#and that penguin is now a child of divorce but that’s another story

[yakultii]

[s-creations]

Return the Flames - Chapter 11

All at Dead Bird Studios knew of Amos' (The  Conductor's) ability. How the owl could suddenly erupt into flames if  angered enough. When the studio first opened, Dominic (DJ Grooves) was  told that Amos had his ability under control. Nothing to worry about. No  possible loss of anything from an open flame.

A few years later however, and that control seems to have lessened to a dangerous degree.

It should have just been a simple, week long drive to fix the problem. It really should have been.

Dominic should have asked a lot more questions and should have been prepared for a twist ending.

_________________

Fandom: A Hat in Time         Rating: General Audience         Relationships/Pairings: The ConductorXDJ Grooves       Warnings: Eventual depictions of violence, slow burn relationship, named characters, attempt of an accent, being hunted down, a race against time (sort of).

Author's Note: This was the chapter I've been waiting forever to write. This is what got me to write this story. This deals with backstories for both characters, so I hope you enjoy it! 

Amos was not happy with the pounding headache he woke up. Sure, he was honestly used to it. Still doesn’t mean he liked it.  He let out a groan, silently berating himself for drinking so much once again, and moved to get up. Only to have something hold him in place. It took a while for his mind to put together that he was pressed against Dominic. The penguin snoring softly, hair a bit of a mess and his sunglasses askew on his face. An arm wrapped around the other director, Amos unable to move away. The owl felt his cheek becoming warmer. Realizing he felt the familiar warmth in his chest growing once again. 

 “And how are we feeling this morning?”

 Further awake and startled into action, Amos was able to break free. Feathers puffing up in embarrassment upon seeing the Elder in the doorway. 

 “...What happened last night?”

 “Ah ah, I asked a question first.”

 Amos really did not like this goat.

 “I have a peckin’ headache. But ‘m honestly used to that. The flame is back. So, whatever was put in me is gone. And ‘m ready for this whole thin’ ta be over with.”

 “That’s a fair assessment. As per your question, you became drunk last night after which you shared a rather… ‘intense’ dance with Dominic. And when you couldn’t support your own weight, you both retreated here. Where I’m going to assume you two just went to sleep.”

 Amos groaned, rubbing his forehead. Why did he feel like a teenager being caught by their parents? “Sounds like it was quite the party.” 

 “You certainly made it one. Now, you made mention that the flame has returned.”

 “Aye.”

 “Then you two will need to finish the rest of your journey. It will only be a one to two day treck. I would recommend you leave as soon as possible. Your car will remain here and you can retrieve it after you’ve returned to the village. But walking would be best in order for you to avoid unwanted attention.”

 Amos sat up further at that. “Do you think they’re here? The agents?”

 “I doubt a pursuer who’s done what they have so far would give up at the end of the line. While the jungle will provide coverage, you two will need to move carefully.”

 “Right...right…”

 “I will have a few packs put together for you. Wake Dominic, you will need to leave soon.”

 Amos merely nodded at that. He attempted to wake his companion as soon as they were left alone. The penguin seemed unconcerned at sharing a bed with the owl when he woke up. More upset about supporting his own headache than anything else. It took awhile for them to collect themselves and join the outside world. Bags waiting for them when they finally emerged.

 “Just head straight for the mountain. You can’t miss it and there are no natural obstacles in your way. Be careful you two.”

 Those were the Elder’s final words before they departed.

 The trek was quiet. Amos caught up in his own head to think about conversing with Dominic. It was both a joy and a strange sorrow in the thought that this ordeal was almost over. 

 He was tired of being chased, being hunted down, being in constant pain. To think it was almost over raised his spirits slightly. Only for it to be stomped back down in fear of what was going to come after. Was he going to survive this? Were he and Dominic an ‘item’, as his daughter liked to say. Were these emotions only being created because of the situation? Did he want it to be real? Was he willing to let someone get close again?

 “It’s getting dark.” Dominic’s voice cut through the buzz in Amos’ mind. The owl looked up to see the sky painted in that familiar colors of sunset. 

 “Uh...yeah, it is…”

 “I’m not a huge fan of tromping through the jungle in the dark. We should set up camp.”

 The owl’s ears twitched. Looking between the sinking sun and the mountain. It was a lot closer than before, they could honestly make it there before tonight fully arrived if they wanted to. But if Dominic wanted to sleep, Amos wasn’t going to argue.

 “Sure… One more night of peace?”

 “Yeah, something like that.”

 They fell quiet after that. A small, smokeless fire was soon burning away between the two. The sky a deep purple with stars starting to dot the night sky. With how wide and ever expanding space seemed to be out here, Amos was becoming nervous. There was no coverage of a hotel or a hut to keep the night sky away. The constant reminder just hanging over his head.

 Letting out a sigh, Amos reached over and dug further into his bag. Another sigh, this time of relief, sounded as he pulled out a familiar fermented fruit. “Maybe the old goat wasn’t too bad. Heads up Dominic.”

 The penguin fumbled slightly as he caught the said fruit, voicing his frustration with a deadpan, “Really.”

  “One final hurrah.”

 Dominic frowned as he watched Amos take a large bite of his own fruit. The penguin let out a soft sigh, deciding the owl may have a point, and took a bite as well. While he was able to hold his own and cut himself off when he needed to, Dominic was soon supporting a flushed face and a drunken owl. Laughing and beaming as he joined the other in singing shanties that they both only knew a few words to. Or that their drunken mind was making them forget the words. 

 As they belted out the final note, they collapsed onto the ground. Lying head to head as they laughed, slowly calming down as they stared up at the sky. Even with what felt like impending doom was on the horizon, Dominic was happy at that moment. He wasn’t sure how this was going to end. But, at the moment, he just wanted to enjoy the atmosphere. The calm, the quiet, the false peace with the possibly threat being mere steps away from where they lied. 

 He let out a yawn, feeling himself starting to drift off…

 “Ma couldn’t have kids.”

 Dominic flinched slightly. He rolled his head to the side to look at Amos. “Pardon?”

 “She couldn’t have kids,” Amos repeated, “No matter how many times she tried. Or how badly she wanted it. Nothin’ worked. Married three times. Got the reputation as a bed hopper. ...I think she thought that havin’ a kid would brin’ her some kind of happiness in her life…”

 “In a final desperation, she prayed for a higher power to help. And the Celestial Phoenix appeared… She was pregnant the next day. Ostracized the day after. Who ever heard of a God appearing before a divorced and ‘bed warmer’? She told me she didn’t care because she was so happy ta be carryin’ me. Then I was born and… I honestly think I made everythin’ so much worse.” 

 “Amos…” Dominic frowned, unsure of what he could say.

 “Ya can’t look at this ugly mug and tell me this is a solver of problems. I honestly believe I made things worse. I was the demon child created from wedlock with a mother who’s insane. We had to leave the backwash of a town when our house was burnt down. Ma was mentally broken when I was a teenager and only became worse with her age. ‘M pretty sure she was gone before she finally passed away.”

 “My wife left when Amelia was born. She...the wife...married me in a sort of novelty. A stab at her stuffy family by havin’ a monstrous thing be her husband instead of nobility. But when Amelia held more of my features then was ‘acceptable’, the wife had to leave. She couldn’t handle it. I raised Amelia the best I could. I was hopeful she could have a happier, easier life than what my childhood was.” 

 “Only for her husband to leave. Because Amelia fell ill after givin’ birth to all the kids. It was too much responsibility for him. ...She’s always smilin’. I do wonder sometimes how she turned out so perfectly. When she has a...a curse of a father. Because that’s what I am. ‘M a curse. I shouldn’t even be here! Only divine intervention brought this monster into reality. So the laws of nature themselves had to be broken. And all it produced was a cursed, hideous creature that is me. My own body is even tryin’ to tear itself apart. I’ve been tryin’ to destroy myself since I was born and no one is safe. ‘M a walkin’, tickin’ bomb of destruction.”

 Dominic swallowed weakly, feeling sick as he watched Amos breakdown. What was he supposed to say? What could he say?

 “My father is an ice tycoon.”

 Amos slowly looked over to the flushed penguin. 

 “What?”

 “Ah, so… That largest commodity from the Moon is ice.”

 “I know that.”

 “Right, well, it only comes from three different families. Mine being the top company, run by my father. We’re the typical high brow, snooty people you’d think of. Appearance is everything to us. We have to be as clean as the ice we produce.”

 Amos sat up slowly, swaying slightly. “Ya can’t control the creation of ice that closely. It’s ice.”

 Letting out a small huff and sitting up as well, Dominic laid his hand out flat, palm up. The owl let out a chirp of shock as a chunk of ice was formed. Resting directly in the center of Dominic’s hand. “We can make our own ice. Quite literally.”

 “No peckin’ way… Wait, did ye make that wall of ice before? When those government goons were chasin’ after us?”

 “Uh...yeah. I really only intended to make the road slick and trip them up. I was a little on edge at the moment.”

