moving inside of you, the cum acting as a lubricant as he continued to tap against your g-spot. You cringed at the overstimulation, biting your lip. "F-Fuck."

"You're so wet still, babygirl. Your juices are sliding between your cheeks to make my bed even messier," Jungkook cooed, speeding up the pace of his thrusts to make more of it leal out of you, your arousal mixed with his seed. "All the more for you to eat."

You felt bliss overtake you through the pain, and you stopped attempting to push Jungkook's hands away as your orgasm approached closer.

"Awe, is my baby gonna cum so soon?" Jungkook teaser deviously, entering a third finger to make you go wild. "You like having my cum fucked into you, don't you?"

"Yes," you gasped out. "So much- fuck, Jungkook, I'm close."

"I know, babygirl, I know. You're gonna make a big mess for me, alright? Cum all over my dirty fingers already."

You felt yourself lose it, orgasm washing over you as you buckled into Jungkook's hands, feeling it overtake you as you came for the second time. Jungkook continued to milk you for all you were worth, the sloppy sounds filling the room as you continued to drip onto his hands and the sheets.

Jungkook slipped his hand out, the three digits glistening with a mixture of your own cum and his. He had a devious glint in his eyes as he raised his fingers to you, and you obediently opened your mouth, sucking on the juices until they were clean.

Jungkook slipped his hand out with a wet pop, slapping the side of your face fondly with his sticky fingers. "Such a good slut," he cooed.

You shuffled through the contents of the refrigerator. Damn these parties. Damn your friends for constantly forcing you to come to these. At this point even if you stopped hanging out with them you'd attend these ridiculous events out of sheer habit. Four cups of beer weren't going to cut it for you tonight, frankly. You couldn't feel it in your system yet, and you needed to be hit, hard.

You pulled out a bottle of vodka- half empty. You supposed it'd be enough, popping off the cap and pressing the bottle to your lips, taking a swig. You close the refrigerator door shut, only to be shocked by the magenta-haired man that appeared. You jumped in mid-air, heart pounding as you stared at him.

"Jesus fucking Christ! What's your problem, buddy?" you question, hissing out the words, your hand clenched over your racing heart.

Jungkook laughed at that. "Sorry- didn't mean to startle you. I didn't even know you were coming to this party."

"Uh, yeah, I am. You guys drag me along anyway, so why not skip all of the trouble and get to the inevitable," you say, shrugging as you took another swig of the vodka.

Jungkook grinned smugly as he took it from your clutch, taking a sip himself, wiggling his brows in response to your glare. "By the way, I told the guys. Jimin knew- Hoseok was surprised though. Told me to be careful in case you suddenly got feelings, but we both know you're not like that."

You chuckled uneasily. "Yeah. Right," you say, doing your best to not let any of the usual sarcasm seep into your words. You grabbed the drink from Jungkook again, this time holding it close to your chest.

"How'd the gals take it?" Jungkook questioned.

You scoffed. "Oh my God, please never say 'gals' ever again. It's cringy."

He flipped the snapback from off your head, letting it tumble to the floor. He ruffled your hair, palm grinding into the top of your head as he messed it up. You glared at him, swiping the hat up from the floor to hit him with it. "They took it fine!" you huffed. "Well, not really. But I told them, don't worry. Happy?"

"Mm, very," Jungkook murmured, caging you against the refrigerator, body pressing against yours. You couldn't press your hands against him or hold onto him for support as you slipped down slightly, the bottle in one hand and hat in the other. Jungkook's nose nuzzled into the side of your face, lowering down your neck as it cascaded and grazed down the slope of the curve. "Now I can have you whenever I want."

"Not right now, Jungkook. I've... I've got to get piss drunk first, anyway," you excuse despite the arousal pooling between your legs. Truth be told, you still needed to get Xiyeon since you convinced her to come tonight, unknowingly however so that she could talk to Lisa.

Jungkook immediately backed away, shrugging nonchalantly. "Sure. Later then?"

"Er- yeah," you say, quickly putting the hat back on your head as you excused yourself from the kitchen. You tried to find your way over to the living room, wondering if Xiyeon had even arrived yet.

