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itsmadamehydra · 1 year ago

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Doll Face 2 | Fezco Euphoria

part 1 part 2

Pairing: Fezco x Latina!Mouse sister! reader

Summary: Mouse's sister was an excellent girl, a good student even, until life happened and she had to leave every dream behind. A particular friend was left behind too in the process. Years later, they meet again, but they aren't the kids they once used to be.

Warnings: 3k+ words, mouse sister, drug life, language, non-desired-sexual situations, sexual assault, forced sexual labor, exploitation of young girl, abuse, abusive household, vulnerable situations.

A/N: So happy to keep going with this story! Thank you for those who ask or wanted a part 2! Hope you enjoy it! If anyone thinks any other warning should be included please let me know, thank you!

Fuck

Shit

Your body went cold. You had stopped moving and just stared at him, eyes locked. He kept an unfazed look, just looking up at you with his drowsy eyes. He wanted to know, he needed to know if you were his doll face. The little girl he had befriended all those years ago.

You regained your autonomy over your body and resumed your movements, praying that no one had heard or gotten suspicious.

“Doll face? You know sweetcheeks, carrot boy?”

Shit

Fuck

You looked up at him with pleading eyes.

Please don’t, please don’t, please don’t.

“Nah, just confused her face.”

“She is a good one, isn't she?" You heard him say again. The redhead nodded slowly.

“Yeh, she is.”

Mouse’s laughter reverb over the place, making you feel the pressure of not stopping. Not looking at him.

“Yeah, she is a sweet one,” he took a sip of beer, “I promise, you can’t even imagine the number of guys that have cum in that same seat, my man…little sweetcheeks here making them cum with just a dance!”

Your jaw clenched, wanting him to stop talking about you like that. It was already an unpleasant enough experience to live as for to relieve it by word. Although the man beneath you seemed to not care at all.

He looked past your face and opened a beer from the many near. Raising his brows, making him seem like he couldn’t believe Mouse’s words.

“Really?” lacing his tone with fake astonishment.

“Yeah! Word is, little sissy here gives the best head around the neighborhood,” he comes near you, slapping one of your ass cheeks.

You had to grip the redhead's shoulders to prevent you from shuddering.

Please stop talking. You kept repeating in your head, with your eyes closed. Desiring to disappear from the embarrassment and just not having to face the look on the man’s face beneath you.

It wasn’t like you liked to do that. You just had to. A job is a job. Those words kept you going and stopped you from falling apart.

At first, you had managed to keep up with your weekly quotas by just dancing, but when word got around, Mouse decided to higher his commission. Forcing you to look for more ways to make money.

And any time you tried to get a job that didn’t involve this word, your brother was back at you with threats and violence. You had tried so many times before, you ever gave your first blow job and had some bills thrown at your face.

You had felt disgusted with yourself and scrubbed your tongue. After that, you brushed your teeth for eternity. It took you long enough to insert in your head that it was part of your job. That it was just a job.

But word got around. Again. And as always, Mouse found a way to benefit himself. And now he had you dancing for his people and sucking them off. You didn’t even get privacy having to do everything in that same chair.

It was disgusting. It made you cry a lot. And it was something you definitely didn’t want him to know about.

Fez

Your Fezco

Only God knows how hard you prayed for so long for this day. Day, noon, night.

Your imagination had been the only thing that had kept you happy all this time. In the middle of dancing, upstage or private, between jobs, the only thing that kept you going and smiling was thinking about the different scenarios in which you could meet again.

Your favorite one was where you find yourselves at the university. You are walking around, maybe at the start of your first semester there. You are still a little lost and getting used to the installations that it takes you a while to get around.

You had your math class next and were absolutely lost with the indications that the office gave you. So, you asked a group of people sitting at an outside table.

They were friendly, and one of the girls even offered to take you. You thanked them all and left with the girl. And then, she would say something like, “Oh my GOD, you are going to love this class. The teacher assistant is so cute. Everyone loves it just because of him.”

And you wouldn’t believe her, oblivious to what was coming next. But when she left you at the door, and you had chosen your seat, it was going to be his voice that would have made you look up. And there he would have been, being a math teacher assistant. A great one.

Then, you would approach him, he would remember you, of course, and your encounters would increase following that day.

That was your favorite scenario because it just seemed right. It felt right. That was how life should have been for both of you.

But it never occurred, and you were stuck here. Being pulled by your hair by your brother’s hand brings you back to your reality.

The force that he pulled you with made you moan from the pain.

“Yeah, right," he laughed. “She loves it when you pull her like this, just like the slut she is, right little sissy,” he shoveled your head to the side with force and left the room, probably going to look for someone to deal with him.

Any female who would have been forced to have him couldn't help but make you feel bad.

You felt a soft hand go behind your head, taking it softly and caressing your skull. Fez, oh Fez. Still looking at you with those same eyes. And the same look he always had on for you when you were just kids.

He looked around discreetly, and when he was sure no one was around, he grabbed your hips and stopped you from moving.

You suddenly became shy under his sight and smiled nervously.

“Hi,” you muttered, failing to contain your nervousness and focusing your eyes anywhere else than his face.

Yet, he cradled your face softly. Inciting you to rest your cheeks in his hold, making you feel warm, safe, and delicate.

“My pretty doll face,” he couldn’t believe his eyes, “You were here? All this time? How did I never see you?”

“I keep to myself mostly. When not working or with…Mouse,” you doubt a little at the end. You see his eyes harden at the name.

“What’s he of you?”

You clench your jaw, embarrassed at the situation. At first, you were a little doubtful, but you finally told him, “My brother.”

“No brother should be treating his little sister like that,” his eyes soften at your sight. For him, you seemed fragile due to all the abuse and violence surrounding you, and it was wrong. You had always been full of confidence in yourself. You never seemed scared and always smiled at the world. That was you, he remembered, the little girl that had been the focal source of inspiration all this time.

He wanted you to become her again, your true self. Not what these people wanted and were forcing you to be; scared and oppressed, abused.

“Women should be protected, adored. No matter their job choice or anything,” he murmured against your forehead, leaving his lips pressed, trying to comfort you without being too excessive with his touch.

But you wanted a hug, you caved touch from him. After all these years without any glimpse of gentleness, you had forgotten what it felt to be warm.

Slowly, your arms went around his middle, and he secured you between his arms, eyes closed by both parts. Just two people savoring the moment.

“Why have you not you left,”

“I can’t. I’ve tried so many times,” you felt the tears starting to form.

He strokes your hair and kisses your head crown.

"Whenever you pack your things and leave, one day. Find milk," he sighs. It's a convenience store. Ask for me if I'm not in there. Tell them that I sent you.

“Fezco, you don’t have to,”

“Too bad, I want to,” he smiled at you.

“Fezco,” you said softly.

“I want to, doll face. Okay?”

“Okay,” you rested your head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

Now this has "Whenever you pack your things and depart, one day. Find milk," he sighs. It's a convenience store. Ask for me if I'm not in there. Tell them that I sent you.

Now this has effortlessly turned into your favorite memory.

Sadly, all good things have to end, and this moment too.

“I have to go, little girl,” he murmured against your hair.

“Just…5 minutes more, please?”

“I wish, but not wanna risk getting someone mad at you,” he said as his arms prepared to let you go, but you snuggled closer into his chest.

“I don’t want to let you go,” you tighten your grip on him.

He laughs softly while exhaling. You are not letting me go, ma." He kisses the crown of your head, saying, "We'll be together again. Where're you working at, pretty girl?"

You press your lips together in a tight line before you let out a sigh, “At the neighborhood’s strip club.”

“Alright, now I know where to find you,”

“We’re not losing contact anymore?”

He exaggerates his hold on you while kissing your crown, saying, "No more, pretty one," which causes you to chuckle. "You won't be free of me, you hear me? I have to give this gorgeous one a lot of visits.

You nod, euphoric by his words. But wasn't enough for him. He wanted to hear you say yes and laugh. For you, let yourself be carefree for a second.

He moves his lips down to your ear and repeats his question with a funny tone, “You hear me, ma? You hear me!?”

“Yes! Yes, I do!” you laugh, looking up at him, just for him to be already staring back at you with his hooded eyes and a cute smile. He kissed your forehead one last time before getting up with you still in his arms and letting you down in the chair gently.

He strokes your face, taking some strands off and tucking them behind your ears. You smiled at him, and he had never stopped doing so. He walked backward for most of the footpath until he closed that door, and you were back.

Aware of your surroundings, feeling the disgust coming back and curling up on the chair, starting to count to 10, trying to control your breaths.

Nights and days went by, and you had to keep up with your life. Your work and your dancing. But you couldn’t help feeling some sort of hope filling you. You felt motivated for a better future. That there might be a future out there after all.

You felt yourself changing and even started dancing in between your dances. It felt unbelievable how powerful a moment can become, no matter how short.

Your shift had ended, and you were putting away your things in your bag when one of the security guys entered the room. You side-eye him, “You want to head? If you do, the price went up.”

“Your brother’s guy is here. They are waiting for you. Outside.” he gruffed, leaving just as he entered.

You froze. The only time this happens is when your payment is due. And you were not due until the end of the week. You walk through the people until going through the back door and waving goodbye to the early morning shift guys.

You kept your head down, walking silently and with an iron grip over your bag. You recognize the man standing out of the vehicle, one of your brother's buddies.

He opens the door without making a sound, giving each other a nod, closing it after you. You stare at him through the tinted glass. The car was empty beside your brother’s presence beside you.

“I’m not due,” you muttered.

“Well, little sissy. You know what happens to people who earn more than they deserve?” He pulls out a blunt and inhales a long puff before filling the car with smoke. You shook your head.

“Their payment goes up,” he releases smoke. Right to your face, making you hold your breath by reflex.

“I don’t have more money, Mouse.” you try to reason, “Between you and my employer, I barely have any more money left.”

He chuckles breathlessly, "Heard your blowie price went up. Who knows? 'Might be the time you start using your pussy. I know a few who would pay big grand for a taste."

“I’m not doing that,” your hand grips the seat.

“Well, I tried. Now pay, or you’ll be working with a bruised eye.”

“I don’t have any money, Mouse.”

“What about tips?”

In my locker, safe from any trash like you.

“Boss keeps them,”

He sits still for a few seconds with the blunt between his lips.

“Liar, liar, pants on fire,” he grabs a fist of your hair, pulling from it, making you look at the car’s ceiling, hurting your neck by the sudden movement.

You moan in pain, and he grabs you in a chokehold, “Careful there, honey. My buddies here might think you like that and wanna try doing it themselves.”

“You wouldn’t”

He yells out a name and yanks down your strapless top with a questioning, "You sure?" Someone unlocks a door. "Miralas. A que no son bonitas? Tocalas, she likes it." Mouse plays with and massages your boobs while encouraging his buddy to do the same. The hands then shift shortly after. (Look at them. Aren't they lovely? Touch them)

The guy starts by playing with your nipples, pinching and twisting them. Your brother pulls your hair, making you moan in pain again.

“You hear that, bro? Told you she likes it,” he laughs.

You feel the tears forming in your eyes. This had never happened before. You had never felt so vulnerable. Feeling unable to move or even react to any slight movement. Your grip is stuck on the leather seat. And your breathing turned erratic.

You notice the guy taking his finger into his mouth and then back at your nipples, wetting them. Your body shakes in fear and disgust. You pray for everything to stop or for you to just black out and not remember anything.

“They feel nice, bossman.”

His hand moves down, rubbing your genitalia, and says, "Let me tell you what, in a few days, this pussy could be all yours." He licks your neck, "Think of it as a present from me, a sneak peek before it goes on sale, huh? What do you think, little sissy?"

You were going to vomit. You could feel it coming. Your body was sweating cold, the ringing in your ears overpowering his words. You felt as if you were out of your body, being able to see everything happening to your body as if you were a viewer.

It was as if your mind and body had separated from one another. Your insides were shrinking by the feeling of their wandering hands.

Please stop.

Jesus Christ, you are my brother.

Please stop.

Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.

Help, please, someone.

God, please listen. Please.

The man had taken over your brother's hand, placing it down on you, palming you, tracing your lips with his middle finger.

The tears started to drop. You hadn’t even noticed until they started laughing loudly about it.

“Mouse, that you, my man?”

Your eyes move, looking for the voice owner. Locating a shadow hovering over your brother's side, opening the door.

“Carrot boy! What you doing ‘ere?” Fez looked past him, focusing on you and your position. His heart dropped. Having to see you like that was not pleasant. It took every ounce of his willpower to not take you right there and run away and leave everything behind.

He had to take you out of that situation and fast.

“Sweetcheeks here left me desiring for more, came ‘round looking to test if her sucking skills are good as they say,” he faked a smile. “But with that view. I’ll pay anything for a titty fuck, giving me a hard-on,” he chuckles, grabbing his crotch area

Mouse palms his shoulder laughing. “I like this boy! He just understands,” he looks over at the dude over you, “Take your hands off. She’s about to get real busy.”

Mouse grabs you from the back of your neck and throws you at Fez, who immediately cradles your body, trying to give you safety.

“Take her to my crib when you finish with her, money in hand, carrot boy.”

“Don’t be up waiting for ‘er! Gotta make that money worth it. If you know what I mean,” Mouse nods at his words smiley. And looks for something in his pocket, giving it to him.

“Just give her some if she fights. You know how it is.”

“As long as she’s not a spitter,” he takes the bag from him and waves them goodbye. Waiting for them to be out of sight before he could hug you properly.

“Fuck, fuck. Fuck that motherfucker,” he curses against your hair, kissing it between words, “I’ve got to get you out of there, ma.”

You felt something in you click with those words, making you return from the trance you had entered.

You started crying almost immediately, sobbing -hard- a river flowing down your cheeks. You didn’t even care about being half naked in a parking lot; if Fez could feel you up, you just cared about the warmth that hugged you.

Your hands held on tight to his shirt, taking the fabric in a fist, unable to stay still in that hug. Grabbing him by the shoulders and neck, pulling his cloth. You wanted comfort.

Fezco could feel the tears trespassing his shirt, the buggers coming out onto his shirt. You're sobbing, making him feel tears forming in his own eyes.

He made a promise to himself that night, a vow. He would become your protector and do whatever it took to take you out of there and ensure you never return.

“Just wait a little more, and we’ll be together before you know it,” he kisses your tears, and you nod wanting to believe his words.

@myamamahdi @starzsworldsblog @billyhargrovesprincess @itzlochnessie @ethereallocs <3

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lotanxiety · 1 year ago

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You’re not alone

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: Dean and Sam notice you aren’t taking good care of yourself and they are worried about you. Dean talks you through it and offers support.

Warnings: mentions of ED, SH, and depression, this has some seriously heavy shit so if this triggers you PLS don’t read, fluff with dean

——————————————————

You have lived in the bunker with the boys for 3 years. Lately, your mental health has been really bad, but you were trying to hide it from Sam and Dean. With everything they dealt with on a daily basis, the last thing you wanted them to worry about was you.

It all started 4 months ago when you started having nightmares and flashbacks of the times you almost died. You were pretty sure you had PTSD, but with your lifestyle, therapy wasn’t really an option. You grew up with abusive parents which didn’t help with the accumulating trauma. The body keeps score and it seemed to all be catching up with you now. First, it was the nightmares, then the dissociating. The only times you felt alive were when you would fight monsters which led to your newest bad habit.

Whenever you didn’t feel real or got angry with yourself for whatever reason, you would take it out on your hips. It was something you could control. It reminded you that you’re real and it’s served as a punishment when you felt you deserved it. Seeing the red lines across your hips made you happy when everything else seemed grey.

As if it couldn’t get any worse, it was increasingly more difficult to get out of bed each morning. You would forget basic human necessities like eating, drinking, or bathing. You were able to hide your struggles before, but now it’s becoming noticeable. On the days the boys were home, you would fake it the best you could so they wouldn’t pick up on anything wrong, but not anymore. Maybe you want someone to notice. Maybe you finally want to be saved and cared for the way you save others.

———————-

*around noon*

“Hey, have you seen Y/N?” Dean asked Sam walking into the kitchen.

“No, I haven’t seen her all day.” Sam said. “Have you noticed.. she seems a little quiet lately. I also noticed she’s been having more nightmares lately.”

“I noticed that too, I can hear her scream out sometimes. I mean we all get nightmares, but these seem bad. Have you not talked to her about it at all?” Dean questioned.

“No, I thought you would’ve mentioned it.” Sam said.

“Dude, she’s obviously going through something and neither of us have checked up on her? Way to go.” Dean scoffed as he headed in the direction of your room.

—————————

You were laying on your bed, staring at the wall thinking of all the ways you have messed up lately. The last hunt you were out on, you made a mistake that almost got Sammy killed. Now, you opt to stay back and reference the lore. You replayed every mistake over and over in your head. Suddenly a knock interrupts your ‘greatest hits’.

You clear your throat, “um, who is it?” you ask.

“It’s Dean, can i come in.”

You look around to the mess of your room, random items taking up space on your bed with you. Suddenly, you become embarrassed and ashamed. “I- uh, do you need something?” You shout to the man on the other side of the door.

“I haven’t seen you all day, I just wanted to check up on you. Are you feeling okay?” Dean asks with concern.

*coughing loudly* “No I think I’ve come down with something, you should stay away.” You say, trying to sound sickly.

“Oh, ok. I can bring you some soup if you like” Dean asks, knowing you’re lying but trying to get through to you.

“I’m not hungry, thanks though” You say, pushing any kind of help away. You didn’t understand why you do this. You want help but then it comes and you resist at all costs. Maybe because this mess you’re feeling is comfortable, familiar. You’ve always been messed up, but now it’s just manifesting on the outside. When it was bottled up, it was easy to hide from everyone, but this is much harder and every lie you tell drains you more and more.

“You need to eat” Dean contested.

“I said no, now can you please go” The words felt like knives being thrown at the closed door. You didn’t mean to be so aggressive, but Deans pushing set off a nerve. Immediately you felt bad, but knew you couldn’t look at his face so you sat still in your bed as you heard hushed footsteps fade away. Feeling hot tears burn in your eyes, you walked over to your bathroom, and grabbed your razor. Anger towards yourself coursed through your veins, into your hands, as you unleashed hell onto your body. Saying to yourself, “You deserve this for being mean to Dean, he was just trying to be nice. He doesn’t deserve that. What’s wrong with you, etc.”

When you’re satisfied, your hips are stained red. You clean up and go back to laying in your bed, as you cry yourself to sleep.

——————-

That evening

“I don’t know Sammy, I think there’s something really wrong. Earlier- the way she spoke to me. It wasn’t her. I need to talk to her, to see her face, but she keeps pushing me away. I don’t know what to do. I’m worried… I’m worried it’s worse than just nightmares.” Dean confides to his brother.

“Yeah, I’m worried too. Maybe we can set up a movie night in the Dean cave and coax her out of her room. I think having some quality time, not worried about monsters could help.” Sam suggested.

