#and she refuses to let it go bc who knows where and when she'll find an unbroken pair

[lyrates]

lyla keeps them heart shaped sunglasses in every universe

[mystellenia]

giving ellie a hoodie full of kisses ୨ৎ

summary: you paint a hoodie with kisses for ellie, and the gesture flusters her.

content: nothing much, just ellie being shy

notes: answer to this req!! i'm trying a new format of posts. sometimes i see people do not quite hcs but also not quite a normal, paragraph-formatted fic. its this in between of bullet points????? idk lemme know if yall like it

(wc 0.6 k)

after spending an hour on painting your lips and pressing them to the cloth of the hoodie you'd gotten for ellie, you sat back and examined your work

you had to admit: the hoodie looked beautiful. but! you did not!!!! your lips were stained red from the paint, your back hurt from hunching over to kiss the hoodie, and you'd probably ingested about an ounce of red40!!! (i know red 40 is in food but let me be silly)

after washing the paint that had gotten on your skin off in the sink, you ironed the sweatshirt to seal the paint in (don't ask me how that works bc idk i just saw it on tiktok like 10 mins ago)

and now we wait for ellie to come home!!

when she finally comes in, she throws her keys on the table near the door and toes her dusty, disintegrating, been-to-bethlehem-and-back converse, bc have you seen them. one day she's gonna take a step and they're gonna turn into a cloud of dust i swear

anyway you're sitting on the couch with your phone in your lap, the painted sweatshirt folded into a square with the kisses hidden inside. she walks towards you and gives you a lil kissy kiss on the forehead like hiiii

you get all smiley because you're excited for her to see the sweatshirt and she gets all suspish.... like what's so funny....

sooooooo.... you tell her you made her something and unfold the hoodie and hold it up to your body so she can see the full thing. and she would soooo get all beet red, like, "...you made this for me?"

and you're like "yes of course do you like it queen" then she gets over the like flusteredness (????(actually i revoke my ???? bc i just made that a word)) and gets so happi like yayyy!!!!

then she looks all confused at your lips and is like "is that why your lips look so severely chapped and red?"

and you get mad so you take away kiss privileges so she does the only reasonable thing which is putting you in a headlock to force kiss you

would definitely immediately put it on and go look in the mirror at her with it on. she'll start geeking and thank you and all that jazz

she would wear that shit 24/7. sleeping working showering shitting ANYWHERE best believe she has that hoodie on. and you tell her its been like 2 weeks of her wearing it nonstop so she needs to wash it but she refuses bc she doesn't want the kisses to start fading. u wash it anyway bc its dirty and she cold shoulders you for about 30 mins before she sees some dumb reel she just has to show you (me fr).

i feel like she's a hot sleeper--like she gets too hot at night to wear the hoodie but she still wants it so she'll just hold it as a baby blanket of sorts and Whatnot.

wait very unrelated but does anyone have a baby blanket that they've had for so long its like basically just threads thats so funny

but overall she loves it. she likes to kiss the kiss prints you made on the sweatshirt bc it's "like kissing you."

there was one time she couldn't find it for like 2 days (because you'd washed it since she never does) and she tried to act all nonchalant and unaffected like she wasn't about to start tweaking and like twitching

then you gave it to her all calm because it was literally just in the wash and she was like "what😨😨😨 where did you find it😨😨😨" and you just tell her it was in the wash and shes like "oh that makes sense"

pls im so sorry. before i say anything i would like to formally apologize to the anon who submitted the ask for this bc this is so shit. you ask me for a product and this is how i repay you!! shame on me. please dilly dally on over to my asks and ask me something else so i can actually, i don't know, do a good job!! this ask was cute tho u ate with that

@picklesarenice69

wow i very strongly dislike this format so much this is the first and last time i will be doing this!!! i’m only posting this bc its been like a week since i last posted and the citizens will soon revolt, which the city's defenses cannot afford!! we're about to run out of wheat like times are getting tough. maybe i should just try just headcanons 🤔

can you tell i was fighting demons to not make this my normal vocab and format. like just look at this sentence and how it progresses: "when she finally comes in, she throws her keys on the table near the door and toes her dusty, disintegrating, been-to-bethlehem-and-back converse, bc have you seen them." the way that sentence progresses is just the silly demons taking over and also my coping mechanism for grimacing at how much i didnt mesh with this format

like i just couldnt take myself seriously. "yes of course do you like it queen" HELLO??? WHY DID I TYPE THAT but i will not be fixing and/or deleting it bc its making me giggle

dont get me wrong some of you ladies chew it up but i am made for unreasonably long and time consuming fics!!! i’m getting heated too bc not only is this so short and quick to do but it also takes less focus and brain power and ofc i had to make things hard for myself and hate it!!! i’m soooooooooooo silly

click here!! oh and here too!! ˶ᵔᵕᵔ˶

---

edit: wait i would like to clarify that i just hate this because perhaps i’m not used to it. if you guys like this maybe i'll do more bc i follow the clout always 💯

[twistedastrology]

Hello there!

Can you talk more about aries mercury? so...not the fool card? Even though they don't "think things through" before speaking? It seems to me aries in mercury is either over-emotional, too forward, too logical, too passionate and so many contradictory things all at once. I would REALLY love to hear what you think about that. Please.

Btw, Capricorn Mercury seems to be the most 'useful' mercury in terms of external/social benefits, in the sense that they have a constant filter that makes them gain respect by others easily. I don't necessarily like their minds to be honest, and they're generally not interested in lots of topics but I have to recognise how handy it could come to people who don't get to wish to discuss/delve deeper in various topics.

I have multiple cap mercuries in my life btw including friends, colleagues and my dear mother with whom--even though she's a Gemini Moon--barely manages to have hobbies of her own or participate in games.

I feel like cap mercury is perfect on the outside, but overly influenced by society's standards, rules and appearance on the inside bc of that filter. Like they don't really "think for themselves"? They're much more focused on appearances than on the content of a text, speech and mercury matters.

Sorry for the ramble. Also, discovered ur blog today and I love the authenticity.

A;

love love love love LOOOOOVE this ask thank u so so much omg- mercury stuff is one of my absolute favorite things to yap abt in astrology and i consider it kinda my specialty bc im mercury dominant myself so 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

let's start with aries mercury- in my experience, people with aries mercury aren't necessarily impulsive when it comes to their thoughts or how they talk, unless the rest of the chart says otherwise (mercury square mars especially could do this imo)

my mom has her mercury in 25° aries (so an aries degree) and she's like 99% fire with a cap rising that doesn't do a whole lot bc it's SUUUUUPER intercepted by aquarius- Like literally her whole 1st house is engulfed by aquarius but her asc line is in cap so 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

she's the perfect example of an aries mercury in my opinion- she literally Cannot sit still for longer than like. an hour at best. even my gemini finds it slightly annoying but i just follow her around whenever we're talking 😭😭😭

she also has her sun and venus both in aries (venus conjunct mercury) so she's very aries dominant, and she's not very confrontational or impulsive at all- she's not really quick to anger either like stereotypical aries is, but she is pretty easily irritated id say 😵‍💫

in terms of mercury specifically, you can just See the aries influence in like everything she does- her organization isn't the neatest, but she has to have everything put away otherwise she'll lose her mind and she literally can't focus until the kitchen is clean or something-

her mercury goes a MILE a minute just like mine does so in talking to her, we can go from something very normal to the most out of nowhere conversation you could ever imagine- And we have mercury sextile mercury together (albeit a wide orb bc my mercury is 1° gemini 😵‍💫) so somehow we understand the other's chaos perfectly and actually manage to reel the other in without actually doing anything-

shockingly, where my gemini will get incredibly confused and overwhelmed, her aries will come in clutch- a good example of this is a while ago we were playing fallout 76 and if u dont know, in that game u have a stash box with limited storage capacity and it's inevitable that it'll fill up eventually so u have to get rid of a whole bunch of stuff to bring it back down-

i literally got so overwhelmed by that to the point of tears and my dad tried to help (his mercury is in taurus btw) and he literally couldn't bc i refused to open up to him tbh- so he went and got my mom and just her Being in the same Room with me got my mercury to sort its shit out- like she saw everything so clearly and directly, very aries, whereas i was overwhelmed by all the details, very gemini.

so i think aries mercury is actually a Really good placement especially if you have strong aspects to back it up- it can make you see complicated things very simply and clearly OR the opposite sometimes 😵‍💫 it Can make you overlook details and not understand something when it isn't perfectly direct- and i also notice that, at least with my mom, her aries mercury makes her a Little less good with people- only because a lot of people aren't as clear and concise as she would like them to be, and that's when i have to help her figure out what they mean 😭

i think aries mercuries do actually think things through before they speak, they just think so fast that it Seems like they don't- similar to gemini mercuries actually 😵‍💫

i also dont think they're overly emotional or hot-headed as per the aries stereotypes- i think they're actually a lot more calculated than we give them credit for especially since mars is the god of war, and to win a war you need strategy (personally i think aries rules the sun, but mars makes sense here so 😮‍💨)

ANYWYA in terms of CAPRICORN!!!!!

i have observed quite a few capricorn mercuries so i am extremely glad u brought them up-

i think what u said abt capricorn mercuries being the most useful in terms of social benefits is actually kinda real- i do notice that Most capricorn mercuries are similar to libra mercuries in that they are generally very respectful of the things they talk about, at least if they actually respect them 😵‍💫

i have 3 different capricorn mercuries that im using as examples in my head right now- jonathan davis, awsten knight and bill wurtz- if you've seen any of them in interviews, you'll notice they're all very different with the way they talk but i think jonathan davis and awsten knight are the most similar in the respect thing-

those two are both so charismatic and polite in my opinion- and bill wurtz is too but he's a lot more like what you would think an aries mercury would be like- he's very high-strung, at least in the interview i saw, and has a lot of nervous energy and talks So Fast and yet it still seems like his mouth cant keep up with his brain-

awsten is pretty similar, he's got adhd (same 😵‍💫) and talks pretty fast but his pace seems a little closer to a gemini mercury. it's slightly slower most of the time but the speed at which he talks and thinks seems to vary based on what he's talking about.

jonathan is very cap coded to me with the way he talks, and im silly for him rn so i have done extensive research 💔💔💔 But he seems very methodical, yet playful with how he talks and thinks- methodical but you can tell his brain is fully capable of that uranus level speed at the same time 😭😭😭

i think overall cap mercuries absolutely depend on the rest of the chart bc if u saw my beef with earth signs post (or newsletter!!), u'll have seen where i said earth placements are outlines waiting to be colored in by the rest of the chart-

so if someone has too many earth placements or like- a taurus-influenced cap mercury, i can Absolutely see how they could be someone who doesn't seem to think for themselves, or even thinks too Much about themselves-

i also think the smaller range of interests could actually make sense for a cap mercury because saturn is very much about mastery, so the mercury, unless influenced by another element that says otherwise, would hyperfixate on one thing until it masters it instead of a gemini or aries mercury which is more jack of all trades.

i hope this made sense and again thank u soooooo so much for this ask i really enjoyed this topic and if u have any other questions please feel free to send me them!!!!! i love when ppl send me questions it makes me rly happy 😭😭😭😭

[septimus-heap]

Marcia/cerys childhood friends au....

They meet on Wizard Way when they're both abt 8 and literally walk into each other. Cerys was just out for a walk and Marcia was at the bookshop bc she'd managed to save up just enough for one new magyk book and cerys knocks it out of her hands into a puddle :(

Cerys buys her a new one as an apology and they end up talking abt some of the books in the shop

Marcias surprised bc normally she's the only one who's read any of these books but cerys has had private tutors her whole life and is way ahead of other kids their age bc of it

They end up hanging out for the rest of the day and promise to meet up again tomorrow and then the next day and the next and sometimes cerys complains abt her parents or marcia rambles abt magyk and sometimes they play games up and down Wizard Way and get under everyone's feet

Marcia finds it kind of weird that no adults ever seem to tell Cerys off for anything ever but she doesn't think too much of it. Maybe they forgive her easier because she's more polite than Marcia is

Almost a year after they first met is when Cerys finally tells Marcia that she's the princess

Marcia doesn't believe her at first but Cerys insists, and says she'll arrange a meeting with her parents to prove it

(continues under the cut)

The next day, marcia finds herself in one of the Palace's many sitting rooms, having tea with the Queen and her husband. And also Cerys who is definitely the princess which is terrifying

Cerys was rlly worried abt telling her bc she thought that Marcia wouldn't want to be her friend after she found out but Marcia's mostly just worried that the queen won't like her

(because each of the very few times she's managed to make friends, their parents haven't liked her and have told their children to stop being friends with her. She doesn't think Cerys would actually listen if that happened and she'd be fine with being friends in secret but getting on the bad side of the actual queen sounds like a very bad idea)

It turns out the queen likes her and thinks her honestly and bluntness are good traits to have as the friend of the princess

She spends a lot of time at the palace after that

Cerys tells her all about being a princess and the etiquette classes she takes (cerys loves learning about etiquette, it turns out. She loves dancing and horseriding and rules and debate and politics too. She's the perfect Queen-To-Be)

Marcia tells Cerys about school - how the teachers find her irritating for her constant interruptions and corrections, and how the other children think she's a know-it-all.

Cerys lights up and says that the queen would definitely let marcia join her lessons instead of going to school, if she wanted to, but marcia refuses, because then she might have to explain this whole thing to her mother, and she really doesn't want to. She doesn't think her mother would approve, considering their family's past experiences with royalty

Marcia meets the ExtraOrdinary Wizard for the first time when she is nine and three quarters. He greets Cerys first, of course, and then Marcia, and when he asks her name she squeaks and panics and stutters and Cerys has to answer for her. Marcia is so embarrassed she avoids the Extraordinary Wizard for the next year

Marcia is twelve when her mother finds out where she goes on weekends and after school, and the ensuing argument ends with her being locked in her room without dinner. Her mother tells her that it's for her own good, that she needs to decide whether she wants to keep her mother or her friend. That she won't be let out until she decides

She leaves through the window with a single bag of things that are irreplaceable - her sketchbook, her hand-drawn labyrinth patterns, her most loved magyk books, a picture of her and her parents, from when they were all together and happy. The guards at the palace entrance recognise her, and notice her tears, and one of them leaves his post to walk her to Cerys's room

Cerys is furious when she hears what happened. Marcia has seen her angry before but never quite like this. She finds herself thinking that Cerys is very pretty when she's angry and rapidly shoves that thought down where she can't reach it

When morning comes, marcia is officially given a room in the palace. She is asked, again, if she would like to join Cerys's lessons, but again she refuses - this time in favour of becoming a Hopeful at the wizard tower

She gets drunk for the first time when she's sixteen. There was a party in the ramblings, but she slipped away with Cerys and they're sat together in one of the many rooftop gardens when Cerys looks at her, flushed and smiling and asks if she can kiss her. Marcia, also smiling, doesn't have words to respond with, but she nods and they kiss and then are chased down from the garden by the old lady who owns it, laughing all the way

The queen is not surprised at all when they tell her, nor are any of the other people they tell. They've been making eyes at each other for years, after all

When marcia is seventeen, the Extraordinary Wizard comes to find her. He tells her that Silas is thinking of quitting, and she is his first choice for a new apprentice, if she wants to be. She's already been taught some things by him, because both alther and the queen thought it would be good for the princess's partner to be able to protect her if need be, but she was very much not an apprentice

When Cerys ends up pregnant, they of course have to talk about it. Marcia doesn't want to look after a child. She can't be a parent. Cerys does, and can, but they agree not to talk about it until the child is born

They never get a chance

Marcia doesn't mistake the assassin for a messenger, having lived in the palace for most of her life, but she doesn't immediately register them as a threat. She gets a shield up just quickly enough to send the bullet skittering into Cerys's stomach instead of her heart but she still collapses and she still drops her baby and Marcia rushes forward to catch them both

Alther was not inside her shield and the assassin's next bullet catches him in the leg

Alther tells Marcia to go and get help, and to get the baby princess to safety. He also gives her the amulet, because even though they're all fairly sure Cerys and him will survive as things are right now, they don't know if there are other assassins

Marcia leaves and Alther kills the assassin and turns his attention to helping Cerys

Marcia leaves the baby princess at the Wizard Tower and rushes back, along with two wizards from the sick bay

Alther is mostly fine, but Cerys barely survives, and they decide to keep it a secret that Cerys is alive until they can figure out what happened and so she moves in with Marcia and Alther

They still give the baby princess to the heaps, because that way even if Cerys is found out, the princess will still be safe

Alther has Marcia hold onto the amulet until the bullet wound heals and he can walk again

Okay ngl I'm tired of writing this now,, the rest will go in a reblog or smth later <33

[faifromthewild]

"There is hope as long as you live."

