#and she seems to think I'm just being petulant but in reality i have a crippling fear of medication

[cold--carnage]

my fucking spleen ??? really ?? the fuck even is a spleen ????

[stitching-in-time]

Voyager rewatch s5 ep7: Infinite Regress

Another oddly unsatisfying episode about Seven of Nine. It seems like every episode about her boils down to one of two plotlines: either she disagrees with Janeway, and spends the entire episode arguing with her like a petulant teenager and disobeying her orders, or something goes wrong with her Borg implants, and she ends up having strange flashbacks/visions/memories/etc, that cause her to go rogue and lose control of herself, and compel her to do weird stuff. This one is one of the latter, and while Jeri Ryan did a good job acting wise, the writing leaves something to be desired. I guess I'm just frustrated with the repetitiveness and lack of depth in Seven's episodes at this point.

Since it's already been established that Seven is prone to these kinds of incidents, it seems extremely odd that nobody thought there might be a need to perhaps give her lighter duties or restrict her from being able to access certain ship functions or, you know, actually try to figure out what's causing these things to happen all the time so they can help her. But no, they just let her go on like everything is fine, and then they all somehow have shocked Pikachu faces when this happens again. This particular time, Seven suddenly starts to experience the ex-Borg version of multiple personality disorder, where the brain patterns of people she'd assimilated as a Borg take over her mind and body randomly.

Jeri obviously had fun playing a little kid, a Klingon warrior, a Ferengi business man, and all the other people whose personalities hijacked Seven's mind, but aside from giving her a fun acting challenge, the story once again didn't add up to much. She doesn't remember anything that happens when the other personalties take over, so the intriguing idea of a now-human Seven having to face the horrors of what she did as a drone is totally negated. There's some wrenching speeches she gives as the various people she assimilated, which the Voyager crew, and we the audience, obviously find tragic and disturbing, but Seven's totally unaware of it, so it's kind of a pointless missed opportunity from a story standpoint. Seven is disturbed by hearing the cacaphony of disorganized voices in her head, but never has to face the individual memories or personalities herself, or experience any repercussions once the problem is solved. While I did appreciate how much she trusted and depended on Tuvok during the mind meld, since I think their friendship is wonderful and underutilized, the scene in her mind where she sees all the people in her head didn't have the weight it should have. It was just her being lost in a crowd of people, there wasn't any element of recognition of those people as individuals who's lives she'd participated in destroying, however unwittingly. The shifting between comedy scenes and tragic scenes so quickly felt a little disjointed too. (One thing I'll say in this ep's favor though is that Seven's scenes with Naomi are very sweet, and I do like they let Seven become more open and lighthearted in scenes with kids.)

I think the whole idea of having an ex-Borg character was kind of a bad idea, since there's just so many layers of trauma associated with it, and if they're not even going to explore it beyond a surface level, the story loses a lot of it's realism, and you need some anchor in reality to suspend disbelief, even in sci-fi. Especially since Seven lived most of her life as Borg, we already have to suspend our disbelief pretty hard to pretend that she could be a functional adult human after a lifetime of being a mindless drone (I could buy it for someone who had been assimilated as an adult, and only spent a few months or years as a Borg, but not someone who'd been assimilated as a child and spent 2 decades). It just makes it more far fetched to say that she can just go through all these additional weird experiences that mess with her mind, and still be fine. Every time something like this happens to Seven, it's obviously disorienting at best, and traumatic at worst, but once they supposedly cure whatever's going on with her in any given ep, they act like it's over and done, and that she'll be fine. (Until the next ep where it happens again, obviously, but everyone will still be shocked Pikachu next time anyway!)

It's just intensely frustrating that Seven's character development always takes a backseat to making her look hot, and to not being too intense or scary or unattractive for the imaginary male viewer they were trying to court when they created her character. It's lowest common denominator writing that rarely has any consistency, which makes it hard to care about someone you don't feel like you really know. How she behaves serves the needs of the script of the week, with no through line or reasoning behind it. (I could say the same about most of the characters at this point, but that's another kettle of fish.)

In the beginning, I thought they actually did a great job when she was scared and angry after first being severed from the collective, and it actually surprised me to see how in her early episodes, they showed that she wanted to fit in and be part of Voyager's crew, but was unsure of how to do it. That made so much more sense! After having spent her whole life as part of a group, of course she'd want to be part of a new one when she lost her old one. Suddenly having her become mean and disdainful of everyone, wanting to be apart from everyone, and placing her own opinion on a pedestal above everyone else's, came out of nowhere, and didn't feel organic to her character at all. And nearly every time they try to delve into the repercussions of her having been Borg, they pull back, and neatly gloss over it with a magic fix it at the end of each episode. It's like she's just a pretty doll for the writers to play with rather than an actual character they're willing to really think hard about and explore the ugly side of.

