#and she had to book it bc some of the zombies in the plane also survived

[homosociallyyours]

If you're still doing these: Ursula, Maleficent, Cruella and listen I'm going to say 10 but honestly I want to know your answers to basically all of those with these three so please feel free to answer as many as your heart desires

HIIIIII you sent this a week ago but i'm just answering now bc it's never too late to answer an ask as fun as this one, right??? This got long so I'm adding a read more!! And if anyone wants to send me three names and a number from this post please do!!!

stab, shoot or drown: I assume in this scenario I'm trying to defeat or kill these queens (sounds fake, but ok), so stab Ursula, shoot Cruella, drown Maleficent

fist fight, get drunk with, share a flat with: Right, so. I would absolutely lose in a fist fight with any of them, just to be clear. BUT: fist fight Cruella, get drunk with Ursula, share a flat with Maleficent.

fight aliens with, fight zombies with, fight capitalism with: The reality is that I would give up in the first two scenarios, but if I were the kind to try to take out aliens or zombies, I'd fight aliens with Cruella, zombies with Ursula, and capitalism with Maleficent (I mean she already hated the monarchy, right?)

write a book with, read a book to, hit with a book: OOF, this one is hard. But maybe write an erotic tale of fat femme on femme lust with Ursula, read a book to Maleficent and her crow, and hit Cruella with a book bc she kinda deserves it.

go on a six hour road trip with (no car radio, you choose who drives), sit next to on a six hour plane flight, sit across from on a six hour train journey: NICE ONE!!!! I would take a six hour road trip with Maleficent, trading driving duties. I would read her fic while she drives or else we'd make up shit about strangers in other cars. She would hex any cops we pass along the way, very sexy. Sit by Ursula on the flight and let her grope me with her tentacles only for both of us to walk away and pretend nothing happened at the end. And finally sit across from Cruella on the train thinking we had nothing in common for half the ride but then spend the other half gossiping about absolute celeb bullshit bc we share some of the same hot takes.

go clothes shopping with, go to ikea with, go grocery shopping with: You might think I would say go clothes shopping with Cruella, but you would be WRONG. Yes, she's a fashionista, but I just know deep down she's got serious fatphobia issues and we'd have to fight. Me and Ursula are going clothes shopping together, and we are two sexy fat bitches against the fashion world!!!! LOVE IT!! I'm going to ikea with Maleficent; I think she'd hate some of the same things I do. And definitely going food shopping with Cruella bc in spite of being skinny she IS a rich bitch and would probably let me indulge my fancy food sensibilities to create a truly decadent and sexy 7 course meal where money was no object. DREAMY.

go to a wedding with, go to a party with, go to a museum with: Wedding with Maleficent (either she got a great gift and I get to put my name on it OR she's secretly stealing all the gifts and we're running off together afterwards like two babes in a Taylor Swift song), party with Ursula (FANTASTICAL FEASTS!!), museum with Cruella so I can get her to buy me some art.

share a car with, share a bank account with, share a cake with: Me and Maleficent, in addition to being great roadtrip buddies, would also be excellent car sharers, idk why. I would share Cruella's bank acct because SHE'S RICH, HUNNY! But don't think she's my sugar mommy or something-- she's calling ME mommy in this scenario! And cake with Ursula...we're inviting Agatha Trunchbull and having a gay olde time.

watch a soap opera with, go to a play with, watch your favourite movie with: Hmmm a toughie. Soaps with Cruella bc she'd think the drama was nothing compared to her own life. Play with Ursula so that we could discuss the make up and costumes at intermission and then re-enact our favorite parts later like true drama heauxs. Meanwhile me and Maleficent are always down to watch Clueless bc obviously.

netflix and chill with, go ice-skating with, play dodgeball against: Listen I'm pretty sure me and Maleficent are netflix and chilling already (in my dreams)...she's literally running her fingers thru my hair right now (please i really wish). I'd ice skate with Ursula bc I have a feeling we'd both hate it and decide to get hot choccys instead, and I'd play dodgeball vs Cruella bc HOPEFULLY we'd both hate that too and would instead heckle all the people who decided that tossing balls at one another was a sport and not just some dull, sad version of torture.

[vyvesvi]

updated top albums list + recommended tracks from each bc im bored lol

*tentatively* in order

unnatural - wjsn | recommended songs: all of them (especially unnatural, supermoon, and yalla) except for rewind | skips: just rewind bc ballad /// im not sure what style to call this album but they really made such a smash, its crazy that it came out so early in the year and no gg is touching it (album wise). literally the only complaints i have are the obligatory ballad (that they always do bc they can all sing lmfao), the album cover/title (dont love the cover design and i dont love when the album name is the tt name, except in certain circumstances (a full album (especially where the title isnt necessarily from the title track) like montero) or when it's a single album (the inverse of this being rsq's prequel which couldve just been called colorfull since that was the only damn song 😐)). i also was disappointed with the outfits for last dance but that's peripheral.

timeabout, - yukika | recommended songs: insomnia & secret | skips: none /// okay to keep it very real im genuinely scared that she'll never surpass soul lady. i love, and i mean LOVE timeabout, but soul lady was on another plane of existence. like she could've held that album a little bit

the other side of the moon - gwsn | recommended songs: like it hot, starry night, i cant breathe | skips: i sing, depending on my mood /// i dont have much commentary tbh,this is just a very solid mini idk. id like to see a fusion of i cant breathe/tweaks/after the bloom/burn, maybe on their next mini. i love their brighter stuff but maybe a darker concept next (halloween cb pls pls pls)

montero - lil nas x | lowkey too soon for me to pick recommended songs but i'll say montero, scoop, lost in the citadel, sun goes down, and am i dreaming for now. will update! | skips: none /// i cant say that this is this year's sawayama bc sawayama was kinda more like a collection of really strong singles? whereas i feel like these songs shine as an album. i dont even know what to say except that im soooo surprised and impressed because i didnt know that this is the type of music he made???? like he raps but theres a lot of singing? not like belting but definitely not rapping. its kinda...alt ish? in some places? if i had to use ine genre to describe the whole album id probably say alt pop? idk but whatever it is it's definitely working

hide & seek - purple kiss | recommended songs: zombie & so why (tbh all of them) | 2am and zzzz depend on my mood but theyre def not full skips /// no bad song on the album this is crazy....i might rerank since i just listened to it for the first time but as of now idk, its good im just super impressed. ponzona wasnt for me but this cb theyre really doing all the things, lovr tht for them

produced by: [myself] - onlyoneof | recommended songs: coy & night flight | question mark depends on my mood /// im still mad at them (read: 8d) sooooo...idk. i can’t really listen to their music rn. but this mini is still good

play game: holiday - weeekly | recommended songs: check it out, weekend, holiday party | i like memories of summer rain and la luna but it depends on my mood /// very cohesive mini, def their best overall imo! not much to say, but i hope jiyoon gets well soon TTTT

enchant - orbit | recommended songs: gokurakuchouka & never gonna get away but also all of them except flor lunar | skips: flor lunar is nice but boring /// i need kpoppies to get into it im tired of being here alone cmon y’all

set - woodz | recommended songs: feel like | skips: none /// i prefer his bright tracks but this mini was solid as usual. where is the full album tho seungyoun hmmm????

guess who - itzy | recommended songs: sorry not sorry, tennis (0:0), kidding me | skips: in the morning, occasionally wild wild west /// i remember being very surprised that i liked this album, especially given that i dont like mitm. not anything groundbreaking but still solid. i think the naming of tennis (0:0) was really clever

intersection: trace - bae173 | recommended songs: green light, loved you | skips: none (sometimes the intro tho) /// honestly their music is really good??? mbk just hasn’t promoted them well, i feel like they make it a little hard to stan...i really appreciate that they’re not doing the stereotypical hard bg concept thing

lilac - iu | recommended songs: coin, flu, ah puh, troll | skips: honestly id have to relisten, some of the songs a lil boring but idr them at the moment

hello future - nct dream | recommended songs: hello future, life is still going on | skips: idr tbh, probably hot sauce though //// was very surprised that i liked this album, but the outro of hello future really got me after a few listens so i had to check it out. very decent!

killa - mirae | recommended songs: killa, sweet dreams, 1 thing | skips: none really but all of the bsides are a little mid tbh /// i will be 1000% honest in saying that the three reasons this allbum made this list are 1.) killa (the tt), 2.) none of the songs are bad, 3.) lien’s vocals. something about lien....he really just sells whatever song he’s on. his belting >>>>>>>>>>>. he makes their music very enjoyable to listen to, next in that department would be junhyuk. based on their most recent cb, siyoung and khael also contribute a lot as well. shame that the rest of the cb album kinda does nothing for me idk. random but i would really like a gg to cover higher and/or killa

& - loona | recommended songs: ur, ptt | skips: a different night, dance on my own /// these r my girls but this is not their best. ur is wonderful though, and ptt is addicting somehow. wow and be honest are fine but really not their best. i like wow’s choreo tho! 

albums im excited to listen to (no particular order):

last year was weird volume 3, tkay maidza (i’ve already listened to a bunch of it but i need to sit and just listen to the whole thing)

troubled paradise, slayyter (same as above, but i didn’t even realize it came out this year, i thought it was old for some reason lol)

jo1, challenger (every song of theirs i hear i like pretty much so i need to take an organized look at them lmfao)

jo1, stranger (same as above)

only lovers left, woodz (duhhh its woodz. not out yet but im excited! i do prefer his brighter concepts and this def isn’t that. he says its not gonna be like what he’s done before but the title and concept photo that’s out rn is giving lift up)

the book of us: negentropy - chaos swallowed up in love, day6 (the title kinda bored me but we’ll see. also sungjin’s gone so.....................we’ll see.)

ancient dreams in a modern land, marina (i barely got past venus fly trap because its soooooo good. i’ve listened to a little after that but the songs i heard didn’t really compare. i have to give it a shot tho)

the chaos chapter: fight or escape, txt (i liked the blue hour mini so i need to give them a chance i suppose)

333, tinashe (i just feel like i should idk)

honorable mentions (no particular order):

blue hour, txt - discovered this year, came out last year. retroactively makes the 2020 albums list bc whew the market research that went into that thing paid off

hula hoop/ starseed ~kakusei~, loona (why tf does the album not have a name) - duhhh loona + synths = a smash. in fact like i said when it dropped i dont even wanna call them loona anymore. this is kongetsu no shoujo!!! this isn’t on my top albums list because im counting as two songs and my limit is 3. i might add it anyways lmfao. we’ll see

ugly beauty, jolin tsai - discovered this year, came out in 2018. i just really like jolin tsai idk. i had only heard that album w play and i’m not yours, both are iconic but the production quality sounds...low? like its older but ik they’re not *that* old. either way, ugly beauty does everything i wanted it to - dramatic, vocals, rapping, boa vibes...jolin tsai is a queen what can i say

also, there are of course a ton of singles that i love as well, this is albums only though lmfao. i have no idea if i could even attempt to organize the singles lol

[themilky-way]

paris {s.r}

gif credit: sincerelycalum on tumblr

pairing: spencer reid x female! reader

summary: while working on a case in paris, you and spencer realize that there may be more to your friendship than you think. how long until the city of love casts a spell on you? based on this song.

warnings: none i think it’s just fluff  (like everything I write lol)

author’s note:  this long af bc this was supposed to be a series and this would’ve been the second part but the first one i posted didn’t do well lmao. so instead, just enjoy this one shot and maybe i’ll post the first one again if u guys want but idk. also we a lil bold in this fic bc we love confident queens

grabbing your go bag and cell phone from the charging port, you quickly made your way to the jet that was already waiting for departure. the team was ready to make their way to paris, france on a case for a serial killer that migrated from california. it had been difficult for everyone, considering the unsub wasn’t leaving much evidence. 

despite it being for work, you and the team were excited to explore one of the most beautiful cities in the world. if you thought about it, it was kind of like killing two birds with one stone: the opportunity to finally catch a gruesome killer and a vacation. morgan was practically shaking with anticipation as he kept getting up from his seat and bothering garcia every five minutes and then going back. 

“just think about it, baby, all the smokin’ hot people we’re gonna meet. I mean, it’s called the “city of love” for a reason!” derek rambled to penelope as she typed away rapidly on her computer. 

“this isn’t a vacation, sugar, but yes I’m aware of all the potential babes we might encounter. and for that, I prepared another bag,” she giggled as derek started to laugh along with her. he raised his hand to high five her and she lifted hers too, lightly patting it. 

“oh you’re bad bad aren’t you,” he laughed, and they both continued to talk too rapidly for the others to understand. meanwhile, you had grabbed your seat next to emily and right across from you was spencer. you and emily were talking about god knows what, the range going from guessing the types of desserts paris had to perhaps renting a motorcycle for your stay. the banter between the both of you was endless, and you even started watching a french movie to get some pointers on the language. 

between the jokes and wondering remarks, you didn’t really notice that spencer was observing you the whole time. sure, he could play it off as if he were judging both of his coworkers for their lack of knowledge on french culture and linguistics, but he wasn’t really doing that, was he? no, in fact, he was watching you in such depth, the way he’d look at the pages of a book, and taking in every aspect that you had to present. he was, in the most simplest way it can be described as, mesmerized.

the day spencer realized that he looked at you this way shocked him. to be completely honest, it scared the hell out of him. he never pictured you as anything more than a friend, and he always thought you were too relaxed for a job like this. he told himself that he’d leave the matter alone, that their would be no thinking or second-guessing of any kind. but the second he’d lay his eyes on you, it’s like the rules he made up never quite existed. however, the more he looked back on it, there was one question that urged this matter forward: am I gonna find out why?

he shook out of his deep concentration to look up at the voice that was now speaking to him. his eyes focused again and he stared at you confused.

“reid, you okay? you’re spacing out on me, buddy,” you said, head turned slightly from the position you were seated in. you had shifted in your seat to face emily, your left leg bent on the cushion and your right giving you stability on the ground. 

“sorry, I was busy thinking.”

“well, try not to use that big ol’ brain of yours too much yet, we’re gonna need it when we land,” you said, giving him a small wink. he gave you a small smile while a tiny smear of rose-colored blush crept its way onto his cheeks. it was a friendly gesture; everyone on the team did it so you thought, “why the hell not?”

reid opted to read a little bit while on the plane so that he could get in some new interrogating tactics for when they met the unsub. you and emily continued to watch french movies and spot all of the hot actors and actresses you thought would be fake, penny and morgan, well they were on a whole different level of fun. the only ones quiet and doing some work was hotch, jj, and rossi. 

the plane slowly began to descend, butterflies erupting in your stomach from the fall, before the captain announced, “we are now ready to descend and are getting ready for arrival.”

when the captain finished, hotch began, “alright, listen up, team. the location of this case was by chance and we shouldn’t get distracted by anything or anyone. do your job quickly and efficiently as you’ve always had.” he spoke sternly, his shoulders were straight and his face emotionless and heavy with sleep. to any other person, hotch would be a zombie who helped solve murder cases, but to the bau team, he was their leader and they admired him. 

