#and that will just be. it for robby. hell be out and they’ll probably fucking have miguel take his place or some shot

[robbyykeene]

Just remembered that this was probably bound to be he highlight for Robby because of some comments from Tanner and I had to take a deep breath to avoid screaming. Never dropped a show before cause I am a sunk cost victim but I might with this one. The way he was crucified through all the season for evertything with no support from anyone, made to repeat the SAME FUCKING MISTAKE all the time and then get SAd in a way that makes him victim blamed; all that for the "payoff" to be a 3 minute fight with a dude who will have no further role going forward. It's just... why did I even bother with this shit?

God, how fucked up is part 3 going to be for Robby if Tanner called this the highlight of the season

[oinkinpigprince]

My friends(hostages) and I (tied them down and forced them to) watched the Texas chainsaw massacre one and two(I held them at gun point and kept wiggling happily) and I had silly little thoughts about my favorite little spleens :33(I love them so much it physically hurts)

I bet playing hide and seek w/ them would be a special kind of fun! Ik I have a lot of request for smiling friends and I pinky promise to get them done rlly soon this is just a little self indulgence

Hide and seek with the sawyer family!!!!!! Yeah!!!

Bubba

They are so bad at it, it hurts. Listen, they are so big and bulky and too excited to play, they can’t hide anywhere and they aren’t that creative.

Cabinets are a no go, under the bed is laughable, I think they’d be the type to try and hide under a bunch of stuffies

They’re most likely to be hiding in closets and maybe the bathroom, probably behind the couch is a good place to look

Although you can easily find them cause if he sees or hears you getting closer they might start to giggle, it’s just so much fun!!!!

But when you do find them, the chase is fucking on. They may not look it but they are quick, bubba just has a hard time rounding corners quickly so that’s where they have trouble :((

When you do finally tag them, they’ll squeal and grab you, spinning you around. THAT WAS SO MUCH FUN!!!!!!!! You two may get told off but it’s worth it

Bubba finding you is a pretty similar story. They are very observant but they’re still pretty giggly. Also with their loud ass stomps you can hear them coming and quickly change spots

When they do find you, oh fuck it’s over, doesn’t even think just quickly grabs you and hugs you tight. THEY WON!! It’s a lot of fun but low key scary when you can hear their foot steps approaching.

Nubbins

Loudest person you’ve ever met, how hard could it be? Once that game starts and you finish counting that boy is GONE

Although nubbins is pretty tall at a generous 6’2 he is skinny and loves small spaces so he quickly finds the smallish space he can cram himself in

A space you’d never think of looking and he is silent, it’s like he disappeared off the face of the fucking earth. He’s happy too, he doesn’t get bored which is surprising.

Nubbins will just lay there happily day dreaming til someone else unintentionally finds him and he cusses them out. Then you find him

Nubbins doesn’t care for the chase as much as the hiding so you easily tag him, he just can’t wait to find you :o))))))

You can also hear nubbins, but his is more, taunting. He likes to pretend he’s hunting you, and oh boy, it feels like he’s threatening you. You can hear him from the hall “heeeeeere kitty kitty k-kitty kitty kitty, where are you?” Your blood runs cold

Sitting in your hiding space steadying your breathing praying he doesn’t find you, there no hell you’d be able to out run a man who spends all day racing cars to scrap dead animal corpses off hot pavement!

When it goes quiet and you think you’re in the clear. You peak out and don’t see anything, so you swallow your fear and quickly stalk out to go and change hiding spaces. Then BAM!! He got you! Ha! You should see your space

He howls as you scream curling his body around yours, he eats up your terrified screams. He just hugs you tight and lays on the ground as you squirm trying to get away, he’ll pepper the side of your face with kisses as he pinches your cheeks. You’re so cute when you’re scared!

Choptop

Oh Robby rob, oh dear Robert bobert, you asked him to play hide and seek, for fun! What’s the harm that could happen! You know this man a little eccentric, but you had zero clue what you got yourself into. Playing hide and seek, with a VIETNAM war vet

He agrees, excited as fuck. Never have you seen him agree so quickly to something. Before you finish saying the words he’s making you count to ten.

First round goes fine, it’s completely normal and not weird. He hit under a bed and then chased you around the house when he found you. Fun!

Next round, you looked around giddily, looking where trying to find him. You searched the whole house trying to find that man for 20 minutes. That’s when you stood in the living room and felt, something went drip onto your forehead. You looked up, HE WAS ON THE FUCKING CEILING AND HE SPAT ON YOU!!!

Laughed as you tried to tag him, taunting you and spat on you some more until you got a step stool and he just dropped, landed on all fours and scrambled away faster than god

You had to have nubbins AND bubba help you catch him. That man was unstoppable. He only relented after a while cause he wanted to have his turn seeking.

Waiting patiently for footsteps and you heard none. You figured maybe he was at the other side of the house. That’s when you glanced slightly and saw, a glimpse of a smiling man in your peripheral. Two inches away from your face.

Screaming you dashed for the exit with him hot on your trail. Chop was toying with you the entire time. Laughing, he was always just behind you. He could have caught you easily but just wanted to see you run from him

Have you seen where he was chasing stretch and he just leaped onto the bridge and climbed on. Yeah he did that to you, that man was not messing around

As soon as it started it ended with you cornered and panting, he didn’t even break a sweat. He just gently pats your face and says “got ya!” Before shouting ‘nam worl’ loudly and cheering.

He’s the whole reason I made these head canons, I don’t want to play hide and seek w/ him

Drayton

The biggest fucking party pooper. Every time you ask he always says “I’m too old for that kiddy shit.” Or “are ya trying to kill me? I ain’t spending my afternoon chasing you around”

His favorite is “how about I go hide in the living room with the tv and you go find a damn to give me.” Dick >:((((

If in the one is a TRILLION chance he says fine, to shut you up it’s a pretty normal game to be honest

He isn’t one for running around so he doesn’t put much of a fight. Just sorta “oh ya got me! Happy now?” Yeah, you are, now it’s his turn

Is a really good seeker he just doesn’t like to run. If you try and make him chase you he’ll just give up cursing “I have other shit to do than play CHILDRENS game” like down chill out

Okay listen, deep down he does find it, a LITTLE fun and likes seeing you and his brothers play but don’t play with him. He doesn’t have time for that shit 😭😭💅💅

[youcouldmakealife]

SOTM: Georgie, Holden; good talk

For the prompt: Georgie clocking Holden’s queer

Writing Georgie’s been slow going of late and I just realised that might be because I wrote 1700 words of him right here, whoops.

Massive spoilers for the latest part of cards on the table.

Georgie tends to pick up on it pretty quick, the teammates he has that aren’t straight. It’s not really a gaydar — he dislikes the term, and anyway, it’s a misnomer, but he can’t think of a term to replace it. Nothing quite fits, explains what it is he picks up on, and he doesn’t think it’s any one trait he’s noticing, that there’s one thing in particular that makes the difference.

Some of it’s probably body language, some of it’s noticing where people’s gazes rest, some of it’s what someone says or doesn’t say, some of it he can’t describe in any other way than ‘gut feeling’, doesn’t know how he knows.

He told David, back in the day, that he noticed when people were attracted to him, and that’s true, but it’s not a necessity — he’s pegged guys who’ve been entirely disinterested in him. Not Chaps, or, hell, Lourdey either, but there have been a couple, and even then he’s picking up something.

Some of it feels like it’s coming from him, almost, like subconsciously, his brain figuring out who’s safe, safe to know, safe to tell, though of course he’s had straight teammates who were safe, queer teammates he didn’t say a thing to, for some reason or another. He’s pretty sure James is something, but they haven’t exchanged a word about it, meanwhile Finn knows all about Georgie, at least the greatest hits and the lowest lows.

He doesn’t listen to his gut like it’s gospel or anything. Gut feelings are more a sign on when to pay attention than anything else, and they’ve been right so far, but that doesn’t mean they’ll always be. It’s easy to make assumptions, especially now that Georgie’s more than a decade older than the rookies, practically came up in a different league.

The younger guys grew up with Riley and Lapointe already out, gay relationships on the TV shows they were watching, listened to openly gay musicians, had classmates who were out and proud and unafraid that being out and proud would lead to getting the shit kicked out of them by the jocks, who may have even been the jocks —

It wasn’t the world Georgie grew up in. Holden either, he’s pretty sure — he’s a few years younger than Georgie, and those years are big ones, mean Holden was barely in high school when Riley got outed, but Georgie thinks Holden’s got a bit more in common with him than he does with the kids.

And again, he could be wrong. Some guys are just open, friendly, touchy, and it comes off different than they mean it to. And Georgie’s pretty sure a few people he fucked around with back in high school would describe themselves as straight, nowadays, and they wouldn’t be lying either, not even to themselves.

Holden reminds him of those guys, at first, but not for long. There’s a certain hesitation before he answers a question with, ‘My girlfriend says…’ that makes Georgie think that he doesn’t actually have one, and if he does, she deserves better. The way he holds himself. Not quite careful, Georgie doesn’t think he’d use that word, but very aware of how he is holding himself. If he sprawls, he meant to. If he’s annoying you, he’s trying to.

The only thing Georgie doesn’t think is on purpose is the way his knee bounces during the pregame speeches, lineup readings, any point he has to sit still for a minute, staccato impatience. It’s something Robbie would do when he was particularly wound up. If it’s the same with Holden, he’s wound up all the time.

Bits and pieces make it past, though, enough to form a picture.

He doesn’t engage at all with a homophobic joke, not before Georgie shuts that shit down. He gets a pass, boring married guy with kid, doesn’t get the ‘what, ring a little close?’ that James might if he does it, Finn, so Georgie never waits, lets the job fall to him so neither of them have to deal with the bullshit.

He tenses when Bryce Marcus’ name comes up, the same way Georgie felt himself tensing every time he heard Riley or Lapointe’s at the beginning, hoping it wasn’t going to be followed up on, that he wasn’t about to be asked something, end up betraying himself.

And tonight, at the bar after a shootout win against the Red Wings, Georgie’s been half on his phone, half idly watching the Caps in San Jose, the sliver that remains aware of Holden chatting with a guy at the bar, body language just off from friendly, landing on something else.

The guy leaves, and Georgie pays a bit more attention, enough to see Holden cut out five minutes later, after looking around like he’s trying to make sure no one’s paying attention, furtive look on his face, in a way Georgie recognizes. Dipping out for a hook up is something you loudly brag about doing unless there’s a reason you don’t want the others to know, and Holden says he’s got a girlfriend, sure, but that’s not the cheater’s slink. Georgie knows what it looks like. Holden looks furtive, maybe, but he doesn’t look ashamed, or even like someone who should be.

Who knows, maybe he’s left for other reasons, left because the guy has a hook up, off scoring something else, but Georgie doesn’t think so. He’s not usually wrong, not about this kind of thing. Maybe that’s what all this is. Just a simple matter of ‘takes one to know one’. That all these times he’s just been seeing reflections of his own face.

There was a lot of that shit in Cleveland, but Georgie didn’t touch it. That might be the only thing he’s proud of about his time there. Possibly the only reason his career didn’t end there. Georgie’s known plenty of guys who’ve washed out early, and some of them it’s because they couldn’t find that last gear, make the final jump, but more than a few of them got the money, the freedom, the brush with fame, and they let it get to their heads. In their heads. Some of them figured shit out. Most didn’t.

The only reason Georgie’s still in the show is that he was talented enough that even at rock bottom, it wasn’t a question of whether he was in the roster, just where. He was a disappointment, ‘waste of a first round pick’, but even then, he was an NHL player. If he hadn’t been, he doesn’t know what would have happened. Better not to think about it, probably.

Georgie’s heading to the bathroom when he runs into Ryan coming out.

“You seen Chaser?” Ryan asks. “Can’t find him anywhere.”

“Saw him by the bar about twenty minutes ago,” Georgie says, which is technically true, and sometimes a technical truth is all you need.

“If you see him let me know?” Ryan asks. “Guy bet me I couldn’t pull that move off in a real shootout, so now he owes me a drink or three.”

“Will do,” Georgie says, “But he may have slunk out to avoid paying up.”

Ryan snorts. “Wouldn’t put it past him,” he says.

He keeps asking after Holden all night, even though Georgie buys him a drink for the spin-o-rama move, and he’s pretty sure James does too — if it hadn’t worked James probably would be giving him the silent treatment for trying that shit in a real game, but he gives credit where credit’s due — and Georgie hopes he doesn’t keep on it after tonight.

Georgie’s grabbing a last call snack at the hotel bar — he has a love-hate relationship with the fries at this particular hotel, the hate part being that he can’t leave Detroit without eating them at least twice — when Holden walks into the hotel lobby.

“Chaser, c’mere,” Georgie says, and the way Holden’s feet get rooted, face going through a whole journey, before he visibly steels himself — that would have done it right there, even if Georgie hadn’t already known. The forced casualness in his gait as he walks over? Georgie recognizes that too.

“Up late, old man,” Chaser says, sitting down in the stool beside him.

“Fries?” Georgie asks, and Holden sits down, taking a couple, orders a beer just under the wire of the actual last call.

“Beanie says you owe him a drink or three,” Georgie says. “Was looking all over for you, wouldn’t let it go.”

“Shit, I forgot about that,” Holden says. “Who knew he had the balls, huh?”

“I told him you’d probably slunk out early to avoid paying,” Georgie says, and Holden looks hilariously offended for a moment, before Georgie keeps talking. “Guy was cute.”

Holden’s so still he’s practically vibrating. Which should be an oxymoron, but it isn’t, at least not right now.

“I didn’t mention it,” Georgie says. “I wouldn’t.”

“Okay,” Holden says.

“I had a boyfriend in college,” Georgie says, looking down at his fries, cold now, picked over. “It was pretty serious.”

“Then you hit the show,” Holden says, assumes, like it’s simple, and it isn’t, but maybe it isn’t that complicated either, or at least not as complicated as it’s always felt. Well, since Georgie made it complicated. Before that, he doesn’t think there’d ever been anything easier.

“Like I said, I’m not saying anything to anyone,” Georgie says, “but if you want to say anything to me, I’m here.”

“Okay,” Holden says, but he’s quiet. This is the quietest Georgie’s ever seen him, actually. He sips his beer, quick, like he lay a trap for himself by ordering it and now he’s trying to get himself out of it, and he doesn’t say a thing.

Georgie’s already paid his bill, and he figures he can put the poor guy out of his misery. “I’m going to head to bed,” he says. “Be safe, hey?”

Holden snorts. “Sure.”

“Better for you than pulling Cap’s pigtails anyway,” Georgie says, and by Holden’s splutter as he walks away, he worries he landed a little too close to the mark for anyone’s good.

Another thing he’ll have to keep an eye out for, then. Nobody tells you this shit when they offer you the A, but thinking back to Washington, he’s pretty sure team leadership knew more about what was going on than Georgie’s comfortable with to this day. So maybe he should have figured.

Georgie says a silent apology to the last of his fries, abandoned at the bottom of his basket. They’re good fucking fries — he hopes Holden doesn’t let them go to waste, but somehow he doubts he has much of an appetite right now.

[estrellami-1]

Soft Touch Baby

Pt 1 | Pt 2 | Pt 3 | Pt 4 | Pt 5 | Pt 6 | Pt 7 | Pt 8 | Pt 9 | Pt 10 | Pt 11 | Pt 12 | Pt 13 | Pt 14 | Pt 15 | Pt 16 | Eddie’s POV | Song | ao3

It starts with Dustin.