My notes on themes of depression and found family in New Life Begins

Spoilers for New Life Begins ep. 24-25

CW: childbirth, depression, postpartum, attempted suicide.

Just finished episode 25 of New Life Begins, and I was NOT prepared for the absolute chaos of found family breaking all of the rules to save their depressed friend from dying.

The raw emotion. The sheer absurdity of Yin Qi threating to hurt himself if they don't let him take the physician to see his friend. The way you can tell Li Wei dove into the water to save her friend bc she's soaking wet. Zhao Fang Ru telling the maid not to cry just minutes before having her own breakdown. Because crying would be admitting defeat, and she isn't about to let Hao Jia die, and yet... she can't stop her own tears. And of course, Yin Zheng showing up just in time. Holding a sword to his brother's throat so the others can run in and help Hao Jia.

It's all so melodramatic and bordering on ridiculous, but I LOVE it. Despite the DRAMA, it's so real and relatable and moving. Let me explain...

As someone who is mentally ill, I was so impressed with how they depicted Hao Jia's depression. The self-loathing. The feelings of incompetence. The belief that you deserve your fate bc of the mistakes you made. I have never given birth or suffered from postpartum depression, but so much of what Hao Jia feels mirrors my own experience with depression.

Which is why I was so moved by her friends and their absolute REFUSAL to stand by and do nothing while she suffered. While she was dying.

Li Wei running from the carriage when she realizes what Hao Jia might do...

Shang Guan Jing saying "From this day forth, we're her family who will back her up." (Ep. 24) And taking up her spear when she hears that Hao Jia's dying, claiming she'll take the physician there by force if she has to.

The 5th and 6th prince feeling powerless but doing everything they possibly can, from angering their father and going against their brother, the Crown Prince. Threatening violence even. All to help save Hao Jia. (I know people will argue that it's bc they want to help their wives, but I think it goes beyond that. Bc they seem seriously concerned about Hao Jia too. They're worried about her).

Zhao Fang Ru gripping Hao Jia's hand as she lays on the bed, cold and getting colder, pleading "Do you hear me? Open your eyes and talk to me. Hao Jia!" Using every tactic at her disposal, even threatening Hao Jia that if she dies, she'll take it out on her child. (I don't think she would actually hurt Hao Jia's child. I DO think Zhao Fang Ru is desperate enough to say anything if she thinks it will wake Hao Jia, and keep her from letting go).

I have a confession to make. While I have always hated the role of "damsel in distress," there's a part of me that has always wanted to be rescued.

When I played by myself as a child, I would imagine scenarios where I was in danger and someone would save me. Interestingly, whenever I played with my friends, I hated when it was my turn to be rescued in our games. But when I was alone, when I couldn't pretend to be the strong hero...

Maybe that's why I always appreciate stories like this. Where someone who is alone and scared has a support system that will do anything to take care of them. Will fight and scream and rage if it means saving them. It doesn't fix everything, and it doesn't always cure them, but it's beautiful. It fills me with wonder. I think that's why found family is a favorite trope of mine. People finding each other and caring for each other. Fighting the odds together.

At the end of episode 25, Hao Jia is surrounded by her friends. She says, "I heard about all the things you did for me. I've failed you."

To which Li Wei replies, "As long as you live, we will do anything. You were unhappy because you were ill. Take good care of yourself and recover. Your life comes before anything else, understood?"

Yuan Ying adds, "If you ever need help, you must let us know."

"Right," says Shang Guan Jing. "We are all here for you. Don't shoulder everything on your own."

They all look up to see that it's dawn. The sun rises, and sunlight filters in through the window and touches each of their faces.

And I'm crying. Because for so long, I felt like Hao Jia. I felt alone, and I felt like I deserved to be alone. But like her, I also have friends who care for me and don't want me to suffer in silence.

The internet says this show is a historical romantic COMEDY btw. And yeah, most of the show has been fairly light-hearted. There's romance, family, politics, and food. LOTS of delicious food.

Don't get me wrong. It still has funny moments (I wasn't kidding when I said parts of this show are absurd), but I'm pleasantly surprised to discover the show also wants to tackle serious issues.

Whatever else this show may be, for me, it's about these friends and how they've become a family. It's beautiful, and I'm in love.

To everyone out there struggling with depression, I leave you with this line from Li Wei, "There is hope as long as you live."

[canisbaileyilupus]

I've had a lot going on, time to recap. Can't seem to do a read more on mobile for some reason.

My mom's friend is mentally ill and has been floating around with meds for a couple years and hasn't been consistent in taking them properly. She's also a recovering alcoholic and relapses often.

My mom has been friends with her for 30 years and I am forced to live with my mom bc I can't live alone (rent is awful). Now, mom decides on her own to let her live with us. I disagree but she never asked me. So, in August (I think?) She moves in. She's been told it's not permanent and she'd have to get back on her feet since she was escaping an abusive relationship. Not my problem, I didn't have a choice. So, she's been told the rules, no smoking inside, clean up after yourself, no drugs or alcohol, take her meds on time, etc. This also included buying her own food and paying rent. Mom then goes back on that, saying she can buy her own food but also share ours. That wasn't in the agreement, but I can't fight her on it. Now, food and bills go up. It's costing me more to feed this 55 year old spoiled brat than to put gas in the car.

Since being diagnosed with autism, she's ignored my "I can't handle loud voices and sounds" and the rules of "be quiet or people will report us." She uses her vape pen inside (yes that's included in the smoking rule) and she's relapsed twice since being here (alcohol). She waits until the last minute to make phone calls to therapists, doctors, and housing office to find a place to live. When she doesn't get the therapy she wants she throws a fit.

Now, it's months later, and we got our very first lease violation. The apartment complex office is aware we have someone living here that's not on the lease. And she's been warned on her voice (blames BPD) so much it's annoying and that's also a lease violation.

I am in fear of being evicted. This is our only warning. The next time they send our a lease violation email, they will file eviction papers and we will end up with 30 days to leave.

This is what I've been dealing with for months. I'm so fucking tired.

And there's a lot of small things that bother me too, really gross stuff. She shits and pees herself and refuses to wear diapers. She has done so much laundry it's scary. If we paid for water, we would be unable to live here. She uses a full roll of toilet paper a day to wipe her ass and absolutely explodes the toilet. She leaves her hair everywhere. She never put her shit away either, everything is everywhere. Every room she goes in it's like a tornado. She also doesn't clean her dishes, leaves coffee grounds everywhere and doesn't understand that the water bottles are for my mom and I bc we can't drink the tap water. She's also said I'm rude bc I don't want to have a conversation. I'm not someone who talks a lot, everyone knows this about me. If I wanna talk, I'll talk. If not, I don't participate in conversation.

Let's put this last bit out here for you guys. She is spoiled. She has gotten everything she's ever wanted to a point where if she wanted money, all she has to do is cry to the right people, annoy her mother long enough, abuse her power over a partner to a point they give her money. Even now, she's 55 and her mom is dealing with her father who has dementia. She still calls her crying and to shut her up her mom throws money at her. She's had a maid pretty much her whole life and has never had to struggle financially. Now that she is poor, she doesn't want to give up her spending habits and everytime she has a little money she'll buy shit she doesn't need, including furniture she can't put anywhere for an apartment she doesn't have.

I'll be adding photos when I get a moment as well. Some photos will include a toilet bowl but only if people wanna see it.

[kits-ships]

2, 3 + 5 for s/i lore ask game!

si lore game

i'll do these for both olive and holly since olive is under-developed and holly is my most well-fleshed out s/i / oc !!

2. when in canon does your self insert come in? do you have a scene in mind for your entrance?

i imagine olive would come in before seeds of doom, but i don't have much of an explanation for her arrival! they'd find her in 1970- injured after a protest gone wrong. the doctor spots olive and bandages her up- inquiring about her situation. sarah jane and olive seem to get along really well and, when asked what she's doing with her life, olive doesn't have much of an answer so <3 they get to go mess around with space and time together

holly doesn't have a grand entrance in the movies- i always imagined her being more of something nonverbally mentioned like, if in avengers (2012) they walked past a newspaper stand mentioned something about the night-web being spotted yet again. her bigger entrance comes in daredevil season one where she decided to chase down fisk with matt.

3. how do the other characters generally feel about your self insert?

olive is only a companion during a bit of four's run, so she only meets two of his companions. olive loves sarah jane who, is the type of person to go up to the mcdonalds counter and go "excuse me she said NO pickles" because olive is too anxious to go herself. harry kind of thinks she's odd because olive is a bit afraid of men and isn't old-fashioned at all, but they still get along! once olive n the doctor kind of realize their feelings towards one another, the master in particular sees this as a fun way to devastate the doctor, but olive lives bitch!!!!

holly is originally seen as broody and standoffish, but as she goes through the events of daredevil, other characters, excluding matt, kind of look at her and go "damn bitch you live like this?" frank castle in particular thinks she needs to get a handle on the way she lets others treat her and he's right !! other characters who never get to know her also think she's rude (most bc holly thinks the avengers are stupid and refuses to acknowledge them.) peter is a lil afraid of her also </3

5. does your self insert have any special powers or abilities?

olive is just kind of a lil guy! BUT..... she does have a degree in botany and uses her knowledge a lot when they visit alien planets. even on earth, if they're visiting a place that doesn't have modern medicine, she'll do her best to find something in nature to assist them if necessary!

holly was bitten by a spider similar to the one that bit peter parker, so their powers are pretty identical! however, because i made her during my raimiverse phase, holly creates her webbing in her body and can shoot it from both her wrists and ankles! the spider that bit her was also a jumping spider so her ability to launch off the ground directly is pretty impressive! the first time she tried to jump onto her raised bed in college she actually knocked her head on the ceiling and wound up on the floor hjkgfdgf.

[sunshine-and-pink-skies]

Have I even talked to y'all about this school year?

No?

Okay well, I did get to switch to the older kids SpEd class (3-5) like I wanted. My teacher friend who teaches the class fought to get me. We've worked together before and she knew we'd get along great.

And we do. We're like peanut butter and jelly. She let's me teach some and treats me like an equal and she takes care of all the paper works and it's the best of both worlds. And if your like ??? I have a middle grades teaching degree but chose not to teach but be a Special Education (SpEd) aide. I loved the teaching but all the paperwork on top of it was overwhelming. So my job is perfect for me.

And we communicate wonderfully. And I can trust that she'll listen to me and help when I have concerns and deal with them. And she doesn't get annoyed when I randomly burst into song or whatever bc of my ADHD. She's completely understands. I rarely feel the need to apologize for my randomness. And even if I do apologize she like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ "its okay, I'm use to it." Hey, sometimes my random singing gets the kids singing too. And its all fun. 🤣

And most of the time I feel like this is exactly where I'm meant to be. And if you haven't found that yet in your life I hope you do.

As far as my best aide friend, she's across the hall in the Littles class still, but we start and usually end the day together. I miss working in the same class with her though. Maybe one day.

And if you remember we added 2 Emotional Disorder SpEd classes to our school this year. That's been . . . Interesting.

We had a LOT of problems in the beginning of the year with their aides not doing their jobs properly (not being on time, not showing up for their kids, not helping with the mornings/dismissal duties) and me and my BaF would have to pick up all the slack. So we felt like we were doing our jobs AND theirs. And their teachers REFUSED to talk to them. And would get told "you need to be team players" by our team lead bc she was overwhelmed and didn't want to deal with it either. 🙄 we spent August to November completely frustrated and annoyed. I might have (okay, totally did) have a angry outburst about it. but my teacher stepped in and we finally managed to find a balance.

And we got a new assistant principal this year and she's literally THE BEST! If anything happened to her I'd cry. She's so great with the kids. And deals with ALL the behavior problems and she's solid and dependable.

Anyway back to my class we have one child who causes constant chaos, CONSTANT. It's the biggest challenge. And it makes the days SO HARD. But team work makes the dream work. We're trying hard to get them the help they need. And a couple weeks ago we were given ANOTHER problem child. Who does NOT get along with the other one. And currently their bad behaviors are rubbing off on all our other students. Bc they were already overwhelmed with problem child 1. The fact there's another one is too much. 😐 So it's taking a LOT of patience to find a peace. Note my SpEd class consists of NORMAL children who need extra help to learn. Behaviors are literally another class.

And if you made it this far send good thoughts/prayers to the teacher of the Littles. They're currently out sick. And it looks like they're not going to be coming back this school year. The school is currently trying to hire some one for the position. Hopefully they will find someone as you might know SpEd teachers are in short supply.

[sunlightandsuffering]

E to E, Mikasa still fuck around and Eren is jealous too, he will never admit it, and he's fuming because he fears that she migh be bored of a one-armed lover 😂 gets into a fight with her other lovers for stupid reasons and break their 2 arms to make them useless 😂😂

Oh yes, Eren gets VERY stressed out by his girl, that's why he has her location lmfao, Mikasa still has no idea how he has it but he does, he put a bunch of GPS trackers all over her, her car, her phone, etc, and Mikasa just rolls with it bc that's the kind of line of work they're in. But she likes to tease him about it lol. They're both super easily jealous and worked up but usually, Eren will try to restrain himself bc Mikasa is especially mean when she wants a good lay, and she scares him just a little.

