#and shoutout to the black and queer people at my school they are the only people actually bearable and fun to talk too

[buppydoll]

i really dont understand whats wrong with the MAJORITY of people at my school like i dont get how SO MANY whites and mexicans (what the majority of my school is) say the nword and r slur every 5 fucking minutes. and i wish so genuinely much that was an over exaggeration but thats exactly what it is!!! 80 to like 90% of the nonblack students here use these words vocabulary every few fucking minutes like holy shit? i know how ignorant these fuckers can be bc a lot dont care enough to educate themselves but like what the fuck? u KNOW saying the nword when ur not black is fucking wrong yet almost every mexican boy here fucking says it and fucking white boys too! and then half the white people that dont say it but are friends w other nonblack people who do just use the r slur every two seconds like okay. ur all going to hell? and a lot of them are juniors and seniors too like u should fucking KNOW not to say that fucking word but they dont care?? at all??? like they just dont care. they sit and learn abt black history in us history classes and still decide to use the word like why?? why do they do this?? why is it so fucking fun to call ur friends and people that when its a word u should never fucking utter? even if ur like shitty parents say it and u grew up hearing it or whatever the fuck uve taken history classes u know u shouldnt say it yet u do. dont care at all abt the other black people in school dont care abt the entire history of black people and what theyve gone thru and the history of the word. i dont get it do i have to explain the entire history of the word for them to realize they shouldnt fucking say it? or do they just need to be beat into a pulp so they can learn their lesson? it pisses me off for a bunch of reasons but also because i live in san antonio and we are such a diverse school but still so many of these pos are racist assholes. we have black and biracial students here but it is like. a Pretty pretty small minority and they cant even really tell these kids to not say it because the majority of the school says it and who knows how the students would treat them and react if they expressed how they felt and teachers dont even say anything when they hear white and mexican students say it every 30 seconds of class. i know teachers think they cant really change them bc they are stubborn highschoolers but Cant u still fucking say something??? and get angry at them???? Instead of letting nonblack students say the nword without any fucking consequence ever? i want to do more but i know no ones gonna listen to some white tranny telling them not to use a word i dont even have a say over but like i want them to stop and i want to do SOMETHING because no teachers or other students does anything but. argh idk. i feel out of place speaking for black people so i don’t necessarily want to involve myself but when no ones doing anything i feel. like i should but i dont know i cant really change these or most of these guys minds and it would probably end in a fight because i have a very blunt tone and get heated and aggressive in convos fast but. fuck i dont know my violence used to be rly bad in elementary and middle school so i dont want to Be like that again but i fucking hate all the bigots at this fucking school and im so fucking tired of having to constantly hear it every day and go on like it doesnt matter and like theres no consequences. i hope it bites all their asses in the future when it comes to jobs and meeting people etc.

[goose-books]

please check out @yvesdot's remastered debut! trust me, it's worth a read and a reread and a re-revisit. for the blog tour, i give you... another blast from the past, an old-fashioned writeblr-style comic sans powerpoint!

Something’s Not Right, published by tRaum Books, will be released October 10th 2023 and is available to preorder at Amazon, Bookshop.org, and itch.io. It will also be available upon release signed from Bookshop Santa Cruz. yves. will also have a local event at 6:30 PM on October 12th at the Santa Cruz Diversity Center and another on January 4th 2024 (to be announced) at Bookshop Santa Cruz.

(my sixth favorite story is koschei, btw. shoutout to koschei. sorry i left you off the slides)

(slides described under the cut)

all slides are written in white comic sans on a black background.

slide one: text reading "FIVE reasons YOU should read" over a cropped image of the cover for Something's Not Right, featuring the title. smaller comic sans next to the image reads "by yves."

slide two: at the center of the slide, text reads "1. IT'S GAY!" smaller text boxes, scattered around the slide, read:

so many transgender people

you want fluff? we got fluff. you want angst? we got angst. you want high octane drama? we got it

you like metaphors for queerness? we’ve got metaphors for queerness

some characters’ identities are plot relevant! some of them just happen to be trans!

there’s even an m/f couple i actually like!

there’s literally a lesbian robot what else am i supposed to say

first book where i ever saw a they/them lesbian referred to as a woman and they at the same time <3 <3 <3

you want monsterfucking? we got—

between the first and third boxes is this image of feathers. beneath the monsterfucking box is this image of a halo/eclipse. beneath the they/them lesbian box is the anakin image from this post, reading, "dyke business. go back to your drinks"

slide three: the top of the slide reads "2. CLEVER USE OF TROPES AND TALES." the bullet points beneath read:

the author was a lit major & lovingly: it shows

fresh takes on everything from sexy vampires to demigod/human romance

do you like russian folklore? do you wish it was set in your high school

hansel and gretel story followed immediately by wlw fairies

STORY WHERE VICTOR FRANKENSTEIN GOES TO A PARENT TEACHER CONFERENCE

an arrow points from the sexy vampire bullet to an image of edward cullen, captioned "this guy isn't in there." another points from the frankenstein bullet to a picture of the book Frankenstein, captioned "this guy is, tho"

slide four: at the center of the slide, text reads "3. DELIGHTFUL NARRATIVE VOICE." smaller text boxes read "the sheer range of the range of character narrations in this book is impressive and so fun" and "we got teen talk we got litfic prose we got monsters narrating we got ordinary people." there are also three quotes from various stories, set in speech bubbles:

“Everyone’s cousin Tanya says she’s done it with an elf dude. That doesn’t mean shit.”

“And all of these things were true, and simultaneous, and all of them were occurring only a moment before she might be killed, and rise again.”

“At first, the plants seemed quite innocuous, and Ephraim watched them pile up on the windows of the little greenhouse with mild curiosity.”

there is also an edited image of the "she doesn't have the range" meme, reading, "they have the range."

slide five: the top of the slide reads "4. DON’T LIKE ONE-OFFS? NO PROBLEM!" the bullet points beneath read:

do you prefer your short stories unrelated to each other? completely tonally variant?

SNR has got that!

do you prefer your short stories interconnected? do you like recurring characters? do you want to see… characters from OTHER yves. projects?

SNR has got that too!

smaller text boxes read "Red and Eliza from Forest Castles are there!" and "maybe avner too. i'm not allowed to say"

there is also a picture of hannah montana's "best of both worlds" album.

slide six: the top of the slide reads "5. THERE ARE NEW STORIES IN IT!" the bullet points beneath read:

already an SNR fan? already have a copy? you haven’t yet read the new content!

THREE new stories

what if the alien abductee you were interviewing had questions… for you?

what if you had to love-potion your crush… for someone else?

what if you had to come out to your date… AS A MONSTER?

there are clipart images on the side of an alien spaceship, a bubbling potion, and a lit candle.

slide seven: word art with a glowing green shadow reads "max's favorite stories :)". each story blurb goes with a corresponding image:

Six Hours Under: the woman on the L train is crying, dead, and very very pretty. [clipart of a train]

Monsters and The Guy: there’s a guy in Arrivals. he’s being weird about it. [clipart of an airport]

The Hands and The Mouth: the story-speakers speak only in script. there are only a few of them left. [clipart of rolling waves]

Don't Feel Guilty: a teen’s plant collection starts to unnerve their father. [clipart of a leaf]

Blood Orange Tea: getting trapped at work with your crush is awkward even when you’re not a vampire. [clipart of iced tea]

slide eight: large text reads "THANK YOU. GO FORTH AND BUY SNR." in smaller text is the information paragraph from this post.

