#and that is NOT a thing you should ever encourage belief in fucking full stop

[dovedrangeas]

also thinking all PIV sex is rape is not normal or healthy and is also something you should talk to a therapist about because its genuinely a very concerning thing to believe, regardless of whether or not the belief is from trauma or from something else

[heterophobicdyke]

If you don’t mind a good faith question about the separatism debate (feel free to link me somewhere if you’ve covered this before, or ignore this if you’d rather), how do you respond to concerns that wide-scale separatism might lead to Handmaid’s Tale level oppression? It’s difficult to say how men would respond to women en mass refusing to have sex and children, since I don’t believe women have ever widely gone full separatist before, but I think it’s reasonable to assume things would eventually come to the point of extreme force and violence. Do you advocate for separatism on a scale large enough that it would cause men to enact backlash, or are you more of the belief that separatism should be for the tiny percentage of women who are lesbian and politically celibate (enabling them to slip under the radar as many current separatist societies in countries with liberal/western values do now)? Because as a lesbian living in the west, I can already get away with not marrying or living with a man. To be clear about my biases, I also am not a feminist. Why would it benefit lesbians to encourage large amounts of heterosexual women to forsake men and marriage? From my point of view, they’re voluntarily preventing a crisis of single childless men (an extremely dangerous demographic) from becoming so disillusioned that they collapse society. The world we live in surely isn’t perfect, but I’d rather live in a world where I have a 1/5 chance of being raped (or less since I don’t date men) versus a world where extremist men have stripped my rights from me and turned me into a handmaid. I agree with you that separatism should be an option for those who want it (I don’t personally, but I believe in self-determination), and I fully support safeguards for female children (evil step fathers and anyone who would hurt a child should be put to death), but I don’t follow the rest of the pro-separatist lesbian logic.

i agree that this is a good faith question so thanks for being respectful. i find answering long questions in dot points easier (stops me going on more of a tangent) so bear w me

i'm not expecting wide-scale separatism from all women but if that miraculously happened and men decided to be violent then that's not women's responsibility because those are men's actions, not women's. why should any woman have to live in fear of what men would do if we stood up for ourselves? wouldnt u rather go down swinging? "I am not free while any woman is unfree, even when her shackles are very different from my own. And I am not free as long as one person of Color remains chained. Nor is anyone of you." - audre lorde. id rather we die trying to reach liberation for all than live with only some privileged. i advocate for all women to dump their boyfriends but i don't expect them to, unless they claim to be radical feminists.

radical feminism is the angry woman's feminism, it's for women who want change and now, and unfortunately not all women care to think about much at all, to cope, let alone the full weight of what we have to put up with as a class. ignorance is bliss and all that but i care more about the violence inflicted on all women, not how i personally, individually, can save my self. which sure probably does lead to some mental health issues bc im always constantly aware of how fucked up men are but id rather die honest than live ignorant.

look at the 6b4t movement that spread from south korea to china. that's big enough to make the news over there! but are they getting murdered and raped for it? men need women more than women need men.

why does it benefit lesbians for osa women to "forsake men"? firstly, lesbians have a vested interest in female liberation because we are female. we still are at risk for male violence and sometimes face it *because* we are lesbian (already seen to be "forsaking" men despite being born this way). that 1/5 statistic of being raped is not good odds?? and rape is worse than murder imo. secondly, even if lesbians werent oppressed by men, i dont need to be personally affected by someone else's pain in order to want them free. i think this issue is for those with high empathy who really value honesty and justice.

i just don't think heterosexual women exist to stop men raping or "collapsing society." i think the society is already fkn collapsed tbh. asking het/osa women to stop dating men is for the liberation of all women, because men take women for granted and know they'll always Be There so they think they can get away with the violence they already commit.

also, sometimes things have to get worse before i they get better. conflict is not always a bad thing.

those little girls you're willing to put men to death for become women. and those women are no less valuable just because they're not children anymore.

[fluffy-lovely-clouds]

LONG POST

hate to be serious for a second guys but I'm seriously thinking about leaving the hazbin hotel fandom, and its because i just cant fucking stand vivsie

i haven't supported her in any way ever since i heard about her history which was a while ago, maybe around when she finished her first season of helluva boss. well i stopped watching that, and hadnt planned to watch hazbin when it finally came out until one of my friends encouraged me to. so i had pirated all of it, that way i wouldn't support vivsie in any way, and for a while ive been okay with it, until now.

its not just the fact that i dont wanna watch a show because its by her, its because of all the messed up shit thats in the show, and plus how the fandom is (NOT pointing any of you guys out, you're all great).

For one, it feels like vivienne has such a terrible grudge on Christianity. im not Christian myself, im more or less an agnostic, but i still respect Christianity extremely, along with every other religion and belief as people should. The fact that the whole basis of her story and the way she presents it is a warped telling of Christian places (heaven and hell) and figures (angles, demons, Lucifer) is kinda disrespectful. i get that there are tons of other movies and shows that fantasize christianity and stuff, but hazbin hotel feels like vivienne is just trying and WANTING to outright insult the religion. taking such a big figure such as lucifer and making him goofy as hell, or showing that heaven is full of nothing but assholes, with ADAM being the biggest fuck of them all, just feels too far to me personally.

don't get me wrong, the chance that there are demons in hell that can redeem and be good people and that not everyone in heaven is perfect makes for a great story in my opinion, but i think that plot could be written and presented so much better than what vivsie's done

secondly, there are too many characters in the show that make me so uncomfortable and disgusted, and what's bad is these characters seem really glamorized. im talking about valentino. HE IS A LITERAL ACTIVE SEXUAL ASSUALTER WHO CONSTANTLY ABUSES ANGEL. THAT IS NOT OKAY. THAT IS A HUGE RED FLAG. but guess what, hes still fucking glamorized. not just by vivsie herself but by the fandom as well. you would think something bad would happen to him personally in the show to pay for his actions, but the worst i can remember happening to him is getting bit by fucking niffty, and angel standing up to him, BUT THAT IS NOT HIS DEFEAT. HE IS CONTINUOUSLY SHOWED THROUGHOUT THE SHOW BEING WRITTEN OFF LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG. His friendship with velvet and vox is seen as positive and even cute. i dont like vox much either because of the very fact that he makes out with valentino, and it makes me wonder if vivsie wrote vox off to know that valentino commits sexual abuse. if she did, then that means vox knows he's literally making out with a groomer and yet is okay with it. im gonna fucking explode

the fandom can be just terrible in the fact that people know all this but don't give a shit anyhow and draw/ write all the disgusting, shitty characters glamorized anyway cause they're messed up and think they're hot or whatever (VALENTINO). that's it. ive seen it in this community. there was a post about him where he teased y/n and it was meant to be seen positively. it got popular pretty fast. again, im gonna fucking explode. also, there's the deal with Alastor. IT IS CANON HE IS AROACE. But I have seen the fandom completely ignore that and sexualize him so much im starting to lose faith in humanity.

so yeah, i could keep going a bit but i think y'all get the point. i MIGHT not leave completely because i dont hate everything about the show, but by that i mean that husk and angel's relationship are like the only thing i care about. you MAY still see those two on here every once in a while, but that's it

so.. sorry guys, but i hope ive made yall understand

[trans-wojak]

I just wanted to say I saw your response to the ask about Nex and I wanted to say that the way you explained your stance is very well thought out…

I hold the same beliefs as you, and I would like to not be on Anon but I fear if my friends found I hold these beliefs that they would call me transphobic and hate me (it is a kinda complicated situation…)

I just want to say I admire your bravery to speak your thoughts and opinions so openly and seemingly without fear of being rejected because of them. I hope one day to be able to have the confidence to speak my thoughts on subjects without fearing to be criticized.

-A shy anon 🪼

I have been criticised a lot for my stance because it creates conflict and many people just dislike conflict in general, which I understand. I just avoid trans spaces online and irl these cause they are predominantly filled with trenders and “non binary”. I prefer LGBT mixed spaces cause atleast those are not just a group made up of women who ID as non binary. Since it’s LGBT and not “trans”, there is less room for radical feminist man hating bullshit cause gay men will tell them to stfu.

Non binary in my experience and research is really just radical feminism lite, it reminds me of “political lesbians” who were straight femcels out of choice. All core beliefs of non binary activism heavily align with radical feminist theory more than it does with anything about trans rights. Contrary to popular belief, many radical feminists believe that medical transition is fine aslong as you retain that you’re a masculinised female or feminised male and don’t assert you are changing your sex or try to be in any of your group’s gendered spaces. Though, this treatment is mainly only directed at trans women - they rarely care about trans men sharing spaces with cis men cause they see it as “rebellious against the evil patriarchy” and benefiting.

This is why most “detrans” TERFs you find will have identified as non binary but then switched, usually after trying testosterone and ACTUALLY getting dysphoria. If you go to non binary subreddits, there’s countless posts about being scared to start T cause “I don’t want *insert literal male sexual characteristic*” or even worse “I don’t want to be perceived as a cis male”. The comments are filled with encouragement to start T anyway, saying you can microdose to control effects (a lie, it just makes it slower), suggesting taking certain hormone blockers to literally block male sexual characteristics but get very minimal ones that could be achieved through diet, exercise and voice training. Or worse, suggestions that laser hair removal isn’t even hard or expensive, it’ll work blah blah.

These retards then go on T, get side effects that cause actual dysphoria and then go full blown radical feminist.

At this point? I think anyone who identifies as non binary should be banned from transitioning medically. I don’t think you should qualify for a gender dysphoria diagnosis unless you want to be the opposite sex; not some magical androgynous being to get out of misogyny in society.

Though I do keep my beliefs to myself in many situations to avoid conflict but I also play heavily on my autism as an excuse for things, if the government and society wanna deem me as retarded then I’ll play into it. So, no I struggle with singular they cause I’m autistic. Honestly, I actually do struggle with singular they especially if they look entirely as their birth sex. I just don’t bother putting in effort cause I don’t care about how they feel. The worst woman I ever encountered who got mad at me for this was self diagnosed autistic, had a fucking child and was raising him “as non binary” so she got mad if you used he/him. I’m all for not raising kids with no gender roles or stereotypes but doing that is gonna fuck up the kid.

I also know a woman who started T cause she thinks she’s non binary and immediately stopped cause of body hair growing. Now she complains about her slightly deeper voice and says she wants to get pregnant again but worries that T hurt her. Oh she still retains she’s non binary tho, just that she likes living as a female “cause its way more comfortable” - yeah cause you’re a cis woman!

Anyway sorry for the rant, I’m glad that my opinions aren’t all seen as me being uwu disrespectful and mean cause my intent isn’t to be “mean” it’s to use critical thinking. If you want, you can privately DM me to discuss more on this so you don’t feel so alone in your convictions. It’s one of the reasons I have stopped showing my face online publicly cause trenders tried to doxx me, dangerous at times to not believe in non binary.

[blonkk]

these people have no idea what human rights are.

this entire movement is made up of predatory and/or misinformed adults and brainwashed children.

like you are actually out of touch with reality if you read this and think it’s a violation of rights. the only thing that would pose a threat to children is potentially outing them to their parents, which would obviously put them in danger.

but it’s incredibly overblown — the majority of parents wouldn’t abuse or abandon their kids, they might refuse to accept them and/or seek out therapy or treatment for them, but that’s not the same thing. i’m not saying kids should be forced to live with parents who don’t accept them but sadly that’s life; there’s a clear line between life-threatening / traumatic abuse and discomfort.

for example i grew up in a mildly religious/cultural family and had many uncomfortable times as a teenager knowing my parents weren’t happy with my values. even as an adult who’s been out of my family home for years i still live with the knowledge that my mom doesn’t agree with my lifestyle (not saying being gay is a choice/lifestyle). but if i was trans and tried to get the woman who literally carried me and gave birth to me to refer to me as a male i know she wouldn’t go along with it. maybe it’s a false equivalence, but she knows i don’t believe in god /islam yet she always mentions how she prays for me and sends me verses/blessings in the muslim way. i don’t get anything from it, and sometimes i roll my eyes but it’s not hurting me in any way. she’s doing what she thinks is best, yes sometimes it may seem like she’s ignoring my beliefs, but that’s fucking life. she loves me and i love her and we won’t ever come to a harmonious agreement here.

anyways. this movement is dangerous and insidious. conflating trans skepticism with being a republican/conservative is a great way to scare people who care into submission.

reminder: concern for children is the most important thing and if you feel like something is off don’t repress that feeling to placate these pedophilic and opportunistic freaks.

being gay/bi/lesbian is not the same as being trans. this “queer” umbrella doesn’t exist. the lgb movement is being co-opted by homophobes and pervs who use a slur to move their agenda forward.

children should not be brainwashed in schools to “present” as a certain gender, that certain interests and hobbies make them more of another gender.

children should not be put on life-altering medication which can do irreversible change/damage to their bodies and minds (despite what trans activists say. they claim to support the community yet silence and ignore science and detransitioners).

parental consent is required for any medication children may need/want. that’s not a violation of their rights. children are vulnerable and incredibly susceptible to social pressure — we don’t allow them to vote or operate vehicles or drink etc, yet they should be able to make decisions that have a high likelihood of being regretted and harming them?!

children should not be told if they can’t access these “rights” their families will reject them and they’ll be compelled to kill themselves. they shouldn’t be encouraged to leave families to “safe, caring adults” — this is literally grooming. it’s cult practise.

children shouldn’t be taught that if they’re a little different and don’t conform to rigid gender stereotypes they are fundamentally wrong and should undergo endless medical procedures to “fix” themselves. if being “yourself” requires you to change natural aspects about yourself, it’s not genuine.

males shouldn’t be in female sports/spaces, full stop. females safety and comfort comes before validating males in every situation. the claim that “this decision has drawn criticism from national sports organizations” is a blatant lie — sports orgs have been going along but thanks to the work of mostly female athletes and sports advocates as well as international sports orgs males are being rightfully kept out and separate categories are being implemented in some situations for those who wish to self identify.

this “movement” is an erratically thrown together puzzle made up of the work and rights of other actually oppressed groups. they steal from lgb advocacy, co-opt rhetoric from blm and use colonialism and victims of racism by repurposing it to falsely fit they’re narrative. they are not only dangerous and manipulative, they are grossly self-centered and narcissistic.

fascism defined: characterized by doctoral leadership, centralized autocracy, forcible suppression of opposition.

this movement claims that any criticism is fascist, yet refuses to entertain any of it. they’re answers to any questioning consists of thought-terminating cliches and religious mantras. “trans rights are human rights.” “trans women are women”. etc.

they are being accommodated in our society with little to no opposition and any fair scrutiny is vilified as fascist. actually, forcing people to accept your religious-like devotion to the trans creedo and socially punishing them via doxxing, cancelling or slander seems more fascist. trying to repress the truth and silencing detransitioners and critics is fascist. luring vulnerable young people into your cultish echo chamber is fascist. you are suppressing free thought, making people distrust and question their inherent instinct and punishing dissent.

people need to wake up and see this for what it really is; a male rights movement that centres the needs of predators, child groomers, and bio males over women and children. it boosts the pharmaceutical industry’s power over people and makes them millions of dollars. it actively undoes work done to protect and uplift women, children and racial minorities.

via sarworthman on instagram

[hxneydreamers]

i genuinely don’t understand why would people manifest their sp to turn “good” and be a better person with them even after they cheated or were overall not a good person to them. like no!! you deserve someone who is naturally not a fucking asshole!! please run!! i promise you’ll find better!!!

SHOULD I MOVE ON FROM MY SP?

Hey! Let me begin by saying that you have made a great point that I would love to cover in full here, not just to answer your question, but for anyone else who is reading this and is feeling doubtful and like they should move on.

So sorry that this is long, but it's a very important topic to cover and I'm very thankful that you prompted me to discuss it. I'm not trying to force you to believe this is true, you may not want to believe the law of assumption and that's ok because it's your life, I'm simply trying to explain why people do decide to manifest a specific person back because you said that you genuinely didn't understand why they would do that.

Before I go into this, I'll state that I PERSONALLY DO NOT ADVISE YOU TO MOVE ON OR DROP YOUR SP UNLESS THAT'S GENUINELY WHAT YOU WANT! I am definitely NOT encouraging people to drop their manifestations here and I will never limit anyone's belief. HERE IS WHY:

Would you tell someone that wants to improve their self-esteem to run away from the idea, because they've never had good self-esteem before? Would you tell someone who wants $1 000 000 to run away from the idea that this could be good for them because they've never had this much money before? Would you tell someone who wants to improve the health of a family member and cannot afford the healthcare or surgery they need for this to be 'possible' to just give up and move on, because things just are the way they are?

With the law of assumption, NOTHING is set in stone and NOTHING just 'is the way it is'. EVERYTHING is mailable. You should not succumb to the 3D and surrender to your circumstances, because you are the one controlling them, and by allowing yourself to just let things be, you are just giving those circumstances more power.

With regards to your message, I completely understand where you're coming from and I get that you only want to encourage people to accept 100% from people at all times, which I agree with. However, the difference is that your definition of only accepting 100% from people stems from the idea that people just naturally are the way they are and the only way to find what you want is to walk away from your SP and find someone who gives you this right off the bat. MY opinion, however, stems from my knowledge of the law of assumption, which means that all versions of people exist at the same time and you have the power to tap into the version of your SP who DOES give you 100% right off the bat.

I appreciate that you only want to empower people by telling them to walk away from those who have hurt them, I completely get it and I love that you are trying to help people by getting them to move forward onto someone 'better', but this is unfortunately the kind of limiting belief that we have to ignore if we really want to manifest someone specific. If someone still wants to be with an SP who has cheated, as per your example, they can, not only simply because they want to, but because (and this is what I would like you to try to understand) if they do manifest being in a loyal and loving relationship with their SP, they are not going to be with the same SP who cheated on them. THIS IS THEM MOVING FORWARD TO SOMETHING BETTER, only it's the same SP, just the version of them from a different reality that IS naturally inclined to treat them amazingly in order to reflect their new and stronger self-concept.

The whole idea is that multiple versions of people exist at the same time, they aren't manifesting the person who cheated on them to change, they're manifesting the version of themself who does not experience bad treatment from their partners, or anyone else for that matter.

In my posts about SP's, I have stated that when you manifest a specific person, you are not CHANGING anyone else, you are changing YOURSELF. You are simply improving your self-concept and self-esteem in order to step into your power and become the version of yourself that no one would dare to hurt. You become the version of yourself that is treasured and treated like a king/queen/ruler.

