#and that i got blocked by mutuals who don’t even watch spn blocked me just bc their friend who i never interacted was an anti -_-

[speedwayy]

.

[interrogatethecat]

Fuck You, My Decor Is Perfect!

word count— about 600

written for day one of spn pride week! the prompt I went with was flags. this was really fun to do, thank you so much to everyone from @spnprideweek who organized this!

When Dean stepped into his dorm, his roommate was already there.

“Oh,” he said, and Dean did a double take because holy shit, that voice. “Are you Dean?”

“In the flesh,” Dean said with a grin. “You’re Cas… Casteel?”

“Castiel,” the guy corrected, “but Cas works.”

They stood there, staring for a moment. Dean took in Cas’ messy head of hair, the bags under his shockingly blue eyes, his long lashes, his parted lips—

“So,” Dean said suddenly, “uh, I’d shake your hand but—“ He readjusted the pile of boxes in his hands.

“Of course,” Cas said, backing up quickly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to block the door.”

“Thanks,” Dean said, shuffling inside. He glanced around the room.

The right side was completely bare except for the bedframe and a wooden nightstand off to its side. The left side looked thoroughly lived in; the grey sheets on the bed were rumpled, mismatched socks were strewn across the floor. A steaming mug sat on Cas’ nightstand, on top of a messy pile of papers. And pinned up above Cas’ bed—

“Dude,” Dean said, “are you kidding me?”

Cas followed Dean’s eyes, his own flashing. “Will that be a problem?”

Dean dumped his boxes on the ground and began rifling through the top one. He threw aside rolled up rock posters, carefully set vinyl to the side, shuffled through a couple packages of raman. It was a moment before he whipped out his own bi pride flag.

“I would have left mine at home!” he said. “Why didn’t you warn me?”

The stiffness melted from Cas’ face into a small, warm smile. “Perhaps I thought it would be nice to have at least some of the decor match,” he teased.

“Fuck you, my decor is perfect!” Dean said, grinning right back.

Cas peered into one of the boxes. “Because the definition of perfect decor is Star Wars sheets,” he said, deadpan.

“My statement still stands,” Dean said defensively. “Especially because Han Solo is really fucking hot.”

Cas sighed. “I can’t disagree with you there,” he admitted.

Dean’s grin widened. He’d been apprehensive about the whole college experience, roommate included, but this— this was going to work. He could feel it. Even if the classes sucked, he might have just won the roommate lottery.

“Do you need help with your things?” Cas asked.

Yeah. It was official, Dean had definitely won.

“I’ve got some more stuff downstairs. Can you handle a couple of boxes?” He raised an eyebrow.

Cas rolled his eyes. “Yes, Dean.”

“Awesome. Hey, I’ve got some raman that might be expired.” Dean started moving towards the door, glancing behind him at Cas while he spoke. “After we’ve got all my shit up here, you wanna find a community microwave?”

“I could be amenable to that,” Cas said thoughtfully. “My laptop is also already connected to the WiFi, so if we wanted to watch something while we ate….”

“What are you thinking?”

“I was watching Dr. Sexy MD when you came in, but we could always—“

“Marry me,” Dean said.

One corner of Cas’ mouth quirked upward with amusement. “I don’t marry people who own possibly expired raman,” he said solemnly.

“Damn,” Dean said. “Guess you’ll just have to help me eat it after this, then.”

“I guess so,” Cas said.

As it turned out, expired raman actually tasted pretty good when you were sitting with your roommate on his bed, pressed shoulder to shoulder and watching Dr. Sexy.

tagging some mutuals below the cut. let me know if you want to be added or removed from the tag list!

tag list: @destiel-is-canon-i-guess @theedorksinlove @linaraiscorner @top13zepptraxx @https-castiel @fellshish @gayhuckleberryinatrenchcoat @ezikira @castielsbeeslippers @floral-cas @moonlightdeancas @ccstiel

[zmediaoutlet]

tagged by my good buddy @doilycoffin and uhh some number of other people to do the little tumblr survey game thing, and eve you are an absolute hero for including the clean copy at the end, thank you --

1. why did you choose your url?

