#and that if she refuses to even try what the doctors and ot told her to try than what's the point of me trying to help

[kalimagik]

Strawberry

Fred Weasley x Pregnant!Reader

Word Count: 5k

Requested by @coffee-wihtout-caffeine​ - “Can I request Fred x reader where it’s throughout her pregnancy with supportive Weasley family? Like the entire pregnancy just bits through each month and dealing with the symptoms. Tia”

A/N: I had SO much fun writing this. I was so excited the whole time (i love babies and think pregnancy is beautiful, so I may have gotten carried away). It’s super fluffy, has something for each month, and a whole lot of cute Fred and a supportive Weasley family! It’s not my usual writing style, but still so fun. Feedback is always welcome! Comment, like, reblog! Happy Reading <3 (also, I got too excited to wait til tonight to post it, so its coming early)

Month 1

It had to be the stomach flu, what else could it be? Fred left you in bed that morning after you spent most of the night with your head over the toilet. You racked your mind, trying to figure out where you would have caught the stomach flu. That’s when it hit you. Running to the nearest convenience store, you bought the tests, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible.

You looked at the pregnancy test again and the other 3 that sat on the vanity, all positive. No, you and Fred weren’t trying for a baby, but you weren’t not trying either. A baby…you were going to have a baby, Fred’s baby.

The butterflies in your stomach were going to have a roommate. The thought made your lips curl into a grin as you looked into the mirror. A baby! Now you just had to tell Fred. Knowing you had a few hours, you rushed around the house like a mad woman. The rest of the day consisted of picking up, making dinner, and making yourself look presentable and not like you had spent most of the day in bed. The day also included throwing up every now and then, but you were actually kind of excited each time because it was just a reminder of the little boy or girl growing in your stomach.

When Fred walked through the door, you had your favorite “Love Songs” playlist playing, the dinner table set, and candles lit throughout the entire flat. “Is someone feeling better?” Fred called out above the music.

“Freddie! I’m in here,” you sang, still cleaning up pots and pans from dinner.

“What is all of this?” Fred asked, eyes widening at the sight laid out in front of him. “Did I forget an anniversary or something?” he chuckled, knowing very well that he didn’t. “This is wonderful, love. But, what did I do to deserve this?”

“Just sit down and you’ll find out!” You beamed, bringing Fred’s favorite food to the table, his mother’s meatballs with onion sauce with a treacle tart and cream puffs on the side for dessert.

“24 hour stomach flu pass?”

“Uhhh, for the most part,” you skirted around the subject a bit. You had a plan to tell him about the baby.

Dinner went by with your usual conversations about the day, the shop, and how George and the rest of the Weasleys were doing. When tart had been dished out, you stood up from your seat and went behind the couch to get your little gift.

“Okay, what is going on?” Fred asked, now confused as to why he got his favorite dinner, dessert, and now a present. “Did you do something I should be angry about? Did someone else do something that I should be taking credit for?”

“No, silly,” you giggle, sitting the present in front of him. “Just open this!” You watch him intently while standing as he takes the tissue paper out of the bag and unwraps the first little gift. The white tissue paper fell to the floor as he unfolded a little white onesie that read “I solemnly swear I am up to no good.”

“What’s this for? I’m not going to be an uncle or something am I? Is George around here trying to punk me?”

You just shook your head, an amused, close lipped smile set on your face. “Open the next one.”

Fred stuck his hand back into the small, blue bag and pulled out the long box that had probably once held a bracelet. When he pulled the lid off, there was the 4th and final positive pregnancy test that you had taken earlier in the day. Fred looked up at you, eyes wide. The hand not holding the box with the test reached for the onesie as he put two and two together.

“Are you- Is this? Does this mean-” You just nodded as he stumbled over his words.

“I’m pregnant,” you told him with a laugh/cry. Honestly, you weren’t sure what the noise was, but it was a happy one. Fred flew out of his seat so quickly to embrace you that his chair fell to the floor with a loud clatter.

“You’re pregnant?” he asked again once he finally let you go and stopped kissing your face. You could only nod as the happy tears streamed down your face. “Oh, I guess I shouldn’t hug you so hard. Wouldn’t want to hurt the little lad or gal would I?”

“I think the little Weasley will be okay,” you smirk, hugging Fred a little tighter.

“So when can I tell George?”

You laugh as you kiss Fred’s cheek. “Not just yet, darling. Let’s see a doctor first”

Month 2

“So I can tell Georgie right after this right?” Fred asked as you sat in a room at St. Mungo’s waiting for the doctor.

“I enjoy you pretending to wait for my permission when I know you already told him,” you laugh, squeezing Fred’s hand while he helps you onto the chair for the mothers to be. “He was not very subtle when I came by the shop the other day. He was talking about inventing baby friendly products for the shop.” You rolled your eyes sarcastically at the memory.

“Okay, I may have apparated to our little flat above the shop where he was at the time after you fell asleep the night that you told me.” He pouted, looking for forgiveness from you.

You had to stifle your giggles when the doctor knocked on the door to let you know that she was entering.

“Good afternoon Y/N,” she smiled at you as she pulled out the contraption for looking at the baby’s growing form. “I see you have Fred Weasley with you again.”

The last appointment, he may or may not have dropped a dung bomb that made its way into his jacket pocket accidentally on their way out.

“Hello there, Dr. Woodson,” Fred grimaced. “Good to see you again. Don’t worry, I double checked my pockets before coming this time.”

“Very good,” your doctor nodded curtly. “Well then, let’s get started, shall we?”

Your doctor talked you through the images that you and Fred saw on the screen. “Your baby is now about the size of a pomegranate seed since you’re in the 6th week,” she finished. You sat and watched in awe. The baby was so much bigger than just a few weeks ago when you were in for the first visit that confirmed your pregnancy. “Do you have any questions for me?” Dr. Woodson asked at the end of the appointment.

You shook your head, already having read all about it in the pregnancy books you had bought a few weeks earlier. Fred was the one to pipe up. “So, my brother’s wife was pregnant a year ago or so, and she got really, really cranky. Is my wife going to do that too?”

“Fred?!” you scoffed, playfully slapping him in the arm.

“You see, it’s already starting a little bit and I was just wondering how bad it will actually get.” He continued ignoring you.

Your doctor chuckled slightly before she stood up with your charts in hand. “It was good to see you both again. Y/N, you can schedule your next appointment at the front desk on your way out. Send me an owl if you have any questions or concerns.”

After saying goodbye, Fred helped you off the chair, even though he didn’t have to, and you dressed back into your clothes that were not yet maternity wear, but starting to get a little snug in some areas.

“All ready, love?” he asked after you dressed.

“Let’s go.”

Month 3

“Are you ready?” Fred asked as you stood at the door of his childhood home. He was grinning from ear to ear. Today was the day that the two of you had decided to tell his family about the baby. You told your parents a few days earlier and they couldn’t be happier, but that was two people. Now it was time to face Fred’s parents, six siblings, and all of their significant others.

“Very ready,” you smiled back. Fred had been sitting on the edge of his seat for nearly a month whenever you visited. It was the end of your third month and therefore an appropriate time to start telling the family.

“Mum! We’re here!” Fred called out as he opened the door.

“OHHH! Y/N, Fred! Welcome. I’m so happy you both could make it!”

“We always come for Sunday night dinner, Mrs. Weasley,” you laughed while being buried into one of her notorious bear hugs.

“Woah there, mum. Don’t want to crush Y/N and our-” Fred cut himself off before he let the word ‘baby’ slip. Luckily, Molly was a blur around the house that she hadn’t even noticed. After giving Fred a quick hug, she called up to the rest of the family and feet began stampeding down the stairs.

“Wow, it is getting a little crowded in here,” you laughed as you hugged Ginny, Hermione, George, Ron, Harry and then Bill, Charlie, Fleur and little Victoire. “Even Teddy is here!” you smiled as you hugged the 3 year old with bright blue hair.

“The more the merrier is our motto!” Arthur Weasley boomed as he came into the kitchen as well.

“It’s a good thing that you think that way, dad!” Fred beamed, sharing a quick glance with George. At this rate, the family was going to learn the news before everyone even sat down for dinner.

Pre-dinner chats ensued and then Mrs. Weasley called them all from the living room to the table. That’s when she started handing out the wine. She had decided it was a special occasion because EVERYONE was at dinner. Bill and Fleur were in France the previous week and Charlie was back from Romania for a period of time. Even Percy managed to pull himself away from his busy work life. You looked at Fred with a small, close lipped smile, letting him know that it’s time to spill the news. Everyone would find out soon enough when you refused the wine.

You took your seat next to Fred with Ginny on your other side, leaning into Fred as he wrapped his arm around you and kissed your temple. Then, he cleared his throat to get the 12 other people’s attention.

“I’d like to make a toast,” he announced, raising his glass. “I can’t imagine this night being any better. Spending time with my amazing family, the extensions included,” he nodded to Harry, Hermione, and Fleur. “It’s a big family, but it’s about to get a little bigger. Currently a plum size bigger.” You nudged Fred slightly. He had been making fun of you for announcing which food your baby’s size matched each week.

“Oi, cut to the chase down there. I can’t hold it in for much longer! I’m bursting at the seams over here!” George hollered from the other end of the table.

Your smile grew as you made eye contact with Molly. You could tell she already knew what Fred was going to say, but was letting him break the news.

“Y/N and I are pregnant!” Fred’s signature grin was plastered on his face and you didn’t think that he’d been wiping it off anytime soon.

“This is brilliant!” Ginny cheered as she wrapped an arm around you. “I get to be an aunt, again!” she smiled at Victoire.

“Victoire,” Fleur got the little girl’s attention. “Yoo are going to be a couzin to a ittle boy or girl. Eesn’t zis exciting?”

“Ronald and I can babysit whenever you need a break,” Hermione offered, Ron nodding along, even though he wasn’t too sure if he wanted to be with a baby around his fiancé just yet.

The congratulations and excitement lasted all through dinner. By the end, Bill and Fleur offered you Victoire’s baby clothes if you had a girl, Arthur said he could fix up the cradle they used for all their children, Molly had already started knitting a little hat and bootie set. It was crazy and chaotic, but you loved every second of it. This was your wild family now and the wild family that your baby would get to grow up with.

Month 4

You paced around your flat with a hand on your forehead and one on your stomach. You had just gotten back from your appointment, the high of telling the Weasley family about the pregnancy two nights ago still lingering. Of course, once you went to see Dr. Woodson, the feeling changed.

-

“Oh, that’s interesting,” Dr. Woodson had said as she ran her wand over your stomach to look at the baby.

“What?” you asked. She’d never said anything like that before.

“It seems we may have missed something.” She pulled an image up. “Normally we would catch this earlier, but see that there.” She pointed and you nodded. “Well, there appears to be a second fetus and a second heartbeat that I must have missed before. Y/N Weasley, you are having twins!”

-

Laying down on the couch, you thought about what having twins would mean. Two of everything really. Fred and George’s shop was doing great again and they were acquiring Zonko’s in Hogsmeade too, so money wouldn’t technically be an issue. But, twins! They could be a little Fred and George exactly and that would be a handful. The doctor never said that they were identical necessarily, so you could have a boy and a girl.

“Honey! I’m hoooome!” Fred sang opening the door.

“With your favorite brother-in-law!” George sang after him.

Both twins sat grocery bags on the table. “What’s all this?” you asked, mind still focused on the news you got earlier in the day.

“We have decided to cook you dinner!” George said triumphantly.

You looked at the identical faces that stood before you, both grinning at you. “Fred, we’re having twins!” you blurted out at them, not able to hold it in any longer. Fred dropped the bag he was still holding, apples and oranges rolling all over the floor.

“Twins.” He said, eyes glazed over, looking past you and at the wall, where the onesie that you gave him the day you told him you were pregnant was hanging.

“You’re going to have a mini Fred and I?!” George squealed in excitement. He shook Fred’s shoulders, bringing him back to the present.

“That we are!” you smiled, appreciating the enthusiasm. “Well maybe, we could have girls, or a girl and a boy. We won’t know until the end of next month,” you explained, rambling.

That’s when Fred went into total care mode. “Do you need to sit down? You should be sitting down. Mum always complained about what Georgie and I did to her body and how hard carrying twins was.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at him. “Freddie,” you giggled, “maybe YOU should sit down!”

“Yes, perhaps I shall, love.” Fred plopped down onto the couch as you went into the kitchen to grab him a cup of water. “Twins, wow.” You heard him breathe out in the living room.

“He is happy about it, just processing,” George whispered to you as he started to put your groceries away.

“I know,” you smiled, “he is going to make a great dad!”

Month 5

Your stomach was really bulging at this point. Two little ones growing in there. You were beyond excited as you slid on a maternity dress with sunflowers plastered all over it. It had become your favorite dress, comfortable, stretchy, it had pockets. But, today, you put it on for your gender reveal party. Originally, you and Fred were going to wait and be surprised by the sex of the babies, but Molly and even George changed your minds.

They agreed that once they received the news, Dr. Woodson would write the genders on pieces of paper, seal them in an envelope, and send them with an owl to Molly. Now, you were getting ready for that party. You were more going along with Fred when you originally said you’d wait to find out the sexes, but now you were giddy!

“Love, are you ready? Everyone is downstairs,” Fred knocked on his childhood door as he opened to take in the room that hadn’t changed in years. You followed Fred down the stairs, him holding your hand the whole way to ensure that you didn’t trip down the stairs. He may be loud, boisterous, and reckless usually, but since he learned about the twins, he treated you as if you were a china doll, it was so sweet.

“Surprise!” a hoard of people called when you exited the Burrow. The Weasleys had completely decked out their yard on the spring evening. Twinkle lights flooded the area with light as the sun set to the west. Luna Lovegood and Neville Longbottom had brought in tons of flowers that surrounded the tables. All the pinks and blues were bright as can be, signifying the news that was about to be shared with everyone, even the parents.

“Merlin! It’s beautiful! Thank you,” you beamed, taking in as much of the yard at once as possible.

The party was a blast. Blue and pink food. Cute little presents left out with yellows and greens. Tons of little Gryffindor attire, even though you’d be okay with your children being in any of the houses. But the time for the reveal drew closer.

“Y/N, Fred. Stand here,” Molly ordered them. “George is out back setting everything up.”

You were shaking with excitement. Your family and Fred’s family all held sparklers that lit the darkness. The colors reflected off of your and Fred’s skin. He glanced over at you and whispered, “You’ve been glowing this whole time, but you’re really glowing now,” before leaning down and kissing your cheek.

“Everyone ready?” George called from behind the hedge. “3…2…1!”

The sky exploded with fireworks of blue and pink. Your hand flew to your mouth as you took in the sight. “We’re getting a little boy AND a little girl, Freddie,” you laughed, happy to now know. Fred hugged you tightly, leaving just enough room for your protruding belly.

“We’re having a boy and a girl,” he repeated, grinning ear to ear. Everyone let the two of you have your moment before flooding you with hugs and congratulations.

Month 6

“Psssst, Freddie.” You whispered, peaking at the clock quickly. It read 1:30 AM…oops.

“Yes, love,” Fred whispered as he yawned before turning over and lazily slinging an arm over your body.

“I’m hungry…” you said, big, pouty, pleading eyes already in place as Fred opened one of his. “Will you pleeeeease get me some chocolate covered strawberries and the cheesiest nachos you can find?”

“That is the strangest combination that I have ever heard.” Fred grunted as he pushed the blankets down. “You sure you can eat both of those things?”

So far, you had found that you could no longer even look at any kind of fish, tuna was WAY out of the question, the smell of tomatoes made you gag, and turkey was a big no go. In fact, most meat was starting to make you queasy and you could only eat it sometimes.

“It’s what I’m craving, so I think so?”

“Sounds good, love. I’ll be right back.” Fred threw on some pants and a jacket and apparated out of the flat. You laid back in your bed, feeling extremely content as you pulled the blankets up to your chin just to throw them off. You’d been going from freezing to feeling like a million degrees every few minutes.

That familiar pop could be heard as Fred brought the food to you in bed. “Nachos and chocolate covered strawberries for my beautiful, glowing wife. We can never go back to the Spanish restaurant on the corner or the market next to it ever again. You don’t want to know how angry the owners were when I woke them up.”

You had already dug into the food before Fred could undress and get back into bed again. “Are you going to save me any?” he chuckled, sliding back into the sheets.

“Yes, you can have some.” You told him, mouth full and chocolate dribbling down your chin.

“Let me run to the loo before I go to bed again,” Fred told you, getting up once more. By the time he walked back into the room, you were there fast asleep, box of chocolate covered strawberries on one side and box of nachos on the other. Fred couldn’t stop laughing as he picked up the open food and wiped off your face before kissing your forehead and pulling you close to him.

Month 7

“FRED!! It’s so hot!” you complained. You could feel the sweat sliding down every inch of your body and you felt disgusting. You felt huge and being pregnant was not fun anymore. You were big, couldn’t move easily, and your ankles had swollen to three times their normal size.

In the July heat, you just felt terrible.

“Let me get you another fan and some lemonade.” Fred offered.

“I’m sorry I’ve been so cranky with you,” you apologized to Fred when he came to sit back down next to you, handing you a glass of lemonade.

“You have every right to be cranky with me,” he smiled, kissing the side of your head as he had been doing so often now. “You’re carrying my babies. Speaking of which, we should come up with some names. It could be fun!”