Confronting trauma is difficult and time consuming and ugly- and she has so much! Let her be not okay for a while! Maybe she needs to take a few weeks or months off to really process some of the experiences that are surfacing now that she's human- maybe she needs some intensive meditation with Tuvok because all this shit she's been through, and continues to go through, is painful and scary and enraging, and she can't deal with it and be a realiable crew member at the same time. That would be realistic! They should let her be an ugly mess for a while- healing isn't always a linear progression, nor is it pretty, but if there's one thing they won't allow Seven to be for more than a few minutes at a time, it's not pretty. The writers and producers see her as eye candy, and don't give a crap about her as a person, and it sucks. They don't even really care that she was Borg, except when it gives her magical superpowers that no one else in the crew has. They could have done so much with her, and made her an interesting and relatable character, but they didn't, because they wanted a sexy Barbie doll in high heels and a catsuit instead. And it sucks, and it makes the show worse too.

Tl;dr: Another 'Seven's Borg Implants Are Malfunctioning' episode, that yet again shies away from any actual repercussions for Seven as far as facing or coming to terms with her past, and yet again shows everyone ignoring the fact that this keeps happening regularly, and that Seven deserves some help and accomodations for it. An acting showcase for Jeri Ryan, but the script felt like a big missed opportunity.

[awriternamedart]

“You seem off your game, Joker.”

The venom practically dripped off of Akechi's tongue, piercing eyes darting through red lenses.

He had better be glad they had a haphazard deal and a Yoshizawa meandering about the safe room a few meters away. Akira was half the mind to leave right now if it wasn't for those facts.

“I thought you were the impeccable leader type, but without your team, you seem shaken.” Akechi’s tone was much snider in the Metaverse, Akira was learning. But stalwart gray evenly met him, before Joker took a few steps forward to sit on the table. “Oh, don't be like that. I simply don't want to risk having my neck out for a half-good fighter.”

“..tch.”

“Uh… are you two.. ok?” Both of them glanced up, Kasumi finished with her quiet exploration. She hadn't seemed to find anything to pique her interest, at the very least. “Its awfully tense.”

“Oh, perfectly fine, Yoshizawa. How are you feeling?” Akechi didn't seem bothered to torture her at least.

“Alright, I think! At least, I don't think I have any bruises..”

“Good. Navigation will be much easier if you are able. Now if we could just find out why this one is acting at half capacity.”

Joker rolled his eyes, a sharp glare sent in Akechis direction.

“Eh? Half capacity?” Unfortunately, Kasumi leaned in, curiously placing her gloved hand on Akira’s forehead- out of instinct, mostly. He barely flinched at her touch. “Are you feeling alright?”

“I'm fine.”

“You are not fine, you didn't miss half the shots you took at me compared to these measly shadows.” Ignoring the startled glance Kasumi gave them both, Akechi bitterly glared down at Akira- folding his arms in his petulance. “I'm not risking anything in this- unstable world.”

“Im f-”

“Is it because your team isn't here? I know how important trust is in teamwork.” Kasumi butted in, resting her chin on her hand. “You and Morgana are always together- oh and Sakamato, to!”

Joker’s shoulders tensed up.

“Just the cat and the loudmouth? Not the rest of the team?”

“Well, I am not exactly friends with all of them, but Sakamato is his boyfriend.”

The innocence Kasumi held in her voice as Akira completely froze in spot, jaw clenched tight- it felt more like a whip of cold ice then a refreshing spark.

“Hey, sorry I can’t hang out tonight, I got somethin to do with my Ma."

Of all the weird happenstance that day, Akira felt relieved that this, at least, felt normal. Ryuji slung his arm around his shoulders, grinning as he looked to Kasumi.

“Take care of him for me, aight?”

She giggled, nodding.

“Will do!”

“Great! Ill seeya later then!”

Akira barely processed the lips being pressed against his own, Ryuji leaning up before darting back with a bright wave to both of them. He felt more startled then anything, not even realizing what had happened before Ryuji had disappeared, zipping off to who knows where.

“Boyfriend? I'll be.” Akechi's smile got just that hint sharper. “Of all of the nuisances, of course you'd go for that one. Annoyingly loyal to you- always at your side.”

“..He's ..not my boyfriend.”

They both looked down. Joker was visibly tight, standing up abruptly and surprising Kasumi, who was quick to dodge out of the way.

“Eh?? But yesterday, at the shrine-!”

Joker just looked over his shoulder, lips drawn tight. Kasumi stopped midsentence, not failing to notice the faint, pulsing red buried in grey eyes- the lingering pain now brought to the forefront.

“Lets go.”

-

Fake Reality's Remnent Wishes - awriternamedart

[moodypetrichorlove]

I have a feeling everyone who watched The Newsroom back when it aired liked Mac and I just... don't? I've been watching it for the past few months whenever I get time, and I can definitely say she's my least favourite character in the show.

I think it's better to say that I like her at times, but I'm mostly irritated by her.

She annoys me a little too much. Especially when she's being petulant and whiney about how Will won't forgive her for cheating on him, and he's taking too long (because hello? you broke his heart & he's still in love with you but he can't forget what you did to him & he's allowed to take as long as he needs to get over it fully so you know you don't get to decide when he forgives you!!)