“oh, come on, hotch! if we work extra hard these few days and have enough time by the end of the wee-” you began before getting cut off. 

“yes, we can stay a while and explore the city. the unsub and the evidence altogether looks promising, so hopefully we can wrap it up quick. but don’t stray from your path in the meantime.”

everybody nodded and “yes, sir’d” before standing up and grabbing their luggage from the compartments at the top of their seats. everyone walked out in pairs and headed for the taxi cars that were waiting for them. you took emily, morgan took reid, jj and penelope partnered up, and of of course rossi and hotchner stuck together. at different paces, the team agreed at a nearby hotel closest to the paris police department that had called them. getting your bags in the car, along with the rest of the girls’, you made your way to the hotel to check in and drop your luggage off.

at first glance, it looked like a simple building; a cream color adorning the walls and some very intricate, sophisticated street lamps aligned on the perimeter of the parking entrance. before entering, there was a sort of roundabout you had to pass in order to reach to valet parking, and in the center of the roundabout, was a water fountain. it was simple, yes, but to parisians only. to outsiders, like the bau, it was already quite elegant. the ladies, including you, pitched in a little to pay for the ride and once you got out, there was a young man who offered to take your bags inside. 

“avez-vous besoin d'aide, madame?” the boy said. all of you looked at each other a little confused because even though you thought it might’ve helped, watching french movies for nine hours with emily wasn’t doing it. 

“he’s asking if you need help with these. here,” penny clarified before putting her tiny hello kitty handbag in yours, “let me handle it.”

she walked up to the somewhat tall boy, looked him over once, and said in the thickest french accent there was, “oui je fais mon doux muffin merci beaucoup.” she did a tiny hair flip to her blonde curls and came back to where the rest of you were standing.

“penny, uh, what exactly did you tell that boy?” emily said, stifling down a small giggle.

“nothing, i just said “yes” that I needed help and “thank you very much.”

“no, no, the other part. there must’ve been another part to it. tell us!” jj said, grabbing penelope by the shoulders and shaking them lightly. 

“what other part?”

“the one where you made a boy dressed in victorian era clothing blush like a maniac over some luggage,” you laughed. to this, garcia started to laugh too and then even harder. you and the rest of the girls had puzzled grins on their faces, but the inkling of seeing your friend laugh so hard was reaching your guys’ throats too. 

when she finally caught a breath to speak, she said, “I called him my sweet muffin!” at this, you and the girls broke into heaves of laughter, and couldn’t stop. you and jj had to bend down and place a hand on your stomachs’ to stop them from hurting a little. after a while, there was no words just the intake of small breaths and exhaling them out for control. when the fun comedy was over, you guys followed the boy and his friend inside the hotel lobby. `you took turns registering, and when you were all done, you saw that the rest of the team had beat you to it. they were sitting down in a cushion area near the front desk and were waiting for you guys. 

“okay, now that the rooms are ready, you all can pick a partner to dorm with. it doesn’t really matter, but just choose wisely. I know some people get too crazy when they’re together,” hotch announced, flashing a look at you and garcia before handing out keys. you and emily teamed up per usual, and the rest pairing up in the same order they had been in before. once everyone was ready, you started to make your way up to your rooms while making small chatter with the rest of the gang. emily inserted the key into the lock of the door, and as soon she opened the door, your eyes’ were met with the most delicate and luxurious room you both have ever encountered. 

on either side of the room were two king sized beds with victorian style bed sheets; the design on them were floral, the pastel shades of the roses tracing the outline of the bed beautifully. the ends of the sheets were long, but shabby, which added a nice, elegant, and almost romantic feel to it. 

in the middle of the two beds was a small isle that allowed one person to walk on it at a time. at the end of it, was the entrance to the balcony, which gave view to the famed Eiffel Tower. the small cities, parks, and lakes, that made up the ground portion of the tower were now completely lit up, giving way to an entire new feeling for you. you set your bags on the bed, pushing the cushion down with your hand to feel the softness of it, and made way to the balcony.

“i’ll be right out here, em, if you need me,” you said, waiting for the small “yup” that came from her before proceeding. as soon as your leg crossed the small threshold to the other side, the fresh, cool breeze of the night flooded your senses. you smiled and took in the emotion it gave you, fully crossing over to stand against the railing now. you took in the sights first. the trees that shaped the parks swiveled against the current of the wind, couples of all ages walking hand in hand, admiring how the moon and the stars matched so well to their love. the lights of the tower gleaming brightly and almost seemingly looking at you, as if they asked you, “don’t you realize, (y/n)? don’t you pay attention?” 

paris, and everything it was offering you at that moment, put you through a trance. one where you began to actually speak to the lights, the very same ones that millions of others had fallen in love under. “realize what? I do pay attention, i always have, but what is it I need to notice?”

you kept staring and looking around, if the lights actually were talking to you and this wasn’t a dream, and that you weren’t crazy. you looked around the balcony and walked on it to spy a tiny clue your instincts informed you about. soon enough, you noticed that the balcony was shared by the room next door. you placed your right hand on the rail to kneel down a bit and see if you could figure out who the room belonged to.  

“maybe it’s penny, oh god please be penny. i’m not in the mood to see rossi in scooby-doo underpants...” you whispered fairly. just when you saw a dainty silhouette about to exit the restroom, you turned around to your end of the balcony. 

“(y/n)? are you spying on- (y/n), we’ve been here one hour! our hot, paris boyfriends can wait until we catch the unsub,” emily, whose head was the only part of her body on the outside of the balcony, whispered. “come on, get changed into some comfy clothes. we can take a look at the victimology together.”

standing up, you made one quick glance at the room and the figure was already gone and so was the light. thanks for that, eiffel tower lights, you thought. you crossed to you room again and took a shower before arranging your clothes according to the days of your stay. you put your pajamas on and climbed onto one side of emily’s bed to wait for her to come out of the restroom, since you guys took turns brushing your teeth. 

after about a half and hour of rearranging victimology statements and connecting photos from the crime scene, the both of you were ready to go to sleep. emily turned off her lights and you took one last glance at the view before doing the same. 

and then you heard footsteps on your balcony. 

----------

“you guys think I can woo a french girl tonight?”

“honey, with those shoes? not a chance,” garcia pointed out. morgan made a pout at her response and then acted as if he was offended. the team laughed and then raised their glass in unison and took a sip. the case, overall, went well. you guys managed to catch the unsub in an isolated tunnel and brought him over to the parisian authorities. you and jj had taken the only victim left alive to the station to make one final statement to the news. the rest of bodies were given proper burial and the families were finally given closure. 

because the team had performed beyond excellent, and there were still a few days left before your departure, the team opted on celebrating on a night out. currently, you and your friends were seated around a small circular table inside a local bar, chatting away at whatever came to mind. 

you chose to only drink mineral water, mostly because you knew that you were technically still at work and you didn’t want to risk being drunk in case of an emergency. reid, in a similar manner, chose a glass of soda to toast with. but while doing so, he found himself looking at you in the same way he did on the plane. he hadn’t been able to take in your features that night, but as everyone was so deeply distracted, he began to notice everything. 

he looked over your outfit for tonight, a red, plaid mini skirt with a black turtleneck. the shirt itself was fitted to your body and allowed your angles and curves to be accentuated perfectly. the skirt permitted your legs to be highlighted in a decent, and elegant manner. your hair was loose tonight, and with every breeze that made its way through the bar windows, it caused small strands to caress your face lightly and some to stick to your lip gloss. the heels, oh god, the heels. it drove him crazy; the delicate way in which they clicked when you walked on the concrete, how they would sometimes cause you discomfort and force you to stop and fix it,  how your gentle hand had grasp his shoulder for balance or else you’d fall. 

everything about you tonight was immaculate. no matter how hard he forced himself to look away from you, to stop thinking of you in any other way than a coworker, and to just drink his soda which was becoming less carbonated with every passing second, he just couldn’t. and it was scaring the hell out of him. 

you on the other hand, were still trying to decipher what the tower lights had asked you. what was there to realize? you were here, in paris, the city where millions of people fall in love, to fight a serial killer. the chances of you finding love, especially on a balcony where you had spied on a stranger, were slim. 

by the time you finished your thought process, you noticed that hotch was looking at you with a puzzled expression. 

“everything alright, (y/n)?” he softly asked you. 

“yes, sir, just thinking. is it okay if I head back to my hotel?”

“yes, of course, you might even catch reid on the way there. he left a couple of minutes ago.”

“thank you, sir. good night,” you spoke and got up from your chair, adjusting your skirt as you did so. huh, he left? weird, you thought. you left a tip for the waiter and bid farewell to the rest of your companions before grabbing your coat and clutch and exiting the bar. 

it was rather close to your hotel, so within a few minutes you had reached your dorm and set your things down. sitting down on the edge of the bed, you bent over slightly to unlatch your heels and slip them off your feet. you set them aside and you laid on your back for a few minutes. the only light in your room was the bathroom’s as you didn’t like strong lights shining during the night, so these dimmed ones would do. 

you closed your eyes for a little while and just let the sounds of the city flow through you. you had one opportunity to experience paris, and you weren’t gonna take it for granted. for a while, only your small inhales and exhales of breath were audible, the aura of the room peaceful. 

it wasn’t until you heard footsteps, the very same ones from that other night, on your balcony. your eyes flew open and you pushed your body upward to look back at your window. this is my shot, my chance, you thought. could it be a super old man who was here on vacation? yes. could it rossi, who might’ve gotten the dorm next to yours? maybe. were the possibilities of who the hell was on your balcony in a parisian hotel endless? again, yes. 

but you had to see for yourself, figure out what exactly the universe, paris, was telling you. so you got up from your bed and creeped quietly to the window and slid it up. you crossed the threshold, and even though your light was limited, you were able to make out a tall, thin figure. you inched a little closer, hands crossed over your chest to appear somewhat like a normal human. you wouldn’t have figured it out until he spoke. 

“(y/n)?”

his voice sent shivers down every inch of your body, and no, it wasn’t the cold air of the city, it was him. it was spencer. it caught you by surprise, the feeling his voice gave you, but you tried to play it off. he never made you feel this way, why now? 

“(y/n)? you okay?” he spoke again. this time you lightly shook your head and walked closer to where he was standing so you could lean on the railing now. his body followed yours, and now you were able to make out the perpexled look on his eyes. 

“hi, yeah, I’m good. just didn’t expect to find you here, that’s all,” you spoke quietly, unsure of yourself. he noticed, obviously he noticed, it’s spencer. 

“yeah, same here. I heard footsteps the other night here but I had just taken a shower so I didn’t come out until later.” you glanced up at him when you realized that he was the figure that was in the restroom you’d seen. the one you had spied on and probably would’ve seen naked if emily hadn’t interrupted. a tiny blush made its way onto your cheeks, and you were quite thankful the dark covered the rosy color a little. 

but spencer wasn’t dumb, much less stupid, and if he noticed every little detail about you tonight, he saw how you became around him. and god, he sure did like it. “oh, well that’s good, i guess,” was all you could mutter. so you turned your body now to face the tower, elbows on the railing and hands folded together. he saw the shift in stance and he followed, so now you were both side by side and looking at a view that somehow resembled your emotions for one another. 

“hey spence?”

“yeah?”

“have you ever fallen in love?”

his voice hitched a little and he felt his throat tighten. he let out a small cough to mask the impact of your question, but he found the strength in his voice to retort.

“what makes you ask?”

“no, no reason, i was just curious, ya know. being in paris and all,” you answered. you began to feel intrusive for asking such a personal question, but it had seemed easy for you to do so because of your friendship. you were looking at him as you replied, but then looked back towards the view again. the both of you stood in silence for a couple minutes, your guilt seeping in more at this point. 

“only once. it didn’t end well for the both of us,” he broke the silence. you turned your head to look at him, and you were about to open your mouth to say something when he spoke again. 

“but it happened a long time ago. i don’t think about her anymore.”

you straightened up a little and you continued to face him, prying a little deeper than you should be. “so who do you think about now?”

he glanced at you, his face quickly returning back to the nature displayed in front of him and then looked back to you. a small grin began tugging at his lips, as if he meant to ask, “is this your way of playing with me?”

you gazed up at him and took this sudden swerve of confidence to glance at his lips, and then back up to him, your own smile forming. 

“she’s standing on a balcony with me in paris.” 

[lemondoddle]

Ok, so! For the fmk alt (and I'm gonna make it podcast themed cause ofc i would)! 1 - Elias, Simon Fairchild, Annabelle Cane; 3 - Juno, Rita, Vespa ; 4 - Dr Bright, Caleb, Chloe ; 5 - Sir Damien, Sir Angelo, Talfryn ; 7 - Eiffel, Minkowski, Lovelace!

omg julia 🥺🥺🥺🥺tysm

1) stab, shoot or drown - Elias, Simon Fairchild, Annabelle Cane

ohohohh tricky! i dont think i can drown simon on account of him being a vast avatar and he would probably just :3 at me from under the water, so while i think it would theatrically satisfying to shoot elias i think ill shoot simon, also because the idea of holding elias under the water of some grimy bathtub in a seedy motel while his suit and combover get ruined as he thrashes sounds very gratifying, so drown elias! that just leaves stabbing annabelle which i think i could do in like a really homoerotic way where we’re inches apart from each other making eye contact and its like in movies where the camera shot is just face and chest and you just see her flinch and stumble back and it pans down to the stab wound in her stomach yknow?

3) fight aliens with, fight zombies with, fight capitalism with- Juno, Rita, Vespa

for sure fight aliens with juno, as he has prior experience from dealing with miasma. fight zombies with vespa because shes a trained assassin and the more i think about zombies the easier i think it is to fight them bc theyre literally decayed corpses they are so fragile which is like child’s play for vespa probably and i might even get some zombies down and she’d be like good job and id be like thank u ///////. and DEFINITELY fight capitalism with rita she’s like the best hacker in the universe she’d cancel all student debt and redistribute the 1%’s wealth to everyone in like 15 minutes and we’d have a wonderful conversation while she does it

4) write a book with, read a book to, hit with a book- Dr bright, Caleb, Chloe

oh no im so down for two of these but i cant hit any of them with a book i care them!! if i had to i guess i would VERY LIGHTLY hit caleb with a book on like the arm bc we were probably goofing around and i had a book in hand. i would however totally write a book with chloe that would be so fucking tight because my biggest problem with writing is that i have all these thoughts but i never know how to phrase them and having someone that could read my thoughts would be a godsend. lastly, id read a book to dr bright because that woman just needs to take a long moment and fucking Relax for once, let her lay down while i read something nice and soothing because she deserves it!! 