With all due respect, what you are saying is coming from too logical a perspective for the law of assumption, and the thing is that if you want to start to make the law work in your favour, you need to let go of logic and every limiting belief you have ever been taught that tells you that some things are just 'out of your control'.

Everyone is, and has always been manifesting, whether it's on purpose or not. Manifestation is not magic or a technique that you just decide to try, it is called the LAW of assumption for a reason. It is a law- it's the way things work. Everyone and everything operates under the law of assumption at all times, that's the whole point. Human consciousness and imagination have the power, and whatever they believe and focus on will always reflect back to you somehow, and it has always been doing this your whole life, you just weren't doing it on purpose.

Making people aware of the law of assumption is simply alerting people to the fact that this is how we have always operated without knowing, and to help people learn to use this to their advantage and start making specific things happen for them on purpose so that they can experience what they want! Since the law will always exist and always reflect our thoughts back to us anyway, we may as well make it work FOR us, right?

There really is no room for logic in the law of assumption, because manifestation is not really logical in that it is not in line with anything that we have been taught. Manifestations unfold in a way that may seem logical in the 3D, because in order for your reality to shift from one to the other, certain things must unfold to cause the domino effect that brings about your manifestation (this is called the 'bridge of incidents'), but that happens because our minds wouldn't be able to comprehend it otherwise, and if things manifested instantly, the world would be chaotic.

Also, (this is the most important part here), if you say that people should choose someone who is not 'NATURALLY an asshole', you should know this. You may not understand the law of assumption, so I understand your point from that perspective, but the thing is that nothing in your reality is final or naturally going to be/act a certain way because they are not acting of their own free will, they are only reflecting your inner assumptions, because you are in the reality where you are someone who believes this can happen.

If you first meet someone and they are an asshole to you, this does not mean they are naturally an asshole, it means that you have the belief that there is a possibility that people can be an asshole to you, whether you think that you deserve it or not. Following this first encounter with the person, you will now have the belief that they just are an asshole, and this is why you will continue to only experience them that way. Your 3D reality literally has NO CHOICE but to conform to your assumptions and dominant beliefs and thoughts, because this is the law!

People that want to manifest an SP need to recognise and understand that their SP's actions are only reflective of the way that they have been describing/constructing them in their mind and imagination, but what's MORE, is that their SP's actions towards them are also a reflection of the way they think of themselves as well.

If I were to have experienced being in a relationship with an SP who didn't prioritise me, then this is likely a reflection of the fact that I don't prioritise myself and do not see myself as important enough for others to prioritise, in turn. I may have insecurities that caused this, or I may simply believe that it is just possible for me to be treated like this by someone, because 'that's just how the world works. There are good people and bad people.' False. None of these circumstances matter and all of this can literally stop existing if I were to work on my self-concept and step into the version of myself that is always ALWAYS TREATED LIKE A GODDESS! This completely eliminates the possibility of ANYONE treating me like I'm less than number one, INCLUDING AN SP! Your SP is as easy to manifest as any person or thing, the only reason it may seem like a bigger deal is because of emotional attachment to the situation.

I would honestly never advise someone to just give up on an SP and move on to someone new, and this is why:

1. If they give up on their SP then they are basically surrendering to the 3D and giving the SP power. I would never encourage someone to do this, as this implies that their circumstances are just too hard to overcome, but the fact of the matter is that CIRCUMSTANCES DO NOT MATTER! THIS is why they can manifest an SP, regardless of what 'has happened' or not.

2. If they give up on their SP and move on to someone new in hopes of 'finding someone better' without having changed their beliefs and assumptions first, this could result in them repeating the same cycle all over again with the new person, because they still have the same negative beliefs and have not improved their self-concept! Let's say for example I am manifesting an SP who cheated on me and didn't prioritise me and then I decide to just pick a new SP. More than likely, the new SP is also not going to treat me how I deserve to be treated because I still haven't done anything to address the issue at hand, which is NOT that the SP is a dickhead, it's that I have the assumption that I'm not prioritised in my relationships. Sooner or later, you'll have to deal with your self-concept, because you'll just end up going through the same shit with a different SP. There is no running away from this, moving on to someone new is not going to magically make it all better, moving on to a new way of thinking is what will help.

3. The past is not even real. The past feels real and exists because we experienced it once and we have emotions attached to it, but after it has 'happened' in the 3D, it only exists in your memories- aka your IMAGINATION. If you want to keep living in the reality where this stuff has happened to you and you keep feeling the ripple effects of this event, then go on and keep feeding that memory energy by thinking about it and giving it life, but if you make the decision to revise it or just completely abandon the notion that this bad thing has happened to you and you move forward with new beliefs and change your thinking for the better, you can literally change the past and how you feel as a result. Think of life as a choose your own adventure novel, however literally EVERY POSSIBILITY YOU CAN IMAGINE EXISTS! You can select any reality you want and if you really want it, you should put in the work, and then it will manifest. This means that there is a reality where this past event did not even happen, this is how people can change their appearance and health, and this is how people can recover a relationship from past 'cheating' instances, by not giving any power to the past and choosing the reality where this has never happened to them and never could because they are the prize!

4. When you are manifesting an SP, you obviously affirm for yourself and your self-concept and you begin to change into a more confident and powerful version of yourself, yes? When this happens, you take the SP off the pedestal and put yourself on it, which actually in some cases can result in you losing attachment to your SP and deciding to go for someone/something new. So some people do end up moving on to a new person, but only because they might feel liberated by losing emotional attachment to their person. It is ultimately a personal choice if people decide to continue with their SP or move on, but there is no right or wrong here. There is nothing wrong with you staying with the same person or choosing someone new. It's your reality and you have the power and you have the right to decide for yourself.

You can advise people to move on with the best intentions, but nothing you say or do is really going to change the fact that people still have feelings for an SP and want to fix their circumstances with them. Ultimately, people want what they want, and if they still have feelings for their SP and want to be with a better version of them, despite their 'past actions', they have the right to do it, because it is THEIR reality. If you really think its best for people to just move on, then you should know that if they choose to go down the path of consciously manifesting a better version of their SP back, they ARE moving on to someone new - and lucky them, because they get the specific person that they love, and they get to experience them in an incredible, healthy and loving way! <3

You do you - and if you believe for yourself that it's better to move on to a completely new person, that's absolutely fine and you should do that for yourself if you're ever faced with the situation because that's what will be true in your reality. It is your reality after all and you make the rules, but when it comes to other people manifesting a specific person for themselves, they have the choice and they have the right to decide what's best for them, no one else. <3

[ff-imagines]

Oh snap you're opened. Welcome back! Can you please do the nsfw alphabet for peking duck? I really like your writing!

Peking duck: nsfw alphabet

Minors dni xoxo

A - aftercare

The best at it, honestly. Might seriously cry a little afterwards lmao. You don’t have to ask for anything because he’s already thought ahead and is shoving everything you could need your way. It might get a little ridiculous with how careful he is with you, he doesn’t mean to baby you, he’s just terrified of hurting you. If you’re sore at all he feels incredibly guilty, even if there is a tiny part of him that twinges in pride when you remind him you’d asked for a rough treatment and, well, he’ll be damned if he doesn’t give you exactly what you asked so nicely for.

B - body part

Of yours, it’s more a question of what he doesn't like. If he had to make a choice, he’d say your stomach. It’s good to lay his head on it, and it’s one of the softest parts of your body so it’s nice and warm. He’d die before he admitted it but some nights he goes a bit harsher than usual, splaying his hand across your stomach and feeling how deep his cock is inside you as he thrusts- it drives him insane really.

He also loves your hands, always wants to be holding you hand, especaily during sex. Will pin you down in a loving way by lacing his fingers with yours above your head.

On himself? Definitely his hair. Playing with his hair and giving him a scalp massage makes him feel some type of way. Sit in his lap while you run your nails across his scalp and he’ll bury his nose in the crook of your neck and moan for you, whatever happens next is up to you babes xoxo

C - cum

It’s not a crazy amount but it’s pretty thick. You can’t tell me he doesn’t have a big ass breeding kink. What can he say, Peking Dad is a family man! Just the thought of cumming deep inside you has him thrusting all that harder. Beg him to cum inside you, I dare you. You’ll see a side to him that’s much more feral than you’ve ever seen this sweet man. Would 100% cum inside and buck into you just a bit longer to fuck any cum that’s slipped past his cock back inside you.

D - dirty secret

He wants to take pictures of you while in your blissed out state. He loves you so stupidly much, he’s already got tons and tons of pictures of you going about your daily life. He’s the type to see a cat asleep and go “what a rare moment I must capture it forever” and that stays true with his beloved. If you’d let him, he’d love to make some… home videos with you, ones he’d definitely come back to rewatch to the point where your whines are committed to memory like the lyrics to his favourite song.

E - experience

I’d say he’s not a green bean with sex. I don’t think he’s been around the block either. He’s probably opened up such intimacy with a few others before just to test the waters, but hasn’t really felt passionate about opening that part of himself back up for quite some time. He’d most likely fumble a bit to begin with as he recalls the motions.

F - favorite position

Whatever yours is! He’s the definition of a true switch, let him soft dom you or treat him how you like, it’s up to you!

If he had to pick, he’s most likely a sucker for when you’re on his lap. No matter if he’s in charge or not, he just loves to look up and see the way your face scrunches when he bucks and hits that one spot inside you that makes your mind vacate.

G - goofy

Not…. Really? He’s accidentally goofy by saying something super out of place during intimate moments or by fretting over something you wouldn’t even think to be worried over. You could have his cock buried so deep in your insides will feel like they’ve molded to the shape of his dick and he’d stop and ask if you remembered to turn the oven off lmao

H- hair

On himself he mostly trims to keep it simple but like, that’s it. He’s got a light happy trail that he doesn’t really trim since it’s not that thick, it doesn’t really bother him.

On you, he literally doesn’t care. Shave or don’t, he’s your personal cheerleader either way.

I- intimacy

It’s his expertise, your honour! He lives to be closer to you, learn more about your desires, what makes you happiest, please let him treat you good, he adores you so much, and precious things get treated like royalty in his hands. He commits your body and reactions to memory, almost like he’s taken a photograph of every single touch- and like I said….. if you let him…. he would take pictures ;)

J- jerk off

You’d think he’d only do it occasionally but he actually does it quite a lot. He thinks it’s healthy to release regularly, it’s better to cum now than have a weird spike of horniness in public. He’s probably considered the chance that you walk in on him, and he’s surprised by how much he wants that to happen. For him to be desperately close to the edge and for you to walk in and take over, him a deer in the headlights as you take control, he’s could probably cum to that fantasy alone, honestly.

K- Kinks

Well, obv a big ole breeding kink. The thought of cumming in your deepest parts has him frenzied beyond belief.

Idk if the taking pics thing is a kink but also… that ofc.

I think he’s also into sensory deprivation. Allow him to blindfold you, tie your hands behind you, let him take care of you. He’ll handle everything from here, sweet thing, all you have to do is keep moaning for him in such a pretty way.

He’s also, surprisingly, into masochism. He doesn’t care for sadism at all, he’d die before he left a mark on your perfect skin, however….. if you decided to roughly pull his head back by his hair and bite just a little too hard, you might find him bucking into you a little faster.

He’s probably thought a bit about cock warming, but surprisingly he doesn’t really want it to be…. “sexual” as much as he desires to be closer to you. You sitting in his lap, feeling you exhale against his neck with your arms wrapped around him, all the while is cock is buried deep inside you, it just sounds so intimate, and he finds himself craving to be that close to you often.

The biggest of all? Praise praise praise. Body worship as well. He’s literally always babbling about how gorgeous you are, how good you feel, how amazing you make him feel. Always encouraging and always admiring you, just like he does every single day in non sexual contexts, always sneaking in ways to remind you how much he adores you. Tell him about a certain part of your body you don’t feel confident in, he’s paying extra attention to making it known how perfect everything about you is. Everything you have, own, are, all of it. Peking is your number one fan, sit back let him remind you just why he finds you so lovely, you won’t regret it.

L- location

He prefers to be in a secluded area, he knows he’s loud and he’d be really embarrassed if anyone but you brought up the….. volume of his whines.

However, he’s very weak when it comes to your begging. If you're in a less than private location, he’ll most likely let you lead and just try to bite his knuckle to keep from crying out. It'd be soOoOo awful if you made a game out of trying to get him to break and whine out for you unmuffled as you play with him, oOoOoHhHh the horror >:)

M- motivation

He’s an old dad with an enormous you-shaped hole in his chest, just ask him and he’ll give everything he has to his name to you. You don’t need to wear that certain perfume he loves so much, you don’t need to breathe across his neck like that, you don’t need to run a finger down his spine so slowly, he’ll give you anything you ask for, please don’t tease him so much.

If you straight up ask him for sex, he’ll mostly lean towards soft service domming, if you choose to purposely rile him up, he’ll be in a much subby-er mood.

N- no

Like I’ve said, there really isn’t a sadistic bone in his body. He also doesn’t have literally any desire for humiliation kinks. He just doesn’t like it, giving or receiving. He’s a big ole simp with a big heart and it’s in the palm of your hands, please treat it nicely :’(

O- oral

P l s let him give you oral. He might not be an expert but he lives to make you feel good.

Afab readers…. He’ll most likely try to make you sit on his face at least once, please please he wants to feel your thighs against his head while he works his tongue on you.

Amab readers, he fuckin loves to rub his thumbs on your hips to keep you from bucking as he swallows your cock, he’ll open his mouth for you after you cum, swallow, and open his mouth again to prove he didn’t let a single drop go to waste.

As for receiving, phew boy does he love receiving. He cannot for the life of him figure out where to put his hands so it’s a frenzy of him grasping the sheets to biting down on his knuckle to placing a hand on your head. If you made him look down at you and lock eyes while his cock is in your mouth his soul would leave his body lmao

P- pace

Not very fast at all, he prefers to thrust deeper than should be possible. He really likes when you beg him to go faster, and as soft as his heart is, this is the only time he might withhold himself from giving into your begging for a bit, he just loves pulling out so slowly and watch you almost cry out for him to thrust back, deeper harder, faster, please, he’ll give into you eventually, just let him savour the feeling of you needing him badly enough to cry for a few more minutes.

Q- quickies

He prefers long, drawn out rounds, but if you really need some relief quickly, he’s not one to deny you. He will most likely give in, and later on in the night when you're back home and out of the public eye, suggest you two have a much more... thorough round as quick rounds just don’t satisfy him enough.

R- risk

Surprisingly…… he kinda likes the idea. The thought of someone, maybe even someone who’s been pining for you, to catch him in the act of making you beg and cry for him. Alternatively, making them watch you as you give your full attention to him, pleasure him, make them watch you love him instead of them. It riles him up in a way even he’s not used to.

S- stamina

He’s an old man, his refractory time is kinda long lmao. He prefers one really long round rather than multiple. He doesn’t mind or judge if you need a little more, and doesn’t mind giving you a few more orgasms with his tongue or hands.

T- toys

He doesn’t have any, but he’s open to the idea! Admittedly, he likes the idea on himself, like, really likes the idea. Give him a cock ring and watch him cry out as he begs for a break that he doesn’t actually want to take because the bliss you’re giving him is making him feel like jelly.

U- unfair

He's tried to edge and tease you before but he gave in so damn quick it was almost embarrassing for him. He just adores you, he lives to please you, even if you beg him not to give in and try to tease you he just can’t, his heart is so so squishy and he loves you very much dear, please let him treat you exactly how you beg to be treated.

Overstimming however….. he does it accidentally a lot, he just loves prolonging your pleasure, watching you squirm a bit as he forces a second orgasm out of your poor spent body.

V- volume

He’s very loud honestly. If you decide to dom him he talks a lot. He's got a bad babbling habit, words of adoration bleeding from his lips that get more and more incoherent the longer you toy with him. Play with him long enough and he’ll forget how to form words, letting out loud whines and he squirms under you. You might catch him attempting to cry out your name but the poor thing just can’t seem to form the right words.

If you let him top you he’s still throwing out every compliment he can think of and he still whines a lot, he likes to bury his face in your neck to muffle himself and listen to your moans. He lives to hear you come undone, but he can’t help being so loud, you’re just so warm and you feel so good :(

W- wild card

I think jealous sex will be more common than you actually think, Peking is just very quiet about the reason he’s suddenly a bit more handsy. He knows it’s not rational to worry about his place in your heart, but it just eats at him sometimes when he sees the way you blend in with others so easily while he just… doesn’t. If a stranger/friend is more overt about their flirting he will probably be more obvious about the jealousy burning through his veins. Even if he wasn’t prompted through jealously, pillow talk sometimes leans towards him venting his fears to you. Please praise him, tell him how much you love him, he needs it :’((((

X- X Ray

A lot bigger than average and a bit curved. He never considered himself to be out of the norm, or never really considered his cock to anything else than, just, “well, its there” I suppose. He does appreciate the curve a lot more now because it makes it easier to hit your weak point. He feels a bit of pride nestling into his chest if you cry about him being too big.

Y- yearning

Fairly often, but he doesn’t mind not acting on it. He can still function and do his work if he’s only surface level horny. Literally anytime you ask he’ll deliver with very slim exceptions. He’d like it to be a regular thing, since he really enjoys the intimacy, so maybe 3-4 times a week, 1-2 if you prefer it to be.

Z- zzz

Oh man he loves cuddling with you after sex. He also loves cuddling with you period but god he loves to the pillow talk with you in his arms, listening to your sleepy voice as your grip on him slowly loosens -but never lets go, as you succumb to sleep. He isn’t overly sleepy himself, instead choosing to close his eyes and comb through your hair, or run a thumb across your cheek if your hair isn’t a texture that can be combed through. Sleep will come to him eventually, he just likes savouring the warmth you bring him.

[jiangwanyinscatmom]

Hi! So first of all I want to clarify that I'm not in any way saying jc isn't a homophobe, because I mean, it's pretty obvious. However back when I read the mxtx interview I read her answer as 'wwx acted all of a sudden very different with lwj, to the point where it was jarring for jc who had not seen him act that way before.' I do not think jc understood at all wwx's affections towards lwj, and this did not think it was disgusting because he saw it as flirting. (1/2)

I find it weird that people use it as a 'proof' that jc is homophobic when it's not straightforwardly telling us it's homophobia, and also since you know, the novel is right there and tells us far more clearly that jc is, in fact, a homophobe. (2/2)

So, here, I agree the interview isn't a stated full explanation in itself and not to be used as evidence alone.

