#and she hasnt replied to my messages since wednesday night

[orangerainforest]

🌻

[fluttersheep]

im like. kinda peeved. bc a few weeks ago i told my friend i wanted to hang out with her and her bf and make a cake and have a small party and stuff so i could get out of my house and actually celebrate pride month and she was excited to

i asked her wednesday morning when she was free this weekend bc its what we decided on. she replied at like 1am that night but answered a totally different text and i guess missed the part when i asked what day she was free. i was hoping we could have gotten together last night. so i asked again

she hasnt replied since (i sent another unrelated message to hopefully get her to look)

im just rly bummed. i normally wouldnt be bc im understanding, things come up, you get busy, you forget, sometimes you just dont reply. its ok. but shes like this a lot. im left hanging a lot so i dont feel valued

tbh i feel like this happens a lot with several ppl in my life and im kiiinda sick of it

i am very respectful and patient. esp considering where i used to be and with my bpd and all. ive grown up a LOT and am super understanding but when you build an unreliable reputation for yourself ppl are gonna stop bothering with you

anyway im going to a party tonight with bro and his wife and its w a bunch of gay dudes so its w/e

[taylorunicorn13]

I ALMOST MET HER

I ALMOST MET HER Disclaimer, it's a very long story guys, it contains a lot of emotions, regret, happiness and sadness in just one post. 15th of October, 2017 One of my mutuals on twitter, changed her name to "Taylor Nation" and sent me a confidential DM (msg usually sent by Taylor Nation to all deserving swifties who got luckily invited to Taylor's secret session") I really thought it was frickin real and i even sent her my complete address and legit included "PHILIPPINES" on it. Little did i know, she was just playing around and messing with my feelings (but she is my friend tho, and i cant hate her cause she's one my fave mutuals ever) but damn guys, it really wrecked my whole damn life, i thought Taylor wants to me too 😔 i thought Taylor knows my name and how i look like. And after few hours, i was able to get my composure back and already accepted the fact that I WILL NEVER EVER MEET Taylor Alison Swift. I've been a twitter stan for a very long period of time, and always complain on how Tay put so much attention on tumblr swifties, and never appreciates twitter swifties (sorry) and since using tumblr confuses me a lot, i decided to stay on twitter and use it as my major fangirling tool lol Then lately, Taylor has been joining instagram live of some lucky swifties, so i tried my luck on IG again and made myself look like an idiot by going on IG live just to get Taylor's attention, but after 3 attempts of trying, I gave up. Then last Wednesday, 18th of October, 2017 ONE DIRECT MESSAGE ALMOST CHANGED MY WHOLE LIFE. At around 11:54AM, i got a notification again from Taylor Nation, saying "CONFIDENTIAL MESSAGE" damn babe, it's just so funny how i literally ignored it for a min bc i think someone is trying to make fun of me again, but SHIT JUST GOT REAL!!!!! GUYS!!!! I clicked on the account, and yeah, confirmed! TAYLOR NATION JUST SENT ME A DM!!!! It took a while for me to absorb everything and reply on their dm cause I was literally shaking, crying and screaming the whole frickin time bc it was frickin real and no longer a prank. I even woke all my relatives up and they thought that something bad happened to me lol and yeah it took me 4 frickin mins to send all the personal info that they need from me. And you know the drill guys, cause once Taylor Nation sends that so called "CONFIDENTIAL MESSAGE" you already know what will happen next, *internally screaming* "SECRET SESSION" babyyyyy!!!! And after getting their DM, i was so happy, it felt like I was in cloud 9! Ive never felt that genuine happiness before, added to the fact that i was also completely unstable, i wanna scream and tell the whole wide world that I am so close to meeting Taylor Swift but I cant. So i just spent the whole night and day waiting for their reply and thinking of happy memories that I am soon gonna be making with Taylor. Then Thursday morning, 19th of October 2017. My phone rings, it was a very unfamiliar yet too familiar, international number! My heart beats faster and my voice starts to tremble as I answer and say hello to the happy girl on the other line! "Heyyy Camila, ohmygod, it feels so nice to