Not only that, it also seems like she herself can't accept that she cheated on him. She tries to justify it in strange, weird logics that don't make sense in reality.

I don't know, I just needed to say this. Sorry if I'm hurting anyone's feelings. 😂

[cookinguptales]

I would love a reading, please! 🦐

Okay!

(Queen of Swords, Six of Cups, Two of Pentacles)

It's interesting here because you have two cards next to each other here that really seem to symbolize the maturity of age and the innocence of youth.

The Queen of Swords is a card that's similar to the King of Swords in that it's about using your experience and wisdom to discern the truth in a sea of noise, but the Queen feels a bit gentler than the King. More empathetic. She can think through complex problems with a keen eye and a logical mind, but she isn't unkind in her methods. She's just not particularly emotional.

The Six of Cups, on the other hand, is a card about the early years of life. This can be about literal children, or it can be about childlike joy and innocence, or it can be about nostalgia for the old days.

Finally, the Two of Pentacles, which is a card about balance, like most twos in the deck. It's about juggling the responsibilities in your life, or perhaps two disparate viewpoints that you're struggling to reconcile.

For some, I think this might be something about, y'know, childrearing. Balancing your responsibilities as a parent, being calm and rational when dealing with your children's squabbles, etc.

But in this situation... the vibe I'm getting from this spread is that you need to balance these two ways of living life. You need to hold the mature part of you one one side, the calm, rational part of you that will look at your problems rationally. But you also need to hold that childlike innocence that lets you experience extreme emotions like joy and sadness and even petulance.

You don't want to go too far one way or the other. Cutting yourself off from your emotions entirely will only hurt you, even if you feel like you need to do that to be a "real adult" and accomplish your goals. But withdrawing too much from reality and logic won't help you, either, and puts you at risk of behaving like a spoiled child.

I think this spread is telling you that you should really lean into both sides of yourself without neglecting either, but to make sure that you don't go too far. Life's all about balance, and that's what this Two is telling you.

[compassionatereminders]

(Long ask) Could i get your opinion? I've been having a rough mental health year which has affeceted my attitude, so I feel like a majority of these issues are my fault. I'm 19 and live with my sister, her husband, and my brother, and I think I'm being petulant and unfair when I get frustrated at them for telling me to clean. Dishes everyday for 4 people, trash, wipe down counters, stovetop,& table when other people spill. I was given a prescription for antidepressants/anxiety last year and they definitely help, but my sister seems to think that I should suddenly have all this brand new bravery to go outside and energy to take care of everything at the house. In reality I can barely go outside because I feel like I'm constantly being watched.

I don't have a job or pay rent, but I take care of their young, energetic dogs all day every day (65 pounds and 85 pounds; feeding, playtime, outside time, constant pulling burrs out of their long fur, making sure they don't destroy the house bc they're big chewers), do the dishes, and everyone's laundry whenever they ask (in washer, in dryer, laid out on beds).

I know I can definitely act immaturely when she asks me to clean up someone else's mess, and i have been trying to be fair and see things from their perspectives, but it frustrates me that they treat me like a live in maid/dog sitter just because I was forced to live here (mom sent me for college, im taking a break but seriously considering dropping out). I've had a conversation with my sis where we agreed that I'm not expected to do anything on Saturdays, but shes conveniently forgotten about that and continues to leverage the water bill and the fact that I live here over my head if I refuse to do anything. She also says "(my husband) is going to get pissed if you don't do those dishes" a lot even though hes a big guy and im kind of scared if him, though I'm not sure if she realizes that. (No real reason to be, he's just loud and assertive and that stresses me out). I'm taking my driver's test soon so I can finally get a job to pay rent so I can stop doing everybody's everything, but do you have any advice? I'm sorry this is very jumbled, but I'm not sure if I'm acting like a spoiled child or trying to uphold boundaries, and unfortunately I tend to think of these things in the extreme: I'm either one or the other. Anything would be appreciated, even if you want to bitch slap me through a screen, lol

I don't blame you for being frustrated with this situation, but I also don't blame your sister and her partner for having certain expectations to you considering that you're living with them without paying rent. I'm not saying they get to order you around, but you ARE living with them for free and I don't think expecting you to help out is inherently wrong of them. That being said, I hope you find a better solution once you get your driver's license so that you don't have to keep overworking yourself at home to live up to their expectations. Especially if you're struggling with your mental health!

[mysticdragon3md3]

I honestly don't know what to think, and I'm confused.

Over the weekend, we all got indignant for Bayonetta's original voice actor Hellena Taylor being offered insulting pay for Bayonetta 3. Today there is a Bloomberg article and a well-known journalist saying they have seen documentation refuting Taylor's claims. (In response, Taylor is sticking to her story.)

And I still don't know what to believe.

