#and so so scared things might change for the worse. cause that's happened so much in my life before

[electricpurrs]

i dont want to be an adult. i dont. but being a teen and a child was miserable for me too so im not sure what i actually want. maybe i just dont like my life in general under the circumstances it's in. who would've thought. whatever i can't form a single original thought

[furiousgoldfish]

I'm writing this scared and upset, because I am hoping someone could help me see things more clearly. A nightmare scenario has happened. I received a call, from a person I don't know well, but who has my name and my number, and lives nearby. This person described to me, that there were people on her doorstep, looking for someone with my name and description. My fake name that I use so I wouldn't be found.

This person swears they didn't tell on me, but I am unsure. The story of the people looking for me were 'we are the parents of x, we haven't seen them in 8 years, we just all want to see them, their siblings miss them'. I admitted that it probably was my parents, and I explained why they were looking for me, and asked to be kept a secret from them, as I was sure they would try to drag me back to a life of violence, and I barely escaped. The person calling asked me if I was lying! And then offered to call my parents and tell them I no longer live in the city. I panicked and said no, because if my parents knew this person has my contact, they would be harassing them endlessly until they got my location. The person calling just laughed, not taking it so seriously, and I begged them to just pretend they don't know me.

The location they were looking for me, is not that far from where I live! I am now too scared to go outside. If they ask anyone closer to where I live, people here know my fake name, they'll tell them! Neighbours and people I introduced myself to, they don't know my story, or that they shouldn't betray my location, I felt it safer to be kept a complete secret.

I don't know what to do. I don't have enough money to move right now, or the resources. I am scared to go outside. This is completely insane, they're walking around in the city asking door to door, for my location, under pretense they're just so worried and aching to see me! My mind is going insane from one scenario to the next, if they find my location I can't stay, I'll die. I am thinking about how to get to work tomorrow unrecognizable, I'm working on changing my appearance as much as possible. My life has come to a halt. I can't think about anything but impending confrontation that will decide whether I get to live the rest of my life or not.

 It's literally a matter of luck whether I'm found or not. If they stumble on someone dumb enough to point them in my direction, I'm done for. If they search for a while and find nobody willing to point them anywhere, they'll maybe give up. I already called one person on the block and asked them to not betray me, but I don't have numbers for most of the people, and it's terrifying.

Also, I told one of my roommates my situation, because they heard me on the phone, and first they looked down on me for thinking this is an actual threat, but when I explained how serious it was, they started complaining how this is stupid and they now feel uncomfortable living with me if there's people who might come in and cause violence or disturbance. Which hit me like 'now that you're associated with dangerous people you're a burden on society, you shouldn't drag us innocent people into your mess' like this is my fault. Made me feel worse. Roommate is not on my side.

[b3ach-bunn7]

Saw your request for story ideas!

Jason with a fibromyalgic reader. He really never has to fear them they will never have the strength to over power him. Only if you want to and are comfortable

(Pinky promise this is sent in by a fibromyalgic)

Hey, I really hope I wrote this as you hoped for! I tried my best to read up on the condition before, and I hope I did you justice!

DEPOLLUTE ME

You’re weaker than Jason, but it just makes him love you even more

—————————————————————————-

Jason Todd is a man of principles. Doing what he does, a vigilante, he has to be. Dick had told him when he'd emerged as Redhood, that it didn’t work to do what you want. That, despite what he’d like to believe, Jason was privileged to have the strength and talent that he did, and it was people like them who abused it, that were the reason they were doing this in the first place.

Whatever. Dick always wants to be the smartest guy in the room, Jason thinks. These principles, though, are why he was so scared of you at first. Maybe not of you, but to be with you.

Because the problem with you is that he’s completely not scared of you. And it's all because of your condition, which makes him feel even shittier than he already does about jt.

Fibromyalgia. That’s what it’s called, the condition he’d stayed up two nights in a row reading all he could about. Books and NHS information pages. Anything to learn everything about you. You’d told him about it on your fifth date, the one he’d planned to ask you to be his girlfriend. A chronic illness, that caused pain, fatigue, headaches.

“I just- It doesn’t hinder me much. I just need you to know before this gets serious. That you’ll probably be looking after me more than the average girlfriend.” You’d said, eyes cast down to the half eaten food on your plate.

“That doesn’t bother me. It- I’ve got some mobility issues too, in my arm. Got shot once.” Jason winces at the repsponse he’d given you. Like the two were even remotely similar.

You’d smiled slightly. “It’s a little worse than that. It’s a chronic illness. It’s sort of like.. constant pain in my body? Makes my muscles stiffer, amongst other things. And it makes me sort of.. weaker, I guess. Physically.”

The two of you had talked about it for a while, before you’d changed the subject. He’d asked you to be his girlfriend still, under the porch light at your doorway, and you said yes.

It’s why he’s in your apartment right now. You’d given him a key (despite him being perfectly capable of using the window) and never seem phased in the slightest when he’s sprawled on your couch reading when you’re not there. He loves those things the most about his relationship with you. You’d carved a place for him in your life and it felt so effortless. Like you didn’t even need to think about making an extra portion at dinner or leaving a change of clothes out even after you fall asleep, because you know he always finishes his work late.

Weaker. That’s the word you used to describe yourself. And in a way, Jason loves it.

It’s only something he’d admit to you, or maybe months into forced therapy sessions, but Jason Todd is scared. He’s scared of a lot of things, contrary to what he lets other people see. He’s scared he’ll lose the handful of people he’s come to love. He’s scared that one day he’ll fight another fight he won’t win. He’s scared that one day he might wake up and he’s back there, Arkham Asylum, with that sorry excuse of a human being with him. But worst of all, he’s scared of people. Not an overwhelming fear, nothing he can’t fight through in an instance, but. He just never knows who he can trust. Who he can be vulnerable around.

And Jason isn’t weak by any means. Not that he likes to brag, but most of his body mass is muscle, ones you’ve seen, abs you’d run your hands across under his bedsheets. He can defend himself, he knows he can. He just doesn’t want to have that fear looming over his head all the time. Because it can happen. It happened once.

It had already taken so long for him to even let you in. And it was so easy. You were so perfect. So pretty, so sweet. Jason was half sure you were lying about your condition, because there was no way somebody in constant pain, 24/7, was so kind. So nice. Had patience for how long it took him to warm up to you, to let you touch him without him breaking your hands.

It was like a miracle. One he was so cruelly happy for. It was like somebody had taken all the fears he had in every relationship and eradicated them. There was no world where you could hurt him like so many others had done before. You were incapable of it. He could let his guard down completely and he’d be fine.

And he felt guilty for it at first. Of course he did. Like he was benefiting from something that caused you pain. He’d told you, but like with everything, you were perfect. You’d only laughed,

“It’s okay.” You’d snorted, amused at his apologetic face. It had been uttered in the dark of your bedroom, his arms wrapped around your waist, your back pressed into his chest.

“I don’t really mind.” You fiddled absentmindedly with his fingers, traced the calluses on his palms. “Kinda like it, actually. Most people use it as an excuse to like me less. You’re doing the opposite.”

So he doesn’t feel guilty anymore. Maybe slightly, but that little smile you give him, he hates to say it melts him enough that he doesn’t care.

The sound of the door creaking open drags his attention away from his thoughts. He looks up and there you are. Bundled in a scarf and gloves and a hat. You told him that the cold sometimes made it worse, and the winter weather was cruel. Your eyes light up when you see him sitting on the couch. You bound over, throwing the discarded book on his lap away, and sitting down.

“Hey.” You grin.

“Hey, sweetheart.”

You lay down next to him and Jason moves, let you settle slowly down next to him, a hand carding through your hair. You ramble about your day and he listens.

[xopearlz]

pinky promise | katniss e.

𓆉 katniss everdeen x fem reader

summary: katniss made you a promise before the games, and now that she’s back she’s going to keep it.

cw: fluff!!, little angst, but not much, rain kiss scene bc why not??? sfw!!

a/n: first ever post!! might not be the best as im not that good at writing yet but thats ok. beginning takes place before the games and the end takes place after, time jumps are divided by a dash (-)

wc: 1.1k

your hands brush past the rough bark as you move briskly through the trees, keeping your eyes out. you hear a snap of a twig, causing your movements to halt as you listen closely. a hand places itself in the small of your back, causing you to let out a small gasp as you jump away, turning. you smile once you see who the hand belonged to, walking over.

“gosh, you scared me! you have to stop sneaking up like that.” you grin, katniss smiles back.

“if you’re going to be out in the woods, you have to focus better on your surroundings. who knows whats out here.” she replies and you roll your eyes playfully. she reaches out a hand which you take, interlocking your fingers as they brush against her slightly rough skin.

she leads you further into the woods, stopping at the edge of a lake. you let go of her hand and head to the edge, sitting upon a big rock that rests besides the water. you dip your fingers in, relishing in the cool sensation. katniss watches you for a moment before walking over and sitting besides you. you turn to her with a soft smile and she reaches a hand to brush the hair out of your face, tucking it behind your ear.

“you always look so pretty, especially surrounded by nature.” you blush slightly, turning your head to look at the lake. she smiles at your reaction.

“i’m serious, you really do.” she says softly, watching over your features, her thumb gently brushing your cheek as she holds the side of your face in her hand.

you and katniss had been seeing each other in secret for a while, not wanting to risk anything with the chance of getting reaped still present for the next few years of your lives. you had known each other for only a few years, but it felt like forever. you chew gently on the inside of your cheek, thinking about the reaping which was upcoming in the next few days. katniss noticed the change in your face and her brows gently furrowed.

“what is it?” she asks, causing you to turn back to her. “what’s wrong?” you sigh softly.

“it’s just the reapings… what if one of us gets picked?” a slight hint of worry is in your voice. her hand still cups your face gently.

“it’ll be fine, they won’t take you from me. i won’t let them.” you shake your head slightly.

“but what if they take you?” she looks you in the eyes, gaze unwavering.

“i’ll come back to you. then we can be together.” you nod before holding up your pinky.

“promise?” you ask, to which she smiles softly.

“promise.” she confirms as she wraps her pinky around yours.

-

you sat on the couch, blunt nails digging into the armrest as you watched the broadcast of the annual hunger games. katniss had volunteered for her sister primrose who had gotten picked, and many things have happened since then. for starters, the male tribute, a bakers boy named peeta, declared he was in love with katniss. to make matters worse, you had to watch them as they kissed. you barely focused on the games after that, tuning in from time to time to get an idea wether or not katniss had survived, yet the bitter feeling of jealousy washed over you. you were never officially together, only in secret, so you couldn’t really be mad. maybe katniss just found something better and assumed because it was private then there wouldn’t be a point in discussing it. your stomach churned at the thoughts.

-

the day had come of katniss’ return. of course, she was returning with her newly found lover, yet all that mattered was she survived. at least, that’s what you tried to believe. you couldn’t ignore the feeling that washed over you when you saw the two of them get off the train together, holding hands. you couldn’t stop yourself from turning around and going home rather than trying to greet the other. you also couldn’t stop yourself from staying locked in your house, avoiding any possible encounters with katniss. you could only avoid the inevitable for so long, however.

you find yourself back at the lake you were at only a few weeks ago, watching the small tadpoles swimming around the clear water. there’s a light sprinkle of rain, raindrops falling softly onto your face. you don’t sit on the rock as you did before, instead standing off to the side. you feel a presence, causing you to turn around. you were greeted by katniss who offered a small smile.

“guess you started focusing on your surroundings.” she says slightly sarcastic. you chew on the inside of your cheek, turning back towards the lake. katniss’ smile drops as she walks over.

“hey, what’s wrong? you’ve been avoiding me ever since the games…” she starts, reaching her hand towards yours. the metallic taste of blood slightly fills your mouth as you bite harder down. you focus your gaze on the tadpoles.

“i’m surprised you even noticed, considering your new ‘star crossed lover.’” you mutter. she brings a hand to cup your face and turn your head towards her. your gaze finally meets hers, her hands are softer than before.

“he’s not my lover. it was for the games.” she breathes out a small sigh through her nose. “you are my lover, nobody can change that.” she smiles, and you feel your heart quicken.

you had been jealous of the boy, enough to not see the accomplishment katniss had made by winning the games. you offer a soft smile, shaking your head slightly.

“i guess i was jealous.” katniss lets out a small laugh.

“why?” you gently bite on your lip, looking down.

“because he got to kiss you.” katniss is silent for a moment, her thumb brushing your cheek.

“he doesn’t get to kiss me now.” she says quietly, causing you to look at her once again. her eyes are soft and she smiles slightly, and she starts to lean in. your eyes flutter shut as her lips meet yours. her lips are slightly chapped, but you could care less. she had come back to you. 

the rain seems to fall harder as you wrap your arms around her neck. after a while, you both pull away to breathe. you smile at her, fingers brushing through her hair she had chosen to keep down.

“i told you, i promised you.” you nod, giggling slightly. you take a moment to look her over, sensing a new level of maturity she gained from the games. even at sixteen, she seemed older.

“what?” she asks, causing you to focus.

“you’re just so pretty.” you say, and she smiles. you giggle slightly as she places another soft kiss on your lips.

she takes your hand in hers, intertwining your fingers together. you lean your head on her shoulder and look back to the lake, the rain going back to a slight drizzle as it splashes gently on the water.

[skzhua]

Episode ten. (finale)

MASTERLIST

pairing: XO, Kitty's Min Ho x Female Reader

genre: Fluff, angst, enemies-to-lovers, slow burn, coming-of-age.

word count: 3k

warnings: Swearing, suggestive (like, a lot...), reader and Min Ho are clingy as hell.

summary: Transferring to KISS was the last thing you had asked for and, yet, a certain tall boy made it seem both worse and better than you expected.

note: Bold - Korean, Italic - Over the phone

a/n: A short cute ending... I miss writing this series already. Thank you for the love for this one <3

You smiled at him and let him hold you. "I am okay, just a bit shaken up from it all."

He sighed in relief. "You do know I went to her first because I was scared she'd worsen the situation, right?"

You were about to respond but seeing Dae coming at light's speed right at Min Ho, you backed away in fear. Kitty was running after him, just as overwhelmed as you were. Your breathing quickened once Dae grabbed him by the collar before slamming him against the wall. He was smaller, but definitely strong enough to be able to hurt Min Ho.

"You call yourself my friend?" Dae said, anger taking over him.

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't pretend you don't know!" he yelled, shaking Min Ho's body.

"What are you doing?" Min Ho said, acting unfazed by what was happening. "Let go."

His grip finally loosened as Kitty arrived. Min Ho quickly joined your side again, putting his frame in front of you in a protective way.

"Dae, stop it, it's not Min Ho." she begged him. "This has nothing to do with him."

He observed you and your boyfriend, his eyes blinking a few times as he tried to process his own actions. "I'm sorry. I thought you and Kitty-"

"And I think," Min Ho shouted, cutting his sentence off. "you two should have remained pen pals. I think we all think so, too. Including her."

He took your hand and rushed you out of the room. You sent a sad look to your two other friends before you walked out the door. Min Ho didn't say a word until you got to the dorm. You both changed clothes and sat in the kitchen in silence. As he prepared a night tea for you as he'd usually do, you couldn't help but feel uncomfortable. This was definitely not how you thought the end of the semester would look like.

"Min, can we-"

"Talk?" he said in a hard voice. "Haven't we done enough talking today?"

You huffed. "I was about to ask if we could just relax. You're tense."

He put the mugs down in front of you as a sarcastic chuckle left his mouth. "My apologies after feeling like shit when my best friend just told me he thought I had a thing for his girlfriend when I am obviously smitten with my own. And that my girlfriend might have thought for a second I cared more about the only person I've been hating for months than about her."

