#and that is basically the perfect way to describe us

[almostswagkid]

Little Rodya analysis + thoughts on Sonya

Okay, I've noticed that we lack Dmitri Razumikhin in the story. A lot of other characters too, but not about them now

So, my theory now is that Razumikhin is Rodya's facade.

Dmitri in the book was friend of Raskolnikov. He tried to distract Rodion from dark thoughts and pretty much always been there for him. Basically, Dmitri lacks any negative traits, which would be perfect for the ideal person Rodya wants to be. He is kind, optimistic, simple and honest. Which is, in my opinion, what Rodya wants people to think she is

And, if I'm right, it is interesting how Razumikhin is described as "the person who knows how to love" and Rodya's canto called "The Unloving"

Plus, bonus point: Rodya is the one who asked to call her by nickname. In the book Razumikhin was the one who called Rodion "Rodya"

My copy of the book is obviously in Russian, but it's there

Now, about Sonya. I'll keep this section relatively short cuz we have very little info about him, but trust me I can yap about it a lot. Let's keep it simple: I'll refer to Limbus Sonya by his name, and to book Sonya by her surname (Marmeladova)

I believe Sonya is not Marmeladova. I actually believe that Sonya represents that idea of Rodion, that he's special and has the right to decide fate of others. Sonya is fanatic, he firmly believes that his plan will work. Just like Rodion did. And, obviously, Rodya's character development should go into direction where she admits that she's not special, thus abandoning her theory. Which means, leaving Sonya and staying with Limbus

I actually think that Gregor is playing a role of Marmeladova. Hear me out: they both had a very difficult life; they both had to endure disgrace from their mothers; both used to being shunned and humiliated; both are not very good at talking to new people (tho Marmeladova was literally afraid, and Gregor just sucks at it); both feel like they're an outcast, who doesn't deserve attention and love from "normal people"; they both will bend over backwards for people they care about

There's a lot more similarities, especially in interactions between Rodion and Marmeladova, but I think you get my point

Also, on the side note. Please, if you want to give Rodya her full name it would be Rodion Romanovna Raskolnikova. Russian is gendered language, and "Raskolnikov" is male surname, as "Romanovich" is male patronymic. It doesn't offend me in any way, it just sounds weird to me as a native speaker

[mgu-h]

#i've been studying these two like bugs... oooh would you mind sharing if, in the course of this study, there's a nortrell antic that drove you particularly crazy? for me, its probably a tie between max shielding lando in the off road video or the post-qatar tarkov stream.

The post-Qatar stream is the one with Max getting Lando to eat food, right?? I might be remembering wrong, but if it is, those two moments are perfect demonstrations of Max's caretaking, the way he instinctively protects Lando from the lack of concern he shows in taking care of himself. Lando takes care of Max in larger structural ways too, but Max really just wants Lando to be okay, be safe, healthy, happy, etc.. It kills me.

In terms of antics, like, there are a lot of specific moments that make me feel insane, but it's the patterns and routines in their dynamic that really do me in. I'll describe three because otherwise this could go on and on, but off the top of my head:

They do this thing when they disagree where they'll bounce back and forth with “it is” “it isn’t” “it is!” “it isn’t!” or “yes” “no” “yes!” “no!” with different and more pointed inflection each time, as if to make the other accept their point by force of will, without any actual argument, just sheer conviction. One of them always yields and pivots after a few back-and-forths, like it's some kind of negotiation, where they don't have to actually argue their point for the other person to know their perspecive, full mind reading style, they just have to decide who is more sure about being right.

They have established patterns of verbal play, counterbalancing each other's personalities and playing along with each other's bits. It's as if Lando likes to be annoying and Max likes to be annoyed, and they have great fun together in the performance of irritation. Lando has this foolproof gambit where he swaggers like he's perfect and declares he's better than Max, as he knows Max won’t let him get away with it. Max is just as competitive as him and totally incapable of letting it lie. Lando just likes to push buttons until Max’s patience runs out. He wants Max’s sole focused attention even if it’s scolding or roasting him. It's like verbally pulling his pigtails.

The pigtail pulling isn't just verbal, Lando does it physically too, they both do tbh. You see sometimes Lando smack Max or push him around a little, and Max pushes back, both playing at violence to justify putting hands on each other. They don't seem to have any reservations getting in each other's personal space, if anything they feel entitled to get inside it, like Max pushing his face under Lando's arm to answer the question what he smells like, or tipsy Lando draping himself over Max's shoulders while on vacation, or Lando doing tech support in his bathrobe after a shower, leaning almost all the way into Max's lap as he typed on the keyboard. The tiny, subtle way Max bounced off Lando in that one Quadrant merch announcement and the way Lando made himself a firm place to bounce off.

Basically their mutual affection is on display both verbally and nonverbally everywhere you look. The achingly tender tone of voice Max uses on Lando sometimes, the childish way Lando laughs with him sometimes, like he feels very safe being himself without performance. It's all just sooo... gah!!!!!

[secret-71845th-thing]

Ok so quick warning: this whole post is basically me rambling because I desperately need to get this out of my system, so I apologize in advance for the possible lack of coherency.

The topic I really want to talk about is Silco's funeral. I've been thinking about it since s2 ep2 came out and I've never really been able to come to a definitive opinion on it. It's honestly a very beautiful and atmospheric scene (without the constant flashbacks to past episodes of course because writers don't Actually know Why the flashbacks are sometimes shown on screen) and at first glance it seems like the perfect send-off for Silco...but it kept bugging me. It bugged me and bugged me and bugged me, kept me up at night, mocking me for the confusing feelings I had towards it. I've been walking in circles in my very personal torture chamber, all up until today. Like. I think it was literally 30 minutes ago (at the time of me writing this sentence). I finally figured out (at least) 5 reasons why I don't like this scene (and the very fact of its existence) the way I do, why it bothers me so much that I can't sleep.

CONTENT WARNING: DROWNING AND ITS OUTCOMES

Reason №1: the uncomfortable, the bad and the ugly.

So uhhhhhhh....I haven't seen literally anyone talking about it but uhhhhhh....you guys. Know what happens to dead bodies when they're placed in the water, right?...They um. They DO sink at first but then uh. Then they resurface and they uh. They look way Way WAY worse than before. Um. It doesn't happen with all of them, but the absolute majority does eventually resurface. We don't know if Silco's body will actually be able to resurface due to extreme pollution of the Pilt, but this is still a very possible outcome. And needles to say, this is a very cruel fate for any character really, and especially for Silco. He had to struggle with deformity and the consequences of Piltover's exploitation his whole life, so to have his body being even more deformed due to being in the water, and toxic water no less, is well..........Listen. I believe in the artistic thought devoid of real-life context as much as the next person, but Silco is Too realistically written for that. I can't do that to him. And I don't want anybody else to do it to him either. Call me overdramatic, but I can't possibly help it. I don't want him to go in a way he doesn't deserve to.

Reason №2: muh theeeeemes

The general consensus for Silco being buried in the water is that it suits his character thematically. He's always associated with water, his trauma is connected to water, the weapon his daughter made in his honor is literally water animal-shaped etc etc. He's the Posidon of Arcane itself, if you really think about it. And while I absolutely 100% see the point, I don't necessarily agree that this is enough of a reason to bury him in water. While Silco is undoubtedly a water-themed character first, he's also very closely connected to earth as well. Think about it. Where did Silco work in the past? In the mines. Where the dream of Zaun he dedicated his entire life to turning into reality was born? In the mines. Think about this as the 2/3 of the water circulation process. The rain goes into the ground and then into the underground waters, which are then become a part of rivers/seas/etc. Earth and water are interconnected in the most intimate sense, so burying Silco in the ground instead of the water wouldn't actually be a thematic "betrayal" as it may seem at first.

Reason №3: the trauma

Once again, sorry for the incoherency, I just don't know in which order I need to put these points out. Well, anyway. If we remember Silco's monolog at the start of s1 ep3 he describes his experience during the drowning as water talking to him, and his subconscious asking him "Have you had enough?" on the other side. Imo, this is a very important detail, because it shows us the starking contrast between the trauma and the burial. When Silco was being drowned, he could hear, think, and decide, while during the latter everything the water was whispering fell unto deaf ears. Silco couldn't hear what it was telling him, couldn't feel the way the water (or Jinx) was holding him, couldn't hear that important question, couldn't decide his fate. So, placing him into the water after his death kinda feels like taking away his agency and his choice away, as not even for a second in his life did he ever stop trying to get out of said water. Constantly reliving the same trauma over and over again, stabbing and cutting Vander (and Piltover) countless of times, desperately catching air with his mouth. And you know what is the most important part of this flashback? We never actually see Silco get to the shore, to safety. And while Silco claims that there's peace in water, this peace is very clearly illusory, as he never really came to associate water with it. Earth, on the other hand, does have peace in it, because this is where people finally get to rest and truly get away from the world and its problems. Also (at least from what we know) earth in Zaun isn't polluted, unlike the water. So, I think giving Silco actual peace would only be possible by burying him in the ground.

Reason №4: choose your fighter - Zaun vs Piltover (only losers choose Piltover btw)

There was also a point about how different death is in Zaun and Piltover. In Piltover you get an actual burial, a proper ceremony, a grave and a headstone at the cemetery etc etc, while in Zaun you just. Die. That's it. Your body can be taken away by anyone, dumped anywhere, no ceremonies whatsoever, no headstone no nothing. You'll be heck of a lucky guy if you get even a small mural somewhere (like the Firelights do), but otherwise you just. Dissappear. And your loved ones never actually get the chance to say a proper goodbye or mourn you. So, in that sense, in "canonical" s2 Silco died like a true Zaunite, his only trace in the world being his office in The Last Drop. But isn't it kinda an antithesis to everything he was fighting for tho? Silco wanted for Zaunites to have what Piltover has, proper burials and cemeteries included, and while he didn't get there by the slightest of margins, I think it would be a beautiful symbolism if Jinx and Sevika and possibly somebody else buried him "properly", showing us that they'll finish what he started. I took properly in quotation marks because it doesn't have to be a traditional funeral as we saw with Cassandra. Because Zaun is anything but traditional, and Silco loved this with all his heart, even if to a fault. So, Silco's death and funeral could've been a symbol of a new era for Zaun, and while it's was going to be different from anything before that, it's still a step forward towards Zaun's liberation and progress. A True progress.

Reason №5: STORY PROGRESSION AND CHARACTER DEVELOMPENT WHWOOOOOOOO!!! YEEEEEAAH BABYYYYYYYY THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT

Jinx and Sevika never communicated on how Jinx killed Silco and it's WRONG (loud buzzer along with vine boom effect). Silco was not only a boss to Sevika, but clearly a very important person in her life and someone she saw Zaun's future in. While their relationship did sour during the events of the show, it was only a fraction of what we saw of them and wasn't representative of their overall dynamic. In fact, I think that the said souring (?) could've been a good punch in the gut for her. Think about it. Literally earlier that very same day Sevika could've killed Silco herself, but now she has to face what his death ACTUALLY means to her. *Harry Osborn from spider-man 3 impression* So good. And the fact that he was killed by JINX of all people. Mmmmm oughhh!! Even better. But remember kids! Dead bodies decay really fast, so Sevika and Jinx have to put their differences aside to say goodbye to someone they both loved. Bonus points if because of this they become emotionally vulnerable in front of each other for the first time ever or in many Many years. "But secret-71845th-thing, this literally happened in s2 ep2!" ya. There should've been more.

Also on the topic of gut punches. I really loved how Jinx and Sevika talked to Silco's chair, showing how they couldn't really cope with his death and still desperately wanted him to turn around in it and ramble his usual boring speeches to them. But you know what could've been even better? If at the end they finally came to talk to his grave, accepting that he's no longer here, but caring about him and remembering him all the same.

Welp, it was sure a long post *audience laugh track playing on the background*. It took me *checks my non-existent wristwatch* about 3 hours to write. Talk about jobless behavior hahahaha.....(please hire me I want money/hj). There's a high chance that I have forgotten to say something, but I'll simply add it to a reblog because I don't actually bother rewriting this post besides spelling checks. Uuuuh yeah. *scratching my head* *crickets* Oh yeah, will gladly hear out your opinions on this topic, so be very welcome to reblog and comment 🫶🫶 If you'll be civil, of course. My house is only for cozy haters, toxic haters are strictly prohibited.

Edit: "#dw babygirl I'll steal your body and commit horrible atrocities to bring you back🫶🫶" <-- *points at myself* Am I?..... Singed??.......

[tarnera-blog]

#listen#american culture is like if you took hobbit culture and orc culture and mashed them together like a ball of colorful clay#RRRAAAAHHH 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🦅🇺🇸🇺🇸#but unironically#okay a bit ironically

from the-last-kenobi

Don't get me wrong the USA is a hell country and most of what is considered usamerican culture is a fucking NIGHTMARE and a lot of us are suffering both in and out of the country bc of it but. There's certain things that people outside of the USA make fun of and not in a jovial way that I'm like hmm. Fucka you actually

[dbssh]

5, 22, 24, and/or 25

5 - pick a theme song for the tv adaptation

(link)

ive been envisioning my intro to this song for so long its got like just the right tempo and pacing and is so upbeat in exactly the right way its so kakey i can see it in my miiind

22 - you have been given unlimited funds to make two adaptations of some sort, however you cannot make any other adaptations of any other sort. which two formats do you choose?

ANIMATED TV SHOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW and fighting game! i love fighting games. any kind of game would be neat but tbh an arc system works fighting game is dream.

24 / 25 - best scene youve written or had an idea for?

MAN. tee be ayche this just depends on the day because i am in love with basically every idea i have. rn i am kind of obsessed with a scene of arkangel in prison in the cosmosphere. her powers let her make any substance malleable, basically like clay, and she just sits in her cell sculpting these statues over and over, the same one, but the face is always destroyed. she's trying to sculpt her daughter, but she's been alive for so long she cant remember what she looked like.

[screampied]

i have an idea :]

ok so i always see people asking for gentle/needy/desperate choso. and i love it, but…

what about unassumingly ruthless choso? reader doesn’t know what she’s getting into? reader is cocky and gets humbled FAST? idk i just…

👉👈

❤︎ ໋𓈒 choso who puts his cute bratty gf in her place

warnings. fem! reader, attempted brat taming, doggystyle, big dick choso, unprotected.

you’ve always been one to push his buttons, mainly because he always made it so easy.

choso was as intimidating as a kitten, whenever you’d tease him he’d always keep composure or restrain himself.

briefly smiling nervously, kissing your wrist and telling you to be a good girl and wait until you each return home.

but one day, he kind of just snaps…

he takes you home from shopping nearly all day with you, and you were enthusiastically ecstatic. you wondered what he’d do this time, but your thoughts were no match for what he had initially planned. to put it brief, choso had you laid on the bed on all fours. he’s drilling ruthlessly into your pussy and you’re just…speechless. choso’s so handsy, every few seconds he’d spank your ass to hear you whine out his name—in such two slutty syllables.

“c-choso..” you’d moan, the left side of your cheek attached practically to the silk bed sheets as if it was velcro.

“shh, no talkin, princess,” he grunts, and you could hear the slight whine picking up his voice before he stops himself. “i-i have to be more stern with you it seems. can’t always be so nice, gotta humble you just a little bit, fuck.”

if it was a word to perfectly describe you right now, at this particular moment…it would for sure be…dumbfounded.

you couldn’t see yourself but you’d bet money you looked stupid.

choso’s dick was so lengthy, appetizing and hitting every spot with just the tiniest amount of pressures his thrusts had you gnawing on the inside of your cheek with your toes curling tightly.

“what’s the matter? no more attitude?” he huffs, tilting his head to move some remaining strands that were starting to occlude his vision.

“i-if you’re gonna be rough, at least go h—”

“…oh, baby, you’re jus’ asking for it by this point.” he murmurs, wiping his forehead with the back of his palm.

your eyes rolls at feeling the very tips the curve of choso’s cock kiss against your folds. so deep, his thrusts were sloppy. purely responsible for the squelched that continuously sang throughout the room.

choso grabs onto both of your waist, and you moan once he’s just dragging your hips back and forth against him, making sure you feel every thick inch of his.

“do me a favor ‘n arch your back more,” immensely, you do—your body responds to choso with such a quickness it was simply humiliating. “good girl….now,” and you barely recognize choso’s voice. usually it’s so sweet and tender, now it was rough and a bit husky, a rasp hidden underneath each sentence he spoke.

needless to say, you found this version of choso to be quite hot.

“wait,” he pauses, pausing the mood with his own cute stammer in his voice, back to normal. “not goin' to rough, am i? i want you to be comfortable and-”

“baby, ‘m fine. keep fucking me please.” you pleaded, feeling his hips stutter as he was in the middle of talking. even trying to keep up a act, he still wanted to make sure you were okay—choso simpers to himself, caressing your ass before spanking it yet another time.

“okay okay,” he hums. his hips pick up again and you’re basically being pounded into the bed. the grip he had on your hips wasn’t too rough but just the perfect amount.

choso’s breathing starts to pick up, and he enjoys the view of you more than he thought he would. his head goes back, along with his let down hair before he pivots his hips a certain way. your pussy clamped down against him and you hear his jaw clench in pleasure. “…shit.”

your legs quavered beneath him, and he then used a hand to bring both of your wrists behind your back. “j-just like that choso, please, please.”

“baby, you’re not supposed to be praising me,” he pouts, and you giggle before moaning again — a sudden moment occurs where you thickly swallow, only to continue your sweet whimpers. “this was s-supposed to be a punishment.”

“so punish me then.” you mewled, your cunt easily hugs him like a vice, the noise it makes, a wet pop and you’re just soaked. choso’s ears grows hot from the feeling and he knows you can feel it too.

he sighs, shoving you further into the bed. “you’re something else.” and his voice grows low and pitched again—yet choso does the unexpected. he leans right into you, and you instantaneously feel the heel of his foot press against the very back of your head.

he wore socks, the soft padded wool brushes against your neck, and he’s roughly driving into your pussy now to where you can’t even saying anything.

all that came out of your dumb mouth was a squeal, this angle…

“let me have you,” he grunts, balls deep, his base was thick and repeatedly thwacked against your entrance. you were dizzy…drunk, but not that kind of drunk. the good kind where all you could think about was how good you were getting stuffed by your boyfriend’s hefty cock. “yeah, just lie down and let me—fuck.”

you’re panting, and it felt so good.

choso was always used to being gentle and tender with you, although if you wanted him to be a little rougher, he was more than happy to oblige.

“i-i’m gonna cum, choso… gonna make me cum.”

“don’t think you deserve it, he utters, and your lips part, jaw dropping, plethora of sweetened moans only escaping as a subtle response. “you’ve been teasing me all day. even started to stroke me in the dressing room.”

“s-sorry.” you moaned.

choso remains with his foot near the back of your head before pursing his eyebrows together. “you’re not sorry are you, baby? be honest.”

“n—no,” you whined, the thickness of his shaft twitching inside of you felt so heavenly. you could have sworn you felt a vein that ran down his length pulse inside of your tight cunt. “you’re right, you’re right, ‘m not s-sorry.”

he chuckles. “you could have just lied, you know?”

choso’s angle and thrusts against you were so pivotal inside you, so astonishingly deep that not even moments later you end up cumming hard. leaving a ring around his base. your breathing was irregular and heavy, eyes half-lidded and just convulsing underneath him.

“messy girl,” he whispers, pulling out, not even caring that he didn’t finish, all that matters was that you did. choso turns you over before planting a kiss on your lips—you pull him in for another, and another, before you make him trample onto you. “did you learn your lesson?”