You took a deep breath, trying to relax on the couch. “Yes, let’s do that!” Fred had already begun preparing the nursery and Molly and Fleur had sent over hordes of clothes. Planning was tiring you out, as fun and cute as it was, so maybe brainstorming names would be a blast.

“Now, George thinks we should name at least one of them after him. If we did that, we should name the girl Georgia because I think George would throw a fit if the girl was actually named after him. And then the boy could be Fred Jr.”

You looked dead eyed at Fred, not thinking his ‘joke’ was funny. “We are not making, no excuse me, forcing our twins to be mini-yous. Nope, not happening. Veto, next.”

“Okay, geez,” Fred chuckled as he took your hand in his own, knowing you would complain about being hot if he put his arm fully around you.

“Mhmmmm,” you thought out loud. “What about Andrew for the boy. You know, for my brother? I’d like to honor him after losing him 2 years ago in the war.”

“I think that would be nice,” Fred smiled softly at you. “Andrew it is. Andrew Weasley has a good ring to it. We can call him Drew for short too.”

“I think so too,” you agreed.

“Now, for a girl, this is a serious suggestion,” Fred prepared you. “Olivia. I’ve always liked that name.” he played with your fingers.

“Andrew and Olivia Weasley. I think it could work. That was much easier than I thought it was!” You laughed with joy.

“Fred, Y/N, Andrew, and Olivia. Our little family. You like your new names, kids?” Fred spoke to your stomach.

Month 8

“Nope, do not get out of bed!” Fred ordered after you tried to get out of bed. “Doctor’s orders. Plus, Mum is already here.”

Molly Weasley had been coming to your flat nearly every other day to help you and Fred around the house. Dr. Woodson placed you on bed rest the previous week and it was complete AGONY.

“But, Freddie, there is so much we still have to do. I can help.”

“Nope, George and I have it covered. Plus you know the rest of the family will help with whatever we need. You just sit here and rest. Liv and Drew are still growing in there.”

“Yes they are,” you giggled, rubbing your stomach. “I swear they were wrestling in there last night! They were being so active! Kicking and moving around. If these two fight during their entire childhoods, we will be in for some rough years!”

“I bet they will be best friends,” Fred smiled. “Look at Georgie and I! And, if they have any younger siblings in the future, they can team up against them.”

“I should hope not!” you scoffed. Your banter settled as Molly hurried into the room with a breakfast tray.

“Mum will take good care of you today and Ginny mentioned stopping by later, okay?” Fred told you as he kissed you goodbye. “I won’t be too late tonight. Everyone on Diagon Alley seems to know that you’re expecting, so even though business is booming, the shop is ready to be closed at closing!

“Sounds good, dear.” You replied, pushing the eggs to the side. You forgot to tell Molly that you weren’t eating those now because of the babies.

“I’ll take those for you,” Fred chuckled, eating your eggs, sipping some water, and kissing you one more time before leaving. “Have a good day!”

“Bye, hun,” you giggled again as she left. At least you had the company of all the Weasley guests throughout the days when he was gone.

Month 9

“They’re due any day, Freddie!” You squealed. You had attempted to jump a little, but that just made you have to pee, so you stopped that immediately. “When they get here, we can hold them all the time and I’ll be able to move freely!”

You had secretly begun doing the things that you hoped would speed along the delivery date. You were eating spicy foods, walking around when no one was watching you and forcing you back to bed, drinking raspberry tea, everything! Well, not everything. You had try to convince Fred to have sex with you the night before, but he refused. Said it was weird with two babies in there, even though you looked beautiful and he would love to.

You had just rolled your eyes at him in response, but you did try!

“You going to come out soon, little ones?” You asked your stomach. “At least one perk of being so large is that I can sit the box of chocolate covered strawberries on my stomach.” You hummed happily, eating another one of the treats that had been your favorites during your pregnancy.

You had eaten them so many times that Molly just started making them regularly for you so that Fred didn’t have to go buy them at all hours of the day randomly.

“Can I come to Diagon Alley with you today?” you asked hopefully. “I need to get out of this house. Everything is ready and I’ve been cooped up for too long.”

Fred stood there thinking, but you pleaded some more, getting him to finally give in. “Only if you promise to not walk around too much.”

“I promise! I’ll sit at Florean’s the whole time!” You drew and X over your heart to seal the promise.

You breathed in the air deeply as you took in the atmosphere of the Alley. The newer owners of the ice cream shop brought you more ice cream each time that you asked for some and whenever you tried to pay, they refused. Yet another perk of being pregnant.

Numerous people had walked by and chatted with you while Fred was at the shop and he came by every so often to check on you. It was a pleasant day. That was until an excruciating pain occurred in your stomach.

“Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,” you whined, hands immediately holding your stomach. “Excuse me,” you pulled one of the waiters aside. “Would you run down to the joke shop and get my husband, please?”

The trip to St. Mungo’s was a blur. Fred was holding your hand the entire way, helping you into your hospital gown, and just being an overall sweetheart as per usual. Molly Weasley and your mum filtered in and out of the room. It wasn’t until Dr. Woodson announced that just those going into the delivery room could stay that the chaos slowed. Even if it was just you and Fred in the room, you knew that every single Weasley and Y/L/N was in the waiting room and would be until your two children entered the world.

Four hours later, you had finished pushing, you had finished working your body to exhaustion. Four hours later, you held two little babies in your arms and they were beautiful. Fred’s smile was so wide and he was so proud as he took Andrew from you and then Olivia.

“You did beautifully, darling,” he whispered, looking at the two children in his arms. The tears were still streaming down your face, stupid post-birth hormones. “Are you ready for the family? They’ll come back in small groups.” You nodded laying your head back on the pillows. It was September 8th. The day your little family had its first addition of many.

You could see the little heads of Olivia and Drew peaking over the blankets as different family members held them. Their hair was strawberry red, just like your favorite snack.

[the-walking-memelords]

Allegiances: Chapter 19

Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 |Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 20

Series is rated M

Word Count: 2958

Sometimes you just need to do what you need to and try to live with the aftermath.

Read it on Ao3!

Read it on Wattpad!

AJ ran until his lungs burned as tears streamed down his cheeks, cutting tracks through the smears of walker guts. The boy heeded Clementine’s advice, the sun’s hot rays burned against his back as he let his shadow guide him until he stood before a giant metal fence. The original bars were bent and busted, sheet metal affixed to block the wall’s occupants from outside view.

The small boy heaved and wheezed as he tried to catch his breath, his mind feeling fuzzy and dizzy as he stumbled forward. AJ tried to call out, form any words at all, but the sentences came out broken in shards as he struggled to remain standing. Completely exhausted, he sank to the dried leaves below, looking up and seeing a thin figure leaned over the wall.

“Mitch! Louis! It’s the kid!” The boy’s raspy voice carried loudly through the air. AJ wondered why he would yell like that. Monsters would hear him even from far away.

A smaller gate off to the side let out a metallic shriek as it was quickly swung on its hinges, clattering loudly against the brick. Two figures bolted from the opening, one wearing a big coat he remembered was Louis. Louis fell to his knees next to AJ, putting his hands on the blood-soaked boy’s shoulders.

“AJ, are you okay? Where’s Clementine?” His eyes darted wildly to the forest around them, frantically searching for her.

“C-C...lem go… got…” AJ coughed out, wheezing and choking on the smell of his own gut-smeared clothes.

We have to go back for her!

Louis sent the other boy a concerned look before AJ was scooped up into his arms.

“It’s okay, buddy. I got you.” He assured as AJ struggled to stay awake.

Louis called out for someone as he placed the boy down at one of the picnic tables, most of the others immediately crowding around. AJ still shook as his breathing began to calm, though the words remained clogged in his throat. Not even he knew what to say, however, as a flurry of faces he had mostly only seen in passing before had now surrounded him.

“Alright, all y’all give the kid some space!” A loud and commanding voice came from a chubby girl with bright orange hair. Her imposing tone immediately vanished once she kneeled down in front of him, her eyes turning soft and trusting. “Hey there, sug’, I’m Ruby. Are you hurt at all?”

“No.” He breathed out, rubbing away some of the guts on his face with his sleeve.

“But Clem is.”

Ruby and Louis both froze. They stared at him with eyes filled with even more worry than before.

“She got bit.”

Everyone around him became quiet and still. Horror across their faces hidden with varying levels of obscurity.

“No…” Louis broke the silence as he stood, hands gripping tightly at his dreads, a mannerism he’d seen in Clem many times.

“That’s not fucking true. No fucking way. Not her. Not her.”

Louis paced in a small circle as a few tears cascaded down his freckled face. Another tall boy with an angry red cut stitched up across his cheek put a hand on his shoulder, pulling Louis into a half hug.

“Clem said you’re a doctor.” He pleaded with the girl.

“So you gotta help her. She’ll die if you don’t.

“AJ I can’t fix a bite. Nothing can.” She said solemnly, her voice beginning to break.

“I got rid of it though!” He argued.

“What do you mean?” Louis stepped forward, face painted with pain and confusion.

“How did you ‘get rid’ of a bite?”

“I cut her leg off.”

---

AJ lead the way as Louis followed quickly beside. Ruby with her medical bag and a boy named Aasim with a bow in his hand brought up the rear as the four of them raced through the trees to find their lost friend. Birds soared through the branches overhead, twittering almost mockingly as if trying to make the people below jealous of their speed and freedom.

What remained of James' barn sat in a clearing at the end of the path, the walls having had huge holes torn into them by the onslaught of walkers that now lay dead around its perimeter.

"What the fuck happened here?" Aasim asked in shock as he checked for any around them that might still be moving.

"Clem got too sick to run, so we hid." AJ jumped over each rotting corpse, having previously made sure none would come back again.

"I stopped them from getting in."

Louis didn't stop to listen to the boy's response as he threw open the double doors. AJ was hesitant to enter, not entirely sure what he'd find inside. He watched Louis look around before rushing down to where Clementine had been laying with Ruby following him in. Were they too late? AJ felt he owed it to Clem to see for himself, no matter the final result of what he'd done to her.

She's gonna live. Stop thinking like that, dummy.

Clem's the toughest ever.

AJ forced every step forward until he crossed the threshold. Louis crouched next to her, muttering lowly into her ear, his voice catching every few words. The older boy ran his thumb across her pale cheek, eliciting no response from the unconscious girl. The shallow rise and fall of her chest being the only sign of life.

AJ couldn’t watch her deathly face any longer, his eyes instead moving to where Ruby sat on the other side of Clem. She unwrapped the blood-soaked hoodie from the stump he had tied it to, the infected segment of her leg laid detached less than a foot away. Everything about this looked so wrong to AJ.

“You… cauterized it?” The girl said with a tone of surprise. The smell of burning flesh still emanated from the wound.

“Where’d you learn that?”

AJ just crossed his arms and shrugged. He knew the people at the Delta were bad, and they taught him a lot of things. AJ feared if he told them too much they might think he was bad too.

They must have thought Clem was bad.

Clementine told him when you do bad things you have to ‘atone’ for them. Maybe this is why they helped her now because she ‘atoned’ for the bad things she did because of the Delta.

AJ recognized the bottle Ruby held in her hand. Medicine for cleaning. He remembered how horribly it burned whenever he got a bad cut. He watched Clementine’s face intently, disheartened when she showed no reaction to touch.

“She’s so cold…” Louis croaked, his voice barely above a whisper as he rubbed Clementine’s frozen fingers in his hands.

“This is all I can do for now.” Ruby declared as she fastened the final bandage.

“She’s no doubt suffering from hypovolemic shock, and if she was as sick as AJ said she was, she could still turn.”

“She’s gonna make it!” AJ refused to believe otherwise.

“None of you know Clem like I do. She’s stronger than anyone.”

The redhead looked at him with eyes of pity as she let out a disappointed huff, looking back at Clementine's expressionless face.

“Only time will tell I suppose.”

---

The walk back felt excruciatingly slow. Louis held Clem tight as he carried her with AJ holding the girl’s limp hand.

“Keep an eye on her breathing.” Ruby reminded. Casting them a nervously worried glance.

She just doesn’t get it.

Aasim waved to the same boy who was on watch before, signalling for him to open the gate. Upon entering, they were greeted to a rather distraught welcoming party.

“Is that them? Is she alive?” A blonde girl with bandages wrapped tightly over her eyes stood from her spot at a picnic table and tried to wander to way over to them, her arms waving wildly in front of her.

Violet, that was her name.

She was stopped by Tenn as he ran up beside her, grabbing firmly to her slim arm and narrating what he saw to the blinded girl.

“They all came back, and Clem… her leg really is gone…” His voice began to stutter.

“Clem? Clementine?” She tried to approach further, crying out to her friend.

“Is she dead? What happened?”

“She… ain’t out of the woods yet.” Ruby announced to the group.

“We just gotta wait and see if she wakes up… or if she… turns.”

“She’s gonna fucking make it, Ruby.” Louis hissed.

AJ followed after Louis as he took Clem into one of the school’s buildings. The hallway was littered with graffiti and bits of debris. Each wall was lined with rows of doors. He followed the older boy until he stopped outside a specific one.

“Can you get the door?” He asked to which AJ obliged, finding the sparsely decorated interior.

Louis placed Clementine on the bunk to the left, handling her as if she was made of glass. He watched him stroke her hair for a moment before stepping back to take in the horrid sight. The older boy fiddled with something in his pocket as he scanned her uncertainly, finally shaking his head and pulling out a roll of duct tape.

“What’s that for?” AJ asked as he hesitantly approached.

“Something that’ll at least get Ruby off our backs a little.” He said as he took her left hand, rubbing his thumb across her palm before bringing it to the metal post of the bed frame. AJ flinched at the sound of the ripping tape as Louis firmly attached Clementine’s wrist to the post.

The boy jumped up onto the bed next to his protector, his feet swinging off the side. He pinched her side in a spot he knew she was ticklish, begging for any response. The dark circles that hung under her eyes almost seemed to weigh them shut.

“How did this happen?” Louis’ voice was barely above a whisper.

“Right after we split up.” AJ answered.

“We tried to climb the rocks but she was already hurt and slow.”

It’s all Minerva’s fault.

AJ had never spoken to Minnie directly more than a couple of times, but the way her ice cold eyes always stared into him gave him a weird feeling. He always knew there was something weird about her, but he couldn’t have guessed she was that crazy. She was supposed to be the friend of these people, but she attacked them, and tried to kill her own brother! Clementine always taught him that family protects each other no matter what.

“Goddammit.” The tall boy stomped his foot as he began to pace around the room.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m fucking sorry.”

“She wouldn’t blame you, y’know.” That got him to stop pacing.

“She wanted you to protect Tenn, and you did. So she wouldn’t be mad.”

“That doesn’t make abandoning her like I did any more right.” Louis sniffed as he wiped his nose with the sleeve of his coat.

“That’s bullshit.”

Louis suddenly coughed, choking on nothing but air. He stared down at the boy and let out a small chuckle.

“I find it highly unlikely that Clementine lets you cuss, so I don’t think I should either.”

Damn.

“But thanks, kiddo.” He smiled.

The moment of levity in the air seemed to diminish as quickly as it appeared. Blowing out the window as they both glanced back at their reason for being in this room.

“What do we do now?” He asked Louis as he sat down hunched over on the opposite bunk, elbows resting on his knees and his head hung low.

“I guess we wait.”

And wait they did. Long minutes of silence quickly turned into hours as the room remained quiet with nothing but the soft wheezing of the girl in the bed to fill the void. They waited. Waited for her to show any signs of anything, but the girl’s small noises and shallow but steady breathing played over and over like a song on loop. A song that felt nothing like the music AJ knew. The sickly tunes held no resemblance to the sweet melodies she used to sing to him. All he could do was wait and hope that soon a more cheery theme would begin to play. Until then, they sat until the room began to grow dark with the setting sun.

A humble knock at the door was enough of an atmosphere change to cause them both to jump. Ruby entered holding a couple bowls of water in her hands, each with a tattered cloth hanging off the side.

“One for Clem’s head and the other to clean you up, little mister.” Ruby stated in a hesitantly cheerful tone.

AJ had forgotten about the state of himself. His loosely-fitting shirt stuck to his skin with the dried walker blood. The same stuff smeared dry and cracked on his face and hands, caked around his nails. He sat cross-legged on the floor with the bowl in front of him, dipping his hands into the cool water and watching it become tinged with red as he scrubbed his hands.

Ruby made her way over to Clementine and placed the back of her hand against the girl’s forehead, then moved to check her pulse.

“She ain’t runnin’ a fever which is good, but her pulse and breathing are still weaker than normal.” The redhead furrowed her brow.

“We’ll have to keep a close eye on her through the night, but there’s nothing we can do for her right now but let her rest.”

“How long until she wakes up?” AJ asked from his spot on the floor and was met with an apologetic look from the girl.

“If she does, It’ll either be sometime tonight or tomorrow. Which is why we should just make her comfortable and let her heal.”

Louis opened his mouth to speak but Ruby answered his question before he could even ask it.

“I don’t know, Louis. I wish I could tell you there was more I could do, but there just isn't.” She let out an exasperated sigh as her resolve began to crack and she turned away from them, heading to the door.

“Omar said dinner’s gonna be ready soon. You should see if Tenn or Willy have any old clothes for AJ, I’m gonna go check on Violet.”

AJ caught the edge of tears in her voice.

Louis left as AJ continued to scrub the blood from his skin. The chill of the evening air was amplified by the cool water. He stared at the now stained cloth sitting in the red water in front of him. He pushed it to the side, getting up and sitting on the bed next to Clem.

