#and so is bobby's lawn mower

[queerdiazs]

snippet sunday 🫧

hi friends, i'm late but i'm here and once again i'm sharing something from hoa eddie because he's going through it and i like to make him be silly

“What was that all about?”  Eddie sighs. “She gave me a citation,” he answers, holding up the piece of paper for Buck to take. “Apparently, I joined a mandatory HOA when I closed on the house and the only way to get out of it is to sell and move.”  Buck leans against the door, too, close enough Eddie can smell sweat and sweet lemonade. “Well, that sucks,” Buck says, ever eloquent. “What’s it for, anyway?”  “We were being too loud.”  “She said I didn’t need to apologize for that!”  Eddie chuckles. “You don’t have to,” he says, turning his head so he can meet Buck’s eyes. They’re awfully bright, even in the dim light. “Me, on the other hand? Pretty sure she wants me begging on my knees.”  “You’d look good on your knees.”  Heat crawls up Eddie’s neck. “Fuck off,” he says, laughing, and shoves at Buck’s shoulders until he giggles and rolls away. “You’re not funny.”  “I’m a delight.” Buck tugs at the hem of Eddie’s shirt, the same place he was picking at earlier, and draws him away from the door. “Come share a beer with me.”  Eddie smiles, warm in his tummy from both the tequila and Buck’s superpower of making everything okay, and says, “Yeah, okay.” He allows Buck to pull him along, trailing after him into the kitchen like a loyal dog. 

i was tagged by @watchyourbuck, @honestlydarkprincess, @hippolotamus, @callmenewbie, @jeeyuns, @try-set-me-on-fire, @wildlife4life, @giddyupbuck, @exhuastedpigeon, @daffi-990, and @wikiangela and since it's so late the only person i'm tagging is @eddiediaztho because britt needs to see this scene

[notadreamurr]

And then an anvil fell on them.

Slasher au by @justwantswafflefries

Some saw saw x tadc below (gore warning, maybe?)

I'm gonna keep working on this over time, and I'll randomly update this. I'll probably draw them in more traps than just the ones their canonically in just for giggles.

Canonical traps

I am gonna now go on a saw tangent because I'd like to share this. I hate saw 3D! I think it's the worst saw movie besides Spiral (I don't even consider Spiral to be a Saw movie), which sucks because I think it has some of the best traps in the entire franchise! Like the silent circle! That trap is easily in my top 3! It's still hard for me to watch! Oh, and we finally got to see the reverse bear trap in action! That was so dope!! But the actual movie SUCKED (in my opinion) saw 3D spoilers ig. But I HATED that Jill had to die in this shitty movie. I thought her dead was really good, but she could have died in ANY other movie! And, Mark Hoffman was turned into a shitty slasher like why?! And Gordon! Like it kinda made sense ig but it really felt like it came out of nowhere! He suddenly shows up and is an apprentice?! Even though this movie has amazing traps, it also has the public execution trap, which I believe is the STUPIDEST saw trap in the entire franchise. It is in public for literally NO reason. And why is the girls shirt ripped open?? It's literally just fan service. (same for Jill's dream death. There's a fake boob for no reason. it's just there to be there.) This movie also had that lame lawn mower trap, like how did that couple get there?! Did they just wake up hanging from that chain? Finally, the brazen bull trap SUCKS! And it's not even the trap that sucks I think it's actually pretty cool! I just HATE how Bobby's wife is in the trap! Why?! She had nothing to do with this!! Like at least all the other people that Bobby had tried to save knew he was a liar! She didn't know!! she was just a nice lady who supported her husband! Saw 3D was supposed to be the last movie, and I'm so glad it wasn't. I'm so glad a series that I love so much. Did not end on such a shitty note! I don't want ya'll to think I hate saw, I love it! It holds a special place in my heart. Saw 1 was the first horror movie I ever watched. I just hate saw 3D! It's cool if you like it, tho. I just think it's junk. (Saw 6 is my favorite if you care)

[in-my-loki-feels]

🤓 spontaneous hug / unexpected + dealer's choice for the pairing!

I'm so glad you gave me dealer's choice because as soon as I saw this prompt on the list, I had an idea for a platonic hug and you gave me the chance to write it!

Under 1k this time! Another little scene from Bad Things 'verse. (Candy Corn is the pet snake.)

Don pushed the mower across the lawn, trying to ignore Loki, who lurked in the shade of the open garage. Don recognized the look on his face all too well. The only thing keeping Loki from pouncing was Sean and Kevin’s imminent return. It was pizza night—which Loki detested but had stopped complaining about once Don started offering him a separate dish—so as soon as the boys got home from their friend’s house, Don would order the pizzas. 

He’d hoped to be done and able to clean up before then, but he knew the minute he stepped inside the house, all bets were off. He swiped an arm across his forehead to clear the sweat and turned the mower to begin the next pass. Farther down the street, two small figures were sprinting towards them. He let go of the mower’s handle and the engine cut off. 

“Dad, dad!” 

The excitement in Sean's voice kept Don from panicking, even though the volume of his yell and the speed with which they were approaching had his Dad senses on alert. 

“Daaad!” Kevin also yelled. They were running down the sidewalk, backpacks nearly falling off because they refused to wear both shoulder straps. It wasn’t cool, apparently. They crossed the yard at an angle, rather than take the driveway, and dropped their bags on the grass. Don winced on behalf of the textbooks inside. 

“Did you know?” Sean asked, once he'd caught his breath. “Did you know he was coming to the school today?” 

“Who?” Don asked. He shot a confused look over his shoulder. Loki had gotten up from his chair and was strolling closer with a suspiciously pleased look on his face. 

“Loki!” the boys yelled together. Sean continued, “He came to school today and everybody got pulled out of class to go to an assembly! And he gave a speech and then he asked for a tour and he came to my classroom!”

“Mine too! And the Secret Service was there too! They had these really cool sunglasses and guns.” Kevin’s eyes gleamed. Don wished he would find something less violent to be fascinated with.

“And then we got to go outside and see the armored cars!” Sean said. “But he said there wasn’t time for everyone so he was only picking a couple of classes—”

“—so he picked both of ours!” Kevin screeched. “It was so cool! I got to sit in the driver’s seat!”

Another glance at Loki showed he was basking in their praises. Don tried to picture it: Loki rolling up with the full presidential motorcade—how did they even organize that outside of the capital?—and swanning into the school, issuing orders. It wasn’t hard to imagine the panic it must have sent the school administration into. 

“That sounds pretty cool,” he said, once it was clear his sons were waiting for a reaction. 

“Duh,” Kevin said. “Loki told Mrs. Sanderson that he was only visiting one school per state and ours was the one he picked. And then he made her stay in the classroom because Bobby got sick, which meant he missed the whole tour!” His grin stretched ear to ear. 

Bobby wasn’t enough of a bully for the teachers to do something about, but he wasn’t exactly making friends in Kevin’s class. After making fun of Candy Corn’s name, he and Kevin had almost gotten into a fight, which resulted in another note brought home from Mrs. Sanderson. 

The fact that Bobby mysteriously became ill and couldn’t join in the fun wasn’t escaping Don’s notice. Loki’s grin matched Kevin’s. 

“Thank you, Loki!” Sean suddenly shouted and darted towards Loki before Don could stop him. Kevin was right behind him, echoing, “Thank you!” 

Both boys collided with Loki in the kind of tackling hug that usually knocked Don back a step. He watched Loki freeze in place as their arms went around his hips, his own hands hovering just above their shoulders. It was over before Don had a chance to call them off. Sean and Kevin beamed up at Loki before running for the house. 

“Your backpacks—” 

The front door slammed shut behind them. Don sighed and turned to Loki, who radiated discomfort. 

“Sorry, they get so excited sometimes, they don’t think.” 

“It’s…fine.” Loki lowered his hands, but his eyes were hidden behind sunglasses so Don wasn’t exactly sure what he was thinking. 

“That was pretty nice of you to visit their school. Too bad Bobby missed it.” 

Loki’s lips twitched, a hint of his previous humor returning. “Yes, such a shame.” 

Don knew another hug was out of the question, so he settled for walking over and pressing a kiss to Loki’s cheek. 

“Thanks for making their week special.” Loki’s attention snapped to him in a way that sent a frisson of excitement down Don’s spine. He quickly backed out of grabbing range. 

“Pizza night,” he reminded them both. “But if you wanna skip the recounting of everything at max volume, you don’t have to stay.” Don thought it only fair to offer an out, after the hugs forced onto him. 

“It’s fine,” Loki said again, sounding more like his usual self. He went back to his chair in the garage but only seemed half-focused on Don as he finished up the lawn. 

Later, as Don alternated admonishing the boys for talking with their mouths full and talking too loudly, he kept glancing at Loki, wondering at what point it’d be too much. But Loki didn’t leave, he simply watched Sean and Kevin ramble with a mixture of curiosity and amusement in his expression. Don hid a smile by looking down at his plate and decided the boys could carry on a little longer before he cut them off.

From this game. Other fills here.

[evilmevilson]

I CAN HELP USING MY OWN OCS AS AN EXAMPLE

MY DIALTOWN OCS

the first one is bobby, and his head is a bubble blower bc hes a babysitter and is saving up money to go to collage so he can worl with kids professionally

secound one is lainey i think the label maker looks cool so i used it

I mainly got insperatiom for lainey because i saw a label maker irl and i thought it looked super cool and i was like “if i was a dialtown charecter, that would be my head” and then theres lainey

for bobby i had the idea for a babysitter and i was origninalally gonna use one of those toy things in like doctors offices n stuff, but i like the bubbæe blower better

So i would just look for silly objects in your daily life or maybe relate the object head to your ocs carrer/ personality whatever it may be

i do also have some ideas

-button maker

-i havent seen any paper shreders

-also havent seen any computer towers

-minufrige

-this oned more silly but a lawn mower

-and pencil sharpener

hope this helped :)

I wanna make a dialtown oc so bad but I want them to have an original looking head and I don’t know what, so if anyone has any ideas PLEASE give them to me I am begging 😭😭

[fandomlurker]

A Ponderous Rewatch: In the Garden of Mindy

So today’s episode is neither a regular Pinky and the Brain skit nor a mere cameo. Today’s episode is…different, as the opening that spoofs the 1980s CBS Special Presentations pops up.

Perhaps the Warner Siblings can shed some light on this?

“Hi. We’re the Warner Brothers.”

“…And the Warner Sister.”

Look at these smug little gremlin children. You just know something is wrong when they make faces like that.

“And we’d like to invite you and all the members of your household…”

“…to gather around the TV set and join us now…”

“…for a very special episode of Animaniacs.”

“And what’s so special about it?”

“I’m not wearing any pants!”

…Wakko, you’re never wearing any pants.

Okay, okay, so we have the usual opening song and then the real explanation comes along.

“Welcome to the Animaniacs test kitchen!”

Oh no…

“We’re cookin’ up something really different for today’s show. All we need are our ingredients!”

Oh, kids, no!

“A dash of Pinky and the Brain!~”

WARNERS, PLEASE!!!

Man, the mice look so worn out. Did they…try to escape the Warner Siblings to avoid this whole thing? Like, that’s the only reason I can think of for why they look so tired as opposed to surprised or nonchalant like the other characters: They’re exhausted from attempting to run away. And for Pinky to be tired out is very, very telling.

“A cup of Slappy Squirrel!~”

Slappy is resigned to her fate.

“A tablespoon of Goodfeathers~”

I’m sorry about the smear face I managed to capture on you, Yakko.

I love how Bobby’s smirking a little, Squit is grinning like usual, and Pesto is looking at both of them like “If this is in any way you guys’ fault, I swear to the Godpigeon you’re all in for a beaking.”

“Add Rita, Runt, then swirl!~”

Meanwhile, Rita and Runt are just baffled.

“We add a pinch of Hippos~”

Why do you only have one of them?

…Wait, this is a fat joke, isn’t it? Goddammit.

“Buttons and Mindy, too~”

“Now top it off with Skippy Squirrel~”

Buttons and Flavio right now:

“What’s that make?

Animaniacs Stew!~”

Well, okay. We can at least call everything that results from this by a catchy name: The Stew AU.

“What’d we come up with?”

“Just watch…”

Oooh, children. You’ve committed a culinary evil this day.

“They’re Mindy and the Brain~”

So we’re mixing up the Animaniacs cast of characters and shows today.

[sighs]

Okay, so I guess it’s time to explain the basic premise of the Buttons and Mindy shorts and why they’re not fondly remembered, huh?

Well, the whole thing with Buttons and Mindy is a variation on the Baby’s Day Out type of scenario. Buttons the family dog is put in charge of guarding and babysitting Mindy, a friendly and curious toddler, by the mother of the family. The mother leaves to go…somewhere, and Mindy inevitably wanders off to chase after a bug or something new and interesting that she sees. Buttons goes after her because he loves Mindy very much and wants to keep her safe and be a Good Dog, and Mindy naively and unknowingly wanders into increasingly dangerous and life-threatening situations that Buttons must save her from, all the while getting beaten and bruised by the situations that were threatening Mindy.

The shorts usually end with Mindy and Buttons somehow ending up back home with Buttons ragged from the abuse he’s endured and Mindy perfectly fine except for maybe not being tied to her tether or in her playpen or whatever. The mother comes home and sees that Mindy is not quite where she was when she left her, or the surrounding area is a mess or something equally not that terrible, and berates Buttons for not taking better care of Mindy and calling him a Bad Dog.

And that’s where it ends.

If you’re not busting a gut at that description, congratulations, you are just like 90% of the Animaniacs audience.

The reason these shorts just don’t work for a lot of viewers, myself included, is that this kind of scenario is only funny once or maybe twice. After that, you just end up feeling bad for Buttons and don’t want to see a cartoon dog go through a conga line of pain that he doesn’t deserve. Not to mention that the whole premise can be boiled down to “Severe Parental Anxiety: The Show”, and not a lot of people like feeling that way for ten minutes or so per cartoon episode.

The reason the scenario works for a comedy movie like the aforementioned Baby’s Day Out is because the people going after the baby in that movie are kidnappers and obviously terrible people who only look out for the child’s safety so they can hold the kid for ransom, thus the pain they go through while the child remains okay is funny. Trying to do the same thing with an innocent family dog that just wants to keep a toddler safe? Not very funny at all. It’s just sad.

“Mindy and the Brain!

One’s a small child,

And the other’s…the Brain!~”

So now we have a Buttons and Mindy episode with Brain filling in for Buttons. Already this is…not great, but I suppose it’s the only suitable fit for Brain because he’d have it so, so much worse if he was put in the cast of the other skits.

I like the Goodfeathers skits, but I feel like Bobby and Pesto wouldn’t put up with his world domination shtick and end up berating him and/or beating him up. And Squit? Squit’s a do-gooder but he definitely doesn’t have Pinky’s level of passive subordination. Brain would be completely out of his league.

This isn’t to say that I wouldn’t want to see Brain interacting with the Goodfeathers, because holy shit yes PLEASE I would love the chaos that would ensue. I just think Brain wouldn’t last on his own with them.

Brain would, again, be completely out of his element in a Slappy Squirrel cartoon. Slappy’s skits hinge on her being a senior Looney Toon-type who knows just how to handle absurd scenarios and villains. Brain gets lost and confused incredibly quickly when unexpected situations pop up. He’s not a quick thinker in general. He’d be toast.

Being inserted into a Rita and Runt skit… Well, Rita wouldn’t be a good partner for obvious reasons that will become even more apparent later. And Runt is kind and a bit dimwitted but he’s no Pinky. Runt isn’t the type to be interested in helping to take over the world. He just doesn’t have the skills to do…almost anything that Pinky can, and he doesn’t have the drive to do it. Runt just wants a home and that’s it.

As for the Hip Hippos, there’s a skit of theirs down the line where Brain is involved and it honestly turns out about as well as it does for Brain in this episode.

So, let’s see how Brain fares in a world without Pinky.

“He uses his lobe

To overthrow the globe!~”

Also, we’re again treated to TMS doing the animation, which certainly elevates this skit quite a bit.

“She’s whimsy,”

I love how Brain goes from shock and surprise to absolute petulant grumpiness after seeing that Mindy put him in a jar.

“They’re Mindy and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain!~”

If only this was the extent of your humiliation today, Brain. If only.

[Various raspberry and baby babbling noises]

“Hi, Lady!”

“It’s ‘Mom’.”

This is honestly the only joke I ever liked in the Buttons and Mindy shorts. Apparently it was based on something a real child of a friend of an Animaniacs creator would say to their mom.

“Now listen, honey, mommy has to go to a better parenting conference. You stay right here and play.”

A “better parenting conference”, huh? Lady, you need it more than you know. For many reasons.

“Okay Lady, I love you, buh-bye!~”

Is anyone else getting a horrid sense of foreboding and dread from Mindy’s doll looking like a simplified Elmyra?

“Now, Brain, you keep an eye on Mindy while I’m gone.”

Nothing like leaving a mouse in a cage in charge of a toddler, huh?

Gosh, brain’s so adorably chubby in this episode. Look at him. Look at that grumpy face and that pudgy belly.

“I always get an attitude from him…”

Yeah, he’s… Yeah. That’s Brain, all right.

“At last, that meddler is gone! I’m free to begin my plan to…conquer the world!”

I love that back shot of Brain so much. It’s perfect. That’s the perfect Brain proportions and I can only dream of being able to draw cartoons that well.

“First, I’ll use telepathy to open the cage.”

C-come again? “Telepathy”?