You were surprised to see Yoongi and Jimin chatting with one another, beer in hand. You talk a long gulp before forcing yourself to march over. The two boys spotted you, both of their eyes lighting up with that familiar glow. Yoongi hooked his arm over your shoulder, holding you close, and you wrapped your arm around his waist in response, not wanting to make him uncomfortable. You quickly glanced around however for Jungkook, uneasy for what his reaction would be. Even Jimin was giving you a weird look- but he wasn't going to criticize you for that. He was still in your debt, and you weren't planning on letting him forget just yet. You made sure to give him that knowing stare as you chugged down the rest of the drink until the bottle was empty, not a drop to spare.

"I thought you didn't go to parties," you say, quirking a brow to Yoongi. "Don't tell me you're here to see me, now."

"Partly," Yoongi laughed. "But a friend of mine is in town, and I wanted to see him here before he leaves town. I don't know when he'll leave, but seeing as he barely ever comes, I can't take chances."

"Is it another rapper?" you questioned.

Yoongi shook his head. "No. He's just a regular guy. Met him about a year ago, and we've been talking ever since on the phone. More of an internet friend than anything. Believe it or not, he's the one who gave me the courage to even make the first move... Or should I say moves?"

Jimin furrowed his brow. "Wait, you two are going out?"

Yoongi shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck nervously, as though embarrassed. "Uh, I mean... We went on one date. We didn't talk about it much."

You turned to Jimin, quick to change the topic. "Where's Hoseok and Lisa?" You still needed to get Lisa to talk to Xiyeon, but the girl was nowhere in sight. Where was she?

Jimin pointed towards the ceiling. "They went upstairs. I trust you to put two and two together."

You frowned at that but gave an understanding nod. You sighed to yourself, wondering if Lisa would ever blatantly tell Hoseok her feelings and work things out. Before you could pry yourself from Yoongi's comforting hold, however, Yoongi lets out a sudden outburst.

"There he is! Hey, Tae, over here!" Yoongi waves over.

Your blood runs cold as you see Taehyung and none other than his wife saunter over. He looks pleasantly surprised to see you here as well, a grin on his face, his hand clasped around his wife's. "Y/N, I didn't know you'd be here! You know Yoongi?" he questioned, looking over at the man.

"Uh, yeah, I do," you say, coughing nervously.

Taehyung's wife, who you hadn't seen since the two of you could still be considered teenagers, looked over at the two of you. God, you hadn't seen Yuha in forever. She looked a lot more mature now. A lot more... Motherly, in a sense. Maybe it was the bob that did it. Either way, your stomach churned as you tried to suppress any urge to run, as well as the many memories that bubbled to the surface.

"You two make a cute couple!" Yuha beams.

Taehyung gave you a surprised look. "Wait, what? I thought you were with that Jungkook guy?"

Jimin looked at you, alarmed. "I thought you two were just hooking up?"

All eyes are on you, and you feel your face flush. You send a warning glare to Jimin, who lets out an apologetic expression, immediately regretting his sudden outburst. It was too late, however, as Yoongi looked down at you, his expression puzzled. "You're hooking up with Jungkook?"

You felt your insides bubble, and you quickly shoved the empty bottle into his hand, shoving his arm off of your shoulders. "I've gotta go," you hastily say, feeling the bile rising up within you. You shuffle out as quickly as you could, looking frantically around the house for a nearby bathroom. Otherwise, someone would have to clean up the present you had left for them on the carpet.

You quickly escaped to the bathroom, not bothering to even head to the toilet as you hurled in the sink. You watched it splatter against the bowl of it, and you're surprised that your dinner could even come out in that color. The vodka didn't even have time to settle into your system yet, and here you were puking as though it were already the end of the night. The beer had settled in your system, so you were the slightest bit out of it and woozy, but not nearly piss drunk enough to be vomiting already. You supposed this is how Xiyeon felt when the stress got to her.

