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httphonsool · 5 years ago

Text

red velvet cookies

synopsis; in which you would love to stop loving min yoongi, but those damned red velvet cookies are not helping

word count: 5, 127

time taken: 5 hours

warnings: angst, heartache, unrequited love I suppose, roommate!Yoongi, Student!Yoongi, I suppose there’s some Fboy!Yoongi if you wanna think about it like that and there’s implied smut so beware aha

notes;Okay, so this took me like five hours from yesterday and today altogether and I guess I’m happy with the result, lemme know what you think and feel free to suggest ideas for more imagines/one-shots/short series :)))

I’ll try and make a masterlist or something to keep up with all the fics

It was never soft with him, no, interacting with this man had always been blunt and harsh as if you were treading on fragile ice, just waiting for things to come crashing down around you, at certain times you felt like the tension was building up; maybe today was the day it would all blow up, after all, the relationship the two of you had built throughout the year and six months you had been living together was insecure, vulnerable, the little interaction between the two of you precious and unreliable, yet you still yearned for more, though you knew what you wanted would not be given to you; that you were being selfish and greedy, you knew should have respected it for what it was, but the heart always wants more, you couldn’t blame your heart for that, right?

All you wanted was to have a…stronger relationship with this man, you wanted the precious, fragile interactions to grow with this man- this man that was strange, a mystery to the naked eye, a man who you would only know if you were around him more than often, and thank God you could say that you were around him more than anyone else, this man had mastered the act of hating you, precisely just because he did, and it hurt more than anything to know that.

He would come back from classes (He’s majoring in Music Production, another beautiful reason you want him closer to you), completely ignoring you all the while, even when you said hello and asked him how his day had been, especially when you ask him how his day’s been, all you want is for him to complain about his day to you God, you would give anything, anything to listen to his voice, his soothing voice.

His voice, that deserves millions and billions of poems and literature written about it on its own, to you: it’s perfection, it calms you; reminds you of how the waves crash on rocks, listening to it makes you giddy like a high school girl, makes you feel like you’re floating in clouds, like you’re frolicking through a meadow with the love of your life. His voice brings you comfort, more comfort than any Ben and Jerry’s Cookie Dough ice cream could ever bring you. My God, you remember the first time you heard him laugh, yet it wasn’t because of you, no, how could it? No, it was that stupid, dumb, sorority girl: you were sitting on the couch binge-watching Teen Wolf (because who doesn’t love Stiles Stilinski, Dylan O’Brien was hot), he came in with his dear old Stephanie into your slightly spacious apartment which somehow you’ve managed to afford, she made some dumb joke about you about how she honestly doesn’t know how he manages to live with you because you disgust him and he laughed, very hard, he laughed because he was drowning in the way this Becky girl was basically made for him, had the same sense of humour, perfect in looks (whereas you disgusted him for some reason) and you were drowning because your heart wrenched, no, it ached because this, for you, confirmed you’d never be able to make him happy like that, for God’s sake he didn’t even like you, he thought you were disgusting, the definition of disgusting, as good old Stephanie had said. You couldn’t be mad at him though, how could you? How could you when that laugh gave you life? Dragged you out of your darkest nightmare, filled you with pure joy on your worst day? Though, you still felt like complete and utter shit due to her comment, all was made better when you found several tubs of Ben and Jerry’s Cookie Dough ice cream in the freezer, you didn’t know whether Yoongi had brought it for himself (you assumed he had) or whether it was for you, because you had been crying earlier in your room, although, you were hoping no one had heard you as you had been embarrassed enough in the moment, you took the ice cream anyway because even if it made Yoongi angry that you stole what was his, at least he would notice you, at least he would acknowledge you for the first time in weeks.

☆

The second time you heard him laugh was when he was talking to his mother, ah, his mother, at least she acknowledged you, you remember the first time she met you whilst visiting her beloved Yoongi, she had brought you red velvet cookies, your favourite, you didn’t know whether she knew those were your favourite but it did make you feel as if you were loved for once, since Yoongi wasn’t capable of loving someone like you, and God damn, those cookies were better than the store bought ones you always got, after a while, his mother’s visits became more frequent and not only for her son, but for you too, your frequent ‘Mrs. Min’ became ‘Eomma,’ because she felt that you were basically her child at this point, and you were hoping, praying, begging that this would maybe also bring you closer to this Min Yoongi man that had claimed your heart- no, had claimed soul, your heart and your body and mind completely and utterly because of the way he acted around others, it may not have been healthy but it was the whole truth, one that would always haunt you.