[soldierandawar]

Anyone who knows me knows how hard I ride for LGBTQ representation, and since today is Bi Visibility Day, why not share some of my favorite bisexual characters?

This is a long ass list, so I'll keep the commentary short. I'll also try to keep it to the main characters, but there will inevitably be a few sides.

Rosa Diaz - Oh, the ways I love Rosa, she's mean, and yet she's kind. She moved because one person knew her address, and I want to live that life. Now, she is a cop, but she does leave the force in B99's attempt to continue the show after 2020.

Patrick Zweig, Art Donaldson, and Tashi Duncan—only one of these isn't confirmed, but it's true in my heart. They're all toxic and a mess, and essentially in a throuple.

Calliope Torres - Later in life realization. Still has sex with men over the series. She's special because she's also annoying.

Carina Deluca, Amelia Sheperd, Maya Bishop - all from the Shondaland ABC universe.

Annalise Keating - Not nearly as celebrated as she should be. Wonder why?

Alice Whitley - she's black, biromantic, and asexual. Get into it.

Bob Belcher - he's "mostly straight," and he's animated, so that's fun.

David Rose - technically, I think he uses pansexual? He likes the wine and not the label.

Random shoutout to Jake from Schitt's Creek as well cause he's bisexual and has the audacity.

Harley Quinn - if you have yet to see her animated series where she gets with Poison Ivy, what are you even doing? That leads me to...

Poison Ivy - She's also mean, cares about the environment, and that's hot.

Jon Kent - bet you didn't know Superman's son was bisexual.

Lindsay - I'm just going to assume that you haven't seen Queer as Folk, and like..you should fix that.

Chuck Bass - I know, I know. He sucks, but that's what representation is all about.

Chuck/God—This is literally from a one-off line in S11, but isn't it cool that God is bisexual?

Leopoldo, Cruz, and Ivan - Elite is honestly kind of a terrible show, but it is fun.

Max - so basically if you haven't seen Black Sails...what are you even doing with your life?

Sarah - Orphan Black is another show that must be seen.

Jaskier - Idk if this is one that people would mind getting into. The Witcher is a very confusing show, but, like, I love it. & Yennefer of Vendenberg is not bisexual, but she is a hot witch, so that's worth it.

Now, I can get into the characters that are extra special to me.

Marie and Jordan from Gen V - okay, these two are particularly special because Jordan has powers that allow them to switch between male and female presenting, and where else do we see the literal physical embodiment of a non-binary person? Also, there's a little slice of commentary about how they switch to their male form whenever they want to make a point, and they are nervous because they don't think Marie likes them in their female form, and that's rectified by the end. & Marie is, of course, besotted by them no matter their form, and she's got cool, blood-bending powers, and she's hot.

Ashley Davies - you will not find her on any of those listicles that publications make of the top bisexual characters, but you must know who she is because she is the character that started it all for me. On a little show called South of Nowhere about her and Spencer (a newly out lesbian) having a whirlwind high school romance. She's edgy and emotionally unavailable, she's kind of mean, but most of the time, she doesn't mean it, and she means a lot to me, so if you don't like her, keep that shit to yourself.

Kat Edison - my main bitch, my main squeeze, and the love of my life. She's a bisexual disaster, but that's okay because I love her. Heavily identify with her, and I hold her close to my heart.

Evan Buckley— I don't make a habit of relating to male characters; that's not my ministry, but Buck is a very special case. I didn't even click with him until 3x16, and then boom. I was rocked to my core by how much I relate to him, and now he's Bi! I don't have enough words yet to explain what that feels like but shout out to him.

[confessions-official]

So in 8th grade (22-23 school year) I applied to this local private high school that was very neurodivergent-, disability- and queer-friendly. I got in and I got almost a full ride scholarship, we would have to pay a couple thousand dollars but my dad was getting a pay increase and my grandma has some money so it all worked out!

And then the school fuckin closed.

Deadass they were just like “yeah we lost an investor there’s nothing you can do we know it’s too late to apply to other private schools you’re on your own sorry.” I now attend a public high school where I hear the r slur repeated regularly and only once have I heard someone push back against its use (shoutout to my algebra teacher).

I go to the wikipedia page for my county, city and neighborhood somewhat often. I ended up going to the “education in [city]” part of the city’s page. And it still listed the school as a private high school, right next to other active private high schools.

I had a totally normal response to this, and like a non-spiteful, non-hating bitch created a wholeass wikipedia account to add a comment regarding the school’s closure to the talk about the page. I had never done this before and it took some work but by god I fucking did it.

I’m still really pissed about the school shutting down and I’m probably always going to be pissed about it. Because it was this place that said “we’ll accept you, we want you to succeed” and meant it genuinely, and you could fucking SEE it in the school environment because the kids there were nice. Probably because they had also been treated awfully by students at previous schools for some part of their identity and they didn’t want other people to have the same experience. And then suddenly the school was like “actually, never mind” and really didn’t help at all. Just kinda threw us to the wolves. That’s not going to be able to go on the actual wikipedia page and I know that the school shutting down wasn’t on purpose to make me feel bad about myself but I do kind of feel like that. Not because “ugh I have to go to school with the regular low born common folk” or whatever but I hear the r slur used constantly. Nobody says anything. It’s never brought up. The school will talk about being discrimination free and everybody belongs there, but you know what? I’ve heard people being incredibly racist towards Black people and nobody does shit about that either. So I guess it’s just fuck you no matter what kind of minority group you belong to.

Anyway. People irl don’t seem to understand me but I figure on Tumblr someone will. I’m just very tired.

 

[normal-thoughts-official]

It literally angers me so much that not one person thought "isn't it a little off that a black teacher would threaten a latino student with the police?" like yes there are black people that would do that but is also has a lot of implications that pixelberry just,, decided to pretend weren't there ? Or even worse ? Pretend it was definitely the most "moral" choice like wtf

Apart, you didn't use any pronouns for me (which was really nice of you <3) but I thought it was easier to tell you, also ahahahshjs my friend has almost the same trouble as you like she is agender but uses any or all pronouns, except she's black and amab and they're very typically(?) handsome so when she used to say "any pronouns" people always went he/him and just being treated as a man, so to cisociety: she/they only to trans people any pronouns (which was funny because they I thought I was cis so I stopped using he/him as a good ally except they told me "that doesn't apply to you though??" me: "but I'm cis??" friend: "I will let you figure this out")

Also part 2 I LOVE PLAYING AS A MALE MC WHEN THE STORY IS AGGRESSIVELY HETEROSEXUAL FEMALE MC

I love it!!! Like I played open heart (don't judge) and the story is sooooo made to be a female mc akskjsjd

literally like u can tell there isnt a single writer of color in that team, there are so many pretty obvious racial implications that just. completely went over their heads. like oh my god. the way that both mr cooper AND principal flores are black/brown and BOTH threatened him with police over absolutely NOTHING like. kill <3

(dont get me started on flores lmao that bitch is the antithesis of a real school director i wanna die)

also im ur friend in that scenario rip udbdjd i can smell baby queers from a mile away and half of the time i assume ppl know theyre queer so i casually mention them being trans/bi/ace/etc and theyre like "what do you mean? im a cistraight heterosexual cisgender cis straight hetero" and im like ah. u think that huh

