#and swift resists poison so she just takes the hit and gets back up sparking up with her pokehex'd armor of w/e teehee hit me

[crewofthegoldrush]

samus vs pikachu

pov: "how hard she hit me"

[tevivinter]

die for you

Chapter 2: weak spots

[read on ao3]

Her movements were quick but calculated, feet moving only enough to dodge and parry at the exact moment. Darya flashed an arrogant smile, hair slick with sweat, air rushing in and out of her lungs. She had been sparring with Alistair for an hour or so, but the adrenaline coursing through her blood made it look like only a few minutes had passed.

She blocked his sword with one axe, and a metallic sound followed when she jolted the other one against the blade, pulling it away from him like a hook. The weapon fell to the ground with an empty thud.

Darya gave out a bored sigh, resisting the urge to roll her eyes. "I told you not to go easy. You are not really trying to hit me, are you?"

"Uh, did you forget about the part where you insisted to use real weapons?" Alistair pointed at the sword for emphasis. "And that maybe, just maybe, there’s a chance you might actually get hurt?”

“Oh, please.” Darya suppressed a mocking laugh, her stance becoming more relaxed as she rested one axe upon her shoulder. “Did the templars train you with wooden swords by any chance?”

“What? No!” She raised one questioning brow at his quick denial, and Alistair couldn’t help but feel embarrassed. “I mean, only at the beginning-”

“Well that explains a lot,” she interrupted dryly.

He groaned. “Look, my point is that I don’t want to accidentally stab you. Or have your axe buried in my head. Nope, I’m totally fine as it is.”

“No need to be so dramatic, Chantry boy.” Darya rolled her eyes. “Besides, you wouldn’t manage to land a hit on me even if you wanted to.”

"Thank you so much for the compliment," Alistair muttered sarcastically. “Why don’t you… I don’t know, ask Zevran instead?” His gaze soon turned to the elf’s usual spot by the camp, glancing at him from a distance. “I bet he wouldn’t mind that."

The annoyance in his tone was crystal clear, but Darya ignored it as her thoughts went in an interesting direction. It would be nice to spar with someone else for a change - she had been practicing with Alistair long enough to read and predict most of his actions. Zevran, on the other hand...

"Well then." A new surge of determination made her tighten the grip on both axes. "This might be a genuinely good idea.”

Zevran sat near his tent, calmly sorting out what appeared to be small bottles of poison into his bag.  He didn't need to look to know that the footsteps coming into his direction belonged to Darya. It wasn't exactly his plan to overhear their conversation, but he couldn't do anything about his elven hearing either. Still, Zevran waited until Darya stood right beside him, her shadow looming over his belongings.

He pretended to be surprised as he tilted his head up to face her. “Oh? Is there something you need, bela?”

"Yes. I happen to be looking for a sparring partner." She vaguely pointed one axe towards Alistair. "Chantry boy there would like to learn a few things."

"Hey, I didn't say anything!" Alistair protested from afar.

"Hmm. I'm intrigued." Zevran leaned back a little, a spark of curiosity shining in his eyes. "If I might ask, is there a particular reason why you want to spar with me? There are plenty of candidates in this camp after all." Then his lips curved into a smirk, as if he had just realized something. “Is it because I’m ‘handsome’, as you like to call?”

Darya’s scoff was louder than expected. That was more of a side benefit, actually, but she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing either way. “Don’t push your luck, assassin. We haven’t sparred yet - let’s just say I’m curious.”

“Whatever you say, my dear warden.” Zevran said nonchalantly as he stood up, proceeding to pick up his daggers. He followed Darya’s steps to an open space between the tents and the edge of the camp. “Shall we compete for points then?”

“Do as you like.” She rolled her shoulders in preparation before positioning herself at a reasonable distance from him. Then she drew her axes once more, an arrogant smile lighting her features with determination. “Just don’t expect to win.”

Zevran mirrored her expression, but Darya stepped forward before he had any chance to reply. She wanted to surprise him with a quick attack, yet Zevran managed to parry the blow, daggers crossed to lessen the impact. She was forced a few steps back to avoid the swift swing of his blades. His speed was far greater than expected, and the contrast between his fighting style and his laidback attitude was like day and night.

Zevran was, after all, fighting to win.

A flurry of metallic sounds followed, axes and daggers relentlessly colliding with one another. It was almost like performing a dance, their rhythm oddly in sync as they moved. It was hard to pay attention to his footwork and parry when she had so little time to act. Turns out Darya was not as fast as him - but she was definitely stronger. She ducked to the side and used the momentum to hit the back of his legs. The impact caused Zevran to lose his balance, daggers slipping away from his hands when he fell.

Darya gave a satisfied smile. “One point for me."

Zevran chuckled before easing himself up again. “I must admit that this was not what I had in mind when I pictured you pushing me to the ground.”

“Keep distracting yourself and this will be over real soon, handsome.”

Both of them stepped back, using a small moment to catch their breaths before starting all over again.

Sparring with Zevran was unlike anything she had ever done. Darya felt a different jolt of adrenaline course through her blood each time he managed to surprise her. She was used to restrain herself while practicing, measuring her strength and abilities in order not to hurt her partners too much. Truth be told, it was no easy task to find someone as skilled as herself. But this, him-  Darya couldn’t remember the last time she felt so free. For once she didn’t need to worry, instead only focusing on proper combat. Zevran offered her some kind of challenge, one she had desperately missed for so long without even realizing. It was something so new and refreshing but also powerful, like an electrical storm rushing through her veins.

The camp soon faded into the distance. They sparred for a long while until the back of her neck became damp with sweat, several strands of hair escaping from her loose ponytail. Darya's shirt clung to her skin, the grip on her axes considerably weaker than before. Zevran appeared to be in a similar situation, chest heaving up and down as he breathed. Darya searched for a weak spot in his stance. There was an opening at his left side, she realized, but it took only a second before he closed the gap between them. A dagger attempted to hit her right side and Darya easily defended it – only to realize it was a blow meant for distraction.

And soon she was lying on the ground with Zevran hovering on top of her.

He let out a breathless chuckle, one hand pinned to the ground to keep his balance, the other holding a dagger a few inches from Darya's chin. "It appears luck is on my side today, no?"

She stared at him, finding herself to be completely speechless. It was careless and stupid of her to let that happen, yet her frustrations were soon forgotten when Darya realized how close he was. Zevran seemed to notice it as well, and for a moment there was nothing but the sound of their ragged breaths. He unconsciously lowered the dagger to take in the sight of Darya lying beneath him. Her lips were slightly open as she panted, face flushed by the adrenaline, strands of golden hair sticking to her sweaty skin. She was gorgeous even like that, and Zevran resisted the urge to trace her jaw with his fingers.

That is, until Darya pulled him down for a kiss.

She curled her fingers around the fabric of his shirt, a soft sigh leaving her lips when Zevran kissed her back just as fiercely. She opened her mouth to meet his tongue, molten desire making her heart thump with the taste of him. Demanding hands urged Zevran even closer, and Darya felt his smirk against her lips. He allowed his body to relax more, but only enough to press her down a bit.

As soon as Zevran had his guard down, Darya took the chance to flip them over.

A smug smile crossed her lips when she had him pinned down, knees firmly placed on either side of his ribs and hands trapping his wrists above his head. More importantly, the last dagger was gone from his grip.

"To be honest, I didn't think you would fall for that. It’s the oldest trick in the book," Darya scoffed. "But I told you it wasn’t going to lose."