I think that at the time it was not fully homophobia on his part when he had first noticed Wei Wuxian's attention for Lan Wangji in Cloud Recesses. Jiang Cheng had never understood Wei Wuxian's penchant for wanting to be around Lan Wangji and I think that his surprise of Wei Wuxian flirting with a man (He himself talks about how he never thought it odd with Wei Wuxian flirting with women all the time) Lan Wangji was always the strange outlier for flirting. It steadily devolves into more overt homophobia as they get older.

Cloud Recesses when they're 15,

Wei WuXian replied, “Yeah, I also thought that he should be praised for having the courage to come see me. He was probably told by his uncle to come check if I was kneeling properly.”

Jiang Cheng instinctively felt a foreboding sensation, “Were you kneeling properly?”

Wei WuXian, “I was kneeling properly. After he was some distance away, I found a stick and started to dig in the dirt. The pile beside your foot. There’s an ant hole there that I went through tons of trouble to find. When he turned his head, he saw that my shoulders were shaking, and he definitely thought that I was crying. He even came back to ask me. You really should have seen his expression as he saw the ant hole.”

“…” Jiang Cheng spoke, “You should get lost and go back to Yunmeng as soon as possible! I don’t think that he wants to see you ever again.”

The part that sticks out here is the fact that Jiang Cheng feels any sense of foreboding at all for a silly situation that Lan Wangji had walked away from seeing Wei Wuxian was actually okay. It's the first seed of him continuing the line of thought that "He hates you". He is already feeling strange about Wei Wuxian's flirting and chooses to sort of project this hate into Lan Wangji for Wei Wuxian.

Lotus Pier summer after Cloud Recesses lessons:

I just thought of someone.”

Jiang Cheng, “Who?”

Wei WuXian, “Lan Zhan.”

Jiang Cheng, “Why would you think of him for no reason? Reminiscing what it felt like to copy sect rules?”

Wei WuXian spat out a seed, “It’s fun to think of him. You don’t even know—he’s just too amusing. I told him, ‘Your sect’s food is disgusting. I’d rather eat stir-fried watermelon peel than eat your food. If you have time, come have fun with us at Lotus Pier…'”

Before he even finished, Jiang Cheng slapped his watermelon off, “Are you mad? Inviting him to Lotus Pier—are you trying to torture yourself?”

Wei WuXian, “Why are you so upset? My watermelon almost flew away! I was just being polite. Of course he wouldn’t come. Have you ever heard of him go anywhere by himself to have fun?”

Jiang Cheng had on a stern expression, “Let’s make this clear. I don’t want him to come, anyhow. Don’t invite him.”

Wei WuXian, “I never knew you hated him so much?”

Jiang YanLi sat down between the two, “Who are you talking about? A friend you made in Gusu?”

Wei WuXian responded happily, “Yeah!”

Jiang Cheng, “What a shameless ‘friend’ you are. Go ask Lan WangJi and see if he wants you as one.”

Wei WuXian, “Fuck off. If he doesn’t want me, I’ll bother him to the point that he does.” He turned to Jiang YanLi, “Shijie, do you know Lan WangJi?”

Jiang YanLi, “I do. He’s that Lan-er-gongzi whom everyone describes as handsome and talented, isn’t he? Is he really that handsome?”

Wei WuXian, “He is!”

Jiang YanLi, “Compared to you?”

Wei WuXian thought about it for a moment, “Maybe just a bit more handsome than me.”

He formed a tiny bit of space between two fingers. Taking the plate away, Jiang YanLi smiled, “He must be truly very handsome, then. It’s a good thing you made a new friend. In the future, you two can visit each other in your free time.”

Hearing this, Jiang Cheng spat out his watermelon. Wei WuXian waved his hands, “Forget it, forget it. All that’s at his place is bad food and a whole lot of rules. I’m not going again.”

Jiang YanLi, “Then you can bring him here. This is a good opportunity. Why not invite your friend to come stay at Lotus Pier for sometime?”

Jiang Cheng, “Don’t listen to his nonsense, Jie. He’s super annoying in Gusu. Lan WangJi would never want to come home with him.”

Wei WuXian, “What do you mean!? He would.”

Jiang Cheng, “Wake up. Lan WangJi told you to get lost, didn’t you hear? You still remember that?”

Wei WuXian, “What do you know!? Even though he told me to get lost on the surface, I know for sure that he secretly wants to come play with me in Yunmeng—in fact, he would love to.”

Wei Wuxian is still in the belief that Lan Wangji does like him. Jiang Cheng of course isn't amused by Jiang Yanli's indulgence in Wei Wuxian's daydreams. Wei Wuxian continues to, well, essentially pine innocently about Lan Wangji, his fellow disciples even encourage it leading to... Jiang Cheng sulking even further over the fact that Wei Wuxian is in fact pining over another boy. He puts two and two together as Wei Wuxian is flirting with the girls on shore later on and he talks of the things he will do with Lan Wangji as he visits. He talked of training with Lan Wangji in the same way he invited the girls to watch him train.

Phoenix Mountain Hunt

Lan WangJi suddenly raised his hand, stopping a flower tossed over from behind him.

He looked back. Over at the side of the YunmengJiang Sect’s riding formation, which hadn’t departed yet, Jiang Cheng clicked his tongue impatiently, seated at the front. However, the person beside him sat on a horse with black, gleaming hair. His elbow was at the head of the horse as he looked to the side as though nothing happened, talking and laughing with two slender-bodied maidens.

Lan XiChen saw that Lan WangJi had drawn the reins and ceased to move forward, “WangJi, what happened?”

Lan WangJi, “Wei Ying.”

Wei WuXian finally turned around, face full of surprise, “What? HanGuang-Jun, did you call me? What’s up?”

Holding the flower, Lan WangJi seemed to be quite cold. His tone seemed cold as well, “Was it you?”

Wei WuXian immediately denied it, “No, it wasn’t.”

The maidens beside him spoke at once, “Don’t believe him. It was him!”

Wei WuXian, “How could you treat a good person like this? I’m getting angry!”

Giggling, the maidens pulled their reins and went to the formations of their own sects. Lan WangJi lowered the hand that he held the flower with and shook his head. Jiang Cheng spoke, “ZeWu-Jun, HanGuang-Jun, apologies. Don’t pay attention to him.”

Lan XiChen smiled, “That is fine. I will thank Young Master Wei’s kindness behind the flower in place of WangJi.”

When they slowly rode into the distance, carrying with them the clouds of petals and fragrance, Jiang Cheng glanced at the colourful sea of handkerchiefs waving on the watching towers before turning to Wei WuXian, “Why are you throwing out flowers along with the girls?”

Wei WuXian, “I think he looks nice. Can’t I throw a few as well?”

Jiang Cheng pointed his nose into the air, “How old are you? Who do you think you are, still playing tricks like that?”

Interestingly enough, this flower scene is similar to what had once occurred during the summer of Lotus Pier. This is after it had been established that Wei Wuxian thinks Lan Wangji now dislikes him morally. Yet he still reaches out to tease and flirt with him, leading Jiang Cheng to continue asking why well into their early 20's is Wei Wuxian still doing this. It was excusable when they were younger but now this is inexcusable and troublesome for someone who is supposed to be his righthand acting on whims still and flirting with a man of reputation. Jiang Cheng actively had encouraged the rift between Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji after the return from the Burial Mounds. He agreed very readily that Lan Wangji wanted to imprison Wei Wuxian instead of extending any help in regards to Wei Wuxian's volatile disposition that went on for years after this altercation, convincing himself and Wei Wuxian of Lan Wangji's supposed hate.

Wei WuXian was in such a state of distress that he couldn’t remember whether or not he called someone’s name at all. He only managed to pull himself together after Jiang Cheng commanded the dog to back away. After a moment of hesitation, he abruptly turned his head away. On the other side, Jiang Cheng left his seat. There was a whip attached beside his waist. With one hand on it, he bent down to look at Wei WuXian’s face. After a pause, he straightened up and asked, “Speaking of it, since when have you been so close to Lan WangJi?”

Wei WuXian immediately understood whose name he had unconsciously called out.

Jiang Cheng smiled menacingly, “It really is quite curious how far he went to protect you, back on Dafan Mountain.”

A moment later, he corrected himself, “No. You weren’t necessarily the one whom Lan WangJi was protecting. After all, the GusuLan Sect couldn’t have forgotten what you did with that loyal dog of yours. How could someone so celebrated for his righteousness tolerate the likes of you? Maybe he’s familiar with this body that you stole instead.”

His words were cruel and sinister. Every sentence seemed well-meaning on the surface, but was actually derogatory. Wei WuXian couldn’t bear hearing it any longer, “Watch your language.”

Thirteen years later his taunts have become more refined as he is well off into hating Lan Wangji himself now that Wei Wuxian had been dead. He taunts that Lan Wangji is more promiscuous than presented as well as using Wei Wuxian's old goodwill for Lan Wangji for him to go on the defense. Jiang Cheng however thinks using the fact these men are gay is only a tool, he does not believe they are as his disgust of Mo Xuanyu being gay does disgust him. His suspicions have turned into bigotry instead finally in the years that Wei Wuxian was gone.

When Jiang Cheng accused him, Wei WuXian couldn’t defend himself at all, but he just couldn’t bear it when those words were being directed at Lan WangJi.

Wei WuXian reprimanded, “Jiang Cheng, just listen to yourself. What are you saying? Is it appropriate? Don’t forget who you are. After all, you’re the leader of a sect. Insulting a renowned cultivator in front of Uncle Jiang and Madam Yu’s spirits—where is your discipline?”

His original intention was to remind Jiang Cheng to at least hold some respect for Lan WangJi. However, Jiang Cheng was always sensitive. From those words, he managed to make out the notion that he wasn’t fit to be a sect leader. Immediately, darkness crawled up his face, bearing an eerie similarity to how Madam Yu looked when she was angry. His voice was harsh, “Who is the one insulting my parents in front of their spirits?! Could you two please understand whose sect you’re in? I don’t care if you act so shamelessly outside, but don’t you dare fool around inside our ancestral hall, before my parents’ spirits! After all, they were the ones who brought you up—even I feel ashamed for you!”

Wei WuXian never expected such a huge blow to crash down on him. He was both shocked and furious, blurting, “Shut up!”

Jiang Cheng pointed outside, “Mess around outside however you want, whether under a tree or on a boat, hugging or otherwise! Get out of my sect, get away from anywhere my eyes can see!”

Hearing him mention ‘under a tree’, Wei WuXian felt his heart skip a beat—could Jiang Cheng have seen the moment where he crashed into Lan WangJi’s arms?

His guess was not wrong. Jiang Cheng did indeed go out to find Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi. He chased after them in the direction that the street vendors pointed at. A voice in his heart seemed to tell him which places Wei WuXian would definitely go. He caught up to them in just a while. Yet, he just so happened to see Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi enveloped in a tight embrace under a tree, unwilling to let go of each other even after so long.

Goosebumps immediately ran down Jiang Cheng’s body.

Although he’d made guesses at the relationship between Mo XuanYu and Lan WangJi before, they were only attacks trying to offend Wei WuXian, not that he really suspected anything. He’d never thought that Wei WuXian would have ambiguous ties with a man, because after all, when they grew up together, Wei WuXian had never expressed any such interest. He’d always loved good-looking girls with a passion. On the other hand, it was even more impossible for Lan WangJi. He was famous for his asceticism, seemingly interested in neither men nor women.

But hugging like that seemed intense no matter what. At least, they didn’t seem like normal friends or brothers. He immediately recalled that Wei WuXian had always stuck to Lan WangJi ever since he came back. Lan WangJi’s attitude towards him was also different from what it was before he was reborn. At once, he was almost certain that the two really were in that kind of relationship. He couldn’t turn around and leave, yet he didn’t want to say a single word to the two, so he continued to hide himself as he followed them. Every single look and movement that passed between them seemed different in his eyes. For a while, the shock, absurdity, and slight disgust that he felt combined to overpower his hatred. It was only after Wei WuXian brought Lan WangJi into the ancestral hall that the long-suppressed hatred was awakened again, devouring his courtesy and rationality.

Wei WuXian was holding something back, “Jiang WanYin, you… apologize right now.”

Jiang Cheng mocked, “Apologize? For what? For exposing your thing for each other?”

Wei WuXian raged, “HanGuang-Jun is only my friend—what do you think we are?! I warn you. Apologize right now—don’t make me beat you!”

Hearing this, Lan WangJi’s expression froze for an instant. Jiang Cheng laughed, “Well, then I’ve never seen “friends” like that before? You warn me? Warn me against what? If you two had the slightest trace of integrity left, you wouldn’t have come here and…”

Seeing the change in Lan WangJi’s expression, Wei WuXian thought he must have felt insulted by Jiang Cheng’s words. He was so angry that his entire body was shaking. He didn’t dare think about what Lan WangJi would think after being shamed like this.

Obviously in the penultimate scene Jiang Cheng himself is being "the unreliable narrator" that fans love to accuse Wei Wuxian of. He says he never expected this of the two, but all the years of his behavior shows that he had always gone out of his way to keep the two away from each other and had always been mildly homophobic when the two did express interest in the other however innocent it had been in their youth.

All of this is to say, when it comes to how MXTX worded that interview answer, I think it was meant as a careful nudge for those who had still tried to insist that Jiang Cheng didn't mean to be homophobic, actually wasn't homophobic and was just angry at any other actions of Wei Wuxian and lashing out about that etc, it was her telling people to simply pay attention to the underlying shadowing of Jiang Cheng and how he exasperated his own pre-existing biases that morphed into an uglier hate.

[veinsandknuckles]

Fucking in the bushes

(Here’s an old The Walking Dead Shane Walsh/f!Reader one-shot I don’t think I ever posted to this blog) Shane's been pursuing you for a while now, and this is when you let him catch up to you. Rated R Content warning: unprotected PIV sex, Shane’s being a little bit dodgy

-----

“Shit, darling, I’ve wanted this so long…”

His lips were rough now, pressing against your neck with hard kisses and he held your wrists tight above your head as if you had any intention of slipping free. As always when Shane was desperate he stammered a little, his eyelids fluttered, his voice came close to breaking. His curls tickled your cheek, he leaned out a little to look at you, nudged your chin up to search your eyes for doubt. The emotion in his face was almost frightening, he was trying to handle you with care but his eagerness made his touch rough and clumsy.

Right now it didn’t matter if this was a terrible idea, if his words were true and you’d regret encouraging his obsession, because you could feel his thick, hard cock through his horribly high waisted pants pressing against your stomach and the thought of stopping now didn’t stand a chance.

You couldn’t find the words for a reply and instead pulled out of his grip and pulled your vest up over your head. Shane swallowed, took in the view for just one quiet moment before he slid two greedy hands up your sides to cup your breasts, kiss your collarbone and groan against your cheek when you moved on to unbuckle his belt. He stepped back, gently brushed your hands aside and made quick work of pulling his shirt off and zipping down his fly. That left you to try your best to get out of your jeans without falling face first into the grass, and you managed to pull both panties and one leg off entirely before Shane slipped a trembling hand up your thigh, with his forehead pressed to yours and his brown eyes wide open in wonder. His thumb grazed your clit and two fingers slipped effortlessly between the folds of your cunt and his grin was equal parts smug and amazed. “You coulda come to me a lot sooner, you know,” he breathed and all you could manage in response was a soft gasp as your wetness trickled slowly down to his knuckles. “You’re just so full of yourself… I didn’t wanna encourage it.” “When have I ever been full of myself?” Shane laughed. Talk would be useless so action would have to do and even if you might want to hide it even from yourself, the truth was that you were just as eager by now as he was. You pressed your hand against his erection and every glance you’d stolen and every dirty thought you’d repressed came back with a vengeance, nearly winding you. So thick… you could picture it inside you already and the promise of it made your cunt clench, as hungry as a whirlpool, desperate and wet. You managed to slip your hand past his fly to grab him and try to get him free with trembling, clumsy fingers. Shane was hard almost beyond belief and if you hadn’t remembered how bossy and patronising he could be at times you might have felt bad for him. But when he sighed in relief and you looked up to find him still grinning, raising his eyebrows as if he expected you to shower him with incredulous compliments that sympathy died in its cradle. So he was almost gifted enough to warrant his top dog attitude and ridiculous man spread, and you were eager and panting enough for him to know you had been picturing it. Didn’t mean you had to give him everything he wanted. “Don’t act like you’re not impressed,” he grunted, self satisfied and at least five percent serious as you finally managed to pull his cock free and he chuckled again when you shot him a murderous look. “I can still leave, you know.”

To test that, Shane slipped two fingers inside you, curled them towards himself and you whined. Your legs didn’t seem to be doing their job. Screw him, and screw what he or anyone else would think. With two shaking hands you pulled his head down towards you and kissed him, deeply, breathlessly and without finesse. He was up against you again almost immediately, grinding his dick against your hip bone and moaning into your mouth. Rough, dry hands scrambled over your skin, trying to angle you, lift you up against the tree in some way that wouldn’t hurt but the bark scraped your shoulder blades and your yelp of pain stopped him in his tracks. He stepped out, wiped his brow and looked around wild eyed for an alternative. There was nothing out here but trees and dirt, and in the end he just gently pulled one leg out from under you and lowered you bodily down to the ground, with him following immediately on top of you.

It was a little awkward but you managed to get your legs free long enough to spread them for him, reached down, took his cock in your hand and slipped it inside you before he had a chance to say anything that might tempt a change of heart. Shane groaned, shut his beautiful eyes tight and let his weight bring him down deep into you, achingly slowly until his hip bones pressed against your thighs.

There was so much you wanted to say and do to him in that moment. He filled you so perfectly, straining against your slick walls, and looked so gorgeous above you that the bickering, the danger, everything dark that had brought bitterness into this unlikely not-quite-friendship seemed to melt away. But there weren’t enough words and the most your weak limbs could manage was to wrap around him and force him to stay here inside of you. Shane pulled out as far as you’d allow him and pushed back in, deep and hard, making you squeal. He put his weight on one elbow and roamed your body with his other hand, twisting your nipple between his fingers, pulling your hips down to meet his thrusts, came up to slide his palm across your throat and move your head so his lips could find yours. You tried to hold on and move against him but your hands scrambling over the grass found no purchase. It didn’t matter, the dirt rubbing into your skin didn’t matter, the twigs leaving scrapes and bruises along your back didn’t matter if it meant being fucked like this and at his mercy. And his voice by your ear… gruff, pained with desire, heavy with the words he couldn’t or wouldn’t say. “Darling,” he sighed and at least for right now you knew he was sincere. “So fucking beautiful, I wanted to have you like this since the first time I saw you…”

“Yeah,” you whined. “You… you should have fucked me sooner, Shane…”

Perhaps you shouldn’t have been so quick to shoot down his attempts to keep things light. His cocky, self assured playboy way of “flirting” was bad enough, but there were times you caught him looking at you with such desperate sincerity that you almost wished you could still believe he was joking. His eyes would widen like he couldn’t take enough of you in, his hands would flex as if he had to fight to control what they reached for, his jaw would tense and he’d swallow to force the heat back down into his stomach. The only difference now was that he didn’t even try to conceal it.