(shoutout to my friends reading this that were immediately assigned trans by me on sight and had a gender crisis and now are out <3 ily)

also, unfortunately, i have.... also played open heart.... twice. in my defense tho, u cant have a character be like "i am driven by community, all that matters to me is that, also im a huge self sacrificial idiot with no braincells, also i suck at flirting" AND be brazilian and expect me to NOT fall in love with him. books 2 and 3 are a scam and never happened as far as im concerned because the butchering of rafa's character is real but i love him and i would do anything for him

and honestly my flaming take is that open heart 1 is a decent book? itll never be good because any book that pushes mr sexual harrassment down ur throats cant possibly be good and ethan is THE shittiest LI of all time but it has a good plot and i like the obvious anticapitalist undertones and the discussion of how profit-driven mentality ruins healthcare. i also like how ur previous choices come back in the finale and u get to see ur patients again, its pretty nice. and every character feels like they have more or less of an arc that is left somewhat resolved (except for aurora who only gets to shine in the later books, which is a shame because i adored her from day one), so i think it's honestly a well written book. i also played with a male MC (dr bus down with cis my beloved. yes i named him that. ask me about my MCs names <3) and i liked it. i didnt feel like it was super hetero cuz honestly rafa and MC had pretty gay vibes, like the shitty flirting was so gay <3 and rafa in general, like.. community? self sacrifice? gay. sorry sir i diagnose u with homo. and also trans. because i can <3 (and also like. rafa has TITS like im sorry theres no getting around it, those are TIDDIES ma'am, not to mention that WAIST like lol. sorry pixelberry ur completely unrealistic male body means hes trans now <3)

so yeah i have. an embarrassing love for open heart. but anyone who follows me already knows i have bad taste, so

[wordsbynathan]

Return Stroke | a short story

{{return stroke, n. — the very bright visible flash that we see as lightning, caused by the rapid discharge of electricity}}

[cw: religious themes, references to conversion therapy]

genre: literary, magical realism

POV: third present

tagline: “Some thunder is stubborn, and some stolen. Sometimes lightning strikes but all that follows is a profound reticence.“

themes: the intersection of queerness and faith, coming of age, the detriments of capitalism, double standards, impurity

synopsis:

Davey Paxton has never fit in, but he's not concerned with that. He has odd interests; insects are at the top of his list, and butterflies specifically. When the mayor's son drops from the hole in his ceiling and claims he's Davey's boyfriend, Davey seizes the opportunity to be with one of the most respected boys in his grade. Their love is pure and shining but greed, ignorance, and intolerance drive a wedge between them, leaving both boys stained and disillusioned. Davey and Jonathan grapple with the same suspicion: that this world just doesn't have a place for them.

epigraph:

"Without changing a part of me How do I get to heaven? All my time is wasted Feeling like my heart's mistaken, oh So if I'm losing a piece of me Maybe I don't want heaven?" —Troye Sivan, "HEAVEN"

This story is really special to me. Not only is it my first real foray into short fiction, but it’s also deeply personal and reflects a lot of my real experiences. I wrote this story for a style class I took in the fall of ‘19, and it ended up being my writing sample as I applied to writing programs for grad school. It’s also been accepted at a literary magazine, so it’s extremely validating to have my first short piece recognized!

(Quick shoutout to @shaelinwrites​ because it was largely with the advice from her videos that I was able to whittle this down into such a strong finished product!! <3)

Return Stroke came to me in images at first, and I knew I wanted to write something that blurred the line between fantasy and reality. The imagery is largely rooted in wings, lightning, and colors (blue and gold in particular).

characters:

Davey Paxton | 16 Quiet, shy, and introverted, Davey has spent his adolescence bonding with bugs more than humans. As if that weren't enough to other him, he was born with two different colored eyes—one blue, one brown. The gaping hole in his ceiling goes nowhere but he uses it as a pipeline for prayer until worldly authorities convince him that prayer is not for him. With this new Gospel, Davey quickly learns how to be ashamed, how to hide, how to push people away.

Jonathan Correia | 16 The golden boy, the youngest son of the mayor and the pride and joy of Avisville. He takes an immediate liking to Davey and they strike up a caring and compassionate relationship, one Jonathan thinks can withstand the external pressure. When he discovers his father has been meddling in the Paxtons' business, Jonathan turns to drastic measures to finally be seen for who he truly is.

excerpts:

Davey Paxton is eccentric. He’s the bug kid, the one who picked up spiders on the playground when he was younger, who allows mosquitoes to pierce his freckled skin, drink their fill. His obsession with butterflies others him, his fascination with their fragile beauty. Each time one of the creatures lands on a trembling finger, Davey looks into a reflecting glass, he and the butterfly conspecific.

Jonathan has become the axis of his thoughts, the reason he even shows his face at school. Prayer halts, replaced by dazzling visions of two boys, blue and gold, atop the back of a benevolent bird.

In a fit of emotion he takes to the walls, smashing innocent butterflies with his hands, open palms and closed fists, screaming as each evaporates into iridescent dust that stains his hands ultramarine. Their powder hangs like a cloud.

His final thought before he careens into unrestful sleep is that it must be Jonathan’s fault things turned out this way, that Davey wouldn’t have landed in this twisted version of his life if Jonathan had never dropped from his ceiling.

Or even worse. Maybe Jonathan isn’t to blame at all.

At the top of the hill his heart splits open; the long gestating core of sorrow finally bursts from its chrysalis.

As Davey screams, the black sky weeps and cries out with him in thunderous cracks. Copper talons of a once-revered bird rend the sky, tearing gashes in the somber expanse. Davey turns his face upward and falls to his knees, hoping to be met with a force that will coax him back to his feet, but all he finds is a pitch dark hollow and the howling of the world.

General taglist (only one person atm hehe but ask to be +/-!): @my-liminal-spaces​

[yourmomwatchesskam]

imagine being that defensive over lgbt allies like. Pride month has become all about straights saying they are allies like taylor swift and her wanna be gay anthem that she pockets all the money like the rest of them

I always handle these with care bc people have gotten so good at trolling that sometimes I can’t tell when someone’s being serious or not…

But if you are then let’s remember a few other great, important anthems from some of the rest of them:

Logic 1-800 song, video, & MTV performances. That suicide hotline received the most calls afterwards. The song was about struggling with wanting to stay alive. & the video was about a gay, black teen with a non accepting dad that’s contemplating suicide. Let that sink in. Logic called it “the most important song he’s ever written.” & here’s what he said after his VMA performance: “I’m not here to get my agenda over. I’m literally fighting for the equality of every man, woman & child regardless of race, religion, color, creed & sexual orientation & here to spread a message of peace, love & positivity. If you don’t agree with it or you don’t like it, that’s fine, but you don’t have to bash those people. It’s the same reason why they feel like taking their lives. Just respect them & let them live their lives. You might not agree with someone’s way of life or their religion or their this or that or whatever the case may be, but we don’t have to kill each other over it. If you’re right than be right. There’s no need to hurt others.”Calls to the hotline were up 33% since his song was released.

