#and that makes me wonder what those songs would've sounded like if they WERE recorded with the session band

[m1ssunderstanding]

Understanding Lennon McCartney Rewatch Part 1.3

Okay can anyone explain the “false hotel registration” thing to me? Does it mean they registered under a false name? So Paul registered under a false name so he could go fuck a girl in his room without getting in trouble with the press? I'm confused. Didn't they bring girls to their rooms all the time without getting in trouble? It doesn't make sense. Why did he feel the need to register under a different name?

Paul, talking about American conservatism, “So many organizations over here that are nuts anyway.” John, “Yeah, they're so far right they just–” tape ends. They really were brave, though. To say what they thought and risk losing what they'd only just got. I wonder who cut the recording. 

Journalist: Paul, are you planning to marry Jane Asher? John: scream ‘no.’ Go on. Lol John certainly says what he feels doesn't he?

Paul making fun of the racist question. Good job bud. 

The whole “Yesterday” thing is crazy. Like, what a feat, first of all. I think we forget how unbelievably successful the song was.

Second of all, I know John's reaction was childish and mean, but his feelings were valid if you just look at the treatment and reception of “Ticket to Ride”  (John's dead mum song). Like objectively yesterday is a better song, but still.

Oh, John. Poor thing. 

If “Girl” is secretly about Paul . . . yeesh. It's so obsessive and adoring and simultaneously so disappointed and disparaging. John always has such impossible standards for Paul. “She promises the earth to me and I believe her, after all this time I don't know why.” Um… maybe because he literally did give you the world? At so many points I find myself asking, “what more could Paul possibly have given John?”

People always take this quote as a sexuality thing, but couldn't it also be a conscience thing? Revulsion at taking advantage of the fact that all these women are fans? At the scale of his infidelity? I don't know, am I giving him too much credit?

The thing about Paul, John – and though it drives you insane, it's a big factor in why you love him -- is he's not going to be bullied into anything. If he decides to take LSD it's going to be on his own terms. And I know you think it'll bring you two closer, and you're right, but peer pressure just doesn't work on him. There's no point. You know that.

I LOVE Paul and the Indica. Designing the wrapping paper in secret up in his little attic room, covering over the shop windows so he can do his handyman work building shelves and painting in peace. It's Linda's Paul pre Linda, you know?

John is so good at PR as in making something sound as beautiful and important and powerful as possible. Which is something Paul absolutely relied on John to do and clearly could not do on his own after the break up. Look how John makes them almost into prophets here.

"I really wanted to live in London but I wouldn't risk it." Another thing to make John envious of Paul and resentful of Cynthia. I really wish those two had just never got married. 

“I don't object to people having a lot of money, I never did. But I do object to people being stony broke and starving.” RIP John, you would've loved the American “left” of today. But you can't have the former without the latter, sorry.

This picture always gets me. It's ridiculous. Pattie and George. Mo and Ringo. John and Paul. With Cynthia awkwardly by herself. It's funny. It's adorable. It's crushing. And with that quote? It's impossible.

I think Tara Browne is overlooked. Paul brought him home for Christmas. That's a big deal. And John hated him enough to laugh when he read about his death. That's also a big deal. Paul and his messed up social climbing obsession. I do think it's worth pointing out, though, the difference between Paul’s LSD trip with Tara and his trip with John. More on that later.

I really do think they were all staunchly anti-racist for their time, you know, besides John's racist jokes and drawings… but Paul particularly. And I have to wonder where that came from. Did he have empathy for people being judged on appearance and background? Was it partially due to his idolization of black artists? Did Little Richard maybe say something to him about racism in America? Anyone have any thoughts?

Actually, same, John. 

Okay and I have to share my hot take on the whole Jesus scandal. It's this: the American right doesn't actually care about Jesus. They care about protecting their hegemony. They didn't like that the Beatles were openly and stubbornly integrationist. They didn't like Paul's comment about their inhumane racism. But they couldn't openly counter that without showing their hand. So they used the Jesus comment as an excuse. If they play the religious persecution card, they get to paint themselves as the victims and therefore the good guys while they take down anyone who challenges the status quo that keeps them in money and power (aka the Beatles). 

Maybe I should've had a “poor baby” tally because the number of times I've said that about John in these comments has got to be tally-worthy. I would've driven around in a gorilla suit with you, honey!

It is actually amazing that there hasn't been more speculation on Paul's sexuality with all these serious boyfriends. 

Paul tells a story about a time he flew a plane, and how much better he liked it than being a passenger. First off. Imagine being a pilot and just being like “oh, you've never touched a joystick in your life, but you're Paul McCartney? Sure, go ahead. Fly the plane.” But also. His control issues and his confidence are both off unreal. No one in their right mind would feel more safe flying a plane – as someone with a complete lack of experience – than when a licensed pilot is flying it. 

Okay I literally JUST learned that Here There and Everywhere says, “how good it can be” not could. Can. And it's one of those in my "for sure this was about John" folder. Okay then. Wow.

The thing is they really did compliment each other's songs a lot more than modern Paul makes it seem like. So I wonder what it was about the “Here There and Everywhere” compliment that made it so special to Paul?

This footage where John is hiding behind McCharmley. I love protective Paul and how different he is to protective John and how much they needed each other. 

Hall of Fame quote: “what composer do you respect the most?” “I dunno really. John Lennon.” “Paul McCartney.”

[ashtray-girl]

Everytime I read or listen a Grant Showbiz intervew he's like trying to say Moz was madly in love with Johnny and that there was something else going on, but without saying the actual words lmao

right?? lmao one of the most interesting things he said imo is when he talked abt feeling "physically threatened" by morrissey when the band was recording those cilla black & elvis covers, right before they split up... bc morrissey had apparently been drinking (which i mean... THAT was quite ooc, i wonder what led him to do that... 👀) & he was acting erratically... showbiz also kept the recording for that Elvis cover (A Fool Such As I) for a while, even tho part of the song was allegedly wiped by the sound engineer & therefore would've been unusable, but THEN he ended up giving those tapes to johnny "for safekeeping" & bc it was "the right thing to do", which like... sure, but if the song was deemed unusable anyway, why not just getting rid of it? why hold on to the tapes? but according to a recent BBC interview, johnny still has those tapes, even tho he hasn't listened to them in a long time & it's apparently the only Smiths' song that's yet to be released... interestingly enough, he said he doesn't plan on ever releasing that bc it reminds him of a bad time & he "doesn't want to put that out into the world"... (no mention of the song having been partially wiped tho... 👀) which leaves me wondering... was that song really the problem? was morrissey's rendition really THAT bad? or was there other stuff that ended up on tape while they were recording? stuff that had to do w/morrissey's erratic behavior & that they don't want anyone else to hear bc it would reflect badly on them, possibly painting a picture that would affect the band's legacy & that would make ppl see johnny & morrissey's relationship in a different, potentially more intimate way? 👀 i mean, at one point the song literally says: "you taught me how to love & now you say we're through"... are we really meant to think nothing of that, given everything else we know? 👀

[randomvarious]

1990s Downtempo Playlist

Well, ya just knew that after doing a bunch of trip hop playlist posting over the past few weeks that I was gonna start adding fresh coats of paint to my downtempo playlists too. And this week I've got some 90s gems from a same trio of albums I've been posting a lot about lately on these Sunday nights: Ninja Cuts: Flexistentialism from UK electronic powerhouse Ninja Tune, Parisian Kid Loco's brilliant DJ-Kicks mix, and then a pretty damn obscure comp from late 90s South Africa called ReRooted: Beatz From Da Ground Up.

And I think my absolute favorite of these new adds this week comes from that Flexistentialism comp, with a lovely piece of blissed-out, mid-90s, reverberating, softly bonging and throbbing dubbiness by legendary Austrian duo Kruder & Dorfmeister called "Shakatakadoodub." These guys are better known as top-flight DJs and remixers, and their own DJ-Kicks mix is often ranked as one of the greatest DJ mixes that's ever been made, period, but "Shakatakadoodub," which is not an obscure track by any means, as it currently has over 1.11 million Spotify plays, is seven-plus minutes of light, hazy perfection 😌. K&D don't release much music of their own creation, and so, this merely made its debut on Flexistentialism, but if they'd ever been more committed to releasing more material, this definitely would've been a stand-out track on whatever they were fixing to release; it's so good.

Next up, from that ReRooted comp, we've got something from a band that hailed from Johannesburg called Sugardrive, who deliver "Girl You Made Me Bad," which is also sort of this vocal indie pop crossover hybrid too. Excellently soothing bits of trumpet, choppy psychedelic synths, and electric acoustic guitar strums. Looks like there's another version of this song on Spotify that has 31.8K+ plays, but this one appears to be cruising somewhere below 1,000 right now...

9 Lazy 9 - "Spoonful of Slow" Kruder & Dorfmeister - "Shakatakadoodub" Funki Porcini - "Venus" Sugardrive - "Girl You Made Me Bad" Boards of Canada - "Happy Cycling" Kid Loco - "Flyin' on 747"

But the YouTube version of this playlist contains all those adds and a handful more too that can't be found on Spotify, which is where some of the songs from Kid Loco's DJ-Kicks mix come into play, like a 1999 song called "Slo Jo" by a guy from Vienna named Stereotyp, who was signed to Kruder & Dorfmeister's own G-Stone Recordings label at the time. And true to that label name, this one is definitely stoned 😵. Very trippy and chill tune, with slow and syrupy synth zaps, a crunch-dusty drumbeat, and vocals delivered by someone named Le Bubu, whose only credits ever came from the Stereotyp 12-inch that this wonderful song first originated from: Stash It. Currently under 2,300 YouTube plays, and deserving of a lot more.

Hacienda - "Diskoking" Tongue - "Culture Consumers" Thievery Corporation - "Lebanese Blonde" Stereotyp - "Slo Jo"

And this playlist is also on YouTube Music.

So this latest update now brings the Spotify version of this playlist up to 40 songs that clock in at 4 hours and 7 minutes, but over on YouTube, we're up to a total of 69 songs (nice!) that clock in at 7 hours and 14 minutes! So if you want a shit-ton more of excellent 90s downtempo, do check out the YouTube one!

And if those playlist lengths sound way too long, consider checking some shorter ones out, which are segmented by year:

1993 Downtempo: YouTube / YouTube Music 1996 Downtempo: YouTube / YouTube Music 1997 Downtempo: YouTube / YouTube Music 1998 Downtempo: YouTube / YouTube Music

And you already know that there's gonna be more downtempo next week, but just to make it official: more downtempo next week.