Zevran didn’t seem to mind at all. In fact, he appeared to be enjoying the whole situation. "You are as cruel as you are beautiful, my dear.” He glanced up to indicate his wrists and then back at her. “Still - if you wanted to bound me, all you needed to do was ask.”

She chuckled in response - except this time it felt genuine.

Zevran became used to the fact that Darya wasn’t spontaneous about her feelings. She often wore a smug smile, one that worked wonderfully to deceive most people. It didn’t take him long to realize that her smiles never reached her eyes. Deep down they were just invisible walls, cold and hard to see through. Zevran only did because he could relate to that. He, too, had been building up walls ever since he was a child.

And so her laugh came out as a surprise. It was brief, yet warm enough to light up her whole face. For only a moment there were no signs of sarcasm, just the real her, bright and welcoming as the sun. For only a moment her gaze softened and he could see how beautiful she truly were.

But Darya soon snapped back to reality. She leaned back a little, a small frown the only visible sign of her confusion. She continued as if nothing had happened, though her voice became undeniably harsher.

“In your dreams, handsome.” There was an uncertain feeling to her look that she just couldn’t shake off. Darya soon stood up, ignoring the curiosity in Zevran’s gaze. “We’re done for today.”

Under normal circumstances he would have continued to tease, but he knew it was not the right moment to do that. Not anymore at least. Zevran simply nodded then, proceeding to get on his feet as well. “As you say.”

Then she walked away, her conflicting thoughts being the only company she had for a while. To think that she actually had fun with Zevran... it was odd. She didn't plan any of that. It simply happened, and Darya hated to deal with things that were beyond her control. T here was something about him that s he couldn't place yet - something different. Whether it was good or not, only time would tell.

[peaky-shelby]

Give me love I tommy shelby

Pairing: Tommy shelby x Reader

words: 2.160

summary: you and tommy are invited to one of Oswald’s parties. Angry at tommy for leaving you alone, you drink more than you should and then things take a very bad turn between you, Tommy and Oswald.

warnings: MENTIONS OF SEXUAL ABUSE & ALCOHOL, angst, mentions of blood.

Author’s note: possibly my best work? Idk but please leave feedback.

After 5 glasses of gin the music had turned to an ongoing buzz in your eyes. for the first time after a long time you were feeling alive and there was this spark in your chest, if you didn't know any better you would say that It was happiness. True you were only happy because the alcohol had burned down your worries like they were thin Paper and had messed with your mind so much you could barely  consecrate on What you were doing and where you were. You started dancing around the third glass going from One man’s arms to another’s. It had been so long since you danced.

Tommy was so busy with his work as a Politician now, he only seemed to have time to Fuck you and even that would be quick, a simple dose of satisfaction for him. Too occupied in his own thoughts and worries, you didn’t feel like his wife anymore and since you didn’t feel like his wife you thought It was about time to stop acting like his wife.

You and him were invited to one of Oswald’s Parties, The Place was packed with young girls, drunk politicians and unknown faces. As soon as you arrived the smell of alcohol mixed with cigars washed your entire body, pulling you Into a very dangerous ocean and you didn’t even try to resist the sirens. Tommy left your alone, saying that he would be back shortly but five glasses in and he was still locked up to Oswald’s office. 

"Another glass Ms. Shelby?” Asked one of the boys with the traits and you smiled, nodding like a kid about to be given candy. He handed you the glass and you drowned It all down in seconds. The buzz turned Into a muffled sound, so loud and confusing at the same time. The other guest kept bumping into you as you stood still in the middle of the room, alone. The spark in your chest turned to a wildfire, that was turning your insights to ash and your brain felt so heavy, You wanted to scream. You started moving from where you were, not really know where you going but you saw a table with more drinks in front of you and you reached for It, grabbing one at the bottles. You struggled but finally managed to open It with your hands, you thought that It would be able to put your fires out. You leaned against the table and watched everyone at the room around your, dancing, laughing, some of them where so hammered they were fucking on the couch but you weren’t in a position to judge. Meanwhile your fires were growing higher, the smoke blurring your vision.

With your bottle in your hands you started moving again, this time your destination was the bathroom but the house was so big and you were so drunk you had no Idea where the right door was and If anyone tried to help you, you wouldn’t know. Lost in the Hallways you even forgot where you wanted to go. You examined the place, thinking that everything looked so fucking expensive. Occasionally your would take a sip from the bottle which by now you were Pretty sure was Champagne. You let the carpet lead you to wherever It was leading you until you reached a huge door. Maybe It wasn’t that huge but in the state you were in It looked like Poseidon’s castle doors. You stared at the handle, debating whether you should go in and drown or stay out and wither. You raised the Champagne and took along refreshing ship and with a Swift movement opened the door.

The room was warm and elegant, there was a massive bed on the middle and as you walked in you admired the decoration. There was a painting on the wall behind the bed, You had seen that Painting. It was The Burial Of Count Orgaz. Your heart started Pounding as you looked at It, a fear rising in your chest as the room turned from warm to suffocating. You wanted to leave, but Your feet were tied to the ground, your body was frozen, the bottle slipped from your palm, the shattering glass sounding like a thunder, you were in the middle of a storm, loud, cold and scary, you-

“Ms. Shelby?” His voice came as unexpectedly as an earthquake, shaking you Into awakening. Your turned around to meet him. Oswald was standing on the door, looking at you like an animal about to attack his pray. You trees were weak before him, your mind blank of words. He started walking towards you slowly, which only made You move backwards. He twitched his lips, looking at the floor “Tsk, Tsk, stole one of my Champagnes I see, you’re gonna have to pay for that darling.” A smirk formed to his lips and maybe It was contagious because your lips did the same. There was not a hint of tommy in your mind, not one reason to not kiss the man standing in front of you. You Just wanted to have fun, feel like you were loved, You wanted someone to kiss you like you were the sexiest woman in the world, You were tired of feeling granted. Oswald stroked a Strand Of hair behind your ear, his touch alone was so seductive. Normally you wouldn’t even think about fucking him. You were faithful to Thomas but the gin was faithful to doing whatever the fack It wanted.

“looking for me?” he questioned, his breath hitting your face in the most hypnotizing way. You gulped, your obvious fear encouraging him even more. He smiled, stepping closer. “I’ve been wanting to fuck you ever since I laid eyes on you” He tilted his head, breathing onto your neck. You closed your eyes ready to give yourself to him, really to cut that One last strand Of Sanity. “Tommy doesn’t have to know”

Tommy… Thomas. That last Strand became stronger in the sound of his name. 

“NO” you whispered and pushed Oswald away. “Stop” It took all your Strength to speak those two words. You shut your eyes trying to focus. You had to find tommy, you loved him, you needed him. Your breath got caught on your throat, the air was so thin, you were breaking apart. Finally the ocean you had thrown yourself In was catching up with you, dragging you to the bottom. 

“Thomas” You said a little louder and went for the door. Oswald stood in front of you like a wall. “where do you think you are going?” he held your arms tightly. You tried to shake him off, Shouting for him to let you go. You could only see one thing in your mind and that was Thomas, You screamed his name while Oswald tried to get you to his bed. Everything around you was moving, your sight was so blurry from the drinks It got even worst with the tears that filled your eyes. “Shut up! You little tramp!”

You screamed his name again, Oswald arms were wrapped around your back, making their way to your chest. He forced you to kneel on the ground, the shattered glass stuck on your skin like thorns, making you bleed. You snatched one of the glasses and In a swift movement you stabbed him in the stomach with It, causing him to step back and groan in pain. You released Yourself from him and stood up, pushing your hands against the floor and the broken glass, making your palms bleed even more. You turned around to see him kneeling on the floor. You wiped the tears of your face, the blood getting on your cheeks.