Lady Gaga Born This Way is still the song. Even though lady Gaga has said she wasn’t straight, a lot of the LGBTQ+ community gets defensive around her allyship bc some people continue to “fact check” her fluidity bc she’s dated men (which is unfortunate that she’s still getting shamed.) Anyway, it’s important to acknowledge her allyship to the full LGBTQ+ community & co-founding the Born This Way Foundation with her mom, addressing & supporting teen mental health. Yesterday, they hosted a twitter chat with other non-profits about how to help bring mental health awareness into schools.

Macklemore’s song Same Love was also considered the Marriage Equality anthem. (Fun fact, Mary Lambert who wrote the chorus was their last resort. They invited a lot of LGBTQ+ artists to sing it & they all turned it down.. interesting.)He & Madonna (a huge advocate for HIV/Aids research in the LGBTQ+ community) sang it while 33 couples got married on live tv to promote marriage equality & were officiated by Queen Latifah.

Taylor Swift’s song gave the ultimate shoutout to GLAAD in her song & video, donated money towards equality projects, & dropped by Stonewall during Pride Month to perform. Don’t think ‘straight allies’ have influence? After that, GLAAD received a spike in $13 donations.. because it’s her favorite number. How.. wild is that? Exactly $13.. 

We need allies. We need allies with platforms. We need allies that know how to use their platforms effectively. We need & have allies that donate money to charities. We look back & realize most celebrities cut a check to these charities & it’s not always publicly announced. But we ALSO need voices. We need people to talk about it, sing about it, tweet about it etc.

Just recently, people started slamming Netflix for queerbating, yet they have more queer characters in shows than all of network tv combined. & it doesn’t always need to be romanticized. Just a regular show where there just so happens to be a queer char or couple simply existing. To say hey- we’re here.. this is normal & acceptable.Are all of those queer chars played by queer actors? No. Do they need to be? IMO, no.. but some other folks feel differently. It’s not my job to tell them how to feel & vice versa.

I’m only here to say if you have straight teachers, principals, therapists, doctors, coaches, employers, friends, families, fave actors/singers, etc. then you very well know why we need them to be allies too. 

[salazarslytherinstudies]

Greetings

So this is my introduction y’all

Hi! This is my first time making a studyblr but I have been following the studyblr for quite some time now and I just want to formally make an introduction

About Me:

My name is Karen

I’m 17 and I live in the US

This is my senior year in high school

My hogwarts house is slytherin and I’m also a huge Harry Potter fan so please hmu with anything hp related

This is a side blog and my main is @/tragiquepoetry

I’m in the process of college applications so ugh it sucks but I plan to do either pre-med for pre-law (I’m honestly not sure yet)

I love how the studyblr community addresses ways to deal with anxieties and balancing schoolwork 

Classes I’m taking this year: AP Calc BC, AP Literature, AP Art History, AP Biology, College Business, Journalism, AP Statistics

Interests:

As I have said before I’m a huge Harry Potter fan I would love to talk about it so hmu

I’m a Marvel fan but it won’t show on this blog 

I watch a lot of TV (too much if you ask me) but some of my favorites are doctor who, sherlock, brooklyn 99, dear white people, supernatural, black mirror, queer eye, parks and rec, the office

I love the 80s and the outsiders is one of my all time favorite movies

I’m going to be learning French on my own this year

I love yearbook and this year I am the head graphic design editor which I am super excited about I love graphic design with a passion

I’ll be doing tennis and fencing and I’m part of my school’s debate team

Why am I making a studyblr:

I have been lurking in the studyblr community for quite some time and I really enjoy the effort people make in their notes and their bullet journals which have inspried me to start doing the same. I am a firm believer in handwriting notes because not only does it allow you to remember information as you go it’s also a great way to study. I want to be more organized and this community has lots of great advice and it being my senior year I surely need all the help I can get through the year. I want to say that I’m not the best artist but this community has always been inclusive and motivating. 

Goals this year:

Find smarter ways to study

Go to sleep earlier

Make some more aesthetic studyblr worthy notes

Get into college 

Work on my french (I went up to French 5 and that’s all my school offers)

Shoutout to my favorite studyblrs:

| @emmastudies | @studyquill | @elkstudies | @studyplan | @studyplants | @obliviatestudies | @studylustre | @studyblr | @gloomstudy | @journalsanctuary | @acaedmic | @thebusistudent | there’s many more but I don’t want to make this longer than it already is :)

anyways I’m open to talk and I love making friends so don’t be shy and hmu. Anyways have a great day y’all 

[mveloc]

Farewell OB!

i was on summer break, right about to enter my final year of university. with all of my shows on hiatus, i was desperate for something new to watch to kill some time before i had to start classes again. orphan black had just concluded its first season and i had been hearing rave reviews—a female-fronted sci-fi show that involved a human cloning conspiracy shot right here in toronto? queer characters? it sounded right up my alley. i was intrigued. i decided to give it a shot.

three days later, i had binged the entire first season and was eagerly awaiting the second one. i was struck by not only how amazing tatiana maslany was, but how clever and tight the writing was. orphan black delivered—it was everything i ever wanted in a series. but more than anything, i felt completely pulled in by the potential of cophine; i’ve never really been one for ships in the past--there are definitely pairings i’ve rooted for when watching certain shows, but at the end of the day, i never tuned in solely just to see a certain pairing on screen. i don’t watch television for romance so when romance storylines are featured, they’re always peripheral to me.

cophine was the exception.

due in large part to the amazing performances by tatiana and evelyne, i found myself completely invested in cophine and dying to know how their relationship would play out. i hadn’t really seen a queer relationship quite like this one depicted on television before—a relationship between two women where the fact that they’re both women is a non-issue. we had two intelligent women battling against forces much greater than themselves and trying desperately to hold onto each other. it ensnared me and i was so invested that for the first time since i was a teenager, i began writing fanfic again. i never thought i would—i thought i had outgrown it, that i would never find another show where i felt compelled to devote hours of my own time to writing about characters that weren’t mine—but i’m glad i decided to give it a chance because it’s seriously changed my life. i’ve always enjoyed writing, but being bogged down with school and depression had stifled my muse and it had been so long since i had written anything creative for pleasure.

i decided to write cophine.

the fandom was still young and i remember there being not too much cophine fic out there at the time, but i still wanted to contribute because i felt i had something to offer and this show/pairing had really touched me. i posted my first fic, figured maybe a handful of people would read it and that would be the end of it.

holy shit, was i wrong.

i was met by this wave of tremendous support. i had so many people suddenly reaching out to me, begging me to write more and sharing their own feelings and spec about the show and these characters. i felt such an overwhelming positivity in this fandom that i had never seen anywhere else. i felt inspired. i had always wanted to pursue writing but never really believed that i had what it took. i mean, i knew that i was a decent enough writer, but i never really believed that i was exceptional or anything like that. it wasn’t until i joined clone club that i actually felt the love and began to think that i could actually do it. it wasn’t until i met some pretty amazing friends (shoutout to the obf wives!), joined tumblr and got to interact with all of you that i realized the true power of fandom.

i’ve heard from so many of you throughout the years. from the simple comments merely sharing how much you’ve enjoyed a chapter to the heavier ones where some of you share how my stories have touched you in profound ways. the most incredible ones that still blow me away are the few that reach out to tell me that my stories have literally saved their lives—how they felt so hopeless and for whatever reason, some crazy little fic i wrote managed to reach them and offer them comfort in a time of need, had compelled them to reach out for help. having people share their stories with me is literally the greatest gift of all and has changed my life in so many ways—all of which would have been impossible without ob.