“That’s right, sweetheart…” you could hear him swallow, struggling to keep what little cool he still had, and there was no humour left in those black eyes when he kissed you next. All you could see on his face was deep, dangerous hunger. “Say my name, I wanna hear you say it…”

When you licked your lips and tried to catch your breath you tasted the salt of his sweat on them. Who were you trying to kid? Every time he pushed back in your eyes rolled back in your head, shivers spread out from every inch of your skin that he kissed. What did it matter if Shane was bad, if he’d earned the dark looks from the rest of the party, if Dale’s vague warnings had substance? If he wouldn’t let you go now that he had had you once, would that really be so terrible? A whimper from you made him shudder and curse and he gripped your face with one broad hand to kiss you, comfort you but he couldn’t know the reason. You’d pictured yourself like this, pinned beneath him in his tent, in camp mere feet from the rest of them, every night he wanted you, with his hand over your mouth, shushing you, coming inside of you and holding you in his arms while you fell asleep beside him. However long the two of you still had, you could spend it with him and it was both a terrifying and a wonderful thought. So what if he’d be overprotective, bossy, jealously guarding you? Of all the monsters you’d met that had wanted to eat you alive, he was the only one who could make you enjoy it.

“Shane, Shane, please…” you whined and by your ear he responded with a broken moan and a rushed in-breath. “I’m here, girl,” he growled, dug his fingertips into your shoulders, leaned in closer. “I’m here, no one else is gonna touch you.” Threat or promise, it made no difference. You pulled your knees up give him space, he rolled his hips to fuck you deeper, his stomach ground against your clit and together with his heart beating against your chest it was almost too much to contain. So you pressed your lips to his shoulder, bared your teeth and used his flesh to muffle your cries. That seemed to do it. The pain made him grunt and it must have taken him by surprise because he forced himself in deep one last time and before you had a chance to realise what was about to happen, you heard your name on his lips and felt his cock twitch and pulse inside you. “Shane!” you smacked him on the shoulder blade and he instantly pulled out. Too late - the cum trickled out of you the moment he withdrew and the last few drops landed on your already sticky thighs. “Fuck,” he panted. He rolled onto the grass by your side and flung his arm over his face, tried to recover and looked sheepishly over at you to get a sense of the damage. When the slap he’d expected didn’t come, he let his gaze trail down your form and grinned. “Damn, that looks good.” “Yeah, well.” You snatched his shirt off the ground and unceremoniously used it to mop up the worst of the mess he’d made. “Don’t get used to it because you’re not doing that again.” Shane sat up and tried to look sincere. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. You got me there faster than I expected.” It was hard to stay mad at him when he smiled like that, looked at you like that and when you still ached to feel his touch on you. And he knew it, too – he stroked your cheek with his thumb, brought his lips to yours and sighed against your mouth. The bastard was right and you fell forward into his embrace with just a moment’s hesitation. After all, hadn’t you just determined to damn the consequences and have this?

All the sounds around you were natural and ordinary. Branches lifting and falling with the wind and sending ripples through the leaves, birds setting back down in the clearing and resuming their calls, his slowing breath running through the soft hairs on your neck. These moments never lasted long enough to be a respite. Instead they made the weight of the world seem even heavier when you shouldered it again and it was hard not to think of them as a selfish, unnecessary luxury no matter how much logic told you you needed them. An affair with Shane might be ill advised in itself, but starting anything, no matter how shallow, was surely bad enough…

“What the hell are we doing?”

Shane shrugged. “I guess we’re just doing the best we can.” He pushed your head towards him and kissed your hair. “Hell, I know it’s dumb but I need…  I need this. And maybe it’s cheesy, but I can’t stand seeing you hurting and alone.” “You know you don’t have to say that, Shane. I’ll fuck you whether you sweet talk me or not.”

He snorted and perhaps you felt a sudden tension in the shoulder you leaned on, but he kept his tone as calm as it ever was. “Fine, don’t believe me. Sooner or later you’ll see I’m right.”

You parted your lips to bite back with something clever, but when you thought back you couldn’t deny that he nearly always was right in the end. He predicted a darkness no one else wanted to face and as much as you might want to put yourself against his pessimism, he had reality on his side. Did he have to be wrong now?

“Well, whatever this is, I think I like it.”

Shane kissed your hair again and breathed deeper. “Good. So do I.”

[cherripeach]

Chapter 9

Little Match Maker

Summary: Your life motto is “I have the power of god and anime on my side, don’t mess with me,” and you stand by that with your life. No human, magician, or random creature could ever stop your firm belief in it.

However, getting transported to this world that seemed to turn your already bad luck worse was not what you wanted to be in your life story, but you made the most of it. Making friends, enemies, and disasters, you were in your prime in this world, and so you decided to help as many people as you could flourish, at least what you believed to be.

Chapter 1:1-4: Road work ahead? Uh yeah I sure hope it does. 

Warnings: Curse words, jokes about committing crimes

Words: 4.3k

Relationships: developing but future twstxreader

Waking up to a banging at your door only encouraged you to commit a crime. You had finally gotten an hour of sleep once someone began to bang at your door, and you had to go check it or else you would never be able to know who to put blame onto. Grim was also kicking you once you woke up, taking up the middle of the bed, mumbling something about the ghosts. You left the cat to nap upstairs if it meant he wouldn’t have to annoy you.

And going downstairs and walking to the door to hear the oh-so-arrogant Ace pleading to let him in made your day,  “ It’s me, Ace… Can you let me in for a bit?”

You opened the door to find Ace standing there with a large collar around his neck which was something you’d never thought you would see, but here you are. And you can’t thank all of the fanfiction that led you to this moment because it did not prepare you for this.

“Ace,” You yawned at him, “It’s like three in the morning. What the fuck are you doing here?”

The male had more spunk than you and declared, “I’m never returning to Heartslabyul. I’m gonna be a member of this dorm from here on!”

You sighed and pointed to the couch, “Okay, the couch is yours.”

Ace paused for a second, “You're not gonna ask why. Aren’t you concerned?”

“As I have said before, it is three in the morning, and you just interrupted the only hour of sleep I have gotten in the last 36 hours about. Either you shut up and sleep on the couch, and I’ll deal with it in the morning or you leave and sleep outside.” All of this drama was giving you a headache so you rubbed your head to get it to go away while motioning to Ace to sleep on the sofa.

Ace got situated on the sofa and thanked you, “I owe you one, supervisor.”  Within the minute he passed out.

You headed back upstairs to see Grim still in the middle of the bed, and you just fell into the chair trying to go back to sleep.

You never did.

Once the sun came up at maybe seven o’clock, you got out of the chair to go downstairs. Grim woke up once he saw you move and made grabby hands for you to pick him up while he yawned. You ran to the bathroom once you had Grim in your arms and placed Grim down on the countertop of the bathroom so that you could put back on your cloak and brush your teeth (there was a toothbrush in the bag of food that the Headmaster gave you). You spit out the toothpaste and gazed in the mirror to find your hair a little less of a mess than before but your face worse; the dark circles and maybe even acne could maybe be considered trendy and so you just went with it.

You grabbed Grim and trudged downstairs to find Ace still asleep on the sofa with a towel thrown over him.

You turned on all the lights and sweetly ripped the towel off him to persuade him to wake up which did not work, so you pulled his hair. That did the trick in five seconds with him moaning and groaning about how you should be kind to your oh-so fragile friend.

You slumped into the chair with Grim laying on your legs across from Ace staring at him as Ace rubbed his eyes and yawned while sitting up.

“So why did you get kicked out?” You asked.

Ace pulled on the collar, “I ate a tart.”

“Okay… what kind?” You probed.

“Strawberry.” His gaze shifted down before it flew back up, “Wait, why is that important?”

“I don’t know. Was just curious.” You shrugged your shoulders.

