#and spend my spoons on actually taking care of myself so the Pit of Evil in me stays quiet | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

slippery-minghus · 1 year

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god i'm struggling so much this week with the negative self talk. like it hasn't been this bad at my baseline in years. i just had the little inkling to want to challenge it but... i can't. i can't see the logical base in an argument against it. because every two seconds i'm making yet another little thoughtless mistake that wouldn't have to happen if only i would just think. if i just paid attention to my environment! to what i was doing! at all!!!

how can i say i don't deserve to be talked to (by myself) this way if there's literally no proof to contradict it??

#almost brought up to myself the convoluted but convincing logic that 'proves' i am deserving of nice things (or even neutrality)#but its too painful to think about right now #and too big of a thought to hold #i just want this move to be over so i can stop being so stressed out #and spend my spoons on actually taking care of myself so the Pit of Evil in me stays quiet #i'm trying really hard not to cry because i need to get up and go pack #and if i don't quickly pack this stuff then that means less wind down time before bed #i'm not like... trying to punish myself with withholding wind down time but it's inadvertantly becoming that #okay break over time to get to it #lets hope i don't mess anything up while packing 🙃#personal #(i realllllyyyyyy wanna see my shrink but it'll have to wait)#(no way in hell i'm gonna ask if they can see me sooner lmao i don't do that sort of thing)

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