“Okay, yeah. You run to the store and get some supplies and I’ll break out blankets and pillows. Meet back here in 30.” Dean says hopeful. He hated knowing that you were upset, but he wanted this to help so badly. He worked hard at getting his Dean cave set up perfectly. He even made a blanket fort. Once Sam and Dean finished setting everything up, the came to knock on your door.

You had just woken up from your restless nap. Unfortunately, the day wasn’t even over so you were back to laying in misery. You heard another knock on your door.

“Hey uh, we need your help in the Dean cave” Dean said from behind the door, you could almost hear the smile in his voice even though you couldn’t see him. While most other times you would decline, your curiosity got the best of you.

“Uhh okay, let me use the bathroom and I’ll be right there.” You said, getting up from your bed, ignoring the terrible headache. It stemmed from a combination of lack of food, water, good sleep, and crying so much. You looked in the mirror, repulsed by the face staring back at you, so you got to work making yourself as presentable as possible. After a much need brush through your hair (and teeth), a change of clothes, and some light makeup, you felt okay enough to make your public appearance. You left your bedroom, quickly shutting the door behind you to hide the mess, and headed towards the Dean cave.

When Dean and Sam laid their eyes on you for the first time in days, their mouths dropped. You looked awful. Bags under your eyes and barely skin and bone. You were always skinny, but this- this was bad. Both of the brothers concern immediately sky rocketed, but being as smart as they are, they knew to play it off. They knew if they outright said anything, you’d get defensive and shut down. So they quickly glanced at each other and greeted you like any other day. You were too busy looking at the scene in front of you to notice the boys faces.

“What- what is all this” you say surveying the room in awe.

“We thought you could use a little pick me up movie night.” Sam said with a soft smile on his face. Dean turned away from you to face the tv. It was too hard to look at you. He blamed himself for not checking on you sooner. For not immediately knowing there was something deeper going on. The cases had distracted him from the problem right under his nose and he was so angry at himself. You instantly noticed the change in his demeanor, making you uneasy. You thought he was still mad at you for the way you spoke to him earlier in the day. You made a mental note to apologize later. Sam opened up the blanket to let you sit beside him and so you did. In front of you, there was a whole display of food. Burgers, fries, popcorn, candy, you name it. The sight instantly made you nauseous.

You thought that you didn’t deserve food. Your mind = your greatest enemy. You pretended not to notice the food and encouraged them to start the movie. It was Alice In Wonderland- your favorite childhood movie you let slip one night with Dean after a beer too many. You glance across Sam to Dean who is staring at the TV but not actually watching. Sam nudges some fries in your direction, to which you shake your head.

“No thanks” you whisper over the beginning scene of the movie.

“Cmon Y/N, you haven’t eaten all day.” Sam said.

“Oh no, I had some granola bars in my room. I’ve been snacking on those-“ You lied.

“No you haven’t” Dean said finally speaking to you.

“What-“ you say looking at him confused, trying to play this off quickly.

“I’m not sure you’ve eaten anything in days” Dean starts.

“Dean-“ Sam interjects, trying to keep his brother from pushing you away.

“No, Sammy. She’s sick. Look at her.” Dean states.

Immediately, tears well up in your eyes. You knew you didn’t look your best but hearing Dean say that. It was too much. You wanted to head straight to your room to cut again, but Dean wasn’t finished talking.

“Y/N, I can’t walk on eggshells about this- you look terrible. What is going on?” Dean says in a much softer tone than before, his anger fading into worry.

“Nothings… going on.” you say.

“That’s not true and we all know it, can you just talk to us?” Sam asks.

Suddenly, that defense mechanism hits you strong and you attack the boys you love more than anything. You can’t help it. “I SAID I’M FINE. WOULD YOU BOTH JUST LEAVE ME ALONE AND GO BACK TO WORRYING ABOUT MONSTERS OR WHATEVER” you shout, exiting the room and heading straight for your bedroom.

You close the door behind you, still crying. The scene that just played out was one of your worst nightmares and partially why you have started staying locked in your room. You beeline for the bathroom to pick up the razor for a second time that day. You roll down your pants to the hidden canvas. Right before you can move, Dean bursts through your door.

You both freeze. Time stops for a couple seconds. Every mirage and illusion you’ve built over the past few months is shattered. The ugly, dirty truth is exposed. Your walls crumble to the ground. You refuse to lift your eyes from the ground as he approaches you. He takes the razor from your hands without saying a word and throws it to the other side of the bathroom and grabs you into his arms. You both crash to the floor, as you sob into chest. Dean hold you patiently while you let it all out. Everything you’ve been holding inside. There are a million thoughts going through Dean’s head, questions he has, but his main objective is just to be there for you. You needed him, and he wasn’t there. All the warning signs, ignored. He secretly blamed himself for letting it get this bad.

You both sit in the floor of your bathroom for a while. Your sobs slowly turned into quiet hiccups for air. You nervously lifted off of his chest, anxiously awaiting the conversation to follow the events that have just transpired. You finally make eye contact with Dean, his eyes are glassy and red.

“I’m sorry Y/N” Dean said barely above a whisper dragging his hand over your hair to brush it out of your tear soaked face.

You open and close your mouth, not expecting his response. “What are you sorry for?” you ask confused.

“I- I wasn’t there for you. I mean I knew something was off, but- but this. This is all my fault.” Dean says moving his hand to hold your cheek, a singular tear falling down his right cheek.

“No, no this isn’t your fault at all. I- I don’t know what to say.” You say, feeling the weight of the situation.

“You don’t have to say anything. We are going to get you some help. You’re not alone in this. You have Sam. You have me. This- this work is hard and I know you’ve had it rough, but you can and will get through this.” Dean says, as more tears begin to fall from your eyes, though you thought you couldn’t cry anymore.

“I need you to get better. I need my Y/N. Can you do that for me?” Dean asks, gently stroking your cheek and wiping the tears as they fall. You nod.

That night, the three of you work on tidying up your room. Dean filled Sam in privately and he wanted to help you in anyway he could. You guys went back to the Dean cave after your room was clean, and ate dinner. Dean even drank water with you instead of his normal beer so you would be more inclined to drink it.

Finally, it was time for bed. Dean walked to your room with you. “I wish you would’ve told me what has been going on with you, but I’m sorry if I made you feel like you couldn’t” Dean said.

“You didn’t- I just didn’t want you to worry about me when you’ve got a whole world and billions of people to worry about.” You say in response.

“I will always worry about you first. I care about you Y/N. I am here for you no matter what.” Dean says firmly, pulling you in for a hug. His chin rests on your head as you two stand in an embrace mid hallway.

“Dean, could you maybe- um stay with me tonight?” You ask.

“Of course”

Dean grabs your hand and pulls you towards your bed. He strips down to his boxers and climbs in, holding a spot next to him for you. You curl up next to him, feeling the heat radiate off his body, comforting you. “Thank you” you whisper as you quickly drift off into a much needed, nightmare free, deep sleep. Dean leans over to kiss your head as he whispers, “I love you Y/N”.

#dean winchester #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester x reader #fanfic #sam winchester #supernatural

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caramelcleopatraa · 8 months ago

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vi. SUIT & TIE

word count : 2.1k

x : hello hello hello beautiful people! it's finally starting to get good you guys! (lol) as always, excuse the errors you see, and leave comments.... I love comments. I do have a taglist! comment down below if you want me to add you <3

content: Mafia!Roman Reigns x Designer!Reader, suggestive themes, 18+

Your outfit for today

It was a surprisingly quiet Saturday morning. Today your shop was closed, but your staff was still working tirelessly to finish the influx of custom orders. This was no uncommon flux however, it was that time of the year. La Mesa Alta’s annual ball was right around the corner, and people were coming to you so that they could scrounge together some outfits. You’ve been on your feet for a while, cutting at different types of fabric, sewing, perfecting, and repeating. This would be a vicious cycle, but you loved creating too much to be burdened by the workload and demand requested of you and your staff. If anything, that demand made you work harder.

A busy 4 hours later, you finally get the chance to sit down. It’s been a day already, and it's only noon. You were a little concerned that Mercedes didnt get back to you at 10, but you knew she would call you back at some point in the day. You open your laptop, and see a notification at the top from a name you didn't expect.

! 1 Gmail Notification from [email protected]

‘I know you’re fucking lying’

“Umm Gio! Mads! Here… and quickly!” They hurry quickly to your side and look at your computer. “What is i- what the fuck is that?” Gio says, pointing at the notification in the top right corner. Madison folds her arms across her chest and sits in her hip, rolling her eyes “I know that’s not who I think it is.” You hear Gio sigh and add on, “This bitch.”

“Calm down with the ad libs alright? Who is this girl anyway? I didn't know anything about her until she came into my shop.” You felt like you were missing out on some important information. Everyone knew about this girl except for you, and you know everyone. Usually. “Oh, I forgot, you weren't out here when she was acting a damn fool.” ‘Excuse me?’

“When was this?” You sit back in the swivel chair, looking at Gio. “While you had your appointment with Roman. She was looking through the clothes saying that her friend JT could make one design better than your entire rack.” ‘THE FUCK?!’

You didn’t stand for disrespect. Both of them knew that. So they knew that this wasn't gonna slide by you. “Lemme see what this email is about,” you say, typing in your password and opening up your Gmail. You were in no way excited nor looking forward to anything that this email was going to say.

Good Morning Ms. Semele,

Hello, I hope I'm not bothering you.

‘You are.’

I admired your shop and your staff so much! Working at your shop seems like such an honor.

‘This fake ass bitch.’

I was wondering how I can apply for a job there. I would like to work closer with the best fashion designers in the east coast, and you are deserving of the title.

‘Whaaaaaaat?!’

Please email me back at [email protected]

~ With love, De’arra Washington

It was dead silent for the next minute and a half. She talks shit about your shop and then wants paid employment here the next day? You had seen all of it. ‘Maybe this can be helpful?’ With this influx of orders, you had been putting your staff through overtime. Maybe one more person could lighten the load for them. You didn't like the idea of her working at your shop based on what you had heard, but if she was offering help, you were going to give her a chance. You clicked the three dots and selected reply and typed a short response.

Hello,

Thank you. Much appreciated. Could you send in a resume please, so that I can look at your work experience?

~ Y/N Semele

“What the hell are you doing?” Madison looks at you with wide eyes. “Calm down, I don't plan to employ her, I just want to see if she’s any good. I already have another person who wants to work here that has a good resume.”

RING RING

Your phone buzzes loud against the counter and an unknown number displays at the top. You pick up the phone to hear a voice you had been waiting to hear all morning.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it's Mercedes. I’m calling from my personal phone.” Fucking finally. “What happened to 10am?” She chuckled to herself and replied, “Got busy. Do you want the information or not?” “I paid good money, didn't I?” She sighs and says, “Fair.” I settled into the chair and put the phone on speaker. You told Madison to tell the other employees to take their lunch break while you three listened to Mercedes give a rundown on De’arra. She joins back with you and Gio and you tell Mercedes that you're ready.

“Alright. De’arra Washington, daughter of Kenan Johnson. He was one of the richest thiefs in the west coast. Specifically in California and Oregon. He stole everything from pencils to old paintings to jewelry. He was on the run for a while, so he fled to Florida and started his own family business and made that into a family mafia. Here in Florida, he met up with a prostitute and turned her into a housewife and had a baby girl while orchestrating robberies from the comfort of his home. De’arra is all kinds of spoiled. Barely got her high school diploma, and her father bribed the president of Howard University so she could study there. Got into a lot of trouble up there stealing shit.. Who would've guessed. And daddy was there to save her. After 2 years, she decided she didn’t want the college life and desired wealth, like her father and moved back to Florida. Speaking of Kenan, he's been eyeing Roman since he moved down here. That’s probably why De'arra is hanging onto him like a lost child. If I knew anything from my years in this business, I'd guess that they are the family trying to challenge Roman, or disassemble the Anoa’i family.”

“So you’re telling me that I'm dealing with a girl with a case of sticky fingers?” She laughs lightly and says, “Basically.”

! 1 Gmail Notification from [email protected]

This must be the resume.

Of course! Here is my resume

resume.pdf

~ With love, De’arra Washington

“Is she emailing you?” Mercedes asks, her tone laced with confusion, understandable though. “Yeah, I'm gonna see what she can do or if she can help me out here at the shop.”

“I've seen her resume before, it's forged. She’s only worked at minimum wage jobs. So anything that has to do with corporate jobs and fashion design is fake as fuck.” ‘What the hell is going on here?!’

“You still gonna give her a chance?” Gio says, reading the fake resume. “She’s not getting a chance, but I'm still gonna let her do a training session today so I can see what she is about.”

2:30 pm

You emailed her back and told her to come here at 2:30 pm to do a training session, which would technically be more like orientation. Both Gio and Madison knew that this could go sideways quickly if she tries something, but they also knew that you weren’t dumb. You knew how to handle yourself in bad situations. And you didn’t let anyone push you around. A red corvette sped across the huge display windows and disappeared into the parking lot on the side of the building. You took a deep breath to prepare yourself for the foolery you were going to face today. You fixed up your desk space and closed the file filled with De’arra’s personal information.

You heard the door open and saw two people walking in. “Ms. Semele?” You give her a polite smile and depart from your desk to shake her hand. There she was, wearing a pink crop top stopping right below her breasts and dark ripped jeans with pink butterfly strappy heels. She was hand in hand with someone you didn't know you would see today.

“Hey Ms. Expert.”

That made you genuinely smile. “Didn’t think I'd see you here again. Helping out the missus?” He smiles at you and slowly licks his lips, eyes drifting up and down your body. His eyes found yours and he focused all of his attention on you. “Yeah, I said I was gonna take care of her, and imma do just that.” De’arra gushes and latches onto his arm, but he doesn't budge; he keeps his eyes on you, smirking at you, adding the cherry on top. ‘Was he saying that to me?’ You briefly remember the last time you two spoke in person, and it seems like he was going to make good on his words.

“Oh good, you're here, you can put your stuff in the faculty room. That ok Y/N?” Gio says walking in from the factory downstairs. “Yeah that’s fine. I need to talk with Roman anyways,” You reply, and Gio gives you a simple head nod. “What do you need to talk to him for?” You look at De’arra and she is already sizing you up. You laughed to yourself. There’s no way she’s really trying to pull these strings right now. “About La Mesa Alta’s annual ball.” You kept it short and sweet. Of course, that's not what you guys were actually going to talk about, but you needed to get her off your back. “Well my family is going to be added to La Mesa Alta too, so I should be a part of this conversation,” De’arra demands. “The only thing you should be a part of is your training session. Give me a second i'll be right there,” You fired back, shutting down her request. He trails behind you, but doesnt get far, due to De’arra’s small hand latching onto his wrist.

“You guys can just talk out here-”

“Hell no.” You were getting sick of this back and forth already. “Well why the hell not?”

“Because it’s a private conversation about mafia business.” You could feel that she was already catching an attitude. “Well what type of mafia business involves you being in a room with him alone?” ‘This bitch..’ You turned around for the final time, and your face couldn’t hide the fact that you were fed the hell up. “The type of mafia business that doesn't involve you. Come on Roman.” He follows you into the room and closes the door.

You wipe your hands across your face and catch him looking at you with a sly smirk. “Don’t look at me like that.” He walks closer to you and takes his hand in yours and holds it above your head, twirling you to face away from him. He wraps his arms around your waist from behind. You close your eyes and melt into his touch. You forgot how much you liked his touch. “That was so sexy.” His breath gave you tingles as he talked into the crook of your neck. “You missed me baby?” While he was luring you with his voice, his hands sneakily dipped into the waistband of your sweats. You turned your head to look at him and gently grab his chin. Your eyes shift from his eyes to his lips, and you lean in to kiss him, but his fingers teasing your folds stop you. “I didn't hear an answer.” He was already making you melt, and you were loving every single second of it. “Y-yes baby I missed you.” He was teasing you, getting close to your lips and then pulling away while rubbing at your sensitive clit. You couldn't stand it. You pull his chin closer to you, trying your hardest to kiss him, but he keeps pulling away still.

“Please baby, kiss me.” You wanted to feel his lips on yours so badly. Without warning his right hand clasps around your neck and finally attaches his lips to yours. His left hand was hard at work, pinching and applying pressure to your clit, while both of your tongues are fighting for dominance. You grind your hips against his hand, giving up on dominance for the time being and letting him take over. He takes his hands off of your neck to tug your tube top down to your waist, freeing your breasts. You moan into his mouth, feeling his warm hands grab at your breasts and the pressure building up between your legs. “Fuck baby that feels so goo-”

BANG BANG BANG

“De’arra decided she doesn't want to do her training session. She’s going to file a complaint to La Mesa Alta to have your shop shut down.”

‘Are you fucking serious?’

🏷️tags :) @reignsboy19 @2-muchsauce @theninthwonder @harmshake @alichesmi @thesamoanqueen @alyyaanna @empressdede @badbitchcentralinc @christinabae @fame-ass-ers @southerngirl41 @cyberdejos2

#roman reigns #roman reigns x reader #roman reigns smut #roman reigns x y/n #roman reigns x black reader #roman reigns x chubby reader #roman reigns x oc #joe anoa'i #roman reigns x you #caramelcleopatraa #[ S & T ]

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stxrvel · 10 months ago

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something #1

guys, i know ive disappeared and im so sorry:(. ive been having trouble getting inspiration to write, bc there are a lot of things going on in my life right now that really demotivate me, butt today i was able to write this out of the blue and wanted to share it with you guys! so i hope you like this, whatever this is going to be a part of, and hope to see u soon! <3

warnings: an unfriendly and unlikeable reader thats most likely to anger you, bad words and lots of hate, friends to enemies to ?????? 1k words

“Are you supposed to be here at this hour?”

Y/N moved away from the locker where she had stowed her things that morning, blowing the strands of hair that had been left out of her hasty ponytail.

“Are you supposed to be my mom?”

James Barnes, from across the room, scowled at her. Y/N returned the gesture, watching him out of the corner of her eye move to the other end of her position to do God knows what.

It had been at least noon since they had returned from the mission and Y/N hadn't dared cross the shower area near the Complex hangar just to avoid that interaction with Barnes. The weights in the gym, the treadmill and all the objects she could hit were more appealing to her than having an ordinary conversation with another human being.

That's why she had waited hours to go back for her things, some clothes and items she usually left in that area to use after missions, but just that day they weren't needed because the frustration was bigger and the anger was eating her alive.

Especially the anger she felt against Barnes in those moments.

“And can you stop taking over the gym? There are recruits who have to train, but you scare them away with that dead face,” Barnes spoke again with his back to her, and Y/N had to resist the physical urge to throw the thermos in her hands at him.

“It's not my fault you train wimps.”

“They're not wimps,” Barnes turned away, sincerely offended. “You actively yell at them to go away.”

“They're my training hours, what do you want me to do? Be kind and let them pass?”