You don’t know when you fell for him, to be honest you didn’t want to, your entire life you were trying to best to stay away from boys. In your mind, all they did was cause trouble: you’d seen countless women in your life crying because a man had broken their heart, you remember seeing your best friend, your best friend, a girl whom you’d known for almost your whole life, crying because her boyfriend had cheated on her, she claimed she loved him, poor soul thought it was her fault, that it was because she wasn’t good enough and you never understood that until you met Yoongi, sure you dated other guys, but you never dated someone for longer than a month, claiming they’ll break your heart, which is a joke now that you look at how long you’ve been living with Yoongi, how long you’ve been pining after him with love that you cannot even begin to describe.

☆

You don’t know what it was or how it started, maybe it was the way he was so warm to his friends, the way he would take care of them, often letting them sleep over if they were drunk or inviting them over and cooking for them just because they hadn’t eaten, maybe it was the way he would take to his mother every night before bed and laugh and talk to her with so much respect and love, maybe it was the small things he did: how he would leave a painkiller somewhere near you every single time you complained about your headache or any pain in general, or like how sometimes you and your friend would go out and get drunk (usually you would drink with the pain of loving Yoongi on your mind) and you would wake up with hangover shots by your bedside, or like the time you fell asleep crying on the couch and you woke up in your bed comfortably tucked in, but no, oh God no, don’t mistake those small gestures for his care, no he does that because he’s a good person, you know that, you know he probably does it for all the girls he’s dated (there’s a lot of them, and that proves he’s more than capable of loving anyone except you, and that really fricken hurts).

Maybe that’s why you’re sitting in front of him on the kitchen counter right now, observing him as he eats.

“Hey,” You smile at him; you know there won’t be a reply, at least not one longer than a second. He briefly looks into your eyes, a stone hard expression blooming on his face.

“How was your day?” You ask, honestly, why do you bother? Oh, right, because you’re in love with him.

Stupid girl, still trying for him even after all this time, you think.

“It was okay,” Hold on a minute, you think you just made history; he’s actually talking to you.

Maybe it was just a really good day, your thoughts wander.

“Was class fun?” You ask hesitantly, you could cut the tension with a knife at this point, all parties could feel it. You don’t get a reply this time, but you’re satisfied with the fact that he ever replied at all.

You still can’t comprehend how you could love him this much, how you could bend your back, break your bones for a man who has the capability to love anyone but you, you still can’t comprehend why you still make him breakfast when you’re leaving early for class, why you still bake red velvet cookies (his mother gave you the recipe) and make loads of extras for him because all of a sudden since you first met his mother it became his favourite as well (at least, that’s according to his mother), you can’t comprehend why you still make him lunch and dinner while he’s out, why you’re always playing with his dog because sometimes Yoongi is busy out somewhere (you don’t know where, you never know where) maybe with a girl, and his dog needs the attention, you do it because you love him, also because you love his dog, Holly, but you’ve come to realise Min Holly and Min Yoongi have claimed your heart completely, clutching it with a grasp that was squeezing the life out of you because my God did you love Yoongi, and at times you wish you had never even spared a glance at him, that you had ignored him and taken up the offer of the date that a male friend of yours had offered, because ignoring people seems to be working out fricking amazingly for him.

So now, as you sit on your bed after the hopeful kitchen situation, you can’t help but think about how screwed you are, because today marks a year and six months of living with Yoongi and yet you’re still not done with him, not over him like you wish you would be, but wait- there was a way was there not? You had been offered a date the other night with one of your close guy friends: turns out he’d liked you for almost a year now and oh how you wished you had just fallen for him instead and not Goddamn Yoongi, but it’s okay because you told him you’d get back to him.

And get back to him you will.

“Hey, Baekhyun? I don’t know if you remembered but…”

☆

You’re standing in front of Yoongi’s bedroom door, ready to tell him you’ll be out for the night and to tell him that he needs to wash the dishes while you’re out because you’ll be staying out late, of course, he doesn’t need to know you’re going on a date, but for some reason you just want this to be your last attempt at him, you want him to be bothered by the fact that you’re on a date, you want him to stop you from going on that date, of course, you know it’s ridiculous, because Min Yoongi doesn’t like girls like you, actually no that’s wrong; Min Yoongi doesn’t like you, as in you specifically. You turn the door handle, the ice cold material burning a hole through your hands, your whole body shaking at the sight of him because WOW Min Yoongi was so beautiful it was angelic, his perfect silver hair balanced and rooted on his head, his golden skin glistening in the dim glow of his ceiling light, his eyes, usually stone cold when he stares at you but right now as he’s working on some kind of song with headphones in a small smile planted on his face, he looks content- something you could never, and I mean never make him, because remember: Min Yoongi, doesn’t like you, as in you specifically.