The door opened, and Yuha have you a concerned look, letting out a shocked yelp as she quickly took your hat off of your head, as it was tipping over precariously, threatening to spill into your collection of bile. She put it on the counter as she held your hair behind your face, making sure it was gathered into a ponytail as you horked up what appeared to be lunch as well.

You heaved, letting out dry gags as more of it piled up into the back of your throat, just waiting to spill out of your open cavern, the acidic taste sliding down your tongue. Both you and Yuha grimaced when some of it slid down in a slimy trail into the bowl, and you felt the tears make your mascara streak down your cheeks from the force of the vomiting.

You looked up at Yuha, and because of how weak you felt yourself suddenly get, you couldn't help but feel yourself be sent down the whirlwind of that night.

It was your 18th birthday.

Or was it your 19th? The details didn't matter.

You were celebrating your birthday. Lisa was already sauntering off somewhere else, and you were looking for your boyfriend. Well, sort of boyfriend. He seemed off at the moment.

Really off.

You couldn't even make sense of what he had been saying the night before. It wasn't like you were dense. It was just the fact that he was rambling on about nothing. You admittedly weren't really invested in what he was trying to say, finding yourself too hyped for the birthday party that Lisa had planned for you.

His friend Yuha had stomped towards you.

Yuha never liked you, admittedly. She was Taehyung's best friend and the near opposite of you. She was far more chic than you, in her opinion. Still, she was cold and distant to you in particular, though she was never quite snippy. Still, you always sensed a bit of hatred from her end, and you decided to avoid her. Deep down you expected that she was in love with Taehyung, and though you confronted the boy on it, he insisted that you were being ridiculous. Yuha was just a friend, and that's all she'd ever be.

You remembered how that day you walked in on her crying in the bathroom.

You were surprised she was here anyway. There weren't many people here- just a few. Closer friends of Lisa's, in all honesty. Which was fine, since you were mainly planning on spending it with one person in particular.

"Yuha-"

"You can't fucking listen, can you?" Yuha questioned, eyes narrowed. "He even tried to break up with you last night, and you couldn't even listen to a goddamn word he was saying that time either, could you?"

Your eyes glazed over, stunned, and you were unable to comprehend what she was saying. "What?" you said, unsure what she was talking about.

Yuha rolled her eyes and huffed, grabbing your wrist and dragging you out of your own party and into the hallway. She slammed the door shut, cornering you. Her eyes were like liquid fire, and you felt small under her piercing gaze.

"Taehyung's breaking up with you," she said simply.

"What? Why? Why isn't he telling me this himself? I don't believe you," you quickly stammered out, blinking rapidly at her words.

Yuha groaned. "That's what he was trying to say last night- but you couldn't even listen to that, could you? And now I have to get it through that thick skull of yours, don't I? Because you don't even listen to your own boyfriend."

You could only blankly stare at her, paralyzed. "Why's he breaking up with me?" you asked softly, voice meek.

Yuha only seemed to become more ignited by that. "Why?!" she roared. "I'll tell you why. Because you're an immature, childish, kid who has unrealistic standards and is living in a fairytale. You think that your first love is the one you'll grow old with, who you'll marry and lose your virginity to, and all will be happy and well. You think the world's full of sunshine and fucking rainbows- dear God, you're like a toddler in an adult's body, for crying out loud! You're so naive and innocent and you can't act your own age, and Taehyung can't spend his whole life babysitting you."

Your lower lip trembled at that as you stared at her. You let out a squeak, attempting to say something, but nothing would come out.

"You can't even deny it, can you?" Yuha said quietly. "Even you knew you were holding him back. Y'know, the only reason he's here is because of you. And he hates it here. He hates every minute here- it's like torture. It's killing him on the inside- but of course, you don't notice that. You don't notice him the way I do. How he's putting his own happiness aside for yours, as always. How he's so afraid to leave because he doesn't think you'll so much as be able to survive on your own. Because he's been holding your hand for every step of the way."

"Why're you attacking me like this?" you asked, eyes welling up with tears as you looked at her.

