#and sheogorath is hitting the bong in the corner

[100menormore]

City Guard: “You mix potions, can you brew me an ale?”

Me: “As a matter of fact, I can”

I move my hands in a circular motion and a tall glass stein filled with frothy pink liquid appears as if from Oblivion

The guard is visibly taken aback, despite not having a visible face

Guard: “Whoa, that line has never actually worked before, um...thank you”

Me: “Aren’t you going to drink it? It’ll cure what ails ya!”

I swing the stein in a sort of drinking motion before holding it out towards him. Pink foam slides down the sides

Guard: “I...don’t know, I’m actually not supposed to drink while I’m on watch”

Me: “Oh it’s not too strong! It’s a Summerset Isle style heffenweisen with jazbay grapes and rose hips. It’s been aged in a spriggan wood cask since the second era and heated to just the right temperature for a cold night such as this one! Doesn’t that sound nice?”

Guard: “Well, if you’re going to twist my arm. A taste couldn’t hurt”

He accepts the stein and lifts his helmet just a little before taking a small sip. He immediately goes back for a much larger sip

Guard: “WOW! This is incredible! I’ve never had anything like it! How can I repay you my friend?”

He chugs the remaining contents of the drink. I begin to reply but he doesn’t hear me. He has no recollection of losing consciousness.

When he awakens, he is surrounded by vast mountains of empty wine and mead bottles. He looks up and finds that he is sitting in the lap of Sanguine, who chuckles loudly at a distant atronach fight while knawing on a goat leg

Sanguine: “Hey you, you’re finally awake. Anyway, there I was, barbecue sauce on my titties and...”