 “That was peckin’ amazin’.”

 Dominic laughed softly. “It...just comes naturally.”

 Amos laughed this time, almost falling back onto the ground if Dominic hadn’t kept him upright. “Peckin’ amazin’... So, yer loaded right? Ice companies make a lot.”

 “No… I’m disowned,” Dominic’s feathers puffed at the owl’s raised brow, “Parents weren’t happy that I wanted to become a movie director. I’m the oldest of four and the only male. I was supposed to take over the business. But I made it very clear how I wasn’t interested with it in any way. So, I was given a choice. Join the business or never talk to them again. And...here I am…”

 It fell quiet for a moment. Dominic had never told anyone this before. Not even his Moon Penguins knew his full story. They were just aware that the director wasn’t on good terms with his family. But, if Amos was sharing the sacred life’s story, why shouldn’t Dominic?

 “I didn’t know ya had siblings.” Amos eventually voiced. 

 “Well, I didn’t know you were part mystical fire being. So I guess we’re even.” Dominic teased, smiling hearing Amos laugh at that.

 “That’s fair. Ta be fair to myself, however, I never thought I would be in a situation like this.”

 “We were also never on good speaking terms with each other before either.”

 “Aye, another fair point. Did ya ever think how weird it was that we both were given the same studio?”

 “Oh absolutely! We really should have gone to the main office to complain about that.”

 “But then we would have argued about who would be kicked out first.”

 “It would have been you for sure.”

 “As peckin’ if!” They shared another laugh at that. Amos eventually leaned over to rest himself against Dominic. The penguin welcomed the contact. “...Tell me about your siblings.”

 “Three sisters.”

 “Oh, fun.” 

 “Hey, how do you think I came across this amazing sense of fashion?”

 “Thought you were color blind to be honest.”

 “How rude.”

 Amos chuckled before pushing Dominic gently. “Anyway, three sisters?”

 “Abigail is only one year younger than me. We were very close growing up. She had a backbone sturdier than I could ever hope for and stuck up for me when our parents started their ‘talks’. As far as I can tell, she’ll be taking over the business… I hope she’s okay with that.”

 “She sounds like a business woman.”

 “I think you’d get along with her. Shila’s next. If you think I’m a diva, you need to meet her. If attention wasn’t on her at all times, she would throw an absolute fit. She was actually one of my first actresses. Gave me my first headache too.”

 Dominic paused to listen to Amos laugh softly. He really loved that sound. “Last is Bethany. I don’t really remember much of her. She was only two when I left. I do remember she was very quiet. With wide curious eyes. I really hope she was able to keep that curiosity…”

 “Abigail made sure to do so, no doubt in my mind. If she was as determined to keep ya safe, ‘m sure that focus went to Bethany as well.”

 “I hope so… I hope they’re all okay…”

 “‘M sure they are.”

 The penguin hummed softly, attention on the large, luminous sphere that was above them. Amos shuffled closer, his chin resting on Dominic’s shoulder. His attention going to the same place. “...Do you miss them?”

 “Every day.”

 “Have you tried to find them? Talk to them?”

 “I think they’re on the Moon still...and I’m not overly fond with contacting that place.”

 “Honestly, that’s fair.”

 Giving another hum, Dominic reached up and scratched behind Amos’ ear. The owl let out a small chirp as he pressed closer. “...Did you ever think your life would end up like this?”

 “I knew I would eventually have to travel here. Another burden to carry because of my birth right. But I wasn’t expected to be hunted down…or the company… I know I don’t say it. In fact, I’ve said the opposite a lot. But…’m glad you came.”

 “More of I berated you to let me come because you’re so stubborn.”

 Amos laughed. “Ya got me there…”

 “...I’m glad I came along as well. I would have been worrying the entire time.”

 “I’d probably be dead at this point if you hadn’t come.”

 “That’s frightening to think about,” Dominic frowned, wrapping his arm around the other. “Do you think we could call this feud over? I’m...honestly so tired of it.”

 “Yeah… ‘m too. It should have ended a long time ago…”

 “We’re both just two, old, stubborn fools.”

 “Oi, easy on those adjectives.”

 “I’m describing both of us. Calm down… How do you think the crew will react?”

 “Shocked but absolutely thrilled. I think everyone's more over this than we are.”

 Dominic laughed at that. “Yeah, probably. We should make a movie together. After all of this.”

 “Ah...kind of a big step.”

 “But I think it’s an appropriate one.”

 “...Yeah...yeah, I think it is too.”

 They fell quiet once more. A warm, happy buzz falling over them. Dominic’s eyes on the dancing fire while Amos’ remained on the Moon. Both falling asleep curled next to each other as the luminous orb traveled over them.

[that-shamrock-vibe]

Depp v Heard: Warner Bros. Damage Control

As the Coronavirus Pandemic ultimately ends the 2020 movie season, it seems other forces are set to threaten the 2021 and even 2022 release schedule, but rather than a global life-threatening pandemic, this comes from the ongoing, highly-publisized domestic legal battle between Johnny Depp and Amber Heard.

This post will be predicting the state of play for the future careers of the two actors as well as the typhoon of trouble Warner Bros. find themselves in as they try to weather the storm they find themselves caught in as two of their biggest movie franchises find themselves in flux.

No More Grindelwald:

So yes, the latest headline in this ever-growing Depp v Heard battle is that Johnny Depp has been fired from the Fantastic Beasts movies in the wake of the actor’s libel case loss days ago.

Now clearly this is the direct action of Warner Bros. as all the headlines tend to include the words “fired” or “axed” rather than Depp himself stepping down, which is a very definitive difference as both Depp and Heard wanted to delay these court cases so they could get back to their respective roles which they have admitted they both enjoy.

Now to be honest, Johnny Depp in the role of Gellart Grindelwald has been tainted since the reveal of his casting in the first Fantastic Beasts movie. This was of course tainted by the fact that this legal battle was already going on but Depp was effectively vilified as the culprit in all this.

However, despite the very public controversy around the casting to the degree of a mass boycott petition for The Crimes of Grindelwald, for some fans like myself we enjoyed him in the role. It may not have been him back on the form of his glory days but considering his other work of late, his role in the Wizarding World franchise and his small yet crucial role in Murder on the Orient Express remind fans of when he was at the top of his game with the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie.

Now that’s not to say Grindelwald is gone in the movies going forward. I mean yes these prequels are supposed to be about the history between Dumbledore and Grindelwald, but that doesn’t mean Grindelwald has to always be portrayed by Johnny Depp. He can change his face magically as he did in the first movie with Polyjuice Potion to look like Colin Farrell, a role by the way many fans believed he should have continued with, so why couldn’t he change his face again?

In fact it has been confirmed that Grindelwald will be recast as well as also being confirmed that Fantastic Beasts 3 has now been delayed due to this news from December 2021 to Summer 2022. I don’t understand how this franchise is still standing with all of this controversy...even without COVID the franchise is a hea

What Goes Around Comes Around:

Now I am not for one second siding with either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard in this battle, in fact I believe they are both at fault and the best way to resolve this with minimal damage prior to this libel case was for the two of them to both accept blame, get a divorce and move on from each other. However, Depp chose to sue a newspaper for liability and now we are where we are.

Why I am targeting this post at Warner Bros. specifically is because, in my opinion, as they publicly fired Depp from Fantastic Beasts, then there should also be some repercussions for Heard with Aquaman 2 unless the studio wants to be seen as siding with Heard in this ongoing case.

That being said, like Depp as Grindelwald I really enjoy Heard as Mera. That’s not me saying I like Heard, agree with Heard or anything like that. That is me doing what I always do which is not really paying attention to the artist’s personal life and simply focusing on the job they are hired to do.

The good thing about the Heard side of this argument is that Warner Bros. DC are already taking steps to potentially phase Mera out in the DCEU by introducing a new female character to Aquaman 2, that many fans believe will be Dolphin, as a potential new love interest for Jason Mamoa’s Aquaman. So unlike Depp’s Grindelwald who is a major pivotal part of the Fantastic Beasts movies, Mera, though essential to the Aquaman story for any DC fan, isn’t pivotal to the movies unfortunately.

DCEU Future:

Another linking factor that forms the unholy trinity creating the shitstorm for Warner Bros. is what to do with Ezra Miller in both Fantastic Beasts and at DC.

While maybe not as damaging to the franchises as the Depp v Heard case, or the J.K. Rowling controversy for the Wizarding World franchise, Miller has proven to be a problem child for Warner Bros. firstly as The Flash and then as Credence Barebone.

Now yes the final straw for many DC fans may have been the photographic/video evidence showing the actor throttling a civilian on a night out, but Miller has always been a wild card for any franchise given his somewhat unique artistic styling and wanting to put as much of himself into a role as possible.