You said nothing in response. The shake in your grip as you brought the drink to your lips said everything to him. You were frightened, and not by anything. By him. He raised his voice at you for the first time, and you weren't even the problem.

"Hey." he said in a much gentler tone. "I'm sorry. It's been a long day."

"I know."

You continued to drink quietly but he didn't take your answer as a good sign. He heard the slight worry in it and he hated the fact he caused it.

"I'm serious. I shouldn't have put all of my frustration on you, it's not fair."

You shook your head. "But you are right. I did worry for a second you cared more about her than me. It's stupid, I know. It's just..."

"Tell me, I won't judge."

You hesitated but eventually gained the courage to say it. "You're hot as hell when you act all heroic."

He spit his drink out before exploding in laughter. Meanwhile you started to whine and pout, shushing him from laughing at you.

"You promised you wouldn't judge." you cried out playfully.

"You're just too cute." he sneered at you. Walking around the counter, he stopped in front of you and brushed the hair off your face. "You wanted to be the one I saved and not Kitty?"

"No, I get why you did that because she was the one on fire and all. It's just you look handsome when playing the saviour."

He grinned and wrapped your legs around himself, helping you get a grip on him. "You want to be the damsel in distress that bad?"

"Yes." you admitted with a pout.

"Gosh, you look good when you're acting all innocent."

Getting a firmer grip on your thighs, he lifted you up which allowed you to be at his height. Licking his lips hungrily, he looked at you in a seductive way. You were glad he was holding you as it made your knees so weak just from the sight of him. Brushing your fingers through his dark locks, you attacked his lips. The tea long forgotten, he went immediately to his room and dropped you on the bed. Crawling on top of you, you took in his features with the little light you had. Even in the dark, he was breathtaking.

"Are you okay with this?"

You snorted. "As if this is the first time we've done something like this."

He shook his head. "I know but we might go further from here."

The tug you did on his shirt told him plenty. If you were that eager to take the clothes off him, you were eager for something else as well. He removed his upper clothing and leaned down to place soft kisses all over your face.

"I might go rough."

"I'm that hot?" you teased.

"Bloody fucking hot."

The front door opening only resulted to the both of you groaning in frustration.

"We really can't have a fucking break from them."

You laughed and gave him a kiss. "You're just sexually frustrated from being interrupted."

"And you're not?"

You giggled. "Cuddle up, I'm tired."

Though he would have liked to do something other than that, he complied and engulfed you in his warm body. You breathed in his smell and smiled to yourself. In all of what happened that day, you were just grateful to still have him by your side.

The morning was eventful. Kitty and Q were apparently mad at one another, Florian surpassed Dae in getting the best grades and you and Min Ho were nothing but depressed. He had told you he was going to Los Angeles to spend the holidays with his mother. You just didn't expect it to hurt as much. Still in bed, you played with his hair as he laid on your stomach.

"Baby, I can hear your heart and it's so fast." he mumbled.

"It's because I'm mad at you."

He sat up and moved to face you. "I'm leaving for a month at most, I'll be back before you know it." he reassured you as he stroke the skin of your sides softly.

"You're, like, the only good thing I have gotten out of this school. What am I going to do without you?"

"You're so dramatic, it's almost cute."

"Almost?"

He huffed. "Don't make me say it."

You laughed and brought his face to yours to kiss him. Your moment was cut short when you heard a groan from the other side of the room. Dae lazily got up and glanced at the two of you, both in shame and in embarrassment. While Min Ho brought the covers back on his upper body and turned his face away, you got out of his grasp and walked to Dae.

"Good morning."

"Hey." he said in a small voice.

"I know it's not really my place to tell, but you two care for each other a lot. I think it's the least of things to fix your problems before he leaves."

He let out an exhale and nodded. You gave him an encouraging smile before announcing to Min Ho that you were going to the other two flatmates.

You were sure to have heard Kitty's voice earlier so you didn't know why you only found Q in the living room.

"Hey, where is Kitty?"

He put his phone away and smiled sadly. "She got caught... for living with us."

You brought your hand to your mouth. "She's getting expelled, isn't she?"

"We don't know yet."

You sat with him and patted his back in comfort. As the door to the boys' room opened, you were at least glad to see them calm and amicable. Min Ho wasn't one to show his feelings much, so you knew they apologized and cleared things up.

"I'll need help packing." he said to you.

"Ask someone else, it'll just remind me you are leaving." you fake-cried.

"Stop being like this, come on." he nodded his head back to his room.

You shook your head. "Can we do something first?"

"What?"

Packing could wait. Instead, you offered him to go take some fresh air. You didn't care if you had no plan prepared whatsoever, you just wanted one last sweet moment with him before he left. You led him to a spot where a blooming tree stood with a bench next to it. Laying your head on his shoulder, you sighed as you reminisced the past months in this school.

"You're sad."

You let out a chuckle. "Thank you, Mr. Obvious."

"Don't be."

"Easier said than done."

He lifted you chin up and kissed your forehead gently. "We're not breaking up. I'm only going to see my mom... I miss her a lot."

You sniffed. "I know, and I'm glad you're going to spend time with her. I... I wish I didn't hate you so much before. So we could have had more time together, you know?"

He patted your head slightly before putting his hand on your cheek. "I think we hated each other for a reason. I know for a fact I hated how you presented yourself as that perfect girl who is too attractive for her own good."

You frowned. "Is it really how people see me?"

He laughed. "I can't say for others, but for me yes. And you just had to be that mesmerizing, it scared me."

You nodded your head slowly. "I see. And how was it a good thing for us?"

"It only drew me to you more. And before I knew it, I couldn't get you off my mind."

You melted at his words. "Me too."

"And, so," he continued. "that means you won't be out of my head when I'm away."

"Got it." you chuckled. "It still sucks."

"I know. We'll call, don't worry. You're not getting rid of me so easily."

"Can I do something real cheesy? You have no right to laugh at me, though."

As much as you hated it, he was right. You had nothing to worry about.

He grinned, expectedly. "What is it?"

You took the ring on your thumb off and asked for his pinky. You carefully placed it on it as it fitted perfectly. He let out an exhale at the gesture. With no hesitation, he took one of his own rings off and put it on your thumb as it was too big for your other fingers. He placed a soft kiss on it, earning a giggled from you.

"I love you."

Your eyes automatically got filled with tears. "Not more than I do."

So, with a heavy heart, you helped him pack his things. You made sure he brought with him a few of the polaroid pictures you took together and made him promise he'd show you off to anyone he met there.

"I'll go get my skincare products." he said after he pecked your lips.

You finished off by zipping up his luggage and it felt odd to see his side of the room almost empty. You had packed your own things as well since you'd be moving back with your uncle and aunt for the winter break. You brought everything by the front door and he was in awe at the sight.

"You're too sweet. I could have done that myself."

You took his hand. "It's helping me cope."

"Sure." he laughed. "I have to say bye to the others."

You knocked at their door and opened it to see them have a moment of their own, Q almost crying. You immediately went to hug Kitty yourself.

"You're really not coming back?"

"I'm afraid I'm not."

You could only tighten your hug from her words. "I'm really going to miss you."

Min Ho hand shook with Q. "Cheers, dude. I'll see you after the break."

You broke away from Kitty and hugged Q in his turn. "I better see you next semester."

"You will, for sure."

Min Ho pulled you back into his arm and rubbed your shoulder lovingly. "She's a bit emotional today."

You slapped him on his chest and he answered with a kiss on your head.

"We had a good run, Covey. Be good." he waved at her.

"Thanks, Min Ho."

With that, you both took your things and went outside to wait for your own car to come. This was it, a last moment before you could see him again in a month. You could keep away from each other, only able to say sweet words and goodbyes with a few kisses here and there. Your car was the first to arrive.

"Hop on, little pup."

You rolled your eyes. "Says the one who wanted us to stop with this."

"No, you were right. It's cute."

You smiled and kissed him one last time while your driver put everything in the trunk. "Text me when you get there? Just to let me know you, unfortunately, didn't crash."

He let out a scoff. "Alright, Park. Be petty."

He hugged you tightly before helping you get in the car. You waved him off as the chauffeur drove away from him.

You watched the trees pass by a few minutes later, finally getting used to the idea of him being away. The sudden pings from your phone were ignored at first, until they became too persistent. With annoyed groan, you opened your message app.

Dami: Hi, Y/N. I hope I have the right contact.

Dami: I am Min Ho's mother, Dami.

Dami: I'm sure he mentioned me, he sure mentioned you a lot to me.

Dami: I'd love to surprise my son when he gets here, if you are interested to participate.

Dami: Can I give you a call?

Although he was in first class, Min Ho hated travelling for hours. Getting close to no sleep, having to go through security at the airport, all of it were nothing but stressful. As he finally got his baggage back, he cheered himself up mentally with the thought of seeing his mother again. He kind of wished you were with him, to meet his mom properly.

To no surprise, the only recognizable person he saw was his mother's assistant. She bowed at him as a greeting before indicating for men, who he assumed were bodyguards, to get his things for him. He was disappointed she didn't come to get him herself, but he understood she was a public personality.

He was glad that the ride to where his mother lived was quick and efficient with close to little, even none, traffic. The gates of the mansion opened and he immediately spotted her standing at her porch, a smile spread on her face.

"Mom." he said as soon as he got out of the car.

"My boy! I'm so happy you got here safely." she exclaimed before hugging him tight. "Are you feeling tired?"

"A little bit, but I'm just happy to see you."

"Me too."

She led him inside and showed him the main rooms of the house before they sat in the living room. She offered him a refreshing drink before she installed herself comfortably.

"How was school? Did you do well?"

He nodded proudly. "Yes. I had excellent grades and I'd say I did better than last year."

"I'm glad." she said cheerfully. "You got along well with your friends? Made some more?" He nodded again happily. "And what about Y/N?"

He froze. "What about her?"

He hadn't gone in details about his relationship with her. Sure, he told her they were seeing each other but things got in the way and they were too busy for him to explain how things evolved.

"Are you in love?"

His face flushed as he got embarrassed. "Ah... I think I am."

She clapped her hands in excitement. "You could have invited her here, I would have love to meet her."

"I couldn't do that. She has her family back there. Plus, I could've scared her off by inviting her so far away after such a short amount of time being together."

She smiled sadly. "What a shame."

"Yeah..." he trailed off. He couldn't quite believe he already missed you. "It really is."

"So how come was I able to fly her here before you arrived?"

His head shot up from his mother's words. Looking around, and then looking back at her, he scoffed.

"Don't pull a joke like that!" he complained.

"She's not kidding."

He almost jumped from the sound of your voice coming from behind him. His brain malfunctioned as he looked back and forth from his mom to you.

"You little-" he cursed before chasing you.

You ran away as you exploded in laughter. Being smaller and weaker than him, he caught you in no time before spinning you around.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Surprise?"

He huffed and put you down. "You're crazy. You've got your family to spend the holidays with."

You shrugged. "A free trip to LA on a private jet to see my boyfriend sounded like a better deal. And don't worry, my aunt and uncle know I'm here."

He grinned like a child before pulling you into a long-lasting kiss, not even caring that his mom was in the same room. After you broke away, he led you to sit down with him.

"You were right, Min Ho. I love her." Dami squealed.

He smiled and then moved his eyes to stare back at yours. They glowed like never before and he couldn't believe how you were so mesmerizing to him.

"I love her, too."

Copyright © 2023 skzhua. All rights reserved.

[bishopsbeloved]

the art of falling in love (part four)

natasha romanoff x fem reader

best friend!yelena belova, aroace!yelena belova, internalised homophobia, found family trope, coming of age, angst, fluff (eventual happy ending)

part one | part two | part three | part four (4k words) | part five | epilogue

read this fic on ao3!

Natalia Romanova has lived her whole life in maybes.

When she was five years old and first banished to an orphanage in a far vast snowy corner of Russia, she thought to herself, okay. Maybe this will be the place that I find my forever family. Surely no place can be worse than that which I have come from. But the other girls she lived with were taller and crueler, and almost a year passed before a certain scraggly blonde rascal stumbled into sharing a room with her. Without hesitation she began causing havoc for every single resident. Natalia liked her immediately. It was not long before the two would share a bed at night and call one another sister.

Maybe I was right, Natalia would think to herself sleepily, as she and tiny Yelena huddled together beneath a duvet to survive the cold winter nights. Maybe this is my forever family.

It only took one day for that to fall apart for her, though. It hadn’t even occurred to her that someone might adopt Yelena without her too, or vice versa. And when that happened, and Yelena was torn away, she was at a loss.

“Не волнуйся,” Yelena reassured her as she sped around their tiny bedroom, gathering her many trinkets and treasures into a bag. “It’s okay. My mama and papa, they are very lovely, they promise they will come back for you. We will be a family together, in America. A new start. Together.” She held out a pinky earnestly.

“Together,” Natalia repeated, sealing the deal.

But two years after Yelena’s departure, she began to wonder if maybe her sister had been wrong.

She still can’t remember much of the day that they finally, finally came back for her. She was eight, and you and Yelena were both seven. Of course, she didn’t know you even existed at first — not until the long journey back, gazing down at the motherland below them as they left it behind, when Yelena babbled endlessly about her new best friend she’d made in Ohio. She doesn’t remember much of that, either — the whole day felt too perfect to be real. It’s all a blur. But still to this day, proudly framed by Alexi and hung above the fireplace, are the photos he took the day she came home.

Only a week into her life in Ohio did she ask her mother if she could change her name. Natalia Romanova was too difficult for Americans to pronounce, and it didn’t feel American. It felt as though it were just another of countless things that screamed I don’t belong. Maybe it would help her feel more acclimated to her new home. And when she worded it like that, who was Melina to deny her? So Natalia Romanova became Natasha Romanoff. You barely even batted an eyelid when the news reached you, and she’d often catch herself smiling when you went out of your way to use her full name in any situation you could.

Although it feels as though she’s loved you forever, it’s true that she was wary of you at first. That fateful moment she first met you, you came tearing into her new home to spend time with her sister and she was scared you’d take her away — but you didn’t. You shared her. And as time went on you began to share parts of yourself with Nat, too.

She’ll remember the day you won her over until her dying breath. December 3 — almost six months since she first moved to Ohio, and her first birthday there. You’d stayed over the night before, as you often did even then, and in the morning you approached her with wide adoring eyes and something clasped carefully in your hands.

“Natasha,” you began, with a slight tremor in your voice, “um, it is your birthday, obviously,” you glanced over at the gaudy banners Alexi had strung proudly around the house in declaration of this fact, “and, uhm, I know we haven’t known each other super long, or anything, but, yeah,” you finished lamely, and held out your hands to her, opening them up. “I found this super cool rock. Alexi helped me clean it. It’s pink.”

It was super cool, Natasha decided. Pink had become her favourite colour as of late — ever since she’d learnt that in America it’s for girls. She looked from the sparkly rock to your earnest, hopeful face and back again, and decided then and there that she loved you. (And maybe you even loved her back.)

The nature of said love did not make itself known to her for a good few years; even before it did, she made her best efforts to dismiss it, though. She very quickly learnt just how American girls were supposed to be — which did not include bright blue hair, or a desire to kiss other girls. Within just a few days of starting public school Natasha had bleached the dye from her hair, quashed down any potential interest in Daphne from Scooby Doo, and at night would carefully practise the American way of pronouncing words in the mirror — without her gentle Russian tinge. She tacked up posters of male pop stars in her room, and began to strategically pick which boys in her class she’d be crushing on next. Maybe, just maybe, if she kept all of this up then she’d be able to fit into her surroundings the way she was somehow never able to in the orphanage.