Barnes averted his gaze, slamming his locker with his black backpack over his shoulder, shaking his head as if he couldn't believe he was having this discussion with her.

“Is it even healthy for you to train so many hours in a row?”

Y/N pushed the small locker door as well, the sound of the impact silencing any thoughts of the two of them in the room. “Why the fuck do you care?”

“God,” Barnes raised his head, his face regretful that he'd prompted the conversation in the first place when he could have let it die. “You're impossible to talk to.”

“Then don't fucking do it.”

Their gazes met, each at either end of the room, Y/N closer to steaming out the door.

“You should've stayed with your fucking recruits instead of coming to shit all over my mission,” she couldn't help but spit out what had been rattling around in her head for hours, completely ignoring the grimace beginning to form on Barnes' face and grabbing the doorknob to get out of that cramped space as quickly as possible.

The led lights in the hallway blinded her for a moment, walking in a straight line down the path she already knew by heart to the rooms. Not all Avengers lived in the Complex, but Y/N preferred that to having to constantly run into Barnes in the Tower.

“Hey!” she heard the voice of the aforementioned, but only quickened her pace noticing the hurried pace his own were taking. “Is this all about the mission?”

Y/N stopped her steps in the middle of the hallway, near the stairs, where some agents were walking with dozens of papers in their hands and watching them out of the corner of their eyes. They already knew the routine. They all knew it.

“What, you think that's not enough?”

She turned, with that impossible-to-read expression they'd all grown accustomed to by now. She knew Barnes wanted to believe he could still read through her mask, but he could try to convince himself with fake words all he wanted, because that would never be the case again.

“It was mission impossible, Y/N. Steve agreed,” Barnes paused in front of her, barely casting a vague glance at the people passing them by. His right hand held the strap of the black suitcase so tightly that his veins bulged. Y/N barely snorted at his words.

“Just because you beat me by a majority doesn't mean you're right.”

“So the right thing to do was to go into the lion's den?”

“The right thing was to finish what we went to do, Barnes.”

“The right thing was to get out alive,” he determined, raising his voice. Y/N noticed his eyes red from the closeness they had adopted in the face of the heated discussion, and the faint thought crossed her mind that Barnes wasn't really doing anything productive to have run into her at that precise moment in the gym. She almost broke her expression to slap him.

“If you had followed my plan to the letter, we would've gotten that thing and gotten out alive. Do you really have a hard time accepting that my plan was a good one?”

“I have a hard time believing we would have made it out alive. There were too many of them. You saw them!”

“You know what? It makes sense that you have a bunch of stupid recruits. Like father, like son,” Y/N knew she was touching on a sore point, because one thing Barnes prided himself most on was having his own team look up to him as a role model after all he'd been through, but she'd stopped caring about such things quite some time ago.

“Y/N…” Barnes lowered his voice, taking a deep breath and looking at her through his eyelashes.

“If you show them your way, they're not going to survive a day in the field.”

“That's what you think.”

“That's what I know, because this job is who I am. Stop living like you're made of glass,” she looked him up and down one last time, his face contracting in an emotion she wouldn't allow herself to feel anymore. The memories that surfaced that melancholy face almost made her vomit in the middle of the hallway.

Maybe there was a time when Y/N thought she could have a good friendship with him; a time when he would've thought she could become a good friend. But none of those moments lasted long, rushing away like a shooting star, disappearing into space like smoke.

“We made the right decision,” Barnes wasn't going to budge and he was going to have the last word and she knew it because she just knew him so well. She almost laughed in his face at how predictable he had become. Emotions really did make people weak, and in this job that was a very big danger.

“Keep convincing yourself of that and you're going to end up dead.”

Y/N paced before Barnes could answer her, a bitter feeling settling in the pit of her stomach. She knew he would follow her with his eyes so she tried to pick up her pace without looking too much like she was trying to flee from his sight. It was torture to be around him after all.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes #bucky fic #bucky x you #bucky fluff #james bucky barnes #bucky x reader #stxrvel talks #winter soldier #james bucky buchanan barnes #james buchanan barnes #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes fanfiction

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fipindustries · 9 months ago

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my experiences with transphobia.

this will probably make me look a bit unlikeable because its going to ammount to "not that many tbh i was insanely priviledged", i am very well aware of the struggle that my community goes through every day all over the world, specially in the last few years where republicans and terfs and conservatives in general have seemed to drive themselves into mouth foaming frenzy out of disgust, and where intra community fighting seems to get more bitter every day.

but i do want to share my experience all the same and hopefully this will help give some hope in the current bleak state of affairs that not everything about being trans is constant suffering all the time.

winding back the clock all the way to me being a kid, i was very much bullied, from kindergarden to high school. my experience in the education system was twelve solid years of being called names, being pushed around, being ostracised, being made fun of and being excluded. i had people trick me into accepting food the offered and then telling me they had spit on it before (my response to that was to keep eating it all the same and made sure to enjoy it in front of them). ive had people beat the shit out of me, and i had people point at me on the hallways and laugh every time i would walk across them.

none of this was over any gender stuff, mind you, but because i was just "the weird kid" i was very openly nerdy and neurodivergent, i had been raised by cartoon shows and i would insist on behaving as a cartoon character irl. also because i was not very social, i was awkward and because i tended to keep to myself.

besides that i lived in a small town with no nerdy scene at all, my family (especially on my dad's side) just plain didnt get me. noone seemed to share or understand my hobbies and my dad would constantly critcize me for the way i behaved, the way i dressed, the way i talked, etc.

out of all this my response was to say "no, its the children who are wrong". i resolved from a very young age to just be myself and if that made me an outsider and a weirdo and an outcast then whatever. if some came to make fun of me or criticise me for just being me then they were in the wrong and their opinion was automatically discarded. i was not going to compromise myself for the sake of others. i never really developed a sense of shame over being who i was.

this of course was in part a bit of a trauma response which ended up with me having the maladaptive trait of being too self centered and too inconsiderate of other people's needs, i had a really bad tendency to see any criticism, no matter how valid, as an attack to be ignored, to this day i still have trouble measuring myself and noticing when im hurting others, i still have a hard time prioritizing other people's needs over my own.

but, tragicomically enough, this attitude proved to be actually rather useful for when i transitioned. i am more or less impervious to weird comments or outsiders eyes. as soon as i came out of the closet i was going out in full drag like, literally three days after. i was walking outside, going to the corner store, doing groceries, running errands and stuff ouside in the street with fake boobs and my face caked in make up i still didnt fully know how to properly apply. i had a bunch of kids yell faggot at me and my only thought was that those little shits should get taught some manners.

it also helped me brush off really unpleasant comments from a close friend with regards to my transition, like her saying she was sure i was going to end up detransitioning or that everyone thought i looked like a fake caricature of a woman. my first reaction to those comments was "she is just saying that to hurt me, opinion automatically discarded". it helped me stand uo to my dad who outright refused to call me by my pronouns or treat me like a girl so i just immediatly stopped talking to him or visisting him until he changed his mind. it took a year but he eventually did and now things are great between us.

but that is only half of the story. im telling you all this because it sounds cool and because im genuenly proud of it but the truth is also that, i just didnt have to put up with a lot of hardship in my life in general, i grew up in a nice house with a loving caring mo and step dad, i went to college, i lived a lower middle class lifestyle generally. once i got out of high school i managed to get some actual friends. and i live in a more or less stable country.

all of my friends and immediate family were instantly cool about my transition. my uncles, my grandma, my cousins, my mom, my sister, my step dad. i was immediatly accepted with an "ok, cool, you are mandy now". all of my friends immediatly accepted me with open arms as well. if there were ever any weird social games about "being excluded from girl spaces" or people treating me different or whatever im probably too socially oblivious to notice them.

on top of that i live in a genuenly very trans friendly country, in a seemingly trans friendly city. so generally goberment institutions, health care institutions, private bussineses, the companies i worked for, they all went out of their way to use my prefered pronouns and name, even before i changed my documentation to reflect this.

i dont think i ever was scared to come out of my house or walk down the streets of my city, even at night. and let me tell you, there are times where the sun hits the wrong way or i forgot to shave or all my clothes were dirty and i had to essentially boy mode, and none of that deterred me from going outside and doing my bussines without even sparing a second thought to what strangers on the street might think. other people on the street are just non-entities for me, they might as well be painted on the walls, i just cannot bring my self to care about what they might think.

i keep thinking back to that scc article about people living in different circles that seem to either automatically insulate them from or automatically draw them to abuse from others.

people are generally nice and normal and reasonable around me and i dont know if this is because i have an "anti-transphobia" field or i am just incredibly innatentive, where its happening all the time and i just dont notice it, but it has certainly made my life easier.

#trans #transgender #lgbtq #fip living life

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caatws · 1 year ago

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I saw your post and I don't understand Gunn. What does a real family mean? I'm so confused. He dragged her butt back to the guardians and had her go through all the emotional turmoil of the whole movie for her fake family? Okay I guess but that seems stupid. Does she still get to be sisters with Nebula at least or is that now off the table.

Really though why does nothing about Gamora's story make sense anymore? She fell off a cliff and everything went to shit. I realized that Peter has basically been depressed since 2018 and falling apart drinking since being unsnapped. Nebula had one thing she wanted and that was a sister and she had to go without that for 5 years and then suddenly she gets her back and that's it. The rest of them don't even appear to fully grasp what's been going on. All this stuff happens off camera and then we're in vol 3 and before you know it the story is over.

The only way I can make sense of any of it is to see it as a story of Gamora dying and everything fell apart. Peter decented into a black pit of despair, the guardians couldn't figure out what to. Nebula trying to help running around like a chicken with her head cut off. Then Rocket nearly dies before dealing with his abuser and they all free some people before parting ways at the end. Otherwise the lack of information and explanation of why certain things are happening, have happened and some characters appearing checked out of the situation entirely, is just too much to comprehend. Noone else who died in IW or EG has had this crappy of an emotional follow up or further exploration of character except maybe Heimdall. I just don't understand it.

yeah i totally agree with you anon, like i was just telling some of my friends the other day how i think gamora honestly has like the WORST arc in the mcu bc of this whole thing. like other characters had arcs that ended rly stupidly (like steve lmao) bc they were ooc or did nothing but i think gamora's is like, a separate level of Terrible bc it's not even like she got an ooc ending or regressed or something, her "arc" was her life after thanos just being straight up ERASEDDDD in canon like. my god

and you're so right abt how the other characters who died in iw/eg have been treated better by the narrative in the time since, save for heimdall - like yesterday i was specifically trying to think of gamora's arc vs natasha romanoff's specifically in how both (after being fridged) have been grieved in the canon narratives since then, and, oh man...gamora truly got the worst of the worst here. like, we have gotten to see yelena and clint have actual arcs in their separate grieving processes for natasha (in addition to seeing tony, steve, bruce, and thor all grieve her in endgame), and bc it's become such an integral part of yelena's character specifically, i think it's fair to say we're probably going to see natasha's legacy continue in yelena's future stories

gamora has literally gotten nothing to this extent, bc we only ever see peter and nebula grieve her, and in vol 3 there are TWO TIMES where someone mentions gamora being dead and another character is like Well, Actually, She's Alive, She Just Doesn't Remember ! which essentially creates zero space in the narrative for the rest of the gotg to express grief for her, since it's established that they've apparently all made peace with 2014!gamora existing as a replacement but wanting absolutely nothing to do with them before the film which just seems ??? like you're telling me drax, rocket, mantis, and groot - none of them miss THEIR gamora EITHER ?????

like obviously i get gamora isn't gonna be swayed to do much after 48 hours (although how much time passes in vol 1 before the gotg start deciding they're a team/family....?) esp with the baggage of the original gamora vs 2014!gamora weighing over everything (except that the narrative shows and establishes only peter being the one to be struggling with this baggage, suggesting 2014!gamora could have relationships with the rest of the gotg without this conflict at all lol), but just....idk it's messy! (also when peter tried to gatekeep being a ravager from gamora during that one scene LMAOOO there was something so satisfying in that)

ALSO to continue making a long answer long...considering all the variant character nonsense the mcu has been trying to put us through in recent years with all the multiverse stuff, i think it's fair to look at gamora through that lens. bc that is literally what mcu phases 4 and 5 are abt. the multiverse. and what characters are like in different timelines.

between the loki show and no way home, we get the idea that there are certain values and truths that are inherent to each character no matter what world or timeline they live in - as the loki show so succinctly puts it, "what makes a loki a loki?"

so that brings me to ask, what makes a gamora a gamora?

and i don't think a gamora can exist without being part of the guardians family, so it's disappointing that our onscreen, canon narrative, ends before that can happen, and it's more disappointing that the language of "real family" suggests a conflict with gamora achieving that.

(inb4 someone's like WELL IT'S OPEN-ENDED IT'S WHAT HAPPENS OFFSCREEN AFTER ETC bc yeah i agree that could be a natural next step in 2014!gamora's story. which is the problem. THE STORY IS OVER. we aren't GETTING gamora or the gotg anymore, besides peter allegedly, whatever tf that entails lmao. so no matter how open-ended this is, it's still the last we're seeing of them in canon, so it deserves to be criticized as such - the canon end of the franchise.)

#also like i'm just gonna say it...gamora was the first woc lead in the mcu. so let ppl be upset abt this.#esp let woc be upset abt this bc it's not like the gotg franchise has always been kind to its poc-coded characters. that isn't new #ask #gotg vol 3 spoilers #gamora #gotg #mcu #the gamora situation

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lorisystem · 3 months ago

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Wanted to do this meme again... i saw it as a repost just now so i dont have the source but i did it before, if anyone wants the template i can probably find it again later.

Wanted to detail about each one cause i& feel talkative

Legend:

Cross = yeah

Big bar = mostly yeah

Small bar = nuance (very little and/or not as a system thing)

No mark = no

"Who are you again" = Ok this all the time but not a system thing just faceblind.

Host/body trans = Yeagh

Dissociates mid conversation = This all the time but afaik not related to switching just. In our own little world a lot of the time + its hard to keep interest in some conversations. Also its hard to understand things said to us sometimes which makes us lose track a lot

Fictives = Not a fictive heavy sys but we do have some. Two full introjects n several half introjects (at least 2 possibly more)

Amnesia = We only get noticeable amnesia in very specific context (if something is very upsetting). Never full blackouts i think? That being said we have a lot of partial amnesia for certain things or periods of time. Like theres periods of time put behind some sort of curtain etc but we remember the main lines or its emotional amnesia etc.

"Whats a system" = Stopped being a thing around like 14 or 15(?) when we met another system. Before that we knew but didnt have the vocabulary

Chaotic headspace = Never been a thing for us. The brain just doesnt have the capacity to run full conversations in background if the focus is somewhere else. Our processing power is. Poor

Motherly figure as caretaker = None are women but yea Déborah n Jyu n even Avrei(/Shun) to some degree all of which are older/parental figures to several alters especially the younger ones

Fusion/integ = As of yet not really but we did get skill displacements which were starting to understand can be a start (host learning an alters skill and becoming more adapted)

Bad at communicating = We thought we were quite good for very long (and compared to somebody who has none. Yea) but actually. Were learning to get better a lot and discovered theres a lot more to learn. Cannot track switches at all for example n hard to discern passive influence. We just have different struggles. On top of that some alters just arent cooperative

Recovering persecutor protector = Yea love to have at least one system cliché . Franca & Zacharie.

No energy = This one is small bar bc i rlly dont think its system related. Also we still have enough energy to fake functionality and mask etc. But it could be better

"You have good imagination" = I imagine this is meant to fakeclaim and while i dont think somebody told me that to fakeclaim my system weve been told it about other things + it is true that we have a good imagination. We are very selective who we tell but yea decided to put that one as a cross bc it still feels accurate

ND = yea. One or two things going on other than plurality

No headspace = Our base headspace is very very simple but it did exist. We created an actual inner world around early HS i think and kept expanding it since. Some part are spontaneous but most of it was consciously created

Denial = small bar bc it doesnt rlly impact us too much anymore. We dont rlly care for external validation anymore

Not out as a system bc no one believes you = Well mostly yea but not only. Its not that i think absolutely noone would believe me bc if that was the only pb i wouldnt care. I just dont want to get harrassed, i need ppl to show me basic respect and not try to hurt me&.

Been fakeclaimed = Yes! A friend fakeclaimed us early on in learning about dissociative disorders bc we didnt tell them details of childhood trauma/said it wasnt traumatic - it was but we didnt realize at the time)

Co fronting gives headache = Never been a thing for us, at least unable to link headaches with switches (theyre not that frequent anyway)

Memory is shit = We are . Hypermnesic,

Everyone or almost is queer = Oh ya definitely. In some way or other

*Pretends to be host* = Yea. Allergic to ppl knowing who fronts

"When did i get here" = OK when i first read i thought this related to splitting and i put nothing cause we can pinpoint the origin period of most alters etc. But. Rereading i think it related to confusion after switching. Was a thing to a small degree for us until like 5 years ago or so and now we very rarely get this. It was never too big but sometimes we did have moments of confusion like "what am i doing? Where am i? Right, going to work... feels weird and out of place" etc. Not too bad

Traumagenic = yea. Always aware of this. We always knew alters were there to help and that they all had specific roles. I kind of remember the feeling of reading roles and being like woah. Yea yea. We had roles the whole time

Sarrey for long text. N inconsistent pronouns. It will happen again

#lorisys #lotsa text under readmore.

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nylazor · 7 months ago

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Unfiltered vent cw suicide attempt, suicidal ideation, mentioned parental abuse

(in this rant the terms bottoms will be used to represent submissive people in platonic relationships and top will refer to the inverse. In addition the term empath will serve as a substitute for being raised in an abusive environment and being forced from a young age to pick up on the slightest hint of emotion and be able to diffuse tension)

I fucking hate having to 'top' in relationships, being the outgoing one, the one reaching out, the one deciding, the one discussing boundaries, the one checking if everyones okay, the responsible one, the mom friend. Like I am such a bottom! I'm so happy to submit and follow and allow others to have my agency. I would sign a contract to be a 24/7 submissive! The moment I know that was a thing I was like ???? That's a thing!?!!?? I want that so bad!!! People get to choose what I do and wear and I get to just obey and be praised???? Not even a sexual way, like in a, 'i don't have to think way'.

Yeah but anyway I seem to attract people who are even more bottom then me and it fucking sucks. Like I'm an empath, so when someone upset it's like they got a big red sign on their head that says that and like, I try to be a nice person so I try to help and like in theory that would be fine as long as it's mutual but it's.... Not. Alot of the time their not emotionally available or bad with words or whatever. But whenever I'm upset they go quiet and just sit there until I pull myself together enough to make a joke and the tension breaks and like it's barely better than composing myself alone. And also! As an empath I'm super good and telling people what they need to hear and comforting them but like it's not mutual. They just freeze and I have to coax them what to say (which makes it feel like they don't actually believe it) or I just tell them to drop it.