When Mikasa is horny, Eren knows. Actually scratch that, the whole fucking bar will know. It's like when someone hasn't eaten in a long time and they get hangry, except well it happens for Mikasa when she hasn't been laid in a while. And unfortunately in these instances more than anything she is obstinate and instead of just accepting what's going to happen between them, she plays games, tries to find someone else. Eren thinks it's some deep rebellious part of her denying him, refusing to admit that it's him she'll fall into bed with. But either way, Eren knows that the new gang member chatting her up from across the bar isn't going to cut it.

Not for Mikasa and not when it's been so long since they were last together. If he's counting right it's probably been a week or two now, they've both been busy and he had to go to Las Vegas for business.

And now he's back, and Mikasa is slinking around the bar, sending him dirty looks every few minutes while he tries his best to ignore her feeling up one of the new recruits who looks absolutely beguiled by her.

He takes another sip of his beer, waiting patiently, he can't go to her, Mikasa is always so mean when she's hard up. Last time, she'd told him he was crappy at choking her and then went home with someone else out of sheer spite.

It had been a mild blow to the ego that had only been soothed when she crawled into his bed at 3 am, grumbling about how useless the male species was before riding him into oblivion.

Eren really didn't have much say in the matter, it was just how they worked.

Best just to let her come to him no matter how much it pisses him off that she's feeling up some rookie on the other side of the bar, hand cupping him over his pants.

She'll tire herself out eventually she always does. And that's exactly what happens, an hour later, he's chatting with Armin, and Mikasa drunk enough now and horny enough, slides into the booth beside him, right under his arm where she belongs. "You didn't come," she pouts and Eren smiles, he can't resist when she's being so cute for once and not completely fucking insufferable.

"I was waiting for you to decide, besides I didn't want to kick the shit out of the rookie on the first day." They both glance over to where the new guy is looking around in confusion, bereft of the pretty girl that's been flirting with him all night, "You make him cream his pants Miki?" "No," she huffs, "I'm not that mean." "You definitely are," he tells her casually, taking another swig of his beer but she snatches it from his hands as soon as he's done, finishing it off.

Armin makes a face at the two of them before getting up to leave, "I don't want to be involved in your little lovefest." "It's not a lovefest," Mikasa protests, leaning into Eren for little kisses on his jaw, and maybe it's a little bit of a lovefest, because he really loves this. When she's cute and only a little feisty and kind of acting like his girlfriend. Unfortunately, their lovefest is interrupted as the rookie appears at their table, finally noticing who's stolen Mikasa from him. "Hey," he huffs, "That's my girl." Eren cocks an eyebrow at him menacingly, "It doesn't really feel like it," he says his hand reaching around to tug her more firmly into his lap, hand moving up to the waistband of her jeans where he knows her bright pink Glock is tucked. Mikasa is already twisting to give him better access, tucking her face into his neck as he takes her gun out, waving it at the newbie casually. The guy reaches for his own gun in response and very casually, Eren takes the safety off and shoots the ground next to his foot, the guy yelping as the bullet pierces the floor. He hums casually, "Mikasa doesn't belong to anyone, but if she did, she'd belong to me, don't you think Miki?" He looks down at her and she looks up at him sweetly, eyes glazed with desire and the effects of alcohol, and god he hopes she says yes, he loves to hear her say it sometimes, just admit that they're a little more than just enemies. She presses a kiss to his cheek before turning back to the boy, "He's my fucktoy." Eren groans, of course she'd never give him anything more than that, but he'll take it. He gives the guy a winning smile, "You heard it here first jackass, now leave us alone and learn some goddamn manners, Connie," he waves at his friend and almost immediately the guy is carted away and Eren is left with just Mikasa.

He looks down at her in irritation, "Fucktoy huh? That's what you went with?" She shrugs, "Nothing more, nothing less Yeager." He scoffs, "Sure Ackerman, that's why it's my bed you crawl into when you can't sleep at night." She snatches her pretty pink gun back from him with a huff, "Well maybe tonight I'll sneak into someone else's bedroom." "No you won't," he tells her assuredly as she tries to leave, picking her up gracelessly and throwing her over his shoulder, might as well get her home now before she starts getting whiny.

[yourturntosimp]

Can you do yandere hcs of Miley being a very protective mother figure? (Child reader would be preferred)

A/N: let's pretend that i didn't just disappear for a hot minute hiiii, how's everyone doinggg-- This is a long one bc i felt bad ab the sudden ghost mode jhgfghjk TWs: Technically kidnapping x2? overprotectivity, manipulation, fearmongering, isolation, delusion, mention of reader death (brief)

🍫One day she js woke up and decided "yknow what would be fun? motherhood :)" and that is why you're in this whole situation--

🍫She saw you and went "yep. that one-"

🍫It could be for any reason

🍫You looked similar to her in some way, acted similarly, or even did the opposite

🍫No matter what you're like, she found a reason to "adopt" you-

🍫Ofc you're scared at first

🍫Bc this weird lady is suddenly offering you candies when she was insulting some other people literally not even 2 minutes ago??? huh????

🍫You try to remember your caretakers' talks to you about stranger danger, but,,,

🍫She wins you over with candy and coloring books-

🍫Surprisingly, she's a p good caretaker

🍫so yk she'll try to give you a healthy sleep schedule

🍫she'll,,,,make an attempt to cook

🍫don't be fooled, the food looks delicious but it always tastes terrible-

🍫she isn't short on affection though

🍫even if her cooking is trash, she makes up for it with really nice clothes!

🍫she teaches you all of the fun homicidal murderer tricks too

🍫like how to properly seal sleeping gasssss

🍫where all the vital arteries in the human body areee

🍫how to transfer consciousness into a dolllll

🍫yk, the standard--

🍫The problem arises when she catches you talking with...anyone who isn't one of the other children, really

🍫After they walk away, she pulls you aside for a conversation on "stranger danger"

🍫Except instead of "don't trust grown-ups who you don't know unless i say so" it's more of a "all of the other grown-ups here are evil and are gonna hurt you so don't go near them"-

🍫You took it kinda lightly at first, because not all adults were bad right?

🍫Until she keeps planting seeds in your mind

🍫She tells you all about what some adults do for fun

🍫Kidnapping, murdering, selling off kids like you

🍫Being a child, you're obviously scared

🍫It's alright, your wonderful new mom will protect you <3

🍫She goes everywhere with you!

🍫And when she's not, she's watching you!

🍫From where? that's for her to know and you to never find out-

🍫She has mixed feelings about getting so attached to you

🍫Bc on one hand, she's a sadist at heart

🍫But on the other,,,,you're her kid now! So should she really hurt you?

🍫She comes to a compromise

🍫 "Hey....Don't you wanna see...well, whoever took care of you before this?"

🍫No matter what your answer is, hers is the same

🍫 "Oh....what a shame!"

🍫And you're just-

🍫"??????? Mom wdym??????"

🍫She refuses to answer you and just keeps going like "Aw, it's okayyy, but honestly, how unfortunate!"

🍫And then you get frustrated and confused and start crying--

🍫And that immediately makes her stop-

🍫In literally less than a second she's frantically trying to comfort you-

🍫She concludes that sadism and mental torture is no fun when it's you

🍫So she’ll just teach you how to do it to other people, it’s no problem really!

🍫She also doesn't like seeing you cry, so she'll make sure you have no reason to :D

🍫Slowly but surely, she gets you accustomed to staying in a singular room 🍫When she thinks you're ready? She moves you to...well, wherever she oversees everything.

🍫Nothing can hurt you there!

🍫You have your mom, lots of toys, and she even lets you go out and see the other children for a bit if you've behaved well!

🍫Not even the people she's working with can get through to her anymore

🍫She's not breaking any rules, is she? She's obviously just trying to drive you mad through isolation!

🍫She can't be reprimanded for simply trying to enhance the game, can she?

🍫Slowly but surely, your already short time with the other kids is decreased

🍫And you don't even notice

🍫She'll let you participate in the main games since it's mandatory, but you have nothing to say or contribute

🍫She'll even guilt trip anyone who even suggests voting you out because of your uselessness cough Q-TARO cough cough hack wheeze

🍫I mean, you're a child! What kind of monster would make the executive decision to murder a poor, helpless kid?

🍫Even if you have to move on to different floors, she's always with you, no matter what

🍫She refuses to leave your side

🍫She refuses to let anyone come near you

🍫You're her child, and she'll keep you safe by any means necessary

🍫Even if that means getting you killed and reborn as a doll

🍫It's fine! It just means that now, she can protect you forever <3

🍫Aren't you lucky?

[rainbowrider1290]

My take on a Genshin Impact Circus AU Part 4 with Noelle as a strongwoman and Amber as a death-defying archery stuntwoman. Their backstories are under the cut!

Noelle:

First off I have a very self-indulgent headcanon that she is ridiculously strong. Like. Can benchpress people. Canonverse or AU.

She used to help out around the circus and she was kind of indifferent to the fact that she was likely going to be a maid. It's a respectable profession. And helping out at her childhood friends' (Kaeya and Diluc) manor as she'd been born into doing seemed like a good job.

How she got into the circus life requires a bit of backstory. Back when they were kids, Kaeya, Diluc, and Noelle would mess around (as kids do) and have little challenges for themselves. Who can run the fastest, who can do the best cartwheel, who can jump the highest, and the like.

Noelle got a little hesitant as she got into her early teens bc she was always told to be ladylike, so she spent one or two of their hangout sessions watching Kaeya and Diluc and talking. One day, however, Kaeya and Diluc are being Teenage Boys and lifting heavy things trying to outlift each other. Noelle has lifted furniture when cleaning up after these two so she figures this one unladylike thing would be okay.

She comes up behind them and just. Picks them both up. On top of the things they were lifting already. Kaeya and Diluc have to take a second and just look at her like "yeah no you are never sitting out of our competitions again"

And so they try other things like cartwheels and tests of courage like who can climb the highest on a tree and things are back to normal.

Skip forward a few years and Crepus dies. There's a huge mystery around it that not even his son's attendants are privy to. The only thing people know is that the sons have been sent away to boarding school. The whole manor is abandoned, all the workers fired.

Noelle for the next few years spends her time working at laundromats, and other odd jobs, but eventually she runs out of luck and suddenly there's too many people and not enough opportunities.

One of her friends from one of her old jobs invites her to go out and see this new circus that happens to be in town. She goes because why not. And wouldn't you know it one of the acts is her childhood friends doing these death-defying stunts that hit her with a wave of nostalgia bc their entire act consists of essentially the song "anything you can do" but with more and more dangerous stunts.

Noelle of course has to say hi, so they catch up and Noelle's lack of work comes up and would you look at that Aether and Lumine happen to have an opening for a maid.

So Noelle settles in, continuing to lift heavy shit to clean under it (Bennett swears up and down he saw her lift a fridge once but he might've been sleep-deprived). She also got into helping Chongyun with the techy stuff so sometimes she'll be at tech rehearsals moving things around and one time a rope holding up a person breaks near Noelle and she. catches it.

Now, one night. One of the acts drops out at the last moment bc injury or last-minute commitment or the like. And it leaves a gap in the show. Everyone else is busy. And panicking bc the circus is still relatively new and they really need to build their rep rn.

They start wondering what kind of last-minute acts they can put together like "what about the gymnasts??" "They all have group routines" "do they have old routines??" "Not polished enough for what we need" and someone somewhere pipes up "man I wish we had a strongman or something" and Diluc and Kaeya immediately whip their heads around to look at each other for like half a second before Kaeya bolts. He finds Noelle doing her usual rounds she's been doing for like a month now and Bennett was right, she is currently under a mini-fridge that she is lifting over her head whilst leaning it against a wall.

Kaeya takes Noelle by the shoulders and just zooms her over to where the commotion is happening and pitches the idea to Aether and Lumine. They're hesitant as hECK bc this is a huge risk they're taking since Noelle isn't even a performer but Diluc pitches that they could literally just scatter really heavy items and have Noelle clean under them and as long as she looks at the audience every once in a while it can be played off as a bit.

Noelle with qUITE the stammer says that she'll try her best but at this time is in need of a moment. She has never performed before. Kaeya and Diluc have to go perform so they leave her with a shoulder squeeze and a thumbs up.

She gets on-stage. She flinches under the lights for a second. She takes a deep breath and focuses on the first thing before her with her best "oh heavens, it's filthy in here", and she gets through the entire act by doing that for every object. So the audience is seeing this seemingly petite young girl lift the equivalent of a hecking car in order to clean under it.

Needless to say, there's roaring applause the second Noelle leaves (which she hears from far away because holy shit I just cleaned for people and they liked it)

This was a bit of a one-time thing and she goes back to her regular maid duties until the circus gets a new strongman by the name "Zhongli".

His style is more about lifting exTREMELY LARGE ROCKS, and breaking them in half whilst giving a history/geology lesson on them.

He quietly observes the maid who he hears fantastical stories of That One Time She Charmed An Audience By Cleaning. He was bewildered at first but saw the merit of it while watching her clean. He immediately decides that this girl has sO MUCH. POTENTIAL that is being wasted by having her work as a maid. He has nothing against maids or their profession, but he invites her to train with him.

Noelle gets hELLA stronger and they come to a conclusion. Noelle performs part-time and is a maid part-time. She doesn't have a particular performance style. She'll sometimes play catch with Zhongli and his big rocks, other times she'll be in the background of performers like Amber in the art lifting some hEAVY SHIT.

She gets along with Chongyun super well bc Chongyun has to make less trips to move his equipment since he's worked with her. She's a blessing for when they have to pack up and move.

Amber:

Amber's story is a little more straightforward. She started out engaged to a suitor. Amber was the kid in kindergarten who was learning about dragons and "idk what everyone else was doing". She's known what she wants for a long time, and what she wants at the moment, is not a relationship.

Throughout her childhood she was a very lonely child. Her family exposed her to lots of academic or ladylike things (do not ask me when this au is set, it's the 1800s and the 1990s at the same time or a suspendes steampunk time) to get her away from the thing she liked most: archery. She'd been exposed to it as a kid and latched on.

This drove a bunch of suitors away, so her family got more desperate and exposed her to more classes and activities to get her away from it. She went "that's easy, I'll just practice at night"

So she does that. She practices at night and underperforms in the coming weeks. It is during this time that her parents (high class ppl) find her a man to marry for some business deal idk.

The man's nice enough. It's just obvious he can only take Amber in small doses, and Amber takes full advantage of this to practice and stay in shape.

How Amber gets into the circus life was essentially running away. She bonds with Eula over this.

So because of all the attempts to make her fit into the ideal lady description, her rebellious streak said "yeah we're going to go as far away from that as possible" and she goes "I'm going to run away with the circus" bc that's what the books she's read say is the most rebellious thing you can do.

She finds THE FIRST circus she sees and begs to be let in. This is the shadiest most sketchy place but Amber sees it as the key to her freedom. She signs a contract.

They treat her like the US treats their students. She barely gets time to practice for performances and she's mostly doing dirty work. When they ask her what she can do she's like "I'm really good at archery" and they go "cool, you're going to be doing that while everything is on fire now. Can you do a handstand"

Essentially they push her and push her and push her to do more and more hazardous things she has to pick up on under the threat of being kicked to the curb.