And for the most part, she did. She found herself becoming one of the most popular girls in class. She’d discovered that actually she was very good at fitting in, as long as she paid enough attention to everyone else. And she felt good about herself — as long as she didn’t pay attention to you and Yelena, who were entirely unbothered by the social norms she adhered so much to, and seemed a whole lot better off for it. It was entirely uncool to be so close with your sister. Her annoying little sister, and her quiet lovely best friend. Yes, as long as she avoided the two of you wherever she could, she’d be fine.

That’s how the years passed, for a long time. Natasha eventually outgrew her desire to distance herself from Yelena, and she returned to the protective tendencies she had harboured for the blonde when they were so young and alone, but what she didn’t outgrow was her need to fit in. That followed her way into high school. By sophomore year she was cheer captain and everyone in school knew her name. (She wasn’t mean, though, she always made sure of that. And she made it known that if anyone were to mess with Yelena — or you, by extension, as by this point people had started referring to you as the twins — there would be consequences.) She had friends, she had boyfriends, she had invites to parties. And as long as Natasha pretended she didn’t have a massive interest in you or a mental list of your likes and dislikes, she would be fine. Probably.

When she was sixteen she realised with startling clarity that the massive interest she acted as though she didn’t have in you was love. She and two of her good friends, Sharon and Maria, were animatedly discussing whether Sharon really loved her boyfriend or not. And the way love was described, romantic love, was identical to what she felt for you (and what any idiot could tell you felt for her, as much as everyone seemed to have agreed to pretend that you didn’t). An inexplicable attraction drawing her to you, an interest in anything you were interested in (see that time she was ten and stayed up all night researching your favourite cartoon just so she could discuss it with you over breakfast the next morning), a desire to just be with you forever. That was love. She loved you.

Oh, shit.

“You’re awful quiet, Nat,” Maria commented. Natasha cleared her throat and took a sip of juice. “Anything on your mind?”

“Just that Sharon needs to dump her shitbag of a boyfriend,” she replied shortly. Maria clapped her hands together in triumph, while Sharon let out a huff of annoyance.

“That’s what I keep saying,” Maria told her proudly, as Sharon spluttered in protest. The discussion resumed and the matter was forgotten. Natasha shoved her discovery to the back of her mind, hoping and praying she could un-discover it. Maybe if she did, things would stay okay.

Try as she might, she couldn’t, but she has tried; more determined than ever to be the perfect American girl. Over dinners she pretends to be annoyed at the teasing, saying that her accent’s gone, she’s no Russian, the American agenda has got her, that she’s almost as American as you.

“Our token Yankees,” Alexi often says merrily, to this day, clapping both you and her on the back with force that makes you wince and her giggle. She’ll whine and wrinkle her nose at him (while you just sit and blush), but secretly revel in the praise that her efforts have been so fruitful.

Barely any time into this school year, her senior year, she realised that she hadn’t had a boyfriend for a suspiciously long time.

“You and James would be cute,” offered Sharon, pointing with her fork at where her good friend and fellow Slav sat across the cafeteria, laughing about something.

“Yes,” came Natasha’s thoughtful reply, “we would, wouldn’t we?”

Every single aspect of her life was coldly calculated, unfeeling, sterile. Natasha Romanoff knew what she wanted and she would obtain it. Her pursuit of Bucky Barnes was no different. He was politely reciprocal at first, and the two entered what Nat’s friends called a situationship over the coming months. It wasn’t until a Stark house party that he turned her down.

“Natasha,” he said gently, and the word was so loud despite the music that blared only a few rooms away. He only had to say that and she knew. She sighed, and sat down on the bed in defeat, only to look up in surprise at his next words.

“I don’t… I like Steve.”

Not even Natasha could understand why she started crying. But Buck was so kind, so patient, and he held her until her tears dried. When she could speak evenly again she opened her mouth and everything came flooding out. The way she felt for you and her deep, innate fear of being different.

Bucky was quiet for a few moments in contemplation. Then he said, “I’m scared, too. Me and Steve are like you and Y/N, we known each other all our lives, and it’s like, what if whatever I do or say or feel ruins that? But you gotta… it’s…” He scratched at the back of his head. “You gotta trust it’ll work out. If you love each other proper, then even if she don’t like you back, you’ll still have her. In your life. It’ll be okay, you know. You just gotta have faith.”

Of course, Natasha knew without a shadow of a doubt how hopelessly head over heels you were for her. Rejection wasn’t what she feared. But she wasn’t sure how to word that to Bucky without sounding entirely conceited, so she just nodded. After that night, though, the two were a whole lot closer, and in no time at all they established a kind of beard situation — they’d act ambiguously involved in public so that in private they could affiliate with the ones their hearts truly desired. It wasn’t as though there weren’t queer people within their school, because of course there were, but both feared for the loss of their social standing so intensely that they saw no other option.

It was Bucky who pushed Nat to kiss you at the New Year’s party.

“If it goes wrong, come find me and we’ll drink,” he shouted over the blaring music. Both of them knew it wouldn’t go wrong, though.

But she drank anyway — for luck, she told herself, downing an impressive amount in one. She was Russian, even when she pretended she was not. A perk of that was being able to handle her liquor.

The New Year’s kiss famously went swimmingly, and Nat felt so giddy the next morning that she marvelled she hadn’t done this sooner. The two of you began to sneak around, which pleased her greatly, but she felt the words you didn’t say during the silence that would sometimes descend on the two of you. Your slight twitchiness, the way you would work yourself up to say something only to dismiss it at the last second. You didn’t want to ask what are we? for fear of the probable answer — and Natasha didn’t have an answer for you, anyway. She liked the way things were now; she had a pretty girl wrapped around her finger who she could sneak around with in private, and she could simultaneously maintain the social status she’d always had in public. She was certain that if you were ever to make her pick between the two she would spiral. Eventually you seemed to take the hint, and the hopeful silences stopped.

It never really occurred to her that she wasn’t treating you well until quite a few months into your relationship — around June, after Stark’s spring break party, once Yelena had started teasing you about a mystery girl. Every time it was mentioned in front of her she would tense, but you handled it with surprising and admirable nonchalance, and her sister seemed to have no suspicion it was her that was spoken of.

Natasha came back late one night from a hangout with friends. She’d forgotten her key and, assuming everyone was asleep, decided to let herself in through the garage rather than disturb anyone. But you and Yelena were still up and enjoying a quiet night in, as the two of you often did, huddled together under blankets on the sofa in a way that would make Natasha reminisce on the way she and Yelena used to do that in the orphanage — except they had done that to survive the bitter cold, whilst the two of you did so merely to enjoy reality TV reruns. It warmed Natasha to see her baby sister happy, at least.

The noise of one Kardashian fighting another (Natasha always got them mixed up) drowned out her quiet arrival, and the two of you were mid-conversation. She made for the stairs, not really wanting nor caring to intrude, but froze as she tuned into Yelena’s next words.

“You never really mention your mystery girl anymore, anyway,” the blonde was saying. “Did something happen? I can hurt someone.”

Natasha craned her neck to catch your next words.

“Nothing happened,” you said quietly. Defeatedly. “I just… I don’t know. I don’t think she likes me as much as I like her.”

“Ah, конечно нет, impossible,” drawled Yelena. “You are adorable, утенок. Everyone likes you.”

You murmured something unintelligible, and Yelena scoffed, but Natasha didn’t need to hear any more. She crawled up the stairs as if the world were about to slip away from beneath her feet. Suddenly everything around her was so overwhelmingly real, and she realised with sickening clarity that you were real, too. She spent the rest of that night lying in her bed, unsleeping, unmoving, counting the paint strokes on the ceiling and wondering if she could’ve gone her whole life without knowing that she’s a bad person. Maybe she has. 

That was probably the beginning of the end. When she looked you the next morning it was as though she was seeing you for the first time — you were quiet, you were pale, there were dark circles under your eyes. You were smaller somehow, as though something had defeated you completely. And Nat knew in that moment that she was too much of a coward to give herself to you, so the kindest thing she could do was let you go. If she was lucky then maybe, just maybe, she wouldn’t lose you completely if she set you free now.

Right now it’s prom night. Seeing you dancing with Sam was one of the most gut-wrenching sights she’s ever endured, but he at least seems to make you happier than she ever did. It didn’t make her very happy to look at, though, so she convinced Buck to drop her home on his way back to Steve’s. (Prom was their first official date and, as Buck informed her with a proud grin as she left the car, it went fantastic.) Melina and Alexi are out — every other Friday is their date night, and while Yelena groans and gags at how ridiculously in love their parents are, Natasha just finds it sweet and hopes she’ll have something like that someday. But you’re the closest it’s ever come to that for her, and she’s fucked that one. Royally.

“Hi, Liho,” she opens the front door and mumbles to the cat, who is sat in the hall expectantly. His haunches rise defensively, and Nat just sighs. He is very much your cat, not hers, and in recent times he seems to have been picking up on the turmoil she’s been putting you through. “Look, man, she’s out being happy, without me. Isn’t that enough?”

Liho hisses, and stalks with his head held high out of the front door.

“Yeah, whatever, leave then,” Nat grumbles, and kicks the door shut behind him. Even through the thick oakwood she can hear the noises of annoyance he makes back at her.

She kicks off her heels and throws herself onto the sofa, and lays there for a long time. It would be nice, she thinks to herself, if she could just stay here forever, and never have to face the world again. And she does for a while, but eventually the front door slams, bringing in cold air and with it the announcement that you and Yelena are home. Nat tenses as she recognises the sounds of your crying, and leaps to her feet, sliding across the smooth wooden floors in her stockinged feet towards you.

“What’s going on?” she pants, taking in the scene. You’re cradling something dark and vaguely furry to your chest, and Yelena is fussing over it worriedly. She realises like a punch to the gut that it’s Liho you’re holding. “Holy shit, what —”

She freezes as she realises she’s the one who let him outside. Is he supposed to outside? She doesn’t know anything about this goddamn cat, he’s not hers. Shit. 

“Call Alexi,” you choke out. Natasha stands still frozen in shock, so Yelena lets out a mutter of “бесполезный” and charges towards the landline herself.

“Are you— okay?” Nat tries uncertainly. “What —”

“Piss off, Nat,” you cry. Ouch. Okay, she probably deserves that.

“Sorry,” she says quietly, and steps back from you. You stand in silence for a few moments until Yelena comes skidding back out into the hall.

“He’s nearly home anyway,” she pants. “He says don’t call the vet, not until Ma has looked him, we should just stop the bleeding. It was definitely a car, probably a hit and run so he said to check the doorbell camera thingy. What is their name?”

“That is the scientific term, yes,” Natasha nods, and you make a noise that’s both a laugh and a sob. “Um, I think Dad has the app on his iPad.” Not that he knows how to use it. He’s such a comedically giant man that seeing him trying to navigate the tiny device offers her a steady stream of entertainment. (“Глупый кусок жести. Делай как я говорю!”)

“On it,” Yelena nods, and sprints off to where she last saw the device.

“I’m sorry,” Nat offers again, once her sister’s out of earshot.

“Not now, Nat,” you sigh tiredly, and you sound so broken that she just wants to scoop you up and protect you from all the evil in the world. But she’s subjected you to that evil, whether she meant to or not, and now she has to deal with the consequences.

Yelena is gone and oddly quiet for a suspiciously long time.

“You okay?” you call, cupping the cat desperately to your chest as you pad off in search of her. Unsure of what else to do, Natasha follows you, hanging behind awkwardly and making sure to give you enough space.

Yelena is stood still as anything in the kitchen, staring at the iPad propped up on the counter, rewatching one clip over and over on the security camera app. Nat can’t tell what it’s of, at first, but the exact moment you realise you let out a squeak, and squeeze Liho even closer to your chest. Only a moment later does Natasha understand what it is.

It’s from quite a while ago — the timestamp says sometime late at night in March. In the clip Nat’s car pulls up onto the driveway, with her at the wheel and you in the passenger’s seat. Once the car stops, Nat leans over and she kisses you. And you kiss back. On camera.

Liho lets out a noise of pain at how tightly you’re gripping him to you. Yelena stares blankly at the screen as the video plays over and over again.

“Lena?” you ask quietly, and when the blonde turns round her eyes are glossy. “I don’t —”

The next thing Natasha knows is a sharp pain shooting through her nose, and she steps back in shock, because there’s no way Yelena’s just hit her.

“What the fuck,” Yelena says, and there’s that scratchy sound to her voice that’s only ever there when she’s trying not to cry. “The one person who is off limits and you just couldn’t help yourself, could you?”

“Lena,” you cry out in alarm as the blonde raises her fist again. “Don’t, it wasn’t — it was an accident —”

“Oh, what,” she’s rounding on you now, “so you just slipped and fell into my sister’s —”

“No,” you plead desperately, “it wasn’t like that.”

“You were the mystery girl all along,” Yelena shouts, and presses her lips together with her eyes screwed tightly shut. “All the time you were right there. You lied to me.” She raises her fist again, but Nat is prepared this time and catches it neatly in her own.

“Don’t,” she says evenly, but she isn’t prepared for the hatred that burns in the green eyes that meet hers.

“How many months were you sneaking around behind my back?” Yelena hisses. Nat still holds her wrist tightly, so she merely turns her head to address you next. “Ты - лжец, how long have you been using me for her?”

“I wasn’t,” you plead, and whatever is shouted after that is indiscernible. After a few moments of noise the front door opens again, and Melina and Alexi stumble in, with a sense of urgency about them.

“Oh goodness, what is all this shouting, girls?” Melina asks loudly, and at the sound of her raised voice you all instinctively fall quiet. “In fact, this is not important. Where is this poor cat?”

You hold out the bundle of bandages and fur to her, face shiny with tears, and she scoops him up gently. “Will he be okay?”

“I don’t know,” she says shortly. “I will get him to the vet. I’ll call you.” She kisses your forehead, then Yelena’s, then Natasha’s on the way out and the front door slams behind her.

Yelena turns on you again with no less venom than before.

“You,” she says, “are not my family. And neither are you,” she adds to Natasha. “Do not speak to me.” She storms out of the room, and you, Nat and Alexi watch her leave, stunned.

“Well,” says Alexi with a jovial chuckle, clapping his hands and rubbing them together, “she seems a little upset, да?”

[dontyouworrydaddy]

Pretty please, reader who throughout her whole life was made to feel unattractive and undesirable and that makes her very self conscious about her body. This leads her to the inability to feel good during sex because she keeps thinking her partner is judging the way she looks. Until she does it with the 141 guys and Konig and they finally make her feel wanted and beautiful, leading to the very first orgasm of her life. If this is too specific or not your thing, feel free to ignore my ask. I love your blog, so keep up the good work.

𝚑𝚘𝚙𝚎𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚕𝚢 𝚊𝚍𝚍𝚒𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚍

Task Force 141 (+König) x Reader

Thank you so much for the kind words and the ask, I really really appreciate it🫶🏽 I got so excited and happy when I read this🥲

I feel like they would look at you and be like “Are you serious? YOU’RE A LITERAL GODDES“ and be extra gentle 🥹 I really hope you like it, I love youuuuu🩷❤️🩷❤️ P.S: You guys are beautiful just the way you are <3💖💋

(also I‘m comfortable with writing stuff like these so please feel free to always ask me these kind of stuff! 🫶🏽🫶🏽)

KÖNIG

König and you have been making out for a few minutes now and god he was really good at making you feel so needy.

But as soon as he switches the positions, caging you under him you felt a bit unsure and insecure. He definitely notices your mood change and stops his movement.

“What happened, schatz?" he asked curiously looking at you with concern. “Is everything okay?”

You don’t know how to reply. You don’t know how to tell him that you’re scared that he might leave you after having sex with you. You sit up straight and he notices how tears start building up in your eyes.