“no,” you moaned, sitting up before lightly shoving him down on his back, straddling his lap now. “i want more.”

choso smirks, sliding a hand down your waist, fully disregarding his flustered face at seeing you attempt to take control. “of course you do, brat.”

[st7rnioioss]

࿐ ˚ ⋆ ֹ CHRIS DOESN'T KNOW

— based off the song "scotty doesn't know" by lustra

˚𝜗𝜚 warnings... don't like, don't read! chratt fic!!, threesum (no incest shit), dom!matt, softdom!chris, cheating (don't do this in real life), unprotected sex (wrap it), slightly public sex (? in a car), minor angst (mentions of cheating + arguing), protected sex, oral (f + m receiving), praise kink, dumbification kink, slight dacryphilia.

𝒢𝜚 wc: 5.3k

𝜗𝜚˚࿔ notes: wow wow woooww.. first chratt fic i've ever written! i can't tell if i like or absolutely despise this, but here you are. i love u, freaks!!🤍

chris doesn’t know we do it in my van every sunday she tells him she’s in church but she doesn’t go still, she’s on her knees and chris doesn’t know

“o-oh, matt-“ you moaned, head thrown back against the window of matt’s car, one of your hands gripping onto his shoulders as he basically pounded his cock into you, the other one holding onto the hand grip on the door.

“fuuuckk… c-can’t believe chris gets to see this every day, huh? so pretty..” he ducked his head down to leave a trail of kisses down your neck and collarbone, his pace not halting one bit as his fingertips dug into your hips.

this had become sort of a routine.. every sunday you’d tell chris you were going to church when really you were doing something way more sinful. something that definitely didn’t belong in a church—far from it, even.

you had arranged a specific spot where matt would drive by every sunday, and he’d either have you on your knees in his car or, like right now, sprawled out in the backseat.

“matt! d-don’t stop, please!” you wailed, his thumb connecting to your bud making your back arch and eyes squeeze shut.

“oh, i don’t plan on it.. w-we have ‘til ten thirty-“ he groaned, throwing his head back when he felt your sticky walls clamp around him. “th-think you can keep going?”

oh, chris doesn’t know so don’t tell chris

you knew all this was very wrong.. cheating on your boyfriend, first of all. but with his brother? there was really no excuse.

restless nights were one way to describe the pit in your stomach. staring at the ceiling, asking yourself what drove you to do such a fucked up thing.

chris was perfect… he treated you like there was no other girl in the world, showering you with gifts, and receiving endless kisses from him, and the praise and sweet words he gave you whenever you had sex were more than enough of what you needed.

it left you wondering. couldn’t matt give you the same? they were so similar, yet different. whenever you were having sex with chris, you couldn’t deny you missed matt’s cruel effort to make you cry, rather than chris’s effort to make you smile. yet chris’s compliments is what kept you so flustered and shy around him.

it was complicated. you used to have this “friends with benefits” situation with matt before you got with chris.. and disturbingly enough, it lasted. but you still loved chris, very much.. you just also happened to have sex with matt?

“hey, um.. i don’t mean to be nosy, but like.. you’ve been kinda off lately. are you okay?” chris whispered from behind you, his arms wrapped securely around you.

you sighed, but not in annoyance, messily turning around under the sheets. you met his eyes that had a somewhat worryingly look to them.

“chris, i’m okay. i promise, i’ve just.. i’ve just been tired,” you whispered back, leaving a kiss on his forehead. “don’t worry about me.” sure, you were lying straight through your teeth, but you couldn’t tell him yet. he wasn’t ready to know.

he smiled back at you, nodding slowly as an answer, not wanting to take this thing further. he returned the kiss but to your lips.

oh, chris doesn’t know so don’t tell chris

you were sat in your bed, music playing softly in the background while you scrolled through whatever social media app was interesting at the moment until you were interrupted.

a sigh escaped your lips. you hated keeping this from chris.

even though you saw stars every time you were with matt, it felt so wrong—that pit in your stomach only grew time after time… but yet you craved more from him.

she says she’s out shopping but she’s under me and i’m not stopping

your phone was going off from your nightstand, chris sending messages about letting him see what you had gotten yourself—but that was the last thing you wanted to focus on right now.

chris had called you just earlier, asking if he could come over to hang out with you. but you were.. busy with some other stuff. stuff, as in, matt was over.

“what do i say? i can’t just tell him i’m having sex with his brother,” you groaned, staring down at the confused message from chris.

matt shrugged, taking a sip of his canned soda. “i dunno.. just say you’re out shopping or somethin’, he won’t bat an eye,”

“y-you’re so fucking wet.. listen to that,” matt groaned from on top of you, listening to the wet squelching his dick elicited from your pussy. “y’like it raw that much?”

ecstasy was all you could describe it as. as much as you liked all the positions matt could manhandle you into, this was easily your favorite—along with the raw feeling of his cock buried to the hilt inside of you.

you had always kept a promise that no matter what, you’d never let matt fuck you raw. it was intimate to another level, even the thought of him finishing inside of you making your stomach churn weirdly. but this..?

“m-mm..” you babbled, eyes stuck to the back of your skull as he fucked his hips into the back of your thighs, your legs thrown over his shoulders.

he chuckled, reaching a thumb out to wipe the spit off the corner of your mouth. “so dumb.. you like being fucked stupid on my cock, don’t you?”

you weren’t even processing his words, nodding dumbly at the clouded words before you squeezed around him for the second time that evening. a loud moan of his name escaped your puffy lips, your release creating a ring around his cock.

oh, chris doesn’t know so don’t tell chris

a few months had passed since you got together with chris while keeping up this thing with matt, and honestly, you were surprised you first of all hadn’t told him yet, and second of all that he still hadn’t noticed. you were being quite risky with this after all.

“do you want anything?” chris whispers from next to you, nuzzling his nose into the side of your face making you chuckle.

“no, i’m okay.” you whispered back.

you, chris, nick, and matt had gotten together to watch a movie, though matt’s eyes were not on the screen in front of him.

the tension was in the air—and it was thick. at least between you and matt. it always left you nervous when both chris and mag were in the same room as you. thinking about what went on behind closed doors.

a sense of jealousy was bottled up inside of matt. he’d never gotten to be intimate with you like that. the secret whispers, cuddling, kissing, all that jazz was only something you’d ever do with chris and not him.

still, he pushed that feeling away, reminding himself to appreciate he even got to be close to you.

and though you’d never like to admit, the thought of both chris and matt being with you, touching you had crossed your mind.. more often than you’d like it to.

it was a simple solution, right? both matt and chris having to share you, rather than you being torn inside from lying to chris and cheating on chris with matt.

chris doesn’t know don’t tell chris

“no, i’m serious. something is up, y-you’re not acting like yourself!” chris raised his voice, reaching out to take your hands in his.

the poor boy was so afraid to lose you, his heart pounding in his chest. he’d do anything for you, anything to keep you as his.

“chris, i said i’m okay! nothing is wrong, i’m just stressed lately, stop being like that!” you yelled back, but you didn’t let go of his hands.

you wanted to cry, you really did. your love for chris was so overwhelming, yet you felt so terrible when thinking of letting him know about you and matt. how would he react? would he leave you for good? did you want.. the both of them?

all those bottled-up emotions only left you to push chris away from you.

“no, i’m not- i’m not accepting that excuse anymore. you’ve been telling me that for weeks now, you have to tell me the truth,” he clung to you, pulling you closer to him while a pleading look made it to his face.

you only stared up at him for a while, momentarily considering telling him about this whole situation.

“but.. but what if i am telling the truth?”

chris nearly couldn’t believe what he was hearing, letting out a scoff while letting go of you, shoving your hands off.

“fine. if you wanna be like that, then go ahead. but i can’t help you.”

the whole situation fucked up chris and matt too. every passing second, matt got more and more possessive over you, leading him to bicker with chris.

chris didn’t understand why he was suddenly being pushed away from the both of you, leaving him on edge at all times as well.

the powder and the fuse—chris and matt. whenever they walked into the same room, you could only bet on how long it’d take before the two were arguing. whether it was pointless stuff that pissed the two guys off, or there was a deeper meaning behind the arguments.

all this caused nick to get upset as well. he couldn’t stand his brothers fighting all the time, leaving him pissy too.

whether it was breaking up the arguments between the two brothers or joining in, there was always a building tension in their relationship.

was there any escape from this? all you knew was that your lies and secrets only tore all of you further apart from each other.

i can’t believe he’s so trusting while i’m right behind you thrusting she’s got him on the phone and she’s trying not to moan it’s a three-way call and he knows nothing

the next time you spoke with chris after your little disagreement was over the phone. you had matt behind you, thrusting his cock into your soaked walls while you tried your best to focus on what chris was saying.

“wha.. yeah. yes, that’s- that’s perfect..” you bit back a whimper, your hand tightening its grip on your phone, your eyes pinched shut while matt drove his dick in and out of you.

it was so nice of chris—after the argument you had just a few days prior, he decided he could at least make it up to you by taking you out for a nice dinner, talking stuff through instead of staying mad at each other, even treat you with some make-up sex. hell, he’d even gotten you a pretty dress to wear.

“are you okay? you sound a little off,” chris’s voice could be hear through the speakers, the confused tone to his voice making you wish you could just hang up already.

with a weak and somewhat faux laugh, you answered him. “no, no i’m good.. s-seven thirty is fine,” you mumbled, a whimper falling from your lips, momentarily making you panic. “sorry, my shoe won’t- won’t come on,”

chris shrugged off your explanation. “uh, okay. i’ll see you at seven-thirty then, baby. goodb-“

“bye! i’ll see you,” you interrupted, hanging up immediately.

finally, you let the moans fall from your parted lips, muffled from the pillow you buried your face into, clutching for the sheets. the phone fell from your grasp, matt’s hand grabbing a good handful of your hair, driving your face further down into the soft pillow.

“he doesn’t have a clue in the fucking world.. his pretty girl getting her brains fucked out, huh? on his brother's cock?” he chuckled dryly, lifting your head up.

he gradually picked up his pace, allowing weak and whiny moans to flow freely from your swollen lips, skin slapping against skin.

“i don’t think he’d be too pleased to see this.. drooling over my fucking dick. is it really that good?” he taunted, referring to the patch of spit soaked into the fabric of your pillow.

chris doesn’t know so don’t tell chris ‘cause chris doesn’t know

you should’ve seen it coming, really. all the sneaking around would eventually come to an end, whether you broke it off with matt, or chris somehow found out…

which he did.

“hey, do you want anything? i could grab some food for us,” chris suggested, gently nudging your side to catch your attention.

chris had invited you to sleep over, as if you didn’t basically live with them by now, deciding to starts a movie-marathon. chris’s idea.

you looked up at him from your position on the bed, your limbs entangled. “yeah, sure. i’ll stay here tho, i’m too tired to move,”

chris laughed lightly at your response, but he eventually got out of your complicated position, leaving a kiss to your forehead.

“i’ll be back in no time,” he smiled, before waving goodbye, not forgetting his keys and wallet.

you blew a kiss his way, and not long after you could hear the car running.

tiredly, you stood up, deciding to why not go talk to matt while chris was gone, since nick was at the movies with a couple friends.

softly, you knocked on his door, hearing a faint ‘come on in’ from behind the door, carefully pushing it open.

“oh. hi there,” matt smiled at you, sitting by his desk.

“hello,” you returned the smile, waving at him from his doorframe, taking a quick glance at his room. though you weren’t exactly here to do anything specific, your stomach started swirling, making you nervous.

the second matt stood up and made his way over to you with a twinkle in his eye, you regretted going upstairs to say hi in the first place.

looking at you, he reached out to tug a couple strands of hair behind your ear, leaving you speechless and flustered, gazing straight into his blue eyes.

“did you want anything?” he asked, cupping the side of your face while tilting his head to the side in a questioning manner, though he definitely knew.

you weren’t here to have sex, it wasn’t the time and situation for that.. but now it seemed much more than tempting with nick and chris out of the house. you were supposed to just chat, and keep you entertained until chris came back.

you met his eyes, taking your bottom lip between your teeth, and that was all matt needed as an answer, quickly getting his hands on you.

matt was sprawled out under you, his head and back resting on the mattress beneath him, while your nails clawed for his chest.

“ff-fuck.. we have t-to hurry..” you whimpered, your legs already aching from being spread out on either side of his hips.

matt was trying his best not to buck his hips up to meet yours, the restraint wearing thinner and thinner while you squeezed and grinded on top of him.

“you gotta pick your pace up then, baby..” he mumbled weakly, giving the side of your thigh a gentle pat, as if that would help you go faster.

you shook your head, feeling matt’s hands rub down your sides, one of them eventually reaching for your breast, brushing his thumb over your bud.

“i-i can’t, matt..” you whined, the ache in your inner thighs too evident to keep moving, only continuing your weak and slow rocking, your pussy drooling around his stretch.

“cone on.. y-you just gotta-“ matt went to say, but immediately cut himself off when he heard a creak from the doorframe.

“oh.”

chris stood there by the door, staring at the two of you. the second you heard a voice that definitely wasn’t matt’s and was a little too familiar, your eyes flickered to meet chris’s.

and just like that, your heart immediately dropped to your stomach, blood running cold.

“i-i’m sorry..” you whispered, your voice quiet and barely coherent, staring back up at chris, before looking away from him.

though chris was more than shocked to see you literally sit on his brother's dick, he didn’t feel sad or betrayed like any other person would. sure, confusion and shock were running through his whole body.. but it wasn’t an uncomfortable feeling.

quickly, you reached for a blanket, wrapping it around yourself before getting off matt, leaving him to scramble around with his own blanket.

there was silence. not a single word, except the music playing from matt’s computer, nearly drowned out from the thick tension.

chris felt torn. he wanted to be mad, no, he had to. you cheated, didn’t you? but yet he couldn’t get himself to yell at you, instead feeling a sense of arousal both the sight of you right there, and the thought of.. sharing you.

he kicked the door shut behind him, stepping forward to look down at you sitting on matt’s bed.

“are you mad at me?” you whispered with a hurt expression plastered all across your face, patiently waiting for any chance of explanation.

“no.. i don’t- i don't know why. i’m not,” he mumbled back, taking off his cap to run his hands through his messy hair, before looking at matt.

relief washed through your veins, letting out a sigh of reassurance, yet a perplexed expression made its way to your face.

“can i ask you something..?” chris questioned, his eyes flickering between the both of you.

swiftly, you shot a glance matt’s way, before you both nodded hesitantly, making chris wonder how exactly to word this without being too straightforward.

“could we.. i mean, it’s fine if you think it’s weird, but- i’ve been thinking about us, me and matt, both.. going down on you?”

chris’s words lingered in the air, your earlobes turning pink, as well as your cheeks, staring at him. matt seemed just as shocked, yet neither of the two of you seemed opposed to the idea.

you had no clue that chris would think of such a thing. whenever you had sex, it wasn’t like he initiated more. but from chris’s point of view, he would just get to see more angles of how you’d react to another person's touch, his touch.

matt looked at you, a shrug pulling at his shoulders with an expression that said he definitely didn’t mind.

“i-i don’t.. i don’t mind,” a red hue tinted your cheeks, almost too shy to say the words, to even thinking about what would happen.

and immediately, it was like a switch had been flipped inside chris and matt.

“a-are you guys sure about this?” the words came mumbled from your lips, feeling more exposed than ever, though both brothers had seen you completely vulnerable and naked numerous times.

you weren’t unsure about your own situation, more about theirs. since.. well, they’re brothers?

“shh, don’t worry. it’s okay, we’re okay. just relax f’me, will you?” chris’s breath fans against your inner thighs, making your squirm.

but matt holds you in place, his legs on either side of yours, arms wrapped around your middle from behind you. he rested his chin your shoulder, just to get a clearer look of what was going on, to see how you’d react.

“stop squirmin’..” he husked, feeling your lean further back into his chest, your head thrown back into his shoulder, mumbling a quiet ‘sorry’.

chris wastes no time, pressing deliberate kisses to your inner thighs as you whined in desperation, your eyes fluttering shut.

matt’s fingers make their way up your chest, carefully cupping your breasts in each hand, rolling your sensitive buds between his fingers.

“so, so pretty.. and so wet for me?” chris’s breath was hot against your folds, making another whimper tug at your lips.

“for us..” matt broke in, making chris roll his eyes in response.

not another second passes before he attaches his tongue to your folds, causing you to gasp, instinctively allowing your fingers to reach for chris’s hair to tug on.

you can hear matt chuckle faintly behind you, but it was washed out from the buzzing in your head. chris deliberately lapping kitty-licks to your folds, before pressing his tongue to your clit, hooking your thighs up over his shoulders.

at this rate you didn’t care about his fingers leaving marks to your thighs, the only thought going through your head was the absolute pleasure you were receiving from the two.

“oh gosh, chris.. please keep going,” your lips parted, puffy and glistening while your eyes pinched shut, your senses filled with the faint smell of matt’s cologne that still lingered on his skin.

chris continues to lazily lick stripes up your folds before he lets one of your legs rest on the bed to allow his thumb to attach to your clit. the sudden change made your back arch, but matt held you down once more.

moans and whimpers are being ripped from your mouth, only adding to the fuel inside of chris, working his pink tongue in and out of your leaking hole.

“y’taste.. so fuckin’ good, princess..” chris mumbled from between your legs, the soft vibration of his words going straight up your spine.

chris’s hair was already disheveled and messed up from when you played with it earlier, but when you reached and tugged gently on the strands it only messed it up even further. your reaction adds to chris’s desire, knowing he was doing well.

he let his tongue run down your pussy again, before starting to swirl and prod the muscle at your entrance, his only goal in mind being giving you as much pleasure as he could.

shameless moans continued spilling from your lips, leaning further into matt’s body behind you, your legs closing around chris’s head.

“fuck! i’m gonna come, please-“ you whined, accidentally bucking your hips up, but chris didn’t seem to mind.

his thumb circled your bud even tighter, the slight stubble on his face scratching across your inner thighs, surely leaving a faint burn later.

“shh, y’need to quiet down a tad,” matt’s words were whispered from behind you, his lips close to graze your ear.

one of matt’s hands sneaks from your breast to your neck, gently but firmly gripping you to hold your shuddering body back as you lean into him, trying to get you to stay in place as chris worked you through your orgasm, fucking you with his tongue.

you just about lose it when matt’s fingers add a soft pressure to your neck, your skin heating up and breathing getting heavier—all this leads to your mind fogging up completely.

shockwaves gripped your body, dissolving into pleasure when you came, letting out strangled moans of chris’s name.

“ohhh, just like that.. doin’ so good,” matt chuckled, his fingers slipping from your throat, returning to cup your soft skin

chris’s chin and lips were basically covered in a mix of your release and his own spit, before using the back of his hand to wipe it off.

you chuckled breathlessly, letting your hands fall from chris’s hair, your chest heaving with every breath.

“come on.. let us take care of you,” matt said from behind, clearly growing impatient and eager, gently nudging your back to signal for you to move.

chris quickly stole a kiss, leaning forward to connect your lips, before leaving more down the side of your face, causing you to let out a giggle. he laughed along, before getting settled on the bed.

a second later you’re on all fours, feeling chris crawl up behind you, one of his large hands smoothing down the spine of your back.

your look over at matt, a confused look settling on your face. “are you not joining?”

he shrugs, shaking his head for a moment. “i just wanna watch for a minute.. don’t worry.”

a smug smile made its way onto his lips. really, he just wanted to watch you, how you shuddered and reacted while positioned like that. it was like his own, personal third-person view of how you’d look while being fucked by him.

you just nodded it off, before your legs were spread further apart by his thighs, the tip of his cock prodding at your weeping pussy, smearing the precum over your folds. the icky feeling made you whine, digging your nails into the sheets in both desperation and aching need.