“Whatever,“ Ace shook his head, “But that’s all that I did!  Only that! I got hungry, so I went to the dorm’s kitchen. The tart was just sittin’ right there inside the fridge. And like, three whole ones! That’s why…”

~~~~ A good old flashback montage was set up with Ace in a kitchen with no lights on:

Ace was mumbling to himself, “ It’s only the first day and I’m so tired~ I missed dinner, so I’m very hungry. Wonder if there’s anythin’ in the fridge... Oh, found a tart! Looks delish~!There’s a lot, so I’m not sure if I can finish it all Thanks for the food~ Whoa, what the heck?! It’s so good!”

He ended up eating the entire thing.

“Of course, it would be delicious. After all, anything that Trey makes is bound to be exquisite.” A new voice emerged belonging to a short, young man.

“Nah, man, this is something else! It’s better than the ones at the shops…” Ace nodded his head before his eyes widened while he spun around, “Wha– Prefect?!”

The short male pulled out a pen from his pocket, “Quite the boldness you have there for touching something that belongs to me. Queen of Hearts Rule #89: ‘You shall not eat tarts prepared for the Queen ahead of her.’ Larceny of the Queen’s tarts is a capital crime!” He pointed it at Ace and yelled, “OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!”

“AHHHHHHHH!” Ace now had a collar around his neck making his head weigh more than it normally would which is still too much for a normal head. ~~~

“And that’s what happened…” Ace turns to you with a look of defeat.

You pause thinking of the correct words to say when Grim jumps on the table.

“You’ve only got yourself to blame,” He wagged his finger at Ace.

You rolled your eyes, “Honestly-”

“But ain’t it overreacting to seal my magic just ’cause I ate his tart?!” Ace interrupted you, “It’s practically the same as tying my hands and my feet! Plus, there were three whole ones! He can’t possibly finish all of those! There’s a limit to how heartless he can be!”

You put your hand up flat in Ace’s view, “Dude, for one thing, rude. Don’t interrupt me. Next, both of you are at fault. He can’t be an asshole and take away your magic for this, but you also shouldn’t have taken his food. I would have smacked ya if you had taken mine.”

“But..” Ace turned to Grim.

Grim placed his hand on his chin if that’s what you would call it, “Ah! Wait a second... If there were three whole tarts, they might’ve been prepared for the party, yanno? Like for someone’s birthday? Man, I’m such a great detective, huh!“

“Birthday?” Ace tilted his head.

You responded, “Maybe not even a birthday, but a welcome party. Something that would open up the school year. Eating an entire cake for that is kinda bad, dude.”

Ace pouted, “uh... I came here thinking that you’d agree with me about the Prefect being a little tyrant…”

“I mean, he is. But you aren’t exactly a rule follower either. Neither of you are fully at fault and neither of you are out of blame.” You motioned to him.

Grim agreed, “You are at fault for eatin’ his food.”

You shrugged, “We can try and apologize, but the best action would be to get him another tart. He is the dorm leader, so you should probably try and suck up to him.”

“Grudges over food are scary. Ah! Speaking of which, I still haven’t received my canned tuna from the Headmaster!” Grim turned to you and began tugging on your cloak repeatedly.

Ace scowled at Grim and you, “I get it. I just have to apologize, right? You suggested it, so you better come with me, Prefect…”

You rolled your eyes and nodded at him.

Grim started another opinion, “Were you here-”

Until a knock on the door interrupted him.

Ace jumped up and ran to the door while dodging dust that was falling from the ceiling shaking, “What the, who the hell’s pounding on the door so early in the morning? Ugh...! This dorm’s seriously raining dust! Got it, got it! I’ll open the door, so don’t break it!”  

A laugh burst from your lips, “Imagine having to live in it.”

Ace made it to the door right before another knock caused the house to shake and more dust to fall.

“Shut up!” Ace yanked the door open, “Deuce! What are you doing here?!”

Hearing Ace’s reaction to who was at the door you stood up and dragged yourself over to him, “Deuce can’t possibly be here at this hour-” And standing right in front of Ace was a perfect uniform Deuce with no problems besides slightly red cheeks and heavy breathing.

Deuce straightened himself up when he met your eyes but then, turned to look at the kid next to you, “I knew I would find you here.”

“Deuce??” Both you and Ace were clearly lost.

“I heard about the situation from our roommates. You ate the Prefect’s tart, so now you’ve got that collar on, haven’t you? You’re an outright idiot.” Deuce’s lecture was not helping at all by the looks of Ace curling both his hands into fists trying not to punch him.

Ace snapped, "Shut it! I don’t wanna hear that from you!” He shrunk back soon enough, “ So... Is the Prefect still mad at me..?”

Deuce shook his head, “Not completely. He’s in an irritated mood and about three people who didn’t follow the waking up routine suffered the same fate as you.”

“‘Not completely,’ my ass! He’s totally mad!” Ace whirled to you, “Prefect, can’t you please come and help me. He can’t get mad at you.” He stuck his bottom lip out and fluttered his eyelashes.

You grinned at him, “You aren’t getting out of this you big baby I won’t help you at all, but I’ll be there for moral support.”

Ace sighed, and that began the journey for you three to go to the dorm with Hearts in its name because you really don’t know the name.

You three were on the same street where Grim almost blew up a statue by the time a new conversation started.

Grim had decided to not latch onto you like a leech and instead walk by himself in front of you announcing that, “Hey! Make way, make way! I, a full-fledged Night Raven College student, is passing through!” and pulling at his collar, “Look at my collar! My collar is totally awesome compared to yours!” and then, turning to Ace to boast, “And you can’t use your magic now, can you? Guess I can have you cleaning the schools as part of your chores or something? Nyaha, this feels so good.”

“I love being surrounded by assholes.” Your eyes did not reflect the smile on your face instead they seemed to be empty and hollow.

Ace puffed out his chest, “You better remember this when I get my magic back.”

Deuce shook his head, “The Headmaster just scolded you for a ruckus you caused yesterday, remember? In any case, you won’t be able to attend classes since your magic has been sealed. How about you go and apologize to Prefect Roseheart so he can take that off?”

You nodded, grabbing Ace’s collar, “That's exactly what we were doing. Isn’t that right, dumbass number two?”

“You have me numbered?!” Ace shook to get out of your grip but you just smiled and tightened it while many other students who were passing by observed your group.

Grim voiced his thoughts, “I mean. We still have time before the next class. Plus, I’m interested in the other dorms. Let’s go observe while we watch Ace apologize.”

Ace pulled on your hands while using his legs to try and kick Grim who just chuckled and backed away, “I’m not some kinda exhibit, damn it!”

The three of you continued with Ace being dragged behind you to the ‘Mirror Chamber’ or something as Deuce said.

It was the wack place with seven large mirror gateways or something. Deuce headed to one that was slightly in the middle with a plaque shaped like a heart with a crown on top. Deuce motioned to that gate with his eyes on you as if he wanted some praise. You used your hand to ruffle his hair and then pat his head while he tilted his head further down and fidgeted with his hands.

He faced the gate and began to walk through. You followed him with Grim and Ace behind you.

Grim leaped in front of you to gape in awe of the dorm, “Whoa~! This is super fancy! It’s completely different from our dorm!”

You nodded, “It looks like it does not violate any health codes.”

A voice gulped from the maze of roses, “Oh, no. I gotta hurry and paint these roses red.”

“Oh, someone’s over there.” Grim pointed to the exact place you heard the voice.

The three of you walked until you found a male with a bucket of paint at his feet and a ladder to the left of him….. or right- directions were never your forte. The male was around average build and height with neck-length light orange hair, some pulled back. He also had earrings on, giving you somewhat e-boy vibes but not all the way. There was also a little diamond on his left cheek. There is definitely a word to describe his aesthetic, but you cannot put your tongue on it. (He gives you the vibe that he would get a tongue piercing for fun (or that he already has one))

He didn’t notice you until Grim tripped over a bucket of paint, causing you three to scramble to clean up his mess.

The male spun around to stare at the four of you trying to clean up the paint off the grass, “Hm? Did you guys need something?” Certainly seeing two teenagers one with a cloak and a rat’s nest and another who looked very similar to a mix of a delinquent and a perfect student scooping up paint would put anyone through a state of shock.

You had let go of Ace when you fell to the ground to clean up the paint, letting him sit criss cross style right behind you and Deuce so that he could be the calm one to ask, “What’re you doin’?”

The male motions at the bush, “This?” He then places one hand on his hip and the other grabs the magic pen from his blazer pocket, “As you can see, I’m painting the roses red.” He winked in the direction of your group.

You paused picking up the goopy paint to gaze incredulously at the male, “wHO the fuck paints roses? Isn’t that like not good for plants?” However, a memory was pulled from your mind from the movie Alice in Wonderland where the cards were singing a song about painting the roses red, and you could only compare the movie to this and find that there is a connection between both. You even thought back to the moments when Ace was describing the ‘Great Seven’ or whatever and mentioned the Queen of Hearts.

Deuce knocked you out of your gorgeous analytical skills, “Yeah! Why do such a thing?”

“Hm~ Your reactions are so fresh it’s kinda cute~!” The male observed all four of you and continued, “Now that I look at you closely, you guys are the freshies who totally wrecked the 10mil chandelier and caused a ruckus yesterday.”

Ace pouted behind you, “I feel like they won’t let the chandelier thing go until we graduate.”

You nodded at him, “Def.”

The male snapped his finger then pointed at Ace, “Ah, and you’re the super sinful kid who stole the Prefect’s tart! I’m so lucky to meet the rumored freshies so early in the morning~♪”

You chuckled at Ace, “It seems that what you did might be more of a concern.”

The male pulled the three of you up and fished a phone out from somewhere in his blazer, “Hey, hey~! Let’s take a pic together!” He situated the three of you in a line where he then grabbed Grim and placed him in your arms. He put the phone on camera and flipped it so it was aiming toward you five. Even though nobody was ready besides him he still snapped several pictures before letting you four go, “Yay~! Hey, can I upload this? I wanna put hashtags so tell me your names.” The male did not even give you time to consent to this picture, but he also did not seem like the type to take ‘no’.

Deuce spoke out first, “I’m Deuce Spade.”

Ace went next, “Ace.”

Grim who was still in your arms because of the male announced his name, “I’m Grim and that’s my follower,” He didn’t even state your name.

You just sighed and told the orange haired male your name, and then apologized for all of the problems your little group has caused.

The male was just fidgeting with his phone not even paying any attention to you, but once a noise came from his phone he looked up at all of you, “Alright, upload done~♪ Oh, I’m Cater Diamond, a 3rd year. That makes me your senior~ Call me Cater-kun, okay? Cate’s fine, too~♡ Heya, heya”

You just wanted to get this whole experience over with, “Sure, senior-dude.”  

Cat turned to you and tried to start a decent conversation, “Oh, you’re the new prefect for Ramshackle Dorm! I’m surprised you can live in a place like that~! It’s so dark, and I feel like something’s gonna pop out~ I feel for ya”

“I don’t need your pity but thanks.” You smiled at the male holding back your urge to leave the conversation.

Grim crossed his arms, “This guy’s being pretty rude.”

“Oh, I shouldn’t be standing here and talking! The party’s the day after tomorrow. It’s off with my head if I’m late.” Cat walked in the direction of the flowers he was working on before everyone entered, “Hey, hey, freshies~ Can you help me with painting the flowers?”

Ace shook his head, “Why’re you doing somethin’ so strange?”

“And why do we have to help anyway.”  You were getting a headache from this conversation alone.

“I mean, won’t it be more photogenic if the roses were red for the party~?” The orange head leaned back with his hands behind his neck while whistling, “I’m really busy because I’m also in charge of coloring the flamingos for the croquet match~”

Grim barked, “Dying the flamingos?! That’s a pretty weird job.”

“So, the tarts that Ace ate were to be used for the Prefect’s birthday party? I see now.” Deuced muttered out to himself in realization, “So that’s why he was so mad…”

“What?” Cat made an ‘X’ sign with his two arms, “That’s not it.”

Ace interrogated the senior, “It ain’t?! Then whose birthday is it?”

Cat shook his head, “It’s no one’s birthday. The day after tomorrow is our Dorm’s legendary Unbirthday Party. It’s a tea party that the Prefect felt like doing, so he chose a day that doesn’t fall on anyone’s birthday.” The male grabbed his pen and began to mumble something before a light came out of the pen which he then flicked onto the roses.

Ace did not want to finish the conversation, “The hell’s that?”

“In any case the reason can wait.” He waved his hand back and forth motioning to your group to join him, “You just have to help me paint the roses!” He turned his vision away from what he was doing to look at your group, “Deuce-chan and Grim-chan can use magic, right? Ace-chan and Prefect can’t use magic, so here’s a paintbrush~” He pulled two paintbrushes out of nowhere and gave them to you and Ace

Deuce and Grim started panicking and asking Cat all sorts of questions about magic and changing the color of a rose, but you just gazed at the paintbrush in absolute confusion.

“Wait, where is my consent in this?” It seemed no one would ever listen to you.

A song filled the air once the three with magic got to work, causing you to twist your head in every direction to find where it was coming from. It did not affect any of the others as they were still working on painting the roses. The four even had at least two different conversations about the roses to the beat of the music where the music would quiet and slow down for them. This further confused you until Cat yelled at you to “Get to work because I am not getting younger here.” So you lept to work and ended up only painting one still in pure shock from the fact that only you can hear the music.

Once the music stopped and Grim tugged your arm to get you to move to a certain section of the mush where he announced his accomplishments, “Behold! I made them all red this time!”

You clapped and snorted out, “Congrats, oh, Great Grim.” However, it didn’t really seem to offend him even with your blandness as he just skipped over to join Ace and Deuce to get back to work.

The music returned after that.

The three troublemakers of your group were in a conversation with the senior talking about “tradition” or something like that. You just tried to get another rose painted before school started.

You finished the rose and joined the part of the conversation when Ace asked Cat, “Oh, that’s right. I don’t have the time to be standing here. I got something to discuss with the Dorm Head. Is he still inside?”

You slapped your forehead and muttered, “Of course, we forgot that.”

“Hm? I think he should still be there…” Cat put his chin in the middle of his thumb and pointer finger, and then he made a finger gun motion to Ace, “By the way, Acey who stole the Prefect’s tart~ Have you brought some tarts to make up for what you took~?”

“Eh? I came straight here, so I got nothing…” Ace even pulled his pockets inside out to emphasize that he has nothing.

“Oh, man~ Izzat so? Then, since Rule #53 of the Queen of Hearts states that “You have to replace things that you stole.” I can’t let you back in the dorm.” Suddenly, a glare was on Cat’s face as he grabbed his magic pen.

A bolt of lightning struck the ground next to Ace’s feet. “Huh?! What the heck?!” Ace jumped back to join your group who were all slowly walking away from this situation.

Cater twirled his pen in his hand, “You have to follow the rules if you’re staying in this dorm. If I let it slide, then it’s off with my head, too. Sorry, but I’ll have you leave before Riddle-kun notices.” The pen was now pointing at your group.

Ace stepped behind you, “Wha—He looks totally serious…! You guys, do something!”

“Why me?” Deuce looked flabbergasted at the male.

Ace connected his hands and fluttered his eyelashes in Deuce’s direction, “I’m begging you! I can’t use magic right now–!”

“Fine, fine, fine. You just owe me one.” You threw your hands up in the air in defeat just wanting to get this over with.

“Ah, here he comes!” Ace bellowed out.

The battle commenced between Deuce, Cater, and Grim, but your idiots seemed to be losing. While their attacks were hitting Cater, he popped back up almost as quickly as he fell. The three were slowly pushed back and back into the hedge behind all of you, shoving you up against it while Ace was right in front of you.

You solved him off, “Get off! We aren’t gonna win, so let’s get out!”

The three heard you, nodded, and followed swiftly behind you.

Ace grumbled, “What’s with that guy?” He shook his head while all three of you walked out of the rose maze.

Deuce tilted his head, “He came standing back up no matter how much we hit him. Is it illusory magic, I wonder…?” He raised one of his eyebrows because shaking his head.

“Maybe he’s just trying to be an ass,” You just giggled from where you were walking behind the two idiots while Grim was on your shoulder. Both of them were lowkey panicking from what you could tell.

Ace stomped his feet and threw his hands up in exasperation, “I can’t get back in without a tart, right? I’ve been empty-handed since forever, man. He kicked us out after he made us help with the flowers, too!”

“I’m disappointed.” Grim crossed his arms while he was on your shoulder.

You narrowed your eyes, “In who, Grim?”

“Then, we’ll have to prepare some tarts to make up for it. After school would be” Deuce clenched his fist, but then looked at his watch and screamed, “—Ah!!!! This is bad!!!!”

“Huh?” You and Grim were puzzled by the boy’s sharp and erratic movements.

He grabbed your hand and started to jog while staring at his watch, “This is bad, it’s way past call time! We’re going to be late!”

“It's not the end of the world” You brushed your hand through your hair.

Grim jumped off your shoulder and started to run in front of you, “Uwah! The first day of my shining school life will be tarnished! Let’s hurry to the classroom! Come on!” He pulled on your cloak to get you moving.

“Oh, no late on the first day.” You placed both of your hands around your mouth as if you were making a surprised or scared face, “At least I showed up to class.” You rolled your eyes.

“Speaking of, what’s your class?” Ace faced you questioning, “You’re a 1st year, right?”

Grim nodded his head, “The Headmaster said we’re in Class 1-A!” He smirked at you.

“Wait, when did he say that?” Your eyes widened and you halted your step. “Did he ever say that?”

“Right after he gave you the ghost camera thing,” Grim shook his head.

Deuce hit his open palm with his fist, “Oh, then we’re in the same class.” He took out his schedule, “First period is all about Magical Alchemy.”

Grim pumped up his fists, “Yahoo! That sounds fun!”

“I can't use magic, remember? Am I gonna be okay…?” Ace whined while biting his thumb’s nail.

“Definitely. It’s probably just syllabus week anyway.” You shrugged your shoulders, “Also what’s magical alchemy?” You hope it's something that makes explosions.

And the three of you were off to your homeroom of the day, starting your high school career at Twisted Wonderland with these idiots.

[howdoyousleep3]

do you think bucky ever plays up the “innocent” persona from when they first started dating just to make steve work for it?? like things are getting ~steamy~ and steve’s abt to put it in and bucky asks him why he’s not wearing a condom and steve is like “???” and bucky swoops in with the “daddy, you know we’ve never done it like that before” and steve catches on real quick

Chaos, chaotic panic, my mind oh my gosh oh my gosh okay.

I took this in a direction that might need some sort of headsup? It’s a roleplay but Steve is actively trying to convince Bucky to let him not use a condom? We know them now and how well-established they are, but it probably requires a headsup. So, if that bothers you please do not continue to read passed this point!

Okay! 😈 This is going to read half like a story and half like a normal Ask response lmao. Bc chaos, nonnie CHAOS.

It’s a super vanilla sex before bed kind of night. TV on, Steve had been reading, and one thing led to another after Bucky leaned over and gave Steve a kiss that had him letting out a Curious Daddy Noise. Super normal weeknight foreplay: kisses that are soft, touches that are intentional, there’s not technically a rush but they’re ready for bed so let’s get a move-on, yeah? Bucky rolls to his side, arches his back and widens his legs like the good boy he is as Steve slicks himself up. It’s right when Steve saddles up, lines himself up and is about to press in, when Bucky makes a soft noise.

“Are you not…are you not wearing a condom?”

Steve almost laughs right in Bucky’s ear but his everything does stutter to a stop, a bit alarmed.

“What? Why…what?”

Bucky twists in Daddy’s grip, turns his head to look up at Steve and there’s something about his demeaner that knocks the wind right out of Steve’s chest but then—

“Daddy, you know we’ve never done it like that before.”

Bucky’s voice is so gentle, so sweet, so feminine-like, that Steve’s dick genuinely jumps in his grip. Bucky’s looking up at him like he’s hesitant, like he’s innocent, like…

Like he’s never done this before.

It clicks after a few seconds. Steve doesn’t know how he made the connection—the way Bucky’s eyebrows come together, the breathiness of his voice, his wide-eyed gaze—but Steve is purring a bit, a noise that sounds faintly like a question mark, taking that leap.

“You don’t want me bare, sugar?”

Steve is almost certain Bucky blushes.

“I…I don’t know. W-we’ve never done that,” he repeats as if he’s trying to remind himself that Steve hasn’t been inside of him, skin on skin, that the times they have had sex Steve has been wrapped up. As if he’s trying to fulfill a role. He knows he is officially picking up what Bucky has laid down for him, a small little role-play offering, this little surprise, and he lets his cock fall from his hand, lets it rest all nestled there between Bucky’s cheeks as he leans half-over Bucky. The arm under Bucky’s neck flexes, pulls him in tight, mouth at his ear.

And he whimpers.

Bucky almost faints right there in his Daddy’s arms can you even imagine. Bucky thinking he’s being the hottest of shit, is gonna surprise his Daddy with a bit of bedroom fun, but then Daddy flips it on him within seconds? How infuriating. Bucky doesn’t crumble entirely though, still wants to play.

“Y-you want that? We’ve…we’ve just never done that…”

Steve’s hips start to roll a bit, like he barely even realizes he’s doing it, just wants some sort of friction for his cock. It is incredibly distracting for Bucky. He had naturally assumed Daddy would take this opportunity and use it to talk about all the reasons Bucky would want Steve to slide in without a condom. He doesn’t expect Steve to tuck him in close and begin to beg for it.

“Oh, honey a’course I want that, fuck. You don’t? Can’t even fucking imagine what you feel like on the inside.”

“I…oh but is it—”

“There’s no better way for Daddy to claim his boy, is there? Wanna be the best Daddy for you, Buck, the best.”