5) go on a six hour road trip with (no car radio, you choose who drives), sit next to on a six hour plane flight, sit across from on a six hour train journey- Sir Damien, Sir Angelo, Talfryn

definitely go on a 6 hour road trip with sir angelo, for both my entertainment and for the sake of the plane and train passengers because he is kinda real loud. i guess i’ll probably have to drive considering cars dont exist in the second citadel but either way having him in the car would be a hoot and he would keep me very entertained by telling me of his heroic adventures the whole time. the plane one is a bit of a toss-up between tal and damien because theyre both just so nervous and probably wouldnt take well to being on a plane but i think ill go with sitting on a 6 hour plane ride with sir damien, he’ll ask Saint Damien to bless the flight and get himself worked up and rambling every time there’s slight turbulence but its okay ill hold his hand and reassure him and let him lean on me to nap after tiring himself out from worrying. he’d also probably go “ha HA! thank you Saint Damien!!” after the plane lands and i think thats real neat. now i get to sit across talfryn on a 6 hour train ride which i think he still might be a little uncomfortable in the beginning, but i’ll ask him about the plants and ecosystems that pass outside the window and listen to him infodump about that and make for a pleasant lil trip  

7) go to a wedding with, go to a party with, go to a museum with- Eiffel, Minkowski, Lovelace

ooooh i would Love to go to a wedding with lovelace as my date plus one, the actual wedding would be fine and she’d give me a lovingly teasing look when i cry because im a sappy crybaby bitch and when the bride throws the bouqet she’d catch it and give me a wink and we wouldnt even be able to go to the afterparty bc id faint right then and there. go to a party with eiffel bc he’d probably carry the conversations with people and wouldnt mind that i’djust kinda trail behind him to whole time and we’d probably just end up sitting together somewhere chatting bc while i very much adore him he’s not as suave and cool as he thinks he is but that’s okay he’d probably suggest leaving the party via obscure dated reference and we’d go get pizza and drive down the road at night windows down music blasting!. and defs go to a museum with Minkowski, we’d hold hands and id get to gush about the art pieces and she’d get to gush about history artifacts bc i think she’d be really interested in that 

[europeanguy]

Some Kind of Magic

Pairing: Shane x Platinum!MC (Veronica/ “Ronnie”)

Words: >2k

Rating: G, Fluff

Summary: Shane and Ronnie reminisce about 2006 and Shane is a being a big melt

A/N: many many thanks to @pixieferry for “beta-ing” this, without whom this drabble would be one huge yikes. Thank you for all your help and all the encouragement 💛 I forgot to ask you about titles so this will do HAHAHA

tagging @8im8the8one bc she ships this and has good taste LMAO

“Do I look okay?” Veronica turns to Shane, then turns back again to the mirror. She pouts and points at the nearly invisible dark circles under her eyes - even Shane couldn’t lie, no amount of concealer can hide the hours upon hours they spent awake brainstorming for her Christmas album. “God, I look like a zombie.”

“But a very pretty - albeit a little tired - zombie.” Shane snorts from his place on the bed from the other side of the room. But she did look pretty, with or without a scary professional stylist who micromanages her everyday clothing choices. “Did Zadie pick that out?”

“Yeah, oh my god, you should have seen her face when she saw me packing this skirt in an overnight bag.” Veronica smooths out her maxi skirt, then cuffs and uncuffs her sweater sleeves. “I can’t believe I kept you up all night writing lyrics with me.”

“I’ll be alright… I’m worried about you, though. Do your fake dates always have to be this early?”

“Dinner is kind of teetering in the danger zone, if you know what I mean.” Veronica winks at the mirror as she ruffles her brown bangs. A non-awkward silence slips in, seconds ticks by before they burst into laughter. “Fiona just said dinner is too romantic at this point, okay?”

“Riiight… we can’t have you munching on oysters in dim lighting with Raleigh Carrera, cause you just might jump him.” Shane bites his lip to stifle his laughter. He almost feels a sense of deja vu - as if they were eight again laughing under the pillow fort that they always build in her parent’s living room. It’s as if this has happened before, except now they’re older and miles away from home - still somehow together.

“Ugh!” Veronica groans in frustration and walks over to Shane’s bed, collapsing beside him. Her weight makes the mattress dip as she tries to find a comfortable position. She ends up squeezed next to him, arms crossed. “I don’t even like him like that.”

Shane nods, closing his eyes. “It does suck that your first relationship is with a hot famous guy, Ronnie.”

Veronica smirks and burrows her cold feet under Shane’s legs.

“Eeee!” Shane squirms away. “What’s that for?!”

“That was for sassing me,” Veronica shrugs. “Speaking of fake relationships, weren’t you my fake husband?”

Back then, it was for a little movie he was shooting with his dad’s camera. That was when Shane fully realized that he’s into the whole concept of telling stories through film, so it’s only obvious that the star of all his projects would be Veronica - who also happens to be the only actress he can find that’s willing to work for candy. Everett, Veronica’s older brother, promised to play the officiant role but bailed at the last second - so they had to be creative and use their teddy bears.

“Damn, you really upgraded.” Shane still remembers that summer and how upset Veronica was when she found out that Shane already ate his ring pop wedding ring.

“Not really,” Veronica shrugs. “I mean, I don’t think he’d re-tie my shoes for me for a whole month until I figured out how to do it myself.”

“Oh my god, you still remember that?” Shane covers his face in embarrassment. “I think you realized you had to do it yourself when I accidentally tied your shoelaces together and you landed flat on your face.”

“Accidentally.” Veronica makes air quotes, earning a scoff from him.

“I was four!”

“I miss that playground… not how the sand tastes though.” Veronica smiles. “Are you coming back home for Christmas?”

“I don’t know, honestly.” Shane sighs. “Mom and Dad are already bugging me about booking plane tickets. Apparently she needs my help to convert a bunch of home videos she found in our attic.”

“Please tell me I’m invited! I want to rewatch all our movies!” Veronica sits up.

“That’s already a given.” Shane stretches his arms then proceeds to feel around the bed for his phone. “Huh… mom just sent me a video.”

Dear Shane,

Dad and I figured it out, but you still have to come home, I know for a fact that you’re not eating well at your dorm… I can tell from your Pictagram pictures. Please tell Ronnie we miss her and we’d love for her to spend the holidays with us. Love you sweetie.

LOL,

Mom

Shane bursts out laughing at his mom’s use of LOL - and the fact that his mother follows him on Pictagram.

“What is it?” Veronica lies back, scooting closer to Shane so she could peek at his phone’s screen. “Aww, I miss your mom too.”

Underneath the message is an attachment of a video, with a slightly blurry, and hauntingly familiar, thumbnail.

“Is that-?”

“Oh god. Oh no. Oh my god-” Shane tries to scramble away but Veronica’s prying hands are too quick, and she snatches the phone away from him.

Veronica taps the play button and instantly, hundreds of voices and clapping meld together into unintelligible noise and the video slowly focuses on the stage as an older student shuffles to the microphone stand. 

“I now have the pleasure of announcing the final act of the Winter Talent Show,” they start a little too loudly, sending feedback throughout the auditorium. “Please welcome Shane and Ronnie as they sing Way Back Into Love!”

The announcer runs offstage and the stage lights flicker on as the curtains open, revealing a ten-year-old Shane and Ronnie by his side - both terrified. Shane remembers that moment when Ronnie couldn’t let go of his hand. The auditorium is silent and whoever is taking the video sniffs.

“Look at us!” Veronica coos at the screen, and just in time the video zooms in to their faces as they step forward to the mic stand. The announcer runs back with a spare microphone and stand for Shane, gives the two kids an encouraging nod before awkwardly running off. Shane looks at Ronnie and they finally let go of each other’s hands to get in position.

The first few notes of the song starts in a soft piano instrumental, and little Ronnie closes her eyes as if to take a breath. She opens her eyes and looks at Shane for reassurance, the uncertainty slowly fading from her face. She sings, softly at first.

I’ve been living with a shadow, overhead. I’ve been sleeping with a cloud above my bed. I’ve been lonely for so long, trapped in the past I just can’t seem to move on.

“Noooo, no no-” Shane grabs a pillow and buries his face in it, trying to drown out his own voice as he sings Hugh Grant’s parts in monotone.

“You weren’t that bad!” Veronica pokes his side as she continues to watch the video.

All I wanna do is find a way back into love.

Ronnie’s voice carries them throughout the whole performance, making both of them sound good.

“I still don’t know how you do that.” Shane tosses the pillow off his face, giving up and decides to watch the video again.

“Do what?” Veronica can’t stop smiling as she watches them finish the song and excitedly hug on stage as the crowd breaks into applause.

“That whole angelic voice thing.” Shane says oh-so-casually, hoping she doesn’t notice the tell-tale blush on his cheeks. 

As the video comes to an end, little Shane and Ronnie hold hands as they walk backstage amidst the applause. Her hands were cold and clammy from nerves, not that he ever cared if her hands were sweaty or sticky with candy. 

“That was so cute.” Veronica wipes her eyes, handing Shane’s phone over to him. “I love you, you know.”

Shane nods, trying not to put too much meaning in her words. “I know.”

“No, really,” Veronica sighs. “You didn’t really want to be on stage but it was my first time performing in front of a crowd that big, so when I asked you to sign up with me and you agreed, no complaints.”

“Well thanks to me we didn’t win, so.” Shane grins. A week after the talent show he gave Ronnie a trophy out of empty tissue rolls held together by glue. 

Veronica sighs exaggeratedly and chuckles. She shifts position, locking her eyes onto his. His mouth goes dry. Was his best friend, since they were four, making heart eyes at him? Nah, he must be hallucinating. 

He tries to squelch that weird flip-flopping in his stomach, whatever the hell it is. Tries to ignore the subtle scent of her shampoo, not quite masked by her perfume, and it takes him back to when they were ten with asters in their hair. Don’t stare at her soft lips - shit too late, too late. They’re inching closer, her breath is warm on his skin and everything’s tingling and

Riiiing!

Both of them nearly jump out of their skin when her phone starts ringing, cutting through the thick tension in the air. Veronica scrambles to get her phone and Shane’s cheeks ignite as he sits up to put some distance between them.

“Hank’s downstairs,” Veronica rolls her eyes and smiles, “Time to show up at fake brunch.”

“Duty calls!” Shane stands up and clears his throat, suddenly feeling awkward. Oh god. That was so unnatural just now. What’s wrong with you, Shane?  “So uh, I’ll walk you out?”

Veronica slips her socks on, quickly shuffling around the room to shove her stuff back into her bag. “Sure!”

“Wait, don’t forget this!” Shane fishes under his duvet for her lyrics notebook, then follows Veronica who’s already hurried out of his room. Shane spots something pink at the corner of his eye, but ignores it as he jogs down the stairs of their shared loft. After Veronica slips on her boots, Shane hands her the notebook.

“Oh my god, thank you.” Veronica takes the notebook and gives him a tight hug. “Hang soon, okay?”

“O-Okay!”

Shane watches as she rushes down the hall to the elevator. She flashes him an uncharacteristically shy smile while waiting for the elevator to reach their floor. It reaches them with a soft ding, and Shane’s stomach drops as his roommates step out - looking confused when they come face to face with Veronica. Veronica gives them a sheepish grin as she steps in the elevator, looking at Shane one last time before the doors close.

Tucker looks back at the closed elevator and back at Shane - who simply shrugs in innocence.

“That was… that was-”

“I thought you guys wouldn’t be home until Sunday?” Shane nonchalantly types a text to Veronica as he steps aside to let his roommates in.

You left your wig 😂😂😂

“Do not change the subject right now.” Tucker lugs his suitcase inside. “That person who obviously just came out of our place-”

“My friend-Ronnie? Yup.”

Shane’s phone pings with a text.

Looks like you have some explaining to do 😂

Another A/N:

1. Ronnie is my Open Heart MC’s (Everett) little sister, she’s 23 and he’s 27.

2. honestly that’s it my mind is already blanking its almost 2 HAHA

3. Oh YEAH I almost forgot to talk about that edit…

4. I feel like Shane turned out as a cute kid but man…. Ronnie was looking a lot more demonic in the previous versions (I used to ILITW MC kids + their faces, not unlike my TRR edit with the TE MCs + the gang)

5. anyway i know i said i quit writing but this just stemmed from me needing Shane x MC content and not finding any so I took it upon myself to just make them lol (also Way Back Into Love is kind of my recent song obsession)

6. I just love hugh grant okay

7. okay bye

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #255

“who gives a fuck if they hate you; you’re the god that they pray to.”