Brain, honey… You’re looking for the word “telekinesis”. You should know this.

Also I guess Pinky’s not the only one with telekinesis capabilities.

The fact that he cocks his head to the side when he turns the trowel with his mind is a nice little detail.

“Now to get Mindy…”

That strut, though. He’s a mouse on a mission.

“Come, Mindy, it’s time for us to conquer the world!”

...Okay, I’ll say it: Mindy is very cute in this shot.

Meanwhile Brain...looks like a gremlin.

“Why?”

“By right of superior intelligence, I am best suited to guide the destiny of this planet.”

Careful, Brain. You’re getting dangerously close to--

“Why?”

“My empirical powers give me the mandate.”

BRAIN, this is starting to sound like eugenics...!

“Why?”

“Because it’s something I want to do!”

Oh lord, without Pinky to reel him in and remind him of all the real reasons he wants to conquer the world, the Brain of this universe has devolved into a mouse driven purely by ego and spite.

His little tantrum is adorable, though.

“Okay, I love you! [MWAH~]”

“I am uncomfortable with that.”

The Brain be like: What is this...”affection” you speak of? This is new and scary to me.

“Now listen closely, Mindy: Using the gardener’s weed killer, manure, and a little zoysia grass,--”

Zoysia grass is an actual thing, by the way. It’s the kind of grass you see mostly on golf courses.

“--I will construct a powerful stink bomb!” 

GAH! No need to punctuate the term by making your eyes bulge, Brain.

“We’ll use the lawn mower engine to construct a rocket and fill it with the gas. When precisely launched, the prevailing winds will spread the gas across the world’s capitals.”

As impressed as I would be with you being able to make a rocket from a lawn mower engine, Brain, it’s kind of overshadowed by you doing that thing again where you make a drawing animate like a video. Another strange power to add to the list, I suppose.

“As the stench drives the government officials out into the streets, we will rush in and seize power!”

Good lord, Brain, calm down. You’re gonna break that pointing stick!

“You understand?”

“Mousey!~”

You’re...not very good with kids, are you, Brain?

“Pretty Brain mousey…!”

“I am mortified.”

I don’t see why, you look positively precious.

“Little mousey big head!”

Mindy, dear, I too wish to squish this cute little megalomaniacal mouse sometimes but you’re doing it way too hard.

“Put me down, Mindy, or I shall have to hurt you.”

“Okay, I love you, buh-bye!”

The Brain: [is a mouse with genius intellect and gadgetry know-how with the drive to take over the world]

Also The Brain: [gets dunked on by a toddler merely dropping him on the ground]

“I sense I’ve completed the first step of my plan: Finding manure.”

That’s one way to look on the bright side, I suppose.

Sweetie, you’ve got something stuck on your head still.

“Pungent aroma, if I do say so.”

“Now to construct the rocket…”

...Why would you take the mask off now? You’re still right over top of the stink bomb! Brain, have the fumes messed with your thinking abilities already?

I do like the animation of him tearing the mask off, though.

“Buggy! Buggy!”

“All right, Mindy: Bring me the mower!”

If you ever need a pose that sums up Brain perfectly, it’s this one right here. This is him distilled down to his purest form. God bless TMS for this.

“Soon the world will be mine!”

Uh, yeah, about that...

“Woooow! Buggy go fast! Wheeeeeee!~”

“Whoooooaaaa! GAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!”

“Beh, peh, EUGH!”

Brain’s plans go to shit really fast without Pinky around. Sometimes quite literally, it seems.

“Buggy go ‘round!”

[Running in the 90s starts playing]

“Ahahaha!”

Don’t worry folks. As always, Mindy is okay. Brain, however...

“AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!”

Something I missed on my first viewing of this episode: the grass around Brain’s feet as he walks around covered in his stinkbomb juice dies near instantly.

“Wahahahaha! Silly Brain!”

“This is most unexpected.”

Is it, though? Is it really, Brain?

So, uh, something that caught me off-guard while watching this for the first time is what happens next.

Pinky and the Brain is, obviously, a Warner Brothers cartoon with some Looney Toon sensibilities. Despite that, though, while there is the occasional being-flattened-like-a-pancake or being-covered-in-soot-after-an-explosion types of cartoon slapstick and such, it doesn’t really go much beyond that when it comes to cartoonish injuries and such. The worst I’d ever seen it get in this show is at the end of Opportunity Knox when Pinky and Brain are all wrapped up in bandages and some of their fur has been scraped off raw. Even then, that was surprisingly “graphic” for the show.

But this upcoming bit?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! D8

--was my reaction the first time. It’s not bloody and gory, but seeing Brain being sliced into sections by a lawn mower is just...startling, to put it mildly. To my knowledge (and well, it has been decades since I regularly watched the show, so take this with a grain of salt), the Pinky and the Brain Animaniacs sketches and the spinoff never does something this Looney Toons to them.

And what really gets me is that he’s not just cut into sections with his eyeballs popped out, it’s that there’s an obvious hole in the middle of each section??? For some reason??? What that to imply space for his skeleton?!? A creamy center filling?!?

TMS, you could have just animated him in sections like some kind of mousey marshmallow, why did you include the holes?!?

[Press F to Pay Respects]

“Bleh! Brain smell like poo-poo!”

“I must re-think my present career…”

Honestly, Brain? Without Pinky to help you, I’d say it’s a good idea to just try and escape this family first and then maybe try on your own to take over the world. You might have a slightly better chance then.

“What’s that horrible smell?! Is that you, Brain?! Have you been allowing Mindy to feed you old cheese again? Bad mouse! Bad, bad mouse!”

Wait, “again”?

“…I hate being chided.”

You know, it’s interesting how he says that about this human woman chiding him, but in the regular Pinky and the Brain universe Pinky will sometimes chide Brain for doing something dubiously immoral, and while he may hate it there too...he more often than not backs down and admits to his faults when it’s Pinky doing it.

“But she’ll be gone soon, then I can begin my plans for tomorrow: Another plot to take over the world!”

“But first: A bath.”

I mean, yeah. Priorities.

“He’s stinky,

They’re Mindy and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain!~”

Well, I never thought we’d get a Brain bath scene until the comics but here we are.

I wonder if Pinky would find it equally as appealing to watch as that one...

Okay, that sure was...an episode. Let’s see how the other half of the equation is doing.

“They’re Pinky and the Cat!

Yes, Pinky and the Cat!

Her name is Rita,~”

Oh NO... 

I love the contrast of these two shots. It’s as if Pinky’s self preservation instinct kicks in only long enough for him to be vaguely worried about having a cat in his cage...and his lack of attention span overtakes it and he does whatever the hell this is.

“He’s a lab rat!~”

“A mouse!”

At least he still has it in him to be offended enough to correct the Warners about his actual species.

“They live inside a cage,

Making less than minimum wage.~

Aww...

Oh, Pinky, sweetie... I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for what’s about to happen.

“It’s dinky,~”

“They’re Pinky and the Cat, Cat, Cat, Cat, Cat!~”

Pinky making faces in the reflection of the water bowl is another bit of animation that’s used in the spin-off’s opening theme. It’s kind of weird to pull something from this particular segment, but whatever.

“What do you want to do tonight, Rita?”

It was so difficult to get a shot of Pinky’s cute little coy stance here, but it was worth it. Look at this cute, naive little mouse. He just wants to be friends, Rita!

“I dunno, eat you for supper?”

[GULP]

[Press F to Pay Respects...Again]

“So far, this is my favourite episode.”

“Narf! Oh, roomy accommodations, Rita!”

Don’t worry, folks, he’s fine! Yup. He’s okay somehow.

Lord, I hope this didn’t awaken a vore fetish in anyone.

“She ate the rat

‘cause Rita is a cat, cat, cat, cat, cat!~”

So yeah, that’s the end of this little experiment by the Warner Siblings. Well, the end of what’s relevant to this blog series, anyway. There’s also a skit with Pesto and Runt trying to find a home, which is honestly the best one out of this whole bunch of AU one-shots.

Then there’s a Katie Ka-Boom and Chicken Boo crossover, which is as underwhelming as you can imagine.

There’s a short where Dot takes the place of Slappy Squirrel, which goes about as well as it can after the theme song repeatedly calls her “Dottie the Squirrel”.

Lastly, Slappy takes the place of Dot in a Warner Siblings skit (with a cameo with Flavio as Skippy) where the Warners barge in on a very thinly veiled parody of Saddam Hussein and, uh... Well, it’s about as awkward to watch as it sounds. Props to Slappy for not really being interested in any part of that skit, though.

Man, after this utterly bizarre set of skits, I think we really need that full episode length Pinky and the Brain episode, don’t we?

Soon, folks. Soon.

See you then!

[fagrackham]

ranking all of the men in mad men bc joan just left and i miss her

Roger Sterling: 2/10. When he isn’t being a fucking creep or in blackface he has some good one liners. It’s a real shame that heart attack didn’t kill him.

Bert Cooper: 4/10. Has “White Man A Little Too Into East Asia” disease, but otherwise generally nonoffending. At least he isn’t a fucking creep.

Duck Phillips: 1/10. Gets a point for being named Duck.

Joan’s Husband: 0/10. I forget his name and I don’t care enough to google it. Piece of shit garbage monster who doesn’t deserve her.

Pete Campbell: 3/10. He’s just a pathetic little man who seems like he’s only playing at adulthood. His voice bothers me and he’s mean to his wife. I do like to see him thwarted which, to be fair, happens quite a lot. I don’t like how he treats Peggy.

Don Draper: 6/10. Sometimes he’s cool, other times he sucks. He’s a really well written character but if I met him irl I’d kick him in the dick. Possible trans icon. Friend to gay people. I wish he wouldn’t cheat on his wife so much or have her psychiatrist tell him what she says.

Betty’s Psychiatrist: 0/10. Piece of shit garbage monster.

Harry Crane: 5/10. I really go back and forth on him. He’s the only one of the men who respects his wife but also I’ll never forgive him for not letting Joan participate in the tv department. I like his glasses.

Ken Cosgrove: 7/10. Stays in his lane. Homophobe, but like it’s 1963. King of being a writer and not letting Pete get him down.

That fucking comedian guy: 0/10. Fuck you.

The young gay european one: 10/10. Brave. Powerful. “I make love to the men not to the women” or whatever. Taking no shit. Can draw.

The other young dude?: 4/10. Idk I think I’d hate him if we had a class together or something.

Sal Romano: 9/10. I’m so sorry you have to live in this time king. I’m also sorry it took you two whole seasons to get any action and it was interrupted by a fire. I wish his wife was a lesbian.

Paul Kinsey: 8/10. It was really difficult for me to tell the men apart in season one, so I’m glad he grew a beard. Also? Communist anti-racist icon? Pothead beatnik who is kind of goofy? I can’t remember anything bad about him but I don’t trust any of these men so better safe than sorry.

Betty’s Weird Brother: 1/10. I don’t know why he looks like a small child that wears merrells.

Grandpa Gene: 5/10. Tbh I was really relieved when he died because I didn’t care abt his storyline all that much.

All of the british ones: 1/10. They have james bond villain accents and i don’t like how they talk about India but I liked the part where one of the secretaries runs over one of their feet with a lawn mower and there’s blood everywhere and it has to get amputated.

Henry Francis: 2/10. I only just met him but I don’t trust politicians. Gets a point for each secret history character he’s named after <3

Bobby Draper: N/A. Not a man, but I feel obligated to include him because clearly I’m the only one who cares to

[ducktracy]

146. don’t look now (1936)

release date: november 7th, 1936

series: merrie melodies

director: tex avery

starring: tex avery (egbert), berneice hansell (cathleen, bear cubs), tommy bond (devil, cupid cuckoo bird), martha wentworth (woman woodpecker), billy bletcher (devil cuckoo bird)

the first of quite a few cartoons where tex avery has supplied his own voice. the only other directors i can think of who have done voices in cartoons are bob clampett (who was also the source of the famous BEOWIP/BOIP sound effects) and cal howard (who would voice gabby in clampett’s get rich quick porky. ironically, tex avery would supply his laugh in a cal howard and cal dalton cartoon, porky’s phoney express.) regardless—it’s valentine’s day, and cupid is itching to do some matchmaking. but, as isaac newton taught us, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. in this case, a little devil is the opposite reaction, ready to break some hearts.

it’s valentine’s day, as indicated by a valentine card popping up on the screen reading “will you be my valentine?” fade to a beautiful layout of dan cupid’s humble abode, a fittingly heart shaped home, mailbox... even the butterflies flittering about have noticeably heart shaped wings. the interior is no different than the exterior: cupid’s asleep in his heart shaped bed, when a heart shaped cuckoo bird pops out of a heart shaped cuckoo clock, calling “time’s a-wastin’!”

cupid wakes up in an instant and bounds over to his exposed shower (reminiscent of a chemical shower in your local biology lab), quickly dousing himself one water and toweling off. he pulls his arrow holder out from the umbrella stand, tearing off a page of the calendar. “well! st. valentine’s day! my big day!” a cute and clever visual as cupid heads outside, right to his garden, where rows of arrows sprout up from the soil. cupid grabs his lawn mower and makes his way across the field, the arrows neatly piling into his holster over his head.

a good bit of personality is exuded as cupid prepares for the big day with some target practice. first, he shoves a pile of playing cards inside a toaster. he pulls the lever down with his foot, and as he engages in his airborne game of 52 pickup, he shoots numerous arrows at the cards, pinning them all against a tree in the shape of a heart, with an ace of hearts right in the middle. to further display some naïve pride (bordering cockiness), cupid fires an arrow through a hole in the tree, the arrow curving and returning to him through a hollow log. placing an apple on his head in the meantime, cupid still manages to hit his target successfully. and for good measure, he engages in a quick round of a duck shooting carnival game. he pings all of his wooden ducks down in an instant, save for one, who panics and attempts to flee the arrow. nevertheless, he too gets hit. an amusing gag with a good balance of cute and funny. satisfied, cupid embarks, leaving a sign on his front gate that reads GONE HUNTING.

meanwhile, we have a very clever parallel with a strong sense of juxtaposition. now focus on a little devil cherub, whose house is almost exactly like cupid’s, though adorned with foreboding, “evil” furniture, including an asbestos pillow. his cuckoo clock, a boiler, opens up to reveal a billy bletcher voiced bird who announces “crime marches on!” the devil awakens and hops out of his bed, which is actually one giant frying pan (or burner, or grill, or whatever you want to call it.) he too takes a shower, bathing in the cool, refreshing red hot flames pouring out of the shower head. already the parallels are humorous and clever, heightened by how obvious they are. the devil repeats the same calendar shtick as cupid, declaring “well! st. valentine’s day! my big day!” outside, the devil’s mood isn’t nearly as cheery as cupid. he scoffs at the audience, kicking a line of cans with malice as he trudges along. “aw, this valentine day gag is the bomb! love, kisses, sweethearts, sissy stuff!”

regardless of opinion on valentine’s day, it’s undeniable that love is in the air, as displayed by two flirtatious turtles, the guy begging for the girl’s affection. thankfully, cupid is just around the corner. cupid launches into “don’t look now”, detailing about how happy lovebirds will be once struck with his fated arrows. while the doting turtle is in the midst of a maurice chevalier impression, his girl gets struck by cupid’s arrow, and suddenly reciprocates his feelings, literally diving into the frontside of the turtle’s shell. smooth and highly amusing animation as the two turtles swing around together in one turtle shell envelope, picking up the lyrics. a gag that would be similarly used to a higher degree in tortoise wins by a hare, the two lovebirds walk side by side in the shell, both going inside and popping out the other end, now walking on their hands, their heads sticking out where their tail(s) should be and their legs where the head(s) should be. very smooth and subtle animation. i’m not too great with my animator indemnifications this early, but i’d guess chuck jones animated this scene, seeing how fluid it is.

jolly little cupid sings a few more bars, when the devil joins in, ready to spread his own love. two yokel bears bashfully dote on a log, ripe for the devil’s picking. the male bear (named egbert), voiced by tex avery, guffaws “will ya—gosh, huh huh, will ya—“, interrupted by berneice hansell’s squeaky voice urging him to go on. just in time for the devil to swoop in, whispering in the girl’s ear: “will ya go sit on a tack, ya old horse face?”

it seems there was either a cut made here, or just a startlingly awkward transition as we jump cut to the devil laughing, the woman and the log out of screen. “i’ve got something here that’ll fix these lovesick mugs! take a gander at this!” the devil takes off his bowler hat and shows off the inside contents: blonde hairs, lipstick, bobby pins, and even a garter, all tucked away in little pouches pinned inside the hat. delightfully scandalous and just a great premise in general.

elsewhere, a woodpecker knocks on the door of a quaint little tree home (with his beak, of course.) out steps a lady woodpecker (presumably his wife), to which the husband holds up a card, nudging his sweetie. “hey, how do ya like to be my valentine, kiddo?” “do ya mean it?” “yes, i mean it!” the wife looks at the audience. “should i tell him?” just then, the devil pops up behind the man’s shoulder, gingerly placing a strand of blonde hair on his coat. the giant, oval shaped eyes of the devil give this scene away as bob clampett animation. the lovebirds embrace... but not for long. the wife takes note of the hair and grows rightfully furious, throwing a barrage of pots and pans at her double crossing husband. cupid happens to be strolling by, noticing the clamor. a simple fire of the arrow and the wife is back to her loving self, both woodpeckers happily kissing as they repeatedly peck each others beaks with hilarious speeds (and great jackhammer sound effects), so powerful that both of their beaks become bent and crumpled.