He can feel your stare on him burning holes through his head, and you swear you’ve never seen him whip his neck to look at you that quick.

“What is it?” He asks, wow, look at that he speaks once more; you smile as you reflect on it.

“I just wanted to let you know I was going on a date, so would you mind doing the dishes because I’ll probably be out late,” you answer hesitantly.

Nothing, he says nothing, he just nods and turns away, and you’ve never felt shittier than you do now because damn, not even you going on a date all prettied up can make him interested in you, and that’s when you know for sure: Min Yoongi really doesn’t care about you, and that was the final stab in the gut, except the stab came with pain, absolutely excruciating pain as if you had broken your ribs and shattered your collar bones but multiply that by a million.

Min Yoongi doesn’t love you back, and he never will.

☆

Your date wasn’t special, it wasn’t even close to being good, maybe it was because you were still wholly devoted to loving Yoongi who you just couldn’t get rid of, Min Yoongi was like the annoying piece of gum that sticks to the back of your shoe and takes a while to get off, the only difference is he won’t fricking get off, and you’re tired of it, because you could have moved on with beautiful Baekhyun, Baekhyun who claimed to have liked you for almost a year, Baekhyun who could have loved you and cherished you more than Yoongi ever could, because Baekhyun was showing you that he liked you, loved you even, but if Yoongi didn’t love you, could anyone, really?

You didn’t know what it was, why it was, even, but the whole mood was off the entire night, it wasn’t Baekhyun’s fault no, no, it was Yoongi’s, because the entire time you’d been talking to Baekhyun, all you’d been thinking about was Yoongi’s gummy, wholesome smile, how Baekhyun could never compare to him, because Yoongi was Yoongi, Yoongi was the man you were in love with, the man you would break yourself for because you just loved him that much even though you really, truly wish you didn’t, but the heart wants what it wants, and your heart really, really wants Yoongi.

But now, this date had brewed up a new emotion inside of you: anger. You were angry because of your inability to stop loving Yoongi, you were angry because Yoongi always would and always will occupy your thoughts when he’s not around, angry because why, why couldn’t you move on? You thought this would work, that maybe Baekhyun could shift the entire centre of your world, you thought maybe he was the trigger you needed to pull to finally be able to move on, apparently not so because even after a date with Baekhyun at some fancy restaurant where you did fancy things like drink wine and talk about your day (something you never did with Yoongi, because Yoongi didn’t care), you were still deep down the rabbit hole which was named Loving Yoongi, because that man had claimed you whether you wanted it or not, whether he cared or not, you were in love.

And, boy, you really wish you weren’t.

☆

So now, as you stand outside your apartment door as Baekhyun kisses your cheek and wishes you a good night, you can’t help but wish that maybe… just maybe Yoongi will talk to you about it, maybe there was still a chance, though you know that there was absolutely no chance of you and Yoongi at this point, but the alcohol you’ve consumed throughout the night is blurring your thoughts and even though it was only three glasses of wine you can’t help but not think straight, and unfortunately the alcohol acts for you when you walk in and see Yoongi surrounded by empty bottles of alcohol, eyes rimmed with red, tears streaking his cheeks whilst holding an almost empty bottle of wine and the first thing you want to do is run forwards and cradle your poor baby in your arms even though you know you shouldn’t because he won’t want that but, surprisingly, as your drunken state forces you to take him into your arms and stroke your hands through his hair, his soft, luscious hair, he easily complies, letting you take him in, sobs wracking his body whilst your heart wrenches and God, you felt selfish to even think of it because your baby was hurting so much but you think you’re hurting more than him because it’s like someone’s just twisted a knife in your gut but worse. So, hushed whispers are exchanged along with words of support because he’s Yoongi, your Yoongi, and you’re in love with him and you just want to help.

“Di-did you have fun?” He’s still crying and his usual soothing voice that brings you comfort is now bringing you pain,

“God, it doesn’t matter, what’s wrong, please tell me,” You’re crying now too, because seeing the man you’re in love with, seeing your Min Yoongi, the man that barely ever smiles at you, crying is making you hurt more than any other action he’s done.

“I hope you had fun, ___, and I’m sorry, you told me to do the dishes but I-I haven’t, I’m sorry,” His sobs get louder with each words and your heart is aching, no, it’s shattering because your boy is crying, he’s broken and drunk and you’ve never seen him like this, and it’s terrifying you to death.