I am Z and this is my Media Outlet. Although originally twitter was.

2. any sideblogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

Absolutely not, I can barely keep this one running. Also, I can’t imagine curating that much. People can handle seeing a Hannibal post instead of a Spn post, and if they can’t -- man, good luck to them.

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

I actually saw a thing from tumblrmemories today that reminded me that this post even existed, and so I can answer: apparently, I joined this tumblr place at 04/05/2012  3:26:41 PM. I have zero memory of the moment, lol.

4. do you have a queue tag?

I do not, but that’s because everything I post is queued. Y’all don’t know when I’m on here, I am mysterious. ...I am not, it’s just that I don’t like clogging people’s dashboards. So I queue for like an hour and then bounce.

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

...I don’t remember! I guess because lj was collapsing like a flan in a cupboard, and there wasn’t anywhere particularly relevant to go when you were looking for fandom content. But I don’t remember what fandom it was, back then! That was a few months before I started watching spn.

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

(i keep seeing pfp and all I can read there is pirst ferson pooter.) My icon is just... my little happy man! He’s so happy, look at him. <3  And I think he’s been the icon since April 5, 2012. Y’all who can like change your icons and whatnot are impressive to me. And confusing. Both of those.

7. why did you choose your header?

...I don’t think I have a header. Do I? Now I’m feeling very losttravolta.gif.

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

uhh I think it might be that dumb ficlet I wrote where Dean gets turned into the teeniest of dragons and is trying to hoard Sam’s junk.

9. how many mutuals do you have?

literally no idea how to find this out

10. how many followers do you have?

just under 1400, a bunch of whom are probably dead accounts or noninteractive, which I guess isn’t much to show for almost ten years, is it. Should’ve learned to make gifs.

11. how many people do you follow?

just under 300, a much of whom are probably dead accounts or noninteractive, lol.

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

I don’t think so. I don’t have the shitpost energy!

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

um, <1 hour on average. Some days I don’t come on at all, some days the scroll goes on a little longer.

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

I have never intentionally started a fight with any blog, but a few people have gotten GROSSLY OFFENDED by posts I’ve made and tried to fight with me. My reaction, like a somnolent bear, is to be confused and wonder why someone’s making such a big fuss. I guess they won, since I blocked them and/or they blocked me, and they got to feel superior because they’d shown me what’s what. And they also won because I still think about it with bewildered annoyance years later, lol. Why did you turn into such a bitch over a headcanon post? Oh well, I’ll mildly hate them forever.

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

They’re grossly stupid.

16. do you like tag games?

I do! Look at me doing one. It’s very high school, very sitting around past midnight on a sleepover.

17. do you like ask games?

I do! Same answer.

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

uh, none? How does one even measure such a thing.

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

absolutely not, oh my. EDIT: WAIT yes why not I have a big somnolent bear crush on doilycoffin. Let me woo your Texas heart or whatever, you goth grandma you! <3, >3.

20. tags?

idk who of y’all is doing what. These questions kinda got less interesting as they went down, haha, but I’ll toss out some tags anyway, uh -- @themegalosaurus, @alaynestone, @stripperlecki, @wetsammywinchester, @watermelonlipstick, @peach-coke, aaaand we’ll call that good.

[holylulusworld]

Hands off my wife

Request: For the hunting world Y/N is off-limits and every hunter knows to not try anything with her but during a barbecue at Jody place with some hunters a stupid guy makes a move on her, needing to deal with the consequences. (Fluff, smut, angst)

Pairing: MoC!Dean x Reader, Sam Winchester, Jody Mills, Claire Novak, Alex Jones, Charlie Bradbury, OMC Sean, Bobby Singer (is alive for my story in S10)

Warnings: angst, language, violence, comforting, fluff, light smut, unprotected sex, blood

 You love spending time with your friend’s at Jody’s place. The last weeks were exhausting and nerve-racking. Standing here with Claire and Charlie, talking about girl’s stuff you can relax for the first time since Dean got the Mark.