Bucky would no doubt be gasping, no doubt be achy, but hearing Steve’s voice turn a bit frantic in a way that he makes Bucky’s sound all the time has his world completely upside down. Daddy’s beard would be rubbing against the sensitive skin of Bucky’s neck as he pressed kisses into it with little choked-off noises. The arm not trapped between his body and the mattress would reach back to feel and grope at Steve’s naked hip, dig into his ass a bit.

“Bet you’re even warmer without a rubber fuck, baby. Bet you’d make my dick nice and wet, god Daddy wants that, sugar Daddy wants you to make his cock feel so good.” Steve’s lips move against Bucky’s skin as he talks, pleads, ends his groveling with a bitten off noise as he mouths at Bucky’s ear. He’s so easy for this man. Bucky stood no chance but he’s going to make Daddy work for his little come-virgin pussy.

“I…will it feel different? Will it hurt?”

Steve moans, (because innocent Buck is doing things to him, fuck) sucks on Bucky’s jaw before answering, shaking his head vehemently.

“Uh-uh no, sugar it’ll feel even better—” Bucky lets out a hot curious noise because how in the hell could it feel better? — “So much better, oh. Let Daddy in, Buck. Please, let Daddy in.” His hand is on Bucky’s ass cheek now, is pushing at it, spreading him open, and when they both feel Steve line himself up, the press of his cock, they both whimper. Bucky has never experienced a desperate Daddy in such a way, feels like he can’t catch his breath but listens to Steve’s own shaky ones. He thinks he has reached another plane of existence, another level up, but then—

“Just the tip, Buck. Come on, let Daddy show you.”

Y’all. Steve Rogers begging to let him stick just the tip of his dick inside of Bucky might literally end Bucky Barnes. His tummy turns, he moans, spreads his legs just a tiny bit, head going foggy at feeling Steve’s cock between his legs, Steve’s hand on his own dick.

“Yeah, yeah okay but…just a little bit, Daddy m’nervous.”

“Oh, baby thank you, oh I’ll always take care’a you, mhmm,” Steve breathes out in a rush, pressing in in in—

It would literally feel like the two of them were fucking for the first time. They’re entirely caught up in a rapid role-play, completely immersed in their tiny noises, how close they are, how much they’re holding back. It would be a messy position, especially after Bucky shouts and throws his arm up and around Steve’s neck, effectively shoving himself half on top of Steve, legs splayed and spread over Steve’s waist. Steve’s got his hand still on his cock, gripping it and ensuring it doesn’t slip in passed the tip.

“Daddy…Daddy oh it does…does feel different, so different.”

“Yeah mhmm, feels good doesn’t it, Buck? Can really feel how hungry you are now, goddamn.”

And this is the image that was conjured up in my mind as soon as I read this Ask—Bucky holding onto his Daddy on his side, leg and arm slung around Steve, mouths just pressed together in encouragement, and Steve fucking the tip of his cock in and out of Bucky’s ass. His hand would be there to make sure it genuinely is just the tip. Bucky’s noises would be surprised petite ones, eyes wide and mouth open. Steve’s eyebrows would be knit together, panting and Daddy whimpering into Bucky’s open mouth.

What an image.

“More?”

“Uh-huh, yeah,” Bucky would whimper into Steve’s temple, both looking down the line of Bucky’s body. “Be gentle, Daddy.”

It absolutely is the most time they’ve taken to fuck, the most chaotic they have felt as they do so. A lot of noises pushed out beyond their control, a lot of scrambling, a lot of messy kisses. Steve’s hands on Bucky’s tummy, his arm slung around Bucky’s waist as he controls movements, Bucky’s arm tightening back around Daddy’s neck, startled curious noises that make Steve want to scream pressed into Steve’s temple.

Steve just keeps asking if more is okay, if Bucky’s ready, until they reach the point where Daddy doesn’t need to ask anymore, fully seated and rolling his hips in deep movements. It isn’t rushed either—it’s slow and messy.

“See, honey? Oh, s’Daddy feel good in that tight little ass? You feel so fuckin’ good, so fuckin’ perfect, Buck. So perfect for Daddy. God, I can hear that cock fuckin’ you. Can you hear how messy you are? Gonna make you so messy…”

And Bucky is very much so immersed in this role, drawing from himself at the beginning of their relationship and also pulling from a different side of himself entirely. His noises have been different, have been whinier and amazed, a bit more feminine, has heard Steve’s uncensored curses at Bucky’s choices. He’s following through until the end.

“Daddy! Oh, you’re gonna come inside’a my p-pussy? S’gonna be so m-messy! I don’t…oh I don’t know, Daddy.”

BUT THEN! Then! Steve downright sounds like he’s weeping as he begs Bucky to let him come inside of him! Y’all Bucky’s neck would just drop back onto the pillows, onto Steve’s shoulder idc! Steve’s hips are harsh then, dig in and press up, has such a tight hold onto Bucky, one hell of a grip.

“Buck, Bucky baby please please, sugar lemme fill you up. Lemme fuck this pussy full, lemme mark you from the inside, let Daddy do that, baby please.”

Bucky’s hand is on his own dick, flying over it with a tight fist, gasping and whining, “Want that, Daddy want that so much! Wanna be messy with you, oh want Daddy to make me all wet inside, please please please—”

It has been a long long time since they’ve come with such a force, so uninhibited, so damn near violent. Steve makes an inadvertent show of filling Bucky up, pumps his hips through his orgasm, runs his fingers through Bucky’s sticky chest and maybe wraps a hand around the front of Bucky’s throat. They are completely and entirely swept away in something that should have just been almost routine.

Steve is flabbergasted, Bucky is pleased beyond belief, and they both promise each other that they’re most definitely going to discuss what the fuck just happened in the morning because holy shit how it is 11:30 PM and it’s a Wednesday.

“You’re fuckin’ dangerous, Buck,” is what Steve mumbles sleepily into the top of Bucky’s head as he kisses it, both clean and snuggled under the covers. Bucky is barely awake and only responds with, “S’your fault,” and he’s got Steve there.

Nonnie, you done fucked me up thinking about bitty Buck lookin’ up at his Daddy with that bottom lip, breathing out, “you’re gonna fuck this pussy bare, Daddy?” like they’ve never done it before. I’m going to hell. This one is sticking with me until the end of time. I need more of this roleplay in my life. Should I find a church service and attend? Is it too late today? RIP, time of death 1:47 PM.

[kim-ruzek]

Girl Code Duty

Summary: Fix-it for 3x20. Sylvie stops Kim making the bad decision to sleep with Roman.

Warnings: Sean Roman bashing.

Word Count: 3.4k

Read on AO3

Notes: This is the quickest I've wrote a fic in so long and I loved every second of it. This was basically just written as an excuse to Roman bash, and I like fixing things so that Kim never slept with him. I'm just sad I had to acknowledge that my girl Sylvie also had.

Also, a thank you to @justanoffalygirl because one) this fic idea was created when talking to them, and two) for letting me steal a line from their fic.

Sylvie sits at the counter at Molly’s by herself, quietly drinking her beer. It’s one of those nights at the bar, where it’s full—not full-full, that it was loud and overwhelming, but enough that you could sit alone in the crowd peacefully unnoticed—but not that much by fifty-one, or really with their friends from the twenty-first or Chicago med.

It had been a quiet few days. Her shift—which ended that morning—was an uneventful one, nothing too straining happening the whole shift. Those shifts can be hit and miss, for Sylvie. On one hand, they’re a breath of fresh air, a welcome break from the chaos that comes with her work, but in the other hand, they tire her in a whole different way to a chaotic shift.

Sylvie’s born to be a paramedic, and she truly thrives in the situations the profession demands of her, and the days where she does nothing but sit around itches her feet, tiring her with boredom.

And of course she’s still mentally exhausted by all the drama that went down with Chilli.

Sylvie had a rather uneventful day even after the shift. A day spent watching home renovation shows, which though entertaining, just made her even more itchy to do something. And all that did was make Sylvie realise she’s gotten herself into a really boring rut recently.

So in the evening, she found herself at Molly’s.

She had gone thinking at least she’ll get some excitement hanging with her co-workers and friends. Otis isn’t on shift today, but Gabby and Herrmann are and it’s always exciting around them. But the punters are keeping them rather occupied, and the rest of the bar is rather empty of friends.he had gone thinking at least she’ll get some excitement hanging with her co-workers and friends. Otis isn’t on shift today, but Gabby and Herrmann are and it’s always exciting around them. But the punters are keeping them rather occupied, and the rest of the bar is rather empty of friends.

It’s okay, though, she finds herself thinking, enjoying the beer and the peacefulness of just among the crowd. The perks of drinking at a bar, with none of the anxious worries of perverts or being in danger; not with this being a firefighter run bar.

“Herrmann! Another beer, please?” Sylvie’s attention is drawn to where Kim Burgess sits, at a table not too far away from the bar. Her voice is a few octaves louder than it normally is, and Sylvie wonders how many beers she’s had. Having gotten drunk with Kim before, Sylvie would think at least a few.

Kim had been Molly’s when she had came in herself, and Sylvie had not been surprised having heard from Gabby the events that pd and med was focused on today. No one could say they didn’t have a quiet day.

Sylvie briefly had considered going over, but Kim had been sitting with Sean Roman and Natalie Manning, the three looking as if they were processing the day’s events together. Knowing how important those decompressing moments are in their line of work, especially decompressing with those you were ‘in the trenches’ with, as it were, Sylvie had decided against it.

And up until now, Sylvie had forgotten all about them.

In the time between Sylvie getting here, and this moment, Natalie had left, just leaving Kim and Sean remaining, and there is a couple of empty beer bottles on the table.

Sylvie watches them for a few minutes. She’s aware that it’s rude to stare—her mother’s words to her when she was a young girl echoing in her mind—and that she should either look away or go over to them, but something, right at the back of her head, niggles at her, telling her to watch. And as a trained paramedic, Sylvie has learnt to listen to those feelings.

Kim is drunk, that Sylvie could see. Not so much that Herrmann should cut her off, but definitely slightly more than her usual preferred tipsy. Sean is also buzzed, which makes sense depending the case they had. They’re sitting very close to each other, very much in each other’s space, and they’re clearly having a good time as they’re laughing. Kim’s hand keeps touching Sean’s shoulder, a touch he’s very much returning at every given moment.

Yet again, this makes sense; Kim gets super affectionate the more drunk she gets.

But at the same time, Sylvie understands that isn’t Kim’s usual affectionate touch and it dawns on Sylvie why her friend senses have been activated. Sylvie isn’t watching her friend get drunk after a tough day: she’s watching her friend considering making a very stupid, drunken mistake.

Kim is considering sleeping with Sean.

Or, she should say, Kim’s considering letting Sean fuck her, quickly, because Sylvie’s own experience very much told her that there’s no way that man knows the woman is also meant to be satisfied. And what a glow down that would be for her, as from what Kim’s told her drunkenly before, Adam is very good in that area.

No, Sylvie thinks to herself. There’s no way her girl code can allow Kim to have such disappointing dick. It’s a bad decision for Kim to have her post-engagement rebound like this anyway, and even if that wasn’t enough for Sylvie to interfere, she couldn’t in good consciousness subject her friend to that.

Every time Sylvie looks at Sean and remembers that night, all she can think is how she wished someone was able to do that for her.

Sylvie jumps off her stool, walking towards Kim and Sean now stand. It looks like this is their last beer before they’re going to leave, and Sylvie’s glad she spotted them when she did.

“Hello, you two,” Sylvie greets them, inserting herself between the two of them. Cock-blocking her friends to stop them making bad decisions is something she’s rather good at—she’s not just an amazing paramedic who saves people on duty, medically.

A look of irritation passes across Sean’s face, but Kim’s far from annoyed at her sudden presence, evident by how she throws her arms around Sylvie the moment she gets there. Kim hugs her tight, her drunkenness making her squeeze maybe a little too hard.

“Sylvie! Hi.” Kim grins widely at her. “We saw a baby survive today. It was, Sylvie, it was incredible! And amazing! Medicine is truly incredible,”

Sylvie smiles at her friend’s excited amazement. Kim then gasps.

“But I don’t need to tell you that, do I? That’s basically what you do every day. Like a blonde, pretty superhero.” Kim squeezes her again.

“Oh, I don’t know if—” Sylvie begins to protest, but Kim cuts her off.

“Yes. You’re a superhero.” She nods with enthusiasm, certain in her belief. A smile appears on Sylvie’s lips again.

“Okay. I’m a superhero.” She concedes, before adding, “but if I am, you definitely are. You’re a kickass cop!”

“Hm. But you save lives. Like actual lives, people call you when they’re dying. I’m like the sidekick to your superhero. Like you’re the boss, the one people go to. I just help,” Kim rambles on. Sylvie’s got an urge to point out to that technically, paramedics generally turn up to assist cops, not the other way around, but she pushes it down, knowing drunkenness knows no reason or logic.

“Okay, then, sidekick. Let’s get you home,” Sylvie says, thinking that it’s not only best if she stops Kim from leaving with him, but ensuring that even after she leaves the bar that she doesn’t make the bad decision.

“Oh. Brett, actually, Kim and I, uh, we were getting a taxi together,” Sean speaks up then, reminding them of his presence. At the use of her last name, Sylvie almost rolls her eyes. It’s almost as if he was trying to pretend he hadn’t seen her naked, that they hadn’t also “got a taxi together”.

Sylvie must’ve drank more of her beer than she thought as she’s tempted to remind him of such—and how Sylvie had left alone in another taxi only fifty-two minutes later.

“Well, I’m here now,” Sylvie dismisses him, acting as if his meaning of getting a taxi together had gone over her head. She links her arm with Kim’s, keeping her attached to her side. Kim looks between the two of them, as if trying to decide which one to go with. (Like Sylvie would be giving her a choice).

“No, uh—” Sean continues to protest, but Sylvie sticks to doing her friend duty, interrupting him by talking over him.

“Come on, Kim. I’ve had a boring day today, I can use some girl time,” Sylvie tells her friend. At her words, Kim pouts sympathetically at her, and Sylvie knows she’s successfully diverted her friend’s attention away from Roman. Kim then looks at Sean, giving him an apologetic look.

“Sorry, Sean, she needs girl time.” Kim tells him and Sylvie would be lying if she didn’t get some satisfaction in how disappointed Sean looks.

Annoyance is also wrapped up in his expression, but Sylvie can see he’s trying to hide it, presumably so to ensure Kim wouldn’t dismiss whatever was going to happen from happening another day. Sylvie makes a mental note to make sure, when her friend is sober, that this was a one off, that Kim shouldn’t ever consider going there again.

With that settled, Sylvie lightly tugs at Kim, to get them moving towards the door. Sometimes, leading drunken friends can feel very much like herding farm animals, but Kim moves with little encouragement, barely taking the time to say (well, yell rather loudly) a goodbye to Sean before she heads to the exit with Sylvie.

“Can we go to yours instead?” Kim asks, yet again her voice louder than usual, as soon as they get into Sylvie’s car. “You know, for girl time? I really don’t want to be at mine,” she adds on.

“Sure, that’s fine,” Sylvie nods. She understands Kim’s unwillingness to go back to her apartment; just a few weeks ago, she was thinking it would soon not be her home, that she’d be building a life in another apartment with Adam.

After Kim asks her that, she stares out the window for a minute or so, a troubled and sombre expression on her face. All Sylvie does, all she knows Kim needs from her at that moment, is reach over and lightly squeeze her hand.

Then, whatever dark thoughts were swirling around in Kim’s mind passes, and Kim’s her animated drunken self, rambling on about the baby again for the rest of the journey to Sylvie’s apartment.

“So what do you want to do?” Kim asks her when they enter Sylvie’s place. Before Sylvie can answer, Kim gasps, spinning around to face her.

“We could put on some music? I’ve missed dancing. I love Molly’s and all, but it’s not always the best place to just let loose. Or do you want to watch a movie? Oh! Let’s watch one we can make a drinking game to play while watching. Or do you just want to drink and talk? Or a game? But what game would be fun just the two of us? Maybe we should call others. Gabby’s working isn’t she? But maybe—” Kim talks a million miles a minute, her mind jumping all over the place.

“Kim. Kim.” Sylvie grabs her attention, interrupting her friend. “How about we don’t drink, and you go to sleep?”

“But what about you? You wanted girl time.” Kim tilts her head, her drunken confusion amusing Sylvie. Sometimes Sylvie thinks there’s nothing funnier than being sober, or more sober at least, than your drunk friend.

“I’m fine. But you need to sleep. This has already been enough excitement to make up for my boring day,” Sylvie reassures her, expertly leading Kim to get bedroom while she talks.

“Oh. Okay.” Kim accepts. “But do I have to sleep? I’m not tired,”

“That’s because you’re drunk, Kim. You’re buzzed. But you’ll thank me tomorrow, so come on. Get off your shoes. You can borrow some of my clothes to sleep in if you want?” Sylvie offers as Kim sits down on her bed, doing as she said and taking off her shoes. Kim shakes her head.

“’s alright. I can just sleep in this.” She responds. Sylvie can see that she’s starting to loose her buzz, her eyes getting tired.

“You sure?” Sylvie double checks.

“Yeah. But I don’t feel right sleeping here. This is your bed, I’ll take the sofa,” At Kim’s words, Sylvie shakes her head.

“No, I want you to sleep here. It’ll help your hangover to get some good rest. And I’m not on shift tomorrow, so I can sleep the whole day if I want, so it’s fine.” Sylvie reassures her, holding up a hand as Kim goes to protest.

“Kim. I’m a paramedic, remember? You should listen to me.” That stops her, and so Sylvie nudges her, moving onto the next part—actually getting her in the bed. Because it has been a while since Kim’s last drink now, and her buzz is going, leaving a sleepy drunk Kim in it’s wake, that is a relatively easy task.

“You’re such a good friend,” Kim tells her, her voice sleepy, after Sylvie’s gotten her into her bed. Sylvie smiles at the brunette. “An amazing kickass, sweet wonderful friend,”

“You want to know something?” Sylvie asks softly as Kim snuggles down into the sheets, settling. “You’re an amazing kickass, sweet wonderful friend too,”

“No, I’m not.” Kim protests. Her voice is quiet, full of sleep still, but Sylvie can also hear the pain, the hurt, that’s in it. “I’m an idiot. Why did I think I’d get to be happy, that I’d get my happy ever after? And now I never will. Who’ll want to be with me, when they find out I’ve had a failed engagement? I never wanted this, I only ever wanted to be engaged once, and now. I’ll probably never be again.”

Sylvie sits on her bed, next to where Kim lies. Kim’s looking at her with such pain and hurt in her eyes, a pain and hurt that Sylvie has known herself, and she’s glad she intervened because this Kim, this drunken hurt Kim, is most definitely not ready for a rebound.

“Kim. That’s not true. You will find love again, I mean, you’re a catch! And who cares if you’ve had a failed engagement—so have I, remember? It doesn’t define you or stop you from getting dates. Yeah, it’s a little bit more than this, but it’s still essentially just another break-up.” Sylvie strokes some of Kim’s hair, in the way her mother did to her when she was a little girl.

“And you are many things, Kim Burgess, but an idiot is not one of them. You deserve happiness, and you will get it. I promise. And if anyone ever tells you otherwise, give me their names and I’ll kick their ass. And that includes you, yourself. You’re a wonderful person, and you should recognise that.” Sylvie reassures her friend, her voice firm, showing how serious she is.

Kim gives her a small smile, her eyes having become watery at Sylvie’s words. Sylvie can still see the pain in her, but she can also see that her words has had an affect on Kim, in a positive way. From her own experience, Sylvie knows Kim is far off from being totally okay, but she knows that a small part of her has been healed ever so slightly. And that is a win, for both of them.

It’s not long after that Kim falls asleep. Sylvie turns off her bedroom light, after putting a glass of water and paracetamol in her bedside table for when Kim wakes up in the morning.

Sylvie’s already awake, sitting at her kitchen table with a cup of coffee, pancakes and a newspaper when Kim sleepily stumbles out of her bedroom rubbing her eyes.

“Good Morning,” Sylvie smiles at her in greeting. Kim blinks at her for a few seconds before returning the smile.

“Morning,” Kim’s voice is still groggy from sleep. Sylvie pushes her plate towards her.

“Here. Eat.” Sylvie tells her. Kim opens her mouth, and sensing protestions, she holds up her hand. “You look like you could do with it, and I can always make more.”

Sylvie watches as Kim sits down at the table, obediently beginning to eat. She rises, heading for her fridge. “I’ve got some bacon you can eat with that, if you want? It’ll help you with your energy. Also, I can make you some coffee,”

At that, Kim’s head lifts up. “Coffee,”

Sylvie laughs at that reaction, and how Kim’s voice sounds so desperate and she realises offering the coffee should’ve been her first move.

“Please,” Kim then adds, as if realising that she could be coming off rude. She isn’t, of course. Sylvie recognises she’s just sleepy and hungover, but Kim is always so conscious of being polite. “Thank you. And could I have some of that bacon, please? It sounds like such a good option right now,”

Sylvie places the freshly made cup of coffee in front of Kim before working on the bacon. It’s silent in the apartment, as Sylvie cooks and Kim eats, and she finds herself thinking that if she hadn’t been at Molly’s, Kim would’ve been having a very different, awkward morning instead.

“Sylvie?” Kim says as she eats the bacon. Sylvie looks up from her newspaper. “Thanks. For what you said last night. I, I needed to hear that.” Kim smiles at her and Sylvie returns it.

“No problem. Really, Kim. I’ve been there, remember? And at least I didn’t have to see my ex-fiancé every day at work.” Sylvie affectionately squeezes Kim’s hand. “Anytime you need to talk, especially to someone who understands, I’m here. Even if you just want to get drunk and talk about anything else,” Kim smiles appreciatively at her words.

After Kim’s finished her coffee and food, she tells Sylvie that she’s going to go, needing to go back to hers and shower and get dressed before work. Sylvie offers to drive her, but Kim shakes her off, saying she’ll get a taxi. Sylvie wants to protest, insist, but she can tell that Kim isn’t just wanting a taxi because of not wanting to a burden, but because she needs the time alone, so Sylvie drops the matter.

“Thank you. Really.” Kim says to her as she goes to leave. She hugs Sylvie tightly, appreciatively, a hug Sylvie happily returns. “And not just for this, breakfast and letting me sleep here, or even not just for what you said but for the whole night. I, I was feeling very emotional and that combined with the alcohol... I wasn’t in the right frame of mind for making decisions,” Sylvie nods, getting exactly what Kim meant.