“Clementine?” He asked in a small voice.

“Can you hear me?”

Of course, no response came, but AJ wasn’t about to let that stop him.

“Ruby said you need to sleep a lot to get better, but don’t stay asleep too long, okay? Everyone’s really scared.”

AJ remembered something she had told him a long time ago.

“You’re the toughest boy in the whole world, AJ.”

“I’m not scared though. You taught me how to control my fear. How to be brave.”

“It’s okay to be scared, but never let it control you.”

“So I’m gonna be brave for everyone else. Just like you were brave for me all the time.”

AJ walked over to the dresser and pulled the fresh cloth out of the cold water, squeezing it and letting it drip back into the bowl. He carefully brought the damp cloth to Clementine’s face, wiping away Lilly’s blood.

Thinking about that evil woman gave AJ an odd feeling in his stomach. A feeling of something rotten and twisted. She made Clem do all kinds of bad things to people. All he wanted was to keep Lilly away from her. To protect her, just as she did for him. So AJ washed the remnants of Delta from Clementine’s skin.

They can’t touch us now.

The door creaked open again as Louis entered with a stack of clothes folded under his arm.

“These are from Tenn, back when he first got here. They should fit you.”

“Thank you.” AJ said as he put the cloth back into the bowl.

“Chef Omar, the cooking god of Ericson’s himself, has worked through the pain of the bullet hole in his leg -to Ruby’s dismay- and prepared us his signature rabbit stew.” The worry behind his smile was painfully obvious.

“If you don’t want to sit with the other kids yet that’s okay, I’ll bring you a bowl after you get changed.”

“Are… you gonna eat in here too?” Part of him didn’t want to be alone.

“Of course, little man.” He chimed optimistically.

“It’s up to us to look after Clem while she gets better.”

It’s our turn to take care of everything.

Louis held his hand out for a high five, to which AJ happily obliged. Louis cast the sleeping girl one final glance before heading off to the courtyard.

AJ rooted through the pile of clothes Louis had left behind. He chose a pair of plain blue jeans and a green t-shirt depicting what used to be his favourite toy.

Discooooo Brrroccoli!

He grabbed the rest of the pile and unceremoniously threw it into the bottom drawer of the wooden dresser, leaving the blood-stained garments piled against the wall. He stopped at the door just before he went to follow Louis, turning back to the girl on the bed.

“I’ll be right back.” He said to Clementine.

“I promise we won't talk too loud.”

You get to rest now.

Just like you always wanted.

[fullstop-official]

A Scheduled Four Hours of My Local Drugstore Hell

AKA: Chapter Two

Once upon a time, two high school sweethearts were married. They’d already fallen head-over-heels in love, so they tied the knot, bought a house, built successful careers, and even started a family together.

Then, they got divorced when their son was in seventh grade.

Since the divorce, I’ve lived with my mom in the Valley. Not too long after their marriage dissolved, my dad got a job offer to teach English at Purdue, and he couldn’t possibly pass up such a sweet deal, so he moved to Indiana. I only get to see him in person a few times a year, less and less since he started teaching spring and summer courses. At first, it was pretty tough and kind of hit me hard, but it probably could have been worse. It was a fairly clean break – there wasn’t really a lot of fighting. Instead, they just both sort of realized they’d married the wrong person. They’re still friends, which is better than what Bryson had to deal with when his parents split up, so I figure I’m one of the lucky ones.

***

After band practice, I’m back in the Gator’s passenger seat with an altered mood and the dread caused by the clause of a hastily written contract looming over me. At the very least, Travis is always musically prepared, so I don’t have to sit through the overplayed crap on the radio. Not all of his stuff is particularly to my taste, but it’s absolutely nothing like Selena’s so I can deal with having to hear a Nickelback song every once and a while.

I don’t have a car of my own, so this is all commonplace. Travis is basically my ride everywhere. We usually aren’t too far apart anyway. Both of us live in Woodland Hills in the third quadrant (as bisected by the highways and major streets) where the roads start to mercilessly curve in order to work with the mountains. The bends, levels and hills made it an equally exciting and terrifying experience learning how to drive, so more often than not, I graciously decide to leave that part up to Travis.

I live in one of the two-story homes, which is pretty rare because Woodland Hills is basically made up of single-story ranches that were definitely built during that bold period between the fifties and the eighties – low, gradual rooflines, giant stone on the same building as ugly siding, the whole nine yards. I wouldn’t be too surprised if half of them still have shag carpets, faux wood panels, and flower power wallpaper from the seventies.

Travis pulls into my driveway behind my mom’s car, and we both climb out of the Gator. We head inside through the front door. The smell of spices and grease hits me the instant we step from the LA summer heat into air conditioning. The scents waft from the kitchen in through the living room.

“We’re home!” I call out as Travis and I kick off our shoes. We follow the aroma, and the crackles and pops that start to become clearer, into the kitchen.

My mom’s still in scrubs which means when she got home the hunger and thought of dinner overruled everything else, including changing clothes. She’s standing before the stove with stir fry sizzling on the element.

“Doctor Scott!” Travis uses his standard greeting – a high, breathy, surprised gasp in his best impression of Janet from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. It does not suit his voice at all, but it’s been his go-to hello for my mom since we first saw the movie back in middle school. I’m sure that must be why it’s one of his favourite scenes because, honestly, it’s thirty straight seconds of people yelling names. And it repeats.

“Travis is here,” she states, half sarcastic and wearing a grin. “Big surprise.”

“Yeah, I just can’t seem to get rid of him,” I joke.”

Travis scoffs back teasingly as he drops into one of the chairs at our kitchen table. “Em fo dir teg ot gniog reven er’uoy, Nagrom,” he says in reverse.

“Taht tuoba ees ll’ew, Sivart.”

“Stop speaking in tongues or I’m hiring an exorcist,” my mom chimes in. She turns a bit to look over her shoulder while I open the fridge. She asks, already knowing the answer, “Are you staying for dinner, Travis?”

“If you insist.” I don’t have to see his face while I’m digging around to know that he’s smirking as he says it.

“Intercepting my leftovers before they even had a chance,” she sighs playfully.

“Is it vegetarian stir fry again?” I ask, only because I notice from the corner of my eye that her pan seems to lack protein. I kick the fridge door shut, hands occupied by two sodas. I toss the Cherry Coke to Travis and he, thankfully, catches it. There have been a few tragic instances where one of us has missed, and the can exploded as a casualty, and it really isn’t fun cleaning liquid sugar off of every surface in a seven-foot radius.

In response to my question, my mom lets out a little disapproving hum. “It wouldn’t be if you’d ever listen to me and take the chicken out of the freezer when I ask you to.”

Travis laughs as he cracks open his can.

“At least I know it means you’re eating your vegetables.”

“I mean, I don’t really have many other options. Between driving to somewhere for a burger or staying and eating your rabbit food, this one’s the simplest.”

“Kind of an Occam’s Razor for food choices,” Travis interjects.

“Precisely.”

“You two are weird.” She looks up from stirring the pan and focuses on me. “Work tonight?”

I nod. “At six. Short shift. But I wouldn’t be stuck in CVS purgatory if I already had a car and didn’t have to save for one.”

“I gave you a choice. Car now or tuition later.” She points the spatula at me. “And you, my friend, picked the smart option. Even if it means Travis gets to steal my food and camp out in my home. Will I be seeing him later, too?”

“Likely,” Travis answers. “I am his ride everywhere, after all.” It’s his small attempt at helping my cause and rescuing me from part-time retail, but it ultimately doesn’t end with my mom seeing the light and offering to buy me an alternative mode of transportation.

Travis changes the subject after taking another sip of his drink.

“Coming to the gig Friday night, Doctor Scott?”

My mom has told him many times that he can call her by her first name, or even just call her mom at this point. Travis refuses. She’s stopped trying to fight it.

“Nope. Date night.”

My mom has seen a few other guys since the divorce, but she’s been with her current boyfriend, Derek, for about six-or-seven months now, I believe. Ironically, he was my dad’s best friend all through high school. They were even in a band together back then, too.

“Besides, Ray’s Underground is kind of sketchy. Don’t they pay you in beer?” She gives me a “mom look,” one brow raised.

“They pay us. We get about four-fifty a show. Bryson funnels it back into the band.”

“The free beer is just a perk, not currency,” Travis adds with a grin.

“Why can’t you be like normal teenagers and just lie to me about your illegal shenanigans?” She shakes her head. Her hair is still pulled back, so the low ponytail flops between her shoulder blades. “I’ve heard you guys a hundred times anyway. You’re good. I don’t have to go watch every show.”

“Too bad. You’ll miss Morgan’s lead-singing debut.”

I feel the physical part of me freeze up, and others inside die instantly with that kill shot that came out of nowhere. My mom’s head whips up from the stove and her light, wide eyes spend a second bouncing between me and my best friend. He’s still wearing a smug face. I’m just trapped in that “stay perfectly still and nothing bad will happen” mindset like some stunned piece of prey. Eventually, after what feels like an eternity, her gaze settles on Travis in disbelief.

“Morgan?” she asks. “Morgan Scott? Morgan Jamie Scott the Second?”

My parents are both uncreative, naming-impaired, cruel narcissists. I have my dad’s first name and the middle is my mom’s, so I guess it’s a good thing they were both stuck with unisex names. I’ve been told it would have been reversed if I’d been a girl: Jamie Morgan.

“My son?” The spatula tip is pointed my way again. The tenseness has begun to fade away and now I just want to roll my eyes at her theatrics. “Him?”

“Even signed a contract,” Travis confirms. “He’s going to sing our encore, front-and-center.”

“Wow,” she remarks. “I’m almost sad I’m going to miss that.” Her curious stare briefly finds its way back to me before her focus moves back to her cooking again. “What are you singing?”

Travis jumps in and answers before I can. “Blank Space.”

I notice a second too late that he refused to elaborate on which version we’re doing.

I feel that sinking pressure of remorse mixed with something that’s bordering on annoyance because my mom bursts out laughing after putting the title to a song, and the song to the original singer’s face, and then probably that face on my face. She’s obviously thinking about the overplayed pop version she’s heard a billion times.

“Thanks, Trav.” Monotone. Sarcasm. In response, he just raises his can of Cherry Coke to me like a small, mischievous salute. He’s grinning and practically glowing with schadenfreude.

When she stops mocking me, my mom turns. She shoves her spatula into my hand. “Watch the food, Taylor Swift; I’m going to go get changed.” As she steps around me to leave, she reaches up the height I’ve got on her and messes my hair, only adding to the humiliating taunting. “God, you need a haircut.” She says this about once a month to me, and every few days to Travis – not that it accomplishes anything.

I sigh silently as I take her place before the frying vegetables, and she disappears from the kitchen. I hear her laughter start up again – she isn’t finished basking in the sheer hilarity everybody except me seems to find in the deal I was bribed into making.

“She’ll be calling me Taylor Swift for the rest of my life.”

“No doubt.”

“I hate you,” I say.

“I know,” Travis replies, definitely still smirking.

***

When I get off of work at ten after a scheduled four hours of my local drugstore hell, Travis is waiting for me in the Gator, parked in a space by the door and blaring Sum 41 so loud all of Winnetka is liable to complain. He turns the volume down when I climb into the passenger seat to something more suitable for conversation.

“Fun night?” he asks to tease me.

“I think a piece of my soul died.”

Travis chuckles in response – he’s heard enough of my CVS horror stories to know I’m not exaggerating. He encounters some idiots at his job, sure, but there’s a special brand of general-public stupidity that I’m exposed to every single time I walk into CVS wearing a nametag and a polo.

“What did you do while I was being tortured?”

He’s wearing another conceited look as he backs out of the space in the vacant lot. “I met up with Sweet Caroline Wu for a little while.”

Sweet Caroline Wu goes to our school and had a major Neil Diamond obsession back in the tenth grade, hence the nickname. (She’s hot too, which is also pretty sweet, in my opinion.) Travis and Sweet Caroline have been hanging out as a pair for a couple weeks now, usually whenever I’m working. They both say they’re not dating or fooling around, but they absolutely are. Travis talks about her a lot in that dopey, smitten way. I end up hearing a lot about how her lips taste like strawberries, and how her hair smells like coconut, and how her breasts feel (perfect, according to him).

So, yeah, they’re totally dating.

“Is she coming on Friday?” I ask. I know Sweet Caroline doesn’t really like the kind of music we play, but she likes Travis enough that she’ll sit through an entire band practice just to fawn over him.

“Of course. I promised her a backstage tour after the set. And she can be another witness when you dump your girlfriend.”

Those words sound like a choir of angels to me. I almost expect the night-darkened heavens to part, and a beam of light to shine down on the promise of mine and Selena’s contractually-destroyed fake relationship as it’s so close to coming to an end. It’s the clause of my agreement with Bryson, however, that stops this from happening. It weighs heavily on me like a cloud of smog blocking the Godly illumination’s full radiance.

By the time we’re back in Woodland Hills and pulling into my driveway, the music has shifted to blessthefall. Travis shuts the Gator off in the middle of Hollow Bodies. He hauls a familiar overnight duffel bag over his shoulder as we walk to the door, which means that, at some point between making out with Sweet Caroline Wu and coming to pick me up from work, he went home, at least for a few minutes.

“How is it over there?” I ask him.

“Not safe. Have to wait it out another month.”

Travis’ older brother, Tyler, is home for the summer. He’s majoring in structural engineering at UCB, which means that Travis’ parents are asking him about his courses, and also asking Travis what his plans are after he graduates high school. They don’t like the answer that he gives.

Both Longfield brothers got in part-time at this garage during the summers, and, while Tyler sees it as a source of a few extra bucks, it’s what Travis wants to do – I mean, not the cleaning and administration stuff he’s stuck doing, but the fixing part. His parents think he can do better than “just a lowly auto mechanic,” even though he’d definitely have an apprenticeship lined up after vocational school, and a guaranteed full-time job after that. When his brother is home, that all goes out the window, and he has to spend most days and nights over at my place. He’d end up in a straightjacket otherwise.

My mom is still awake in the living room when we enter. She’s sitting in front of the TV, watching one of her recordings of some drama on NBC that makes her cry. I always tease her and tell her she should stop watching if she can’t handle the tragedy they’ve scripted, but she holds true to her claim that it’s all just too beautiful, and intricate, and deserves to be viewed. She keeps watching and crying over fictional characters.

“How was work?” She’s already dabbing at her eyes with a tissue.

“Hell.”

“That’s nice.”

She’s not really listening.

Travis and I go upstairs and leave her be.

I think my bedroom is relatively normal for a teenager – posters, books, clothes, a mother who’s constantly trying to make me clean it all up to no avail. The only uncommon thing is Travis’ bed. It’s a futon, but it’s never put back into couch mode, nor do the extra pillows and blankets ever leave it. Travis sets his bag down at the foot of it.

“What magnificent wonders of the past are you forcing me to watch tonight?” I pull off my polo – my glorified prison uniform – and toss it aside. I’d burn it if I didn’t need the money in my car fund.

Travis already has three DVDs in hand. He’s sort of a movie buff, which means I’ve seen just about every piece of cinema produced between 1927 and the present, regardless of whether or not it’s actually good.

“Psycho, The Searchers, or Casablanca?”

“Psycho.”

“Shower scene. Implied nudity,” he remarks. He’s smirking, mostly because he’s an ass, and also because he isn’t wrong.

“Beats cowboy racism and a movie I’ve watched a hundred times.”

“Casablanca is a classic,” Travis defends, already putting in the disc for Psycho. “Three Academy Awards.”

“I know,” I say, teasingly, “Because I’ve seen it a hundred times.”

He flips me off playfully, and we fall into something familiar and comfortable, despite the creepy motel vibe and plenty of chocolate syrup blood.

Chapter: 1

[elyseviolette]

Birth To Three: One To Two

Riley had already overcome a huge hurdle, that we quite frankly, weren’t sure she would make. In our hearts and faith, we hoped and prayed she would, along with others and by God’s grace she did it. She made it to one. 

There are many milestones that a child goes through between the age of one and two. We realized very quickly that Riley was not hitting most of these milestones. She was hardly rolling over and was not even close to crawling. She was having a hard time sitting up at all. So as we worked with her occupational therapist, we realized Riley would need more help. Her OT suggested that she get a physical therapist to join our team and work with Riley. So in doing what was best for Riley we had a physical therapist come and evaluate her. After her initial evaluation with the PT it was decided that Riley would benefit from a lot of physical therapy. So her PT was added to our team and began seeing Riley every week. 

One of the things that we loved about Riley’s physical therapist was that she knew all of Riley’s tricks. She could tell when Riley was having and off day, trying to “cute” her way out of work, or simply not bothering. Riley’s PT was amazing and within what seemed like a few weeks had her up and moving more than we knew could be possible. She helped us understand that Riley would have spikes in her development and plateaus. It was during these spikes that she would work Riley harder to gain as much advancement as possible. She started sitting up on her own and even hand feeding herself. 

We did notice a few things though. Her hypotonia was an issue with her eating and ability to stand and crawl. We started realizing Riley was choking on her drinks and towards the end of meal times she would refuse to eat. She was sent for a swallow study. Her swallow study showed that every so often when Riley went to swallow, the liquid would go down her lung pipe. Essentially, she was choking. We had no idea this had been going on because she had shown no symptoms of it. Her liquid diet was changed up to see if it would help the problem. We realized after this study as well, that she would refuse to eat towards the end of a meal because her body was tired. She didn’t have the muscle strength or energy to chew anymore. So, we had to address that. There were many days when her meal would be finished with a bottle instead of a finished dinner. At least we could make sure she was getting the nutrition she needed, even if it was in liquid form. 