And also I feel like I give them more respect then they give me, like when we're in a group voice chat, I try to give them a little leeway because of the delay, but honestly when we're doing different things and I start talking and they interrupt me they just talk over me and like it feels like shit. Usually they're gaming so I know it's urgent (relatively) but like they don't even apologize they just pretend I'm not even there. It's not always like that, sometimes we mutually watch stuff and it's enjoyable but like fucks sake. Whenever I interrupt them I stop and apologize but like... Not mutual. (Again).

Also I'm always the one reaching out. The only person who reaches out to me is my best buddy b/c we send each other good morning texts. I'm always the one to initiate, I'm always the one to continue conversation and keep it moving and like fuck me. It feels like I'm forcing myself on them because noone ever reaches out. God knows I've gone weeks missing and not one person noticed me missing except my fucking mom.

They always say, be kind, you smile the world smiles back, be the person you needed when you were younger, and I swear it am I trying my dammest but like... Idk. Seems like it's all work and no reward sometimes. It's like they say, no good deed goes unpunished.

I was alone for years, lonely and depressed, most days I couldn't leave the bed, I spent weeks without showering and... The pain was excruciating. To be alone. To only be wanted by your two abusive parents. To be a waste of space.

So I started reaching out, I started dismissing or downplaying my struggles, I pretended to be put together, gathered friends around me by being outgoing and reaching out. It felt like acid on my skin, to be *fake* in order to be loved. To know intimately that I could die and the vast majority of my 'friends' would never know because they wouldn't reach out and then that would be that. I hate being the responsible one. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. It feels so fake and wrong and like... *Sigh*

I have like, 7 tasks before I can kill myself, so the only reason I haven't is because I only manage 3 or 4 before I just give up.

I've lost count of the times I've tried tho, before my task list, most weren't even close to successful, but the ones that sent me to the hospital, and I return home only to see no new messages is...

I keep dreaming, of sometime being happy, of feeling at peace, at being with people who love me, but it's more a fantasy, like a far off dream that you know damn well will never come true, but goddamn do you hold onto it like a lifeline anyway. Sometimes I tell myself stories about my 'happy ending' just lying to myself so I don't end it.

Ugh brain leash loose it's eepy time.

#do/n/t re/bo/g #vent post #vent #ny talks #nylazor

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sunshinebingo · 2 years ago

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Totally Spies (Valkyries) Chapter 26

@emeriethevalkyriegirl @aelinchocolatelover

Link to Ao3

'’Cheerleading? How did you even get in? I thought you weren’t into this shit.’’ Cassian, along with Rhys and Azriel was surprised when the girls informed them that they wished to decrease their training time at the org because they needed time to practice with the cheerleaders. When they went to the tryouts the previous afternoon, they have discovered that cheerleading was not as hard as they thought. In fact everything they learned about flexibility and agility during training at the org apparently worked for that too.

The other girls were surprised at how good they were since it was only their first time. Emerie shrugged it off as being in shape from the sports that everyone at school already knew she took part in. Nesta pretended that she had done it a bit at her previous school. Gwyn settled with simply saying that it is genetics. Roslin had been excited to tell them that they were accepted in the team that morning. Although it would be an extra activity on top of all the secret training, Nesta, Emerie and Gwyn were happy with the prospect of spending time with Roslin and the other cheers.

‘’Consider cheer practice as a warm-up for our training here,’’ Gwyn told the boys as she dangled her feet from where she stood on top of a desk with Shadow curled on her lap. Meanwhile, Nesta and Emerie were trying to break through the system of a highly secured organisation. It was a fake one just for the sake of training and Gwyn had done it in 20 minutes. Next time she would try to do it in only 10.

‘’Three regular girls and cheerleaders living a double life as secret spies,’’ Rhysand contemplated. ‘’We could turn your life into a kids movie.’’

‘’Shadow could be our mascot. Isn’t that right my little baby,’’ Gwyn asked the still sleeping cat.

Nesta lifted her head from the screen. ‘’Cassian would be the big goof who is all muscles and no brain.’’ Azriel snorted at that and earned himself a middle finger.

🦄

Nesta, Emerie and Gwyn were exempted from classes as from noon on Thursday. The reason was because the players from Velaris High would be coming to their school for a practice before the official game on Friday. The cheerleaders would practise along with the band while all the players would get familiar with the field. Principal Eris and his assistant were also present to watch all the preparations being made for the game.

‘’Hey girls look,’’ Nesta and Gwyn looked in the direction Emerie was indicating. The players from Velaris high were making their entrance and among them strode three familiar figures.

‘’Aren’t they too old to be playing in a high school team?’’ Nesta asked.

‘’Let’s go ask them,’’ Emerie grabbed the arms of Gwyn and Nesta and walked to meet the boys.

‘’Aren’t you suppose to be practising?’’ Cassian asked as if his brothers and he weren’t the odd ones here.

‘’You are asking about us?’’ Gwyn’s nose scrunched as she furrowed her brows. ‘’What are you doing here?’’ The rest of the people from Velaris High had already made their way to the benches.

‘’We played in the team back in high school. The coach invited us for a game since it’s just practice today,’’ Azriel shrugged.

‘’Gwyn,’’ someone called. They all turned around to see Balthazar approaching. Gwyn’s cheeks heated and she blushed when he stopped in front of them and smiled at her.

‘’Hi Balthazar,’’ her voice came out in a slightly high pitch.

‘’Hi,’’ Balthazar replied seeming a bit nervous. Nesta and Emerie snickered next to her. Cassian, Rhysand and Azriel watched the scene attentively. ‘’Um, Roslin want you to know that we will resume the rehearsal in a minute.’’

Gwyn played with the end of her braid with her clammy hands. ‘’O-okay. We’re coming. Thanks.’’ Balthazar offered her another smile before he turned around and left.

‘’Is your little boyfriend a cheerleader too Gwynie?’’ Cassian crooned. Nesta and Emerie laughed while Azriel and Rhysand tried to hide the amusement from their faces.

Gwyn punched Cassian in the chest and scowled at him. ‘’He is not my little boyfriend dumbass. He is part of the band.’’

‘’Do you think Lou would approve of your not little boyfriend Balthazar?’’

Gwyn threw him another punch, ‘’I told you to stop talking about her.’’

🦄

‘’GET UP YOU LOSER,’’ Nesta shouted when one of the players from Velaris High got tackled to the ground. As cheers for Beverhills High, they should be rooting for their own school. But as soon as all the cheerleaders and the members of band had stopped their rehearsal to watch the players on the field, the girls had switched side.

They watched with rapt attention as what was supposed to be two teams practising turned into a match that was as eventful as a real one. One of the players had even broken his pinky finger and was currently under the care of the school nurse to ensure that he could play the next day.

Rhysand, Cassian and Azriel were also playing with the highschoolers and a few other college students invited by the coaches.

‘’BEAT HIS ASS RHYS,’’ Gwyn yelled when someone from Beverhills High blocked Rhysand’s path to the goal line.

‘’Language, Miss Berdara. This is not a wrestling match,’’ Principal Eris reminded her for at least the third time. Emerie and Nesta snickered at Gwyn’s grimace. The Principal always seemed to be around when it was Gwyn who got overexcited.

‘’Sor-,’’ her apologies were cut off by Velaris High’s coach yelling touchdown. Gwyn and her friends shrieked and started jumping in excitement. On the field, the other players were running towards Rhysand.

‘’Let’s hope that you will cheer for our side with that same excitement tomorrow ladies,’’ the Principal said.

#gwyneth berdara #nesta archeron #emerie #rhysand #cassian #azriel #valkyries

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ginosgarden · 2 years ago

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Page 19 and 20 of my The April Fool Chapbook! The poem, as always, is written out under the cut.

That's it! That was my last poem I wrote in 2018. It's so massive that I need to spread it out over two page spreads. It's a poem filled with a lot of pain as I wrote it over the course on one agonizing day. While my April that year was super hard, things really turned around for me from that point forward. Through it all, I'm grateful for where I am now.

I did another poetry challenge in 2021, so I'm thinking of transcribing those and maybe making a zine for those as well. We'll see!

There’s nothing in this world you can depend on There’s nothing in this world I can give All I can do is make order of chaos And take the blame when there’s noone to blame I can’t stop the piling on And I can’t control what I get So I do my best to do the simple work of tidying up

I’m not a miracle worker I’m no expert, no irreplaceable genius. But I value and take pride in my simple tasks, In my efforts to stave off the inevitable

I have an eye for detail but I cut corners where it counts I lie when it’s convenient though I value honesty I’m no better than the world I was given It’s naive to think so

I try and I fail and I fail and I fail But at least I can keep a neat home

I’m so scared I can’t start from square one. I can’t afford to But that’s where I might end up And I’ll take the blame because who else is there?

I want to do what I always do, To feel valuable and proud , To organize and categorize And make convenient and helpful But I am unable I have to wait

Me me me me me me! How fucking boring! Self centered child!

You’re a hack and You’ve always been a hack From the moment you were born You’ve been aspiring to be a poser Your entire pathetic life Is it any wonder you’ve made it nowhere? You think you’re so innocent and sweet But all you care about is how others see you. You cannot create you can only copy You’ve always, always copied. God forbid someone call you out on it You damn baby. Have you ever had an original thought in your head? You only care about the product About people being impressed But you put zero work into it And you’re so self congratulatory Like you’re some kind of goddamn picasso

You fake at it. You’ve never understood what it takes So you pretend like when You were a kid and would scribble on pages For hours playing like you were working. You know what it should look like but not what it is. What it means You get exactly what you deserve. Exactly what you put in. You halfass everything and make excuses So guess what? Enjoy your mediocre half assed life You fake, you fraud, you complete and utter loser. Who else are you going to cry to searching for pity points So you can slurp them up like your running snot From your perpetually crying face. Go ahead and cry, what’s it going to do? You want your mommy to validate you? You lie to her too to make yourself look better Yeah she’ll always be in your corner isn’t that sweet?

Brush a hand on the door Thank you for keeping me safe And please continue to do so

Where the heart is brewing

A sad clown town But the city turned and said, “But sir Pagliochi is me.”

Witchy stuff, City stuff Homesickness

How much longer do I have to be that girl? How much longer are you gonna shit on my world?

Crusty moldy Dried out turd Plopped inside of a plastic bag Don’t you think you’ve had enough fun yet!?

Enough is enough You old witch! It’s your turn now!

I was the April Fool Now I’m the May Fool

#myposts #poetry #words #mixedmedia #collage #myart #theaprilfool #chapbook

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p33paw · 3 years ago

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broken contract

zhongli x f!reader

summary | breaking a promise to zhongli, and paying the price with spread legs (pwp, thigh riding, cockwarming, overstimulation, praise kink, sir kink, degrading kink)

warnings | nsfw

word count | ~10k

links | ao3

I would never get drunk in the middle of the day.

But— Beidou is only in town for the day, a short stop sandwiched between two several month long expeditions spent sailing the sea, too far away for contact. We settled to meet at the Third-Round Knockout. Her, me, a table of food, and all morning to talk before she visits the other people she cares about. We each got a single drink to toast with, then one became two, two became three, and... well...

I might be drunk in the middle of the day.

"Zhongli is going to kill me—" I groan, planting my head into my arms, leaning into the table.

I was supposed to meet with him today as well, as soon as Beidou's left. I can feel the heat on my flushed face where it connects with my skin. I'm drunk. He hates when I drink, enough that he told me to never drink before I see him.

Beidou grunts, and I hear the creak of her chair as she leans back in it.

"What's with you and that old man?" She asks, followed by the thud of her empty glass hitting the table. She calls for another round, and I groan again, tilting my head up to look at her.

"Wha'd'you mean?" I ask, pouting my lower lip out.

Beidou squints at me, then lifts her hands to gesture.

"Are you—" She holds her tongue with her teeth, a look of concentration knitting her brow. She forms her index finger and thumb on one hand into a circle, then pushes her other pointer finger out, jamming it into the circle she created. "—y'know."

As she continues to thrust her finger into the space created by her hand, the waiter approaches, dropping two new drinks in front of us. Beidou doesn't notice, but she's shot a dirty look.

I squint at her, knowing exactly what she's asking, but refusing to answer truthfully.

"No?" I sit all the way up, batting my eyelashes to antagonize her. "What are you talking about?" As I finish speaking, I lift my new drink, sipping it to keep my buzz if this is the conversation we're having.

Beidou blinks back, a delirious and gullible look in her eyes.

"Are you gonna go have sex with him?" She asks, point blank.

I choke on my drink, not expecting to hear the question. I have to take a moment to steady myself, eyes flicking up to Beidou as she crosses her arms and stares me down.

"I— I—" I blink, stumbling over my words, trying to collect my thoughts. I settle for a jab back, looking at Beidou with as much courage as I can muster. "Are you gonna go have sex with Ningguang?" I ask.

Beidou's brows tick in, a no less severe expression on her face. "Of course." She says, just as brash. "Now answer my question."

I falter, pursing my lips. Damn, I thought that would buy me more time.

"I'm—" I start, trying to look up and meet her eyes. I end up shying away from her severe stare, hiding in my drink. "Yes." I admit, no way around it. "We are... involved."

"Involved?" Asks Beidou, leaning in, "Like more than just having sex?"

I suck my lower lip in, hesitant to talk about it. This is something that happened recently, more than a month after Beidou last left Liyue Harbor. My hands instinctively come together, my fingers resting on a bracelet that was a gift from Zhongli. He called it the contract of what we have between us, the guarantee of the promises we've made each other, and the reminder than I belong to him. There's no official title, but...

"A lot more than just sex." I say.

Beidou 'oohs', leaning in even closer.

Before she can get another word out, the door to the tavern swings open with a slam. Beidou and I both crane our necks to look. Standing in the entryway, tall, elegant and beautiful, is lady Ningguang. Her eyes are locked to Beidou though, and intimidating enough that I find myself faltering.

She walks in, tailed by two guards.

"You're in trouble now—" I whisper back, trying to make myself look at small as possible.

Beidou shoots me a glare of her own, before pulling her face into a wide smile, staring at Ningguang as she approaches.

"Hey—y my beautiful flower, has anyone told you how lovely and gentle and beautiful and intelligent and—" Beidou starts, interrupted by Ningguang.

"I've been waiting for hours." Ningguang says, voice severe, barely flicking her eyes over to me. She gives me a curt nod of acknowledgment and I blink back in surprise.

Beidou squints at her. "I— told you I'd finish lunch at twelve." She says as looks over to me. "My friends are just as important to me—"

Ningguang immediately reaches to her side, pulling a pocket watch from a chain where it's fastened. She flips it open, pushing it forward, directly toward Beidou. Beidou leans in, lifting her brows as she reads the time, surprise clear in her expression.

"Now what does that say?" Ningguang asks, staring Beidou down.

Beidou swallows, eyes flicking up to stare at the other woman. "Two-oh-six." She says, lifting her drink, finishing it in a single swig, dropping the empty glass to the table, then slowly starting to stand.

Shit. I promised Zhongli I'd be done by noon, myself.

Beidou turns to me once standing, reaching a hand over to clasp my shoulder. "I'm glad to have seen you," She starts, "If my next adventure finds me dead—" She nervously glances toward Ningguang, "Know that you were my greatest friend." At that, she reaches into her pocket, pulling out and slamming down a satchel of mora that is certainly— more than enough to pay our tab. She turns, walking away from the table.

Ningguang smiles, small, watching Beidou approach her, before turning her gaze to me. "I'm sorry for interrupting—" She says, lifting her hands together, looking apologetic. "I'm sure you understand?"

I nod, giving her a reassuring smile of my own. "I had plenty of time with her." I say back, waving her off.

I lift to my feet to stand and leave as well, met with a head rush that makes me waver. I have to shoot my hands out to the table to steady myself, coming into the realization that I drank much more than I should have.

A hand darts forward, landing on my arm, holding me steady.

"Are you alright?" I hear Ningguang ask, much closer than before.

I nod, slowly blinking, trying to focus my eyes, batting her away.

"I'm fine— just a bit—" As I try to step away, I stumble, barely catching myself on another table. "—drunk." I sigh out, then look up to Beidou to glare. "I hate you." I bite out. I always try to drink as much as her, and, inevitably, end up far drunker.

Beidou gives me a toothy grin, shrugging. "Learn to hold your liquor." She says.

Still next to me, Ningguang turns to glare at Beidou, until the smile slips from her face. She looks to the side, sheepish.

"You're in no condition to get home alone." Ningguang says, lifting her hand and snapping her fingers together.

One of the two guards steps forward, at attention, walking up next to us.

"Assure that she arrives home safely." She says, voice stern, before turning back to meet my eyes again. "If you tell him where you live he'll get you home. Let me know if there are any problems." She says, then steps away before I can protest, back to Beidou's side.

Together, the two turn, walking for the exit. Beidou looks back, giving me another wave as she's ushered away, until the door swings shut behind them, and I'm alone with the guard.

"Where do you live, ma'am?" He asks.

I look up at him, feeling sheepish. I'm drunk, that doesn't mean a need a guard to walk me home.

"You can— leave me." I start. "I'm more than capable of getting home, I'm not sure why Lady Ningguang even—" I take the first step forward, lose my footing, and fall over face first, collapsing to the ground.

I groan, collecting myself and sitting up, blowing a stressed breath. Maybe it's good Beidou's only home a few days a year, she'd drink me into an early death otherwise.

The guard's hands land on me this time, helping me to stand. I let him, but once I'm up, the hands don't come off. Instead, I'm lifted up into his arms, until he's carrying me.

"Just tell me where to go." The guard starts, looking embarrassed for me. "Ma'am."

I huff a sigh with half a mind to struggle to get out of his hold— but— realize it isn't worth it. I would probably just fall on my ass if I attempted to walk anywhere, this is likely for the best.

Now, I have to consider my options. Fake sick and abandon my plans with Zhongli because I'm in no state to meet him, or—

Zhongli's address spills from my mouth, something selfish and needy rearing in my chest. I want to see him, I don't care how much trouble I'll be in once he sees my current state.

The guard nods, walking forward with me in his arms. It's foreign to exit a bar belligerently drunk and see it's still the middle of the day. The outside is busy with working people despite the clouds in the sky and the threat of rain looming above them.

I hide my face in my own shoulder, embarrassed as the guard strides forward, down the streets, deeper into the city, carrying me to where Zhongli lives. The closer we approach, the more nervous I get, mind racing at how he might react to the mistake I've made.

I really shouldn't be drunk.

My stomach twists as I spot Zhongli's home, and consider my current position. I'm already going to be in enough trouble as it is— I don't need him to see me in another man's arms. I lift my hand, tapping the shoulder of the guard, signaling to be let down. The guard listens, lowering me to my feet. I have to take a second to balance myself, but finally find my bearings, walking forward to close what feels like an immeasurable distance between me and Zhongli.

I approach his threshold, but before I can knock, the door opens. Zhongli stands in the entryway, his eyes flicking between me and the guard at my back, his expression set.