“So, this guy asked me out and I’m like ‘dude I prefer my dates feminine’ and he starts talking like a girl.” Charlie chuckles and you hold your stomach, laughing as one of the hunters Jody invited tries to hit on you. Ignoring him completely you concentrate on Charlie’s story.

“Hey, Alex wants to take a picture of all of us,” Dean says and you smile at your husband.

“Go ahead, Winchester. Get your picture.” You chuckle. Facing Dean, you place your arms around Dean’s neck, kissing his cheek as he squeezes your butt.

“Dude! What the fuck! You ignored my try to flirt with you, but Dean Winchester come along and can touch you? You little slut are fucking him, that’s the reason Dean and his brother are dragging you around.” The hunter snarls at you. When you try to explain the situation and calm the man down he slaps your face, causing your lip to split.

Seeing Dean stripping off his jacket and trying to calm the raging anger down some of the hunters jump up, ready to help their friend but Sam is faster.

Dean is shoving you behind his back, raising his fist he punches the hunter’s nose, breaking it on his way.

“Sean, you shouldn’t have messed with the girl of a Winchester, especially when this girl is his wife, boy.” Bobby chuckles seeing Dean holding back the anger, holding back the need to kill Sean. 

Sean gets back up, spitting some blood onto Dean’s shoes he grins at the angry hunter. “I bet she’s a good slut, had many hunters between her thighs before she let you have a taste, Winchester.” Sean spats.

Dean is ready to attack or rather kill Sean, so you move between your husband and the hunter, trying to hold Dean back before he kills the drunk guy.

“Dean, he’s not worth it.” You whisper pressing your hands against his chest.

Instead of leaving you and Dean alone, Sean tries to grab your hair but Sam is faster. Grabbing your upper arm Sam drags you away, shielding you with his body.

Seeing Sean tried to attack you once again Dean loses all control. His fists meet Sean’s jaw, causing him to stumble. The next punch makes him fall to his knees as Dean rams his knee into Sean’s face, making him lose consciousness.

Dean won’t stop so Sam drags him off the bleeding mess called Sean while you try to calm your husband down. Carefully you cradle his face to make him look at you, to distract him from his rage.

“Calm down, Baby. He’s no harm any longer. Breathe…” You whisper and Dean slowly calms. 

“This is what happens to anyone touching my wife. No one touches my girl.” Dean grunts narrowing his eyes.

Dean’s eyes dart between the other hunters so you move your arms around his neck, trying to make him remain calm. Dean is tense as he clings to your body, kissing your forehead over and over again to make sure you are unharmed.

“I’m fine, Dean. You defended me, baby, I’m proud of you.

The other hunters watch the scene with wide eyes, not daring to move a muscle they let Jody arrest Sean as you take Dean’s hand in yours to lead him out of Jody’s backyard.

----

Walking back toward your motel room you can feel the tension and anger in Dean’s body. He tries to hide it, but you can see through his façade.

Your hands are shaking as you open the door, letting Dean in. He’s pacing around the room, tossing his jacket and keys onto the table so you grab the hem of his shirt smiling at him. 

“Relax baby, let me help you relax.” You whisper pushing Dean onto the bed. He barely has time to respond as you remove his shoes, open his pants, dragging the fabric down his legs.

“Fuck…” Dean curses watching you stripping your clothes off as he tosses his shirt aside.

You straddle his thighs, not caring about his protests, his fear to hurt you. Dean needs to release some tension, pressure so you raise your hips, sinking onto him to make him feel good.