“so, so pretty.. i could look at you all day,” chris whispered from behind you, hand hand reaching the ends of your hair to push out of the way, smoothing his palm up your back.

you smiled to yourself at his sweet words, until you felt him press the head of his cock through your opening. a gasp slipped from your parted lips, the stretch leaving a twinge between your legs.

“christ.. you take me so well..” he groaned from behind you, watching his cock disappear inside of you, a whimper ripping from the back of your throat. “do you wish it was matt touching you right now? this isn’t enough, is it?”

your ears perked up at his question, all blood running from your face. matt was already staring at the two of you, carefully wrapping his hand around his aching dick. chris never talked to you like this, making your stomach swirl—it was only something matt ever did.

truthfully, you shook your head. it wasn’t like matt didn’t make you feel good, but this was really all you needed. “n-no..”

a yelp elicited from your lips when he pressed his cock further inside of your drooling walls, echoing with the whimper falling past matt’s.

you turn your head to look at him, met with the sight of him fisting his erection, eyes locked on yours.

“really? i think you’re lying.. too busy running around fucking my brother. come on, matt,” chris waved him over, his fingertips digging into the soft skin of your hips, pulling you back to take more of his cock.

you felt nervous, more vulnerable than ever under both their eyes and chris’s harsh words, though they weren’t linked with malice, more something to get you both going. matt shuffled closer in front of you, and you twisted your neck to look up at him.

“come on.. you know what to do,” chris murmured, his length throbbing inside of you—it was getting hard to hold back from pumping his cock inside of you, watching your puffy walls suck him in.

nervously, you reached out to wrap your hand around matt, watching the sticky substance already smear from his tip, purposely rub your thumb over his slit, earning a groan from him.

carefully, your lips parted to wrap around his cock, swirling your tongue around the head. matt let out a quiet moan, his hand entangling in your hair, guiding you to take more of him. it wasn’t until he hit the back of your throat he stopped, loosening his grip on you but not letting go.

“fuck, you look so hot with my dick down your throat,” his head lolled back, eyes shut while you desperately tried to adjust to the restraint of breathing, your own eyes pinched shut.

suddenly, chris thrusted his hips forward, his hand on your back pressing down to arch your back as much as possible, the sudden shove forward making your gag around matt, tears prickling in the corner of your eyes.

“o-oh my god..” chris groaned, starting to pick up a slow rhythm, keeping it gentle since he didn’t actually want to hurt you.

“shiiitt.. fucking drooling around my cock, sweetheart..”

spit pooled around matt’s girth, hollowing your cheeks in an attempt to bob your head on his hardness, feeling every vein and ridge under your tongue, causing matt to groan.

it didn’t take long for chris’s pace to pick up, as well as your own, moaning and sputtering around his dick. his hand gripped the back of your head, accidentally bucking his hips into your mouth.

“you feel so good, angel.. so, so good, you’re doing so well..” chris cooed from behind you, gently massaging your hips in a way of comforting you, though his pace was a stark contrast to his dreamy words.

chocked whines were let out around matt, trying your best to signal your climax was close, your head going empty as the bliss took over you. the feeling, the pure ecstasy that ran through your veins seemed irreplaceable in the moment. nothing could add up to this.

the vibrations from your pretty noises and attempted words sent a shock of electricity up matt’s spine, guttural groans flowing past his lips.

you were throbbing around chris, your walls fluttering with every erratic pound, heat pooling in your lower tummy. and chris could feel it all, feel how your soaked hole pulsed and squeezed around his cock.

“you’re close, aren’t you? it’s okay.. it’s okay,

you can come,” chris shushed you, his chest heaving while letting out pathetic whimpers between pants.

you were writhing beneath the two, your clit swollen and a sheen of sweat prickling across your forehead and back. you lost composure, seeing stars from how overwhelming the whole situation was, your body going numb and hot.

“come on, she’s doing so good.. why don’t you tell her?” chris spoke between gritted teeth, looking up at matt.

he looked almost puzzled, not used to being so sweet with his words, but that was exactly was chris was going for. you deserved the world, not derogatory praised though he knew you didn’t mind either.

“yeah.. he’s right, you take it so well, hm? y’like being stuffed full like this?” matt complied, feeling your lips loosen around his length, your bobbing turning sloppy and halting.

your gut tightened, knees buckling under you when you came around chris’s dick, waves crashing upon you as your slick smeared over his length, tears escaping your waterline to roll down your cheek.

the repeated shudder around matt’s length was becoming too much, before his grip tightened on your hair, spilling his cum down your throat when he was pushed over the edge, spit seeping from the corner of your mouth.

“fuck! take it all, i know you can,” matt’s words stung when he continued to rut his hips forward, before tears were staining your cheeks, milking him completely dry.

with a pop, he pulled back, allowing you to heave for air, messy moans being ripped from your throat from chris’s unrelenting thrusts.

“ch-chris.. i can’t take it, please. it’s too much,” you whimpered between a quiet sob, sobs of ecstasy, clamping down around him while the tip of his dick kissed your cervix with every roll of his hips.

“y-you really think you could handle the both of us? at the same time?” matt cooed with faux sympathy, leaning down to cup the side of your face, his thumb wiping the mix of his release and saliva off your lips, “of course, you couldn’t,”

he tsked, shaking his head while giving your cheek a pat. chris then broke in, his eyes stuck to where your two bodies connected, your slick release covering his length, “shh.. just a little bit more, m’almost there doll, you’re doing so good..”

another whine slipped from your glistening, swollen lips, dipping forward to bury your face into a pillow, allowing chris to hit way deeper inside your gummy walls.

you were basically clawing at the soft fabric, hot tears falling from your eyes like prior, the soft cries making his pace turn sloppy, indicating he was close.

with a final thrust, his movements stilled, before spurting the hot seed inside of you, the icky substance filling you up.

he groaned, basically collapsing on top of you, his fingertips trailing down your sides while mumbling mindless praise, “so, so pretty.. you did so well, don't cry. my girl,”

you wobbly made it onto your elbows, smiling dreamily to yourself at his words, completely fucked out and weak while his lips made their way down your back, “i love you too,”.

matt’s hand met the top of your head, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear, leaving a gentle kiss to the side of your face.

“anyway.. pizza’s in the kitchen. go crazy,”

more of my work here!

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© ST7RNIOIOSS est. 2023

[2hightocare]

PRINCESS TREATMENT ✷

“In a world of boys’ he’s a gentleman” mini series—

Synopsis: Jungkook simply does everything to make you happy..

Genre: established relationship!

Warnings: pure fucking fluff… (seriously makes me wanna jump in oncoming traffic) jungkook is a bright green flag, he’s love language is “acts of service” (can be read as a standalone but I recommend reading the first part)

a/n: we all deserve oc and jungkooks kinda love.. I’m turning this into a mini series since a lot of people enjoyed it🤍

for @ohsweetmimosa !!

Falling in love was always something that you wanted, your face has always been shoved into pages of books, wondering when it would be your turn to experience that type of love. Your mom would always tell you that your expectations were too high and that no man could ever be as perfect as a fictional man.

Until you met him.

There were no words in the dictionary to describe him. No words to describe how beautifully his eyes would sparkle whenever he would tell you he loves you, the way his thumb would caress you whenever you would hold hands, or the way he would kiss away the tears that would escape your eyes.

You a hundred percent believed God made men, and sent Jungkook as an apology.

“When did you learn to braid hair…?” You curiously ask, with a slight hint of jealousy in your tone, making Jungkook laugh behind you as his fingers thread the three strands of hair repeatedly. “Watched a YouTube tutorial,” he chuckles, trying so hard not to pull your hair.

“What for..?” You stare at the mirror in front of you with the goofiest smile plastered on your face, watching your boyfriend with no shirt, a pair of sweatpants hanging low on his hips as he carefully braids your hair with his lip between his teeth.

“You always braid your hair but then complain your arms hurt from keeping them up for so long soo… why not make myself useful.” He shrugs like it’s not a big deal.

Your heart did a cartwheel, might have exploded in your chest from how fast it’s beating. But nothing new. You were so accustomed to the feeling of butterflies flying in your stomach whenever he would do or say something to you.

He drops the most beautiful phrases anyone has ever told you so casually, like it was normal. But that was your normal since you met him.

You would hear your friends talk shit about their boyfriends, how they did something or what they didn’t do, but you really just never had anything bad to say about Jungkook. He basically took "Princess treatment" to another level.

You never had to ask for flowers, never had to pull out a chair, never had to open a door, never had to enter a car freezing... because Jungkook being Jungkook went out twenty minutes earlier to turn on the heater before you would get in.

Never had to worry about leaving your wallet at home when the only thing in your bag is lip gloss. Never having to turn on your brain whenever he was around.

Locked doors? Where are the house keys? Did you leave your curler on? Jungkook got it.

“That’s so much better than mine,” you point to his ice cream as your eyes widen from how the creamy flavors melt into your mouth. “So bo—mb!” You muffle out from the mouthful of ice cream shoved into your mouth.

“Let me try yours,” he opens his mouth, waiting for you to send a spoonful of your cookies and cream into his mouth. “Here comes the airplane! Brrr,” you try making airplane noises as your hand does a weird twirl before inserting the spoonful of ice cream into your smiley boyfriend.

“Mhm,” he nods his head, humming loudly, watching you smile at him.

“I actually like yours better, baby. Let’s trade?” Jungkook hands you his small cup of ice cream as you nod happily, while you hand him yours.

Jungkook watches with the biggest smile on his face while inserting another spoonful of the creamy content as he watches you eating the new ice cream flavor enthusiastically, hearing you rave about the new book you have just finished reading and how dumb the main character is.

Jungkook's heart aches, sizing double its size, beating hard in his chest. Your cheeks and nose are rosy from the cold outside the car. You both didn’t care about eating ice cream in the middle of cold December; you guys took it as a challenge on who would get sick first.

He laughs at the lighthearted jokes you threw at him, while you take another big spoonful of the chunky ice cream that was his not so long ago.

Little did you know that he really didn’t like your ice cream flavor.

When Jungkook first met you, he knew from the start that he was a goner. The way you smile at him, how your eyes will have a small glint on them whenever you look at him, or the way you would scrunch your nose if you found something funny or cute.

It took him by surprise when you pulled the move on him, thinking you found something disgusting when you first did it.

“I will literally eat you right now!” You scrunch your nose at your smiling boyfriend who’s slightly kneeling for you to be able to see your initial carved into his haircut.

“So that means you like it?” Jungkook stands up and spins to face you. You stare up at him, his dimples on full display looking down at you with your cute outfit he helped you pick on FaceTime.

“I fucking love it baby!! I have the urge to crawl inside your skin,” you bite your lip containing the laugh you’re trying hard to contain, failing miserably when Jungkook raises an eyebrow with a smirk on his face. “That’s… cute,” he replies before kissing off the little nose scrunch he loves so much off your face.

“Is that like your ‘cutie mark’?” You quip, your arms wrapping themselves around his shoulders. “Cutie mark?” He asks, a hint of interest in his voice while he wraps his arms around your waist pulling you closer to him.

“You never watched My Little Pony?” You fake gasp, eyes widening.

“I’ve heard of it, but me sitting down to watch ponies with superpowers… yeah, no.” Jungkook squeezes your waist as he explains.

“You suck,” you roll your eyes playfully sticking your tongue out before entangling yourself off his arms and making your way to the couch.

“Come big baby, we are watching My Little Pony.” You pat the empty couch space beside you.

He watched every season... all nine seasons with you.

Jungkook just wanted to make your life easier; you were always known for being “Miss Independent” in your family and amongst your friends, but here you were letting a man put your heels on for you.

“Too loose or…?” Your boyfriend looks up to you from his kneeling-down position in front of you.

“You look really good on your knees, sir.” You say instead with a sly smirk on your face, ignoring his question. “Pshh,” he rolls his eyes as he chuckles, tying a bow on your lace-up heels.

“Since when do you not flirt back?” You pout watching your boyfriend repeat his actions on the other foot. “Since we are late... and can’t be any more late.” He looks up with a mischievous grin on his face.

“Psh, okay.” You blow out in defeat as your boyfriend chuckles underneath you.

“Come on princess, let's go!” He stands up, giving you a hand for you to stand up off the bed.

The long rides to your guys' destinations were your favorite; Jungkook had given you the “passenger princess” award ever since you set foot in his car. He even installed a light-up mirror on your sun visor whenever you needed to fix your hair or makeup in the car.

Jungkook would listen to your little playlists. He still remembers when you explained to him that each playlist has a different emotion, which made him laugh. Now, anytime you played a song, he would ask you what emotion you were feeling right now.

“What emotion are you feeling right now baby?” He squeezes your thigh as he stops at a red light. The reddish hue illuminates your guy's face. “In love,” you turn your head to the side, staring at your boyfriend who’s already looking at you.

His eyes twinkle as he stares at you, a big smile adorns his face. As you mirror his actions before leaning in and giving him a kiss on the lips, his eyelids immediately flutter close.

“‘Cause I got my mind on you... I’ve got my mind on you.”

Plays softly from the car speaker; you smile into the kiss. “I love you.” He whispers softly. “I love you.” You whisper back.

[dresshistorynerd]

The Morrisian case against fast fashion

Today I discovered that H&M made a William Morris collection some years ago. The heath death of the universe can't come quickly enough. We can stop now. Satire is dead and we killed her.

It's not just the whole concept of H&M using William Morris' designs for their fast fashion which is insanity inducing, but also the critical response it garnered. Like sure, people did realize this is insane and there was a lot of think pieces about it at the time, but I read several of them and they all seem to still miss the point in spectacular way.

The basic premise of these think pieces go along the lines of: "Would William Morris spin in his grave with a speed of light because of the H&M collection of his designs? A difficult question indeed. William Morris was a complicated man. He wanted art to be affordable to everyone. Isn't H&M affordable? That kinda fits. Though probably he would have some concerns about H&M's practices."

On the surface - yes - but like in reality - fuck no. There's no nuance in this particular issue. He talked about many times what he though of the H&Ms of his time, the retailers selling poor quality industrially produced "fashionable" bullshit. We know exactly what he would have thought of H&M. Here's couple of quotes from his 1884 lecture "Art and Socialism", which makes it very clear.

"It would be an instructive day's work for any one of us who is strong enough to walk through two or three of the principal streets of London on a week-day, and take accurate note of everything in the shop windows which is embarrassing or superfluous to the daily life of a serious man. Nay, the most of these things no one, serious or unserious, wants at all; only a foolish habit makes even the lightest-minded of us suppose that he wants them, and to many people even of those who buy them they are obvious encumbrances to real work, thought and pleasure. But I beg you to think of the enormous mass of men who are occupied with this miserable trumpery, from the engineers who have had to make the machines for making them, down to the hapless clerks who sit day-long year after year in the horrible dens wherein the wholesale exchange of them is transacted, and the shopmen, who not daring to call their souls their own, retail them amidst numberless insults which they must not resent, to the idle public which doesn't want them but buys them to be bored by them and sick to death of them."

He is describing the birth of consumerism, which was taking form during his lifetime in the late Victorian Era, which fast fashion is the extreme logical conclusion of, and he fucking hated it. He specifically railed against endless consumerist products, which H&M is the perfect representation of. It was definitely not the art and beauty he believed everyone required and deserved. He makes the distinction often.

"Now if we are to have popular Art, or indeed Art of any kind, we must at once and for all be done with this luxury; it is the supplanter, the changeling of Art; so much so that by those who know of nothing better it has even been taken for Art, the divine solace of human labour, the romance of each day's hard practice of the difficult art of living."

"And here furthermore is at least a little sign whereby to distinguish between a rag of fashion and a work of Art: whereas the toys of fashion when the first gloss is worn off them do become obviously worthless even to the frivolous—a work of Art, be it ever so humble, is long lived; we never tire of it; as long as a scrap hangs together it is valuable and instructive to each new generation. All works of Art in short have the property of becoming venerable amidst decay: and reason good, for from the first there was a soul in them, the thought of man, which will be visible in them so long as the body exists in which they were implanted."

When he thought of popular Art he thought of the craftsmanship of the common people. The art people have made from useful everyday objects with skillful handicrafts. This is what he means by "divine solace of human labour". It's not reverence of Puritanical work ethic, on the contrary, it's the reverence of creation, of the earnest joy people feel when they get to express themselves through their creative pursuits. He certainly didn't believe in work for work's sake, work needed to be worthwhile and enjoyable. He summarized his own position on what labour should be thusly:

"It is right and necessary that all men should have work to do which shall be worth doing, and be of itself pleasant to do; and which should he done under such conditions as would make it neither over-wearisome nor over-anxious."

He urged his middle class audience to reject consumerism (the lecture was for a very much middle class atheist society):

"For I say again that in buying these things: 'Tis the lives of men you buy! Will you from mere folly and thoughtlessness make yourselves partakers of the guilt of those who compel their fellow men to labour uselessly?"

I think it's glaringly obvious H&M and fast fashion in general is what he would consider luxury. Rags of fashion that are just churned out and discarded without thought and produced by compelling people to labour uselessly. It's not popular art that's made by workers and craftsmen, who are able to express themselves through it. There's no agency for the abused workers in H&M's sweatshops, they are not expressing their joy of creation, they are simply labouring uselessly.

Morris didn't shame workers for buying affortable things even if they weren't Art with big A, because that's the problem he despised the whole economic system for, for taking away the popular Art from people, making it inaccessible, and selling back mass produced products with very little practical or aesthetic value. So I don't think he would have problem with people who can only afford fast fashion today. They are the victims of capitalism too, because Art has been taken away from them. But the idea that some of these think pieces had that perhaps the H&M's Morris collection can be good actually if you squint, that H&M has the capacity to bring the art and beauty Morris advocated for for the people, is level of stupidity that's hard to express in words.

Morris didn't believe anything made with exploited labour could be truly beautiful, truly art. In his 1879 lecture "The Art of the People" he put it like this:

"That thing which I understand by real art is the expression by man of his pleasure in labour."

The way I understand this, is that art is communication. Through it we communicate feelings, ideas and thoughts, that is it's purpose. So for that communication to work, for it to be imbued with message, the person making it needs to feel passion and love for it's creation. How can there be love and passion if the hands making the garment belong to a tired exploited worker who has no agency what so ever in their work and can only think about survival to the next day?

Beyond the fundamental exploitativeness of H&M and fast fashion, this collection would still get zero points on aesthetic values from Morris even with his own designs. Because the work itself was such an important part of art for Morris, good design was nothing without good craftsmanship. Good design in his mind was always relative and dependent on it's purpose.

"For everything made by man’s hands has a form, which must be either beautiful or ugly; beautiful if it is in accord with Nature, and helps her; ugly if it is discordant with Nature, and thwarts her; it cannot be indifferent." (The Lesser Arts, 1877)

Here when he says nature, he means the nature of the thing that is made - basically it's purpose and function - and the nature of the materials it's made from. Basically, the design must always be made to bring out the function of the art and the qualities of the material it's made from, not fight against them. This is because he believed handicrafts were uniquely suitable for expressing the love of creation, therefore superior labour, and to really bring out the qualities of the craftsmanship and enjoy the creative process, the design should be suitable for that craft. The other side, which was the joy of using and experiencing art, required the craft to be selected for the suitable purpose. Using poorly functioning furniture for example is not very enjoyable, nor is using clothing that's made from materials that are not suitable for the climactic conditions it's supposed to be used in.