Enjoy!

More to come, eventually. Stay tuned!

Like what you hear? Follow me on Spotify and YouTube for more cool playlists and uploads!

[rmemebrt]

Now and Then being released the way it is now really helps add that extra bit of time, because during its original recording it was John reflecting on being able to be with his past partners again and getting better and working with Paul again. Now it's like Paul is thanking John and the others for helping get them all to where they are and were and being able to finally take him up on working together again, which really gives it that impact that it wouldn't have if it was released in the 90s by the threetles or even the 80s by John.

It also has a lot of late stage beatles sound, the woos from magical mystery tour and the string arrangements from there as well as sergeant peppers and the post touring albums. The late stage sound was unexpected but definitely makes sense, especially because Paul tends to remember that a lot in his nostalgic songs, but it is really heavy here so I do wonder what events or eras he was remembering. It seems like Get Back brings a lot of divorce nostalgia, which could bring back the reminiscing there thus bringing out memories of right before Brian's death, but after the solid suits. The part right at the start of hard drugs and during the height of self expression, the start of the summer of love. It doesn't feel as rekindling and getting back together like it would've had it been done earlier, like Free As A Bird still retains those qualities despite being post-death so I definitely think Get Back has had a big influence on memory.

I think if you asked Paul now if he still kind of feels John there, I don't think it would be like before with it being like a help in the songwriting process. Really this all plus the book and Paul realizing he's expressing emotion in song without trying, it makes me curious for what he'll do next, because there's been a lot of reminiscing in the newest content I'd love to see where that goes and what he's going to say about all of that.

[actualhumansunshine]

So basically, like, lyrically, this is the song that means kind of, like, the most to me, obviously, on this album. And I felt like it was the first time that I'd probably written stuff from, and I've said this before, from an adult's point of view, and I'd tend to have written before, you know, from an 18 year old, 19 year old's point of view, so now that I'm really old at 24... Honestly my knees feel like they're 45, but... Yeah, this was the first time that I'd felt like I'd written from an adult's point of view. And, um, yeah, and then this song really stood out to me, it was a really poignant moment in the album for me. And I've never recorded an album in that fashion before, where I've literally spent, you know, six, eight weeks recording a different song every day with a session band, and it was a different experience for me. But, like, this time you got to see the song come to life, like it is here, right now, which was an amazing experience, and recording this song was a really good experience for me, where we were just sitting there, recording it. There was, like, a session band who played session music every day of the week, and they don't really have to care about what they're gonna play. And we're talking like, you know, 30, 40 year old guys who do this for a living and they don't have to care, but when we started recording Flicker, after about two takes, it really felt there was emotion kicking off in the room, and there was literally 45 year old men with tears dripping down their faces, which is, um, what you want when you write a song like this.

niall introducing flicker at the spotify fans first event at the troubadour [09.21.17]

[imaginationintowords]

Folklore [song series]

peace

Modern Day AU! Steve Rogers x OC!Reader

Plot: Inspired by Taylor Swift’s new album Folklore. The story follows the timeline of Bucky and Elizabeth’s life throughout the years

[word count: 2265]

[a/n: sorry for the wait. it was my birthday last weekend so i was just chilling. but here it is, just in time for the anniversary of folklore's release. the final chapter of my folklore song series. i started this last fall, and it's now the end. thank you to all who read the story and commented and showed it love. you don't know how much that means to me, that people liked it so much. thank you for joining this journey with me, and I hope the ending is a nice little bow to finish it off]

Series Masterlist

Age: 27

Year: July 2021 [two weeks after engagement]

Location: New York

Two weeks after their engagement, Steve and Elizabeth were still living off of the high from their engagement.

They were currently spending some time in New York. Liz had just graduated from law school that spring, while Steve was still working at the same architect firm. That was actually also why they were in New York.

The company was opening another branch in New York. Steve was offered a promotion, but it would only be available at the New York office.

In the few years since Steve graduated, he's been excelling in the architect world. He's really made a name for himself. Last year he was named the "hottest" up and coming architect. Ever since then he's been very busy. His boss gave him the month off, to propose to Liz, and to take a tour of the new office.

Steve told Liz that they'd only move back if that's what she really wanted. Especially since she just finished law school, and she still needs to take the state bar exam. She would need to figure that out soon, because the NY state bar exam date was closing in on her.

She and Steve decided a month in NY would help them both decide if moving back would be best. If they did decide to move back Steve would already have job waiting for him. Liz on the other hand might not.

Luckily for her, Loki was currently working at a law firm in NY. He was able to get her an interview while she was in town. He couldn't promise her a position, as there were a lot of people up for the job, some had even interned there. But Liz still went to the interview giving it her best.

Loki and Scott moved to NY two years ago, both their jobs taking them there. They ended up eloping right before their move, two years after Thor and Wanda got married.

Thor and Wanda had officially been married for four years. They were also considering the move over to the east coast. Both of their families lived out there and it just made more sense to them, especially with them trying to start a family.

Family was a massive pro for Steve and Liz as well. Moving back would mean seeing their loved ones a lot more. Especially now with Poppy about to turn six, part of them felt like they were missing out on their goddaughter's life. Steve also missed Bucky.

Bucky was doing really well in his career. He's currently working as a sound engineer for a movie studio. A big step up from the local recording studio he started in.

He was currently looking for a place to move to in Manhattan. Now that Poppy was about to be six, and she was already going to school in the city, it was time they officially made the move.

Actually he's no his girlfriend had decided to move in together.

Dr. Jane Foster is a pediatric fellow. She was in her first year of fellowship at a private practice in Manhattan.

Bucky and Jane met three years ago, through Sam Wilson. Bucky was hesitant at first to date, because he's a single father, and his main priority has always been Poppy since the day she was born. But

Sam had convinced Bucky to go on just one date. One date was all it took. Bucky was immediately hooked. Same went for Jane.

Jane was incredibly understanding of Bucky's situation. And it also helped that she loved children.

Jane met Poppy four months into the relationship and since then everything has been going great for the three of them. Jane instantly fell in love with Poppy and Poppy loved Jane a lot. Bucky had truly never felt happier. When he was alone with his girls he felt complete. When Bucky brought up the idea of officially making the move, he and Jane made the decision to move in together. They were practically already living together at that point. They were all very excited about this next step in their relationship.

Steve and Elizabeth were watching Poppy for the day while Bucky and Jane worked. They decided to spend their day in the city, walking around what could possibly be their new neighborhood. Poppy was loving having them around, and talking up their ears about school and all the friends she has made.

Around lunch time Poppy started to get hungry and sleepy. They decided to stop at a café and get some lunch.

Liz went inside while Steve and Poppy sat outside. Poppy ended up falling asleep on Steve while they waited for Liz. Steve found himself thinking about the possibility of living there.

Truth be told part of him did want to move back. He genuinely missed the New York City way of living. As he relaxes into the sounds of the city, he hears his name being called out. He looks straight ahead, looking for whoever called him, or if they were calling another Steve. As his eyes scanned the crowd, he met the eyes of the last person he would ever think he would see again.

He was completely shocked.

"Peggy?" Steve questioned, as the woman stopped in front of the table.

"I thought that was you," she smiled, "Wow. You most certainly aren't 17 anymore."

Peggy checks him out, as he stayed in his seat. She wasn't being subtle about it either.

Steve cleared his throat, noticing the way Peggy was eyeing him up and down, "Well it has been a decade wince we've last seen each other."

Peggy glances at the sleeping Poppy in his lap.

"Is this your daughter?" She asks pointing at Poppy, then glancing at his left hand noticing there wasn't a ring on his finger.

"Oh, no. This is my goddaughter. She's actually Bucky's," Steve tells her.

"No way," she gasps, surprised by this information. At that moment Elizabeth walks out of the cafe with a number plaque for the table.

"Oh my gosh! Elizabeth?" Peggy greeted.

"Peggy?" Liz asked confused at this older version of Peggy Carter.

"Yeah," she smiled.

Elizabeth put the number plaque on the table, Peggy catches the shimmer of her engagement ring.

"Oh wow! Congratulations," she says grabbing Liz's left hand, "You have a really beautiful daughter. I'm so happy for you and Bucky. High school sweethearts, making it til the end."

Liz was confused, she looked at Steve, hoping he could get them out of this awkward, and slightly uncomfortable situation.

"Um actually, this isn't her daughter, and she's not engaged or married to Bucky," Steve says, "We're actually the ones engaged."

Peggy was taken by surprise at this brand new information, not expecting to hear those words come out of Steve's mouth.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. My mistake," she apologizes, embarrassed.

"Well Congratulations," she awkwardly says, glancing at her watch, "I better be on my way. But hey here's my card. I moved back a couple of months ago. But we should all get dinner and catch up. There's clearly a lot I have missed."

She hands Liz the business card and walks away.

"Well that was random," Steve awkwardly laughs.

"What are the odds," Liz says sitting across from Steve, "Didn't even know she was back."

Liz cleared her throat and tried to focus on the city around her.

Con: Peggy Carter.

Steve and Elizabeth continued on with their day. At the end of the day, they dropped Poppy off at Jane's apartment and headed to their hotel.

Throughout their day there was a slight tension between the couple, it didn't go unnoticed by the both of them. Neither could figure out what the tension was. They both knew it had to do with the sudden appearance of Peggy Carter.

They laid in their hotel bed, each with a book in their hands. Their nightly read.

Elizabeth had a hard time focusing on what she was reading. She tried to force away thoughts of Peggy Carter out of her head. She flipped the page and stopped when she noticed her engagement ring. She took a long stare at it.

"Do you regret it?" She asks, turning her head towards him.

"Regret what?" He asks putting his book down and turning to face her.

"You and Peggy breaking up," she says, "Do you regret it?"

Steve is taken back by Liz's question.

"No," he shakes his head, "I don't regret it."

"Do you ever wonder what you're life would've been like had she stayed?"

Steve ponders over the question, "Truthfully? No. Once we said our final goodbyes in London, that was it. I never once gave it another thought. I closed that chapter as soon as I boarded my flight. Not that the breakup didn't hurt. Because it did. I just knew then that she wasn't my future. I never thought I would see her again."

"But you did," Liz quietly says.

"Yeah, which was weird," he says.

"I wouldn't blame you if you wanted out of the relationship to be with her," she says tearing up.

"What? No," Steve quickly says, sitting straight up, "I don't want that."

"I just mean, if you wanted to. I would completely understand. She was your first love."

"Yes, she was. But I don't love her," he says, "I know this is only coming up because we saw her today, and there's been this out of awkward tension in the air ever since. But I don't want to be with Peggy."