Moving fast, riding him hard you dig your nails into his shoulders, watching his blissed face to makes sure he can relax for a moment. Dean’s thrusting into you, helping you get closer to a mutual needed high. Your noises grow louder as Dean grabs your waist to flip you over.

You expect him to pound you into the mattress, you don’t expect him to move your legs around his waist, to place one hand behind your head to bring you closer for a soft kiss. Dean starts moving, slow and even, like the first time you were together, like during your first time with him.

This level of tenderness, you missed it since he’s bearing the Mark since any difficult situation leads to anger…violence.

Gently rocking into you Dean whispers loving words into your ear. There’s no rush, no lust. Only the need to be as close as possible to you.

Your hands paw at his back as you orgasm around him, pushing him over the edge as well. For a moment there is silence, you only look at each other, enjoying the peaceful moment.

“I love you,” Dean whispers.

“I love you too.”

----

“Do you think the picture Alex took is good?” You ask and Dean starts laughing.

“That’s what you are thinking about after I almost killed that asshole.” Dean chuckles holding you close to his chest, caressing your back.

“Yeah. We barely have good pictures, Dean. Except for our wedding picture and the ones Sammy took we don’t have any. We need to take some more.”

“I have one condition,” Dean whispers.

“Which one, Winchester?” You tease.

“I want to grab your ass on every picture,” Dean smirks looking down at you in his arms.

“Little pervert.”

“Dude, I brought the breakfast twenty minutes ago. Can we eat or do I have to vomit first?” Sam groans.

“What? I just clarified the conditions for getting awesome pictures with me.” Dean shrugs.

“Thanks for the breakfast, Sammy.” You say and Sam smiles at you.

“Let’s have breakfast and hit the road, gang…”

This is the original request:

For the hunting world she’s off limits and every hunter know to not try anything with her (1) (2) during a barbecue at Jody place with some hunters a stupid guy take a move on her when she’s talking with Claire and Charlie but she just ignores him and he go away angry, when dean go to her Alex it’s with a camera asking for a photo of the four so dean take his hands on her ass and reader take her hand on dean neck kissing is cheek, the guy is watching the scene and run to yell at her that she’s a slut who fuck the Winchester and then slap her and with the slap her lips are bloody ... (3)at this point some hunter stand and Sam run to dean side when he move her behind him(we know dean is not someone to mess with)and he punch the guy in the face and a old hunter who knows well the Winchester before dean can kill him tell at the guy that nobody mess with the Winchester girl, expecially when this girl is his wife boy and when the guy say other stupid think about her dean take a move but she blocks him because she know she’s dangerous with the moc and calm him ... (4) but when Sammy see that when reader is calming dean the guy try to it her,Sam move her and dean punch the guy leaving him in a bloody mess and stop only when Sam and reader blocks him,so dean tell at the other hunters that this his what happens when someone touch his wife and Sam sister. Dean don’t let her go and all the hunters are scared of him with Jody arresting the guy. (5) when at the end of the day they come back at the motel reader can see dean his tense so she tell him to relax , knowing that he needs to fuck her hard and when she’s reading him he turn her on her back and make love to her .... end in fluf when they are talking in bed and Sammy take the breakfast. Possessive dean, big brother Sammy, fluff, angst, drama, smutt