On the one hand, Taylor's actions seemed to risk her losing more than gaining anything, and the industry has a deeply entrenched history of mistreating and underpaying everyone who works in it. What would she have to gain from breaking NDA and making these accusations? Even if she was found justified and everything turned out in her favor after this, she has very much burned a major bridge in the gaming industry. She may have to switch to cartoon voice overs and may not be hired by the game industry after such a mess like this. Additionally, the game industry has been mistreating its artists in general, for many many years. Game developers are so notoriously mistreated and underpaid, that there have been a stream of investigative articles for the past couple of recent years, reporting on how game companies mistreat their workers, both financially and in sexual harassment. And in both game development and in the general media landscape, voice actors are also notoriously undervalued and underpaid. We're still talking about how Chris Pratt got cast as Mario for the Super Mario Bros Move instead of Charles Martinet. And we all know that isn't the first instance of professional, more skilled voice actors being overlooked in favor of screen actors. She has little to personally gain and the industry has a bad history, hurting its credibility.

But then again, I don't know Hellena Taylor. Maybe she could be a vindictive person and a liar. I don't know. Maybe Platinum Games is having their reputation tarnished, purely out of spite. I can't say I know the truth.

Also the timing of all parties' actions are weird. Why did Taylor wait until the month of Bayonetta 3's release date to talk about this? Was it to give the public little time to investigate and cause impulsive preorder cancellations? But maybe she just feared the consequences of breaking the NDA, until Platinum recently answered questions in an article, only a few days ago, giving a vague explanation for why Taylor was replaced. Maybe Platinum speaking in that article made her feel she was now allowed to talk? And why did Platinum and Hideki Kamiya not just immediately refute her claims with the actual justifiable facts if they were false, instead of acting petulant? But also Kamiya's actions, mass blocking, and maybe even his statement, could also just as easily be what anyone would do to avoid drama on Twitter, just as easily as it could be interpreted as petulant. And well, maybe it takes some time to get the documentation together and maybe Kamiya wasn't aware of the details of her salary offers? I mean, today is Tuesday and Taylor's accusations came this past weekend. It hasn't been THAT long for Platinum to produce their proof; they actually produced it fairly quickly. …But are any of those things true???? I still don't know what is.

Because on the other hand, Platinum Games has A LOT to lose right now. Babylon's Fall tanked, used a lot of their time/resources, and has started precariously tipping their reputation into a bad light. They REALLY need Bayonetta 3 to do well. And the games industry does have a notorious history of mistreating its workers… Are they desperate enough to produce false documentation of the salary negotiations that paint them positively? Are they desperate enough to dupe a respected journalist? I don't know. Just like I don't know if Taylor is vindictive enough of a person to make false accusations out of spite. Because in all reality, it's also technically possible for even a big company to be taken advantage of in SOME RARE cases. But I REALLY DON'T KNOW if this is one of those cases. And if this isn't one of those cases, then we're perpetuating an entire industry's severe mistreatment of its artists.

I JUST DON'T KNOW.

If we're wrong for siding with the voice actress, then we've all been taken for a ride and have been acting ridiculously indignant for nothing. (Though, maybe we brought some attention to some things in the industry that severely need to change.) But if we're wrong for siding with the big company, then a voice actor with much less power gets continued mistreatment.

And yet, I can't just Occam's Razor this, because even Occom's Razor has a caveat for simpler explanations being merely PREFERRABLE, and not guaranteed truth. The more likely explanations for a situation may USUALLY be the truth, but that's not a guarantee. What if this situation is an exception to the usual? …But in WHICH direction???????????????????????

I don't know what to think. ;_;

[dancekickboxcardio]