Liz glances down at her engagement ring again, trying to hide the tears of insecurity rolling down her face.

"Look at me," he softly says, placing his hand over her's, "I love you and only you. I asked you to marry me because you're the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. You and only. Peggy doesn't mean anything to me. I haven't even thought of her since high school. You mean more to me than anything in this world. Especially more than some high school ex-girlfriend. You, Elizabeth are my entire world."

"Why would you even think that?" He gently asks

"Just seeing her and the way she looked at you before she realized we were engaged," she says, "She wanted you. Then my mind started to wonder if maybe that was a sign for you two to get back together. And maybe you'd realize you regret proposing to me."

"There isn't an ounce of regret in me that makes me feel like I'm making the wrong decision," he assures her, "There is no one else for me. You are it. Proposing to you wasn't for confidence. Proposing to you was the only thing I've ever felt so sure of. It was the only thing I've ever done that I didn't second guess. You are the only thing I've ever felt so sure of."

"This," he grabs her and and gestures between the both of them, "Is where I want to be for the rest of my life. This brings me a peace like no other. You are my peace."

Age: 27

Year: May 2022

Location: Somewhere in Upstate New York

"You are my peace," Steve sniffles, as he holds Elizabeth's hands, tears flowing down both of their faces as they stood up in front of their closest friends and families, reciting their vows.

"I don't think I would be where I am today without you and your continued support. I meant what I said years ago about following you wherever you went. All I ever want is to be by your side. Nothing else has ever meant to me as you do. My future doesn't exist if you're not apart of it. Nothing matters if I don't have you. Since the day we met, twenty years ago, I knew you would play such an important part in my life. We clearly aren't the same people we were then. Yet over the many years you haven't strayed away from being this kind supportive, understanding person. To know one day our future kids will have that as a mother, overwhelms me with joy and love. They will be the most luckiest kids in the world.

"You are it for me. You are my world. I know everyone says weddings and getting married is the start of a new chapter, but it doesn't really feel lie that for us. It just feel like our story is continuing. There's no end in sight. And I'll make sure of that, by being supportive, kind to you for the rest of our lives. There won't be a time where you ever have to question my love for you. Because Elizabeth Sanchez, you are love."

Elizabeth has tears streaming down her face. She didn't' care how she looked. The only person that mattered was the man standing before her, professing his never ending love for her.

The pastors signaled her, that it was now her turn to speak.

"I figured I'd try and keep it short and sweet, because you know exactly how I feel about you Steve," she begins, "There's only one thing I want to say, more so I want to thank you. Thank you for giving me love. An unconditional love that never seems to fade. Since day one of our relationship. You've been patient. You always say I'm the supportive one, but you fail to see that you are too. Even more than me. You've always been willing to drop everything, not just for me but for all the ones you love. Anyone who has Steve Rogers' love, should count themselves as being incredibly special. I am the luckiest pet one out of them all because I get to be the recipient of your love every single day. I am the one who gets to spend the rest of their life calling you my husband. My partner. My life. You've shown me a love like no other. So thank-you Steve, for loving me."

Folklore series taglist: @iheartsebandchris @perksofbeingabookworm @atomicsoulcollecto @void-imaginations @stumbleonmywords

Permanent taglist: @rosegolddivinity @definitelynotafangirl-blog1 @1awesomeash @princess-evans-addict @24kbratz @introvertatitsfinest @imagine-all-the-imagines @also-fangirlinsweden @rororo06 @getlostinyourparadise @small-death-and-codeine @bonkyboinkybucky @sincerely-kizzy @loudthoughts-softspoken @aquariuslavenderhoney @cherriesanwine @goalexis123 @sassyslytherinshai @loving-books-is-easier @katiaw2 @xoxabs88xox @osugahunnyicedtea @katierpblogg @thefridgeismybestie @maybeimkate @lou-la-lou @demirunner @celineann91 @marie1115 @fangirl-couch-potato @lokisironthrone @daughterofthenight117

[softsebnbuckystan]

Soul ties - Part 9 (Bucky Barnes au)

"If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world ?"

"Can I come in?"

It was Bucky's voice – of course it was. You tried wiping your tears away before speaking. A part of you didn't care if he saw you crying, but you still hated when you couldn't hold back the tears.

"Yes." Your voice was husky from the crying and you weren't sure he'd heard you until he opened the door. You were still on your knee, unable to even look at him.  Bucky seemed to understand talking wasn't really what you wanted at the moment. Instead, he kneeled next to you and unexpectedly wrapped his arms around your shaking body. You'd noticed how rare it was for him to touch people ; even tapping Steve's shoulder seemed to hardly ever occur to him. Your shaking stopped instantly as you gave into his embrace, leaning against his chest.

"He was about to call me a whore, wasn't he?"

Had it been Steve, he would've told you no in an effort to comfort you. But Bucky radiated blatant honesty when he talked to you, which you appreciated more than you would say.

"It doesn't mean he's right," he said.

"Maybe not. But that's still the word he wanted to call his wife. How did I even- fuck." You shook your head. "How did I ever fell for his tricks? I knew his friends were trash but...I thought he was the exception. I never thought he'd act like this with me."

"Act how? Rude?" Bucky asked, unsure about what you exactly meant.

"Yeah. The neglect has been going on for years, you know." You looked up at him and got out of his arms to sit properly. It didn't take him long to take a seat next to you, leaning his back against your bed. "I just put it all on his job." You grabbed Bucky's hand : you'd never needed to touch him as much as you did now. Something in the controlled way he breathed and the warmth of his skin helped you think straight and prevented you from spiralling.

"Is it the first time he insults you?"

"Openly? Yeah." You sighed. "He's been petty before but calling me names...never."

"I'm afraid to ask this, but I have to." He looked you in the eyes, searching for...what, exactly? "He was pretty violent when he grabbed your shirt. Was that the first time as well?"

The question made you look away once more. Inexplicable guilt flooded your body as you tried to think of some lie. You leaned your head back on the mattress and closed your eyes, opting for honesty.

"No."

You could almost hear Bucky's jaw clenching ;  his other hand formed a fist, whereas the one holding yours remained gentle.

"He's never been violent intentionally," you quickly explained. "It's just... We've had our fights, alright? And when we start yelling at each other, I always tell him we both need to calm down but that doesn't suit me so he tries to stop me from leaving the apartment and...well. It goes from grabbing my arm a little too hard or just locking the door and hiding the keys. He even threw them out the window once."

Recalling those fights didn't help your tears stop rolling on your cheeks but damn, it felt good to actually say it to someone. Wanda never needed you tell her things : she could just read them when she felt like you were lying. With Bucky, it was different. You actually wanted to tell him what had happened.

"What did you do when he did those things to you?"

"Not much. It only made me angrier so I would sit on the couch or even in my room and stop talking to him until he opened the door."

"You do realise how that's...far from right, yeah?"

"I'm starting to." You shrugged. "This might be stupid but, seeing how everyone here treats me, how you treat me, it's making me realise Darren is not this perfect husband I imagined him to be. He was the easy way, you know? We met, we liked each other and he had a good situation and I could already see the white-fence family every American movie depicts. I just didn't know it would turn into a soap opera." You laughed bitterly at your own not-so-funny joke.

Bucky suddenly got up, keeping your hand in his to help you stand as well.

"What are you doing?" you asked.

"It's still your birthday and I don't want it to be ruined by that guy," he let out in one breath. "C'mon."

He took a right turn after your bedroom door, walking you further away from where the party was supposed to be. You didn't walk for long before he opened an other door, walking you into his own room.

"What's the plan, exactly?" you asked again, more than confused. "I thought you meant we'd go back to the others, and..."

"Damn, I didn't realise how this looks." He let out a nervous laugh and you mentally slapped yourself for going blank over how cute it was. "Nobody even asked you to a proper dance on your own birthday and I want to fix that, if you'll allow me."

He looked back at you through his eyelashes, looking all anxious about your answer.

"What music choice do we have?"

His face lit up and he went through a box of vinyls on the floor. "I only have old stuff, I'm sorry. I believe this should do it, though," he said as he picked out one of the pockets. "It's from 1956, but it actually came out first in the 30's. Most people know the most recent, so..."

"I didn't know you were a music nerd," you said with a smile.  "How very cute of you."

He shrugged as he placed the disk on the record player. Piano notes started rising through the air and you recognised Louis Armstrong's voice.

"May I?" Bucky held out his hand and he waited for you to nod before grabbing yours, placing his left hand on your hip. Your instinct was to inch closer to him as you both started swinging slowly in the middle of his room. His blue eyes were sounding  you out.

"This was indeed a wonderful idea," you whispered, not wanting to break the moment as Ella Fitzgerald started singing her own chorus of Cheek to cheek. Bucky beamed and you enjoyed the view, returning  his smile before resting your head on his chest. His heartbeat became another rhythm to follow and be lulled to. "I can't explain how you make me feel and that scares me, Buck. And yet, it's the best feeling I've ever experienced."  The use of his nickname did something to him : you felt his heart skip, causing you to smile discreetly. "Talking to you is ridiculously easy," you continued, "and I'm not that muck of a talker. Just ask Wanda."

He laughed softly and you tilted  your head up as his chest shook from the movement.

"I know what you mean," he confided. "I don't feel all of the guilt I carry when I'm with you. It's refreshing. I don't feel like I'm being judged at every second."

"I couldn't possibly do that," you explained. "I know a little more about the things they made you do, now, and I'm more impressed at how you came out of this. You're still there whenever someone needs help, like when that fire alarm rang for no reason the other day. And when that thing went off in the lab, you took time to help me. How could anyone judge you negatively?" Your frowned. "Sorry, I interrupted you."

"It's fine," he assured you as the next song on the vinyl started playing (not that you were paying much attention to the music, even though Dream a little dream of me was an all time favourite of yours).

Your eyes scanned his face and when you noticed his own gaze lingering on your lips, you moved  your hand from his shoulder to his neck. You were still slow dancing effortlessly, and you could feel his breath slightly picking up.

"I want to do something," you muttered. "But if you don't want me to, I won't feel bad if you stop me." The last thing you wanted was him to let you do anything out of pity ; you didn't think that was the type of thing he'd do, but there was no harm in making sure. Your fingers fiddled with the short hair on the back of his head and you extended your neck a bit. You felt Bucky's breath on your nose and lips as you got even closer to him, closer than you'd ever been until now.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" he asked in a whisper. "Trust me, I do, but last thing I want-"

Those were the only words you needed. You pressed your lips against his and a whole firework show started in your belly. His hand on your hip pulled you into an even closer embrace as you kept playing  with his air. When you broke the kiss and rested your forehead against his, you couldn't get rid  of your smile. So it was true, what books said about butterflies.