H&M of course utterly fails in this. They use Morris' designs in fully unsuitable ways. They print patterns made for example for wall papers on poor quality fabrics with synthetics dyes they weren't made for. This line from one blog post I came across really got me: "Therefore, without cheapening the artistic value of Morris’ designs, H&M’s collection offers an unparalleled potential for accessibility to them." No. Fuck no. They do in fact cheapen Morris' designs in every single way possible. Literally this is atrocious.

Despite the popular depiction, Morris wasn't in fact against industrial machinery or industrial art even, or at least he wasn't once his views on art and politics matured. He did think technology was useful, but he thought the people should use industrial methods for the benefit of all, not be enslaved by the industrial machine.

"I have spoken of machinery being used freely for releasing people from the more mechanical and repulsive part of necessary labour; and I know that to some cultivated people, people of the artistic turn of mind, machinery is particularly distasteful, and they will be apt to say you will never get your surroundings pleasant so long as you are surrounded by machinery. I don't quite admit that; it is the allowing machines to be our masters and not our servants that so injures the beauty of life nowadays. In other words, it is the token of the terrible crime we have fallen into of using our control of the powers of Nature for the purpose of enslaving people, we care less meantime of how much happiness we rob their lives of." ("How we live and how we might live", 1887)

However, he thought that the designer should approach it the way they approached any craft, by designing for the strengths of the machine work.

"But if you have to design for machine-work, at least let your design show clearly what it is. Make it mechanical with a vengeance, at the same time as simple at possible. Don't try, for instance, to make a printed plate look like a hand-painted one: make it something which no one would try to do if he were painting by hand..." ("Art and the Beauty of the Earth", 1881)

He did use some machinery for fabric and wall paper printing, but he was very intentional about their use. Still his designs weren't made for the type of methods these modern H&M machinery uses and he did for example use natural dyes. Particularly insulting is that some of the H&M clothes are made from viscose, rayon made with viscose method. Viscose method is extremely toxic and is known to cause long term health consequences for the workers and the people in surrounding areas. This has been well proven knowledge for ages. William Morris' wall paper factory in the beginning used the typical method used at the time which involved arsenic, but once he learned this could pose risks for the workers, he changed the method. Many of the new synthetic dyes were toxic at the time, which is the major reason he so favoured natural dyes, known to not cause health issues for workers or pollute the environment.

The question many of these think pieces about the H&M Morris collection posed was, would Morris disapprove and should we care? The first part of that is very easy to answer. Yes. Of course Morris would disapprove. He is currently powering the whole of British Isles with purely the kinetic energy his grave-spinning produces. Should we care though? If you care about Morris' art, if you want to see more of that kind of art in this world, you should care. Morris' art is not about the superficial qualities. Copying his designs and aesthetics and styles, will only lead to hollow imitations, that are exactly what he described the rags of fashion to be; as the shininess of novelty wears off they will reveal themselves to be soulless, useless and utterly empty. This collection is just that. To see more of the kind of art that makes you feel like his art makes you feel, not just something that reminds you of that feeling, you should focus more on the way the art is made and less on the specific aesthetics. If his vision of labour and art was realised, all art produced of course wouldn't be loved by every person, but all of it would be loved by someone, even if that someone was just the maker. And that would be more worthwhile than every single rag of fast fashion.

I will stop William-Morris-posting now and return to my thesis.

The full texts I quoted here:

Art and Socialism The Art of the People The Lesser Arts How We Live and How We Might Live Art and the Beauty of the Earth

[deansbite]

　　　　𝒥𝒞　　｡　　drink up, angel

pairings　𓎟𓎡 ₊ ˖　afab!reader x demon!dean winchester　,　angel!reader x demon!dean winchester

warnings　𓎟𓎡 ₊ ˖　18+ mdni !!　kinktober (ish)　use of nicknames　use of "good girl"　unprotected sex (WRAP IT!!!)　p in v　guilt　degrading　demon!dean (he should have his own warning tbh)　mocking praise　consumption of (demon) blood　sorta virgin!reader (except the vessel isn't)　no prep　descriptive blood　dom!dean　sub!reader

summary　𓎟𓎡 ₊ ˖　despite dean going missing and mysteriously reappearing in the bunker — the thought of him and you together wasn't as bad as you initially thought. Infact, you were probably attracted to it. Despite being the angel everyone expects to be perfect and innocent.

READERS POV

⏝ 𝅄︶ ͡𑁬 ⚠︎ ໒ ͡ ︶𝅄 ⏝

It was unusual. Well, the eerie silence that filled the bunker from top to bottom. Except for when you stood up and took a step. Every tiny noise echoed — you could drop a feather in the Deans empty room and hear it all the way to the library. That was because Dean had the Mark Of Cain and just so happened to die — which caused the fucking mark to turn him to a demon. Not because of possession, no, it was purely Dean controlling his body.

It was no biggie, because the boys got through thick and thin — except there was maybe a little problem.. It was that you guys couldn't exactly help Dean without Dean there.. present physically — right..? And that's exactly what your problem was — Dean was M.I.A. and nobody had a clue on where he was or with whom he was. And that had a whole search party out for him. Castiel, Sam, Jody, Donna.. every and any hunter would call if they saw him.

That lead to why you were babysitting the bunker. If a hunter called, you'd simply fly there. And Castiel couldn't do it due to some struggles he had with controlling his flying.. and none of you guys could afford a fail. You needed some good news. And you agreed so now you were left pacing around the bunker, every step you took echoing through the bunker.

The clanks of your shoe against the pavement weren't as quiet as you'd expected. It was like you could set off an entire earthquake with each step. God — you were so bored you were analyzing everything and observing to the point where you see things you never did before.

For example, you noticed the amount of books that had a bunch of dust particles on their spines, the top edges and at the bottom of them. And — there was one particular wooden plank in the library that when you stepped over, would groan. There was also a continious hum of the fridge whenever you walked into the hallway and past the kitchen. Which would fade out further down and come at a complete stop when you stood infront of Deans room —

Deans room. A frown settled on your face. You weren't familiar with the human emotions — but you presumed this one could be connected to melancholy you think it was. You've read about that somewhere. It was connected to sadness. But you shouldn't know how that feels.

Like, you were a full blown angel. You shouldn't feel human-like things. You weren't exactly on the rocky, terrestrial planet which was earth every single day. This was actually your first time being here for a longer period of time. All you knew before was that it was a solid and active surface with mountains, valleys, canyons, plains and more. But you never explored much and never felt the desire to do so.

Not until you ended up being asked by Castiel to come down a couple of times. And you agreed hesitantly, it incredibly strange. You were in a vessel, that could describe how you'd look if you were human. But you weren't human.. whatever, that wasn't important. What was important was that during the period where he asked for help, you popped in here and there or when the boys prayed. Not every single time because you had your own things to tend too. But they were grateful for the help.

Despite basically being put on the blacklist now for all the angels and heaven due to you deciding to help the Winchester's and Castiel, which both of them had a reputation of killing a bunch of angels — you felt like it was a sacrifice that was up to you to make. Which you felt proud of making. Because checking in here and there became normal and even something you looked forward too, helping everyone — and may or may not aswell as seeing the older Winchester.

You hadn't known or seen him — heard of, yeah but not met until you helped them out. He was a bit rough around the edges, extremely rude toward you at first — because he didn't trust angels. Which was understandable. With time, he warmed up enough to you to pray as a form of communication on occasion. You'd sometimes move around some objects so he knew you heard. You both had a thing that felt very dear to you. You genuinely would get concerned when you didn't hear from Dean at least once a month.

And you didn't know how to feel about it. Because you weren't human. You didn't have the mind to feel emotions, feel what humans felt. You felt numb to most things. It was a scary thing to experience, because imagine being a loyal and obedient angel — a favorited angel, who was also beloved by many. And then you became fond of humanity. All because of a single human. Hell, if you hadn't met Dean and became who you are today, you'd just consider squashing him like a bug. That's how weak he truly was in comparison to you.

But here you were, have you had an idea of what happiness was? Nope. Sadness? No. Anger? What even are these words? Aren't they just here to describe how someone is acting that? Because your perspective of emotions were blurry — because you don't know what they are enough to really care. You didn't have a grasp on what it was, really.

You saw nothing special about them. Until now. Standing at the doorway of Deans room. Pondering and reminiscing. Your eyes flew from one part of the room to another. The sheets untouched but slightly messy and they had the same note Dean gave Sam before he left on the pillow. His handwriting. He wrote it before he willingly left. You just stood there, unsure of what to think or feel. A moment passed before Deans scent finally hit your nostrils. The aftershave smell, his cologne, a hint of alcohol and a bit of a.. cigarette smell that you could tell just in the slightest bit that humans wouldn't tell.

A memory you had that stuck to you. It was one where Dean would put his duffle bag on his desk before lazily throwing himself on his bed, settling in and getting all cozy. Then you knocked, he'd sigh before telling you an almost inaudible little 'come in' and you'd enter. Dean would ask what you were doing before you asked him a couple of questions. And that night you guys spoke the entire night. It was fun.

You'd genuinely do anything to be able to have a repeat of that event.

A sigh escaped your lips before you made your way back to the library. Just to make sure that nobody called during the time you'd been busy daydreaming or whatever. Once you made it, your hands reached out and grabbed the smartphones, clicking their power button so they turn on, just to get nothing. You were about to just place the phone back on the flat, wooden surface — until you sucked in quite a deep breath, inhaling a familiar smell.

You were about to just brush it off as nothing when it got stronger. Your eyebrows furrowed and you blinked. Thoughts filled your head and you turned your head over your shoulder. Nothing. The distinctive smell started to subside. Okay.. maybe your mind was just playing tricks and you were just paranoid after Deans absence.

Until it came back. Hell, you might even have to say stronger than the first two times. And then it hit you. Aftershave, a cologne you couldn't ever put your finger on what it smelt like, a heavy stench of alcohol and smell of sex — jesus christ, the same hint of cigarettes. And you knew this couldn't be a paranoid joke. Your hands grip tightend on the smartphone.

The recognizable voice chuckled behind you. "Sweetheart, I know you know that i'm here. Don't be shy, show me that pretty face." His voice was mocking, maybe even straight up cruel because of how extreme the way he said it. The hairs on the back of your neck stood up and you had goosebumps. You were certainly terrified — unknowing of what could possibly come your way when it came to Dean as a demon.

"I know you can hear me, c'mon. Pretty angel like you doesn't like to take orders? Hm? What if I was God? Told ya too obliderate all of humanity. Wipe the slate clean. Start over. Or told you to fucking look at me because I won't be asking another time." Deans — demon Deans voice boomed throughout the library. The old you would probably be ignoring him. But you weren't exactly 'the old you'. You were.. simply present you.

So, you spun around on your heels, your eyes taking a moment to drag up from his shoes. And then you met his emerald green eyes. Usually they were majestic and amazing to look at. But this wasn't Dean Dean. Because you saw his piercing eyes and the glint of dark, malevolent emerald green eyes. It left you speechless. And not in a good way. Nope, exactly the opposite.

"Uh huh, following instructions all proper. Makin' me feel all high and mighty, sweets." He let out a low chuckle, his eyes observing you. As if he had an idea that you were probably planning on just getting the hell away. He hummed, clicking his tongue. "Not too fast, Mary. We just reunited, I missed you real bad." He frowned — trying to impersonate being sad.

You just furrowed your eyebrows, clearly displeased. "What're you even planning on doing with me?" He shrugged, "That depends on what you want to do, sweetheart. I don't do shit without consent." You scoffed in amusement. "A demon refusing to do something without consent? What is this? A bad dream?" You quickly shut up when Dean simply glared at you. "I take that back." "Good girl." And that made your knees weak. I mean, fuck it was still the same looking same green-eyed man in front of you, with the same deep voice.

But it wasn't exactly him. You knew that. But was it bad a part of you just.. simply couldn't care less? "I don't want you to do anything." He simply let out a laugh. "Sure. You're a prude anyway, d'you even know what there is for me t'do to you? Like I don't know, show you what sex is, stick my fingers in you or my cock while i'm at it. Betcha would like that." You accidentally choked on your spit at that. "Huh?" You said between some coughs.

"Didn't ya hear me?" He asked, skeptical. A moment passed where you just stared at him, all wide-eyed. "I asked you a fuckin' question." He added, stern now. "Oh — I uh, no I wouldn't —" He didn't respond to that, just took step by step, every step slowly approaching you, the wooden floorboards groaning under his newly added weight. "Y'sure? You wouldn't want me t'just turn you 'round and slip in nnice 'n slow. Wonder if you're tight." You just stared at him, lips parted. He smirked, the right side of his mouth tugging upward.

He then decided to simply lean down, his head closer and closer to yours, lips almost touching. You felt his breath on your lips and he most likely felt yours on his. Your eyes slowly travelled down — they lingered over his nose with the small bump — then his cheeks and nose which had the faintest freckles dusted around and finally down to his plump lips. You cleared your throat. "Just say no 'n i'll leave y'alone." He spoke, his tone mocking as always. "But i'm sure an innocent, perfect little angel like you won't accept big, bad demon like me."

You just noticed him lean in closer, your lips basically touching if either you or him accidentally sneezed. "And? No complaints?" He chuckled, in a cruel way — which you hadn't noticed, but even if you did, you probably couldn't really care less. And he dragged it out, obviously. Just sucking in a deep breath, his eyes darting from your eyes down to your lips. You were sure you were slowly coming to a realization on what you were exactly doing.

But before you had any time to exactly protest, his lips came down, clashing against yours. His hand immediately touching you all over.. singular because his right hand was busy wrapped around your throat, squeezing lightly to make your airway a bit tighter. But to necessairily cut it off. He chuckled when your lips vibrated against his because you whined in the kiss — but the kiss trapped the noise from being any louder.

"Thought you were a good lil' angel. Seems like the exact opposite. 'Cause I ain't gonna be nice, baby. Gonna bend y'over on the table, fuck y'all nice 'n good, make sure your brain s'all fuzzy 'n fucked out." He promised. Your lips were chasing his as you both had a hot and sloppy makeout. Deans left hand paused at your clothed ass, just squeezing before pulling away from the kiss.

"Bend over the table." He ordered, his right hand leaving your throat and his left hand hesitantly letting go of your ass before he removed it. "But what about the door anyone could walk i —" He shot you a sharp glare, not before blinking and when his eyelids lifted, his eyes were pure black. No iris in sight. Pun not intended. You gulped and just decided to stay intact before turning back around. Mind you, phone still clenched between your fingers.

Dean wasted no time, his hips ground against yours. Around four layers of clothes not providing the friction he gave. His hand went to your lower back before he slowly bent you over. He had a smug smirk on his face as to how easily you followed along with what he made you do. But you didn't see that because your eyes were currently focused on the bookshelves in front of you. All you could do was hear and wait patiently for something to happen.

And honestly — this whole situation escalated so fast it would probably be a blur by tomorrow. As if it never happened and you would be like those.. drunk people you've seen on the television screens and in bars. At least you hoped so, because you were sure fucking a demon wouldn't exactly be a list of things of what to do as a fucking angel. Besides, maybe it was just the way demon Dean attracted you. He was simply Dean.. just less Dean and add some.. more insanity to him.

You were wondering what Dean was doing before you looked over your shoulder, seeing Dean take in the view. Before his right hand landed on your hip. You trapped your bottom lip between your teeth. "Uh-huh, a moment 'go you were all whiny 'n bitchy 'bout me fuckin' ya but now you're all slutty, ain't that right?" He just raised his brows. You just rolled your eyes. "Oh? Gonna act all bitchy again?" He tutted, his left hand going to your hair and his fingers wrapped around a good chunk of your hair, he tugged on it.

"Anythin' ya wanna add?" He sneered. You shook your head. Despite being an angel, you still felt the burn of the hair strands being tugged on your vessels head. "No — no." You managed to get out, he seemed pleased enough. "That's what I fuckin' thought." He let go of the pieces of hair, but his hand shoved your head down onto the table. It wad harsh. "Don't move or I swear t'god y'won't be able too anymore."

And you knew he was not joking so you just let the side of your face rest on the wooden table, your hand let go of that phone and they travelled down to the edge of the table, your hands gripped onto it and you weren't exactly experiences in this — but Dean knew what he was doing. You at least assumed — because you weren't sure how this whole thing would go down. "Will this hurt?" "What'dya fuckin' expect?" His response was filled with irritation.

You wiggled your hips as you just heard his belt clanking as he undid it. All you could do pretty much is just wait because you did not want to disobey Dean. "Y'fuckin' want this, right?" He asked which he then grumbled something under his breath. You nodded before he rolled his eyes. "A fuckin' verbal response please?" "Yeah —" And he immediately continued with what he was doing.

You couldn't see anything so after a little, Deans hands went on your body, his fingers hooked underneath the waistband of your pants. His hands were warm in contrast of your colder skin. He tugged your pants down as fast as he could. He seemed like he wasn't planning on wasting a single second. Because holy jesus the 180 turns that keep taking you by surprise just keep going. You sucked in a breath when Deans fingers now went to your panties. His index teased your entrance through the thin fabric seperating them.

He then — without much warning pulled your panties to the side with the same index finger, his left hand gripping your hip and his calloused thumb after years of hunting and labor scratched your skin a little. You felt something tease your entrance. A gaspy breath escaped Dean from behind you. "Y'feel so wet. Hopefully s'enough t'act as lube." And then you felt him push in. His tip was in and you let out a moan, eyes fluttering shut.

He chuckled. "Jeez, baby. That fuckin' cunt s'suckin me in perfectly. Clenchin' 'round me real tight, too. Sad your pretty lil' vessel ain't a fuckin' virgin. Woulda enjoyed poppin' two cherries at once." He now pushed in deeper. His right hand went under your shirt, you just now realized because he was groping your boobs, his index and middle finger twisting your nipple as you let out a whine. "Fuck." You exclaimed.

"Real filthy. Never expected an angel like you squeezin' my cock so tight." He taunted, he bottomed out. Your walls clenched around him and relaxed before repeating that action, pants escaped your lips. You could feel every vein, the size of him and the way he almost split you into two. Dean boasted about sex all the time after he slept with girls. You never knew how right he was until now. Because jesus fucking christ you weren't expecting it to feel this good. You were probably zoned out because Dean spanked your ass. "Come back t'me, whore. Stick a fuckin' dick in ya 'n you'll become all inresponsive like a cock whore." He scoffed.

"C'mon, as I was sayin', open up that mouth." He ordered, still deep in you without moving. You fluttered your eyes open, his wrist right in your eyesight. He folded himself over you, his chest flush against your back. His right hand no longer teasing your boobs. Which was probably why his wrist was right in front of you. But it was because he had sliced his skin open a little under. "You're enough of a slut t'take a demons dick. I'll fuckin' move when ya suck on demon blood. Like Sammy, except a pretty lil' thing like y'does it. Drink up, angel." The crimson red substance was right in front of you.