Let’s face it, when we first saw him in Justice League as The Flash. We didn’t see Barry Allen, we saw Ezra Miller as The Flash. Now maybe the upcoming Snyder Cut will prove why Miller was originally cast in the role but I am putting my foot down onto my dislike of the portrayal by saying that Joss Whedon wanted Ezra Miller to fall onto Gal Gadot’s cleavage, Gal Gadot refused and they had to bring in a body double but Ezra Miller was still okay with it.

Am I saying that if DC fires Amber Heard they need to also fire Ezra Miller? No because not only has Ezra Miller been in the promotion of both the Snyder Cut and the upcoming Flashpoint movie, I feel it sets too negative a precedent of negative press or controversy equals being cut no matter how pivotal to the movie or show you are.

The Bright Side:

I do want to try and finish this on a lighter note because all there seems to be is doom and gloom at the moment. Not only has this happened to Depp and may potentially happen to Heard, but also it has been rumoured that Wonder Woman 1984 is set to once again be pushed back from its dual Christmas Day cinematic/PVOD release date to June 2021.

However, while I feel if Heard was to be cut from Aquaman 2, the movie would also be pushed back which would benefit both it and Black Panther 2 which are both currently slated for the same year and Black Panther 2 strongly hinted at introducing Namor who is effectively Marvel’s Aquaman, we do still have The Batman in our sights and that movie is at least being teed up wonderfully.

It does pose some disappointment in the fact that Colin Farrell probably won’t return to the role of Grindelwald due to his role as The Penguin in The Batman, but there’s a reason Batman remains DC’s strongest property due to the fact in the entirety of DC’s multimedia history it is always Batman-related properties that thrive in movies, television and games.

I mean, in regards to Colin Farrell returning to the role, never say never to Warner Bros. wanting to I guess appease fans by bringing back one of the few good aspects of this Fantastic Beasts movies considering when the characters went from Percival Graves to Gellert Grindelwald fans were screaming for a reversal. Especially as both The Batman and Fantastic Beasts 3 are being filmed in Liverpool.

Overall, as has been said before, I feel the Depp/Heard case is very sensitive and tricky to navigate but how it’s affecting the two actors’ respective movies is the part where I feel we fans can step in. Not obviously change things but at least have our say.

So what do you guys think? What do you think should happen with the Fantastic Beasts movies going forward, not just with this recent development axing Johnny Depp but also with the controversy around Ezra Miller and J.K. Rowling...how much more heat can this franchise withstand?

Similarly should Amber Heard be dropped from Aquaman 2? Would Warner Bros. turning a blind eye show favouritism on her part?

Post your comments and check out more entertainment reports as well as other posts.

[tilbageidanmark]

Movies I watched this week / 14

Moonlight - beautiful, heartbreaking and unpretentious. A story about a lonely, abused child who has to come to terms with his blackness and his gayness.

10/10 - Best film of the week.

✴️                 

The Farewell - A Chinese-American family learns that their grandmother is terminally ill and decide not to tell her, instead scheduling a family gathering before she dies. 

Directed by Lulu Wang, who’s the girlfriend of Barry Jenkins, Moonlight director: So they are a couple who both makes outstanding, independent movies.

✴️                 

So I wanted to check out the other Awkwafina-starring Chinese-American drama, My Big Fat Greed Wedding, AKA Crazy Rich Asians. Unfortunately this materialistic, Wealth-porn decadence was banal and formulaic. Not recommended, in spite of the fact that there are so few big-screen Hollywood romantic comedies featuring all-Asian cast.

✴️                     

The Descendants: George Clooney is an Hawaiian land baron, whose wife is in a irreversible coma after a boat accident. While dealing with his two rebellious daughters, he discovers that she had an affair with a real estate guy, and was about to divorce him.

Awesome soundtrack of Hawaiian music. Highly recommended. I should re-watch all of Alexander Payne‘s other movies. Supposedly, his next film will be a Minnesota remake Babette's Feast!

✴️                  

The March of The Penguins is the film that George Clooney and his daughters settle down to watch at the very end of The Descendants.

It may look like a story of survival. But actually, it’s a story about love. (Re-watch).

True Facts about Morgan Freeman’s golden voice by ZeFrank.

✴️                     

Local Hero, Scottish Magical Realism at its understated best, in what is now being called Gentle Cinema, "pleasant people doing pleasant things". With a very young Peter Capaldi before he became Malcolm Tucker, and with low key soundtrack by Mark Knopfler. (Photo above).

A planet 7345 Happer was named after Burt Lancaster's character in the film.

Haven’t seen it since the 80′s - 9/10!

✴️                 

Robert Redford is Putting the Band Back Together in The Company You Keep: Julie Christie, Susan Sarandon, Richard Jenkins, Nick Nolte, Chris Cooper, Stanley Tucci, Sam Elliott, Stephen Root, Anna Kendrick and Brendan Gleeson. Solid old-fashioned Redford fair a-la Sneakers / President’s Men / Weather Underground fugitives / 1960s idealism, etc. All Stars!

✴️                    

More with Stanley Tucci: What Just Happened. A week in the life of Robert de Nero, a hot shot Hollywood producer with problems on the set and with his ex-wife. It’s not 8 1/2 or The Player, but still very enjoyable.

✴️                      

More from Barry Levinson: 1994 Disclosure. The sexual politics of consent, work harassment & power dynamics are somehow dated, but the story stays intact in parts. The absolute best part is Ennio Morricone‘s subtle score!

✴️                     

The Taking of Pelham 123 (2009 version) - The perfect hyper Tony Scott thriller.

✴️                        

The Remains of the Day: Top Anthony Hopkins, Emma Thompson, James Fox, Ivory-Merchant, Kazuo Ishiguro, Ruth Prawer Jhabvala. Riveting from beginning to end.

✴️                          

Host - the first Covid19 film from July 2020. An original horror story, filmed and set entirely on Zoom, about a seance gone wrong. (Re-watch).

✴️                      

Another too-long 6-part HBO documentary series Q: Into the Storm, about QAnon, showing once again that you can sell any idea to Americans because basically they are too illiterate to know better.

✴️                 

Richard Pryor: Live in concert, 1979, the very first full-length, feature movie consisting of only stand-up comedy.

✴️                         

I read that Winter Kills was supposedly ‘the strangest of all the paranoid ’70s thrillers’, but in spite of its all-star cast (Jeff Bridges, John Huston, Anthony Perkins, Eli Wallach, Toshirō Mifune, Sterling Hayden, Elizabeth Taylor) it was the stupidest story I’ve ever seen - 0/10

- - - - -

(My complete list is here)

[omarbelloutiworld]

100 difficult riddles & Answers that kids and families will love

1.    When you do not know what I am, then I am something. But when you know what I am, then I am nothing. What am I? A RIDDLE

2.     You can see me in water, but I never get wet. What am I? A REFLECTION

3.    The more you take, the more you leave behind. What am I? FOOTSTEPS

4.    When I am released to the wind, you look away and you pretend, but away your friends I will send. What am I? A FART

5.    What English word has three consecutive double letters? BOOKKEEPER

6.    Imagine you are in a dark room. How do you get out? STOP IMAGINING

7.    What English word retains the same pronunciation, even after you take away four of its five letters? QUEUE

8.    When you have me, you feel like sharing me. But, if you do share me, you don't have me. What am I? A SECRET

9.    A man is pushing his car along the road when he comes to a hotel. He shouts, "I'm bankrupt!" Why? HE IS PLAYING MONOPOLY

10.                       An English word has six letters, remove one letter, and twelve remains. What am I? DOZENS

11.                       What question can you never answer yes to? ARE YOU ASLEEP?

12.                       What invention lets you look right through a wall? A WINDOW

13.                       What s as light as a feather, but even the world's strongest man couldn't hold it for more than a minute? HIS BREATH

14.                       What occurs once in every minute, twice in every moment, yet never in a thousand years? THE LETTER M.

15.                       I never ask questions but am always answered. What am I? A DOORBELL

16.                       If you go to the movies and you're paying, is it cheaper to take one friend to the movies twice, or two friends to the movies at the same time?

-    IT'S CHEAPER TO TAKE TWO FRIENDS AT THE SAME TIME. IN THIS CASE, YOU WOULD ONLY BEBUYING THREE TICKETS, WHERE AS IF YOU TAKE THE SAME FRIEND TWICE YOU ARE BUYING FOUR TICKETS.

17.                       What gets bigger every time you take from it? A HOLE

18.                       What is full of holes, but can still hold a lot of water? A SPONGE

19.                       Which came first the chicken or the egg?

THE EGG. DINOSAURS LAID EGGS BEFORE THE REWERE ANY CHICKENS

20.                       No matter how much rain comes down on it, it won't get any wetter. What is it? WATER

21.                       I'm flat when I'm new. I'm fat when you use me. I release my gas when something sharp touches me. What am I? A BALLOON

22.                       Three times what number is no larger than two times that same number? 0

23.                       What do you throw out when you want to use it, but take in when you don't want to use it? AN ANCHOR

24.                       I cannot hear or even see, but sense light and sounds that may be. Sometimes I end up on the hook, or even deep into a book. What am I?A WORM

25.                       Which ring is square? A BOXINGRING

26.                       Why are manholes round instead of square?

IF THEY'RE SQUARE IT'S POSSIBLE FOR THE COVER TO SLIP DOWN THE HOLE (DIAGONALLY). A ROUND MAN HOLE CAN NOT FALL DOWN NO MATTER WHICH WAY IT IS ROTATED BECAUSE IT'S WIDTH IN ANY DIRECTION IS GREATER THAN THE OPENING ON THE HOLE.