--- I'm so happy to finally post this part!! This was definitely my favourite to write so far, even though it's a tie with the stars scene. :) I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it.

P.S. : the tag list is still growing and damn that makes me so happy!! Your support means everything.

P.S. 2 : I feel like this story will be wrapped soon. If you have any request/idea you'd like to see for a next one (short one shots or series), I will gladly hear it!

Tag list :

@ginger-swag-rapunzel @joscelyn02 @writehistorynotthegrocerylist @bluemoon-icecream @lady-loki-ren @simplybombshell @lizajane3

[bumbershots]

LOVEFOOL

Author’s note: HELLO! This is my part for the Valentine’s Day challenge that @1dffchallenges put together. Make sure to keep an eye out for any other pieces published by other authors. Enjoy! And happy Valentine’s weekend! (:

Summary: Harry agrees to go on a blind date set up by his friends in hopes that it will help him move on from an unrequited love.

Word count: 3K

Challenge prompt and dialogue: blind date set up by friends. “I don’t want this to end...”

There’s a first for everything. Harry’s had his fair share of them at the age of twenty-seven. First time on an aeroplane at the tender age of six for a family holiday in Rome. First kiss on his home town’s park with someone he deeply cared about. First time in a recording studio. First time going on tour. The first night spent alone in his new and barely furnished home. The first morning he laid eyes on the girl next door. The ugly heartbreak after she got married, certainly felt worse than his first one.

Life is full of firsts, Harry knows that, and he wishes to have been the first to sneak his way into Jane’s heart, all those years ago.

"You love her" it almost sounds like an accusation coming from Jeff, though the last thing he wants is to make Harry feel guilty. The musician doesn't reply, he shrugs, eyes never leaving her no matter how deep into the ocean she seems to be. "Does she know?" Harry shakes his head in denial. "Did you bring her along just so you could tell her?"

"I enjoy writing music with her, that's why she's here," his tone leaves no room for more questions, the manager knows and sighs defeated. Harry stands from his spot on the beach and heads back inside the house, alone.

Is he being that obvious?

He reviews the past few days and wonders where he slipped, nothing rings any bell. Harry completely and conveniently forgets how he doesn't nag her for having a smoke after dinner, instead he just opens the window and stands close to it, or how he's been making her a cuppa everyday at noon. But it was the time when Jane asked him to help her French plait her hair when something clicked in Jeff's brain, the way Harry beamed at such a simple request left no room for questioning. Yet he asked him, because there was that tiny chance of it all being part of the manager's imagination, but when he looked back on it, the little things now made more sense to him and in a way he always knew.

They've been in Port Antonio for two weeks now and everything was going just dandy, Harry was writing more than ever, the first week he had a new song every day, he even polished the old ones and had a tune for his favourites, thanks to Mitch's help. When Jeff Azoff got there earlier this week, he spent a good two hours talking to Jeff Bhasker about how much of a good idea the trip was.

"Harry is on a writing spree." He complimented Azoff's client, it was nothing but the truth. However the reason for it all, was now heading back to the house to join the others after a good surfing session.

Jane went straight to take a shower, ready to rinse all the ocean's saltiness from her body, thinking how wonderful it would've been if her own worries could be washed away with her tangerine shampoo. In contrast to Harry's good spirits and excellent mood, her own cloud of trouble seemed to follow her all the way from London. She still hadn't heard from her husband, so it is safe to say he was still upset about her going away to work in Harry's album. It was impossible for her to forget the argument they had, at first thinking it was a joke on his side, insinuating that they were ‘shagging behind his back’.

After her shower, wearing comfortable clothes, Jane joins the others for supper but keeps to herself, still with the dichotomy about calling Alex or letting him be. He will eventually come to his senses and apologise. 

What if he doesn't? 

The thought alone of her clothes being packed in boxes by the time she gets back home almost makes her cry, perhaps she can call or text him just to test the waters. It is ridiculous how she seems to be more mature about this than him.

"Penny for them?" Harry's voice brings her back to the now empty dining room, the voices from the rest of their party can be heard from the living room.

"God I'm sorry H, lost myself out there for a moment," she is embarrassed, with him, the others and herself for letting this situation get under her skin. And she's also avoiding talking about it, with Harry or anyone. "I was just thinking about the tempo for Sweet Creature."

"Liar," he hates to be shut down by her more than anything. "Is it because I didn't let you eat the last peanut drop the other day?" It would've been easier for her to say it was, than to address the actual reason. But Harry hasn't lied to her, ever.

"No love, although I was a bit hurt because of that, it's actually this thing with Alex we are, I don't know, he was upset with me and said some things," Jane couldn't finish, her speech was cut short by a quiet sob and Harry was quick to pull her from the chair onto his lap and hold her tight. His own heart speeding at the sight of her distressed.

"When was the last time you spoke to him?"

"Two weeks ago." Her voice barely whispers on his chest, "he's being a wanker to be honest, just because he's not going on tour with any of his bands I'm supposed to be a stay at home wife!"

"Why don't you explain this to me, from the beginning, please?" He asks rubbing her back soothingly, and she spills it all, the having kids now or never argument, to her wanting to have a proper wedding party and finally the latest fight where Alex suggested an affair going on between her and Harry, the latter had to do his best not to put the option on the table, since her husband so kindly suggested it. Might as well, he thought. "It all sounds like a big misunderstanding, I know you're a great communicator sunshine, so it baffles me that you've let this go on for so long." He's got a point.

"You're right, but I feel like it's his turn, you know?" Jane's done weeping, but remained on her friend's lap and arms, head resting on his shoulder. "He's always forward, mature, a proper thirty year old except when it comes to arguments where we ought to reach an agreement," she plays a bit with the cross hanging from his neck, a scowl on her pretty face. "Like with the children thing, we only stopped arguing when I said that maybe in two more years we could have one instead of, you know, my early thirties." It's good that she can't see how upset Harry is.

"You gave into that one, he should do the same but it's his choice," Harry sighs and can't believe what he's about to say. "Take the day off tomorrow, call him or FaceTime, Skype whatever you choose, but have a proper conversation with him." She wants to argue and say it's not necessary to be absent the whole day, she can spare a few hours. But she will need time to think about what to say, make her point clear so they are on good terms until she goes back to London.

"Fine, but if he is still acting like a dickhead afterwards, I'm not going to let it into my head anymore, we will continue to bask in this great work environment going on here." Jane states, pulling away from his embrace just enough to give him that stern look she uses when trying to make a point, and Harry nods with a warm smile, the one she never gets tired of seeing. "I'll call it a night now, gonna be asleep in seconds now that I've got that out of my chest." She stands from his lap, missing his warmth instantly. "Thanks for that."

"Anytime honey pie." Harry says before leaving a kiss on her left hand that burns her skin from then till morning.

Jeff joins the musician in the dining room right after the girl walks away to her room, he takes a seat across from him and scrutinises the look of adoration his friend still sports once she is out of the room.

"She'll never know, if you never tell her." Jeff is right, but the thought alone of going through that again scares him to death. Or so he says, because there's a part of him that is fond of the thrill it makes him feel.

"It's not like I haven't tried, just last year I told her," Harry remembers that night vividly, how pretty she looked even with her makeup all smudged under her eyes. "I'm not sure if she heard, it was too loud like where we were at the time." He was also pissed out of his mind.

"H, there's nothing wrong with being in love."

"I'm not saying it is, but even if she did love me I– I would find a way to hurt her. Anyway. she's happily married now, it's too late." Saying it out loud doesn't hurt him any less like he thought it would. Harry sighs in defeat before rising from the chair, "she's everything to me, I wouldn't mess with her head by confessing my feelings, deep down I always knew she deserved better and now she has it and that's good enough for me." The musician disappears through the corridor where his everlasting love did just a few minutes ago, he paused for a moment outside her room, pondering whether to barge in and just follow his instincts, kiss her like he should've done after winning that award back in 2014.

Harry shakes his head and goes straight to his room, he reminds himself that it was time to let her go. It's for the best. He is not good enough for her, he can't even write a song for her, about her. He mustn't love her that much then.

What Harry doesn't know is that he can't write a song about her because he loves her too much, the poor lad can't even figure out where to start. But he's about to get rid of that curse in a day or two, he just needs to be patient.

The reward for it came, all of a sudden Harry wrote too many songs about her until she inevitably became aware of the situation they were in. Harry vowed to stay away from Jane’s life after recording the album. He dated people that didn’t remind him of her, and even moved temporarily to Japan. But despite all his efforts, four years later Harry still finds himself thinking about her, everything seems to be tainted by her. The music he adores, the new dinner recipes he cooks, the books he chooses to read.

Completely out of options he agreed to this blind date his friends set up for him.

He arrives at the modest restaurant they so kindly chose for the occasion. “All you have to do is wear something nice and show up.” Alexa reminded him over the phone last week.

This is a new first for him, it is also exciting, to take a seat at a table for two conveniently placed at the back, pretend to pay attention to the menu but let his green eyes avert to whoever approaches. Harry is having a great time, he knows that soon his date will arrive. He wonders what they’ll be like.

According to Alexa and Pixie, the person arriving is the perfect match for their young friend. Harry can only hope they like Vietnamese cuisine because that’s apparently this place’s special offer this week. If he’s lucky enough the date will agree to share a starter and perhaps two main courses, that way he doesn’t have to choose between one or the other.

“Here’s your table.” Harry hears the waiter speak and his gaze meets a very familiar figure standing beside him. It can’t be.

“Excuse me, there must be a mistake, I’m waiting for someone else.” Harry protests.

The waiter shakes his head and shows him the notepad with some specifications written down. “Nothing wrong, got specific instructions from Miss Chung, a lady will come in to say is here for Geldolf’s blind date, you are sitting at the table they reserved. I’ll be back in a few minutes to take your order.” He is quick to explain and disappear.

Jane sits because there is no way she can stand any longer, her legs are about to give out from the commotion. This was not the blind date she was expecting either. It’s been at least four years since she last saw Harry. The night after he finally admitted being in love with her, waiting for a reaction, anything from her, after what seemed like hours but was only ten minutes later, he walked out of her house and entire life, leaving her confused and upset.

“How’ve you been?” she asked after confirming that Harry wasn’t going to up and leave.

“Pretty fantastic, until you arrived.” He’s never spoken to her like that before, with so much affliction in his tone. “What are you doing here?”