When it came to standing and crawling, there was another realization made. Riley’s PT told us that she may need braces on her legs to help give her hypotonia balance. She was very strong, but her muscles were very flimsy. So, we when to the doctor and she ended up with two different sets of custom braces. One set was specifically for her feet and ankles and the other was for her legs. She was also given a special “walker” to use while she worked on building up muscle strength. The walker had her strapped in a standing position and it had a table she could play at to help her continued work with occupational therapy. 

We noticed again, a large difference very quickly. Once she had those braces Riley began to crawl. She saw her PT once a week and her OT every other week, so she was getting a lot of help that was very much needed. In just one year, Riley went from having a  hard time moving to becoming obviously a hard worker, and unstoppable. We were excited to see her not only beat expectations, but to start thriving as she did. 

She was about to turn two years old and we were so happy. The doctors she had could not explain what was going on. They had never seen a case like Riley’s before. They were baffled at how she was able to do all she could do and was seizure free. There was even talk about changing her diagnosis, because she was just too healthy for all of her traumatic symptoms. So, we knew her she would have to go through more testing, but for the time being we were all happy to celebrate Riley and second birthday. 

[cntcrtainmcnt-blog]

Okay so, classes are starting on Monday, meaning I’ll probs be slower(or faster, it’s also a definite possibility). In any case, I will most likely slow down when it comes to bringing new muses in so hopefully this is my last intro post in a while. If you’d like to plot with any of them, please like this or just message me!

EDWARD “EDDIE” HALE is a 23 years old CISMALE who looks just like LUKE BENWARD. He has been described as ALTRUISTIC yet SUPERSTITIOUS.

Eddie is the younger brother of Terrence, and from the moment he was born, he was expected to be just as good as his brother was. While he did try to live up to it at first, it also gave him some issues, mostly relating to confidence, since he was always compared to his brother and felt like he wasn’t good enough.

Being 6 years younger, at least, he was mostly the one Hale kid people knew in his school year. During that time, mostly in elementary school, it was a relief, since he had a break of living up to everyone’s expectations.

Then, the closer he got to high school, the more people started to hear about his brother and everything.

All through high school, he tried to just blend in, and not get linked to his brother. By that time, people knew all the things he did, Terrence was basically like a legend in their high school, and Eddie was definitely not the same type of character.

Every single time his brother brought a girlfriend home, he’d end up surprisingly bonding with her, enough to care and try to help them after his brother broke their heart. But he personally didn’t have a girlfriend until the very high of his senior high school year.

By the time he graduated, Terrence had moved out to Kola, looking for good job opportunities. Eddie still doesn’t know what happened in his mind, but at one point, he received a text from his brother asking if he wanted to move in with him in Kola and open a confectionery with him. Since he decided to not go to college and was just working a shit job, Eddie accepted. Not like his relationship with his parents was that good anyway.

So moved to Kola when he was 19, and he lives there in an apartment with his brother. Since he never studied, Terrence thought he’d be better running the front shop, greeting people, selling stuff, managing the employees, while he was working mostly backstore with finance and all that.

Not a day passes without him regretting his decision to move to Kola.

While definitely help you if you’re in trouble, even if he doesn’t know you or won’t get anything out of it.

STYLES MCKINLEY is a 28 years old CISMALE who looks just like BEAU MIRCHOFF. He has been described as GENEROUS yet SAD.

So Styles. Is. A. Sad. Puppy.

He was the second son, his brother being about 5 years older than him. When he was only 3, his mother passed away. He was told it was a certain disease, but he was never told what.

Anyway, he grew up looking up at his dad and his brother, and never really minded not having a mom. Although after a moment, he started getting upset whenever someone would mention his mom, and then they’d apologize when they learned about her fate. It’s not like he really knew her, and yes, it’s sad, but it’s something he’s gotten over a long time ago.

When he was 12, his father(43) remarried with a woman that was 24. It was... weird to have a step-mom this young, but it was weirder for his brother. Anyway, they already knew the woman, she was their dad’s secretary, and actually babysat both boys when they were a little younger. So she was already well acquainted with the family.

Anyway, a year later, she was caught cheating on her husband with no one else than Styles’ brother. That completely tore the family apart. His dad divorced, his brother was kicked out, and his step mom was fired and he never heard of her again.

And when he started high school, his father(who’d started abusing alcohol) was deemed ot good enough to care for him, so he went to live with his brother(who was now 19 and had a steady job in a restaurant). But that wasn’t the rockiest part of his high school experience.

See, Styles was a rather talented soccer player, and so quite popular. But unlike his friends(who tended to be cruel and manipulative), he was just the most caring person, he just never showed that side often. Or at least, people would mistake him as just another cruel boy.

Anyway. Early in sophomore year, they started picking on this girl, Louise, who was, really, just minding her own business. But they didn’t like that she was never mingling with people, and they really wanted her to like... do it with them. Well, Styles never said anything out loud, but she categorized him as one of them, and he totally gets why, since he never stepped in to stop it. Which he was kind of sad about because if he was honest, she seemed really nice and he thought he could definitely like her.

Well, he did end up stopping them, about a month and a half later. It was a party(which she surprisingly decided to go to), his “friends” had cornered her in a room. He was standing in the back at first, but when he realized what their intention was, he just want ahead and got them, not so pacifially, to leave. That was the beginning of his story with Louise, and honestly the end of his popularity(and soccer career, since he quit, refusing to play with such jerks).

At first, Louise and him were distant, mostly because he was grumpy he went from everything to nothing, but he quickly warmed up. And that was the beginning of a wonderful love story that would’ve lasted for ages, had it not been a horrible diagnosis.

It was during senior year, she was getting sicker and sicker, so she went to the doctors. And when she got her results, she was devastated. So was Styles, when he learned she had cancer, and it wasn’t an early stage, and it was almost terminal.

Well, anyway, they decided it wouldn’t stop them. The next year, while she was transferred to a better hospital and he decided he would go into medicine in a close by hospital, they did the most impulsive thing either have ever done, and they got married. She just wanted to live as much as she could, before it was too late.

She was strong, lasted for a very long time, but the more time passed, the more they realized the day was going to come. Louise passed away 3 years ago, when they were 25. Styles was devastated, but at least, he knew she had a good life. She had the life she wanted.

So he kind of knew he wouldn’t be able to stay in that town much longer after her death, so he decided to head back to Kola. He’s now a resident in oncology, and his biggest dream would be to help cancer patients.

TAMI SULLIVAN is a 20 years old CISFEMALE who looks just like SHANNON PURSER. She has been described as MAGNANIMOUS yet SELF CONSCIOUS.

Tami is the youngest sister of a pageant queen who went out to become a model. She was originally expected to also follow in those steps, but she had no interest in beauty contest, and much prefers imaginary worlds.

While her sister would always be out partying with friends, Tami would just stay home and read books after books. Literally never stopped, it’s all she did. So while she wasn’t so good in classes such as sciences or maths, she was skilled in English or Literature classes.

So she’s not really popular? Never has been? But she’s also got a bunch of friends. You know how it is, unpopular kids tend to bond together, and they nearly always have more genuine friends than popular kids. So she’s really happy being unpopular but with real friends.

She’s currently studying to become an editor, since she loves reading and it would be a perfect job for her. She would totally write her own stories, but she’s just lacking a little in the imagination skill.

While she lives well being unpopular, constantly being compared to her model sister has given her body issues. She knows all shapes are pretty, curves are pretty, people tell her she’s pretty, but it’s sometimes just really hard to believe when you’re sister is tall and skinny and poses on magazine covers.

TERRENCE HALE is a 29 years old CISMALE who looks just like GLEN POWELL. She has been described as AESTHETIC yet COCKY.

Born from two overachiever parents, Terrence was expected to do good. And while he had an immense ego and self-confidence, he was also surprisingly smart. So of course, when his brother was born, he was taken as a model.

To not look like a complete nerd, Terrence acted like a real brat in school, hanging with the popular kids. Hell, he was one of the most popular kid out there. He just made sure to study double the amount at home so his grades would stay up.

Definitely did a lot of shit, dated countless girls(often now more than a few days), did all kind of crazy dares, which ended up getting him suspended quite a few times, but also gave him a name in the school, which would end up lasting for years.

Once he graduated high school, he went on to study accounting in Kola University, keeping up the same game he played all through school, aka he was a frat boy who acted like he gave no shit about classes, but definitely had the best grades in the class.

After graduating, he didn’t really know what he wanted to do. He knew he would never go home, somehow being far from his parents felt good, so he just looked around for jobs, but nothing really interested him.

Until he was binge-watching all of the Harry Potter movies, with a gigantic bowl of candies. He then realized there weren’t that many confectioneries in Kola, and that was definitely something the town needed more. (he might have been high when that happened...)

It was really on an impulse that Terrence looked around for a place to rent, to found one, and called Eddie to know if he wanted to join. Honestly, that confectionery was going to happen whether he said yes or no, but he definitely wanted his brother to be a part of it. He was just always close to him, and he knew he was most likely looking out for a good opportunity career-wish.

The confectionery, called Candy Hale, was opened about 4 years ago, and its popularity keeps only increasing. Terrence mostly works the accounts, but he also doesn’t mind helping up front if needed.

[half-mer-child]

Yeah how *does* Reader's (if female) biology work? All I can picture is the mers losing their collective shit in a fit of protectiveness and terror when she comes into work smelling like that much blood.

In the a.u the collective gender is female but that’s because transformers-4-life who does most of the writing is female. If your uncomfortable with that, that’s okay just change the pronouns in your head. For this imagine though there will be female parts involved along with a period cycle.

There are the mers you know who’ve been around humans or have know humans long enough to know that females for about a week every month smell strongly of blood while their body goes through it’s menstrual cycle and then there are the new mers who flip absolute shit. Who HUrt FRIEND?!?!

Megatron has been around you long enough to know females do this and your not dying. It makes him slightly uncomfortable to know your in pain and bleeding almost constantly but he knows it’s normal and just does what he can to keep you out of pain. Uncle Megs got you. Laying on his stomach as he floats through the water he rubs your shoulders and tummy soothing cramps and keeps you calm so your stable.

Rodimus… he knows it’s normal but he hates it. That is not how mers work. Your half mer you shouldn’t work like that either. It’s painful. Primus you smell like blood and… it irks him. His protective instincts kick in he hugs you tight body overwhelmed with your scent telling him his future mate is hurt. If your with him for a couple hours it’ll tone his instincts down and you can continue work in peace.

Getaway knows. He’s a halfer so he’s more or less educated in how both landers and mers work and just leaves it. He pins after and follows you a bit more but says nothing. Still he swoops in if you need something really anything because he knows how painful it is.

Drift used to be a bad mer like really bad. When he was DeadLock it was yeah… bad times. You not only reached out to him but told him you knew and forgave him. He’s gonna do whatever he can to repay that. So when you come into work smelling like blood he’s suddenly going back to DeadLock mode the moment your even close to his tank he drags you in. Confused you scream at him only for him to hold you close and hiss at anyone who gets to close. Why do you smell like blood. Why do you smell like blood. Why?!? He won’t let go until you explain in detail what’s going on and why and then tell him you’ll take it easy. He finally lets you go after Rodimus confirms that what you said is true even though it’s strange. He learns how to ease human cramps and does some exercises with you if you feel to stiff. Whenever ot rolls around though he doesn’t like you working as much.

Magnus curls around you scared as he smells blood. The mer whale isn’t letting go anytime soon. He preens you messing with your hair straightening your clothes as he looks for possible wounds. He finds none so where is the blood coming from??? When you explain he’s grossed out. He lets you go staring at you uncertainly. What? Okay now he knows he doesn’t ask questions he just does whatever you ask within reason and tells you he loves you.

Cyclonus goes to all hell. The first time he sees you the day your period start he smiles waving at you in greeting but stops. There… there… There bleeding?! Who did this what does he have to do??? He will kill anyone who touches his niece! Dragging them in his tank cuddling them close no one goes near them. Whoever hurt them is dead but for now he churrs hugging you close. It takes hours to calm him down with you telling him it’s okay and Tailgate cooing from the tank over. No one can come near you. Cyclonus needs you in front of him right now and will get very aggressive if you some how escape. He’s just so worried please… please stay with him. Just let him know your okay he’s lost so much your not about to be on that list.

When Cyclonus calms down enough to be approached Tailgate swims closer before jumping tanks. Only to stop when he smells the blood. All but tackling his friend no he does tackle his friend he starts chirping and churing in a worried frenzy. Calming him down the best they can your stuck with the task of explaining human biology and why you smell like blood. Taking the explanation Cyclonus stops worrying but rumbles sadly holding you close. Tailgate is a purring mess curled up in your lap. Lesson learned tell the mers about things like this. Seriously your drowning in mer cuddles. You need to do your job. Help!

Whirl becomes dangerous. He starts fighting anyone and everyone near him as he smells your blood. Who was stupid enough to hurt you?!?! Who does he need to rip to shreds?! Holding you almost suffocatingly close he churrs nuzzling into you. You’re not leaving the tank for awhile even if you explained why you smell like blood and that your fine he keeps you close and will beat up anything that comes into the tank he’s in with you know. Let him have this he thought you were hurt. He thought he’d lost someone else.

Swerve is more or less knowledgeable in human biology but smelling blood all knowledge goes out the window as he becomes a stuttering crying wheezing mess demanding if readers dying. Turning at the commotion everyone stares at reader. She’s confused??? So she doesn’t answer. What’s going on? Swerve then sobs taking their silence as a yes. Oh boy readers mind is taken off cramps while they rub Swerves belly the poor flounder a mess. Finally calming him down he floats with them on his belly sniffling and staying in complete silence. Reader just keeps assuring them their there and there okay. Well now he knows something new about humans at least.

Skids smells blood and he gets a random sudden flashback. It’s bloody it’s gorey and he doesn’t know the context behind it. Grabbing the reader he cuddles them close refusing to let go churring soft things in their ear. There confused at Skids sudden attitude change and try asking him what’s wrong but he wont answer. Concerned trying to say something he holds them tighter. “Don’t leave me to…” Reader ends up falling asleep with Skids and much to their relief he calms down enough they can explain the next day but they wander what he meant when he said don’t leave me to in that haunting voice. There not sure if they want to know.

Chromedome and Rewind are highly unsettled. Usually Chromedome doesn’t touch anyone in fear his claws will prick them but smelling blood he’s ready to start war and Rewind is with him. Someone hurt their friend! And it’s not gonna end well!!! Rewind starts growling witch is actually terrifying as he holds his friend close meanwhile Chromedome is plowing anyone who tries to stop him as he gets Ratchet. Eventually they calm down with the liaison soothing them explaining her cramps and such and why she smells like blood. Crisis haphazardly avoided. Whoops.

Velocity is not a happy mer. Why are you bleeding??? What’s going on??? What’s wrong with you? She hisses and threatens to scratch anyone who comes near you. She looks everywhere before looking you in the eye and demanding where’s the wound??? Sighing you explain and she finally calms down when she gets conformation from First Aid and Ratchet. She makes sure you have chocolate and other things on hand so your cravings are met and finds it funny when other mers look horrified because cravings in their culture usually means pregnant. She stays quiet about the true meaning leaving all the mers curious who knocked up their friend and who they need to be jealous of.

Nautica is a worried fish who immediately starts fretting over you trying to drag you to a doctor. Nautica no. Biology saves the day when you explain​ to Nautica what the heck is going on. Once she understands you get trapped in a purring churring nuzzling mess that is Nautica. She rubs your belly to sooth the cramps and refuses to let you go. Nope your stuck cuddling now good luck as death by cute is accurate.

Brainstorm wonders why your bleeding and pulls you in a tank ready to dress a wound. But he’s more calm as you start explaining and stops trying to bandage you. So your hurt and bleeding heavily but not dying? Weird. He’s overdramatic at first but but the more you explain the more he just stops and listens. Science calms him down like that. Then he makes a pass on you when your done. Brainstorm no.

Perceptor smells blood and the second he does his rational side takes over and he tries dragging you away. No. No. No stop. Perceptor I’m fine. Similar to Brainstorm once you explain his panic stops. But instead of making a pass on you he hugs you close whispering he’s glad your okay before letting you go so you may continue your day.

[asryakino]

Fucking ignore this

When I was about fourteen, I began having these incidents. Where I would be laying in bed, scrolling through the internet and my heart would suddenly start going nuts. My chest would hurt, I couldn’t breathe, my skin would get clammy and I’d get sweaty. The incident would last about ten minutes, and things would calm down...

After the first few, I told my mother, who took me to the doctor. A new pediatrician took over my file from my old and immediately declared the incidents were panic attacks. My mother suggested it might be related to the asthma I had been diagnosed with as a baby, and the doctor announced that no, it absolutely was NOT asthma, it was PANIC ATTACKS and she had EXACTLY the medicine for that. Where I would have developed asthma she had no idea. All those doctors from years past had no idea what a PANIC ATTACK looked like and she knew. I didn’t have words to ask if it was my heart. I was 14, I had been getting my period, I was scared of the world, I hated everything and I couldn’t breathe right or play because I was allergic to pretty much everything in the world. Why would I know how to ask someone to look at my heart? She demanded we go to a therapist and be diagnosed for my OBVIOUS anxiety and panic attacks, and she refused, outright to look for any other solution. So we went ot hte therapist I had been going to since I was 8... and he wrote a not-so-kind letter back to the doctor requesting she kindly not diagnose his long time patients with conditions they did not have, and to look for a PHYSICAL reason as she was NOT a psychology doctor she was a physical doctor and to kindly stay in her lane in the future and take a look for a medical reason for these incidents.