“It’s fine. My duty, really, as your friend.” Sylvie replies, continuing.

“I mean not just because I’ve been there, and because you were drunk, but because honestly? As your friend, it’s my duty to save you from disappointing dick,” Sylvie pulls a face, remembering her encounter with Roman.

A laugh splutters out of Kim, and she leans forward towards Sylvie. “Really? He’s no good? I mean...I get that vibe, but really?”

“Kim. I was out of his apartment fifty-two minutes later. He’s not just disappointing, he’s quick and awful. Very in-out, selfish kind of man.” Sylvie grimaces as she remembers. Kim laughs again, and Sylvie’s happy at least something good came out of that night.

“Oh god. Really, then. Thank you. I mean, I get the vibe, but you seriously left that soon after?” Kim shakes her head. “I’m sorry you had to go through that,”

“Trust me, so am I. So, please, Kim, never ever consider that again, no matter how drunk. It will not be worth it.” Sylvie shivers at the memory. Kim pulls her in for another hug.

“Don’t worry, I won’t. I don’t even know why I even considered it. Maybe because I know how much Adam hates him, so I was kind of being a bit destructive? I don’t know. But whatever the reason, it has passed. If I’m going to make a bad decision, I better be getting satisfaction from it,” she reassures her. Sylvie grins.

“Good. My job here is done, then.” Sylvie pauses. “And Kim, for what it’s worth? If I was you, I’d probably spend some time thinking about that reason why—maybe your relationship with Adam isn’t as failed as you think. But I know I don’t know the ins and outs, so maybe don’t give my opinion much thought. Now, you should get a move on! You’ve got work.”

Kim gives Sylvie a thoughtful look, before nodding. “Yeah, I should go. Bye, and uh, thanks again,” she says, before heading out of the door.

[theprodigypenguin]

Percy and Oliver were each others only roommates for seven years because they had no gryffindor boys in their year (the war so kids died or were never born) and like they absolutely had something going on put Percy fell for Penny and they still had this weird thing and then Percy and Audrey happened and then the divorce and Percy and Oliver were still friends and then became even closer and still ha this thing which just like turned into them being married even if they didn’t realize it at first

First of all it took me forever to confirm that Oliver and Percy were the same age. It seems like they are, I remember that in GoF Oliver had been put on the National Quidditch League Reserve while Percy had JUST started working for Barty Crouch. Okay yes, they’re the same age NOW, please forgive my following Perciver rant! Because I have some THOUGHTS!

So I never even considered they might be the ONLY boys in their room, but I love it so much wow! But here’s my canon of their relationship: Oliver is gay, Percy is bisexual, but Oliver was more comfortable with his sexuality. Percy went through a lot of anxiety about his sexuality, mixed with his stress at trying to be perfect. I mean why else would he take 12 OWLs? He’s trying to be everything for his family, for his mum, prove that he’s as good as Bill and Charlie, but he doesn’t take any time for himself. He focuses so much on being perfect that he doesn’t realize it’s practically killing him.

Oliver is way more laid back and chill, he’s very calm, and Percy would probably take a lot of comfort from Oliver being there. I definitely see them NOT getting along at first, because Percy is all neat and put together, he probably folds his socks, meanwhile Oliver is the kind of guy to sleep on top of the blankets and throw his clothes and books all over the floor. Percy would want to strangle him most days, but after mmmmaybe halfway through their second year? Percy starts to get used to Oliver, even looks forward to seeing him at school.

Percy tutors Oliver in some subjects, probably helps him pass his OWLs and NEWTs even, and Oliver teaches Percy to let loose a bit. I think Percy would immediately stiff up and go back to his usual self around his family/siblings, because he thinks he NEEDS to. He thinks he’s required to be the adult, he thinks he needs to be another parents. Probably because of Molly always going “why can’t you be more like percy” or “percy i’m glad you’re so easy, not like your trouble making brothers” or something like that.

Around Oliver he can be genuinely himself, and I can see Oliver offering to give him flying lessons (though Percy suuuuuucks at flying and that is funny to me).

Anyway, Oliver has always known how he felt about Percy, but Percy never really came to terms with it (though he definitely felt the same way, he couldn’t fully accept it). He’s definitely attracted to Oliver in every way, but he also likes girls, and it’s confusing to him because he’s never been educated about bisexuality, so he thinks there might be something wrong with him.

I think Oliver was his first kiss, but I also thing Percy completely rejected the fact he enjoyed it. I think when Ginny wasn’t herself (when she was possessed by Tom Riddle), he cried like a baby and was stressed beyond belief, to the point of not sleeping, so Oliver would lie in bed with him and let him vent. Even though Percy would never confide in anyone else, not even Charlie or Bill, he could always talk to Oliver.

Then they kissed, probablyyyyy at the end of their fourth year, and that’s when things get awkward between them. Percy doesn’t respond to any of Oliver’s letters over the summer, he starts seeing Penelope Clearwater, Oliver is heartbroken but “it was just a kiss anyway, it didn’t mean anything”. He says he’s happy for Percy, and Percy is angry because part of him unconsciously was hoping Oliver would fight him on it, say he should break up with Penelope and date him instead (Percy secretly wants Oliver to fight for him, yknow?).

Remember that’s the year Percy starts getting a “big head”, but I headcanon it’s because that’s the year he really starts being at odds with Oliver, and starts struggling so much with his sexuality as well as his studies, the stress to be everything. When he graduates he doesn’t think he’ll see Oliver again and it crushes him, so he buries himself in his work to the point of being near impossible for his family to deal with. He’s not pompous, he’s just hiding his grief and confusion by trying to succeed and gain the approval of the family he loves so FUCKING much.

And when he has his fight with Arthur and walks out, that’s it, that’s the final nail in the coffin. He stops thinking, really. Stops caring. Just goes through the motions and tries to survive, even though he doesn’t know why he’s working at the Ministry anymore. He doesn’t remember what his ambitions are anymore. He doesn’t remember why he’s supposed to care so much. He broke up with Penelope years ago, so what is he even DOING anymore?

At the Battle of Hogwarts, he runs into Oliver again after YEARS of not speaking, and Oliver is older now and super handsome and Percy is flustered but he can’t pay attention because he’s fighting Death Eaters. Then Fred is killed and Percy is beyond devastated. He turns entirely hollow, and when the war is over he just sits outside where it’s quiet and he stares out at the wreckage and ruins of the battle.

Oliver sits down with him and they’re alone, and they talk, and they talk about Fred, and Percy cries, and for a moment they both think there’s something, maybe, but then Percy gets swept back into the crowd of his family, and there’s no more time to think about maybes, because there’s so much to do.

Percy stays in the Ministry under Kingsley, because he wants to make things right, but he doesn’t enjoy it. He hates the work, it’s stagnant and boring and eating at him day by day. He meets Audrey after a few years (after everyone else has gotten married and had kids). They get along, they like being around each other, Molly makes a quip about Percy not being married yet, so Percy proposes to Audrey and they get married (because that’s what’s expected of him, right?).

The bit of life he feels when he gets married doesn’t last. Oliver isn’t invited to the wedding of course, though George asks Percy if he should send and invitation. Percy says no, and he feels guilty and uncomfortable. Doesn’t know why.

Molly is born first. Lucy is born shortly after. Percy is so focused on his girls that he starts to neglect his wife. He does it unconsciously, avoiding her and not meeting Audrey’s eye. He makes an offhand note about wanting to be a stay at home dad when Lucy is a few months old, and Audrey goes off. It’s a huge fight, and Audrey storms out. They divorce a few months later, and after that, for a while, Percy is a single dad working full time at the Ministry to take care of his tiny daughters.

He runs into Oliver by chance. I think it would be cute if they met at the Quidditch store in Diagon Alley. Percy is getting something for Ginny’s birthday, Oliver is picking something up for himself (he’s single and still playing Quidditch professionally, he’s very accomplished and successful). They hit it off like old friends who’d never stopped talking, they start hanging out more, Oliver takes to the girls immediately and the girls absolutely ADORE Oliver (Lucy especially has a special bond with him).

They don’t start dating till a few months later, and after that they date for several years. Oliver moves in with Percy and the girls, and they get married when Lucy is five. Percy FINALLY quits his job at the Ministry, Oliver retires from Quidditch and takes over Ludo Bagman’s job at the Ministry. Percy goes to therapy once a week and Oliver is insanely supportive and loving. It takes Molly a bit of time to accept that Percy is marrying a man, but Oliver is so charming, and Percy has never, ever, in his entire life, been so happy QwQ

Percy Weasley marries Oliver Wood who encourages him to quit a toxic job and become a stay at home dad while Oliver takes over as breadwinner because Percy has been through so fucking much and Oliver just wants the chance to take care of him and he does. He does take care of him. And their two precious daughters as well.

I love they.

[secondpubertyscene]

8.14.21

This year has been one of major change. In Octavia Butler’s Parable of the Sower, there’s this quote, “God is Change. Beware: God exists to shape and be shaped,” and I think for the first time since reading it, I get what was being said. While I subscribe to the idea that there is a higher power of some kind, I also believe that we (as in, us as individuals) have great power as well. That power lies in our ability to change, to grow, to persevere. This year has been one of major change, and we really have to talk about it.

It is easy to look at this last year and think, “Well, that fucking sucked” because frankly, it did indeed fucking suck. I could write you a list of things that brought me great pain this year, unbelievable, undeniable, unrelenting pain that still lingers now. But, see, the beauty of it all is that none of that pain happens in a vacuum. Along with the pain, I’ve come through it all with more wisdom, more compassion, more empathy, more gratitude, more peace, more love, and more confidence. I’d like to share how those things all are connected, but first I would like to acknowledge something.

While I don’t know for sure if this is just an American thing, it does seem very clear that Americans aren’t fantastic at processing grief, death, and pain collectively. We often are encouraged to suck it up, to shut up about it, to not make others uncomfortable with our tears and trauma. I believe this is in large part due to the fact that American Exceptionalism doesn’t quite allow us to acknowledge when our systems have failed us or when we are suffering in the “greatest country in the world.” I don’t intend on participating in that toxic positivity or to dismiss the seriousness of the year past. I simply intend on acknowledging the nuances of my experiences, the complexity of it all. Now, let’s begin.

Without recounting every moment in large detail (in part because that would be far too much and also because I don’t need to relieve my traumas today), the events of the last year have been as follows: 1) COVID hit, 2) I had a severe emotional breakdown that resulted in a short stay at the hospital, 3) my grandma passed away, 4) I broke up with my partner of a year, 5) I was officially diagnosed with adult ADHD (inattentive), 6) I got into a PhD program for sociology (fully-funded), and 7) I moved to Ohio (two weeks ago now). So much happened in what feels like a blink of an eye. When you’re a kid, you think a year lasts forever. Now, a year feels like a couple months!

Anyhow, all of these things had super intense negative impacts on my life and most of them had super intense positive impacts on my life. Let’s talk about how. I won’t say that COVID had any “positive” impact on my life, because it’s still currently making things difficult and it is still destroying lives (full worlds) every day. The emotional breakdown that I experienced shortly after COVID began, however, was the impetus for some of the greatest change I would ever make in my life. It began with new therapy, medication for the first time ever to treat my mental illnesses, and a new relationship with boundaries.

Out of this breakdown, I came to realize a few things. 1) I wasn’t really feeling most of my life up until that point. That isn’t to say that I didn’t feel at all or that I wasn’t aware of my feelings all the time, but to say that most of the time, I numbed everything out that was too hard to bear. I didn’t cry, I didn’t write, I didn’t even take the time to try to identify exactly what emotions I did feel. I just lived through it and waited until I felt better. Or, I would breakdown with rage and then feel better. Therapy, especially the group therapy I participated in for a couple weeks after leaving the hospital, changed that in huge ways for me.

Because I was able to sit in my pain, in my discomfort, I was able to actually work through some of my issues. I began to identify the areas in my life that made me genuinely unhappy and began to grant myself permission to feel disappointment. I granted myself the permission to expect more, to want more. I granted myself the permission to set boundaries without guilt or shame. I granted myself freedom. It is an ongoing journey of mistakes and back-peddling and trying again, but it is mine and I am proud of it. Had I not had that breakdown, I don’t know that I would be where I am now.

My grandma dying is one of the most painful things I’ve experienced and honestly, I haven’t dealt with it all the way yet. I didn’t get to say goodbye to her in person, I still am battling the feelings of guilt despite knowing that there likely was nothing I could have done, and my chest still feels heavy thinking about her. Even as I write this, I feel that pain. I know she is not truly gone and that she lives within me, but oh, I do miss her physical presence. The nagging, the phone calls, the hugs, the cooking, her soft hair and beautiful hands. I miss her. Because of her, though, I have been able to rehabilitate another relationship in my life. The relationship I share with my mother.

My mother is a lot of things, but for whatever reason I continually forgot that she too is a victim of hardship brought on by nothing but sheer luck. In this last year, she lost her mother, the man that she loved, multiple cousins, friends that went back to childhood, and who knows who else. She suffered a lot this year and she has suffered a lot over the course of her 61 years of life overall. For the first time, I have been able to really acknowledge her as a full being with a complex history and understand her as a person, rather than just as a parent. I’ve set new boundaries with her as a result, boundaries that have completely change the dynamic of our relationship and will continue to do so as we both learn more about each other. Gone are the days where she relies solely on me for emotional support or financial support. Gone are the days where she feels comfortable talking down to me and then expecting any kind of favors from me. She understands and respects that I am an adult, that I am independent, and that I can terminate our relationship should it get to a point where I feel unsafe again. While this might sound like a threat or even negative, it is in fact quite the contrary.

We now share the belief that I deserve better from her and that my continued relationship with her is founded upon our mutual growth. That’s a beautiful thing that arose from us being pulled together by the loss of someone we both loved more than we maybe even loved ourselves. Thankfully, though, I have come to love myself more than anyone else on this planet. This newfound self-love and respect resulted in the severing of my relationship with my partner.

I won’t pretend like my ex was this horrible person because she wasn’t. She was kind, loving, intelligent, hilarious, unique, complex, and so many other amazing things. I still love her with all of my heart and have thought about her every single day since we broke up. It is not for lack of love that our relationship came to a close. The issue was that I needed more than what she could give. I needed someone who could really sit in my shit with me without invalidating my feelings jokingly because they didn’t know what else to say. I needed someone who could make me feel safe and secure, not fearful and insecure. I needed someone who understood boundaries as openings for futures, not closed doors. I needed someone who could show up for me the way I showed up for them, even when they hurt me, even when they lied out of fear. She wasn’t able to do that. She wasn’t able to stick beside me during the worst days of my life. She wasn’t able to see me beyond our relationship. When my grandma passed and our relationship was on the rocks, she made it about us. She didn’t stop pestering me about our relationship for long enough to give me support on losing someone who meant the world to me. I couldn’t trust her after that and I also realized, I wasn’t required to.

Boundaries in that relationship weren’t healthy. I felt unseen, unprotected, and sometimes even unloved. While I am sure that she has grown even more since we have parted, the reality is that when I ended things, I knew that doing so was the most fair thing I could do for the both of us. This is because I deserve someone who sees my value inherently. I deserve someone who takes the time to understand me, to love me, to see me. Not just see me and them together, but me as an individual separate from them. More importantly, I needed to be able to ask for those things without feeling guilty or bad. As of now, I still don’t know that she sees me as me, as a singular person, and maybe she never will. That is okay. I still love her anyway. I just love me more now. As a part of that love I’ve grown for myself, I also now have sought out more help for myself. This seeking of resources led me to realizing that I was ADHD and helped me change my life.

Being diagnosed with ADHD at 21 felt absolutely ridiculous. How could I be ADHD when I can sit still most of the time and have a pretty decent amount of impulse control? The answers came from my psychiatrist, breaking down the stereotypical understanding of ADHD and allowing me to find myself within the diagnosis. Finding the right combination of medication has been difficult, but what hasn’t been hard at all is finding more resources that help me manage my symptoms. It’s because of some of these resources that I am able to sit here and write this.

A huge part of ADHD is this perfectionist mentality that makes it nearly impossible to start or complete some tasks. Every time I sat down to write in the past, I told myself that I absolutely had to write every single day, once a day, or I should just not do it. When it came to this blog especially, I had so much shame when I failed to post for a long time or had a lull, that I would either consider deleting the whole thing to start over, or just never posting again. I realize now that those were just cop outs for my brain, that I can write as little or as much as I want because it is for ME. It doesn’t have to be perfect; it doesn’t have to be anything but what I need it to be. Waiting for perfection would have me waiting forever because it’s simply not how my brain works. Accepting that is a large part of how I got into my PhD program.

I’m not going to lie. I am still trying to figure out all of the feelings I have regarding this PhD program. I am shocked that I got in, shocked that I got full-funding, shocked that I am now in Ohio, shocked that I am in my own apartment, and overall shocked that I’ve made it this far in general. While I do not believe that I am stupid or not capable of greatness, I am realizing that I’ve always seen myself pursuing something more straightforward. When I was younger, I had a pretty clear idea of what I wanted to do even as those things changed. I knew what was required of me, I knew what I would ultimately do, and I took refuge in that. Doctors go to medical school. Chefs go to culinary school. Forensic anthropologists get masters degrees and do field work. It felt clear cut, straightforward, safe. This is uncharted territory. What do you do post PhD? What do you do DURING PhD years? I suppose I’ll just have to find out!

Anyhow, this year has been intense. Change is always present in our lives and sometimes it brings with gifts that we can only receive when we’re healed enough to take them. I’m hoping to keep healing, keep growing, keep loving, and keep going. I’m learning so much about myself and about the world. I’m loving myself more than I have in the past. I am incredibly proud of where I am. And I’m not done yet.

[0aurelion-sol0]

SNK 134: Why we need to move forward.

Well...

That's horrifying...

Oh but whatever they are probably bad people in there. Thieves, greedy people, hateful mothers, men who beat their wives , liars, bullies, killers, murderers, rapist, child rapist and racist babies.

Yeah...

This is a rhetoric that has been used for ages and is currently being used in this fandom especially on reddit and 4chan.

The justification of injustice.

When George Floyd was slammed on the ground and died because he couldn't breathe anymore, conservatives and republicans at large ignored the police brutaliy leading up to that.

He was just a cocaine or drug addict who one day pointed a gun at a pregnant lady. So he was a criminal and deserved that.

Of course ignoring the racial segregation that happened from the very legalized slavery hundreds of years ago and how poor and racially stigmatized black people are being in America right now.

When the Uyghurs are being genocided by China, the world blinds itself because China is one the worlds necessary assets in economy as it basically produces a good chunk of what is being used in the world. Most made by children, " but it makes us live "... Apparently that's the only logical reason...

When Palestinians and Israelis are literally killing each other over some complicated non sense that no one ever really understands and also Israël basically doing Apartheid at this point,

When the totality of the Middle East has turned into a warzone because of the United States's violent imperialism,

When most far right or extremist group decided that Islam and Islamic terrorism are the same thing,

When xenophobes and racist always attack immigration,

"If she wasn't wearing that skirt, she probably wouldn't have been raped",

When we have homophobes, transphobes, LGBTphobes, telling us what's natural and always bragging about "\___-_-___/ God, Holy Jesus",

When you have people who tells you that poor people chose their way of living when there are a small percent of billionaires and soon to be trillionaires having such a gigantic amount of wealth,

When 6 millions Jews were genocided which was 40% of Jewish people at the time and 2/3 of European Jews,

When the prime minister of Israël is saying that the Holocaust wasn't Hitler's Idea but Haj Amin al-Husseini, (who was extremely anti semitic, don't get me wrong)who suggested it to him maiking the prime minister a revisionist but at the same time making his actions against Palestinians justified,