"Didn't we agree you'd arrive by noon?" He asks, finally staring at just me.

I nod, then stumble toward him. He receives me in his arms, holding me tight as I bury myself in his chest. His arms feel massive as they wrap me, cradling me like I'm something fragile. I drag in an inhale, breathing in the scent of clear spring and mountain air that seems ever present on him.

"Are you alright?" He asks, softer.

I tilt my head back to look at him, and see his face is knit with concern. I nod, staring up at him through my lashes.

"I'm— f-fine." I slur out, then watch as Zhongli's brow ticks in.

There's a drop in my stomach as it happens, knowing he's become aware of what's made me late. He looks away from me, up to the guard.

"Thank you." He says, voice firm, before guiding me into his house.

"I'm sorry—" I try to start, keeping pressed to his side, my fingers curled in the fabric of his shirt.

Zhongli closes the door, soft, careful, before turning to look at me again.

"You're drunk, aren't you?" He asks, disappointment clear in his voice.

I nod, moving my hands against his abdomen. I keep touching, grabbing, pawing at him.

"I'm sorry—" I repeat, lifting my hand to his chest. "Can I make it up to you? I—"

Zhongli catches me at the wrist, holding my hands still. He sighs, then walks away without another word. I stay in place, fidgeting with the bracelet on my wrist, restlessness and guilt twisting my stomach, as I wait, I hear water start to run.

He reappears, walking straight for me. He lands his hands on me in silence, lifting me into his arms. I curl my fingers into his shoulder, holding tight as he carries me to the bathroom. I look around, noting that the bath is running, filling with water.

I'm carefully lowered to my feet, then Zhongli steps back, creating distance, crossing his arms across his chest. He looks right at me.

"Do you need help undressing?" He asks.

I shake my head no, stumbling over my own feet as I grab the hem of my dress, lifting it up and off. It falls to the floor with a thump. Standing in my undergarments, I can feel Zhongli's eyes on me, burning me in the way they flick across my body, studying me. I embarrass, shoving my panties down and off as quickly as I can, shedding my bra even faster, then standing nude with my arms wrapped around my core.

"It's ready for you." Zhongli says next, the sound of water flowing cut short.

I look up to meet his eyes, finding them locked to my body, searching the expanse of it. I carefully step forward, until I'm directly in front of him.

"I'm sorry—" I repeat, feeling small, watching as his steady gaze locks back to my face.

"It's okay." He says. "We can talk about it later."

I nod, tight, still in my own head. I almost want him to be mad, to express the upset I see clear on his face so that the guilt in my stomach settles. Instead, his words and actions are measured with restraint.

I look away from him toward the bath. It's drawn high, shimmering with soap. I lift my leg, stepping in, until I'm standing in the water. Then, I lower myself in, sinking into the warm feeling that envelops my body.

I glance back over to Zhongli, watching as he walks to the door, sheds his jacket, and hangs it. From there, he turns, walking back toward the bath, removing his gloves, unpinning his cufflinks, slipping them both into his pocket. He carefully rolls his sleeves up his forearms, one at a time.

My heart jumps to my throat as he reveals his arms, thick with muscle and defined veins like his hands, a light ghosting of hair that covers the entire limb. He kneels next to the tub, lifting a bottle of soap. He pours the soap into his hands, then pushes those hands forward, landing them on my body.

"I'm sorry." I repeat, voice as small as I can make it, searching the hard line of his unwavering expression.

His eyes flick up to meet mine, piercing in the way they look at me. He slides his soaped hand against my skin, over my chest, up to my neck. He rests there, caressing with his thumb, keeping his eyes on me.

"You reek of alcohol." He says, voice low and gentle. "Didn't you promise to never drink before seeing me?"

I duck my head, heart jumping to my throat. I nod, tight. "Yes." I breathe out, blinking down to watch my hands curl around each other underneath the water. "I'm sorry." I repeat.

Zhongli says no more, but continues to move his hands. He drags them along me with purpose, washing every square inch of my body in silence, before he's up, grabbing a toothbrush from his counter. He kneels back down, holding the brush, staring at me.

"Can you open your mouth for me?" He coaxes.

I swallow around my tongue, but do, just parting my lips.

Zhongli's free hand comes up, cupping my face. His thumb forces between my lips, pressing to my bottom row of teeth. He opens my mouth, pulling his thumb back, only to dig his fingers into my cheeks, holding my face in place. He moves forward with the toothbrush, pushing it into my mouth, watching it go in, all while I search his face.

He starts to move, brushing the caps of my teeth, moving the brush in and out of my mouth, dragging it against my lips. I find my eyes fluttering shut, embarrassment overwhelming me.

All of this is because I couldn't control myself, and now, I have to be cared for. He finishes brushing my teeth, allows me to rinse, then pulls the plug from the bath. He stands up, finds a towel, dries his hands on it, and brings it to me.

"Will you be okay on your own for a moment?" He asks, waiting until I nod in confirmation to stand up and walk away.

Once he's gone, I lift my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around them. I wait in the bath while the water drains, consumed with upset. I just want him to kiss me the way he always does, hold me tight, and make me feel like nothing else in the world matters. Instead, I'm helpless as he picks up the pieces of me.

There's a small tremble in my core as I stand up. It's a sinking feeling that acknowledges my fault, a repeated reminder that I'm the one who fucked up and crossed the boundaries we set.

I reach for the towel that Zhongli used, dry off with it, then walk out of the bathroom. I go straight for his bedroom, finding pajamas already laid out for me on the bed. It's a top and bottom set, silken, too large, I lift the buttoned top, slipping it over my head without unbuttoning anything. The hem falls past the middle of my thigh, wearing more like a dress than anything else. I don't bother with the pants.

I poke my fingers from the oversized sleeves, curling them into the fabric at the collar of the shirt, lifting it to my face. I breathe in, finding it rich with the scent that lingers on Zhongli. I nearly buckle, eyes fluttering shut as I breathe it in, grounding myself in it.

When I open my eyes again, reality comes crashing back.

I walk out of the bedroom, eyes peeled for Zhongli. I find him in his kitchen, dropping a mixture of leaves into a pot of still water that sits on a low flame. His sleeves are still rolled up to his elbow, the muscles of his forearms flexing as he uses them.

I make a noise, watching him, wishing his hands were on me. He glances back.

"You should lay down until the tea is done." He says, quiet.

Though I know it's for the best, I refuse to listen. I shake my head no, walking toward him with uncertainty.

"I don't—" I start, taking a ragged breath. "Are you angry? I don't want you to be upset with me— please, I—" I falter as Zhongli pauses his movement. "Please." I repeat, begging, breathier than last time.

Pin prick tears collect at the corners of my eyes, desperation for reassurance fueling my courage.

Finally, Zhongli turns and approaches me, his expression strained. He lands one hand on my waist, sliding it up my side. His other cups my chin, gentler than I expect, running his thumb along my bottom lip to my cheek.

"Go lay down." He repeats, his face relaxing into something kinder, more familiar. "You'll feel better if you lay down."

I whine, wrapping my arms around him tighter, hesitant to let go now that I've got some of the attention I desperately wanted.

"Do you hate me now?" I ask, voice small.

Zhongli's brows lift, his hand traveling higher to thumb the tear from my eye. He moves in closer, holding eye contact with me.

"Of course not." He says, quiet, holding my face steady to lean in and press a chaste kiss to my lips. "I am upset." He says, his breath warm against my lips, tightening his hand on my waist to pull me closer. "But we can wait to address it when you're sober." He presses another kiss.

Though the words are severe, it's a relief. I press into his lips with all of my might, digging my fingers into his shoulders, steadying myself. He can still love me the same, despite my mistakes.

Zhongli pulls back from the kiss with a soft noise, quickly turning to attend to the pot. I finally relax, moving with him, keeping myself pressed against his broad back, my arms looping his waist.

"You're too kind to me." I mumble, muffled by his shirt.

Maybe it's the drive of the alcohol, or the way his hands felt when he ran them along my body as he washed me, or maybe even just his kindness, but I find myself craving intimacy. I carefully drag my hands down his abdomen, grazing my fingers against the fabric of his shirt, until I reach his belt. There, I move carefully, working my fingers to lift the clasp, my other hand dragging down across his lap as I hold my breath.

Zhongli goes still beneath my palms. I move slower, glacially, pressing against his belt. I don't make it far before his hand covers my own, stilling my movement.

"No." He says, voice low and soft. "Not while you're drunk."

I whine, pressing against his back. "But I want to—" I pout.

Zhongli turns to face me, an unfamiliar stern look on his face. "No." He repeats, just as he lands his hands on me and lifts me into his arms.

I'm helplessly carried to his bedroom, then, unceremoniously dumped onto his bed.

"Rest until the tea is done." Zhongli says, an order, before leaning in and pressing a parting kiss to my forehead. "I'll be back when it's ready." He says, then pulls back.

I puff my cheeks out, pouting, but refrain from protest. Zhongli turns, walking back out of the room, leaving me alone. I decide to settle, admitting that he's right, I should lay down. I wrap myself in a comforter, burying my face in his pillows, and let my eyes shut. I find myself relaxing, mind filled with memories of us in this bed together, and how safe I feel here, until I slip into sleep.

***

I open my eyes, disoriented, watching Zhongli's back retreat from the room. I blink slowly, sitting up, lifting my hands to rub my eyes. I must've fallen asleep, and, I glance out a window, noting the setting sun in the sky, it must've been for hours.

I take in my surroundings, noticing that to my side is a cup of tea on a plate, billowing a soft cloud of steam. I steady myself before reaching for it, then lift it to drink. It tastes floral, minty, bright against my desensitized tongue.

I blink again, trying to focus my eyes as I recollect the events of the day. I notice a slight ache in my head, and remember the fact that I was drunk.

Embarrassment heats my face, the automatic memory of Zhongli's disappointment in me springing to the forefront. I hide in the cup of tea, willing myself to forget.

It's a useless effort.

Though, as memories come back in, I come to a conclusion: I owe Zhongli my thanks, and maybe another apology.

I tilt the cup of tea back, finishing it despite its temperature, then set the empty cup down on it's plate. I lift from bed, stumbling out to the living area, searching for what I want. I find him lounging, a book open in his hands. He hardly glances up at me, brows raised.

"How do you feel?" He asks.

I ignore the question, striding right for him. I plant a hand on his shoulder, swing my leg over his lap, then crawl on top of him, forcing my way into his hold. His arms come back together behind my back, keeping his book steady.

"Better." I finally mumble, once I'm in his lap.

"Yeah?" He asks.

"I'm better." I mumble, pressing my face into his neck, taking care to breathe in a way he can feel. "Thanks to you."

Close like this, I find the same feeling from earlier, a desire for his hands on me, running along my body, the desire to be wanted. I tilt in closer, arching my spine to press our bodies flush. I land a hand on his chest, and slowly drag it down his abdomen.

"Is that so?" Zhongli asks back, voice low, breathy.

I nod into his neck. "You took care of me..." I continue, dragging my hand lower with my goal in mind, resting my fingertips against his belt. "Now I want to take care of you—" My hand ghosts lower, until I'm resting my palm flat against where his cock sits.

I only make it that far before Zhongli's hand covers mine, stopping my movement, pulling it back. I tilt my head back, looking at him with a confused pout. This is the second time he's stopped me. His face is calm, neutral other than the slight uptick in the corner of his lips, his lowered eyes flicking down my face in a controlled way.

"You can't have everything you want." He says, voice low enough my stomach tightens.

He drops my hand from his hold, lifting his own hand to brush my hair from my face. He grazes his fingers against my cheek, holding his eyes on me until I falter, tucking my chin down, embarrassment burning my skin.

He immediately catches my chin, tilting my face back up.

"What am I supposed to do with you?" He says, then sighs, pressing his thumb to my lower lip. "You disobeyed our contract, broke my trust and—" His eyes flick across my face, calculating. "—you need to be punished for it."

I swallow, retracting my hands to myself, curling them in the loose fabric of the shirt I'm wearing, unable to look at up at him. This isn't what I expected, but—

"I'm sorry." I mumble, tilting my hips to press against his lap, keeping my legs spread. "You can—"

"No." Zhongli says as his other hand drops to my hip, his fingers digging into the soft flesh to hold me in place. "What kind of discipline is that?" He asks. "Giving you exactly what you want—" He leans in toward me, until his lips hover next to mine. "Exactly what you're desperate for—" His hand slides up my side, to the bottom of my ribs. "—aren't you?"

I whine, nodding, breaking my thin restraint to roll my hips, pressing our bodies together as close as I can without him being inside of me.

"Please—" I breathe out, not above begging.

Zhongli's hands both drop to my hips, stilling my movement. He handles me with his firm grip, until I'm forced off of his lap. He moves my hips into place, sitting me down on his thigh. He holds me there, his expression relaxed as he stares me down.

"Why don't you show me? Show me how desperate you are." He says.

His leg lifts, pressing against everything bare between my legs, giving a moment of pressure. I nearly buckle, relief and arousal curling in my stomach as I finally feel him stimulate me. Then, he stops. I buck my hips, grinding myself against his thigh, chasing to find the same pressure again.

"That's it—" He coaxes out. "Just like that."

I warm under the praise, looking up at him through my lashes, continuing to move my hips, fucking myself against his clothed thigh. All I have the mind to do is roll my hips, my breaths coming out heavier, cut only by soft moans, the pressure between my legs from my movement enough to stimulate my clit.

"Such a pretty sight—" Zhongli continues, watching me. "—getting yourself off on my thigh." At that, his thigh lifts again, the pressure enough to pull another whine from my throat

His lips twitch to smile as he hears it, his thumbs hooking into the hem of my shirt. He pulls it up, just barely, not far enough to expose more than my thighs. He lifts his leg again, pressing until I gasp, clenching around his thigh with my own.

He relaxes his leg as I whimper, leaning in toward him. My hips buck, grinding at a more rapid pace, arousal burning low in my abdomen. I whine, lifting one hand to his bicep, curling my fingers around it, holding on to steady myself.

Zhongli tilts his chin back, watching me through half-lidded eyes.

"I bet you can cum just from my thigh, can't you?" He asks.

I nod, swallowing around my tongue, struggling to keep my eyes open as I roll against his thigh in a rhythm, fighting to stimulate my clit, everything between my legs dripping wet as it slides together.

"Pathetic little girl." Zhongli sighs out. "Undisciplined, so easy to make finish." He lifts a hand, sliding it up my thigh, until he's holding my waist with the shirt hitched up around his wrist.

He exposes me with the motion, his eyes turning down to watch me grind myself against his thigh with short desperate movements.

"I bet you feel good, don't you?" He asks, briefly flicking his eyes back up to my face. "Do you want something?"

I whimper, nodding, the movement of my hips losing rhythm, unevenly jerking against his thigh.

"Use your words." He says back.

"Please— please— let me cum— let me— let me cum—" I breathe out, eyes fluttering shut as I chase the pleasure.

"Not yet. Keep going." Zhongli says back. "I want to hear you keep begging... those little noises you let out when you're desperate."

I blink my eyes back open, searching his face as I nod. Though his expression remains calm, there's a flush collecting on his cheeks. And, when I look down, I see his cock is standing to attention, the fabric of his pants tight around the length. I whimper out another moan, twisting my hand in the fabric of his shirt on his bicep, changing the pace of my hips to move faster, the pleasure drawing me in.

Zhongli lets out a noise, holding my hip tighter to slow my movement. He leans in, pressing a kiss to my neck, the warmth of his mouth catching my heart in my throat as his lips continue, brushing along my jaw, until he reaches my ear.

"I can tell what you want." He says, voice low. "You always spread your legs for me, beg me to fuck you, like you deserve it." He moves in closer, nipping my earlobe. "Slow down." He demands.

I'm quick to listen, changing the movement of my hips to slow, intentional rolls, careful to stimulate everything between my legs with each movement. He lifts his leg between mine, pressuring until I whimper, arching my back to move with him.

"Such a pretty noise." Zhongli sighs out, relaxing his leg and leaning back again to watch me. "You can be such a good girl when you listen to me."

My eyes flutter shut, heat warming my chest as I bloom from the praise. I move my hips with intent, pleasure at the forefront of my mind.

"Please—" I beg again. "Let me cum, please sir—" The honorific slips off my tongue, followed by a breathless moan.

Zhongli responds with a pleased noise, his hands tensing on my hips.

"Go ahead." He finally assents. "Ruin yourself with nothing but my thigh. Let me see it."

Permission is all it takes, my entire body rocking as I roll against his thigh the final few times, crashing into an orgasm that grips my muscles tight enough I tremble.

I lift from his knee with a broken moan, tilting forward, arching my back as I succumb to my climax.

As I still tremble, coming down from the high, my breathes panted, Zhongli releases my hip, moving to press his hand between my legs. His other hand hooks into the fabric of my shirt, pulling it above my navel, displaying my body to him. His fingers slide against my pussy, eased by the collecting slick. They feel blunt, spreading me open, then—

I gasp as his fingers press to my clit. My still cum sensitive pussy flutters, gripping on air. My body is torn between pressing into it, or jerking away in over-sensitivity. My thighs twitch, abdomen held tight enough to hurt.

"Look at you." Zhongli sighs out, his eyes locked between my legs. "Such a mess just from riding my thigh— spread open like that's all you're good for." He moves his fingers, gently pressing his index and middle to circle my clit, playing with me despite the way I twitch in oversensitivity.

"You're beautiful like this." He breathes. "I can't imagine how beautiful you'll look when I'm inside of you." He says, then finally retracts his hands, landing them both on his belt as he carefully works to unbuckle and open it.

His fingers move quick, intentional, knowledgeable in the way he undoes the clasp. He doesn't go further than that, instead lifting his hand to catch my wrist, pulling it toward his lap. I whine, taking control back as my hand is guided, fumbling to push into his undergarments, wrapping my hand around his cock. He lifts his hips, helping me adjust further, until his cock is free, flushed red with blood, painfully hard, resting against his stomach, exposed.

My stomach tightens just looking at Zhongli's cock. I'm up before I realize I am, sinking to the ground on my knees, directly between his legs. He watches me with a relaxed smile, his eyes half lidded. I wrap my hand around the base of his cock, steadying it as he lifts a hand to cup my cheek, helping me guide in. I push my tongue out, making contact with the head of his cock first. I lap at the slit, the taste of his skin salty on my tongue.

Zhongli's stomach twitches, his cock pulsing in my hand as I finally stimulate him back. I lower my eyes, staring only at his cock, then lean all the way in, taking him into my mouth with a soft moan.

I hear a breathy noise from above me, quiet, and force myself to take his cock deeper, feeling it throb against my tongue.

"Perfect— such a perfect girl—" Zhongli praises, running his fingers through my hair, petting me before he grips again, holding tight. "You know just how to make me feel good— so pretty with my cock down your throat—" He moans again as my mouth tightens. I fight to relax my throat, desperate to take him deeper.