A part inside of you knows that he would never leave you because he is showing his face to you. And nobody knows how he looks like. Not even the people he works with. Only you.

But than there is this other part inside of you that keeps telling you that he will leave you as soon as he gets what he wants. Or worse as soon as you reveal your body, he will get scared and push you away.

“Talk to me liebling“ his voice is soft and his much larger hands gently run down your soft cheek. You look up at him but you can’t respond to him. He doesn’t waste another second and immediately hugs you and presses soft kisses on your neck. This time it wasn’t in a sexual way but in a I‘m here, it’s okay way.

Sometimes you feel bad because he is always this patient with you and you wish you could be more confident about yourself. If only you never dated your ex…

“You wanna tell me what’s wrong?” he asks you gently and you just hug him tighter. “I‘m scared” you finally tell him. You can feel his face expression change and you thought that he will push you away now but he never did. Instead he continues holding you and kiss you. “What are you scared of?” his voice is genuine. He didn’t ask you just because he feels like he has to but because he really wants to know and learn more about you.

“That you’re gonna leave me as soon as I show you my body” you reply barley in a whisper. “Oh baby… how could I leave such a beautiful woman like you. Have you seen yourself? You’re a walking goddes“ he looks at you and lets his hands are on each side of your cheek. “You’re the most beautiful woman that ever walked into this world and I would never leave you. I love you so much mein Schatz” you let out a chuckle while tears are still falling down your eyes. "I love you too” you reply and smiles softly at you.

“We can do something else, if you want to“ he suggests and something inside of you is telling you to now let that happen. You’re confused about what is happening now.

“NO“ you all of a sudden yell causing him to look at you confused. “Baby, we don’t need to do it now. It‘s really okay” he tells you and he does mean it. He would never do anything you don’t feel comfortable with. He would sacrifice his own happiness for yours. As long as you are happy, he is too. You’re his light in the darkness and his whole world. Whenever he us holding you, he feels like he is holding the whole world.

“No. I want to do this. Please make me feel good” you desperately tell him. He hesitates for a second because he is still scared you don’t actually mean it and only want to do it because he wants to. But after seeing your face turning hot he smirks and realizes that you’re being honest.

And he will show you how much he loves you.

He started kissing you again and slowly removes your shorts. Your breath hitches in the middle of the kiss as you feel his hands working on removing your clothes. He looks down at your body and he smiles softly as soon as his eyes fall on your body.

“Don’t ever hide your body from me. You’re too beautiful to hide yourself.“ he kisses his way down and stops on your stomach. His fingers push your panties to the side and circle around your heated clit.

For the first time, you don’t feel ashamed about yourself. Actually, you feel really good about yourself. And all the negative thoughts are pushed into a corner and all you could think about is the moment right now.

“Oh my god“ you moan as two his fingers slowly push inside of you. “You’re so beautiful liebling“ he moans at the feeling of you wrapped around his fingers. He continues kissing your chest and stomach because he wants to hear your pretty moans. He pumps in and out of you and you start feeling dizzy. Not in a bad way. But in a very good way.

"Please just fuck me already” you’re shocked as soon as this sentence leaves your mouth. You can feel his smirk on your stomach and he starts looking up at you.

“As you wish, mein Schatz“ his smirk so devilish yet so cute. He removes his boxers and you see his hard cock spring free. He lets the tip of his cock dance around your tip, causing your back to ache with so much desperate. “Pleaseeee” your out of breath and he can definitely hear it.

“It’s gonna hurt for a second but you‘re gonna be okay” he warns you and starts sliding into you, slowly and gently.

“Oh fuck“ a tear leaves your left eye because of the pain but the pain doesn’t last long. It soon turns into pleasure and you give König the go to start moving. And he does as you say. He slowly starts fully slide into you and out of you, still gently.

You never felt this way with no one. It’s not your first time having sex but this feels different from the others. This isn’t just sex. This is him making love to you.

“Fuck“ he moans as he keeps moving in you. Soon the room was filled with the sound of your bodies clapping and your moans.

“You’re so beautiful, mein Schatz“ he continues saying how much he loves you and how beautiful you are. And you definitely feel it. You feel his words on your body and in your heart. And those aren’t just empty words, just to make you feel good. Bug he means every single one of them.

“I‘m so close“ you feel your orgasm building up and you didn’t know this was possible. Of course you knew that having an orgasm is natural but you never knew that you would also experience this kind of feeling.

"Let it out baby“ and you did as he said. You let it out finally feeling relaxed and good. König continued kissing you and telling you how much he loves you. Other than your ex, he did aftercare with you. He bathed you and cuddled the entire night with you.

You never felt so much loved.

SIMON RILEY

One thing you loved about Simon is that he never pushes you to do anything you don’t want to do. He respects your boundaries and never questions it. He waits for you to open up as soon as you feel comfortable.

And today is the day you want to have sex with him. You guys have been together for a long time but due to your insecurity you never let him get under your panties. But this time you want to have it. You want to push your insecurities to the side and feel good.

Of course a part of you is still scared that he might leave you as soon as he gets what he wanted but than there is this other part that reminds you that he showed his face to you. He lets you remove his mask from his face. So there is not much of a chance that he would ever leave you.

And honestly you’re desperate to finally feel his touch on your skin. So you make your way to your shared bedroom and sit on his lap. He loves you sitting on his lap and holding you close. But to be honest he is a bit confused because you never did something like this just because you felt like it.

“Hey baby" he kissed your cheek and pushed your hair behind your ear. “Hey Simon“ you started kissing him and tried to show him that you are in desperate for him. After a few minutes of kissing he slowly gets the message and switched the positions. “Are you sure you want this? We don’t need to do this“ he asks you and you shake your head.

“Please Simon. Make me forget about these thoughts“ you whisper and softly smiles at you. "You’re my kind of woman. I will love you forever" he kisses you and slowly removes your clothes and his owns. The kiss soon turns into a messy one and you feel yourself getting hotter and your pussy is getting wetter. His touch always made you feel something you didn’t know was capable of feeling.

His fingers kept teasing you‘re already needy pussy and then he finally slides them into you. You let out a shaky breath and he lets out a soft chuckle at the sight. “You feel so good around my fingers“ he confesses and you smile from ear to ear.

If you told younger you that you‘d ever feel yourself getting this close, you‘d probably laugh. But it’s true. You’re starting to feel the stuff you only read in books.

Simon pulls his hands away and gently starts sliding his cock into you. You feel a little pain at first but the pain doesn’t last long. Soon the pain turns into pleasure and you feel euphoric.

“Simon“ you moan his name and he gets weak at the sound of you moaning his name. He wants to be the only one hearing you moan. And he mostly definitely will be the only one hearing you moan. Sex feels more like love with him. You feel so many emotions while he keeps pushing in and out of you. And none of the emotions are negative.

“Simon oh my god. I can’t anymore” you feel the knot forming and he knows. Oh he definitely knows. “It’s okay baby. You can come“ his voice so sweet that you could faint anytime soon.

You let go of yourself and cum on his cock. Simon kisses you and tells you how much he loves you and how much he praises you body.

You’re happy that you finally got to feel these kind of feelings and that Simon isn’t leaving you. In fact, he is taking care of you right now. He cleans you up and cuddled with you while kissing your head.

You finally faced your insecurities and you’re happy you made that decision.

JOHN MACTAVISH

John and you have been together for 3 years now but you guys never had sex in those 3 years. Whenever you were about to get to this point, you would push him and every time you pushed him, you thought that he would be annoyed of you or yell at you. But he never did any of those. He in fact did the quite opposite. He always held you until you felt better and would always kiss your forehead. He would always tell you that he will wait for you until you feel comfortable enough to talk about your situation and why you feel like that.

And today was the day where you want to take it to another stage. You want to try to push your insecurity away and finally have sex with him. Not because you feel like you need to do it but because you want to do it. You want to feel good so you knock on his office door.

“Come in” his soft yet tired voice comes from the office and you enter the room. As soon as you enter the room he lets his pen fall and his whole attention is on you. That’s one thing you love the most about him. Whenever you were in the same room ad him, he would drop everything and would focus on you and only you. But sometimes you couldn’t help but think he was just doing it so you don’t see that he is slowly losing interest in you.

You make your way to his chair and sit on his lap. He immediately wraps his arms around you and hugs you tightly while kissing your cheek.

“When are you finished” you asked him. Something inside of you hoped that he answers with I don’t know or maybe in like a few hours.

But instead he replied with, “I‘m already finished. Do you wanna do something?” which makes you a bit nervous. You can feel your heart beating faster than usual you start playing with your nails.

“I uh….” you start your sentence but you’re not sure if you want to finish it. You really want to have sex with him but a voice inside of your head keeps telling you that as soon as you reveal your body he will leave you or even worse, laugh at you.

“Yes baby, continue your sentence.” he carefully tells you and tried to comfort you. Your heart warms at his comfort. You turn to look at him and your eyes lock in with his blue eyes.

“Please be honest with me” your hands start shaking because you’re getting even more nervous. His eyebrows furrow and he notices your hands slightly shaking. “I‘m always honest with you, love.” his left hand rests on top of your shaking ones and you could physically feel your heart skip a beat.

“Would you ever leave me if I showed you my body?” you barley whisper and you’re not really sure if he even heard you. You closed your eyes, scared of his rejection. Suddenly you hear him let out a laugh and for a second your heart dropped.

“Are you joking?” he starts his sentence and you open your eyes, clearly confused. “Baby, you’re the most gorgeous looking woman in this whole world. Do you know how hard it is for me to not fight the boys because they keep joking about stealing you from me? I would rather die than leave you” he doesn’t give a chance to reply and instantly smashes his lips onto yours.

He tries to prove his point with the kiss and oh god he is definitely succeeding. His hands start resting on your waist and you let your hands wander up his chest.

After pulling away for oxygen you finally let that sentence slip out of your mouth.

“I want to have sex with you” he smiles at you and picks you up like you weigh nothing. “Whatever my princess wants“ he kisses you while moving you guys out of the office and to your shared bedroom. This time the kiss is filled with so much passion and desperation. He doesn’t give your mind a chance to let your insecurity win. It feels like he is blocking your thoughts. And for the first time you feel good about yourself. There is not a single thought about how you don’t look good or how he is gonna ditch you.

He gently lays you down on the bed and without breaking the kiss, he starts removing your cloths while you remove his. You only break from the kiss to remove your shirts and let it fall on the ground.

He stops kissing you and looks at your body. As you try to cover your chest he grabs your arms and lets them fall next to you. “Don’t ever cover yourself around me. You’re so beautiful” his voice is gentle and he starts kissing your body. The air in your throat starts to build up and you can feel yourself getting hot and the heat between your thighs starts building up.

“John” you moan his name and you’re shocked since you never moaned someones name. “Yes baby?” he teases you and he starts going down on his knees. His mouth over your clit he looks up at you. You look down at him and nod. And that’s he needed from you. As you feel his mouth collapse with your pussy, you fall back down.

For a second, you forget how to breathe. You’re starting to feel some things you couldn’t describe. “John” you moan his name again as you feel a knot building up in your lower stomach. John gets up and hovers over you. “I just came by just eating you out” he confesses which causes you to laugh. “It’s gonna hurt a bit but you’re gonna be okay” he warns you and you nod. As he pushes his cock inside if you, you couldn’t help but open your mouth and close your eyes at the feeling. The pain turned into pleasure and as you opened your eyes again and nodded, reassuring that you’re fine. You never felt this way with no one. It feels like this is your first time. But definitely better. There was not a single negative thought.

He slowly pushes in and out of you and the only sound you could hear is his whimpers and your moans. “So beautiful” he moans and kisses you while still fucking you. After a few moments he started being a bit faster but not too fast since he doesn’t want to hurt you. And you feel euphoric. The pleasure is way too good and your whole body feels better than ever.

“John, oh my god” you feel your orgasm building up. “Let it out baby” and after him saying that you let go of that feeling and create a mess under you.

“That was the first time I ever had an orgasm” you confess absolutely shocked and he lets out a cute laugh. “I‘m glad I was the one causing it, my beautiful woman”

John was the best in aftercare. He pushed your insecurities away and made sure you felt loved. He took a bath with you and even clothed you. And now you are laying in his arms, feeling happy and confident about yourself.

JOHN PRICE

John and you have been in a relationship for a while now. Even through he is gone a lot, he would still leave little notes and remind you that he loves you. Your insecurities always makes it hard for you to believe him. You keep thinking about how he doesn’t mean it. But why would he stay with you if he didn’t love you.

John was a good man. He was the best. He treats you right and gives you everything your ex couldn’t.

And right now you’re under him and you’re scared he is gonna judge your body as soon as your clothes are off of you. But as soon as he removes them you get the reaction you didn’t expect. Instead of him looking absolutely disgusted, he looks… pleased. “There really isn’t a part that isn’t beautiful. And you’re all mine” the last sentence comes out as a whisper. He kisses your body and your thighs but you’re still laying there, a bit confused. You didn’t expect this reaction from him. You feel a bit ashamed of yourself because why would you think that he would be disgusted of you. He gets on his knees and starts eating you out like a starving man. And oh boy… his tongue feels so good. You never felt this type of pleasure and you always thought that this feeling is unreal until now. You’re left with an open mouth and closed eyes trying to focus on now but it feels so good. All you could think about is what else he could do with not only his tongue but also his fingers and his cock.

After eating you out, which felt like hours, he hovers over you and starts sliding into you. You bite your lips and start to dig your fingers in his chest, leaving red marks.

“John“ you moan his name and all you could think about is how good he makes you feel. The feeling of pleasure feels unreal and this moment in general feels unreal. It’s too good to be true. His movements are gentle and shows you how much he loves you.

“You’re so beautiful. I can‘t believe you’re mine“ he whispers into your ear. You feel the orgasm building up.

“John” you moan his name and the feeling of release is getting closer. “It’s okay my baby. You can come“ and you do as he says. After creating a mess under you, you realize that john has come on your stomach which caused you to let out a laugh.

“Come here baby. Let me take care of you now“ and you allow him to do so. You don’t regret anything and for the first time, you feel loved.

KYLE GARRICK

You don’t get how Kyle was still staying with you even through you don’t really let him touch you in an intimate way. After a year and a half you thought he would leave you because he probably was getting inpatient but he never did which left you confused. He always came back to you and would never do anything that would make you uncomfortable.

And today is the day where you want to open up. You’re still scared that he might leave you as soon as he sees you and leave you like all your exes did but as soon as he sees your body… he hungrily starts kissing you and he asks you if he can fuck you.

To be honest you were confused at first. You didn’t expect him to react like this. Praising you like you‘re the queen and when you asked him if he is gonna leave you… he replied with:

“Leave you? Are you joking? I would rather die than leave you”

The kiss was messy and definitely sloppy which was making you feel butterflies and your pussy was getting soaked. He took his time but eventually he would push his cock inside of you and by just the feeling inside of you he came. Neither of you expect this to happen and that’s why you guys shared a laugh but he kept going. He kept pushing in and out of you and sooner of later you were feeling yourself getting hotter. You started breathing heavily at the feeling and Kyle noticed it.

His hands on your waist and the room was filled with your noises and the noise of your bodies. He was gentle and so caring, like he always is. You feel like you got teleported into another dimension because this feeling is everything but real.

“Kyle” you whined and he shushed you. “Okay baby. It’s okay. You can come” and you did. You let yourself release and then it hits you.

For the first time, you had an orgasm.

“So beautiful. My beautiful woman” he kissed you and held you close to him. He kept kissing you and play with your hair while looking at you with love written in his eyes. You physically felt his love and you’re so happy because of it.

You finally got what you deserve.