The incidents continued, after being told off by the psychologist, she reluctantly admitted the incidents COULD possibly be asthma, and I just needed to take my asthma medication when they happened.

Except, I had been. the medication made them worse, and I would end up shakey, disorientated, and uncomfortable because my heart would thud in my ears.

Side effects of the asthma medication, you’re having asthma attacks. You have asthma, so it’s nothing but that.

I learned to hate my asthma medication. It made my chest hurt worse, I could breathe, but my head would pound I felt like the world was caving in around me, I was paranoid (I didn’t know the word) and jittery...

The incidents continued. Every doctor would take a look at my medical history and announce it was asthma.

Not one ever looked at my heart.

The incidents get worse under stress, physical or mental. Most times I won’t be doing anything though. I’ll get excited, and happy... and it’ll happen. I’ll be mostly calm and see something that makes me superbly happy... it happens. When I get stressed my heart feels like it’ll jump from my chest, like it’s beating against my ribs and I feel choked. My lungs tighten up, my blood rushes and pounds in my ears, and my body goes clammy and cold and then I begin coughing and choking because there isn’t enough air. I black out sometimes, because there’s no air. It turns into an asthma attack. I take my inhaler. I can breathe, but the thudding heart remains, the headaches change, but stay, my skin doesn’t get warm, and I shake.

Every medical professional declared the same thing. It’s just your asthma. You don’t have anything else wrong with you. It’s allergies and asthma. When I got older, I got overweight. Now the diagnosis is that I’m too fat. I need to lose weight, and everything else is nothing but asthma. You have asthma, so that must be it.

I learned control. When the incidents begin, I stop, I control my breathing, I close my eyes. I force my breathing to go a certain way so the muscles push against my heart and force it to stop beating so hard. I breathe, I take deep breathes and concentrate on which parts of my lungs to inflate most, to squeeze my heart for seconds at a time, to make it stop feeling as if it’ll burst out of my chest. I flex my pec muscles to squeeze everything down, I rotate my shoulders to align my ribs so I can push against my own chest and stop my flighty organs from going haywire.

I got electorcated at work, twice in the same day. My boss was forced by OSHA to take me to the hospital. He dropped me off at the ER door and drove away. The ER nurses declared I hadn’t been electorcated, because they couldn’t find K in my blood. By the time OSHA forced my boss to take me to the ER, it had been nearly an hour, my back was locked up, and I had felt the electricity go through my heart. The ER said my heart was fine, my lungs were clear. But I had asthma, so breathe this nebulizer. The chest pains were nothing but asthma.

My dad pushed a factory job on me, the stress of being on the assembly line caused it again, I passed out that time. I whited out. I was fine and looked away from the line, but everything wouldn’t stop moving and I couldn’t concentrate on my method for stopping it. My dad insisted it was dehydration and undernourished. The doctor said it was asthma. We paid 200$ for the doctor to ignore my pleas to check my heart. Something was -wrong- would they please just LOOK at my heart... something was WRONG. You have asthma, this was nothing but an asthma attack. You need to keep your inhaler on you and take it. That’s all.

I’ve had “walking pneumonia”, and I’ve had lower pneumonia. I’ve had pleurisy... I’ve had lots of respiratory illnesses over the years. My mother, father, grandparents, great grandparents, several uncles and aunts, and even great aunts and uncles have all had heart issues. My mother has 3/4 of a heart, one chamber doesn’t beat properly, particularly when she gets stressed.

My father’s had two bypass surgeries already.

I continue to have incidents. And I’ve been sick for over a year, never -really- getting better. Only a week or two of good days.

My lungs feel like when you try to blow a balloon up underwater, and when I do get air in them, it feels like there’s only half as much as there should be.

I saw a doctor about 6 weeks ago, he heard me coughing. It was bad, a hard barking cough that threatened to make me pass out again. I’ve had it on and off for a year. If I laugh too much now, I start coughing and then I have an incident.

I told him that.  I told him I’ve been sick for a while, but can’t do anything about it, I told him my chest hurts, if I laugh or get stressed I start coughing, and I told him sometimes I’ll just get excited and my heart will start going weird and wild, then I start coughing.

“Have you been tested for asthma, that breathing problem sounds like asthma”

“I’ve had asthma since I was a baby.”

“Oh well there you go, it’s just asthma attacks.”

Now. Covid-19 is around, everyone is going off. “You should get that checked out, it sounds bad.”

“You should go to the doctor”

“You should get ot the hospital”

Why?

all they are ever going to tell me is that I have asthma. Because after 36 years of very distinctively different feelings when I have an asthma attack and ~an incident~ and now this sickness. I clearly don’t know what my own asthma attacks feel like. But every fucking doctor out there will know it in thirty seconds from looking at my health records.

I’m fat. I have asthma.

They will never check to see why asthma meds don’t help. They will never check my heart. They will never test me for a virus. They will never test me for pneumonia, or flu, or anything else.

I have to INSIST for a strep test when I get strep because:

“You have asthma”

“It’s just an asthma attack”

“Take your inhaler”

If I go to the doctor I pay for the privilege of being told, for the millionth time, that I have asthma.

Because if it was ever anything else, they would have to do actual work.

I have NEVER had a stress test, I have only ever had one EKG (when I was electrocuted) and since becoming an adult I haven’t had a single chest xray.

[shbettereveryday]

Day 322, 323, and 324

Medical Frustration

The new bladder meds I have been trying were not working. We just started another and just in the first few days I have noticed constipation, which is a prevalent side effect. The first 2 days Wednesday and Thursday were good. Today not as good but still better than the last medication. It usually takes a week ot two to figure out if it will work. I may be looking at other solutions. Natural bodily functioning is the best for your body, but aside from that I am looking at all options. Finding a doctor to consider them all might be difficult.

One of the other frustrations is doctors and appointments. I am finding once you start care with a specialist it is difficult, if I want to change doctors, for a number of reasons. Insurance could have a problem with seeing another while you already have established care with one. That is what my PCP said anyway. She also said a doctor may refuse to see you since you have established care. I told her we would like to see a different neurosurgeon to pick up my care as the guy who operated on me is over 30 minutes away and it is a hardship during the week to make it there. I, as you might expect, have a little, warranted or not, bad feeling for him since it was from that surgery that I ended up in this condition. Anyway, the referred doctor refused to take me on, saying that my injury is so new they wouldn’t take on my care even though I want to separate from the surgeon that worked on me. I also have considered moving to a different Physiatrist (rehab doctor). She is difficult to see because she only takes outpatient office visits on one Wednesday a month in the afternoon, so her appointments can be months out. She is also slow to respond via phone, but my PCP said that a new one would probably be questioned hard by insurance as well as probably turned down by the doctor himself. I did get an appointment with a pain specialist which will probably be a regular person for me to have to deal with. I will have more added to my team of doctors when I am done. Currently PCP, Rehab, Neurosurgeon, Urologist, hand surgeon, and pain specialist. I have a few more body parts that need their own help (haha). I don’t know if these are problems for everybody or maybe people with difficult medical conditions. I don’t know.

In general I have felt worse than last week and not particularly great overall but we all are struggling to feel better, aren’t we? Eventually things come together and get worked out but it is a chore to have to keep on top of all that stuff with my schedule to just get through a week. Staying on top of it all helps me to be bettereveryday so I will try to keep up with it.

[jdroxburgh]

Honeymoon Period

So this was a originally a one shot for Week 9 (Theme: Mistakes) for the #rizzlesfanficchallenge I was asked to extend it so here you go :) Happy Valentine’s Day :)

Chapter One.

Jane and Casey landed in the airport from their honeymoon and life bombarded them immediately; her phone buzzed with a zillion voicemails from her Ma and his commanding officer called him with an almost eerie timing as soon as he turned his signal back on. Casey looked at Jane with those puppy dog eyes he did before turning his back and hailing down a cab whilst succumbing to whatever instructions where being barked down the phone at him. Jane watched him climb into the cab and take off with a heavy sigh, so much for the honeymoon period! She hailed down a separate cab, gave the driver her address and took a deep breath before looking at her phone again. She winced as she looked at the sheer volume of voicemails her Ma had left her and locked the phone hastily, she could at least wait until she got home to call her Ma.

The cab pulled up at her apartment and she smiled at the familiar building with an almost sad nostalgia; whilst on honeymoon Casey had talked about getting a house, somewhere just outside of the city, somewhere cozy and warm, perfect for raising a family. she, of course, didn't let on the feeling of utter dread that that image brought her, she told herself it was just jitters, like she had on the wedding day, nothing serious, she just didn't always like change. She unlocked the door to her apartment and turned to close it behind her when she jumped out of her skin at a noise behind her.

"JANE CLEMENTINE RIZZOLI!"

"Jesus Ma!" Jane spun on her heels to glare at her Ma who was glaring right back at her with her hands on her hips. "What you tryin' to kill me?!"

"Me?! What about you? You don't let me know you landed safe, you don't leave the name of your hotel, you don't answer my calls, you don't tell me when you've arrived back?!" Angela shook her head at her daughter "I was worried sick! Anything could have happened!"

"Ma, I was on honeymoon! So sue me if I don't wanna talk to my mother every day!"

Angela was hurt by Jane's comments but shook them off; there was something more important to discuss. "Janie…"

Jane frowned at her apartment and it took her a second to catch onto why it looked so different, "Ma…why is all your stuff here…in my apartment…?"

Angela could feel the tears welling up and she wished she didn't have to have this conversation. "Janie…come sit down."

Jane eyed her Ma suspiciously "No, I'm good standing, what's going on Ma?"

Angela sighed sadly "It's Maura."

Panic seized Jane and she felt as if she were going to collapse, a lump in her throat made her feel sick and her ears began ringing, somehow she managed to speak over all of it "What's happened? Where is she?"

"I don't know."

The quiet honest answer her Ma gave her made her feel as if she had been stabbed through the chest "What do you mean? Where is she Ma? Where's Maura?" Saying her name almost winded Jane as emotions she didn't know she had coursed through her veins.

"She's gone…she sold the house…she quit her job…and just…left." Angela saw the heartbreak in her daughter's eyes and she recognised it; every time Maura had been hurt or in danger she had had that haunted, broken look in her eyes, Angela had never seen her look like that with anyone else, not even when Casey had told her the news of his accident.

Jane shook her head repeatedly "She just, left? no, Ma, that can't be right, I mean, she must have said something?!"

Angela stood up and attempted to gather Jane into a hug but Jane pushed her away angrily. "I came home from work and she was gone, she left me a note saying I had a couple of days to clear the guesthouse before the new owners moved in…that she was sorry but it was something she had to do. I called Sean and she had resigned that day, she begged him to take all her unused leave as a replacement for her notice…and that was it…"

Jane balled up her fists and gritted her teeth together "You must know something else."

Angela shook her head sadly and watched as Jane stormed out of her apartment.

As she sped to the BPD she constantly rang Maura leaving message after message telling her to call her. As she stormed into the bullpen she saw everyone avoid her gaze and she snarled at them in disgust before yanking open the door to Cavanaugh's office and slamming it shut.

He looked up at her unimpressed, "Detective Rizzoli. I trust you had a pleasant honeymoon?"

"Where is she?"

"Excuse me?"

Jane slammed her hands down on his desk "Maura! Where is she?!"

"Doctor Isles felt as if her services were needed elsewhere."

Jane leaned right into his face trying to hold back the hot tears "Where did she go?"

"Rizzoli, you know I can't reveal that information, she asked for it to remain private."

"I'm her best friend!"

"Then why didn't she tell you?"

His words slithered across her skin like a cold harsh wind, it seeped into her and sank to the pit of her stomach like a rock. She turned and left his office without a word. She walked out of the bullpen and down into the morgue. Doctor Pike was fussing about in Maura's office measuring things and she simply glared at him. "Get out." He opened his mouth to protest but seeing the dangerous look in her eye he scampered away.

"Then why didn't she tell you?" The words echoed in her mind like a cruel taunt. She picked up her phone and dialled that number that was so ingrained in her brain. "Maura…it's me…again…where are you? Let me come and find you…please…I need to talk to you, I want to talk to you…I miss you…I…I…I love you…" The last admission was whispered down the phone as realisation sank in and Jane suddenly realised what had been staring her in the face for all these years. "I love you." Her voice had grown in strength as the words warmed through the frost and hurt. "I love you Maura Isles, Doctor Maura Isles, Chief Medical Examiner of Massachusetts. I love the way you get frustrated with me and tell me off when I guess. I love the way your nose scrunches up when you don't understand a saying. I love the way you talk to your turtle…I love the way it winds you up when I don't call Bass a tortoise. I love the way you always look like you're about to do a photoshoot. I love the way you always have my back, no matter what. I love that I'm the only one allowed to hug you when you cry, just like you're the only one who can hold my hands. I love you Maura and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I did this to us. I'm sorry I was so blind I didn't see it. I'm sorry I married Casey." Tears were flowing fast and free down Jane's face. "Losing you is the worst thing that could ever have happened to me, letting you go without telling you this is my biggest mistake. I'll do anything Maur…anything. I will hunt the earth to find you just to tell you this, even if you don't feel the same, even if you never want to see me again."

Jane heard movement in the doorway and span in hope praying to see those beautiful hazel eyes that reassured her that everything was okay. Instead she face Senior Criminologist Chang's puzzled expression and she sighed heavily as she hung up her phone.

"Detective Rizzoli. You're back."

Jane frowned at her momentarily before remembering she had just come back from honeymoon. "Oh, right, yeah…" she swiped at her tears and went to brush past Susie when a gentle hand reached out and rested on her arm.

"It took you long enough." Jane frowned at her again and the other woman smiled kindly at her. "Doctor Isles told me to keep this strictly to myself, but I have a feeling she will forgive me in time."

Jane felt a piece of paper being pushed into her hand and unfolded it carefully. it was an address. Jane looked up to thank Susie but she had gone. Hope suddenly welled up inside Jane like a spring. This is it. You're about to either make another mistake, or rectify the biggest one you ever made. Either way it was about time Jane learned from her mistakes and she wasn't about to let Maura go again without a fight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Chapter Two.

Jane sat behind the wheel of her car staring at the cursive handwriting that she knew almost better than she knew her own.  Seeing it comforted her, warmed her heart like it was proof she was ok but before that thought had time to settle a newer stronger thought harked at her.  But she isn’t ok. And it’s my fault.  She carefully folded the paper like the precious gem it was and turned the key in the engine.  As the engine roared into life and purred underneath her she drank in its power and strength.  She sat up straighter and pulled down the visor to give her chocolate eyes a glare “Time to man up Rizzoli.” Time to stop running. The silent afterthought made her slap the visor back with more vigour than was needed, had she really been running all this time? She didn’t need to answer herself to know that deep down somewhere she had always known there was something more to her feelings for Maura.  The countless times Maura would touch her, innocently, to reassure her or as a gentle no every time it sent shivers across her skin but she would never give credence to that feeling and just blocked it out.  That’s what she was good at – blocking things out, if she wasn’t she would never have come back from Hoyt, she was able to put walls up where they were needed.  She sighed and her shoulders sagged a little, they were never needed with Maura though and the honey blonde had always managed to smash through them somehow.  A lump formed in her throat as she recalled the fallout from Doyle, the intense hurt in those hazel eyes and Jane remembered praying to a god she didn’t believe in that Maura would forgive her because she didn’t know how she could live with Maura looking at her like that.  They had come past all of that, they had gone through so damned much together and yet the detective refused to see what was in front of her the whole time.  She thought about all the times they almost lost each other and she sat back up, tilted her head to one side with a satisfying crack and gripped the steering wheel with reinforced purpose.  I’m not going to lose her this time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Maura looked around the penthouse apartment with a heavy sigh for a countless time since she had gotten here; trust her name to bring such opulence.  She rolled her eyes, all she had wanted was a room, small enough to keep her contained and no room for her thoughts that she had no control over.  She opened the French doors and walked out onto the balcony taking in the breath-taking view – this was certainly a bonus of the unrequested upgrade, it was almost enough to take her thoughts away on the breeze.  Almost.  She felt the hot tears welling up again and clenched her fists in frustration.  I am Maura Isles, Medical Examiner, Queen of the Dead…I do not get consumed by ridiculous emotions.  But even as the thought floated around her head the sour taste in her mouth and heat across her chest told her that her body was having none of it.  She had been, she had lead an uncomplicated, blissfully ignorant “normal” life, unmarred by emotion, clinical and precise…and then she had walked into her life.  Maura smirked, or the coffee shop to be more precise.  There had been no question over her base attraction to Jane – she was a stunningly beautiful woman even in that horrendous undercover get up Maura was attracted to her.  A small laugh escaped her lips and was snatched away by the breeze, the brunette’s rude obnoxious snarky tendencies were not a turn on.  She lay a gentle hand across her heated skin below her neck and absentmindedly played with the necklace that lay there.  Ok she conceded, at first, they weren’t a turn on. But as her thoughts drifted to Jane’s fiery temper and block headedness and passion she found the familiar aches shiver over her body.  Even when they fought that passion did things to Maura that were never appropriate but it was just so Jane when she went all gung-ho or when she defended her like she was the most precious thing in her life.  She smirked at a memory in Giovanni’s garage when he asked her if she wanted to help him under the hood and she stood there helplessly stammering until an idea sprung to mind.  She remembered eyeing Jane to try and get her message across silently but all she could feel was her heart thundering in her chest as her mind screamed at her for this ridiculous idea.  When the brunette’s expression was blank the word “Babe” fell out of her lips for the first time in her life and it took all she had not to laugh but even as the giggle bubbled up her throat Jane’s eyes gained understanding and before she could process it she was closing the gap between them with this dark look in her eye that killed the giggle immediately and suddenly nothing was in her mouth or throat, not even saliva.  When Jane’s arms wrapped around her waist and she gave a little protective tug to pull her back into her body Maura’s mind melted.  She sank back and gave in to the amazing feeling of Jane’s body behind hers and could barely think straight as she rocked them, like they had done this a thousand times.  “Tell him.” The raspy command in her ear flooded parts of her anatomy, not that they needed it the strong arms she was feeling had already performed that job admirably.  It wasn’t until she tried explaining things to Giovanni that she realised just how short circuited her brain was, of course she could later blame it on not being able to lie but in that moment, it was all to do with Jane’s body.  She wished Jane had been going through the same thing as they equally fumbled over the terminology but she couldn’t help the lump in her throat hearing Jane saying the words life long and suddenly Maura was overwhelmed with want and not just the physical kind.  Nothing came close, however, to the sheer ripple through her body when Jane whispered “oh babe” in her ear completely unprompted – it was a good thing she was holding her upright because Maura’s knees would not have done the job.  Maura sighed as her body remembered the closeness but smiled sadly as she also remembered how quickly Jane had let go of her, true she had had to come right back hastily which had bumped her body right back against her own making Maura have to bite her lip to stop the noise she wanted to make from escaping.  She shook her head vigorously and swiped a hand at the tears she hadn’t realised were falling.  “Damn you Jane Rizzoli” she whispered into the air whilst feeling her skin tingle at the words, after all she had never told her, she let her go to Casey.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jane drove like woman possessed and the truth is she felt possessed, she felt wild, alive, passionate, crazy all the things that the thought of losing Maura did to her – it amped her up her adrenaline was flowing and it occurred to her that every time she had saved Maura she put these feelings down to the danger, the job, that’s what she did, it’s what she loved but now she knew better it was all those things but overall it was Maura.  It was the fear of losing her forever.  She glanced down at her hands gripping the wheel and grimaced light was bouncing off her engagement ring which was now nestled with her wedding band and it was winking at her, like a reminder of all the wrong choices she had made.  She ground her teeth and felt her heart sink as she remembered that day with Maura.