“I was set up on a blind date by Pixie—

He interrupts her. “That’s fucking convenient, did you all went to this much trouble, just to mock me? I thought they were my friends, you know, that even after everything, they cared about me.” Harry stops, his voice breaks, he’s so angry, hurt and confused by the situation. “Did your husband come along, to witness my humiliation too?” He looks around, trying to find the man of Jane’s dreams.

“I wouldn’t know if he’s here, haven’t seen him since we got divorced three years ago.” She snaps before hiding behind the menu from a gobsmacked Harry.

The words he’d been waiting to hear were finally out of her mouth. Unlike the million times he dreamt about this happening, Harry is not sweeping her off her feet and running away into the sunset holding her hand. Instead he reaches out to touch her arm, testing the waters. He waits for her to lower the menu and surprisingly there are no tears in her eyes. Perhaps only a bit of sorrow that is quickly replaced with confusion, at how fast her heart raced after Harry’s touch.

“Do you want to talk about it?” His voice is back to oozing the tenderness he reserves just for her. Jane nods.

“But can we share a rice bowl and Pho noodle soup?” 

“Yes, and dessert too!” Even after four years Harry’s sweet tooth hasn’t changed, Jane sighs before the waiter is back to take their order.

Keeping a conversation between the two of them is not hard at all, even if it is an awkward topic —her not so recent divorce. “We didn’t have anything in common anymore, there were so many fights every single day. When I finally suggested the separation, he seemed relieved and I felt like a complete fool.” Jane remembers the sigh of comfort that came out of the man she once loved with all her heart before that rainy afternoon, when she finally decided that she’d had enough. “He left that night, hadn’t seen him since, his lawyer took care of everything,” a sour laugh escapes her lips, Harry’s eyes are full of sympathy for her. “I’m sorry for ruining your blind date, I know you’ve never been to one before.” Of course she did, she knows him better than anyone.

“This has to be the greatest date I’ve ever been to.” He speaks without a second thought. 

All those years Harry spent away from Jane were not going to be in vain. He was not going to neglect the feelings he still had for her. That affection he felt for her, only her. Harry shifts in his seat, this is not at all how he planned it, in a restaurant full of people on fucking Valentine’s day. It almost seemed like a tacky move.

But after all this time of pining for her, hating her and himself at times. Harry was brave enough, it was now or never, he didn’t want to wait any longer, not after his friends schemed and executed this soppy plan to bring the two soulmates together. Before she could take the final bite of dessert that Harry kindly left for her. The world stopped.

“I don’t want this to end...” Harry says with a dimpled smile she can’t look away from. “I’d like to take you out on a second date, a third, fourth, fifth. Believe me when I tell you, I have planned up to a thousand of them.” He takes her hand in his and can feel her pulse race along his own. The smile splits his face again, because he knows, he feels, he sees it in her beautiful eyes. “Janey, you’re the first person I’ve ever wanted to hold on to. I know there is a name for this emotion, I’ve written songs about it, but now I don’t think it’s a word big enough for us.”

She squeezes his hand and breaths out a laugh, tears of joy brimming out of her eyes. “Let’s call it love, until we come up with a better name for it.” Harry agrees and just then, Jane brings up his hand to her lips. 

His skin tingles where she kisses him for the first time and he beams at her.

There’s a first for everything, and although it feels like it for Jane and Harry, this isn’t by any means the first time they confess their love for each other. It was always there, in every laugh they shared, every song they wrote together, every touch. It was on Harry’s unwavering devotion, on his impatience and selfless actions throughout the years.

They were bound to be together, their story didn’t begin on that initial blind date, it did years ago after he caught a glimpse of her shiny black hair on the morning she moved into the house across the street.

Harry drives her back to her new flat on the other side of the city, enjoying every minute of the long ride, happy to hear her ramble about her newest obsession with romantic novels and burst out laughing after Jane confesses that sometimes she doesn’t finish reading books she likes, just to pretend the story keeps going. With a quick kiss to the back of her hand he completely agrees.

No tale is more compelling than one that never ends.

[tomorrow-human]

MY THOUGHTS ON iDKHOW'S ALBUM DEBUT: RAZZMATAZZ

So I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME have just released RAZZMATAZZ today and heres what I think...

[SIDE A]

¹LEAVE ME ALONE:

A bombastic opening track. Was released in the beginning of August...? Probably? This song just SCREAMS at you with retro futuristic funkiness. It has 8-bity flourishes in the instrumentation and seems to be maybe talking to the same person as Choke (from 1981 E.P.) and the title track Razzmatazz have been (or maybe a separate entity as suggested by the vinyl booklet and Indoctoration?).

Anyway, fantastic track, great opener, and nice mood-setter.

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²INDOCTORATION:

It's... eerie. It's not a song in the same sense as Leave Me Alone, despite having a wobbly backing track. It's a spoken interlude that seems to be initiating you into Tellex maybe? It yet again mentions the White Shadows that will be overseeing your progress with Tellex. It seems oddly nostalgic for some reason. That's strange. Overall, solid little piece of lore building that really reinforces the concept aspects.

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³MAD IQs:

It's the first song from this album that wasn't released as a single and it made my jaw literally drop. It has a similar lyrical and vocal structure to the opener and New Invention, but what I like is how much they were able to do with it, though it makes you wonder about how far apart these songs were written; but In the context of the albums concept and the Tellex stuff however, it could be interpreted as a corporate decision, this repetition. The minimal instrumentation in the verses with Ryan's sturdy drumming and Dallon's bassline makes me go fucking bananas. It's so fucking great and full of this punchy energy. And the HARMONIES. YES. "Voluntary victim~" "I'm burning~ in your mad IQs" SIR STOP BEING SO VOCALLY TALENTED. Also I think i heard him shriek right before the bridge which? Snazzy. So Mad IQs, energetic track, filled with more of iDKHOWs signature darkness.

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⁴NOBODY LIKE THE OPENING BAND:

Ah yes, Opening Band. Ironic considering how often iDKHOW are the opening band, but I'm sure that's obvious, seeing how they usually sing this one at the start of their gigs. It was actually (I think) the first or second song I didn't know how but found through youtube so I might be pretty biased here. It's a sweet sounding change of pace with the instrumentation being made up of only the piano and tambourine that tells of a typical opening band, that no ones ever heard before and likely will never hear again, via a sympathetic narrator with a hint of the typical iDKHOW teasing. In all honesty, it would've worked better as the album opener, which then could've been followed by Leave Me Alone, but it's a nice change of pace overall.

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⁵NEW INVENTION:

I already reviewed this song on my other blog right here so imma keep this brief. It shares similar aspects to Leave Me Alone, with the music video concept and song structure, but It manages to darken the narrative, and the choir-esq harmonies sound like ultra bright neon lights that only push this mood further. It still is a magnificent song and by far one of my favourites in the album.

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⁶IN THE GALLOWS:

MASSIVE SHIFT IN STYLE HOLY FUCKOLY-. The track opens with a very cutesy old timey little piano intro and starts the verse with a little funny beat. If you don't listen to the lyrics, it sounds like a silly little oldie song. But as we all know, iDKHOW doesn't do silly. The lines "For you, I'd die▪︎Or kill myself▪︎which ever makes you smile," From just the first verse are a prime example of this. The narrators murderous and suicidal intentions have clouded the romantic attraction into obsession- And I kinda like that, in a poetic way. The chorus is a standout, with the calm start to the explosion in the line "I'd swing from the gallows and wave" that just swings at you with a baseball bat to the chest. Oh, and the sax solo? Magnificent. This whole song is a chefs kiss from me.

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⁷CLUSTERHUG:

I love the lyrics of this song the most of it all. It sounds like a rebellious teenager wrote it after thinking about how shit their hometown is and wanting to get out. It also incorporates how much the narrator would want to do all this with their crush, adding that slightly goofy and pretend-aloof chorus of "only if you'd like me to I could fall in love with you" as if they weren't already in love or at least that's how I see it. The vibe of this song is more pop-y than the rest of the album, but that's more likely because it was repurposed for Razzmatazz after being originally written for The Brobecks, their older band. It's a nice little tune :).

[SIDE B]

⁸SUGAR PILLS:

This. Will. Get. Stuck. In. Your. Head- and. You. Will. Like. It. Basically, just seems like a song about drugs that, for some reason, reminds me of Gorillaz (who I dont even listen to). But the BASSLINE AGAIN- Jesus help me live. It has more of that energy we saw with the first few tracks and adds even more electronic elements. It's probably my second favourite song from this album that's not a single because of how fun the chorus sounds. What else can I say? I can just imagine myself bopping to this in the car screaming 'SUGAR SUGAR SUGAR PILLS' On a hot day.

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⁹KISS GOODNIGHT:

It's so sweet 🥺. It's one of those songs I could imagine a character in a movie singing to someone from a stage. If you want pretty song vibes just listen to it. Because it is a pretty song. And that's all I have to say on it. Now allow me to take a moment and shove it into my pretty song playlist that acts like my personal lullaby machine.

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¹⁰LIGHTS GO DOWN:

Yes. F u n k y. Give me that sweet sweet disco energy, thank you. It's just filled with all these *☆~blingy and sparkly~☆* effects, and, combined with the drumming, the result is just glorious. The best part of this song is in my opinion the bridge where it goes darker lyrically and in sound that just naturally slides into another funky-ass sax solo. I can definitely see myself dancing to this at a party and then in later years growing nostalgic for those days.

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¹¹NEED YOU HERE:

It's supposed to be happy in tone and hopeful slightly but it just makes me sad. It's a song about how, because Dallon has to tour because it's his job, he has to be away from his family often. And he had nO RIGHT ADDING HIS DAUGHTERS VOCALS AND RECORDINGS INTO THE MIX ITS LIKE HE WANTS US TO CRY. It's not my favourite of the album, not going to lie here, but it's also such a sweet song with nice instrumentals and vibe 🥺 so that's all I'll say.

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¹²DOOR:

It seems like this one was written around the time sad ukulele music was really at its peak but am I complaining? Fuck no because this song is great. It just gives it to you straight, that if the narrator ever does anything that the recipient doesn't like, they can always cut them out of their life. It's nice in that regard- you don't usually get songs that don't try to deflect the pain or gain pity. We need more of these kinds of songs. The shortness of it really adds to the effect of this being more like a regularly said thing, even though I'm always a bit sad that it ends so fast. It does, however, nicely close the near end of the album before Razzmatazz.

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¹³TOMORROW PEOPLE:

Creepy Tellex thank-you note. You're welcome..? I want no part in your conspiracy tho. Go away weird American corporate man voice.