cupid’s next victim is a forlorn skunk, moping on a tree trunk. cupid pings her with his arrow, and in no time the little skunk is as giddy as ever. she saunters up to the local stand selling valentines, cooing “hello boys!” in an instant, the crowd disperses, leaving the poor skunk all to herself. tex avery would base a whole cartoon on the unsuccessful love lives of skunks with his short lil ‘tinker at MGM in 1948. to gain the affections of the girls, ‘tinker puts on his best frank sinatra impression, and the bobbysoxers swarm in droves.

back to egbert, the hayseed bear who desperately attempts to woo back his snooty girlfriend cathleen, strutting by with her nose in the air while he insist she’s got him in the wrong. cupid comes to the rescue once more, pinging both bears with his arrows. timing is hilariously succinct as they both pause a beat, dumbfounded, and then instantly exclaim “LET’S GET MARRIED!” with that, they rush away to prepare for the big celebration.

after a time card that simply states “so—“, egbert strolls up to the front door of cathleen’s house, now donning a snazzy suit. he knocks on the door. “are ya ready, sweetie?” “just a minute!” cathleen may not be ready, but the devil sure is. he goes full out, tossing hairs, garters, bobby pins, lipstick marks, you name it. cathleen opens the door, sporting her wedding dress, when she finds her husband to be decked in every scandalous clue imaginable. a closeup reveals even more dirty yet fantastic details: panty hose, burlesque tickets, a phone number, a garter, and a face covered in lipstick. the entire situation is amplified in humor as egbert is completely unaware of his appearance. cathleen prepares to wallop egbert over the head with her bouquet, but another arrow from an offscreen cupid sends her down on egbert instead, practically sucking his face off.

the devil is absolutely fed up with cupid’s meddling. “aw, hey, what’s the gag of ruining my fun!? ya sissy!” he three stooges (i’m coining that as a verb now) cupid, poking him in the eyes and slapping him silly, picking him up above his head and twirling him around before slamming him to the ground and sitting on top, pulling cupid’s leg as he cries out in pain. in retaliation, cupid fashions the devil’s tail like an arrow, shooting him with his bow and sending the devil flying into a tree, who curses at cupid incomprehensibly. his work now done, cupid leaves the devil to his miserable, temperamental self.

to quote hank williams, wedding bells are ringing in the chapel as egbert and cathleen march into the church, surrounded by a doting crowd. just as they stroll down the aisle, the devil is finally able to dislodge his tail from the tree, ready to spark mischief. he approaches two kids outside of the church, bribing them each with lollipops. “okey dokey. now, here’s your candy. all you gotta do is go in the church and say...”

we cut to the inside of the church before getting the full gist of the devil’s bribe, which is a lovely choice in set up. the officiator is asking the audience for any objections, while egbert shakes terribly, his legs knocking together in panic. even the organ is silent. no objections. content, egbert and cathleen exchange warm smiles, going in for the kiss, when...

“daddy! daddy! daddy!” the two little bear cubs from before bound into the church, jumping right into a befuddled egbert’s arms. all bets are off on the wedding as cathleen storms out, dismissively throwing the bouquet in egbert’s face. a lovely detail as he still attempts to catch it hopelessly. the devil is absolutely thrilled, laughing in hysterics at his best job yet. unfortunately, he’s finally beat by his nemesis: cupid fires an arrow at the devil, and he too is struck with the love bug, his sour demeanor now replaced as he giddily floats along, grinning in a giant self parody of himself. what i love about tex’s cartoons is that everything feels like a parody of itself. it’s one extreme or the other.

for the final time, cathleen is zinged again with cupid’s arrow, and she rushes back to egbert, kissing him and dragging him back in the church. activities are resumed as normal, the officiator going on like before. “i now pronounce you... uh oh.” he dives into a nearby pew, everyone turning their heads to see what the matter is. no time is wasted as everyone else takes cover, too. now donning a top hat and bib, the devil strolls down the aisle with the little lonely skunk from before. iris out.

a very entertaining cartoon that takes a little while to get momentum, but once it’s there it’s certainly there. it’s not too often you find a valentine’s day cartoon at warner bros (the only other one i can think of is frank tashlin’s the stupid cupid.) this certainly is a non traditional take, and a very good one at that. the scandalous humor was the best part of the short, whether it be the devil decking out egbert in garters and blonde hairs, or convincing two little kids to shout “daddy! daddy!” in the church. while the beginning was a bit slow, the parallels make up for it, and at least contribute some added interest. in all, a cartoon that’s worth watching, especially for the second half.

link!

[bopinion]

2020 / 44

Aperçu of the week:

It takes two to tango (Al Hoffman & Dick Manning)

Bad news of the week:

Justitia carries a sword. Since she is to punish the guilty. Justitia carries a scale. Because she shall weigh up accusation and defense against each other. And Justice wears a blindfold. Because she is to judge neutrally and uninfluenced. So much for the theory of any reasonable legal system.

Let's get down to practice: Courts speak law on the basis of laws. First and foremost on the basis of the Constitution. This regulates matters that seem to be self-evident in a democracy: equal rights, freedom of the press and religion, protection of persons and property, freedom of opinion and the press, and much more. Without any discussion, high goods that must be defended unconditionally. And then there are personal liberty rights, vulgo self-determination. Anyone who feels that these rights are threatened can appeal to a court, which - in extreme cases in so-called summary proceedings - will decide whether there is a restriction of such personal rights. This is only right and proper in the truest sense of the word.

Recently, there have been strange stylistic blossoms of this principle. And of course Corona is to blame. There a hotelier sues against entry restrictions from risk areas. Or a teacher for a home office. Or a bus driver against the compulsory wearing of masks. Or a schoolgirl against airing the classroom. All legitimate interests of the individual. But with consequences for everyone. Well, a hotelier may fight for the basis of his professional existence. And a teacher for a secure working environment. And a bus driver for fresh breath and clear speech. And a schoolgirl for not put in risk of catching a cold. But wait: in court, the pros of one party are always the cons of the other. So the result is at whose expense? The general public?

The courts take care of these concerns. Of course they do. But the judgments sometimes miss the balance. For example, a court in Schleswig-Holstein ruled against the ban on accommodating statistically more likely infected guests. And the neighboring Hamburg for that same ban. Or the blindfold. Thus the court of a district judges for the interest of the individual at the expense of the general public. And the next district for the safety of all against the personal freedom of the individual. Two fundamentally different results on exactly the same factual basis.

Is it allowed in a constitutional state that the basic laws of physics, which make the inclination of a balance measurable and repeatable and unambiguously in one direction at least in the laboratory, depend on the place of residence of the plaintiff? Or that the ophthalmological transparency of a blindfold is determined by the personal diopter value of the magistrate on duty. Of course not - because jurisdiction must follow comprehensible criteria, which apply always and everywhere and for everyone. Of course yes - because whenever people are involved, variables are involved and no code of law in world history can give clear instructions for all legal constellations. So this fundamental question can probably never be answered completely clearly and objectively. Not even in the face of a crisis. Work in progress. C'est la vie. Everyone remains responsible for themselves. Unfortunately, not everyone seems to know...

Good news of the week:

"Devastating revelations", "a bad case of corruption", "the real scandal" etc. For two years Donald Trump and Rudy Giuliani have been trying to accuse the Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden and his son Hunter of corruption in connection with the Ukrainian company Burisma. In principle, of course, this could be true, but Trump's traditional love of truth alone casts doubt on it. After all, Trump had also spent two years trying to "prove" to the Obama administration that they had spied on him during his presidential campaign: "the worst political crime ever".

In both cases apparently dubious Russian collaborators are involved. In both cases, the liberal US media are at least suspicious, so according to Trump, they do not report on it for partisan reasons as devastatingly as would be appropriate. Says the US president of all people, who has set completely new standards in the hoax issue. And so it comes as no surprise that "new evidence" appears in the home stretch of the election campaign. It used to be called a dirty campaign, but nowadays it has become the norm among Republicans.

They say that no matter how unfounded the accusation may turn out to be, something always sticks. But apparently not with the US-Americans: demoscopic studies show that voters are not impressed by the Burisma scandal. Biden's numbers remain stable, and practically no one says that his election decision would be influenced by it. Trump has miscalculated. Not only in the current situation, but also in principle - after all, it was he who permanently shifted the standards of truthfulness. And so the inventor of the "Alternative Facts" has his own attitude of mind falling on his feet. At least that is what we can hope for the 03rd November 2020.

Sense of achievement of the week:

We moved almost four and a half years ago. And even though we cleaned out the mess on that occasion, some dust catchers stayed - and made themselves at home in the garage. The water feature tub, which could be repaired sometime. A former sink, which could be installed next to the grill on the terrace and thus create a veritable outdoor kitchen. The shredder, which one could use in a few years, when the vegetation would be accordingly luxuriant. The fire basket, which would look nice if there were garden parties again one day.

In addition old skis of the children, broken flower pots, remains of a damaged basketball basket, a broken lawn mower, a battered shelf, an old bobby car and so on. But there was enough room in the garage. Until now, because two e-bikes will soon need a solid wintering place. So yesterday we not only treated distant neighbors with discarded items, but also drove four cars full of stuff to the recycling center. Although it already closes at noon. Although it rained. Even though nobody felt like it.

[wantstoflyafraidtofall]

Chapter 2: New Old Thoughts

***TRIGGER WARNING*** Mentions of homophobia/homophobic language and past self harm

---

Dean wakes up in a cold sweat yet again. The black shadow he saw thought he saw plagued his dreams every night since he's been there. Which was odd. He usually doesn't dream at all.

He rolled out of bed and peeled off his boxers and shirt, both damp with sweat, and turned on the shower.

The warm water -- with amazing water pressure, dare he say -- soothed his nerves. He would have to search up if frequent nightmares were normal for people moving into new houses later.

After getting dried off and dressed, Dean went downstairs and turned on his old coffee machine. He watched the dark coffee drip down into the pot.

The deadline for unpacking really helped speed up the whole process and the amount of sleep he was getting helped to.

By what Sam had said about Cas, he sounds ok. Just a quiet guy who's fresh out of college and needs a place to stay for a bit.

Dean had finished unpacking the rest of the boxes yesterday. He had saved the library for last and the whole time his knee was a bitch. But he had to say, now that it’s done, It looks really nice.

He poured himself a cup of coffee from the pot and went out into the large, mostly empty sunroom. He was going to have to get some furniture to fill all the floor space so they could sit and read or watch TV in here. Maybe a bean bag and a couch.

The morning sun shone brightly through the windows of the room, casting soft shadows in corners and the shelves. The backyard was really nice and big but over grown. The stones in the fire pit had weeds growing out the cracks and the fish pond would kill any fish that would dare swim in it. The grass was almost knee length and would be a complete bitch to mow. Maybe he could get Cas to do it. Complain about his knee hurting or something.

Dean went back in the kitchen and poured himself a second cup of coffee. He checked his watch, 9:34am. Sam had told him Cas would be there around 10:30, which left Dean almost a full hour to do whatever he wanted.

He does enjoy his time alone but is quite excited for a housemate. He would never admit it to anyone but the house was getting a bit lonely and now that he has everything unpacked, he would guess it would be boring as well.

Bubbles covered Dean's hands as he washed the few dishes remaining in the sink. He wanted to make a good first impression on Cas by having the house clean and was using it as a pass time to cool his nerves.

He’d just put the last plate in the cabinet when the doorbell rang. Dean quickly walked over to the door, running his fingers through his hair before opening it.

Dean was surprised at the man he saw standing outside. He was wearing a tan trench coat over an ill fitting suit with a messily done blue tie. His hair was dark and messy, as if he had just rolled out of bed. A 5 o’clock shadow adorned his sharp jaw. Dean’s eyes moved up his face, and met a pair of eyes that were more blue than the deepest parts of a sunny sky.

Cas cleared his throat before asking, “Are you Dean Winchester?”

Man, that voice . It was deep and sounded as if he had been gurgling gravel every day since he was 12. Dean quit his staring and smiled at Cas.

“Yup, that's me,” Dean beamed, “And you must be Cas.”

Cas squinted a little harder and tilted his head slightly to the side at the use of the nickname.

Dean took a step back, opening the door wide. “Come on in, you have 3 choices in rooms but I recommend up the left stairs at the end of the hall.”

“Thank you.” Cas said as he passed Dean and began walking towards the stairs, his suitcase rolling behind him. The man glanced around as he walked, carefully observing the wooden structure of the house.

Dean closed the door and went into the library and grabbed Soul Enchilada off his shelf of favorites. He laid out on an old love-seat in front of one of the windows and began to try and read.

He read a few lines before starting over. His mind was wandering elsewhere, to his handsome new housemate that would be living with him for who knows how long, how that deep, rumbly voice had said his name earlier, eyes of azure, streaked with cruelan and sky blue.

He thought back to how when he met those eyes, they seemed to stare deep into his soul. The small twinge of annoyance when Dean had used the nickname ‘Cas’ and how he had tilted his head ever so slightly to the side, his plush, lightly chapped lips barely parted. They looked so soft, so kissable. It would have been so easy to have just- NO.

Dean caught his slipping thoughts. Internally scolding himself for not only falling for his new housemate, but a guy.

After closing the book and placing it back on the shelf, Dean went upstairs to his room, into the bathroom, and locked the door behind him. He lifted his arms in front of him, using his right hand he nudged the sleeve of his flannel back and felt his thumb drag over the small, criss-crossing scars on his forearm.

He released a shuddering breath. He is such a disappointment to his father. It was wrong for him to love another guy and no matter what he did he couldn't stop. No matter how many times Dad had taken out his anger on his “disgusting faggot of a son” he couldn't stop the thoughts.

Dean pulled his sleeve back down and looked into his own green eyes in the mirror. He could almost hear Sam's voice saying it with him as he whispered to himself, “Dad was a bastard and a terrible father. You can love whoever you want, Dean, It’s ok.”

Dean had been so careful to hide the scars from Sammy, but one day at Bobby’s place he had his sleeves pulled up to his elbows so he had better access inside the car and little, 13 year-old Sam saw the scars and asked what they were about.

It wasn't until a few months before Dean was leaving for the military that he had told Sam why he had those scars. And Sam just hugged him and told him that it was ok and that he would always love him. Damn, he loves that kid.

Dean sighed. No hitting on hot roommate dude. He could be straight and Dean isn't going to 1) Make him uncomfortable while he stays here, and 2) Get in a relationship with… well, anyone. Not like anyone wants to be in a relationship with someone as broken as him anyway.

When Dean made his way back downstairs, he saw Cas standing in the library examining the books with curiosity.

“Hey Cas,” The sound of Dean’s voice caused the man to turn towards him, “I'm going to go on a grocery run. Is there anything you want?”

He stared at Dean for a moment before replying, “The ingredients for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches is all, Thanks.”

Dean chuckled, “You know, you're out of college now, you can eat some actual food.”

“I'm not a good cook in the slightest and I'm sure I will like some of the stuff you buy.”

“K then, see you later.” Dean grumbled, grabbing his keys and closing the heavy front door hard behind him.

He walked down the steps and started Baby, Bon Jovi’s Wanted Dead or Alive pouring out the speakers. Dean turned up the music and drove down the driveway.

The trip to the store was short and uneventful. He grabbed the stuff Cas asked for along with some stuff to make dinner for the next week(He also got some greens because Sammy would give him another 3 hour lecture on his diet if he didn’t).

Kevin was working again today, somehow looking even more bored than last time. He scanned Dean's groceries while Dean asked about what classes he was taking.

Kevin had told him he was going to be a freshman and was studying computer sciences so he could make enough money to support himself and help support his mom.

Dean said goodbye to Kevin and loaded his groceries into Baby's trunk. The ride home was smooth and fast. Cas was nowhere in sight when he got home and Dean guessed he was probably in his room.

After unloading all the groceries, Dean pulled out two plates and began making lunch. He decided to keep it simple with some PB&Js and some potato chips. He put Cas’s plate on the island with a glass of water and made his way up the stairs to his door.

He knocked on the wood. “Hey Cas, I made some lunch for ya. It’s in the kitchen if you want it.”

There was no reply but he heard a faint shuffle of movement on the other side of the door. Dean went back downstairs and took his plate outside to the small shed in the backyard. The door was unlocked and swung open when Dean pushed.

Inside there was an old workbench pushed against the back wall. Gardening tools hung on hooks drilled into the wall and a slightly rusty lawn mower sat in the corner. He brushed some dust off the workbench and placed his lunch on the wood before checking out the mower.

It looked functional but in need of some repairs. Nothing that Dean couldn't fix himself with the right tools. He checked the drawers of the workbench and found the things he needed to fix the mower and began to work, eating his sandwich as he did.

Dean was so focused on sharpening the lawn mowers blades that he didn't hear Cas’s footsteps approaching from behind.

“Dean?” Cas called?

Dean jumped, startled by the sudden noise.

“Sorry for startling you Dean. I wanted to thank you for lunch.”

“Yeah, no problem buddy.” Dean replied, “I'm making chicken for dinner tonight if that's good with you.”

“Yes that's fine. Thank you.”

Cas left and Dean finished sharpening the lawn mower blades, leaving them on the workbench to attach tomorrow. He picked up his empty plate and headed back inside and dropped it in the sink.

Dean took a package of chicken breasts out of the fridge and placed them in a bowl. About 10 minutes later, the chicken was breaded and in the oven and he began to prepare the potato salad.