27.                       What tastes better than it smells? YOUR TONGUE

28.                       At night, they come without being fetched. By day they are lost without being stolen. What are they? THE STARS

29.                       The more you have of it, the less you see. What is it? DARKNESS

30.                       What starts with a T, ends with a T, and has T in it? A TEAPOT

31.                       Say my name and I disappear. What am I? SILENCE

32.                       What is it that after you take away the whole, some still remains? WHOLE SOME

33.                       Forward I’m heavy, but backwards I’m not. What am I? TON

34.                       I am a box that holds keys without locks, yet they can unlock your soul. What am I? A PIANO

35.                       My first is twice in apple but not once in tart. My second is in liver but not in heart. My third is in giant and also in ghost. Whole I’m best when I am roast. What am I? A PIG

36.                       Remove six letters from this sequence to reveal a familiar English word. BSAINXLEATNTEARS BANANAS(REMOVED SIX LETTERS)

37.                       What has four wheels and flies? GARBAGE TRUCK

38.                       What has a forest but no trees, cities but no people and rivers but no water? MAP

39.                       Runs smoother than any rhyme, loves to fall but cannot climb. What am I? WATER

40.                       Take me and scratch my head. What once was red, is black instead. What am I? A MATCH

41.                       What is as big as you are and yet does not weigh anything? YOURSHADOW

42.                       It is an insect, and the first part of its name is the name of another insect. What is it? BEETLE

43.                       I'm where yesterday follows today, and tomorrow's in the middle. What am I? A DICTIONARY

44.                       How much dirt is there in a hole 3 feet deep, 6 ft. long and 4 ft. wide? NONE – IT IS A HOLE

45.                       Name all the numbers from 1 – 100, which have the letter ‘A’ in their spellings? NONE

46.                       What kind of coat is always wet when you put it on? A COAT OF PAINT

47.                       What kind of cheese is made backwards? EDAM

48.                       What can you hold in your right hand but never in your left hand? YOUR LEFT HAND

49.                       During what month do people sleep the least? FEBRUARY

50.                       What can never be placed in a sauce pan? ITS LID

51.                       I am always there, some distance away, somewhere between land or sea and sky I lay. You may move towards me, but distant I will stay. What am I?  THE HORIZON

52.                       I can only live where there is light, but I die if the light shines on me. What am I? A SHADOW

53.                       What kind of room has no doors or windows? A MUSHROOM

54.                       What can you catch but not throw? A COLD

55.                       What has a Heart but no other organs? A DECK OF CARDS

56.                     Two people are born at the same moment, but they don't have the same birthdays. How could this be? THEY ARE BORN IN DIFFERENT TIME ZONES

57.                       What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A CARROT

58.                       What always goes to bed with its shoes on? A HORSE

59.                       How can you make 7 even? REMOVE THE S

60.                       What am I? A QUESTION

61.                       I can bring tears to your eyes; resurrect the dead, make you smile, and reverse time. I form in an instant but I last a life time. What am I? A MEMORY

62.                       Mr. Smith has two children. If the older child is a boy, what are the odds that the other child is also a boy? 50 PERCENT

63.                       A man builds a house rectangular in shape. All the sides have southern exposure. A big bear walks by. What color is the bear? WHITE. IT IS A POLAR BEAR

64.                       What starts with an e but only has a single letter in it? ANENVELOPE

65.                       A girl who was just learning to drive went down a one-way street in the wrong direction but didn't break the law. How come? SHE WAS WALKING

66.                       If in a car race, the man who came two places in front of the last man finished one ahead of the man who came fifth. How many contestants were there? 6

67.                       A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him? THE THIRD ROOM. LIONS THAT HAVEN'T EATEN IN THREE YEARS ARE DEAD.

68.                       What's black and white and red all over? A NEWSPAPER

69.                       What flies when it's born, lies when it's alive, and runs when it's dead? A SNOWFLAKE

70.                       I am the only organ that named myself. What am I? THE BRAIN

71.                       You walk into a room with a rabbit holding a carrot, a pig eating slop, and a chimp holding a banana. Which animal in the room is the smartest?YOU

72.                       What always murmurs but never talks, always runs but never walks, has a bed but never sleeps, has a mouth but never speaks? A RIVER

73.                       I am taken from a mine, and shut up in a wooden case, from which Iam never released, and yet I am used by almost everybody. What am I? A PENCIL

74.                       I'm tall when I'm young and I'm short when I'm old. What am I? A CANDLE

75.                       What house can fly?  A HOUSEFLY

76.                       What goes up and doesn't go down? YOUR AGE

77.                       No matter how terrible things get for the people of the Arctic, they will not eat a penguin. Why? THERE AREN'T ANY PENGUINS IN THE ARTIC

78.                       A group of ten people are going out for pizza but only two of them have an umbrella to keep them dry. But they manage to walk all the way to the pizza place without getting wet.How is this possible? IT ISN'T RAINING OUTSIDE

79.                       What runs around the house but doesn't move? A FENCE

 80.                       What goes around the house and in the house but never touches the house? THE SUN

81.                       A man finds a small iron coin dated 154 B.C., what's it worth? IT IS A FAKE. NO COIN CAN SAY BC

82.                       There is a one-story house. The walls are blue, the floor is pink, the stove and cupboards are red. What color are the stairs? THERE AREN'T ANY STAIRS

83.                       Why was the baby strawberry crying? BECAUSE ITS PARENTS WERE IN A JAM

84.                       I can be cracked, I can be made. I can be told, I can be played. What am I? A JOKE

85.                       I can't go left, I can't go right. I am forever stuck in a building over three stories high. What am I? AN ELEVATOR

86.                       What goes back and forth constantly, but never in a straight line? A PENDULUM

87.                       What dress can you not wear? AN ADDRESS

88.                       What belongs to you but others use it more? YOUR NAME

89.                       I don’t have eyes, but once I did see. Once I had thought, but am now white and empty. What am I? SKULL

90.                       What has hands that can’t clap? A CLOCK

91.                       Which three numbers have the same answer when added together and multiplied together? 1, 2 AND 3

92.                       What has a mouth but can't chew? A RIVER

93.                       How did Mark legally marry three women in Michigan, without divorcing any of them, becoming legally separated, or any of them dying? HE WAS A PRIEST

94.                       I have all the knowledge you have. But I am not much larger than your fist. What am I? I'M YOUR BRAIN

95.                       Everyone in the world needs it. They generously give it, but rarely take it. What is it? ADVICE

96.                       Take off my skin - I won't cry, but you will. What am I? AN ONION

97.                       Lighter than what I am made of, more of me is hidden than is seen. What am I? AN ICEBERG

98.                       You heard me before, yet you hear me again, then I die, ’till you call me again. What am I? AN ECHO

99.                       If you were standing directly on Antarctica’s South Pole facing north, which direction would you travel if you took one step backward? NORTH

100.                 What has a neck but no head? A BOTTLE

[finsterhunde]

Explaining what happened

So I figured I would explain what pushed me to how low I got in a traumatic spiral these couple months, more so for future reference than anything.

I wanted photos and memories about my first childhood dog Spot. In the process my mother dug up a ton of traumatic repressed memories that I’m not yet strong enough to face. It also turns out that she had been lying about the death of my last childhood dog, causing additional pain when I found her out.

Having old memories dug back up is extremely damaging to my mental state. I wanted cute little facts about my puppy that I would have been too young to remember. Instead what she told me brought back flashes of abuse.

This escalated and what finally pushed me over the edge was that I started going back to my old compulsive rituals; the worst one being the need to check up on my birth father online, seeing where he was in the country, what he was doing, if he was alive, etc.

Now this originally was something that had a purpose. The divorce was extremely messy. And when he was kicked out of the house and we were in the process of changing the locks we were living in terror that he could come back at any time with a firearm and mow us down. He was threatening us, threatening to abduct us kids, and he had made severe violent threats in the past. As of 4 years ago he actually assaulted an RCMP officer. So he definitely was still capable of violence at the time. He used to have an extensive gun collection.

Checking up on him was a safeguard. If he didn’t know where I was, if he wasn’t where we were, we were safe. But gradually I stopped needing to do this. I ran away and lived with a friend. My mom and brother moved. He wouldn’t know where any of us lived.

But of course, that’s not how trauma is. Trauma is complicated and that was one of my safety rituals. To compulsively check his social media. Just in case.

He got old and obese and pathetic. He has a heart attack pretty much every year. He’s nothing short of a reanimated corpse at that point.