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¹³RAZZMATAZZ:

And there it is. The title track. Like new inventions, I have already reviewed it here on that same blog so this will be brief also and more just thoughts. It's a great closer and is more old timey than most of the songs here as well. And with the last instrumental and sax solo, we come to the albums inevitable end... until next time.

[GENERAL THOUGHTS]

Overall, this was a fantastic little debut for iDKHOW and I loved it. So worth the pre-order. The songs were great and the lyrics were just excellent. My only real criticism is that the song order on Side A was a bit strange. I feel a way to fix this would be to throw Nobody Likes The Opening Band into the beginning, then have Leave Me Alone as a second track, and maybe even switch one of the songs on this side with one from Side B (either Mad IQs or New Invention with something else but then that would be kind of stretching it). Or maybe even switching Clusterhug with Mad IQs or New Invention could work. So in general? Razzmatazz good album. Next question.

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Thank you for reading, anyone who happens to see this and have read this. Hope you've enjoyed some of my thoughts on the debut and agreed with at least 2 points I made. See y'all on another review (or shitpost)!

-L.J

[lochsides]

evermore: Track-by-Track review

I didn't think I'd be writing another review for a Taylor Swift album so soon after folklore but here we are. Truthfully though, evermore feels more like a figment of my imagination than a real album, and as a result this album has been a grower for me. When Taylor said evemore would be the sister record to folklore, I was curious as to the distinguishable differences between the two, because Taylor wouldn't simply give us the same album twice. evermore is, strangely, both the wild younger sister that's more experimental and the wise older sister with a mature outlook on life. Where folklore was a product of isolation, evermore is a product of creativity and that can be felt in the music.

I’ve written my thoughts and theories on each song, and bolded my favourites, below the cut, if you’re interested. I also included my current ranking at the bottom.

Taylor has been very good at picking leading singles for the folklore/evermore era. willow is brilliantly catchy while maintaining the alternative folk sound that she established in folklore. Her vocals suit the song so well, especially on ‘follow’/“hollow” in the chorus. They pair so beautifully with the mesmerising production. The reason this song is one my favourites is purely because of the rhythm and the guitar. The lyrics are, for once, a bonus. As an entry point to evermore, willow does not ease the listener in, the song instead throws the listener in the deep end — which I feel was intentional, as Taylor said evermore was the product of wandering further into the folklorian woods.

champagne problems is easily my favourite song on this album. Storytelling is Taylor's biggest strength as a songwriter and I think this song is a achingly beautiful example of what an emotive storyteller Taylor is. It would be so difficult for me to pick a favourite lyric from this song but I love how she sets in train in the opening line, "you booked the night train for a reason, so you could sit there in this hurt / bustling crowds or silent sleepers, you're not sure which is worse." The accompaniment is gorgeous and the composition of the bridge is breathtaking. Every time the bridge plays I get chills.

gold rush was a grower for me. I'm still not a fan of the intro/outro but I enjoy the production in the rest of the song once the beat kicks in. I think it's one of the more experimental sounds on evermore but it's very catchy. I won't even talk about how the chorus called me out with "I don't like slow-motion, double vision in a rose blush, I don't like that falling feels like flying 'til the bone crush."

'tis the damn season is the non-holiday-holiday song that still has a classic sound and production. I know this song is Dorothea's perspective but I get a lot of illicit affairs parallels with this one as well: "don't call me baby" / "you could call me babe for the weekend", "what started in beautiful rooms ends with meetings in parking lots" / "the road not taken looks real good now, time flies, messy as the mud on your truck tires".

tolerate it is a hard song for me to review because I literally zone out every time I listen to it. I think it's my brain's way of protecting me from toxic relationship trauma 🙃 but it's another gut-punch track five, what else is new? I mean she literally said "now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life, drawing hearts in the byline, always taking up too much space or time," and broke my nervous system.

no body, no crime is the best country song Taylor has ever written, period. The sirens at the start, the storytelling, the way it sounds like an old-school murder-mystery movie. HAIM on the backing vocals were great, though I do wish they had at least a verse of their own. That's literally my only critique of this song. It's that good.

There's so much maturity in Taylor's outlook on happiness. I connect this song to her tarnished relationship Sc*tt/BMG and how she's happy after leaving but she was also happy during the time she was with them. I really enjoyed the simple addition of the piano and the way it built up to add depth to the production. Taylor's delivery of the line "no one teaches what to do when a good man hurts you and you know you hurt him too" really hits me.

dorothea is a really nostalgic, retro school-dance-vibe, kinda playful song with a personality, which I adore. The production is absolutely timeless. I woke up today with the chorus stuck in my head. I think "if you're ever tired of being known for who you know, you know, you'll always know me" is fun word play and I'm a nerd of that type of thing. (Side note: to me, this song feels very reminiscent of her friendship with Karlie Kloss, right down to the "selling makeup in magazines.")

coney island gives me desolate, abandoned theme park vibes. The simplicity of the production only enhances it. It's everything I could've hoped for in a song titled "coney island" and featuring The National. Matt Berninger's vocals are absolutely astounding. What does it say about me that my favourite aspect of this song is the feeling of despair laced into its bloodstream.

ivy is another favourite but what did I expect from a song filled to the brim with longing and mentioning the crescent moon? The instrumentation and her vocal styling is similar to willow. There are also lyrical parallels of "... your freezing hand, taking mine" / "I'm begging for you to take my hand" and "how's one to know I'd meet you where the spirit meets the bone" / "I never would've known from the look on your face" and she echoes both those sentiments in a different way after the respective bridges and I wonder if that's intentional. Knowing Taylor Swift, probably.

cowboy like me belongs in the center of a country/folk/slow blues Venn diagram. It's the perfect blend of the three genres. Marcus Mumford's back vocals sound so good with Taylor's. "We could be the way forward, and I know I'll pay for it" and "the skeletons in both our closets plotted hard to fuck this up" are great lyrics.

I'm not all about the way long story short stars but the song quickly settles into its skin. This is easily the most pop-sounding song on evermore but it's still somewhat experimental in comparison to Taylor's existing discography and I think it's cool that she can find space to experiment within a musical space that she has all but mastered. Say what you will but Taylor Swift knows how to make hits no matter the genre. The lyrics "he's passing by, rare as the glimmer of a comet in the sky and he feels like home" reminds me so much of Call It What You Want.

marjorie gave me chills on the very first listen when Taylor sings about how her grandmother left her backlogged dreams to her. I love that they used her grandmother's actual vocals in the background, that's a really heartwarming detail. This song comes with some really solid advice too. It just feels very personal. I love the way production builds on "what does didn't stay dead" right to the bridge, which is my favourite part of the song.

closure is easily the most experimental song on the album with that the scratch tape sound and those drums. I love the sheer pettiness in her tone and the lyric "don't treat me like some situation that needs to be handled" is brilliant. That said, this is probably my least favourite. I think it's a cool song but just not for me.

evermore has some of the most beautiful lyrics on the album. "I replay my footsteps on each stepping stone, trying to find the one where I went wrong" and "barefoot in the wildest winter" are some of my favourites. I'm not a big fan of the sudden shift in tempo on either end of the bridge but Justin Vernon's falsetto makes up for it. The production is otherwise beautiful.

Note that the bonus tracks are currently at the bottom because they have not been released yet.

[v-hope]

Sue Me

Pairing: Min Yoongi x Fangirl!Reader

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 1.4k

Request: "Hi! Do you remember that I will sue you min Yoongi girl? I have always kind of shipped her with Yoongi, so maybe a fluffy piece in that scenario? P.S. I really love your fluff and angst. Normally I don't go for angst but yours are so good?? Ily 💕💕💕"

A/N: I shipped them too, fam. I shipped them too 😔✊

Gif taken from Mojan Felfeli (Pinterest).

The first time you had shouted at Min Yoongi that you were going to sue him had been at one of BTS’ firsts fansigns. You were just another fangirl in line, waiting for your turn to meet your precious idols, when you felt overwhelmed just by the sight of them – most precisely, the sight of him. Yoongi was just interacting with their fans like he was supposed to, but the second he smiled as he waited for the next girl to stop talking to Jimin and go to him, you found yourself not being able to stop the words already coming out of your mouth.

He had gotten shy, obviously, not really replying to you but gazing down as he fidgeted with his hands – a shy yet cocky gummy smile forming on his lips. And when your turn came to be finally in front of him, you didn't really talk much about your previous words, instead having a nice chat about you, for he seemed interested in getting to know a little bit of your life in those short seconds.

The second time you did, it was at a concert – they were not that well known yet, so you managed to get pretty good tickets. You saw your chance once they finished one of their songs and everyone fell silent. As soon as you repeated the words ‘I'm suing you, Min Yoongi’, this time adding your ground was the reason of him having made your heart explode, he snapped his head towards where the sound of your voice had came from – trying to seem annoyed but failing miserably, for the corners of his lips betrayed him by curving up at the sight of you. And this time he actually replied to your complainings, telling you to 'square up' and sue him for real if he was hurting you so much.

By the third time, Yoongi was living for it. You were once again at a fansign, this time telling him you were suing him because he couldn't do his hair like that and not expect you to feel so strongly about him, and he had owned it. Yeah, he had argued with you, of course, but he owned it nevertheless.

Although you did not attend every single concert or fansign of theirs, for obvious economical reasons, Yoongi knew you were coming back at some point, which is why in the span of two years, it had became your guys’ thing; you would show up every once in a while, and he'd bicker with you about your intentions of taking him to court.

But that was it. Nothing but a fan to idol relationship. You went to their events, had your little interactions with Yoongi, and then the two of you returned to your lives.

The thing is, Yoongi had kind of grown not only fond of you, but also used to seeing you at some point. The downside of it all was that, just as that happened, you suddenly stopped showing up.

But it was no big deal, right? You were just another fan. If anyone would've told you that the Min Yoongi, the guy your heart beated so desperately for, missed your presence, you would've laughed right on their faces. But he did miss you, even if he didn't notice it, because, even though you didn't really know each other, you had formed a huge part during his initial idol journey. Because, you see, when you have just debuted with your group and are not very confident about neither your music nor your looks, having someone to literally scream to your face that they're going to sue you because of how you make them feel… yeah, talk about confidence boost.

It was only over a year and a half later, when you made your much awaited, by him, comeback.

This time, though, you hadn't yelled at him from the line, which is why he was so surprised when you out of nowhere were in front of him – his eyes lighting up and lips parting in a smile at both your presence and how beautiful he thought you looked.