[fontainesiblingsbiggestfan]

Lyney & Lynette with GN S/O's pet

notes: mod dont quite know what exactly to write about but thats fine cause can just make it up as mod goes on.. would post more but dont wanna overflow the tags with mods stuff and drown out other wonderful writers n whatnot! this is probably way worse than the last one so sorry if it sucks :( [btw rq reminder that u can request stuff, so look into that if you want something made for one of/both of these two.)

Lyney is pretty good with animals of all types pretty much!! Besides fish though, fish hate him (and no even in a scared way, they bite him.) As soon as he realizes you have a pet he instantly wants to befriend it, asks you what they're like, do they like to eat this or that..

Probably gonna have to tell him to not give your pet too many treats, cause he might overdo it a tiny bit while trying to make him their favorite. Would probably start bringing a treat for everytime he went to your house then explains it as him having to pay an "entrance fee". If your pet is able to/likes to play he might bring them a toy like.. Every two or so weeks? Whenever he sees a cute toy for their species he'll just get one for your pet.

If it's a dog, he doesn't have much experience with them due to various reasons, but he doesn't dislike them or anything (even if he does prefer kitties..) You might not want a big one on his lap or anything though since he's not neccesarily the biggest guy, so be careful with that.

Asks you if it sheds before he even enters the house. He needs to know cause nine times out of ten he just finished a show and he does not want pet hair all over his show clothes. If it is then he'll probably end up going home to change to avoid any issues regarding that.

Cats love Lyney 99% of the time, can tame even the craziest of crazies into lapcats. Of course, this is 99%, not 100.. The 1% wants him dead. Birds also tend to like him since he's used to working with doves and whatnot, used to dealing with them. Asks you if he can have it on his finger/arm. Also good with rabbits due to him also working with them, might scare it like once with a magic trick though since he might forget yours isn't really used to that.?? Feels bad afterwards though and gives it food as an apology so I suppose it's alright.

Lyney is willing to petsit and is good at it. If your pet destroys anything you own while your gone he might just.. Replace it and hope you don't notice. Would be a bit scared that you might get angry at him also for letting it do that or something. In general would describe him as a pretty solid person to keep around your pet with points deducted due to the issue of him spoiling the thing too much, 8/10.

Lynette is liked by cats, and they tend to gravitate towards her. So, if you have a cat, hurray! If you have a dog, however...

Dogs don't really like her, with the range going from them barking at her constantly to just ignoring her, depending entirely on the dog's personality. Don't worry, though; it won't really offend her. She's quite used to it, and besides, she isn't a dog fan anyway. She would probably ask you to put the dog up if it won't leave her alone, though.

A lot like Lyney, she is also good with birds and rabbits. But do keep in mind, just because she's good with them, doesn't mean they're good with her. Birds, unless having been subject to Lynette for long enough, tend to fly away from her. Not all of them, just most of them.

Rodents and the like also run from her. And amphibians. And fish. Her cat-like features and smell seem to frighten any animals that would qualify as prey to a cat. But again, she doesn't really mind; she expected this sort of reaction anyway.

She doesn't try to make them like her or anything, wouldn't even mind if they hated her. Still, that doesn't mean she would turn the animal down if it does happen to enjoy her presence; she'd not-so-secretly like it if they did. Lynette might even come to your house just to chill out with the pet (you being a small side bonus to the trip).

Pretty good petsitter, kind of. Lynette has her own cats at home, so she's used to being climbed all over or serving food and whatnot. As long as the animal isn't scared of her, it will go fine. Just pray to God you have no machines that she'd have to use in her time there, and she'll be fine, 8/10 (points deducted for obvious reasons).

[ofherpinkways]

Hyper Fixation

Cod characters x horror fan reader (GN bf/gf :) )

Summary : they ask one small question horror movie sending you into a complete hyper fixation and happy rant about all your favorite scary movies

(A/N: tbh this is mainly for myself so I can finally spill out my bottled up horror movie rants,plus this is based off interaction I just had with a friend on Snap. Our babies will be referred to as "they/them" since i wanna include everyone 🤍🩰🧸 might do a pt2)

You loved horror movies and let it be known to all. Everyone at the base knew it and it was what you were known for even to those who didn't know you fully . Often referred to as the "Horrorjunkie"

Your dorm was filled with horror movie posters,props from iconic classics and of course you had a bunch of those mini polaroid posters of all your favorite horror movies. Your body is covered in horror movie themed tattoos of all the well known villains and other scary themed things. Your left hand was covered in one giant tattoo that made it look like you were a skeleton. All of your causal/civilian clothes were the Steven Rhodes t-shirts and hoodies.

God forbid anyone lets you pick the movie during movie night . It was gonna be scary obviously. This night you picked Sinister (2012) forcing everyone in the common room. It only got worse when few of your teammates confessed they've never seen it. There you sat grinning wildly knowing the whole movie play by play. Having the ability to mentally time each up in coming jumpscare in your head laughing and smiling to yourself prepared for each scare ,glancing up at them wanting to see their reaction. The infamous lawn mower scene had just happened causing everyone but you to jump and yelp a little , instead you laughed and smiled happily at their reactions finding the whole thing amusing.

Fast forward weeks later,you were sitting on the couch scrolling your phone with " " (This is where you insert whoever you want lol). You both got bored after a while, you move and lay your head onto their lap "wanna watch a movie?" you ask looking up at them "I'll pick" you sang dragging the words smiling . They laughed smiling back "and what horror movie has the honors of your picking today mmph?" they remarked . You sat up and playfully huffed with fake offended expression on your face , putting your hand to your chest "Now who said it was gonna be a horror movie ?" you replied holding back a giggle

"you get called "horrorjunkie" for a reason " they said with a chuckle. You crossed your arms smirking "Touche", you grab the remote and start looking through the horror movie collection on Netflix " How about The Strangers ?" you ask looking at your partner . "Again ? we've watched like ten times already,why do you like it so much?"

you gasped "how could I not love it? its's such a classic !, and the timing of its release ! It was something never done before ! it scared the shitout everyone making them fear being in their own homes,making them worry when answering their door and the simple fact it was based off a true event?!?! absolutely sickening" you explained in a fast and excited manner.

And that's how you both spent the rest of your night and ranting about each of your beloved scary movies along with the cast,the directors ,the lore,the meaning and messages behind them, the remakes and sequels all of it

Going on about Scream 1996 flapped over and changed horror forever

Going on about Radio Silence was doing a great job on honoring Wes Craven on his creation of the Scream movies , as they keep the franchise

Why the Evil Dead franchise was so loved

Breaking down and explaining all of Jordan Peele movies, explaining the meaning,how their connected in way,why Jordan writes the way he does, why it's better to show and not tell

Giving off examples of movies that were clearly inspired of Peele's work

Talking about Ethan Hawke is perfect for horror movies

How his performance in The Black Phone shocked and scared everyone

Even though they may not get horror movies the way you do. They love the way your eyes lit up,love hearing the excitement in you voice, loving how animated you became when talking about horror movies. They enjoyed how happy the movies made you so they sat smiling up at you the whole time as you talked for what seemed like forever but they didn't care

[coffeegnomee]

I wanted to write about how far Zam has come with his character for like a week now and now he’s acknowledged it himself so I finally grabbed all the quotes.

Let’s go down memory lane shall we? 

DAY 1 

24:00 “There’s a ghost that haunts my dreams [...] I see him in my sleep. He tells me to kill people. But I don’t want to kill anyone”

“I have to hold it in.. [...] I wish I had like horror sound effects to play and images of every lifesteal member dead and I could flash them across the screen” does that. 

ZAM: “*lights armadillo on fire* “give it a slow, painful death” PENTAR: “for someone against the whole idea of killing, you seem to have a gruesome way around killing things.” ZAM “I’m still me” [armadillo dies.] “I can only resist the urges so much [evil giggle]”

10:07:00 after Pentar kills him “It’s not about being above anyone by not killing people, I would just prefer not to. Because last season I feel like I was.. Something else. And I don’t want to do that again. I don’t want to be that again. You know?”

“Because it’s not supposed to be some morality, ‘I’m better than you’ kind of thing, you know? I don’t want to be on some like high horse. It’s more of like, I just don’t wanna let the demon out, you know, that type of thing”

Reflecting on the first two days, I wrote this about Zam: This season looks like an internal battle of his personal desire to complete a minecraft challenge™ (no kills) vs his desire to do lore and change his character multiple times. And I just don’t think the challenge wins long term. A challenge isn’t what makes him love lifesteal, it’s the lore. 

Day 4 7/9/24

1:01:05 “‘zam has no enemies’ no, it’s not that I have no enemies, it’s just that if I kill people, I’m going to become like a monster. Like way worse than anyone else on the server. You know? And I like don’t want that reputation if I’m like just peacefully building. [...] ‘oh bro’s scared to hurt others then?’ yup! [...] ‘bad things will happen…. (meep)’ yea last time I hurt someone, last time i tried to hurt someone, bad things happened. And i just… can’t do that again, you know?”

1:21:40 killing bogged in trial chamber. “It feels nice cutting things down, I don’t think I’ve been doing enough of this. [...] I’m going to kill all of you, I’m going to kill every single one of you. [...] is it weird to say that I’ve missed this? Even though ‘this’ is just cutting down a bunch of skeletons, just jumping up and down and left clicking [...]  [evil giggles (and not to anything in chat)] [...] my sword might say “im so sorry’ but I’m not sorry, I’m not even a little sorry right now” 

2:19:05 “”also Zam is emo’ (chips) “no i’m not! I’m so happy! I’m the happiest i've been in a long time. That’s why I have my nipple out. That’s not true why did i say that” 

4:04:50 Wemmbu killed Spoke. ZAM: “[opens statistics] it still says zero. It still says zero. It still says zero it still says zero. So I’m fine. I’m fine. Cause it still says zero.. [walks around base] I’m fine. It’s perfectly fine. ‘0 plants potted’ (arch) okay actually that’s what I got the clay for so.. Thank you for saying that actually, very convenient timing. [goes to shed to smelt] [blows out breath] I’m just gonna chop down trees. I’m just gonna chop down trees and I’m just gonna leave this group and I’m gonna chop down trees and I’m gonna have a fun time and nothing bad’s gonna happen. And everything’s gonna be a-okay [hannah logged on] I thought Mapicc logged on I cannot lie. Okay maybe I’m scared. [Mapicc logs on] [gasp, crouches] motherfucker. Motherfucker [under breath]”

Dies to Mapicc three times. 

5:26:00 is thinking about how he’s doing a character nobody else on lifesteal has done before. Puts on a lore song. “‘If there’s one thing you’ve been consistent in the last two seasons, it’s been steady in your morals until the end’ (chips) yea. But here’s the thing though [giggle] does it matter? Or like, what’s it called. Am I restricting myself? Do you guys think? Most definitely, right. And it’s like. I dunno, a big part of me feels like it would be nice to like, let go, and just like, join in on all the violence, and everything, and all that stuff. You know? Like it would be nice. It would be nice, I think. Maybe. Maybe not, I don't know… [evil giggle] ahhh. [long pause, arch in chat said ‘once you do it you can’t go back though’ he doesn’t read it out] [lore music cuts out] [very seriously] no that’s stupid. No. I’m not gonna. I’m not gonna. [blows breath] I’m not gonna let myself go as far as I did last season. I’m not gonna let myself do anything like that again [tehe giggle] [huffs out breath]”

5:28:18 “‘it was fun tho’ (chips) it was, but it was fun at the expense of others. It was fun… but it was damaging to the server.. It was. I dunno. I don’t think it’s who I want to be. I don’t think I was born to be…That. you know? I don’t know. I feel like that’s not who I am. I feel like that was never who I was.” 

7/13/24 end fight day 

~2:38:00 ZAM: “‘its not ok to kill people but it's ok to ask people really nicely to kill people you don't like’ I’m allowed to persuade people’s opinions, I think, and I can only do that when I’m really really mad. [...] But i dunno. [sigh] I’ve messaged both opposing teams so i dunno, I don’t care enough though. Whatever. This is beyond me."

“Joker zam went back into his closet’ (meep) that’s true. I was possessed for a second there. [messages MC chat saying that] ‘my evil self wishes for me to kill everyone. I won’t tho.' 

7/14/24 day he kills planet

Hour and half of Pangi messing with him while he gets more and more frustrated at the shulker farm. 

1:28:50 Zam flies after Pangi and crits him out, but he stops. “I can’t crit him out like that, I’m gonna get my first player kill and it’s gonna ruin all my lore” 

1:40:00 pangi is still singing, Zam bows him, then tries fishing rodding him. He comes up the farm PANGI: “hey PrinceZam, do you need therapy?” ZAM: “shut up you always got some noise to make, shut up. [...] I bet you’re my first kill this season” PANGI: “BAHAHAA” ZAM: “just kidding I won’t kill anyone. Just kidding. Just kidding just kidding. That was a joke. That was a joke. I won’t kill anyone. [blows out breath]” PANGI: “okay PrinceZam.” 

1:47:00 ZAM: “what the fuck just happened to me. Dude, I need to stop. He keeps, he keeps trying to get me to get my first kill, bro. He’s trying to get me to get my first kill. I can’t. I can’t do it. I can’t do it. It’s getting harder and harder, with each and every day, to hold back [sigh] oooh kay. ‘Why aren’t you killing anybody’ because as soon as I kill one person, I go down a dark dark path. And you don’t want to see that dark dark path. ‘WE DO’ I don’t. K fine, maybe you do. I don’t. A great darkness lurks within me. A great darkness lurks within me. It’s consumed me, ever since, ever since I was young. ‘Your dark side is banging on the door, let the poor guy in’ no. noo. I’m gonna build a closet in my house. ‘PLEASE DO IT’ where could I even, oh I know where I could actually build a closet right now, let’s do that right now actually hold on. Unironically lets do that right now” 

6:24:44 zam goes to bacon in his base, “Whenever I sleep, he comes to me. So i try not to sleep in that bed anymore” BACON: “[baffled] how did that even start. Like how did you even, what, how did this even become a thing in your head” ZAM: “[ignoring] there’s a demon in my closet, any time, any time I die he comes closer to possessing me.” BACON: “okay what is the demon trying to get you to do.” ZAM: “kill everyone” BACON: “oooohhh. Oh I like that. Okay okay” ` 

Then there’s the fated Bacon stream 

2:39:00 bacon and planet meme around about the build battle rules and Zam snaps, “if you want to be a bitch about it you don’t have to fucking play, goddamm. Dumbass fucking planetlord and baconnwaffles. I hate both of you. Fuck you guys. I’m going back into the house… i’m going into my closet” 

They clean up spawn a bit, he comes back out swinging at them. Then goes on top of the lighthouse and starts shooting them from a distance. 

Planet takes off all his armor and pops like a grape.

Then on Spep’s stream he stalks Spep around to the End islands, generally just looks really threatening. Says he won’t remember this when he wakes up, but Spep will. 

7/15/24 

~14:00 ZAM: “[strained] dude, pangi I killed planet” PANGI: “[strained too]I know. Hey, it wasn’t your fault” ZAM: “i shouldn’t have even had a bow” 

He builds the tree and writes his first oath 

In the first draft he wrote “I cannot do anything that goes against the interest of the entire server”

he changed “entire server” to “majority of players” to “most players” 

And changed “attack any player” because chat went crazy about him not being able to punch anyone, to “kill any other players” 

7/18/24 

Flame and mapicc start fighting

22:40 ZAM: “dude I did give mapicc a heads up there, I can’t lie. [realizing] I’ve been playing all sides, I can’t lie. This is interesting. I’m just chummy with everyone, I dunno, i don't do it intentionally. I do it a little intentionally, i can’t lie, but not like, intentionally”

33:20 ZAM: “I really don’t like the idea of playing both sides, but like, like- I’m trying my hardest not to, [...] Like if you shove 100 dollars in my face like I’m probably gonna take it right? Like like [giggling], it’s just like, ugh, it’s so stupid [laughing] i don’t like this. I don't know, I’m opportunist I guess. I’m just an opportunist I guess because I'm pacifist and I don't wanna die." So. But like also I really just don’t like the idea of being someone who plays both sides, it’s so awkward” while watching the fight from a distance. "

7/20/24 

From 2:43:00 to 3:15:00 hops between group chats and instinctively gets information and relays it to everyone else. Actually just leaks every word he hears lol. 