Your eyes widened. "I —" Jesus christ. You were an angel getting dicked down by a fucking demon. You were in far too deep right now. You leaned forward slightly. "That's it, atta girl." He praised, you didn't pay attention to it if it had an underlaying cruel tone under his words. You just focused on the disgusting demon blood you were about to consume. Your lips wrapped around the wound, the iron — y taste immediately sitting on your tastebuds. That's when you didn't even have time to complain about the thick substance you swallowed —

Because Dean pulled all the way out — well, almost because his tip was still in you. Then he slammed his hips forward, you would've moaned had his arm — and blood you were consuming with some dribbling down your chin onto the wooden table — not been muffling you. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head. "Fuck, shoulda fucked this pussy a while 'go. Was actually thinkin' bout it." He panted and slowly started a harsh, relentless and fast pace from the get go.

You had time to adjust at the beginning, but now he was just careless, fucking away all and every thought you had. At some point, the table was shaking due to the hard thrusts. Your hips were probably gonna be bruised with the edge of the table digging into your skin.

You heard him groan and gasp behind you, a breathy chuckle escaping him. "So much for innocent angel."

That made you whine — well, as best as you could, still lapping up the blood that was basically like a faucet eacaping him. You were being fucked so good and hard — skin slapping against skin echoing — the light creaks of the table shaking and Deans pants were so incrediblely lewd and loud.

It seemed like there was no end in sight. Except you felt something build up in your abdomen — you weren't sure what it was. If you didn't know how to explain emotions, whatever this was you probably couldn't, either.

You were right there. Until the bunker door opened, your eyes widened and you were surprised Dean didn't even try to stop, he just hummed in amusement. "Hey! We're home —" Sam called out with Castiel whispering something to him. "Yeah — I know." Sam said — probably in response to Castiel. Before he started speaking up once more, his boots clanking against the metal staircase.

"Hello? Anyone home —" Sam's voice died in his throat when Castiels jaw dropped. "Oh." Your eyes flew to them as their eyes were wide. "Oh hey, look. We got an audience. Demon fuckin' an angel in front of their friends. Ain't that funny?" Dean kept going, not a care in the world.

You were fucking embarrassed. And that was for fucking sure.

⏝ 𝅄︶ ͡𑁬 ⚠︎ ໒ ͡ ︶𝅄 ⏝

I didn't proofread this shit and i quite frankly do not want too I HATE THIS SO SO MUCH but i gotta feed yall </3

tags: @pearlzier @fallbhind @beausling @deanswidow @gibson-g1rl @dollsltt

amab vers: im too fucking lazy for this rn...... leave me alone

[togglesbloggle]

It's interesting to me how much people struggle to intuit differences of scale. Like, years of geology training thinking about very large subjects, and I'm only barely managing it around the edges.

The classic one is, of course, the mantle- everybody has this image of the mantle as a sort of molten magma lake that the Earth's crust is floating on. Which is a pedagogically useful thing! Because the intuitions about how liquids work- forming internal currents, hot sections rising, cool sections sinking, all that- are all dynamics native to the Earth's mantle. We mostly talk about the mantle in the context of those currents, and how they drive things like continental drift, and so we tend to have this metaphor in mind of the mantle as a big magma lake.

The catch, of course, is that the mantle is a solid, not magma. It's just that at very large scales, the distinction between solids and liquids is... squirrely.

When cornered on this, a geologist will tell you that the mantle is 'ductile'. But that's a lie of omission. Because it's not that the mantle is a metal like gold or iron, what we usually think of when we talk about ductility. You couldn't hammer mantle-matter in to horseshoes or nails on an anvil. It's just a rock, really. Peridotite. Chemically it's got a lot of metal atoms in it, which helps, but if you whack a chunk of it with a hammer you can expect about the same thing to happen as if you whacked a chunk of concrete. Really, it's just that any and every rock is made of tons and tons of microcrystal structures all bound together, and the boundaries between these microcrystals can shift under enormous pressure on very slow timescales; when the scope of your question gets big enough, those bonds become weak in a relative sense, and it becomes more useful to think of a rock as more like a pile of gravel where the pebbles can shift and flow around one another.

The blunt fact is, on very large scales of space and of time, almost everything other than perfect crystals start to act kind of like a liquid- and a lot of those do as well. When I made a study of very old Martian craters, I got used to 'eyeballing' the age based on how much the crater had subsided, almost exactly like the ways that ripples in the surface of water gradually subside over time when you throw a rock in to a lake. Just, you know. Slower.

But at the same time, these things are more fragile than you'd believe, and can shatter like glass. The surface of the Earth is like this, too. Absent the kind of overpressures that make the mantle flow like it does, Earth's crust is still tremendously weak relative to many of the planet-scale forces to which it is subject- I was surprised, once, when a professor offhandedly described the crust as having a tensile strength of 'basically zero;' they really thought of the surface as a delicate filigreed bubble of glass that formed like a thin shell, almost too thin to mention, on the outside of a water droplet. On human scales, liquid is the thing that flows, and solid is the thing that breaks. But once stuff gets big or slow or both, the distinction between a solid and a liquid is more that a liquid is the thing that doesn't shatter when it flows. And it all gets really, really vague, which I suppose you'd expect when you get this far outside the contexts in which our languages were crafted.

[new-fandom-scene]

Coconut Vanilla - Jake Seresin

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Female Reader

Summary: Staying at your place means Jake can use your "fancy" soaps.

Length: 1,578

Warnings: Fluff, Swearing, Playful Teasing, Cursing (once)

Staying at his own place was always more convenient for Jake, but it definitely does not give him the same feeling as when he stays over at yours. To Jake, there was nothing better than heading over to your place after work and opening the door to the smell of sweet bliss; and it quite literally always smelled sweet.

Jake calls you 'Sweetness' for a reason. Your apartment always held the lingering smell of fresh vanilla in the spring and summer, or warm cinnamon apple in the fall and winter. While you have been known to bake deliciously sweet treats from time to time, you were more known, at least to Jake, to always have incense out and about in each room of your apartment. Whether burning it or not, it filled your space with a layer of comfort Jake could not find anywhere else (not that he would want to anyway). You, yourself, also always smelled of such sweetness, a quality that will never stop Jake from wanting to be as close to you as possible all the time. From the coconut cream of your shampoo and conditioner, to your french vanilla body wash and lotion, there was no way Jake could ever get enough of you.

Upon reaching your front door, Jake knows you aren't home yet. You still have some loose ends to tie up before leaving work, but would make up for it by bringing home dinner for the two of you. In the meantime, Jake is welcome to hang out until you get home, something he has done a few times before. Nonetheless, there is still a smile on Jake's face when he enters the apartment and hangs his keys on the hook above the bench in your front hallway and begins to untie his shoes as the sweet vanilla scent fills his nose.

Jake makes his way down to the connecting bathroom through your bedroom and turns the shower to his "perfect level of warmth", that he always tries to convince you of. You, however, like to stick with your "hot as Satan temperature", as Jake describes it. Chuckling to himself, he undresses and tosses his clothes in the bathroom hamper before stepping into the shower. Jake stands under the water as it erases the tension of the work day and turns to his grab shampoo. You were so kind to buy Jake's usual shower essentials but, as he grasps his own shampoo, he decides to reach for yours instead. It's not like your body care items were off limits, he's just never thought about venturing out of his usuals (unless he's alone at his own place and finds himself missing you too much). He gives the shampoo a squeeze before lathering it into his sandy brown hair and enjoying the scent, your scent, filling his nose. Smelling it alone relaxes his body more than Jake thought was possible without you physically being in the shower with him.

"Shampoo twice, condition the ends," Jake reminds himself of your teaching. He's definitely come a long way from his shower routine before you came into his life. He chuckles to himself as he recalls the look of horror on your face upon finding two-in-one shampoo when you first came over to his place. After rinsing out his second shampooing, Jake conditions his tips and browses over your body care to grab your vanilla body wash and his blue loofah your bought for when he comes over. Jake decided a long time ago that he can't go too long without smelling your scent, and he especially can't go more than a day or two (two's pushing it) without having you in his reach. The second an opportune time comes to ask you to move in together, he's gonna take it. It isn't like Jake doesn't basically live at your place anyway, half of his clothes are here and he's pretty sure his dress whites are still here from when you took them to get dry cleaned last. Little old Hangman would love nothing more than to come home to your sweet, sweet self every day for the rest of his life.

When he finishes rinsing everything out and off, Jake steps out and grabs the fluffy, extra large ocean blue towels that you keep hung by the shower door. Jake drys off and wraps the towel around his hips just as he hears you enter the apartment. "Baby?" he hears your voice call out. "Are you in the shower?" Jake steps out of the bathroom, meeting you in your bedroom. Your smile grows with each step you take towards him.

"Just stepped out, Sweetness", The cocky smirk plastered on his face once he stands toe to toe with your figure. You rest your hands against his slightly damp chest.

"I can see that," you tease, fingers tracing over his toned torso. Leaning into him, you take a whiff, expecting his sandalwood scent, but instead meeting... your own? "You- you smell like me, Baby! What happened in that shower?" you tease, sniffing him all over. Jake backs up instinctively to prevent any more tickling than your sniffs have already done. Any efforts to tickle Jake are ceased when he wraps his strong arms around you and gently smushes your face into his chest, engulfing you in your own scent. "My coconut vanilla boy", you giggle against him.

"I'm a coconut vanilla man, Sweetness. Your coconut vanilla man" Your boyfriend squeezes you closer and suppresses your giggles into muffled vibrations against his chest. "We all know your stuff is nicer than mine, feel like I can treat myself to it from time to time. Plus it's Friday. S'not like anyone besides you will be commenting on it anyway. Why?" He asks in a sassy tone. "You don't like me smelling like you?" Rolling your eyes, you push yourself against him and Jake loosens his grip on you so you can turn and take some of your jewelry off and place onto your dresser. "Not the only one that can smell delicious, Sweetness. And speaking of," Jake pulls you back into him, flush chest to chest. "Am I too sweet to get a kiss?" A cocky smirk paints his face and he studies the phoney look of contemplation on yours.

"Never too sweet for a kiss, Baby," you envelope your lips between his, wrapping your arms around the nape of Jake's neck. Jake has a firm grasp on your waist, as if he thinks you would fly away from him. This is all he needs: your lips on his, you just being around him with the sureness that there is nowhere else to be other than right here with him. You pull away for air, lips slightly swollen and cheeks flushed. "All better honey?" you smirk up at him, encouraging him to steal a quick kiss.

Jake smiles down at you, licking his lips. "That'll definitely hold me over for a couple minutes, at least until we both get into some comfy clothes". He saunters over to his drawer in your dresser and pulls out a pair of boxers, pair of shorts, and two of his t-shirts. "Get changed Sweetness," Jake tosses the second shirt for you to catch. He shamelessly watches you take your work shirt off and replace it with his own.

"Did you have enough shampoo for both washes?" You ask him, tossing your discarded shirt into your bedroom hamper. "I've been meaning to restock on my shower stuff".

Jake looks down and smiles to himself, pulling his shorts on over his boxers. "No worries, Sweetness, I can just bring over your shower stuff from my place. Those bottles are still pretty full".

"That's kind of you baby", you hang your belt up. "But, if you bring them from your place, I wouldn't have anything when I'm over there. And I love you, but sandalwood isn't my vibe". Jake shakes his head and tugs his shirt down over his abdomen before slowly walking over to you.

"What if your place became our place then?" Your head shoots up, hands still holding your pants halfway down your legs. "Then it'd be alright for me to bring your shower stuff over, right?" Cheeks on fire, you shimmy out of your pants, tossing them haphazardly and meeting him in the middle of your room. Jake takes your hands in his, rubbing circles on your smooth skin.

"You wanna move in?" you ask him slowly. "With me?" Jake smirks, his hands travelling from yours, to the lower part of your back to pull you in.

"Thought you'd never ask, Sweetness", Jake smirks, but then meets your eyes with sincerity. "I've been wantin' to ask you for a while, Sweetness. I've never been so sure of someone in my entire life. I don't want to spend another day coming home after work without you on the other side of that door. I wanna come home and smell that apple cinnamon-vanilla shit and know that my coconut vanilla girl is in one of these rooms missing me as much as I'm always missing her". Your heart swells and you caress Jake's cheek before leaning it down for you to plant a kiss right on his plump lips.

"Move in with me, Jake Seresin," you declare wholeheartedly and take his face in both of your hands to meet his lips against yours in a searing kiss. "My coconut vanilla boy".

"Man, Sweetness. Your coconut vanilla man".

[felassan]

Lucanis and Crows snippets, under a cut due to spoilers.

How would Viago and Teia react to a Crow Rook being romantically involved with Lucanis? "Teia is going to plan the wedding, and insist that Viago give Rook away at the ceremony. Viago will sigh dramatically, lecture Rook about it, and then spend a week picking out the right gloves to wear." [source]

If Illario wasn't locked away, how would he react? "Under any circumstances, Illario would be upset since it's a whole lot of attention that's STILL not on him. He would definitely get drunk at the reception and tell the same two most embarrassing stories about Lucanis over and over until Viago knocked him out and put him upstairs." [source]

With Rook romancing Lucanis, is it possible that Spite could become affection or benevolence? "Spite's basic aspect is defiance. He can be more or less difficult depending on influence (rebellion vs. vindictiveness, etc), but at his core he's always going to be a spirit of "NOPE"" [source]

Lucanis' mother was the heir apparent to House Dellamorte [source]

Does Spite have any kind of feeling about Rook? "Spite is fond of Rook in his own Spite-like way. He and Lucanis agree on the point of trusting Rook over and above other people or themselves. He does go to Rook for help with Lucanis, after all." [source]

For the Lion King reference in Murder of Crows, Mary Kirby went to the cinematic animators and described it as Illario's "Scar at Pride Rock" scene [source]

User: "I cut Lucanis' hair and shaved his beard and I almost feel like I should apologise to him" / Mary Kirby: "Now he can't tell himself from Illario, and you've given them both a complex." [source]

Teia and Viago were half-written by Mary Kirby and half-written by Luke Kristjanson [source]

Lucanis likes his coffee black [source]

Would he judge your coffee order? "As long as it's not boiled, or instant coffee, or whatever that stuff from a can is, he's fine with it. Or at least, he will only judge you silently for it." [source]

What kind of treats does Lucanis like? "Sweet, because it goes better with his coffee. Savory, if somehow he is NOT drinking coffee at that moment." [source]

Lucanis grew his beard and long hair while in the Ossuary. "He hasn't exactly had a haircut in a while." [source, two].

Would Lucanis make Powerpoint presentations about jobs or to talk? "No, he doesn't want to talk to anyone, let alone explain things and present them. That's 300% an Illario thing. That man has a powerpoint to introduce his powerpoint about why you should listen to his powerpoint." [source]

"Lucanis would never be on social media. He'd be on YouTube watching videos of people restoring rusty cutlery with no dialogue until four in the morning." [source] Could he tell when content is manufactured? "Yes. And he gets upset and finds Bellara or Neve (whichever is unluckier) to rant about it." [source]

Lucanis' favorite stove burner? Right front [source]

"Spite doesn't have any concept of physical appearances. It looks the way Lucanis sees himself. Lucanis is never relaxed, even in casual wear." [source]

Along with Lucanis Mary Kirby also wrote Spite [source]

Mary Kirby wrote Illario, Luke Kristjanson wrote the Crow faction quests [source]

Lucanis' perfect date night? "I'm gonna be honest: There is a non-zero chance it would involve assassinating somebody and getting coffee, and I'm not entirely certain which would come first." [source]

Lucanis "has so much [trauma] to sort through, and he could really use some help. Like, a Marie Kondo level of help with that." [source]

What sparks joy for Lucanis? "Coffee, paella, wyverns, knives, REDACTED, book club, REDACTED, revenge..." [source]

Lucanis is older than Illario by a few months [source]

How did Spite feel watching Lucanis fumble after the near-kiss moment with Rook? "Confused. Spite, like most demons, doesn't really get emotions outside its domain. Not doing something that someone clearly wants you to do should make you happy! I mean, honestly, what's better than that, except maybe revenge?" [source]

Did Spite interact much with Manfred? "We wrote a bunch of interactions between them, though I have no idea how many made it in." [source]

Update:

What are the names of Lucanis' parents? / "I didn't give them names, and in the event that Lucanis comes back in a later game, I don't want to hand out info that might just get contradicted by his next writer. (If I don't answer a lore question for him, this is probably why. I don't want to write checks someone else has to cash.)" [source]

What is Mary's take on Spite's possible involvement or lack thereof in Rook and Lucanis' relationship? / "Honestly, I don't know, and that's a question his next writer might explore? Where do your pent-up feelings of frustration go when you're happy? What does an emotion like defiance even understand about love? (I think that's fun to think about, but your mileage may vary.)" [source]

[shadesoflsk]

THE OLD WAY

pairing: Leon Kennedy x fem reader

summary: Living at a farm and being married surely has it perks. However, Leon can't help but think something is missing.

warnings: smut, MDNI, oral (fem receiving) p in v, mating press (??), creampie, breeding kink, outdoor sex, age gap (unspecified), established relationship, fluff, Leon is so husband in this, mentions of pregnancy, domestic bliss.

word count: 4k

author's note: Hello! I had this fic in my drafts for sooo long. I was kind of ashamed to post this since it's not my usual type of content but !!! fuck it !! Ovulation goes brrr. I hope you all like it!I had an older Leon in mind but I used a re6 leon pic for funsies. (And please... don't judge the lack of creativity in my title... I didn't know what to write.)

MY MASTERLIST

City life was no longer fitting for a man like him. Job was not the same and he was afraid he might not get up from one of his falls one day. Joints no longer worked like they used to, a painful reminder of how his age was getting to him.

That's why he chose to retire, rather early for the average citizen. But he believes his position as a federal agent has aged him to the point where he could easily describe himself as an 80 years old man who needed help crouching down.

With that in mind, he wasted no time buying a home away from civilization. Money was no problem and owning a ranch now sounded like the best idea he could come up with. Days turned into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years. Time seemed to flow faster as he settled down in a peaceful lifestyle.

Solitude was very much welcomed. The sounds of blood dripping and ragged screams were replaced by the soft pitty patter of the rain and the usual rooster’s crow each morning, announcing a new day. 

But, as much as he has grown to love and appreciate his simplistic routine, the monotonous daily work and the lack of companionship were hitting him hard. When night came and his thoughts clouded his rational side, he yearned for a change in his life. He was never the romantic type, never been. His previous job as an agent cut off any possibilities of having a partner and settling down like any normal person would. But years made him a sappy man, it seemed.

Life works in mysterious ways, though. He wouldn’t have thought that farm life would bring him a sweet thing like you. It all started with your car breaking down a few meters away from his farm. You wanted to thank him for his help, there was no way you would simply express your gratitude through words, not after his assistance. 

So, your first visit consisted of a home-baked pie which he reluctantly accepted. Not because he didn’t want to but it had been a while since he was last gifted something. That first meeting soon turned into a couple until you were basically there every day. 

“Stay with me,” shifted into a “Be my girlfriend” and therefore the “Marry me?” finally came. 

You were the best thing that has ever happened in his life, a peaceful life away from any danger the city may bring and a beautiful wife by his side? God granted him the most perfect miracle ever. 

He followed the milestones of your relationship to a T. Even though the lack of knowledge was sometimes obvious, he knew the basics of how to keep a girl—his girl— happy. It was in his nature to provide, and living with you meant no exception. 

He always strived to do better, to be better. Your needs were always met and he took pride in knowing he was your husband. No one else but him. 

However, he felt selfish when none of that actually fulfilled him. He was happy with you, don’t get him wrong. Nothing was like before when he thought he would die alone with no one who cared about him. But something in the back of his mind kept bothering him.