Technically it probably starts with El, but she’s an actual angel so Steve blames Dustin instead.

They’re all at Steve’s house, because for some reason he agreed to let the kids use it for their D&D campaign.

Eddie’s the DM, as usual, and Steve catches him looking Steve’s way occasionally. Steve doesn’t look away, just smiles even wider. Captivating, he’d said, and he’d meant it.

They’re all about to leave when El steps up to him, gets on her tiptoes, and presses a kiss onto his cheek with a soft, “Thank you, Steve.”

He grins, hugging her and returning the kiss onto her cheek. “You’re welcome, Supergirl.”

He ignores Dustin’s offended yell, then can’t ignore it when Dustin actually stomps up to him, arms crossed. “Why does she get a cheek kiss?”

“She gave me one,” Steve shrugs, grinning. “You’re welcome to ask for one if you want it.”

“Whatever,” Dustin says, but Steve knows him and captures him in a headlock before letting go and smacking a kiss to his cheek.

“Dude,” Dustin complains, but Steve can see the smile he tries to hide.

The floodgates open and everyone wants a cheek kiss. Finally the kids are done and Robin steps in front of him with a smile. “Hey, dingus.”

He grins back. “Hi, Robbie. Here for a kiss?”

“Kinda offended I wasn’t first, honestly.”

“You’re welcome to fight El about it.”

“I’m not that offended.”

He laughs and slings an arm around her shoulder, squeezing her close before pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Love you, Robs.”

She hums and squeezes him back. “Love you too.”

Then Eddie steps up. Steve takes a breath. Squeezes his hands, releases them. Grins. “You here for a kiss, too?”

Eddie grins back. “And if I was?”

Steve’s grin turns into something smaller, something more real. “See ya later, Eds.” Presses a kiss to his cheekbone before he can talk himself out of it.

He’s delighted by the pink spreading across Eddie’s cheeks.

Quick as anything, Eddie steps forward to brush a kiss across Steve’s own cheek before running out, tossing a cheeky, “See ya, Stevie!” Over his shoulder.

“Fuck,” Steve mutters, because he’s whooped and knows it.

It keeps happening, is the thing. Now, any time one of them leaves, they’ll lean in for a peck on the cheek. Steve blames Eddie. He doesn’t know whether to throttle him or kiss him on the lips.

He’s back with the Russians this time, but that’s not right, he wasn’t alone, he was-

Where’s Robin-

He looks around best he can. White walls and white floors and a white ceiling and even a white door. He’s on a white table, strapped down, and he looks around again, looks for anything to help, any sign of anyone-

“No,” he mumbles, brain hazy from the drugs, but knowing this isn’t right.

Eddie shouldn’t be here.

“Ed- Eddie,” he stumbles over the name, takes him in, and wants to cry because Steve’s fine but Eddie’s beat to hell and back, blood in his teeth and both eyes black, and his arm shouldn’t bend that way-

“Eddie,” he says again, and he’s upright, his table somehow disappeared, and he stumbles over to Eddie, desperate hands clutching at the torn Judas Priest shirt.

The shirt’s cold. The skin beneath is cold. There’s no breath in his lungs, whistling out his nose.

“Eddie,” Steve says again, begs, hands clawing at the black fabric, vision blurring from tears. “Eds.” He whimpers it, and his legs give out, and he collapses, forehead pressing against the table and hands above his head. He won’t, can’t, let go.

He opens his eyes in a dark room and a sob tears out of him, then again, then he forces himself to take a breath.

Then he remembers the dream and turns his face into his pillow as the tears come.

He remembers suddenly that it’s only a dream, that Eddie’s alive, and he scrambles upright, breath hitching as he reaches for the phone

“Hello?” His voice is low, tired, and Steve is hit with regret even as his breath hitches again.

“Hey, fuck, sorry, I shouldn’t’ve called, just, uh.” He takes a breath. Takes another. “Just. N-needed to make sure you’re okay.”

Eddie’s silent for a moment. “I’m coming over.” It’s not a question, but he leaves room for Steve to refuse.

He doesn’t. “Okay.”

“If you can get out of bed, unlock the door. But I can do it if you can’t.”

“There’s… under the pot. A spare.”

Eddie chuckles and it sounds beautiful. “Makes my job easier. I’ll see you in a few. And Steve?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m glad you called.”

Pt 15

Taglist:

@thegingervulcan @snapshotmaestro @the-redthread @tiny-enthusiast @thatonepotatochild @maya-custodios-dionach @imsociallyanxiousgetoverit @vhelt @newtstabber @huskysarelife @singmeyoursimpsong @gaysonthefloor @darkwitchoferie @vi-an-te @kato-hoeven @biatcgh @vampireinthesun @goodolefashionedloverboi @awesomeimportantfan

[shortcrust]

Audio transcript of appointment between Lt. Ranger John Lawrence (ID J-JLAW_122.21-C) and Dr. Cai Qiu Yue (ID C-CQIU_824.65-D)

PPDC Mandated Counseling, Session #84 1601 HKT, December 19 2024 

CQY: So, Johnny. How did the sparring session go?

JL: Don’t give me that look.

CQY: What look? This is just my face.

JL: You know about LaRusso.

CQY: I don’t know anything which you haven’t chosen to tell me for certain. But I’m sure you’re aware of how Shatterdome walls like to talk.

JL: [inaudible]

CQY: This is still easier if you speak to me, not to your hands.

JL: I said I can’t believe it. 

CQY: How are you feeling?

JL: Don’t know. 

CQY: Okay. Let’s set some parameters.

JL: You love those.

CQY: Sure do. Should have been in K-Science. [pause] Alright. Wikipedia’s entry on Ranger LaRusso states the following; ‘Daniel LaRusso is an American pilot with the Pan Pacific Defence Corps. LaRusso helmed the Japanese jaeger Perfect Balance alongside Nariyoshi Miyagi until the latter’s death in 2020. His exit from active service removed the last of the Mark 1 jaegers from operation’. Would you say that is accurate?

JL: No.

CQY: How so?

JL: He didn’t ‘exit service’. He pussied out. 

CQY: He experienced an incredibly traumatic event. I would have thought that, of all people, you might have some understanding for how that must have felt.

JL: I didn’t take all the glory then quit when the going got rough.

CQY: No. And I would encourage you to feel sympathy about that, the next time you have dinner with Marshal Brown.

JL: [pause] Point taken.

CQY: Can you describe what happened for me? Today?

JL: He was on the mat with Miguel. He’d already been through most of the trainees and they were - fine, my kids are good, they’re great. But that wasn’t it; it just wasn’t lookin’ right. None of them were doing it wrong but I could just see how LaRusso wasn’t getting into it, was missing all these openings. It pissed me off. 

CQY: Because….

JL: Because he’s a good fighter! He should have been better than that. Like, how the hell am I meant find him a co-pilot if he won’t try.

CQY: Did you?

JL: Try, or find him a co-pilot?

CQY: Take your pick.

JL: Back when me and Bobby were in Cobra, it wasn’t - it was like we anticipated each other’s moves, you know? I could just guess what he was going to do next. With LaRusso it was more like I already knew. Like it was he was already in my head, and he’d read and practiced some kinda instructions written on the inside of my skull. He knew like I did. Like some other part of me.

CQY: And yet you don’t like him.

JL: Absolute shit for brains. [pause] Wait.

CQY: Perhaps not the best insult under the circumstances. Are you apprehensive about the drift?

JL: Not my first rodeo. 

CQY: I imagine Ranger LaRusso feels similarly.

JL: What, you talk to him too?

CQY: You have to know by now that I can’t tell you that.

JL: Yeah, y-

CQY: But no, I don’t. Have your seen your new jaeger?

JL: Hah, ‘new’. She’s a refurb.

CQY: Aren’t we all?

JL: I wish. 

CQY: What do you think?

JL: I think she’s gorgeous. I think she’s one of the most beautiful machines that man has ever made, and I can’t wait to die in her.

CQY: I see.

JL: Isn’t this where you usually tell me to be more optimistic?

CQY: John, the last time we spoke you were a highly specialised gym instructor. Now you’re suiting up to drive a 8,000 tonne robot for the first time in over a decade. There is no ‘usually’ here, and I’m not in the habit of lying to you.

JL: You know they’re not technically robots, right?

CQY: Yes. Don’t think I don’t notice you attempting to distract me, but yes. I do know that. 

JL: They’re letting me name her.

CQY: Oh?

JL: Don’t tell anyone, in case it gets back to LaRusso. Don’t want him to give me some pretentious sh- stuff. But I’m thinking Eagle Fang.

CQY: Eagle… Fang?

JL: Yeah. Like it?

CQY: I think it’s more important that you do. On different note; how is Robby?

JL: Still won’t speak to me. Still not speaking to me from the middle of the continent, though, so I’m taking the win.

CQY: Did you reach out to him like we talked about last week? Have you told him about your change in circumstances?

JL: He’s the one looking at the numbers. He’s a smart kid, he knows. 

CQY: And Cadet Diaz? Have you told him?

JL: Oh, come on. He definitely knows. Have you looked out the fucking window recently?

CQY: John.

JL: Sorry. [pause] Yue, I can either keep the kids safe by putting them as far away from the action as possible, or by teaching them how to fight. Call it playing the odds. Not that mine have never been all that great.

CQY: I understand that you still aren’t open to discussing the situation with Sergeant Diaz -

JL:  [crosstalk] You’re goddamn right I’m not.

CQY: [crosstalk] But I feel obliged to state for the record that what happened is in no way your fault. She was an exceedingly competent pilot who knew the risks she was taking, same as you. 

JL: Yeah sure, I knew the risks. Still ended up putting her in a fucking wheelchair. [pause] Sorry. 

CQY: I’ll let the ’goddamn’ slide. Call it an early Christmas present. [pause] John, I understand that for how closely you have been involved with the training and co-ordinating the jaeger program these last few years, there is a world of difference between teaching and doing. I would just like you to be able to feel whatever it is you need to feel about that.

JL: Well, doc, that was as delightful as ever. Same time next week?

CQY: Holidays.

JL: Oh, right. Hey, think they’ll still be paying us in January?

CQY: I’ve been stealing the cutlery from the canteen for years. If I pawn it I can probably keep us going for ano- [alarm siren begins sounding, recording ends abruptly]

[ Clearance D - Do not distribute or remove from PPDC site ]

[evening-starlight]

Chances {Chapter Ten}

I think this is my longest Chapter so far lmao

Master List

Tainted

Word Count: 1867

    I'll be honest with you guys, our first kiss is tainted. This chapter will explain it. I will also mention that this might be hard for some readers to read, so reader discretion is advised.

    I pray for the world to open and swallow me whole right then and there. Of course, he would show up. He has to insert himself into every wonderful thing in my life. He has to plaster his face in every corner of my mind. Tom looks over my head at the man I used to be married to. This is not how I wanted to tell Tom about who it was. I slip my hands out of Tom's and turn around to Jared.

    He smiles wickedly like I've fallen into his trap. The smile sends waves of nausea and anxiety coursing through every vein in my body. "What do you want, Jared?" He hands me a bouquet of flowers. Purple and green daisies. I cross my arms to avoid taking them. "I was thinking of you, so I bought you some flowers." Jared's attention shifts his attention to Tom behind me. "Thank you for dropping my wife off. I really appreciate it." Oh, absolutely the fuck not.

    "Jared," I snap, pushing him away from Tom so we can speak semi-privately. "Why in God's name are you here? I am not your fucking wife. I don't want your damn flowers, which you never bought me when we were together anyways. I don't want you near me." My voice rising with the anger I feel boiling inside me. "You are nothing but a horrible stain on my history that I wish I could erase. You have ruined my life from the moment you walked in with that stupid book. You are the most possessive prick I have met in my life, and I regret every minute I spent with you." Jared continues to smile down at me. He has me right where he wanted me, yelling and spewing venom.

    "I just wanted to show Tom what kind of girl you really are," He says, looking at Tom behind me. "A venomous bitch." My jaw drops to the floor when I realize I walked right into his trap. He pushes the flowers into my chest and grabs my face roughly in his hands. The kiss is forceful and possessive. I feel the bile rising in my throat the longer he keeps his lips pressed to mine.

    Jared finally pulls away, wiping his lips. "I'll see you later, Jules." He walks off like nothing volatile just happened. I have approximately five seconds before I spew popcorn all over the steps. I drop the flowers on the ground and rush to the door, slamming my keys against the sensor pad and hoping it works. The door clicks like a heavenly sign. The gold trash can next to Will's desk is the closest and safest spot for the vomit.

    "Holy shit, Stella. Are you okay?" Will asks, standing up from his desk as I empty my guts into his freshly cleaned bin after falling to my knees. Someone rests their hand on my back before pulling my hair out of my face. I wave them off.

    "Fuck off, Jared." I manage between heaves.

    "It's not Jared." Tom answers. "I want to make sure you're okay, and then I'll leave if you'd prefer." I have no energy to fight as I continue to dry heave, nothing but saliva and air coming out. Will hands me a handful of tissues as I sit back on my heels. I manage a small smile in return as I wipe my mouth.

    "Sorry, Will." I apologize.

    "Don't be. I'd rather it the trashcan than across the floor," Will jokes back. "Let me get you a water from the back." I look at Tom when Will leaves.

    "I'm sorry. Theater popcorn doesn't taste good coming back up." He shakes his head with a small laugh.

    "Don't apologize, Love. He seems like a cock." I chuckle with a nod. "I'm not going to force you to talk about it now, but I would like to understand more about that relationship." I nod. It's a fair request.

     "If you grab those stupid flowers for me, we can head up to my apartment and talk. If you want," I suggest. Tom gets up to grab the flowers as Will comes back with a cold water bottle. I trade Tom the bottle for the flowers, pushing them bud first into the bin I just hurled in. I give Will another apology and tell him I'll get him his favorite bistro next time I'm at the studio.

    Tom follows me back to the elevator silently. I have no idea what to say to him, especially after something like that. What are you supposed to say when you kiss the guy of your dreams, and your abusive ex comes by and forces one on you? Sorry I have a fucked up past I've been conveniently avoiding? I unlock my apartment door and walk in first. "You can sit anywhere. I have to go bleach my mouth." I mumble, making my way to the bathroom.

    I avoid looking at myself as I gargle mouthwash, turning my back to the mirror. I can't believe I let that happen. I should have done something other than stand there like a statue. Why couldn't I do anything other than stand there and let Jared do that? Tom must think I'm a whore.

     The mouthwash is traded out for my toothbrush and toothpaste as I continue replaying what the hell just happened. Jared showing up out of nowhere with flowers after years of saying they're meaningless because they'll just die. And of course, they were purple and green; self-centered prick was probably thinking of himself as he bought the Joker colors. I meet my own eyes in the mirror as I stand straight after spitting the toothpaste out. I have mascara tear streaks running down my cheeks. I've paled considerably enough to enhance the dark circles under my eyes. I look terminally ill.

    I fix my makeup steaks quickly before walking out to the kitchen. "Do you want something to drink?" I ask Tom. "I have beer, Capri Sun, and water, but you'll have to drink out of a shot glass because the two cups I have are dirty." Tom opts for a CapriSun. I hand it to him as I sit on the opposite end of my couch. We sit in silence for a few minutes while I think of how to start talking and how much I want to tell him.