But in my traumatized brain I’m still that tiny malnourished boy and he’s still that hulking behemoth of a man. Just like in a nightmare where you can’t fly and no matter how fast you run you move at a snail’s pace. My rational mind knows I could easily overpower him, but my instincts tell me he’s as dangerous as he was 10 years ago.

Gradually though I began to heal as I lived with my friend. And I didn’t feel the compulsive need to make sure he wasn’t an immediate threat.

Until now. When my mother started opening old wounds.

A couple days ago I had an uncontrollable compulsive need to check his social media again.

And found some horrible stuff.

He’d been making creepy threatening status updates every year on my birthday, discussing how he wanted to find me “wherever I was...”

and he wrote “music” with lyrics about enacting the vengeance of god, thunder and brimstone and all that.

He threatened to kill any of the RCMP officers he is convinced are “hunting” him.

And in my desire to document evidence like I did with Wannabe, still not waking up from this maladaptive safety ritual of “knowing your enemy” I went through his four different facebook pages screenshotting things.

And it just got worse.

He posted photos of himself at my age, and I realized that I don’t take after Mark Hamill like I say I do. I take after him.

I mean, I figured. But it was very upsetting to see photos of him as an older teen and pretty much see a non-sickly version of myself staring back at me. He was actually handsome. Could I have looked like that if I wouldn’t have been neglected and abused the way I was? Not to mention the disgust I feel at resembling such an evil man.

He had photos of him as a child and he bragged in the comment section about how he abused his dog and “made them crazy” and knowing he was like that even at a young age sickens me.

He idolizes his horrifically abusive dead father. I’d even argue there’s evidence that his dad was a straight up war criminal. There’s photos of the two together where he’s a toddler and his dad is holding him while smoking. It was disgusting.

He’s racist, a trump supporter (in Canada for some reason???) threatened violence against members of a political party here and again, the rampant “vengeance of my god” lunacy.

He was making posts about how the RCMP “attacked him” for being Christian.

For reference the RCMP had a warrant for his arrest and he assaulted an officer so they took defensive action. They had a warrant for his arrest because he threatened them when they earlier that week seized some of his electronics. (they had a warrant for that too)

The official statement for why they were arresting him was because they considered him mentally unwell and a threat to the safety of others.

So knowing that it’s much easier to tell why the RCMP were after him. Having the context paints and entirely different picture doesn’t it?

The case against him is still confidential but apparently he also had the police called on him numerous times for his behavior where he lived at the time. He frequently complained about how the community was “bullying him” for being an outsider.

He also says that they considered him mentally ill for “being Christian.”

And, because when I get into one of my traumatic mental states I have no off switch I started going back deeper. In the past he was seriously harassing politicians and posting stuff that I’m pretty sure is illegal. Unlike Wannabe he never posted anything overtly “I abuse kids” but he did make posts about how he supported physically abusing children and claimed that photos of children being pepper sprayed were “fake” and that they were “spoiled brats.”

I eventually went too far and found something super bad that shook me to my absolute core.

He made a status back when I was in middle school about how pedophiles don’t deserve longer prison sentences than illegal cannabis growers because their crimes “aren’t as bad” and that they “aren’t as dangerous.”

Ironically, he justified this by saying that pedophiles “kill far less RCMP officers”

This is ironic in the fact that he himself would attempt to kill, and afterwards repeatedly threaten to kill, RCMP officers less than a decade later.

So I guess he decided to prove himself wrong?

But yeah. I shut down after that. It was a dogwhistle looking back on it and it frightened me.

The lyrics for another one of his “songs” are basically “laws can mean different things if you know how to pull some strings” which is also terrifying in context.

Other things that made my heart hurt was that the woman he’s with now loves dogs.They had three. One passed away. I fear for those dogs. In an account that’s shared by both of them posts made in support of dogs with “adopt don’t shop” messages and similar are uploaded. It enrages me because he was a backyard breeder and he also killed my puppy. He’s a lying snake pretending to be a good person.

He’s pretending he cares about us kids, painting my mom out to be “the abuser” and saying about how he wished he could take us to games and stuff. He HATED us. He beat us senseless. He was a torturous monster. Seeing him pretend to be a good father broke me. I want a dad. I wanted someone to play catch with me and take me to see the Penguins and teach me how to shave. I didn’t get that. I got a sexual predator instead.

Look at this: I’ve censored as little as I can and that’s largely for personal reasons. Everything he said is wrong.

I was diagnosed with PTSD because of what HE DID TO ME. My brother’s mental health diagnosis (it’s personal and not my place to share) is also because of him. My mom definitely wasn’t a perfect parent but compared to him she’s a saint.

She didn’t work because she had to stay home to ensure he wouldn’t KILL US. And that only started after the Spot incident. She was working extremely long hours before but stopped after I got beaten super bad.

He’s playing the victim and it’s so upsetting. The nerve he has to say “there was nothing wrong with you while I was there” NO. You refused to let us get mental health treatment. I didn’t get diagnosed until you were gone because I wasn’t allowed to see a psychiatrist.

Him wanting us to take our dogs to him is horrific too.

Also I feel bad about the penguins hat. I guess that means that the grooming still works.

Despite denying my mother’s desire for me to be a “wish kid” (make a wish foundation) because “kids don’t deserve handouts” he would donate profits from his failed pub (a story for another day perhaps) at one point to the make a wish foundation. Seeing the photos of him looming over the kid the money helped made me queasy. I don’t know if he thinks he’s covering his tracks or if he just likes being around disabled kids. Both would make sense honestly. I wonder if that had something to do with the confidential reason the RCMP were after him. I really hope it wasn’t. I really really really hope it wasn’t.

But yeah. All that happened and I was unable to sleep. I was terrified. I was crying. I felt guilt for not being brave enough to report him. For being too much of a coward to come forward about what he had done to me.

My friend saw me talking about what was going on on twitter and told me that this was caused by my mom retraumatizing me and I had to cut her out and not engage for my own sake. That I wasn’t ready to face things yet.

That I had gotten worse because mom was ripping open old wounds and that for my health I needed to back off.

So yeah. I agreed with my friend. I am backing off. I am going to be trying to shut that down. As I said on my main blog, my old abusive childhood is dead. I am making a new one. I will use my imagination to keep myself sane and I will retreat into my passions again. Until I am strong enough.

But I know I need to be strong enough. I will confront him someday. I’m just not ready.

[brianjaeger]

2020 Academy Award Best Picture Nominees Guide For Those Who Haven’t Actually Watched Them

The 92nd Oscars are here and it’s time yet again for all of us to lord over one year’s worth of millions of people’s passions with the certainty of a judge at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show (which ironically takes places one day later) and say aloud, “This art is and forever shall be known as better than that other art!” 

Throw the notion that expression through the medium of film can exist simply to reflect a myriad of emotions and varied experiences right into the wind. We gotta know what that BEST art is, son!

So with mere hours left before Sunday’s spectacle, you’re probably asking yourself one question. “Brian, why do you keep doing this?” No, not that one. “Brian, Tumblr? Really? Does that still exist? Why don’t you spend the slightest amount of time to find a better medium for this?” No, not that one either. “But Brian, I haven’t actually watched any of these films. What am I going to do?!” Ah, now that’s the one. But fear not. I’ve got you covered. For the 6th time, I’m here to give you a rundown of what I think all of these movies are about without actually seeing them, along with some pithy little talking points to take into your Oscar parties to sound like a goddamn genius.

Ford V Ferrari

In this epic clash of man vs. nature set in the den of Harrison Ford’s summer home in Plano, Texas, the extremely hungry aging star has just had a large pie from Ferrari’s Pizzeria, located at 3949 Legacy Drive, delivered…and now it is time for battle. On the About Us section of their website, Ferrari’s Pizzeria makes a “promise to our customers to provide the best Italian food using recipes handed down from our Italian grandmothers.” Hold on to your Italian grandmothers, kids - that promise is about to be put to the test. (Yeah, it’s real.)

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

That cameo by Mater from Cars is really what pushed this film into Oscar contention.

Christian Bale's car in Ford V Ferrari is also an unwavering method actor and remained in character as a car for the entirety of production.

Who won? I'll give you a hint, in the long run, it was not the quality of life for the American working class!

The Irishman

In this gritty thriller, Lucky the Leprechaun’s father, Frank Leprechaun, an immigrant who worked as a farrier making horseshoes in Ireland before coming to America, wishes on a shooting star for a way to make a better life for his family. He finds that chance by doing hits for the mob and we see his first job take place under a pale moon, when he shoots a diamond store clerk in the heart, blood red ballooning out onto the green grass, like crimson and clover. Later, an aging Frank Leprechaun kills union leader Jimmy Hoffa and as he dies, he divulges the secret that Hoffa’s body is buried on a plantation in Lexington to Lucky. The young boy looks back and makes a firm promise to his dying father. “They’ll never get Kentucky farm.”

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

The de-aging technology used in The Irishman was so advanced that, while you can’t see it, De Niro's testicles are actually two inches higher in the first half of the movie.