Forever Tags

@donnaintx, @screechingartisancashbailiff, @fallen-wolf22, @sister-winchesters99, @mogaruke, @the-is13, @helloitsmeamie203, @strayrosesbloom, @thewinchesterco, @hobby27, @kittycatlover18, @gh0stgurl, @marvelfansworld , @sandlee44, @hawaiianohana31, @unlikelysamwinchesteronahunt, @katpatrova17, @notyourtypicalrose , @heyitscam99, @onethingthatkeepsmealive, @natura1phenomenon, @flamencodiva, @echoesofpassion, @cocklesbelli, @voltage-my2dlove, @fandom-princess-forevermore, @thenamelesschibi, @lauravic, @fandomsrourlives, @wittysunflower, @drakelover78, @lemondropirwin, @lonewolf471, @wronglanemendes, @electraphygelectraphyng , @spnhollis, @void-imaginations, @jay-and-dean, @shatteredabby , @juniorhuntersam, @helpmeluci, @neii3n, @goodgodimaweirdperson, @alltimesamantha, @chonisberonica, @supernaturalonice @stuckys-whore, @shadowkat-83, @officialmarvelwhore, @certaindeanwinchesterforcastiel, @wecantgiggleitsafandom, @meganywinchester, @shikshinkwon, @miraclesoflove, @yolobloggers,@guardian-tn, @lu-sullivan, @maniacproffesor, @hollymac79, @straycuties9, @destieladdict-221b, @kayla-2000, @ilovefanfic86, @gracefultrenchcoat494, @babygirls-fav, @sadn0va, @spnwoman @amiquette, @linki-locks11, @geekofmanyforms, @eggingamazinglove

If your name is crossed out Tumblr won’t let me tag you for some reason. Sorry.

Dean/Jensen Forever Tags     

@spnfamily-j2, @supernatural-bellawinchester, @butifulsoul125, @lyinginthegingerlocks, @deans-baby-momma, @hawaiianohana31, @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester​, @20gayneen​, @janicho88​, @thefaithfulwriter​, @dreaminemz​, @negans-lucille-tblr​ @sadwaywardkid​, @akshi8278​, @hhiggs​, @midnightsilver16830​, @mrspeacem1nusone​, @ria132love​, @caligraphee​, @the-witch-in-silence​, @multisuperfandom​, @deansgirl-1968​, @justanotherwinchester​, @jadesupernatural​, @squirrelnotsam​

[dotthings]

Let’s talk about Dean lashing out at Cas and his line “you’re dead to me,” in context of the current situation and what we know and have seen from Dean as a character. This kind of lashing out when Dean is in a great deal of pain, most often because he is terrified of losing, or has lost, someone he loves, is consistent for the character.

No it’s not OOC. No, SPN does not hate Dean. No, it’s not “abusive” and I wish to hell all the TFW lanes would wake up and realize the way some carelessly slap that “abusive” label onto Dean, or onto Cas, or onto Sam, trivializes abuse and hurts fans who are abuse survivors and who relate to the TFW characters for very good reasons. Unhealthy coping mechanisms or way too harsh, or misguided, they do hurt each other. Nothing in me idealizes the TFW relationships or characters and there are all kinds of problems in that familial team which I have blogged about here for actual years. They do have some repeat/cyclical behavior. 

They also have character development and I’ve watched as they grow more self-aware and lesson some of their more unhealthy coping mechanisms and grow more honest with each other. It’s one reason I love S14 so much, it’s so character driven and the characters are vocalizing so much more honestly than they used to. I’ve waited so long for SPN to do a season with this tone. Each of them still makes mistakes but they seem increasingly quicker to realize it, to fully confess to each other what they were thinking, and vocalize their motives. In Dabb era in particular I’ve noted how some things I was used to extrapolating in earlier seasons, things that were tacit in the story, in the build of the characters, are now more often in addition to the story showing it, also being vocalized by the characters themselves.

Character development is good and it is sad when they slip back into unhealthy coping mechanisms again, but they are by nature imperfect characters and in fact those flaws are part of why we love them. So much as they progress, it’s not going to be all self-acceptance sunshine and roses and nothing but mutual understanding and kindness. So long as I am also seeing character development, I’m not going to hit the ceiling every time they mis-step.

Stuff you need to put my post in further context: 

I’m speaking here as someone who writes a lot on Cas pov as well as Dean pov. I’m not someone who bashes the others in Team Free Will and only talks about Dean. I consider myself a dual fan of both characters (I love Sam too but that’s for another discussion, I relate the most to Dean and Cas and that’s just how I’m wired). I’ve been defending Cas for a decade. A literal decade and I don’t bash Cas, I love him, and I wish more Cas fans could at least extent some basic courtesy back and understand that if Cas hate hurts them, Dean hate will hurt people who love Dean.

