#and spend their money on silly stuff!!
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ouran highschool host club walked so succession could run
#sucession#ouran highschool host club#i said what i said!!#ohshc said rich kids but make them extremely silly!!#and spend their money on silly stuff!!#i respect that
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sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:
thing that I already do
thing I have tried 10 times
thing I already do
thing that I don't have the money to do
thing I already do
thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail
thing that is impossible given my situation
thing that doesn't apply to me
thing that I already do
thing I have already tried
hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently
thing I have already done
#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things#out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever#all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever#or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc.#especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple#and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already#done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and#all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you.#who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3#my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster#talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo#I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache#or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop#e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all#sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef#t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of#way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I#think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i#gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!'#like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant#mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain#or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right#now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like#most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once#that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY#Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth
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Academic weapon (me) has to lock in today instead of writing wuhluhwuh (devastating)
#albaisyapping#I hate learning but that doctorate won’t come flying to me if I don’t get my ass up#I just wanna make big girl money to spend on silly stuff#and I like teeth????
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booping so hard my iphone is getting warm and the tumblr app has started to freeze mid-boop before crashing. we're dying in action.
#boop#gotta love how this is the only social media that gets me to spend time money and energy for silly stuff like nowhere else
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found a usagi yojimbo figure for cheap on aliexpress…….. i don’t need it i don’t need it i don’t need i don’t need it
#GUYS STOP ME I REALLY CANNOT AFFORD TO MAKE SILLY LITTLE PURCHASES THIS MONTH#but then one day i shall be death and money won’t be an issue to me and instead my life would be measured by happiness#and a usagi figure WOULD make me happy#AND i just bought myself 2 bookcases for my tmnt shelves and they. they need STUFF#hmmmmmmmm#NO I DONT NEED IT#im getting paid on Friday though#better to spend the money now orrrrrr#AHHHH
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thinking about getting a selfship commission again… guys, if you have any recommendations for artists who accept those kinds of commissions, do let me know
#┊glimpse into the crystal ball ೃ༄#on one hand i don’t usually spend money on this kind of stuff since i know it’s kind of silly#but… chilly art? i mean—#i have a birthday coming up somewhat soon after all…#i already have some artists written down but the list is nowhere near extensive
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i think i've finally come to the point where i got bored of nct zone
#yuqi priv time !#rip my 4 month streak of logging in everyday#its just idk the updates are not it#it was supposed to be a silly goofy game where i can make fun of neos (esp xiaojun and jaehyun)#but they keep adding stuff and making it super competitive#and one thing about me is that if i cant be the best i will not do it#like wdym the first place gets a signed photocard??? babe i cant stand thay kind of pressure#also you cant really get 1st in anything unless you spend actuall money#and i am not giving anymore money to sm ent
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Overhearing conversation at my work:
Person 1: yeah, I picked up a bunch of overtime hours
Person 2: good idea, I mean if you aren’t working you’ll just be spending money anyway
Person 1: yeah exactly
Me (thinking): these people really need fandom/hobbies in their lives. 🤔
#I think a lot of people lack hobbies in their lives#makes me sad#they just work and spend money#get excited about stuff!!#do fun things and learn skills that are free!!#idk silly post#my thoughts
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The longer I live alone the more I (begrudgingly) acknowledge the value of getting yourself nice things. I was raised pretty poor, so it's hard for me to spend money on stuff that I don't 100% need but I have to say. this is nice. I got a fountain pen and it's making me want to write again. I put away my craft supplies away when I'm done with them because I thrifted a bunch of cool boxes and drawers. I'm more likely to do the stuff I actually like instead of just rotting because I have pretty tools to do it with. It's a little mind blowing I'm gonna be honest
#avpswjy#i didnt even spend that much on the stuff i have i just resist spending money on it at all#having pretty things really does help so much tho! i enjoy doing stuff sm more#and it feels silly that the appearance of these things helps sm but i feel so cool doing basic tasks bc of it..