I rock my hips against nothing, like I'm still sat on Zhongli's thigh, moans high in my throat vibrating around his cock. I can feel the arousal between my legs, cascading down my thighs, creating even more of a mess as I move my mouth on his cock, sloppy, focused only on making him feel good as I move my head.

I'm doing well if the constant low moans from Zhongli mean anything.

"Just like that—" He continues to praise. "So good—"

I flutter my eyes shut, forcing myself to take him into my throat again, curling my tongue along the shaft of his cock to follow a vein. His cock throbs against my tongue, his abdomen twitching above me. It lasts for only a moment before a hand lands in my hair, holding tight, pulling me off.

I look at Zhongli with a pout, noticing he looks fucked out of his mind, slowly blinking back at me. I move forward, pushing my tongue out, leaning in open mouthed, desperate for the taste of cum down my throat.

I look up at Zhongli through my lashes, begging with my eyes.

He huffs, blinking down at me. "Not yet." He says. "You don't deserve it yet."

Before I can protest, he releases me, moving his hands back to relax on his thighs.

"Up." He demands.

I nod, swallowing around my nerves, lifting back to my feet on unsteady legs. Zhongli's eyes flick down to my thighs, the slick coating them, glinting in the lowlight. His hands move toward me again, landing on my hips, tugging me closer between his legs. Once he's satisfied with my position, he lifts his hands to unbutton the shirt I'm wearing.

He does each button slowly, intentionally, revealing a new line of skin down my chest, down my stomach, following it with his eyes, until he opens the shirt, putting my body fully on display. I fight to not shy away as he drags his eyes along me, his jaw tensing in restraint.

He doesn't hold for long.

Zhongli's arms wrap my waist, pulling me even closer as he leans in, landing his lips on my stomach. His breath is hot as he drags his mouth across my abdomen, pressing a kiss when he sees fit.

I lift my arms, curling them around his shoulders to cradle his head, one of my knees lifting to rest on his thigh. He keeps one arm wrapped around my waist, tight, holding me in place. He drops the other, pushing his hand back between my legs. This time, he has a goal in mind, his rough fingers sliding against the soft skin of my pussy just to wet them, before pushing them further back, until the pads of his fingers just rest at my entrance.

I pull in a sharp breath, my legs tensing in anticipation for him to finally be inside of me, even if it's just his fingers. His mouth moves again, up my ribs, to my chest, his breath hot against my breast, his tongue pushing out to lap at my nipple just as— ah.

I gasp, my body tensing as Zhongli's fingers finally push in, two sinking into me, stretching me out as he curls them up, petting my insides. He distracts me by rolling my nipple with his teeth, a pleased noise low in his throat as I react, arching toward his stimulation, melting into his control.

His fingers are slow, careful to not hurt me as he pumps them in and out of me. I flutter my pussy, gripping down, desperate to feel him deeper. I lift my hands, carding them into his hair to hold tight, still cradling his head as he moves his mouth of my breast up to my collar, scraping with his teeth.

I feel the pressure of another finger resting at my entrance and tense my thighs, already stretched tight. His lips move higher, pressing a kiss to the base of my neck as the only warning I get before the third finger pushes in, pulling a whimper from low in my throat.

Zhongli keeps his stimulation gentle, darting his tongue out to drag it up the tendon of my neck, sinking his fingers back into me, stretching me with the taper of his fingers' girth. I tug his hair tight, tight enough to pull him from my neck, forcing him to tilt his head back and look at me. His expression is dark, unsated, desire apparent. I take panted breaths, staring back down at him as I milk his fingers.

"Please—" I breathe out. "Please, sir."

It's all it takes, the corner of Zhongli's lips twitching to smile as he pulls his fingers out of me, dragging a wave of slick with them. I tilt my head down to watch as he leads that hand to his lap, wrapping it around his cock, pumping and wetting the length.

His hand on my waist drops down my hip, guiding me to turn my back to him. He holds tight, lifting and handling me until I'm spread on his lap, my knees planted to either side of his, his mouth pressed to my shoulder. He wraps my waist from behind, holding me in place to his chest.

His other hand stays on his cock, guiding to press the head of it to my pussy. He slides against me, dragging the tip through everything sensitive, before lining up with my entrance. He holds his cock steady, kissing along the length of my shoulder, to my neck, waiting with his lips pressed to my ear.

"Go ahead." He breathes out. "Take it."

I swallow, nodding, looking down my abdomen, staring at his cock where it connects with me. I lift my hands, curling them around the arm he's wrapped my waist with, digging in with my nails to hold tight as I shift my hips, sinking down on his cock. I feel his stomach tighten against my back, a jagged breath escaping his lips as I finally envelop him, lowering onto his cock until I'm resting in his lap, our bodies fully connected.

I only pause for a moment, small moans slipping from my mouth as I adjust to finally being stretched on his cock. I can't help but move, lifting my knees to bounce in his lap, fucking myself.

Zhongli's sucks in a breath once I move, sharp, tightening the hand he has on my waist to hold me in place.

"Not yet." He says, voice low, restrained. "You don't deserve it yet. Sit." He demands.

I whine, fluttering my pussy along the length of his cock, just barely shifting my hips to keep stimulated.

"Please—" I beg again, desperate to move.

"No." He says back, firm in his resolve. "I want to see how desperate you can get—" His free hand drops between my legs, sliding against my pussy to explore where I'm stretched on his cock.

"Keep begging." He sighs out, dragging his fingers to my clit, evenly pressuring.

"Please, I— ah—" I draw in a sharp breath as his mouth continues to move against my shoulder, tightening down on the skin, sucking to bruise.

I whine as he loosens his mouth, dragging his tongue along the mark to soothe it, then moves higher, sucking another.

"I—I—" I swallow around my noises, hips fighting to move as Zhongli keeps me held in place. "I want you to feel good— please—" I manage to gasp out. "Let me— let me make you feel good—"

Zhongli makes a noise, low, that rumbles his chest where it's pressed to my back. He moves his arm from my waist up, dragging his fingers into my soft skin that gives under his touch, up to my neck. He circles my neck with his hand, his palm flat to my throat. His chin hooks over my shoulder, tilting down so he can watch the muscles of my abdomen tense, his fingers still playing between my legs. The hand on my throat tightens, holding me still, until there's a fuzz in my brain, intoxicating in the way he's controlling me.

"I do feel good." He breathes out. "—watching you like this— trembling little thing—" He squeezes the sides of my throat tight, speeding his fingers to a stutter against my clit.

I whimper, entire body pulling tight enough to shake, being forced toward another orgasm quicker than I can handle.

"You can't even control yourself— all those noises— you're so reactive." He tapers off, voice low.

He slows his fingers to more intentional strokes, dragging my orgasm out of me. I shout, eyes rolling back as the feeling overtakes. I dig into his arms with my nails, shaking through it as I cum in waves. It pulses through my abdomen, making me tighten on his cock. He goes until it's too much, continuing to pet my clit even as my hips jerk, whines constant in my throat, body arching away from the stimulation in oversensitivity.

"Please— sir—" I beg again, whining as tears collect in my eyes.

"You should see yourself—" He continues speaking, unfazed despite the way his fingers finally move from my clit, dragging up to rest his palm flat to my twitching abdomen.

I swallow, fighting to open my eyes, head rolling back, thoughts fuzzy.

"I want—" I start, mumbling. "I want to make you feel good— please fuck me—" I beg.

Zhongli huffs a laugh against my back. "So," he starts, soft, "You want—" His hips adjust, his arm steadying me as he finally snaps his hips up, fucking into me once.

It pulls a guttural moan from my throat, my mentality lost as I melt in his hands.

"—this?" He asks, rocking his hips against my ass before pulling back and snapping them again.

I whimper, managing to nod despite the way my head rolls back.

"Yeah— yes—" I mewl out, completely pliant in his hands.

Zhongli hums in consideration, tightening his grip on my hips to hold me still, then finally fucks himself into me, rolling his hips in a rhythm. The room fills with the sound of our skin connecting, my wanton moans a constant that he meets with heavy breaths of his own, unwavering as he fucks himself up into my lax body.

His endurance might be the death of me, his thrusts never stopping as I bounce in his lap from the force he's using to fuck into me, nearly just along for the ride, holding on tight.

I try to last, but don't make it long before the threat of an orgasm builds again, low in my abdomen.

"I'm—" I whimper out, thighs tensing where they bracket him, before crashing into another orgasm.

It rips through my body, hard enough to hurt, every muscle feeling exhausted, weak. Zhongli's hips never slow. Instead, he fucks into me harder, even as I feel myself cry out, face wet from tears and saliva, digging my nails into his arm deep enough to draw blood.

"Please— please— Zhongli—" I whine, tapping his arm, begging for a moment of mercy.

"Pathetic." Zhongli sighs out from behind me, though, he slows his hips to a stop, holding my stomach as I fight to catch my breath.

I try to relax, fluttering around the length of his cock buried inside of me. I realize, sitting down, his lap is soaked. I must have—

"What a messy thing." Zhongli observes first, rocking his hips against me.

"I'm sorry." I whimper out, flexing my numb fingers, trying to get a handle on myself. "I keep— I— it hurts— it's— I'm sorry."

"We can stop." He says, voice finally soft. "If that's what you want."

I'm quick to shake my head, refusing to finish until he's cum, until I've pleased him. I lift my own hips, fighting the ache in my thighs to ride, rolling back into his lap.

Zhongli hums, pleased, pressing his lips to my shoulder. "Good girl." He breathes out. "That's why you're mine."

I nod, moans high, whined, fighting my own body to ride his cock. I move in rough, jerky motions, lifting as far out of his lap as I can manage, sure to drag the full length of his cock out until the head catches my entrance, then sink back down.

I'm encouraged by the noises that start to slip from Zhongli, low, exhaled moans that come in tandem with each bounce. I steady myself, arching my back to ride with as much fervor as I can muster, colliding with his lap as I bounce.

Zhongli's hands begin to tense, his moans more frequent, his stomach tight against my back. It's almost a relief when his hips snap up, colliding into my movement, his cock jerking to flood warmth low in my belly as he exhales a shuddered moan against my shoulder, throbbing inside of me.

Shaking, I lift to my knees, only for Zhongli to pull me right back into place.

"I'm not done with you." He says, voice steady. "You're staying right here. I'll use you again when I feel like it."

I whimper, nodding. I can feel myself throbbing, milking his cock that remains buried inside of me, the mess between us growing.

Zhongli settles back, one arm still looping my waist, the other reaching to his side, lifting the book he was reading earlier.

It's humiliating, crumbling back to lean into his chest, eyes barely staying open, watching as he occupies himself by reading, all while his softening cock is buried inside of me, twitching every time I clench. Though, the break is needed, pain from oversensitivity fading.

He doesn't let me rest much, occasionally pausing only to fuck up into me, his cock growing increasingly hard as the time ticks on, until he's fully erect, rocking against me again. Though, he doesn't seem to react to it, instead continuing to read even as he tilts his hips hard enough noises slip from my throat.

Zhongli holds, unmoving, unwavering, keeping me split open on his cock until I'm throbbing, arousal low in my abdomen demanding I be fucked again. I squirm in his lap, clenching down, desperate for him to react, hold my hips, take what's his.

Instead, he reads his book like he doesn't feel it, feel me pulsing around his cock buried inside of me, cum and slick dripping from my thighs, my stomach warm where he's filled me.

Every movement becomes torture, every breath forcing his cock to move inside of me, teasing in the way it drags along everything sensitive. He continues to let his hips twitch, fucking his cock up into me with no real intent other than to make me whimper.

I only make it so long before I break, tilting my own hips, carefully lifting my knees to bounce in his lap in short, careful motions.

Zhongli notices.

"Did I give you permission?" He asks, voice low, freezing me in place.

I whine, shaking my head.

"N-no—" I mumble out.

Zhongli sighs, lifting his hands, slowly, carefully marking his page and setting the book down. His arm wraps my legs under my knees, lifting and holding them to my chest. His other wraps my waist, holding me in place, then, he stands, still inside of me, carrying me to his bedroom.

He releases me onto his bed on my stomach, keeping his cock locked inside. He presses a hand to the center of my upper back, holding me in place, then finally shifts his hips, pulling his cock out. I whine, clenching on air, feeling the cum-slick mixture pulse from my abused pussy, drooling out, across my clit and out onto the sheets.

Zhongli lets out a low noise at the sight, pressing his hand firmly against my back, before finally stepping away.

I whine once out of contact with him, shifting to flip to my back, look at him carefully slipping out of his clothes. He peels them off, layer by layer, until he's nude, then finally comes back to pay me attention. I lift my knees, keeping my thighs held together, watching as he watches me.

"You need to learn to obey me—" He sighs as he approaches, landing his hands on my thighs, pulling them apart. "You can't get out of trouble just by spreading your legs open and being my whore, no matter how much favor it wins you."

He digs into the soft flesh with his fingers, glancing down between my legs as he slots his cock against my pussy, sliding against it. His fingers hook into the shirt I still have on, roughly jerking the fabric to tear it off my body, until we're both nude.

Zhongli's hips roll, dragging his cock along everything sensitive while he stares at me, a mess in his sheets, twisting my hands and panting, begging for more.

"No one wants a disobedient girl—" He sighs out, shifting his hands up to my hips and holding on tight. He tugs, dragging me down the sheets until my ass hangs over the edge of his bed. He stands between my thighs, leaning in toward me, holding my spread legs upright.

"I'm— sorry—" I choke out again. "I'm sorry, sir."

Zhongli inhales, slow, restrained, staring down at my face. He shifts his hips back, until just the tip of his cock is pressed to me. He moves his hand until he can wrap the base, guiding it lower between my legs until the head rests just at my entrance.

"Beg." He says, low.

I whimper, nodding, a repeated 'please' spilling from my mouth like breath. I rock my hips, feeling the head of his cock catch as it slides against my pussy, desperation taking over the way I lift my hips, until I'm begging with my body, too.

Zhongli slips into a pleased smile, watching me break beneath him, until his hands tighten on my body again, holding me in place.

"You're such a good girl when you listen." He praises, then finally shifts in, pushing his cock inside of me.

I gasp as I feel him enter, eyes rolling back, scrambling to wrap his hips with my legs. My hands lift to my chest, curling there.

I brace as Zhongli drags his cock out, just in time for him to snap his hips forward, fucking into me hard enough I drag up the sheets. There's no mercy in his pace, the snap of his hips rough, colliding into me as he grips my thighs, trying to hold me in place.

I moan with each thrust, pulsing in tandem with the drag of his cock inside of me. I know I look like a mess, but I'm not present enough to care, instead focused on panting through my breaths as he fucks himself into me, the sound of our skin connecting filling the room.

The drag of his cock is perfect, stimulating everything inside of me, keeping me stretched open. I keep moaning, desperate, held tilted back, barely present enough to watch Zhongli fuck himself into me through my lashes.

I have to tilt my chin back, guttural moans carving my throat, entire body pulling tight as Zhongli fucks me like it's nothing. An ache starts in my core, forcing me to grip harder on his cock. It's a familiar tension in my muscles, dragging me closer to an orgasm, his cock pounding against every sensitive spot.

"I'm— I can't—" I sigh out, turning my face into my shoulder through my whimpered moans.

"Already?" Zhongli asks, never slowing the roll of his hips. "Pathetic mewling thing—" He moans himself, guiding his hand to wrap my throat, loosely holding it, digging his other hand into my thigh.

I whimper through my moan, too embarrassed to look at him, the roll of an orgasm building low in my stomach, close enough to hurt.

"I'm—" I manage to whimper out, before cascading into an orgasm, pussy fluttering around the length of Zhongli's cock.

"So quick." He chastises, seemingly unaffected.

I can feel my body trembling with the effort, it takes to be fucked, constant mewled moans spilling from my throat. I feel messy, used, my hands curling against my chest as he continues to fuck into me. The drag of his cock overstimulates, my cum sensitive pussy making me desperate enough that my thighs fight to close, preserve what's between them.

Zhongli refuses it, dropping both hands to hold my thighs tight, keeping me spread.

"No." He chastises, breathless. "You'll take it until I'm done."

I mewl out, desperate, darting both of my hands down to hold his forearms, digging in with my nails, jerking my hips as his movement never stops.

"Please—" I beg, not even sure what I'm asking for at this point, shaking with the effort, head rolling back on my shoulders. "I'm sorry, sir— please— please— it hurts— I'm sorry—"

I look up to Zhongli, pleading with my eyes. It takes a moment, but his expression finally softens, his thrusts slowing until he's resting with his hips flush to my ass, I continue to tremble, clenching around his paused cock. I jump as his hand connects to my chest, his rough skin tenderly dragging down my ribs and abdomen.

He goes to my own hands, prying them from his arms, lifting them until they're above my head. He slots his hand against mine, threading our fingers together, squeezing tight. The motion grounds me, preparing me for when hips rock, gently stimulating me with his cock again.

"You can do it." Zhongli sighs out, rocking himself into me, carefully moving his hips. "Just keep taking my cock like my good girl." He squeezes my hand with his as he talks, tilting his hips back to drag the full length of his cock out of me before fucking it back in.

"You're perfect—" He praises, even as my eyes roll back, "Such a— such a good girl."

I warm under the praise, blinking up at Zhongli as I come back to my body, stretched open on his cock.

"I'm—" I mumble out, disoriented.

He holds me tighter, leaning in to catch my lips. He exhales against them before we meet, kissing me with an even pressure. I arch into it, heart thumping as I warm from the affection.

Zhongli pulls back, hovering his lips next to mine as he speaks.

"You can do it—" He breathes out. "That's my girl."

I tilt my head back, eyes fluttering shut as I relax against the mattress. The drag of his cock in and out of me continues, gentler than before. He rolls his hips against me, breathy moans of his own escaping, a relaxed look on his face.

Zhongli squeezes my hand tight, a grounding motion, before his hips speed, chasing. I lift my shaking legs, wrapping his hips and holding on for the ride, my lax body dragging up the sheets, until, finally, his thrusts lose rhythm again, stuttered movement matching the moaned noises from low in his throat. I watch his face, until his expression breaks, the surrender of ecstasy taking over. There's a catch in his breath, noises low in his throat all warning whats to come.

I flutter around his pulsing cock as it finally jerks, flooding my stomach, his hand holding mine tight enough to hurt.

He watches my face as he cums, looking relaxed, before coming down, meeting my lips with his hips resting flush to my ass. I'm kissed hard enough my head tilts back into the sheets, trembling body otherwise pliant in his hands. He handles me up the bed, to the center, carefully to stay inside of me. I sigh as he relaxes, pressing me into the mattress with his weight, coming down from the high as our bodies continue to rock together, no real chase for pleasure in the movement, just a desire for closeness.

"I'm proud—" Zhongli starts, pressing another kiss to my lips. "—so proud to call you mine."

I muster just enough energy to smile, lifting my hands to thread them into his hair and hold him against my lips a moment longer, before I fully collapse, exhausted.