“y/n” your name echoed in your ears. He was calling for you, you followed his voice blindly, running until you crashed on his chest, crashing like a ship that Finally found shore in an endless ocean of heartache. He wrapped his arms around you In an Instant while you cried on his suit, grasping onto It for dear life. Your home, your warmth, your love. He pulled back only a little so we could look at you, his expression a mix of anger and worry. He Held your face, confused about the blood. “What the fuck happened, Eh? What happened.” You wished you could explain everything, but the words and the events were tangled In your head, It was hard to put anything to a sentence. Then another voice spoke from behind you.

“I was about to call for you Thomas.” Said Oswald “Your girl is pissed. I found her in my bedroom, a broken bottle in her hands, bleeding and when I tried to help She stabbed me with the glass.” His voice was like poison in your ears. Tommy��s body stiffened, he didn’t believe a word that he heard. His gaze turned back to you, warming you and calming you. Nothing could hurt you now you were with him.

“Tommy” you mumbled in a broken voice. You tilted your head, It was too heavy to keep straight. Tommy Stroked your face, wiping the blood from under your eyes. “I’m so sorry” He couldn’t Stand to watch you like that, his heart broke at the sight. His first Priority was to get you home and safe. Then he promised to himself that he would make that bastard pay. 

“I’m right here, It’s Ok” he reassured you, holding you tight against him and striking the back of your head “let’s go home” was the last thing you remember hearing before all your senses faded away in his embrace.

Next thing you know you are laying in bed, on your soft mattress, someone Is caressing your legs and you have a horrible headache. You open your eyes Slowly the light piercing them like needless, you groan in pain. Tommy stopped cleaning your legs When he heard you. You looked at him only for a second before covering your eyes with your hand. It was when You moved that you realized how badly It hurt because Of the cuts. The memories were coming back in bits and pieces.

“What happened?” you asked, making him scoff, he shook his head, trying to keep calm.

“I don’t fucking know (Y/ N). You gotta tell me.” He paused, biting his lips so he wouldn’t start Shouting. “How did you get to Oswald’s bedroom?”

“I was drinking because I was mad at you… I drank to much and then I wanted to find the bathroom I think but the house was so big and confusing…” you stopped, the memories from then on were too hurtful, You remembered standing still as Oswald walked to you, you remember wanting him and then realizing you don’t. You look at Tommy, heartbroken “I’m so sorry! I was so drunk, I didn’t know What I was doing.”

“what happened?” He asked, his eyes watching you carefully.

“I was on the room, alone and then he came” your tone started to break “I didn’t try to stop him at first but then he said your name, I told him to stop, I didn’t want to… God Thomas I’m so sorry-“ Tommy reached for your hand, helping your focus on him. “we’ll talk about all that when I come back but I need to know now… did he do this to you? The bruises and the cuts on your legs? Did he try to…” he Couldn’t finish the sentence. You nodded, breaking into tears again. Thomas held his hand in a fist, all he wanted to do was to kill him.

“It’s all my Fault”

“you didn’t know what you were doing. But him- I will cut his eyes and his tongue and then I will put a bullet in his head.”

“Why? Because he touched your property?”

“what?” He asked confused.

“You’re mad because I’m yours, your property”

“No. No you’re wrong. It’s Because you are my wife. Because I love you, Because he hurt you and no one is allowed to do that, Ever! I love you and any man that tries to hurt you is dead meat for Johnny dogs.”

“Is it so hard to say that a couple more times a month? Because lately I feel like I’m nothing to you, that’s why I drank, that’s why I’m hurting”

Tommy lowered his head, he sighed and then moved from the end Of the bed, next to you. He helped you sit up and looked in your eyes, cupping your face. You held onto his hands. He didn’t answer to your questions but he Leaned in and kissed you like It was the very first time. He left his taste on your lips, letting you know that he was yours forever. Than he left his mark on your neck, a message to everyone that you were under his protection. He moved back to your lips, Giving you all his love. 

[jaybug-jabbers]

Bug Run 7: Alola, Bug Friends

I’ve done bug runs for six generations of pokemon games by now. I wasn’t going to leave gen 7 out of the fun. However, it does mean a little tweaking of my usual rules. New bug pokemon in this game are fairly rare and spread wide apart. So, to pick up some of the slack, I’m also going to allow bugs that aren’t new to gen 7 to fill out my team.

Despite the relative rarity of new bugs in gen 7, there are some really, really cool ones. So it’s well worth spending more time with these fellahs and going on our island trials with our new insect allies.

Now, keep in mind this is a pretty long post that goes into details on the major battles of the game. If that’s not your cup of tea, I suggest checking out the summary post instead that I’ll be doing soon. But if you enjoy reading the full story, then this is for you!

So grab your shades and your sunblock, and let’s go enjoy a tropical paradise, complete with the mugginess and mosquitoes!

Rules of the Bug Run

1.) The team must be bug types only, and only bugs found in Alola.

2.) No trainer items used during battle (unless the foe uses them first, and then you may only match the items one-for-one). Held items are allowed.

3.) No over-levelling. Pokemon should be at roughly normal levels for a given area and not be at a higher level than the maximum-levelled pokemon in a major trainer’s team.

Pretty simple, eh? Well, maybe. After doing a lot of these runs, I’ve often found the very start of the game can be one of the hardest moments. The start is when you have access to the fewest moves, almost no items and TMs, and there just isn’t much room for strategy if you run into trouble. Let’s see if we can overcome the first hurdles.

Early Gatekeepers

At the start of the game, the grass right beside your house offers four bug types: Grubbin, Ledyba, Caterpie and Spinarak. I chose to grab two of those, Grubbin (Gaz) and Ledyba (Protoman).

The first major battle, against Hau during the festival, is difficult but very possible for Grubbin to solo: Mud-Slap against the Pichu, hope you don’t get Tail Whipped too many times or, if you get paralyzed by Thundershock, that you don’t lose too many turns to paralysis– all of this so you can survive the fight against his starter (in this case, Popplio).

The first true difficulty was the teacher at the Trainer School, who has a Litten if you chose Rowlet as your starter. I had to equip both my pokes with an Oran berry, and then just barely squeaked by the battle with my two pokemon.

However, the next difficulty was fighting Ilima. With my Grubbin and Ledyba at level 11, I just couldn’t make it by Yungoos and Ember-weilding Smeargle. I thought hard about strats and decided to reset the game.

Sure, I could have added more pokemon to my team, but I wanted to see how well I could do with just two. So I picked Grubbin and Ledyba again– this time with better natures. This Grubbin was Brave and the Ledyba was Serious (a neutral nature). Now of course, when Grubbin later evolves, an Attack-boosting nature won’t do her much good. But in the early game, she’s a physical attacker and those extra points can make a big difference.

I also chose Litten as my starter. This allowed me to pass the teacher fight at the trainer school (Popplio) without using the Oran berries. Thus, I could face Ilima with both of my pokemon holding berries. My Ledyba could Swift Yungoos almost to death (even after an annoying potion) but went down hard after a Tackle following all those Leers. Grubbin finished the Yungoos off and then managed to solo the Smeargle: get several Mud-Slaps off, and with the help of one potion (since Ilima had used one earlier) and the berry, Grubbin could just manage to Bite the dog to death.