“You gonna mention that diamond you’re wearing? Or do I ignore it?”

Jane felt her heart sink as Maura spent longer looking at the piece of paper in her hand than she did at her…but then when she did the brunette wished she hadn’t…that trademark beaming smile that always made her feel better about things wasn’t there…there was nothing there other than a faint forced smile and it was unsettling.  She had tried to lighten the mood with a joke about rom coms but she could see immediately that their normal banter was nowhere to be found.  Maura’s rebuffal was sadly self-defamatory and yet so reminiscent of old Maura, the Maura who wasn’t her friend, the Maura who thought she was odd, the Maura who distanced herself from people because she wasn’t like them.  It made Jane scared to see her slip back into that persona but Jane being Jane kept up the bravado, she remembered dismissing Maura’s behaviour by thinking she must be having a bad day.  She kept joking around but it wasn’t until she held out her hand and saw Maura’s face when she eyed the diamond that she knew somewhere deep down that nothing was ever going to be the same again.  The words that came out of the medical examiner were humourless and biting but Jane tried to make light of it again.  Now as she drove she glared at it Pretty?! The more she looked at it now the more she simply saw it as a colourless crystalline form of pure carbon.  She couldn’t help but smirk at that, Maura would be proud she remembered the terminology correctly.  She had tried to change the subject, switching back to the case in hand but Maura being Maura wouldn’t just let it lie. 

“So…you’re leaving?”

Those words, even now, punched Jane right in the gut along with the memory of those eyes, those eyes that looked so hurt, so betrayed.  She hated herself for having that conversation with Maura now but back then she was so blind she didn’t know…she thought it was just her friend not wanting to lose her but now she knew better.  She hit the steering wheel again “GOD! I am so dumb!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“How are you gonna survive with one shoe?”

“How will I survive without my best friend?”

It was a rare moment of pure unfiltered emotion but the way Jane reacted…it wasn’t enough.  It was never enough, because she didn’t know…she didn’t feel the same but Maura couldn’t stop her love and emotions overflow at that moment and it was all too raw, too much.  So, she did what she always did, google mouthed her way out of it, or so Jane would have called it.  As she stood on the balcony now she felt the wave of overwhelming emotions hit her again but this time she didn’t have to run…this time she had already run.  She walked back inside and glanced at the clock.  They would be landing now. She cursed herself for knowing their flight details and itinerary, she wanted to blame Angela but she knew even if she hadn’t left the details lying around her old home she would have looked them up anyway.  She most definitely didn’t have a flight update app on her phone to notify her of any issues either.  She walked into the bedroom and rolled her eyes at the ginormous bed before she ungraciously flopped herself onto it.  She turned her head to one side.

“Are we having a sleepover or is this your way of telling me you’re attracted to me?”

She smiled in spite of herself, they had been dancing around each other right from the very beginning, she sighed heavily as she took one last look at her phone before she turned it off.  She was with him now, forever.  It was time to move on.  She turned the phone over and ejected the SIM card before inserting a new one.  Fresh start.  Even as she walked over to the trash can every cell of her being was screaming at her not to do it but she steeled herself and let the small item fall from her fingers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jane had Maura’s number on redial but it was just going straight to her voicemail each time.  Her gut was chewing itself to pieces but she kept repeating the same thought in her head She’s just busy, she’s ok. Not that it stopped her from pressing the gas pedal a little harder.  She kept trying to imagine what was going to happen, trying to prepare herself but she was sinking deeper into despair with every thought.  What if I’ve totally misjudged this? What if she doesn’t return my feelings? What if she’s met someone else? The other side of her kept rebuffing her inane fears. She loves you, you know she does, you’ve always known it, just like you’ve always known you love her you just couldn’t see it until now.  You’ve been on honeymoon for two weeks, she’s not going to have met the love of her life in two weeks.  She felt sick, she felt like she had heartburn even as she thought about it.  The trouble was, it was Maura.  As soon as you meet her you can fall head over heels, what if someone better had come along? Someone who realised just how precious she was, and showed her that…just like she had always done to Jane.

“You don’t know? You’re gorgeous my friend.”