finally be able talk to you, wow" OHMYFUCKING GOD !!! THE SINCERITY AND HAPPINESS ON HER VOICE WERE SURREAL I AM TALKING TO TAYLOR NATION ON THE THE OTHER LINE She keeps on saying WOW lol so i finally said, "Hi, are you Taylor Nation? And ohhh, I'm not Camila, it's actually Cristina" (LOL GUYS, I'VE BEEN USING CAMILA'S NAME ON TWITTER FOR SO LONG, I THINK THEY THOUGHT THAT IT WAS MY PET NAME OR WHATEVER) so that's how our conversation started, she also introduced herself and i was so stupid for not remembering her name for being too hyped. All i remember was these lines "TAYLOR IS INVITING YOU TO A VERY SPECIAL AND EXCLUSIVE EVENT" "IM TELLING YOU THAT THIS IS A BIG OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU TO FINALLY MEET HER" FUCK FUCK FUCK TAYLOR WANTS TO MEET ME TAYLOR KNOWS ME TAYLOR IS NOT IGNORING ME AND ALL THIS TIME, TAYLOR HAS BEEN STALKING ME AM I DREAMING? Then, i caught myself off guard when she said "I know it will really take a long journey for you, knowing that you're from the Philippines, but are you willing to take it?" I said YES (cause bitch i love taylor so much and of course ill do anything to meet her) So i asked her, "when and where" And she said "It's actually this coming Sunday in Los Angeles, can you make it?" The happy tone of her voice was still there OKAY, GUYS IM DONE MY LIFE IS RUINED I AM A TOTAL MESS "I DONT HAVE A PASSPORT AND VISA" How can I make it in L.A in three motherfucking days? I AM SO DEVASTATED So thereeeeee, she was explaining a lot of things and the only thing i could recall was "looks like you're not going to make it" and i can hear the sudden regret and sadness in her voice. I AM SO SAD. FROM BEING IN CLOUD 9 TO GODDAMN HELL REAL QUICK But before we end our conversation, i asked her one last question. "HOW DID YOU GUYS FIND ME?" I hear her laugh on the other line before she answers me "We have our own ways, we have our eyes, and we've been monitoring you for a very long time, you're such a great fan, and we love how you show your love ans support on Tay even when she's on break and especially during her TRIAL, and i really love your account" OMG WHAT TRIAL? YOU MEAN HER CASE? SO ARE THEY REALLY STALKING ME IS TAYLOR REALLY STALKING ME DID TAYLOR ALSO HANDPICK ME? THE THOUGHT OF TAYLOR STALKING ME WITHOUT ME KNOWING SOMEHOW CHANGED EVERYTHING. SHE KNOWS MY EXISTENCE. IT MADE ME FEEL BETTER I LOVE HER SO MUCH AND IT HURTS I HATE MYSELF FOR LOSING THE BIGGEST OPPORTUNITY OF MY LIFE I AM FOREVER CARRYING THIS BURDEN Also the pictures, I've been creating in my head, of me happily spending the best time of my life with Taylor in her apartment in LA, with Meredith and Olivia, was G O N E. Like G-O-N-E. GONE in just like that. My world literally crashed after the phone convo that I had with TN, it changed my whole perspective in life and also as a swiftie, i thought that I will never ever get this chance. I even told myself that if Taylor would ever invite me to her Secret Session, i would legit do anything just to be there with her. But what the fuck did just happen? I'm almost there! I've been waiting since forever. It was already Taylor who's inviting me and I just put her down 😔 This is the worst thing that could ever happen to a huge and dedicated swiftie like me. My family and friends used to say that "your time will come" and i guess that's it. That's how it works, that's how I lost the chance. The opportunity was already there, but the timing wasn't right. Ive been keeping this sadness all alone cause i made a promise to Taylor and TN to keep it until the LA Secret Session was over. And yeah, btw to all my fellow swifties who hasn't been noticed by Tay yet, don't lose hope. And also, just a quick reminder to all international Swifties especially Filo swifties, guys don't ever say that she's being unfair for not giving chances to us, i am telling you guys, she's giving equal opportunities to all her swifties and really doing her very best to meet all of us 😊 And if your time hasnt arrived, then it's not your time yet. And to Taylor Swift, i know you can't wait to meet me too and I am sorry I could make it this time but I am never losing hope, you know how much I love you, and if today's not our day then it's not our day yet. See you soonest buddy!!!! I love you with all my heart. I lost the chance to meet her at the Secret Session but at least Taylor Alison Swift knows me and somehow that was everything. Love, Cristy/TaylorUnicorn13 Supposed to be one of the LA Reputation Secret Sessioners @taylorswift