#and someone else is administering the meds and choosing the dosage and you're not the one in control of this situation | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thethingything · 6 months ago

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finally processing that we're probably gonna have to have these teeth removed with either sedation or general anaesthetic and unfortunately I have a phobia of both of these to the point where just thinking about it gives us panic attacks and I genuinely don't know what to do because I absolutely want to avoid this at all costs but we also might not have any other option

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #vent post #there is no amount of comfort or reassurance that can make me feel okay being sedated #like it's not even that I'm scared of side effects or risks or anything #I just can't even begin to express how much I absolutely do not want someone giving me a drug that's going to make me drowsy and incoherent #and also not remember anything afterwards #the premise of a stranger giving me a drug that's going to fuck up my ability to process anything or remember any of what happened #feels so incredibly violating and awful #like yes it's a medical context. yes I know it's so they can do the treatment. yes I know I'm supposed to trust them or whatever #but our brain doesn't process it like that. it's a stranger drugging you. that's terrifying regardless of the context #and given how much medical trauma we have and how awful some medical professionals have been to us #it happening in a medical context actually makes me feel worse #once again I'm not even necessarily scared of anything bad happening #even if you could absolutely guarantee that nothing bad would happen I would not be okay with it in the slightest #it's specifically the idea of my consciousness not being under my control #I take co-codamol for pain and that can make me drowsy and incoherent and fuck up my memory #but that's me choosing when to take it and how much to take and being able to stay away from people if I feel like I need to #and being able to make notes about what I've done and stuff like that #and there's a huge difference between that and being in a clinic having a procedure where you can't just get up and leave #and someone else is administering the meds and choosing the dosage and you're not the one in control of this situation #this makes me sound like a control freak and yeah I probably am #but that's kind of what haappens when you've had your bodily autonomy violated so many times by so many people

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