When around the world Christianic places of worship are being vandalized,

When entire SYSTEMS of segregations have made societies work,

When the South American continent has been attacked by the United States because of different political beliefs,

When people use their rape as a way to attack other communities of a specific religion or color,

When Black Panthers uses racism against White people because of the story of USA and are being anti semitic but essentializing a whole group,

When Nationalistic Israelis tells you what is a good Jew and what isn't a good Jew,

When dozens of groups have been forced to extinction,

Natives who were being murdered, yeah? YOU DON'T SEE THAT A LOT IN YOUR COWBOY MOVIES ?

When literal "feminist" calls for the destruction of men while they can't educate the kids about what to do and what not to do, OH, can also be transphobic apparently,

When you have entire websites who encourages pedophilia,

And pedophiles killed, left alone and live a life of endless torment while no one does nothing to help them and fight those who encourages it even in the highest places of our society,

Oh and Hollywood, that's all I need to say.

And let's not even talk about animal brutality and the destruction of ecosystems.

And there is more and more and more and more and more and FUCKING MORE,

All that because of reasons, reasons, reasons, reasons,

All stuck in a cycle of hate, violence and discrimination that just never ends.

The selfishness,

The greed,

And at end, everything is meaningless. There is just blood.

This is what this chapter represent the meaningless of it all. How everything goes to shit...

How everyone, whether it's the oppresor or the oppresed, will justify the violence, the injustice.

Society does nothing cause society right now runs for the entitled and the entitled only and creates it's own monsters.

I want to ask those people who defend the rumbling.

After everything we saw in this manga, after what the real world has commited, after how much these real events have inspired this story, how can you say it was the only way ?

After everyone hided Hange valuable informations including Eren who had information about KRUGER who was a spy in MARLEY. Who has created a civil war in Eldia and activated the rumbling while killing Eldian civilians in the way.

After seeing the mental breakdown of Bertolt, who we don't hear about anymore, Annie and Reiner's mental breakdown over GENOCIDING AN ENTIRE GROUP OF PEOPLE, by the way Reiner totally didn't develop another persona at that time to cope with what he was doing, HUH ?

After all the deaths, Carla, Grisha, Dina, Faye Marco, Levi's squad, Ymir, Erwin, Sasha, Hange, Hannes, Floch and many others, how can you go and be like "CHAD EREN, BEING DADDY, FUCKING HIS MEAT WAIFU, PHILOSOPHER FREEDOM SEEKER"

"104th crybabies... xDdDDDD Prfrpfr"

Come on...

This isn't serious at this point.

And for the H character, we're gonna come back for her but...

GODDAMNIT!

THANK YOU, DEATH.

This has sparked debates.

Some are thankful for this speech by the commander.

Others are finding it disingenous.

Others think it's too on the nose and not natural.

Others don't care.

On my part, I enjoy it but I take it with the context. Most of their airships have been destroyed and they are facing their doom upfront right now. It's more of a death plea at this point. Just like in the cave with Histor... GOD IT'S SO HARD SAYING HER NAME... with Historia who said truly horrible things at the point of an imminent death. At that moment, words like this can tell what you really are inside but even that is not enough to have a full picture.

It did have some interesting elements.

It is true, using, raising, breeding hate and shoving problems upon a group will always come bite you up the ass someday.

Marley in their extensive and violent coloniaslistic, imperialiatic behavior towards Eldia creates only weaknesses for them on an international field and create this monstruosity that is right now Eren.

Eren, a soldier who suffer from trauma and PTSD, who has terrible insecurities and everything to lose after losing so much and possibly in my book being influenced by another entity decides to kill them all.

But...

In no way does that justify Eren's actions, in fact it goes against it.

He is just as angry and hateful as they were back then but instead of destroying the system, he decides to genocide.

Essentializing the whole world as your ennemy and problem, and deciding to get rid of it is just continuing what has been started and continued for hundreds of years before.

No one ever thinks about the simple families, the innocent children, the homeless...

What about them Eren ?

What about the people who faced discrimination like Ramzi ?

What about the other groups that are almost extinct just like yours ?

What about the groups that tried to support the Eldians but were considered freaks ? HUH ?

What about the babies and innocent children ?

Isayama is even spelling it out for you this chapter.

Is he not worth it ? To stop all this ?

He was born into this world just like every other baby.

Look at that while everyone, is trying to jump off, their trying to save the baby. Even if it's probably impossible. That's humanity right there.

And... jesus christ...

I literally saw people who said that the mother was dumb to give it to the people because titans were behind them.

I can't even...

Imagine if Eren is the daddy of H's Baby and that he completes the genocide, killing his friends or even persuading them and at the end he is saying you are free to this baby.

So this baby is worth more than this baby ?

He is more legitimate to live than him.

I can't even imagine what the arguments would be like with the Eren stans:

"He's protecting his friends."

While literally challenging them to fight and right now trying to kill them.

"Well, you know the Rumbling is horrible but they got what was coming for them. They did nothing to help Paradise."

While forgetting the complexity of human nature, how banalization of these acts of violence have come to be BECAUSE...

These just like me and you are just simple people. With simple lives and not too much power who can't do anything about it.

Most of the people today sees all the suffering in the world, they just don't have the power, nor the will to go against such complex geo-political conflicts.

Would you be able to just resolve the Israelo-Palestinian conflict ? I don't think so, so shut your ass down with this argument.

These people can't change the world with power that they have and the one that has the power to change that, is killing them right now. BRAVO.

" Well, uh, the child is a child, parents might be racist and uh... child maybe is racist or will become racist..."

God...

Just because someone has done horrible shits or is an horrible shit doesn't mean he should die like this.

Here it is people, how we work as human :

Fuck redemption and possible solutions, let's kill everyone who did something bad.

Y'all would have been perfect during monarchies time.

And like... having an argument on a baby should face genocide is just fucking disgusting.

AND DON'T GIVE ME THE BULLCRAP OF FICTION DOESN'T EQUAL REALITY!

That you are interested into what could bring the Rumbling in terms of thematics and story is fine.

BUT ENDORSING IT ?

Do y'all even hear yourselves sometimes ?

You just sound like every racist, bigoted, fascist and violent person that has ever existed.

You're just excited to see someone die because he commited something wrong, sadistic pricks.

You're no different. Perhaps the guy who was talking to Grisha in chapter 97, who was a Marleyan and gave serums to Eldian is right. When he was talking to Grisha, Isayama use it to break the fourth wall and talk to the readers.

Why do we watch this, all this violence ?

" Because it's fun!"

" People take peace for granted!"

" Of course we're abnormal in society's eyes."

" We wish to exterminate all eldians!"

" Your sister did nothing wrong. Shame she was an Eldian!"

The fun fact is that this guy is a racist fuck but he dies pushed by Kruger and killed by his very own creation: a titan.

Why do people endorse genocide ?

" Because it's justice!"

" They got what was coming for them!"

" Isayama is just showing us that genocide is not really wrong if you just understand the concept of morals. Puritans."

" Humanity can die, they deserve it!"

" I'm sad for Ramzi, he didn't do nothing wrong but you know... maybe he didn't have good ideas about Eldians."

While also saying why children could deserve genocide. \____@-@____/

Of course I found most of these on Reddit and 4chan, the nazi propaganda website. Tumblr is a little free of it.

Babies....

Literally babies...

That remind me of somethin'...

OH YEAH!

QUEER NO MORE.

*put gloves on*

PUUUUUUUSSHH!!! COOOOOOOMMEEE OOONN!!!!

Breathe...

I SEEEEE THE HEAAADDD, IT'S HEREEEEEE!!!!

Natalie, bring the bucket, quick!

Of fuck she shitted on herself a little bit!

_________________________________________

So ?

Y'all like my fanfic ?

It's about how Erehisu is canon and how Historia is actually thinking about Eren right now because she is blushing.

But also about how Historia actually looks good and sexy while being pregnant and how she looks so happy!

She also is a lesbian that turned straight.

I'm so proud of my work.

_________________________________________

In all honesty...

This is... dissapointing and an insult to Historia fans. Why ? What is the purpose or the reason ? Being tragic ? To show how far Historia can go to protect her loved ones ? A female Eren so ?

I always leaned towards the fake pregnancy even if I don't know how something like that could be really pulled. I didn't understand this choice for his storytelling. The others I understand but this one...

O_o

What the fuck ?

So she really is pregnant ? But nothing leading up to it makes sense.

The character whose thematics still rings too much true for this arc is put in the background and as a breeding farm on top of that.

It even came to a point I started people to stop asking about her.

I had faith in her presence in the final arc. That she would have a role play.

But now ?

/\/\/\

For people who don't understand why this aspect of story is wrong, we have to break it down.

First off, Historia one of the first queer characters with Ymir in SNK. Others are suspected but these two are the few that holds a definitive representation as queer.

Most often in media or in real life, LGBT people have been forced into a situation that requires them to fall under heterosexuals lives. Here Historia is forced to be pregnant, yes in a way she agreed because of her people, but at the same time she didn't really want it.

For queer people, like me, this still rings true. Too much true. People literally forces you to go for your opposite sex everytime, to have a family.

No, stop forcing your view of your own life or desire of life on other people.

The fact that the fandom rationalizes that and says that she is happy and in love with Eren is just so fucking weird.

It either is blind ship following, heteronormativity or not understanding the story.

And I saw people saying she might be bisexual. This doesn't change anything. Also ignoring the fact that she hasn't shown any attraction to men other than women in the story.

If she is bisexual, it doesn't change anything, she is still queer. Not semi-straight AND EVEN IF SHE WAS A WOMAN WHO HAPPENED TO BE STRAIGHT, SHE IS STILL FORCED INTO SOMETHING SHE DID NOT WANT.

Bisexual is not semi-straight, semi-gay.

It's bisexual.

Bisexual, Straight and Homosexuality are not the same thing.

And if she was straight, that doesn't make it acceptable. It's just sick.

Just because you're a straight woman doesn't mean you are going to be more happy or have god like duty to have kids.

I just don't understand it...

A manga who was so progressive with his female characters reduces Historia to this.

Imagine...

Just imagine...

Eren is the father. I would shoot myself in the face. A forced straight relationship at the end for the pleasure of shonen readers and heteronormative readers.

" What if I have baby, Eren ?"

" Only if it is from me. I want him to live and have FREEDOM!"

" It's open bar, honey." *saying this after hearing the guy says he's going to genocide which goes against her own values and actions as queen*

Ew... Just ew...

And even worse she wasn't supposed to give birth right now, she was supposed to give birth in a few months.

She could DIE. SHE IS 19. This is dangerous.

Everyone is like this is normal.

THIS IS NOT NORMAL. *sigh*

This goes against what she is supposed to have as a character development.

The fact that she would be okay for genocide while as a queen she reached out to the most weak and in need is fucking incoherent.

No. This doesn't make sense. Even Eren said that Historia's action as a queen were to help others. How could she be okay sitting at her house ? Telling no one about what Eren was going to do ? And becoming a breeding farm ? What is the logic in that ?

Why make it suspicious than ?

The only thing that was able to make any logical sense to me was that the person we are seeing here isn't Historia.

I know if my theory is right, it's sick, even more sick.

The only times we saw Historia after the timeskip was during flashbacks, the reveal at 107 and possibly at the end of 123.

If this is her at the end of 123, I want to ask you why is she all prepared, why is she all dressed up and why is she wearing the same clothes in 134 that she is wearing 107. Something doesn't add up.

She is young, small-petite, blonde and her belly and face are hidden.

I was only able to go through the theory that this is a fake Historia. Than who it is than ?

Well, I searched for female characters who look like her or who could look like Historia right now. From all the characters that we haven't seen coming coming back and that has interacted with Historia, there is only one.

Rico Brzenska.

For those, who don't remember her : She was a Garrison Member who helped Mikasa and Eren during the Trost Arc and also helped Historia while she was exhausted during the Clash of the Titans Arc.

She hasn't appeared ever since the start of the Return to Shiganshina Arc unlike many of the older characters.

She is the only one I see who could pass as Historia I think.

I know this is still sick. But this is the only way I would be able to make Historia get out of this crappy storyline and play some relevance in the story. And if we look at Rico and Historia in 107, they kinda look the same. They have the heart shaped face, they are both small and they both have this sort of closed eyelids.

One line that just stuck with me of Rico was:

"Hiding/Lying about Eren's rampage in the report wouldn't have benefited humanity. "

This was during Eren's trial before joining the Survey Corps. What was discused was when Eren lost control of himself during the Trost Arc and attacked Mikasa.

The second line that struck was the one where she holds Historia who is exhausted in her arms:

"Wow! Who is this girl, is she okay ?"

I don't know why it just pushed that theory. And I kinda believe it now, because no one can make me believe that there is something satisfying coming out of this. Why would she sacrifice herself for Historia ? Well, I don't really know but Rico was always a little wary of Eren, even after the Trost Arc but yeah ultimately for Rico being able to give her own life for Historia. I don't know about that. But with this manga you never now. It is a very dark and twisted theory but this is the only logical thing I can see right now since no answers have been provided.

Monkey is BACK

Zeke is back and like most of us predicted, Eren dragged him with him. And I'm not gonna lie, the way he was attached to the spine was pretty badass.

He is used as a puppet which reinforces the theory for me that all three of them: Eren, Ymir and Zeke are being used by the Attack Titan.

I cannot understand Eren's illogical behavior especially after seeing the train scene where he says he wants them to live long happy lives and than having him kill his friends.

Ymir the first being free and having eyes to returning to having no eyes just like before and Eren.

And Zeke would have never agreed to the Rumbling. And we can't see his eyes either.

And...

Thank you, 104th for existing.

Because...

After how much shit they have gone through and after how much the fandom, not just the Eren stans, have mocked them. Like the fandom has been the biggest asshole to the the Alliance while they were the ones who were able to survive through the sentence " Genocide is wrong!" that so many people seems to find to be so hard to say.

I will root for them until the bitter end, I don't care. They are the one who are fighting. You can call Cringevengers all you want but I am glad they are winning.

They all suffered like Eren but they didn't prioritize their own and only feelings above everything else and they stood by for the values they fought for since they joined the Survey Corps. Even if I have to admit they have, for most of them, conflicted feelings with what they were doing and have done things like trying to talk to Eren while it's obvious he wasn't going to talk and that in a situation like this I don't think someone would try to stop Eren by just talking.

Levi, and it would be foolish to not recognize it, is being consumed by his promise but he is restraining it and still is able to think about the bigger picture.

There's one thing I really like about this is Armin asking Eren:

"Eren... I'll ask you one last time... "What part of you is free" after we rip you out from there... "

Hehe... yes... what part of you is free ?

To be honest, there's many things I don't want for the ending.

A Lelouch Ending, it was all Eren's plan. Literally wouldn't make sense. No one would be questionning his free will and he wouldn't have these weird shits happening to him.

A Code Geass ending, why would Mikasa have to kill Eren, what does that add to her as a character ? More tragedy ? No she doesn't have the scarf, it's pretty telling what place she's at right now.

Eren being the daddy. NO, JUST NO.

Everyone dies, genocide is the right thing. You know all the worst shit that can happen.

But most of all I want important plot points to be explored and moved over because ever since the timeskip, there has been no important plot points out the way. Eren's behavior, Ackertalk, Bertolttalk, Historia's Condition, Paths stuffs, answers!

Whatever... Trust me Peace is not something I take for granted. Being proud of myself and having a life with the least conflict and problem is something you fight for. Having rights, being recognized as a human.

Never lose that, fight for it. But never with injustice, be smarter and stronger. Cause at the end what unites us is not only what we have in common but what the perspective of what we have not in common can make a bigger picture of what we are as humans. We all are different and have a different story with similarities but in the end, we are human and born into this world. And in that, we must move forward. In the present, because of the past and for the future.

We all wish for the problems to go away but if it's for the solutions to be rigged with injustice, it will not work. No one has acheived with genocide and never will.

It's kinda sad that this long of a post has to say this. Did y'all see that ? Pretty inspiring what I wrote. Oh well you know what ? If they can be bigoted why can't I myself.

Here's a song I wrote:

(Fuck everyone and you.

We hate women

There are only 2 genders, the breeder and the breeded.

Everything is degenerate.

We hate brown, Arab and Muslim people.

Genocide is cool

And Hitler was too.)

I know but you know what, at least if they want a spy for Nazi Germany someday. They'll know not to give it to me because I'd laugh at the stupidity of the people just like you and I are doing with the rest of world cause for all the shits it gives us, it's entertaining.

[lesbiabmatsu]

Who is the best cook? The worst? Who just kinda muddles thru when it's their turn to make lunch? Who says "fuck it" and buys kaarage?

This will need multiple rankings, because there's a lot of overlap, and it's so much fun.

Who is the best cook?

They're all good at desserts and sweets, that's just canon. This is for proper meals and snacks, though.

Karami: She was a smash in home ec in more than just sewing! While it is occasionally decorated with edible gelatin glitter for flair, she works on learning new recipes whenever possible, and cooks it all in bulk.

Osomi: good old stick to your ribs home cooking. She knows the hits, and she plays them well. She struggles with learning new foods, the risk makes her nervous and she hates wasting anything. Growing up with six siblings makes you much more hesitant to waste things, because it takes a lot to feed you in the first place.

Todomi: she's good at presentation, but has a hard time with proper meals without guidance. She's best when left to side dishes, snacks, or light meals, think salads and charcuterie. The big exception is breakfast: french toast? Crepes? Pancakes? She's got you.

Ichimi: like Osomi, she's nervous to try new things for fear of messing it up and wasting food. Her basics are fantastic, though. Onigiri with cat ears, gets toast perfect every time, divine with sandwich making.

Jyushimi: she's the big food risk taker of the family. When she's on dindin duty, it's a crapshoot. It could be the second best eggplant parm you've ever had; it could be a puff pastry elephant full of pineapple and cherry tomatoes. And, somehow, it works; when made by anyone else, it tastes horrible. You have to prepare yourself for her meals.

Choromi: she has a horrible tendency to catch food on fire when she gets nervy. It doesnt help that she gets nervy because of all the times she's caught food on fire. Leave her on uncooked sides and drinks, and they'll usually be ok.

Who muddles through lunch duty?

Osomi: sometimes she's so drowsy and inattentive when prepping lunches that she can send off one sister with two tiers of rice and the other with all the protein. The logical response is to do it the night before, but she's not the logical type.

Todomi: she puts the most effort into her own for The Gram™, second most effort into whoever was nice to her recently, and none into the one(s) who pissed her off most.

Jyuushimi: she's in a rush. It's not cute, but she makes sure EVERY food group you need is in there. This often comes in the form of a kiwi or banana strapped to the lunchbox with electric tape. A for effort.

Choromi: oops! All leftovers! But she does cut the fruits and veggies into little shapes, decorate with the little fake grass dividers, and make sure that everyone gets the right one with post-it notes. It's all a bit samey, though, and if she gets too stressed about it, 🔥wee woo wee woo, so it's better this way.

Ichimi: she does always make it very cute, with little shapes out of sausage and nori and the aforementioned kitty riceballs, she sticks to leftovers and sides from the conbini out of sheer lack of belief in her own abilities. The kitty paws are cute though. This is self care, going fully zen while making decorations.

Karami: the most effort, always. Will wake up early to cook something special for it. But she will have seaweed glitter in there, nori cutouts of her own face on the rice along with an inspiring message, and a note tucked into the box encouraging them way too hard. It's delicious, but. Is it worth the cost to their sanity?

Who says "fuck it" and buys karaage (or other takeaway/delivery)?

Osomi. Come on. It's Osomi. Decides for everyone without asking what they want: 75% of the time gets it right and they stop complaining once they're eating.

Jyuushimi. Instant serotonin and no dishes. It's the perfect crime.

Todomi. She knows the best places and will make those around her say pretty please until she divulges them.

Ichimi. She won't say it first, but if any of the above do, she'll follow their lead.

Karami. When she gets pouty and tired and whiny and everyone's hungry, she'll pull out some delivery menus and let the others duke it out. (She only brings out menus with something she wants on them but shh don't tell them that.)

Choromi. The girl can't cook but will raise a stink about how they're adults and they can cook so why should they waste the money, and then she sets a grilled cheese ablaze and yells as they order out.