despite all of the drama, the ups and downs throughout the years, i still have such a tender place in my heart for this show and i always will. i will never forget what ob has given me—not just hours of joy and salt and entertainment—but a real sense of family. there has never been a fandom quite like this and while i hope i’ll see it again soon, i can’t be certain. while i am sad that my favourite show is ending (i think a part of me is still in denial, tbh), i know that what this show has given me will last for a very, very long time. and while i’m sure the fandom will slowly disperse over time, i have no intention of abandoning cophine just yet.

yes, i am sad—but i’m also fucking inspired. this show has made me realize how important queer representation is and how i definitely want to be a part of that fight. it made me want to take up the torch and write my own crazy stories to share with the world. as evelyne has already said, it made me realize the power of fiction. i don’t know if there will ever be another orphan black (nor do i want another one), but i really believe that so many doors have been opened and i’m excited to see what the future has in store not just for canadian television, but for strong female roles and queer roles. orphan black is proof that it can work--that women (and queer women) can carry our own stories with as much strength and dignity--if not more--than our male counterparts. orphan black is proof that there is an entire generation of women who are invested in these stories and will never stop fighting to see them translated onscreen.

[pixelatedlenses]

Fukushima’s Black History: An Introduction to Black History in the Making by a Pochari Black Historian Living in Fukushima City, Fukushima, Japan

Okay, let’s ear mark today for the annals of history, as I often do whenever I’m feeling a tad bit important: it’s February 15, 2017. I’m at my desk in Fukushima City, a large, pink cup of ice water to my right, a Yuri!!! On Ice postcard series by Crea –a gift from the librarian that will be promptly put in a Daiso frame, then moved to what has been nicknamed the Yuri on Ice shrine in my nerd den, tonight– on my left, cell phone in front of me as I engage in a hearty discussion of being black and being Japanese/Okinawan with a friend. (said friend is, of course, @crossingoverland, a great human being who I will proudly say is an ally to me and I am an ally to.)

I’ve just returned from the first of two classes and you know what: I’m black. It’s time to celebrate that, though everyday is a wonder when you’re capable of realizing being black and proud no matter your location or situation. Let’s unwrap that for the rest of this month –over 13 days, as a matter of fact– and see where that takes us.

Why now?

Well, primarily because it’s BMH, Black History Month, a routine month for many in the states, and a time to celebrate blackness for others. Right now –well, not now because it’s 9:52 a.m. JST, and hopefully no students are at school, in class, at 6:52 p.m. CST, save for the never-sleeping grad student– teachers across the 50 states are teaching Black History in some form, whether honestly, realistically, or through slavery and civil rights only. (That’s to you Texas. That’s to you.)

For me, abroad in Japan and half a world away from my first home, it’s a time to reconnect back to basics and my roots: I’ve been distanced from a lot of things in America, but blackness never goes away. I’d dare say it’s more visible here in Japan, and that I notice it daily, almost like it’s a proverb of sorts. Blackness is sticking though: we are here forever, staining history like sumi ink, leaving a legacy wherever we go unrepentantly. That legacy, I suppose, has followed me to Japan where –in Fukushima City– I am creating black history.

(Note that this is not a notion that’s completely my own. I can thank The Japan Time’s article by Baye McNeil titled “In Japan, Don’t Just Celebrate Black History, Be Black History” for the inspiration of the feel and title style of this mini-series on the blog.)

Now, I’m not the only black ALT in the prefecture: we’ve got a good plenty of us, from all reaches of the West with different experiences, degrees, and ideas. But to be honest, this series is about me: it’s a very intimate look at my particular experience, including stories of old women making racists comments only to be publicly shamed on the bus to students realizing I’m black on Valentine’s Day. This is going from Day 1 in Narita to Today in Fukushima City: call it a cover-all, tell-all about my life here.

This series will include four main parts, all with what I think are incredibly witty titles. Here’s what to look forward to in this latter part of the month:

Fukushima Black History: Being Black in Japan on a Macro-Scale, or How I Live Freely Being Black, Proud and an Educator

Fukushima Black History: Being Black in Japan on a Micro-Scale, or Stories on Microagressions, Loud Voices, Public Shaming, and Being True to Myself (Formerly known as Pochari-sensei and the Great Big Blackness, or My Black Fukushima Life)

Fukushima Black History: Being a Black Woman in Japan, or Am I Pretty or Pretty Dark? (Formely known as Black Girl Pretty or Pretty for A Black Girl: Image, Blackness, And Styling Myself in Japan)

Fukushima Black History: Being A Fat Black Woman in Japan, or How Come My Hips Keep Hitting Everything in Daiso?

Fukushima Black History: A Conclusion to a Story That Has Just Begun, or How I’m History in the Making and How My Kids See Americans Now

Those are some pretty great titles, if I do say so myself. They’re from my own noggin, of course: chalk it up to a decade as a writer. I should note that in a rare move, these will be reblogged to my writing blog, but will be nested her as a primary source. (Honestly, some of these titles might change, save for the one about Daiso because that’s just reality.)

I might try to swing a video at the end of the month. Ideally, it’d be a Q&A about being black in Japan, being fat and black in Japan, and being fat, black, and queer in Japan. I’d love to field a bunch of questions, whether that bunch is two questions or twenty questions. Send them my way and I’ll gladly answer them.

After all, history is not made by being quiet or docile: it’s made be being a nuisance and never giving up. It’s made by letting your voice ring out in many different ways. I may seem quiet and meek, but my history will be a loud one: my words are my weapon, and my greatness is my shield.

By no means, by the way, is this series meant to demean white people. I don’t want white guilt, don’t like white guilt, and don’t want it in my inbox: it’s a completely selfish thing to have the privilege of guilt, and I don’t want it anywhere near me. Nor is it me beating up on my white friends: I respect them, and have the expectation that they are working through their microagressions just like I expect them to expect me to work through mine.

This is just a series about my life, my blackness, and my experience. Sometimes, that’s all talking about ethnicity is.

Please don’t take offense because there’s isn’t any: my story is my story, and if that’s if offensive, I’d like you to question why you find me talking about my experience bad. I’d like to talk to you about why it bothered you that I got upset at an older, Japanese woman remarking about my blackness and fatness and moving away on the bus. I’d like to know why you feel that this month is not necessary, if you’re that person who comes across my blog.

Let’s have a dialogue because if we never talk about these things, blackness will be a bad thing forever. I’ll listen, we’ll have a dialogue, and hopefully, grow from it together. (Or not: sometimes, you can’t enact change through conversation. Change is something you have to want, not will.)

Also, before we end, shoutout to @oneinsilence for making quizzes and materials this month centered on Black Inventors. When they asked me about what I would want to see represented, I mentioned that the rhetoric, all my life –in school, certainly not at home where my mother taught me to be Black and Proud– it’s surrounded two things: the civil war, and thus slavery, and civil rights.

(School barely scrapped the tip of the iceberg, and now as an adult, it’s downright shameful that high school curriculums will teach me about English family crests and their individual meanings, but do the barest job of pushing past the civil war/civil rights rhetoric surrounding blackness. Like, we did other things, guys? I’m looking at you, Texas.)