The run time of the movie is 3 hours and 30 minutes which is also the average amount of time Netflix users scroll through options before deciding to just watch the same episode of The Office again.

In Ireland, this movie is known as The Man.

JoJo Rabbit

From M. Night Shyamalan comes the story of a scared young boy who claims to see Jewish people. While adults around him are trying very hard to see them too, it’s Adolf Hitler who helps the boy to overcome his fear and actually communicate with the Jews to understand them and realize that the reason that he can see them is because he can help them. And then at the end we realize that Hitler was actually a Jew himself THE WHOLE TIME!  

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

I thought it was just a bit on the nose that Taika Waititi chose to have JoJo sing her hit “Leave (Get Out)” at all the Nazis during the Allied occupation of Germany.

While juggling roles in Marriage Story and JoJo Rabbit, Scarlett Johansson would often get confused resulting in one day on set when she tried to cut Sam Rockwell’s hair in a bathtub.

Of all the nominated films, when it comes to winning Best Picture, this is…Nazi one! (Cough. Look around. Place your drink on the table. Slowly collect your coat, walk to the door, pause as if to turn, sigh, leave.)

Joker

It’s 1964 and Cesar Romero has established himself as a force in Hollywood. A multi-talented performer and veteran of WWII, Romero has amassed an impressive body of work playing roles as a versatile character actor, when he gets a call from his agent.

Agent: Cesar, I’ve got something that I think you’d be perfect for.

Cesar Romero: Is it a complex villain in a new Western? A dark turn as a gangster in a noir? A comedic foil in a Sinatra vehicle?

Agent: No. Better.

Cesar Romero: What is it?

Agent: Get this. An evil clown Batman nemesis…on TV!

(Silence.)

Cesar Romero: Um.

Agent: You’ll be kind of like a sidekick to Burgess Meredith! And guess what he is?

Cesar Romero: (Deep breath.) What is he?

Agent: Like a half-man, half-penguin sort of thing…I think. But he’s also evil! Oh, and you’ll also get to star alongside Julie Newmar!

Cesar Romero: Oh, well that may have legs. So, do we have a “will they, won’t they” dynamic?

Agent: Not at all! But she is evil too. And also part cat!

Cesar Romero: I do not understand any of what you are saying.

Agent: And it’s got Frank Gorshin!

Cesar Romero: And what is he? Let me guess. Like an evil frog person?

Agent: No, no! He’s The Riddler. It’s sort of the same exact deal as your character, only he doesn’t wear any makeup. Isn’t this wonderful?!

Cesar Romero: (Pause.) You have to be joking.

Agent: No, Cesar. YOU have…to be joking.

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

We still have a little bit of time for Joaquin Phoenix to die and win a posthumous Oscar for this role and keep with tradition. Then in 11 more years, a woman will win Best Supporting Actress for playing the Joker role and then in another 11 years the actual Joker will direct Joe Kerr in a reboot co-starring the Impractical Jokers…and win an Oscar.

I found the end scene touching when Arthur’s wife delivers his child and asks, “Arthur, what do you want to name your son?” And he replies, “Béla.”

Todd Phillips only made this big flashy blockbuster for the studio so that they’d let him do his deeply personal, intimate art house project, The Hangover IV.

Little Women

In a fresh take on a movie that I think is about some nuns living in a cottage during, fuck, I dunno like 1845? 1912? Aught 5? but there’s like a mean one, and a smart-and-sort-of-pretty-but-not-too-pretty one, and they probably have a dog, oh and a horse, and they have fights about vying for the love of the same boy they grew up with who is now some hot stud with poofy hair and poofy shirts and a nasally British accent, oh and there’s 2-3 other sisters that really just serve to further the main sister’s plot, and there is like fucking grass everywhere and how is all that grass not staining the shit out of those long flowy dresses that they always wear on their farm – or is it a glen? can you live ON a glen? – but later the guy marries the right one and he’s a strong man but is totally cool with her writing about some bullshit about being like a female doctor pioneer or something – oh and she’s wearing a straw hat with like a ribbon that’s always flapping the fuck around behind her – I forgot also that they only have one parent, the other is definitely dead and that comes up a little too often, and my mom and two sisters have to have tissues near the goddamn couch while they watch this seemingly 14 hour fucking miniseries or movie or Hallmark marathon because even though each of them could goddamn recite the dialogue from memory they still cry every…single…time…and OH MY GOD, CAN THIS ANNE OF GREEN GABLES, SOUND OF MUSIC, LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE, PRIDE AND PREJUDICE OR WHATEVER THIS GIRL STUFF IS PLEASE BE OVER SO I CAN HAVE THE LIVING ROOM TV BACK TO WATCH BOY STUFF!

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

Not many people know this fact but on her death bed, Louisa May Alcott’s final request was that if a woman ever directed a film adaptation of Little Women they would absolutely under no circumstances be nominated for a Best Director Oscar. So, really, that’s on her.

To ants, these are very big women.

Alan Dershowitz and Prince Andrew's favorite film.

Marriage Story

Dr. Ellie Sattler has established her second career as a divorce attorney after years as a paleobotanist and now fights so that “woman inherits the earth”...or at least gets primary custody and more than half of the assets.

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

The roommates of Noah Baumbach and Greta Gerwig have become increasingly annoyed listening to several minutes of the two repeating, “No I hope YOU are recognized by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences with the Academy Award for Best Picture…and hang up first,” before ending their long phone calls every night.

While juggling roles in Marriage Story and JoJo Rabbit, Scarlett Johansson would often get confused resulting in one day on set when she tried to hide Robert Smigel in the attic.

Variety reports that a remake of Marriage Story is now slated for fall of 2026 with Colin Jost in the role originated by Adam Driver in a version of the story that will be produced by real life.

1917

The seventh and final installment of the 1910's saga follows the previous successful box office hits 1911: The First One, 1912: Now There's Two, 1913: Why Not Three, 1914: Get It? Years Are Sequential. That’s Really All This Joke Is, 1915: This Is The Fifth One (But Fourth Sequel), and 1916: 19 Fast 16 Furious.

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

Originally, the movie was supposed to have a ton of cuts between scenes but after saying, “Action,” a producer whispered to Sam Mendes that they only had budget left for one single take after hiring every single recognizable British actor still alive – so Mendes started screaming, “Run! You there, start shooting at them. Keep rolling! Keep running! Jump down that waterfall! Let’s go, people, keep up! Hide in those trees now! Oh look, more bad guys! Pew pew! Duck! Run over that way! Do not…stop…shooting!”

If this movie was called 2017, Colin Firth would have just pulled out his Samsung Galaxy Note 8 and texted, “Call off attack,” with a GIF of Admiral Ackbar saying, “It’s A Trap!” Then, mere seconds later he would have received, “lol k thx”.

1917 earned Benedict Cumberbatch a nomination for “Most Distressingly Off-putting Mustache”.

Once Upon A Time In Hollywood

Once Upon A Time In Hollywood harkens back to a time long, long, long ago in Hollywood's history when the majority of top actors were white, the majority of directors were old men and individual parts of women's bodies were oddly objectified and sexualized. We’ve come so far since then!

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

Please don’t ruin the fun and let Brad Pitt know that a movie was actually being filmed around him from June to November 2018.

I didn’t think the film was particularly that great but every single person I know who lives in L.A. and is either in or adjacent to the entertainment industry corrected me that it actually is.

Oh, I’m sorry – I think you’re in the wrong place. This is the once upon a time where a man is burned alive with a blowtorch. If you’re looking for the once upon a time where a man’s eyes are drilled out of his face, well then, pal, you’re gonna want to go to Mexico.

Parasite

Oh. I’m sorry. I accidentally put a Best For'n Language Film here at the end of this list of the best ‘Murican films.

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

Parasite was, by far, the best movie I read this year!

나는 기생충을 진심으로 감사 할 수 있도록 한국어를 배웠습니다.

Bong Joon-ho's Parasite might leave you asking who are the real bottom feeders in the black comedy about social structures. There's plenty of food for thought as this picture is deeper than than what it may seem like on the surface…is the word-for-word review from Rotten Tomatoes Super Reviewer Aldo G that I just read to you out loud after pulling it up on my phone here.

[dudence-blog]

Dear Dudence for 1 December 2017

And we are now in December!  Christmas time!  Trees, lights, inflatable penguins!  And drama!  Soooooooooooo much drama.  It is the season for sharing mulled wine with people you like, and who like you back.  So grab a mug of warmed wine, cider, or chocolate and let’s see what sort of problems I can make worse for people I don’t know!

I live in a close-knit neighborhood. In October, my neighbor’s 16-year-old daughter ran over my family’s beloved cat. She was driving irresponsibly and texting, and she was horrified by what she’d done. I have tried not hating her, and I’ve tried telling myself that there’s always a risk that a cat allowed outdoors will be hit by a car. But I’m angry, and the best thing for me now is to keep my distance from the girl and her family. The parents won’t back off, though. Their daughter is traumatized, and they want me to comfort her.

