#and that just shouldn't happen that meme is from 2016 it wasn't even good then

[ourceliumnetwork]

i really gotta stop referring to taking my bra off as "going tits out for Harambe"

[twilightvolt]

Ok, I think it's time I let out my thoughts on paper here since that's what these blog thingies are for.

While I do wish things could've been different back in Sinnoh and Kalos, and I do greatly prefer the original spiky art style over the rounded out new style (That's just how I roll if my own art is anything to show for it), I've done a lotta deep thinking about this and at this point, I've accepted it.

Look, I haven't watched even one episode of Sun & Moon. I can't have a concrete opinion on how it actually is cuz I haven't seen everything in depth. But from the snippets and scenes I've come across over the years, it seems like it's a fun, lighthearted romp that I'm sure was really entertaining if the darn facial expressions alone were anything to go by. I will admit, despite my gripes with the ART STYLE (yes, not animation. There's a difference to all the people who blurt out animation without thinking. But look it up on your own time cuz that's besides the point.) I got a good chuckle out of the jokes and memes that came from this show (I luv Rowlett even more than I did before ngl). Also, I've been told some of the side characters were even more developed over the show than a lot of the companions from previous series. Which does give me the urge to finally check it out someday soon.

With all the changes Sun & Moon made, from the aforementioned art style to letting Team Rocket actually beat Ash for once (but apparently still not catching Pikachu) to the tonal change, the new party of Pokemon as per usual AND this, this feels like they were really trying to go for an "opposite day" kind of approach with this series. EVERYTHING is different. Like, seriously.

And then it hit me. I took into account all of this and thought "maybe the fact he won in this series wasn't what tipped me off." Cuz you see, I think it's the fact this was his FIRST victory rather than his second or third win that set off the negative side of the internet. And knowing their reasoning, I understand! He really SHOULDN'T have been bodied by legendaries in Sinnoh (even worse when you recall it was an all star gathering of Ash's Greatest Hits like Totodile and Sceptile. Like it was lowkey planned to be the grand finale.) or somehow getting Greninja mauled by Blast Burn of all things. Heck, Charizard shouldn't have lost to Blaziken in Johto for those same reasons. That being type matchups. But hey, when's that ever meant anything in the anime? :^) (though, if Blaziken were on Ash's side rather than Harrison, I'd totally say "screw that" and root for him cuz favoritism but adgsgsg moving on. Lmao)

But here's the thing. We can't rewind to 2016, 2010 or even 2002 and try to fix the ending. The mistakes have been made. And they're set in stone. All we can do is just move on and hope the next series is his big break. And that's exactly what they gave us this time.

It may not have a favorable art style. It may be much sillier than what some of y'all are used to or would have preferred. But it's been 22 friggin' years of this poopoo garbage and after the tragedy that was the Kalos League, this poor kid deserves to win something at this point. And if this is The Pokemon Company's way of making it up to the DP and XY fans for what happened in the past, then I'm glad this series is Ash's crowning moment along with his potential swan song. As a protagonist, as I'm sure this totally won't be the last we'll see of this dweeb. Lol

And let's be real here. It's definitely better than Black & White, that much we can all agree on.

Ash Ketchum (Satoshi) becomes the Alola League Champion !!!

[garbageivereleasedintothevoid]

02-10-20

I felt you needed to see this meme after today. To remind you that I am normally a very closed off open book. And I'm sure you'll figure out what that means but just feel freakin honored because I do not let most people see me cry. The fact that you're my therapist makes exactly no difference to my brain.

Anyway, yeah. That was a lot. For me. Idk. Maybe it wasn't that much but it was a lot for me.

You've seen me casually mention shit that some other people wouldn't be able to say at all. And that's part of the defense. Pretend it doesn't bother you and people respond like it doesn't. And you never have to address it because it seems like it genuinely does not bother you. But it's a ploy. One that... Sara saw through near immediately. She even called me on it a couple times. She was like "Idk what to do for you because you won't open up." And I was just like "I've told you everything." And she just flashed this grin briefly and said "But you haven't opened up." And I was like fuck she's right. And told her so and she gloated just a little tiny bit. She just be like that. Lil shit loves being right. Anyway, that was when I actually started to open up to her. Or at least try to. It didn't work at first. I didn't know how. But I kept trying and she kept encouraging me. Until it eventually happened but that was the only time I've seen her... Low-key lose composure. I broke the absolute fuck DOWN. Like full on lost all control. I... Ended up calling her mommy while sobbing. And I saw this look of horror on her face as I looked up. I had previously not been able to see as I'd been sobbing with tears in my eyes and had my head down. And I just launched into apologizing and freaking out thinking she hated me now. She was honest in her response. She told me she didn't know how to react but that I had no reason to be sorry and that she wasn't mad at me. She didn't seem fully confident as she pulled herself together though. Idk. I think it mostly just shocked her because I'd never reacted that way before and to be fair, it was pretty extreme. But... In the moment, I thought I'd just isolated myself from the only person who seemed to give a goddamn about me at the time. I felt... Like she was the only one who gave a goddamn about me and tbh? I don't think I was wrong. At that time in my life, she was the only one who knew me well enough to give a shit about me as a unique individual. She was the only one who... Stuck around long enough to... Really get to know me. Everyone else gave up on me. And I think at times she was really close but it took her a lot more to get close. She played the long game with me and won me over slowly. Gained my trust, pushed me, encouraged me to do better and be better like she knew I could be.