He loved to cook. When he was young, his father would drag Sammy and him from motel to motel. All they ate was take out or greasy diner food. Dean does love some good greasy burger and fries and a beer every once in a while but nice home cooked meals were always better.

Once Bobby took them away from John and his abusive parenting style, Dean learned to cook his own food in an actual kitchen. He would wake up early to make breakfast and insist on making lunch and dinner as well.

Dean pulled the chicken out of the oven and set some plates on the counter. He jogged up the stairs to Cas’s door, careful to be light on his bad knee, and knocked.

“Dinners ready!” He said before making his way back to the kitchen and filling up his plate with potato salad and sweet corn. He could hear Cas enter the kitchen and grab the other plate.

“It looks great, Dean,” Cas observed, “Thanks again.”

Dean set his plate down on the table and grabbed some cups from the cabinet before replying, “Yeah, it’s no problem, really. Do you want anything to drink?”

“Just water please. I haven't had anyone cook a proper meal for me since high school and I could never make one for myself due to my inability not to burn the food.”

Dean chuckled, “After my mom passed I didn't get a good meal till I was around 15, and those I would make myself.”

Cas stared at him, “Oh, I’m sorry.” He took the water Dean held out to him.

“Nah man, it’s fine. It was a long time ago.”

They continued to eat in silence for a while till Cas asked Dean, “You were only given 3 days notice that I was coming, yet you have the entire house unpacked and cleaned.”

“I, uh, didn’t sleep much. I wasn’t sleeping well so I made the best of a bad situation and used the time I was awake to finish unpacking.”

They both finished their meal in silence. Dean placed his dishes in the sink and grabbed a beer from the fridge. He sat back down at the table and looked over at Cas.

“So, tell me a bit about yourself.”

Cas’s blue eyes meet Deans. “I am 23 years old. I have an English major and plan on becoming a journalist. I have 6 siblings, 4 brothers and 2 sisters. I grew up in Colorado but moved to California for college, where I met your brother.”

“Hold on. You have 6 Siblings?” Dean gaped

“Yes, Dean. Micheal, Lucifer, Uriel, Gabriel, and Naomi are older and Anna is younger than me.”

“Man sibling rivalry must have been intense.”

“Our arguments were like war backed with all of heaven's wrath.”

Dean bursted out in laughter at that and took another drink of his beer. Cas stared at him with that adorable little head tilt squinting at him as if confused by Dean laughter.

“What about you?” Cas asked

Dean stopped laughing and looked at Cas, “My name is Dean Winchester. I am an Aquarius. I enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach, and frisky women,”Cas stared at him for a moment before Dean continued, “My mom passed when I was 4. I lived with my Dad if you could call what we did living for about 10 years until I was taken in by Bobby and Ellen. I worked as a mechanic with Bobby while Sam went to college until I decided to go to the military. I was there for 5 years until my knee got messed up and I was sent home.”

“Sorry, that must be horrible.”

“Nah man, it's fine. You get used to it and move on.”

“Is excessive drinking part of moving on?”

Dean stopped smiling and looked away from Cas. They sat in silence for a moment before Dean said, “Well I'm a bit tired, gonna head to bed.”

“Ok, Goodnight, Dean. I will clean up.”

He stood and left the kitchen. He was looking angrily at the ground in front of him as he went up the stairs. He didn't look up until he heard a quiet hissing in front of him.

The blood rushed out of his face and fear coiled in his stomach. It was back. The dark shadow was standing in the middle of the balcony. Dean couldn't get his legs to move. He was stuck. The shadow began to slowly glide towards him, reaching out a long arm-like appendage. He wanted to shout, to cry out for help but his mouth was just as stuck as his legs.

A rush of frigid air washed over him as it drew nearer. The black tendrils of its translucent arm reaching to his side, like it was going to push him over the railing.

“Dean, do you have any tupperware for the extra food?” Cas called from the kitchen.

Dean blinked and the shadow was gone. He shivered as the air began to warm up around him. Dean cleared his throat before replying “In the drawer by the fridge.” He ignored the slight shake in his voice.

When he tried to take a step forward, his feet moved like nothing had happened just seconds before. Dean went into his room and locked the door behind him.

Sleep. That's what he needs. He's just tired and that's making him see things. Everything will be fine tomorrow.

(If you want to be added to the tag list, just ask!)

@stuff-that-is-other

[atc74]

Making Circles - Month One

Square(s) Filled: Fake Marriage for @spngenrebingo

Warnings: Case angst, being fake married to Dean, feels, mentions of death

Summary:  Dean and Y/N have to pretend to be married for a case. But this isn’t any ordinary case. Married couples have gone missing from Albert Lea, Minnesota, every six months for the last few years but there is almost zero evidence. People don’t just disappear like that do they? With Bobby and Sam’s help, plus an ally in their new town, they have just under six months to figure it out. Chances are they’ll survive the case, but will their friendship survive their fake marriage?

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 2342

Written for: @spngenrebingo

Beta’d by: @amanda-teaches, who says the nicest things and makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside and also keeps me on a straight line. I heart you! And @alleiradayne for letting me bounce ideas off her, like all the time. 

A/N:  This will be six chapter series, one for each month of the case, plus a bonus epilogue. Loosely based/inspired by the song Making Circles by Christian Kane and I just felt this needed to be written. There will be lyrics dispersed throughout the entire story. I hope you love this as much as I do. The nicest thing you can do for a writer is reblog their work and tell them, and others, how much you like it!

Making Circles master list

Month One

“So get this,” Sam started as Dean and Y/N entered Bobby’s kitchen early one morning. “I think I found a case.” Sam turned his laptop around so they can both see the details.

“You sure this is our kind of thing, Sammy? I don’t know man. This looks pretty normal as far as I can tell,” Dean grumbled, taking a seat.

“What else did you find Sam?” Y/N asked, turning her attention to Sam.

“Well, there have been disappearances going back a few years. Every six months or so another couple is murdered. All of these couples seem normal with blue collar jobs and homes, but from what I was able to dig up, nothing out of the ordinary,” Sam explained. “All the homes of the missing couples have been combed over, but all the evidence is at the Bureau of Criminal Apprehension (BCA) in Saint Paul and they have a mammoth backlog. We may not know anything for months, even years. Or possibly never. It isn’t exactly high priority, ya know?”

“You idjits better get a move on,” Bobby addressed Dean and Y/N as he poured a cup of coffee.

“Bobby, we’ve got basically no intel. We have no idea what we’re hunting and you want us to walk in there blind?” Dean argued with his surrogate father. “That’s not smart. Besides, why does it have to be us?”

“Oh, you want me and Sam to pose as happily married couple?” Bobby smacked Dean across the back of the head.

“Dean, it only makes sense. Y/N and I get along too well and it would be weird, pretending to be married to a woman I view as my sister,” Sam made a face at the thought.  

“Dean, we’ve got time. From this report, the last couple went missing just a week ago. That gives us almost six months to figure it out,” Y/N reasoned as she rose from the table, a smile on her face. “I’m going to go shower and pack.”

An hour later, Y/N and Dean sat with Bobby at his kitchen table, Sam having gone out to produce some documents. “Now, I’ve made some calls to a couple of friends in the area. Dean, Jake has a job ready for you in his shop Monday morning. Y/N, I’ve got something lined up for you at the County Library. Here are the keys to the safe house. My cleaning lady should have it ready to go for you by the time you get there and the cupboards should be stocked.”

“Bobby, I don’t like this,” Dean shook his head. “We have no idea what is going on here.”

“Your brother and I aren’t going to let anything happen to you idjits. I got too much time and energy invested in ya to just let you vanish,” Bobby groaned. “Now, there’s one more thing. Two really. Here.” He handed Dean a small box.

Dean lifted the hinged lid, finding two gold rings inside. The pit in his stomach expanded, knowing these rings belonged to Bobby and his wife Karen, whom he had to kill when she became possessed by a demon. The old man never fully recovered from that. “Bobby…”

“This ain’t no time for sentiments, kid. Just take em, okay,” Bobby stomped heavily from the room, the screen door slamming behind him, making Y/N jump from the sound.

“I guess here goes nothing. Mrs. Winchester?” Dean took out the smaller ring and held it up for Y/N to put her hand out. The ring slid easily onto the fourth finger of her left hand. Dean slid Bobby’s ring onto his own finger. It felt heavy on his hand, or maybe it was just heavy on his mind.

Sam returned a few minutes later with the papers they needed, along with new identification cards. “Here are your clean ID’s and marriage certificate. The house is listed in Bobby’s corporation, so that is not a problem. He also set up a joint bank account in both your names, well, new names. This is your proof of insurance and Y/N, there will be a vehicle parked at the house for you. A very unassuming Honda Civic.”

“A foreign car, Sam! Really?!” Dean protested.

“Actually, Honda manufactures models right here in the U.S., Dean,” Sam informed his brother.

“No way my real wife would drive a Japanese car,” Dean mumbled as he looked over the rest of the documents. “Wait...our new last name is Hetfield? Awww Sammy, it makes me all tingly when you remember the little shit.”

“Shut up Dean,” Sam said, turning to Y/N and handing her all the documents. “Safe travels. We’ll be in touch.”

~*~

“Jesus, I have driven a lot of miles over the years, but this is boring as fuck. There is literally nothing but farmland.” Dean pointed out for probably the tenth time in the last two hours. Y/N thanked her lucky stars that they were almost there.

Albert Lea, Minnesota was less than a three hour drive from Bobby’s place. It was close enough that he and Sam could get there quickly if she and Dean needed back up. With any luck, they would figure out what they were dealing with, and they wouldn’t be here long. On the other hand, six months of normal sounded like heaven to Y/N right now after the last few years.

She turned on her GPS as they entered town, programming the address Sam had given her. Within minutes, they pulled up to a quaint, craftsman style home with a long driveway and impeccable landscaping. Dean pulled into the driveway, cutting Baby’s engine.

“Did you know Bobby owned this place?” Dean looked at Y/N.

“I knew he had a couple of safe houses, but I thought they were all like Rufus’ hunting cabin. Not this. This is going to be like living in the lap of luxury compared to the motels we’ve slummed it in,” she chuckled softly, opening her door and getting out of the car.

Dean followed quickly, opening the trunk to grab their bags. “Motels? Shit, this place is even nicer than Bobby’s. I bet we won’t even need tetanus shots from walking around the yard barefoot!” He laughed, slamming Baby’s trunk shut.

They carried in their bags, not having much from living a life on the road, and walked up the front steps to the door. “Mrs. Hetfield, do you have the key?”

“Why yes, Mr. Hetfield. Allow me to do the honors,” Y/N smiled as she took the key and unlocked the door. Dean dropped his bags and scooped her up in his arms, despite her protests. He walked through the door and set her down on a comfortable looking recliner. “Dean!”

“It’s tradition to carry your bride across the threshold!” He told her, grabbing their bags from the front porch.

They took their time exploring the home. There were three bedrooms upstairs with one full bathroom. The updated kitchen had a small island and new appliances. The basement was fully finished with two small bedrooms and another full bathroom. Y/N grabbed two beers from the fully stocked fridge, as promised, and met Dean in the backyard. There was a two car garage, housing one newer model Civic and a large assortment of tools. It had everything Dean would need to maintain both cars. There was also a small shed in the corner of the yard which contained a lawn mower and a variety of garden tools and supplies.

“Wow, Bobby really set us up, huh?” Y/N turned to Dean as they sat on the double swing on the back patio. It was was a beautiful home and yard. Y/N looked forward to working in the garden, making a mental note to grab some books on the subject.

“Yeah, he did,” Dean sighed heavily, finishing off his beer. “I’m going to go take a shower.”

“Okay. I’m going to run into town and pick up some clothes for work. Do you need anything?” Y/N asked, taking his empty bottle.

“No, I think I’m good. Thanks,” Dean declined, holding the door open for her.

Y/N couldn’t help but see Dean was hiding something, and she knew him well enough by now to see the subtle differences. She decided to let it go for now. It had already been a long day with having this situation thrown at them and the drive. It would take some adjusting on both their parts. She set out in her car, exploring the town a little, finding a couple of diners, coffee shops and a thrift store. She picked out a few new things for Dean as well as a new work wardrobe for herself. Making a quick stop at the butcher shop, she picked up a couple of steaks as well as stuffed burgers, wanting to do something nice for Dean, and well, the man appreciated red meat.

Y/N let the steaks sit out while she started a load of laundry. Dean ambled into the kitchen just as she was putting together a quick salad, the potatoes baking in the oven. “Hey. Thought we could grill, I picked up a couple of Porterhouses.”

“That sounds great. I’ll go get it ready,” Dean acknowledged and slipped out the back door. A few minutes later, she followed, carrying the steaks and a couple of beers, handing one off to him.

“I know we got a lot thrown at us today, but we’re going to get to the bottom of this, Dean,” she tried to reassure him, resting a hand on his shoulder. “I promise.”

“We never go into a hunt blind, Y/N. I don’t care if we have six fucking months or not, this ain’t right, and they both know it, too!” Dean snapped and immediately regretted his words, seeing the look on her face. “Hey, I’m sorry. I know you’re stuck in this, too.”

“It’s okay. We’ll get through this together, Dean. It’s what couples do,” she stated, like it was the most simple thing in the world.

“But we’re not a real couple, Y/N. I’ve never been in a real relationship before, not really, and never like this. This apple pie life we’re supposed to live? We’re used to living a lie on the job, but long term? I don’t know.” Dean sighed heavily, turning the steaks on the grill. “I just don’t know.”

Once dinner was ready, they ate in an uncomfortable silence, both of them lost in their own thoughts. Y/N thinking of ways to help Dean see the positives and Dean working the case in his head, running through the list of monsters he knew and which one could be responsible for the married couples’ disappearances.

Monday arrived quickly, Dean taking off early for his new job at the garage, leaving without so much as a goodbye. Y/N felt her heart continue to sink, and it was only the third day. She readied for work and packed lunches for both of them. She had enough time to swing by the shop on her way to the library.

Y/N pulled up to the garage and stepped out of her car. She walked across the small lot and inside the lobby.

“Good morning, Miss. What can we help you with today?” An older gentleman, about Bobby’s age, greeted her. He was wearing grease covered overalls and a smile on his face.

“I’m Y/N, here to see Dean W-Hetfield please,” she caught herself, covering her slip with a cough.

“Are you the missus? You’re a pretty lady. Dean really out punted his coverage with you, didn’t he?” the old man chuckled, adding a wink. “I’m Jake. Pleased to meet ya.”

“Yeah, I guess he did,” she laughed along with him, knowing Jake already knew their secret and had given Dean this job as cover.

“Hetfield! Yer lady’s here!” He yelled through the door to the service bays.

Dean walked in a few moments later, wiping his hands on a dirty rag. She had seen him work on Baby, and numerous cars in Bobby’s yard, but seeing him now, shed a whole new light on him. This Dean, the one she was fake married to. The one that lived a normal life with a normal job and a wife and a house. She pushed down the simmer in her belly and walked up to her ‘husband,’

“You forgot your lunch, babe,” she smiled, handing him a brown paper bag.

Dean opened the bag, seeing two turkey and bacon sandwiches, chips, an apple and a can of Coke. “Thanks, honey. I guess I was preoccupied.”

“Have a good day. I’ll see you tonight,” she stepped closer and pressed a sweet kiss to his lips. She waved at both of them, exiting the shop. “Nice to meet you, Jake!”

And thus began the routine of her bringing Dean lunch at the shop every morning on her way to work. By the fourth day, she invited Jake over for dinner that weekend. She hoped it might put Dean at ease, having someone on their side locally that knew their real story and he didn’t have to fake it around Jake because of the others in the garage.

Saturday morning rolled around and Y/N had done her shopping, picked up the house and made a pie while Dean mowed the lawn and slow smoked a brisket on the grill. She was settling into their new life fairly well but Dean was having trouble adjusting. He came home late most nights and ate his dinner standing up at the small island.

She didn’t know where he was when he didn’t come home straight away, but the smell of stale smoke mingled with his own scent of coffee, leather and motor oil. At least it wasn’t cheap perfume, she thought. At least this Dean, her fake husband, was faithful to her.

The Whole Enchilada: @iwantthedean @dolphincliffs @mrswhozeewhatsis @meganwinchester1999 @cherrycokegirls1 @closetspngirl  @roxyspearing @flamencodiva @blacktithe7 @sis-tafics @just-another-busyfangirl @evansrogerskitten @amanda-teaches @hannahindie @wotinspntarnation @winchesterprincessbride @winecatsandpizza @kickingitwithkirk  @wi-deangirl77 @hobby27 @mogaruke​ @gh0stgurl​ @paintrider13-blog​ @hunterscabin @alleiradayne​ @idreamofplaid @squirrelnotsam

The Dean’s List: @jerkbitchidjitassbutt @dean-winchesters-bacon @maddiepants @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @supernatural-jackles @docharleythegeekqueen @adoptdontshoppets @mtngirlforever

[fastsalad]

Things that have gone down in my Urinetown rehearsals

I did this last year with Newsies, and this series won’t get nearly as many notes but I’m doing it regardless because it brings me joy.

-

(After getting the cast list)

Joseph: “Graham I’m your dad”

Josephine: “Graham I’m your mom”

Penny: “Graham I’m your boss”

Hope: “Graham I’m your lover”

-

(Fipp answers every question with “it’s a fifth”)

-

Music director: “What beat do you guys start on?”