I’m feeling terrible for Cas right now and I’ve already made a number of posts on his motivations and pov. He withheld information and he shouldn’t have done that, but we know it isn’t all on him, Sam and Dean have already vocalized they know it isn’t all on him, and we also understand why and we know he doesn’t deserve the harsh words Dean said.

Does this mean Dean is a horrible abusive person who doesn’t deserve Cas, doesn’t deserve love (from Cas or fans), because he lashed out?  No.

Does this mean Dean is OOC, has never done anything like this, would never, and the writers are “destroying” the character?  No.

Dean is getting a lot of hate right now. A lot. And he doesn’t deserve it.

What a trap is it to try to counter, in meta, the extreme hot takes of the farthest character pole extremes. Because if I catalog the previous examples of Dean lashing out at a loved one because he’s scared, grieving, hurt, worried, about another loved one, all that will go into standom’s hot takes machine and get spit out as “gotcha! See? He’s abusive! Look how mean he is!” 

They will ignore how soft he is. How he is 90% of the time the biggest softest softie that ever softed. All the instances of how forgiving he is, how loving he is to those he loves, how protective, how gentle. That all flies out the window because Dean lashed out.

Some claim he’d never. Oh yes he has, oh yes he does, and oh yes he just did and there is nothing OOC here.

So I won’t make an extensive list of when he’s lashed out, and an extensive list of his soft squishy loving center would just not fit into one post anyway. But in case you don’t believe me that this lash out here is consistent, remember he screamed “then let it end” at Bobby, Dean broke lamps over Kevin’s death flinging the entire contents of a bunker library to the floor, MoC Dean lashed out at Sam over Charlie’s death, he yelled at Sam for calling Cas, who Dean was gravely worried about in S11, an “it,” he yelled at Sam out of his grief for Cas in S13. Which by the way, Dean again got a ton of hate for, from Cas extremists, who ironically claim Dean isn’t caring enough for Cas, but if he shows the intensity of the pain he is in due to his grief for Cas, that’s wrong too. 

In 14.18 Dean lashes out for a complex set of reasons. Yes, a lot of it is his fear/grief on Mary’s behalf. Losing her is devastating to him and he’s going through it for the second time. A lot of it also is the fact that Cas kept information from him, didn’t go to him. Even though later in the episode Dean follows Sam’s confession about his own need to believe in Jack with his own, even though Dean vocalizes his shared culpability with Cas. The culpability isn’t the only factor here. Dean trusts Cas so much and he loves Cas so much and I think Dean’s also hurt Cas kept something from him and hurt that Cas thought he should fix the thing all on his own and it’s a little too similar to Cas in S6 an we know how that turned out. That doesn’t mean Cas is like he was in S6, I’m talking deep in Dean pov here, what Dean’s fears are and that it reminds him of it and that hurts extra.

I’m not saying it’s not mostly about Mary. But those things about Cas, the closeness of his bond with Cas, and a sense of personal trust being stepped on, that Cas didn’t, personally, go to him, didn’t lean on him, ask for him, confide...that’s also driving why he lashed out. Had Mary not been in peril, Dean probably wouldn’t have impulsively lashed out so hard, but he still would have been hurt Cas kept this from him and said something acerbic. 

None of the dual Dean and Cas fans defending Dean are telling anybody they have no right to be upset or no right to be hurt. Nor are we hand-waving to make Dean perfect. That’s the whole point. I don’t need a perfect Dean to still be a Dean fan.