How many pillows do you sleep with? Two. Could you go a day not talking to the last person you kissed? It would suck. What was the last song you listened to that made you cry? I didn't like, sob, but "Another Life" by Motionless In White does it. Your ex REALLY needs you at 3am and you have a way to their house would you go? Well, I can't with Sara considering she lives two hours away, and that's by plane. If she lived here, duh. For Girt or Jason, yes. Without saying any names what is one thing that you would like to say to someone(s)? I'm sorry. Would your parents get mad if you got drunk while they were present? No. Would you date someone who lived in another state? Eh, maybe. I don't know if I want to do long-distance again. I mean I probably would, but idk. Are you friends with your ex? Sara and Girt, yes. Who is the person you last texted? Sara. When’s the last time you told people you were fine, but really weren’t? I dunno, I honestly don't lie about that often. When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face? Months back when I found out the shit my therapist said about me and disability. Not only did I want to knock her jaw off, but I sobbed for like, a long-ass time. Who did you spend your summer with last year? Just Mom, really. ... Or wait, maybe that was the summer Sara was here??? My memory is such shit, idk if that was last year or the one before. What’s bothering you right now? Stress about dropping out. Have you lost friends in the past year? I don't think so, at least. Have you and the last person you kissed ever talked about going out? We did date. If the person you’re dating said they were falling in love with you, what would you do? I'm not dating anyone. Who was the last person you were in love with for more than a year? Sara. Do you have a secret life? RP stays a pretty big secret. Have you ever seen the last person you kissed without a shirt? Yes. Do your parents know EVERYTHING about you? No. What are you watching? Nothing rn, surprisingly. I'm listening to music. Are you friends with your best friend’s boyfriend or girlfriend? She's single. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive? Yeah. There’s a serial killer in your house, what do you do? Jump out the window. If the last person you kissed went back to their first love, what would you do? I think I am hers. Do you own any bug spray? No, not currently. We need some damn wasp killer. Every spring/summer, they build a nest literally right above our back door. Are you a good gift giver? Honestly think I'm really good at it. I always try to put a load of thought into it. What's the longest trip you’ve ever been on? The drives to either NY or Florida. I can't remember which is further. Are you a daughter or son-in-law? No. Do you know anyone in the military? Multiple people. Do you like your significant other's siblings? N/A Have you ever received a singing birthday card? Yeah. Those always suck when you open them and boom, loud singing to an obnoxious song. Do you own anything made by APPLE? My iPod. Have you ever tried Hamburger helper? Yeah, that was a semi-frequent dinner as a kid. I never liked it that much, though. What was your first car's color? N/A Do you have a best friend? Ye. Do you remember who your Kindergarten teacher was? I do. Do you have a favorite president? A least favorite? No, considering I don't know enough about any and their policies. Can you french braid? No. Were you ever a girl scout or a boy scout? I was as a tiny kid. I met my first best friend that way. What's your least favorite color? I'm just gonna use the very basic colors: yellow or green. Do you know anyone in jail? Not currently. Do you have kids? Ew. What's the strangest name you’ve ever heard? Apples. Yes. I'm serious. How old were you when you learned to walk? Idk. Do you own anything made of lace? Yeah. What's your favorite football team? Idc. What kind of bubble gum do you chew? Just about any. Fruity is my favorite. Do you wear a one-piece bathing suit or two-piece, a speedo or trunks? NOBODY needs to see me in a two-piece. Did you go to your senior prom? Yes. Do you support a charity? Well of course. I used to give coins to those super-old charity things for sick kids back in the day, but I can't remember the exact charity it was. I also donated hair to Children With Hair Loss a couple years back. I haven't donated to any other that I know of bc no personal income and I don't ask my parents for money really, but boy have I wanted to. I always use that Facebook feature where you pick a charity to share and ask for donations for your birthday, though; I've done the Trevor Project and one for pancreatic cancer in honor of my grandmother. I don't remember the others. Do you pop your knuckles? EW no please don't in my presence @ Sara. Do you scrapbook? No. I just don't have the creative drive and dedication to. If you could change your eye color would you and to what color? A much brighter blue. Have you ever had braces? For a long-ass time because we couldn't afford to take them off. One tooth is pushed too far back because of it. Imagine your dream home, does it have a fence around it? No. I want to live in the woods where *that's* my yard. When were you the saddest in your whole life? 2016 OH WOWIE WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have you ever seen a ghost? I definitely believe I have. Are you a virgin? No. How many books do you read a month? I like, just started reading again, so I can't say. Can you type fast? Very. In school were you bullied? I'm extremely thankful I wasn't. Have you ever swam in the ocean? Yes, I love it. Do you own a boat? Not me myself, no. Dad does. What about a camper? No. Do you read the newspaper? No. Are you on any teams? Team Mystic in Pokemon Go *waggles fist @ criticism* If you died today where do you think you’d go? Idk. Who really knows what happens when you die. I hope it's some serene existence, but, *shrugs*. Do you know anyone who is pregnant? Ummmm I don't think so. Who is the first contact in your cell phone? Best friend! :') What color are you bed sheets? The one I'm using now is light blue. Do you use online dating? I cannot FUCKING believe I was briefly on Christian Mingle I would actually rather die- How often are you sick? Extremely rarely. Did/Do you miss a lot of school? Eh. I had my mental health days and had to leave early a lot. Do you like scented candles? Yeah man. When was the last time you were told you were pretty/beautiful/gorgeous? When I recently changed my FB picture after forever. Do you hate the last guy, other than family, you had a conversation with? No. What’s the last thing that made you laugh? Roman being silly. If someone were to ask you out right now would you say yes? I don't know. Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? Yeah. Name four things you want right now: My fucking tattoo updated laksjdlflw, a healthy goddamn weight, my laptop, and a tarantula omg. Do you prefer to hold or be held? I mean, it depends on who we're talking about. I guess generally held? Are you currently wanting any piercings? You have no idea. Are you afraid of falling in love? Very. What was the last thing that made you feel like your life was complete? lol I've never felt that. You ever slept on the floor with someone you liked? Yeah. Do you still speak to any of your classmates from elementary school? Off the very top of my head, no. Does it take a lot to make you cry? NOPE. What is the wallpaper on your computer screen? Why did you choose it? One of my favorite pictures of Teddy, because I adore and miss him. Is there a pattern on the pants you’re currently wearing? Which one? Plaid. Do you like going to baby showers? Do you go only for the cake? I mean, not especially. They're crowded and it's a bad association anyway since it was the last time I hung out with Jason. The cake is indeed the best part, lmao. Mexican food, Chinese food, Italian food, French food or American food? American. What is the color scheme of your absolute favorite fast-food restaurant? Red, yellow, and blue. Do people ever ask you to do things they’re too short to accomplish? Very rarely. I'm not all that tall. Is there carpet or hardwood floor in your bedroom? Carpet. Do you believe in superstitious things such as breaking a mirror? No. Do you get sick of people who call themselves bipolar all the time? As someone who is bipolar, very much so, yes. Ever have an ultra-sound performed on you? What was it for? Yes, for my liver. I was fine. Do you like those "end of the world," "Armageddon" movies? Not especially. Ever been choked severely on something during lunch at your school? No. Do you remember who you sat next to in Kindergarten? Who was it? No. Has anyone ever compared you to an animal? Which one(s)? No. Do you eat more vegetables or fruits? What’s your favorite fruit/veggie? Fruits, by far. Strawberries and broccoli. Something on the human body that grosses you out the most: This is not intentional or meant to be discriminatory of those with 'em, but penises literally repulse me visually. Do you like meeting new people? What’s your most common greeting? Yeah, even though I'm scared. I think I say "hi" or "hey" most. What is something that bothers you about most surveys in general? Extremely heteronormative. Would you survive if zombies were to take over the world? Why or why not? HA no. I'm an anxious mess that is not fast or nimble in any way. What is your favorite color of apple? Red, green or yellow? I like the reddish/yellowish ones. Do you live anywhere near a mall? Maybe like, 15-20 mins away. If you were dying who would you say goodbye to first out of everyone? My mom. Are you someone who actually likes to babysit children? NO. What’s your favorite lunch meat, if you even like any in the first place? Honey ham. Would you rather write with a pen or a pencil? Why is this? Pencil, by far. You can erase. Scibbling stuff out looks messy. Have you ever wanted to be in a band? What position exactly? I am NOT kidding: one of the motivating factors of me going back to public school after 8th grade was the idea of making new friends and maybe making a band to be the guitarist lmfao. Who is your role model or hero in life if you have one? I have multiple for different reasons, but #1's gotta be Mark, man. Were you a really mean kid or a sweet and quiet kid? I was a really friendly kiddo. Do you keep secrets from your parents that you don’t keep from your friends? I don't think so. What is your father’s best friend’s name? Do you know them personally? Idk who that would be. Ever submit a video to America’s Funniest Home Videos? I don't believe we have. The most painful medical procedure you’ve ever had? Jesus fuck, I wouldn't wish having an infected cyst drained without NEARLY enough numbing medication on the goddamn devil. Are you someone who likes to eat Poptarts? What’s your favorite flavor? Yeah. I like the chocolate sundae one most. Ever have a dream you’re being abducted by aliens? Was it scary? No. What is your favorite flavor of Doritos? What do you drink with them? MMMMMMMMMMM cool ranch. Usually soda with chips. What is your favorite nickname you like to be called? Why do you like it? Ozzy. *shrugs* I like my online nickname and the "y" added sounds kinda affectionate ig. Do you already have your outfit for tomorrow planned out? I don’t plan my outfits. Has your favorite song ever been featured on a commercial? No. What would you say was the best year of your life? Why? 2017. SO MUCH DEVELOPMENT AND HEALING!!!!!!! Have you ever been pulled over by the cops for speeding? No. Is anyone in your family a firefighter? Who is it anyway? No.

[artificialqueens]

Just The Game We're In- Chapter 7, Part 1 (Ortega)

A/N: hello all i’m v tired!!!!! here is part one of two of chapter 7 bc i didn’t want to subject mobile users to mental amounts of scrolling again! thank u to everyone that’s shown love and interest in this fic, it honestly warms my heart and means the world to me. sadly, I can’t say when you’ll all see me again. I start my job in 2 weeks and I don’t have part 2 written yet, but i’m going to try to make time for writing so that you guys aren’t left hanging. i love and appreciate u!!! thanks to the amazing Dottie, my aq brits gals, and especially pureCAMP who motivated me to write the final two sections with a speed that will probably never be paralleled again. love u all!!!!

Plot Summary: Willam is a senior political advisor to the government’s minister for social affairs and citizenship, Sharon Needles. Throw in a crush on co-worker Courtney, Sharon acting weird around Willam’s colleague Alaska, an incompetent press department headed by Actual Living Zombie Jinkx Monsoon, and Willam’s job couldn’t get much more stressful. No wonder spin doctor Bianca Del Rio is permanently at the end of her tether…

Finishing the final line in the leaflet she’d been working on, Willam hit the save button in satisfaction. Looking around her desk, she immediately tried to find the to-do list she’d made and crossed off Refugee Housing Policy Literature. She leaned back in her chair and stretched, her back cracking as she interlocked her fingers and lifted her arms high into the air. How long had she been sitting at her desk? Casting an eye over to the clock, she was a little taken aback when she realised it was 5pm. Even if the clock hadn’t been there she probably could have told the time by the office’s human equivalent of a sundial; the comms team were packing up their things, pulling their coats on, and making to leave.

Willam supposed she wasn’t that surprised she’d lost track of time. Truth be told, she had almost lost track of what day it was. For the past two months she’d cocooned herself in her work, throwing herself into each job Sharon gave them as Bianca’s hint at a promotion replayed over and over in her mind like a screensaver. It had been all go at the department pretty much since Sharon’s plane had hit the tarmac at Heathrow airport; her presentation at Brussels had been incredibly well-received and the approval from so many other countries pretty much pressured the Prime Minister into backing the policy and giving it the green light, much to the delight of the department and the chagrin of the opposition. Over the past few weeks, Willam had taken the lead in crafting responses to jabs from Phi Phi both in the media and in parliament, organising positive coverage and press opportunities from the newspapers, and creating the literature that would be given out at the policy’s official launch a month away. She was exhausted, but it was a good exhaustion, like how Willam imagined a runner would feel after completing a sprint- she wouldn’t know, she hadn’t run since she was in school- but this job was a sort of series of sprints, Willam supposed. It was fast-paced and intense and sometimes utterly terrifying, but the euphoria at the end was so worth it.

She honestly hadn’t given Courtney a second thought. And her heart definitely didn’t still jump a little as she looked over to her desk and saw her getting ready to go home. In reality, Willam knew that if she wanted to move up the ladder, she didn’t have time to start anything with anyone, not that Courtney wanted to start anything with her, clearly. Which was fine. Willam was okay with that, in fact she was completely over it. The whole thing had just been a stupid crush, totally fleeting. Courtney was just her friend, that was all.

As Courtney approached her desk, Willam made that little speech to herself in her mind, just to remind herself that if any old feelings decided to pop up during their conversation, it was just a false alarm. Like a fire drill. Not real feelings, just her heart playing tricks on her.

Work was more important.

“Hey,” Courtney smiled, looking at Willam and then at the clock. “A bunch of us are going over to Pearl’s flat for dinner if you want to join. It’ll probably descend into a wine night, and I’ve told them a million times that I have to be up early tomorrow, but of course they won’t listen. You in?”

Courtney’s face seemed so hopeful, and it reminded Willam of how she’d looked at her when she’d asked her to stay at her flat all those months ago, and then when she’d asked her to stay in her bed. Her heart felt as if it was being wrung out. Fire drill, fire drill.

“It sounds great, but I’m going to stay and look at these polls Bianca sent over,” Willam quirked her mouth into an apologetic grimace. Seeing Courtney’s bright expression falter a little, Willam felt compelled to add something that would make it better. “Like you said, early start tomorrow, right?”

Just as Willam had hoped, the smile was back on Courtney’s face. “Oh I’m super excited! The weather’s supposed to be really nice too, and the hotel is apparently amazing!”

Willam couldn’t help but crack a smile. “The weather’s not going to matter. We’ll be stuck in conference rooms 90% of the time. Do you think we can ask to do all the debates outside like in primary school?”

As Courtney gave an amused laugh, Willam felt her heart thud in her chest. Tucking her hair behind her ears, Courtney gave her a shy sort of smile.

“Still, even if it is going to be work guising as a weekend away, I’m looking forward to it. I’m so excited for us to spend time together again,” she said softly, then gave a sort of cough and backed up. “As in, like, all of us. Me, you, Alaska, Sharon. It’ll be fun.”

Willam tried to stop herself reading into what Courtney had said. Fire drill. “Yeah, no. It’ll be good.”

Courtney sort of awkwardly hovered at Willam’s desk, her eyes cast almost nervously to the floor. Willam felt as if she was made entirely of ice, not wanting to move in case she scared her away as if Courtney was some sort of forest animal. Just as Courtney opened her mouth to speak again, Trixie yelled from across the department.

“Is she coming or what? I’m fucking starving!”

Courtney furrowed her brow and flared her nostrils, seemingly annoyed at being interrupted. “No, she’s staying to do work.”

Katya tilted her head to the side and gave Willam an awed look in response to the information. “You’re staying past five again? What the fuck, Willam? You’ve been working harder than Rihanna and Fifth Harmony combined!”

“Well some of us have got to get shit done around here,” Willam shrugged nonchalantly. Turning back to Courtney, she couldn’t help her face softening. “Have a good night. I’ll see you tomorrow, bright and early!”

Courtney gave a small laugh she didn’t quite seem committed to. “Can’t wait. Night, Will.”

As Courtney walked away from her desk, Willam noticed her shoulders were sort of slumped.

“Alaska! Pearl’s?” Adore shouted, distracting Willam. Alaska made a pouty face.

“Can’t. I’ve still got the debrief from Brussels to write up,” she groaned, leaning on her palm with her chin.  

“That was due ages ago! Sharon’s going to kill you,” Violet gasped, shocked. Alaska leaned back in her chair, her poker face excellent.

“Not if Bianca gets there first. Enjoy your night, ladies.”

Shouting goodbyes across the department, Willam took a moment to think about the weekend ahead. She supposed it wasn’t really the weekend per se; tomorrow was Friday, but it was also the very first day of the party conference, also known as the biggest piss-up of the political calendar. Comms members were left behind in order for MPs, cabinet ministers and their political advisors to let off steam. Sure, the days were filled with debates, speakers and networking, but the evenings were reserved for debauchery. Much as Willam had been throwing herself into her work, she was secretly looking forward to a chance to let her hair down a bit, and even if that chance was only at a Hilton hotel in the South of England then she’d still take it. Her excitement was balanced by a little nervousness, though. Over the weekend Sharon would properly present her policy to the members of her own party for the first time, and the rumblings within the party revealed that there were several ministers who were still frosty towards Dosac as a result of the entire legacy fiasco. Willam could only hope that Sharon would be able to turn the charm on as she was usually able.