As she drove she suddenly realised it didn’t matter what she said, as long as she said it.  Whatever the outcome she would live with it, she would deal with the fall out but she couldn’t go another day without telling her how she felt.  As if on cue Casey rang her phone and she felt the guilt sitting heavily on her chest.  That was not going to be a fun conversation…but it needed to be face to face, she owed him that much.  She reached over and turned her phone off before wiggling her rings off and guiltily sighing with relief as her hand felt instantly lighter.  Casey was a good guy, he had his flaws but he was a good guy, she hadn’t been good to him, she had denied him the big wedding he had wanted…she told him she couldn’t take the fussing from her Ma and that it was just for the two of them.  Truth was, not that she admitted to herself until now, she couldn’t marry someone else with Maura there, she couldn’t stand to see the emotions flicker across those hazel eyes.  That’s even if she would have come to wedding which Jane doubted.  So, she had run…run away from Maura just like she always had done and took Casey along for the ride.  He deserved better…so did Maura.  She chewed at her thumb and cursed the medical examiner for going so far away, it was making it hard to keep going every time she doubted herself.  Maura did deserve better than her, but more than that Maura deserved the truth.

~~~~~~~~~~~~  

Chapter Three.

She didn’t remember falling asleep but she knew she had been dreaming of a certain brunette as she was rudely awoken by a pounding on the door.  She groggily sat up and frowned at it.  She hadn’t ordered room service and no one would disturb an Isles in this establishment unless it was urgent – it certainly sounded urgent from the thundering sounds.  She half-heartedly raised a hand to fuss her hair but dropped it with a sigh, what was the point?  That thought made her heart sink a little, that was one of the things that made her her but she didn’t have the energy for it.  This time away was exactly what she needed she needed to find herself again.  Build those walls back up.  She straightened her back and made her way to the door that was still being pounded.  She took a deep breath and swung open the door only to let the breath out in a shocked whoosh like she had been winded.

Jane blinked.  She was there.  Just, just stood in the doorway. It was really her.  It felt like a million years since she’d actually seen her and her mind utterly blanked, all she knew was that in that moment looking into those hazel eyes she felt like she was home.

Maura thought she was dreaming, she genuinely wanted to pinch herself but as she gazed into those chocolate eyes she saw the layers of emotions; sadness, happiness, guilt, shock and she knew the brunette was real, if she was a dream it wouldn’t be this hard.  And it was hard, it was hard to swallow all of her emotions and instinctual words that were on the tip of her tongue.  Hardest of all was keeping the tears at bay, she didn’t know if they were happy or sad tears, which meant they were probably both.

She felt home but she also felt lost.  It felt like they had been apart for so long and there was so much unspoken between the two of them.  She cursed herself for not practising what to say.  She thought about stepping over the threshold and just gathering the honey blonde into a kiss but she found her feet wouldn’t move.  This was harder than she thought.  “Why do you always look like you’re about to do a photoshoot?”

The pair of women blinked at one another as the words broke the silence around them.

What the fuck Rizzoli? Really? Jane inwardly winced, god she was such a bumbling moron.  She tried to smile at Maura but only half of her mouth moved and she imagined it was more of a grimace than anything and she wanted to turn on her heel and bolt.

The brunette tried to throw her one of her trademark goofy grins but it didn’t fully form and she knew that Jane was feeling as unsure as she was.  She wanted her to come in but at the same time she wanted to beat her fists against her chest and banish her.  She knew, if she did that Jane would leave and never come back, she would respect her wishes.  That’s why she was still stood in the corridor awkwardly; she wouldn’t come in unless Maura asked her in.  She didn’t trust her words so she simply stepped to one side and held open the door.

Jane walked into a suite that was bigger than her entire apartment and couldn’t help but smile a little, Maura’s name had preceded her no doubt, as much as she loved the finer things in life even she wouldn’t go this far.  She didn’t trust her body and kept her back to Maura as she looked out the French doors at a stunning sunset.

Maura closed the door and the sound was too loud, it only heightened the silence between the two of them and she floundered.  What on earth can I say to her? “Is Angela-“

“She’s ok.” Her voice cracked and came out hoarser than she expected and she realised she was closer to tears than she thought.  She straightened her back and pulled on the Rizzoli armour before finally turning to the smaller woman who was stood with her arms wrapped around her.  “Susie, she-“

“Ah.” Maura inwardly cursed herself but also couldn’t deny that the thought had crossed her mind when she had given the paper to her former colleague.  She tried to regain some semblance of control by crossing to the bar and poured two glasses of scotch.

The tinkling of ice cubes took the place of the unsaid conversation and by the time Jane crossed over to take her glass the air felt less tense, still horrid and awkward, but the cursory small talk was at least bypassed…now for the real talk.  She gulped the burning liquid down her throat and couldn’t hold back the cough.

She couldn’t help it, the small crossed her lips before the thought of one did and she knew those chocolate eyes had seen it but she wasn’t ready to give in yet so she straightened her posture, jutted out her chin defiantly and proceeded to go and stand on the balcony.

Jane poured herself another generous scotch and gave herself a pep talk before turning to follow the medical examiner outside.  They stood for a few moments in silence, Maura staring into her glass chasing the ice around the bottom of the tumbler and Jane flicking her gaze between the honey blonde and the sunset still not quite believing her eyes.  She opened and closed her mouth like a fish several times as she floundered for the right words but everything she thought of just wasn’t enough, it wasn’t good enough.  That niggling thought plagued her again and she felt her scars flare up as they did when she was nervous or scared.  She absentmindedly rubbed her left hand over the rim of the glass to try and relieve it.

Maura caught the action out of the corner of her eye and she sighed, Jane was nervous…or scared.  She knew that action all too well.  She dared to allow her eyes to flick up to chocolate ones that were gazing out at the sunset the reflection of which made her eyes shine and cast a rosy glow over perfect olive skin and those damned cheekbones she wanted under her fingers.  She blinked the thought out of her mind.  We don’t know why she’s here, she might not be here for that… the other voice in her mind scoffed at her. Yeah sure, don’t pretend like you haven’t noticed that hand doesn’t have rings on it.

Jane was having an imaginary conversation with Maura when a feather light touch stilled her hand on top of her glass.  She froze like an animal caught in headlights not wanting to disturb the touch.  She didn’t trust her gaze not to give her away so she stared at the sunset willing her tears to vanish.  Her touch burned against Jane’s cold skin but it was so gentle like she was going to break it made her chin wobble.

She traced around the scar on top of her hand in circles as she had done countless times before.  Somehow this time was different, somehow this time was so much more intimate.  She took a deep breath and plucked up the courage to swipe her thumb gently across the puckered scar tissue and Jane hissed.

At the noise concerned eyes shot up to meet her own but they softened and the stilled digit resumed its work as she must have seen it was not pain that caused her to hiss.  She gripped her glass as hard as she could for fear she would drop it and tried to tear her eyes away from hazel ones but like a magnet she was unable to.

She didn’t know how long they stood like that but in that gaze she tried to convey all her feelings, she knew she didn’t have the words to do it and she didn’t trust herself to say the right thing, she never could say the right thing.

She could see fear in those eyes, fear of rejection, fear of getting hurt, all the fears she knew were shining in her own eyes.  She finally had her answer.  She knew why Maura had run, it was the same reason Jane had been running for all these years.  She turned her left hand and stilled Maura’s movements and held her hand for a moment.

She was the only one allowed to touch her hands like this, so intimate, she had known that for a long time but had always dismissed it as friendship and nothing more for fear of getting hurt.  As she was trusted in this moment she knew it finally meant more than that.  She felt her hand being lifted and she watched in wonder as her best friend lifted her hand to her soft lips and pressed them against her fingers.

Her heart was thundering and she was pretty sure she was sweating, it was just a kiss on the hand but she knew it spoke volumes more than that.  She could feel herself shaking as she peeled her lips away from that soft skin and she was overwhelmed by the scent of Maura.  It was a scent she knew from hugs and sleeping next to her but she hadn’t realised how much she had missed it, how much she needed it.

Maura could feel the brunette shaking and she knew she was also trembling.  She reluctantly retrieved her hand and took the brunette’s glass before setting them down on the table beside them.  With shaking hands, she turned to face Jane and took both her hands in her own and squeezed reassuringly.

The tears fell.  She couldn’t hold them back any more and she wasn’t the only one.  The pair of them stood silently crying until Jane couldn’t take it anymore.  She reached up and gently wiped a stream of tears away and then caressed that soft cheek.  She felt Maura echo her actions and sighed gently before relaxing into her touch. “Maur…I-“

Maura moved her hand to cover those soft lips and shook her head softly before moving her fingers to that magnificent jawline and guided her down to her level.  They stilled millimetres apart, breaths mingling knowing that if they took this next step it would change anything.  She wasn’t sure whose eyes closed first or who leaned in to close that gap but once they did all she knew was that this is where she belonged.

She kissed Maura.  Maura was kissing her.  Her mind blanked after those two thoughts.  She was vaguely aware that she had the honey blonde’s face in her hands, she was also semi aware that their bodies had stepped closer together at some point during the kiss and that they were made to be melded against one another.  She wasn’t aware of Maura’s hands until she received a tug to her dark curls pulling her lips away from the kiss.

There was a pout.  Jane Rizzoli pouted and Maura couldn’t help but smile.

Wow. That smile. It was unlike anything she had ever seen – it was wide, and beautiful and free.  She looked so happy and relaxed that Jane could practically feel her walls crumbling, she was putty in this woman’s hands and she had never been like that with anyone, she was always the dominant confident one – now she was a puddle.

Maura took in the contented face in front of her for as long as she could stand it before pulling the brunette back in for another kiss.  This kiss was less reverent but no less tender.  When Jane growled against her lips Maura gasped and the brunette took full advantage of that slipping her tongue between her lips and Maura’s eyes nearly rolled back into her head.  Jane Rizzoli was an outstanding kisser.  Strong hands left her face and anchored themselves at her waist pulling her impossibly closer and again she gasped before sliding the hand that wasn’t tangled in unruly curls down to hipbones that had always fascinated her.

Jane broke the kiss but stayed close, nudging Maura’s nose with her own in an uncharacteristically adorable move and she rolled her eyes at her own sappiness but it was worth it when she was rewarded with a small chuckle and kiss to her nose.

They hadn’t said what they wanted to, they hadn’t said those three words, they hadn’t spoken about anything that mattered…somehow it didn’t matter.  They had finally found each other after years of searching but not realising they were searching for one another.  Nothing else mattered, they could deal with it all when they had to go back to reality, but for now it was just the two of them, and that’s all that mattered.

[garbageivereleasedintothevoid]

12-20-19 (Friday)

I just realized I didn't have breasts in that dream with Sara where I showed her my broken rib. Also that broken rib dream still wierding me out a lot. Like... It was longer and thinner than a rib should be and it was broken in at least two places and it fucking hurt.

A lot of people say they don't feel physical pain in dreams and... Idk. I do and always have. Once I had a dream (this was high school) where I was Hugh Hefner (Dear god why) and one of the girls he hires to be his gf was like... Rolling me up to a hill and she accidentally let go and I just tumbled down the hill and broke my leg, which was so painful it woke me up. I was in agony all day. I think my brain processed it as if it really happened and it just took a while for it to catch up. My knee was actually swollen the next day. I hadn't had any injuries and I don't have any other explanation. That's only happened one other time in my life, though I don't remember the specific subject matter of the dream, just that my leg had been injured. And it hurt all day for no other discernable reason. Everyone accused me of faking at the shelter. And I hated my life for that time because I was literally in actual pain and they wouldn't believe me. And I knew going to the doctor was a bad idea, though Sara later convinced me to. And yeah, Dr. Stratton wouldn't believe me. Because why would he? He thinks he knows everything. He thinks that medical degree makes him better than anyone else, just like every other other doctor ever. I gave up on seeking medical advice when Sara kept assuring me it'd be better if I got it checked out and I got yelled at by the doctor for coming in for it. I... Trust Sara but she doesn't get what that does to me. It's better to suffer in silence than to try and get help because you're just going to get condescended at and sent home with no help because they assume you're looking for drugs. Even though they've pushed drugs at you before and you've declined them, saying you don't want them.

There is no way to get appropriate medical care when your doctor thinks they are better than you. When we let people play god, they will. And that's what happens with doctors. They get stressed and they take it out on their patients. psychiatrists are the worst about it because they can always slap a really horrible diagnosis on you and basically ruin your life all while saying "They're crazy and must have hallucinated it." They get angry when you know your disorder and how best to go about it. And when you're forced to see one even though no medicine ever has helped or will help you (and yes, I'm sure. Do not argue with me), they get pissed when you decline to take those medications. They ask why your resistant to treatment. And I have to tell them that I'm not but I will only consent to the treatment I know won't fuck me up even worse and they scoff and assume you're an idiot and prescribe the medicine anyway and when the nurse tries to hand you your meds, you ask what each individual pill is, she won't tell you. You get the head nurse called in and she tells you. And finally after three hours you can take your blood pressure, anti-seizure, and stomach meds. Also everything you have wrong with you does not have to do with your weight. Your weight is fine.

It's the doctor's strict adherence to long disproved studies that have been proven to have been paid off that's the problem. My weight is not an issue. My weight doesn't bother me but I constantly get slammed with inappropriate advice about how to lose weight. And no matter what I say, I get told I'm choosing to be unhealthy. Even though I could dead lift Doctor Stratton and he couldn't lift me at all. I am muscular. And strong. But god forbid I have any fat over the muscle (which is healthy and normal btw and being too thin will kill you wayyy faster than any adverse health problems being fat will cause you) and I get lectured about my "sedentary" lifestyle. Like bitch, no. I walk my ass off, fuck you.

I'm not allowed to have appropriate healthcare. I will NEVER recieve ACTUAL healthcare. Just a bunch of fatshaming nonsense and medicine that will hurt me more than help.

I will never take doctors or the healthcare field seriously because of that. I can take therapy seriously but with a grain of salt because even you push me sometimes. You don't suggest ot anymore, but you bring it up, thinking you're slick but I just get mad. I don't care what is similar to EMDR. I will NEVER do EMDR. I don't want to hear anything about it and I want you to stop bringing it up at all. And that includes starting to bring it up then shutting up and saying shit like "You told me not to say it." When I ask wtf is your problem. You can easily just say "For a moment, I had a lapse of memory and was about to bring up EMDR but remembered that you don't want me to do that. I apologize. I will do better." That's literally all I want from people. I try so hard to be good to others. And yeah, I fuck up a lot. Bit I work on fixing problems. I'm always the one who gets put on the back burner. By everyone. I know I'm strong and resilient but I have weaknesses too. And people have put me on the back burner or even taken me tf out of the kitchen entirely when I needed help the most. And there have been times I've almost done ot simply because of that. I have nearly ended my own life because everyone assumes I'm strong enough. If they could see what was going on in my brain, they'd know.

But everyone assumes I'll be fine. Or maybe they don't really care. Maybe I'm just a convenience to them. They don't have to reach out first because I'll do that for them. If I let every conversation drop, I'd have no friends. Maybe Eren. That's pretty much it. If I just never reached out, nobody would reach out to me first.

Nobody cares enough to stop and consider how I'm doing. And if they do, it's passive aggressive.

I am worthless unless I serve other people. No one gives a fuck about me. But if I kill myself, everyone would be coming out of the woodwork to say "Oh, I wish they'd said something to me." I did. They ignored it for six weeks until I finally sent them a meme because I gave up. That's when they responded. And I give up now. I give up on trying to get people to care. I am a tool for people to use and toss aside.

I can't do this anymore. I can't be people's plaything. I can't be a toy people pull out when they wanna feel superior. And yes, that is the truth.

People with a college education think I'm stupid just because of that. And the reality is I'm probably smarter than them. I am quicker and sharper than most people. That's just reality.

Amie McKibban thinks I'm stupid. But she's just condescending constantly amd tries to start drama because she's bored. She refuses to change her own life. And she will be miserable until she does.

I'm not stupid. But it's hard to keep yourself from just giving up and saying I'm stupid when everyone around you thinks so because you don't have a college degree. I can't afford that and the only reason I went to community college in the first place was because it kept me from being kicked out of my parents house because they didn't believe I was putting in applications. I was putting in numerous each day. I am so done with everything. Fuck everyone.

[highladyofdusk]

Storytime With DeeDee #1

So I wasnt really sure what to write about but I decided to tell you guys about one of the biggest problems in my life since this is supposed to be about you guys getting to know me better.

So like two years ago I went on a school trip to Valencia and I was thinking about it since like the year before we went. During that time I was also doing Duke of Edinburgh Bronze Award and the Valencia trip was between the practice expedition and the actual expedition. If you dont know what the Duke of Edinburgh Award is then its basically a thing in Britain where youre in a group of kids your age and of the same gender and you go camping. Having never gone camping before I was well excited. So the practice expedition is when you have teachers looking after you but not helping you while in the actual expedition the teachers are like some distance behind you.

Anyways I went on the practice expedition prepared. My parents grew up in quite rural areas (AKA the countryside) so they knew what they were doing. The hike and setting up was fun. We had dinner and then we had a campfire where we made smores which are really good. So it was finally time to go to bed and thats when the problems started.

I was all for going to sleep at a reasonable time as to have enough energy the next morning because we were doing another hike. So I shared the tent with two of my friends, one of who bailed on us to go to sleep in a different tent. I have trouble falling asleep in a new place. It takes me a couple of nights to go to sleep in a different place even if its in a different room in my house or like when I go over to sleep at my dads where Ive slept for like 3 years. My remaining friend was all for going to run around and explore during the night with the others. So we went to a bigger tent and ate a lot of sweets with our friends until I started feeling really tired so I went back to my tent. Also this tent had no locks and was outside with the badgers and foxes which we were warned about so that made me anxious as I always have to check the doors are locked at home before I go to sleep. This was around 11pm so I tossed and turned in the incredibly uncomfortable sleeping bag until I started feeling slightly sick. Being reasonable I thought that I was either hungry or really needed the toilet because my stomach was hurting. So I had some bread and went to the toilet where I threw up said bread. I just thought that I ate something funny because I wasnt sure about the pot noodle I ate for dinner but I was hungry. So I made a couple trips from the tent to the toilet where I had my first encounter with a badger which turned into a staring contest before it ran away (honestly I have like a sixth sense or something because I turned off my torch as to not wake anyone and sensed that something was there) before I decided to do the reasonable thing and call my mum. This was at 4am so keep in mind that I sat sobbing in my tent for 4ish hours before I decided to call my mum because food poisoning usually goes away after 2 hours for me so I was worried. My mum advised me to drink water and wait till someone showed up. I only got about half an hour of sleep that night because I just collapsed on my backpack from sheer exhaustion because after the hike and throwing up I was drained. My mum checked up on me every so often and once I woke up at 6am I saw that the camping experts or something had shown up so I went over to them and they sat me down on a chair, got my friend to collect my stuff, gave me water and went to fetch a teacher as I am socially awkward and cant wake people up without getting anxious. So the teacher came and called my mum. My mum got my dad to pick me up and I was home by 10am. I had a shower since there were no showers at the campsite, had some tea and slept till 3pm. My mum saw that I looked better and decided that it was food poisoning or that we cooked something wrong.

Then came Valencia, something that I was really excited about because England does not have the weather to go into the sea. I love going to warm countries and sitting on the beach or in the sea. And of course my period decided to start on the day of the trip which really annoyed me as I have long periods and the trip was only four days. So I went to school and we got on the plane and we were off. We arrived quite late and had some burgers for dinner before going to our rooms. We stayed at a university and the rooms were absolutely shit but I shared a room with two of my friends. So we unpacked, showered and went to sleep. Or they did. I was having that issue again and couldnt fall asleep. Then the throwing up began. I was fine during the days except that my period was heavier than usual and during Spanish lessons when I would sit in the toilet for most of the lesson. As long as I was enjoying myself and kept myself busy (like the time we went to a museum and I spent the time looking at cute chicks (like baby chickens) and dinosaur fossils) I felt normal. Then when night came I started feeling sick. It got to the point where I refused to eat because I found it pointless if I was going to throw up again. One of the teachers had a room next to mine and kept 'blackmailing' me. Like she kept saying that she would take me to the doctor and have my parents pay for it (I have free health care in the EU) or that she would send me back home if I would shut up and make my parents pay for the ticket back (when I told her that there were no flights she said that she would just send me to Poland (which is where I was born) since she knew I had family there) and what was worse was that she denied ever saying any of that once my mum complained to the school and nearly got me kicked out of school. So when we got back I was traumatised. I lost so much weight that I wouldnt fit into my old clothes anymore. My pants, unless they were like leggings, would fall right off (I gained the weight back dont worry). I refused to eat and I would keep throwing up and the only thing that would calm me down was this calming herbal tea. I would spend half an hour sat in the toilet crying until my mum decided that I needed to go to the doctor to at least try to fix my physical problems while giving me time off school to deal with the trauma caused by that trip. So I got medicine and was diagnosed with a nervous stomach which while it cant really be classified as an official medical condition I will still call it that.

"Having a nervous stomach could have to do with your emotional state or mental health, your digestive or gut health, or even a mixture of both. Rarely, it may signal something more serious going on. Nervous stomach can also just be how your digestive system works naturally during times of stress. As well, it could be just an isolated experience."

This is something I got from a health website on google. I believe my case of a nervous stomach which I now say is that my stomach has anxiety as a joke to deal with the trauma came from my emotional state or mental health.

So I got back to school while I was on medication and I started acting more like myself. So I went to see the teacher who organised the DofE (Duke of Edinburgh) and told him that I couldnt go on the expedition because I was on medication and had a 'medical condition'. He was fine with it but my Head of Year (teacher who was in charge of my year group) wasnt. She was helping that teacher organise the whole thing and took me out of lesson twice, once before the expedition because I hadnt been attending the meetings and the second time was on the day of the expedition. The first time she was calling me a liar and said that I was faking it for attention and that I wasnt on medication neither did I have a medical condition (when this is clearly something that could have been caused by my mental health) and that I needed to start getting involved because they paid for everything (literally my parents paid for all my equipment) and that she would ban me from ALL other trips no matter if they were trips to a park or residentials (over night trips) which was fucked up because I have a 'medical condition' that may have been caused by my mental health being not okay (cant find a better word) and mental health is something they are trying to improve in my school. The second time she was accusing me of not telling the teacher that I wasnt going on the expedition and when I tried to explain she would cut me off and start acting like a cheeky bratty teenager constantly saying "No" whenever I tried to say something. She forced me to go see the teacher because he was waiting for me downstairs but I was then told that they had left AN HOUR AGO. Like WTF?