The lashing out isn’t a healthy coping mechanism and it’s sad what went between Dean and Cas in this episode, but it’s not the destruction of their relationship by any stretch. We already got, right in the episode, self-awareness from Dean’s end, we got Cas’s full emotional confession why he did it. Dean lashed out but Cas didn’t run, he didn’t assume he was no longer wanted at all, I think Cas understands Dean and he, like Dean, is forgiving, and nobody has told Cas to be gone from their sight never to return. It’s just going to take time.

Dean is really isolated right now, reflected in the framing of the TFW scene at the pyre and the TFW in the kitchen, where Dean is shown physically separate in scene blocking. He’s an island. He’s still freezing Cas out, but he needs some time. Let’s see what ep 19 and 20 bring.

Also where am I making excuses for Dean or treating Dean as perfect in this post or blaming Cas? Nowhere, that’s where. 

I’m not interested in countering the Dean bashing by shoving blame onto the writer, because I thought this episode was a complicated honest emotional wallop, and I’m not going to deny Dean the right to be imperfect and complex by saying “he’s OOC” every single time he isn’t the sweetest softest best most supportive softie, every time he has a vulnerability, every time he says something he shouldn’t. It’s fair to say that writers control the character so if you don’t like what a character did, blame the writers, they’re the puppet-masters. But in this case it’s not doing Dean any favors by taking that defense, by denying how complex he is and waving around the “OOC!” flag to try to make it all better. Better IMO to talk about Dean’s pov and motivations and what makes him tick and give him some love that way. 

[herdustisverypretty]

would you rather (autumn edition)

Tagged by @kelandry5​

I APPRECIATE THE TAG A LOT BUT I AM BOTH AUSTRALIAN AND PAGAN SOO UHHHH 

WE’LL SEE HOW THIS GOES! MAY OR MAY NOT BE HUMOROUS AND/OR OFFENSIVE. 

go apple picking vs go on a hay ride - apple picking as in like... picking apples off trees? or is this another way to say apple bobbing? cause i know what that is lmao that’s originally a pagan tradition associated with samhain. no clue what a hay ride is tho. I’M GONNA SAY NEITHER?????

scary vs sweet - in regards to what?????

sweaters jumpers vs boots

socks vs mittens - mittens are like... gloves with no fingers rite??? not fingerless gloves but like. i’m not explaining this well am i. 

bonfires vs football - ok wait i’ve gotta look this up, cause i am always getting confused between uk vs us vs aus football. OK ITS GRIDIRON. i mean i knew that was a thing but is that all you have in america??? those shoulder pads man... so tacky. so uh, neither, cause i’m hella scared of fire. I LIVE IN AUSTRALIA. THE RISK OF DEATH BY BUSHFIRE IS LITERALLY HERE AT ALL TIMES

trick or treating vs watching scary movies - we don’t rlly trick or treat in australia. i think this year we got one small group of kids. they rang the doorbell twice in quick succession and i was like “well if i was gonna open the door and smile and say ‘soz kids we don’t have anything’ I SURE AIN’T NOW” *ignored and blocked*

apple pie vs pumpkin pie - is pumpkin pie even a thing in australia? i don’t think i��ve ever heard it mentioned outside of spn. why do y’all gotta stick pumpkin in everything?

halloween vs thanksgiving - lol. i mean first, halloween is a commercialised/americanised/christianised theft of samhain (which i celebrate in may due to being in the southern hemisphere) (tho do not take this as my condemning and/or disapproving of halloween exactly - it’s a complicated situation), and second, i have a native american friend so i really am not supportive of thanksgiving anyway. also you know once an american my mum follows on instagram asked her how australians celebrate thanksgiving. lmao. 

bake pie vs bake cookies - uhh, pie isn’t rlly a thing in australia? i don’t think i’ve ever eaten a dessert pie that wasn’t a supermarket-bought frozen nanna’s apple pie. and i don’t even really like apple pie anyway.......

