#and that’s why I don’t respect anyone who’s too blithe about throwing people in prison

[maddie-grove]

I don’t think it’s actually implausible that someone would commit a murder, flee, and fail to dispose of evidence before being arrested despite the passage of a few days. If someone’s in a state of agitation, they just might not think of it. It’s also definitely not implausible, though, that the police would pin the crime on someone out of expediency or an attempt to cover up incompetence. I’m just waiting to see what happens next.

[bartsugsy]

Lo my darling,how are you feeling about everything that's going on with Robron?

Hey nonnie!

lmao I don’t know why I didn’t think this wouldn’t be ridiculously long and rambly but here we go, might as well get all of this out of the way at once:

At this point I feel like I could most accurately be described as a Certified Mess™. I’m not sad so much - and I’m not struggling at all to rationalise Robert’s actions, as much as I hate them, so that’s a plus, because I love Robert Sugden with all my withered heart and as much as I will call him every name under the sun and berate his fictional self, I don’t actually want to actively dislike his character. So yeah. I can understand how the plot took things there and it makes enough sense (not much but enough) that I can deal with it (for me at least - I know everyone’s mileages vary wildly on this) (But honestly I’ve got endless miles of meta whirling around my weird little brain)

(I’m not even going into it here honestly I don’t even know where to start, it’s like a big jumble of thoughts to help rationalise everything and connect it all together more, but I have no idea how to write about it just yet in a way that makes any decipherable sense and doesn’t devolve into me yelling about how I wish I were the one on spice so… that’s future plans)

So… the cheating itself I’m mostly over. Like, it sucks and I’d so so prefer it to have never happened, but it did so I’m sort of swiftly moving past it and focusing on the things I do enjoy, much as I have had to do so many times previously with this show lmao (and if I need to occasionally pretend that Robert did in fact simply pass out on the floor before anything happened then that is what I’ll do because denial is g r e a t)

I’m fascinated by the idea that this has essentially all happened because the boys are terrible at communicating, if only because that’s something we’ve all been banging on about for forever.

(If this leads to them learning how to communicate and/or therapy then… well I’ll still think it’s stupid but I’ll at least continue to be fascinated by that longer term, less overt storytelling aspect, because they always always get me with that shit)

I am and have always been mostly sad for the fandom. It’s not fun, seeing other people feel sad. The internet hasn’t developed a good way to physically hug people yet so… yeah, I’m sad about that. And I love you all and I’m sorry that everyone is or has been hurting because that honestly just sucks. It sucks.

(And as an aside, feel free to keep sending asks through if you’re feeling particularly sad or hurting. I can’t promise I’ll always be able to respond but I do always read them and I always send little mental good wishes along, so if you need to get things off your chest… just, yeah, I’m happy to read it, if you think it will help at all) (and I don’t know if it does, but the offer is there)

The structure and pacing and development of this storyline in conjunction with the prison sl also makes less than zero sense to me, so that’s annoying. I have no idea what their purpose is - I feel a little bit like we’re all in limbo, waiting to see how bad things get and what horrors they have in store, which sucks, but as always, it will pass somehow. You can’t stay in limbo forever. Even Dom Cobb got out of there eventually 😌

I also think that the show… or, certain functions around the show… as much as they absolutely do not need to in any way cater to our feelings where the plot is concerned, I think that in many ways, they took a series of missteps and sort of… have managed to not just take advantage of our investment but actually sort of abuse our investment in a way that ultimately has left both sides worse off?

I think they’ve created a lot of bad will and mistrust there, which I know was almost certainly not their intention and I’m really not trying to be overdramatic or sound like I’m throwing my toys out of the pram, because as I say, the show can do with the plot whatever it likes and I’m always happy to accept that but… the greater context of the way they did it is kind of gross and exploitative to me and I think that, although they’ll probably never quite understand where they went wrong or how their actions were, quite frankly, unfair to us, that’s something that needs to be said.

And ultimately, something that has caused a lot of damage. I know, I know it’s just people doing their jobs - it’s just a job that they may not have any emotional investment in, at the end of the day, and they don’t need to, they really don’t, regardless of the effects it has on us. It’s literally just some people’s way of paying the bills.But… yeah, I still think somewhere down the line they fucked up, in a lot of ways (and it’s sort of abjectly fascinating to watch play out on social media etc now and I really want to know what’s happening on the other side of things, for curiosity’s sake if nothing else)…. so there’s that.

All of that aside…

I do also ultimately think it will be ok. The upside of soaps is that literally nothing lasts forever (the downside of soaps is that that often includes consistent characterisation and happiness 😂) My faith is still in tact. I’m still of the belief that we’ll get to a place that’s not completely miserable at some point soonish… it’ll be an adventure! A vaguely miserable, ridiculous adventure that we’ll all wish we never had to take together 😌 like all the characters in LOST but with less death and just as little sense 😌

So, I’m going to spend the next few weeks lovingly yelling at Robert Sugden as if he were my real life adult son and not a fictional idiot. I’m going to make a lot of jokes about how stupid and directionless I think this all is. I’m going to blithely and shamelessly pretend like none of it is real a lot of the time. If there’s a baby plot I’m going to start yelling persistently about immaculate conception and the second or first coming of Jesus (depending on your religion). But… yeah, regardless of what else they have in store for us and our poor hearts, I still think that ultimately we’ll make our way back to something good. God knows what it will be. But I’m still stupidly invested. Also I’m pig-headedly stubborn .

So… yeah.

I’m resolutely not out of love with robron. I got all the feelings still. I’m absolutely sure that the powers that be have developed a lot of bad will with fandom and am feeling pretty out of love with them (and really unsure how to come back from it, although I’m not a particularly grudge-holding-y person, but… I think there needs to be some understanding that there’s a difference between raising online interaction and actively manipulating real life people’s feelings for a short term goal, which I don’t think they’ve really appreciate in any meaningful way) (probably because they’ve never been on our side of things).

In-show wise, I’m still both curious and completely, healthily terrified to see where things go, but this isn’t the first time and it won’t be the last. Plus, I am still actually in some respects sort of enjoying it (like, mostly hating it, but I love the characters and I love the relationships between them and I’m vaguely fascinated in watching them all sort of fall apart of how they’ll come back together if I’m honest) (I always like the messy aspects of things oh my god)

And I’m 100% stubbornly determined to help hold our little, breaking group together bc the alternative is too sad and I actually don’t think that’s what a lot of people want so… idk. We won’t let it. We’ll find a way - for everyone who wants to stick around to be able to stick around and not feel too sad and for anyone that understandably doesn’t want to stick around but possibly eventually wants to come back to come back to something good. I’m stupidly hopeful like that. The Suffering™ of all things will not defeat me.

If I’m going to have the spirit beaten out of me, it’s going to at least be by something that makes sense and more worthy of anything other than my withering derision and mocking 😌😌😌😌

[hello-there]

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