Yuha's expression softened, and she stepped back, as though finally putting distance between the two of you. She gave you a sympathetic look, her own eyes shiny with tears. While yours spilled down your cheeks, she refused to let them fall. "Because I can't watch Taehyung waste his life away for a girl who can't even live her own," she said.

Tension hung between the two of you as you stared at each other, a lump in both of your throats as you struggled to speak. Yuha nodded, making her point clear as she stepped away, turning around to walk down the hall.

"Enjoy your party," she grumbled.

"Get the fuck off of me!" you snapped, shoving her away as you wiped away the spit on your chin. She staggered back, looking at your form with concern instead of the malice of her younger self. "I don't need your he-" You were interrupted, and soon you were doubling over again, gripping the edges of the sink as you felt more of your insides turn inside out to force the fluids out where they came in.

Yuha quickly pulled your hair up again rubbing your back soothingly. "I know, I know, let it out," she cooed. "You can yell and curse at me once you feel better."

You didn't protest, too busy hurling your guts, repeatedly dry heaving and coughing between the sputtering. When you felt your stomach calm for a bit, you looked to her in the mirror, her eyes trained on yours.

"Why're you being nice to me?" you asked quietly.

Yuha pursed her lips, biting the inside of her cheek. "Because I should've been nice to you all along."

"Too late for that," you grumble, reaching for a towel or something in the drawers to wipe your mouth.

Yuha looks through the cabinets, getting a rag. "Here, this should work," she offers, holding it out to you.

You look at it skeptically, as though she were the evil queen offering you a poisoned apple. You hesitantly took it to wipe against your face, deciding you didn't like the rancid liquid on your chin. You frown, turning on the faucet to wash away the copious amount of vomit in the sink.

"I'm sorry about all those years ago... and before that," Yuha said quietly. "I know it doesn't mean much. I know it's too late now. I know I was a horrible person. But I truly felt guilty about everything, and I've matured a lot now. Everything I said about you was wrong, but I was so focused on my jealousy and hatred and love for Taehyung- I didn't think. I made it out that you were the bad guy, despite the fact you weren't. I was. I know that now, and it's been eating me up inside and out."

"Thanks. Leave now," you grumble, staring down at the sink, unable to look her in the eye.

She gave you a sympathetic look. "I'm really sorry. Truly. If I could rewind time I would. Teenage me was an idiot."

"Well so was I, apparently," you say, tossing the rag down to the countertop. "You've done enough- you can tell Taehyung."

Yuha looked at you with as much emotion as she could muster. "You weren't. You weren't naive or immature or childish- I was. I was wrong, Y/N. So very, very wrong. I shouldn't have attacked you in that way. In truth, I wished I was like that because I was the opposite of that and... I just wanted him to love me as much as he loved you."

"Clearly he does. He married you," you say, looking over to her ring, glittering in the bathroom's dim lighting. "More than he ever loved me."

"He loved you so much," she said softly. "He really did."

"He still left me for you," you remind her, your tone clipped and bitter.

You sat across from Taehyung. A cafe. You loved cafes. They reminded you of romantic comedies. You loved this cafe in particular. They served your favorite- peppermint mocha.

You weren't in the mood for something so sweet this time, though.

You stared at Taehyung, his eyes trained on the table. You made a point to dress more maturely this time. Long sleeved black tee and jeans with boots. It wasn't frilly, it wasn't pink- it was adult and mature. That's what he wanted, right?

"So, you're really leaving?" you question quietly, stirring the tiny stick in your black coffee. You stared at his beautiful features- so delicate yet so somber.

Taehyung nodded grimly. "Yeah."

You licked your lips, sighing to yourself. "And... You're breaking up with me as well."

Taehyung nodded again. "Yeah."

You felt your eyes well up with tears, the lump in your throat only seeming to swell within, and you felt yourself getting choked up. "She's coming too, isn't she?"

Taehyung looked up at you at last. "Who?"

"Yuha," you say, your voice barely above a whisper as you barely managed to choke out her name. "I know, y'know. About you and her. She loved you for so long... You never believed me, though."

Taehyung didn't respond to that.