And ever since he realized something was missing, he couldn't help but try to find out what it was. 

For days and weeks, he tried picturing the change both of you needed. More pets? You had enough with the dog you both have. Vacations? He had already taken you to the beach. More space in your home? The house at the farm was alright… Maybe a little too big for just the two of you.

Oh.

Oh…

The problem was the two of you. Or rather, being just the two of you on this big ranch. 

He had come to realize that he could, in fact, dream bigger. A few years ago, he would have thought that being married was a faraway dream, unachievable and stupid. But now he’s a husband and maybe if he tries hard enough, he can get to be a family man.

However, nobody has taught him how to face these types of situations. Even when he asked you to be his wife, he needed months of preparation. How was he going to explain this desire to put a baby in you? 

On one peaceful night, he was spooning you as always. It was his favorite activity after taking care of his chores at the farm (and even doing some of yours just so you could relax more). But even when there was nothing but a comforting silence, his thoughts wouldn’t stop flooding his mind. 

He let one of his hands rest on your abdomen, caressing the skin there with circular motions. He tried closing his eyes to prevent more of those thoughts from coming to his mind yet it was useless. His imagination was running wild when he pictured you carrying a life in your belly, swollen and round, the perfect scenario.

He imagined taking care of you. Of course, his pretty wife won’t do anything if she’s next to him. There was no way he wouldn’t take that opportunity to show her how much of a man, a good man he was. 

Pressing a kiss to your cheek as he rested behind you, he spoke before even thinking what he was supposed to say.

“You would be a good mom, you know?” It slipped out of his mouth, he should’ve used a more discreet way of speaking his mind. Now it was too late to draw back.

“What?” You chuckled as you turned your head to look at Leon. “I’d look great as a mom?” 

“Yeah.” He whispered, finally admitting his desire to have a family. “What do you think?”

He wouldn’t push the matter if you don’t feel the same. As much as he loved the idea of having mini versions of both of you, there was no way he would force you to do it. 

“Mhm… I think you’d also be a great dad.” Your voice was as soft as his, indulging in this little moment of intimacy and raw honesty. 

The word dad rings in his mind. His life before having his ranch was violence-filled, then years of solitude surrounded by nothing but nature cornered him to think that being alone was his destiny. Now, you brought him a newfound desire to come back home and finding you and your child. A family.

“You think so?” 

“Absolutely.”

Leon had a silly smile formed on his face. His dreams were actually achievable and domesticity and tranquility were now his everyday life.

“We can try if you want.” You added, feeling how Leon continued drawing shapes on your stomach. “How many would you like?”

Leon didn’t think he would get this far. 

“Want me to be honest?” Leon’s lips curled into a mischievous smile. “I wouldn’t mind having an entire football team with you.” He joked, hearing how you gasped in response.

“Leon!” You slapped his hand out of your abdomen. “I’m the one having them!” 

Both of you laughed as the night embraced both of you like a blanket. Confessions have never been so much welcomed as tonight’s. 

“I love you.” He murmured as his eyes closed. It was a reassurance that whatever life had in store for both of you, he would gladly accept it.

“I love you more.” You replied with the same fondness as always. Drifting off to sleep was easier than ever.

-

Days passed and the conversation wasn’t forgotten. Nonetheless, you let the flow of time and life decide for both of you.

Daily chores needed to be completed no matter what. So, he’s now washing his hands after feeding the horses. You’re holding the garden hose which makes a wet mess given the force of the water. 

“Didn’t know it was raining.” Leon jokes as the water soaks his shirt and pants. 

“Shit, sorry.” You turn off the garden hose as you giggle watching how drenched Leon looks. 

And while you are genuinely sorry since Leon still has things to do on the farm, you can’t help but appreciate the image your husband is offering. White shirt now see-through, giving you the perfect view of his soft abdomen clinging to the fabric.

When you first met Leon, he had told you what an amazing body he had. With so much pride, he once showed you pictures of his past self. Images of a toned torso and strong arms would look appealing to your eyes. But each time Leon and you are intimate, you get to feel his slightly rounder belly pressed against you, his strong arms clinging to you. In those moments you can’t help but thank God for the gorgeous man you have. 

“Enjoying the view?” Leon breaks the silence when he feels your eyes not leaving his body. 

“Maybe…” You quietly whisper as you drop the hose and walk closer to him. “Can’t help it, my husband is so handsome.” You add, hiding your face in the crook of his neck. Inevitably, you inhaled the scent you have grown to love. 

For a moment, you stay there, just drowning in the affection letting your hands rest on his sides unaware of how Leon could feel the slight friction of your breasts against his soaked shirt. The thin fabric of your dress does a poor job of preventing Leon’s hands from wandering around your body. 

A pool of arousal starts setting in Leon as he reaches your ass and gives it a firm squeeze.

With one swift and smooth move, he lifts you off the ground. Your feet are no longer touching the floor as Leon walks away from the barn. And, as if on command, you wrap your legs around his torso, allowing him to walk easier to whatever destination he had in mind.

For once, Leon hates the fact that he owns a big ass farm. His place is a bit far away from the barn, so his decisions are fogged by the desire and neediness he is feeling at the moment. Years in solitude led him to think he was imponent but with the way his jeans seem to get tighter each time your lower half brushes against his, he knows it's not true.

He is a gentleman, don’t get him wrong. He’d have picked you up and carried you to his bedroom as usual, laid you on the bed, taken off your clothes, and fucked you gently (or rough) like he usually did. However, a newfound wish piqued his interest, and even though you're in a secluded area, he wishes everyone would know what pretty girl he got.

Without further thinking and no complaints made, he places you down on the grass. The sensation of the blades tickling your skin is, in a way, bothersome, but your brain is easily turned into mush every time Leon dares to touch you.

Leon, however, wouldn’t allow you to feel any discomfort. His sun-kissed skin would be exposed in swift motion as he takes off his wet shirt. Those antagonizing seconds of admiring him unbuttoning the fabric push you to press your thighs together, seeking any type of release or mere pleasure.

“Up,” And after those endless seconds of him taking off his shirt, his hand taps your hip, motioning you to lift the lower half of your body for him to lay his shirt there. Giving no second thoughts, you raise your rear, pathetically quick, and Leon notices. “So needy, have I been slacking off?”

And his tone gives him away. He is looking forward to letting nature be the witness of your lustful acts. The sun being your light and the grass your makeshift bed. His body embraces the position on top of you.

“Of course I have.” He cooes, bringing his face lower and lower before pressing his cheek against your inner thigh. His stubble resembles sandpaper with how it scratches your skin, but at this point, it brings more pleasure than annoyance. “Look at her, already crying for me.”

His breath tickles the middle area between your legs. The wet spot in your panties is obvious to Leon who wastes no time to bring up that fact. And you want to thank yourself for choosing a dress today because there is no way you could do anything besides laying on the grass and letting Leon treat you so nicely and tenderly.

“How could I?” He hums against the soaked patch of the fabric. “Been neglecting my pretty girl.” He presses a kiss on your clothed area, dragging down the anticipated pleasure you’re looking for. 

“Mhm… please.” Your babbles gain a chuckle out of Leon’s lips. He is enjoying the whole setting, he wouldn’t have known he had a thing for outdoor sex but then again, he loves discovering new things with you. 

Antagonistically, he lifts your dress until it reaches your abdomen and exposes your lower half.

And finally, his fingers hook around the sides of your panties, yanking down the fabric, allowing himself to admire the way he has made a mess of you already. 

As always, he was ready for his favorite meal in the whole world.

Lying on his stomach, he props up on his elbows, his mouth dives into your pussy as his tongue laps at your clit. A moan escapes your lips as the sensation of being eaten out by Leon floods your mind and soul. 

He feasts like a starved man, like he is eating his favorite dessert. He delves into your aching hole, his tongue tasting the sweet and well-known flavor of your juices. He brings your legs over his shoulders, propping you to raise your lower half and reach even deeper. 

“Shit,” Your fingers tangle in his dirty blond hair, shoving his face into your cunt. His lips suck your clit, paying close attention to that part, drawing moans and whines out of you. 

A plethora of names are being said as Leon continues being trapped between your thighs. He flicks his tongue while he feels how some of your slick drips to his stubble. And with the way your legs squeeze him even tighter, he can already guess you’re feeling so much pleasure from his tongue alone.

You arch your back, trying to bring him even closer to your core. The wet noises of his saliva and your slick mix with the outdoor ones. The soft rustling of the trees’ leaves and the birds chirping are a reminder of the scenario you both are in.

Whimpers leave your lips as Leon's tongue makes out with your cunt. Your fingers grip the shirt Leon placed as a makeshift blanket. Heat starts pooling in your belly as the antagonizing seconds of Leon eating you out bring you to the edge.

At last, your body jerks and comes undone in Leon’s grasp. He holds you in place, flattening his tongue to collect every drop of your slick. He could easily cum too just by the fact he was tasting your release. 

“My sweet girl, always so perfect for me.” He finally disconnects from your pussy to crawl back to where your face is. He places some kisses on your neck which is glistening with a layer of sweat given how much pleasure you were previously feeling. 

At last, his lips reach yours and he passionately kisses you. You could easily taste yourself in the kiss yet you don’t care at this very moment. 

For a moment, he indulges in the tenderness of the kiss after bringing you to heaven with just his tongue alone. However, the easily noticeable restraint in his jeans was getting harder to control. 

You feel him grind against you, seeking any type of friction to ease the aching feeling of his erection. 

“Leon… I can’t….” Leon’s intentions are obvious as you feel his clothed dick humping your leg like a needy man yet, you are still tender from your ecstasy. 

“You can…” He brings his face against the crook of your neck once again, placing wet kisses around your skin. “Just one more baby.”

He pleads, he begs, he needs to feel you wrapped around him. Those thoughts about leaving his mark, leaving his seed in you are still pretty much present. So at last, you nod. That’s when you can feel a smile forming on his lips which continue being pressed against your neck. 

“Thank you, thank you.” Acting like he hasn’t touched for ages, you hear the rustle of fabric and his belt buckle falling to the ground. You see how his dick springs out of his boxers when he pulls them down, already leaking precum just from eating you out.

In less than a second, you feel him collecting your previous release, sliding his cock through your folds with such ease that it had you gripping air. 

“Fuck…” He murmurs as he pushes himself painfully slowly, taking his time to feel how your walls tighten around his length. Pinned underneath him, you feel overwhelmed by the sensation of having his body so close to you. 

“My pretty wife…” He whispers as he is finally all the way in. “Look at you, so pretty full of me.” He adds while one of his hands caresses your hair.

He starts gently rocking against your body, the pace is slow and comforting as if trying to remember the way your velvety walls clamp his dick, the stretch being something you’re accustomed to.

“I love you so much, you know that?” He says as he thrusts inside of you, this time a little more urgently. The hand that was previously running through your hair wraps around your waist and lifts it slightly. 

“Mhm…yes.” You nod as your eyes lock with his, witnessing a newfound desire you haven’t seen before. Maybe it was the fact that both of you are outdoors, you don’t know. 

The sounds of his skin slapping against yours mix with your heavy breaths. The perfect music for the perfect scenario. As soon as Leon hits that sweet spot of yours, you whimper his name like a mantra. 

And then again, the thought of a family floods his mind. The mental image of your belly stretching out, making space for the baby is everything he longs for. And not only that, but he craves to take care of you, his pretty wife. You wouldn’t need to lift a finger for the nine months of pregnancy. 

“Wanna fill you up.” He finally confesses in a moan. He isn’t a stranger to dirty talk, you know it well. The way his words come out like a promise and an already-made decision is proof of his not so hidden wish. “This farm is lonely with just the two of us…”

And as he presses his forehead against yours, you see in his eyes the devotion he has for you. The same man that promised you the world is now promising a life, a new life who is going to be the perfect combination of both you and him.

“What’chu mean?” You feign ignorance just for the sake of hearing those words coming out of his mouth again. And as you try to say some more teasing words, you can feel the way his thrusts get rougher as if trying to make a statement. The statement being that he wouldn’t stop until you get pregnant.

“You know what I mean…” He is huffing by now, letting out a grunt as he utters those words. “Wanna get you nice and full.”

Ultimately, your dreams are the same as his. So you allow him to transform this dream of his into his—your—reality now.

“Yeah?” You say through your teeth, trying not to whimper from the fact that his cock is reaching so deep into you. 

“Yeah.” He groans, his sticky forehead never leaving yours as he looks into your eyes and your dazed-out expression. “You’re gonna look so goddamn beautiful as a momma.” 

Out of desperation to fuck you even deeper, he brings your legs to his shoulders, just like he previously did when he was eating you out. But this time, it is an attempt to let his dick mark your womb. 

It is his mission to one day see a positive test. It’s his mission to show his devotion to his princess and the now-future mother of his children. He’d never stop looking at the telltale of his seed making its home in your body. 

He wouldn’t let you do anything besides resting and growing your little miracle. He’d cook, he’d clean, he’d feed you if you ask him to. 

“Keep squeezing me like that, I’m gonna—fuck—cum…” He effortlessly bends your knees even more, bringing them closer to your chest.  “Gonna fill you up until I’m so damn empty.” 

He takes advantage of the vulnerable position you’re in to bring a hand to your clit. Rubbing it, he waits for the imminent climax of both of you.

“Cum for me, princess.” He presses his body on top of you, the position allowing him to let out an almost growl against your ear. The sense of purpose that Leon is showing prompts you to finally reach your climax. With a broken voice and your fingernails leaving crescent moons on his back, you coat his dick with your release. A gooey ring forms at the base of his cock every time he pulls in and out of you. 

His actions don’t stop there, though. He was so close to spilling right inside you and making his dreams come true. He brings the hand that was previously teasing your clit to your face, brushing away some of your hair that has stuck to your forehead, he looks right into your eyes.

“Fucking love you so much.” He grunts, his deep sea eyes never leaving yours, as if trying to engrave this moment in his mind. To forever remember the time when he finally achieved his dream. “You’ll be the prettiest momma ever.”

Although his thrusts are too much for you to handle and the overstimulation turns into a slight discomfort, the way his hand is gently caressing your cheek—a juxtaposition of his determined attempt of marking you— makes you melt on the spot.

And especially since the cold feeling of his wedding ring reminds you of the amazing man you married.

“I'm cumming.” He warns you as his thrusts get sloppy and without rhythm. He's seeing stars at this moment, every time he plunges his dick into you he reaches the sky. And at last, with the way his breath gets laboured and heavy, it announces his high coming.

The head of his dick spurts rope after rope of cum into you, the angle you are in makes it easier for it not to drip out of you. He wouldn’t allow a drop of his seed to go to waste. 

You feel the warm and thick liquid filling your insides, proof of Leon’s actions and therefore fulfilled wish. For a moment, you stay there letting his weight crush you and your bent legs. 

After a while, he slowly slips out of you, carefully placing your legs on the ground. You feel the grass blades tickling your calves where Leon’s shirt doesn’t reach. 

Leon rests his arm next to your head, admiring the dazed-out expression you have after letting him fill you.

“Hey…” He murmurs before letting out a soft chuckle. 

“Hi you.” You respond with a smile amidst the exhaustion that is running through your veins. “We really just did that.”

“Yeah…” In his eyes, you can observe how much love he has for you and how eager he is to know if this one dream will be a reality.

With his free hand, he grabs yours and places soft pecks on your knuckles. 

“Are you okay?” He once again speaks, now making sure you are alright. 

“More than okay.” 

He gives your knuckles one last kiss before he lets out a breathy laugh, shaking his head while doing so.

“A penny for your thoughts?” You ask.

“Nothing…” He shakes his head once again. “It's just that… I may have some dad jokes already prepared.”

“Shut up, Leon.”

You couldn’t wait to know if your dreams were achieved by this act. You couldn’t wait to see if your life could get even better than this. And especially, you couldn’t wait to experience being a family.

💬 shadesoflsk: Comments, reblogs and likes are very much appreciated.

[unconventional-lawnchair]

Casual

Sirius Black x Slytherin!Reader

In My Room Chance Pena

Masterlist

Summary: Sirius falls for his most recent hook up, and she refuses to cave to what she wants}

Wc- 6697

Cw: Not proof read- Use of {Y/N}, sexual themes and scenes(literally opens with smut), cussing, Sirius is kinda a butt and broken hearted, Marlene my beloved, Jily my beloved}

Taglist- @otterlockholmes

If someone asked your peers what was one thing about you that they would say described you best, it was that you liked control.

The fear of the unknown, or better, uncertainty wasn't something you necessarily found charming. Things needed to be handled in an exact science, nothing spontaneous, no surprises.

Not that you weren't into a little fun, but even that came down to a basic formula to you. From parties, to schoolwork, to free time, and of course, to relationships. You would certainly be a RavenClaw if you weren't so ambitious.

That's why, when it first came out that you and Sirius were ‘talking,’ everyone was baffled. In hindsight, it made sense. He was a play boy who never really settled down, and you were a player yourself. Commitment meant opening your schedule to influences outside of your control. A whole other human’s thoughts and feelings, that just didn't fit into your mindset.

That meant a whole new set of rules you weren't ready to create. A whole new ecosystem to tend to. Of course, that also meant foolish things like jealousy, possession, passion. You'd rather stay as far away from that as possible.

 So hooking up with Sirius was easy. It was a quick fix to clear your mind and just have a break. You had been seeing each other for months. It started over the summer when James invited you and Lily to the Potters’. You both were left unsupervised for an hour, and what were two wound up teens to do? 

This symbiotic relationship followed you into year seven. You and Sirius hardly truly talked before then, but now, talk was truly on the back burner. You'd both find your release in each other and you'd leave. Simple as that. He would have someone to release any tension without having to work for it and you had your own relief without commitment. It was perfect.

Until it wasn't.

See, last week you broke your own rule. You usually never stayed over at Sirius’s dorm. You both agreed it was too intimate, but you were both exhausted, and you figured staying with him once wasn't a horrible idea. He did not complain. 

Since that night, he had been acting strange. Stranger than usual, that was. He would avoid you outside of your rendezvous, suddenly too busy with Quidditch practice, without James, and personal study. You ignored it, you were never close to Sirius before so you didn't think too much about him not spending time with you. 

Then came tonight. You ran your hands on his bare chest, nails raking down his flawless skin towards his abdomen. His head was thrown back in a loud groan, the music from downstairs keeping it from being anyone's but yours. Your hips rutted cruelly against his pelvis, slow and daunting. You had been at it for an hour now, your bodies were hot, sweat slipped from your forehead as you threw your head back when you managed to roll right into a sweet tender spot. 

The sound you let out was ungodly, and Sirius was losing it. Fighting against his tie you used to restrain his wrists. Even in his predicament, he refused to give in. When you faltered, growing closer to coming undone, he cursed and began to thrust up. The slapping of skin was loud and horrific, and paired with his groans and soft moans, your unholy exhales and blubbering nonsense you managed to slip out your lips, it sounded more like a porno scene than a dorm room.

Your legs began to shake, you pulled your nails from his freshly pink skin and ran your fingers up his cheeks and into his hair. You closed your eyes and bit your lip, meeting his thrusts in an animalistic way. His eyes were transfixed on you. How your body was glowing in the moonlight from the window, with a thick sheen of sweat and indented skin where he bit you too hard. You looked like a masterpiece to him, something he never wanted to give up.

“I love you.”

The words slipped through his lips before he could stop it. You both reached your hazy highs. You gave a croak of a moan and fell limp against his form. He was panting and huffing as his cum coated your insides. It felt so perfect. It was perfect for him.