    "Your apartment is quite nice," Tom starts, looking around at all the frames I have of the band and I. "Do you play all those?" He asks, gesturing to my elevated music area by my balcony door. On it is a bass guitar, acoustic and electric guitar, along with a keyboard and violin.

    "Yeah, when my parents heard I wanted to make music because Jared was, they paid for multiple lessons. I fell in love with singing, but I can definitely shred it on bass." I joke. Tom laughs with a slight nod.

    "How old were you when you met Jared again?" Tom asks in such a casual tone it calms me down slightly. Maybe he's just worried about me. Or maybe he just wants to know where Jared went wrong so he won't make the same mistakes, good or bad.

    "I was introduced to him at fourteen." I avoid Tom's sudden worried look by looking at the floor beneath my sneakers. I should get a carpet in here. "My parents wanted to be millionaires, so they moved us all to LA when I was, like, three, I think. I don't know how they met Jared's family. They never told me, and neither did Jared.

    "Everything was really innocent at first. He was my closest friend for years. He helped me with homework and practicing my music. I wanted to be just like him." I let out a bitter laugh. "I was sixteen when I realized I like him as more than a friend. We had to share a bed in a hotel on tour, and I remember not sleeping because he was right there, and he was cuddling me. He asked me out the day of my eighteenth and proposed two months later, married two more after that. We got divorced when I was twenty when I realized how much I really did miss out on life, and he was so possessive he stopped letting me go to band practice without him.

     "The band started pointing it out too. Robbie was the one who literally slapped sense into me. Because why would I hit Robbie back and tell him off, but not Jared? So, yeah. Jared's super possessive and still is." I finish quickly, realizing I was going on a tangent.

    "And he called you Jules?" I almost wished Tom would have forgotten about that. I know it's somewhere on my Wikipedia page, but would Tom have gone that far in learning about me?

    "I've had three legal names in my life," I say, finally bringing myself to look at Tom. He seems concerned, and his eyes are so soft and welcoming I could curl up into his chest right this second. "Juliet Davis is my birth name, and I took Jared's last name when we got married. Then, about a year after our divorce, I decided to rebrand myself and use a new name entirely. Don't ask me why I chose Thompson; I googled it when I was drunk, and it just stuck. Stella is from this one kids' book I was obsessed with for years, Stellaluna. I don't know why, but I carried it everywhere with me until about junior high."

    I guess I didn't notice the tears falling or that my voice was faltering. However, Tom did. Without hesitation, he pulls me into his arms, resting his head on mine. "I'm so sorry you had to go through all that, Love," He says in a soft voice. "You didn't deserve any of that. Thank you for sharing with me." I let him hold me for a while longer. I enjoy his touch, but I really just want to be alone to cry and break shit.

    I don't know when I fell asleep; I just know when I woke up on the couch with a blanket on top of me and water on the coffee table in front of me, that Tom had taken care of me. He left a handwritten note as well, which I still have in my house. It said, 'I didn't want to leave you alone after something like tonight, but I felt it weird to stay the night uninvited. I truly appreciate you sharing something hard with me. I hope it's alright I washed a cup for you, and found some medicine as well, in case the crying caused a headache. Text me when you wake up. Much love, Tom.' Yes, I did run through the house like a crazy lady trying to find the letter so I could write it down verbatim.

[punkscowardschampions]

Zelda & Zach

ihatemyguts: Good thing you told me how bubble boy posi Robyn’s ‘rents are

ihatemyguts: ‘cos that felt like such a brush-off

ihatemyguts: I feel kinda bad, it’s low-key just upset her with no shopping trip pay-off 😬

inandout: your first date was today

inandout: the insane jealousy must have forced me to forget

ihatemyguts: Obviously

ihatemyguts: moping and staring out of open windows would be bad for your health

ihatemyguts: probably

ihatemyguts: can’t have that

inandout: mope hard enough and fling myself all over the house, they’ll call it exercise

ihatemyguts: I’d let Rob know but her parents would probably sue me

ihatemyguts: I did some research

ihatemyguts: and yeah, flare-ups fucking suck, but if she was struggling that bad rn she’d be in hospital getting her 💉 on

ihatemyguts: makes me ⁉️ if the meetup will happen

inandout: makes me wonder if her brothers are allowed out

inandout: if they are maybe they can help us smuggle her to the meetup

ihatemyguts: not just a pretty face

ihatemyguts: that’s a damn good idea

ihatemyguts: I can slide in their DMs

inandout: Cranking up the jealousy metre to give me a full work out, I see, are you gonna be a PE teacher when you grow up?

ihatemyguts: *prays they aren’t like 12*

ihatemyguts: imagine if that was my life’s ambition

ihatemyguts: wear unflattering sportswear and give kids complexes

ihatemyguts: even without the potential life-shortening illness, I’d reconsider that

inandout: it tracks that you’d wanna make them 💩 and bringing back the bleep test could work

ihatemyguts: okay I’m not 🦹‍♀️ or 🐯 levels of sweet but is that what you really think of me? 😏

inandout: I think there’s only one rebel teacher coming to mind and I haven’t watched that film so all I know is they stand on desks

inandout: probably not a perfect fit for you

ihatemyguts: I could force you to watch it for our first date

ihatemyguts: and ask you, what your dream job would be

inandout: Netflix and chill or cinema screening of the ‘classics’?

inandout: we could do a drive-thru

ihatemyguts: hmm 🤔

ihatemyguts: there are pluses to ‘em all

ihatemyguts: cinema, we could laugh at all the snobs and 🤓s

inandout: Cool, reach out to me with the time + date when it’s showing

inandout: Are you allowed 🍿?

ihatemyguts: oh hell no

ihatemyguts: have to find another way to hold my hand

inandout: 🦸‍♀️ said she was gonna look up ice breakers and stuff, hopefully it was a fruitful search and she won’t mind sharing the info

ihatemyguts: do you think she legit didn’t realize how thirsty that boy was for her

ihatemyguts: or is it all uwu coy-ness

inandout: It’s hard to tell

inandout: but if I remember my glasses I’ll do my best to decode her body language from 6 ft away

ihatemyguts: aside from hospital, have you ever met someone else with cf?

inandout: Nope

inandout: jokes aside, it really is discouraged

ihatemyguts: that’s a hard one to get your head around

ihatemyguts: far as adjustments go

inandout: getting Robbie at this meetup won’t be easy

inandout: separate ones mean we might not have her there

ihatemyguts: I reckon we can trust you and Kara to keep the teen love story fictional

ihatemyguts: for all our sake’s

inandout: She’ll get her man

inandout: it’s not like bad advice and dating pitfalls are just a click away

ihatemyguts: cosmos never steered ANYONE wrong

inandout: Yahoo answers neither

ihatemyguts: might be confused as to why they’re not related

inandout: [I like to think he’s just sending his fave yahoo answer answers now for the lols]

ihatemyguts: [meme back and forth lads]

ihatemyguts: if she gets her date we could go into the matchmaker business

ihatemyguts: start at home

ihatemyguts: 🤖 don’t last forever

inandout: Rob’ll need to be next or she won’t forgive us

inandout: and we’ll soon get tired/guilty of seeing the amount of 😿💔 spam the chat

ihatemyguts: we’ll have to liberate her first

ihatemyguts: in a literal way

ihatemyguts: not the pretentious, free your 🧠 type of vibe

inandout: Kidnap’s playing into her parents’ fears but we don’t have a better option

ihatemyguts: now it’s my turn for a potential 💡

ihatemyguts: what if that is exactly what she should do

inandout: jump scare them?

ihatemyguts: if she did some actual wild shit to show them they’re being suffocating, ‘scuse the mention, then they’ll have to compromise and let her do normal kid things and everyone will win

ihatemyguts: I realize getting her to wild out might be a problem

ihatemyguts: catfish it though?

inandout: 💡⭐️

inandout: getting her to agree to do it for real would take longer than we have but you’re right, faking it wouldn’t take any time at all

ihatemyguts: get Lauren to picture whatever the hell she’s up to

ihatemyguts: sorted

inandout: + there’s your next photo challenge ready to be accepted, dressing as if you were going on a date with 👵🌈✨ instead

ihatemyguts: hold my neon

ihatemyguts: and think, do we clue Rob in on this plan now or do it on her behalf first, ‘cos we could hit up her house phone with some madness to get ‘em sus now and when she’s like wuuuuut it’ll sound even more

ihatemyguts: or is that a bit evil genius instead of 🦹‍♀️

inandout: Does she even have a house phone? We don’t

inandout: you’ll have to find another way to trick my parents into believing I’m a badass

ihatemyguts: I bet they do

ihatemyguts: can’t trust a mobile

ihatemyguts: and I bet they don’t have a microwave, they’re that sort

ihatemyguts: obvs I’ll just direct them to Lauren on your friends list with a 🤔

inandout: We should probably warn her, in case she takes it the wrong way

inandout: or decides to stand up to them for her YA movie moment

ihatemyguts: yeah, you’re right

ihatemyguts: if she doesn’t go for it, her brothers might be of use still

ihatemyguts: have to focus my evil energy elsewhere

ihatemyguts: such as…

ihatemyguts: 🥁

ihatemyguts: [one of the crazier lewks from babyteeth for the photo challenge]

inandout: 🤞🏻 one of them is old enough to drive the people carrier

inandout: Uhh… that was a suspiciously fast transformation

ihatemyguts: didn’t know you was challenging a pro?

ihatemyguts: and someone with a lot of time on her hands

inandout: I do now

inandout: and I’m guessing it’s not every day you get stood up based on what else I know about you

ihatemyguts: it’s a first

ihatemyguts: not that I constantly ask people out

ihatemyguts: but that is what I’ve put across so fair enough

ihatemyguts: what am I interrupting for you?

inandout: I’m waiting on friends

inandout: this could end in both of us being stood up

ihatemyguts: am I a drag you down with me type?

ihatemyguts: hmm

ihatemyguts: nah, I’ll cross my fingers that your friends aren’t flaky

inandout: Late, but I’d be too if it wasn’t my house

inandout: What are you gonna do now shopping’s off?

ihatemyguts: life is one big photo challenge, right

ihatemyguts: yours is ‘whatever will make your friends double-take when they open the door’

ihatemyguts: it’s a good question

ihatemyguts: we’re going to virtual shop tomorrow but she wasn’t up for it today

inandout: Wait for it and their faces

inandout: + you’re virtually invited to watch movies and play games, you won’t be the only one who isn’t here in person

ihatemyguts: 👍

ihatemyguts: cool

ihatemyguts: meeting new people is my new thing, as long as your mates are down/not the level of nerd that they might get a nosebleed if a girl is about

inandout: Some of them are girls if that helps

inandout: and my brother won’t be there to bring down the cool

ihatemyguts: low-key a shame

ihatemyguts: have to meet him before the first date though

inandout: I’ve got a father you can ask for permission if you’re feeling old-fashioned

ihatemyguts: full set

ihatemyguts: fun

ihatemyguts: mines in scotland so we’ll let you off that trek

inandout: But a road trip is a coming of age movie staple! 😫 Has Netflix aired any YA without one + are you willing to take that risk?

inandout: mine’s a workaholic but we’ve got years to catch him

ihatemyguts: forget the meds, see who gets fucked up first

ihatemyguts: it’d be a journey, for sure

ihatemyguts: do you know what he does? ‘cos so’s mine and I couldn’t tell you, tbh

inandout: Or mix them up and see what happens when you take the ones for my 💩

inandout: He’s a sales manager, he says, but why so vague?

ihatemyguts: sounds like something they’d do at cool parties

ihatemyguts: and that sounds suspish

ihatemyguts: they should have this 🤓 but with a moustache instead of the buckteeth

ihatemyguts: dads are elusive creatures… conspiracy time, what are they all up to

inandout: Not sure that’s the topic Rich has been watching vids on but I’ll ask

ihatemyguts: he can always tactfully ignore you if he’s 😳

ihatemyguts: like he does with 👵🌈✨ when she’s extra

ihatemyguts: more than usual

inandout: Be harder to do that in person

ihatemyguts: I think everyone will still get on

ihatemyguts: unless fibrofog shows, then that’ll be teen show worthy drama, of course

inandout: I think he’s genuinely blocked, he’d need a 2nd account to find out about it

ihatemyguts: hope he’s seen catfish too

inandout: He’d be a fan of the one where the man refused to believe it wasn’t Katy Perry

ihatemyguts: it does seem like the sort of thing she’d do

ihatemyguts: poor bastard

inandout: 😂

ihatemyguts: ultimate photo challenge, catfishing everyone and then going for the ruveal

ihatemyguts: might need more than just a wig 🤔😏

inandout: Dressing like her would make my friends do a double-take

inandout: [pics of some of her outrageous lewks with his head put on]

ihatemyguts: 😂😂😂

ihatemyguts: you suit the 🍦🧁🍭🍩✨

inandout: We’ve probably got a can of squirty cream lying around for hot chocolate

ihatemyguts: inhaler but make it ~sExxxIii~

inandout: [a lil video of his failed attempt to re-create that in her insta DMs or wherever because idk if they can send stuff like that here]

ihatemyguts: Katy dat you 😍😍

inandout: I’ve agreed to only string you along for 4 years not 6 and I don’t have any savings to spend 25% of on a 💍

inandout: looks like the comparison starts and stops with our black curls

ihatemyguts: not much of an orlando bloom clone myself so it’s alright

ihatemyguts: pirate is always an excellent disabled-friendly costume though so add that to the ideas board we should start

inandout: If we decide the next meetup is fancy dress, Lauren will never go back home

ihatemyguts: that’s the mood

inandout: [sends her whatever he did for the photo challenge and his friends reaction to it because why not say they’ve arrived and there’s a similar feral mood here]

[racingtoaredlight]

RTARL’s 2020 NFL Season Week 6 Extravapalooza

This week’s slate of early games....is not good. If ever there were a day to forgo NFL football and attend to some neglected tasks around the house, catch up on some paperwork for the office, or even spend some time with family, today is that day. OR maybe just drink more than usual to make the football appear more attractive than it is. Both paths are healthy and good.

My picks are in BOLD, and the lines come to us courtesy of our friends at Vegas Insider. I use the “VI Consensus” line, which is the line that occurs most frequently across Vegas Insider’s list of sportsbooks. Your sportsbook of choice may offer a different number, and if you’d like my opinion on said number A) you are insane, and B) leave a comment below and I’ll try to answer at some point before things kickoff today. 

EARLY GAMES

Houston Texans at Tennessee Titans (-3.5)

Like everyone else, I was GREATLY amused by Derrick Henry leaving a chalk outline of Josh Norman on the field via stiffarm in the Titans’ win over Buffalo on Tuesday. That said, Derrick Henry isn’t having a great season thus far. He’s averaging a career-low 3.7 yards per carry (down from 5.1 last year and 4.9 the year prior). His drop in efficiency has been masked by an increase in attempts (25 per game this year, 20 per game last year). His longest run so far this season is a measly 16 yards. Is he already wearing down? Is this just small sample noise? I dunno, but I don’t feel super great about his prospects today despite the great matchup, considering that he just had 20 touches against the Bills on Tuesday night.

Cincinnati Bengals at Indianapolis Colts (-7.5)

I really don’t have much to say about this game. I’m rooting for Joe Burrow like always, but this Indy defense is nasty and he’s still a rookie. Could be a rough one for him, but don’t worry I still think he’s the coolest and wish more than anything that he’d start smoking cigarettes on the sideline.