I don’t know about you guys. But when you are on your technology 📱 💻 , do you guys notice that it doesn’t do exactly what you want or you operate it like usual to no go or something is just not right. I am a computer 💻 graduate student right. Also, I had a desktop when I was a kid. I never read the instructions on how to use them or studied 🤓 how Microsoft Office works. I learned as I go. When I was working as a caregiver, I actually had a MICU contract with the Clinic a semester before graduation among all things, my client’s husband was interested in the area and picked my mind on the topic. He was amazed at my troubleshooting skills when his printer 🖨 would not work. It is really trial and error based on knowledge. My German radio 📻 won’t play. All systems are in place. I disconnect the Bluetooth and played the app. The audio was coming out of my phone 📱. I also had changed Internet connections 🔗 from DSL. Our family plan has unlimited data 🌐. Well, I am enjoying 😊 it as I want it. I had a piece of cake 🍰. I didn’t ask for heavy whipping cream. I should learn to getting by. That’s how most people live. There is something powerful in keeping yourself in check. It spills out in many areas of life. I slept 🛏 in and without guilt. I don’t have an oversleeping 💤 headache 🤕. I am happy 😃 even if I am not anywhere but the gym 🏃🏼‍♀️ 💪🏾. I wanted to take a picture 📸 of the new TRX like training area. There are boxing 🥊 bags. How exciting 😆 . I was like a new kid on the playground. Soaking in every details of this novel machinery. I was like, “What are those big disk for, how about those handles?” It was thrilling. You forgot that it’s suppose to intimidate you and many people were already enjoying it. I didn’t want to take their privacy by putting them on my tumblr. I saw Mark Consuelo training with the team. They looked 👀 so good 😊 like they have bonds. He looks angry 😤 tough. I always see him like he is a puppy 🐶. When I went around to check the new stuff, I was trying to have a feel of how everything is. Usually being in a room full of boys does not bother me. But since being in the hot 🥵 sauna 🧖🏼‍♀️ night time 🌃full of only older men, I seemed to be aware of my womanly 👩🏼 presence. It was like that stepping into the big boy training machines. The place seemed packed with stuff in all areas. That says a lot about membership. I didn’t want to be the petulant courageous in the room. There are many forms of tough but it doesn’t need to insist and push everybody around. I had no choice but to cut through the people working out. I said hi 👋🏾 to heart ❤️ attack but really I am not there. I am not up. I am slowed in reaction. I am not feeling bubbly. I didn’t want to disrupt his weightlifting. I caught him in the middle of. He is so cute in baby blue shirt 👕. He doesn’t go for cute it seems to me. I guess fatherhood does things to him. He seemed happy 😃. He’s less serious on uncharted territory. Yeah, he’s like oozing with confidence. He doesn’t look 👀 it, but I feel that he is changing. I was being strict. I need my colorful 🎒 backpack. I am also changing my lip 👄 color. Fall 🍃🍂🍁 Someone suggested to keep my summer colors. Ok, para tú. I had plans on going to the health club today even if I am skipping yoga 🧘🏼‍♀️ for full back muscle healing ⛑. When my alarm ⏰ rang, I decided without guilt that I can take #namasteinbedallday . That’s what I am doing. I slowed myself to sleep 😴 last night. I was reading 📖 a book.

I didn’t shut off right away. My mind continued to process. It’s just how it is. I can take like supplements or teas 🍵. Nyquill. I even woke up several times during the night. I am not in a bad mood 😒. I usually am because sleep 😴 is important part of functioning healthy and I know that and I am on it. I am doing what I can to do exactly the best way to increase my day’s productivity 📊📈. Today, the question ❓❔❓ begs if I should allow things to happen to me instead of me reacting and doing things to counter it. My answer right now which is different from my first solution is a balance. A push and pull. But what I had in mind is to let go. Maybe I am being too hard on being too hard. Does that make sense. It’s like you want this result so you are sticking to your approach but there are other factors that are acting upon the situation. Instead of charging at the same spot, allow it to unfold and attack. Capish 👌🏾.

I am almost done ✅ with the Lady Cop 👮🏻‍♀️ book 📚 and I can’t wait 😊 to return it. I wondered 💭 what the librarian said about the stolen book in my purse 👜. My audio dropped 🔽 and another elements presented itself, the server retrieval. The problem must be somewhere in Germany 🇩🇪. If you are schooled 🏫 in the infrastructure of the World Wide Web, you’d be amaze at the speed at which we receive information ℹ️ and the many hops it actually takes to get to us. Let me pull the class that I found invaluable from Dr. Chuck of Michigan University. It is a free course unless you want a certificate.

I lost my train of thought ✍🏾 🤔. I maybe a zombie 🧟‍♀️ slow to react and didn’t want to be bothered 😕 but I had stuff going through my mind 🧠. I find myself smiling 😃 and on further stimulus I tried to keep a straight face. I was noticing how there were many guys and they were so excitable. They keep on touching their hair, adjusting their glasses, stretching 🙆‍♂️. I suppose they want to be at their toes or they just had a full day already . Sometimes I am like that. But this day I was more, shucks I don’t want to slip from the belt on soft knees. I kept taking breaks and that’s ok. I found that I needed distraction even if it’s something I generated for myself . I remem what was on my mind. I want to know if my package 📦 shall be delivered. I think my Mom is here. I smell beef 🥩 cooking 🥘 on the stove. What an olfactory sense 👃🏾. I already drank my fit Americano ☕️. There was cold espresso on the fridge. I took many breaks oft times to relieve myself or grab a towel or check out what’s new. I have a song 🎶.

“What's new Buenos Aires?

I'm new--I want to say I'm just a little stuck on you

You'll be on me too!

I get out here Buenos Aires

Stand back--you ought to know what'cha gonna get in me

Just a little touch of star quality! “

Boy, I am up.

I just called the library , they said to bring the police 🚔 report. Thank God, I was thinking and included it on the list of items lost. I didn’t even list the cost of the Bagley Mischka wallet which would increase the value 💲💲💲💲 of the theft. My lipsticks 💄. My Tahari sunglasses 🕶 which is a little over a hundred bucks. Of course, I didn’t pay 💰 full price. What did I say? Cheapies for those without jobbies 😂. I know why Dad is a little worried 😟. He is sleepy 💤. He pulled long hours 🕡 for overtime opportunities that’s why I had to cancel 📞 my Derm 🥼 appointment. He’s bro is sick 🤒 with an infection. He’s the eldest. Is there going to be a death 💀? I maybe impervious not because I don’t have a heart ♥️ but the devastation has already been anticipated. I cannot do anything about it and I must know how to deal. Did you guys know that McCain’s son went back to his duty for like if I got it right 8 months 📅 and just returned to grieve? That’s the reality for those who serve in the armed forces even if your Dad was like a Presidential Candidate. You have to keep yourself together, honor him in the best way, and do what is your duty. That could be emotionally packed and loaded.