"She's the one, isn't she?" you whimper, tears hitting your cheeks. You hate yourself for letting yourself cry. Yuha would never let a single tear drop, you knew that. And you had spent so long trying to get your makeup just right. "She's everything I'm not, isn't she? Is she more? And I... I was never enough, was I?"

"Y/N..." Taehyung said, his voice cracking as he finally said your name. You could see how glazed over his eyes were once they met yours, his brimmed with tears. "That's not it at all. I loved you, really, I did."

You don't miss how he uses past tense.

"But you're leaving," you say, voice shaky. You want to hold him close. You want to grab onto his hands and sob for him to stay with you. You want so, so badly for him to stay with you.

Taehyung gulped. "It's unfair to you for me to stay here."

"No," you say, sucking in a breath. "It's unfair to you for me to keep you here."

Taehyung was silent again at that. He attempts to reach for your hand, but you pull away, recoiling at the mere thought of him touching you now.

He had made up his mind anyway.

He chose her over you.

"I hope you two are happy together," you say quietly, your voice a mere whisper. If there were even the slightest bit of wind, or if the AC was on, it would've gone unheard. Taehyung heard every word, however, and took it as his signal to leave, slowly sliding out of the booth as he bid you farewell.

You were left crying, tears dropping into the coffee you didn't even like as you bitterly sobbed to yourself.

You buried your face in your hands, no doubt smearing your eye makeup all over the place. The memories make your limbs go cold, and your heart is heavy. You feel almost numb, yet at the same time, you feel too much. A million different emotions wash over you, and you want it all to stop.

Yuha cradles your face in her hands as you crumble into her, unable to so much as support yourself. She smoothes over your hair, saying nothing as she comforts you. You squeeze your eyes shut, hoping that you can imagine her embrace as someone else's. She'd be someone else. Her perfume could melt into a more familiar scent.

But everything felt so foreign to you.

Yuha wordlessly opened her purse, getting a makeup remover as she wiped away the streaks of mascara on your cheeks. Throwing it aside, she smoothes over your hair.

"Put some cold water on your face. Your eyes will probably stay puffy, but I did the best I could," she says quietly.

"Why now?" you ask her, your voice soft. "Why is it now that you decided you wanted to reappear?"

Yuha sighed. "Tae is enlisted for the military in a few months. He leaves and... and I wanted to make sure we at least attempt to right some wrongs before then. I don't know what will happen and... What I did to you was my biggest regret. It was his, too. He knew you hated us, though. It took me forever to drag him here. I thought you'd want to talk to him first before talking to me. It didn't go so well, though, apparently."

"You broke me on my birthday," you say quietly. "You ran away with my boyfriend. I thought I was gonna marry him."

Yuha nods. "I know. I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do to make it better but... I'll try," she says. "Tae will, too. You were his first love, you know. He still misses you."

You feel the lump in your throat swell. "I should go," you say quickly, exiting the bathroom as you shuffle past her. You're rubbing your eyes, thankful that you stopped crying. You should've thanked her at least a little bit for holding your hair back or wiping the mascara off your cheeks- but you felt too prideful to even do that.

You quickly bumped into someone, and you looked to Xiyeon in alarm.

"Xiyeon- I've been looking for you everywhere, where were y-"

"Lisa just confessed to Hoseok" Xiyeon instantly blurted out. "She confessed to him just now, as we speak."

Your eyes widened at that. "Wait- what? How do you know that?"

"I just walked by- I was looking for you and I figured you might be busy hooking up with Jungkook. But he was in the hallway drinking so he wasn't with you. I figured that I'd go downstairs but then I heard Lisa's voice, and I walked past the door and I saw and- Oh my God, Y/N."

You let out a shaky breath. "What'd he respond?"

"I don't know. I left as quickly as I could. It seemed so private, it wasn't my business, though I'm here telling you so I guess that doesn't make things any better. I don't know what happened afterward, it could be up to anyone's guess."

"Shit, we should look for her when they're done," you sigh.

"What happened to you? Were you crying?" Xiyeon questioned.

"No, I smoked pot," you hastily excused. "I'm fine. Joking. Haha. Let's go."