“Yoongi,” you whisper softly into his ear, “I don’t care about the dishes, I care about you, you stupid boy, I’ve always cared about you, wasn’t it obvious?” Your head’s telling you shouldn’t be saying this, you know you shouldn’t but here you are still spilling your guts out to him, whilst he’s drunk, I mean it’s not bad, at least this way maybe he’ll forget it, ha, if only you knew.

“___, I can’t seem to do anything right,” He’s stopped crying now, now there are just silent tears trickling down his beautiful, angelic face, “I try my best for you, ___, I buy you that Cookie Dough Ice Cream when I know you’re down, and I hate to tell you because I know you love her but my mother doesn’t always make you the red velvet cookies you love so much, no, the last few times, I was the one that made them because I know how much you love them, and God, I love them too now because I feel like that’s the only part of you I deserve to have, you always make me extras and it always manages to make me happy, but I can’t even say thank you to you for it because then I’ll get attached t-to you, to be honest I’m already addicted to you, but I can’t get deeper than I already am, I know that, but I’m such a fuck up, I don’t even deserve to be within three meters of you, I always used to tell my mother about you, you know? She wanted to hear about the girl who had me acting like I was fifteen again, and-and you know all those girls I brought around, well they were just to prove that I was capable of loving someone, but yet you still don’t want me, no, you want that guy that obviously treats you right, I mean, I don’t blame you, I deserve this,” My god, wasn’t that a shock, yet even after all of that all your brain could do was-

“I love you, Min Yoongi.”

And that’s what started it; the moment his lips met yours it was like being stuck in the middle of a fire, you wouldn’t say you felt fireworks like they do in every cliché romance novel because you knew even in your drunken state that it was better than fireworks, of course, no, this was like a bomb filled with passion and pure bliss and exploded in your body, he tasted like alcohol and cinnamon and sugar and all the sweet, blissful things in the world, he tasted like something you had been missing your entire life: the secret ingredient to your recipe you called unrequited love, he penetrated your senses until you couldn’t breathe anymore, you were drunk, yes, but even more drunk and high off of him. Things escalate fast, so fast that the next thing you know is that you’re making out with Min Yoongi, the man you love the Man you will always love, and then he’s slipping off your dress, leaving not much else to the imagination, pulling off your panties and-

“I want to lose my virginity to you,” you spill out.

“Are you sure?” He asks, “We can stop, don’t feel forced,”

“Yes,” Ha, should’ve said no.

☆

When you wake up the next morning he’s gone, you don’t remember much of the night, just the important parts, like how you’re no longer a virgin, and most definitely do you remember that you lost it to Min Yoongi, but now he’s gone, the place beside you where you were one thousand percent sure he slept was now cold, your blood curdles, because before you felt angry, angry at Min Yoongi for capturing your heart, but now? Now you just feel like a whore.

He doesn’t care about you, remember?

Of course, this was your fault, you should have said no to him, but how could you? How could you ever say no to Min Yoongi? But you should have, because now you’re left with a hangover and no virginity with hangover shots on the bedside next to you (for God’s sake Min Yoongi, why couldn’t you be a complete asshole for once in your life and let you down completely) and the only thing you remember is coming back from a date with Baekhyun and sleeping with Yoongi, nothing more, nothing less, just those two things.

Hours pass and there’s no other sign of life in the apartment other than you, it feels cold without Yoongi, yet the heating has been turned all the way up, ha, just another reason to need him back, right?

Days pass and Yoongi isn’t back yet, there’s no sign of him and you’ve been skipping classes because you can’t deal with the emptiness in your heart, the hole in the shape of Min Yoongi expanding every time you thought of him.

Exactly a week later Yoongi’s back except he’s not alone, he’s with a girl and that’s the last straw for you, you’re done with it because you’d have thought that since he took your fucking virginity he would have at least talked to you about that but no, he decides that he should bring some girl back home, back home as in where he lives where surprisingly the girl who’s virginity he took also lived.

The girl was gorgeous, she was the exact opposite of you, and that’s how you were always reminded he would never want you, because he only likes girls that aren’t you, remember?

The night he comes back you find freshly baked red velvet cookies waiting on the counter along with good old Ben and Jerry’s Cookie Dough ice cream, something vague comes back to you, something about Mrs. Min not being the one that bakes the cookies…but that’s stupid, absolutely ridiculous, and you know that you’re just whipping up things in your head for no reason like usual, because the only person other than Mrs. Min who knows how to make red velvet cookies is you, because you love making them for yourself, of course, but you mainly made them because Min Yoongi loves red velvet cookies.

Red velvet cookies are sweet, they’re soft, vibrant and taste all the more brilliant, a bit like Yoongi, of course, he treated you like you were a bitch on heat, left you without a single word for a week after stealing your virginity, something so precious that you decided to give away in your intoxicated state, but now that you’ve had a taste of him you want him all the more.