The fight proved the importance of very tiny factors turning the tide in my favor, such as pokemon natures and berries. This is especially important early game when there just isn’t a lot of options for strategy. Again, I could have just powered through with a team of four, but that seemed to run counter to the spirit of the challenge run. Perhaps I was just being stubborn. In any case, after passing Ilima’s gatekeeping, I was finally free to reach route 2 and add the third member to my team: Cutiefly (Ms. Sidle).

The remainder of Melee island was rather trivial. Cutiefly’s excellent speed and strong special attack made it essential on the team– especially when it picks up relatively high BP moves pretty quickly. The first totem pokemon was a piece of cake, and the Grand Trial was easy with Cutiefly’s Draining Kiss. Ledyba’s Swift was also very nice for Makuhita spamming Sand Attack.

Akala’s Trifecta

Arriving at Akala, I eventually decided to add a fourth teammember before facing Hau, since he had four partymembers. I trained up a Spinarak (Dipper) and sallied forth. Dartrix was slowly and patiently worn down with Ledyba (via screens and swifts and roosts), who eventually prevailed. Noibat still went down like a rock to a single Draining Kiss. Honestly, the only one on his team to give a little trouble was Dartrix.

At this point, Cutiefly and Ledyba had been the MVPs. Cutiefly’s speed and offensive prowess mowed through most foes. However, she is a delicate little thing that cannot really take hits, so Ledyba held all the tanking power. While Ledyba’s physical defense is poor, Reflect and Roost helped mitigate some of that. And Ledyba, of course, was a good spec. def. tank when compared to its kin. While Ledyba’s offensive ability is practically nil, at this point in the game, its move Swift was still very viable and useful. Ignoring all the Growls and Baby Doll Eyes and various attack drops, as well as all the Sand Attacks and other such issues, Ledyba had the bulk to get off enough swifts for victory. The two basically carried Grubbin; the poor little squishy babe just couldn’t do much. However, that changed when Grubbin finally evolved. Just in time for the water trial, too!

With Charjabug on our side, all it took was a couple Sparks to take out the  Araquanid totem. Cutiefly finished off the ally.

After the totem’s defeat, I caught a Dewpider and put Spinarak on the bench for the time being. It didn’t take long to train Dewpider up and evolve into Araquanid. This would end up pretty important for the next trial; the fire trial.

My Araquanid, Neptune, was quite the beast, able to solo the totem and its ally, surviving on 5 HP even while poisoned. Obviously, the water Z-move helped seal the deal.

For the last Akala trial, grass, it took a couple tries to figure out the best strat. I finally settled on one that took advantage of Gaz’s new tanking abilities. After my recently-evolved Ledian provided dual screen support and a little chip damage, and I gave Gaz a Sitrus berry, Gaz could tank hits from Lurantis and its ally long enough to bug bite ‘em both to death.

Not long after our grass trial, my Cutiefly Ms. Sidle evolved and we added yet a new team member: Wimpod (Luciel). We then sped toward the grand trial of this island– a dreaded rock team. But it wasn’t anywhere near as bad as I had expected. Gaz took Anorith out with 2 Acrobatics. Ms. Sidle took Lileep out with her Pollen Puff. And Neptune could Z-Bubble Beam the Lycanroc to doom. We won the game of pokemon rock, paper scissors, because bug beats everything.~

Going Electric in Ula’ula

Truth be told, it wasn’t until the third island, Ula’ula, that things started getting a little sticky. The electric trial was a miserable affair. Togedemaru, with high spec. d. and totem-buffed defense, Spiky Shield, a million resistences, a Sitrus berry and an ally that laid down Stealth Rock (a terror for bug teams) and Tailwinds (so even Scary Face couldn’t help me), it was just a pain in the ass. Did I mention half my team was weak to electric?

I placed Dipper the Spinarak back on the team and trained him up; I also trained the team up to level 33, went around and collected some TMs, and pondered some options. After trying a number of ideas, I finally prevailed. What helped was this: teaching Reflect to Ms. Sidle (the only member to naturally outspeed the totem) so she could get that up first turn and then toss a paralysis onto the ally for good measure and even some chip damage on the totem before going down. Next, teaching Brick Break to Golisopod; he could get it off before dying to Zing Zap since the screen was up. He got a lucky critical hit and did loads of damage and triggered the Sitrus berry. Next, I brought Neptune in, set up Aqua Ring to let the totem Spiky Shield (it tends to do this when you’re holding a Z-crystal), and then popped the z-move. It took the totem out and Neptune could finish off the ally, too.

It was a relief to get the fight out of the way. As a reward for all my suffering through the electric trial, up next was my favorite boy. It was a joy to fight Guzma at long last, defeating his Golisopod with my own. And soon after, I could finally evolve the last member of my team!

I should mention that I kept Gaz at level 30 and didn’t use her during my electric trial because I really needed to get Bug Buzz at level 31 when she evolved. So I had no choice but to wait until after the trial when I could finally reach Blush Mountain. It was kind of a pain not being able to use her during the trial (and Guzma’s first battle– both his pokes weak to electric. Well, I used Gaz while fighting him but carefully arranged it so she would faint and not get exp) but at least it wasn’t a longer wait.

With my starter now fully evolved, and my team rounded out to a full six, we were sailing pretty smoothly now. At this point, my crucial ally Ledian was staring to lag behind everyone else. Protoman had no offensive presence, of course, and things were starting to outspeed him enough now that he couldn’t even get his screens off anymore. Even Ariados was doing okay for himself; with the priority moves (Shadow Sneak and Sucker Punch) to make up for his crap speed and Swords Dance to make up for middling attack, he could manage to scrape by. However, time would tell how things would pan out in the long run. Perhaps it was just a rough patch for the Johto pair.

Dark, Darker, and Darker Still

The spooky ghost trial was up next, but we took it in stride with enormous ease. Starting off with support from the Johto duo, Dipper used Scary Face– somehow spooking the king of spooks, Mimikyu– and broke the disguise with a Shadow Sneak. Protoman got up a Reflect and heroically took the Curse from the ally before going down. Then I just sort of hacked away with Golisopod’s Shadow Claw. I finished it off with flare with Gaz’s z-powered zapping.

We were then led into the dark back allies of Po Town, one of my favorite parts of the game. We find big bad Guzma moping in his room and challenge him to a bug DUEL.

Guzma is a man who likes to hit hard right away. He always opens with his ace. However, don’t be tempted to do the same. If I used up my Vikavolt on his ace, well, I’d face problems later. So instead, I opened with Protoman and got up the usual Reflect. Truth be told, I had intended Protoman to simply be First Impression fodder, but for some reason that move never came. Next in was Ms. Sidle, who halved Golisopod’s health with her buzzing, getting him into Emergency Exit range. Guzma sent in Masquerain next. At full health, my Vikavolt could survive a hit and use its Z-move. Golisopod was back in, poor Ariados was next for First Impression fodder, and Sidle could finish the water bug off. Finally, Pinsir was the last; I beat him down with my own Golisopod and Neptune. It wasn’t exactly graceful, but it got the job done. My team was a little under-levelled compared to Guzma’s, but it was a satisfying fight.

Angry at losing the BUG DUEL, Guzma storms out of his own house and I pilfer one of his bug z-crystals like a common crook. And sit in his chair, because who wouldn’t?

After this, Gladion drops by and rambles about Nebby and we’re supposed to follow him to the weird Aether Paradise island. Although the island grand kahuna challenges us to a quick match on the docks before we go. The match was, as you might guess, incredibly easy for my team, so we finish up fast and then ship out.