Then, you were untying his wrists, carefully climbing off of him too soon, and the euphoria cleared, and he knew what he had done. He watched as you got up, grabbing his towel and patting yourself dry. Tossing it onto his lap without another word.

He sat up on his elbows and watched as you got ready, putting on the thin black dress that started all of this. 

“You're not staying?”

You wanted to ignore him. You wanted to snap and shout at him. If there was anyone you knew who could have kept this just a hookup, it was Sirius Black. And he betrayed your trust. And that made it so much harder.

“No.”

Sirius gave a dry laugh and fell back against his bed sheets. Running his fingers through his hair as he looked up at the ceiling. Merlin, this felt too damn familiar. 

“Is it too late to pretend that didn't happen?”

You gave your own sarcastic laugh, grabbing your wand and shoes. You looked back at him, his eyes were wide and glossy, already rimming red. You were unsure if it was from the salt of his skin invading his eyes, or if he was about to cry, but you were weak to his looks. All of them.

You sighed and sat on the edge of the bed, fiddling with your heel straps.

“When?”

“What?”

“When did this become more to you?”

You could practically hear him flinch. To you. There was nothing to you. This meant nothing more than sex to you, you made that clear, but hearing it made Sirius ache.

“It always was.”

“What?”

“I’ve loved you. Since year five.”

You covered your face and groaned. You wanted to be sympathetic, but you were mad. He had been using you, this whole time, for some fantasy in his head, in a world where you were his. It made your stomach turn with guilt. How dare he make you feel guilty for this. He sat up and rubbed the back of his neck, just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“We're done.”

“Wait-”

“Goodnight, Sirius.”

He tried to reach for you but you had already slipped on your shoes. You walked out the door as Sirius stumbled after you. Putting on his boxers and trying to follow after, not even thinking of making himself not look like hot sex.

“Hey! See ya, {Y/N}!” James called from the doorway and Sirius met his eyes trying to leave. James looked down at Sirius bewildered, he was usually long since asleep after your time together, or at least smoking in bed. His friend looked so defeated. He felt it too. “Woah, you okay mate?”

“Fuck.” Sirius hissed and leaned his back against the wall and looked up at the ceiling. James sounds of concern falling on deaf ears. Why the fuck did he say that?

~~~

“You're staring again.” Remus muttered as he stabbed his eggs with his fork. Looking up to see James’s desperate look, begging Remus to take pity on the sad fool. Remus was officially a prefect, he didn't have to stay up at night listening to Sirius’s woes about you.

 “Not creepy at all, by the way. Just…” He sighed and shook his head. “Sorry, I can't lie to him. She won't even come and eat with us anymore, which also means he's banished Lily to the other side of the table too. We're lucky she even comes to our common room to hang with us.”

James rubbed his temple and Sirius scoffed, looking at Remus’s firm expression. “I've banished her? I have? Bloody hell, I caught feelings for one girl and it's my fault she ran with her tail between her legs?” It was two weeks! Two weeks and she refused to talk to him outside of pleasantries.

“Watch it, Pads. You were the one who went too far. Who confesses while they're balls deep in someone?” Remus snapped back and Peter gave a squeak of distress, coughing out a few eggs. 

“Wait, what happened?” Peter whined out.

“Sirius confessed to {Y/N}. Not to mention he’s been skipping practice. Slytherin almost beat us!” James muttered and Peter looked like they said he hexed Dumbledore himself.

Remus scoffed at James' concerns.

Another thing about your reputation, everyone knew. Everyone knew you refused to entertain commitment, but Peter was also startled by Sirius’s confession.

“You confessed?” Peter questioned with an open slack mouth.

“Yes, wormtail.” Sirius snapped back.

“Woah.” He mumbled and Remus sighed. 

“Let's get your mind off it, Pads, let's go smash bludgers at each other until we get told off by Pomfrey, ya?” James prodded and before Sirius could respond, he was interrupted.

“You will do no such thing. Your mother would look to me if you came back with a battered head, it's a big enough target as it is.” Lily spoke from behind him, wrapping her arms around James shoulders as he leaned back and their lips met. She broke the kiss and giggled at the love sick look on his face. “Yes ma'am.”

She rolled her eyes and pulled back slightly, looking at Sirius with a soft pitiful look and he sighed through his nose. “She told you?”

“Well.. we are best friends, she was bound to.” Lily offered cautiously as James leaned his head into her sleeve and began to nibble on her robe like a damned goat, trying to let out all his bundled up affection. Lily quickly pinched his ear to reprimand him. Making him huff with a whine.

Sirius rolled his eyes at the affectionate display and Lily attempted to move but James just wrapped her arms tighter around his neck, pulling her flush against his back. She rolled her eyes harder this time.

“On a scale from one to ten, how bad is it?” Sirius mumbled and Lily shook her head.

“Well, she feels betrayed, Sirius. She feels like you've been indulging in what isn't yours.” Sirius looked down at his food and poked around at it before he tossed his fork down. “I wasn't indulging. What we had was consensual-”

“But dishonest. And we warned you.” Lily quipped sharply and Sirius flinched a bit. Lily was always a mother-like figure, but she was especially defensive of you. 

“Sorry, I just..” Sirius his voice cracked as he rubbed the bridge of his nose and Lily sighed. 

“I know..” She whispered. “You did this to yourself, Sirius.”

“I know.” He whispered. He felt defeated. 

Lily leaned her head on James, curtaining his face with her long red hair, the brunette is in absolute heaven with his nose pressed to her neck.

“Sirius, just be careful, okay? She's made it clear she's not going to stop her.. life over this.”

Sirius' jaw clenched. He didn't even think about that. Someone else having you the same way he did. 

That was a new hell.

~~

When you were seeing Sirius, you both agreed to keep things exclusive, you both agreed that it would keep you both safe to not involve anyone else. Sirius was quickly learning that was a mistake. 

He couldn't find himself entertaining a girl without thinking of you, even casuals that he had seen before you just reminded him of the way you looked in his eyes as you commanded his soul to bend to you. Their touch reminded him of your sharp nails wracking down his back as he held himself above the one woman who could truly ever break him.

Weeks without you was torture. He missed the intimacy, of course, but also you. He meant it when he said he fell for you years ago. Sirius was much in the same boat as Remus, he didn't think he deserved the more sweet love in life. 

You weren't gentle, you were genuine and to the point. Blunt, no filter  and rather brash. It was no wonder the girls seemed to love you. Lily was stern and more parental, Marlene was a party animal but a helpless romantic, Dorcas was hard to read but she had the same blunt air about her, and Mary was more of an observer. You tied them together like a bow. Lily's more rash side, Marlene's more rational side, Dorcas’s honest side and Mary's voice. 

It also meant you were all these things to the boys when you met them. Remus and you were naturally drawn to each other, both enjoying the more quiet things. It helped you had prefect rounds together. James and you fit a lot like you'd expect, a much more stern voice of reason to his utter stupidity. Peter even bonded with you, in small comments in passing and clever one liners between you two.

Sirius, however, had to admit he thought you were nothing more than pretty. When Lily introduced you to the group, you fit in far too easily, not to mention you were a Slytherin. Though, your more no bullshit and cut throat attitude quickly turned his indifference to infatuation. It helped that you didn't even spare him the time of day in most cases.

His ideal type. 

The attraction was purely sexual. It was supposed to be casual. The shared flirts, the snarky comments, the deathly teasing, only to be followed by your endless heart. When you sat with him after a bad Quidditch accident, when you sat him down and forced him to study for potions because he was failing and just didn't care. You were always there to help him out of the stupid shit he got himself into.

Yet, over the two years you'd known him, that was the most that happened between the two of you. You could hardly call each other friends, because you did that for everyone. He felt like he was nothing to you, just someone to nag and dote on. Your words always meant the world to him, and you picked them carefully, but they were never just his.

Until you were in bed together. He couldn't just let that go.

Now he had to manage to keep himself calm when you were around, because your friends were his and his were yours. He would never make them choose, and honestly, he was selfish. He wanted to be around you in any way he could. 

He regrets that now.

Lily and Marlene had brought down an empty glass from their dorm room from Merlin knows what, insisting everyone gather around for a game of truth or dare. 

Eventually, everyone was situated around the bottle. James was on the couch, Lily practically on his lap. Remus was on the other side, leaning back and already drinking whatever Peter had brought from their dorm room. Marlene was dancing around the room to a random AC / DC record, with her school skirt hiked up to show off her thighs, and a rich red crop top, just her tie hanging loose around her neck. She was singing a bit off key, but in a charming way. 

Sirius would usually find that to be the most captivating part of the night, but every time he even glanced at her he could only think of how you would only ever dance when he coaxed you off the couch. How you'd act so terribly annoyed, before melting into his arms and laughing along with his terrible dance moves. You both would make absolute fools of yourself. It was his favorite part of the night.

Peter got up from his spot across from Sirius as someone knocked. He hurried over to the portrait and opened it, and in came Mary, Dorcus, and you.

Sirius felt his breath hitch and he looked away. James seemed to notice this, but before he could say anything to save the poor boy, Marlene gave a delighted squeal and ran up to you and Dorcas, arms around both of your shoulders. You glanced at her and both you and Meadowes shared a small hidden smile. 

“Let's get this started!” Marlene shouted, you winced away at the volume right against your ear. Dorcas just looked taken. You playfully pinched her cheek and she giggled, hurrying over to sit right next to Sirius. You thinned your lips at the sight, you didn't expect them to try and rekindle whatever they had before, but if they did you.. you could be happy for them, you think. That bubbling in your throat was just left over betrayal.

Sirius, however, had his eyes narrowed on you. You ignored it, turning to start and idle conversation with Dorcas who seemed just as unsettled about the position. You put your hand on her back and rubbed it a bit as you looked at Mary who sat on your other side. She shared a sympathetic look with both of you and you bit your cheek. What was that for?

“Who's first?” Remus spoke up to break the tension, and Lily raised her hand. “Oh! Oh! Me!” She quickly spun the bottle and it twirled around to land on Peter. 

The game was going steady like that, shots taken for people who refused to do their dares, pretty outlandish and good natured. Eventually, this had devolved into a modest level of chaos, until Marlene spun the bottle. She was clearly a bit tipsy, and her filter had long been dissolved.

You were still trying to keep up the sportsmanship of the game, but when Marlene asked you truth or dare there was no way in hell you'd say dare, terrified she'd ask you to streak or scream bloody murder in the middle of the courtyard. Two dares she's done before.

“Truth.” You mused with a smile and tilted your head. 

“Is it true you have a new boytoy already~?” Marlene purred and leaned forward with her chin in her palm. Your face filled with dread instantly. Really? Already? She made it sound like it was some horrible offense. You were sure Sirius had found someone else too, you were never anything more than what happened between the sheets.

Your eyes flicked to Sirius, and he looked stunned. He wasn't even breathing, and you felt a sharp pain in your chest. Feeling the need to justify yourself. 

“W-well, it's nothing. But yes, I guess?” You muttered out and Sirius leaned his head back and you winced. What else should you have said? Should you have lied for his sake? Did it matter? Again, you and Sirius were hardly friends.

Lily watched the interaction with wide eyes, watching as you stammered in uncertainty. Waving your hand around in aspiration. Her eyes widened and she hit James best before he could interrupt, gesturing to you. His eyes widened as even James -can't take a hint- Potter caught on to what was happening. No…

Marlene gave a gasp and leaned forward. “Woah, no wasted time, huh, {Y/N}.”

“Is it that big of a deal?” Mary offered in a quiet voice, trying to cut in. Marlene finally seemed to take the hint, and quickly stammered out and back tracked. 

“N-no, of course not, just curious.” She muttered on about and tried to quickly encourage you to spin the bottle, but your eyes were locked into place by Sirius’s. 

“So uhm,” Sirius cleared his throat and looked away. “Who is it?”

“Does it matter?” You whispered back. It was like you two were in your own private world. Mary put her hand on your shoulder and Dorcas slipped her hand around your lower back. Both trying to comfort you threw the confrontation. It was like everyone could see what you felt before you even knew it. 

“It does to me.” He muttered in a low voice and you looked away, slowly hugging your knees and biting your cheek.

“... Barty Crouch.” You mumbled and he gave a bitter laugh, making you close your eyes.

“Really?” He practically shouted and you quickly pushed the girls off and began to stand up. “My brother’s best friend?” He gave a bitter laugh as he watched you gather your things.

“Thank you guys for tonight.” You smiled at the group, quickly trying to defuse the situation, Remus waved his hand and stood up, ready to walk you back.

“Yeah, go ahead. Walk away, again.” Sirius raised his voice and you flat out ignored him, shaking your head and walking to the door. “There she goes folks!” He shouted across the room and you simply sent him an interesting gesture over your shoulder. He scoffed.

The second the portrait closed he kicked the bottle across the room and stomped off to the stairs. “Good fucking riddance.”

He prayed it was missed, but the watery tone in the base of his throat was so painfully obvious.

~~~

You two didn't talk for another few weeks, you stayed away from the Gryffindor common room for dear life. Particularly after James pulled you aside and asked you to avoid Sirius, as his performance in Quidditch was suffering. Lily gave him a firm talking to after that. At first you scoffed it off, but ultimately you listened.

Things were dulling down, you went back to what you could control and the girls didn't entirely mind meeting in the prefect rooms. You were sitting in the mirror, combing your hair in the same black dress, ready to meet Barty up in the Ravenclaw common rooms to celebrate their win against Gryffindor. 

“Are you sure you won’t be coming?” You hummed and looked over at Lily who gave a nod.

“Sorry, I’m sure Barty will look after you. I have to comfort a moping giant, I’ll be busy all night.” Lily exaggerated, making you smirk and Dorcas clear her throat.

“All night, huh?” She mused and Lily bit her bottom lip.

“Sometimes losing a game or two has its perks.” She cheeked and Mary gave a dramatic gasp. “Lily Josephine Evans!”

You gave her a scandalized look up and down. “Really now?”

“I have told you before, I can take punishment.” She pushed and Mary threw a pillow at her, making you laugh in absolute delight. You shook your head fondly, unable to stop the bright goofy smile on your face. 

“You are awful.” You mumbled and put on a pair of earrings, wincing as you immediately were reminded of how much Sirius liked them. Quickly taking them out and standing up.

“Are either of you coming?” You asked Mary and Dorcas and Mary shook her head. “Sorry, me and Remus are going to study in the library.” She mused and before Dorcas could make another innuendo you sent her a look. 

The stoic girl giggled like a mischievous first year. “No, I’m sorry. I have actual innocent things to do.” 

You rolled your eyes before you waved them off. “I will see you three another time.”

“Talk to him!” Lily called before the other two muttered out their goodbyes between packing their things.

“Not a chance, Evans!” You shouted over your shoulder. You didn't owe Sirius a damn thing. Certainly not the time of day after the stunt he pulled.

~~~

Sirius was a mess. He had been unable to focus on anything but you for the past two miserable months. He wanted to apologize. He wanted to talk to you, he wanted to see you. You avoided him like the plague, and he didn't know if he was grateful or pissed about it.

He knew only one way to get rid of this aching irritation.

That's how he found himself in a small broom closet with Marleen, his lips were all over hers, his hands on her hips gripping hard at her exposed skin. Marlene was so different from you, but it wasn't hard. To close his eyes and imagine it was your fingers running threw his hair, your lips against his own.

When he moved to her neck, he felt your skin. He heard your voice saying his name so sweetly. “Fuck.. that's my girl.” He whispered against her skin and relished in the slight shiver she let rock her body. “I've got you, {Y/N}. I'm right here.” He breathed heavily.

There was a moment where both of them froze. There was a sharp stinging pain that ran across his jaw as Marlene, appropriately, slapped him. He groaned and stepped back, Marlene slamming the door open to storm out.

Bloody hell.

~~~

You made your way down the empty corridors, looking outside at the moonlit school grounds. It was quiet, just before curfew, not that you were too worried. You had wrapped yourself up in your school cloak and prayed Flinch cared as little as he seemed to about the proper patrols.

There was a loud crackling slap that rang through the silent hall, soon after, a door slammed open a few yards down from you. Your eyes snapped up to watch Marlene rush out of the room. Your eyes widened when you looked at eachother and she looked like a deer in headlights. 

You opened your mouth to say something before Sirius stumbled out behind her, muttering a mouthful of apologies.

It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what had happened. Frazzled hair, kids bruised lips, Marlene's neck and Sirius’s… red cheek? You quickly looked away from the two and Marlene looked back at Sirius. He was staring at you with wide eyes.

She huffed and began to stomp away, leaving the two of you in an awkward silence. 

“... hey.” He whispered and that snapped you out of it.

You began to walk down the hall, and he quickly ran in front of you, his hands up in front of you to try and settle you. You scoffed and looked behind you before sharply up at him. “Hey- hey, {Y/N}, it's not what you think.” He tried to defend himself. From what exactly? You had no clue.

“What? It's kind of hard to hide it.” You scoffed and gestured to his  unbuckled pants. He sighed and began to fix them, your eyes looking away from him. Arms crossed as you waited for him to speak his peace. Sirius shoving his shirt into his pants to straighten himself up.

There was a long silence before Sirius spoke up again. Your eyes drifting back to him. He was a mess, he looked so apologetic. Your heart almost broke, it ached for you to just drag him back to the dorm and forget everything that happened the past few months. You blinked away the thought. No. This is exactly why you avoid relationships. You hated this hurt.

“Uhm..” He cleared his throat. “Where are you heading?”

“What?” You whispered, a bit caught off guard. 

“It's not your night for rounds.” He mumbled. “I just figured, you know-”

“How do you…” Right. He would know your night schedule wouldn't he? “Ah..”

Your eyes drifted past him before you gestured to the stairs. “Well. RavenClaw is celebrating their win. Barty asked me to come.” You remarked calmly and he gave a low scoff. You took a deep breath as you prepared yourself for his next out lash. 

“You just. Never went with me to the parties at Gryffindor tower is all.” 

You rolled your eyes. “That's because I knew you'd be there, Sirius. You always had me those nights, didn't you?”

He stared at you and slowly nodded. “Yeah. I did.” He muttered and bit his cheek. You wanted to kiss his pout away and- Merlin what was getting into you?

“Well, if you don't mind..” You mumbled and walked past him, He quickly called out again.

“Will you uhm.. Will you be at the next game?” He called across the hall and you looked him in his eyes. He was pleading, you had never seen him so.. sad. Bruised cheek and all.

“... do you want me to, Sirius?”

“More than anything.”

You sighed through your nose. “Yes, I'll be there.”

He shook his head, slowly a shy and hesitant smile grew on his lips. “Nice.. nice.. yeah, I'll see you there.”

He stood there and stared at you for a moment. You felt like you lost the ability to breathe.

“Sirius?” You whispered and he looked you in the eyes with this sad bit of hope you knew you’d crush.

“Yeah?”

“Is that all?”

“O-oh, yeah. Yeah, I'll see you there, {Y/N}.” He mumbled and you slowly nodded. He turned and walked back to the tower.