Just then, Sharon came out of her office a little furtively, walking towards Alaska’s desk and scanning the office.

“Is that everyone gone?” she asked, her voice low but still audible. Alaska smiled up at her girlfriend, clearly happy to be able to drop the professional charade.

“It’s just Willam. So we’re all good,” she beamed. Sharon smiled back at her and sat on her desk, leaning in and kissing Alaska’s forehead gently.

“I still have a functioning set of eyeballs so let’s keep everything U-rated, you gross sons of bitches,” Willam snorted, trying to pretend she was disdainful but really felt her heart both warming and breaking at how affectionate the two of them were. Alaska moved her mouse with one hand while Sharon held her other, their fingers laced together. Sharon took some time out from gazing adoringly at her girlfriend to shoot a glare Willam’s way.

“That’s a shame, we were looking forward to doing that very secret and bad thing we do with your Sharpies after you go home,” she drawled, earning a snort from Alaska.

“So how are you guys even going to function this weekend anyway? I don’t suppose the hotel’s going to conveniently fuck up another booking?” Willam smirked, clicking onto her emails at the same time. Alaska rolled her eyes.

“Do you think we have a combined IQ of four? No, of course not,” she laughed, then looked up at Sharon. “It’s going to be good old-fashioned sneaking around. Sharon will get a double bed so we just have to make sure the hallways are clear every time I’m going to hers. It’ll be easy.”

“Oh, I’m sure it’ll be very easy. I mean it’s not like the entire party and all their advisors are going to be staying in the same hotel or anything,” Willam looked pointedly at her, feeling a little exasperated.

“Trust me, Willam, we’ll be careful. Just like we’ve been these past five months.”

Trying not to shake her head, Willam just exhaled deeply. She was happy for them both, but she was probably never going to stop worrying about their ticking time bomb of a relationship and how long they both had until they were found out. If they weren’t worried about it, then surely someone had to be? Looking across at them both, she bit her tongue as she saw that Alaska had turned around in her chair and now had both of her hands in Sharon’s, the minister leaning in giving her a sweet kiss. Out of respect, or perhaps nausea, Willam averted her eyes back to her monitor. Sure enough, the polls were there in a mass email from Bianca, along with a reminder of the bi-elections in May. It seemed ridiculously early for a reminder already, but Willam supposed that was how politics worked. Support had to be drummed up well in advance, and she reasoned that she’d probably be approached at the conference by a lot of hopeful potential MPs wanting to worm their way into the House of Commons. Clicking on the PDF file, she scrolled through pie charts and graphs searching for relevant statistics. She was suddenly distracted by a ringing from the phone in Sharon’s office. Looking up, she furrowed her brow at Alaska and Sharon, similar confusion painted over both their faces. Calls weren’t supposed to go through to Sharon’s office unless they had been vetted by Jinkx, and Jinkx had already left. If it was Bianca or somebody else from within the party, they’d contact Sharon’s iPhone.

“Hmm. Weird. I’ll answer that and then we can head back to mine? I’m making lamb,” Sharon said proudly, then swung her legs off Alaska’s desk and walked through to her office.

As she heard Sharon’s muffled voice answer the phone, Willam finally found the statistics she’d been looking for. Screwing her face up, she slowly read the numbers in front of her again. They couldn’t be right. It couldn’t be possible.

“Alaska,” Willam yelled over to her friend. “Have you read the polls Bianca sent over?”

Alaska simply shook her head. Willam spoke again. “Read them and go to page 56. I’m not quite sure I’m seeing what’s in front of me.”

Alaska dutifully followed Willam’s orders. Willam watched as she clearly reached the page she was talking about, her face completely falling in shock. “Oh shit. This is bad.”

As Willam turned to Sharon’s office, she was only shocked further when she saw the minister standing by her desk, her face as white as a sheet and the minister very visibly shaken. Concerned, Willam rose from her seat and made her way to her office, Alaska following behind. As they walked into the glass-fronted office, Sharon turned to both of them, her expression one of fear.

“What is it? Who was phoning?”

Sharon wordlessly pressed a single button on the phone and the conversation began to replay.

“Hello, Sharon Needles, Minister for Dosac?”

A male voice- aggressive, hissing. “You’re fucking dead the next time I see you, you fucking traitor bitch.”

“…sorry?”

“You fucking heard me, you cunt. I’m going to throw acid in your face then make sure you’re fucking hanged, you quisling bitch.”

“How did you get this number?”

“You should be more concerned about the fact that I’m going to make sure you fucking die, you terrorist sympathiser cunt! Watch your fucking back.”

With that, there was the sound of an empty telephone line, the flatline a start contrast to Willam’s own heart, which was hammering in her ribcage. Alaska, who had previously been standing with her mouth wide in shock, omitted a little squeak and rushed behind the desk to hold her girlfriend, the both of them visibly upset. Death threats to politicians were unfortunately common, but this was the first time Willam had ever had to deal with a physical phone call, most of the abuse being able to be ignored on social media. This was different- a voice, a person, someone who had physically sought out a phone number that was incredibly difficult to obtain, and this made Willam nervous. Looking at Sharon again, she could see that she was still fearful, her whole body language tense. Alaska was crying, her frame shaking as she tried to quieten her sobs, tears rolling down her face and dropping onto the floor.

“It’s okay. It’ll be okay. Nobody’s going to hurt you,” she whispered, her voice shaky and breath irregular. Sniffing, her voice suddenly grew dark and, releasing her hold on Sharon, she turned to Willam.

“I want that fucking scum put away tonight. I’m phoning Bianca. We need to track the number. I’ll fucking kill him,” she said, storming out of the office. Willam had never seen Alaska this angry- her fists were physically clenched as if she was about to fight, and her jaw was clenched tight.

“Alaska, don’t phone Bianca-” Willam began, as Alaska returned to the office with her mobile. Seething, Alaska whipped round to Willam, her eyes wide in their sockets.

“What the fuck? Of course I’m phoning Bianca, this is fucking serious! We need to get this fucking rotted, disgusting filth locked away! How the fuck are you okay with this?!”

“I’m not okay with it at all!” Willam cried, instantly realising she needed to calm Alaska down. Sharon looked resignedly at her girlfriend.

“Baby, it’s okay, I’m fine-”

“No, you’re not fine! You’ve just received a threat on your life, how can you be fine?!” Alaska yelled in outrage as she tried to scroll at her phone but was prevented by her hands shaking furiously.

“Alaska, you need to calm down,” Willam said softly, Sharon stepping out from behind her desk and wrapping her arms around the taller girl. Heaving a huge sigh Alaska sank into the hug, her face a sort of mix of seething and upset. Taking a moment to clear her head, Willam spoke again.

“Look, I’ll phone Bianca. I’ll also ask her to phone the police. She should have contacts that won’t leak so we can ensure this stays completely out of the media. We’ll make sure you’ve got security- I’ll phone the lobby and make sure you’ve got someone that’ll take you to your car when you leave the offices. That’s all we can do at the moment,” Willam added apologetically, feeling bad for Sharon. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

Sighing, Sharon nodded. “I’m fine. It’s just never happened to me before, you know, an actual phone call. It was just an empty threat, these things always are. I mean, you’re not exactly going to warn a politician before you kill them, are you?”

Alaska tensed up. “Sharon, don’t say that.”

“Well all I’m saying is, they know that this shit is only going to result in tighter security. It’s just an empty threat, they want to see me rattled. Which is exactly what I’m not going to give them.”

Willam reflected on what the man had said. “Do you think this is about all you’re doing for the refugees?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, just his choice of words. Traitor, quisling, terrorist sympathiser. They’re classic EDL buzzwords for anyone that wants to let in any migrants at all, never mind ones fleeing war.”

Sharon was silent, looking to the floor in contemplation. Willam took that as an invitation to continue. “Would it be an idea to quieten down on the housing policy and maybe focus on another area of social affairs? We don’t want this to become anything bigger.”

Sharon narrowed her eyes at Willam, her gaze snapping up from the floor. “No. This is exactly what bigots like him want, they want me to stop trying to do something. In a few months, people like him are still going to be as angry about this policy as they are now. There is no way I’m letting this derail anything.”

Still a little uncomfortable, Willam watched as Sharon sighed, then pulled out of the hug and gave Alaska a reassuring smile.

“Are you sure you want to still go to the party conference?” Willam asked hesitantly, Sharon instantly shutting her down.

“Willam, I said this wouldn’t interrupt anything, okay? I’m fine. Everything is business as usual.”

Sucking a breath in through gritted teeth, Willam decided to broach the subject of the polls. “Okay, well if everything is still business as usual. I should probably let you know…you’re ten points behind in the polls.”

Sharon’s mouth dropped open. “Ten points, what the fuck?! What the hell have I done, blended a baby, a puppy and a kitten together in a fucking KitchenAid?!”

Alaska sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “It might be because of your policy. The public knew you were left wing, but could deal with it as long as you weren’t doing anything. People are annoyed you’re doing your job.”

“Fucking fabulous,” Sharon hissed. Alaska shot Willam a glare as if to thank her for ruining their previously romantic evening. Feeling guilty, Willam crossed to Sharon’s desk and picked up her handbag.

“Look, don’t worry about it. I’ll figure something out and fix it. I’ll even get Courtney involved,” Willam said as she handed the minister her bag, regretting her last sentence as soon as it was out her mouth. “You guys just go enjoy your night, okay? Or at least try.”

Both Sharon and Alaska gave her a smile of gratitude, Sharon taking her back from Willam’s grasp. “Thanks, Willam. You’re a gift.”

Alaska smirked, seemingly a little more cheerful. “We’ll be thinking of you when she’s got three fingers in my-”

“GO HOME,” Willam yelled, cutting her friend off, her disgust muted at her relief that the couple seemed a lot happier again as they both laughed softly, linked arms and began to leave the office.

The calm and quiet of the department contrasted the instant pile-up of tasks in Willam’s head. Heading to Sharon’s phone and ringing down to the lobby for security, she resigned herself to the fact that it was going to be a long night.

***

Heaving her trundle suitcase down the very final step in her stairwell, Willam pushed open her door and entered into the crisp morning air. It was, for now, a cold day, but there was still the promise of it getting warmer as the sun began to rise over the horizon. Rubbing her eyes a little, she stifled a yawn. As she looked at the time, Willam cursed whoever had booked the hotel so far away. Still, she was a little excited at the prospect of getting out of London. Sharon’s driver was meant to be picking them all up at 6am, but Willam had been texted by Alaska and made aware they were running a little late.

Willam was pretty exhausted. She’d been up all night analysing the polls and figuring out a way to combat Sharon’s falling approval ratings, finally coming up with an answer. She supposed she would have been quicker if she’d contacted Courtney and told her all that had gone on at the department after she’d left, but she hadn’t wanted to ruin her night with the comms girls. Besides, the thought of spending time alone with Courtney wasn’t exactly the most appealing thing to her right now.

Her thought process was interrupted as a sleek black car with blacked-out windows pulled up into Willam’s street.

Well, it’s either Sharon or a long-overdue hitman.

As the car arrived beside her, a single window was lowered to reveal Sharon in a huge pair of sunglasses. Beaming a smile, she shouted out to Willam just as the boot of the car popped open.

“Get in loser, we’re going to engage in stimulating, politically-driven conferences and debates!”

As Willam rolled her eyes and lifted her case into the boot, sitting it beside Alaska’s and Sharon’s, she heard the muffled voice of Alaska from inside the car say something about constantly wondering why she was attracted to her girlfriend. Opening the other side door, Willam climbed inside and sat opposite the couple.

“Hey. How was your night?” Willam asked politely, feeling small-talk would be appropriate before she launched into work matters. Alaska gave a long-suffering sigh and took Sharon’s hand.

“We ended up getting a sub-par chippy because someone’s lamb shanks were so raw they could’ve walked out the fucking oven.”

“Hey, nobody ever told me you had to cook lamb for approximately six hundred years!” Sharon cried incredulously, then laughing as Alaska broke out into a smile beside her. Feeling it was too early for such displays of affection, Willam decided to change topic.

“So, before we do anything else, I think I figured out the drop in the polls,” she began, getting her phone out to illustrate her plan before hearing Sharon groan opposite her.

“Willam, it’s six in the morning. Can we at least wait til the sun’s up before we start talking work?”

“Hey, I’m proud of this idea! I think you’ll like it,” Willam insisted. As Sharon simply rolled her eyes in response, Willam carried on. “Your decrease in approval ratings is mainly amongst the over 40s demographic. So, instead of trying to win them back, we’re going to balance them with the 18 to 25s.”

“Fuck,” Alaska sighed, Sharon bringing her hands up to her face then dragging them down her cheeks. “Will, they never fucking vote.”

“Only because nobody’s connecting with them! Now, we know they like Sharon from the response she gets on twitter. And what is the thing that most 18 to 25 year olds connect with the most?”

“…good policies on higher education?” Sharon tried hopefully.

“Memes!” Willam declared proudly. Sharon and Alaska stared at her as if she’d just grown another head.

“I’ve woken up on another plane of reality,” Sharon blinked blankly.

“Is it not kind of insulting to say that the only way Sharon can connect with younger voters is through memes?” Alaska tilted her head a little.

“Insulting to Sharon or insulting to- you know what, it doesn’t matter, the point is that the memes are politically relevant! I set you up a snapchat account and all you’ve got to do is post some funny, wholesome pictures or videos every now and again. The kids will love you, turn you into a massive meme queen, become more engaged and invested in you than they already are, hype you up no end on social media and increase your approval ratings!”

“Um. What the fuck is snapchat,” Sharon asked, her face blank. Sighing and shaking her head, Willam gestured for Sharon to give her her phone and downloaded the app as Alaska patiently explained how it worked to her girlfriend. Soon enough, Willam was signing into the account she’d made for her boss.

“Okay,” she said, handing it back to Sharon. “Now, do a video or something. Say you’re on your way to the party conference and are excited to hear everyone’s ideas and visions for the future, blah blah blah, political horseshit.”

Looking a little nervous, Sharon positioned the screen across from her face and gave a false smile as she held down the video button.

“Hi everyone, Sharon Needles here and I am on my way to Bournemouth for the party conference! I am so excited to get down and start hearing everyone’s amazing ideas for the year ahe- the video stopped.”

Exasperated, Willam rested her head in her hands. Alaska simply laughed affectionately.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get the hang of it, sweetie,” she smiled, giving her a kiss on the cheek. “But in all seriousness, this isn’t the worst idea you’ve ever had, Wills. How much of it was really down to Courtney?”