Atlanta Falcons at Minnesota Vikings (-4)

We’re long past the point where I need to accept that my faith in the Falcons was misguided, and yet here I am, picking them to cover once more. Gotta capitalize on that dead Dan Quinn bounce, baby! At least this time they’re squaring off against another squad of top-shelf bed-shitters in the Minnesota Vikings. Each of these teams have already sustained multiple heartbreaking losses already this season, with the Vikings somehow picking up two one-point Ls in their last three games. I’m genuinely impressed by the ability of these franchises to rip the hearts out of their own fanbases. Even when they blow games in ways they’ve blown them many times before, they still somehow manage to make it feel fresh. That’s not easy.

Denver Broncos at New England Patriots (-8)

As of now it looks like Denver QB Drew Lock will be back for this game, which is nice. He’s going to be without RB Melvin Gordon and TE Noah Fant, which isn’t so nice. After what felt like an eternity, but was really only one game, New England is getting QB Cam Newton back after his asymptomatic bout with COVID-19. Hallelujah!

Honestly, I don’t have a clue what to expect in this game. The Broncos haven’t played since October 1st, and the Patriots have had their facilities closed multiple times over the last couple of weeks, so practice has been sparse. I’m gonna go ahead and assume this one will be kind of ugly for both teams and I’m tempted to take the eight points. That said, I think Denver is really going to struggle to score, so fuck it I’ll make the homer pick.

Washington Football Team at New York Giants (-2.5)

Baltimore Ravens (-9.5) at Philadelphia Eagles

Eagles QB Carson Wentz is a broken man, his offensive line is in shambles, his favorite target (TE Zach Ertz) is either completely washed or isn’t trying due to contractual unhappiness, his #1 WR today is a 2019 6th round pick named Travis Fulghum, and he gets to face a Ravens D that ranks in the top 5 in EPA (Expected Points Added) against both the pass and the run and that blitzes at the second highest rate in the league. He’s gonna have a bad time. Luckily, fans will be allowed inside Philadelphia’s stadium for the first time this season, so he’ll at least have kind words of support from the stands to keep him going.

Cleveland Browns at Pittsburgh Steelers (-3.5)

This is a tough matchup for Browns QB Baker Mayfield. He’s struggled with accuracy all season, and I can’t imagine having injured ribs is going to help him zip the ball where he wants to, especially after he gets hit a few times by the very good Pittsburgh pass-rushers. My #1 hope for this game is a bench-clearing brawl, preferably after Myles Garrett levels Ben Roethlisberger and then taunts the hell out of him.

Chicago Bears at Carolina Panthers (-1)

It’s time for me to admit that I was wrong in my belittling of Panthers QB Teddy Bridgewater and the rest of the Carolina offense. They’ve been sharp as hell, and there’s been hardly any drop-off at all going from injured All-Pro RB Christian McCaffery to journeyman backup Mike Davis. Add WR Robby Anderson to the growing list of players who have IMMEDIATELY flourished after escaping the vortex of incompetence constantly swirling around incredible dipshit Adam Gase.

Detroit Lions (-3) at Jacksonville Jaguars

BIG CAT BATTLE! In a fight between Lions and Jaguars, it really comes down to terrain. Lions are bigger and stronger, and if this confrontation were out in the grasslands they’d have a decided edge. However, this contest takes place on the turf of the Jaguars, where they’ll be able to use their agility and climbing skills to their advantage.

LATE GAMES

New York Jets at Miami Dolphins (-9.5)

I’d like to think a thorough ass-kicking by Miami here would rid the Jets players of Adam Gase once and for all, but expecting a logical move from an unqualified failson is probably unwise. I’m enjoying what the Dolphins are putting together under Brian Flores, the first good Bill Belichick disciple. 

Green Bay Packers (-1) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers 

Most of the focus on this game has been on the QB matchup, which is understandable. The fact that each of these guys is welcoming back an All-Pro WR (Davante Adams for GB, Chris Godwin for TB) does make it extra spicy. But, I think the deciding factor here is gonna be defense. This is bad for the Packers, because outside of DB Jaire Alexander, theirs has sucked so far. Meanwhile, the Bucs come in at #2 overall on Football Outsiders Defensive Efficiency Rankings, where they’re equally effective against the run or the pass.  

SNF: Los Angeles Rams (-3) at San Francisco 49ers

Niners QB Jimmy Garoppolo looked horrific last week in his return from an ankle injury. He was clearly not close to 100%, and despite positive practice reports this week on his injury status I can’t buy in until I actually see him able to step into his throws. I was actually surprised to see the O/U on this one at 51.5, as it feels like a low-scoring game to me, a man who definitely knows what he’s talking about.

MNF (Early): Kansas City Chiefs (-4.5) at Buffalo Bills

I’m furious with Kansas City for bringing in RB Le’Veon Bell to siphon touches away from my beloved Clyde Edwards-Helaire. IT’S NOT HIS FAULT THE O-LINE CAN’T RUN BLOCK WORTH A DAMN! Anyway, due to COVID-19 protocols, Bell won’t be suiting up for this one, so here’s to CEH ending his time as the primary back in a blaze of statistical glory. These teams are each coming off of bad losses, so I expect them to come out guns-a-blazin’. The Bills are fun as hell, but I can’t take them in a shootout against K.C. just yet.

MNF (Late): Arizona Cardinals (-1) at Dallas Cowboys

Dak Prescott’s gruesome injury was a huge bummer, even if you’re like most right-thinking people and viscerally dislike the Cowboys. I hope he recovers and eventually ends up with the huge pile of cash he was headed for prior to his lower leg turning into a Rice Krispies Treat. As far as backup QBs go, Andy Dalton isn’t terrible, but you know what is? The Dallas defense. I don’t think they can make enough stops to keep the Cowboys in this one, even if the offense still looks decent.

Last Week’s Record: 7-6

Season Record: 37-31-4

[daily-capaldi]

The Big Read – Lewis Capaldi: “I make jokes because I’m comfortable with who I am”

The breakout star of 2019, Lewis Capaldi has the midas touch and the world at his feet – but he still likes talking about his pubes and dreams of meeting a girl who'll break his heart for real. NME Deputy Editor Dan Stubbs meets the cocksure 23-year-old in Dublin for a Buckfast sesh and quickly discovers a legitimately hilarious talent who's far from the “big fucking annoying cunt” he thinks he is.

Lewis Capaldi is miming a range of sporting activities. He bounces an invisible basketball around the stage. He boots an imaginary football into the crowd. And after some minutes of this, he poses with an imaginary dart in his hand. Every time he mimes pulling back to throw it, he changes his mind and walks over to take a sip of Guinness instead – to the delight of the crowd. When he finally throws the thing, they roar with approval, before goading him into downing the rest of his pint. And of course: he does. 

It’s November 21 at the Olympia Theatre, Dublin. So far Capaldi has spent 10 minutes playing three songs and 15 minutes doing what, in the most affectionate terms, can only be described as dicking about. It shouldn’t be this funny to watch, but it really is. And the price of witnessing this spectacle? Depends when you got your tickets. A tout offered to take NME’s off our hands for €500 outside the venue. 

A year ago this may have sounded like madness, a sign that the world was heading to hell in a handcart and we’d be closing out the decade in a post-apocalyptic new reality, eating boot leather and watching jesters for entertainment. But in 2019, Lewis Capaldi has proved, conclusively, that what the world was waiting for was a pasty-faced, pasty-loving, 23-year-old Scot with an act that’s 50 percent heartbroken balladry and 50 percent improv comedy. And it is a worldwide thing – Capaldi is a global hit, a bona fide phenomenon. A superstar whose first encounter with NME is backstage, hurtling along the corridor clutching a handful of items. “Got my passport, my acid reflux tablets and my water – and that’s all I need!” he says, whizzing past. “And now, I’m off for a small pish.”

When listing Capaldi’s many 2019 achievements, they start to lose meaning, like contemplating distances in space, or making sense of the costings in the Labour manifesto. But here are a few: The Brits’ Critics Choice award. A Number One album with ‘Divinely Uninspired To A Hellish Extent’. A Number One single with ‘Someone You Loved’ in much of Europe, the US and the UK, where it spent seven weeks at the top. The hardest touring artist of the year, playing over 250 shows. A scene-stealing Glastonbury appearance.

If you’re to believe the stories in the Scottish tabloid press, Capaldi’s music can practically cure leprosy. He’s even had a beef with Noel Gallagher, once a mark of honour, but now a tussle with adversary so easily shot down it’s a bit like watching the moment someone first beats their dad in an arm wrestle. 

Yesterday brought news that Capaldi been nominated for Best Song at The Grammys, which in early career terms is the equivalent of being up for the Best Actor Oscar for your school production of Macbeth. “I’m up against Billie Eilish, Lady Gaga, Lizzo, H.E.R., Lana Del Rey, Taylor Swift…” he says. So he’s in there representing the men? “Yes, at long last!” he jokes. “At long last, straight white men finally have representation.”

“If I’m being honest, I did think ‘Old Town Road’ would be nominated,” he says, being serious now. “Maybe if I win I’ll Kanye myself. ‘This should have gone to ‘Old Town Road’! (But I am going to keep it)…’”

Capaldi is an expert at shrugging off his achievements. His unfaltering humility is a huge part of his appeal but even he concedes it’s starting to seem a bit forced. “When I read my interviews back, I always think if I wasn’t me I’d think: ‘you’re full of shite’,” he says. “Like, stop saying you can’t believe it. You can believe it! But it is so surreal and it seems like almost quarterly it kicks up a notch. Like, yesterday with the Grammys, yet again all this shit’s getting more and more mental, more beyond belief.”

Capaldi watched the Grammy nominations on his laptop, which was resting on his chest with the screen close to his face – a set-up he describes as his “home cinema” – and he admits he did get properly excited at the news. Mostly, though, he tends to find himself reacting to things how he thinks he should. 

“I’ve got a very bad way of being like, So you’re supposed to feel this way in this moment,” he says. Like when someone passes away? “Exactly, yeah. Like, four months after my grandma passed away, I’m like, ‘Fuck, my grandma’s died,’ and I’m in Somerfield or something. I mean, not in Somerfield, because it’s not been open for fucking years.”

Capaldi even plays down the success of ‘Someone You Loved’, the song that scored him the Grammy nod. In his eyes, it’s just “one of my songs that’s doing a little bit better than the rest”, but it’s already become a popular standard to sit alongside Robbie Williams’s ‘Angels’ or Adele’s ‘Someone Like You’, one of those tracks that will be soundtracking marriages and burials for years to come. Which of those would he prefer it be used for? “Burials,” he says, with no hesitation. “Don’t start falling in love to my fucking music, right? See if I see people kissing at my shows, fucking stop that! These are sad songs, you bastards.”

Like Lewis himself, a large part of the charm of ‘Someone You Loved’ is its absolute universality, which is not to say it’s banal, more that everyone who has lost someone at some point in their lives – which is most of us – can identify with it. For Lewis, it was the aforementioned loss of his grandmother that proved the catalyst for the song, but he made it more open to romantic interpretation because it felt “too morbid” to write explicitly about. 

And it didn’t come easily. Where other songwriters boast about dashing off huge hits in barely the time it takes to play them, Capaldi admits to labouring over his compositions. Writing songs, he says, is “a massive pain in the fucking arse sometimes”.

“Growing up I read interviews with people like Paul Weller, Paul McCartney – all the Pauls – and they’d say the best songs just sort of fall in your lap,” he says. “After six months at the piano writing ‘Someone You Loved’ I’m like, ‘You fucking lying bastards, that’s taken me fucking ages.’”

Many of Capaldi’s songs, which he endearingly describes as ranging from “big piano ballads to bigger piano ballads” draw on his first major relationship which – you may have guessed – is no longer a going concern. But it wasn’t a dramatic event. “Adele wrote her album about a relationship breaking up in a bad way, being jilted I think,” he says. “I wrote mine about a relationship that just ended, just fizzled out. I’d love to be jilted by someone, then I could be as successful as Adele.”

I ask if he worries that – at 23 – he doesn’t have a great deal of life experience to draw on. “I spent my entire life writing this first album,” he says, “but the stuff I’ve experienced in the last year has been much more of a growing experience than living in my mum and dad’s house in fucking West Lothian.”

How about the fact that his next girlfriend, whoever she may be, will be on different terms, it being impossible for her not to know she’s dating Lewis Capaldi the world famous pop star? “Well, I don’t know. It’s not like I’m Justin Bieber,” he says. “Today was the first time I’ve ever got out of the car at a venue and someone screamed. Normally people just shout something at me that I’ve said on Instagram about my pubes. I guess, at worst, my next partner would think I’m one way because they’ll hear the songs and think I seem very nice and level headed, but then find out I’m not.”

What’s the reality?

“Big fucking annoying cunt.”

It’s slightly unfair to question the depth of Capaldi’s life experience, because at the age most of us were familiarising ourselves with yo-yos, pogs or fidget spinners (delete as appropriate), Lewis was embarking on his music career. He began performing at 11, largely in pubs and clubs in the conurbation between Glasgow and Edinburgh where he grew up. The experience of having to hold his own in intimidating spaces at such a young age probably explains much about his easiness around people. 

“I found that at 11 it was, ‘Oh he’s quite cute, he came and stood up here and he’s doing very well.’ When I got to 14, 15 and my voice changed and I lost any remnants of cuteness – which as you can tell have not returned to me – that’s when I started to pick up a bit of the patter. You get to know your way about how to speak to people.” 

Around that time, Capaldi actively worked on changing his vocal style to something more like the wolfy howl we hear today. What was once a ”high and smooth” voice had broken. Inspired by Paolo Nutini and Joe Cocker, Capaldi added some gravel. “I thought it would be a good idea to put a bit of rasp in, to make it sound even more terrible,” he says.

For years we’ve been force-fed sensitive young men-next-door with beanie hats, beards or lumberjack shirts singing to us about their problems. In a quest for authenticity, they’ve presented themselves as troubled, serious souls. Capaldi, meanwhile, has given us the sensitive songs with a side order of toilet humour and the kind of prolific, creative swearing worthy of The Thick Of It‘s Malcolm Tucker, as played by his distant cousin Peter Capaldi. 

Stand-up comedians often make a point of referring to the most funny-looking thing about themselves as an icebreaker with the audience, a way of getting them on side. Capaldi has the same trick – there’s not a single thing about his looks or his music you could say that he hasn’t beaten you to. Try and come up something better than saying he looks like “a melting hippo”, we dare you. 

He has zero pretence – he’s a guy who can literally piss himself on stage and laugh it off. “That only happened once,” he says. “And I’ve always been like that, even back in school. If I was meeting someone for the first time I’d be like, ‘Hello, how are you? I’ve got diarrhoea and I could spew or I could blow at any moment. It puts me at ease, being honest.’”

“People think I make jokes because I’m uncomfortable,” he adds. “Actually, it’s the opposite – I make jokes because I’m comfortable with who I am. I say that I’m a chubby bastard because I am a chubby bastard.”

I put it to him that, possibly, he may be the first body-positive male icon – an important thing given Capaldi is part of a generation of young men who feel under enormous pressure to have an Insta-chiselled body. “I don’t know if I can accept that, because I probably don’t use the correct vernacular,” he says. “It’s probably not good to call yourself a chubby cunt, but it’s never been something that’s bothered me. I’ve been a very slim man, I’ve been a man who’s gone to the gym, but even when I’ve done that someone calls you fat anyway, whether it’s your ma, your da, your best pal.”