Now my 'medical condition' hasnt popped up anymore apart from when I went to an award ceremomy coz I got nominated tor Young Person of the Year (which I got) but it wasnt as severe. So it hasnt gone away so we havent risked letting me go to sleepovers ot overnight trips. Anyways I have a nervous stomach and its currently wanting chocolate which means that we agree on something for once so this is DeeDee signing off!

[letsimportanttreecollection-blog]

Can you get a quote for car insurance before you pass your tests?

"Can you get a quote for car insurance before you pass your tests?

No insurance companies will give me a quote for car insurance so i was thinking that you may not be able to get a quote before you pass your test? someone help!!! PLEASE

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://freecarinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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How much on average is insurance for a citroen c2 for a 18 year old?

I saved the money for my first car finally and i love the look of c2's. i was just wondering the average price of insurance if its my 1st car, i am 18 and was thinking about ...show more""

What will Insurance company do?

My brother got hit by someone while driving. He and this other person exchanged information and the other person agreed to write him a check, but never followed through. He isnt sure if the person who hit him had insurance, but has a feeling they didnt. He reported the claim to his insurance company, but decided to sue(small claims) the person who hit him on his own for the deductible. When he arrived to court he found out the person who hit him filed a counter-claim for damages done to their car, but they are the ones who hit him! Can he get the insurance company to give him a release letter to sue on their behalf or will they take over? I dont know what to tell him or how to help him. Help please!!!""

Insurance for antique muscle cars?

Im 16 and i want an old 72 chevelle or a 71 nova but i dont know how much insurance would cost?

Dui and car insurance?

My record got explunged now that I am 18 in the state of California. Will my car insurance take me back?

Can anyone recommend me high school football insurance?

Last year I signed up for insurance called Myers-Stevens, and they covered me only $500 out of $15000 for out-patient surgical equipment fees for my ACL Reconstruction. What the f*** man, do they use arthroscope once and throw it away or something? however, they are the worst school insurance you could get. Can someone recommend me a good High School Tackle Football Insurance Program that actually covers the accidents and injuries? So I have no fear of playing football in fear of getting injured and its high-cost medical bills I have to pay? I live in Southern-California, Los Angeles""

Car insurance for a new driver.?

How much money would car insurance be for a 16-year old teenage boy? My birthday falls weird so i get my lisence when im sophmore.

Do you need to have car insurance of your own to rent a car?

I don't have a car right now so I don't have insurance, will I need to get insurance to rent a car? In Canada""

What car insurance would you recommend for Massachussetians like me?

I'm 21, have been driving since 16, never been pulled over, good grades. I just need the cheapest insurance out there so that I can register my car. Also, what is liability insurance? It sounds expensive...""

What's do you pay for car insurance in your country?

My car insurance in N.Ireland is just over 200 or 346.97USD or 291.19 Euro or 15,351.16INR etc. Thats for an average 4 door saloon. I would like to compare that with other countries, if possible.""

Car insurance car change?

I am struggling to pay my insurance so if I change my insurance to a cheaper car smaller engine will my insurance go down a month, and would I keep the same policy to get my nyc bonus as I'm half way through, and does anyone one in how much to change your car details to another car with admiral or cancel your insurance price with admiral""

What % of my budget should health insurance be?

Me and my bf are trying to figure out if we have enough money to move out on our own. We are full time students. Once we get married we will be making about 26000 a year after tuition and books. We can get an appartment for about 600-700 in our area, no car payments, car insurance will be 150 to cover both of our cars...what i'm not sure about is the health insurance and food costs...does it sound like we have enough to scrape by on our own?""

Do i need insurance to get a title transferred into my name?

I just bought my first car, and i have never had insurance. i live in pennsylvania, so can i go the the title transfer place and get it done without insurance? ill get insurance the next day, but insurance companies will not accept me until the title is transferred?""

A IF Car insurance question?

For example. Got a insurance paper from Jan 1st 2010 to Jan 1st 2011 But i stoped the insurance at June 2010 for example, after that i get pulled at July so police checked the papers and see its still with insurance and let me go? How you think about it? Means you dont have to pay insurance and wont get res until you got into a accident and the other side wants to tell the insurance company?""

What are friends with benefits? Do they provide health insurance coverage?

What are friends with benefits? Do they provide health insurance coverage?

Question about switching auto insurance?

Currently I'm with state farm and I recently changed back accounts without telling them accidently so now I am a month behind and they took away my coverage. I am thinking about switching to a cheaper insurance company but would I still have to pay state farm the rest of what I owe for the 6 month contract I have with them?

Shall I buy Loss Damage Waiver (LDW) at car rental?

I have car insurance for my Honda compact car via Geico. I need to rent a car at an airport for a small vacation. When I rent the car from Hertz or Enterprise or Dollar, shall I buy the Loss Damage Waiver (LDW), which is about $10/day ? I already have insurance on my car and the insurance company said that my existing Geico coverage will be transferred to the rental car. So it really so? Just wanted peace in mind and I do not want to spend unnecessary price either. Could you please comment? Thanks a lot.""

My car insurance company has asked me for my proof of no claims?

But i either can't find it or it was never issued to me from my last insurer. what do i do? now my policy has been cancelled and need to set up some temporary cover. I have 4/5 years no claims.

I'm added to my parents car insurance policy. . .?

I'm added to my parents car insurance policy. But the insurance card (the copy of insurance you keep in the glove box) don't have my name on it. Is this normal for insurance ...show more

What is the best car insurance that can cover any accidents and passenger & property damage in California?

What is the best car insurance that can cover any accidents and passenger & property damage in California?

Need help wit chosing car insurance!!!?

I AM 19 AND I AM TRYING TO FIND CAR INSURANCE FOR MY VEHICLE IN THE STATE OF VA. I AM LOOKING FOR SOMETHING THAT IS CHEAP BUT HAS PRETTY GOOD COVERAGE. I AM ABOUT TO START SCHOOL IN THE FALL AND I PLAN TO COMMUNTE TO SCHOOL AND TO WORK. I AM A FEMALE AND I JUST GOT MY LICENSE.

Whats a cheap affordable classic for a young man?

im 20 had my lisence for over two years but i can never afford insurance! i dont live with my mummy and daddy so i cant blag there insurance, and i also cant borrow money from them! so if you have ideaas for me i would prefer a TAX exempt classic? any ideas? thanks""

Motor insurance policy q2?

hi contemplating on making a second claim. how does this effect my renewal premium? situation is the policy holder had an accident where the third party was at fault and this claim was dealt with few months ago. now a named driver had a piece of metal flung at the car. the excess is only 50 and estimated cost to repair independantly 150-200. but i'm not sure how much premiums usually go up by? if for example making a second claim bears not much difference as a claim has already been made then I might as well do it through insurance. If making a second claim bumps up the renewal considerably higher then maybe I should just pay 150-200 GBP by independant garage and save on my premium?

Car insurance - UK

My provisonal license will be valid in 2 months when im 17 and once i take my driving test and pass it, i plan on getting a car. The thing is that insurance will be quite high as i would have just passed my test and im only 17. My question is: If i get the car and register it under my mums (or dads) name and put the insurance under their names would it be cheaper? Bear in mind that my parents have about 16 years of no claims bonusus too, thanx xxx""

Cheapest insurance for a 17 year old lad?

the cheap quote ive got is 4800!! This is ridiculous, is there any cheaper way of insuring myself? does anyone know what the cheapest car to insure is? or something i really need to get on the road as i have just passed my test but 3000 for insurance is about my limit...""

Do I need to have insurance or proof of insurance when renting a car?

I'm planning on making a trip to Chicago. I have been wanting to go on a road trip for a long time. And I am afraid of taking a bus or going on a plane. A plane ticket costs a little bit too much for me. I'm 21. I currently do not own a vehicle of my own. So I am considering renting a car. I'm just wondering if I have to have car insurance in order to rent a car. I've never done this, so I have no idea what kind of things are required in order for me to rent. I've got my driver's license and a clean driving record. I don't have a line of credit. I don't have any credit cards so I hope there's no credit checks involved. Also, what's a rental car service that you would recommend? One that is cheap, honest, reliable, etc. My budget is $300. I'm going to meet a friend in Bartlett who is going to help provide me with lodgings so my only expenses to consider besides the car, are fuel and food costs. Thanks.""

Can you get a quote for car insurance before you pass your tests?

No insurance companies will give me a quote for car insurance so i was thinking that you may not be able to get a quote before you pass your test? someone help!!! PLEASE

How can I get my auto insurance lowered in michigan?

Hi, I was licensed to drive in Michigan but shortly moved to Virginia, where I received a car from my aunt (Mountaineer) I was insured under US AA with my aunt. In April of 2011, I hit a parked car in the school parking lot in which I wasn't ticketed or charged, but my aunt's insurance company was charged $2400 for the damage. I have since moved back to Michigan as of June 2011 and have not had coverage since. With school coming up and 2 current jobs, I'm looking for insurance that I can actually afford. I have been looking for plpd, and my dad mentioned looking for an underwriter because my lowest monthly payment quotes have been $250-$500 a month, is there any cheaper for of insurance available for me?""

Where is the best place to get an online car insurance quote?

Well, I just got a new car and need to get insurance. I was wondering what the best site is for insurance quotes and where I can get the cheapest insurance? Thank you in advance!""

Allstate insurance raising my rates. real or fraud.?

they have raised my rates twice in less than 6 months. my first months were 94 for the platnum plan then in november they raised to 98 and now in march they raised to 108. the say that the state of texas is raising rates for companies and thats why my rates go up. is this happening to anyone else. im in tx. im changing my plan as soon as possible. anyone have allstate that could advise.

How much should my deductible be?

Its almost time to renew my auto insurance policy, and I have a $1000 deductible. Ive thought about going down to a $500 deductible, because I recently had some minor damage to my car (a kid threw a rock at my window and it broke) and my insurance would not pay for it because the estimate was under $1000. Whats the difference between the $1000 and $500? Are the monthly payments different? I am trying to save as much money as I can because Im in school and working part time for minuimum wage. Any thoughts?""

How to look for insurance?

I need to find health and medical insurance... im online looking at quotes but i have no idea what its saying???? can anyone help????

Bike insurance vs car insurance?

im 18 years old currently going after my A2 restricted licence and drivers licence, what i dont get is why a 27 year old 1.6L car will cost me 5,500 a year to insure while a 1.6L cruiser bike will only cost me 512 a year

""Need a car insurance, monthly, bad credit.?""

I need a car insurance policy that insures drivers with bad credit on a monthly payment. I dont want to buy a car and then be unable to insure it, as i cant afford to pay in full. Thanks""

Why am I forced to buy health insurance?

I do not want to buy any type of insurance and am willing to live with the potential risk this involves. I respect that others might want to buy insurance, but do not force me to buy it. I respect the decisions of others when they decide to be insured, so in return they should respect that I do not want to be insured and live with the risk this involves. It would then be my own fault if I come into a situation where I would find myself unable to pay health-care costs and succumb to my disease/injuries. So why do some people and the government continue not to respect my way of life if I respect theirs? And please do not say that because public hospitals would be forced to treat uninsured people like me - the government should immediately repeal this socialistic law/practice, too!""

Is a 2000/2001 BMW 323ci an expensive car to insure?

I know insurance costs depend on a number of factors, but, all that aside, does anyone know if this car is expensive to insure? (or any of the other higher up 3 series like the 330ci )""

Buying a home in south caroline?

Just wanted to know if Conway is near the Myrtle beach airport and how far it is from the beach. How much is real estate tax for a home for about 100,000 to 200,000? Are there any marina's close to Conway? Is there a city wage tax on income? How much is car insurance? We live in philadelphia and are tired of the area and the high cost of living. Thanks, Jeanete jhrone@comcast.net""

How much will insurance try to offer for a stolen 1985 El Camino.?

I had my camino stolen. Show quality, special interest car. How much will an adjuster generally offer since it cant be found in Kelly's Blue Book. Also, whats the process of getting more for it as Im almost positive they wont offer what the car was actually worth?""

Government car insurance?

I've heard Of Auto Insurance Sponsored Through The Government For Low Income Homes. Where Can I Find More Information About This?

Insurance... please help?

Someone I know is 76 years old and is working as an employee at a small business. Can the owner of the small business get insurance to cover him? If not, any other suggestions?""

How much would I pay for car insurance?

Im 19 and I was just wondering what would be a good estimate for how much I would pay for car insurance on like a normal sedan.

If you get your drivers license do you have o pay insurance?

im 16 and my mom wont let me get my license because she says she would have to pay insurance

How much would Insurance be for a Porsche 924 in Britain?

Hey guys, I am going to be turning 21 this August and hope to pick up a porsche 924 up. Do you know roughly how much this would cost me in terms of insurance costs? Thanks in advance! -R""

Proof of Insurance for Driver's Test?

My Dad bought me a car about three days ago and the dealership said they will insure the car for 14 days while my dad gets insurance through his company. I might take my driver's test tomorrow and I want to use this car for it. If I show the dmv the insurance papers the dealership gave me, will that count as proof of insurance for my road test? Thank you.""

Can a 16y/o buy car insurance without his parents?

How much would it cost in California, full coverage for a 94 Honda Civic?""

Which car in Canada has the lowest insurance rate?

I'm not talking about new cars btw, I'm talking about the old cars from 95-2002 the shitbox cars, I'm a student and I plan on getting my first car with my first insurance so I need to know what's a good starter/shitbox car with the lowest insurance costs. Thanks""

Boss mustang & insurance?

here's the thing. im 16 and live in VA. im saving up to get my dream car, a 1971 boss mustang. ive had my permit and hopefully about to get my license next month. everything would be perfect if it wasn't for the insurance price. are there any discounts that are available that would help out a lot? and does it cost anything if i just get my license and for now not drive? if so around how much? thanks a bunch in advance""

How much did your car AND insurance cost?!?

I need to do an independent survey for my maths GCSE and i need to know how much your car cost and how much it cost to insure it. Need aout 50 answers overall. 30 at least. Please answer, thankyou!""

Why isn't the Affordable Healthcare Act more like car insurance?

I'm just wondering why no one thought to copy how car insurance works to work with healthcare. Think about it, we'd save a lot on government spending. Those who buy healthcare, are covered through insurance. If you don't buy healthcare, it is up to you to buy it, and if you're asked to show proof of health insurance and don't have it, you're fined. It's simple, easy, and perfectly understandable by anyone. So.. if it works for car insurance... why wouldn't it work for health insurance?""

How much would car insurance be monthly for an 18 year old girl?

Who's never gotten a ticket or pulled over. Had my license for seven months now and also has not took drivers ed....an estimate?

How can I get insurance? Full time student and bulimic?

Hi, I am 19 years old and a full time college student. My mom works two 25-30 hour jobs but does not get insurancew through either jobs. I am bulimic and can't get any private insurance because of my bulimia and also cannot afford it. I paid out of pocket to have a physical and my doctor said I need to be hospitalized, as I am in critical condition. Problem is, I have no idea how to get insurance. Is it possible for me to get insurance? Should I speak with the Department of Health and Social Services or my college counselor? I am not lazy and not looking for free help and am willing to put all the money I make towards insurance...I just really want to get help before I die. Any supportive help is much appreciated, thank you""

Any1 know much on insurance info ?

hi all ive been with a car insurance for a year called auto direct and my insurance is over now.. therefore i have approved a full years no claims bonus with them... well what happens now how do i recieve it ? like a certificate or summin? they havnt even rang me or even sent any thing out to me ... i rang them the other week and they said they will send a confirmation of a yrs NCB... do i need this proof or do i just tell my next insurance to call them for comfirmation?? thanx another question is i got insured with auto direct for 2000 for the year. i had 9 points drink driving and i hadnt had any no claims bonus of course.. the car was a ford fiesta xr2i 1.8 16v 1994.. but now 6 of the points have expired and are off my license and also i now have a years no claims bonus ..all i have on my license now is 3 points and dr10 (drink driving bad i know) anyone have a rough idea how much this will come down now i have a bit more of a appealing record lol? thanks for time yall tc

Can you get a quote for car insurance before you pass your tests?

No insurance companies will give me a quote for car insurance so i was thinking that you may not be able to get a quote before you pass your test? someone help!!! PLEASE

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/what-best-puppy-insurance-mississauga-ontario-canada-jonathan-adams"

[sunshinea12]

So I needed to vent or write my feeling out or something

Hi Tumblr universe. No one knows me here which is exactly what i need. I couldn't write this on facebook or twitter and most definitely not a text.... and most importantly nobody will read this which is okay by me.

Today i had an appointment at the eye doctor. I've been having these headaches for a little while now, a few month. I was thinking that maybe it was my glasses because it happens mostly as my day goes on and on as i stare at my computer for work. I think it started when i was stressing about my program ending at work and the load just continually increasing at a rapid pace. I was stressed as hell and i was a little overwhelmed. My program ended and then i had time at home to do whatever i wanted,3 weeks of a potential vacation before i started my new job. As the first week came to a close, the headaches came on really strong. Like i couldn't move my head without getting these pains, like sharp pains right above my left eye. I researched online and thought it might have been my sinuses. I also thought that i was really really dehydrated as i seriously don’t drink enough of anything, another reason i didn't want this to go out to anyone i know because then i would totally be a hypocrite because i am always on everyone else about taking good care of themselves but who am i? honestly I really don’t care I think.Anyway, the headaches remained through all of the time i was out of work. So my assumption was maybe it was because i went from having this crazy ass schedule to like doing nothing, I mean I left my house at 325 am and came home after 7 pm and then come home to work OT for a few more hours, unless one of my shows came on or I passed out. Some nights I couldn’t even find the time to eat dinner and this was every day during the week for about 3 or 4 years. I started working my new job and my schedule has changed once again but it was not as crazy as it once was. I am now looking at a computer screen from 9 in the morning until 630 at night which is a hell of a lot better than the before times so so long ago. So now by 3 in the afternoon my head starts throbbing and my eyes start twitching at work. this is starting to happened everyday now. I don’t get any of the sharp pains anymore, but my eyes feel tired and my head just hurts. Which is what leads me to want to go get my eyes checked for possibly get a new prescription for my glasses.

The dilated my eyes and looked into them with that super bright light. The doctor wanted me to have another test, which i never had to do before. After the screenings were complete she brings me back into the room and tells me that she wants me to go see a specialist for my eyes. She said i have a bulging nerve that is raised. It is showing fuzzy around where the nerve is supposed to lay flat. With me asking questions she was not clear in the things that she told me. Just that i need a second opinion because she is not sure what it is. She said there was diffidently something wrong with the nerve but it could be borderline something emergency or something that medication could fix. When i asked her if i could go blind or even die she told me that the specialist would have to determine that. It could cause blindness or be fatal to my health. She gave me a bunch of numbers to call as well as advice for what to do but i don’t even know. But like do I even call those numbers? What is the point of paying way too much for my premium to be told i have something threatening. What are my chances, what will happen if i don’t, does it make a difference if i do something to begin with? Do i even fucking care enough about myself to look further into this. I am 32, I have absolutely nothing going for me. Terrible job, no one to love or that loves me, friends that aren’t the best kind, family that don’t talk about ANYTHING except the bar that is owned by my father or the latest gossip going around. I wanted so much for myself in my life but i know that none of it will be a reality. SO once again do i fucking care enough to look further into this.

I cried for 10 minutes when i got home and i went to call my “like” mother. My mom passed away 12 years and her birthday is coming up in 2 weeks, So i am super blue. I am always super blue around this time of year. All i do is cry around this time of year. Christmas is coming, and as i said her birthday is coming. it is a very lonely time of year for me. I like have no family or friends to be with that i am really close to. I have some people around me but i can’t/don’t really rely on them. Whenever i feel the need to talk i don’t get a response. The people in my life tend to make my issue more about themselves than what it is that i am talking about. My “Like Mom” is classically known for this. since i was a child this has been something that has gone on in my life. I struggled with depression since i was 13 and her and my mom would sit me down to talk and sometimes it just seemed like i wasn’t allowed to talk. Like how I was feeling wasn’t the subject. They cared for me, i know this in my mind and in my heart, but i never got to communicate the feelings I had been feeling way back when. Maybe it was because they couldn’t understand. Maybe it was because they could not believe someone so young could be so hurt, feel so low and lost that they tried to turn me into the opposite. And it worked, kind of.... On the outside, i am not sad, low, lost, insecure. I am bubbly, happy, fun loving, confident like always. This is the skin i wear when i leave my home, when i’m walking down the street, at work, a bar, and hanging out with friends. But when i am in my room I am still sad, lonely as fuck, scared,depressed. it gets to the point where i ignore my phone, turn off my tv and computer and just stare at the ceiling thinking about what if things could be different. I was in a very toxic relationship with a person who i had no business with. I think we poisoned each other. He has been the only person besides those related to me whether by blood or time to tell me that they loved me. He love ME, i would think. How could someone love something like me, shit most days i can’t even find a single thing about me to love. But he told me every day. He also hit me most of those days too. I guess it was tough love that we had. Now sadly i can’t look at anybody without thinking that they will be like that, they will love like that so i don’t/refuse to get close to anybody, including those i have none ALL my life. Now i am just a shell of a person walking around, being there for anybody but screaming inside of my own head. I have felt this way for quite some time but last time i brought it up I was told my period must be coming and i will be over it once my hormones balance out. Funny that was well over a year ago and here we are in November and it is the start of the worst time of year for me because nothing says sad and lonely than spending Christmas with your cat and not getting a call or a text from a soul. Everybody has lives to live and families and their own things they are trying to get past. I just wish that this one time I could have someone there for me. To not brush away my feelings, to let me cry or vent or be sad, to let me tell the whole damn story before you bring in what is up with themselves or how they would do things. I’ve said it to plenty of people in the past and i guess it is my own turn to hear it. People are not always going to love you the way that you love them and they are also not always going to love you the way you want to be loved or think you deserve to be loved. Especially if you don’t tell them and I for one am not a speak up kind of person. I am most definitely the I am all ears, tell me whats wrong because I don’t want you to be sad kind of person. I will come to you if all you need is a hug and some kind words. I am the one who will listen to you cry and maybe even cry with you, but i will also keep checking on you to make sure you are alright, even though the storm has passed. I am what they call the strong friend. The one who is always in good spirits who wants everyone to feel good or be good sometimes even if I have to make an ass out of myself to do it. I am searching for someone like that for me right now. Someone who will know what to say or what to do to just be there. I just really need a hug, I haven’t had a hug since 2016 when i randomly met one of my twitter followers when I flew from Philly to San Francisco for 36 hours to see Darren Criss as Hedwig and she told me she was there as well. Unless we can say hugging means loving my cat, because I hug him everyday. He is my world, my Knight(that is his name). He saved me. He gave me something to do, I get out of bed every morning because of him, granted he is screaming at me to feed him but still. I love him more than I could ever even think to explain. I am not saying that i wouldn't be here if it weren't for Mr Knight, I am just saying he helps me get threw my nights and for that i am thankful.