Willam felt as if she’d suddenly choked on something. “Oh, um, I never had to contact her in the end. The idea sort of came to me.”

“Speaking of contacting people, did you get in touch with Bianca about that phone call?” Sharon asked, her voice suddenly grave. Willam had. Bianca had seemed a little rattled that whoever it was had managed to obtain a departmental phone number but was convinced it was nothing more than an empty threat, and Willam conveyed this to Sharon.

“She’s got someone at the Metropolitan working on it. Shouldn’t be too hard to trace the number once they phone the network provider,” she explained, her heart seizing up as she recognised the familiar new-build flats outside the window. “We should probably stop talking about this now that we’re at Courtney’s.”

“Why? Wasn’t she made aware?” Sharon asked, her voice turning a little stern.

Willam let out a sigh. “I didn’t tell her.”

“What? Why not?”

Because I’m scared to text her? Fire drill. “Because I don’t want this getting round the department more than it has to.”

Just as Sharon appeared satisfied with Willam’s answer, the car stopped right alongside Courtney, who was standing beside a huge suitcase, a smaller but very full backpack that was looped around its handles, and a Sainsbury’s bag that seemed to contain wellington boots. The small blonde beamed with joy, then rushed around the back to put everything into the boot.

“Jesus. What in fuck has she packed?” Alaska snorted an affectionate laugh as the boot slammed loudly from the back of the car and Courtney clambered into the seat beside Willam.

“Good morning, campers! Ah, I am so excited! This is going to be the best weekend,” she squealed happily, clapping her hands together in excitement.

“I hate to disappoint, Courtney, but I don’t know how exciting it’s going to be for you watching a bunch of speeches that are irrelevant to your line of work and watching me debate the assholes we share a party with.”

“Oh, come on, it’s not so bad. We’ve got the diversity disco tomorrow night,” Willam said dryly, her awe at the erratic planning of each conference growing more and more each year.

“Yeah, it’ll be surprisingly fun!” Courtney nodded enthusiastically. “Plus, all the other advisors are usually lovely! Trixie was saying last night that we needed to look out for one of her old friends from HR- Farrah, I’ve met her once or twice but had no idea she was a party member. Apparently she’s one of Sasha Velour’s girls and she’s sort of in at the deep end, so we need to look out for her.”

“Sasha Velour, ugh. I can’t imagine what it’d be like to work with her, she’s so pretentious. Like she could shoot explosive diarrhoea over the entire House of Commons and she’d still think she was the best person in the room,” Willam wrinkled her nose disdainfully. Sasha was one of the party’s many new arrivals after the expenses scandal those six months ago, and in that time Willam hadn’t been convinced by her at all. Her approval ratings seemed to be good, but any interview she did always seemed to make her come across as too hyper-intelligent for anyone else. Hell, she’d managed to out-smug Raja Gemini.

“I know Bianca got on at her for using too many long words in her interviews,” Alaska chipped in thoughtfully.

“I don’t know. From what I’ve seen in cabinet meetings she’s pretty quiet. Keeps herself to herself. She’s quite buddy with some of the other new ministers, but if all I’ve got to worry about this weekend is a party clique then I’m not worried. I survived high school, for Christ’s sake,” Sharon shrugged nonchalantly. “How long do we have in this car?”

Alaska checked her phone. “Two hours and twenty minutes.”

“I’m going to fucking kill myself.”

Courtney perked up. “Hey, I know what we can do to pass the time!”

Willam’s face grew scheming. “Oh shit, the game we used to play going up to MediaCity?”

“YES! Party political Guess Who,” Courtney replied, her face equally as mischievous. Turning to Sharon, she explained. “It’s like Guess Who, but with the members of the party.”

“Thanks, Courtney, I’m really glad you explained that to me,” Sharon deadpanned.  

“I’ll start then. I’m thinking of a cabinet minister,” Alaska smiled, giving nothing away.

“It’s Sharon,” Willam said instantly, earning her a weird look from Courtney.

“Fuck you, it’s not Sharon!” Alaska blurted out.

“Why would it be Sharon?” Courtney asked, her face still dumbfounded.

“She’s a fucking cabinet minister, isn’t she?” Willam stuttered, eager to cover up her misdemeanour. “Okay, is she a woman?”

“Yes.”

“What colour hair has she got?” Sharon asked, warming to the game.

“It’s yes or no questions only, you fucking amateur,” Willam joked. “Has she got brown hair?”

“Yep.”

“Well that narrows it down,” Courtney rolled her eyes. “Has she made a lot of media appearances in the last three months?”

Alaska narrowed her eyes in thought. “Not really.”

“Was she at last year’s party conference?”

Alaska snorted a laugh that very obviously gave something away. “Yes.”

“Did she make headlines for bringing a bunch of guys back to her hotel room she found on Tinder and riding each one of them like a pogo stick?” Willam cut in immediately.

“Yes!” Alaska blurted out excitedly.

“Is it our beloved Minister for International Trade, Miss Trinity Taylor?!” Courtney suddenly squealed, excitement getting the better of her. All four girls burst out laughing.

“Fuck you, Court, that was my answer!” Willam laughed, whacking her on the arm despite not knowing what possessed her to. Courtney simply batted her eyelashes at her.

“You snooze, you lose, babe!”

As the others kept laughing, Willam felt her heart freeze up. Did Courtney realise what she’d said? Inwardly, Willam shook her head. Of course she didn’t. It was just an offhand comment, something she obviously wouldn’t read into as much as Willam had and something that Willam was stupid for reading into anyway. Fire drill.

Two hours, twenty minutes and most of the cabinet members and MPs later, Sharon’s driver pulled up outside the Hilton they were to be staying at for the weekend. Courtney had been right; from the outside, at least, it did look good. Each floor was stacked high on top of the other, with chunky balconies outlining each one. It was very business-like but also classy, perfect for the weekend ahead. As Sharon’s driver opened the doors and a Hilton employee rushed to the boot to retrieve their luggage, the four made their way up the marble steps past a few hungover-looking smokers and into the hotel lobby, where Sharon took the lead in checking them all into their respective hotel rooms.

“On behalf of the Hilton, we’d like to wish you a very warm welcome and hope that you enjoy the conference,” the receptionist chirped, smiling as he slid four identical key cards over the countertop. “Your rooms are 505, 511, 512 and 513. We offer 24-hour room service although the front desk does close at midnight. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Sharon tilted her head. “Could I have a bottle of champagne sent up to room 512 at around six o’clock tonight please?”

The receptionist barely stopped himself from raising his eyebrows. “Absolutely, I can fix that for you right away Ms. Needles.”

“Thank you,” she smiled, turning away from the desk. Willam fixed her with a frown.

“A bottle of champagne? Are we in Empire?”

“What? It’s the party conference, let me live. ‘Party’ is right there in the phrase.”

“Right in front of ‘conference’,” Willam muttered under her breath. Scooping up the key cards from the reception desk, she shrugged. “Okay, Alaska, you take 511-”

Alaska gave her a grateful smile that thanked her without any words.

“- I’ll take 505 and Court can have-”

“Oh Christ, don’t put me anywhere near the number thirteen,” Courtney said, her voice a little panicked. Willam had forgot about Courtney’s large amount of superstitions. It was one of the things she found so endearing about her.

“Alright, Stevie Wonder,” Willam rolled her eyes to mask her affection, handing her the other key card. “Should we head up to the welcome address? We’ve still got half an hour but it’d be good to go and see who’s turned up.”

Nodding in agreement, Alaska dashed over to the porter who had stacked their suitcases high on a golden luggage trolley and told him which room they were all to go to. Once she’d ensured the safe arrival of their belongings, the four of them made their way to the lifts and travelled up several floors to a floor free of any hotel rooms; the doors opened to reveal a sort of holding area, with a slightly worn red carpet and cream wallpaper. That being said, Willam could hardly see most of her surroundings on account of the sheer volume of people currently in the room. Her observations were interrupted by a man in a smart suit who she vaguely recognised as one of the interns at Number Ten, handing her a sheet of paper.

“Welcome to the annual party conference!” he smiled, desperation to hopefully be picked up by an MP or a Minister so he could begin his ascent to the top of the political world seeping out of every pore. Willam cast a glance at the sheet, which appeared to be the agenda for the weekend.

“God, there’s entirely too much mingling going on in this room,” Sharon exhaled, her tone a little overwhelmed. “It’s like being in a snake pit.”

“Well look, there’s Latrice over there! She likes you, why don’t you go and chat to her?” Courtney pointed out the large, cheerful Communities and Local Government Minister, who was standing by the table of nibbles and laughing loudly with the girl serving behind it. Pulling a face and shrugging, Sharon straightened her posture and made her way over to Latrice, leaving Alaska, Courtney and Willam still hovering by the lifts. Willam watched as Alaska scanned the room, her eyes suddenly resting on someone and her face jolting in recognition. Faltering a little as she remembered the two girls beside her, Alaska began to slowly move towards who she’d seen.

“I’ve just spotted, um…someone I knew from uni. I’m just going to go catch up- you guys don’t mind, do you?”

Alaska barely gave either of them time to reply with a yes or no as she quickly disappeared into the crush of people. Curiosity piqued, Willam craned her neck in an attempt to see who Alaska had been so focused on, but it was impossible to see where Alaska had gone in the shifting crowd. Letting it drop, Willam became aware that only she and Courtney were left. Her palms began to sweat as she searched for something to say, but Courtney didn’t seem to feel as uncomfortable.

“Look, there’s Nina from Work and Pensions,” she kept her voice low as she subtly pointed to the new minister, who was standing on her own sipping from an orange juice and scanning the room. “Should we go say hi?”

Willam scoffed. “Nah. She won’t know who we are and to add to that, she’s isolated herself by choice. The rumour is that she smoked too much weed while she was at uni so she’s one of the most paranoid people you’ll ever meet. Fierce debater, though.”

Courtney’s eyes grew wide, a little shocked at the revelation. Calming herself and shrugging, she gave Willam a little smile. “Well, we can just keep each other company until the conference starts.”

Willam couldn’t control the way she beamed a smile back at her. Suddenly scrambling for conversation, Willam looked to the floor, a little nervous. “So, any big plans for tonight?”

Courtney bit her lip slightly. “I was thinking of heading to the SkyBar and trying to make some pals. I know there was some talk amongst the advisors for drinks after dinner. Sound good?”

Willam was only a little taken aback at Courtney’s invitation. Stammering a little, she pulled an apologetic face. “Sorry. I’m going to stay in and work on a little more analysis of this taxation policy that’s getting debated tomorrow. Try and conjure up a couple more figures for Sharon to throw in.”

Courtney momentarily looked as if she was injured. “Oh. Okay.”

Willam all but flinched, wondering what she’d done to result in Courtney’s drop in spirits. She was a breath away from trying to save the situation- perhaps saying she’d come for one single drink if only to see that smile reappear on Courtney’s face again- when she was stopped by a cry from within the crowd.

“Courtney?” came a soft, high voice, the words followed by a tiny blonde girl who looked entirely too young to be in politics. She wore a baby pink pencil skirt and suit jacket which were perfectly tailored, and her blonde hair hung in delicate waves framing her face. As she turned her head very slightly, the light hit her cheekbones in an almost blinding fashion, indicating that if politics didn’t work out she could always go into makeup artistry. If Willam hadn’t seen her before, Courtney certainly seemed as if she knew her.

“Farrah! It’s so good to see you, I had no idea you were working for the party until Trixie mentioned it!” she beamed, happiness restored as she gave the girl a quick hug.

“Yeah, well, Sasha scouted me after someone obviously noticed my performance in admin over at human resources. But oh God, Courtney, there’s so much! I feel like I’m constantly behind and everyone is so much more advanced. I mean Naysha- you know Cynthia’s Naysha over at International Development?- rumour is she’s getting considered for an advisory job at number ten,” Farrah reeled off, anxiety riddling her tone. Willam’s ears perked up at the mention of the number ten job, her detached interest which she’d held previously suddenly increasing. Farrah seemed not to realise the impact of her words and was still carrying on. “Meanwhile I’m still over here not really sure how to use the photocopier! Oh, I’m so sorry, I don’t think we’ve met?”

With that, Farrah turned to Willam and warmly stuck a hand out for her to shake. Hesitantly, Willam gave a tight smile and took Farrah’s hand. “I’m Willam. I work with Court, I’m Sharon Needles’ political advisor.”

Farrah’s face sort of sank, the smile that had previously been plastered to it melting away. “Oh God. I should have registered. It’s Dosac you guys work for, right?”

Starting to feel a little like she had the power to ruin everyone’s mood, Willam nodded, her brow furrowed. Farrah pulled a sort of pained expression.

“What is it, Farrah?” Courtney asked, concern written all over her face.

“God. I mean I shouldn’t care, right? It’s just politics after all, I mean that’s what happens, isn’t it? But oh God, you’re both going to have to deal with the fallout and I just can’t help but feel partly responsible because I helped her write it…I mean I proof-read it, but that’s still some responsibility, right?” the small blonde stammered, her face only growing more and more fretful.

“Farrah. Talk to me,” Courtney asked, a frown deep set on her face.

“Jesus, are you crying?” Willam tilted her head, awe momentarily taking the place of concern.

Sniffling a little, Farrah took a deep breath. “Sasha’s speech later today. It’s about politics and the media. Sharon doesn’t really come off well in it.”

Willam gave a deep sigh, bringing both hands up behind her head. This was all she needed to add to her already sky-high stress levels. “What exactly does she say?”

As soon as Farrah opened her mouth, she immediately shut it again as her gaze focussed on someone just over Willam’s shoulder. As Willam turned to acknowledge whoever it was, she came near face-to-face with two girls at the same time. Appearance-wise, they couldn’t have contrasted more; the one on the left had flawless dark skin, with colourful makeup that contrasted her pure white shift dress. Her dreadlocks hung over her shoulders and down her back, the little gold embellishments hanging from the odd dread giving Willam the impression of a sort of Christmas tree. The girl on the right, however, immediately raised Willam’s hackles despite her unthreatening appearance- a huge, candyfloss mane of white-blonde hair sat on her shoulders and only accentuated her pale face, which was painted with just a simple red lip and two huge wings of eyeliner. She wore a plain teal suit dress, which was impeccably ironed and crease-free. Willam looked down at her own slightly crumpled white shirt and black pencil skirt self-consciously. The two girls were recognisable as Shea Coulee and Sasha Velour respectively. Like Sharon, they’d both been new starts all those months ago after the expenses scandal- Shea taking up the post as Minister of Defence and Sasha filling the vacancy for Minister of Justice. They had both been strong presences in parliament, managing to gain considerable traction on policies they’d dreamed up, and their approval ratings were good amongst the public. However, Willam had heard small snippets of rumours that flew around the party indicating that Shea and Sasha were more than simply colleagues. If anything was going on between them, however, they didn’t show it as they stood beside each other, their posture and expressions statuesque.