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its so embarassing likee. going to talk abt a feeling you have but you already know ppl will be like Oh that sounds like depression lol and its like. well yes . i know . trust me i am so aware i am depressed . but its still like a thing ive been thinking abt and wanting to talk abt but ik itll just be like Ok hun 👍. idk idk what response i would want tho ig FNFNFNF
#not anything serious i was just thinking how like. idk. this is gonna sound rly stupid#but for me personally like. sometimes. How do i phrase this without sounding rly evil#i think obv ppl can spend their money however they want but like. its kind of hard 4 me to grasp sometimes like. there r things that ppl#spend a lot of money on bc it makes them happy like umm. vacations or pets or hobbies or whathaveyou. and obviously thats fine but#i iust feel like its all so. temporary and like. idk. idt im ohrasing this right at all i just likee. the thought of working all year to#afford to take a vacation and then working again to afford another vacation just makes me feel like i want to die. like. idk... i like#vacations we dont need to go on them a lot but ig its just like. everything we do just feels like a waste of time. not in like a Ohh you#should be doing more work Obviously its just like. idk. maybe it is just me. but i feel like im just waiting until i die and can be done#with it i guess. and everything i do is just to fill time until that happens. yk ? which is silly bc of my whole. Thing i cant talk abt#but ppl talk abt like. going out and partying or going on vacation or whatever and i like. I like those things its nice when they happen#but they dont rly make me longterm any happier i guess. everything just feels like another thing im doing. idk. this rly isnt coming out the#way it is in my head. and Again i know this is just depression shit or whatever im just like. its all exhausting. it just makes me feel so#tired. to think abt working and working and working so i can pay to be alive and i can save to do one fun thing every so often to keep me#sane enough to keep working and working and working and i probably wont ever be able to retire itll just be. work. and then ill die. yk.#but i feel like the vacations and stuff dont like. refresh me very much. maybe its just bc ive only been on one 'vacation' as an adult and#it was just like. coming home to see my family. and realizing id have to move back home yk..#+ like. my mom nd my gran taking me out for a weekend when i lived up there#nd those things were nice and all but once its over its like. it doesnt fuel me to keep going it doesnt make me feel any better abt having#to work for the rest of my life#ik im being ridiculous bc im literally unemployed and i cant even get up off my ass to get my stupid fucking ged so i can get a job and be#Useful to my family its just like. idk.... i try so hard to be like Oh nothing mayters and thats why everything matters type thing like. Yes#all things end and the point is to just try to be happy until it does#but i feel like it just doesnt happen for me. i feel like any happiness i feel is so insanely like. it happens and then its gone. and its#back to just. the knowledge that im still fucking stuck here. and i will be until it happens. yk. i play video games tomoass the time until#i go back to sleep then i wake up and i make a spreadsheet to pass the time until i go back to sleep#and everyday just feels like passing the time until i go back to sleep and itll just keep going until it happens. and its nice to have nice#days but whats like. the point. yk. everything just ends#IDK. this is all very whiny im sry. ive just been feeling it a lot lately . i hope this doesnt feel like me being like Ohhh you ppl r so#dumb participating in hobbies and going out and having fun dont you know yr gonna DIE? thats not what im trying to be like#its just like. i feel like it doesnt make me as happy as it does other ppl like. none of it refreshes me or makes me want to keep going
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I desperately want to start playing trumpet again I literally can't stop thinking about it
#i own a very very very shitty trumpet but its in storage in the back house (we have 2 trailers combined by a scary room) and is going to#take tremendous effort to get to. i eitber have to break into the back door that has no stair case#or move all of the furniture in the living room to unblock the door into the scary room#and I'll also have to use a flashlight the entire time because the electricity is turned off back there#and also idk if the trumpet is even still good its been in storage for 10 years ya know#did i mention its super shitty and i paid $100 for it like 12 years ago#my other option is to save up my game money for probably 6 months and buy a second hand on off Facebook marketplace#because i am unemployed and while my sister does pay our bills and i get food stamps#i don't get money for fun stuff ever. i just don't think my sister thinks about it which makes me sad#at least once a month she gets a silly little package of stuff she buys for herself to make her happy#i don't. and i don't want her to feel bad about it because she deserves nice things but like i get sad because i can't but thinga#the last time i bought something unimportant was cannabis seeds that she wanted me to get#because she prefers smoking to taking edibles#before that my mom gave me $50 for my birthday and i still could only bring myself to spend $40 at the craft store#i used the other $10 for cat food that we didn't even actually need at the time#because i feel guilty asking for anything let alone stuff that isn't a necessity
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Feeling INTENSELY jealous of my suitemate right now bc her parents are literally helping her look for flights to visit this boy she’s been talking to for a month while I can’t even tell my folks I’ll be crashing at home to see a show because I know it will be a Thing 😑