That being said, I mentioned the idea of black inventors as a theme, as many common items and aspects of society –3D imaging, street lights, shoe lasting machines, peanut butter, and the hardly talked about, but fan favorite, dust pan– wouldn’t exist without an often invisible black hand. That’s not to discount anyone, but to admit that a lot of America is filled with blackness: it is literally inescapable, and that’s not bad, but a fact that we had and have a strong presence in making America great, to poach a phrase from the American Overlord who now deigns himself worthy of being an “American Leader”.

Greatness manifests in many forms: one of those forms is black, just as it is white, Asian, Latinx, Arab, and many other identities that make us all worthwhile. Greatness is not exclusive.

So come along for my history and let’s celebrate another part of Fukushima: Black Fukushima History in the making, actively, vividly being created day by day.

[mightbedamian]

#TMIishTuesday #54 - YouTube stop censoring us!

Hey, If you follow an LGBTQ+ YouTuber on Twitter, you're probably aware of this, but I can't stress it enough: What YouTube are doing with their "restricted mode" is plain censorship! Here's why. Hey there mighty people of the internet! And welcome to issue #54 of #TMIishTuesday - my weekly Tumblr post about what goes through my weird mind and on what you guys want to know more about. It can be something very personal, it can be something political, it can be completely pointless - but in 99.9 % of the cases, it involves opinions. And mine as well. // Last week I told you about my slightly crazy hair adventures and how they came about. Btw, I had school this week as well. One class mate is obsessed with my hair! She calls me "green hair" now, haha. The rest of my class mates don't really seem to mind. No positive, no negative feedback. Just: "What? You really did it?"- Hell yeah, I did! Surprisingly, most of my teachers like it as well. And not a single negative comment on that as well (although I'm 99 % sure my Politics teachers doesn't like it :D). Anyway, if you're curious how I look (with turquoise hair), click the link above. // Back to business: YouTube, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!? But okay, first things first: What is YouTube's "restricted mode"? You could call it a "family filter". It is meant to make YouTube a place that is safe for minors. It's basically Google's try to make sure parents don't freak out because "OH MY GOD! THERE ARE SO MANY VIDEOS ON THERE!" and telling them: We got your back! Probably a good majority of family filters look for certain key words in the articles, websites, or videos that they scan - and those media that use these keywords, are banned from viewing. It's how censorship in authoritarian countries works as well. So far, so not-worrying. Good intention, YouTube! There is some sh*t on your platform that, indeed, minors should not view. *cough* Sam Pepper *cough* ItsMert *cough* Leon Machére *cough* Sorry,  I'm still battling the cold. It's just not getting better! *wink* Long story short: I don't know if videos of those three channels are blocked in restricted mode (and I don't want to check. I don't want to give them even more doubtful fame). What I do know is that most videos revolving around LGBTQ+ issues are blocked. And that is just shocking! It seems that once you mention the words "gay", "lesbian" or "trans" in your video title, it won't show in restricted mode. But that's not all. Even videos that have NOTHING to do with sexuality, gender, or anything along those lines, simply get blocked in restricted mode. Tell me, YouTube: Why is a video titled "My Tattoo: I was bitten by a tiger" blocked, why a "most likely to" video by two guys, why is barely any "My Drunk Kitchen" episode viewable when Hannah barely talks about drinking - and never gets drunk. May it be because these people are gay, bi, or lesbian? YouTube, you have a whole lot of explaining to do! Oh, and why are entire channels basically blacked out? Check out Calum McSwiggan's channel in restricted mode: There's 1 - in words: ONE - video left. At least it's for a good cause: When he shaved his head in benefit of StandUpToCancer. Why, on the other hand, are there other LGBTQ+ creators that have barely any videos taken down? Why do you even think that videos on the pros and cons of the different types of top surgery, the thoughts of a trans guy before surgery and after, and the outcome of the surgery, is "potentially inappropriate content"? HOW ON EARTH could informative videos on top surgery featuring totally non-biased opinions be "potentially inappropriate content"? And why is "cross-dressing" allowed, but hangover morning thoughts, that are not at all about the hangover, are not? Why is a video titled "coming out at the scouts" perfectly fine, when most other coming out videos are not? And why is a video introducing a person on a channel titled "on party tour with the camera" blocked? Why is a video on greygender fine - and one on pronouns, while other videos on different LGBTQ+ spectrums and a discussion on how many genders there are, are not? Okay, I could name way more examples of great LGBTQ+ content creators. But I want to mention one more video: levlognog's lovely anti-hate video as a reaction to KsFreak's video "I don't want to be gay". I don't remember what exactly had happened to KsFreak and one of his friends, but in the end they pretended to be gay-married to get out of some trouble. And KsFreak made a video about that, stating how strange that felt and that he really didn't like being seen as gay and basically BASHED gays. No one seemed to notice. No YouTubers. Except levlognog. He made a very friendly, very open video about his opinion, stating that he thought KsFreak's video was offensive as hell and spoke out about the inequality in society. Take-away from his video: Be friendly. Don't judge. And don't tell others off for being themselves. This video - which, again, by no means is offensive or anything - is not viewable in restricted mode. WTF, YouTube!? What the actual f!? You better fix this! ASAP! And I don't speak out about this because I have a loss from this. I don't use restricted mode, I can view whatever content I want. But: Those, who need information on LGBTQ+ issues the most, are kids. Teenagers, who battle with their anxiety and feel that what they feel is not right. Kids, who are trans, gay, lesbian, bi, pan, etc. What these people need most is recognition. Recognition that what they are feeling is natural. That what they are feeling is nothing to be ashamed of. That what they are feeling is totally valid. In 2017 the number 1 source for teens to look for information - especially for info on topics that they haven't figured out for themselves completely and therefore would want to hide from anyone else for the moment - the number 1 source for teens to look for such information is the internet. With the second largest search engine of the internet blocking that content, that these people are so desperately looking for, we are ruining our hard-fought-for freedom of speech. We are ruining the achievements of heroes, who have battled those, who were fighting against equality. We are basically ruining our future! YouTube, STOP beta-testing in real time! You've done it so many times before. And it never worked! Don't mess around with topics like this! How do I end this? Is there even a good way to end this post? I don't know. Maybe with a shocking number: 56.3. That's the percentage of the latest videos on the LGBTQ+ channels that is blocked in restricted mode. 184 of the 327 videos blocked*. Think about that! *taking into account the last 15 uploaded of each of the 22 channels run by LGBTQ+ people that i’m subscribed to.