After a while of this Amber is extremely burned out (pun intended) and as she's packing up after one of her shows, covered in burns but proud bc she hit all her targets without killing anyone, she's approached by a blond foreigner.

Tbh for all she's read, Amber really doesn't consider leaving and this time she can't run away since she's now bound by a contract (not Zhongli's btw in case anyone was wondering).

This foreigner tells her that there's so many ways to improve her situation and that he runs a circus looking for members.

Amber refuses since she's not getting tangled up in another legal mess, but she takes his advice on how to take care of her burns, and improve safety while she's performing.

Skip a few months. She hears word of this mysterious new circus around. Her encounter with who she'll later know as Aether stuck with her, and so she goes. To see whether she could really shoot her arrows without being burned alive.

After a show one night, she tries to get past security and fails repeatedly. She turns to leave and wouldn't you know it there's Aether. And Lumine. Waiting for her once she turns the corner. Amber's biggest concern is her existing contract and when Aether and Lumine say they have a nICE lawyer, Amber sees her next step to freedom.

Aether and Lumine essentially gain custody of Amber (but like for adults) and Amber is. Shocked. She's walked through her new contract of employment clearly and essentially treated like a human being.

And now that she knows things and has more freedom (though still under the watchful eyes of Aether and Lumine to see how she does) her creativity and competitive streak flourish. She decides she actually doesn't hate fire, she just doesn't like when she doesn't know when or where it's coming. And she makes fast friends with the gymnasts, so she ends up incorporating that into her routines. Now she uses her canon goggles to protect her from the burning eyes of prolonged smoke exposure when she uses fire.

When she meets a little pyromanic girl named Klee, she's thrilled that someone this chaotic and sure of herself exists.

[maysbanks]

hypersonic missiles. (jj maybank)

hello ! some of you may recognise this fic and that’s bc it’s currently being rewritten as an oc fic rather than a reader insert fic which it was before. i can’t wait for you to read this and introduce you all to haley who i love dearly, so pls enjoy and lemme know what you think !!

warnings: swearing, mention of sex, sexual innuendos, drug use, underage drinking, violence etc

summary: after the death of her father, haley grubbs is determined to get the answers her mother seems to be keeping from her, seeking help from a group of pogues (which just happens to include her weekly hook-up) and unknowingly throwing herself into the midst of a treasure hunt.

( gif isn't mine! please let me know if it's yours so i can credit you. )

The gang gathered around John B's porch, spaced out in various positions amongst the furniture. Silence engulfed the group, the air thick with tension as none of the four teenagers dared to speak.

"JJ should be the one to go." Kie broke the silence, her words hanging in the air as the group processed them.

Said boy whipped around in his place, golden hair falling in his sea blue eyes as they widened, glancing wildly between each of his friends. "What?" He demanded. "Why me?"

"Because you're the one that's hooking up with her," Pope reminded, matter of fact. As if JJ needed to be reminded. The dark skinned boy gestured between him and the remaining two. "She's gonna trust you more than any of us."

Kiara and John B murmured their agreement, JJ scoffing as he flapped his arms, beginning to pace in his spot. "This is ridiculous," he muttered between gritted teeth. "She won't wanna talk to me any more than she'll want to talk to you guys. I mean, we've only hooked up like," JJ paused - raising a hand to count on his fingers. "Maybe like, eleven times, twelve at a push!"

Kiara scoffed, rolling her eyes. "Wow, how chivalrous of you to keep count, JJ," she drawled sarcastically, the blonde boy simply shrugging in return as he took his formal position of leaning against the Chateau's wall. "Look, the thing is you know her better than the rest of us. You're familiar, we're not. We can't just go up to her and start asking questions about her dead dad and John B's compass."

JJ stared in disbelief. "And you think I can?" He shook his head, running a hand through his hair. "I don't know if you guys realise this, but hooking up doesn't really require much talking. I barely know her."

"But you know her enough to warm her bed every week," John B piped up, narrowing his eyes at his best friend. JJ sighed, lighting a fresh blunt as he refused to meet any of the gang's eyes, staring ahead. John B stepped over and beside the blonde, arm thrown over his shoulder. "We need answers, JJ. Answers she could have. I mean, it was her dad right? She must know something about why he had my dad's compass."

JJ nodded along, but the uncertain feeling bubbling in his chest didn't cease. Thoughts of the two men that had chased the group the day before, guns blazing, entered his mind. Then the memory of him and John B showing up at the Grubbs' residence, only to discover they had been beaten to it by the very same men - he'd heard them threaten Lana and Haley Grubbs, demanding questions about the same compass that lay heavy in John B's pockets. He knew his best friend deserved answers, why did Scooter Grubbs have Big John's compass the night he died? Why was Scooter Grubbs out in the storm that night anyway? Hell, even JJ wanted answers. But he couldn't shake the doubtful feeling, thoughts of Haley Grubbs swirling in his head.

"I don't think this is a good idea." He tried once more, voice small and defeated. The Pogues shared a glance, and he knew they'd already come to a decision. Sighing, he flicked the butt of his blunt, sending it flying in the opposite direction. "Fine, I'll go talk to her. But I'm not making any promises that she'll talk," he frowned. "Sometimes I kinda get the feeling she doesn't like me."

Kie snorted. "I wonder why."

What the gang hadn't bargained for, however, was that the same person who'd they been talking about was already on their way to them - boots stomping across the ground in a determined stride, their mind a whirlwind of series of memories, scenarios, and all the events that had happened in the last twenty four hours.

Haley wanted answers, and she wanted them soon. (Sooner rather than later, if she was being precise.) The series of misfortunes events had all begun with the disappearance of her father - for whatever reason, he'd gone out in the storm that raged against the Outer Banks the night prior, and that, unsurprisingly, had led to his death. Memories of his body, washed up on the shore, cold and blue, eyes open but completely lifeless as they stared up at nothing and everything at the same time. Her heart wrenched at the sight, and she still hadn't been able to get the scene out of your head - her mother breaking down in a heap of sobs, Haley’s body following along with her as the pair both held each other and cried, Sheriff Peterkin's voice echoing in Haley’s mind, over and over again, like a siren. “I'm so sorry. There's nothing we could have done."

Haley knew that, of course. But it didn't explain why he was out in the storm in the first place. She had tried to question her mother, because she knew her dad wasn't a fool. Storm Agatha had been reported for weeks following up to it, he'd even made off-handed comments about it over dinner a couple of times. Her dad was aware about the storm, but had still risked his life (and coincidentally, ended it) to take a boat ride, or so that's what her mother told you.

Bull-fucking-shit. Haley knew there was more to the story, the appearance of two men breaking down her door and trashing her whole house was enough proof of that. And the fact that they were asking about a compass, of all things, didn't sit right in Haley’s gut either. Why the hell would two thugs want a compass, and why would her dad have it anyway? To her knowledge, her dad had never owned a compass in his damned life. (He also never owned a boat, which raised the suspicion of how the hell had he even gone out on a boat ride in the first place.) But the pair were persistent, and she was forced to watch as they threatened her and her mom, their last words sticking with her, sending a shiver of dread up her spine every time they echoed in her head; “We'll be back."

It was something straight out of a king-pin movie, and yet Lana Grubbs still wouldn't talk. She knew something, Haley knew it, and why she wouldn't share whatever information she knew with Haley was beyond frustrating - so she decided, fuck it. If her mother wasn't gonna give her her answers, then she was gonna go out and find them herself. Starting with John B. Routledge.

As if things couldn't have gotten any weirder, the teenaged boy had shown up not a minute after the two guys had left, appearing in Haley’s not-so-much of a doorway with the exact thing the thugs were after: the Compass. To her chargin, she hadn't had time to ask any questions though, her mother was quick to dismiss him (and JJ Maybank of all people, but she didn't really want to think about him at the moment) and warned him not to let anyone know that he had the compass, and Haley could see why - those guys were not to be messed with.

And so, John B. Routledge had left the Grubbs’ home, JJ Maybank in tow, and Haley was left to clean up the mess the bastards had left behind them. Her mothers warning rang in her ears; "Stay away from them boys. Do not get involved in this, Hales.” But alas, there she was, storming towards the property she knew the guys would be. Her mother didn't know, of course, and she was determined to make sure Lana never did. (Haley would be the next person she'd be burying if she ever did find it.)

All Haley wanted was answers, and if John B had even a couple, she was going to find them out. Her father had died, and there was more to the story than anyone was letting on. If it was up to her to piece the puzzle together, then so be it. She would, gladly.

So she marched in the direction of the Routledge residence, more determined than ever. As she walked, people gave her pitying looks, obviously recognising her as Scooter Grubbs’ daughter (the newfound bastard of the Outer Banks, sarcasm intended.) and she simply ignored each and every one of them. She didn’t need them, she thought. She was going to find out the truth, and each step Haley took she was closer to uncovering it all. Some people walked towards her as if to stop and talk, probably attempting to give her some kind of condolence, but each time a person did she hurried her pace; she couldn’t be stopped now, she was too close to getting where she wanted to be for some middle-aged folk tell her they were sorry about her loss, even though they couldn’t have cared less about her dad when he was alive.

Fucking bullshit, she thought.

Haley’s stride slowed however, when a familiar looking van made it's way into her vision, memories of it parked outside the very same house she was planning on going running through her already overactive mind. Her stomach churned, thinking she had missed her chance to interrogate the poor unsuspecting boy, before it seemed to slow down and pulled up to right where she was standing on the curb. Her respectively plucked eyebrows raised as the window rolled down, revealing none other than John B sat in the drivers seat, Kiara Carrera in the passenger, and Pope Heyward's and JJ's heads peering around the pair from the back of the van.

John B leaned out, his mop of wavy brown hair entering Haley’s brown eyed gaze, tight smile on his lips. "Haley,” he greeted. “Hey, where are you off to? Need a ride?"

"Actually," Haley drawled as she stepped closer, right arm leaning on the window as she sent a forced smile the teenaged boys way. “I was just heading over to yours. What a coincidence, huh?"

She never missed the look Kiara shot the two guys seated in the back, all of their eyes seemingly communicating in their own weird little telepathical way. John B blinked, his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water for a few seconds before he seemed to compose himself, clearing his throat. "Oh, really?" He asked, as naturally as he could. (It wasn't very natural at all.) “How, uh, how come?"

"Oh, you know," Haley started, shrugging a shoulder nonchalantly. "Just thought I'd pay you a visit, y'know, like the one you paid me this morning. Remember that?" She asked as innocently as she could manage. (It wasn't very innocent at all.) “Just wanted to ask you a few questions, s'all. Like why you have the one thing those meatheads that trashed my house were after. How you got hold of it, stuff like that."

And then she smiled like they were all sharing a perfectly civil conversation, as if the underlying threatening tone in her voice didn't exist at all. John B sighed, his head turning towards the rest of the group, catching their eyes and seeming to have another one of their telepathic conversations before he turned back to her figure, his head nodding towards the back of his infamous Volkswagen.

"Get in the back," he said - and she did, shooting him a smile that resembled one of a Cheshire Cat, satisfied as she moved to the other side, walking around the van and hearing him mutter from inside, "What? This is the perfect opportunity to ask her." She didn't need to look to know the rest of the gang were probably objecting her presence, but she couldn't care less. This was just the first step to getting what she wanted.

The door to the van was pulled open from the inside, JJ's head popping out and thrusting a hand out towards her to help her climb into the vehicle. Haley swiftly ignored the gesture, missing the flash of confusion and offence that appeared on the blonde's face, climbing into the van and seating herself beside Pope who smiled rather awkwardly toward her.

"I'm, uh, sorry about your dad," he said softly, fidgeting under her gaze. She smiled slightly at him in return, lips quirking more so in amusement at his obvious discomfort at either having her join them, or her being seated so close to him.

"Yeah, me too," Kiara piped up from the passenger seat, glancing over her shoulder towards her. "It must really suck, to just lose him like that."

Haley nodded, head turning in the direction of where JJ sat across from her, rubbing the back of his head as he muttered quietly, "Yeah, I'm sorry too." before averting his eyes when she looked at him, raising her eyebrows.

Kiara ignored him, the awkward silence that presented itself to the pedestrians inside the van only lasting a couple of seconds as she spoke up again. "I can't imagine what you and your mom are going through," she said, soft brown eyes darting to John B quickly before they returned to catch Haley’s once more. "We're always here if you need anything. Pogue's look out for each other, right?"

Haley forced a small smile, not bothering to bring up the fact that Kiara was technically not a Pogue, seeing no point in the matter as she sent her a small nod of appreciation, silently grateful for her words. Haley had always liked Kiara, or Kie, as she was more commonly known as. She had spent many times sat around a fire with her, listening to her rants about the environment and what everyone could do to help it, as an infamous Pogue kegger loomed around them. Haley was grateful for her presence amongst the guys, unsure of the fact that if she wasn't there, she probably wouldn't have entered the van. She was determined, but she also wasn’t stupid. Despite knowing the guys well and practically all her life, (it’s a small town kinda thing), she would never willingly get in a van with them and let them drive her to an unknown destination. Which reminded her suddenly - where the hell were they going?

"We're lucky we got each other, I guess," Haley said in relation to Kie's words. Kie nodded as her eyes darted to John B again. "But thanks, I really appreciate it." She fiddled with the hem of her faded out jean shorts, her next words directed towards John B. "So, care to tell me where we're going? Or better yet, why you have the damned compass my house was trashed for."

Silence filled the air of the Volkswagen. It was suffocating, the air thick with unspoken tension as everybody refused to meet her eyes. Haley was beyond frustrated, incredibly so, and she made a point to catch John B's eyes in the rearview mirror, an eyebrow quirking as she awaited an answer.

Finally, he sighed.

"The compass was my dads," John B revealed. Haley’s mouth opened in shock for a second before she clamped it back shut. "And for whatever reason, your dad had it. We uh, we found it at the wreck of your dads boat yesterday."

"Wait, what?" She demanded, blinking. She glanced between the gang, eyes accusing as she held each of theirs. "You guys found the wreck? And you didn't tell anyone?" She questioned, tone dangerously low. "And you stole from it?"

"It's not technically stealing if it was his compass," JJ defended, shrugging. Haley shot him a glare, feeling a bubble of irritation build deep in her gut. "And anyways, we tried to tell the coastguard about it after we first found it, but the guy was having none of it. They were hounded with the storm."

Her eyes narrowed. "First found it? Exactly how many times have you guys been at the wreck?" She demanded, tone accusatory.

The gang all swivelled to send JJ their own respected glares, Pope's voice small from beside her as he tried to explain. "Only a couple," he started, startling as her head whipped around towards him. "We're really sorry, okay! We didn't know it was your dads when we first found it, if we did, we wouldn't have snooped in his room either!"

Pope seemed to make note of his mistake as the rest of the gang did, Kie letting out a little frustrated groan from the back of her throat as JJ cringed, pointedly avoiding Haley’s gaze. John B's hands gripped the steering wheel tight, a warning "Pope" leaving his mouth.

Haley laughed, though it held no humour. She clasped her hands together, the slap of her palms meeting echoing in the confine space. "Let me get this straight, you guys not only found the wreck of my dads boat and didn't tell anyone about it, but also obviously found where he was staying and snooped in his room," she listed, feeling the familiar build of rage pulse through her body. “I mean, what the fuck you guys?"