Dear Cat Killer, unexpectedly losing a beloved pet sucks.  And to have it happen because of the negligent actions of a person you need to continue interacting with is doubly sucky.  I’m going to disagree with Newdie though about it not being awful for you to continue to want to emotionally punish your neighbor’s daughter.  You don’t have to forgive her for her actions; she killed a member of your family afterall.  But is “making a child feel terrible and refusing any kindness towards her,” really the hill you wish to die on?  You say you live in a closely-knit neighborhood, so here’s how it’s going to play out.  You’re going to continue to hold this over your neighbor and their daughter.  They’re going to talk with your other neighbors and, eventually, it will come around to the point where you’re being petty, vindictive, and emotionally cruel to not move on.  It was “just a cat” and you did “know what could happen” if you let it roam outside in an area where cars traveled.  In the not-too-distant future you’re going to lose the very loose and sandy moral high ground on which you’re standing, and it’s not going to be fun for you.  I recommend you think long and hard about what sort of acts of contrition you want to see from your neighbor’s kid as a way to earn your forgiveness, and when she achieves that provide it.  At the end of the day the girl is going to eventually forgive herself and move on.  Whether you do or you allow this anger and resentment to eat away at you and your relations with your neighbors is up to you.

I’m a single woman with a large extended family. I cope with the enormous project of buying Christmas presents by getting them very early. Everyone in my family knows this; it’s the family joke that I have all my presents purchased by Halloween. My brother’s wife “Jean” sent out a group text last week saying they have decided not to exchange gifts with the extended family and would only be getting gifts for each other and their own kids. They have five kids, both together and via previous marriages, so I understand, but would have appreciated more notice. My mom asked what I was going to do, and I said I’d keep the gifts for the kids but return the ones I got for my brother and Jean. Unfortunately, my dad, the family big mouth, overheard us and told my brother.

Dear Christmas Gift Drama, Jean is not right.  Christmas is not about gift-giving.  It’s about celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ.  That we have turned it into a celebration of eating, basketball, giving and exchanging gifts is ancillary to whatever the “meaning” of the holiday is.  Grown-ass people getting their panties in a wad because their grown-ass sibling didn’t get them something after they said they’re not getting the sibling something are pathetic.  You are morally and ethically in the right to return their gifts.  Send them a nice card with a friendly and caring message of love for the holidays.  Although do send the kids their gifts; it’s not their fault their mother acted rudely.

How do I cut off my seemingly well-intentioned family? My whole life, my little sister was the favorite. Growing up, other adults even commented on it to me, which actually helped because it showed me it wasn’t all in my head. On the outside they are a well-meaning Southern family, but to me they are suffocating.

Dear Just Want Out, you’re not going to be able to ghost your own family.  You’re, eventually, going to need to tell them why you’re ignoring them.  Or, you’re going to tell someone why and they’re going to tell them.  So, sack-up and tell them you’re not going to be joining them because it’s not in the budget, whether due to money or time.  Send a polite card wishing them well for the holiday and move on with your life.  Hit “ignore” on the Family Gift Wish List text as well.

I have been struggling with my son for a long time and just don’t know how to get through to him. He started out being very impulsive as a young child, not thinking things through, getting aggressive with other children, and not listening. Once he entered grade school the aggressive behavior toned down significantly, thank goodness, and he appeared to be listening to his teachers. At home is a different story. I’ve been divorced from my son’s father since he was 2-1/2 years old but up until recently he still maintained contact with him. I attributed many of his behaviors to his father’s leniency and lack of discipline. However, my son is nine now and no longer has contact with his father, who is a deadbeat.

Dear At Wits’ End, oof.  This is a heart-breaking letter on several levels.  There’s a whole lot of hurt, pain, and problems in not a lot of space, and much of them are far beyond the capabilities of NuPru or me to address.  As much as I’d like to join in NuPru’s condemnation of your actions and the consequence it has had on your son I’m not going to.  Parenting is hard, single-parenting harder still, and even the best, most wonderful, and well-intentioned people can fail when pushed hard enough.  Hitting your kid in anger is a terrible thing to do, your 9 year old cannot have done anything to justify such violence, it’s not going to result in the behavior you want, and will likely get you seriously hemmed up by the law.  Maybe she’s right that your actions have left your son unable to form friendships or fail to hit developmental milestones, but it’s also possible there are some underlying medical issues which could be at play, and the healing power of “and” is always at work.  Certainly your actions and attitude towards him aren’t helping, but without identifying that possibility you’re going to be swimming against the stream even more than you are now.  You need to get yourself some help to deal with your anger and stress.  You need to get your son some help as well; his school district almost certainly has some resources to identify if he has a developmental issue.  And it’s not likely his teachers haven’t noticed his behavior, so it’s probably something someone there is considering.  After you get yourself some help for the anger and control issues it might be worth trying to reestablish a relationship with the boy’s father.  That he became a “deadbeat” while you were belittling his parental choices and escalating the emotional and physical abuse of your shared child might be connected.

I’m a trans woman who’s been in a relationship with a queer cis girl for a couple years. It has slowly come out that my partner wants to “date people who have vaginas.” She’s told me before that she sees herself as having been historically deprived of the ability to date people with vaginas because society has primed her relationship life to involve “people who have penises.” I feel hurt by this analysis, because I honestly have never seen any societal
forces compelling anyone to date trans people like me. This line of logic also seems disingenuous given that she was raised in a cis lesbian household. I feel hurt and inadequate. When we have conversations about this, the conversation always unfolds with her in the role of the victim. This is a difficult dynamic to escape, because she is better than me at using sound social justice rhetoric.

Dear Just Want to Feel Normal, you’re not taking this too personally.  Once we strip away all the gender identifying text this is about your significant other no longer being attracted (as attracted?) to you, wanting to date other people, but wanting to keep you around for their own satisfaction.  Oh, and there’s also a bit of mind-fuckery going on where she’s trying to blame you for not wanting to be her doormat.  Your girlfriend can deploy all the social justice rhetoric she wishes, but it doesn’t change that she’s behaving like an asshole.  It sucks when someone you love reveals they no longer feel the same, and it’s a suck-multiplier when they exploit your own feelings of inadequacy and emotional vulnerabilities at the same time.  Just because you’re trans doesn’t mean you deserve to be treated like your hopefully-soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend is treating you.  You deserve to have a supporting, caring partner who is totally into you, and I hope you find them.

I recently became good friends with “Absalom” and “Richard.” Richard is queer and non-binary but very masculine-presenting, while Absalom is a straight cis man (I myself am a gay cis man). When we first became friends, Richard and I both developed small crushes on Absalom before we knew his sexuality. We both subtly and innocently flirted with him a couple times. After Absalom offhandedly mentioned he was straight, I backed off, no big deal.

Dear Looking for Straight Talk, much like Wanting to Feel Normal, let’s go ahead and strip out the genders, orientation, etc.  Bottom line is one of your friends is romantically pressuring one of your other friends in a way which the object of the affections doesn’t seem to appreciate, is noticed and negatively remarked upon by another group of friends, and which is making you uncomfortable.  You passed the point where Richard’s behavior was “not OK” a while ago.  Actually, you know what, let’s call him Dick.  Absalom is not enthusiastically consenting to Dick’s come-ons and Dick is either not picking up on this, thinks he just needs to apply the right amount of pressure to make Absalom come around, is getting his jollies out of making Absalom have to take his unreciprocated advances, or the healing power of “and”.  Let’s put the genders, orientation, etc back into the question.  Despite what Kevin Spacey says, being non-heteronormative isn’t carte-blanche to behave boorishly.  Honestly, had this situation involved a man making unwelcome advances towards a woman Bad Pru would have been much more straight-forward in her advice and the condemnation of Dick’s behavior.  So I will.  What you’re describing is the sort of sexual impropriety we really shouldn’t tolerate.  Let Dick know it’s “Not Okay”, or, preferably, let Dick know that he’s being a fucking creep.

[jenmedsbookreviews]

In a week where I almost retired from blogging (well I thought about it fractionally at least) I have to say that I have been at possibly my most stressed in a very long time. It is actually nothing to do with the blog, although I have been ‘complaining’ all week about lack of love i.e. lack of ‘book post’. It is a plight of many a blogger, some of whom can be quite perplexed and upset about it, especially when they see the book they covet in the hands of another blogger or reader. I, to be fair, don’t really care much, but the obligatory ‘book post shelfie’ can lead to many a green-eyed monster in the blogging world, and if we’re honest, it seems we’ve enough of those going around already. You only need to ask some of my fellow bloggers about life in Twitter and Facebook jail.