Capaldi hasn’t, as of yet, had any sort of pop star makeover. He still looks like a kid who’s moved out of home for the first time and is stacking up the washing to take to mum’s. He does, however, have a personal trainer on tour and has been exercising every day. “It’s more of a mental health thing,” he says. “It gives me energy and keeps me happy. I mean, when I’m actually doing it I fucking hate it so much, but it feels better after.”

I ask how his mental health is bearing up to his new everyday reality, an extraordinary experience for anyone to process. “That’s what I think about taking the piss out of things,” he says. “I take the piss out of doing things on stage and how mental it is because you have to, because it stops you getting caught up in it. Summer last year I started having massive panic attacks. I was supposed to do Austin City Limits but I had to cancel because I was just having panic attack after panic attack, and I thought I had something seriously wrong with me, because I’m a bit of a hypochondriac. And I went and got a fucking MRI scan. But they said I was just anxious, just recalibrating to this new fucking lifestyle. So I said, right, cancel everything for three weeks, and no one gave me any shit for it.”

At showtime, the atmosphere at tonight’s gig offers a glimpse of the bubble Capaldi is living in these days. The Olympia is a grand old theatre and Capaldi could probably have sold it out 50 times over; the reaction from the crowd is something like Lewmania. 

Afterwards, we head backstage again, where I’m ushered into a room containing about a dozen members of Capaldi’s family. I’m plonked on a chair right in the middle, handed a massive wine glass full of Buckfast by his cousin and grilled by his dad, a fishmonger and the very driest of wits, about my intentions for this article. He’s seriously proud of his boy, having supported him since the very beginning, even playing the supportive parent role when Lewis auditioned for Britain’s Got Talent aged 12. 

The afterparty moves to a private room at a nearby pub. Lewis’s hulking great cousin – the one who brought the Buckfast – is getting the shots in. His auntie is looking on, concerned, as two girls chat him up at the same time. “He’s only a wee one,” she mutters. While his friends and family enjoy the party and a certain NME journalist accidentally smashes the first of a series of glasses, feeling the effects of downing that Buckfast in an ill-advised attempt to curry favour with the family, Lewis makes his final rounds then politely excuses himself, looking a bit hangdog about it. He has another big show tomorrow. Sad to leave your own party, you imagine.

At points in the interview, Capaldi had been making a short, forced coughing noise, which he shrugged off as nothing. But the next week, he cancels a number of shows on health grounds, having been warned by his doctor that he risks losing his voice altogether if he doesn’t take action. In the end, he plays just four more gigs of the UK leg of the tour – in London, Edinburgh and twice in Glasgow for the homecoming finale. All further activities are cancelled by management, including a follow-up NME interview, but he is sent to complete the year’s touring commitments in the States before heading home for a well-earned few days celebrating Christmas with his family, which he says typically involves plenty of booze and lots of piss-taking. If you think you’re feeling ready for the break today, spare a thought for Lewis.

Next year looks to be just as busy as this one. He is, right now, just about the most in-demand young man in the world. At some point, he’ll have to start thinking about his next album too. “I don’t know what the fuck it’s going to sound like, I don’t know what the fuck it’s going to be,” he says. “Ballads, havin’-it tunes, I don’t know. I’ve got voice notes, melodies, stuff like that, but that’s just me and an acoustic guitar.” 

Considering what he said about his hypochondria, it’s likely the idea of losing his voice is weighing heavily on Capaldi’s mind. But he’s already decided there’s a backlash coming anyway. “You do get warned, as you’re coming up: ‘By the way, everyone’s gonna turn on you pretty soon’,” he says. “I guess I’m always just kind of waiting for it. I’m very doomsday. Like, if it’s not happened yet, it’s gonna come. And I can’t wait for the downfall!”

He might be surprised. People have plenty of different reactions to Capaldi’s music, but it’s pretty much impossible to find someone who doesn’t think he seems like a bloody great bloke.

And besides – if he ever finds he can’t sing, he’d make a killing at The Fringe as a physical comic. 

The extended edition of ‘Divinely Uninspired To A Hellish Extent’ is out now

[cobra-kai-never-dies]

Okay, fuck it. I’m too catawampus to do anything but think about ‘Cobra Kai’ right now, so I guess I don’t care that the premiere is like six hours away because here is some final pre-watch babbling, anyway:

Returning cast- I still don’t care about seeing Mike Barnes or Ali or really anyone from TKK2. I’m down to see OG Cobras or Julie, if that Wikipedia listing is accurate. I wouldn’t mind seeing a toned-down Terry Silver, but his actor hasn’t been onscreen in over a decade.

Echoes from the past- I wondered for a long time how much paralleling season 2 could do with TKK2 when they are staying put in the Valley, but I’m convinced that will see some elements- although some will undoubtedly be twisted in that way I think might become strongly associated with CK. What put me onto this was the second teaser, where they bring back the drum & the scrolls & even a flashback from the second movie. And that made me look back on the first teaser. The context & severity & purpose is quite different, but what we have- again- is the Cobra Kai sensei berating & physically punishing his top students in the wake of the All Valley. We also know that we will be getting ice breaking (probably in front of a crowd), which is obviously associated with the second movie. So what further parallels might we see? Daniel’s line about “destruction & disrespect” when he storms into CK makes me think his dojo might be vandalized. I think I saw where someone had the same idea? It’s a reasonable one, IMO.

The soap opera romances- I’m assuming that there will be something going on between Samantha & Robby. He was obviously interested from the first time he saw her, & she wasn’t immune. She’ll also like that her dad already approves of him. If they do that whole song reprisal thing again, I think they’ll get ‘The Glory of Love’ in much the same way that Miguel & Sam got ‘Young Hearts’. I’m less certain of a thing between Miguel & Tory. I can see Miguel trying to make a go of it to get over Sam, but I’m not sure he’s a guy who will easily move on from a first love even when he wants to. It did look like Tory might be into him though, so his torch-carrying for Sam will be a problem for her if so. I truly sort of hate that Johnny is on something resembling a date with Carmen in that one clip, but it’s not because I don’t want Johnny to date Carmen. Hell, I want Johnny to marry Carmen. It’s just too soon. He’s still a mess, & he needs to get his shit together first. I think Hawk & Moon will break up, pushing Hawk closer yet to the edge. I’m sad about it. Daniel & Amanda may wind up struggling a bit with the shift in his focus, but NBD.

Johnny- He’s gonna struggle big time with Kreese being there, & that might eventually lead to two divided CK factions. It is my most fervent hope that he will- someday- get a chance to make Cobra Kai what he truly wants it to be. But before he can even begin to get there, he needs to face his demons.

Daniel- He’s gonna work on starting his dojo & hopefully eventually realize that he needs to chill with the competition angle because it’s undermining the whole concept of Miyagi-Do karate. I think that will happen- eventually. And he may waver. But I think that Daniel still knows in his heart that Johnny isn’t Kreese.

Kreese- He’s a freaking snake & will try to take over CK, even while we get a more nuanced portray of his philopsopy & motivations.

Miguel- He needs to find a balance between the sweet boy he was & the badass he is now. He needs to avoid letting Tory be a bad influence on him if they do get involved. He needs to be told about Robby. I think his connection with Johnny could lead to him questioning the whole Kreese situation. It’s obvious that Johnny isn’t comfortable with it, & Miguel will hopefully see that.

Robby- He needs to find a driving motivation that isn’t getting back at his dad. He’s on the right path, but he needs to make peace with that relationship one way or another.

Samantha- The appearance of a rival indicates that this will be a big season for Sam. Hopefully she matures. Samantha’s great flaw is that she lacks the courage of her convictions, so she winds up unintentionally hurting people when she should have their backs. I think that’s very believable, given her raising. She takes it easy because she’s always had it easy, but owning & growing out of that weakness will need to be a vital component of her character development if she’s going to be anything resembling a heroine.

Aisha- I guess she’s leading the class in jab punches. She may be taking the back burner this season because Yasmine has been defeated & the dojo war has to put a damper on her friendship with Samantha. Hopefully she’ll have something substantial to do next season.

Hawk- His path looks pretty dark right now. I’m gonna put the food court fight in episode 5 because I’m absolutely convinced that it’s basically going to serve as the flip-side to Miguel’s 1.5 cafeteria fight. Miguel won that fight & brought in droves of new recruits for CK. We can see in the trailers that Hawk & his buddies lose this fight in another public eating area. And given that CK is apparently raking in students & money, beating a highly-visible representative of that dojo- c’mon, who can miss Hawk’s hair?- has to be a boon for Miyagi-Do. He’s fighting with Demetri, but I also think there might be a issue with Miguel brewing. In the trailer, Hawk kicks Miguel into a tree. The Cobras are obviously doing a training exercise at that point, but... I remember something I once read about a highly competitive gym that trained Olympic athletes. One of the trainers there compared the athletes to scorpions in a can that would fight until only one was left. As I’ve said before, Miguel doesn’t seem to resent sharing Johnny’s time with other kids. But what if Hawk is stewing on his losses- the mall fight & possibly Moon? What if Kreese is like that Olympic trainer & pits the kids against each other in a struggle for supremacy? I can see that happening. And Miguel won’t be Kreese’s little dude so long as he’s Johnny’s little dude. But Hawk is obviously a different story.

Demetri- I still don’t love that Demetri is studying karate, but I’m also having a hard time imagining him becoming very good at it. Really, though- does everyone who studies karate have to become a black belt? Miyagi-Do does seem like a better fit for his personality. I’m assuming that he’s fighting with Hawk because he won’t accept who his old friend is now, which speaks to one of Demetri’s genuine strengths- the kid knows his own damn mind & isn’t easily convinced of much. I do wonder how his friendship with Miguel fares.

Tory- First off, I don’t see her being Ali’s kid. I’ve seen too many glamour shots of Peyton to not recognize how they’ve deliberately roughened up her edges for this role, & that probably wouldn’t be necessary if she were playing a surgeon’s daughter. I’m hoping she’s not just some kind of psychopath because I find that to be a boring-ass motivation, but I’m also just not sure how much context you can give to using a spiked bracelet as a weapon during a school fight. Did they tip their hand too soon with her? IDK. But if she isn’t a psycho, then what that tells me is this girl feels like she has nothing to lose in that moment. She is new to the Valley, and troubled. Where does she come from? I’ve been reading “wrong side of the tracks” since that first image of her. So, she goes to CK & learns of a rival dojo. This rival dojo has one girl, just like it’s meant to be. Samantha, like Tory, is a pretty girl who can fight- but then she has so much more going for her: her two adoring parents, her big beautiful house, the white BMW she was gifted the day she turned 16. And she has a cute boy- the All Valley champion & the runner-up, no less!- wrapped around each of her pink-nailed pinky fingers. Sam has known stability & privilege & comfort her entire life. And for a girl like Tory, that resentment could burn. It would probably amount to nothing, if not for the dojo war. But what could prompt such an attack on Samantha? I looked to TKK2 for a possible clue & found one. Might Tory be disowned- AKA kicked out of CK? Is she Chozen to Sam’s Daniel?

A fight to the death- And if so, maybe that fight is also flipped. I think that we all know something major will have to go down to make a team-up happen. Somebody may have to be hurt, & I think Samantha makes the most sense. She is Daniel’s daughter, possibly Robby’s girlfriend, & Miguel‘s ex. She isn’t really anyone in particular to Johnny, but he may need the least convincing. So say Samantha loses her fight with her Chozen & is seriously hurt. This idea bears an unfortunate resemblance to fridging, but I don’t think it counts because Sam is an active character in her own right & is fighting her own battle when this potentially happens. Random note- Peyton stated in an interview that her CK stunts included a huge fall, which I took to mean from a height. But she gave no context, so IDK. And actually, I’m not even sure Sam has to *lose* the fight so long as it’s sufficiently shocking to the others. Either way, I feel like whatever happens with Tory in the aftermath will provide a mechanism by which the other Cobras- particularly Hawk- may be saved.

[bobbylovesalex]

The Lighthouse

Robby is a good kid.  He doesn’t talk much but he works hard and has yet to object to anything I’ve told him to do.  Except for the horses.  He still refuses to get on a horse.  Kind of funny that the kid who was brave enough to stand up to Kreese and Dutch fears a horse.

I sip my coffee and watch him through the kitchen windows.  He’s playing fetch with Lexie and Axel.  I would say he and Lexie are playing fetch with Axel, but Lexie keeps forgetting the objective and running after the ball herself.

Maybe it wasn’t the right thing to do, to tell Johnny about what Kreese had done to Robby.  I’m pretty sure that when he finds out, he’ll never tell me anything again.  Probably never tell anyone anything again.  I just thought that maybe if Robby knew, if Johnny could tell him about what he’d suffered at Kreese’s hands, maybe it’d help him feel less emasculated and defeated by the whole thing.  No wonder he fell for Dutch’s trap.

And, if I’m being honest, another part of me wants to scream at Johnny for letting it happen.  How did he not see it?  How could he not notice his kid being beaten and bruised for weeks?  He had to know that Robby would have naturally been a target for Kreese and that was even without Robby offering himself up as a sacrifice for ‘the friend who wasn’t a friend’ he’s mentioned a few times.  

That’s something else he refuses to talk about.  That and Johnny.  He clams up at the mere mention of either.

But, last night, he did start a joke with Johnny, teasing him about his out of date lifestyle, so maybe there’s hope yet.  I finish my coffee and go outside.

“Hey, Lexie-girl,” I say, bending down to her level.  “Can you take care of Axel for Robby while we work today?”

“Yes, Pop,” she answers, seriously.  

I can’t help but smile.  I may have never been a father, but being a grandfather is pretty damn great sometimes. “Grandpa is upstairs.  I’ll see you later.”

“What are we doing today?” Robby asked.

“I thought we’d go out to the lighthouse.”

“I told you I wasn’t getting on a horse,” he laughs.

“You don’t have to,” I admit.  “We use them for guest, but if you don’t mind getting a little wet, we can take the ATVs too. The channel’s not that deep.”

“What do we need to do out here?” He asks once we’re on the little island.

“Nothing really.  I just like to come out here and make sure everything is okay,” I say.  “And I knew you wanted to come out.”

Watching Robby explore the lighthouse reminds me of me the first time Alex brought me out here.  It’s kind of amazing.  

In the tower, he’s leaning against the rail, staring out at the waves crashing against the rocks below.

“He wasn’t there,” he says softly.

“What?”  I have to step closer to hear him.

“Johnny.  He didn’t know what Kreese was doing because he wasn’t there,” he says.  “You can’t blame him for that.  It was all my doing.  I thought…, I thought I could save someone.  He was being destroyed.”

“Your friend?”

“He was never my friend.”

“That’s Kreese talking.”

He shrugs.  “Even a broken clock is right twice a day.  It’s not Kreese talking, though he was right.  It’s me finally seeing myself for the sucker I am.  Anyway, like I said, I was on my own.  Nobody even cared if I was alive.  If Kreese had killed me, no one would have known until Mom needed me to get money out of Dad for her.”

That’s literally the first time he’s mentioned his mother in the week he’s been here.  “Where was Johnny?”