“Yeah. See you.” You whispered to an empty corridor. You stood there for a solid minute. Debating if you should run after him or not. You wanted to. You wanted to but you knew you shouldn't.

~~~ 

The image of Sirius and Marlene leaving the storage room together was burned into your head. You had been avoiding him, he had a right to do anything he wanted with anyone he wanted, you had called it off.

Even so, with Barty at your neck kissing it sore and your fingers in his hair, you couldn't stop thinking about it. You went through the motions, just dismissing your own thoughts and letting Barty’s hands reach for your bra strap. He paused and you didn't even notice, still staring off out of one of the several windows. The Ravenclaw tower was just encased in them from wall to wall, and with the darkness they just looked like mirrors.

“Are you alright?” Barty whispered in your ear and you nodded.

“Yeah, sorry, just distracted.” You mumbled and he shook his head, pulling away.

“What? What's wrong?” You whispered out and he bit his cheek.

“Come on, don't play dumb.” He chuckled and fell back on a random seat in the vacant room he dragged you in. 

“What?” You mumbled and he shrugged, slowly smirking.

“I may be younger, but I know that look. You have been a million miles away. I'm not gonna sleep with you while you're like that, pretty girl.”

You gave a weak and playful laugh, fixing your dress on your shoulder. “Isn't that what this is for, Crouch?”

“Ouch, Crouch?” he chuckled, standing up to pick up your discarded robe and walked behind you to wrap it around your shoulders. “I would normally agree with anything your pretty mouth uttered, but I am not Sirius. I'm not a good substitute, I can guarantee it.”

“What? Don't be crass.” You scoffed, startled with how easily he could see through you.

‘Twelve owls, I'm not an idiot.” He gave you a firm pat on your ass and pushed you on. “Go get that sad sack. I am going to go see if Evan’s is busy.”

You were stunned by the whole interaction. You bit your cheek before you turned and gave him a tight hug. He was startled by this, but slowly pulled you in. Turning you around and shoving you off.

“Okay, you're killing my buzz. Out.”

~~~

You weren't thinking. That was your excuse. When you stumbled out of the tower and walked right past the dungeons. You stopped at the fat lady, knocking on the painting and startling the her awake. She looked at you suspiciously and you gave her a nervous smile. “Just.. checking on some things.” You whispered and she seemed to buy it for the most part.

You snapped your head up as the door opened. Peter looked at you with wide eyes and you looked around him before slipping in. You walked into the common room before you turned to him. “Is James here?”

“No, just Sirius. I can-”

“No need.” You remarked quickly and turned, hurrying up the steps and leaving a baffled and confused Peter behind.

When you got to the door, you knocked quickly. You prayed no one else was there. 

The door opened with a hesitance, Sirius peaked out and his eyes grew the size of saucers. “{Y/N}-”

“Are you alone?” You breathed and he quickly nodded. You stepped in and closed the door behind you. Pressing your back to it. Sirius stared at you and you bit your bottom lip. There was a long silence. You didn't even think about what you planned to say when you got there. 

He reached out to grab his tie and yanked him close. His lips were on yours without much coaxing needed. He gave a sigh and forced his body against yours. The door behind you jerks at the force. You ran your fingers through his hair and he groaned against your lips.  “Sirius.” You whined as his hands grabbed your hips.

“I know, {Y/N}.” He whispered and you looked away, his lips falling to your neck. “I've got you.”

~~~

The next morning you woke up just an hour or so before Sirius to sneak back to your dorms. Once you got there, you passed Lily on her own walk of shame. You both looked at eachother but said nothing of the events from the night before. 

You both got ready for the day, and ended up meeting up early in the Quidditch stands. Still, no one said anything about it. “How long are these games?” You asked Lily with a shiver, covering yourself up with a jumper you had taken with you this morning. Not really thinking about having to explain why you had his clothes. Why you left the tower that morning. Really, anything,

You'd don't have to, however. Lily knew. She knew the moment you looked heartbroken at Sirius that night. She knew the separation wouldn't last.

“Could be hours. James has set records with being the quickest seeker, so could even be minutes.” Lily mused and you gave a scoff of a laugh. 

“That tells me nothing, you know that right?”

Lily simply smirked at you. “Like you? This morning? Why are you wearing Sirius’s jacket?” She cheeked and you gave a guilty weak smile.

“... yeah, makes sense Lily, I hope Slytherin wins.” You teased and she gave a playful scoff.

“It will take ages!”

Eventually the girls joined and you settled to watch the game.

You were finally able to witness it, what James meant when he said you had his ‘best beater’ distracted. Sirius seemed in another place the whole game. He was being pelted with the bludger, and not as quick with sending it back to their attackers. You were actually quite into the game and startled by every attack.

Sirius however, was just hovering. Trying to piece together what last night was. He didn't see you in the Slytherin stands, and he was wondering if it would be another three months before he heard your voice again. He snapped out of it just in time to send a bludger back that was aimed right to his face. He took a few steady breaths and bit his cheek.

That almost made you panic. You shot up straight as people began to boo him. You covered your face with a groan, the Slytherin stands chanting and cheering for him to continue to fumble. You didn't really think before you launched to your feet and grabbed the edge of the railing. 

“Sirius!!” You screamed over the railing and he snapped around to your voice. You both locked eyes and your breath hitched. You held his eyes for a minute before you bit your lip and leaned so far forward over the railing you might've fallen. “Just win this game already! It's bloody cold out here!”

That was all he needed. You, in his house stands. In his jumper. Cheering his name. He nearly passed out. And you turned to look behind him with wide eyes. He moved on instinct. Turning sharply to smack an incoming bludger at a distracted chaser. You cheered for him, this time Lily and Mary joined you in your rowdy cheers, as Lily pulled you back from the edge. 

You and the girls watched as James spotted the Snitch, in all honesty, it was the first time you paid attention to anyone else in the game. 

James and the other seeker were neck and neck, but Sirius took care of that easily, hitting the bludger at the back of Regulus’s broom and spinning him out of control and giving James the chance to secure the win.

Griffindor screamed out in victory, and Sirius landed. He ran right past James, Marlene, even Alice as they went to congratulate each other, running straight for the stands, passing Lily and only lending him a moment as she laughed. “She went to the school! Think she's sneaking off to her dorm.”

“Bloody hell she is! Not after that!” He shouted, already running off the pit and not even thinking of using his long discarded broom.

You had just managed to avoid the crowds and ran straight up the stairs. You didn't even think until you find yourself in the astronomy tower. You began to pace. You wanted him. You wanted him so bad. You wanted this so bad. The flash of Sirius coming to mind as the final horse crossed the finish line. You were in love with Sirius black. Oh Merlin, have mercy on your soul.

“{Y/N}! {Y/N}!” 

Speak of the damned devil. 

You turned from your perch on the railing, staring down at Sirius as he stood in the courtyard just below you. Like you were once again, watching him from the stands. 

“Sirius!” You shouted down without thinking. He looked up at you and it looked like a scene from a fairy tale. He was looking at you with this stupid smile on his face, a smile you just wanted to kiss so bad. 

“How did you get up there so quick!?” He shouted up at you, drawing a small crowd and you laughed. “Did you win!?”

Sirius couldn't even bring himself to be offended that you didn't stay for the end of the match. “We did!” He shouted up and you bit your lip, absolutely love struck with a bright smile. “I'm coming up!” He shouted and you closed your eyes tight, leaning forward over the edge again.

“Sirius Orion Black!” You shouted down and now a crowd was forming. But you could only see each other. He stared up at you with a quirked eyebrow. “Yeah?!”

“I-” You choked out a whisper before you shook your head. 

“Sirius Black I'm in love with you! I love your stupid face! Your pretty smile! Your dumb eyes!” You shouted and he took a few steps back with a shocked look. Quickly shoving his way past the crowd to make his way up the stairs to you. You had your eyes closed, you didn't even notice as he left. “I love your stupid dance moves! I love when you hold me! I love when you make those stupid jokes no one else gets but us! I love you, Merlin I fucking love you!” You screamed across the entire courtyard, breath heavy as you slowly opened your eyes and your heart dropped. Where did he-

Suddenly, there were a pair of arms around your abdomen that yanked you from the railing. You squealed and Sirius spun you around. Setting you down and laughing as you looked up at him. Your eyes met and he bit his lip. “{Y/N}?”

“Yeah?” You whispered in faux innocence. 

“I fucking love you too.”

He grabbed your cheeks and yanked you into a kiss. It was heavy and intense; your hands found his cheeks in return. You were both so wrapped up with each other, you didn't even notice a much closer audience before you heard Lily clear her throat. Sirius looked up and was greeted by Lily, Mary, Marlene, everyone. Even Peter who all seemed a bit winded. “Leave it to Sirius Black to get {Y/N} {L/N} to do something spontaneous.” Remus muttered and you didn't even seem to notice them. Yanking Sirius into another love filled kiss. Sirius had no qualms with this.

[hoe4sports]

How this ends

Alexia Putellas x reader

Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

A note from the author: This is an older draft that i have yet to share. The song is inspired by Lewis Capaldi’s «How this ends». I see every comment you write and I see every repost with a note added to it. I’m forever grateful for the love you give my writing. Thank you so so much. I’m endlessly grateful.

Warnings: angst.

Summary: Alexia decides that after 13 years, she’s done.

-

Alexia knew it was all for the best. A part of her wishes that she had never met you, that she has never let herself fall in love with you, that she never allowed herself to feel all those wonderful feelings you brought into her life. It was a selfish decision, and Alexia knew that. But in her mind, the only solution was calling it off.

She could see you slowly slipping away from her grip. Like you were slowly fading from a painting that she had once painted. Like someone was erasing you from the story she was writing. A part of her wishes that you had never gotten to this point. And she hates that you understand and that you still love her. She wanted you to hate her. To tell her that she was the most awful person in the world. To tell her that she didn’t deserve anything good to happen to her. Instead, you accepted her decision with grace. You slowly packed your bags over the next few weeks, bringing more and more stuff over to your friend, Frido’s house. With each item that disappeared, it felt like a piece of you slipped away.

Alexia was also somewhat embarrassed. Her sister, Alba, had convinced her that you were using her for her money. That you wanted her to quit football. That you eventually were planning to run away from her with her money and her house. She didn’t know how she had allowed herself to believe her sister. But, they had been best friends growing up. She trusted her. She trusted her judgment of you. But she forgot to consider that the pair of you had spent years together. You had gotten together when you were 13. Now, 13 years later. It had all come to an end.

You left out a quiet sight as you walked around in the cold, empty apartment. You traced your fingers along the beautiful carvings on the walls feeling that familiar gloss finish you had agreed upon years prior. The feeling is seeing this home turn into just an apartment was haunting. It hurt in a way that only could be described as crushing. Your footsteps led you around the apartment to the door of what once was your shared walk in closet. You reached for the door and opened it. It was half empty. More than half empty actually, if you were to take the things you had purchased, then Alexia would be left with basically nothing to her name except a few boxers, some socks and a set of sweats. Your gaze shifted to your side of the closet. The memory of standing there for hours trying to pick the perfect outfit for Alexia’s social events was woken back to life. It made you smile sadly. God, you thought to yourself, you loved getting ready for her. The chandelier was hanging in the middle of the room, and you offered it a gaze while your hand rested on the light switch. The chandelier sparkled in reflection of the light, reminding you of why you had purchased it. Speaking of the chandelier, it was also something that you had purchased for your own money. You sighted as you turned off the lights and closed the door shut.

You passed your guest room on your way to the bedroom. It made you smile. The memories of a drunken Mapi that had lost her keys and Ingrid’s keys while going out for a drink. She had camped in your guest room, unannounced. Ingrid had been so confused when she called Alexia to ask if she had seen Mapi. You smiled as you took a last gaze over the room. Seeing all the things you had purchased alone because Alexia didn’t have the time to go shopping. She’d told you that you could take her credit card, and you did. But she didn’t know that you never used it.

You continued to the main bedroom. To your bedroom. Where you had spent hours listening to Alexia’s dreams and hopes. Where you had watches dumb arguments unfold over stress and pressure from work. It was strange, how her dreams had changed over the decade. From wishing to play for a living to dreaming of the ballon d’or. It was always strange, how none of her dreams were about the pair of you. It was always her dreams, her wishes and her hopes. It wasn’t always like that. Once, she was your Alexia. That would bring home flowers. That would dream about weddings, kids and growing old together. Football took that part of her away, and maybe you could’ve been more consistent. Asked more. Understood more. Waited more. Then maybe Alexia could’ve still been your Alexia. Your eyes closed in hopes of stopping the burning feeling you felt in you eyes. It didn’t help, really. You flipped the lights off and shut the door.

Then you moved on to the next room.There was the bathroom. You favourite room. The place that had seen all the things that you didn’t tell people about, not even Alexia or Frido. The place where you cried, laughed, screamed, had occasional sex and spent most of your sick days. Where you had found yourself sat after the losses of all your pregnancies. This room was your sanctuary. It was where you could allow yourself to feel whatever you needed to feel. Where you’d allow the tears to quietly hit the drain while you felt neglected and abandoned. But, yet, you stayed. You stayed, again and again and again. Hoping that your girlfriend would return to her normal self. To get her fame out of her ass. But the turning point you had been hoping and praying for, never came. You looked over at the vanity. Just Alexia’s toothbrush left. No toothpaste. She never bought her own. She never really bought anything for the apartment because she didn’t have the time. You spent hours decorating, shopping, furnishing and trying to bring some life into the empty shell Alexia once had purchased. The floor behind you made a squeak, and you knew Alexia were behind you. You caught your breath, turned off the lights and closed the door.

Your feet then walked towards the living room. The core of the apartment. It had some of the most gorgeous views that you had ever encountered. Anything from gloomy stunning sunrises to slow beautiful sunsets. You were particularly pleased with the look of the room. It was warm and welcoming, but also bright and modern. The white walls matched the white soft couch. You sat down in the couch and let your fingertips run across it. It still made you feel cozy. Like you wanted to wake up from this nightmare and wrap yourself up in a warm blanket. This dumb couch that you had paid a ridiculous amount of money for. Where you and Frido had found yourself at the most ungodly hour gossiping about the players and the people at your job. The spot where you and Alexia once had spent hours giggling, watching sad movies, doing face masks and watching games of football. The thought of your lighthearted memories made during your earlier days brought a well wanted smile to your face.

Your eyes caught the door of the balcony. You loved that balcony endlessly. Your hand searched for the handle as you opened up the door taking in the fresh Barcelonian air. The views from the balcony was undoubtedly the most stunning views of Barcelona. You could see the beach, hear the waves and smell the salty air. The combination of sensations was enough to make anyone want to buy the place. You remembered when you and Alexia had the time to sit outside. Drinking glasses of Wine in the off season, eating watermelon that you had picked up at the local market after games. The mix of your favourite fruit and your favourite person brought tears to your eyes. Things were different now. So different that you couldn’t even have imagined in your wildest dreams that you would’ve been here. Everything was complicated. Painful. You shut the door to the balcony and locked it for the last time.

Your last stop was the kitchen. The intention of stopping by it hadn’t been on your mind, but you passed it as you were heading towards the entrance. You remember all the nights you spent making pasta with Alexia wrapped around your waist. Her standing behind you, embracing you pretending that she wanted to learn when all she really wanted was to be close to you. To hold you tight. All the morning coffees you had shared, Alexia always insisted on drinking her coffee pitch black while you preferred to ice yours. You’d try different types of syrups and flavors to perfect your coffee. Down the lane, she was convinced that maybe iced coffee wasn’t too bad. But only when the coffee was made by you. Your gaze shifted to the countertops. The spot where you would make sure always had Alexia’s favourite red apples. Only the crispy kind though. Before you moved, you closed your eyes. You didn’t understand why your efforts were never enough. Why your patience was never enough for Alexia. You accepted anything she threw at you. Cancelled dates, missed anniversaries and forgotten birthdays. Always understanding that work was her focus. That football was her number one. Yet, you loved her. You still do. But you are so confused. And so hurt.

It was stange and painful. But you couldn’t stay there anymore. It was not right, and it was not how you wanted things to be like at this point in your life. Things had changed so fast. Faster than anyone could’ve expected. Some changes for the good, and some for the worse. You held a tight grip on my phone as you stood there with my eyes closed not wanting to leave the comfort of what once had been your home. The thought of someone’s living eventually moving in with Alexia, having new memories and living in all the furniture that you once had purchased pained you. A sob escaped your lips while tears were silently rolling down your cheeks. Alexia stood next to the entrance staring at the ground.

“Well” you said letting out a laugh. “I guess this is it”

Alexia looked at you with sorrow in her eyes, not saying anything. It felt like room was on fire. Like everything was shutting down. Like the world was brutally coming to an ends

“I’m sorry that I couldn’t be enough for you, Alexia. I really tried to be what you needed for 10 years. I’m sorry I couldn’t be that. Maybe in the next lifetime? “

She didn’t say a word. Just looked at you with an empty look in her eyes.

You walked towards the door. And put your hand on the handle before turning to Alexia. Your hand reached for your pocket. It was the promise ring she gave you at 20. When she promised that you would get engaged one day. You held the ring tight in your hand looking down at your hand. Then you looked at Alexia who just stood there. You took a deep breath before you kissed her cheek and opened her hand. You placed the ring in her hand before looking at her with a sad grin. Her eyes looked at the ring before her gaze turned towards you. She looked like someone had stolen her puppy.

“Que? Why are you giving me your ring?”

“It’s not mine to wear anymore, Ale”

“Ai, no! I gave it to you, si?”

“Yes?”

“Vale, that means it’s yours”

You looked at her with a sad look in your eyes before giving her a sad smile and shaking your head.

“Goodbye, Alexia”

Then you turned your back and walked away. The few items you had left in the apartment, had now been placed in a reusable ikea bag that you borrowed from Frido. You couldn’t help but let a few tears fall to the ground as you walked away. Every cell in your body wanted you to turn around. To run back into Alexia’s arms. To beg her to take you back. It took all the strength in your body to walk down to the spot where Frido was gonna pick you up. If you had turned around, you wouldn’t have been able to leave. The only reason you were able to keep walking was because you loved Alexia more than yourself. If she was happy and she got whatever she needed, then you were gonna be okay. Eventually, at least.

*Alexia pov*

A few days after you left for good, she came home from another horrible day at work. She locked the door and spirited to your her bedroom. She laid down on your side of the bed in complete darkness. Her face was staring into the pitch black ceiling. A lump formed in her throat and the tears were pressing on her eyelids. She hadn’t eaten much since you broke up. She hadn’t even slept much. Her workouts had been shitty. And she didn’t know how to function. She thought that she had gotten too attached. That you controlled her life to much. She had been so sure that what Alba said was true that she forgot to think for herself.

However, as she was laying down in complete darkness on your side of the bed. She realised her terrible mistake. Her eyes widened as soon as she realised. She had let other people’s thoughts become her own. She remembered all the times you had missed things for her. All the times she was a shitty girlfriend. She made you miss your nieces first birthday , your parents 30th wedding anniversary and the funeral of your grandmother. What had she sacrificed? What had she given to make the relationship work? She bought the apartment. But you bought the furniture. You made the house a home. You had wanted kids and marriage , and she wanted that too. But then there was football. And you said you’d wait, and alexia had promised you that she would make it happen. You had given everything you wanted away while Alexia got it all. No compromises, just you always accepting all the shit she threw at you.

She didn’t know where it all went wrong. By now, her tears were streaming down her face. Her hands clutching your pillow like it was the last source of water left at this planet. Her lungs desperately breathing in your scent, terrified to forget what you smelled liked One day she was being scolded by her mami for not purposing to you. The next day, Alba insisted that you were using her. But you made her life easier, better, enjoyable. You showered her with the purest kind of love that she didn’t even deserve. Alexia felt confused. Embarrassed. Scared. Angry. You were always so good to here even though she was a horrible girlfriend. She had let the love of her live walk out of the doors, forever. She had made the biggest mistake of her life. She couldn’t accept that this is how it ends. She needed to fix this.