Fipp: “Fifth! Uh... five. There’s four beats in that measure and then that ones five.”

(Music director bangs on the piano) “No!”

-

Music director: “What’s this called?”

Fipp: “A glottal attack!”

Music director: “Wow I really thought you were going to say fifth.”

-

Music director: “Everyone is in this number except for you. And you. Actually... maybe we can disguise you with like a nice hat and some dirt.”

-

Joseph, to Bobby: “Why are your gums like - wavy?”

-

Bobby: “Juul is not cool.” (Dumps food in his mouth)

-

Director, to McQueen: “Oh so you’re THAT kind of secretary.”

-

Director: “Where are you looking?”

Fipp: “Over yonder.”

Director: “... good.”

-

Bobby: “I think I just gave myself lead poisoning.”

Stage manager: “That’s graphite you’ll be fine.”

-

Bobby: “It feels like there’s hot chocolate running through my veins.”

Stage manager: “Ok mr dramatic.”

Hope: “Wait what is happening?”

Stage manager: “He stabbed himself with a pencil and now he’s anxious.”

Hope: “Oh you’re having hot flashes!”

-

Cladwell: “What does the B in Caldwell B. Cladwell stand for?”

Penny: “It stands for Bee. Like B-E-E. No it stands for 🅱️”

Cladwell: “It stands for bunny.”

(Hysterical laughter)

-

Penny: “I’m gonna...”

Cladwell: “Change your name to cannon in inversion and augmentation?”

Penny: “Change my name to B flat. No I’ll change my name to Caldwell.”

(Hysterical laughter)

-

Cladwell: “I’m glad I don’t have to do lots of dancing. Wait what if during Don’t be the Bunny I just” (hops like a bunny)

Penny: “if you do that I’m going to be visibly struggling trying not to laugh.”

-

Becky: “How do I look?”

Penny: “Like a weird elf.”

-

Josephine: “I guess I’m Voldemort now. Love that.”

-

Music director: “Deep breath in and- who has soup?”

Stage manager: “I brought my soup down here.”

Music director: “Everyone sniff Kelly’s soup.”

-

(Doing lip trill warm ups)

Music director: “Like a heard of lawn mowers!”

-

Music director: “You’re not the first person who’s tried to steal my job. Corey tried and where is he now?”

-

Lockstock: “I’ve decided I’m going to die in this basement singing Run Freedom Run. I’m not sure when it’ll happen, I might be like 80. But I’ll be here. And I’ll be singing run freedom run.”

Music director: “I will be there with you.”

-

Fipp: “Is it Caldwell Cladwell or Cladwell Caldwell?”

Cladwell: “Caldwell B Cladwell.”

Music director: “What does the B stand for?”

Cladwell: “Just. Bee. Like B-E-E.”

Music director: (Gasp) “It stands for Beetlejuice!”

-

Music director: “Remember, it’s Cladwell. Not Chadwell.”

Bobby: (Does a peace sign) “Whassup I’m Chadwell.”

Music director: “I hate this with a burning passion.”

-

Music director: “A pickle in the brine.”

Joseph: “What does that mean?”

Bobby: “It’s the transition between cucumber and pickle. Life and death. Salty death.”

-

(Music Director makes an inspirational speech)

Soupy Sue: “Can I quote you for my english paper?”

-

Music director: “Remember there’s a surprise at the end.”

Hope: “I have a puppy behind me.”

-

Stage manager: “Louella I just saw your life flash before my eyes.”

-

Music director: (Hits a high C)

Lockstock: “That’s for me right?”

-

Lockstock: “You ARE wrong Mr. Strong.”

(Hysterical laughter)

-

Penny: “It’s like a party. But the exact opposite of a party.”

Cladwell: “It’s a very sad party.”

[livingcorner]

How to become your own boss – with €10,000, or less, behind you@|how to start a garden maintenance business@|https://www.independent.ie/incoming/ff665/38124509.ece/AUTOCROP/w1240h700/page6_gardening.jpg@|21

There may not be a better time to set up a business than right now – thanks to the economic boom and recent improvements in social welfare benefits for the self-employed. You don’t always need a lot of cash behind you to start a business. It can cost as little as a few hundred to a few thousand euro to set up a small business – though startup costs can run to several thousand or more, depending on what exactly you establish.

o be able to start a business without much cash behind you, you must usually be setting yourself up as a sole trader or self-employed individual who does not require a business premises. It shouldn’t cost too much to set up a business that provides a local or personal service such as window cleaning, house cleaning, hairdressing, make-up services, or personal fitness training. “To set up a business that offers one of these services, you don’t usually require a lot of money behind you,” said Oisín Geoghegan, head of enterprise in the local enterprise office (LEO) in Fingal. “It mainly comes down to the skills of the job, the tools of the job, and your ability to provide the service. It costs anything from a few hundred euro and upwards to set up a basic business.”

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If you have anything from a few thousand to up to €10,000 behind you though, what businesses could you set up?

Coffee stall

It should be possible to set up a coffee stall in a farmers’ market for around €10,000, according to Bobby Kerr, the founder and ex-chairman of the Insomnia coffee chain and a Newstalk presenter.

“Whatever your first business is, it should be set up cheaply,” said Kerr. “If I were setting up a coffee stall in a farmer’s market today, I’d be looking for second-hand equipment and for people to lend me stuff. So get a second-hand coffee machine – or else rent one out. Renting a machine will give you a safety net if the business doesn’t work out.”

Some of the main overheads with a coffee stall include a coffee machine, coffee counter, signage, ingredients for producing the coffee, utensils, cups and condiments, insurance and rent.

“A good coffee machine would cost between €3,000 and €4,000, a counter would cost about €2,000 and you can expect to pay about €1,000 for signage,” said Kerr. “You’d also have the cost of opening stock – such as cups and so on. If you’re setting up a coffee stall in a farmers’ market, €10,000 would be a reasonable budget to work to.”

The cost of renting a space in a farmers’ market varies hugely, depending on the market. It could cost a couple of hundred euro or more a month to rent a space for a hot food stall in a large farmers’ market. For example, it costs either €260 or €300 a month plus Vat to sell hot food from a stall in Dún Laoghaire-Rathdown’s county council markets – depending on whether or not you need electricity. It can be much cheaper to rent a space in a rural farmers’ market, particularly if it’s a small market. It’s important to negotiate the best rent you can for your stall.

It’s also vital that you present your stall well so that it attracts customers. “Produce something which is high-quality – and which stands out from the crowd,” said Kerr. “Make sure your stall looks different and better than other coffee stalls. Your two biggest challenges when starting out in business are keeping costs down – and getting the sales. The other stuff will sort itself out.”

Remember you must register with the Health Service Executive – so ensure that your stall meets health and safety standards. You may also need to get a trading licence.

Food producer

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Should you wish to set up a business producing and selling your own food, you’d need anything from €5,000 to €10,000 and upwards behind you to get the basic business running.

“The food production sector has quite low barriers to entry as a lot of people can start to produce food from home,” said Geoghegan. Some of the main costs you’ll face if producing food at home include the cost of making the food – and ensuring you meet health and safety requirements when doing so; and the cost of equipment, insurance and marketing. Packaging is also important. “Consumers won’t buy your product unless it looks good,” said Geoghegan. “Packaging alone could cost €5,000 and upwards – that’s a big cost for a food producer. There are, however, cost-effective designers of packaging and people who will help you to get your packaging right. If you want to become a significant food producer, you will typically have to sell through retailers – and you could struggle to get your product on the shelves so you need to have the packaging that will attract consumers to buy it.”

When initially starting out as a food producer, one of the cheapest ways to sell your food would be through a country or farmer’s market. Consider taking the Food Starter programme (a programme run by LEOs in conjunction with Bord Bia) if you want to set up a food business.

Gardener

Dragons’ Den star Gavin Duffy believes gardening could be a good opportunity for someone who wishes to set up a business with low entry barriers and low set-up costs.

“A generation or two ago, there was always someone going around houses and offering to mow the lawn,” said Duffy, who is also managing director of Gavin Duffy & Associates. “These people are not as prevalent today. So there’s more demand for gardening maintenance and landscaping services.”

You could set up a basic gardening business for less than €1,000 – depending on the type of equipment and tools you need. A good lawnmower could cost a couple of hundred euro and upwards. However, a good ride-on mower – invaluable if living in rural areas – could set you back €4,000 or more, though you could rent one. Getting public liability insurance would be wise.

Due to the seasonal nature of gardening, you would need to make most of your money over the spring and summer. “If you get into grass-cutting, don’t overlook the value of putting up a sign with your mobile number on it when you’re on a job,” said Duffy. This should win you more customers.

Appliance fixer

There’s huge demand for people who can fix domestic appliances (such as washing machines, dishwashers and fridges), according to Duffy. To set up such a business, you would need around €5,000 behind you, Duffy believes. You’d also need the skills to fix domestic appliances -and you may need to specialise in certain brands. Ideally draw from your experience – you may have worked with a domestic appliance firm and built up the know-how to fix such appliances.

Get your pricing right. “You’d need to charge a minimum call-out rate – of no less than €60 – if you go into this line of business,” said Duffy.

Property upkeep

Duffy believes there is a gap in the market for a business which regularly maintains properties. Such a company would line up the tradespeople needed for property maintenance, such as painting, plumbing, electrical work and household repairs. “Some people have had great success when setting up such businesses online,” said Duffy. “You should be able to set up a business like that for less than €10,000.”

You would need to build up a bank of 10 or 12 very good tradespeople, advised Duffy. You would then secure jobs for them – and take a cut of the money earned by the tradespeople for those jobs. It would be important to establish a strong online presence and to market your business well. “If you have a budget of €10,000 to set up a business, set aside €3,000 of that for marketing,” said Duffy.

You’re likely to be surprised at the demand for tradespeople if you set up such a business well. “There’s huge demand for good quality trades people – such as plumbers and electricians – at the moment as our country isn’t producing enough of them,” said Geoghegan. Once you’ve decided on the business you want to set up, remember that getting it off the ground is just the beginning of your journey.

“It’s very easy to set up a business but making it long-term viable and profitable is a different thing,” said Geoghegan.

So get ready for a lot of hard work if you’re about to become your own boss.

Survival tips for your startup

Be frugal

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“Be as frugal as you can be in the early days of the business,” said coffee entrepreneur Bobby Kerr. “Your prospects of survival are best if you keep costs down and do it cheaply.”

Avoid renting

Avoid renting a business premises if you can, as rental costs are often huge. You could easily pay €10,000 a year to rent a small office in or near Dublin city – and multiple times that for a larger office.

“If considering renting an office, ask yourself do you really need one,” said Oisín Geoghegan of Fingal’s local enterprise office. “If you can work from home, that will be an immediate saving [to your business], as you won’t have to pay rent. If you are looking to present your business professionally, there are ways to do that without paying huge rental costs.”

You can usually rent an office or hot desk in your local enterprise centre for a fraction of the cost of renting elsewhere. By doing so, you should also be able to book low-cost or free meeting rooms in the centre.

Should you wish to have a business address and post box, you may be able to arrange one through your local enterprise centre. It could cost a couple of hundred euro a year or less to get a business post box through your local centre.

Rent for a small office could cost a few hundred euro a month while a hot desk could cost €50 a week though costs will vary, depending on the enterprise centre.

In the Balbriggan Enterprise and Training Centre in north Dublin, it costs €311 a month (including Vat and rates) to rent a small office suitable for four people. In the Drinan enterprise centre in north Dublin, it costs €475 a month (including Vat and rates) to rent its smallest office.

Tackle insurance

Be ready to tackle insurance. “A lot of small pop-up shops and casual stalls will struggle to get a quote from an insurer,” said Neil McDonnell, CEO of Isme.

As insurance costs for small businesses could run into tens of thousands – and in some cases, hundreds of thousands – a year, many small businesses have been forced to close.

When setting up a small retail business, you may be able to get a basic insurance package (known as a small package policy) from €500 a year – plus the 5pc Government levy, according to Sven Spollen-Behrens, director of the Small Firms Association.

Such packages are often sold by brokers. A tradesman who is starting out could get basic insurance (covering employer’s and public liability insurance) for from €1,000 a year – plus the Government levy, according to Spollen-Behrens.

“The challenges that small business face is where the cost of their insurance premium increases if a claim is brought against them,” said Spollen-Behrens. “Premiums normally increase as a result of a claim.” Your premium could even surge if your business has never had a claim taken against it. [external_footer]

source https://livingcorner.com.au/how-to-become-your-own-boss-with-e10000-or-less-behind-youhow-to-start-a-garden-maintenance-businesshttps-www-independent-ie-incoming-ff665-38124509-ece-autocrop-w1240h700-page6_garden/

[headfulloffantasies]

Angel with a Shotgun

Chapter 12: Night Moves

Warning for blood in this chapter. Hurt/comfort

The long driveway up to the house gave Bobby and the boys a good look at what had become of the house in their seven year absence. The paint was flaking off the porch like leaves off an autumn tree. The grimy windows yawned like sleepy eyes, blinking awake for their return. The scrap yard out back was a mess of rusty, twisted remains of dead machines. Weeds infested the lawn, purple thistles waving in the breeze.

Bobby climbed out of the truck and stuck his hands on his hips. “This place is going to be a lot of work.”

Sam and Dean extracted their lanky frames from the backseat. “It hasn’t changed a bit!” Dean grinned.

Bobby took offense. “I kept this place in ship shape, you ungrateful princess.”

Dean cackled and thundered up the front steps.

Sam came to stand next to Bobby. “We can’t stay long,” he said quietly.

Bobby turned on him. “Coming back was your idea.”

“Dean insisted. He misses Jo.”

Huh. Speaking of…

A car came slowly up the driveway. Ellen and Jo hopped out, waving.

“Ellen!” Bobby pulled her into a long hug. “I told you we’d come back.”

“Bobby. You smell like a cheap hooker.”

“Thanks, Ellen. That’s awful sweet of you.”

“Happy Birthday, Jo.” Sam hugged her. Bobby finally got a good look at her. She was tall and pretty as her mother.

“This can’t be little Joanna Beth!” Bobby squeezed her tight. “You’re a sight for sore eyes, darling.”

“Hiya, Uncle Bobby,” she smiled.

Dean came thundering down the porch steps and wrapped Jo in his arms.

           “Happy Birthday, Jo!” Dean swept her up and spun her around in a tight hug.

Jo’s face was flushed when he let her down. “I missed you, Dean.”

“Me too, Jo,” Dean grinned and squeezed her again.

           Bobby watched the exchange with growing interest. Sam and Dean had grown into strapping young men. More than one girl had chased after them as they crisscrossed the country. And they did a fair bit of skirt chasing themselves. Bobby wondered if he should warn Jo.

Together they all trooped into the house. Dean’s dusty boot prints followed a path to the empty fridge and back outside. White sheets hung like ghosts over the furniture.

Bobby tried the kitchen tap. “Water’s running. The well still full, Ellen?”

“How should I know?” She shrugged. “I never came back here.” She walked through the kitchen to the living room with her arms wrapped around her middle. “Are you sure you want to stay here? I got a spare room and a couch.”

“Home is home,” Bobby said. The boys nodded.

“Alright, well I guess we’d better get to work,” she came back rolling up her sleeves.

It took until dinner to get the main floor scrubbed and inhabitable. Bobby and Ellen stood shoulder to shoulder at the kitchen counter putting together a quick supper. Bobby sent the boys to see if the lawn mower in the tool shed worked. Jo tagged along.

“Ellen, I think I should warn you about Dean and Jo,” Bobby started.

Ellen tipped her head back and laughed. “My girl’s smarter than that, Bobby.”

“You think? ‘Cause she’s been clinging to him all day.”

Ellen’s face went dark.

“I just don’t want either of them getting hurt,” Bobby finished.

Jo suddenly came streaking into the room, breaking the moment.

“Something’s wrong with Dean.”

Bobby knocked over his chair in his haste. Ellen was right on his heels. They dashed out to the driveway, kicking up dust.

Dean lay on the ground convulsing in the gravel. Sam knelt next to him, his face as pale as a ghost.

“What happened?” Bobby shouted as he took in Dean’s crumpled form. Dean’s jaw clenched against a pain Bobby couldn’t see. He curled into a tight ball, knees tucked to his chest until another spasm racked his frame.

“I’m sorry,” Jo cried. “I didn’t mean to.”

Bobby whirled on her. “What did you do?”

Tears streaked Jo’s face as she stammered, “I- I kissed him.”

Bobby melted. “Honey, I don’t think a kiss hurt him.”

Dean keened, his spine twisting. Bobby redirected his attention. “Sam, we gotta get him inside. If he starts seizing, I don’t want him out here.”

Sam nodded. Bobby went to lift Dean’s shoulders, but Sam scooped him up as though Dean weighed nothing. He ran into the house, unaffected by the three sets of surprised eyes following him.

Sam seemed at a loss once he had Dean through the door.

“Upstairs,” Bobby shoved passed him and took the stairs two at a time to the boys’ shared room. He yanked the white dust cloth off Dean’s bed.

“Here,” Bobby instructed. Sam laid his brother down. At first, Dean didn’t let Sam straighten. He had a death grip on the collar of Sam’s shirt. Then a wave of pain enveloped him and his whole body writhed. He shouted through it, his eyes clenched shut. Sam looked like he was going to be sick.

“Sam,” Bobby said gruffly. Sam snapped to attention.

“I need you to stay here and make sure he doesn’t get worse. Got it?”

Sam nodded stiffly, tears reddening his eyes.