“He was hurt, had a broken knee from some of Kreese’s goons.  You’ll have to ask Dad for that story.  I wasn’t exactly in his life right then.  He was staying with the LaRusso’s, then Dr. Ali while he recovered.  I was staying at his place by myself,” he said.  “It was easy to hide.  I just never went over.  When I had to face others, I made up some bullshit story about falling off my skateboard. Everyone bought it but Mr. LaRusso…,”

“Why was Johnny staying with Daniel?” I ask.

“Another story you’ll have to get from him,” he says.  “Anyway, Mr. LaRusso didn’t buy my story.  He’d been training me in karate, but that all stopped when… when Dad got involved.  Whatever. Doesn’t matter.  People can’t help it.  They’re just drawn to him and they’ll forget everything else.  I’m used to it.  My mom has done it my whole life.  The only person who never threw me away for Johnny was Granpa.  Maybe that’s why I liked him.  I knew he was a fucking awful person to most everyone.  Hell, he was probably only nice to me to be an ass to Dad. More of showing him what he could never have.  Jason hasn’t. But then, he’s only ever had two conversations with Dad, so who knows what will happen with that.”

“Jason?”

“Jason Schwarber.  My boyfriend.”

That does surprise me a little.  “You’re dating Ali’s son?”

He nods.  “For now. I’m sure that he’ll either go like everyone else.  Or just realize what a fucked up person I am in general and leave,” he shrugs again.  “Dad doesn’t mean to do that, or to be that way, but he can’t help it.  It’s just like, when he’s around, he’s the center of the universe and everyone just gravitates to him. He can’t help it.  And they can’t help it.  It’s just the way it is.  I can’t even get mad at him about it anymore.”

“I don’t think a truer statement has ever been made about Johnny,” I say. “Is that what happened with the guy you thought was your friend?”

He shakes his head.  “He was already Johnny’s.  Johnny’s better, smarter, less fucked up son.  Or at least that’s what he wanted him to be.  Miguel is…, well he’s a better person than me by every measure.  No wonder Johnny wanted him over me.”

“That’s not true,” I say.  “Johnny loves you more than anything.  He’d do anything for you.”

“Yeah, he probably would,” he says.  “If he knew what I needed.  But he usually doesn’t.  You don’t know him anymore.  He has huge blind spots where he can only see one thing, and I’m usually standing smack in the middle of where his vision ends.  Again, he doesn’t mean to.  It’s just how it is.  I’m used to it.  I handle myself so that I don’t need to depend on him.  That way I can’t get hurt and I can still love him.”

“What happened with Miguel?”

“I just realized that I was being used.  Again.  So, I split,” he says.

I sigh.  Getting this kid to talk is like unraveling Christmas lights.  Everything is tangled up in knots and just when you’re ready to give up, out will come another line, but there’s a new knot at the end of it too. “How was he using you?”

He turns red and looks out at the ocean again.  “He…, I liked him…, he knew that…, he didn’t like me, not like that anyway…, but he…, I don’t know, he said he liked being chased.  He liked the feeling that someone wanted him enough to go after him because that had never happened to him before.  He fucking humiliated me time and again and I kept going back for more and that was before Kreese was even involved.”

“You loved him.”

He nods.  “God, I’m so stupid.  He was using me, and I knew that he was, and I still let him over and over.  This is why I don’t get close enough to love anyone. It’s nothing but humiliation.  Giving people the power to hurt you and happily smiling while they do it.  I’ve watched my mom do it a hundred times.  I should have known.”

“And I bet you didn’t make it easy for him, did you?”

“What?”

“To use you.  You didn’t start trying to fix all his problems.  You didn’t start trying to give him things he didn’t have.  I’m sure you didn’t try to make him love you by trying to make his life perfect for him,” I say.

He glares daggers at me, and I know I’ve hit a nerve.  “What would you know about it?”

“Kid, I was in love with your Dad before I even knew what love was,” I say. “And I thought that I could make him love me if I could fix everything.  I confused dependency for love.  I made myself a doormat for him and he took advantage of it.  I don’t think he even meant too.  Just like I don’t think your friend meant to do that to you.  It’s just human nature especially when you’re making it easy for them.”

“So, what happened?”  He asks.

“I reached my breaking point. Like you did.  I realized I could live like that, it was hurting me too bad,” I say.

“What was it?”

It’s my turn to be embarrassed for the boy I was.  “I guarded the locker room door in the dojo so Ali could…, give him a surprise…, Yeah.  I did that. Got my ass beat by Kreese for being there after hours because I was the one who stuck around to lock up.  Johnny laughed and told me I should have ducked when he saw my black eye.  I’m sure he didn’t even know that I was Ali’s decoy, or that her surprise was what I got in trouble over.  I certainly wasn’t going to tell him.  Anyway, that was the moment I broke.  I went home, spent a few days hovering between anger and crying.  Except for Cobra Kai, I didn’t speak to Johnny for a month or better.  Then I realized I missed him.  Not the him that I’d made practically into an idol, but the guy that had been my friend. The guy who had my back when Kreese was on me.  The guy who sat beside me in the courtroom when my parents’ divorce turned nasty.  I knew that if I wanted to keep him in my life, I had to let go of the pain, and accept what was.”

“How did you do that?  How did you stop loving him?”

“I realized that I deserved love too. I wasn’t going to get it if I couldn’t love myself first and I wasn’t being very loving to myself,” I say.  “I dropped him off the pedestal I had put him on and started being a real friend to him again.”

“I haven’t loved Miguel in months.  If I ever did.  I care about him, but it’s not the same way I feel about Jase.  Maybe I never was in love with him.  Maybe I just wanted to take someone from Dad so badly, I confused my feelings of friendship for love.  If I loved him and he loved me, then he’d pick me over Dad.  God, that’s more pathetic than just being rejected,” he rolls his eyes. “It doesn’t matter anyway.  He made it clear where I stand in his life and I’m through hurting myself too.  He and his idiot friend were playing with an M-80 firecracker and blew up a mailbox.  He got hurt. Broke his nose, chipped his tooth, probably had a concussion due to how out of it he was…, Hawk ran off.  Miguel came to me at Granpa’s and I hid him.  Tried to help him.  Tried to convince him to call Dad or his mom.   He knew I could get in trouble for that.  And he knows that if I get in trouble again, it’ll be real trouble.  I’m not getting community service.  I’m going to jail.  He knows that and he still came to me.  He said I made him feel safe.  Whatever. The next morning, I convinced him to let me call Dr. Ali.  He told her what happened and I said Hawk was involved…, it wasn’t fair that he was going to get all the blame when that moron was just as guilty.  He blew up at me.  Then lied and said Hawk wasn’t involved.  Hawk left him wandering around, drunk, hurt, and disoriented to save his own ass and he was protecting him.  I hadn’t done anything but try to help him and he didn’t give a shit that I was risking juvie to do it.  He’s never going to care as much about me as I do for him, so I’m done.  I can’t be his friend anymore.  No matter how much I may miss him.  Because he was never that much of a friend to me.”

I nod and pull him into a hug.  “Well.  Only you can know that.  But if you’re saying he’s not your friend because of that incident, I think you may be discounting your whole friendship. You should maybe try to see things from his side before you throw it all away.”

“Yeah,” he laughs.  “Especially since it seems Dad is hitting on his mom pretty hot and heavy.  Not speaking to my stepbrother might get a little weird and I’m running out of places to run.”

“Well, you’re always welcome here,” I say, hugging him again.  “You’ll want to come to visit Axel anyway.  Because I don’t think you’re going to be able to get her away from Lexie and Alex when you leave.”

He laughs again and we head back to the house.

I send Robby up to his room to change and go in the kitchen to talk to Alex.

“How did it go?” he asks.

“Pretty good,” I admit.  “I finally got him to talk.  But damn. Everything that kid says makes me want to give him a hug and a cookie.  Maybe I helped him though.”

Alex put the knife he was holding down and wiped his hands on a towel before coming over to hug me.  

“Even if you didn’t help, you cared enough to ask, and he’ll remember that. And maybe he’ll come back to you before he goes off the rails again, and that is something.”  He kisses me.  “You can’t save the world, Bobby.  But that you try is why I love you.”

I smile.  “I love you too.”

 @everyonesfavoritegoldenboy @chickskickasstoo @therunawaystudent @dr-ali-mills (Just so that you all see it because some of the Bobby posts aren’t showing up in the timeline.)

[therunawaystudent]

I’m a Teenage Fugitive (private)

It’s 8:36pm in Van Nuys California, and two teenage boys are bored. God knows nothing good can come from that in the first place, but when Hawk pulls the little  bottle from his backpack, Miguel is hesitant.

“Oh no, no no no…” He shakes his head, half serious and just the tiniest bit amused.

“C’mon, you've been incommunicado for the past month, enjoy yourself a little, man. I didn't snag this so we could look at it.”

“You stole this?”

The blue haired boy gives his best innocent voice. “No steal, it just fell into my lap while I was raiding my father's cabinet. He doesn't drink much so he'll never notice...besides, we need it more than he does.”

“I can't believe I'm doing this. Nothing good happens when I drink, you know that right?”

“So, be… not good. You're always worried about something, man. Just relax, enjoy yourself for once, you know? Don't worry.”

“You trying to peer pressure me?” Miguel is already taking it from him.

“Is it working?” Hawk watches as his friend grimaces at the taste, but it doesn't stop him from taking a second sip.

Miguel chokes it down and passes it back, the two of them taking turns until Miguel feels a warmness in his throat and in his stomach.

“Ugh god, this tastes like rubbing alcohol, vomit and pine needles. What is this?”

“A wonderful and magical concoction of the juniper berry variety.”

“You're feeding me gin. Ugh boy, alright.”  

Passing the mickey back and forth, the two sit in the street of a darkened alleyway, just far enough from the people that they can hear chatting little ways away. They drink until Miguel takes the initiative to gulp the last mouthful, and proceeds to throw the empty bottle in the air and down the road, where he can hear it shatter on the ground.

“Gravity.” He smiles, satisfied. “So, what do we do now?”

“No idea.”

“I've got an idea.”

Reaching into his pocket, Miguel pulls out an M-80. A waxy little red thing, its long, green fuse a temptation to them both.

He smiles knowingly as Hawk’s eyes get wide in awe. “Eh?”

“Where did you get that?”

Miguel shrugs. “You have your stash, I have mine. They've got these little markets in Arizona that sell all kinds’a shit. The ones I got are from the 60’s or something, supposed to have more boom."

Hawk looks excited. Miguel suddenly looks distracted.

"While I was in there some dude kept talking to me about skinwalkers, freaked me out a little.”

“Skin-what?”

“Skinwalkers. They're a legend around there and the guy working the shop wouldn't shut up about it cause I was walking around at night. However, a small price to pay for such an opportunity for fun.”

Hawk shakes his head this time. “I don't think we can do that right here man, someone's gonna call in a terrorism threat.”

Miguel laughs off that comment, clearly he's never seen one blow up. “It's an M-80 not a pipe bomb. It's like a firework. But you're right, we should do something fun with it.”

Getting up off the road, he looks around at the streets, the little explosive safely in his jacket pocket, Miguel handling it the whole time they walk. He sways a little on his feet while they walk down the roads in search of something worthwhile, but Hawk is steady and collected despite the alcohol. He always did have better motor control, drunk or sober it seemed.

> CUT TO: The corner of Victory and Sepulveda, a little car dealership and a darkened parking lot.

“Here, let's do it here!”

“Why here?”

Hawk points to the window, someone milling about, a woman judging from the silhouette.

“It'll just scare someone. Nobody will get hurt either, there's nobody here except us and that chick in there.”

“And what if she sees us?”

“It's too dark for that. We can just put it by the window or something, it'll scare the shit out of her, we'll laugh, and then we'll go home. Mission accomplished.”

Hawk is already lighting it even before Miguel can get another response out, although he quickly starts panicking when he sees the bushes near the window, thinking it'll somehow cause a fire.

“No, wait!”

Grabbing the sparking explosive, he runs to what looks like the nearest, safest deposit.

A mailbox, outside the dealership doors.

“What the hell are you–”

A boom, and the delicate-looking mailbox puffs out its sides like a cartoon burp.

Hawk looks horrified. Everything is torched inside clearly, and whatever was inside better not have been important.

“Miguel what the hell was that!”

“You can't light these things near trees, they'll catch on fire! It hasn't rained in a few weeks, shits all dry!”

“This is a dealership! We're in a parking lot!”

“There's trees over by that long window!”

There's a sound of a door closing and the woman, no longer inside anymore, is quickly making her way over to the commotion.

Hawk panics, whispering frantically and tugging his friends arm. “Shit! Let’s go  come on, we gotta go!”

In their haste and drunken state, it's a miracle only Miguel manages to fall flat on his face, arms not getting the message that his body needed to brace for impact.

Miguel falls, nose connecting with the concrete and cracking audibly, a front tooth, chipped halfway off now, is in his mouth on the middle of his tongue. He gags, too much blood in his throat suddenly, and Hawk pulls him up to his feet as he they run in hopes that Miguel’s blood can't somehow land them in a holding cell.

Once they stop, Hawk looks at his friend and cringes a little. His breathing was laboured and adding to the obscenity was the blood running from his nose down his white T-shirt and jeans jacket, looking nothing short of macabre in the yellow wash of street lights.

“Jesus Christ, I think you broke something.”

Miguel wheezes, trying not to swallow too much blood.

“Ah caht go home likeis… loohkit me.”

“It's probably just a broken nose, just gotta layover for a night maybe so your mom doesn't worry… Oh god, you’re bleeding bad, man.” Hawk is almost gagging himself, certainly not good with any kind of graphic display of blood, certainly not while it’s practically pouring from his friend’s broken nose. 

Miguel is already thinking past his mother though, mind in a panic about the cops, the FBI, ICE, anything that would undoubtedly be all over his ass once this got out.

Isn’t blowing up a mailbox like, a huge deal here? Federal property and all? Or something like that... right?

He was in trouble, big trouble.

This wasn't ‘little trouble’ anymore or stupid shit that he and Robby could fix just by asking someone, this was something big; he'd crossed a line via his own stupidity and now he was completely fucked.

He needed to leave, like right now. Leave and hide.

(Feel free to comment OOC, but not as an in character response to this thread)

[creamybeemovie69]

Shawn and JJ HCs

I don’t know what to say except you’ve never met 2 people so different yet so similar in your life

They are the complete opposite to what you’d expect too, and normally hide their actually personalities

Shawn’s a sweetheart that tears up if he smiles too much or gets too happy, but he pretends to be salty and distant because he doesn’t want to be bugged by people constantly

JJ’s actually really serious and if he had the choice he probably wouldn’t smile much, which is a stark contrast to his seemingly chirpy personality and it’s mainly just to be polite

Basically their real personalities are the others fake ones

JJ’s just a fucking Titan at this point and even though he’s shorter than Shawn he’s definitely got Travis’ broad build

And he hates it

Shawn’s a long lanky boi with about 1 ounce of fat on him

They share a room

They both have their wedding rings on permanently

In all fairness as much as JJ’s the serious one and Shawn’s the sweet one JJ will never pass up an opportunity to hug someone because he has big stronk arms that were made for hugs and Shawn still has the worst temper known to man

Unless there’s a child involved

Then Shawn will not under any circumstances stop hugging this child

Jaime tried to teach Shawn to dance once

They ended up on the floor in a big cuddle pile

most people find tall men attractive, and that’s true for Jaime, but there’s nothing attractive about walking into every fucking door frame going Shawn.