The day was plain really. I keep on bumping into Katie. She’s so dedicated at her job. I like her. Stacey left. She’ll be missed and I’ll always look 👀 to see if she came back. I didn’t see the newbies. I haven’t seen Jocelyn. I suppose she’s doing good for herself. She tells me she doesn’t earn a lot. I told her how I started selling books 👓 . You are starting. It get’s better. Adulting, you stick to it, you keep on, focus on what must be done ✅ and plan on a better future. There were no classes 💃🏼 afternoon. I didn’t make it to the sauna 🧖🏼‍♀️. I had to cut my time by 15 minutes ⏱ in second cardio ❤️ . I am happy 😃 that I already put in my work earlier. I stayed 30 minutes over early afternoon treadmill. So if you put it in a overall sense, I bested goal 🥅 by 15 minutes over. I saw Ahmed. I was so happy 😀 to see him. We know each other in the studio when I feel like being in the left corner. He said he has back issues too and I recommended Gina’s easier yoga 🧘‍♂️ classes. I remember Root. There was another one. I should check it out if anyone asks. Before taking my break I saw Lorene and stopped 🛑 to say hi 👋🏾. She noticed my water 💦 with lemon 🍋 and I had mention my nausea 🤢, headache 🤕, faintness 🌀. I met Jean a pediatric ICU nurse. She had a life changing medical 🏥 event. But without hesitation she recommended the Epley maneuver. Promising. It must be done ✅ by a medical practitioner and I keep on asking if a chiropractor 👨🏻‍⚕️does it. It sounds drastic. I told dance 🕺🏽buddy, we are human and we all have problems. We deal with it the best that we can. We have to determine for ourselves what’s the best action. Like if I know that folding down makes me sick 🤒, then, don’t do it. I just thought that if the prob persists for longer than 6 mons. shall I go to the ear 👂🏾 doctor? Also, aromatherapy and perhaps peppermint oil. Essential oil infused mat cleaner 🧼.

[theradioghost]

Okay so MAYBE I've been reading too much Xmen but I'm really into the idea of characters meeting their time displaced future kids and I'd die to see a Penumbra version? Bonus points if they're from ~the darkest timeline~ where their parents are dead 🖤🖤 (I love u and your headcanons so much ur a gift to us all)

ohhhh, Anon, I have spent the last two weeks binging arsPARADOXICA, and trust me when I say right now my head is full of future selves and dark timelines and people making terrible, terrible decisions with time travel. consequently this may have gotten away from me and I may have written this instead of taking notes in my last class, but please accept this totally unbeta’d 2.5k.

The person following Nureyev down the alleyway was good; very good. No one else would have heardher footsteps, mirroring his exactly, without echo. She could have crept up onanyone else.

But not on him, which seemed almost a shame as he spun, caughther, had her pinned to the ground in a heartbeat. He’d never been one forprolonging a fight, and he’d never had the brute strength for the kind ofhand-to-hand that Juno went in for; but his spouse had insisted that Nureyevbroaden his technique to include a number of useful throws and holds after afew too many close shaves and a few too many dead bodies. And besides, he had afew questions.

“Now,” he said politely, pressing the swearing girl’s faceinto the pavement. She really was a girl, barely out of her teens at theoutside, and he was glad he hadn’t gone for the knife. “We meet at last.”

“Get off!”

“After all,” he continued, unperturbed, “aren’t you the onewho’s been trying to interfere with my work for the past week and a half?Trying very admirably, I’ll admit. This was uncharacteristically clumsy of you.So, who hired you?”

“I’m not working for anyone.” Her voice was impressivelypetulant, considering it was muffled by most of his weight and the grittyconcrete beneath her.

“I don’t appreciate lying,” Nureyev said. “You’re certainlyvery talented for your age, but not talented enough, I think, to have had thekind of information on me which you clearly do. Those pitfalls were very personalized. You know how I work,which means you’re with someone I’ve workedwith before. Or worked against. It makes no difference. If you were foolishenough to try mugging me in an alleyway, they can’t have told you enough aboutme.”

“You’re making a mistake,” she said.

“Wrong again. I’m making a profit off yours,” Nureyev said,placing his knee in the center of her back and hearing the air leave her withan oof. He loosened his hold justenough to reach down and begin rifling through her pockets, the work of onlyseconds; she wasn’t carrying much, although he noticed some kind of sleek,complex personal device which wrapped all the way around her arm. It was alittle petty, perhaps, but the prospect of rethinking his technique enough toevade this mysterious new adversary was irritating, even as it excited him.Juno would be furious.