Our task, of course, is to expose the dark underbelly of Aether Paradise. It’s a long trawl through the facility, especially since I arrived admittedly rather under-levelled for the place, so I have to take my time with the battles. Slowly but surely, though, we claw our way through. All through the bottom labs, through the weird man in the green glasses, through all the Aether employees and Skull grunts, until finally we reach ya boy Guzma again.

Ya boy … has been training. And he’s added a Vikavolt to his team. I get my ass handed to me. Honestly, though, I’m thrilled he’s not a pushover. And it revealed some crucial flaws in my team:

(1) I already knew this but yes, my team is very weak to electric.

(2) Holy shit my team is SLOW. Golisopod: base 40, Ariados: 40, Araquanid: 42, Vikavolt: 43. Only Ribombee is fast (124) and Ledian is fair (85). I knew Alolan pokemon tend to be grossly slow, but this was a painful reminder.

(3) Some of my pokes had movesets that didn’t really make full use of their potential.

So, I had to do some rethinking. First of all, I had to let go of Ledian’s dual STAB. It didn’t make sense. He was a support pokemon, not a fighter. I’d keep one attacking move because he still needs to grind, but for now, I removed Bug Buzz.

Second of all, Swords Dance on Ariados was no longer working. For grinding, yes, but not for serious fights. He just could not survive long enough to use it. So, I give him a new tactic: Toxic, Protect, and Sucker Punch. He would tox stall and throw some sucker punches in there in between stalling. He also had Black Sludge to help with the stalling (he’d always been holding it– I stole some sludge from a Grimer way back at the start of the game). He was hardly a tank or an ideal pokemon for stall, but it seemd a viable option until he picked up some of his late-game moves.

Third, Neptune was at an awkward place right now. Still limping by with Bubble Beam, and with an odd mix of moves because I had yet to decide what I wanted to focus on with him. I thought about it for a while, but ultimately got bored and decided I’d figure out Neptune later. For now I wanted to give the fight another go.

First up, I had Protoman get up his Reflect and U-turn out of there into Gaz. Gaz did take Guzma’s Golisopod out, though unfortunately only after heavy damage. Next up was Pinsir. I sent out my own Golisopod to deal with it. The plan was to use my newly acquired Rock Slide. I opened with a First Impression which did a nice, entire 50% of Pinsir’s health, but things go less nice from there. Pinsir’s Stone Edge lands and my Rock Slide misses. Because my Rock Slide missed the last battle, I am pretty salty. And Pinsir’s second Stone Edge also lands. Ffs. Luciel goes down before he can finish things. (He was holding a Sitrus berry to stave off Emergency Exit.) Ms. Sidle has to finish off the Pinsir instead.

Ok, it would be rough without Golisopod, but we were still in this fight. Guzma sends out Vikavolt next. I use Protoman to Light Screen and then faint. Then I send out Dipper. To my surprise, Dipper’s new strats work great and he’s able to solo the Vikavolt.

Finally, Masquerain, whose speed and Air Slash are terrifying. My idea is to paralyze it with Ribombee and then HOPE that is enough for Gaz to outspeed. But it is not. Gaz had too much damage done earlier from Golisopod and simply goes down. It was thus all down to Neptune. He’s able to live one Air Slash– not well, but he can– and doesn’t flinch, so he gets his z-Bubble Beam off. It does a lot, but it’s just not enough to take Masquerain out.

Obviously, the next Air Slash will kill, so I assume it’s over. But then, it isn’t. Because I forgot Air Slash has a 5% chance of missing. The damn thing misses and I can finish it off with a Bubble Beam.

I’m happy to call that a win, because it seems fair after my Rock Slide miss.

Guzma steps aside to let us by, but first calls me out for forgetting to tell my mom I was going on a trip. Oopsies.

A Whole New World

After visiting my poor mother and doing a little extra training, I came back to battle Lusamine. I was a tad concerned about Clefable, as Ariados, supposedly my fairy killer, wasn’t yet up for the task, in my opinion. So I tutored Iron Head onto Luciel. While I was wandering, I also picked up a Light Clay for Ledian.

After that, the battle with Lusamine actually went quite well. I opened with Protoman, got up the Light Screen, switched to Luciel, and Iron Headed away. With Sitrus berry, he could stay in long enough to get the job done.

Next up I planned on tox stalling the Lopunny, but when I put Dipper in I realized I had forgotten to put Protect back on him. Whoops. My plan B was to punch at it a lot with Luciel, and when Emergency Exit activated I finished the job with Sidle.

Lilligant went down easily to Vikavolt’s specs-powered Bug Buzz, although I was surprised at how much damage a Petal Dance did to Gaz. Sheesh. Milotic was next, but Gaz was locked into Bug Buzz, so I sent out Neptune. Apparently Milotic couldn’t do much to Neptune but spam Dragon Pulse. So Neptune just spammed Lunge to whittle Milotic down and eventually came out on top.

The last was Bewear. I sent out Protoman originally with just the intent of getting a Reflect up, but it turned out Protoman could solo Bewear with just his Air Slash. He got a couple flinches, which helped him survive long enough to win. I had Sidle waiting in the wings in case this failed, but it was surprisingly nice to have Protoman do it all himself.

And that was it for Lusamine.

After she hops into the portal (followed by Guzma), the next major battle really isn’t until the dragon trial on Poni island. I’m afraid that was a pretty dull battle; I just toxiced the Kommo-o and stalled a little before clearing out the ally with Ms. Sidle. Considering the Roseli berry the Kommo-o held, this was just the simplest way to take care of things.

Necrozma’s first form was easy enough for my team to defeat as well, especially for Neptune. It wasn’t until we stepped into the wormhole ourselves and reached super uber weird space and battled Ultra Necrozma that things were a little trickier. The thing was 10 levels higher then us and had insane stats. Fortunately, some chap had given me a focus sash at some point, so Dipper could still get a toxic off.

Luciel delivered the final blow.

Boss Rush

When we return from saving the universe and all that nonsense, Mina still wants us to complete one last trial, which she explains will be a boss rush. Eh, ok. I mean, I guess that’s cool.

Most were a piece of cake. Kiawe, being Fire type, is somewhat noteworthy for a bug team to face. I had Neptune use Reflect and then z-Bubble Beam, but it didn’t quuuuuite kill Arcanine. It went down to recoil after clearing out poor Dipper, though. Gaz tanked a Brave Bird and took out the Talonflame, and the Marowak was easy pickings for Luciel. The surprise ambush by Kiawe’s friend was kind of annoying, but Neptune was able to finish things.

Electric type battles are an old nemesis for my bug runs, but this one wasn’t bad. Neptune almost one-shot the Golem (but not quite) and Dipper finished it off with Sucker Punch. In the process, he FINALLY learned Poison Jab. It’s ridiculous how long it takes for him to get a good poison STAB. Anyway, after a nice Light Screen Gaz could finish off the Magnezone with Dig.

Everyone else was simple enough. I love how a couple didn’t even bother to fight and were just sort of, “Whatever, take the flower petal, I can’t be arsed right now.” The fairy totem was likewise simple enough to take down. Ribombee is a sweetheart, but even with Quiver Dance she isn’t exactly difficult to deal with.

With our final trials and tribulations out of the way, we moved on to climbing the icy slopes to the new Elites.

But first, Gladion ambushed us for a final smackdown.