Well, it’s not attractive, but it’s still adorable

Shawn’s autistic and you can’t convince me otherwise

That’s partly the reason he worked with fabrics, he likes the feel of them

Shawn and Jaime have appalling handwriting

I don’t think words can express just how protective of eachother they are, and normally any threat they use against others works very effectively because Jaime has The Soldier Glare tm and Shawn is very quick witted

In all fairness it’s only eachother and later Anti that know what their true personalities are

I can’t really say that ones PTSD is worse than the other because what Jaime saw was constant and a permanent image in his head but what Shawn saw was genuinely scary

While Shawn doesn’t sleep much he doesn’t struggle getting to sleep like Jaime does

Once when Jaime couldn’t sleep Shawn just hugged him while he told him about everything he’d seen while he was at war and it basically just ended up with them 2 laughing there asses off at Shawn because Shawn asked him if he’d ever talk again but jaimes like “um you’re deaf mate why do you care” and the conversation ended with Jaime calling Shawn “dense as a rock”

Shawn’s like 36 and already almost completely grey he doesn’t know what’s happening

Jamie’s the 2 youngest with Robbie being the smolest bean

Fuck it I’ll do their ages here in oldest to youngest

Henrik: 38

Shawn: 36

Angus: 30

Jackie: 29

Marvin: 28

Chase: 28

Jaime: 26

Robbie: 24

Anti doesn’t even have an age any more he just knows he’s somewhere between 2 and 1000 and that’s it

Shawn’s even more confused because henrik’s more stressed than he is yet there’s not a single grey hair on his head

They’re all convinced he colours it though

Once Chases youngest Sophie ran out of the room with wet hair and one of them hooded towels and Shana could tell Chase was struggling so he played with Sophie for ages

He learned more about the modern world from a 3 year old in 30 minutes than he has from fully grown adults in a year

All 3 brothers can/could sing

JJ was weirdly relieved when Shawn started sharing a room with Anti because he’s always scared he’s going to hurt Shawn in his sleep

He still doesn’t like sleeping alone though

26 years of dealing with Shawn Flynn will wear you down to same resting bitch face JJ has

Marvin accidentally summoned about 20 cats that all just threw themselves at Shawn and he was just crying because he loved them and he loves all animals and baby’s and cute things because he’s a child

Jaime spends 2 hours every morning getting ready because hair and moustache

Jaime has 6 tattoos

A deer skull with flowers growing out of it, a rifle with a pocket watch’s chain wrapped around it on his right arm, Jack Hunters dog tag information on his left, angel wings on his back, ‘whisky’ written on his lower back and ‘Shawn Flynn’ on his right wrist

Shawn has “Jameson Jackson” on his left wrist

Tom and Jaime rant about Shawn’s stupidity on the daily

Shawn, Jaime and Jackie are literally the only tall ones

Anti’s like 5 foot

Jaime will literally write an entire musical in 3 hours just because he’s bored

Jaime’s a morning person

Shawn is the farthest thing from it

Jaime’s cursed like 2 times in whole life and will scold anyone who curses around him

Shawn swears like a sailor and it drives JJ insane

Are you surprised the times JJ cursed they were at Shawn?

Jaime has a half sister somewhere too

She’s also Irish

He can’t escape them

Long story short, Jaime has like 50 siblings somewhere or another and Shawn’s literally the only one he talks to

Shawn rolls his eyes that much Jaime suspects he knows what the inside of his head looks like better than his own appearance

Jaime has a girlfriend that know one knows about

Well I mean obviously Marshall knows because it’s Marshall but he can keep secrets so it’s fine

If you can understand him, the things Shawn says in his sleep will either scare the hell out of you or make you laugh your ass off. There is no in between.

Jaime swears he’s the only straight ego in the house

The weird thing is Shawn doesn’t even look old, he doesn’t have any wrinkles or anything, which makes his hair even more confusing

Do not. Let either of them. Near chocolate.

They will inhale that shit in seconds

Neither of them really leave the house much just because the world confuses them

Jaime is on social media a lot? Probably because he doesn’t really consider it talking

No one can figure out Jaime’s mutism, because he makes no effort to stay quiet if he’s laughing or making any other sort of noise, he just refuses to talk

Jaime can use magic, but it’s more cartoon physics than the big flashy stuff Marvin can do

Shawn and Jaime know each other’s boundaries

Said boundaries are not calling your younger brother ‘discount Charlie Chaplin’ and not calling your older brother ‘elongated spud’

Outside of that there is no insult they won’t throw at each other

That being said, don’t try to get involved or something will end up broken, and it will be you

Do not under any circumstances start a fight with either of them

Jaime’s a pacifist, but his fights will either disarm or kill you

Shawn will never back down from a fight, and after years of running through the studio he’s very light on his feet. He’s not necessarily strong, but you’ll struggle landing a hit on him

And they’ll back each other up, so on one end you’ve got a big burly soldier that could probably squash you between his fingers and on the other a hot headed wippet

Just don’t do it

You’ll loose

Jaimes skin, aside form his scars, is perfect

Shawn, on the other hand, has acne scars, freckles, birthmarks, the whole fucking lot

Jaime’s good at slight of hand and any form of card game, but Shawn can and will beat you at any and all games as long as it’s not a video game

The only person who has ever come close to beating Shawn is lacie

Shawn really likes stars? Like JJ thinks they’re pretty and stuff but Shawn adores them and he loves constellations and stuff

Neither of them are religious just because Shawn’s dad was a really heavy catholic and they hated it

It seems to be a reoccurring pattern that not one of the brothers accents faded. Shawn’s didn’t just because he’s deaf, but Jaime has always had a British accent and Travis has always had an Irish accent, even though they’ve both lived in America for most of they’re lives

I’m going with the HC that Shawn’s Charley from the Butcher Gang so he has a pretty bad limp but he’s sort of learned to ignore it? Like if he needs to defend himself from something he can literally just shut off the pain until it’s over but then it hurts like hell afterwards

Other than that it’s not really that much of a problem other than not being able to walk for as long the others and not being able to ‘switch it off’ when he wants, it’s just sort of a reaction he has to extreme situations, like adrenaline almost

They both have shit eye sight, hence JJ’s monocle (which he only wears if he wears a vest, which is normally only in winter)

Shawn broke his glasses once and he had to tie one of Jack Hunter’s hair ties around the middle and he just never took it off

Motorbikes were cheaper and easier to get back then and Shawn needed a quick way to get to work but he actually really liked it because it was fast and he’s a child

Anti brought him one for his birthday

Jaime fucking hates it

It’s dangerous, loud, takes up space, there’s no seat belt, and Shawn doesn’t wear a helmet

Not that he’s scared of going on it or anything

He swears

Jaime always hides his tattoos

He sleeps face down to stop him from waking up Shawn by screaming

Jaime’s friends with Henrik now and sees him as more of a brother than the enemy, but Shawn hates him with a passion just because he A) hates doctors because the one who visited his mum fucked up and she probably wouldn’t have died as young as she did if the doctor focused and B) associates his accent with the fuckers that gave his brother PTSD, why wouldn’t he?

That being said Henrik really has to watch his volume because Jaime is silent in every way and you don’t really know when he’s going to turn up behind you so if he shouts in German then Jaime will end up having an anxiety attack and Shawn will slap him up

Never in your life have to met anyone as sarcastic as Jaime. He’s British and Shawn was his main influence growing up, what else did you expect

They live off cornflakes. Religiously.

Shawn loves kids

Jaime doesn’t even really sleep on the bed anymore, he just sleeps on a mixture of Shawn’s chest and Shawn’s thousands of Teddy’s

[trillhouse-lh]

Cheers

>”Cheers,” Two siblings said as they clinked their glasses together in a toast. Lemy took a small sip of his bourbon, wincing slightly from the burning sensation. It had been a long time since he’d had something so strong… quite frankly, he just wasn’t able to afford the good stuff anymore. >”Thanks again.” He said to his brother. >”It’s the least I could do,” Bobby replied. “I owe you one for picking up Robbie today. Besides, we don’t get to do this too often. I haven’t even had a drink since the last time you were in town.” Lemy chuckled. >”Yeah… s’pose that’s true.” The roadie said. It hardly came as a surprise to Lemy that Loan didn’t like having alcohol in the house, given her early life. “Well, looks like I’m gonna be sticking around for a bit, at least.“

>”What do you mean…?” Bobby asked. Normally, he’d be happy that Lemy was going to be around more… but right now, there was something in his brother’s voice that told him this wasn’t a good thing. Lemy frowned and took a drag of his cigarette. >”The Midnight Warriors are breaking up,” Lemy explained. “They haven’t gone public yet, but they’ve already split. Manager’s just holding out in some stupid hope that they’ll work out their differences, but they won’t. So… I’m out of a job.” >”Damn… I’m sorry, man.” Bobby said softly. “I’m sure you’ll find another gig soon.” Lemy simply sighed and shook his head. >”Ain’t that easy anymore, bro… ain’t that easy.” He muttered. “The fact is, times are changing… equipment’s getting streamlined to the point where even a monkey could set it up. Last year, it was self-tuning guitars. This year it was compact, portable sound systems that sound even better than the full-sized ones. Set up in SECONDS. I guarantee you, next year they’re gonna have fucking machines handling everything.” He shot a nasty look at the robotic bartender that had served him… not that it noticed, of course. “…There’s just no place in the industry for tech guys like me anymore.”

>”Oh…” Bobby frowned, staring down into his Long Island Iced Tea in thought. “Well… what about one of those indie bands? Y’know, ones that probably couldn’t afford any of that new stuff.” >”Tried,” His brother grumbled. “Been trying for weeks. Only band that got back to me was called The Fist-Fucking Grandmothers, and quite frankly that’s the last thing I want on my resume.” Bobby couldn’t help but snicker into his palm.  >”That can’t be real.” >”Swear to God.” Lemy chuckled. “Anyway, I’m calling it. Game over. Time to move on to… I dunno. Something.” His face scrunched up again as he took another sip of bourbon. It burned, but it burned so good. >”So… you don’t know what you’re going to do?” Bobby asked. >”…I don’t.” Lemy admitted. He took another drag of his cigarette before tapping out the ash into a nearby ashtray.

>”How… how long have you been jobless?” Bobby asked. His brother exhaled, blowing out a plume of smoke. >”’Bout a month or so.” Lemy muttered. >”Jesus, Lemy-“ >”It’s fine. Don’t… don’t worry about it. I’ll figure this out.” He said in a futile attempt to reassure his brother. Bobby simply shook his head, staring at the former roadie in disbelief. >”Figure this out…?! Lemy, how much money do you even have?” Bobby asked in a serious tone. >”Bobby, don’t-“ >”How much, Lemy?!” He asked again, louder this time. Lemy furrowed his brow, taking another sip of his drink before answering.

>”...Around $800. Give or take.” Lemy stared down into the bourbon, giving it a swirling it around slightly; he could feel the younger man’s eyes on him, but couldn’t bring himself to look. Then, out of the corner of his eye he saw his brother getting out his walled. “Bobby, NO.” >”I’m not letting you scrape by on $800, Lemy.” Bobby stated plainly. He pulled several $100 bills from his wallet and offered them to his brother. “Here. Take it.” >”For fuck’s sake, Bobby…” Lemy groaned. “This is my problem, not yours. I’m not taking your money.” >”If you don’t, I’ll rip it up.” Bobby declared. “Take it, Lemy. I know you’d do the same for me.” Lemy frowned, his eyes flicking from his brother to the money in his hand. Truth was, he DID need it… he was barely getting by as is. With a sigh of resignation, he took the money.

>”…Thanks.” Lemy grunted as he put the bills in his own wallet. “When the hell did you get so assertive, huh?” >”Learned it from you.” Bobby said before taking a sip of his Long Island. Lemy gave a low chuckle, shaking his head slightly. >”It’s funny,” He said. “Used t’ be that I was the one looking out for you. Now you’re the one looking out for me.” Lemy scoffed and looked away, the bitterness in his voice evident. “…It’s pathetic.” >��We’re brothers, Lemy. We look out for each other.” >”Yeah, but I’m older. It’s not supposed to be… it’s not supposed to be like this. I shouldn’t have to take charity from my little brother.” Lemy muttered.

>”It’s not CHARITY, Lemy.” Bobby countered. “You’re in a rough spot right now… there’s no shame in needing a little help.” Lemy sighed and looked at his brother. He’d changed so much in the past twelve years. Not so much physically… he looked nearly the same now as he had at sixteen, albeit taller and sporting a few wrinkles. But beyond that, he was no longer the timid boy he had once been. Soft-spoken around most people, perhaps… but not timid. >”You really have grown, Bobby.” Said the metalhead. “Seems like just yesterday that you were a trembling nervous wreck. Now you’ve got a job you love, you’ve got a WOMAN you love, and you’ve got an amazing daughter. But me? I haven’t changed a fucking bit. I’m still the same failure I always was.”

>”…You’re not a failure, Lemy.” Bobby said with a frown. “You-“ >”Y’know I never gave a shit about this roadie thing?” Lemy cut in. “I only did it because I COULD. Hell, it was ALL I could do... I’m good with that kind of stuff. But all I’ve ever wanted to be is a musician. I STILL practice, even now… and I’m still fucking terrible. It’s all I’ll ever be.” He paused to down the rest of his bourbon in one go; Bobby couldn’t help but wince at the sight. “Like I said… a failure.” >Bobby sighed, drumming his fingers against the countertop in thought. “You know… the only reason I am where I am today is thanks to you. If it wasn’t for you, I’d never have told Loan how I felt. If it wasn’t for you, I’d have given up on writing after my first few rejection letters. If it wasn’t for you, I’d… I’d be nothing.” The younger man said.

>”You’re just saying that,” Lemy muttered. His brother shot him an irritated glance. >”It’s true,” Bobby said in a serious tone. “You always pushed me to be more than I was. You taught me to TRY. You gave me something to LIVE UP to.” Lemy took another drag of his cigarette in silence, so Bobby continued. “The Lemy I knew never gave up, no matter how bad things got, and you never gave up on ME either. It’s time I do the same for you.” >Lemy frowned, taking a moment to mull things over. Finally, a small smirk crossed his face. “You know, you never were just a brother to me. You were my best friend… don’t think I’ve ever said that before.” The metalhead chuckled softly, tapping out some ash into the ashtray.  Bobby returned his brother’s grin with one of his own. >”As if you had to.” Bobby said as he took a sip of his drink. “Feeling’s mutual, though. You’re my best friend too… besides Loan, of course.” >”Well, I guess I do have some pretty stiff competition.” Lemy shrugged.

>”By the way… where’ve you been staying?” Bobby asked. Lemy’s face fell slightly. >”…In my van.” He admitted. >”Not anymore,” Bobby said. “You’re staying with us till you get back on your feet.” >”Bobby-“ >”I’m not budging on this, Lemy.” The younger man stated definitively. “You’re not sleeping in a van, and that’s that.” >”But you live in an apartment, bro.” Lemy muttered. >”It’s big enough, trust me.” Bobby assured him. “Our couch folds out into a bed. Way better than a car seat, I’m sure.” Lemy gave a resigned groan and leaned back in his seat.