But she also was willing to learn along the way. She knew what nonbinary was when we first met. And knew what would be considered today to be the absolute basics of how to treat a nonbinary person. But five years ago that was close to as much knowledge as you could reasonably expect any cishet person to ever have and it wasn't common by any means. But she learned. And she learned quickly. And somehow, some people do not want to acknowledge that part that she played in my life. Some people think I should just accept my station and not push for better. Some people don't truly understand that they might be happy with their place but others aren't as privileged. And yes, having been physically beaten by your ex is fucking awful and nobody should have to have dealt with that but that doesn't mean you understand everything. And neither does a social work degree. I don't fit her idea of someone who's been abused and she doesn't like that. I wasn't abused by a partner and the physical abuse was... Not as prevalent as every other kind. The sexual abuse was a big thing but... Idk. Rn I am not focusing on that very much and I'm grateful for that because if I was, I'm certain it wouldn't go well. The thing I talk about most was the emotional abuse and manipulation as well as the neglect. When I wasn't being told I would get laughed at for wearing emo stuff to school, I was being told my medical condition wasn't bad and I was just looking for attention. I was called a whiner for expressing any pain. And I am not saying I was perfect. But I was a child. I should have been taken seriously and I for damn sure should have been taught the basic skills that one needs to survive. I was told to just pick thing up little by little each day but like? What does that entail? I'd ask for individual steps and be looked at like I was lying. I was consistently treated like filth you scrape off the bottom of your shoe. I didn't ask to be born. I didn't ask to be kept. I didn't ask for any of this. I was handed a shit hand and now I'm making the best of it. But without Sara, I would have never been able to make what I have of myself. She understood me. She saw my pain and validated it and showed me that I wasn't alone in this and proved that she had my back. She proved to me that I could trust her. And. She. Rooted. For. Me. When I was struggling to make it through the hardest parts she was there, urging me onwards with encouraging words. She never tossed me a "Oh, just get over yourself." Or anything like that. She was on my fucking side and she proved that. Beyond a reasonable doubt, she proved that she was trustworthy and behind me every step of the way. She sacrificed and risked for me and the fact that anyone would express disdain for her being credited pisses me off. What was Sarah Wolf doing when I was breaking down over losing all my things in 2016? Blaming me, that's what. What was she doing when I applied for section 8? Telling me it was selfish to apply and that I didn't need it as much as some people so I shouldn't apply. Sara helped me put in the application. She actually pushed me to even do it because I didn't really want to at first. Sara was the driving force behind the best decisions I have made these past few years. Hell, even Yoshi. I made that decision to take him in on my own. But Sara said she thought it was good for me to have an animal. Sarah Wolf said I should listen to Mark and give him away. And now she pretends like it was all her idea when I didn't consult anyone else before making this decision. This was my decision. And Yoshi was one of the absolute best decisions I ever made. Full stop. I made that decision. And one encouraged me to do good while the other tried to guilt trip me for it. Sarah Wolf primarily provided physical needs. And that's great. Totally appreciated. But the advice does not fit my life and I vehemently reject it.

Sara knows me. She spent 20 minutes to an hour a week talking to me about the deepest stuff that Sarah Wolf still has never heard me talk about. Sarah Wolf doesn't know how much I first freaked out when I first had that memory of the rape lodged in my brain. She doesn't know that Grover took some time out of the bar to hug me and tell me he was taking me to Cici's the next day to get my mind off of it. She doesn't know that I wanted to kill myself that night. She doesn't know that Yoshi meowing at me pulled me back from the edge that night. And she certainly doesn't know that imagining Sara's reaction to the news of my death is what gave me resolve to not do it. Because during that time, she was recovering from her spinal surgery. She was out for another month and a half still. And I didn't want her to come back from that to the news that I had killed myself after remembering that I had been violently raped at a very young age by my own father. That's partly what saved me that night. But that alone was what gave me the resolve to stay alive at least until she got back. And when she got back, I ended up telling her... But I had to get a few other things out first. And I said "One more thing and prepare yourself because it's... Really heavy." And she did. And I told her. And there was a moment where time stood still. And she said she didn't know what to say... Kind of stumbled a moment and said that again but added she was here for me and she would do anything she could to support me. And that meant the world to me. I knew she would, too. I knee before I told her. I knew she would be there for me. And she was. She promised and delivered. She never promised anything there was a chance she couldn't deliver. She always told me the truth. She proved time and time again how much she gave a fuck. And I don't respect when people try to doubt her presence in my life as a positive experience.