You’ve come to realise that loving Min Yoongi is like eating red velvet cookies, you have them all the time; you love them yet you’re not sick of them, you just want more and more and more because you’re greedy like that, because you’re selfish and you know that, but it’s also his favourite as well as yours, maybe that’s why you’re still fucking stuck on it, but it’s the only part of him you know, so how could you? How could you just stop, it’s important for you and Min Yoongi whether you realise it or not you’re both connected by some stupid cookies that you both love, it sounds so stupid but you know it’s the only chance you have because you’ll only ever be his roommate, that’s all you are to him, all you are to the girls he brings around.

Weeks pass and you watch him bring around more and more girls every day, you don’t know what he hopes to achieve by it, maybe he just wants companionship, but you feel like you’re missing something, something you should know but you can’t quite grasp it, but as the days go on and on you realise he’s stopped his fuckboy routine and now there’s just one girl coming around every single day, and boy, if you thought he broke you before? Well, then, you’re absolutely shattered to pieces now, he seems to be serious about her, I mean, if he wasn’t she wouldn’t be coming around every single day would she? You wouldn’t be hearing her annoying, high-pitched voice, would you? You were so stupid to think that maybe he would stop his maniacal antic and actually talk to you, no, you were more than stupid. That’s what triggered the countless nights of crying and mental breakdowns, because you were so done with him, except you weren’t, you were a broken record, stuck on the same thing, the same man, over and over again because you couldn’t understand the fact that this was it, this was his way of telling you to fuck off, to stop trying, almost as if he was holding up two long middle fingers up at you every time you would hear him and her at night.

☆

00:53 a.m.

Here you are sitting on your bedroom floor and crying about your life, well to be exact Min Yoongi the man who had claimed your life, you’ve heard the door to your bedroom open but you don’t care at this point, you’re an absolute mess because you’ve really fucked yourself up, and how are you now going to fix it? Warmth spreads through your body at a simple touch on the small of your back, you know it’s him, you felt it before throughout the night you slept with him; you wanted to memorise every single print of him because it felt like you were living on borrowed time in that moment.

“___,” You hear him whisper.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, am I being too loud, I can go cry somewhere else if you need me to,” You cry out, sobs wracking your body, squirming and scrambling on the ground, rising to see an absolutely exhausted Min Yoongi behind you, holding a crumpled up piece of paper in his hand that he’d obviously tried to flatten, and you realise this is the most emotion he’s ever shown you directly whilst he’s sober and you feel like you’ve just earned the world, because to you that’s what he is, he’s your world.

“No, no, no, please don’t, I just, I heard you crying and I wanted to give you this, I thought you deserved to know, I thought maybe you could figure it out,” he passes you the crumpled up piece of paper, Red Velvet Cookies scrawled on the top in rushed handwriting. Looking down at the writing you realise they’re lyrics, lyrics about a girl who loves red velvet cookies, lyrics about a girl who he can’t stand the thought of living without, it confuses you, it truly does, because Min Yoongi doesn’t like you, as in you specifically remember?

“I know, I treated you like shit after we…you know, but I just wanted to let you know you’re always on my mind, though I told you that night and I’m not sure you even remember, it’s just I-” and then he’s kissing you, that same feeling of fiery passion burning in you, you can taste those stupid red velvet cookies on him, there’s no taste of alcohol this time much to your admiration, this is all him, and you can’t get enough of it, so you deepen the kiss, testing the surface waters, tasting the sweetness of him, the cinnamon and the sugar you remember tasting on him that night, and all of a sudden it’s all coming back to you, all of it, everything, the confession, the way he told you he loved you whilst saw the most intimate parts of you, everything and when you pull away, it’s like the most calming, satisfying aura of bliss settles over you both, leaning your forehead against his.

“I left you because I was scared, I thought you told me you loved me because you were drunk as well, and I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have slept with you whilst we were drunk, especially not when you were still a virgin-”

“Yoongi, I don’t regret it, I wanted it, even now, I don’t regret it, though I did regret when I thought you left me and you started bringing those girls around,” You told him.

“I’m sorry, I just wanted to prove-” you can see the tears building up in his eyes, pain covering his face.

“I love you,” you admit.

“Even after the way I treated you?” He asks

“Always,”

“I love you more than that,” His adorable gummy smile appearing.

“Not possible,” a small smile starts growing on your face.

“Very much so possible,” He pauses, a small giggle leaving his mouth, “Hey, ___, wanna eat some red velvet cookies?” ah, of course, the God darn cookies that now meant more to both of you.

“Of course,” You say.

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