His heart pounded loudly against his chest, having to clear his throat as he was almost afraid of you hearing his heartbeats.

“Well, if it isn't the threatener who never acted on her words” he greeted casually, starting to sign your album.

“Don't sing victory yet, you dangerous delinquent” you raised one of your eyebrows, mirroring the smile that had just formed on his lips. “You will be held accountable for your actions, I just had to get a job and start saving up for it because, I don't know if you've heard, but suing is not quite cheap”.

“Is that why you stopped coming for over a year?” he gazed up to lock his eyes with yours.

You felt a shiver run down your spine not only because of the way his eyes stared into yours, but also because he remembered.

“I mean, I guess it was part of it, but I also got into this relationship–”

“Ah, so you replaced me” he shook his head, resting his back on his chair as he clenched his fist to his chest in feigned hurt. “I thought you were my ride or die, you know?”

You couldn't help but laugh lightly at that, feeling kind of flustered. “I didn't replace you, I swear!” you tried to defend yourself. “It was just very… exhausting?” your uncertain words earned a frown from him. “Nevermind, I'm just glad it's over” you sighed in relief.

Yoongi raised one of his eyebrows in clear worry. “Should I go and punch this person?” he wondered, this time making you giggle.

“It's okay, thanks for the offer” you smiled brightly. “He was not a bad person, we were just… not compatible, I guess, and I ended up being so mentally drained that I didn't really feel like doing anything else and why am I telling you this?” you tilted your head at the sudden realisation, stopping yourself from rambling any further, “we should be talking about me suing you!”

“Just for the record” he leaned forward so he could be closer to you and speak lower, “you deserve someone who makes you want to go out and enjoy life, screw whoever does the opposite” his determined words made goosebumps appear on your skin.

Suddenly you remembered why he had been your bias all along.

“And about the whole suing thing” he instantly changed the topic, leaning back on his chair, “I'm afraid to inform you I am the one suing you this time” his statement took you by surprise, staring at him with furrowed eyebrows so that he would go on. “You can't just disappear on me for more than a year and not expect me to make you pay for it” your heart skipped a beat. “No way, we're going to court for this”.

“On what grounds, if you don't mind me asking?” you played along.

“On withdrawal?!” his intonation made it seem like it was the most obvious thing in the world. You rolled your eyes, your chest moving up and down as a little laugh escaped your throat. “Honestly, you just took my constant praise away from me out of the blue, I can't let it pass”.

That and the fact that he had missed seeing you, but there was no way he would say that out loud.

“Well, then I guess we will be suing each other, because I have like over ten sues against you I never took to a judge”.

“Maybe we could reach a settlement?” he proposed. “You know, so we don't actually have to go through the endless nuisance that is a trial”.

As you were about to answer, one person from the staff asked you to move forward in line, for your time had apparently been up for a while now; taking both of you by surprise.

“I guess we will have to continue this very serious business talk on your next fansign” you said, moving slightly to the side.

“Or we could…”

He shut his mouth before he could finish his sentence, looking around to the eyes and cameras on not only him but his members as well, and realising he couldn't just say anything he wanted since anyone could read his lips. So, instead, he rushed to write something down in your album, later closing it and handing it back to you.

“Third page” he pointed at it, “I trust you with this, don't give it to anyone” his pleading eyes left you dumbfounded. Not minding that, he added: “I'm glad you're back, suing girl. Don't disappear on me again”.

Trying to recover from the bright gummy smile he had just flashed your way and being still too taken aback by what had happened during those last few seconds, you opened the album in the page he had indicated, as you made your way out of the fansign – your body immediately freezing in its place after getting a glimpse of what looked like a phone number.

‘We should meet up… you know, for business reasons – Yoongi’.

Biting down on your lip, you turned around, realising the very man who had been messing with your heart for years was already looking your way – his shoulders moving up and down as he laughed quietly after you had glared at him, threateningly mouthing “I will sue you, Min Yoongi”.

So much for having wanted a settlement.

[lovelovex]

so........... we're doing it i guess?

basically everyone knows what this is about but i'm still saying it. whatever

somewhere around 2018 my friends started asking me to sing them smth in a voice message before they'd go to bed, sort of like a lullaby, but eventually i started doing that for diff reasons.

somewhere around 2019 we decided to make a project out of it but it lived for ages in the drafts folder and even longer in my head, rent free.

bc this is both the easiest and the hardest thing we've ever done – easy for me bc this project required zero time in the recording booth, hard for my creative team bc extracting the voice messages without ruining the already horrible quality is not fun. hard for me to overcome my fear of scrutiny, to stop being so protective of the side of me only a tiny circle of ppl usu see, easy for those ppl to give me the time and space to get around it.

i should get to the details already but just a moment of gratitude:

S, from the bottom of my heart – fuck you for putting ideas in my head that keep me up all night. i love you to bits and pieces and none of this would've happened (even i wouldn't have happened) without your galaxy brain.

D, the person who's always been on my side, the one and only, the sweetest lullabies were all yours honestly love that for you.

E, look at you doing smth besides getting my friends knocked up!!! thank you for managing the whole thing and handling me at my worst, you're a hero and i love you.

N, everything i feel for you is so hard to describe w words, this is why i'm always singing the cheesiest love songs to you on a daily basis. love is not even the word but you already know that.

O, you were the first (and only) person from outside of the circle who listened to every lullaby, that's bc i trust you to be honest w me. look how wonderful you are wow i'm v lucky.

now to every person who will be following this project: this is not what you're probably expecting. this is not me singing after weeks of practice and a proper warmup, this is just me. w tired vocal chords, hoarse voice, no breath control, not even the right key!!! i personally hate how every lullaby sounds but i've made my peace w that bc this is just me. this is how the ppl who love me the most hear my voice most of the time and they love it, so i should probably too (also they think its healthy for me to sing horribly from time to time yk, put down the crown for a sec)

now to the details: we literally do not have any schedule in mind. sorry but we tried to think of diff scenarios on how i'd want to share it and the only thing i know is that i don't want to release the whole compilation at once (also bc we're still adding some) so this is how we'll go – i'll be posting them one by one, not in any particular order but the lullabies are numbered. there will be some alterations to this most probably so this is just for now.

apart from the lullabies, we'll be posting some extras that just didn't make the cut, some of them were lullabies, some of them were recorded by my friends and they wanted to add them too and i don't know how to say no to these ppl.

now to the v important details: i know i won't have any control over this bc none of you have tumblrs and i won't be able to block everyone interacting w the posts but please don't share the links w anyone, don't reblog or repost them, if you see them here that means you're special :) and everyone else is not.

i'd like to keep this as private as possible, all things considered.

! we are not making any profit from this project ! this is a noncommercial thing so feel free to download/save to your own drive if you want to (again, for your own listening)

the songs are not mine, the voice is mine, the covers are the pictures i took, the background noise courtesy of our wonderful nature and the damn cars (and my damn friends).

ok bye for now ♡

[tamiddyinyourcity]

Its really mind blowing!

Literally a few nights before, I was deadass glowing from how good things were.

And I always liked things.

Waking up and going, "Oh hey, there he is. He's still got his arm around me and everything. He looks great sleeping", or looking at his eyes.

Soft kisses awake, listening to music while drinking tea.

Sitting ontop of his Prius, (yes, that's how he got those dents,) and looking at the stars and the skyline with eachother.

Ice skating, and helping me not bust my ass several times like that.

All these cute moments are kinda dead now.

On the bright side, it was a good run. It helped me move past the last few months easier than I would've, if going solo. :)

Sucks that my Christmas plans turned from "I wanna give him something special! It's so sweet he wants me around his family for the season", to "I'll just go face down in my bed, and maybe buy a few bottles of aspirin if I *really* wanna ascend into a Holy Night."

....I'm kidding, I wouldn't use pills to kill myself, lmfao. Nah. Foaming at the mouth or falling asleep are the most pussy or depressing ways to end a life.

Or at least, not the most ideal way to end my own.

THIS IS GETTING DEPRESSING, LETS CHANGE TOPICS BRO!

I'll just not think about the future, or the past.

Both will happen at their own pace, and I cant change that.

But what I *can* do, is make sure that I eat something today.

Otherwise, I will faint, and not wake up again until its maybe two days later. Or worse, in a hospital bed.

Objective for the day:

What should I eat that will make me appreciate life some more? IHOP sounds pretty good.....

Nice.

......I wonder does he still read my blog? I think its the only think I havent blocked him on. I never blocked his phone number, but I shouldnt be out here nervous, if we know hes never gonna respond to my voicemail either.

I had a dream the other night. I went to his house to get my fireworks and my candles back, and then just to not walk away and regretting anything, I said he could say whatever he wanted to me, since he has nothing to lose.

(I figured either telling me I was a dick, that he was upset at the breakup, or whatnot would be fair game anyway.)

All I remember is him doing that awkward (yet endearing) snort-chuckle he does when he gets flustered or nervous, and saying "Well, I did check your *blog*, and....-"

Then the dream kinda cuts off.

.........kinda sad how I wish that could happen.

Whatever.

Its too soon to think he'd want anything to do with me, and too late to change the past.

All I can do is say "Fuck you, Patrick, this wasnt my fault," and "Sorry for cursing out your stupid ass friend for intruding in my business, I should have at least waited a few hours, or until the next day to see if you'd be open to talking to me about the situation again".

Which usually loops back to "But I know you wouldnt change your mind or offer any resolution, and still want it all to go your way or the highway, so Fuck you, Patrick, you absolute asshat of a person."

And then I feel alright.

.....stop procrastinating, me! I'll just end up sweating in bed all day and not doing anything. Do SOMETHING, you've got so much potential honey....

Write some more song lyrics, record a video, eat a meal; dying isn't gonna make that boy text you any sooner, or make the memories fade away any quicker.

I shouldn't feel this bad about leaving a relationship headed towards toxic territory, when he knows damn fucking well that he wouldn't feel even half as terrible as I do...

When hes the one who had chose what he chose.

2:27pm, stomach is kinda caving in. Sweating but not feeling okay enough to immediately shower, or else ill end up lying on the floor and letting the steam scald me or something. Then itll be hours, and itll get too dark to leave out.

I'll be alright. Just... forget he exists. Life has always been good. Think about your upcoming date with the other Patrick, and how good itll be to see him again. And your music and artwork. The things you want to create.

That's all. Peace out yalls, see yall later peeps. Imma go to IHOP, text laters.

[bumbershots]

A CERTAIN ROMANCE

CHAPTER THREE: WHO ARE YOU?