Bobby squeezed his shoulder as he passed out of the room.

Bobby hurried downstairs to get towels out of the linen closet and the first aid kit from under the sink. He stopped at the bottom of the stairs.

Ellen and Jo were still there, holding each other on the couch.

Ellen’s lower lip trembled as Dean’s screams carried downstairs. Jo squeezed her eyes shut.

“Ellen,” Bobby knelt in front of her. “You should go home. I’ll call you if anything changes.”

“Why aren’t you calling 911?” Ellen asked sharply. Jo flinched.

Bobby sighed. “You know I can’t.”

Ellen stood, yanking Jo up with her. A fire blazed in Ellen’s eyes. “If he dies for your stupid conspiracy theory, I will never speak to you again, Robert Singer.”

The door slammed behind them, the echo reverberating in Bobby’s ribs. Doubt clawed at his guts. Who did he think he was to treat Dean when he didn’t even know what Dean was? What if this was it? What if he couldn’t help Dean? What if his boy…

Bobby shook himself and shoved the thoughts aside. No time for that now. First the medical kit and the towels.

A high whine escaped Dean’s lips as Bobby came back into the room. The boy was soaked in sweat and shaking. Sam carded his fingers through Dean’s hair, not even looking up as Bobby approached.

“Has he said anything? What happened?” Bobby set the medical kit on the floor next to the bed.

Sam shook his head. “What do we do, Bobby?” Sam’s face was streaked with tears.

“Now we figure out what’s wrong with him,” Bobby set his jaw.

“Here,” Bobby passed Sam a bowl of water and a towel. “Keep him cool.”

Dean jerked away from the cloth, flipping away from Sam and Bobby. They both let out a startled gasp. The back of Dean’s shirt was soaked in red. Bobby moved, tugging Dean’s shirt up. Blood ran in rivulets down Dean’s spine, trailing from his shoulder blades. Bobby snatched the cloth from Sam’s lax fingers and wiped the blood away. Two wounds wept blood, one on each shoulder blade. Bobby squinted, his heart pounding. It almost looked like the skin had burst.

Bobby grabbed the alcohol from the first aid kit and poured it over the left wound. Dean shouted and bucked. Bobby stared. Under the skin, something moved. Like a muscle jumping. It pressed back against the open flesh, struggling to break through. With shaking fingers Bobby prodded against the skin, trying to get a better view. Something poked out from the skin. It dropped onto the sheets, slimy red. Bobby stared.

It was a feather.

Bobby plucked up the feather and swirled it through the water in the bowl. The blood sloughed off and left a soft, tiny pinion in the palm of Bobby’s hand. It was pure white, so snowy it almost seemed to glow.

Bobby jerked his head up and met Sam’s steady gaze. Sam’s jaw was tight, but there was no surprise in his scared eyes.

“Did you know?”

Sam looked away. “No. At least, we weren’t sure.” He looked up at Bobby again. “You always knew we weren’t human. Does this make a difference?”

The challenge was delivered with venom. Bobby examined his feelings. Staring down at Dean, broken and bloody, he didn’t feel repulsed, or angry. The only fear churning in his gut was for Dean.

“No. This changes nothing.”

Dean continued to sprout wings all night long. Sam and Bobby stayed by his side, doing their best to keep him comfortable. Dean whimpered as bone continued to push out of his flesh at an alarming speed. His frame was too small for this, Bobby thought. He was too small, too young, for this pain. Sam kept one hand in his brother’s hair, petting and whispering in Dean’s ear. Bobby wasn’t sure what he was saying, but he was pretty sure Dean wasn’t hearing half of it.

At first light the last of the wings had finally pushed free. At a wingspan of over ten feet, the long white appendages draped over the edges of the bed, trailing on the floor. The white feathers were crusty with dried blood, but no less impressive. Powerful. That was how Bobby would have described them.

Dean slept, exhausted and bloody. Sam nodded off in a chair beside him, their fingers laced together. Bobby shoved himself to his feet and went to call Ellen.

“Well, they aren’t E.T.s.” He said in leiu of a greeting.

“How do you mean?”

 “They’re angels.”

A long pause. “How do you know?” Ellen asked.

“The wings Dean is growing are a pretty fair hint.”

The phone was silent. Bobby waited.

“If that’s true I think I owe you an apology, Bobby.” Ellen said at last.

Bobby scrubbed a hand over his beard. “An ‘I told you so’ is the last thing on my mind right now.”

“How so?”

“How am I supposed to hide the fact that one of my boys has sprouted wings?”

“Well, you could cut them off.” Ellen offered.

Bobby was cold as ice. “That is the worst thing you have ever said to me, Ellen.” He hung up.

Bobby leaned his head against the wall and sighed. Now what? How was Dean supposed to get by with massive wings on his back? How long until Sam grew wings too? For now, Bobby relished in a moment of silence.  A scream shattered the silence. Bobby was halfway up the stairs in the space between two heartbeats.

Bobby careened into the bedroom, Demon Knife at the ready. Sam was on his feet, staring at the opposite wall. Dean was still out cold.

“What’s going on?” Bobby shouted.

Sam shook his head, pointing at the wall. “There was someone there.”

“What?”

“Someone in a trench coat.”

Bobby’s hands went slick. H. How had he found them? Bobby hadn’t seen hide or hair of them since the library.

“Come with me. We’re demon proofing the house. Now.”

Sam nodded, business as usual. Together they laid Devil’s Traps in every doorway. They salted every door and window. Bobby ripped back the rug in the living room and painted a key of Solomon over the floorboards. Bobby sent Sam out to the truck to get the jugs of holy water.

Bobby went to check on Dean, armed with a shotgun full of rock salt. He pushed open the door and stopped cold. A figure stood over Dean’s bed, no more than a shadow in the dark room. A long coat hung to his knees.

Bobby raised his shotgun. “How did you get in here?”

The figure turned. “Hello, Bobby.”

It had been years, but Bobby knew that gravelly voice. Every detail of that night was permanently scarred in his brain pan. The shotgun dropped to his side.

“You’re that fella that faced down the wolf.”

“It wasn’t a wolf. It was a hellhound.”

“Beg your pardon?”

“I believe you call it a Black Dog.” The man moved, and Bobby raised the gun again.

“You were there the night I found Sam and Dean.” Bobby’s pulse rocketed.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

The man clicked his fingers and the lights switched on.

He looked like a tax accountant. Dark hair, rumpled suit, tan trench coat. Blue eyes like fire.

Bobby didn’t lower the gun. “What are you?”

The man inclined his head. “I am Castiel. An angel of the Lord.”

Bobby’s mouth went dry. “An angel?” His eyes glanced off the wings covering Dean’s sleeping form. “I don’t see any feathers, pal.”

The lights flickered. Behind Castiel a huge spectral projection of wings fell across the wall. They were coal black, made of shadow. The darkness faded. The lights fizzled back.

Bobby swallowed hard. “How come yours are all-,”

“Most angels keep their wings on a different astral plane while on earth. It makes things less… difficult.”

Against his better judgement, Bobby believed him. He lowered the gun to his side. Using it would be like blowing bubbles, anyways. The mounting trepidation didn’t dissipate as Castiel’s frown smoothed. “Why are you here?”

“For Dean.”

Fear flashed red hot through Bobby. “You can’t have him.”

Castiel’s eyes flashed silver. “Now that his wings have grown, Dean is considered a fully matured angel. Which means other angels can find him. Like I did. Do you understand how dangerous that is?”

“No, I think it’s you who doesn’t understand,” Bobby argued. “Dean is my son. I don’t know you from Adam. He’s not going with you.”

Castiel tipped his head, curiosity written all over his face. “You truly consider Sam and Dean to be your kin?”

Bobby straightened his spine. “Yes.”

“Curious.”

“Bobby?” Sam stood in the doorway; eyes locked on Castiel.

Bobby glanced at Dean’s sleeping form. “Let’s take this conversation downstairs. I have a feeling it’s about to get heated.”

“Who are you?” Sam whirled on Castiel as soon as his boots hit the living room carpet. Castiel moved across the room. Bobby watched Sam track Castiel’s even steps cross over the key of Solomon and pass outside the circle with ease. Castiel went to the window, lifting the curtains to watch the sunrise. He didn’t give any indication he intended to answer Sam’s question.

“He says he’s an angel,” Bobby finally spit out.

“Bull.”

“Watch your mouth,” Bobby snapped out of habit. He felt like cursing Castiel too. Who did the angels think they were to show up here after sixteen years to claim something that for all intents and purposes, they abandoned? Heaven could go to Hell, for all Bobby cared.

           “I don’t care what kind of heavenly Host you say you are, you are not taking Dean.”

“Perhaps Dean should answer for himself,” Castiel tipped his head. Bobby followed his gaze. Dean swayed at the top of the stairs, bleary eyed and confused. He bent under the weight of his new wings sweeping the floor.

“Bobby?” Dean’s voice was wrecked from screaming. The sound tugged at Bobby’s chest.

“Here, Dean.” Bobby called back.

Dean stumbled down the stairs. Sam rushed to his side. Sam looped Dean’s arm over his shoulder. Dean let him, a testament to how beaten he was.

Dean locked eyes on the stranger in their midst. “Who’re you?”

“Castiel.”

Dean’s eyes widened. “I’ve heard your voice. In my head.”

“What?” Bobby startled.

Castiel nodded like he’d expected this. “Angels can communicate with each other across vast distances.”

“It was like tuning into radio.”

“Dean, your power is growing. You’re going to discover new abilities, and that makes you dangerous.”

Dean stiffened. “Are you here to take me away?”

“Yes.”

“No,” Bobby snapped.

Castiel turned patient eyes on him. “You misunderstand. I don’t intend to harm him. I’m here to make sure Dean, and Sam, are protected from the forces of Heaven and Hell.”

“I don’t get it,” Sam spoke up.

Castiel turned back to the window. “Heaven and Hell are locked in an epic battle. They intend to bring about Armageddon and destroy the world. For that to happen, they need Sam and Dean.”

“For what?” Bobby’s stomach churned.

“I don’t know. You have to understand, I’m not a part of Heaven’s army.” Castiel shrugged. “I’ve gone rogue, as it were.”

He stepped over to Dean, gaze focused as though studying him. “I’m here to offer my help. I can show you how to cloak yourselves from detection. I can teach you to hone the gifts you’re unlocking as you become fully mature angels.”

“I don’t see why I gotta leave to do that,” Dean said, his jaw tight.

“You are in danger.” Castiel said carefully. “Everyone you are around is in danger. Angels and demons will converge on you, to claim you as a weapon for their side.”

Dean’s wings ruffled. “I remember us beating a whole legion of demons on our own. Let ‘em come.”

Castiel shook his head. “These will not be lowly demons. We are talking Princes of Hell. And Archangels, Heaven’s mightiest warriors. You have never faced anything like this.”

“I don’t care what kind of firepower they throw at us. I’m not leaving my family.”

“Dean-,”

Dean interrupted. “You said you can teach me. So teach me. But I’m not going to live in the desert and be a monk or whatever you have planned. I’m staying here.”

Castiel stepped closer, leaning into Dean’s personal space. Dean held his ground, staring him down. The two stood locked in a private war of wills.

Castiel finally sighed. “The stubbornness of humanity has worn off on you, I see.”

“Thanks,” Dean smirked.

Bobby exchanged a glance with Sam, “I guess we’re staying.”

<<Previous     Next >>      Ao3

[pungun]

Billy - A Short Story

It was many years ago when the child was born; the exact year I cannot say. His father was a simple man by the equally simple name of Bob. He had only two loves in this world: biking, and his wife. He loved to feel the wind surround him as he rode through the landscapes of the country; he was never one for city life, and so he did not live near one at all. Things such as gas-burning cars and loud subway systems angered him, and he most defiantly did not want to raise a family in such a place.

   There was only a few disadvantages that came with living in the country: the stores had few things to offer by way of variety, and the doctors were not as well trained as most would like. But Bob didn't mind. He stocked his closet with a simple green polo shirt and brown shorts, taking no care in fancy clothes anyway.

   All was well for Bob and his wife, and it was not long after their marriage that “they” became pregnant. The doctor was old and in a wheelchair, but assured the young couple that he was more than able to help with the birthing process.

   When the day came, Bob's wife labored for hours, and screamed on into the night. It was midnight when the child was born, and the doctor rolled out slowly, holding the child in his hands and presented it to Bob.

“It's a boy,” he said solemnly.

   Bob held the boy up in wonder as he smiled, seemingly unaware of the doctor's attitude. “He's beautiful. My little Billy...”

“Sir there...there is something you should know.”

“Yes? Is something wrong with the child?”

“No no he's...he's fine. It's your wife, sir. She...she didn't make it. The child...Billy...came with such a force that he...took some of her organs out with him. She saw his face before he died. She must have been happy at least for that.”

   Bob held his boy close and fel to his knees. His wife had been all that he had, and now...she was gone.

“Billy...” Bob whispered, sobbing gently “I'll never leave your sid as I did hers. You shall be with me always. I swear it.”

   In the following years, Bob kept his promise. He built a small port on his bike and attached a seat for Billy to sit in.

“See? Now you can go with daddy everywhere. We'll never be apart.” Bob smiled, wanting nothing but his son's safety. In fact, any and every time Billy was hurt; even in the slightest, Bob would shout out “dammit” to himself as a chastising for his failure to protect.

   Every day Bob would take Billy with him on his rides through the country, and one day he passed a rather tattered looking bum in a wheelchair on the street. Bob stopped and made sure his son looked at him.

“That's Willy. He used to be the local doctor until...” Bob sighed sadly “You stay away from that man. He's nothing but a drunkard now, and he deserves no better.”

   Billy nodded and started at the man, who looked up at him with eyes that showed nothing but regret. Billy looked down at his old but stable wheelchair and smiled as his dad rode off.

   That night Billy snuck out of bed and walked the long country rode to the 'town red-neck's' house. She was a fat old broad by the name of Betty, and kept all sorts of foolish things around her trailer. Billy had seem some old fire-works in a rusted-out shed there before, and went now to retrieve them. Instead he found something much better. There was a rocket of sorts in her shed; probably smuggled in from some forsaken country by her local dealer, Larry. Billy took it, along with a few tools, and wandered out into the night.

   It didn't take him long to find Willy, who was slumped over his many bottles in a drunken stupor of a sleep. Billy smirked once more as he attached the rocket to his wheelchair, then hurried back home.

   The next day on Billy and Bob's ride through the country, they saw a strange sight for their part of the world: several police cars and an old ambulance were parked around a strange, burning heap. Bob got up and wheeled his bike over slowly, telling Billy not to un-buckle himself.

“What's going on?” He asked, trying to sneak a peak at the wreckage.

“We think it's a kind of...radical suicide. Old Doctor Willy attached a...ROCKET to his wheelchair and bolted straight for Betty's trailer. He died on impact and, unfortunately, took Betty out with the blaze.”

“My God...” Bob looked over at Billy, not wanting him to see such horrors. But, to his surprise, Billy was smiling. It was a strange smile, and it reminded him of the smile Billy had when he first held him in his arms, after his wife died. He decided to take Billy home.

   The next few weeks were strange ones, as the local newspaper reported odd deaths around town. Larry, local dealer by night and lawn-mower for hire, had apparently slipped and fallen right under his lanmover as the blades were running. A local couple of tourists from the city, Mike and Mary, had a tampered fuel line on their scooter and it exploded. There was even a report of the local nut-job scientist, Harry, having his head cut off by his new “self-serve helicopter”. Every day Bob got more and more worried for the safety of his son and, one night, decided that they had to get out of this town.

   Bob hired a moving company to take care of their personal affairs for them, and took Billy on his bike to make a sort of adventure out the move. The rode for days, stopping at motels and various diners, all the while laughing and trying to bond. Billy, however, was not having that much fun. In fact, he seemed to be a tad depressed. With every day that went by he got more and more bored with the entire situation, and eventually Bob had to ask him why.

“I want to go home.” Billy said, staring off into the empty distance “There are no people here.”

“I know, but we're off to a new town. There will be new people to play with.”

“But I want to play with them NOW.” He shouted back in a strangely demanding voice “I miss...the excitement of it all.”

“I''m sorry Billy, but too many...accidents happened there. It wasn't safe.”

“There'll be accidents where-ever I go...” Billy muttered.

   That night Billy snuck out of the motel room and went towards his Father's bike. He hadn't planned on hurting his father, but the boredom was too much for him to withstand. He loosened a bolt on the bike's chain and went back inside, preparing for tomorrow.

   The next day Billy and Bob went out for breakfast, then Bob strapped his son onto the seat before heading off.

“Be careful not to move around too much back there. We have to ride on the highway for a bit.”

“Highways are dangerous, right dad?”

   Bob smiled. “Yes they are. So we'll be super-EXTRA careful, right?”

   Billy smirked. “Of course.”

   It didn't take long for the pair to reach the highway and, when they did, it didn't take them long to pick up speed. It was as if they were being boosted forward, and Billy enjoyed it. The speedy, but gentle ride came to an abrupt halt though as the bike chain snapped, sending Billy and Bob twisting wildly towards an on-coming truck. They flew towards it so fast and seemingly out of nowhere, that it could almost be called a...turbo dismount. Needless to say, they didn't survive the crash.

   Billy awoke a few hours later in a warm place surrounded by fire. The very walls seemed to be oozing it, and he called out for his dad.

“Bobby isn't here, Billy.” A strange voice called out, emerging from the shadows. It was a large, red demon who smiled down at Billy with rancid teeth.