Least said soonest mended on that front…

When it comes to book post, I’m actually lucky if I received one piece of book post every five or six weeks, and my last hit, until this week, was at the beginning of September, so this month has been nothing out of the ordinary. I think there are only about four publishers on the planet who have my actual address if I am honest so I should not be surprised by the lack of actual post lol. I am still getting review requests (have you folks read my reviews? Why would you do that?) and more than enough approvals on NetGalley which, along with my excessive book purchases, are enough to keep me in books until I actually can retire from the day job. In about thirty years or so…

That said, I was very moved and overwhelmingly grateful to receive a lovely ‘care’ package from Katherine Sunderland on Friday courtesy of her and the team over at No Exit Press (one of the four publishers with my address details :D). I love Katherine and her blog. She is genuinely lovely and such a positive supporter of the bookish world I’m very happy to call her a friend.

Isn’t that lovely? I shall look forward to sitting down and reading Larry and the Dog People. This certainly cheered me up after a very long week at work where my mood was at a considerable low, my swearing at a considerable high and the only highlight worth mentioning was a nice curry out with my team to celebrate nearing the end of part one of budget hell. It’s a tradition and something I do with them every year, in part to say a small thanks for all of their hard work throughout the year.

Book post, it appears, is like the proverbial London bus… You wait weeks for some and then two come along all at once. Saturday I returned home from sorting out a phone upgrade to two more parcels. One was the signed first edition copy of Val McDermid’s Insidious Intent which I was waiting on from Goldsboro. The other one was the second book in the Hendrik Groen series, On The Bright Side which is out in January. I loved the original book so can’t wait to tuck into this one. Big thanks to Sam Deacon at Penguin Michael Joseph for sending it to me. And also a big thanks to Lloyd Otis for the invite to attend his book launch in London in a couple of weeks. I can actually attend this one and I can’t wait.

I feel loved again. But it’s all okay anyway. As you can see from the picture at the top, I have Belgian Chocolate Mushrooms. I am saving them to eat on Friday when my review of the fungi-tastic The Man Who Died by Antti Tuomainen is reviewed on the blog. I’ll need sustenance by then. Several early starts and some property viewings scheduled for this week. It’s going to be a long one…

NetGalley wise I was quite restrained. For me. Only two titles. One I needed for a blog tour the other for my Christmas feature in November so they don’t count… Sort of. I bagged copies of Christmas at Hope Cottage by Lily Graham and Cold Christmas by Alastair Gunn. Another Penguin MJ title that I was actually invited to read. I’m sure many thousands of others were too but it’s almost as if they might like me. Just a little bit…

Amazon and book purchase wise… Yes well. Least said soonest mended on that front too. Whoops.

I may, may have preordered the signed hardback copy of Whiteout by Ragnar Jonasson from Goldsboro. May… I ‘may’ also have ordered a physical copy of The Man Who Died by Antti Tuomainen. Not that I enjoyed it or anything. Or that I have the kindle version on pre-order. Just saying…

I may also have pre-ordered Before I Let You Go by Kelly Rimmer, Killed, the fifth Henning Juul book by Thomas Enger, Hydra by Matt Wesolwski, Deep Blue Trouble by Steph Broadribb, Shadows by Paul Finch, Her Best Friend by Sarah Wray, Mother by S.E. Lynes, Sometimes I Kill by Alice Feeney,  Gone Missing by T.J. Brearton, Hello Again by Brenda Novak and The CWA Short Story Anthology.

And placed orders for The Undesired by Yrsa Sigurdardottir and The Foster Child by Jenny Blackhurst.

Seriously. I need help. Still, my plan not to leave the family any inheritance appears to be on track 😀

Reading wise, give how busy and tired I’ve been, I managed three books, which I’m happy with.

Books I have read.

The Fallen Agent by Oliver Tidy

Jess Albion has recently started a new life on the other side of the world with a new identity. She used to be MI5. Then a job went bad, someone died and she was made an example of in the British courts. But MI5 look after their own. Or they did until rumours of a planned Al Qaeda biological terror attack on London started circulating. Now someone in the British security services is giving agents up in return for information. No price, it seems, is too high to save London from the ultimate threat.

When Jess’s fresh start is compromised she has a choice to make: run and hide and spend the rest of her life looking over her shoulder or go looking for the threat and snuff it out. On her own, she’d run, but she has Nick on her side.

The Fallen Agent is a story of love and hate, of loyalty and betrayal, of revenge and callous disregard for human life in the pursuit of satisfaction.

The first in a new series about former spook Jess Albion, this book is high in action and tension. Centered around the threat of a potential biological attack on London, the story is one of betrayal and revenge. My review will be on the blog in a few weeks as part of the tour. In the mean time you can pre-order the book here.

…

Snare by Lilja Sigurdardottir

After a messy divorce, attractive young mother Sonia is struggling to provide for herself and keep custody of her son. With her back to the wall, she resorts to smuggling cocaine into Iceland, and finds herself caught up in a ruthless criminal world.

As she desperately looks for a way out of trouble, she must pit her wits against her nemesis, Bragi, a customs officer, whose years of experience frustrate her new and evermore daring strategies. Things become even more complicated when Sonia embarks on a relationship with a woman, Agla. Once a high-level bank executive, Agla is currently being prosecuted in the aftermath of the Icelandic financial crash.

Set in a Reykjavík still covered in the dust of the Eyjafjallajökull volcanic eruption, and with a dark, fast-paced and chilling plot and intriguing characters, Snare is an outstandingly original and sexy Nordic crime thriller, from one of the most exciting new names in crime fiction.

Wow. What a book. I raced through this in just under a day and enjoyed every minute of it. Poor Sonia. I really felt for her. I had a bit of an inkling of what was happening but it didn’t make it any less shocking when it was confirmed. And such a compelling story, a bit cat and mouse, with a whole lot of threat. Loved it. My review will be published in a couple of weeks, in the meantime you can preorder a copy of the book here.

…

Fox Hunter by Zoe Sharp

FOX HUNTER is the latest in Zoë Sharp’s highly acclaimed Charlotte ‘Charlie’ Fox crime thriller series.

‘The dead man had not gone quietly … There was a time when I would have given everything I owned to be the one responsible for that.’

Charlie Fox will never forget the men who put a brutal end to her military career, but she vowed a long time ago she would not go looking for them.

Now she doesn’t have a choice.

Her boss and former lover, Sean Meyer, is missing in Iraq where one of those men was working as a private security contractor. When the man’s butchered body is discovered, Charlie fears that Sean may be pursuing a twisted vendetta on her behalf.

Sean’s partner in their exclusive New York close-protection agency needs this dealt with—fast and quiet—before everything they’ve worked for is in ruins. He sends Charlie to the Middle East with very specific instructions:

Find Sean Meyer and stop him. By whatever means necessary.

At one time Charlie thought she knew Sean better than she knew herself, but it seems he’s turned into a violent stranger. As the trail grows more bloody, Charlie realises that unless she can get to Sean first, the hunter may soon become the hunted.

Okay. So as per usual I’m a little late to the party. Way beyond fashionably so but better late than never I always say. This is my first Charlie Fox book but after hearing the author read from it at Noir at the Bar at Harrogate, I couldn’t resist when invited to be a part of the blog tour. High on action, this is totally my kind of book. You can find out how much so in a couple of week. While you’re waiting you can order yourself a copy of the book here.

…

That was it. All I managed. I ran out of time. Some rather ambitious reading targets for this week given that I’m driving all around the country for half of it, but I will achieve. I am determined and bloody minded enough.

Blog wise, another full on week behind me with a mix of reviews and blog tours posts.

Maria In The Moon by Louise Beech

Kisses From Nimbus by P.J. ‘Red’ Riley

#Booklove: Mandie Griffiths

The Surrogate by Louise Jensen

House of Spines by Michael J. Malone

Operation Clean Up Day by Jason Tucker

We’ll Always Have Christmas by Jenny Hale

Lies That Poison by Amanda Fleet

A mad week really when you think about it. And I reviewed my first Christmas book. Go me!

The week ahead is just as manic in all quarters. Blog wise it’s the usual mix of reviews, booklove and blog tours. First up today is Mandie’s blog tour review of The Bad Sister by Anne Penketh. On Wednesday I have a blog tour guest post from Will Campbell, author of Sometimes The Darkness. Thursday I have a Q&S with debut author, Caroline England, and more blog tours on Friday with reviews of The Man Who Died by Antti Tuomainen, The Mistake by K.L. Slater and a further guest post on Saturday from author Donald M Bell and his book, Doing Scary. I’ll be rounding out the week with a review. Hope you can join me.

Tonight, all being well and barring any natural disasters, I will be making the most of my proximity to London with work and attending my first ever First Monday Crime. It’s a cracking line up with Ann Cleeves, Mark Edwards, Caz Frear and Lilja Sigurdardottir. Oh, and some bloke called Rod Reynolds apparently. I can’t wait. I may even see some of you there. All I have to do is find the place. Wish me luck…

Do hope that you have a wonderfully bookish week all. See you next time

Jen

  Rewind, recap: Weekly update w/e 01/10/17 In a week where I almost retired from blogging (well I thought about it fractionally at least) I have to say that I have been at possibly my most stressed in a very long time.