"We're sorry," Kiara turned in her seat, meeting the Grubbs’ girl angered gaze. "We swear, if we had any idea it was your dad we wouldn't have. We were just, curious, I guess. We found the key on the boat when Pope first spotted it in the marsh, and before we even snooped we tried to tell the coastguard, but like JJ said, they weren't interested. So, John B and JJ went to look in the room."

Haley sighed heavily, leaning her head back to rest against the wall of the van. She tried to tell herself to calm down - hell, she probably would have done the same thing if it was her in their position, she couldn't get mad at them over that. "And did you guys find anything?" She asked quietly, the gang seemingly relaxing as they recognised her calmer tone of voice.

"Did we find anything?" JJ snorted as he repeated her words, grin falling from his lips at the glares the rest of his friends shot him. Haley sat up straighter, taking note of their warning glances. JJ awkwardly coughed, rubbing the back of his neck as he once again avoided her honey coated eyes. "Uh, not really."

"Not really?" She asked, frown on her plump lips. JJ nodded, tongue darting out to wet his pink lips, uncharacteristically quiet once more. "Okay, what the hell is going on? And no more bullshitting me, I've had enough of that from everyone else for the past forty eight hours. I came to you for answers, I'm not going anywhere without them."

She looked to John B then, hoping, pleading, that he would understand. He'd lost his dad too, nine months ago, supposedly lost at sea, believed to be dead. Haley knew he never believed that though, refusing to agree that his father was dead, insisting that he was simply missing. If there was one person that could understand her need to know about her dad, it was John B. And he knew it too, as he sighed and nodded.

"There was a safe," he started as she listened intently. "There was money inside it, I don't know how much. The cops kinda showed up when we were in there," he admitted sheepishly. "We had to hide before we could count it or anything. But there was also, um, a gun in the safe too."

"A gun?" Haley deadpanned. John B raised his eyes and caught hers, nodding. Haley scoffed in disbelief, running a hand through her almost waist length hair. "Why the hell would my dad have a gun?"

"Um, there's something else you should probably know," JJ blurted. "I kinda, uh, took it."

The Pogues glared at him again, Kie spitting a warning of his name, but the blonde just looked at the girl seated in front of him. Her eyes widened as he brandished the piece of metal, black in colour and daunting in shape. Of fucking course JJ Maybank had stolen her dads gun, she thought. It was so... JJ.

"You stole that from a crime scene?" She sputtered, heart squeezing uncomfortably in her chest as she eyed the object with disdain. JJ nodded, looking almost guilty. "My dads crime scene? What the fuck JJ? Do you realise how much trouble you could get into from taking that? For having that?"

Haley was unsure as to why she seemed to care so much about that, rather than the fact that he'd taken it from her dads motel room, and that the gun was technically her fathers. She didn't want to ponder too much about that, though, there was bigger fish to fry in that moment.

"Sorry," he said, rather dumbly. "You can have it, if you want?"

She stared at him incredulously as he held the gun out towards her, quickly shoving it away from her body as she shook her head forcefully. "What the fuck would I want with a gun, JJ?" Haley demanded. The blonde boy shrugged, suddenly sheepish.

"It was your dads," he stated simply. From the corner of her vision she could see Pope sending him a wild look, brown eyes blown wide as he tried to be subtle and shake his head at his friend, silently warning him to shut the hell up, or so she presumed. "I just thought, y'know-"

"You thought wrong, JJ," Haley interrupted him before he could continue. His eyebrows furrowed as he noted her hostile tone, but let it go as he simply nodded, swallowing thickly when she turned away from him. “So, what happened, after the motel room?"

John B looked glad to be back on the original topic. "Well, it wasn't long after that we found it was your dad. We were gonna tell the police, but uh, we had this crazy idea that there might have been more on the boat, like money or something? I don't know, we just thought-"

"Your dad might've been a straight smuggler," Pope piped up. Haley’s glare made him shrink in his spot. "Sorry, sorry. Not the time, I get it."

"Right," John B said curtly as Kie groaned softly. "So we went to look again, and I found a duffel bag. The marsh was closed, obviously. But we weren't the only ones out there," his voice turned deadly serious. “After I got it, these two guys appeared on a boat. The same two guys that were at your place earlier."

Haley exhaled shakily at the information, memories of the two men entering her mind unwelcoming. The image of them carelessly tearing apart her house, screaming threats at her and her mother, gun held to her temple as their fists left holes in the walls and bruises on her mothers skin. She shuddered and hoped the rest of the gang hadn't noticed, but she could see the pity in John B's eyes as they reconnected with her own.

"They chased after us, and they were shooting at us too. We managed to escape them, and when we got back on land I looked in the bag, and all that was in it was the compass. My dads compass. It's a Routledge family heirloom, and your dad had it."

His tone held accusatory, though she couldn't blame him for it. It was a mystery to even her as to why or how her father had gotten hold of the compass, and she knew John B wanted answers just as much as she did. Haley felt almost guilty that she couldn't give him any as she spoke up, “I didn't know anything about it, I swear. The first time I've even heard of it was today when those guys showed up. I'm sorry, John B."

Said boy nodded, seemingly believing her as he sent a small smile her way, reassuring her. “Anyways, that's why me and JJ went to your place, I just wanted to know if maybe you or your mom knew anything about it or why your dad had it," he shrugged a shoulder, trying to come off as non-chalant. "And that's when we saw those guys again. I'm sorry about that, by the way."

She shrugged too, an expression of what-you-gonna-do on her face. Though she desperately wanted to know more about the compass, and why it could be so important to the thugs, she withheld her questions for the moment, deciding they could come later.

"And then they arrived at mine," John B revealed. Haley’s yes widened in surprise at the sudden revelation, churning of fear twisting at her gut. "They did the exact same at my place that they did to yours; tore the whole place apart, looking the compass I guess."

JJ burst then - Haley jumped as his voice echoed in the van, much more louder than what John B's had been, excitement lacing his tone as he began to recite the story of the two thugs and their mission of tearing John B's poor beloved Chateau apart, hands gesturing wildly around him.

"Yeah, they were fucking crazy man! We were all locked in Big John's office, no way out apart from the window that was fucking painted shut. We could hear them, taunting us, y'know. Like, 'you better not be in there', they even knew John B's name!" JJ rambled, excitable expression painted on his boyish features. "They come in, guns-a-blazing and we're all tryna figure out how the hell to get out of there, before we finally manage to open the window and hide in the fucking chicken coop of all places. It was fucking insane, man. I had to kill a hen just so we could make it out alive."

Haley blinked at that, her jaw dropping slightly as she tried to process all the information he'd thrown at her all within a minute. JJ calmed down from his passionate retale, chest heaving slightly as he took in her dazed expression, sea blue eyes catching hers and holding them. Kiara said his name in a warning tone from the passenger seat, and he snapped out of his stare-off with the olive skinned girl, but she was still looking at him in disbelief.

"That's basically it," John B said from the front of the van, though his face held a slight grimace at his best friends rather dramatic recite. "But yeah, they practically stripped my dads office bare. They took everything, all of his books, research, everything about the Royal Merchant."

If anybody had noticed her sudden stiff posture at the mention of the Merchant, they never spoke on it. The Royal Merchant. Something Haley was all too familiar with. It had been something of a fascination to her father for a while, especially in the weeks leading up to his death. She just thought it was a weird hobby, a strange interest of his that she never really thought much of. It was nice to see her dad passionate about something, she’d thought. No matter how strange she believed it to be, he had a hobby and she was happy for him. But, sitting in the back of John B. Routledge's van, surrounded by a group of teenaged Pogues, one of which she was were all too familiar with, to put it simply, her throat tightened.

Surely the Royal Merchant couldn't have had anything to do with her dad, right? She was just thinking too much, more than likely. But something in the back of her mind was nagging, unforgiving as the thoughts whirled in her head.

"But before the guys showed up, we found something," she focused back her attention as John B continued. "There's something engraved on the compass. Redfield. It's my dads handwriting, he must have put it there for me, before he disappeared."

Haley shared a glance with JJ as John B said the word. Disappeared. Ever the hopeful, yearning boy. She couldn't doubt his wish, she wished for nothing more for her dad to appear back in her life - but she knew that hers was dead, officially. How could she forget, she saw his lifeless eyes every time she closed hers.

But John B didn't have that, he never knew, really, if his father was truly dead or alive. The records said so, but he'd refused to sign them, or so she heard. He was still hopeful, so certain that his dad would just appear back at the Chateau one day, like he'd never disappeared in the first place. But Haley - and many others - were realistic, and the reality was there was very little to no chance that Big John Routledge was alive.

(Her heart broke for the boy.)

She tuned out the rest of the conversation for the remainder of the drive, her head leaning back on the cool metal of the wall as she closed her eyes and allowed her mind to wander with all the possibilities. Could the Royal Merchant really have been a factor in her dads death? She couldn't shake the feeling, as she could hear vaguely the conversation of the gang. John B insisting that his dad was leading him on a mission, Kiara trying to be supportive but anyone could pick up on the doubt in her voice, Pope piping up with rather unhelpful scenarios like Big John having been kidnapped, (Haley had rolled her eyes), and JJ adding his input, multitasking with rolling a blunt. (She’d rolled her eyes harder.)

The thing was, Haley and the Maybank boy had a little deal going on. She could remember the exact day it had begun, at an infamous Pogue kegger, the sun having set and leaving the sky coloured in perfect hues of pink, purple and yellow. It had been a beautiful night, she had to admit. The party had gone strong to the early hours of the morning, and she’d somehow found herself leaving with JJ Maybank. He'd approached her after she witnessed him striking out with a Touron, (surprisingly), eyes narrowing at her when she’d let out a giggle at his misfortune. He had been hostile at first, demanding what she was laughing at, grinning slightly when she informed him simply 'you'.

The rest of the night had been spent in each others company, and Haley could recall the exact moment where they were dancing closely, bodies pressed tight against each other, her arms thrown over his shoulders and wrapped around his neck, his own around her waist, fingers digging into her hips. Their breath mingled together, his forehead leaning against her own, and she’d expected the moment his lips fell on herd, slightly chapped but impossibly soft against her own as they danced in a passionate embrace that secretly took her breath away. She’d let him lead her to John B's Chateau across the beach, hand gripped in one another’s, as he pressed her to every surface until they managed to stumble their way into the spare bedroom.

She had told herself the next morning that it would only be a one time thing. Haley wasn’t one for random hook-ups, not that no one had tried to coax her into one. She was kinda known amongst the island as being this untouchable, obtainable person that nobody could ever get close to. She wasn’t sure what it was about her that made everyone label her as this being - maybe it was the fact that she was a loner and didn’t stick to one friendship group and spent most of her time to herself, maybe it was the fact that people thought she was weird because her dad was known to be such a loser (God rest his soul), or maybe it was the fact that she skateboarded around town morning till dawn, earphones plugged in and music blasting so loud that passerby’s could hear every word clearly.

The point was, she wasn’t known for getting close to anyone. And yet, she had found herself drifting back to JJ Maybank many other nights after that first one, and that’s where their little deal came into play.

But that's where it began, and also where it ended. Hers and JJ's relationship (if you could even call it that) never went beyond that. Random hook-ups here and there, whenever JJ struck out with a Touron and found himself soughting Haley out amongst the crowd to fill the space in his bed. Of course they were always friendly with each other, they’d known each other for so long, that it would have been silly not to continue being friendly. But they never hung out, not with his group, not with him alone apart from their many nights of endeavours, until now, she supposed. She thought it might have been weird, and she thought correct. Neither of them really looked at each other head-on, the air awkward and thick as the driving continued.

Haley was thankful when John B seemed to finally arrive at his destination, and she leaned forward with Pope to glance out the window, spotting the tall lighthouse stood proud in front of the group. Redfield, the name was written boldly on display.

"Redfield Lighthouse," John B spoke. "My dads favourite place."

She clambered from the van as the rest of the guys did, gazing up at the high building with her hand shielding her eyes from the bright sun from where they all gathered at the clearing. John B turned to face JJ. "Right, you're gonna post up and look out for bogeys, okay?"

JJ's eyebrows furrowed as he demanded, "Wait, why me?" His expression only darkened when Pope informed he wasn't to go in the Lighthouse, Haley watching from the sidelines, unsure where to put herseld in the situation. "Why?" He continued to argue.

Pope grabbed hold of JJ's shoulders. "There are independent and dependent variables, you're an independent variable-" he tried to explain but was quickly cut off as JJ began to yell over his words. "We don't know what you'll do!"

"Shut up!"

Haley awkwardly scuffed her boots on the ground as Kiara sent her a small smile from ahead of the boys, rolling her eyes dramatically when Haley caught them. She smiled at the gesture, once again appreciative of her presence. "Listen to me for a second," John B cut in their argument, stepping forward. "Pope, you stand look out with JJ, okay?" The pair in questioned seemed reluctant, but both nodded at John B's persistent glare. The tall brunette turned to her next, gaze softening immensely when he caught sight of her uncertain posture. "Do you mind keeping an eye out here?"

She shook your head immediately, sending him a reassuring nod. "Yeah, sure. That's fine by me. Heights aren't really my thing anyway," she told him as she looked up at the Lighthouse, nausea hitting at a slight force when she stared at the very top of the building amongst the blue sky. "Yeah, I'm good here."

He nodded back at her, a thankful smile on his lips. "If we split up, we meet back at JJ's house." He spoke, directing the words to the whole group. They all nodded their agreement.

"Great." Kie finalised, shooting Haley one last small smile before her and John B began to walk off, jumping the small fence that blocked their path, their stride quickly entering them into the lighthouse. Haley exhaled as they disappeared into the door, and moved her gaze to return on the two boys she was stuck with.

"I'm gonna work on my merit scholarship essay." Pope informed, before he turned and entered back into the van, leaving her and JJ stood on the outside of it, alone and deadly quiet. She looked at the golden haired boy as he pulled out a happy sack from his pocket, beginning to kick it around with his booted foot.

Haley sighed as she leaned on the passenger side door, her teeth biting down on her watermelon flavoured chapstick covered lip as she stared at the grass beneath her feet, her mind racing. A thud caught her attention and she glanced in the direction of where it had come from, a happy sack laying at her feet. She looked back up to JJ, who sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. "Um, sorry about that."

She huffed out a small laugh, bending down and snatching the sack from the floor. "You don't have to apologise to me JJ," she said softly. Throwing the sack back to him, his large hands reached out and cupped it, bringing it back to his chest. “I'm sorry about this, y'know, gatecrashing your friends' little adventure."

JJ's lips quirked, his muscular arm reaching back and throwing the sack into the air, Haley catching it and holding his eyes. "You're not gatecrashing anything," he assured. In the sunlight, his skin cast a golden glow. "And 'sides you deserve to be here. You're looking for just as much answers as John B is."