>”Alright, alright… might take a bit, though. Like I said, I’ve got no idea where to even START.” Lemy said. >”Don’t worry about it. I’ll help you.” Bobby said. “Besides… I’m sure Robbie will be happy to have her favorite uncle around. You mean the world to her, you know.” Lemy chuckled; though he’d never admit it, the tough little girl was his favorite niece as well. >”I swear, one of these days I’ll pay you back for all this.” Lemy promised. >”Don’t worry about that. This is the least I can do for you.” Bobby smirked and patted his older brother on the back. “You’ll get through this… I know you will. If Loan and I could get ourselves sorted out, you can too.” His older brother smiled, taking one last puff of his cigarette before putting it out in the ashtray.

>”…Thanks, Bobby. I mean that.” Lemy said sincerely. Bobby returned his smile before finishing off the rest of his drink >”You don’t need to thank me, either. Now then…” Bobby signaled the robotic bartender. “Hey, barkeep… one more of each, please.” >[COMING RIGHT UP,] The ‘bartender’ paused a moment as it searched its database. [MR. LOUD.] Within seconds, the robot had prepared a perfectly mixed Long Island and poured EXACTLY 42ml of bourbon into a glass. It swiveled around at the waist, setting down the drinks and taking the two empty glasses. [THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATRONAGE.] >”Thanks,” Bobby needlessly said before raising his glass. “Cheers.” Lemy smirked and raised his own. >”Cheers,” He said as he tapped his glass against his brother’s.

[thorne93]

As I read through what your favorite romantic cliches are, I couldn't help but want to ask what your least favorite ones are, the ones you hate, the ones you detest. Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

Ooooohhh boy these are pretty easy for me, lol. Sadly...

Enemies to lovers. I know, I know. “But Thorne, you listed the bickering-to-loving couple” yes, I did. But to me, the couple like in 10 Things I Hate about you -- they aren’t enemies. Kat thinks she’s above everyone, and Patrick just sort of hates everyone. That isn’t really directed at each other. The Ugly Truth -- shes professional, rigid, and confident. He’s funloving, and a little immature... Think of it like yin-yan. I like when two very different people can come together and compliment each other. Like my parents. They were very different, but where one shined, the other had a great skill somewhere else. They filled in the gaps, if you will.... But shit like “I just loathe them”, or being downright hateful to each other isn’t cool. Like... You can’t start a relationship where you pretty much couldn’t stand each other.... 

Stumbling into each other/being clutsy and finding each other... Let me be clear, let’s say person a trips and falls, maybe they spill their coffee, or their files to everywhere, or maybe someone slams into them, and person B comes along to help, I like that. It shows good character right off the bat - Person B is a helpful person to strangers.... I don’t like Person A and B slamming into each other and somehow its... supposed to be cute? I think I don’t like it because I myself am not clumsy. I see in a lot of fics (especially SPN) about how the reader “hates wearing heels”... I don’t. I love heels. i think they’re sexy and powerful as fuck. I took ballet and tap as a child, entered numerous talent shows for dance, and I took professional dancing when I got older. Dance, grace, and beauty are things to be admired. Don’t get me wrong, my favorite shoes are combat boots and Converse... But I also don’t groan and roll my eyes at heels. I like grace, i like delicacy, i like “lady like” behavior. To me, the gawky, clumsy thing isn’t a turn on. I dont like the idea of a girl falling the fuck all over herself and a guy being like “oh, poor thing”.... A good example is the beginning to 50 shades of grey (besides EVERY OTHER PROBLEM with that story), Ana literally falls into Christians office with the “oh look at me im so clumsy bit”.... That shit would be very... bad as a first impression for anyone. (and if you are clumsy, that’s okay! I’m not saying you need to be some sort of ballet dancer, but using this as a device to seem cute, is immature to me.)

Giving up a dream for a significant other -- hell to the FUCK NO.... No, you don’t give up amazing opportunities for anyone. I know it’s hard. But either a) you love each other so much that they’ll be there when you get back (if someone has to travel for work ....or whatever) b) or you support their dream. It’s simple... I think I am really stringent on this because anything can happen. By anything, I mean, you can be super in love today, maybe this year, but in five years, maybe his secretary will turn his head, and meanwhile you gave up on your career to be with him. Or vice versa. He invested everything in you, and you leave him for someone else.  Maybe you two just fall out of love. Maybe tragedy strikes... So now I ask you, was giving up something that would help you financially with YOUR life a good move? Probably not... Don’t dictate your life for someone else... yeah, take them into consideration. If you’re married, don’t just move you’re whole family across the globe to better you’re career.... But like coming out of college and you’re unmarried, or you got a promotion that may require travel... fucking do it... 

Makeover and now she’s suddenly hot cliche -- just.... why??? 1) If she’s hot, why did she look like garbage in overalls? Hot is hot. put margot Robbie in a fucking burlap sack and that chick is still on fiiiiyyyaa... 2) Why do they always look like a different person? I realize me in casual clothes with no makeup is a little different to how I looked on my wedding day, but overall?? I look the same. So wtf...? 3) Is she suddenly going to have fashion sense? know how to do her hair? know how to dress? Because to me, if you had 0 fashion sense, just because someone makes you over, doesn’t mean you suddenly know how to put together a killer outfit, so how does that work?? Just too many weird things... also! Why would you want a guy that didn’t want you until you slapped on pretty lipstick and a push up bra??

Use someone to make your ex jealous -- again, WHY? He/she/they don’t want you.... so why are you fucking around with them? Why the hell are you wasting your time on someone who doesn’t want you? Plus it sort of wastes the person’s time who is helping you out. Like... Just... move on. Also, i really dont like it, if the person you’re using to help make the ex jealous, is someone you fall in love with... Idk to me I would be like “you’re hella unbalanced. You aren’t over your ex, and yet you’re in love with me..... soooo wth?”

“Shut up and kiss me” cliche -- the thing where you shut someone up by kissing them... It drives me up the wall. it’s rude. If my husband ever did that i would pull away and probably punch him. I dont know why. It’s just.... it’s important to let people talk and just shoving your mouth on them... like especially during a fight. When I’m mad, im MAD. I dont want to kiss. I don’t want us to lead to steamy sex. You have somehow fucked up my day/week/month/life, and now I’m mad, I’m expressing that I am displeased -- kissing me while i’m pissed will just make me more pissed, and make me wonder what the fuck is wrong with you to think that THAT was a good time to kiss me????

I think that’s.... it for now? I probably have more.... Damn, i am salty. What about you!? I’m cuuurrious! Thanks for asking lovely!!!!

[incorrect-ego-quotes]

I wonder how Anti would react to Kinkiplier? Would he be just as annoyed as Dark?

okay, so the mission seemed easy enough. sneak into the other egos offices, steal a laptop, and rush back to their own meeting room so they can go through it. kink nodded as wilford and dark brought him up the speed. "you do realize we're only asked you because you're quite literally the only ego free right now, right?" dark asked.kink nodded and made a noise of approval. his gag still in place. "and you do realize if you mess this all up they'll either kill you or hold you captive, right?" wilford added, "you don't wanna end up like mark bop, poor guy was capture for a week and now all he speaks in is gibberish and babbling."kink tilted his head in a sign of confusion, furrowing his eyebrows. dark rolling his eyes before shooing him out the getaway van, "wait!"kink turned back around, dark cringing as he unbuckled the gag from kink's mouth and removed his blindfold. "please, for the love of evil, throw this shit away." he pulls up the wet gag."no can do, darkidoo--""hey! that's my nickname for dark!" wilford yells. turning around towards the commotion."i mean, as long as i'm screaming for dark under some covers i'll take any name he likes," kink purred. dark giving a...less than amused face and flipping him off before closing the van door. "he...is gross." dark shuddered, climbing into the front seat of the van. "are you sure he's not just misunderstood? perhaps he has different tastes but he does hold consent and respect above all things. perhaps he has weird kinks but he makes sure everyone and everybody is safe, sane, and comfortable. perhaps its us who just don't understand the taboo behind different lusts just because its different to our own, we're the ignorant ones here.""...jesus, wil, where did that come from?""hmm? oh, sorry, blacked out there for a second," wilford sits up, "anyways yeah kink's fuckin' weird." ***kink successfully snuck past their so called security guard -- which was really just some undead looking boy with a baseball bat. poor guy was muttering about a 'stupid job' and 'why can't chase be security man today?'he barrel rolled out the hallway and into the nearest open office. thankful a guy like him is so flexible (in more ways than one). nearly missing a pair walking by. "dude, the avengers can beat any type of dorky magic bullshit any fuckin' day." one dressed in a red superhero suit spoke up. walking beside another copy of himself wearing a tuxedo and cat mask. the two arguing, making kink laugh. what nerds. finally he stood up, closing the office door and getting to work at finding a laptop. not taking in his surroundings until, well, it was too late. looking up from his search at the desk. the walls were a shade of black, dark -- almost sickly green carpeting under him. the walls adorned with targets, all littered with /knives/ instead of darts. the bookshelf filled with books of rituals of...well, who know what fucking demonic powers. the desk itself was littered with instructions on different methods to kill. and a large, stainless, steel knife on the edge of the desk. "what the hell kind of office is this?" kink asked. his blood running cold as he heard the doorknob jiggle. ducking under the desk and hiding out as he heard the owner of the office enter. he bet it was some emo kid, some dark and edgy guy who probably still listened to Panic! At The Disco or Green Day. he wasn't expecting such a cute and mysterious boy sitting down in the office chair. scrolling through his phone, his dark eyes and glitching static. smiling as he felt the need to woo him off his feet arise. kink bet this cutie was into some weird shit and he was all for it. "hello, baby boy." kink said as he moved himself from under the desk. anti jumping back and screeching, almost hissing. "who the hell -- wait," anti stopped, "wilford? did you shave the mustache?""what? no i'm not--""bim?""no, i'm not--"host? did you get some shady plastic surgery to give ya eyes?""i'm not!! i'm a new egos!!"anti sat up, intrigued. his need to kill and stuff this new ego's dead body down a trash can subsiding, "new ego? what the hell is that mark doing making new egos," he sighed. "what's your name?""kinkiplier.""...kinkiplier...?"the sudden outburst of laughing made kink frown, it...it was a good name!! it /fit/ him like a glove!! oh, but he knew how to deal with people like this. dark and mean, but once you got under their skin..."laugh now, but soon i'l have you squirming and screaming, baby boy." kink smiled as he inched closer to anti. anti's laugh dying on his lips."erm, what the hell are you on about?""can't you see? i know how bad boys like you like to play." kink laughed low in his throat. inching anti back into his chair. kink taking a seat right on anti's lap. the position awkward, but suitable for his plans."bad boy? i'm...i'm just -- i mean!" kink laughed again, catching anti's chin in his fingers gently. making him look into his eyes, half lidded and full of lust. "tell me, baby boy, what's your fantasy? anything you dream of when alone, and don't be shy," he leans in to peck anti's cold lips, "i'm no prude like the others. i can make all those fantasies come true."anti flustered as he experimentally kissed kink back. heart thumping and breathing slow and deep. he's never had this attention before. most run away and cower in fear of him, this guy was...different. in a good way. "i...like this one thing...""hmm?" kink smiled as he kisses anti's cheek, "what is it, baby boy? give me 30 minutes and i can make those little dreams come true..."***"WHERE IS HE?!" dark finally cracked. throwing the soda he had been drinking out the window in rage. the poor woman who was drenched in it looked around confused at whoever dirtied her. "probably dead. or alive but captured. or playing dead." wilford said through bites of his burger. the kinky ego gone for so long they had time to drive off and get a late lunch. getting nothing for kinkiplier though, he didn't pitch in at all. "or...he...wouldn't use other methods of getting a laptop from them would he...?"the two stared at each other. wilford with a few fries hanging out his closed mouth and dark's realization. "oh no." the two stared back at the building as kink rushed out. climbing into the van with the promised laptop. "DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE." he yelled as wilford sped away, robbie the zombie trying to chase after the two before throwing a tantrum and rushing back inside the building. "don't ever say i--wait you guys got lunch?" kink stopped as he noticed the burger wrapper, "without me?!""hey, you didn't pitch in jack shit for this Burger King, so suffer." wilford munched away, "how did you get it?""i used some good old fashioned methods to get it. nothing too bad though," he laughed as the two others groaned. grabbing his gag again, "hey. question -- who was the cute demon dude with the wound in his neck?"the van screeched to a halt. the two head egos looking back at kink, who had his gag back in, smiling away. "you went after anti?!"***"DOCTOR!" robbie the zombie rushed back in, "they got away!! and i don't want to be security anymore, its hard!!""damnit!" schneeplestein cursed, throwing his pen and clipboard down in anger. "what did they take?! who did they take?! is everyone here?!""doc," chase rushed in, "found everyone but..." he shook his head, "i need help with anti."schneeplestein grabbed his first aid kit from his own office and ran over to anti's office. expecting the worse scenario -- anti decapitated, anti shot, anti (ironically) stabbed. he wasn't expecting to see anti disheveled and clothed. tied up some weird kinky bdsm way, thick rope over his chest and legs, blindfold in place and a makeshift gag in his mouth. "what the?" the doctor muttered as he ripped the gag and blindfold away from anti. anti thrashing about. "FINALLY," he gasped, "what took ya so long, kink? i thought you said you're gonna get the--""kink?""...schneep? oh--" he tried to get out of his binds, blushing madly as he trashed about, "g-get me out of here!! i...i was tied up by some mad man!! i had no idea!!""anti, is that a hickey on your neck?" "shut UP chase!! it was...a mad man who marks his victims with...uh," schneeplestein laughed as he cut through the rope. anti sitting up, crossing his arms. grumpy and used. he knew kink was bullshitting him -- they always did. and now kinkiplier was just added to the list of 'People I'm Going To Kill Without Mercy' -- right under dark and right before the cast of Riverdale (hey, he hated the show a lot. give him a break.) "...hey," anti spoke up from the teasing and mocking laughter, "did that fucker take my laptop?"the laughter quickly died as they all looked at anti. "...you /idiot!/"***kink sat down with the host in the shared break room, tired from his so called mission that day. removing his gag to sip at the hot chocolate he'd made himself. "the host inquires about the last mission kink had with the other egos today.""hmm? oh yeah, /that/." he laughs as he takes another sip, "i walked right in and put the moves on the dark emo one.""anti? the ego with the wound in his neck?""yeah yeah!! him," he laughs more, "i just wooed him, as i do, and he told me some private shit he likes. tied him up, promised i'd come back with something to gag him with. i took his laptop and booked it out of there, i was like james bond." he hums the theme song as host laughs quietly. "the host must ask what anti is into. he's a peculiar ego who nobody knows much about.""aw, just normal stuff. he really likes being told he's loved and appreciated. poor guy's starving for positive attention.""the host feels displeased with this realization. did kinkiplier really play with anti's emotions?""host, babe, its a dog eat dog world. gotta take advantage of what you can to move forward," kink chuckles darkly, "you should know that. right, author? stealing people out of their lives to move forward in what was your career. killing, maiming, and silencing anyone who got in your way. don't think just because i act the way i do doesnt mean i don't know shit about you and everyone else here, author.""...the host is uncomfortable and wishes to leave. a panic attack rising in his chest, ready to burst out the longer he stays.""aw, i'm just messing with ya, hostie!!" kink laughs and presses a kiss to the host's cheek, the smell of hot chocolate rich in the host's nose, "im gonna go see google, see ya around!"the host sits and starts to cry bloodied tears. holding his cup of coffee close. shaking with fright. no...no, he...he was promised those secrets were buried. he was promised they would never be brought up again. the host cries harder as the gravity of what just happened hits him. perhaps kinkiplier isn't what he seems.