4:51:10 “imagine flame goes on a killing spree just so he can pay you to make more builds lol’ (citrus) dude. Is the blood on my hands then? That’s something I was wondering, what if this becomes bad. To where they’re like murdering people just for the sake of like, whats it called, paying me. ‘Yes you're evil then’ (sin) aw shit. It’s my fault. I mean I guess it depends on how bad it gets. I felt really bad when they killed jepex for me. I can’t lie, in the moment I thought it was really funny but looking back, it’s literally the same as like. Like I think me asking them to kill someone is the same as me killing them myself, it lowkey does not matter. So I’m lowkey like having another moral dilemma right there, on that one. ”

“I’m gonna stop asking people to fucking kill people for me that’s stupid, i don’t want to do that anymore”

This is so interesting, because day 1 he just wanted the statistic, and it was okay for him to do traps or gaslight people and all that. Then it was no traps, no violence. Then it was it’s okay to influence the opinions of people who already want to kill the people I want dead. Now it’s like, even that is not okay.

7/21/24 building Flame’s volcano in one day

45:00 [unprompted] “do you know something I was thinking of, which like, i just feel like it would be so easy to turn like, any tree, at spawn, into a trap. It would be so easy right? [...] I’m not gonna do it! Just like a fun idea. [..] [starts making the trap] but then it would make it real. I shouldn’t do this actually. I- i shouldn’t do this. This isn’t a good idea. Nevermind. Nevermind. [rubs face] Ooh my god, back to building back to building. I’m building I’m just building. [puffs out breath] I’m just building. I’m building a castle. I’m not why would I - why would i even make a [giggles] why did I even do that in the first place.” 

2:43:00 breaking the bedrock of the end fountain to make a concrete duper “i feel really good at this. Like too good at this. It’s just holding down q, it’s not that special. But fuck. ‘It’s in your blood’ I don't want to be the guy that left behind, that broke all that bedrock, you know? I don’t want that to be my legacy, I don't want that to be my reputation. I don’t want that to be what I leave behind. Aw geeze. [breaks last bedrock] oh my god. [frustrated] That was effortless”

7:31:30 “‘it’s ok you can blame all your blunders on the demon’ (seri) [lore] what if there was no demon. [not lore] new headcanon. Just me trying to justify my acts. [soft giggle] waittt.. [pause] thank goodness the demon is real, so. the demon is real. Only i can see him” 

8:23:00 crashout over not being “able” to defend himself.  “‘its okay zam we saw how you are at the end of every single season’ (citrus) yea, you guys have. The deep darkness that’s within me, [giggle] ugh. ‘They’ll see… one day’ (mer) I don’t want them to see, no, that’s the thing, i don’t want them to see. [..] It’s just like, like I Could fight, it’s just such a hassle, to like, get into it, and then not, you know. Cause like, okay, okay, here here, let’s envision it, lets say I do want to fight people, right? theoretically, but, I don’t want to let out the evil evil darkness that’s within me, right? How the hell am I gonna do that when I’m constantly taking fights, constantly losing, constantly getting overly attached, overly invested in conflict, like how am i gonna, how am I gonna contain the demon within, if I, what’s it called, if I, if I’m constantly getting myself into fights? You know? ‘Getting good’ (chips) no but like I’m being dead serious, like cause, what’s it called, eventually they’re gonna hit me in a way that is gonna make me want to go full force, there’s no point in trying to fight if I’m not gonna go 100% all in, you know? So. I dunno. Maybe if I get better at my self control and discipline” 

So there’s two things. One, “it’s a hassle” is classic burnout. And you just have to wait for burnout to leave. And two, he is very self aware that someone will do something that will make him get invested. But he won’t flip that switch until that happens because there is no point. Which is very valid and wise. 

It’s such an interesting conversation, because it’s the first time he hasn’t made breaking his oath into a silly lore moment. It’s really settling into being a real part of him. He’s being honest about what fighting would actually do.

10:36:00 talks to jumper about his pacifism and their parallels. He tells her about how he knows he’ll get too invested and he wont want to hold back. As opposed to being unable. 

7/24/24 

53:10 Zam goes to the trial chambers again “dude wait these slimes have strength, are they gonna kill me? Dude I wanted to feel something but now I’m just not feeling anything actually. I was, I was, I was expecting more of a challenge”

7/25/24 day 1 peace trials

16:30 “do you think SB737 is going to kill me if he finds me? His layer’s off, I think he ran away from spawn after that one. I could see him trying though. I’ve lowkey, dude, lowkey i've been wishing someone would kill me, unfortunately I did starve to death, so now I don’t wish someone would kill me anymore. But like, it’s just been sooo peaceful, building these past few days you know? Like i haven’t ran into any kind of metal peril in soooo long like that’s crazy you know. It’s been a hot minute.”

First time he talks about wanting to be chased. 

37:00 annoyed about SB butting him in D teir for how easy he would be killed.  “‘zam is the most aggressive pacifist’ yea! Cause I mean how else am I supposed to let my anger out other than with my words. I still have emotions. They're still there” 

7/29/24 

1:07:24 still ignoring Bacon “If I’m gonna be a pacifist and not kill people, I should be able to hold a grudge somehow” “my only fighting method” 

Plotting the shift in zam’s mindset is like making a color spectrum and it’s just ever so slightly gradient-ed and before you know it it’s just all red.

8/17/24 

58:00  MANE: “but think about how many hearts I’ve given you before Zam”  ASH: “WAIT. ZAm is accepting hearts from people That Kill? That’s not very peaceful of you zam. That goes against your oath. You’re just accepting heart that has, that puts blood on your hands. I’m not even joking about this” ZAM: “I-, I don’t. I don’t think it does.” ASH: “You’re benefiting from the spoils of the death that you claim to be so against”  Zam jumps away from the conversation at the same time. nervously? 

ZAM: “[calmly] if kills have already happened what am I supposed to do to stop it. I only care about myself not killing people” [parkouring over to the roof of the house] ASH: “You literally” ZAM: “not other people. The server can do whatever the fuck it wants. I don’t care” PANGI” aaahhhhh” ASH: “That’s the most. That’s the most selfish view” 

ZAM: “I learned from you! The best side to play is all sides, right? That’s what you said [...] hypocrytical as fuck” ASH: “I mean, I’m not claiming to be any good person, I’m just saying your whole oath and code of honor is” ZAM: “I’m not either. I’m trying to be a good person but, hey” PANGI: “You’re doing a really bad job I can tell you that, Zam” ZAM: “yea. [swings around to look at pangi] coming from you is crazy” 

1:03:00 “‘you’ve only done build commissions for incredibly violent people huh’ (arch) that is something to consider huh, am I [sharp breath in] let me put on the lore music hold on. Am I. and I, I don’t think I’m the worst person to- okay. No. you know what? It doesn’t matter. Because there are worse people on this server. So I’m not that bad by comparison [...] You know I’m doing better than I did last season [...] So I’m okay. I’m happy with my choices I feel like. I dunno. I mean like gaining, gaining hearts is not the worst thing in the world, it’s kind of like the point of the server is it not? I dunno. Hmmm ‘i mean violent people are the ones who have the hearts’ (citrus) exactly! Yea, my only, the only people I CAN do business with is the violent people”

“But by taking hearts from them am I not encouraging them to kill more? Yea, that’s something to consider as well, you know? Cause, but it’s like. Ugggghhh let me read through the oath again. ‘Are they killing other violent people or innocents’ (arch) that’s true! I mean. They kill innocents when they feel like killing innocents it depends on the person i’m dealing with. [...]  I can’t control what other people do. It’s not selfish [heavy emphasis. Meaning ashsawg’s comment] it’s just like, me controlling what I can control. You can only control, you should only worry about what you can control, and what I can control is limiting myself.”

“I mean shit. What do I even want these hearts for” 

“‘you got one kill’ ‘you killed planet’ okay okay okay you killed planet okay. I hate how many people are talking about that. [..]  ‘YOU CANNOT DENY IT ZAM’ yes I fucking can! Yes I fucking can! Because I shot at him as a fucking like bit, because was obviously never to kill him, and he took off all his fucking armor. I’ve been over it! I have been over it like a million times it’s insane! I gave back the heart too like what. [opens statistics] Like it doesn’t even count. [closes statistics] It does not count. ‘You’re still killing’ [mocking] you're still killing. Okay actual like bot opinion. Bot take. Actual bot take is what this is. Insane. Like actually insane. The fact that people are still on this is craaaazy like actually crazy. ‘PANGI HASN’T’ oohhhh that’s what this is about. That’s what this is about. That’s what this is about, it’s about pangi, and and pangi being better than me okay.” 

“That’s what this is about. It means nothing to me. Means nothing to me. I don’t care. PANGI LITERALLY- okay. Okay. okay. Okay. okay. Okay. okay. Okay. [giggle laugh] pangi is a pacifist because he wants to be. But that’s like. Dude, woogie 1 for 1 took my thing. Dude, it’s crazy how many people are pacifist why did everyone like take my thing I mean like the whole point is proof of concept is prove that it’s possible, right, but like heh heh. It’s also lame that other people are taking my thing. [more deranged leaning giggles] ‘everybody wants to be princezam.’ (mer) oh my god. “

8/19/24 

~1:11:00 found Mapicc in his base. MAPICC: “and i just like, when are you gonna kill people” ZAM: “pppffff [mocking/flabberghasted] ‘when are you going to kill people?’ [reduced to laughter] MAPCIC: ”mmhmm” ZAM: “I’m not!” MAPICC: “see that's so weird.” [...] ZAM: “you start critting me out I don’t fight back” MAPICC: “actually?” ZAM: “no like genuinely, yea” MPAICC: “wait. Okay [pots up and takes all armor off but helmet and boots]” 

1:34:00 “a little terrifying i can’t lie. it’s weird. I feel like after an encounter like that I’d have a teammate to go talk to about this. But there really isn't anyone like that this time around”

8/22/24 

3:30 about the mapicc infestation “It was a very interesting fight. Honestly one of my favorite fights of the season” 

19:40 “ohh ‘kaboodle the pacifist’ (evi4) Wait kaboodle the pacifist? Are we fucking serious. Yo. okay. Okay.  i’m not even going to say nothing bro. I’m not even going to say nothing. I’m. I’m not even going to say nothing. I’m not even going to say nothing. I’m not. I’m not even [starting to laugh]  going to say nothing, bro [deep breath in and out] how come the one season. Like the one season, that i do it and it’s like interesting, everyone else decides to do it. In season 4 no one copied subz. Everyone made fun of him. But now, but now i do it and everyone wants to fucking be me okay. Okay. no okay. No okay. No like. Bro. [so sad] [...] ‘Everyone is just scared of the big pvp-ers’ (arch) that’s true. It’s not even. It’s not even like me. Oh my god. It’s not even because i’m cool. No it’s not even because of me, it’s just they don’t want to get killed”

27:00 kab asks if she can talk to zam and get advice “oh bet. Oh i love giving advice to my fellow pacifists. My favorite thing to do ever” /sarcastic

31:40 Woogie drops in “Zam is amazing at making people peaceful”

34:00 “if your goal is pacifism, then yea, he’s passing, but if your goal is to not get murdered by people then you probably shouldn’t be destroying other people’s builds, you know. That’s how you start wars” about pangi’s pacifism. 

Which is ALSO interesting. Because zam cares about not starting wars because he doesn't want to get emotionally pulled into a fight.

ZAM: “its like i’m in a skit. And like, as soon as i start questioning one character, and another character comes out and is like “ooh i’m also a remake of you!” what the fuck is happening” 

“You know what’s keeping me going is that i’ll probably outlast them” 

42:40 “is this a bad thing? Am i bad for not wanting them to be a, [laugh] to be peaceful like me? Is that a bad thing? I mean like, i feel like, uhg. But it’s like, they- [sharp breath in] what is- what have THEY gone through? To want this change” 

“Like kaboodle is doing it to save her skin. Woogie is doing it to save his skin, like. It’s very different i feel like. It’s just very different. I [whispers] oh  my god. [spins around] what did. What do they know! What do they know. Oh my god. Fuck damn. I think that’s why i’m upset. It’s not that like, [long pause] bruh.” 

“How can i rise about the rest. That's what i want to do now. That’s what I wanna do now. I want to rise above the rest. That’s what i’m thinking about right now, i’ll be honest. How do I [sharp breath in] [blows air out] like. This is-. [grumble] this is stupid. This is dumb. I shouldn't even think about this. You know what this is dumb."

48:00 “it’s not like a fun thing to do. Like. I- being a pacifist has been like, it’s it’s had its moments i guess. I dunno though. Definitely, i’ll admit it, not the most.. fun. But uh. Thats. that’s besides the point. That’s okay. That’s.. that’s fine [deep breath in and out]” 

“‘being a pacifist isn't for everyone, you have to truly believe in the rules and know your own limits so you can be pacifist’ (hexlarry) but like that’s the thing, do i even like, fully believe in it? Cause now i’m starting to question myself. I mean I did it not so that i could save my own skin. I did it so that i could, i dunno, just avoid repeating prior mistakes. And things like that. Sooo. because getting myself into fights would probably lead me down a very very dark path and i don't want to [sharp breath] i don't wanna do all that so by avoiding conflict at all costs I, I can, what’s it called, hmmm [spins around] fuck [princezam distress noises] [...] ‘has something changed’ i dunno. I’d hope not”

“‘it feels like they’re mocking you a little’ (evu) a little bit! I guess so. That’s kind of true as well honestly. I dunno. Hmmm, it’s very. Very interesting. Very interesting turn of events. I dunno. It’s not that i feel like it’s my thing. I feel like everyone should be allowed to do it, it just feels like the way that they’re doing it kind of is like, i guess it is, i dunno. It’s a little bit like.. Hmm yea ‘it’s an easy way out to them’ (arch) to them, to them it doesn't have any of the same significance it does to me. They're doing it because they want to live longer, they want to hold onto their hearts longer, i’m doing it because I like- i essentially need to- ugh. I dunno. I’m doing it- hrmmm. No, i’m doing it because… Because i want to. Because I want to. I want to. It’s my decision. I want to do it. I dunno [jumps around thinking for a while]” 

The last part is said in the same tone he used during the Abyss arc when his team wasn't logging on to help him.

“It’s not about what other people have done though. It’s about me upholding an oath i guess. Me.. avoiding [giggle] repeating mistakes and stuff. Umm. i dunno ‘it’s a conflict with myself’ (mer) exactly. It’s entirely. Entirely within me. And that was a situation that, admittedly, I had control over. I could have just not shot my bow at him. It’s a lesson learned i guess. But. I dunno. I- I just hate it. I hate it so much because that was not meant to happen at all. Like. it’s ridiculous. Its just ridiculous i feel like. I dunno. ‘Bro is still talking about this’ yea because I care about it.”