rain vs fog

black cats vs owls

ghosts vs wizards (look ghosts are fine, just dont fuckin do a seance ever)

harry potter vs halloweentown - at first i thought halloweentown referred to the halloween world in nightmare before christmas. but no, apparently it’s its own thing. who woulda thunk it

go hiking vs sleep in - what the fuck? do all americans go hiking in autumn?? uhh? WHY??????? i thought everyone on tumblr mutually hated exercise or is that just me

cinnamon vs nutmeg

reading vs writing

hot chocolate vs tea

live in a cabin in a forest vs 24/7 autumn - umm??? this is a weird one. i...i don’t understand the reasoning for choosing such totally unrelated things????? however, i would pick 24/7 autumn, because this spring has already gotten to 35+ degree days. no thanks!

candy apples vs caramel apples - ..there’s a difference? are these also different to toffee apples? cause i think i had one of those in the 90s at christmas once? it was weird. to quote river tam, i very much had the thought of “my food is problematic.” (and she remains the only person who can say that word) 

blankets vs pillows

roasted marshmallows vs roasted chestnuts - i’m a vegetarian so i’m not meant to eat marshmallows (no real loss there) and i don’t think i’ve ever even seen a chestnut in a store so?????

coffee vs apple cider - are these only meant to be consumed in autumn in america or smth? i feel like you’re lying to me. cause i know starbucks is a thing. as for apple cider, well, my sister and mother usually pick that as their drink of choice at family gatherings all year round soo??? again is this something that is only consumed in autumn in america? like eggnog at christmas? pretty sure we don’t have that too. and if we do, i don’t think anyone buys it. side note but what actually IS eggnog??? does it actually have eggs in it cause thats kinda... icky.. or is that just a name? 

red leaves vs orange leaves

braids vs bows - uhh?? they’re?? both nice??? *still confused by america*

scented candles vs the smell of freshly baked goods

carve pumpkins vs make pumpkin pie - again, we don’t do this. also fun fact! the original act of carving what are now known as jack’o’lanterns originated with pagan beliefs that carving turnips (pumpkins are native to america) with scary faces and displaying them in windows would help to scare away the demons and pixies and faeries that came out on samhain to cause mischief and eat children n shit. 

pumpkin spice lattes vs chai lattes - i’ve only ever had a chai latte once, and it wasn’t even mine, it was my friend’s from mcdonalds and i just had a sip. but it was nice! also gdi america stop putting pumpkins in everything!!! you’re as bad as me putting salted caramel flavour in everything (at least salted caramel is actually nice????). also i’ve heard starbucks pumpkin spice lattes aren’t even good anyway???? and that it’s not even pumpkin, but artificial flavouring. i think i will pass. 

coats vs oversized sweaters jumpers

beanies vs berets

candy corn vs peanut butter cups - yeah we don’t really have either of those either

s’mores vs apple crisp - NO IDEA what an apple crisp is but i’ve eaten s’mores pop tarts (ya i know they have gelatin sue me. mostly i just don’t like marshmallows. also i really like pop tarts.) and they were good so uh yeah. 

jump into a pile of leaves vs swing on a tire swing

corn maze vs haunted house - corn maze... i’m gonna assume that’s going into a corn field that’s been cut to be shaped like a maze??? why would you willingly go in that? you’re asking to be murdered. or abducted by aliens. ok i retract my previous statement. definitely go in that. 

bob for apples vs visit a pumpkin patch - ok obviously the previous apple picking then refers to ACTUALLY picking apples off trees. none of these sound appealing. 

whipped cream on hot chocolate vs marshmallows on hot chocolate - i don’t like cream in general, and we already know my stance on marshmallows: gross powdery little demons. 

WELL THAT WAS FUN. basically me just either dissing american culture or straight up not knowing what it means. glad we did that. 

i will now proceed to tag some americans. @6ubble-gum @humanitys-shortest-soldier 

actually i think thats all the americans i know. well i hope you enjoy seeing an australian witch being thoroughly confused by american autumn/halloween culture