“Where am I? Where's daddy?”

“He's gone to a MUCH better place then this, boy-o.”

“Then why did I come here?”

“Because you were a bad boy in life, and so must be punished now, in death.”

   Billy looked up at the monster with true fear in his eyes and his own form seemed to shrink and change.

“I'm sending you to a place where you will be surrounded forever by the tourture that you love so much, but where you will also be a part of it. I have chosen the best person for the job of punishing you for eternity; a soul who has the ability to hate you, and you alone, with such a passion that you will surely feel maximum pain.”

“But...if I am already in Hell, where am I to go?”

“Oh, to a lovely place,” the creature smiled “Happy Wheels.”

@therealjacksepticeye

[the--blackdahlia]

Dirt (Dean x Reader)

Title: Dirt

Summary: A dirt field by Bobby’s house changes Dean’s life

Warnings: None

Bobby had a large field just to the west of his house that he never did much with. At one point in time, he and Karen were going to be farmers, but it never came to be. He tried to plant things there for one season, using free labor in the form of the Winchester boys when John would drop them off there, but it didn’t pan out so well. So the field stayed empty, but Bobby could never bring himself to sell it off. So Dean took full advantage of it.

 Before he even had his driver’s license, he waited for a large downpour. Then he took the keys to one of Bobby’s truck, loaded Sam up in the passenger seat, and took off in mudding in the field. Sam’s laughter was enough to make Dean keep going, even when he spun the tires because he got stuck. He knew that he would have to wash the truck and would probably have to do more chores for this, but it was all worth it.

 When Dean was 17, he used a fake ID that John had gave him to go buy a keg at the liquor store. He called some contacts that he knew from living with Bobby for quite a while and soon, the field was filled with pickups and souped up muscle cars, the headlights bright to light up the party, classic rock blaring from a boom box one of the kids had brought. Sam snuck out of the house to the party and got drunk at 13.

 “Sammy?” Dean asked, seeing his brother sitting on the tailgate of one of the guy’s trucks, a solo cup in his hand.

 “Hey De!” Sam said, swaying as he waved. Dean glared his brother down and grabbed him by his arm, pulling him off the tailgate. “Hey!”

 “You’re thirteen Sam.” Dean growled at him. Sam tried to dig his heels in the dusty ground.

 “I didn’t ‘rink that much.” Sam giggled. He pulled away from Dean suddenly to puke. Dean rolled his eyes at his lightweight brother. But that one moment changed Dean’s life. A girl, right about Dean’s age, came running up to them.

 “Oh my god, is he okay?” She asked.

 “Huh? Oh yeah he’s fine.” Dean said. “Stupid kid thought it would be a good idea to sneak out here and get drunk.” Dean looked up at the girl then and almost forgot how to breathe. Yeah, he had already been with quite a few girls at his age, due to moving around a lot. But he hadn’t ever seen a girl that took his breath away like she did. He knew it sounded like something from a chick flick, but he was a little glad that John had settled him and Sam at Bobby’s for a while, even if it was only because CPS was sniffing around.

 “I’m (Y/n).” She said with a smile as she handed Sam a water bottle from her car. She had been on her way out when she saw Sam puking his guts out, and she was a bit of a mother hen.

 “Dean.” Dean finally managed to say. “Were you leaving?”

 “Uh, yeah.” She said with a shrug. “My friend ditched me for some guy and they turned off the classic rock for pop. So I’m just gonna head out.”

 “Hey wait.” Dean said. “Let me run kiddo here back home and I’ll come back. I’ve got a kick ass cassette tape collection and trust me, there’s no pop.” (Y/n) smiled and laughed. Dean dragged Sam back to Bobby’s place. He had planned to lay into the kid, but the hangover in the morning would probably be punishment enough. Instead, he headed back out to that field and spent the night talking with (Y/n), even after everyone else had left and it was just the two of them on the hood of her car.

 “I hope my dad doesn’t come back for me.” Dean said, laying back against the windshield and looking up at the sky. (Y/n) looked over at him.

 “What makes you say that? I’m sure he misses you and will come back for you.” Dean shook his head.

 “After being here for six months, my brother and I not having to move school after a couple weeks, and just getting a sense of normal, I don’t want to go back to life on the road.” Dean explained. “And honestly, meeting you tonight kinda has drove that idea home.” (Y/n) smiled. She was sure that he was trying to get into her pants and the next day he wouldn’t even know her name, but he was cute.

 But man, was she wrong.

 ****

 Dean didn’t go to college. Was he was done with high school, he was done with education. That was until Bobby got him into a technical school to make him a licensed mechanic. John hadn’t taken the boys back with him. Sam had locked himself in his room so that John couldn’t take him. He had gotten friends, growing really close to one of them, and he wasn’t ready to leave. Dean was just a couple weeks away from graduating and Bobby had told John to shove it when he said that the hunt was more important. John came by from time to time, like for Dean’s graduation from High school and technical school, but he wasn’t there all the time.

 (Y/n) had been mistaken when she thought that Dean had just wanted in her pants the one time. He took her out on several dates before he even tried it, and he even called her the next morning. They continued dating even after high school. (Y/n) went off to a community college to get her nursing license. One day, while she was at school, Dean set Bobby down at his kitchen table.

 “What is it?” Bobby asked. Dean pushed a wad of cash to him.

 “Down payment.” Dean said. Bobby raised an eyebrow. “I want to marry (Y/n). And I want to build her a house. So, I want to buy the field from you.”

 “Dean…”

 “I know what you’re going to say and I know that it’s been in your family for years, but it’s the place where I met her and I think it would be a perfect place to start our lives.” Bobby just smiled at Dean.

 “Dean, what I was going to say was you better put that money towards supplies.” Bobby said. “That field is more yours than it is mine. To me, it’s just a big patch of dirt. To you, it’s always been much more. So it’s yours, no down payment.”

 “Wait…you’re serious?” Dean asked. Bobby nodded. A smile spread on Dean’s face.

 “Let me make some phone calls and get you some help.” Bobby said. “I think you’re going to need it.”

 ****

 Some old hunting friends of Bobby and John’s stopped by to help Dean out. He was still working at an auto repair shop while (y/n) went to school. She would come home from a long day and make the guys food. Caleb, Pastor Jim, Joshua, Bobby, Sam, and Dean would come into Bobby’s place and eat the food that (Y/n) had prepared. Sam was getting ready to head off to college soon, but he wanted to help Dean get his own place. His big brother deserved that much.

 “Boys, I have a question for you guys.” (Y/n) said as she passed out beers to everyone, even Sam.

 “What is it babe?” Dean asked, gladly accepting the bottle from her. She smiled some.

 “Can you guys get this house down in the next seven months?” She asked. The kitchen got silent. Dean looked up at (Y/n). “Because I don’t think Bobby wants to get rid of this baby only to have a new one running around.” She played with Sam’s long hair. A smile spread on Sam’s face as he looked over at Dean.

 “I’m…you’re…” Dean stood up and walked over to (Y/n). “Are you pregnant?” She nodded. He pulled her to him and kissed her deeply.

 “I’m going to be an uncle!” Sam said loudly. The hunters all clapped and cheered, making (Y/n) smile. She knew about Dean’s past life as a hunter, or the fact that Bobby was still doing it. It was one of the first things he told her about when they started getting serious. He didn’t want to keep any secrets from her. And she knew he was putting symbols and charms in the bones of the house to make it safe. But now she had several other hunters who were going to be protective now.

 “Should we call your dad?” (Y/n) asked. She had met John Winchester about six times in her time with Dean. Dean’s smile fell some.

 “If he pulls himself out of whatever bottle he’s got himself in and makes his way back here, then sure, we’ll tell him. But I’m not going out of my way to.” Dean said. He had had enough time away from being John’s soldier and he could see why Sam always fought so hard. (Y/n) smiled and kissed him again.

 “Well, let’s get to eating. I don’t want this food to get cold.” (Y/n) said, sitting down by Dean and drinking her lemonade while Dean dug into his food.

 ****

 The week before Sam went off to college, he went with (Y/n) on a tour of thrift stores in the area to find furniture. Caleb had already told Dean and (Y/n) that he had things for them, so baby furniture and a new bed for them were off the list. Dean and the others were working hard to finish the house. The siding was almost up and Joshua was the brave one to put the roof on. Soon, that field of dirt was starting to look like a home. Pastor Jim blessed the empty house, allowing it to bring in peace and happiness.

 What had originally been a yearlong process was done in five months. They had just settled into their new place when (Y/n) went into labor and brought a handsome little boy into the world.

 “What about Jensen?” (Y/n) asked, holding her son on her chest. He didn’t have a name and they had been a little busy getting everything ready that they hadn’t really thought of names yet. Dean looked up from the baby name book he was looking through. They wanted to give him a name before they had to leave the hospital.

 “Jensen? After that actor you have a crush on? I don’t think so.” Dean said, rolling his eyes some. “What about naming him after Bobby?”

 “He just doesn’t look like a Robert to me.” (Y/n) said with a shrug. She paused for a second. “What about just naming him Dean Jr.?” Dean looked up at her. “We could call him DJ.” Dean gently ran his fingers on his son’s arm.

 “Hi there DJ.” Dean said with a smile. (Y/n) laughed.

 “Looks like we have a winner.”

 ****

 DJ was toddling around outside in his newest AC/DC shirt. (Y/n) was planting some flowers while Dean was at work. DJ had just started walking about a week ago, but he was already doing really well. He had a plastic lawn mower that he liked to push around. The dirt from the field was covered with a nice lawn thanks to Joshua. (Y/n) watched DJ push his lawnmower around when a big, black truck pulled in at Bobby’s. (Y/n) looked over and watched as John Winchester climbed out of the truck and made his way to Bobby’s place, pausing just for a second to gaze at the new house next door.

 The Impala pulled into their driveway as John came out of the house. Dean got out of his car and saw his dad standing in Bobby’s driveway. He had been there for Sam’s graduation, but hadn’t stuck around long after that. So he didn’t know about Dean and (y/n) being engaged with a son, or their house, or anything like that. So as he looked over at the neighbor’s house, he was shocked to see Dean standing there, holding a tiny version of him with (Y/n) at his side.

 “Well, he pulled himself out of his bottle.” (Y/n) said, remembering what Dean had said when she told him she was pregnant with DJ. He nodded and took her hand and walked with her and DJ over to John.

 “Sir.” Dean said.

 “Hey Dean. (Y/n).” He smiled. “Who’s this? And where’s Sammy?”

 “Sam’s in Palo Alto, California.” Dean explained. “He got into Stanford studying law. And this is DJ.”

 “Our son.” (Y/n) added. John’s eyes widened and he looked between the two of them.

 “You had a song?” John asked. He sighed. “I’m sorry I haven’t been around…”

 “Dad, not now.” Dean said softly. “I’ve made a life for myself. I got a job, a hot fiancée, a house, and a son. It would’ve happened whether or not you had been around, but I have a feeling it happened sooner because of the path we chose.” John nodded, knowing he deserved it. After a couple near death hunts, it made him realize that Dean and Sam deserved the life they had with Bobby. A room to call their own, friends, school. Being normal.

 “Can I see him?” John asked, looking at DJ. Dean looked between the two before handing DJ over to John. DJ pulled on John’s beard a little and smiled when John made noises. (Y/n) watched them for a little bit before turning to look at Dean. Dean sighed some.

 “Dad, if you ever need a place to stay while you’re passing through, we have an extra room.” Dean said. “Just call to make sure Sam’s not home. As much as Bobby loves us, I think that us being in our own place is nice.” John nodded.

 “Thanks son.” John said. “It means a lot.” Dean nodded.

 “Well, guess I better show you the house.” He sighed. “Just ignore how Sam decorated the room you’ll be in. I think he was dropped on his head or something.” John laughed and carried DJ as he followed Dean. (Y/n) stood over by Bobby’s house, the older hunter coming to stand by her.

 “So John found his way back.” Bobby said. (Y/n) nodded.

 “I think it’ll do him some good.” She said. “But if he hurts Sam, Dean, or DJ, I will kill him.” She looked over at Bobby. He wouldn’t put it past her either. She was protective of her family and she wasn’t about to let anything destroy that.

Tag List: @petrovadixon @smoothdogsgirl @tornjeansandabrokenheart @jewelsbaby98 @theas-bedtime-stories @aiaranradnay

[obsessedwithtoomanythings]

A Recap of Sam Winchester

Characters: Sam Winchester, Sully, Dean Winchester, Brady, Jessica Moore, John Winchester (Mentioned), Metatron, Lucifer, Ruby, Amara (The Darkness), Amelia, Mary Winchester

Pairing: Mentions of Sam x Jessica, Sam x Ruby, and Sam x Amelia

Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Torture, Intense Violence, Swearing, Major Character Deaths, Implied Smut, Spoilers all the way up until Season 12

Rating: R (Violence and Mild Language)

Words: Around 5,000

Author’s Note: Hey everyone, this is my entry for the Sam Winchester Big Bang. I hope you guys like it!! My artist is @owehimeverything and she is going to be drawing this amazing art that I will put up as soon as it’s posted!! Thank you, guys!!! Everything in italics is the scene from 11x08 when Sam is talking to Sully. Thank you @samwinchesterbigbang for hosting this wonderful challenge!!!!!! This entire story is told from Sam’s perspective.

Link To Art Masterpost

Dropping the bloodied rag into an empty toolbox, Sully sat down with ease on the green lawn mower, his rainbow suspenders bringing a smile to my face, despite the guilt. I was a mean kid. Despite our current conversation, Sully still wears a smile, for my benefit, I assume.

“You know, I’m not gonna lie to you. When you went off to hunt, I considered that one of my biggest failures…”

The fact that he thought it was okay to just show up here, inserting himself into my life, pisses me off. There is nothing he can say to defend himself for this.

“Dad’s on a hunting trip, and he hasn’t been home in a few days.”

And just like that, the world I tried so hard to flee from comes crashing, demolishing everything.

My eyes glance down, guilt returning as Sully continues.

“It just seemed so clear to me that you wanted something else…”

‘Come on, Sam… You have one chance at this. You know this.’ I mentally shout at myself. I have been saving up for this test for months, managing to keep it from Dean and Dad. The LSAT cost $140 out of pocket, and when I finally had enough, it took months until I finally found a place that would give it to me last minute. Emery, Utah. This was my chance. Dean and Dad are probably in the process of blowing a werewolf into next century, and here I am, racking my brain for Government Credibility Statements.

‘When pregnant lab rats are given caffeine equivalent to the amount a human would consume by drinking six cups of coffee per day, an increase in the incidence of birth defects results. When asked if the government would require warning labels on products containing caffeine, a spokesperson stated that it would not because the government would lose credibility if the finding of these studies were to be refuted in the future. Which of the following is most strongly suggested by the government's statement above?’

‘Think, Sam. You know this. You have 20 minutes, and this is your last question. You can do this. Just… Think.’

My thought process is jumbled and chaotic, jumping from pregnant rats to werewolves to ‘Why the hell am I doing this?’ before the answer presents itself.

‘If the government acts before the study can be proven conclusively, it will lose credibility… Meaning the answer is C.’

With a smile, I fill in the bubble with a C inside. The papers crinkle as I grab them, dropping them on the supervisor's desk. He looks up at me with a small smile, and I feel the dimples form on my cheeks as I smile back, proud. I can do this. I can get out.

“Sam, this is Jessica Moore.” Brady says, a smile painted on his face. He’s gotten into some nasty stuff lately, and I’ve been trying to knock him back on track, yet it’s not really working. This woman standing in front of me with her hand outstretched though, she’s one of the most beautiful women- no, one of the most beautiful people, that I have ever met. I quickly realize that I'm staring at her, so I reach my arm forward and shake her hand. Jessica’s hands are small and soft, almost like she applies lotion all the time, but they have just enough force that I can tell she knows she doesn’t need a man in her life. The minute our hands part, I miss the feeling of her palm in mine.

This is the girl I’m gonna marry. I know it, and it may seemed rushed or stupid, but I know it.

I’m gonna marry Jessica Moore.

The day we moved into our apartment is one I will never forget.

Jess knows exactly what she's doing to me. Her subtle glances and fleeting grazes have me on edge, and she knows this. I can tell by her proud smirk every time she catches me staring at her, her bottom lip caught between her teeth in a sort of teasing.

We take our time unpacking, playful banter filling up the once dull apartment building.

The heat explodes before my eyes, the love of my life, flames swallowing up her small frame. Every memory, gone in a flash.

“But…” Sully stops for a moment, almost as if to sigh in disbelief, then continues.

“I was wrong. And it all worked out, didn’t it.” The proud smile Sully wears makes me want to cry. He’s so proud when I have done nothing but hurt the people around me.

“I don’t know about that…” I say, trailing off.

The pain is a different kind of pain. One that I’ve never experienced. It starts in my right arm, this blot of agony, twisting and growing every moment. Then it spreads.

It crawls it’s way up my arm, through my shoulder, and once it sweeps across my chest, it’s almost unbearable. It’s as if someone is running a burning cloth not overtop of my skin, but under it, it’s heated tendrils ripping and scorching my internal organs.

And while the burn continues, there is something else there. Something… Pure. It’s as if the torment is wiping away something.

“These trials… They’re purifying me.”

I remember the hellhounds blood as it spilled over me, covering me. The misery and pain didn’t begin until I spoke the latin words, signalling the beginning. The invisible knot in my inner arm grew and grew until it forced a groan of agony out past my lips. Then, as quick as it appeared, it was gone.