I had Ledian as my lead at the time, so the poor fellow just died to speedy Crobat. Fortunately, Gaz could survive a hit and retaliate. Next in, I was nervous of Lucario, so I sent out Neptune to z-Bubble Beam it to death. Unfortunately the damned thing was Zoroark. It’s funny how often I fall for that trick. The Zoroark used its own Z-move and killed Neptune. D:

Silvally was next, and I looked at its color and assumed ice. I suppose it made sense to me since it was hailing, so why not match to the environment? Dipper toxiced it and Sucker Punched it to soften it up, and then sent out a weakened Gaz to basically just faint and rack up more toxic damage. It’s not as though Gaz is outspeeding anything. Then I sent out Ribombee to finish things off. Finally, Lucario (the real one) was here, and Ribombee went down. It was all down to Luciel. Thankfully, Lucario wasn’t so scary after all. It just used Aura Spheres on me. I took it out with no problems.

After clearing Gladion aside, we climbed the mountain and did a little training. Stocking up on items and enjoying hot tapu coccas in the last Pokecenter, we braced ourselves for the final push.

Elite Four

The Elite Four was not too frightening a prospect for my team. The most difficult two would be Rock and Flying, of course; but having already faced Olivia’s Rock team, I wasn’t as worried about that one. The scariest to me seemed to be Flying.

Kahili

Kahili was indeed a difficult opponent I had to be very precise with. I opened with my Vikavolt, which was able to tank a Brave Bird from the powerful Braviary. Truth be told, I intended to stick a Coba berry on Gaz, but I mixed up the names and put a Colbur berry instead. Oooops. Fortunately, Gaz can tank like a beast, and Braviary went down to the thunderbolt.

Kahili sent out Mandibuzz next, which was a fine opportunity to set up a Tailwind with Ms. Sidle. I had, in fact, carefully tutored this move onto Ribombee for the occasion. Mandibuzz loves to open with Flatter, but I had Sidle hold a Lum berry so she could get a Dazzling Gleam off guaranteed . Sadly, it didn’t kill– Ribombee never can actually get the kill when she attacks, it seems. She goes down to a Brave Bird. No matter! I had Gaz and Thunderbolt, with Tailwind at my back! Unfortunately, Kahili has Full Restores. I don’t quite take the healed Mandibuzz out with one t-bolt, but before I can finish it, Kahili oddly switches out into Oricoro. I have no idea why, but it does down to a single Thunderbolt, and then she switches Mandibuzz back in and I finish that off too. Tailwind peters out, and Toucannon is up next.

Now, I know Toucannon is the z-crystal holder, so I sent out Dipper and Protect on my first turn. I know that generally speaking the Elites like to use their z-move first thing when they get their poke in. Dipper survives the hit, barely; then I use Toxic. Of course I don’t expect Dipper to outspeed, but I do expect Toucannon to use Beak Blast, a two-part flying move signature to the species. It does so and I get the Toxic off before dying. Next I put Protoman in.

Unfortunately for me, Kahili then Full Restores again, making my poison useless. But Dipper’s sacrifice was not for naught. It gave Protoman the chance to Reflect. On the following turn, Protoman also gets to use Tailwind before dying to Beak Blast. After these setups, I get Gaz in to take out Toucannon.

The final of the foe’s team is Hawlucha. Gaz is in red health by now, and as it turns out, Hawlucha outspeeds despite the Tailwind. However, it goes for a Throat Chop for some reason, which Gaz resists– it only did a few HP of damage. We thunderbolt and finish the team off.

Olivia

Our second-hardest Elite, Olivia didn’t give us much trouble. I did my typical opening with Protoman to get up a screen (Reflect) before dying to some horrible rock move. Then I get my heavy hitters out– in this case, Neptune– and start blasting away with Liquidation. Down goes Armaldo. Z-Liquidation on Gigalith. Down goes Gigalith. Olivia sends out her ace, Lycanroc, so I put poor old Dipper out there as z-move bait again. He doesn’t live long. Neptune then comes in to take care of the Lycanroc too. Probopass means I switch things up a little, setting up Tailwind and then using Dig with Gaz to kill it off. The final, a Cradily, is simple for Luciel to take out.

Molayne

The steel Elite had the potential to be very scary, but we did surprisingly well against him. Gaz could open and take out Klefki with a few thunderbolts. This was nice because she was immune to the Thunder Wave the darn thing loved to spam. He sent out Dugtrio next, which was easy for Liquidation to demolish. Magnezone faced off against Gaz. I knew it died to two Digs, but unfortunately, Gaz was a little to weakened from Klefki, and went down to a second Tri Attack. It left the foe at at an awkward piece of ¼ health that was hard to cleanly take out, so I used Dipper to Sucker Punch it a couple times before sending out Luciel to First Impression and finish it off. Next, Bisharp goes down to Neptune’s Z-Liquidation, and Metagross is our last foe. Luciel uses First Impression and Liquidation to help chip it down. After using up his berry on the first turn he emergency exits out of there on the second turn, and Sidle gets off a Bug Buzz to contribute to the chipping. It does a nice chunk, but she goes down too. Luciel, back in, once again gets off a Second Impression, and after a hit ends up on 3 HP. Lucky for us, I am obsessed with keeping multiple priority moves and Luciel also has Sucker Punch, and he could finish off the Metagross.

Acerola

By far the easiest of the Elites, Acerola was a pretty quick mop-up. Protoman gets up screens and faints, Luciel takes out the Bannette (after it annoyingly potions up). Froslass is next, and I regretfully send out Dipper once more to just take one for the team– this time while I potion Luciel back up. Dipper does, however, manage to do a huge chunk to Froslass with a Sucker Punch before going down. Luciel finishes it off. Pallosand takes a big hit with Liquidation but it boosts its defense a bunch. As Luciel Emergency Exits out of there I send in the big guns and use Neptune’s Z-Liquidation. It works great. Dhelmise acutally falls quickly to a couple Bug Buzzes from Ms. Sidle (she survives the Slams), which is nice, because she rarely gets a kill all on her own. Finally, Drifblim goes down to Gaz’s thunderbolt.

Hau

Of course, it would not be a pokemon game if they made you the champ after defeating the Elite Four. There’s always at least one more fight to clear. In this case, it’s your old buddy Hau. After previewing his team, I formulated a rough plan and headed in, feeling wary.

Hau opens with Alolan Raichu. Fortunately for bug trainers of Alola, this is a boon. Luciel’s First Impression takes it out cold. At least that’s one out of the way.

Next up was a pokemon I had only a shaky plan for, Crabominable. This horrible-looking evolution of Crabrawler has the spooky Stone Edge and a terrifying Attack to back it up. This was also basically Protoman’s only chance to get a screen up, so I had him Reflect. We get a lucky Stone Edge miss so I also Tailwind before he goes down. Then, to my great fortune, Neptune can kill clean with a z-Liquidation.

Noivern up next, a foe that’s always gone down neatly to Ms. Sidle’s Dazzling Gleam. Somehow I suspected this time, it wouldn’t quite do it– and I was right. I finish off with Luciel’s Iron Head after taking a Super Fang to the face.

Tauros is out next, a relatively straightforward pokemon. I plan on poison-stalling this one and send out Dipper. It seems to work great– I Toxic, protect, the Reflect is helping a lot in surviving Double Edges, I’m about to finish things off and deliver the final blow … and then Hau Full Restores.

This one stung, people. Poor Dipper, the punching-bag of the team, was about to finally land a rightfully earned kill of his own, and Hau takes it away with his cheap item usage. Reflect runs out after this, to rub salt in the wound. Without Reflect up and on low health, I can’t repeat Dipper’s strat. So I have to let Dipper fall valiantly once again as I potion up Luciel. Then my Golisopod finishes off the bull.