Author’s note: Hello! Once more I would like to thank you all for the love this story’s been getting, it truly blows my mind. I am also looking for a beta reader so if anyone out there is interested let me know! (: Let’s pick up right where we left off...

Story masterlist ** Word count: 2.3K **

Two souls don't find each other by simple accident, Harry thought after taking a seat for the first time that night, his feet were probably going to be swollen tomorrow, they were killing him already. But he wasn't keen on turning down a dance from the girl collapsing in the settee right next to him. A slow Amy Winehouse song was their cue to rest.

"Do you want a beer?" Her voice sounded a bit hoarse, probably from all the giggling and singing she did while dancing the night away.

"Yes please."

He watched her trot to the small bar on the other side of the flat, focused on how the multiple bracelets bounced in her left wrist as she instructed her brother which beer to give her. As she came back to take her previous seat, he felt a small wave of anxiety for wanting nothing more than to start a conversation with her, as she handed him the beer. Usually it was the other way around, but in most of the cases, people wanted to know his persona.

He knew the silence was becoming awkward, but he was still debating whether to ask about her upbringing or what she did for work, whatever the case was, he didn't want to make a fool out of himself, he almost never seemed to be that lucky.

"You're not used to people being calm around you, are you?" Alma’s frown os curiosity is a mirror to the one on the musician's face.

"Yes and no?" Harry's coy tone makes her smile warmly and shake her head in denial, "so, I'm Hampstead station guy?" Her eyes widen, a shy smile appears on her full lips before she takes another large sip of her drink.

"It's unlikely to find the same person thrice in the tube! I told my friend Laura, it felt like a glitch in the matrix." She answers and he lets out an amused laugh.

"For the record, I wasn't following you, at all..."

"I know, you just had to take the same line I did and it was a happy coincidence," she interrupts him, the new song gathers a few more dancers and Harry wonders if she will ask him to dance again, "although it would've made a great anecdote for my YouTube channel; story time, a famous musician follows me around the city possibly plotting my painful death." She joked as she gingerly flashed her hands before the two of them, as if presenting the latest play from the West End.

It was Harry's eyes turn to be wide and smack his hand into his forehead.

"You have a YouTube channel?" His interest was genuine and Alma made herself more comfortable on the sofa, before proceeding to fill him in about what that was about, just videos about her 'sort of interviewing remarkable people' or so she claimed.

It was something that started as a class project back when she was seventeen, trying to get good grades to win a scholarship and study abroad —none of those things happened. She kept doing it afterwards because it was too much fun, once she interviewed all her friends, she moved onto her family. "Believe me when I tell you, that I have more relatives than I should!" With a smile as big as hers, he sighed before breathing 'lucky' as his heart sped and she continued.

Restaurant owners, chefs, firefighters, barristers, doctors, accountants, waitresses, sexual workers, sex shop employees, bankers, homeless people, hairdressers and apparently every person from her home country had been on the informal interview series. Harry was impressed with the whole concept and her.

"I sort of abandoned it a little when I moved here last year, it was crazy busy the first couple of months and the whole bureaucracy... and I was a little homesick to be honest." For the first time in the night, her voice is thinner, he has to lean in a few inches to hear better, "I miss my parents, my cousins, my aunt, my grandparents. But this is something I've wanted for the longest time you know?" Her eyes bore into his, allowing him to see the vulnerability swimming in them, "I've never felt like an outsider here, never got lost in the tube, took the wrong bus or anything like that. Isn't it weird?" Harry smiled at the sentiment, thoughts of his latest trip to Japan flashing before him.

"No, I think it's marvellous that you feel that way." He cannot be real, is the only thing running through her mind like a restless hamster in its wheel.

Harry and Alma talked about everything they didn’t have in common, despite the brief interruptions to do some shots and drink champagne with the birthday boy. Their families were discussed, their favourite things to do in the summer. Alma even asked him how was work going, as if she didn’t know that he was one of th world’s most successful artists. Harry was thrilled to joke through their drinks and the girl wasn't shy to ask him for a couple more dances. None of them noticed the partying dying around them, it was only after Fernando said his goodbyes to his laughing sister, that they noticed how late/early it actually was.

Before they knew it, golden hues streamed through the window behind them as Freddie walked out of his room and offered them coffee.

"I'm never drinking straight vodka again," Freddie mumbled to himself after finishing his cup of coffee.

"At least it wasn't Vodquila like last time," Alma's words make him groan but agree. "I should go now, need a shower and a healthy breakfast."

After Harry also admitted he needed to be on his way, with all their belongings gathered and after saying goodbye to a very ill Freddie, neither Harry or Alma looked forward to their imminent separation. He had spent hours hearing how busy she is, when not recording content, she was working at Wenzel's and teaching Spanish to her neighbour's daughter on the weekends. Still, he was determined to meet with her again.

As soon as they started moving down the street, Harry noticed the next one was where he had to turn right in order to go home. It wasn't a short walk but the most effective route for sure.

"So, the bus stop is that way," Alma nodded her head to the left, smirking knowingly as she stuffs her hands in her coat pockets.

"Of course," they had come to a rolling stop at the corner. Harry suddenly felt beyond nervous about asking the girl for her phone number. "Thank you, for keeping me company last night." It was amazing he wanted to add, but licked his lips quickly instead.

"You mean keeping you from catching up with all your friends," she corrected him.

Harry shakes his head and smiles, the dimples graciously adorning his cheeks, his racing heart giving him the last push needed to finally ask. "Do you think we could go, like for coffee... sometime?” With that she laughed, immediately memorising the sound of it, her loud cackle is one of the nicest things he has heard in awhile.

"Only if I can buy you something from the selection of pastries." Harry laughed loudly, completely relieved by her answer. She dug around her purse for a moment before taking out a pen and what seemed to be an old receipt, quickly scribbling down her number and handing it to him.

"I'll call you," he beamed, carefully placing the piece of paper in his wallet. He'd be an idiot to lose such a precious fragment of information.

"Looking forward to it," Alma smiled at him for one last time before she started walking to the opposite direction. "See you around Harry." His face was a bit puffy from not having slept properly, but she would be lying to say he didn’t look adorable at the same time.

He waved and watched her walked away, her sweet and tired morning smile seemed to be engraved into the musician's mind as he headed home.

The air was still a bit cold, but the heat was starting to rise and plague London for the rest of the day, the hot summer everyone's been yearning for was finally here, even Harry could feel it in his bones as he continued down his path. He was still highly enamoured by the amazing night he spent sharing a piece of himself with Alma. His feet felt heavy, were even burning a little, but it was nothing as he made his way through his home gate twenty minutes later.

He decided to get some toast and a cuppa for breakfast, his high spirits not faltering even one bit although he could feel the consequences from the all-nighter already with each yawn. After eating he decided to take a shower that got him ready for a well deserved sleep in his comfortable bed.

Waking up around six o'clock startles him at first, Harry is well rested now but a bit grumpy for the weird taste on his tongue, something usual after drinking beer. He scolds himself for not brushing his teeth earlier as he walks in his bathroom. The cool tiles against his bare feet wake him up a bit more. After some needed dental hygiene, Harry gets dressed to go out and pick up his sister for their weekly dinner. Hopefully he can convince her to stay in, that way he can go on and on about the events from the night before.

His feet still hurt, he can even feel a blister underneath his big toe. But it doesn't bother him, it's actually a nice reminder of the incredible things that miraculously happened. Harry knew that since Alma was related to Fernando, someone that was bound to be in his life for the next six months or so, there was a big chance they would've met at some point. But he'd rather think it was fate, some sort of good karma coming round, he stared at her contact on his phone, still charmed by the fact that she gave it to him on the back of a receipt. Ignoring that she only did it that way, because the thought of asking for his mobile to enter it herself, was a very bold move. And Alma wasn’t really that confident, not when his green eyes were boring into hers anyway.

"When are you gonna call her then?" Gemma's voice snaps him out of his daydream for the third time during their quiet dinner in her flat. "What is it? You've got that look."

"What look?" He asks before his sister frowns and pinches her bottom lip with her thumb and index finger. It's his nervous quirk, he sighs, "I don't know, I'm just so nervous." Without a valid reason, he knows the girl is so lovely, maybe that's why.

"You're afraid of fucking it up," she knows, Harry nods. "Well, you could tell her that, perhaps on a text—

"—I want to call her, texting her will make me feel a wanker." Gemma smiles at her little brother, he looked uncharacteristically unsure of himself but nonetheless excited. It was endearing how the first thing he told her after crossing her home's threshold was 'my life is officially a chick flick!' Before proceeding to explain with detail about the whole situation.

"What about a text that reads: hello, this is Harry please save my number so when I find the guts to call you, you don't think it's a telemarketing scam," Gemma might be joking and mocking him all at once, but has a point. A text so she also has his number, makes the situation more even, she can call him too. "Assuming she gave you a real phone number."

"What?" Harry is mortified.

"I'm kidding, you should've seen your face," his sister wanted to drag a bit more her joke, but the preoccupied look on his face stopped her. Gemma couldn't wait to tell their mum, knowing that she would be just as absorbed. "There's nothing wrong with showing interest right away. If you want this to be honest and genuine, set an example." She finished before taking the last bite of pizza.

Harry knew that to be true, but now he was left wondering if it was the right time for him. Had he really left behind all the ghosts and baggage from his past? Or was he still carrying them in the new tattoos of his knees?

Despite his sister's encouraging words about how nothing could go wrong this early with Alma, he couldn't help but wonder if his still grieving heart was ready.

He takes his time walking back home, not caring if it was a really long one, he was aware of the curious eyes once he reached the Southbank but paid no attention to them. He welcomed the chill breeze, hoping for it to cool his boiling mind. Remembering the last time he walked along the river arms around his former flame, her laughter still ringing in his ears, her tender kisses in his knuckles, her delicious scent flying away with the airstream into London's sunshine.

Missing someone is not wrong, Harry reminds himself.

There's no point going down the rabbit hole of what ifs about their relationship. Harry can admit his mistakes, no matter how hard it comes to him, he can also apologise wholeheartedly. He did all those things already, months ago. Which is why he was able to keep her as a friend, not a close one, more like an acquaintance. And she's happy, he can see that, knows it.

Why does he feel like he's still drowning? He's already been pulled from the vast ocean of hers. Harry groans, struggles to open his gate, his good spirits from this morning nowhere to be found.

He doesn't know if it's the memory of her, the fear of loneliness, coincidence and laziness, or a bad habit? But he doesn't text the girl with warm brown eyes, instead he plays the voicemail that sometimes haunts his nightmares, on repeat, for the rest of the night.

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