The two of you scramble, looking around for where the two would be for when they came downstairs. You cautiously avoid the married couple, and Yoongi for that matter, not wanting to explain the fact that you were currently hooking up with Jeon. It wasn't until you got to the bottom of the stairs that you spotted the two of them walking down.

Hoseok wore a glum expression, and Lisa, on the other hand, had tears streaming down her face.

Your eyes widened as you turned to Hoseok, anger igniting in you.

"What the literal fuck did you do, Hoseok?" you hissed, hands clenching into fists.

Hoseok's eyes widened when he saw you, your irritated form glaring up at him. He held his hands up in defense. "Y/N... I need you to calm down."

"Don't tell me to fucking calm down! You hurt my best friend so many times already and-" You couldn't even speak properly, you were so angry. You had been bottled up with so many emotions after this eventful night- and now you felt as though you were ready to explode. This was the last fucking straw.

"Y/N, please don't, it's ok," Lisa said, rushing to your side, grabbing onto your arm.

You wrenched it from her grip, frightening her. "He's hurt you so many times already, and you're crying and- oh my God, Lisa, how much are you willing to put up with? Hoseok's made mistakes. He's a good guy. He made a big mistake for sleeping with Xiyeon when he was piss drunk, sure. But by now you should be done with all of this bullshit. You know this isn't fair to either of you and now he knows and he had the nerve to make you cry? What'd he do?"

Lisa gulped. "He didn't do anything. He just explained everything."

You frowned at that, brows furrowed. "Explained everything? As in what? You crying could only mean one thing. And I don't think it's good."

Hoseok turned to the frail Xiyeon, who was shaking, paralyzed as her head whipped between all three of you. "Xiyeon, explain to her, please," he pleaded, voice begging.

Your eyes widened as you turned to her. "You knew? What did you know!?"

"I-I don't know what he's talking ab-" She began.

"Sure you do! The night we hooked up. Just tell her," Hoseok pressured, voice strained.

Your eyes narrowed to Hoseok. "Don't you dare start stringing her along this as well, Hoseok. You and I might be friends, but I swear to God I'm one second from clocking your ass."

Hoseok gulped. "I promise you, I can explain."

"Fucking do it already!" you hissed, irritated this was taking so long. "Dear God, you guys know how to speak, fucking do it already!"

"Y/N," Lisa said, trying to calm you down again.

You looked at her, eyes fiery. "Why can't you just tell me what happened?"

Lisa's lips trembled. "It's not my information to tell, Y/N."

Your eyes widened at that. "You confessed to him tonight, didn't you?"

"Yeah," Lisa said softly, voice quiet.

"And?" you pressed on. Lisa stared down at the ground, and you saw more tears slip down her cheeks, the black streaks marking her cheeks. You wanted her to continue, still so confused as to what was going on.

"And... I turned her down," Hoseok finished, his voice tense.

You turned to him quietly, brows scrunched. You let your tongue prod your inner cheek as you looked to him. "You. Turned. Her. Down. Mhm. Ok. Yeah. Ok." Your voice was short and clipped, and your fingers twitched at your sides.

Hoseok gulped. "Xiyeon can help explain! The school's threatening to kick me out if I don't pull my grades up. I'm barely hanging on. If I got here on a scholarship it would've been taken, and now I'm being threatened- that's why I needed Xiyeon to help me so badly. And I was gonna have her tutor me but shit hit the fan! But I can't focus on a relationship- or hell, even a hookup until I have my grades up. I won't even be able to attend parties, y'know. One more late assignment and I'm out of here. I promised Lisa I'd consider dating her once my grades were stable."

You blinked up at him, slowly comprehending what he was saying. "So let me get this straight- you turned down Lisa for your grades... and yet you still lead her on."

"What?" Hoseok blurted out, brows furrowed. "Did you not get any of that?"

"Oh, I got all of that," you said slowly, taking a step forward, which made Hoseok take a step back up the stairs. "I even got the part where you basically said that the grades were what kept you from her, and you lead her on even more, convincing her she'd have a chance if she simply held out until your grades went up. And then you'd consider it."