8/23/24

5:38:00  WEMMBU: “you’re profiting off the economy of people being murdered” ZAM: “I don’t know if that’s true at all even. That’s just. [trying to talk while wemmbu is talking over him] Anyone who lives on this server is profiting off the economy bro. I don't know what you’re talking about. [...] That that’s like breathing air on this server is benefitting form the economy bro” WEMMBU: “and you’re the one that’s saying you’re and innocent soul bruh” ZAM: “i’m, somewhat innocent. I’m innocent to the point where I won’t lure someone to spawn so you guys can kill them. That's how innocent I am” WEMMBU: “wah wahh wah” 

And he leaves the group

ZAM: “Get me the fuck out of here. I simply participate in society. All i do is live and breathe air and try to live an honest to god living.”

~5:51:00 “‘Oh so you agree you’d be responsible in that scenario’ (arch) yea! If he’s going out of his way to kill people For That [the build he wanted to commission], like to pay For That, I feel like yea, I feel like then I’m definitely responsible. [...] But mane, flame, mapicc, they already have the hearts, I know they withdrew them from their hotbar, they did in front of me, it did the sound. So, yea. And flame just had a heart bank that he went and grabbed. So. yea no, those hearts were already acquired. They were, like, those kills happened, it’s over. It’s good.” 

8/24/24

2:13:00 “that was interesting. What a day. I almost hopped into a fight. Probably wont do it again, that was a one time offer. But. i dunno. I was willing to die for a cause. I wasn’t going to hit him.” 

“Maybe i faltered. Did I falter? By willing to fight? I wouldn’t hit him. I don’t think. Maybe I’d hit him. I don’t- [scoff] would it be fine as long as i don't kill him?” “it’s my rules” 

“Yea mapicc did get really excited when i mentioned pvp. That was really interesting. That was cool. I do have no critting yea. Hmmm. i dunno. I did just want to support my friend flame ‘you're just helping out a friend i think thats in the servers best interests’ (arch) that’s true. Yea. if i, i dunno, cause like the main goal is to just work in the server’s best interests. And i guess in that situation that, specific, little situation, fighting flame was actually in everyone, everyone who’s online’s best interests. Ironically. So yea. Despite it normally being the wrong answer, violence was kind of the answer to fixing that problem there. ” 

2:18:00  “I’m worried though. Like I feel like the lack of violence encourages me to like, i dunno” 

“I think people should be more violent, i think that’s fair, that’s what this server is about. I haven't changed my stance on that, the server is about killing people. It’s not about [giggle] the atrocities I’ve committed, that’s for sure” 

“‘That’s not very pacifist I mean’ like that’s whatever, it’s princezam then. It doesn’t matter. Pacifist is just the moniker I chose, but if it’s not fitting it’s not fitting. I’m doing whatever I believe” 

“‘the blowing up builds and killing weaklings was your more problem. not your violence inherently’ (arch) exactly. And unfortunately I feel like with any sort of violence [tsht] unfortunately all paths lead to that road. You know? Everything will just eventually get me there. I think it’s better to swear it off, you know. It’s just, It’s just for the better”

Flame blows up spawn.

2:52:00 “And my heart count too. I was trying to get to 20 but like - what does that even do, what is that even good for, if i can't do anythin- if i’m powerless to stuff like this, if i’m powerless to this. This. Like what’s the point, even like what’s-... I feel like everything I’ve done is just like actually completely futile now. Like, none of it matters. NONE of it matters, not even a little, if other people are just going to take up the mantle. What like, what’s the POINT?... I don't get it. I mean holding out, not giving in, despite all of this, would prove me as a way stronger player than him, but WHAT GOOD DOES THAT ACCOMPLISH. SO WHAT?! Like, he’s just going to do this again, like why does it matter? Why does it even matter? What the- what does moral highground get me? What does moral high ground even get me. Why did i think this was even a good idea even a little bit, [so loud] OH MY GOD. [pause] ‘It doesn't even mean anything to anyone but me’ (arch) exactly. This. oh my god. It’s not just to myself though (arch) it’s ahhh Fuck. It’s supposed to make up for everything I did- For just everything I did in general really. That’s what it’s supposed to be, but, like ah, does anyone care really? Does anyone care? Other than me? At this point I don't think so. There’s bigger problems. ‘Spawn looked the best this season’ it did. It really did. It really really did. It really did. [tabs out for a long time, just silent] i can't’ believe this. I can’t believe this. [sigh] oh my god. [leaning head back] Dude. and like. Oh my god. Yea no one is going to do anything that’s true. The fact of the matter is [laughing as talking] no one is going to do anything about this. Because no one cares. And that’s what he’s going to realize. [...] That’s all fine to me, it doesn't matter. It doesn’t matter. This is definitely the furthest I’ve wavered, on this path of mine. Dear god. [blows out breath] and i was the only one here to do anything about it oh my god [silence] ‘they did call me ground zero’ [puts head in hands while reading it] is it my fault? Is it my- wait you’re right. [breathing heavily] it kind of in a, in a weird, fucked up twisted way, it kind of is my fault. Because my stupid pacifism stuff it it spiraled out of control and got to woogie, got to pangi, it’s it’s like [grrr grumble] (all of chat is screaming that it isn't his fault.) I, oh my god. Oh my god. Dude like. I actually feel so dumb. I feel like I’ve wasted the past month or two. I’ve actually just feel like I’ve been wasting my time. Like, like none of that matters. Actually none of that matters, I feel like, anymore. And like, because I did all that, everyone else copied me. Everyone copied me, they were right! No, they were right. That’s the messed up part of this, is that they’re Right. And that they probably will get a fight out of this, that’s the Fucked up part of this” 

3:04:00 “If I fight them I give them exactly what they want. It’s so fucked up. There’s no, there's no winning option here. There’s nothing I can do to win” 

Realizes he can just rebuild. Rejuvenated in one second flat. 

“Do I just keep rebuilding it over and over? [...]  But I don’t care! I’m not giving up. I don't care, I don't care!” “this is literally what I do. What am I tripping for? This is literally what I do”

3:35:30 “I feel like most people would not have the mental fortitude to experience what I just experienced and then Not Fight. Like that is an absurd thing to do. But it’s a me thing to do. So” 

3:37:00 “i know i don't have all of my screws together, but i definitely, i think i could win a battle of mental fortitude if I wanted”

Talks to everyone and forms Gaia’s Hand

5:46:00 wrapping up stream along “dude I know like, i’m real confident and real happy and shit, but I , I am terrified. I am terrified [stares into a big cave thinking] i dunno. I'm not gonna second guess myself but. It’s just- it’s a scary battle. It’s a very scary battle. I dunno”

“Mean, I’m not alone. That's true. That definitely helps [...] I feel like the last time I spent a lot of time repairing spawn it didn't end too well. Lowkey that’s when everything went horribly wrong, actually. i feel like it’s just been downhill since there.”

“I am doing this to spite flame, but at the same time the thing I care about the most is just having the server where spawn can't just get destroyed. I dunno. That’s what I care about the most”

5:53:40 “‘you and your attachments to spawn’ (seri) [wistful] it’s, it’s the heart of the server. It’s the heart of the server. And, i dunno, I can’t, i can’t help myself but protect it. In every way that I can. I dunno. It’s just in my nature. Which is ironic, considering the atrocities I’ve committed.” 

8/29/24

44:30 “support the people trying to ban them and the builds won’t get destroyed anymore’ (chips) that’s true. But do the ends justify the means? Like sure I will get spawn builds being safe, but I’m, I also am taking some part in someone getting banned off the server. which, i dunno. I feel like i don't want to be a part of” 

45:00 “Is it for the greater good, or it for my greater good. It has to be objective, it can’t be a skewed biased point of view” 

1:05:20 “i can only control myself, and only the small few who have joined me” “kaboodle and woogie” “Ironically they’re truly the only ones who are part of gaia’s hand”

Week long break for MMCR

9/9/24

11:40 ZAM: “I’ve kind of realigned my look on the server [...] Everyone’s goal goes back to, like, killing. So I feel like if I help anyone I’m like sort of contributing to the violence on the server, which is something I- which I can’t prevent obviously but it’s not also something I’d like to contribute to. The whole point is I don't want to contribute to violence and you know, kill people I guess. I dunno” 

How far princezam has come. It was never about actual pacifism… except now it is. He truly is a pacifist now. He used to be a bad pacifist and now he’s just a pacifist for real. How interesting. 

19:00 “That’s just the spite and hatred in my heart. I’m full of hatred recently, that’s something i’ve noticed as well. Definitely something i’ve noticed” 

44:00 “I feel like nothing accomplishes anything. I feel like anything I would do would just make things worse. I dunno. Maybe that’s just me though. Maybe that's just me and the way I feel. I dunno” 

“I just want to win. You know? But how do I go about that even? There’s nothing to win against."

~1:27:00 “An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind” “interesting phrase considering the circumstance I’m in. [...] yea i mean violence is good to those who love it. I’m just unfortunately not one of those people. At least at the moment. [pause] Well I wouldn't say at the moment actually. I would say I’m not one of those people. For sure. Used to be. Not anymore.” 

1:53:00  “when i think of goals, the first thing that comes to mind is like, laying in a field of flowers. That’s what I want to do. That’s what I want to do. I dunno”

9/11/24

~40:00 “it makes me question what my path is, cause i’m not, i’m not i’m not i’m not  i’m not a killer or anything at least i don't want to kill anyone, i don't want to be doing that. Soo where does that leave me?  What am I gonna do, what am I princezam gonna do.” 

[d34dlysinner]

🙇Hi yes hello very self indulgent request or whatchamacallit. But the Kings esp Beezlebub and lucifer, my bbygs, (Stolas too if possible 👉👈) first overall needing to asbord demon Lust event, with an afab me. Mc is kinda nervous and unsure about havin sex lmao, it doesn't repulse her or anything, but it follows the phenomenon of touch starved people wanting affection but when It comes to intimate moments they kinda freeze and get unsure. Totally not callin myself out rn

Understandable

MINORS DNI!

(Let's assume that MC doesn't instantly need demon essence)

Satan crawled on top of you. Eager to finally have you like this. He lined himself up with you and planned to push himself in until he noticed how stiff you were. He halted what he was doing and sat up straight on his knees.

"You're as stiff as a plank right now. Are you okay?", he asked. His actions and words really made you wonder whether he's really the great demon king of wrath. It made your heart melt seeing how he worried for you. He settled for holding you for a while. You could smell the scent of cat fur as he embraced you. He was just waiting until you were calm enough to relax before he dared to do anything.

"We don't have to do anything if you don't feel up for it..."

Mammon does the thing he always does with every partner he had. He waits and sees if they're prepared enough to take him. One of his hands was feeling along your sides. Rubbing up and down in a comforting way as he felt you freeze.

"If you're scared, we don't have to continue.", he says as he finishes with a promise that he will be careful when you both do continue.

He would wait until you're ready. If you're not ready at all he wouldn't even blame you. He can always settle for holding you once more.

Leviathan somehow knew that you were going to freeze as he pulled away from your neck and sat straight.

"I knew that this was going to happen. It's somehow weird how you can eye upon my frame with such lust and then chicken out the moment we're actually trying to do the deed."

He seemed harsh and very honest. It made you feel worse in a way and regret starting this. It wasn't until he noticed how hurt you were that he changed his demeanor. He started to hold your hands as his thumbs rubbed circles on the top of your hand. He kissed them before he decided to lay down and wait with you.

"We can continue when you feel like it... sorry.", he said that last part quietly. How you managed to make this king apologise. You'll never know. He probably did care a lot for you.

Beelzebub was kissing, biting and licking all over you before he decided that you were ready enough for him. He planned to push into you when he noticed that you almost stopped breathing. He halted what he was about to do as he checked up on you first.

"Are you okay?", he asked as he was drawing circles on the inside of your leg. He would lean in and give tiny kisses over your face as he waited for a response. When you tell him that you're not ready he'll lay down beside you and offer to watch some sort of movie to keep your mind of off things.

"We might aswell watch something interesting.", he says as he puts on a screen and allows you to scroll

Lucifer is one who would love to taste your tears again. He would abuse the situation you're in right now if he didn't fear you hating him. It also goes against what he wants to do with you. He said multiple times that he'd rather make you cry out of happiness and love. Sometimes he can't help it and he causes it with fear. He'll feel shitty afterwards, but always makes sure to make it up somehow. Not by apologising tho... that's too much for him.

He decided that it's best to stop at that moments as he takes a book to read. He'll read it for you if your interested enough.

Stolas himself would also get nervous when this is happening. So he sort of understand where you're coming from. It's not like he has absolutely no experience, but the connection he feels to you makes him scared to mess it all up. So he just stopped what he was doing when he saw you tense up and freeze.

"Look... We don't need to continue now... we can do it any other time if you're still up for it."

The only thing he hopes is that he's atleast allowed to be the one you're doing it with when you do feel up for it. He doesn't know what he'll feel or do when he hears that you just straight up went with another demon to do this with.

[theoddest1]

I'm wondering what would happen if characters were robbed of their main traits in some way. Like Niffty frantically runs around cleaning, but if she fell over and broke a hip or leg, they'd have to tell her to stop because she's making her injuries worse.

She hasn't been given any real characterization beyond being a maid and being violently obsessed with certain men. Take away her ability to work, make her another guest, and she might have an existential crisis:

"Why does Charlie still want me here if I can't do my job anymore? Can I be replaced? How much work am I missing? I can't sleep. I'm scared thinking about this."

The way to real-life redemption of bad people begins with looking within yourself and seeing just who you are. For some people, this is a psychological hell, and for Niffty or any of the rest of the cast, it's a physical one as well.

Nifty, like everyone else in HH, has so much potential to be an interesting character that it is generally saddening to see her be ignored and resorted to being a one-note comedic character. The fact that fans and ex-fans have come up with such intriguing storylines and dilemmas with ease shows how much people love her and how much she could provide as a main cast character.

DAMN, I really wanna start delving into my rewrite idea that I had for HH where instead of Hell all of the characters are on earth, because I have always deemed Earth in a way worse than some versions of Hell, ESPECIALLY Viv's hell. I was also gonna make it take place in the 20s

[may change it to the 50s or something idk yet. Also I did this before seeing Lackadaisy. I swear Princess and Yhe Frog was the inspo 😅]

I may start posting my ideas here if any of you guys are interested 🥹. This ask inspired me to get into that again cause genuinely, a psychological look into all these characters would be one of the major things this show needs outside of consistency.

[jacksfandomrandom]

~Flare up~

Vaggie has bad chronic back pain even after she gets her wings back. what will happen when you pain flares up and she tries to hide it, making it worse?

Having wings was the best and the worst in Vaggies opinion. She was no longer intimidated by tall shelves, she could kiss Charlie on the forehead, she had a height advantage in battle finally, and Charlie thought they looked hot. But a few downsides were definitely having to preen them, the reminders of heaven, and oh yeah, her back pain got worse. She used to have chronic pain from the trauma her back endured when her wings were ripped off. It was basically like someone ripping your leg off. She had a lot of phantom pains but unfortunately they got worse when she did get her wings back. Why did they get worse? Her back now had to work a lot more and she had to use her core more when flying. It made her back sore almost all the time. Unfortunately, she would also get intense flair ups. Basically, it was when her already sore back would get increased pain at random times. Sometimes it was brought on by something or it was just random.

In order to stop Charlie from worrying whenever her flair ups would happen, she would try to hide them the best she could. She knew it wasn’t the best to lie but she didn’t want her partner to spend a lot of time on her when she could be worrying about the hotel. If she knew, she might suggest that she stay out of bad situations in case her pain was flaring up. That would be horrible because then Vaggie wouldn’t be able to protect her princess.

However, one day, that all changed.

Vaggie was helping out with the activities as normal, trying to work on redeeming Angel and doing things that were personalized to helping him. They were doing a bean bag toss game mixed with a therapy lesson where every time you missed the whole, you had to restate the coping mechanism you would use when you have urges.