"I'm not sure about that," Haley told him and threw the sack to him. "I mean, I'm looking for answers, of course. That's why I'm here. But I'm pretty sure John B needs them more than I do," she glanced at the lighthouse momentarily. "I know what happened to my dad, pretty much. He died while being out in the storm, I know that, I just don't know why he was out in the storm or what he was even up to in the weeks leading up to it. John B doesn't even know for sure if his dad is dead or alive." She shuddered at the thought, shaking her head. "He deserves answers way more than me."

JJ nodded, tongue pressed to the inside of his cheek as he paused in throwing the sack back towards her, looking at her small figure thoughtfully. "Do you think they could be connected?" He asked suddenly. Haley stared at him, confusion painted on her face. "Your dads, I mean. Yours and John B's. Do you think they could be connected, like your dads death and JB's dads disappearance?"

She stopped. Could they be, really? She had to admit she thought about it in the van on the journey there, but as quickly as it came it passed. To her knowledge, her dad and Big John didn't really know each other - of course they knew each other, but they didn't mix, or so she believed. But her mind replayed the moment John B mentioned the Royal Merchant, the way her stomach had filled with dread immediately, and she had the sinking feeling that it was very possible that what JJ was hinting at could be true.

"I don't know, maybe," she said instead, not wanting to voice her thoughts. JJ nodded thoughtfully, finally throwing her the sack back. She caught it, and repeated the process back to him again.

"I am sorry, though. About your dad," JJ's voice was soft, careful as he watched her pause, taking in his words. "I was gonna say more before, but with the guys... I know how much he meant to you."

Haley smiled gently, a sudden flutter in her chest alarming her as she nodded appreciatively at his words. "Thank you, JJ," she said quietly, sincerely. "It means a lot."

JJ nodded too, chapped lips pulling into an uncertain half-grin. "And I just wanted to say as well, that uh, I don't want things to be like, weird between us or anything," he stated awkwardly, clearing his throat. Haley almost laughed at the look on his face. "I mean, like, with us hooking up and stuff-"

"It won't be weird," Haley quickly interrupted him, grin overtaking the features of her face despite her better thoughts. "It was just hooking up, right? Not like we're exes or anything. No need to make it weird."

"Right," JJ voiced his agreement. Head full of long blonde locks nodding along at her words, dimples winking at her as they made an appearance in his cheeks when he smiled. "Not making it weird. Here's to that."

She laughed as the happy sack landed in her hands, holding it there as she squinted in the sun, grin cheeky as she gazed at him from her small distance. "Yeah, we'll just have to pretend we've never seen each other naked." She joked as she finally threw him his toy back.

The golden haired boy returned her smile, eyes mischievous as they made a show to glance at her figure from head to toe. "Trust me, I'll have to pretend a lot more beyond that to stay civil."

And before she could even think to voice her thoughts of Fuck, how did that almost kinda turn you on, a sudden and loud blare of a familiar siren startled, Haley’s and JJ's eyes widening as they met, a panicked expression matching in their features.

"Shit!" Haley uttered as JJ dropped the happy sack, her head turning to catch sight of the impending police car making its way towards where they were parked. She quickly glanced to the lighthouse, her heart dropping when she saw no sign of John B or Kiara, JJ grabbing her by the arm suddenly and practically dragging her into the van in the passenger seat, him running to occupy the drivers as Pope's head popped up between the seats, questioning them both erratically. She could give him no answers however, having no idea what had prompted the police to arrive. Haley had no time to think about what could have happened as JJ slammed his foot down, peeling out of the grassy area and away from the scene. "What about John B and Kie?"

"They'll be fine," JJ assured her, though they were empty words. He had no clue what had happened either, or if his friends would make it out and away from the lighthouse in time, but he still reached over and squeezed Haley’s knee gently when he saw her worried look. He caught her gaze and held it. "They'll be fine."

She could only hope that was true.

It was hours later when Haley and the Pogues gathered around John B's kitchen table, deadly silent as everyone processed what had just transpired.

She’d had JJ and Pope drop her off at home after escaping the police at the lighthouse, aware that she had been gone a long while and her mother was probably sick with worry by that point. If she wasn’t home within the hour, Haley had no doubt that she would have the police patrolling the streets, searching for her. When she toldthe boys this, they chuckled as she ordered them to park around the corner from her home, not wanting her mother to spot her leaving the van. She’d told them to call her when they heard from either John or Kiara, and they'd both agreed as she climbed from the van and walked the familiar path to her house.

Sure enough, Lana practically collapsed into her when she’d entered. Her arms were wrapped around Haley so tightly as they squeezed all the air out of her lungs, her mothers voice in her ear a jumbled mess of words laced in a frantic tone. Haley assured her she was fine, that no harm was done, and that she had just gone for a walk around the Outer Banks. Lana seemed hesitant, but had allowed Haley to ease her worries as she led her towards the couch and sat her down, letting her mom hold her for as long as she needed to assure her mind that she were really okay.

Haley felt almost bad, seeing her in such a panicked state. But then she remembered if she had just answered her questions truthfully instead of hiding everything from her than she wouldn't be sneaking around in the first place. And then the guilt subsided, if only a little. (Haley still felt awful.)

It was a couple of hours after that when a knock had sounded on her bedroom window. She had startled, her heart racing as she wondered who the hell could be knocking on her window, at night, too. She almost very nearly didn't go towards it, in fear of the two faces of the men from earlier that day greeting her, but she’d exhaled a sigh of relief when her eyes landed on the face of JJ Maybank.

"Care for a late night drive?" He'd asked, and she’d rolled her eyes. His grin never faltered as he watched her put on her boots, checking in on her mother and determining if the coast was clear to sneak out, before she’d climbed from her window, thankful that the house was only one story as she did so. Despite that fact, JJ's hands still gripped her hips as he helped her (though he didn't have to) down from the window.

She’d felt instant relief when she spotted Kiara and John B sat in the van, having resumed their earlier positions. Kie grinned at her as she got in the back along with JJ and Pope, who smiled at her also, as Haley began to question the both of them on what had happened after they’d fled the scene.

They'd been caught, of course. But they'd also been released, and that was the main thing. Haley decided to focus on the positives as John B drove them all off, this time to a cemetery of all places - leading the way towards a specific grave that he informed them all was his great-great grandmother, Olivia Redfield. Her maiden name, apparently.

And of fucking course inside that crypt was a white FedEx envelope, addressed to Bird, which they would later discover was actually John B's nickname given to him by his dad, who'd actually left the envelope there - hoping one day that his son would find it. (Because of fucking course Big John would do that.)

The pieces to the puzzle were all coming together, bit by it, slowly but surely. They’d all returned to the Chateau upon the discovery of the envelope, which contained a map, the sight very familiar. (The Royal Merchant, of fucking course it was.) And there was a very obvious X displayed on it too, X marks the spot. Along with that, a tape recorder fell into the palm of John B's hand.

"Dear Bird," the voice had started, vaguely familiar to Haley’s ears. There was no question as to who the voice belonged to - Big John Routledge was speaking directly into the room, all five teenagers gathered around listening intently. "I didn't expect to find the Merchant either."

Haley’s eyes widened to the size of saucers, her breath catching in her throat as she glanced at JJ who was beside her, his own face a perfect replica of confusion and amazement.

"There she is, the wreck of the Merchant. If something happens to me, finish what I started." Big John's voice continued to fill the deafening silence of the room. "Go for the gold, kid. I love you, Bird, even if I didn't always act like it. I'll see you on the other side."

The recorder clicked off after that, once again silence engulfing the room. Haley felt her stomach churn, her heartbeat to quicken, her palms beginning to sweat. She couldn't believe it. Big John Routledge had gone and found the Royal Merchant. The Royal Merchant, of which her own father had spent months obsessing over. The Royal Merchant, as in the ship that had sunk over two hundred years ago. The Royal Merchant, in which had bought her and this ragtag group of misfits together.

They all littered around the pontoon close to John B's house, beers in hand as Kie strummed softly on her ukulele, the night air a welcome comfort to Haley’s clammy skin, her heart having still not calmed from when she’d first come to the realisation that Big John had found the Royal Merchant, and now she was joining the Pogues on finishing what he had started - for her own father, she thought as she looked towards the stars in the summer nights sky, smiling softly up at them. For you, dad.

"How much was it again?" JJ broke the silence, the golden haired boy seated closest to her.

"Four hundred mil," John B reminded, though he said it dreamily, almost as if he still couldn't quite believe it. She couldn't, either, in all honesty. Five teenagers, about to charge head-first into a treasure hunt? They had to be crazy. But for four hundred million, anyone would be.

JJ's head turned at rapid speed, before he let out a sigh and clasped his hands together, looking between them all. "Alright, let's talk the split. Now, before we say 'evenly' may I remind you that I am the only one that can properly defend us from those groupers who were after us," he branded the gun, waving it around as he spoke. "Protection? Not cheap, okay?"

"Technically, that should be my gun," Haley pointed out, shrugging a shoulder and smiling cheekily when he turned to glance over at her, frown etched on his lips. "You said so yourself, remember?"

"You said you didn't want it!" He protested instantly.

She licked her lips as she teased him, "Well, maybe I changed my mind."

JJ shook his head, tongue running over his teeth as he stared at her in disbelief, though his smile was enough to let her know he found humour in her actions. "You don't just get backsies on a gun," he deadpanned.

Haley rolled your honey coated eyes as Pope quickly interrupted the two of them. “You haven't trained," he directed towards JJ. "You've done zero training."

"YouTube, bro!" JJ countered, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "This," he pointed to the gun. "Is at least a five percent bump right there."

The group collectively ignored him, though Haley sent him a smirk when he looked at her, an expression of am-I-right or am-I-right on his pretty face. Kie tilted her head towards Pope. "What are you gonna do with your eighty mil, Pope?" She questioned.

"Pay for college in advance," the boy answered immediately. "And also, textbooks. Those are expensive."

Haley couldn't help but smile at him, Pope, ever the thoughtful one. She knew if she had half the brains Pope had she’d probably be the exact same as him - planning ahead, working towards college more than anything. She admired the boy, truly. But her future wasn't nearly as bright as Pope's, she was aware of that. Which made the desire to find that treasure from the Royal Merchant all that more huge.

"What about you, Haley?” She was broken from her thoughts as Kie suddenly directed her words to the other girl, raising an expectant brow as she came to, noting the rest of the gang all looking at her with similar expressions.

What would she do with her money? Honestly, she had no idea. She felt incredibly lucky to even be considered to get a share of it, given that she had appeared seemingly out of nowhere, demanding answers about her dead dad and the damned compass that had started it all in the first place. She’d questioned the guys immediately after the discovery of Big John's reveal, telling them that she was totally okay with not getting a share, had even told them she’d back off and leave them to it, though so many more questions needed answering in her mind. But they'd all immediately disagreed, letting her know that she were apart of this just as much as they all were. This was her journey, too.

"Move me and my mom out of our shitty house," Haley decided. "Get a huge ass house on Figure Eight, buy anything that we wanted. Treat her to everything she could have ever dreamed of. Maybe buy a holiday home in Italy, visit there every year and have a holiday romance with an insanely hot Italian guy."

Her and Kiara shared a giggle at that, missing the way the blonde beside her shifted almost uncomfortably, eyes downcast towards the water for a second before he licked his lips, proclaiming loudly, "I know what I'll do. I'm gonna get a big ass house on Figure Eight, and go full Kook," JJ announced, eyes meeting hers and sending her a wink. "We can be neighbours."

Haley laughed outright, shaking her head at his dramatics as he continued. "Gonna get a marble statue of myself, and then I'm gonna get a koi pond, put a bunch of those fish-"

"I'm never visiting." Kie mumbled, interrupting his sentence as they all shared a laugh, gazes suddenly turning to John B who hadn't spoken in a while, the tanned brunette simply staring off into space, almost seemingly lost in his world.

"What about you, John B?" He looked back towards the four of them sprawled out on the pontoon, his eyes catching Haley’s own for a millisecond, the pair of them understanding exactly what was going through both their minds in that moment.

"To going full Kook," he raised the hand that held his beer, the group of Pogues wasting no time in following the action, all their hands raising, beer cans glinting under the moonlight as they all exclaimed, "To going full Kook!" into the summer nights air, the excitement and anticipation present in all of their voices.

And she grinned as she clinked her beer with JJ's, the blonde throwing a careless arm over her shoulder as he tugged her closer to him; Haley’s own naturally wound around his waist in return as they all laughed and joked into the night, the promise of an adventure and bright future's ahead of them all.

She failed to notice that their arms never really left each other until later that night, when her departure from the gang forced her to unwind her limbs from his, their gazes catching, secret smiles on both their faces.

Oh, this would be fun.

[roguerogerss]

A Long Day of Saving Your Ass

(gif isn’t mine, creds to the owner!)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader

Plot: “Hi darlin! If you’re still taking requests could you do a Bucky x reader where she gets her ass saved from literal death by Bucky during a mission and she refuses to leave his side on the way back or at the tower? And he gives her a back/foot massage to make her nerves calm down aaand they may or may not share a kiss bc they like each other? I hope that makes sense, tysm! 💞” - requested by anon

W/C: 2.3k

Warnings: mentions of fights/blood/kinda ptsd but not really? she’s pretty much just really shaken up and Bucky’s cute and protective as hell about it. also kinda sexual themes towards the end, no smut or anything though it’s all fluff!

(A/N: first of all, thank you so much for all of the love on my last fic, it really really does mean the world and that was just totally insane. okay, so, this request only came in yesterday, but I was so in love with the concept and had this wave of ideas for what I could write, and so here it is! thank you so much for this one, bby! as always, requests are open for any marvel boy you want, plus any of the stranger things boys. i do smut too hehe. any feedback is so welcome and appreciated, it really helps! please like and reblog!)

————

The quinjet was ready to take off, engine on, Steve behind the wheel. But Y/N wasn't there yet. They'd been holding off on leaving, giving her time to get out and the opportunity to do it without help, but Bucky had been antsy since he'd gotten on the vehicle and realised that she wasn't there.

It wasn't exactly a secret that he liked her, in a way that he hadn't really liked anyone in over seventy years. He'd never admitted it to anyone, not even to himself out loud, but you have to have a certain level of intelligence and basic sight to join the Avengers in the first place, and it wasn't hard to figure out.

Y/N was oblivious to it, rolling her eyes whenever Natasha teased her about 'Bucky's little crush', never taking it seriously. If she'd known that they were really serious about it, she wouldn't have hesitated to make a move. She was inherently forward, had no sense of shame whatsoever, it was common knowledge that she would've said something, at the very least.

"Hey, Y/N, where are you right now?" Bucky spoke into the intercoms, earning wide eyed glances from the rest of the team. They knew that she hated being rushed, hated being babied even more, and the fact that Bucky was doing both was probably about to blow up in all of their faces.

There were obvious sounds of struggle on her end as she answered back with a grunt, "South side, got ten guys on my case. Think I can handle it, though."

"We're ready to leave, Y/N." Bucky grunted, leaning forward in his seat and chewing at his lip. He was met back with a crash and a strangled groan from the assassin, making him shoot up and towards the exit of the ship.