Hoseok gulped.

You launched yourself up at him.

Hoseok leaped out of the way, bolting up the stairs. You were quick, but not quick enough for the strong arms slowly circling around your waist, pulling you up and off of your feet. You screeched, flailing about and kicking your feet as you turned back to Jungkook, his grip tight.

"What the hell is up with you, Y/N?" Jungkook blurted, struggling to keep you under control.

"Let me at him!" you hissed, clawing at Jungkook's arms. "Let me go, Jungkook! Hoseok's an idiot and someone needs to beat some common sense into him."

"No way in hell am I putting you go," Jungkook curtly responded, keeping you secure against him as he finally let your feet touch the floor. You glared at him, attempting to wriggle your way out of his arms, but he rewrapped his arms around your arms as well, locking you in place. You attempted and failed to pry yourself from his iron grip, and could do no more than growl to yourself.

"Can someone fill me in?" Jungkook questioned, glancing up at the other two girls.

At that, Xiyeon's sickly green face paled of color, and she doubled over, her stress-vomit finally taking its toll.

Right on Lisa's shoes.

Everyone grimaced at that, and Lisa leaped back, kicking off any guck or slick on her shoes, but it was too late. Xiyeon could only mumble a quiet apology between sputters.

"I'm going to clean my shoes, and then we're going home," Lisa said, stomping over to the nearest bathroom.

Xiyeon quickly followed, presumably to throw up somewhere that wasn't the floor.

"Hoseok's probably long gone now," Jungkook told you, earning a low growl from your throat. "Can you, um, explain what chaos is going on?"

"Oh, well, Lisa finally confessed to Hoseok," you said curtly, your tone bitter.

"Really? That's great! I always knew she liked him-"

"He turned her down," you interrupt, watching his face fall.

"Oh," he said. "Well, he can't control how he feels. If he doesn't feel the same-"

"That's not what I'm angry about!" you say, stomping your foot and wrenching yourself from his grip to turn to him. "He's leading her on! He promised he'd 'consider' dating her if he got his grades up. Apparently he can't focus on girls or hookups or parties or whatever until he gets his grades up- otherwise, he'll get kicked out. I'm just mad at him for saying he might date her after he gets his grades up. I just... that's leading her on!"

"I see what you mean," Jungkook nodded understandingly. "That's definitely wrong of him to say."

"You see?" you say, throwing your hands in the air. "I'm not crazy!"

"You're still crazy," Jungkook chuckled. "But... I get what you mean. He's just afraid of losing what's always been there. It's wrong for him to try to keep her even if he doesn't want her as a girlfriend."

"Exactly," you say, groaning to yourself.

"That doesn't mean you should attack him, though," Jungkook reminded you.

"I didn't attack him. Yet," you huff. "You sort of stopped that."

"Just in time," Jungkook sighed. "Dear God, woman, you were a mad man. Look, they'll deal with this. Hoseok's an idiot when it comes to common sense- and school, apparently, too. I've never seen you so passionate about something before, but this isn't the answer. You have to let them deal with it- it's their decision. Both of theirs."

You bit your lip, feeling yourself calm down again. "I guess you're right," you sigh. "I'm just... it's been a long night. I don't know how much more I can handle."

"I get that," Jungkook said softly. "Do you want to sleep in my room tonight? I'd take you home, but you definitely seem a bit... tired."

You look at him lamely through hooded eyes. "I don't want to sleep together, Jeon. I'm definitely not in the mood after tonight."

"I wasn't suggesting that," Jungkook hastily said. "Look, I'll let you sleep in my room, ok? You seem tired and you definitely look like you could use some sleep."

You rolled your eyes at that. "Wow, you know how to make a girl feel beautiful."

"What? You look like a zombie," Jungkook teased cheekily, earning a small smile from you. "Prettiest zombie I've ever seen!"

"You're lucky you have no brains for me to eat," you huff, trudging up the stairs.

Jungkook placed his hand over his left peck, over his beating heart. "That's so hurtful."