Decidueye is out next. This is the z-crystal holder. I have three pokemon left: Neptune, Luciel, and Gaz. It really is about choosing who dies to a z-move at this point. I decide Neptune is the least crucial for defeating Hau’s final two pokemon. Neptune falls to the grass z-move.

Then Luciel can come in and take a big chunk with his First Impression before his Emergency Exit triggers and kicks him back out. Gaz thus finishes up with her Bug Buzz. She fortunately doesn’t take much damage from Decidueye’s Spirit Shackle.

Finally, this leaves Hau’s Vaporeon. I get a First Impression off first, as usual, which takes Vap down to around half health. Golisopod survives a Hydro Pump and lives on a few precious HP, and I’m excited about getting a Sucker Punch, but unfortunately Vaporeon has Quick Attack. Ah well.

My last pokemon was Gaz, at around half health. It seemed fitting it should all come down to my starter. It really was a question of whether she’d survive the incoming Hydro Pump before she could Thunderbolt, because of course Arceus knows she wasn’t outspeeding anybody.

I’m still not sure if she would have survived that hit, but I like to think she would have. At the time, I had faith she would. She had surprised me a lot with tanking hits and pulling through, after all. In the end, Hydro Pump missed, and she could Thunderbolt cleanly.

And Gaz took the championship for us all.

Could we finally rest now, having been named the Alolan Champions? Or was there still something left to do?

… stay tuned to find out! :D

This is a repost on a new blog. The original post was on Aug 13, 2019.

[obtusemedia]

Ranking Taylor Swift’s albums, worst to best

Taylor Swift is arguably the most successful musician of the 21st century so far. And she’s accomplished her millions of record sales and hordes of fans not by chasing musical trends (well, most of the time), but typically through her strong classical pop sensibilities and evocative lyrics. 

This is what makes Swift unique amongst her fellow popstars — her brand, her selling point, is her songwriting. She doesn’t have powerhouse vocals like Adele or Ariana Grande. She’s not a artsy auteurist like Lady Gaga or Beyoncé. And she doesn’t cannily ride the current sound like Drake or Justin Bieber. Perhaps the only other major popstars that emphasize songwriting first are Ed Sheeran (who’s not nearly as talented) and Lorde (who’s sadly not nearly as successful).

2020 marks both the 10-year anniversary of her transitional album Speak Now, as well as the one-year anniversary of the eclectic Lover. And of course, Swift’s eighth and newest record, folklore, was just released about a month ago.

I figure this year of anniversaries and new music for Swift would be a good time to reflect on her lengthy career and rank her eight albums from worst to best. (And also, it’s still quarantine season. What else am I going to do with my life?)

So here’s my list. Are you ready for it? (sorry, sorry, I had to make that joke)

#8: Taylor Swift (2006)

Despite landing at the bottom of this list, Taylor Swift’s self-titled 2006 debut isn’t a bad record. Any album with pop-country classics like “Picture To Burn” or “Teardrops On My Guitar” can’t be dismissed. But any fan that says it’s a truly great album has been blinded by childhood nostalgia.

Swift’s 16-year-old viewpoint can be endearing on this album, but it’s also its biggest roadblock. Many of the songs have quite maudlin or cliché-ridden lyrics, and the unmemorable non-hits (which are plentiful) all start to sound the same at a certain point. Of course, Swift’s singles are almost always album highlights (and they are here, too), but her best albums also have plenty of hidden gems. The self-titled doesn’t.

Not to mention — and this is where my personal bias creeps in — the self-titled is also Swift’s most country-flavored album. That’s just not my genre, and Swift’s fake twang (remember, she grew up in Pennsylvania, NOT the South) can get grating. 

In hindsight, the self-titled debut was more about flashing glimpses of Swift’s ceilings songwriting talent rather than being a great record in its own right. But if you have a higher tolerance for corny pop-country, it’s a decent listen.

BEST SONGS: “Teardrops On My Guitar,” “Picture To Burn,” “Should’ve Said No”

WORST SONG: “A Place In This World”

#7: Fearless (2008)

Fearless is essentially the self-titled debut pt. 2, but it’s an improvement in just about every way. 

The singles are stronger — and there’s more of them. There’s still some country flavor, but it’s less obnoxious (although I dig those hoedown fiddles on “Tell Me Why”). And there’s actually some solid deep cuts, particularly the adorable “Hey Stephen” and the righteously pissed “Forever & Always.”

Unfortunately, some of Swift’s annoying early-career tendencies still pop up on Fearless. There’s a couple tracks that land on the overly saccharine side of cheesy, particularly the maudlin “The Best Day.” And almost all the classic tunes are front-loaded in the record’s first half. 

Furthermore, because many of the later tracks just sound like weaker versions of the singles, Fearless seems like it goes on forever, despite being one of Swift’s shorter albums at only 53 minutes.

Fearless was a major step up, and its singles are classics for a reason. But she still had some work to do.

BEST SONGS: “Love Story,” “You Belong With Me,” “Hey Stephen”

WORST SONG: “The Best Day”

#6: reputation (2017)

reputation is one of the few albums that’s both underrated and overrated. Its reputation (sorry) amongst the general public as a totally misguided bomb isn’t fair — it’s wildly entertaining and even a bit risky at points. But I really can’t agree with some Swifties who proclaim reputation as her best album, as it does have some deep flaws.

Occasionally, reputation actually is the bonkers, risky album that it wants to be. Tracks like “I Did Something Bad” and “This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things” are deliciously poisonous and campy. “Delicate” and “Call It What You Want” are stunningly downcast ballads.

Also — and I’m a tad ashamed to admit this, but whatever — after initially hating it like everyone else, I’ve come to adore “Look What You Made Me Do,” a truly bizarre lead single choice. It’s so delightfully extra! It sounds like a Disney villain song produced by the Black Eyed Peas! I simply can’t resist something this silly and over-the-top.

But despite these highlights, reputation doesn’t as get edgy or weird as it promises. There’s a good handful of forgettable ballads, along with some wannabe bangers with production that already sounds horribly dated. Say what you want about Lady Gaga’s ARTPOP — the precursor to reputation in just about every way, including its semi-flop status — but Gaga went for it.

I’m not asking Swift to be Gaga; obviously, they have wildly different strengths as artists. But if you’re going to make an album all about getting in touch with ~your dark side~, then you better deliver the goods. And reputation stops just short of that for much of its runtime.

BEST SONGS: “Getaway Car,” “Look What You Made Me Do,” “Call It What You Want”

WORST SONG: “King Of My Heart”

#5: folklore (2020)

Easily Swift’s most “adult” album, folklore is probably the biggest outlier in her catalogue so far. There’s no goofy lead single, no fiery diss tracks towards her exes or Kanye West (although there is a subdued one for Scooter Braun), and a good chunk of the album is taken up with short stories, rather than songs primarily inspired by Swift’s personal life.

Like with reputation, I have torn feelings about folklore. On one hand, I really respect Swift’s commitment to the record’s dour, decidedly un-pop aesthetic. Who would’ve thought she’d ever write a shoegaze song like “Mirrorball” or a Sufjan Stevens-style number like “Invisible String” (seriously, it sounds just like Carrie and Lowell, minus the dead-mom lyrics)? Or that her best-ever duet would be with Bon Iver? And the vignette songs like “The Last Great American Dynasty,” “Illicit Affairs” and especially the humbly sweet “Betty” showcase some of Swift’s best-ever songwriting.