"Bucky, where are you going? She'll kill you if you try to help her-" Tony was standing now, too, worried about his teammate, but figuring that she'd find some way out. Bucky shook his head and pressed the button to open the escape hatch.

"She's going to die if I don't help her, Stark. Keep the engine running, we'll be back in a second." And he was gone with that. Steve closed the hatch, radioing to Bucky to 'keep in touch' as he did so.

Bucky pulled his machine gun from the holster on his back, shooting two guards that were stationed at the front entrance of the Hydra base that they'd sneakily infiltrated, managing to only cause a few minor scenes. He was inside and backed against a wall, scoping out his route to the south side of the building, without wasting a second.

His feet pounded on the metal stairs as he made his way down to where they'd been earlier, where he knew that Y/N still was, and he looked around himself cautiously, gears in his arm turning.

He could hear the fight before he could see it, and he could tell from the noises that Y/N wasn't doing so well. A lot of crashing, thuds, groans mostly from her. The sight wasn't exactly easy to look at either, she was covered in blood, slumped against a wall and kicking her legs wildly while one of the agents held a gun to her temple.

Bucky knew that he had to act fast, and so he shot the agent with the gun without giving away his position, and then proceeded to open fire on the rest of them, trusting in the fact that Y/N knew how to dodge a bullet.

When he was sure that the agents were dead, each one of them crumpled in heaps on the floor, he slung his gun back over his shoulder and ran for Y/N, who let out a relieved sigh upon seeing Bucky. "Oh my God, Buck." She whispered. She wasn't sure what she meant by the words, what she wanted to convey in them, but he seemed to pick up just fine as he wrapped his arms around her shaking and compacted body.

"You're okay, I've got you." He rested his head on top of hers for a second, breathing heavy, just allowing himself to enjoy how it felt to have his body draped over hers. "We've gotta go, okay?"

"I can't run." She said assertively, knowing that there was no way that she'd be able to get up and run like hell, like Bucky seemingly wanted her to. He nodded once, gave her an apologetic smile, and then scooped her up into his arms without another word.

She scrambled to grip onto his black jacket, a gasp leaving her mouth as he picked her up from the floor, flesh arm supporting the backs of her knees and the metal one around her shoulders. He chuckled at her reaction, the way that she white-knuckled the leather of his combat jacket. "Don't worry, I'm not gonna drop you."

"How do you expect me to believe that?" She croaked, trying her hardest to be her usual, sardonic self, but failing miserably as she realised just how fast and hard her heart was beating.

"Because I just saved you from at least ten guys who wanted to kill you within a minute, I'm not dropping you." Bucky replied as he ascended the stairs and she buried her face in his chest, the smell of his cologne relaxing her. He allowed a soft smile to cross his face, bringing his metal hand to her head and almost rocking her like an infant or a small child who had a nightmare.

For Tony saying that she hated being 'babied', she seemed to enjoy it when it was coming from Bucky.

They were back at the ship within a few minutes. Steve had taken off, and Bucky had gone to sit in the back of the ship on his own. Or at least, he'd wanted to sit in the back of the ship on his own, but Y/N was so shaken up and had looked at him like she was a lost puppy when he'd tried to leave her alone, and so he smiled and told her to come with him.

Everyone else had looked between themselves, grinning like mad. "He really likes her." Steve commented and Natasha nodded.

"She really likes him, I'm well aware of that fact." She said.

"I've never seen The Winter Soldier so caring. And, was that - sorry if this seems outlandish - a smile? On Bucky Barnes' face? Surely not." Tony pitched in, leaning back in his chair while his friends laughed.

Meanwhile, Y/N was curled up in a chair, chewing at her fingernails and dabbing at her bloody face with a wet cloth that Bruce had given her the second that she'd gotten on the ship. Bucky watched her, his heart breaking at the way that her hands shook as she brought them to her face, at the way that her entire body shook.

"Hey." He placed a tender and soothing hand on her back, rubbing gentle circles there. "It's okay, you're safe now."

She gave him a wobbly smile that didn't quite reach her eyes and placed her hand over his, allowing him to interlock their fingers. "Yeah. Safe now."

————

She still hadn't left his side, apart from briefly so that she could take a shower. He'd offered to come back to her room with her when she'd hovered around the lounge while everyone else had already dispersed, reminding her that no one was going to hurt her.

She was laying on her bed, hair wet and wearing nothing but a big shirt, while Bucky sat awkwardly on the edge of it, twisting the sheets between his fingers. "You don't have to sit there, you know. I have a sofa, or you can sit back."

Bucky shook his head and looked round at her, she was still visibly shaking, eyes darting around to show just how on edge she was. "It's fine, darlin'. M'fine." His voice was more ragged than he'd expected it to be. "I'm just here to make sure that you're okay."

"Well," She held her arms out, "Come here, that'd make me feel okay." It was a bold move, one that told of her feelings towards Bucky, but she didn't mind much, figuring that he probably wouldn't decline her.

He chuckled, shaking his head at her, but still, kicked his boots off and lay down next to her, allowing her to wrap her arms tightly around his torso and press her cheek over his heart. "Hey, you're okay, sweetheart." He stroked her hair. "There's nothing to be on edge about, yeah? I've got you."

"Yeah. Yeah, I know. Sorry, I don't know why I'm so freaked out." Her breathing was picking back up again, so Bucky shushed her and pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head, something that drove the butterflies in her stomach wild.

"It's okay, baby." The nickname just added to the way that her stomach fluttered, and she swallowed hard to try to forget about it. "Hey, how about I do something that'll relax you, yeah?"

"And what would that be, Barnes?" She smirked mischievously and he laughed at her.

"Lay on your stomach." He removed his arm from around her shoulders, and she looked at him with one eyebrow raised, obviously thinking that he was implying something way more forward than what he was actually implying. "Woah, no, no, no. I give good back massages, metal arm and all."

She laughed, throwing her head back into the pillows at the headboard of her bed. "Oh my God, Bucky. I hate you so much." She breathed out, flipping over so that she was laying on her stomach, back exposed to him.

"Can I pull your shirt up, or?" Bucky whispered, running his hands up and down the back of her t-shirt, and she nodded.

His breath hitched in his throat and he found himself struggling to think straight when he lifted the hem of her large shirt, to show that she was only wearing a pair of black panties underneath. She didn't seem to mind, so he didn't mention it, even though his breathing was hindered as he trailed his hands from the small of her back to her shoulders, thumbs rubbing circles as he did so.

She sighed and could've sworn that her eyes rolled back into her head as she relaxed into his touch, one hand cold and the other warm. She understood what he meant when he said that he was good at giving back massages.

"Feel okay?" He asked softly, swallowing hard. She nodded again.

"My God, Bucky, feels fucking amazing." She moaned, and he hated himself when his stomach flipped upon hearing her. "You're so good at that."

He had to stop when she said that, hands still on her shoulders but unmoving, just sitting still. He couldn't think about anything else other than sex when she was moaning like that, something that he wanted to punch himself for. It was such a tender moment, she was scared and so vulnerable, and all that was going through his brain were those thoughts.

"You okay?" She asked, and when he didn't answer she flipped back over, sitting in front of him. He looked like he'd seen a ghost as his tongue darted out to lick over his bottom lip. She reached a hand out, caressing his cheek gently to bring him back to reality. "Bucky?"

"Can I kiss you?" The words were leaving his mouth before he even knew what to do with them, what they meant and how she'd react. As soon as he realised what he'd said, he had his face in his hands, shaking his head. "Shit, sorry."

"No. No, Bucky, don't apologise. Look at me." She wrapped her fingers around his wrist, prying his hands away from his face. "Yes. Of course you can kiss me."

He furrowed his eyebrows, wondering if what she'd just said was real. She was looking into his eyes so intently, staring at the light blue rings around his pupils, realising how pretty they really were now that she was this close. "Kiss me." She whispered, and Bucky took no hesitation in complying to what she was asking of him.

His lips were on hers, and they were so gentle and soft, gliding against hers effortlessly. He pulled her closer to him with a hand on her back, the other cupping her cheek lovingly. His tongue had soon slipped between her lips, earning a soft little whine from her, as his tongue met hers and they worked out how to move them together in harmony.

She eventually pulled back, breathless, and simply grinned at him before laying back and pulling him with her. They resumed their earlier position, her arms wrapped firmly around his waist, his arm around her shoulders, her head on his chest while his hand stroked her hair. "Relaxed?" He laughed and she smiled and nodded.

"I'll get goin', it's late and you look tired, princess." Another nickname, another flourish from the butterflies in the pit of her stomach. Just as Bucky was getting up to leave, she grabbed onto his shirt and pulled him back to her, snuggling back up to his chest.

"Stay. Please."

[colour-outside-the-liness]

Hi Colour! How are you doing today? I don't know about doing meaningful things with my life, feel like I've just been surviving this entire time lol. However I am trying to figure it out and working on building the life I want to live and hopefully I will be able contribute to this world in some way.

I don't think I've ever played a game of trivial pursuit. Have never been to a pub either, not like the ones you have in the UK anyway. Just been to very dirty bars where me and my friends used to drink as much as we could afford, shared questionable food that could potentially make us sick the next day and there were no quizzes or games really haha. So your exp sounds way more fun! 😂

I'm glad you're giving the song a chance! Only Spotify knows how many times I've listened to it lol. I reckon Hozier's going to be my artist of the year for 2021. I love attributing works of art to Dani x Jamie, have a whole ass Pinterest board full with images of paintings, poetry, music and anything that I think relates to them really (yeah I know, I have a problem).

I love everything you've said about how Dani, Viola and the lady in the lake are alike, I hadn't really thought about their similarities before, but everything you've said makes perfect sense. I always saw Viola as a narcissist, even her drive to protect her child felt selfish in a way, don't know if you know what I mean. And when she fades away and becomes the lady she's just pure (almost animalistic) instinct while on auto pilot, bc she only remembers rage and abandonment, she takes anything on her path aggressively unless they're a child. So what she sees in Dani is not processed logically, right? It's pure instinct and emotions, so what she recognizes in her when Dani invites her in is the desperate need to protect this child, so she sees her as deserving. Perhaps she also saw in Dani and opportunity to escape this nightmare. Despite all her faults she didn't deserve what happened to her either.

And don't get me wrong, Jamie is so, so strong and solid and she is my favorite mostly bc I identify with her personality more than Dani's. But we know Jamie is all that even before we learn her story, and I feel like it is expected that she'll be the strong and brave one bc she's had to be that her entire life albeit unwillingly. But Dani? We expect her to break at any given point, I mean she is reaching her limit after all that's happened, with all the weight she's carrying. I remember thinking "Jesus, this girl needs help" when I first watched the show hahaha. But she fights every damn time, she doesn't run away and that's why I find her so fascinating. That's why I thought this song was so fitting. Even if Dani would never see herself that way. But it's Jamie's perspective (and fire signs tend to exaggerate everything 😂) so it feels fitting that she thinks so highly of her baby haha. Ugh I just wanted them to stay together forever. 🥺

Omg yes! I love how you refined this idea, good thing you're a writer and I'm not hahaha. And yeah I'm absolutely here for sapphics with weapons like holy shit imagine Jamie fighting with a sword? 🤤 I'm weak. Hahaha would be cool to see them in a pirate AU too! Maybe someone's already done it? Idk. But aaaah I want to see them in every possible universe hahaha. Makes me want to get back into drawing too. 😩

Aww you two sound like you have a lovely bond going on. Your niece sounds like the coolest! I started out drawing anime too when I was a kid and ended up doing graphic design for a living! How did learning how to draw anime style go for you today?

Hey I'm doing great thank you I hope you are too? I know that feeling because I feel like that's how I have made it to 27 just surviving (barely) and taking things one day at a time to get me to this point and hopefully I can contribute in some way even it its just a small way... so I totally get that feeling but I am sure you contribute so much without you even realising it!! Oh it's great but depending on how competitive the people you're playing with are it can get pretty heated... I've been in some heated games of it before because people just refuse to believe I know the answers to some of the questions and they think I've been cheating and have all but demanded I have another question asked instead of the one I got right... and pub quizzes can be fun again depending on the team you're in and how seriously you wanna take it I have been in teams where its been a serious thing and we have all desperately wanted to win and then I've been in teams and we've just had fun with it... all the pubs I go in are dirty bars too but sometimes they have pub quizzes... I have had many nights where I have drank what I can afford... one night me on my roommate went over board though and we ended up spending ALL our money even our taxi fair and we had to walk home in the dark along country roads with hardly any lights to guide us... because of how drunk we were it too us around 3-4 hours and I fell over a road sign and ended up in a ditch... I've had a lot of fun experiences but some really stupid ones as well... your experiences sound great though!! I would love that!! I listened to the song and I loved it so much!! I don't even wanna know what my most listened to artist will be this year... my money is on it being the Six musical soundtrack... probably All You Wanna Do from that musical I'll be surprised if it's anything else. I would love for it to be someone like Hozier, but ever since I have done my Spotify wrapped thing it's always been a musical of some kind that's been my number 1 song / artist haha I love doing the same thing. If I can make something fit Dani x Jamie I will like it doesn't even matter what it is haha... I don't think you have a problem I think that sounds so cool!! I have nothing like that. I just have a head full of random ideas screaming to be let out I agree Viola is definitely selfish and narcissistic and everything she did came from a place of anger and rage over the things that happened to her she fell in love and got married and had a child and saw her sister try and take that from her while she was ill and in the end her sister killed her. Like yeah, I do feel sorry for Perdita with the way she was treated but I do think everything Viola did was out of frustration over what was happening to her. Like you said she acts on auto pilot and only knows rage until it comes to children- because all she knows is she is looking for a child so when she saw Dani so selfless sacrifice herself for a child she saw a little bit of herself in Dani she knows Dani is a good person and she can relate to that protective streak and I think she did see Dani as deserving I definitely agree with everything you've said here. Viola might have had faults and flaws and who doesn't? But I definitely think she had it rough and did deserve better than she was given. I agree, you can tell looking at Jamie that she is strong and brave while Dani comes off as the exact opposite. But I think you see fully how brave they both are when Dani sacrifices herself for Flora and when Jamie offers to keep Dani company and loves her despite knowing she won't be able to love her forever. I love Jamie but definitely relate to Dani's personality more, there are a lot of things Dani does that I see myself in her because I have done those types of things myself and the whole beast in the jungle speech resonates with me so much and every time I watch the last episode and hear that speech I am a crying mess from that point on. It's funny that you thought that about Dani when you first watched it, because me and my sisters got my mum to

watch it and she said the same thing about Dani "she needs help" but then once told me she liked Dani because she reminded her of me that was an interesting conversation to be a part of "Dani needs help... but I like her she's like you." I was like "Thanks?" I agree this song is definitely more how Jamie would see Dani, I think Dani just has a very blasé view of herself, like I don't think she's self conscious or self deprecating in anyway but I think she sort of walks around like "this is me and this is just how I am" where as Jamie just sees Dani for how brave and strong and amazing she is- maybe even if as a fire sign she exaggerates a little bit haha Jamie just thinks Dani is the most amazing person in the world and I just know that Dani saw her the same way!! I really wanted them to be together forever... I am never going to emotionally recover from Bly Manor. Your idea was incredible and I think it would be a great story to read honestly that's the type of thing I live for!! OMG Jamie with a sword is just 🤤 🥵 I am all for sapphics and weapons of any kind!! There's this pirate AU which is absolutely amazing!! I don't know if you've read it or not but iamalekza writes some really great fics!! https://archiveofourown.org/works/28631598/chapters/70179306 ^^ Pirate AU I really wish I could draw I would love to be able to draw scenes from fics I have read and even ones I have written but I just don't have the skill set for that!! I would love to see other fan arts though I think drawing is such an incredible talent to have and I am in awe of anyone that can do it!! Me and my niece have a great bond, she's like a little mini me (despite almost being as tall as me). She is honestly such a cool kid I have a hell of a lot of fun with her- I'm looking after her again tomorrow and I have no idea what we're gonna do but we will figure something out... she's such a good drawer she's only just started doing it at the beginning of the year and she's really progressed with it... I however have not so I am definitely gonna need more practice. That's so cool that you started out doing anime drawing and then ended up going into a career in graphic design. Again that's a talent that I am just in awe of because it's just something I have never been able to do!!