"Says the one that just compared me to a monster."

"It's not comparing if you're basically the same thing."

"Y/N?" Jungkook's voice quietly called in the dark.

You ignored the sound, groaning in your sleep as you snuggled closer into his broad chest. The boy was like a human surface, you didn't even need any of the covers. You hugged him tightly, enveloped in the smell of his cologne and his fingers massaging your scalp gently. You were in just your underwear, and so was he, and your legs were tangled together as you pressed yourself more firmly against him, trying to get impossibly closer. It was probably the middle of the night, yet you weren't able to fall asleep completely just yet.

"Y/N?" Jungkook huffed again, voice strained.

"Oh my God, what is it you infernal piece of muscle? I'm trying to sleep," you grunt, looking up at him as you gazed at him through drooped lids.

"You're kind of making my arm fall asleep," Jungkook said.

You lifted your head, allowing him to slip the makeshift pillow out from beneath your head. You pressed your head against his chest instead, feeling the rhythm of his heartbeat as you struggled to keep up.

You hummed, mimicking the pace quietly beneath your breath with small puffs from between your lips. Jungkook hummed along, fingers continuing to massage your scalp in that comforting way that had his fingers thread through your scalp.

"Are you ok?" Jungkook asked quietly. "I asked Jimin a bit earlier- he said you got sick or something."

You sigh, squeezing your eyes shut. "I probably just drank too much- and I was stressed."

"Apparently it was before the whole fiasco between Lisa and Hoseok and all that, though. What worried you so much?" Jungkook asked quietly.

You frowned. "Do you remember when we met up with that Taehyung guy?"

"Mhm. What happened?" Jungkook questioned softly, looking to you.

You sighed. "He's my ex. He broke up with me and left me- but the girl he left me for harassed me on my birthday. Sort of called me immature and a toddler in an adult's party. Sort of... Sort of the reason I'm how I am now, I guess. They left and I didn't see them for years... and now they're back. His wife even apologized for what happened but..."

"That's a bitchy thing to do," Jungkook quickly said. "What kind of asshole would do that? Especially on someone's birthday? I wondered why you had changed so drastically and I thought that I had seen Taehyung before- it was probably briefly on campus freshman year- but dear God, next time I see him I'll punch him. That sort of behavior is inexcusable."

You chuckle lowly at that, amused by the thought of Jungkook being so fired up. "No, don't. I... She helped me when I threw up, actually. She's nicer now. She... changed."

"I would hope so," Jungkook grunted.

"I mean she seemed genuinely sorry for what she did and wanted to make things right," you tell him.

"I repeat: I would hope so," Jungkook said, rolling his eyes.

You rolled your own as well, smacking softly at his chest. "Yeah, yeah."

"Well, do you believe her?" Jungkook questions, peering to you, wary.

You nodded softly. "I... I think so. She seemed so genuine. They both did. And they come all the way here and- I dunno, I think they really are genuine and want to make it up. Right some wrongs, or whatever."

"Well, are you going to forgive them?" Jungkook asked.

You pursed your lips at that, still not quite so sure about it yourself. "I don't know," you admitted. "So many years of hurt and trying to prove both them and myself wrong- It's made me change so drastically. But wouldn't it be time for me to finally let go of a long-held grudge? Wouldn't it just hold me back if I kept harboring negative feelings towards them forever? Would it even benefit me at that point?"

"You have a point there," Jungkook hummed.

"I don't mean to be imposing or sound dependent- I know this is my situation and mess and all that. That being said, however, I'd like to know your opinion," you say softly. "I mean... do you know what you'd do? In my position?"

Jungkook thought to himself for a minute, quiet. "Forgive but never forget- they say that a lot. You can't be expected to forget everything... but I don't think forgiveness can hurt. Grudges can, however. Again, though, that's just my opinion. Whatever you do, I'll support you of course."

You smiled softly at that, looking up to meet his doe-eyes. "Thank you, for that," you said genuinely, your eyes soft.

Jungkook grinned down at you. "What are friends for?"

For some reason, those words seemed to sting a bit.

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