#I’ve truly just got to suck it up and stand my ground but I wiiiiish it didn’t have to be A Thing EVERY time I decide +#to do something Independent and Adult#piercing my septum dyeing my hair like neither of those got me in “”trouble”” bc I’m an adult n tbf they do more or less recognize that#but it’s a thing every time! They get upset they still emotionally hold me like I’m 16 so it’s jarring for them when I do stuff they don’t#necessarily like (for me) or agree with (for me). 🫥#I literally just want to spend one night at home after seeing a silly gay comedy show so I don’t have to drive back to school at 2am#I don’t wanna answer a million questions about it#also it’s my money 😭 guys I’m not asking you to book a flight for me PLEASE!!#💌
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what if i made a patreon next year…
#kofi is great but it’s mostly where commissions go if that makes sense#but patreon is more for the in between stuff#plus i kinda wanna get over myself and start talking on youtube about things#cuz it’s fun#mostly#like money would be cool even a lil but but i’m mostly like#i wanna do stuff that scares me cuz what’s the point i got one life#and i desperately want to talk about silly old books and bad movies#and also just crazy history shit#and maybe give people access to the writing early#maybe talk about writing stuff as well and my process#i have no authority but i want fun and a lil dollar to chip in is always nice#maybe if i can ever figure out how to set up recording in video games i can stream?#idk i just want to have Fun perhaps#instead of spending every day miserable LMAO#talking
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instead of grinding for finals i lost hours to a one piece wiki spiral
#IT ALL STARTED...WITH CP9S INDEPENDENT REPORT#in the most predictable fashion. ive yet again fallen for the “dangerous murder bot villains are actually a found family and genuinely care#for one another“#PLSSS THE WAY THEY ALL WORKED SO HARD TO EARN THE MONEY TO TREAT LUCCI#thinking so hard about how they are one collecfive unit. they move together they work travel live thrive together#giggled so hard at kaku giraffe slide#SOEAKING OF WHICH I JUST LEARNED KAKU IS THE YOUNGEST OUT OF CP9#HE WAS 18 WHEN THEY PLANTED HIM AND THE OTHERS IN WATER 7#im not ok im ripping my pillow to shreds punchjng the wall screaming shaking good GOD DJFJ#KALIFAS DAD WAS IN THE PREV GEN OF CP9????? SO SHES RRALLY BEEN THERE THROUGH IT ALL#thinking about lucci and jabra and blueno trio...#yes i originally was devastated to discover my favourite shipwrifjts were actually undercover government assassins but like#the found family.....maybe not found family but FORGED FAMILY THEY MADE IT WORK#i still think it's so silly that. kaku is the youngest but hes second ij terms od power and he speaks like an old man#in my ideal world cp9 brutally murders spandam and they live their best lives after doijg whatever#attention span for stats and cs??? nonexistent#but yea sure i can spend 2 hours memorizing the key detaisl from the wiki entries of all cp9 agents and making a chart and timeline#maybe this is a sign...that i need to fix this before it causes bigger issues#rambling about stuff#wait omg no last thought is how when all the cp9 members reunite after 5 years and firsg thing they do is immediately check their doriki#and jabras upset by how both lucci ajd kakus are higher than his now but then u think about how hes the oldest in their group#heck five years ago when they were sent off to water 7 those two were 23 and FUCKIJG 18 YEARS OLD#OF COURSE HES UPSET THESE TWO FUCKING KIDS ARE STRONGEE THAN HIM#who holds seniority over them. im actually devastated and extremely entertained#the last time u see the youngest of your group hes some 18 year old kid you could best in a spar. maybe even leave some words of wisdom for#then he goes and leanrs how to build ships for 5 years and comes back stronger than u#they are a family to me... HE COULD HAVE ABANDONED TJEM?!?! THEM ALL HAD THE CHOICE OF LEAVING THE OTHERS BEHIND TO SAVE THEMSELVES#BUT THEY DIDNT. HE STILL GAVE KALIFA HIS SHIRT AND CARRIED KAKU ON HIS BACK ALL THE WAY TO ST POPLAR#biting my hands hitting the wall scratchijg the floors screaming shakijg not normal about these guys#THE WAY JABRA HAS A PET CHICKEN TO COUJTER HATTORI
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my merch collection B)(i also have a miu standie and her goggles because have coolest friends-)
#like srsly would have less than half the collection i have if it wasnt for my friends/brother#i love my friends so much i need to give them the world#but ya! i love my friends#may art fair in where i am is about to happen soon and i have saved money to spend and im gonna see what i can get for others#i am also i think if i can get school work and everything else done with stuffs then i might start makin lil#merch designs. because i love drawin silly characters and wish to make designs my friends can like and use#so ya! be prepared!! mabey!! if i can ever get thingies done+!!!!!!!!
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Ohhh I must find someone who Makes Outfits. If I want Earl's entire outfit I need someone who can actually make that. and I need someone in mind so I remember to save my money for it. Does anyone know anybody who Makes Outfits
#I keep spending some of every paycheck on SOME new Earl thing like. a comm or a charm or whatever I end up thinking of that week Every Week#I get paid weekly and keep doing this. every week#It's worth it. I would spend any amount of money for Earl. But also I must save money to buy the greatest Earl things of all...#Such a dilemma truly.#I plan on covering my entire room in him also. Everyone needs to know just how autistic I am#You see I am not quirky silly cutesy Sanitised TikTok Brand Autistic I'm genuinely insane about this guy in the eyes of any NT#I want to commission a tattoo design with one of his quotes and get it on my shoulder. I'm not even a tattoo kind of person otherwise#Genuinely I love this guy so much. I always want to do more stuff to show how much but I'm literally running out of ideas#I've thought about making a webpage collection of stuff for him that's all neatly designed and everything. Maybe I could have his trial --#theme play on the page? Not sure#It could be like. a comprehensive resource on ALL of my Earl stuff. how he became important to me. All that#GOD. There is so much I must do I can never rest I am going to dedicate my life to this little pastry guy.#Fortunately this is exactly what I want to do and I am incredibly happy with doing so <3 Teehee! Autism and mental illness win#Bleu.txt
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