[polin-erospsyche]

I often find myself agreeing with your TID posts! I agree that JCM triangle is not going to be like WTJ, bc I believe that this relationship worked bc in the end CC knew that Jem would eventually have his life with Tessa. Here is different bc JCM don't have a "death sentence". I think their triangle is going to be like Clary/Simon/Jace but it's gonna be more angsty bc J and M are best friends. C may have a brief phase where she's w/Math but then she'll end up w/J after a lot of angst. lol

That’s cool! Thanks for the validation! Sorry it took me a while to answer. I started to answer on my phone before I realised that I wanted to give you a proper answer so I’m sorry if this is a bit long (actually it’s much longer than I thought it would be ooops). Also, it took me a minute to understand who was JCM and WTJ, I’m really slow 🤣 

I believe they are completely different from each other and we’ll see that in the next couple of books. We know that James and Matthew will butt head and that it won’t necessarily be about Cordelia. Honestly, I’m not surprised, when I read Chain of Gold I had a weird feeling that they were not on the same level. I felt like Matthew was more attached to James than James to Matthew. I’m not saying that James does not love Matthew, of course he does, a lot. I’m just thinking that because of the nature of their own demons James is preoccupied by being controlled by a cursed bracelet and the shadow realm and Matthew is desperately running from his own shadow, holding onto anyone who could be able to love him and James, as his parabatai, is perfect (little does Matthew know that because of the bracelet James is not able to love him fully without reservation). Once again, I’m not diminishing James’ love for Matthew, I just think that maybe it’s not as much as Mathew wants, you can totally contradict me on that. So already, from the beginning of TLH, for me, their bond is fragile. Honestly every time I was reading a passage with the both of them, I always had a weird feeling, like I was walking on egg shells and that it was a push and pull relationship, it might have only been because James was under the curse though.

Comes in Cordelia, James’ childhood friend and the girl he is in love with, although he doesn’t know it yet. Matthew falls for her or maybe he falls for the idea of her (that’s arguable). I personally think that even if he means well, he will slip at some point. From a narrative perspective it makes sense to me. You’ve got those three characters that are carefully balancing at the moment but they are at the edge of a precipice and one of them has to move to make all of them find a new state (I hope this makes sense). So, I think that at some point Matthew is either going to let it out and tell her that no, she does not need to marry someone who doesn’t love her or he’s just going to straight out kiss her. No matter how it happens I have a feeling he’s going to blame it on alcohol (I have to thank @cecilyfightwood for that). Cordelia is going to be taken aback but I don’t think she’s going to be completely against it, which is where your thought of ‘they might be together for a while’ comes in. I’ve seen people judge Daisy for maybe falling for Matthew because that just means her love for James isn’t strong enough, but I mean come on! Give the girl a break. She doesn’t know what we, as readers, know. She is persuaded that the boy she loves is in love with another and she might feel a little toyed with after what happened in the Whispering Room (although these two idiots both agreed it was just pretending, really I just want to facepalm myself repeatedly at this point). What she believes is that she’s going to have to marry someone whom she loves, who doesn’t love back and she’s going to have to see him deny his feelings every day in front of her while acting like he loves her (that’s a great storyline for us, in reality it probably feels like a personal kind of torture). So yeah, if there’s someone as kind, attentive and funny as Matthew around I’m not surprised that she’s going to try and forget about her heartbreak. However, I don’t think they’ll be together, I think they’ll toy with that line for a while. I have a feeling there might come a point where Cordelia won’t know her own feelings towards Math.

I think that James’ bracelet being taken off and his realisation of his feelings for Cordelia might come too late. He doesn’t know that Daisy loves him either, actually I reckon he probably thinks she doesn’t. And if he catches Cordelia and Matthew together (it doesn’t have to be a kiss or anything, it can just be the way they act when they are together) he might ultimately be the one to decide not to say anything and let them be happy. However, compared to Jem and Will who were never jealous of each other, we’ve seen Matthew get very jealous of James and I think we might see James try to distance himself from Matthew to better deal with his own unspoken jealousy. James believing that Cordelia likes Matthew and Matthew knowing (I think he’ll know) that Cordelia is still somewhat undecided between the two will make animosity and tension grow between them. I don’t think they’ll fight specifically about that but I think it’ll be underlying their argument. Eventually, I think Matthew will see that he does not stand a chance against James. I think Matthew will get hurt because instead of coming to terms with his own demons and learning to love himself he’ll have latched onto two people (by leaving home in Chain of Iron I have a feeling he is trying to distance himself from the people around him) who ultimately will choose each other and not him. I’d like to think that he’ll probably drink even more and then he’ll have someone shake him awake which will spur him into starting to forgive himself but not before he has a talk with Charlotte (that boy just really needs to talk to his mum not matter how impossible it might seem for him). I believe it has to get a lot worse for Matthew emotionally, before it can get better.

But yeah all of this to say that they are definitely not the same as Herongraystairs and they’re not the same as Clary/Simon/Jace either. From what I know (I’m not the best placed to talk about this) Clary chose to be with Simon to get over Jace but never actually loved Simon in this way because it was always Jace, and both Jace and Clary knew that they had feelings for each other the whole time. I don’t think Matthew is going to be used. I think that James/Cordelia/Matthew don’t know any better and ultimately whether what I say is true or not they don’t want to hurt each other, that’s not their goal and so no matter what happens the tragic thing is that none of them are to blame for whatever’s going to happen. It just eventually comes down to lack of communication, miscommunication and bad timing. Of course, if you want to blame someone Tatiana and Belial are perfect for that (I refuse to blame Grace after just one book).

Anyway, if you’ve read all of this, sorry for my long-ass answer and thanks for coming to my Ted talk. Hopefully I’ve added somethings instead of rehashing things that we already knew. And as always please let me know if you don’t agree with me and why so we can chat!

[seacreek]

I don't want to write anything where irl friends would see (no one is gonna see this here anyway) but I need to get this out of me.

Liiiikeeeee

I was (am?) literally the most suicidal I've ever been in my life today (is today over if it's 2 am?) and not only can I tell that to NO ONE, but it's like God was fucking rubbing it my face all day. I actually laughed at one point bc I was driving behind someone thinking of whether I should try to do it at home or somewhere else when I noticed their license plate said KYS and then a mashup of my birthday numbers.

But like I've already been feeling this building bc I'm behind on bills and have no heat and it's gonna snow soon and it's the holidays which remind me that my family is all spread out and I don't really talk to my parents anymore and somedays I talk to no one at all but my cat and my life is going NOWHERE with no way to change that but to work myself even harder when I don't even feel like I have anything at all to give anymore.

And I already felt like calling out bc even though I chose to work Thanksgiving yesterday knowing I'd be the only one there, it was still depressing to know that normal people are with friends and family and I'm not. But I also didn't want to take up my neighbors/friends on their offers to join them bc I did that last year and got all the questions about what I was doing with my life and at the time I actually believed I'd be going back to school the next year but now I realize how I can't possibly afford that without accepting help from someone which would BE my neighbors bc my parents would not help and I can't pay for it alone. And I can't accept help from them bc I feel like I would just get overwhelmed and depressed and flunk out and waste their money anyway. And the other reason I couldn't go over there/can't is bc I already feel like such a burden to them. They do all this nice stuff for me all the time and I catch myself even EXPECTING it at times which is fucking disgusting. Even if I'm grateful and say thank you, it's not like they owe me anything just bc I have no one else to give it to me. So I need to stop accepting their help and gifts, but then I know they are judging me for that bc even though their really nice, they are also super judgmental and they really like me bc they think I have "potential", but if they knew that I'm actually just a natural born idiot and failure, they'd never want to talk to me in the first place. And also it's unhealthy probably how much I rely on their validation bc since I've known them since I was little, I'm almost using them as surrogate parents which is also fucked up bc they are not my parents, they have their own kids who actually have their lives together unlike me who is just like a pet project of theirs.

Soooo anyway I already had all this on my mind and more going into work today and when I get there, I look at the schedule and realize everyone called out but me!!!!

And so I had to make a frankenstein schedule out of all of theirs to prioritize what needed to get done and was still trying to do little favors for people in between that I didn't want to disappoint bc it wasn't their fault that their staff wasn't there to do it with them and it was getting super overwhelming. And then I'm super sensitive so when I'd have to tell someone that I COULDN'T do something extra for them that they really were looking forward to, it was already punching me in the gut to see their disappointment. But then the worst part is that they don't fully get that I'm not just choosing to do that out of spite, but I legitimately had negative amounts of time to get everything done so they would blame me for what I couldn't do for them. EVEN THOUGH I WAS WORKING LIKE 4 SCHEDULES IN 1. Like they don't have the capacity to think past what's in front of them sometimes which I understand it's not their fault, but it SUCKS bc then they are pissed at me even though I'm running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to do everything for everyone and keep them all happy and they should really be annoyed with my coworkers who didn't come in but I didn't even throw them under the bus bc it wouldn't have mattered anyway. I'm the person in front of them who is "refusing to do what they ask" so it's my fault.

So that's how my day is going everywhere I go as I rush from person to person and place to place, answering calls, improvising on the spot, and constantly having to tell someone that whatever they had planned on today isn't possible and dealing with the result of that. And the WHOLE TIME I am DAYDREAMING about how I'm gonna kill myself when I get home. Maybe slit my wrists, wait no my leg because I know I'll chicken out on the wrists, wait no, I'll drive out to the ocean and just swim out until I'm drowning too far out to save myself, wait no, what bridges could I jump from let me google that, wait no, I could take all of the pills at home together but then I might throw them up so wait no, maybe I'll drag this out and just not eat or drink til I just die nah that takes too long etc etc etc. And I'm really thinking this is gonna happen tonight bc I already wrote a letter monday or tuesday and I'm sure they'll find that pretty fast when they look in my journals so I don't even have to worry about that part, just the doing. So I'm contemplating my end of life and getting more anxious and sad with every hour passing bc I'm really thinking this is it, this is the day I'm out. But really I keep getting caught up bc my CAT who is sadly the one being on earth that I love who could never understand, is at home. And I'm thinking about how if I kill myself while she's there and it takes time for people to realize I'm missing/find me, she will be sad/hungry/thirsty in the meantime. Which is so unecessary and all of my suicide plans get scrapped if they involve direct trauma of another being and she's the one that means the most, so how could I be so selfish as to not make a plan for her?

So I'm thinking of how I have to sneak her to my sister's place while she's still at work and that's stressful enough but more so bc then I'll have a time limit on getting this done bc as soon as she comes home and sees kaiya there without me and no explanation, she'll start blowing up my phone and when I don't answer, she'll call someone. And I don't want to do that in a pressured state, I need time to process everything and think about life and what I'm doing. Plus, what if I decide not to??? (Which is what ended up happening for tonight anyway) I would've done all that for nothing and then had to confess when she found kaiya anyway and have to go to a psych ward or something which would just ruin my life faster but make it harder to get out.

So I'm thinking ALL this ALL day while working my ass off yet still disappointing everyone and swallowing tears that would turn into sobs every hour until it's time to go home.

Then I drive home and even though I pray to God to send me some sign that he cares, he doesn't.

At this point, I've already lost the fire under me so I know this is another night where I just get through it, cuddle kaiya, and wake up the next day to do it all over and I've accepted that in a way.

Then 1 am rolls around and my sister calls me to say she stopped by a party where she ran into my old best friend and friends from high school. None of whom cared enough about me to even ask what I was up to these days, even though they were talking to my SISTER. And that whole growing apart thing took such a toll on me mentally and I do feel like I'm over it now these days, but it still brought up these gross sad feelings of when I was first realizing that they didn't really care about me anymore and then fully understanding that I didn't matter to them. Which hurt SO MUCH bc they were a ride or die for me, like I would have done anything for them and I never even DOUBTED they didn't feel the same until it was so obvious I had to stop pretending around it. And that fucked with ALL of my relationships with people. Every single friend I had, I started pulling away from bc I was so insecure in myself that I felt like I had to get away from them before they had the chance to drop me which I now felt was inevitable. To this day, I feel like I have a body count of of people that I desperately want to talk to, but don't let myself bc I feel like they don't deserve to have to put up with a person as shitty and worthless as me. And I do that in every possible relationship I have, platonic, romantic, and even familial. And I can't blame them for that bc they were just a normal person growing apart from someone I guess, but I think it triggered something laying dormant in me so badly that it was actually the catalyst for my inability to connect with other people in meaningful ways. I never meet a new person anymore with the belief that they will be in my life for more than a few years at most. Most people I expect to be gone within a week or two. My walls are up so high that it's actually selfish that I even talk to people at all bc I only end up hurting them when I pull away for seemingly no reason at all. And I'm too much of a coward to tell them that there's nothing wrong with them, I just can't get that close to people anymore. Like it actually makes me physically sick to think of carrying on normal relationships with people which is SO fucked. But then I turn into the villain bc I'm worried that they'll develop the same fear of people and I'll be the cause of it. Like I'm a vampire. But I isolate myself and then get to a certain point where I think "I'll try again!! And this time will be different!! I'll really have someone new in my life!" And then I am super friendly and doing my best to be good and making plans and whatever. But then I start getting that sick feeling again, like what if what if they just haven't realized how much I suck and how disappointing I am yet, they'll definitely realize it soon and I come up with some random specific reason why they'd actually hate me if they knew "THIS" about me and I start detaching myself and then flake on plans and then disappear. And then spend weeks worrying myself sick that I permanently damaged their trust in people!!! But then I get lonely again and the pattern starts again!! All traced back to this moment in time where it actually hit me that people's affection for you can disappear in the blink of an eye no matter how much you thought they cared about you. So clearly love is conditional and just that thought alone is enough to make me want to end it all!!

So yea, just a shit day with shit cherries and cream on top.

And now it's 3am and I have to wake up in 5 hrs to do this again.

And all of this is still something no one will know if or until it comes spilling out and then my life will either be changed forever or over.

But yea, drew that lion the other day.