Looking up at Zhongli, wrapped in his arms, I watch his face soften. The severity of his expression eases, tension melting from him, until he finally seems relaxed.

"I'm sorry." I mumble again, quiet. "I'm sorry for breaking the contract."

Zhongli smiles, soft, bringing a hand up to cup my face, running his thumb along my cheek.

"I forgive you." He says. "It was a mistake."

His hand lifts from my face, grabbing one of my hands at the wrist. He places it above my head, curling his fingers around the bracelet he gave me to signal our bond.

"If you choose to do it again... I won't hesitate to remind you that you belong to me." He says, pressing a kiss to the corner of my lips.

I nod, eyes barely open, body sinking into the exhaustion that envelops it, finally feeling settled with the spoken forgiveness.

I would never get drunk in the middle of the day.

—but, if it means getting punished like this...

I might repeat the mistake.

#genshin x reader #genshin smut #genshin fic #genshin impact #genshin #genshin zhongli #zhongli x reader #zhongli smut #zhongli x y/n #zhongli

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iyeonjuni · 2 years ago

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till death do us part — six: till it shall become alike

synopsis: in modern day where the country of decelis is governed by a constitutional monarchy, y/n never would have thought that she would get tangled up in the affairs with the king. nevertheless form a contractual marriage with him— each for their own benefit.

word count: 1.3k (+smau in the end)

warnings: mention of death

prev / masterlist / next

Eun and Y/N never had the greatest relationship to begin with. They were polar opposites, and desired different things. Y/N knew Eun was greedy, but it was only after their father passed had Eun and her mother kicked her out of the house to fend for her own.

Life had never been easy at this point, crashing at Sunoo’s dorm for almost months until the rent got a bit too high for him as well causing them to move out and rent a smaller place along with Jungwon and Niki who had experienced the same.

Nothing but the sounds of the clock hands ticking could be heard in the store. Y/N had managed to catch the prying reporters during their lunch break, allowing her to sneak into the coffee shop without interruption. There were a few customers who kept looking over her way but none other than that she managed to avoid all eye contact as possible. Now all she could focus on was the smell of coffee beans and Jungwon clashing cups left and right in the sink.

“Be careful! They’re expensive.” Y/N flinched as she heard another cup fall into the sink. Though she couldn’t be mad too long as Jungwon flashed her a dimpled apologetic smile before returning to his dishwashing duties.

Y/N kept pondering over Eun’s message. She knew that she would go lengths for money, just to boost her reputation up. Ever since she knew her, she had always desired for status— from her job to her appearance she had to look like she was above them all, even though she was nothing but a mere court lady who wears fakes most of the time.

And it bothered Y/N every time she would ask her for thousands and thousands, at first Y/N was lenient and it grew worse and worse. Eun did feed her once, but it didn’t compare to the amount of money she was requesting from her. But what she couldn’t stand was that she would threaten the people around her, blackmail Y/N with her relationship to her and many other secrets that Y/N did not want anyone to know.

It seems like the reporters had left the premises having no information to lead from. Y/N was slightly thankful that they didn’t pry too much— the umbrella having covered most of her face in the picture taken. But Y/N couldn’t help but feel nervous, she knew it would be the matter of time that Decelis would find out who she was.

Looking at the clock she noticed that it was almost noon, Y/N began preparing the lunch menu for the store.

“Hey Y/N, I’m going to head to the break room for lunch.” Jungwon took off his apron after leaving the last cup on the drying rack.

“Did you bring your lunch today?” Y/N leaned against the cashier counter, writing down the sales they had made earlier today.

“Yeah, some sandwiches!” Jungwon smiled brightly before entering the room leaving Y/N to tend the coffee shop on her own.

Y/N started erasing the chalkboard and began writing down the menu along with little drawings to compliment the dish they were serving. It’s just then the bell rings the store, leaving Y/N to turn back towards the door to welcome the customer who had just walked in. Her jaw dropped, and her hand reached to cover her mouth.

“You must be her.”

Holy shit, it’s the Queen Dowager.

“Your majesty.” Y/N bows to her, head refusing to lift. Y/N had never been in a situation like this— nevertheless, stood in front of the highest ranking officials of the palace. She had only seen the Queen Dowager on television, and she looked even more elegant in person.

“Are you Y/N?” The Queen Dowager questioned, causing Y/N to lift up her head in confusion. Why would the Queen Dowager be looking for her out of all people? It was just then she heard the lightbulb flick in her head.

The scandal.

“Yes.” Y/N nodded hesitantly and looked at the royal standing before her. Her face was unreadable. If Y/N were to overanalyse the Queen Dowager’s actions, it would seem like she’s looking down at her with her chin held up high, the way she’s holding her breath seemed like she was trying to suppress her emotions. But either way, the Queen Dowager had asked her to sit in front of her and so she did.

“I’m sure you know why I’m here. I just wanted to ask…are you and my son-” The Queen Dowager questioned carefully.

“Oh no! I just offered an umbrella because it was raining.” Shit. I just interrupted her. Y/N thought.

“Well…” The Queen Dowager continues signalling the bodyguard behind her with a flick of her wrist. “...will this change your mind?”

The bodyguard opened the briefcase, and Y/N gasped. Never in her life had she seen stacks of money from the highest amount a note could have. She had only seen this in the movies, and now it’s all unfolding right in front of her. Though, Y/N couldn’t help but feel confused…why is she being offered money?

“Sorry your Majesty, I don’t quite understand-”

“Marry my son.” The Queen Dowager gets straight to the point.

“I’m sorry your majesty, not to be rude but-” Y/N furrowed her brows, unsure if what she heard was correct, “Excuse me?”

“You see, the Palace had never had any scandals before, yes?”

Y/N slowly nods at her words, afraid that any type of reaction would make the other react badly.

“...This is because we admit to the things we do, to build trust with the people of Decelis.” The Queen Dowager explains, “Hence, we have decided to do the same.”

The Queen Dowager pushes the briefcase a little closer to Y/N, diverting her attention away from her to the stacks of money, “Marry my son, and you can have this…” she gestures to the briefcase, “as well as the title of being Queen…I’m sure someone like you would want that right?”

Y/N could not believe her ears, because how could the Queen Dowager consider her out of all people? Even though she understood that the Decelis reporters would find out about her identity soon, it didn’t make any sense for her to be married just like that?

Y/N contemplates, she needed the money to help her friends. She also needed the money for Eun to lay off her back. She knew accepting bribery wouldn’t make her a good person, but the yellow stacks had made it difficult for Y/N to tear her eyes away from.

But Y/N is a prideful person, and she knew if she accepted it her life would change drastically and she was afraid of the consequences that would come from it.

“Uh-”

Y/N’s phone vibrates from the table causing her to take a peek from the corner of her eye. Her notifications blowing up causing it to buzz every second. Y/N notices the messages from Eun and reads each message, eyes widening at each text she receives. With clenched fists and huff, she looks over to the Queen Dowager.

“Deal.”

The Queen Dowager smiles delightly and reaches a hand towards Y/N’s back patting it lightly.

“You’ve made the right choice, we’ll pick you up tomorrow.”

Y/N bows and watches the royal leave along with her bodyguard. As soon as she was out of sight, Y/N sighs in relief— the nervousness built inside her completely free from the confines of her body. Y/N angrily grips her phone and starts replying to Eun’s messages. After the whole ordeal, Y/N felt slightly more bolder than she was before.

If one was greedy, two can play the same game.

a/n: it’s getting serious now .. what is yn hiding gasps

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noro-noro-noro · 2 years ago

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the first part wasn’t darkest dungeon it was just driving around

i was driving my sister somewhere along some back roads that looked kinda like the ones we can take to get to walmart but also a bit more green & nicer. anyway we ended up in some person’s house. i could see their personal information floating above their head for a moment formatted like a reddit AITA post or something like [Whatever their name was] (NB 29) & i was like okay. anyway their house was cluttered with like old timey lanterns & overgrown plants in glass vases & also like random mechanical parts. I was kind of uncomfortable being there bc I don’t think I was quite a guest, I was just leaning on their hospitality, & they also had a very neutral -_- affect in all things they did. It had been morning-ish before, but now it was night, & they offered me some chicken that was really good & not dry for once & I was like WOW this shit BANGS & they were like “oh...you like it..? hm. here, then.” & gave me a take out container & i was like oh my god...more chicken... all while lit with like oil latnern lighting.

they also gave me a tree?? from their yard??? like a fairly large black walnut tree. when i picked it up (it was magically light) i got a flashback of seeing somebody’s grandparents plant it on their land. i told my sister to please hold it still in the back of my car so we wouldn’t be overbalanced, but she wasn’t doing it so i ended up letting her drive and i just hold the tree (my car had no roof now) (i also wouldn’t let my sister drive my car through no fault of her own bc she has her own car i just would rather do it. if i am in my car i’m driving it).

we took the tree back home to mom’s house. the NB 29′s house was somehow closer to home on the way back rather than the way there. it was now just around noon-1pm, & i was like i think i have to get to work....

then came the darkest dungeon part. this was probably definitely influenced by the beau is afraid trailer which i watched like right before going to sleep bc i wanted to see if i’d forgotten anything from the first time i saw the trailer in theaters (i hadn’t) anyway it was a scenario where FIRST i was in my civics & economics class from highschool, taught by my favorite teacher. the classroom was different. anyway AFTER a pop quiz about some shit i dont’ remember, THEN i got warped to the darkest dungeon universe.

first the hag ran some kind of fake orphanage, taking in heroes that were “abandoned” on their journeys (aka the rest of the team died. mysteriously.) & then raised them up so nicely to eat them later. there was like an inside of the house exploration & observation of her schedule in the DD style, whcih i would love to remember how that played out but alas! anyway the character i was as was dismas, but i also got a jester & plague doctor in on my plans. the escape plan was nearly a success, but there was a scripted failure check at the very last bit, which alerted the hag. MEGAHAG had increased damage & some kind of execute mechanic once she applied 5 or 6(?) stacks of something to an ally & the ally fell under 40%HP, which made fighting her even worse. i think she lost her self-heal though. also no cauldron. for every ally that was executed though the other characters gained an extra action per turn. the PD died first, & then the jester failed a deathblow resist on blight, but dismas was able to escape.

then before i could abandon mission, he ended up in some fungus world run by yelloiwsh blue green mushroom people. they were taller than him & kind of looked like the broccoli guy from botw but lacked his cuteness. he was taken in by one family for a long time & helped out for a while, but the “brother” of the family revelaed that he used to be a human until he was taken in as well & then slwoly turned into a mushroom man. also he started a relationship with dismas but also encouraged him to escape. the family understood & agreed bc they remembered seeing their “son” become miserable as he realized he was a mushroom man forever & couldn’t leave the grove and go back to his actual family. unfortunately dismas got hasty & left early before the signal & that fucked him over so bad he got stuck in a maze-like pit & pursued by mushroom guards. the escapes were all locked & he couldn’t go back the way he came, so it was just a futile game & a matter of time, but he kept running anyway untli they caught him & didn’t even grant him the mercy of a quick death with the sharp end of the spears, instead they beat him with the blunt end and then put spores in his head until his eyes exploded & fell out. he had 1 respawn & i was like oh okay maybe i can stop him fro leaving early this time, but it had quicksaved in the pit so all i could do was run away AGAIN. this is the part that stuck in my memory when i woke up & iw as like ugh...blegh....well time to go to work

unsettling and unpleasant dreams about new scenarios in darkest dungeon that.yiu can't escape from. you have to run until you die. and I have to get up

#dreams

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minzart · 3 years ago

Note

All I can imagine in the sga au is, Y/N falls in love with the sidekicks like all their plans fall apart when instead of falling in love with one of the boys, she is just spending time with Diablo feeding him giving him attention and similar things with the others. Even better if they know a lot about animals or creatures that the sidekicks are.

Yuu holding the henchmens: Don't talk to me or my children/honorary uncle ever again

Poor Grimm's gotta catch up or he's gonna be replaced

List of best sidekick to .... ok, from Yuu's perspective (till they meet them better):

Iago(gossip privilege), Iago made an amazing first impression to Yuu and overtime he just got more and more relaxed in their presence, so relaxed in fact that he started to hangout with Yuu to gossip the news constantly

He got into so many fights with Grimm bc he gets more pets than him, the bird just fakes stupidity when the monster cat trys to blame him for some chaos that happened when Yuu was away for five seconds. And seven have mercy on Ace and Deuce bc Iago will do the pleasure of roasting them constantly, while Yuu's away, and hide under their protection when things go out of the rails

Over time Iago just becomes a constant companion it's to keep an eye in the others, not bc he enjoys Yuu's company, no sir, not at all to Yuu during classes and breaks, together with the one brain cell trio, that Yuu starts to research more about his specie, now in lunch time, Iago may see himself with loads of fruits and vegetables as snacks, and somebody help him when he got so comfortable that he rolled his belly up to get some scratches may noone ever find out or he's in one hell of a teasing ride for the rest of his existence

As for Jamil I think he would see this more of an opportunity to bound with Yuu over Iago and his shenanigans, even if he gets jealous sometimes of how much attention Iago robs him of, Yuu would just gush about things Iago does when he think nobody is looking and Jamil would inform them about Iago's preferences, since the bird is with him for more time and die internally bc Yuu can just be so fucking adorable when they want to what the actual fuck

King of Hearts (pleasant funky old man), is becoming a pleasant uncle, every time Yuu goes to Heartslabyul he's there with a cup of tea and a friendly ear for their problems finaly a therapist for the unofficial therapist of this goddam school, he's very shy and doesn't have every solution for every problem, but just the fact he's willing to listen in silence is good enough, the Queen is this close of singgin the adoption papers

Riddle's a little conflicted, on one hand they are coming in their own will and spend a little bit more time with him than normal, on the other most times they are with the King, instead of him, having tea, he gets a little sad that yuu prefers the King's company over his, but he understands why the King is doing very good things for Yuu, and honestly some days Yuu comes to hang out specifically with him and he suspects the King may be a mastermind behind that shy exterior

Crow (just a pleasant Crow, best buddy), while Iago gets to hang out with Yuu during classes, Crow gets the domestic stuff, after all he's the mail boy and his duty is to delivery the letters, so he spends much time in Hamshackle with Yuu while they write the letters back, which can take some good time when inspirations doesn't strike

Crow is very affectionate after he gets used to Yuu, to the point were his mimicry ability can say Yuu's name, playing with their hair and even helping Yuu with simple things, he's a very smart boy, a little helper in the dorm, Grimm even got a motivation to be less lazy bc Yuu just showers Crow with praises every time he helps around

But of course, remember, he too is a smug little shit, messing with Grimm's tail is his favorite activity and the only time poor Grimm has a break is when the headmaster is around, it's a war between those two

Suddenly Dire Crowley gets so more useful, helping with the dorm and even getting Yuu gifts, in retaliation Crow just flexes his bird form privileges, getting gentle scratches from Yuu right in his face, but that's ok for the headmaster, the problem is when the praises come "aren't you so kind? Thanks Crow", That's HIS TITLE YOU-

Vil is quite surprised when Yuu comes asking him about Crow, he's so busy that he doesn't spend much time with him or Yuu sadly as it is, but Yuu's fascination catches his attention and he starts paying more attention and asking the evil queen for details on the bird, sharing cute pictures with Yuu ever saw the video of a crow playing in the snow?, he won't admit it, but in his bad days he hates how much Yuu is so entranced by that bird, he wonders if the little shit is plotting against him, which is proven absolutely wrong when Crow makes then hang out more than ever, even if Vil doesn't notice the master plan the bird brain is doing at the moment

Diablo (guardian angel and Yuu doesn't even suspect) is more reclused than Crow, watching Yuu from afar during the day, always ready to mess somebody's advice towards the child of man, he's quite chill, and if Yuu ever needs a time alone, he's the best choice for a companion, sitting in their lap doing happy noises as quietly as he can manage so not to disturb the peace

Night time is the best time to hangout with him, in the nights Malleus doesn't show up, Diablo does and has a little moment with Yuu in the forest, being in silence only forest noises as their atmosphere or hearing how Yuu's day went gathering info for more victims

Of all of them, Diablo has the best relation with Grimm, since the raven doesn't try to catch Yuu's attention constantly, and only shows up at night time, when Grimm is too tired to cause a fuss

As His and Yuu's bound grows, he gets bolder with the chaos he creates, now if Yuu ever briefly mentions a prank they desire to do, Diablo's eyes GLOW WITH EXCITEMENT and Yuu gets the impression that this raven really, really~ likes causing mayhem in his spare time as much as he likes stalking

Malleus doesn't even notices how much Yuu loves Diablo, until they mentioned missing the birds presence in their night walks, he gets pouty but he can manage, specialy if this gives him an excuse to talk more to Yuu, he asks Malleficent about the raven just so he can have more knowledge to share show off to Yuu who already knows what Malleus is saying

Pain & Panic (those shapeshifters imps that just get into constant trouble but are endearing) messed up one of the days they tried to spy on Yuu and got caught, Yuu is just so tired and used to all those animals appearing out of nowhere that they don't even care anymore, gives the two imps some lunch and gets to bed [the imps will now die for Yuu], and then the next day Yuu notices that those things maybe aren't animals

Pain unlucky strikes gets him in constant dangerous situations that Yuu helps him on instinct, and then they screams bc THATS A FUKING DEMON, and then they stop bc of fucking course demons exist in this world WHY WOULDN'T THEY. JUST LOOK AT GRIMM!

Panic... panics. But he's quickly calmed dow by Yuu's ability of: fake it till you make it, that gives them this aura of "I got everything under control" that calms anyone

The imps kinda hangout in Hamshackle some weekends, shapeshifting when convenient, which makes Yuu's day way more fun, they usualy give terrible advice and have half a brain cell in total, but are strangely endearing. The kindness Yuu shows them makes the two kinda forget what they are supose to be doing manipulating Yuu's view on the boys in favor of Idia

Idia isn't realy bothered by it... until he sees the boys doing the stupidity of encouraging Yuu's confession to somebody Idia has no idea who is, ohhohoho do they get a lecture from Hades and an unusual frustrated Idia, but those interactions give Idia an excuse on a crazy high of anger to get out of his room Hades thanking the fates in the distance to get pain and panic's asses back, which involves talking, in person, to Yuu congrats Idia you gave Yuu a reason to visit you besides gaming night

The hyenas (they didn't made a very cool first impression) their first impression was "trying" to eat Yuu so... yeah. Not a great start, so when Yuu visits Savanaclaw somedays later, they are... aware of the three hyenas, and the trio doesn't make it easier either, they like to mess with the herbivore, until Shenzi and Banzai found Ed being pampered by Yuu, this shifted their interaction to a more amicable one and then to "were are my favorites Boys and Girl!"