As soon as he touched the device, the girl started tostruggle far more desperately. “Do nottake that,” she said. “That is a bad, bad idea – ”

He tightened his grip, and something on thedevice beeped. There was a second ofrapidly gaining white noise, a sensation of heat, a bright flash –

Nureyev sprawled backwards on the concrete of the alley, thegirl next to him. There was someone coming around the corner, he realizedblurrily, disoriented; he could hear the footsteps.

He could have half sworn that the girl ran with him behind the storage container,but at any rate, they ended up pressed against the metal, Nureyev twisting herarms up behind her back with one hand and covering her mouth with the other,but not really paying attention because he was staring through a chink in themetal at himself, walking down thealleyway.

It was unmistakable, a living mirror. Nureyev knew ahologram when he saw one, and this wasn’t it. And when the girl’s doppelgangerappeared around the corner, following behind him, and his own double turned andpinned her to the ground, a surreal, impossible thought occurred to him.

The other Nureyev reached for the girl’s wrist; she tried topull away, and both of them vanished.

There was a long silence, broken only by the muffled soundsof the city at the end of the alleyway and the dripping of water from a nearbypipe. Then Nureyev lifted his hand off the girl’s mouth and said, “You have tenseconds to explain what just happened.”

“You’re not stupid, it’s obviously a time machine,” the girlsaid hurriedly. “I’m from the future and I’m trying to help you.”

Nureyev frowned. “So you’re not the person who’s been sabotaging me?”

A pause. “Uh, no. I am,” she said. “That’s how I’m helpingyou.”

“Excellent logic,”he said. “What just happened?”

“There’s an emergency switch on the device,” she said. “Movesyou in time one minute. You activated it.”

He considered it. And to his surprise, he believed it. Afterall, he’d seen stranger. Or things as strange,at least.

“You could let me go now,” the girl suggested hopefully.

“Alright,” Nureyev said, not letting go. “Let’s presume thatyou are, in fact, from the future. I think what you need to tell me now is whyI should believe that you’re sabotaging me for my own good.”

A pause, and then she said, “I know your name is PeterNureyev.”

Nureyev considered this for a second. Then he twisted one ofher arms ever so slightly further. “Certainly a dramatic choice,” he said. “Butjust as much of a threat as an assurance. Who are you, then, that you wouldknow my name? What’s yours?”

“Mona,” the girl yelped. “Harmonia, Harmonia Steel, go easy!”

Every one of Nureyev’s trains of thought stopped and rerouted to the same destination. “Steel,” he said. “What do you mean, Steel?”

“It means that you and Juno weren’t stupid enough to give meyour last name, Dad,” the girl snapped. “Now would you let me go?”

All of the strength he was not using to hold her down was suddenly going to making sure his hands did not start to shake. “Prove it,” he said.“Give me one piece of evidence that actuallyproves – ”

“He didn’t call you Peter until your wedding vows and whenyou asked he said he was scared of being the first person to say it to you intwenty years but it seemed stupid to leave it out,” Mona said, all in onebreath. “You two bicker constantly about whether sawdust coffee is even worthdrinking, he has a birthmark on his lower left back and you like to poke himthere to make him jump, you’re allergic to shellfish but he still doesn’t know because you think itmakes you look silly – ”

His hands seemed to let go, his legs to move him up and awayfrom her a step or two of their own accord. Nureyev stared at her, observingwith new eyes, awed eyes. “You’re…”

“I’m your daughter,” Mona said, rolling upright with awince. “And wow, you are heavier thanyou look.”

Nureyev looked at her – a young woman, sharp-eyed,tentatively smiling at him after her attempt at joking. A young woman smilingat her father, a young woman that hehad raised – that he would raise, andwho had, improbably, arrived in his now. Itall made sense, of course – he wouldn’t have admitted it for a heartbeat, butthe uncanny accuracy with which his previously unknown adversary had beenanticipating his every move had frustrated and spooked him. But that wasperfectly reasonable if she’d learned them straight from him. If he’d raisedher to the job.

He felt sick.

“You’re a thief,” he said flatly. “I don’t know what I’ll belike in the future, but let me tell you, in the present I do not approve.”

“Oh, hell, no,” Mona said. “No, you and Juno, both of youtaught me a few things, but believe me, there were always two big rules in ourhome, no growing up to be a thief or a detective. Both of you are gonna be really emphatic about that.”

“Then what do youdo?”

“I’m working on it,” she said. “I was thinking anthropology?Oh, come on, don’t look at me like that, it was a joke. Anyway, I’m not here togive you spoilers for the next twenty years.”

Nureyev caught the thought that he had at least twenty goodyears with Juno coming up, and filed it away to spend some time with when there was not business toattend to. “Alright then, Mona. Tell me, why did you travel twenty years intothe past to mug your father in an alleyway?”

“Someone hired you to steal a data chip from the Duchess ofNew Ithaca,” she said. “I’ve been trying to stop you without having to tell you all of this, and maybe screw upour entire timeline.”

“Unfortunately I think it’s too late for that on a number ofcounts, dear,” Nureyev said, reaching into his pocket. On its chain, the datachip caught the dim light of the alleyway, and its crystal circuits sparkled. “You’vetold me everything, and I’ve already stolen the chip.”