But the feeling still lingered. This awareness of what was happening inside me. It started small. I noticed I was sleeping more, and I was more tired when I was awake. Then the coughing started. I ignored it until blood would come with it. That was when I grew concerned. Although I knew I couldn’t tell Dean.

The second trial took more out of me. It wasn’t just the act of dragging Bobby’s bruised and tortured soul out of hell and through purgatory. It was the whole of it.

Compared to the twisting and screaming of that hunk of agony in my arm, carrying Bobby’s soul was a cake-walk. Slicing through monster’s heads was basic knowledge and instinct. This pain in my arm that grew again and again after the learned latin left my throat was not. This was foreign, and I didn’t know how to combat it.

And here I am. The King of Hell chained to a chair, tears spilling from his eyes, pleading for death, savior, something. Anything.

It’s almost over. I can feel my limbs twitching and failing with every movement as I move closer to Crowley, his soul soon to be healed, begging to be free of this torture. The cut on my palm is a dull ache compared to the incinerating heat blazing just under every inch my skin.

The door flies open with a thud, the sound filling my ears as I see my brother cry out for me to stop. But how can I?

“Easy there. Okay? Just take it easy. We have a slight change of plan.” He says, walking towards me as if I’m some rabid animal that will lash out at any moment. Then his words hit me. Change of plan? Why? I am moments away from ridding this world of demons.

“What?”

Closing the gates of hell… It’s all that matters now. I thought Dean knew that.

“What’s going on? Where’s Cas?” The words pour out and I can’t stop them. Cas would never let him do this. Cas wants these gates shut just as much as I do.

“Metatron lied. You finish this trial… You’re dead, Sam.” He says that like it would be a bad thing. Like I haven’t screwed up enough already. I broke this world so many times, I think I should be the one to fix it. I’ve let Dean down so many times, I can’t handle doing it again. If I finish this… I can’t hurt anyone anymore.

“So?”

But Sully isn’t having any of my disbelief in myself.

“Come On. You’re a hero. Sam… You saved the world.”

“Sammy, can you hear me?” Dean pleads, but I can’t save him. I can’t move my own limbs, let alone stop Lucifer from speaking using my voice.

“You know, I tried to be nice… For Sammy’s sake. But you… Are such a pain…” He pauses, gripping the lapels of Dean’s jacket.

“In my ass.” The cry I let out can’t be heard by anyone other than the angel inside me as my arms force Dean onto the hood of the sleek black car. The gunshots cause the monster in me to turn towards the source. Bobby fires off another shot, the sound filling the empty field. The bullet pierces my chest, blasting a hole right through my heart. The moment the shot stops, I know what will happen. I try to take back control, to stop Bobby’s inevitable death, but despite my clawing and screaming, Lucifer raises my arm and with a simple twist of my wrist, Bobby’s gone. And I couldn’t save him.

Dean’s outcry drags Lucifer’s attention back to the horrified hunter.

“Yes.” The devil grabs Dean’s ankle, dragging him down the hood of his beloved Baby, before swinging out my elbow, it colliding with Dean’s cheekbone before I cry out again. I’m fighting him so vigorously, but it’s futile. The Devil holds the floor.

“Sammy? Are you in there?” Dean requests, and I try to tell him that I am. That I’m trying. I’m trying to save him.

That I’m not strong enough.

“Oh, he’s in here, all right.” His fist making contact with Dean again, causes another cry to leave me, but Dean can’t hear it, just like all the other cries.

“And he’s gonna feel the snap of your bones.” Another punch.

“Every single one.” I brace myself for another hit, but Lucifer uses my hands to yank my brother to his feet.

“We’re gonna take our time.” Every blow that my body lands on Dean, I feel my heart falling. Every jab. Every punch. Every hit. I feel Dean’s bones snapping under my fingers, the sensation forcing a million silent whimpers from my lips.

“Sam, it’s okay. It’s okay. I’m here. I’m here. I’m not gonna leave you.” Dean gasps, and I find comfort in this. Although the emotions still swell in my heart, I know Dean won’t leave me. Lucifer doesn’t find comfort in this however, landing two more punches to the hunter’s already broken face before Dean speaks again.

“I’m not gonna leave you.”

The pull and draw of Lucifer’s power that will eventually land on my brother is all I can feel. I know this is how it ends.

My eyes land on the plastic green army man lodged in the ashtray, stuck there since Dean and I wedged it in there. Suddenly, almost as if it’s physically tangible, something shifts. The memories. Everything that happened in this car.

The smiles.

The pranks.

The music that was too loud.

The quick snoozes.

The fighting.

The pain.

The sweat.

The tears.

The blood.

Dean’s blood. I can feel it covering my clenched fist, and all at once, I feel it.

I’m in control.

The shutter rips through me as I release Dean, my body once again my own.

“It’s okay, Dean. It’s gonna be okay. I’ve got him.” Dean needs the reassurance from me now. Although I can feel the fear rising in my chest, I can also feel Lucifer, fighting his way back into control, and I know I won’t last much longer.

The rings feel cold and foul against my fingers as I throw them to the ground, the words to open the cage rising up like a distant memory. The ground rumbles and shakes, dropping off into a hole fit for suicide. I allow myself one last glance at my brother, whose bloodied and broken face will be the last image of him I ever see. A cry of my name forces me to cast my eyes away to Ada- Michael.

“It’s not gonna end this way! Step back!”

“You’re gonna have to make me!”

“I have to fight my brother, Sam! Here and now! It’s my destiny!” But I don’t give a damn about destiny. Personally, I think destiny can kiss my ass. I widen my arms, feeling myself plunge into the worst hell has to offer. A hand twists into my jacket, but my momentum causes me to tug the added weight down with me, dragging not only my own soul and Lucifer’s, but my brother’s as well. I hear his cry as we plummet into darkness, and all at once, there is nothing.

The utter confusion must be showing on my face at his words, because Sully begins to explain how he knew about Lucifer.

“I keep track of my kids. And you did really good, Sam.” Some part of me knows that he doesn’t know everything, or he chooses to ignore it.

“Not all good. There was some bad…”

“She’s in the way.” Dean says, his eye next to the sniper scope, ready to fire the killing shot to end the lead skinwalker.

“Take it anyway!” I respond, knowing the woman will be dead. Not that it makes any difference to me, cause the monster will be dead, and that’s our job.

“And some really bad…”

It started off as means to an end. A way to cope without Dean. He had been there for as long as I can remember, and now he was gone.

Ruby was helping me. I told myself this more often than I should have to, but she was a demon after all. The first time it happened, I couldn’t believe I went through with it. I told myself, just once.

Then it happened again. And again. And again. There was something about her that drew me in, over and over, even after Dean got back. Even when I knew it was wrong. There was no denying that I loved the way she felt wrapped around me, all dark hair and black eyes. Every time it happened, I told myself, never again. Then she would lure me in with the promise of what I craved - no. Needed - most, and I would give in. I would sink into her corruption, allow myself to be covered and overtaken by her malicious intents. When it continued happening, it truly begs the question, when did I become the monster I was trying to destroy?

The high that came with the blood was one I will never be able to replicate. The feeling of finally being strong enough to do something about problems. Finally, I wasn’t the weak little brother anymore. I was stronger than Dean. I was strong enough to kill Lilith.

Although at this moment, I wasn’t. With the intense highs of having the blood, came the intense lows when I needed it.

She was so close. I could practically hear her blood pumping, loud and teasing my ears. When the knife made a small incision on her neck, the blood spreading out over her creamy skin, I gave in. My lips close around the cut, the metallic tang of her blood spilling over my tastebuds, creating a surge of renewal and dominance that I craved since Ruby left me high and dry.

I hear the cry of another demon being destroyed and I swivel around to face Dean. His face is a mixture of shock and horror. I can feel the blood dripping down my chin, knowing Dean and this little girl who Castiel is possessing can see it. The demon beneath me stirs, and I rise the knife above my head before bringing it down, wasting her. I feel the power rip through me as I raise my arm, pulling the small-time demon from Amelia Novak, saving her life. The look Dean is giving me makes me feel dirty, yet, due to the blood pumping through me, I can barely find it within myself to give a shit.

She can’t run from me anymore. This is the place where Lilith dies. The blood is pounding my ears, and I can’t tell if it’s mine, or Lilith’s, but frankly, I don’t care.

“I’ve been waiting for this… For a very long time.” This time, it’s me who has the advantage. She can’t beat me. Not this time.

“Then give me your best shot.” She has no idea what she just said. It’s almost as if I’m not even in control of my own body anymore as my arm raises, the sound of her screams filling my ears alongside the heartbeat as her body glows orange in death. The thrill of her in front of me almost blocks out the sound of a voice crying my name. Almost. But I hear it. It’s Dean.

I turn and wonder ‘When did that door get closed?’ before I hear my name again, coming from the other side. Dean.

Ruby’s screaming form comes into view, her words melding with all the other conflicting sounds filling my clogged brain. However, one sound comes through and steals my attention. Laughter.

“You turned yourself into a freak. A monster. And now you’re not gonna bite?” Lilith’s small chuckle turns my confusion at Dean to rage and anger, like a light switch flipping on. That was the last mistake she was ever going to make.

“I’m sorry, but that is honestly, adorable.”

Every fiber of my being focuses on her form clad in white, her voice like the trigger of a gun, creating a feeling of darkness that starts in my heart and spreads, like full body immersion into a tub of liquid lead. Her body screams as it begins to change to orange once more, death closing in on her due to my hand squeezing, as if I am physically tugging the life out of her. Her cries and howls are music to my ears that no instrument or voice can replicate. The sight of her body crumbling before me in defeat is what I will dream about, and they will be good dreams.

I am only allowed to revel in my success for mere moments before I notice her blood curling around, and with no obvious imperfections in the floor, I can’t understand why it’s moving in such a pattern. Ruby stares on in awe as I open my lips to speak.

“What the hell?”

“I can’t believe it.” Ruby gasps, a look of pure baffled happiness grazing her face.

“Ruby, what’s going on?” I question again, bewilderment causing me to continue the inquisition.

“You did it. I mean, it was a little touch-and-go there for a while, but… You did it.” She replies, as if I would understand what she is talking about.

“What? What did I do?” This wasn’t supposed to happen. I was supposed to kill Lilith and that would be it. What’s happening?

“You opened the door.” No.

“And now he’s free at last.” NO!

“He’s free at last!”

“No, no, no. No he - Lilith - I stopped her. I killed her!” I plead, but deep down, I know what I’ve done.

“And it is written, that the first demon shall be the last seal. And you bust her open. Now guess who’s coming to dinner.” Ruby giggles, her pride and joy filling out her face as I cross my arms, locking them behind my head in panic.

“Oh, my god.” What have I done? What. Have. I. Done?

“Guess again.” Ruby smirks, before continuing, as if her tale of woe is going to change what I have just released.

“You don’t even know how hard this was - All the demons out for my head. No one knew… I WAS THE BEST OF THOSE SONS OF BITCHES! THE MOST LOYAL! NOT EVEN ALASTAIR KNEW! ONLY LILITH!” She cries out, as if the words spilling from her lips will offer me any form of comfort.

“Yeah, I’m sure you’re a little angry right now, but I mean, come on, Sam! Even you have to admit, I’m - I’m awesome!!” Far from it.

“You bitch. You lying BITCH!” My arms swing out, ready to attack her, to do something. Anything, but all that happens is the wind blowing her face and hair like a weak gust of summer breeze. The movement forces me to my knees in defeat, knowing I have no strength left.

“Don’t hurt yourself, Sammy. It’s useless. You shot your payload on the boss.” The look on her face is almost one of rejection and hurt, but it is nothing like what I’m going to do to her in the future. Then it hits me. She used me. She tricked me into ingesting copious amounts of blood, treated it like heroine to a junkie. And that’s what I am. A junkie.

“The blood… You poisoned me.”

“No. It wasn’t the blood. It was you. It was you… And your choices. I just gave you the options, and you chose the right path. Every time. You didn’t need the feather to fly, you had it in you the whole time, Dumbo.” Her words are like bullets, slamming into my heart, piercing what little humanity I have left. Knowing that this wasn’t the blood, that this was me, and me alone... it’s like a weight landing on your shoulders that is too big for you to even stand upright without being crushed under it.

“I know it’s hard to see it now, but this is a miracle so long coming.” Ruby comforts, kneeling down to me like she did the first night I gave into her.

“Everything Azazel did and Lilith did - just to get you here. And you were the only one who could do it.” The feeling of her fingers stroking through my hair used to give me the smallest form of comfort but now, now the feeling causes bile to rise in my throat.

“Why? Why me?” The question I will ask myself the rest of my natural life.

“Because… It had to be you, Sammy. It always had to be you. You saved us. You set him free. And he’s gonna be grateful. He’s gonna repay you in ways that you can’t even imagine.” The loud clang of a door breaking open pulls Ruby out of her sales pitch, forcing her to her feet as Dean moves ever closer to her.

“You’re too late.” She smirks, pride growing on her face.

“I don’t care.” Ruby moves to run, but she’s too late as I lunge up to grab her tiny frame as Dean tears into her with her own knife. The static sound fills the room as Ruby dies, her worthless life snuffed out before she even has a chance to greet the angel she calls father.

With stinging tears and a quivering lip, I look up at Dean, sorrow and regret filling my eyes before I speak.

“I’m sorry.”

I hesitate before I speak again, weary of the cracks in my voice.

“Sully… I screwed up. I let something out into the world that was…” But I don’t get the chance to finish before Sully is speaking.

“You mean The Darkness?”

“This is good. Dean, this is good. The mark is off your arm. Nothing crazy happened. You get your baby back.” I assure him, placing the keys in his hand, hoping it of all things will bring him comfort.

“Yeah, I’m sure everything is perfectly fine.” Dean mutters sarcastically. The moment the words leave his mouth, lightning crashes overhead, striking the ground over and over again, igniting miniature fires in several different locations before going quiet again.

“What did Death call this again?”

“The Darkness.”

We sit in silence, but only for a moment before black plumes of smoke, similar to demons, shoots from the ground in flumes, all of them reaching like tentacles into one focused point, creating a dome of what we can only assume is pure evil.

“Get in the car.” Dean says and I quickly agree, my feet carrying me towards our symbol of safety.

“Let’s go. Let’s go.” Dean encourages, flinging his door open to climb inside. Once I’m in as well, Dean whips the car around like I’ve seen him do probably over a hundred times, but this time is different. This time, the car shudders and sinks down on the left side. The gas pedal continues to do nothing as Dean slams on it, desperate for the car to move, if only an inch of two. The black cloud moves closer and closer with every passing second until it’s practically on top of us before I cry out.

“Dean!”

“That’s what the others are calling it. I’ve just heard rumors.” Sully confesses, but it’s not enough. He needs to know that I can fix this. I’ve already messed up enough. I can fix this.

“I’m gonna fix it. I am. Dean and I, we’re gonna fix it… It’s just…” I trail off, for fear of speaking aloud what I know God wants, but can’t bring myself to admit.

“What is it?” Sully inquires, concern etched on his features.

“I think God, wants to help us fix it. But… I don’t think I can do what he’s asking…” I admit. The cage… I can’t… I can’t go back there…

“How bad is it?” Sully presses on, and I know I can’t lie to him.

“There’s this cage… In hell… And it’s where they keep Lucifer… And I’ve been in it… And it’s…”

I have never experienced this much pain. To have my skin peeled off, strip, by strip, inch by horrifying inch. Or having boiling water dumped over my skin, the burn reminding me of holy water being poured on demons.

The devil burns cold, my ass. The heat of this place, the fire, the burn, it’s all high temperatures. I can feel my skin slowly burning off, Lucifer’s giggle resounding in my ears, as if it was the chorus of a slasher flick. Everytime I think Lucifer’s had enough, the process repeats itself.

Over.

And over.

And over.

And over again.

Until I feel that there is nothing left in me but pain and suffering. Nothing left but the sound of Lucifer’s laugh. Nothing but the slow peel and cauterization of burning flesh. My flesh.

This is all there is. Yet, through the darkness, and the pain, and the complete and utter destruction of what was once my world, one name will always hold truth and hope behind my flayed eyelids.

“DEAN!!”

“And I think he - God… wants me to go back.” I say, tears forming in my eyes at the thought of going back there. The way Sully’s eyes stay locked with mine causes a sniffle and I force myself to wipe away the tears and be strong. I am not weak. Sully’s expression changes once more before he speaks again, quieter this time, more cautious.

“Ever think… About running away anymore?”

Right now. If I leave right now, I can make it there in time. I can be at the motel, waiting for her with open arms. And she might show. Or she might not. The real question is, do I go. Or do I stay here with Dean. The choice is obvious.

The choice was obvious, I tell myself as I sit down next to my brother, beers in one hand and homemade chili in the other. I choose Dean. and I will continue to choose Dean. For as long as I can. Cause he’s my brother. He’s my family.

The question strikes me as odd, yet I feel no weirdness as a smile spreads across my lips as I answer the seemingly confusing question.

“I did. I mean, I have… But not in a while. Not anymore.”

“Dean said you got out of hunting.” Mar- Mom says suddenly as I’m turning to leave. The statement takes me by surprise so it takes me a moment to reply with a simple ‘Yeah’ followed by a shrug.

“And yet here you are.” She presses, and I know I’m not getting out of this without an explanation.

“This is my family. My family hunts, you know, it’s what we do.”

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