Yuu gets used to the diferent sounds the trio does that they can discern which one is "talking" before they even see their appearances, Shenzi tried to talk to them once, but magicless humans can't understand animal lenguage until Yuu falls to an unfortunate accident in potions class and gets beastmen characteristics, then it's another level

Leona doesn't like that he can smell the trios scent in Yuu, it gets annoying he can't leave his scent so why the three idiots can?, so his solution is to just pick the herbivore and lock them in a nap... that gets interrupted by the trio trying to get Yuu's attention they just settle in sleeping closer to them instead, then he asks Scar to give more work to the trio so he can spend more time with his herbivore alone

The eels (they look creeply at Yuu every time the go to Mostro Lounge) don't look exactly very friendly to Yuu and are constantly watching them with those big glowing eyes that are way more unsettling than Jade's or Floyd's ever was.

But with time and research they discover that some of the duo's habits is nothing creepy and only natural, the open and close jaw is for breathing, even if it looks more like they are chatting or plotting, the second set of jaws intrigues them to see it in action don't tell the Leech twins

So one day Yuu offers to feed them, and lo and behold Flotsam and JetSam can look creepy, but are oddly shy to a new person in their territory, days are needed for them to actually get closer to Yuu so they can play together, petting them and feeding while they entangle themselves in Yuu is surprisingly fun and relaxing, just got to be careful with the feeding part, their eyesight can be poor and accidents may happen

Ursula is pleased by how much her soon-to-be-in-law gets along with her boys, and Azul... is managing the jealousy inside him, that isn't enough to overcome his insecurities and show Yuu his cecaelia form more frequently, however their little smile and delight is enough to make him a little soft... next day he trys to persuade the duo into letting him make profit of them

#twst #twisted wonderland #sgs au #twst sgs au #spirits of the great seven au #yuu=Y/N=reader=MC=OC=you you chose :) I'm just used to use Yuu as the default name for every fic

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cherrycheridarling · 3 years ago

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happier | t.h.

tom holland x singer!reader

warnings: swearing and sad. fluff if you squint

summary: you wish tom the best with his new relationship in your new song. {listen to happier by olivia rodrigo (if you want)}

wc: 3.6k

'We broke up a month ago,'

"I've been thinking," your heart sunk at his words, "I'm always working." he grabbed both of your hands.

You locked your gaze in his. Sat in the living room of his shared flat. Inches apart yet you could already feel the separation between the two of you growing.

He avoided your eye contact, "I-I can't be in a relationship unless I can give one hundred percent of myself to the other person. A-and I know I haven't been doing that to you, which is c-completely unfair." he wiped away a tear from your cheek that you didn't know had fell, "You've been so, so good to me. I'm sorry I wasn't better, but I can't keep putting you through this." his voice was barely audible.

You finally tore your eyes away from his face. His tear soaked face. Choosing to stare at a spot over his shoulder instead. You took three deep breaths. In and out. Something about his words made you confused, but your pain overpowered it.

"Please say something. Anything." he whispered against your knuckles. Holding your hands to his lips.

You gently removed your hands from his grip, "Thank you for being mature and honest with me." you started with a sniffle, "Thank you for all of our memories and for showing me what love is," you cupped his face, "Thank you for everything, loser." your light laugh lacked any humour, but it still brought a slight smile to his face.

He held your hand that was resting on his jaw, "I love you more than life itself, darling." he kissed your palm and you felt your heart shatter. "Never hesitate to call, dummy."

You nodded with a sad smile. "I love you, too." You stood up and made your way out of the door. A year and a half down the drain within ten minutes.

'Your friends are mine, you know I know you moved on. Found someone new.'

"Do you guys wanna do something on Saturday? I don't have work. Maybe karaoke?" you asked the group without looking up from your phone.

Harrison made a confused noise, "Did you forget? We have Nadia's birthday par—" you heard a loud smack, "—Ow! What? Oh, shit."

You looked up to see Zendaya, Jacob, Harry, Sam and Tuwaine all glaring at Harrison.

"Absolute div." Tuwaine muttered.

You furrowed your eyebrows, "Who's Nadia?" you looked at all of them as they avoided eye contact. "Daya?"

She let out a long sigh before clearing her throat, "Um, Nadia is- Well she's kind of- you know, um—"

"—Tom's new girlfriend." Sam finished for her.

Your mouth formed an 'o' shape as you processed the information. His new girlfriend. It'd been a month and four days since he ended your relationship. And he had a new girlfriend.

It took him a month to move on. A month to be able to give a hundred percent of himself to someone.

You couldn't tell if you were more angry or sad. Maybe a mixture of both. Angry that your friends were hiding information from you, but at the same time you understood their intentions. Sad and upset because the boy who told you he wasn't ready to give a hundred percent of himself was already with someone new.

You slowly nodded, "Oh, okay. Well, I hope you guys have fun." you gave a tight lipped smile before looking back at your phone.

Everyone glanced at each other worriedly before allowing their gazes to fall on you again.

"How do you feel?" Jacob asked cautiously.

You locked your phone and set it on your lap, "I'm fine." you faked a smile, "I think I'm gonna head home, though. It's getting late and I have an early studio session. Bye." you quickly grabbed your purse and left with a small wave.

"Y/N! Wait—" the slamming of the front door cut Tuwaine off.

It was three p.m. and you weren't supposed to be in the studio until noon.

'One more girl who brings out the better in you,'

"Y/N/N. You need to talk about it sooner or later." Zendaya reminded you as she sat at the end of your bed with Harrison beside her.

You removed the covers from your face, revealing your tear stained cheeks, "Does she make him happy?"

There was silence from your two friends before they hesitantly nodded. Both weren't completely sure, but they assumed she did.

"Does she bring out the best version of him? Does she stroke his hair while they cuddle? Does she cook with him? Does she walk Tessa with him?"

Harrison sighed, "Y/N/N, we—"

"—Because that's what I did. I brought out the best side of him. I stroked his hair while we cuddled. I cooked with him. I walked Tessa with him. I did it all. Every single thing." your voice broke towards the end as you let the sobs rack through your body.

Harrison and Zendaya went to either side of you and held you. They just held you. Because even they didn't know what to do.

'And I thought my heart was detached from all the sunlight of our past,'

"Are you sure you're okay with this?" Zendaya asked as you walked towards Tom's front door.

You nodded and smoothed down your sundress, "Yeah. We ended on good terms. It's been two months or so. We're friends. Plus, I miss hanging out with all of us." you assured her.

She sighed before knocking on the door, "Alright."

A few moments later the door swung open revealing Tom. Dressed in black jeans and a white button-up. Sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Curls dangling over his forehead. A sweet smile on his lips.

You felt your stomach lurch. Air leaving your lungs involuntarily. Heart rate quickening. You could smell his cologne and every single memory with him clouded your mind.

"Hey! It's great to see you guys—"

"—Sorry. I-I think I left something in the car. One second." you rushed out the words before turning on your heel.

Zendaya let out a long sigh, "Fuck."

Tom frowned, "Did I do something wrong?"

'But she's so sweet, she's so pretty. Does she mean you forgot about me?'

"Y/N!" an unfamiliar voice called out to you from somewhere in the boys' backyard.

It was Harrison's annual barbecue get together. Nearly three months since your break up with Tom.

You turned towards the source of the noise and found a girl walking towards you. Brunette. Tight black dress with black heels. Body and face of a model.

"I've been dying to meet you! I'm such a huge fan. I basically live off of your music." she giggled as she hugged you.

You smiled, "Aw! Thank you! That means so much to me. You look amazing, by the way."

She laughed, "Thank you! But you're absolutely gorgeous! Sorry, I completely forgot to introduce myself. I'm Nadia, Tom's girlfriend."

Of fucking course.

You raised your eyebrows, but managed to keep a smile on your face, "Oh! I've heard so much about you! Well, Tom's one lucky guy," you chuckled, "I'd love to chat some more, but I need to use the washroom. Excuse me. It was a pleasure meeting you." you gave her a hoaxed smile before quickly walking away.

You were two feet away from the washroom when Zendaya grabbed your arm, "What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost or something."

Your breaths were coming out in short puffs, "I just met Nadia?"

Her eyes widened before she dragged you towards Tuwaine's room, "Okay. Let's sit down."

'Oh, I hope you're happy, but not like how you were with me. I'm selfish, I know. I can't let you go,'

"You should move in here." Tom mumbled against your shirt.

You let out a small laugh, "You already have four roommates, love. One more might turn this into a barn."

He lifted his head off of your chest, "I'm serious. Driving from Manchester to Kingston all the time is such a hassle for you. We have recording studios here and it would make me the happiest man in the world if I could wake up to your gorgeousness everyday." he planted kisses on your forehead, nose and lips.

You chuckled at his boyish grin, "It's only a three hour drive and I'm sure the boys don't want me imposing on your time with them."

He quickly shook his head, "I already talked to them about it and they want you here, too."

You raised your eyebrows, "Well, if you're sure it'll make you the happiest man in the world, I'll think about it."

"You already make me the happiest man in the world, but I needed something to convince you." he rested his head on your chest again as you laughed.

'So find someone great, but don't find no one better. I hope you're happy, but don't be happier.'

"Are we ordering pizza?" Harrison yawned from beside you on the couch.

"Sushi?" you grinned hopefully.

Tuwaine shook his head, "We had sushi last night."

"Tom and I are making dinner for you guys!" Nadia reminded you from the kitchen.

Her arms wrapped around Tom's waist as he stirred whatever was in the pan he had on the stove.

You really hated their open floor layout at that moment since there wasn't a wall to block them from your view.

"Oh, yeah. What're you making?" Sam asked.

"Salmon with rice and steamed veggies." Tom answered without looking up from the pan.

Everyone made noises of realization as you turned to Harry, "Aliens or a tiger. Which do you think you could beat in a fight?" he asked.

You laughed before replying, "Hmm, depends. Are the aliens small or—"

"Tommy!" you heard a girly giggle and turned to see Tom with Nadia over his shoulder as they laughed and ran around the kitchen.

You quickly diverted your gaze to the coffee table. Forgetting about Harry's absurd question. All eyes were on you.

"What?" you asked when you finally looked up at your friends.

"Are you okay?" Harrison frowned from beside you before resting his head on your shoulder.

You let out a dry, quiet laugh, "Of course. As long as he's happy."

The looks of pity you received were almost as painful as the scene you witnessed moments ago.

'And do you tell her she's the most beautiful girl you've ever seen? An eternal love bullshit you know you'll never mean,'

"Premiere day!" Zendaya walked into your shared hotel room with a bright smile, Nadia following behind her.

You faked a smile as you applied another coat of mascara, "You girls look gorgeous."

Zendaya was in a red and black sequin gown. Hair down and heels on. Nadia was dressed in a maroon silk dress with a slit on the side. Black heels dawning her feet. Both had makeup and accessories on matching their attire.

You were in an emerald green gown with a slit running down your left leg. Silver heels and silver jewellery to match.

"So do you!" Nadia exclaimed as she sat on Zendaya's bed.

"Are the boys coming soo—" Zendaya got cut off by three loud knocks on the door.

"I'll get it!" Nadia jumped up and opened the door.

Tom was stood before her in a maroon suit. Matching her dress. Black dress shoes. Matching her heels. Glasses on and a bright smile.

You watched as Tom ran his eyes down Nadia's outfit, "Well, aren't you just the most beautiful girl in the world?" he planted a kiss on her lips as you witnessed with envy.

"Aw, Tommy. I love you."

"I love you more, darling." he grinned before looking behind her.

Heart wrenching pain struck you again.

You watched as his mouth fell open by the slightest bit. Eyes growing wider.

He quickly snapped out of his daze, placing a pearly white smile on, "You two look absolutely stunning."

You acknowledged his compliment with a curt nod.

Zendaya let out a laugh, "Yup. About to out do you at your own premiere."

'Remember when I believed you meant it when you said it first to me?'

"Green or white?" you held up both dresses against your body.

Tom looked up from his phone, "Both of them will look amazing on you, love."

You sighed, "I appreciate the compliment, but I am meeting Sebastian Stan tonight. Now is not the time for indecisiveness. One of them will make me look bad and I need to know which one."

The Infinity War premiere was in two hours and your anxiety was growing by the minute.

"C'mere." he motioned you towards him with a 'come hither' gesture as he sat on the edge of the hotel bed. You made your way towards him. Standing in between his legs as he wrapped his arms around your waist, "You are the most beautiful girl in the world. Absolutely gorgeous. You could make the ugliest dress look like something from a fairytale."

Your smile grew as he kissed your stomach, "Thank you, mi amor." you bent down and placed a peck on his forehead, leaning your head against his, you whispered, "Now, green or white?"

He chuckled and pecked your lips, "White."

You smiled before making your way to put on the white dress, "I love you."

"I love you more, darling."

'And now I'm picking her apart. Like cutting her down will make you miss my wretched heart. But she's beautiful, she looks kind. She probably gives you butterflies.'

"I don't like her." you murmured.

Zendaya chuckled, "Nadia? You barely know the girl."

You nodded, "And I don't like her. I don't like her giggles and her nickname for him. I don't like her hair."

You knew you were looking for things to dislike, but there weren't any. She was a fan of your music, she complimented you all the time. She was genuinely a great person.

She sighed, "No, you don't like the fact that she's dating Tom. If she wasn't, you wouldn't be saying any of this."

You rolled your eyes and glared at her, "Can you let me be angry?"

She laid herself down on your mattress, "Nope. If you wanna be angry, be angry at Tom. Nadia hasn't done anything to you. You're better than this."

"God, I hate your optimistic side sometimes." you threw a pillow at her.

She laughed, "One of us needs to be the optimist."

You sighed, "Do you think he misses me?"

"Yes." she replied without hesitation.

You sat up and furrowed your eyebrows, "What makes you say that?"

She let out a long breath, "You need to talk to him about that."

'I hope you're happy. I wish you all the best, really. Say you love her, baby. Just not like you loved me. And think of me fondly when your hands are on her. I hope you're happy, but don't be happier.'

"And you're dead." you dropped the controller on your lap as you defeated Harrison in Super Smash Bros again.

He huffed like a child, "Unfair. I taught you how to play, how'd you get better than me?"

"Actually, I taught her how to play. And I am ten times better than you." Tuwaine corrected him.

Harrison scoffed, "Whatever. Sweaty nerds, the both of you."

Nadia spoke up from Tom's lap, "Can I try?"

You nodded, "Who do you wanna go against?"

She chuckled, "I think I'll verse Harrison. Seeing as how Y/N just kicked your ass, I wanna at least have a chance."

Her comment made you laugh as you handed her the controller and watched them pick their characters. You watched as Tom set his phone down and focused on the screen where his girlfriend chose Pichu.

"Choose Kirby." Tom told her.

She furrowed her eyebrows, "Why? Pichu is so cute."

"Y/N always plays as Kirby and she always wins. With that stupid power absorbing ability." he chuckled as his eyes landed on you.

You felt your heart skip a beat at the small detail he remembered before you played it off with a light laugh, "Not my fault you thought Luigi could beat Kirby everytime we played."

'Ooo-ooo, ooo-ooo, ooo-ooo,'

You pressed on the keys of the piano in the boys' home. Singing your heart out. You still had your spare key and Harrison told you no one was home.

You were waiting for them to return from golfing so you could have your Sunday night dinners. It's been nearly four months since your breakup with Tom. Your album was due to be released on May twenty-first and you were letting the still evident pain fuel your lyrics.

"I hope you're happy, just not like how you were with me. I'm selfish, I know. I can't let you go. So find someone great, but don't find no one better. I hope you're happy, but don't be happier." you faded out the piano and pressed stop on the recording on your phone.

Writing down small notes about the song and things to tweak, your thoughts were quickly interrupted.

"I'm not."

Your head snapped up. Tom was leaning against the doorframe behind you. Tears escaping his eyes.

"T-Tom. I'm sorry. Haz told me the house was empty and I just started playing and- Wait. What did you say?" realization dawned on you.

He stepped closer and sat beside you on the piano bench, "I'm not happier. Hell, I'm not even happy." he gave a pathetic attempt at a laugh, staring straight at the black and white keys.

Your mind was trying to catch up with everything happening, trying to register his words, the state he was in. Grey sweats, black tee. Messy hair and red eyes.

"Why?"

He released a heavy sigh, "There's so many things you could be asking 'why' about. Why did I break up with you? Why am I with Nadia? Why am I not happy? Why the hell am I crying? Which one is it, Y/L/N?"

You blinked a few times, "All of them."

He sniffled and rubbed his face, "I felt like I was holding you back." he started, catching a glimpse of your confused expression, he continued, "You hadn't released any music in over year. There were so many articles saying that I was the reason that the biggest pop star in the world was quitting music. I didn't want to be the reason for that."

"You weren't and you aren't." you assured him.

He shrugged, "I just felt like you would do a lot better without me. And you are. Look at you, your fifth album is coming out next month." he nudged you with his shoulder, "I'm proud of you," he smiled.

"T-thank you."

He nodded, "Anyways, why am I with Nadia? Um, a few days after we broke up, I went to a friend's place to distract myself, as one does. She was there. She was a distraction. I never meant for it to get this far. You know, she actually asked me to be her boyfriend." he chuckled dryly to himself as you listened intently. "I guess, I thought it'd be easier to move on if I had something else to pour my love into?"

You nodded slowly, "Okay, I somewhat get that. So you really do love her?"

He quickly shook his head, "No, no, I don't. I mean, I can't. No one can truly love two people at once. And I think that answers the question of why I'm not happy." he paused and faced you completely, "I'm crying because hearing that song and hearing how evident your pain in it is, that will make anyone cry. I'm crying because I miss you and I miss us. I-I miss what we had and what we were. I miss your kisses and your stupid jokes that only you laugh at. I miss going on walks with you and Tess. I just miss you."

There was a long period of silence after his confession. You were trying to process all the information he was giving. He was cursing himself for being so straightforward. The longer it went without a response from you, the more anxious he got. He grabbed your hands, holding them to his lips.

"Please say something. Anything."

Déjà vu.

You swallowed, "You want honesty?" he nodded, "Okay, I was so mad at you. I-I was infuriated. Y-you told me you weren't ready to give a hundred percent of yourself and that you couldn't be in a relationship until you could give all of yourself to that person. Then a month later, you're with her. Making me feel like you just couldn't give yourself to me." you paused and shook your head, "You could've told me the truth. You should've told me the truth. We could've talked about it. We could've avoided months of awkward run ins and no communication." he nodded, still holding your hands in his, "I'm not gonna lie and say I don't miss you because I do, I miss you more than anything, but we shouldn't be doing this or saying these things while you're with her." you removed your hands from his.

He spent a moment looking down at his fingers. Releasing short breaths. "I don't want to be with her."

"But you are. And I don't want you to break up with her for me. Because that's not how things work, Tom. But you shouldn't stay with her either. Especially if this is how you're feeling. That's just unfair to her." you shook your head and felt your mind clear.

He nodded and met your gaze, "This is the end of us, huh?"

You shook your head, "I don't think there will ever be an end to us." you laughed dryly.

He agreed with a smile, "For forever and a day, remember?"

You nodded, "For forever and a day."

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