Before I go let me know your thoughts on YouTube's restricted mode. Do you agree with me or do I make too much of a deal of it? Tell me, I wanna know! Place a comment, tweet me, dm me, or do anything else you can think of to get to me. This week's post basically was a Queer Shoutout in itself. Hence, I will go ahead and link you all the amazing LGBTQ+ YouTubers I'm currently subscribed to (in order of me subscribing to them): - manniac (gay, German) - Troye Sivan (gay, Australian) - Ricky Dillon (asexual, American) - Connor Franta (gay, American) - Tyler Oakley (gay, American) - ItsColeslaw (bi, German) - Hannah Hart (lesbian, American) - Troye Sivan VEVO (see above) - Miles (trans man, American) - Chandler (trans man, American) - Stephan Jonas (gay, German) - Calum McSwiggan (gay, British) - Kalem Johnson (trans man, American) - Nick Camryn (trans man, American) - Ash Hardell (pan, American) - Sam Collins (trans man, American) - PrideTV (gay, German) - Weird Norwegian (gay, Norwegian) - Courtney-Jai (bi, British) - Alex Bertie (trans man, British) - anyway.tv (channel run by an LGBTQ+ community centre in Cologne, Germany)

Check them out, they are all amazing! As always: Next #TMIishTuesday next Tuesday. If you have any questions in the meantime, just ask away. Whatever you’re curious about - I don’t bite. :) Until then: Stay mighty! (And this time for real! Show your claws!) Linkage: - Calum McSwiggan - “My Tattoo: I was bitten by a tiger: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEK9xU2Uar4 - Weird Norwegian - “”Most Likely To” with Calum McSwiggan”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPG74ToU9x4 - Hannah Hart - My Drunk Kitchen playlist: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dk96M05hJx8&list=PL2EC7F45DBD9D9B1A - Calum McSwiggan: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC6pzgnZ75lEnsOCLi64Vx2g - Calum McSwiggan - “Stand Up To Cancer”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQz-sV0O_ME - TheRealAlexBertie - “Surgery Worries & Hopes”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMX4MhHBI1c - Sam Gillard for Ten Eighty magazine - “YouTube’s Restricted Mode Limiting LGBTQ+ Visibility”: http://teneightymagazine.com/2017/03/19/youtubes-restricted-mode-limiting-lgbtq-visibility/ - Connor Franta - “that time i wore a dress”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MepNVZrG2m0 - Connor Franta - “This Morning’s Hangover Thoughts”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgXxfe9CiKE - anyway.tv - “Coming-out bei den Pfadpfindern”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEtm6bTVdy4 - anyway.tv - “Mit der Kamera auf Partytour”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSXs9sg3Grk - Ash Hardell - “What’s...Greygender??? (ABC’s of LGBT+)”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Amt3YOkNes - Ash Hardell - “All About Pronouns (Abc’s of LGBT+)”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NcMV5dsmgI - Ash Hardell - “Gender Fucks and Confusions (ABC’s of LGBT+”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqO34uI4rwg - Ash Hardell - “Only Two Genders!”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KsRu5EZO2hI - levlognog - “Ich will nicht schwul sein! |KsFreak’s schlimmstes Video”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cp_KXuLVKQc Queer Shoutout: - manniac: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPFpU588dagQfGyrDuTpSzA - Troye Sivan: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCWcrr8Q9INGNp-PTCLTzc8Q - Ricky Dillon: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBxs6sUSOJ3UUATAi4rp30w - Connor Franta: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCudeRz9YntRrmKBSqnHyKGQ - Tyler Oakley: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvVuqRzGVqRlmZYlTf99M_w - ItsColeslaw: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtB4Win87uHQ20iv52ZGRkQ - Hannah Hart: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJQL1Fai-9GlVunsbP4x8Pg - Troye Sivan VEVO: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnsa7fw1hZHP5qvf8zVGnvA - Miles: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7XFgbOyFBoGxssEwGvkKig - Chandler: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3HxTGAxX3Ej4Bqf8LDpRtg - Stephan Jonas: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpa3q7uuPjX7Dt9hmym_hwQ - Calum McSwiggan: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC6pzgnZ75lEnsOCLi64Vx2g - Kalem Johnson: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCor-W_j3STNWc6RuiS3d5Bg - Nick Camryn: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJeMIfDZeEAMX9poCvD1-zA - Ash Hardell: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwXB7a3cq9AERiWF4-dK9g - Sam Collins: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCySTKqYThqBbKdEtzOjFhgg - PrideTV: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCti8U9-VbM3_pPoUsgSqYDg - Weird Norwegian: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCF6M_dgiPcK8zrLRUuLeUsg - Courtney-Jai: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCy2xH40m75qpAoQb7unJTRw - Alex Bertie: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXX0iCrVQnlNvGW4gKEhHdA - anyway.tv: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_AwdVD7Hw1pjDovmAr-NHg Oh, and here’s some self-promo: - Last #TMIishTuesday: http://mightbedamian.tumblr.com/post/158402870513/tmiishtuesday-53-i-dyed-my-hair - All #TMIishTuesdays: mightbedamian.tumblr.com/tagged/tmi - More #TMIishTuesdays on LGBTQ+ topics: http://mightbedamian.tumblr.com/tagged/lgbtqplus - More #TMIishTuesday on YouTube topics: http://mightbedamian.tumblr.com/tagged/mightbeyoutube - More very cool stuff: www.twitter.com/mightbedamian - Even more very cool stuff: mightbedamian.tumblr.com 

[mightbedamian]

#TMIishTuesday #53 - I Dyed My Hair!

Hey,It's finally happened! I've been telling you about dyeing my hair for AGES! And I finally did it!! It's not blue, like I first had in mind. But it looks AWESOME!Hey there mighty people of the internet!And welcome to issue #53 of #TMIishTuesday - my weekly Tumblr post about what goes through my weird mind and on what you guys want to know more about. It can be something very personal, it can be something political, it can be completely pointless - but in 99.9 % of the cases, it involves opinions. And mine as well. // Last week I ranted  about dubbing and the habit of the German speaking countries to voice-over virtually every international film. And I told you about my experiences in the Netherlands - where they simply subtitle films. Interested in the pros and cons of dubbing? Click the link above! // So I will divide this post in several parts: 1) Who inspired me to get my hair dyed, 2) What people told me beforehand when I told them I was planning to dye my hair blue, 3) What colour I went for, which part of my hair I dyed, and how people reacted to that. 1) The inspirations for the colourations Let's start with how I came up with the idea to dye my hair at all. I can't tell you exactly when it was, but I know for sure WHO was the first person that made me go: WOH, that dyed hair, tho! (Damian, just stop your poor attempts to rhyme all the time!) It was… the one, the only… Tyler Oakley. Self-entitled Queen, 100 % gay-looking (the stereotypes, I know, but come on! If not him, who else??) and trying which colour of the rainbow (how fitting!) looks best on him. When I subscribed to him in December 2013 (9 December, if you're interested - which I bet you aren't :D), he had dyed his hair rather blonde. However, soon after, he decided that was boring. So he explored a bit. From bright blonde, to the iconic purple - which, imho, is the best one he ever tried! -, to extremely bright purple, to green, to green-turquoise, to bright blue - another one of my favorite colours when his hair is concerned. And then he stopped it. At the beginning of 2015, he was back to blonde and in the meantime he has his natural colour again. That was the time that I discovered Dave Brown, known on YouTube as boyinaband - then for his music, now for his fascinating philosophical explorations into the world of society and technology. Very warmly recommending his latest videos on what artificial intelligence (aka. computers) is capable of - and what it might become capable of. Okay, enough promo. Why I talk about him in a hair-related post is - obviously - his hair. Until I discovered him, I thought that Tyler had crazy hair. Wait for Dave's hair! Long grown (in the meantime it has almost reached his waist :P). AND: One side dyed red! THE ENTIRE LENGTH of it! It looks incredible! Sometime later Fabian Grischkat, whose videos with his friends I've been following for two-and-a-half years now - sometime, Fabian dyed his hair blue. Completely. A rather light blue, pastel colour-ish. I've loved it from day one. And I should mention ChanUndSo, another YouTuber, who in fact was one of the first YouTubers I discovered. Chan has had his blonde streak ever since. And it looks great!