“Farrah! There you are, we were wondering where you’d managed to get to,” Sasha smiled pleasantly, her voice deep and placid.

“I was just talking to Willam and Courtney. Sharon’s girls,” Farrah stuttered, hasty to conceal that she’d revealed anything to them both just moments ago. Sasha raised a single eyebrow in interest, turning to Shea and sharing a look that seemed to be a mixture of amusement and something else Willam couldn’t quite put her finger on.

“Sorry, is there a problem?” Willam couldn’t help but challenge. Sasha, for her part, looked taken aback at Willam’s forthright manner. Her smile was still calm and her tone was even as she spoke.

“Not at all! If anything I think it’s sweet that Sharon still has advisors after her performance so far in her position,” Sasha said, her level tone hiding the bite to her words. Courtney narrowed her eyes.

“She has three advisors, actually, so she’s not exactly short of allies.”

“Tell that to our party, girl,” Shea laughed, throwing her head back. “Three advisors and she still manages to fuck up. That’s kinda bad.”

“I wouldn’t call getting approval from a number of European leaders fucking up,” Willam said, trying her best to keep her tone calm but her flared nostrils potentially giving her away.

“And there was me thinking Sharon’s approval ratings had plummeted. But maybe I have my numbers wrong,” Sasha said lightly, Willam wondering how she managed to make a shrug sarcastically apologetic. “Anyway, they’re letting people in to the welcome address now so I was thinking of getting going, Farrah? But it was lovely to meet you both. If you’d ever like to come spend a day or two over in Justice, you’d be more than welcome!”

Shea gave Sasha an amused smirk. “What she really means is, if you find yourself wanting to work for a department that’s actually going places, her door’s always open.”

Willam’s face scrunched up in distaste as Sasha gave a disapproving look and batted Shea lightly on the arm. “Your mouth is going to get you in mad amounts of trouble one day, I swear.”

As they moved away, Farrah’s apologetic goodbye and a promise to see them both later muffled what Shea replied, but Willam could have sworn it was something about Sasha having never had any complaints about her mouth before. Her eyes were still narrowed and trained on Sasha like a sniper as she spoke.

“I knew there was a reason that stuck-up bitch didn’t sit well with me. What’s the damage control plan?”

Courtney furrowed her brow. “There’s not much we can do except make Sharon aware. We can’t control what Sasha’s going to say, unless we can find something on her?”

Willam raised both eyebrows. “I don’t know if we can get any solid evidence that her and Shea are fucking but surely their interactions are evidence enough.”

Courtney went to speak then stopped, her words getting caught in her throat. To Willam’s curiosity, her expression became briefly antagonised as she paused, then opened her mouth again. “How come you can see what’s going on with them clear as day but you don’t see…”

She sort of trailed off, expression becoming even more pained as something stopped her speech in her tracks. Confused, Willam prompted her. “Don’t see what?”

Courtney sighed and simply shook her head. Before Willam could press her about it any more, they found themselves both being shoved forward a little in the crowd as everyone began to make their way into the conference hall. The flow of the human tide brought Sharon back to them as they shuffled forward towards the doorway like cattle.

“Okay. Issue. Latrice told me there’s a rumour that Sasha’s speech is basically just her dragging me for a considerable amount of time,” Sharon said quietly, her face not giving away her obvious nerves.

“Yeah. We heard it from Farrah, so I don’t think there’s any element of fiction to it,” Courtney grimaced, hating to be the bearer of bad news. Sharon let out a huge breath.

“Fuck. So I’ve got death threats, falling approval ratings, and now my own party hates me.”

“DEATH THREATS?” Courtney all but shouted, causing a few heads to turn her way. Willam cringed, trying her best to shush her and turning to Sharon.

“Thanks, Sharon.”

“She’s an advisor, she deserves to know!”

“Deserves to know what? Did you keep something from me?” Courtney turned to Willam, suddenly accusatory. Willam found herself hoping she was somehow standing above a trapdoor that would miraculously open and lower her into the void.

“Look, I’ll tell you later,” Willam insisted, desperate to placate her. “For now, let’s just hear what the Chancellor of the Exchequer is going to drone on at us about through his fucking nasal passages for the next half hour.”

Willam didn’t miss the way Courtney’s shoulders slumped, her body language completely defeated. She felt a stab of guilt at her heart, wondering if she should regret not telling Courtney. On one hand, she truly did believe that keeping the death threat between the three of them was the best way to handle it. However, something in her gut made her question if part of her had just really wanted to keep her distance from Courtney. Fire drill? I don’t even know anymore.

Willam’s thoughts were interrupted as the three of them were joined by Alaska just as they crossed the boundary of the conference hall and took their seats relatively near the back of the room. Sitting on her chair with a thud, Alaska leaned into Sharon’s ear and whispered something. Sharon’s face became outraged.

“What the fuck, why did everybody else find out about the bloody content of this speech before I did?”

Willam leaned forward to face Alaska. “Who the hell did you find out from?!”

“My friend from high school told me. He-”

Willam cut her off, suddenly confused. “I thought you said it was a friend from uni?”

Alaska paused for a second and blinked, seemingly realising she’d slipped up. “Did I? I meant high school. Anyway, he told me. Everybody seems to have heard, so maybe we need to think of a strategy to deal with the fallout?”

Sharon nodded, her expression determined. She seemed eager to get back on top, and Willam felt a sudden fire and drive to help her get one up on the other members of the party.

For now, though, they had to sit through an old, rich white man loving the sound of his own voice for a considerable length of time. Willam concluded it was just like any other day in parliament.

***

Trying their best to keep their heels quiet against the wooden floor, the four girls snuck into the very back of the hall and sat down gently on four available wooden seats. Willam craned her neck to the very front of the room, where she could see a single long table where the chair sat with Sasha. She seemed at ease and completely nonplussed by the situation, sorting her index cards out calmly while her face gave nothing away. Fishing the weekend’s agenda from her bag, Willam studied the description again.

16.00- 16.30 – Hall 2 – Minister for Justice

Secretary of State Sasha Velour discusses the public’s view of politicians in the media, taking different landmark events from the political calendar and offering her own analysis as to how they in turn affected the approval ratings of the party.

Sighing and shaking her head, Willam could only hope Sharon didn’t get brought up as many times as people seemed to be implying. All day she’d been an absolute jittery, rage-filled nightmare; every speech the four of them had sat in had featured impatient foot-tapping indicating that Sharon’s attention was miles away. She hadn’t touched any food at lunchtime either. Willam just had to thank God that she didn’t have any debates to take part in until tomorrow, as she’d probably just open her mouth and start spewing particles of her own brain. Looking at Sharon now, Willam could see that she was just staring steadfastly straight ahead, her eyes trained on the other young minister. Willam watched Alaska look nervously at her girlfriend, then as she lifted a single hand and made to hold it in Sharon’s. Locking eyes with her, Willam gave Alaska a warning look and, sighing, the other advisor backed down. Willam felt bad, but it was for their own good- the hall was filled with people, and a gesture like that would have been far, far too obvious.

The small murmur in the room quietened to a complete silence as the chair took to the podium and introduced Sasha, Willam’s gaze immediately snapping over to Shea who was sitting on the other side of the room and whose deafening claps soared over the polite applause of the rest of the crowd.

Taking a confident stance at the podium, Sasha smiled pleasantly at the chair.

“First of all I’d like to start by thanking the chairman for such a warm introduction, and by thanking all of you for coming along. I promise I won’t keep you all for long, as I know we have a big night ahead of us!”

WIllam grimaced as the crowd gave a polite chuckle. “Fucking get on with it, then.”

Pausing as she shuffled her index cards, Sasha looked down at the podium, then looked back up at the crowd. “Politics and the media. It’s a relationship that, it could be argued, is incredibly symbiotic. Without politics, would the media have any reason to exist? Without the media, politics, yes, would still exist, but would it be the democratic institution it has come to be today? The media has become one of the most important vehicles through which politics is conveyed, and for one simple reason; public engagement. The media is vastly accessible to the majority of the population through newspapers, television, radio, and more recently, social media.”

“We know what fucking media entails,” Willam hissed under her breath, perhaps a little too loudly as an elderly MP turned around from the row in front and gave her a disapproving look.

“Why is this accessibility so important? Well, it only increases the scrutiny that politicians- us- are put under by the very people that have voted us into our position. The electorate put their trust in us and, through the media, they are given a chance to check up on the people they used their vote on. It’s only reasonable that they expect us to be responsible, respectable members of parliament, after all, we are representing them. We reflect our electorate, and in turn, our electorate reflects us.”

Willam leaned slightly to her left and whispered to Sharon. “She can’t be mentioning you. She’s been rabbiting on for five minutes and all she’s done is use stupid, meaningless phrases.”

Sharon frowned and made to shush her as Sasha carried on.

“Take, for example, the opposition’s leadership contest. Phi Phi O’Hara’s behaviour towards her competitor, Manila Luzon, showed a level of childishness, churlishness, and just downright sexism. How is this reflected in her electorate? Well, we know both Piers Morgan and Katie Hopkins endorsed her campaign…so I shouldn’t need to say too much more to illustrate my point!”

This time, a bubble of genuine laughter burst in the hall, Willam’s expression stony in the face of it all. She didn’t have to turn to look at Sharon to know that her face was the exact same, the tension radiating from her like heat from an oven.

“Now we can laugh at situations like these- except when they’re occurring in our own party. As members, MPs and Ministers, we should constantly be aiming to do our electorate proud. We must always remember that whatever we are doing, it reflects on the whole party. And this is why in every situation we are in, we must remember that our actions have wider consequences than simply ourselves,” Sasha stopped, moved one index card in front of the other and carried on, her tone now one of pride instead of neutrality. “For example, our minister for defence, Shea Coulee. Within her first month of appointment, as I’m sure you’ll all know, Ms. Coulee flew out to Syria to witness the effects that drone strikes from our country had had on innocent communities. Within a month of her arrival back in the UK, her department had drawn up a piece of legislation that should have ensured tighter control and accuracy of drone strikes. We know now that the legislation was blocked by opposing parties- disappointing, yes, but what couldn’t have been predicted was the overwhelming public support as a result. Defence had previously been a department that many wished didn’t exist- an area of the government which was cold and lacked humanity. Ms. Coulee, through media appearances and connection with the public through platforms such as hustings, surgeries and even on Twitter, has managed to bring humanity, dignity and warmth to a position that many were too afraid to fill.”

Willam looked over once again at Shea, whose face was lit up in gratitude at the glowing praise. Just as she was about to roll her eyes, Willam was jolted back into attention by Sasha’s next sentence.

“Dignity is one of the most important qualities to possess in our area of work, and that’s why I was saddened when I watched the events of Sharon Needles’ Daily Mail interview and its aftermath.”

Willam instantly felt every single muscle in her body tense up, the blood coursing through her veins. She couldn’t bring herself to look at Sharon, who had sucked in a tremendous amount of air at once through her nostrils. A few heads turned around in their seats to crane their necks in the direction of Sharon and her advisors. Unable to move in her seat, Willam could only listen to the rest of the speech.

“True, she opened the door to a conversation that really needed to be had- the staggering amount of sexism politicians face from the media every day is vast…however, that’s a speech for another day!” the audience laughed again and Willam had to fight the urge not to pick up her chair and start smashing their moronic heads in. “But the thing that I felt really undermined her point was the way she conveyed her anger. She could have stayed and debated Shangela Wadely. She could have de-railed the interview into a really productive discussion. But instead, she stormed out. She voided the chance of gaining something really positive out of a bad interview. Through sheer luck, Chad Michaels had wanted to highlight the same thing but the party has to wonder- what would have happened if Ms. Michaels had not invited Ms. Needles onto the news? The integrity and public view of the party was thrown into disarray. Would we all be free to walk out of any interview we choose, to refuse to answer questions simply because we didn’t like them? Are we all free to speak how we like on media appearances, to swear as Ms. Needles did on Radio Five Live? As politicians we are always eager to relate to the public, but should our endeavours to be relatable go as far as being brash or being crude?”

“This bitch seems to talk entirely in rhetorical questions,” Willam hissed to nobody in particular, her resentment growing with each line of Sasha’s speech. The Justice minister carried on.

“We know that Ms. Needles’ endeavours have clearly failed, hence the fall in approval ratings next to Phi Phi O’Hara. But is this solely due to the attempt to be relatable? It is likely that it has more to do with the leaking of the Prime Minister’s legacy, which we now know came from her department. Months of work from advisors at number 10 gone completely down the drain, and it should serve as a reminder to us all to tighten the security and our protocol within our departments, to ensure that the lines between civil servants and political workers are made abundantly clear. With this error of judgement-”      

“Fuck this. I’m not staying to have my character assassinated any longer,” Sharon suddenly hissed through gritted teeth, all at once snatching her bag up from the floor and walking out of the row she sat in, not even caring about the looks she drew from at least the three rows of chairs in front. Panicked, Willam looked across at Courtney, whose gaze was fixed on Alaska who was following her girlfriend out of the room as if attached by a string. Making her own decision, Willam jumped up from her chair and made her way to the exit, hearing Courtney’s heels scraping across the wooden floor approximately a second afterwards. Bursting through the double doors, she was grateful to see that Alaska had restrained herself, and was standing not too close to a deflated Sharon who was slumped against the wall. Willam opened her mouth to speak, but Sharon got there first.

“Courtney, could you please phone Jinkx and tell her we need all hands on deck to firefight this. Pre-warn her. Phone Bianca as well and see what the line is. Alaska, could you nip down to reception and ask if they can bump our-” Sharon suddenly coughed very violently in an attempt to cover the mistake Willam had already heard. “- my champagne order forward to five o’clock? I feel as if I need it and about twenty Valium.”

Obediently, Courtney retrieved her phone from her bag and crossed to a quieter end of the corridor to make the phone call. With the other advisor gone, Alaska risked a squeeze of Sharon’s hand and a quick kiss on her cheek before she dashed across into the lift. With just Willam and Sharon left, Sharon tore her hands through her long, ice-grey hair and gave a heart-wrenching sigh. Willam felt for her.

“Hey. It’ll be okay, you know,” Willam braved a small smile which she hoped looked reassuring. “Tomorrow is a new day and you just have to go out there and do what you do best. Lacerate that cotton-wool haired bitch in the debate and then kill your speech. It’s a bump, but you can redeem yourself in less than 24 hours.”

Sharon gave Willam a sort of helpless look, her blue eyes seeming more like pools than their usual ice. “It’s not that I’m worried about. I know I’m good, I know I’ll be fine tomorrow. I just…have I really been as bad as Sasha said? Have I really been that shit for the party?”