But although folklore might be Swift’s pinnacle lyrically, it does leave something to be desired musically. It’s still a great album, don’t get me wrong, but listening to the entire thing can be a bit draining. Unless you’re Lana Del Rey or Sufjan, I’m not sure you can pull off a ballads-only album like this. Swift writing an album without a single bombastic pop jam is like if Nirvana wrote an entire album without a single angsty headbanger.

Playing against type is a nice novelty, but I hope all of Swift’s future albums don’t go in this hushed direction.

BEST SONGS: “betty,” “exile,” “mirrorball”

WORST SONG: “peace”

#4: Speak Now (2010)

In some ways, Speak Now is the training wheels version for Swift’s album that would come next. But it’s still a tour-de-force in its own right, and a remarkably impressive record for someone who wasn’t even of drinking age at the time of release.

The short stories that make up the bulk of Speak Now are rich with details, from the catty and hilarious descriptions of the bride’s family in the title track to the vivid rom-com scene setting in the Springsteen-esque “Mine.” I also love the interesting tweaks on traditional stories that are in the record. “The Story Of Us” is about a slowly-drifting apart couple, rather than a hyper-dramatic breakup. In “Back To December,” Swift takes the blame for a relationship’s end (which was a huge deal back in 2010, let me tell you).

Speak Now is also the first album where Swift started to dabble in some different musical styles, and most of them work quite well! With its wall-of-sound production and heartland guitar crunch, “Sparks Fly” is basically a Tom Petty song. “Enchanted” throws some dreampop synths in the mix. And while “Better Than Revenge” is marred by some rough lyrics that are a bit slut shame-y, it’s still a kickass pop-punk pastiche.

Every time I start to listen to Speak Now, I wonder why it’s not my favorite — the first 10 songs of the record are truly stacked. But unfortunately, it limps to the finish line with its three most forgettable songs and one misguided, insanely patronizing ballad about Kanye West (which is especially disappointing when you compare it to West’s career-defining opus about the 2009 VMAs, “Runaway”). Speak Now is Swift’s longest record, at 67 minutes, and you really feel that length by the time it’s finished.

If it weren’t for a lack of quality control — an issue for pretty much every one of Swift’s albums except one — and a couple aggravating tracks (looking at you, “Mean”), Speak Now would easily be in Swift’s top-tier. But as it stands, it’s still the best record from her country years by a mile.

BEST SONGS: “Sparks Fly,” “Enchanted,” “The Story Of Us”

WORST SONG: “Last Kiss”

#3: Lover (2019)

I think this one has already become underrated. And I put the blame entirely on “ME!” (the song, not the person writing this). What genius thought putting the album’s worst track by far — a tacky, overly focus-grouped mess — as the lead single would be a good idea? And Brandon Urie as the duet partner? Really? Ugh.

But, if you can look beyond that heinous first impression, Lover is a joyous, wonderfully eclectic grab bag of a record. Unlike most of her albums, it doesn’t have one cohesive theme or musical style ... but I find that refreshing.

Granted, Swift didn’t dive too far outside her comfort zone — as interesting as it would be to hear her try it, there’s unfortunately no black metal song. But she still worked with a wide palette of pop subgenres. There’s *takes a deep breath* a ‘50s-style prom ballad (the title track), Chromatics-style dreampop (“The Archer”), Lana Del Rey-style midcentury baroque (“Miss Americana”), Paramore-style peppy pop-punk (“Paper Rings”), Katy Perry-esque so-corny-it’s-brilliant electropop (“London Boy,” “You Need To Calm Down”) and Lorde-style intimate minimalism (“It’s Nice To Have A Friend”). 

And that list doesn’t even mention the impossibly cool “Cruel Summer” (one of only two Swift songs to earn that adjective) and the heart-crushing “Soon You’ll Get Better.” This album is Swift throwing everything at the wall she can, Jackson Pollock-style, and creating a masterpiece.

Seriously, folks — just remove “ME!” from your Spotify queue, and you’ll see exactly how slept on Lover is. It’s what a big-budget pop album should be.

BEST SONGS: “Cruel Summer,” “The Archer,” “I Think He Knows”

WORST SONG: “ME!”

#2: Red (2012)

Surprise, surprise: Swift’s most acclaimed and successful albums are the top of this list. Sometimes, the obvious answers are the correct ones!

Before I get to why Red — many Swifties’ favorite album — just missed the top, let me first praise it profusely. As someone who grew up on arena rock, I have a soft spot for much of this album, which takes cues from U2/Coldplay-style anthems. Even the country-tinged title-track has a propulsive rock edge to it.

Songwriting-wise, Swift was on a hot streak during Red. The melodies soar, but the lyrics are cuttingly relatable — and I don’t just mean that for the weepy ballads. Who among us didn’t feel that 22 was a “miserable and magical” year? Many of us (if we’re lucky) have had at least one promising first date that felt like a ray of hope, like the one in “Begin Again.” And I’m sure we’ve all wanted to tell off an annoying ex as viciously as Swift does in the impeccable “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” (her best single!).

And then there’s “All Too Well,” generally believed to be Swift’s crowning achievement by most fans and critics. They’re right. “All Too Well,” a nearly-six-minute towering epic of seething resentment and tainted nostalgia, is one of the greatest breakup songs ever written.

If there’s one flaw with Red, it’s the same flaw that most of Swift’s records have: its length. Even though nearly every song is a classic, I can still pinpoint a couple mediocre tracks that could’ve been trimmed (oh hi, “Stay Stay Stay”). By the time I get to the Kennedy cosplay of “Starlight,” I’m checking my watch. Which is an awful thing to say about an album this great! But Red is just a tad overindulgent.

Still, even Red’s worst moments are passable, and its best songs are untouchable. This was the moment when Swift finally realized her potential. And then she took it into hyperdrive with her next album...

BEST SONGS: “All Too Well,” “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together,” “Red”

WORST SONG: “Stay Stay Stay”

#1: 1989 (2014)

It feels a little wrong to have the least “Taylor Swift album” Taylor Swift album at the top of this list. More than any of her other records, 1989 feels like it could’ve been performed or written by another pop star.

But 1989 isn’t meant to be yet another Taylor Swift record filled with hyper-specific story songs and quirky, awkward lyrics (except the charmingly goofy “Shake It Off” and the quasi-self-roast of “Blank Space”). It was meant to be a challenge for Swift, to prove that she could create old-school bubblegum pop as catchy and laser-focused as anyone else on the Top 40 charts. And she wound up running laps around them.

1989 is a Millennial-pink tractor beam of synthpop glory. You have no choice but get sucked into its glittery spaceship. From perfect bubblegum nuggets like “All You Had To Do Is Stay” or “I Wish You Would” to gorgeous, sleek ballads like “Wildest Dreams” and “Clean,” every track is a winner. Even “Bad Blood” really isn’t that terrible.

At a brisk 48 minutes, 1989 is Swift’s shortest album, which means she avoids her fatal flaw for once: there’s no filler! It’s all killer!

I can understand why many Swifties prefer Red or even reputation to 1989 — they’re much more personal albums with more relatable lyrics. And I’ll admit, there’s no song on 1989 as perfect as “All Too Well.” But 1989 achieves exactly what a classic pop album should do: deliver bangers and sing-along jams with no weak points.

Red might be a comforting glass of Coke, but 1989 is a sparkling flute of Dom Perignon. What can I say? I have expensive taste.

BEST SONGS: “Style,” “Blank Space,” “All You Had To Do Is Stay”

WORST SONG: “Bad Blood”