“I know,” she said miserably. “This was my last resort – I thoughtmaybe if I could steal it back off you I could return it quick enough.”

Nureyev stared at her. “And you decided to do that bysneaking up behind me in an alleyway,” he said, half in disbelief.

“…I’m Juno’s daughter too?”

Caught off guard, he laughed, and she did too, for half amoment. “Wow,” she said, “this is… so weird.You just look so young.”

“I take it I’ve gone gray in the future, then,” Nureyevsighed. “Hm? No? Oh, no, I haven’t gone bald, have I?”

The smile had faded from Mona’s face, and she stared at him,as though she didn’t know how to find the words. “In the future,” she saidslowly, “where I came from – when Icame from, you’re – you’re dead.”

He stopped laughing, and looked back at her, the anguish inher eyes.

“That’s why I’m trying to stop you,” she said. “It’s – we don’treally understand yet, you know, how this thing works, what effects it willhave – it’s half cannibalized Martian teleporter and half Dark Matters tech andwe’re half sure that if you create a paradox with it it’ll tear apart realityitself – but I had to, because yousteal that chip, and twenty-four hours later they realize it’s missing, andunless that doesn’t happen, unless it’s notgone by that time, then there’s nothing I can do, nothing that will stopthe chain of events that ends in twenty years with the Duchess killing you, andnow it’s too late.”

Twenty good years.

Nureyev had been roped into watching a few of Rita’s showson occasion, and time travel was a surprisingly frequent plot point. Hesincerely doubted the programs were what you might call scientifically accurate, but he’d paid enough attention to be awareof the theoretical problems of changing your own past. And he’d paid attentionwhen Mona said tear apart reality itself.

“There’s no other course?” he asked, very quietly.

“I had one shot,” she said. She wasn’t crying despite herchoked voice, which didn’t surprise him; he had no doubt that he and Juno wouldbe more than anxious to do their best as parents, but both of them were awfully good at bottling things up. “Itried everything I could think of, and I can’t just go back and do it over. IfI meet myself, that could be the end of everything.Literally everything, the entire universe. And knowing it’ll happen isn’t – isn’tgoing to help you.”

That settled that, then. This had been the tightest, mostfinely planned heist of his career, and the obstacles Mona had given him hadcut it yet closer. There were no further gaps, no place left to jam themachinery, much less without paradoxically contacting himself.

“Mona,” he said, as gently as he could manage. He didn’tknow this girl, didn’t love her yet, but the knowledge that he would, the wayshe was looking at him, the fact of a kid of not more than eighteen or nineteenwith the life or death of their father in their hands, weighed against uncountable lives  –

The world, or your life. Everyone else, or the one whomattered. He knew the choice he’d make.

“Mona, I’m sorry. I am so, so sorry that fate has led ushere. And I want you to know that I don’t blame you.” He put one hand overhers. “So I want you to go back. Go home.”

“You – ”

“I’ve always known the risks, my darling,” he said, managinga sad smile. He even meant it, in that moment, he really, truly did. “This isnot a job that tends to lead to a long life, after all – but you’ve just given me that, Mona. Twenty years is –is more than I ever could have expected. Twenty years with you and Juno is morethan I could have ever dreamed of. I nevercould have predicted such a piece of happiness coming into my life as Juno –I never could have predicted you,Mona. And knowing will make every second of it that much more precious. So go back and take care of him for me.”

Mona stared at him in disbelief for a second, and then hereyes hardened. “Dad,” she said, “she killed Juno, too.”

Nureyev’s world stopped.

“What?”

“I can’t stop that either,” she said. “This was my onlychance. All or nothing. I took a gamble and I lost.”

Juno was dead.

No, he thought, forcing his mind to organize, forcinghimself to think – no, Juno was fine, safe on Mars, safe for another twentyyears. But then, yes, dead.

Peter Nureyev reconsidered his decision.

The near-certain risk of ending reality itself. Or living twentycontented years knowing he’d done nothing to save the life of Juno Steel.

Absolutely everything ending. Or a universe that kepthappily, blindly turning, but without Juno Steel in it. Either way, no Juno.And then the slimmest chance of saving him.

He weighed the options. It wasn’t a hard choice. Not evenclose.

“Well, then, Mona,” he said, brushing alley grime off hiscoat. “You’ve been acting here for about two weeks, yes? Back three weeks, thistime, I think that should be enough – ”

“I told you,” she said. “I don’t think there’s anything elseI can do. You’re unstoppable on thisjob. You bragged about it my whole life. I’ve had fifteen years to figure itout and I still couldn’t do it.”

“You very nearly did,” Nureyev said. “But you’re you, Mona, and not quite me, for which I’mvery thankful. And you’d need a thief exactly as experienced as I am to come upwith a way to stop me from stealing that chip.”

“Which I’m not,” Mona said. “I know.”

“No,” he replied brightly. “But I am. And really, isn’t beating yourself at your own best con infinitely more worthbragging about?”