It was Vaggie’s turn to toss and she made it in the hole first try. Alastor came up from behind her and slapped her back. 

“Great job, dear!” He congratulated her with a very mocking smile. She couldn’t even pay attention as she felt pain building up. It was getting mighty strong that she could barely move. She held her breath, trying to wait for it to pass but it didn’t.

“Oi, Toots, mind moving?” Angel asked as it was now his turn.

“R-right, sorry,” She tries her best to move back to the end of the line. Charlie could sense something was wrong and went up to her.

“Babe, are you okay, that seemed to have really hurt you,” Charlie asked with worry in her voice.

“Y-yeah, the slap just scared me is all,” She assured. Charlie left her alone, trusting her partner enough.

As the activity went on, the flare up got worse. It continued to build up with every moment. Her head was starting to throb in coherence with her back. It was actual torture just trying to move. She didn’t even try when her turn came next to throw the bag. It caused her so much agony.

Charlie could tell something was up with vaggie. She was acting so secretive but also like she was suffering. She hated seeing her partner hurt and tried to talk to her about it again but Vaggie quickly changed and avoided the topic.

When Vaggies turn came once again, she was scared. She was now feeling really lightheaded and the agony was horrible. She wanted to rip the flesh out of her back. She just wanted the pain to go away. It took everything for her to not moan and whimper in pain with every step she took to get to the front. When she bent over to pick up the bag, she felt her legs start to shake and her vision was getting wonking. She stood back up and swayed.

The pain suddenly reached its peak. She grunted and fell to the floor, almost passing out in the process.

“Vaggie!” Charlie ran up to her and sat down with her on the floor and set her head in her lap.

Vaggie whimpered, not being able to keep up the mask anymore. Her breathing was labored and heavy. She gripped tightly to Charlies pant leg.

“It hurts…so bad. Make it go away…” she cried softly. It was too much. She needed help. Now she had to ask for it.

“What hurts?” Charlie asked with concern filling her voice. After getting more whines in return, she asked again, “Please tell me, baby,” 

“B-back. F-flare up…” Vaggie whimpered. Even talking made her pain worse. She was sweating from shoving the feelings down.

Luckily, Charlie knew what this meant. She knew that Vaggie had chronic pain and flare ups but never knew they were this bad. Vaggie would only ask for a painkiller, saying it wasn’t bad enough that she needed anything more. Charlie always offered to give her a massage but Vaggie always turned her down, saying that it really wasn’t that bad. And of course, she believed her.

So, when Vaggie told her about the flare ups, crying, Charlie knew it was bad. 

“Angel, go grab an ice pack from the freezer, Husk, get an over-the-counter painkiller from the medicine cabinet in the bathroom,” She commanded. The two split up, grabbing the things, now knowing how serious this was due to Charlie’s tone.

“It’s okay, sweetie, the pain will be gone soon, I promise,” She tightly embraced her head and kissed her forehead. Charlie gently tried to massage her back.

“a-AH” Vaggie yelped in pain. Charlie quickly took her hands back, seeing the negative reaction. 

Angel returned with multiple ice packs and a heating pad, just in case. He used to have flare ups in his back from when he first started his porn career, so he knew how to deal with them. He wasn’t used to the intense work days so he would often have back pain.

“Here. If these don’t work in the next five to ten minutes, try the heating pad instead,” he advised. Charlie mumbled a thank you before placing them everywhere on Vaggies back. Charlie was still sitting on the floor, criss-cross, with Vaggies head in her lap.

Husk came back with a water bottle and a bottle of pills. He handed them to Chralie and she proceeded to take two out.

“Open up, honey,” She told Vaggie in a soft and calming voice. Vaggie moved her head slightly and opened her mouth. Charlie set the two pills in her mouth and held the water to her lips. After she swallowed the water, making the pills go down, she laid her head back down in her lap.

After about 4 minutes of Vaggie laying down on Charlie, she stopped whimpering. Charlie saw this as progress. Everyone was sitting around them, waiting anxiously. It scare them to see their strongest shoulder cry in pain due to back problems. They could only imagine how bad it must be. 

Finally after about 12 minutes, the pain died down. She felt so much better, but still kept her head in her lap. It felt nice. Her lap was warm and comforting. Any parts of Charlie were warm and comforting if she’s being honest.

“M sorry for making you all worry,” She apologized. Being a burden to people made her feel a bit weird and awkward. She doesn’t know how to react because she wasn’t used to people caring.

“Ay, don’t worry ‘bout it, toots. I understand how bad d’ees flare ups can get. If ya ever want to talk ‘bout it, I’m here,” Angel told her. Even though they fought a lot, he still tried to bond with her in ways.

“Thanks…” Vaggie mumbled tiredly. All that agony really tuckered her out. And Charlie was extremely comfy and she wanted to savor the moment.

“How about we move you to bed?” Charlie asked. 

“Mk” she replied. Charlie handed the ice packs and heating pad to Angel before lifting her fallen angel up. The pornstar followed them up to their room and helped Vaggie get situated. They had her lie on her stomach on the bed with the ice packs on top of her.

Even though she hated being a burden to people, it was nice to know that people actually care about her. She wasn’t very used to it because of how brutal heaven was. But she was slowly getting better and that's all that mattered.

[sykeskassie]

Here Comes A Thought; Pt. 3

Pairing: Bang Chan x Reader

Word Count: 711

Warnings: ANGST!! But this time, we’re open to a happy ending.

A/N: I wasn’t originally going to go with this song, but pt. 3 was always going to be an SU song. It is one of my favorites though, and I felt like it fit the theme well. Also!! I’m sorry this is getting posted so much later than I meant to, I had family in town 🎉

Pt.1 Pt. 2

Here comes a thought that might alarm you/ Something you did that failed to be charming

Chris,

I got your package. It took me awhile to figure out what I wanted to say to you. You said that you see me, but do you truly? Do you see all the ways that you stopped showing up for us? For me? You want me to come back to you, but what is there to come back to? Waiting weeks in between texts? Waiting for your call just for you to make excuse after excuse as to why you couldn’t be reached? I don’t want to go through that again. I can’t go through that again.

All these little things seem to matter so much/ That I might lose you

Sweetheart,

You’re right. The partner that I had become is not one that you deserve. I see now that my inaction pushed you to a place where I couldn’t reach you. I lost sight of what was most important to me. I became so focused on my career that I didn’t even realize that I was taking your presence in my life for granted. I thought you would always be there, the way I thought I would always be there for you; I’m sorry that it took losing you for me to see that. Please believe me when I say I love you.

Take a moment and ask yourself/ If this is how we fall apart

Chris, 

I know you love me, it never crossed my mind that you didn’t. I used to think that knowing you love me was enough to keep us together. That the distance and the time in between being together, between speaking, wouldn’t come between us. There hasn’t been a single moment since we met where I haven’t loved you. Truthfully, I don’t know that I’ll ever stop loving you. But I can’t be with you knowing that you only remember me when it’s convenient. I just can’t. 

Here comes a thought that might alarm me/ Things that I said are suddenly swarming

Sweetheart,

Everywhere I look, I see you.  I see you in the songs that I write. I have your handwritten notes all around my studio. Your very essence is so tightly woven into the fabric of my being. I know that I’ve broken more promises than I’ve kept, but will you let me promise you one more thing? Will you let me promise you change? Will you allow me the chance to show you that I am committed to showing up for you? You are my everything, and I swear that should you allow it, I won’t forget that again. 

All these little things seem to matter so much/ That they confuse me

Chris,

I truly don’t know what was worse: being together and watching you live without me, or letting you go. How can I trust that this won’t happen again? How can I trust that something else won’t take up all your time and energy and leave nothing left for me? I knew that you wouldn’t always have time for me when you became my partner, but I didn’t realize that would turn into ‘never’. It scares me that I was so easy for you to just forget. In spite of that…I miss you. I miss the kids. I miss my other half. Let me think about it, okay? 

Take a moment, remind yourself/ To take a moment and find yourself

Sweetheart,

Take the time you need. I would wait forever for you. I won’t push you, but please reach out to the kids, regardless of what you decide for us. They miss you just as much as you miss them, and they shouldn’t have to suffer the consequences of the damage I caused. I know that too much space is what lead us to this in the first place, but I don’t want crowd you while you take time to figure out what you want. I’ll be here when you’re ready. I love you, regardless of the outcome. 

Take a moment and ask yourself/ If this is how we fall apart/ But it’s not, but it’s not, but it’s not 

I’ve got nothing, got nothing, got nothing, got nothing to fear/ 

[hyacinthdoll1315]

4 Months of Moth HRT

Well, I got sick again. Uuuugh, like, I got the flu I think two weeks ago, it seemed to get better, and then I got sick again? not to mention what I've been feeling all week anyway and it sucks.

Okay, uh so, update time. (maybe i should talk about myself? just leave it at what happened.) So I'm not hanging out with my friends anymore. I think I already said I'd be doing that in the last update but it's way different to do something compared to saying it (say? do?) and well, my friend circle has become rather, small. Like, Alice still comes by sometimes to chat and hang out (yesterday? last week? I can't remember) but beyond her and maybe one or two friends I've made online, I'm pretty much alone in my little flat.

I don't really have the money to afford a big house or a cottage (maybe I could make one? flatting on land. how much money for a tiny forest home?) so for now I've been renting a small room in the city. It has been rather livable and nice in the past, but now, it's (HURTSHURTSHURTSHURTS can figure something out carsaretooLOUD) not great. Still, I'm working on a solution and I'm sure things will be okay, I think.

Um, still, I've been making progress in other things though! My tea has been really nice lately, and I found out that leaves are kind of tasty now? like, not lettuce or kale but like, small leaf parts are really yummy, I've um, kind of been buying tea bags just to open them and eat them found the leaves in tea to be a good snack.

My sense of smell is really good now too! And not just for tea, but other things. It's a little awkward since even when wearing a mask, I can still sometimes smell things (including things I did not think I'd be able to smell) which can sometimes be a bit gross. But the smell of different plants has been so calming!

My sense of taste has also changed a lot. I may not be eating cotton (not all moths do!! >:c ) but meats are just, not the same anymore, while stuff like carrots have been really nice! I can't be sure, but I think my reaction to some things have changed too? I can't tell I don't remember sugar keeps making me very excited, but at the same time, chocolate has been making me feel sick. (why must you betray me my dear chocolate?) Spicy food is also an absolute no-go now, I tried a bit of mild and started coughing from just the smell.

My eyesight hasn't been too good lately either, which I was told to expect as my eyes change. It's kind of like, everything was normal but blurry, and then suddenly I'm seeing a slightly fuzzy double vision? but now it's triple vision! it's kind of funny seeing like this! if I look in the mirror I end up just seeing like, 9 of me? super fun times with mirror buddies! it's super trippy but cool.

Sadly, this comes with a few downsides.

As said, I still don't know why but I've been feeling very sick (body just goes ick coughing, drool, sore throat, stomach aches) sometimes, and my sense of time sometimes slips, where I might be somewhere in midday, and suddenly the suns moved and I might be across the street? (amnesia? ADHD gone worse?) it tends to be a little after eating some things, but I don't know what's causing it. My stomach will just hurt really bad and sometimes, especially after something sugary, time seems to stutter.

I felt a bit better last week (thank goodness), like it was a bad flu that had finally passed, but now it's back again. not to mention, I think last time my body felt, tight? It, It hurts now. Like, not super sore, but like a headache across my whole body. I don't know what it is but I can see black splotches beneath my skin (blood? chitin? poison?) and I'm a bit scared. I tried asking the doctor for help, but he just gave me a reschedule for next week, the asshole barely knows and if I go to the ER, I'm not sure what they'll do. Maybe that's paranoid, but I don't think the doctors there will understand and will just assume I'm an alien or messed up human like everyone else.

I'm scared.

I don't think I can keep this to myself, I'm so lonely so I'm sending this journal entry online I think. Who knows, maybe someone will have the answer? (I'm not going off the hrt) so well, if anyone has any idea of how to fix this, or just has some funny cat videos to share or just wants to message, um, please do.

Goodbye Talk to you all later. Emily.

Previous | Next

[local-critter]

Please do hcs for asra with a mc that secretly has abandonment issues and have been hiding from asra how much they been afraid of asra ended up traveling and never come back, because they don't want to upset asra

MC with Abandonment Issues

Asra

Pre-Plague, they wouldn't notice

He's observant, but has yet to attach himself so firmly to you to notice how much it affects you when he leaves for days, sometimes weeks

They wandered but always found their way back eventually; it eased your mind knowing that you weren't Asra's only tie to Vesuvia, he had Muriel to worry about too, and it was just a little extra reassurance that he'd return

Post-Plague, they still wouldn't notice

He's learned now to not take a single moment with you for granted but now there seems to be a chasm of secrets between you two that you could never hope to cross, not until everything was out in the open and you knew the full truth about everything

They didn't travel as often anymore, and when they did, you were at their side more than half the time, but sometimes, they wanted to travel alone; tho those times were few and far between, they still happened

Asra has learned to force himself to live in the moment with you, with everyone, so when j s traveling, he focuses on the magic he feels, the music he hears, the dances he sees, the food he eats; he completely immerses himself in the moment

It's not until night time when they miss you that when they try to enter your dream, dread floods their veins and fear seizes their heart

They worry for a moment before realizing it's most likely a nightmare, but once they focus on your mind and the bond you two share, caused by your shared heart, that they realize how hurt you really feel, how scared you really are

He packs up and heads out that very night, desperate to get home to you and find out what's wrong

When he gets home, he beelines for the shop and you're so surprised to see him back, but now that he's focusing on you, he feels the rush of knee-weakening relief you feel as soon as you see him

At this point his heart is racing and he's so scared something is wrong

He sits your ass down and at this point you can't really hide it anymore; he's so tuned into you and he knows so much about you that it's clear as day to him when you lie, and you cannot deflect from the King of Deflection

Changing the topic gets you nowhere, and by the end of your attempts they are literally begging you to talk to them because something is wrong and they know they can help but they don't know how

And it makes you feel so guilty because you know as soon as you tell him you're afraid one day he won't come back to you, he'll feel unbearably guilty, and it makes you feel irrational because he's done so much for you already that it's clear he loves you

But you say it regardless

You spill your guts to them, you tell them how you've been afraid since the very first time they went on a trip after you two had met that one day they'd choose to stay gone, that they'd find a new home and forget about you

Or worse, remember you but still choose to leave

And as you're frantically trying to explain that youve never blames him for your Abandonment issues, he's fucking heartbroken

If you look at him as you tell him what's wrong, you might be able to pinpoint the exact moment he realizes what you're saying and the guilt shatters his soul

He starts bawling like he did at the Lazareth because suddenly so many things are clicking into place and as you talk they go back and analyze every single memory of you before and after he left on a trip, seeing so clearly now what he missed back then

And then he remembers how many times he's left since you came back, which he did for both of you and he knows it was necessary but it's a different kind of agony knowing that you were so scared and he was only making it worse

You try to reassure him and your words go in one ear and straight out of the other; he processes not a single one

He reached out a shaking hand to touch you, terrified of hurting you more, and you just grab him and haul him to your side, pulling him as close as possible

You're both crying

You both leave that talk absolutely drained

It'll take him a long time to get over the guilt, he may never even fully get over it but now that he knows, he makes sure to be careful when he goes on trips

He can't help it, it's his nature to wander, and it'll take several long talks to figure out how you'll make it work but you do

He leaves behind some things he values, like maybe a little memento from his childhood, as a reassurance that he'll be back

You either water skype or share a dream every single night

It's always one or the other, maybe both, but never neither

At the end of the day I feel like your relationship would be stronger afterwards