To conclude the inspirations chapter: Though it's not hair-related, I feel that Troye Sivan and Connor Franta also influenced my hair dyeing. In being proud of who they are. And doing "extravagant" things that the average male wouldn't do. Troye pierced his nose. Something I've seen very rarely on guys. And Connor painted his nails. On video. It's a rather rambly video, but still: He did it. Oh, and obviously Troye just SLAYED that black nail polish!! Like, it just looks SO good on him?! Both Troye and Connor just showed to me that being a little bit off the mainstream can look cool. And it’s totally acceptable. As you see, I've basically been playing around with the thought of dyeing my hair for about three years. And now I did it. 2) You sure ‘bout this? When asked about the reasons why I dyed my hair, I always have to swallow down a rude comment. Like, EVERYONE asks me: "But why have you done it?" - Do I need a reason to dye my hair? Why DON'T you dye yours? :D Like, I get that you don't see too many people with colourful hair. But especially the way I did it - one patch of turquoise on one side of the fringe (quite like Chan actually) - it's not that much of a deal?

Forgive my selfie skills. They’re non-existent.   I told my colleagues beforehand cause I wanted to ask my boss about it. I work for a government institution and people can be rather conservative there. Especially, if you are working with patients - which I do. Another thing: The clinic I work for is located in a rather rural area. Yes, it's "only" 30 minutes by car until you get to a city that has it all. But right there… like… There's not much? After all the place has only 7k inhabitants. That multiples the "that's weird!", "you shouldn't do that!" comments. As I told you briefly last week I talked to my boss  beforehand and he didn't really like the idea of me getting blue hair. In fact he told me he thinks that people, who dye their hair colourful, "are just begging for attention". Even though I told him it would only be one streak, he didn't like the plan. He did ask some other people (probably his bosses), though. And apparently they told him he couldn't forbid such a thing. All I know is that I got a text a day after when I was in school: "Dear Mr. X, I got your number from Ms. Y and wanted to write regarding your hair dyeing question. If you wish to bring about a change of appearance, you may do so. KR A. Z." Okay, three things about this: 1. I couldn't even make it sound as posh and formal as it is in German. It's just unreal! 2. I got the f*ing official GO by my boss! 3. Props to him for taking the effort! I asked him on Wednesday and was only going to return to work on Monday. He did that extra mile to ask a colleague for my number and then texted me. That's cool! Anyway, so my boss knew about my wish to dye my hair. And as you would expect in rural areas, word spread from there. :D When I returned to work on Monday, the entire department knew. And I was their gossip. For the entire three days that I was there this past week, they only knew one topic: Damian is going to dye his hair! And blue as well! "Are you sure you want to do that?", "But why blue? Can't you dye it a normal colour?", "How did you even come up with that idea?", "Be aware that that really sticks out. You will get the looks by lots of people then" And I was like: You know what? I'm still gonna do it! They didn't quite understand. And they didn't want to. But that's fine. I just did it anyway. After a failed attempt to bleach my hair, it worked the second time (with more bleach). Then it was time to choose the colour. And my hair dresser (who, btw, has dyed her entire hair a bright pink - and it looks f*ing great!) showed me one she had used before. On the paper on which she put it, it looked like a blue tone with a tiny note of green. It turned out to be a rather bright turquoise. But I loved it! And I still do. Three days in. 3) The after-English. Er... After-Math. The first one, who saw, was a good friend of mine. He said he didn't even realise at first sight. To be fair, he was facing the sun :D But he liked it. Never in a million years would do the same, but said it looked good. His mother passed as well. Was surprised. Not sure, if she liked it, but didn't back off in shock as well. :D Then it was time to show my parents. Apparently my dad had overheard part of my convo with the two others and was prepared. So was my mum who he had told. But they hadn't seen it. I had told them I was debating getting my hair dyed a year or two ago. Now it came as a surprise to them. They really liked the colour. Since I spent the weekend at my parents, I also saw friends of my parents and my aunt and uncle. The friends REALLY liked it. They were going crazy about it! Really cool as a start! My aunt and uncle, who are quite the conservative kind of people (AND live in a rural area), didn't make any comments about my hair. I'm surprised at that. Then came Monday. And work. I have to say I was a little bit unsure about it. Like, so many colleagues had told me they probably wouldn't like it. And none had been really excited about it. But: Things turned out really chill. Almost everyone was surprised I didn't dye ALL my hair. It's not like I had told each and everyone a dozen times before it would only be a small part, but hey! Who listens anyway? -.- Anyway, most people made remarks about it. Most positive, a few neutral, but none negative. I don't know what happens behind my back, but to be quite honest: I don't care! Let them have their gossip really! I dyed my hair - and I like it. I'm confident enough that I'd tell any haters off. And I think being that confident actually is part of the reason for the positive feedback. So what's the take-away from this? People are cool with it and it looks absolutely awesome! Oh, and it's sometimes scaring me when I face the mirror. But that'll ebb away eventually. :D Before I go let me know your thoughts on colourful hair. Would you ever dye yours? If so, which colour? Tell me, I wanna know! Place a comment, tweet me, dm me, or do anything else you can think of to get to me. This week's Queer Shoutout goes to freakodelic, a small YouTuber, 23 years old (if his bio is still up to date :D), who makes videos about his experiences being a trans man in Germany: The "typical" changes testosterone brings with it videos, but also on the whole bureaucratic hassles of getting your name and gender legally changed, and the like. He's the first German trans person I found on YouTube who talks about all this kind of stuff. Check him out, if you're interested. As always: Next #TMIishTuesday next Tuesday. If you have any questions in the meantime, just ask away. Whatever you’re curious about - I don’t bite. :) Until then: Stay mighty! Linkage: - Tyler Oakley: Kissing Straight Boys: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcF0Qwozxmk - Tyler Oakley: Embarrassing University Stories: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gCLf4UvGj_c - Tyler Oakley: Streaking With YouTubers: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9l-xHazwYcw - Tyler Oakley: My Deadly Sour Cream Gun: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBOkSrQ-Fo4 - Tyler Oakley: 20 Emojis That Need To Exist: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nh8SzLOgCTE - Tyler Oakley: How I Met My Queen This Week: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0LACGwbRuE - Tyler Oakley: Tyler Oakley Reacts to Teens React to Tyler Oakley: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNS04P8djk4 - Dave Brown: These Google AI experiments are crazy! This is the future: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4thhWiWnqI - Dave Brown: Why AI will probably kill us all.: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPAmbUZ9UKk - Fabian Grischkat: http://instagram.com/fabiangrischkat - ChanUndSo: https://www.youtube.com/user/ChanUndSo - Troye Sivan: https://www.youtube.com/user/TroyeSivan18 - Connor Franta: https://www.youtube.com/user/ConnorFranta - Connor Franta: Painting My Nails & Other Things: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1X2ZG_isjBI - Queer Shoutout: freakodelic: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBn_3X1D-R_lcsBe-tQUWtg Oh, and here’s some self-promo: - Last #TMIishTuesday: http://mightbedamian.tumblr.com/post/158117749249/tmiishtuesday-52-dubbing-sucks - All #TMIishTuesdays: mightbedamian.tumblr.com/tagged/tmi - More #TMIishTuesdays on personal topics: http://mightbedamian.tumblr.com/tagged/me - More very cool stuff: www.twitter.com/mightbedamian - Even more very cool stuff: mightbedamian.tumblr.com