Willam’s face instantly contorted in disbelief. “Oh, God, no! Sharon, you’ve been the best thing that’s happened to this party since you arrived. Bitch just needed someone to attack and she’s jealous you’ve had more media appearances than any other minister so she spun everything you’ve done into something bad.”

“I just feel like I’ve let everybody down,” Sharon’s voice was flat, and Willam had to fight the weird urge she had to hug her.

“Listen. Bianca Del Rio scouted you out because she saw something special in you. And when you came to Dosac, everyone else saw it too. Well, Alaska more than most, but anyway,” Willam threw in a joke in an attempt to cheer the minister up and earned herself a small quirk of a smile at the mention of her girlfriend’s name. “And the public saw it more than anyone. Okay, your approval ratings dropped, but whose don’t? It’s just a case of finding your feet again, and you can do that. We all believe in you, Sharon. You’ve not let anyone down.”

Her smile small but still present, Sharon pushed herself off of her leaning position on the wall and stood with a little more poise. “You know, it seems strange, but for someone who started off as my harshest critic I can really always count on you to cheer me up.”

Willam bristled a bit. “Yeah, well. Shit evolves. We all came from fish once.”

Sharon snorted a laugh, then composed herself. “Well, I’m grateful for you anyway.”

Allowing herself a smile, Willam looked over at the corner of the room from where Courtney was making her way back to the two girls.

“Okay, so Jinkx is already on it- calls are coming in already, apparently- but the line Bianca gave them is that this does not affect the validity or credibility of your stance or policies in any way, and the party is not split,” she addressed Sharon, then pulled a face as her tone became concerned. “Bianca is livid at Sasha. She said something about her being so intent on dividing the party into pieces that she’s going to cut up her dead body into similar pieces before she dissolves it in acid to make the murder look like an accident.”

Raising her eyebrows, Willam gave a shrug. “Yeah, that definitely sounds like Bianca to me.”

“Well, ladies, it’s only quarter past four,” Sharon said, the confidence back in her voice. “And we’ve suddenly got a bit of free time on our hands. I suggest we drink until we can only see in greyscale.”

Courtney’s face lit up before Willam made the same feeble excuse she’d given to Courtney before. Really the truth was that the less time she spent around the other advisor the better, the entire day already seeming like some slow, painful water torture with every second she was around Courtney’s perfume, smile or bright eyes.

Excuses and goodbyes made for the evening, Willam found herself in the hotel lift being elevated towards a night of room service, a cold shower, and shitty TV game shows.

It really was the glamour that she loved the most about her job.

***

Willam lay completely awake, her eyes burning as they bore into the darkness that hung above her head. Casting her eye to the only light source in the room, she gave a loud sigh when she saw that the numbers on the digital clock- the only light source in the room- read that it was one in the morning. Exasperated, Willam turned over in the huge double bed the hotel had provided her. There was nothing wrong with it whatsoever; the sheets were soft and the mattress was comfy, but Willam had been kept awake for a couple of reasons. One of which had been the loud moaning and banging of the headboard that had started up just as Willam had originally decided to head to bed, all interspersed with cries of Sharon’s name that made Willam want to just die. Around five minutes into the ordeal, Willam decided that she’d had enough, turned over to face her bedside table and reached for the hotel phone. Punching in the room number of the source of the banging, she sighed with relief when things in the next room fell silent and a clearly irritated Alaska picked up the phone.

“Hello?”

“Oh I’m sorry, I thought this was the room of Minister for Social Affairs and Citizenship Sharon Needles?” Willam sing-songed down the phone, delighting when she heard Alaska’s voice catch in her throat on the other end of the line. “Don’t shit yourself, bitch. It’s me. But be more fucking subtle. Or fuck more subtly. I’m scarred for life here, I’ve got fucking PTSD. Post traumatic…scissoring disorder.”

Willam could practically hear Alaska rolling her eyes. “You’re a first class cunt, you know that?”

“Night night, sleep tight, hope your sex was shite,” Willam deadpanned, before crashing the phone against the receiver and turning over once more in bed.

That had been the only distraction of the evening that Willam could physically prevent or even interrupt. But for the rest of her attempts at sleep she’d been tortured by her own thoughts. Primarily (or at least that’s what she tell herself) thoughts of Sasha’s speech ran riot in her mind, Willam feeling more and more irritated with each passing minute at the Justice Minister’s audacity to attack Sharon as she had done. The fact that Sharon had had to follow Darienne meant that anything would have been an improvement, a fucking mammal with a head, but Sharon had really taken a failing department and launched it into the stratosphere. She couldn’t understand where Sasha’s remarks had come from, and Willam was convinced that Sharon had been doing a formidable job. She’d been fruitlessly grasping at ways Sharon could get back at her the next day, interspersed with stabs of guilt at the thought of resorting to childish point-scoring. Still, if they weren’t fighting fair then Willam was prepared to be as petty as was allowed.

Every so often these thoughts of irritation would be balanced by stomach-churning thoughts that made Willam’s heart feel constricted and panicky. Today was possibly the most time she’d spent in Courtney’s vicinity for quite a long time. It was easy to avoid her at work because she could just escape to her desk and sit and become engrossed in her own jobs. But today had been exhausting, and every single thing Courtney did managed to make Willam’s heart ache all the more. Why the fuck could she not just get over the stupidity of her feelings? She’d been distancing herself from Courtney for about a month and a half now, but the desired effect- that she’d be over her by now- just wasn’t happening. There was a particularly scary thought that barged into Willam’s brain at around midnight, which appeared in a sort of scary whisper.

If I can’t get over my feelings for her, I just need to tell her about them.

Willam had physically grit her teeth, helplessly pulling her pillow over her ears in an attempt to keep the thoughts away to no avail. How could she even have thought a thing like that? How would that be successful in any way? There was no way Courtney would react well to such a thing, let alone return her feelings. But memories stabbed at her mind, little small things that Courtney probably didn’t think twice about but things that Willam clung to like a comfort blanket. The biggest one was their kiss at Christmastime, but there were other occurrences too- meaningful looks, awkward blushes, cryptic sentences which had been started and then dropped.

Stop this.

Closing her eyes again, Willam attempted to clear her head. One of the very few helpful things her mum taught her when she was little was to count to the highest number she could think of until she got to sleep, so for possibly the millionth time that evening Willam began to go through the number line obediently like a small child.

She’d got to possibly 103 when there was a whisper of a knock at her door, so small that Willam couldn’t be sure she’d heard it until it came again, a little louder but still incredibly hesitant. This was no member of staff. Dread collecting in the pit of her stomach, Willam slid out of bed, padded over to the door then peered through the peephole.

Who she saw on the other side made her truly believe that God absolutely hated her with a passion.

Sighing heavily, Willam opened the door to reveal the one person she didn’t want to see on the other side. Courtney’s stance was apologetic and she didn’t meet Willam’s eyes.

“Hey. You okay?” Willam asked, admitting to herself that there had to be a good reason she was knocking her door at 1am.

“I was up at the bar with Farrah and lost track of time,” she  began, her voice soft. “It was only when I got to my room that I realised I must have dropped my key card somewhere…I knocked on Alaska’s door, but she must be asleep. Reception’s closed…I wouldn’t ask, but…”

Trying her best not to show her visible dread, Willam simply stood aside and held the door wider open, allowing Courtney to enter. She thought briefly about switching the bedside light on or offering her a comfier alternative to sleep in than her current velvet leggings and off-shoulder yellow top, but she didn’t want to run any risk of her kindness being misconstrued as anything more. Settling down under her sheets and feeling Courtney slip under the duvet beside her, it was miles away from their last time sharing a bed. Willam had never felt more tense, terrified of brushing against the other advisor.

“Thanks, Will,” Courtney’s soft voice drifted into the darkness and felt like a stab to Willam’s gut. “You’re a good friend.”

“It’s alright.”

Exhausted, Willam returned to staring into the darkness, resigning herself to the fact that if she wasn’t getting any sleep before then she certainly wouldn’t be getting any now that Courtney was sharing her bed. Her heart ached, hating the fact that she had allowed the other girl to affect her feelings this much and wishing she could return to the old friendship they shared. Anything was better than this.

After an ambiguous amount of time- it could have been hours or minutes- Courtney spoke again.

“Willam?”

The almost-question hung heavy in the air, Willam’s breath completely stopping at the weight her name suddenly held. She couldn’t bring herself to speak.

Courtney, obviously believing the other girl was asleep, gave a little sigh. “Never mind.”

The previously cosy bed suddenly ice cold, Willam felt goosebumps prickle at her skin. They were centimetres from each other but Courtney had never felt so far away, and Willam’s thoughts from earlier hung like a weight in her mind.

[accidental-butt-touch]

Multiples of 6, because I do hate you as much as you hate me

bitch. you made me do actual math

3: Zodiac sign?

Aries

5: Book/series I reread?

I attempted to reread the Leviathan trilogy but the only one that I have actually reread was A Series of Unfortunate Events. I reread books all the time (although lately i haven’t been able to finish books anymore lol)

6: Aliens or ghosts?

Aliens are real. Ghosts are not

9: Favourite flavour of anything?

I don’t think I have a favorite flavor of anything but usually cherry is a safe flavor

10: The word that I use all the time to describe something great?

fantastic

12: The question you ask new friends to get to know them better?

what’s ur name?

15: Last song I listened to?

Sidewalks - The Weeknd

18: Movie I watch when I’m feeling down?

my favorite ones, jurassic park and the fifth element

20: Favourite video games?

i’m not really a video game player but I loved my psp game Daxter and Sims Castaway so much. i wish my psp still worked…

24: Cats or dogs?

i’m a dog person tbh

25: Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they’re in?

used to be Robin Williams but i guess now it’s…

27: Am I in a relationship?

HA! i never been in a relationship in my entire life

28: Something I miss?

being able to stay home

30: Eye colour?

Dark brown

33: Someone I trust?

i trust different people for different things but i trust my mom for most things

36: My current obsession?

killing stalking…

38: Do I have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to?

no not really

39: Am I superstitious?

nah

40: What do I think about most?

mostly i’m calculating when i can get free time

42: Do I prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it?

definitely behind it. i hate pictures of myself so much bc i hate myself

45: Last film I watched?

i didn’t get to watch the whole thing bc i had to get back to my homework but it was national treasure

48: Top 5 blog on Tumblr that I follow?

50: How do I destress?

i take long showers and stay up late fucking around in the internet

51: Do I like confrontation?

no

54: Do I sleep with the lights on or off?

shroud me in darkness

55: Play any sports?

HA no

57: Favourite drink?

iced tea

60: Pet peeve?

i CANNOT STAND IT when people make noises with their mouth while eating or chewing (not even myself)

63: What occupation did I want to do when I was younger?

i wanted to be a paleontologist

65: What fictional universe would I like to be a part of?

66: Something I worry about?

if i’m gonna finish my work on time

69: What do I admire most about others?

depends on the person

70: Can I sing?

I wish i could

72: If I won the lottery, what would I do?

depends on the amount but if it’s a substantial amount i’d pay off my loans, buy my parents a car, then save the rest

75: Where do I want to live?

i don’t necessarily have a specific place that i want to live but i really want to get out of florida. it’s too damn hot

78: Early bird or night owl?

100% night owl.

80: Can I drive?

yep. drive to class at least 3 times a week

81: Story behind my last kiss?

never been kissed

84: Story behind one of my scars?

i’m gonna give you two cause i’m feeling generous

The one i have on my right knee was because I was being a dumbass and was “interpretive bike dancing.” I was twisting gracefully on my bike and then i either hit a small pebble on the road or turned wrong and just splatted on the road lol

the one i have on my left eyelid was when i was four and i was at my babysitter’s house. she was also taking care of her granddaughter at the time and she was the same age as me. she wanted to cut my hair so she took a pair of scissors and tried to cut bangs. she but both my hair and my eyelid open. fun times

85: Favourite genre of music?

I don’t necessarily have a favorite but lately i’ve been really into electronic music

87: Favourite comic book character?

harley quinn

90: Favourite sporty activity?

staring at the ceiling. it’s pretty athletic  

93: Siblings?

1 little brother

95: How tall am I?

5’2” lol

96: Can I cook?

i can cook some things but I’m no chef

99: 3 things I hate?

snoring

thanksgiving/holiday scented things

country music

100: Do I have more girl friends or boy friends?

i have more girl friends. i have no idea what happened to all of my guy friends lol

102: Where was I born?

Florida

105: Last person I texted?

this group chat i have for a group project i have for tv class

108: Favourite Youtuber?

TerryTV

110: Do I like selfies?

no lol

111: Favourite game app?

words with friends, although i haven’t played it in a while

114: A place I have not been but wish to visit?

Japan

115: Favourite number?

5

117: Am I religious?

this is kind of a difficult question. I’ve been raised in a strict christian household so i do hold some of those beliefs but i’m kind of in a spot where i’m not sure what my beliefs actually are. so i’ll get back to you on that

120: Am I much of a daredevil?

i can be just to spite someone

123: Can I wiggle my ears?

actually this is a recent skill that i have randomly developed. so yes

125: The Beatles or Elvis?

I was raised with the Beatles so the Beatles

126: My current project?

technically it’s an edition of drypoint prints in printmaking class AND IT’S KILLING MY WILL TO LIVE

129: Forest or beach?

i like and hate both

130: Favourite piece of advice?

i’m not sure

132: Hogwarts house / Divergent faction / Hunger Games district?

friends say i’m a ravenclaw. I actually passed to Dauntless but i was one point away from Erudite. i have no idea how you find your district but i want to know now

135: Do I like gossip?

not really but i am guilty of partaking in it sometimes

138: Do I believe in second chances?

yes

139: If I found a wallet full of cash on the ground, what would I do?

find who lost it. look inside for the id and see if there’s a number to call if no one claims it. if they never respond i’d figure out where i can turn it in to

140: Do I believe people are capable of change?

yes

141: Have I ever been underweight?

i have never been a normal weight no

144: Have I ever been on a plane?

yeah. when i was extremely young tho

145: In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family?

let them be my actual family

147: Do I have any piercings?

i had two in my ears but i think the second ones closed up cause i lost the earrings

150: What is the best decision I have made in life so far?

i don’t know

153: What was my first car?

2008 nissan sentra

155: Who is the most intelligent person I know?

leah @trashcanbees

156: My most embarrassing memory?

why tf would i put that on the internet and let that be used as blackmail

159: Which do I value more in others, brains or beauty?

brains

160: What colour mostly dominates my wardrobe?

black, grey, and blue

162: What do I hate most about myself?

EVERYTHING

165: Do I believe in fate?

not really no

168: Have I ever been on TV?

technically yes. when i was a baby, my dad when he worked at the local fox station  put a clip of me sleeping in my crib for a local commercial

170: One of my favourite quotes?

i had an answer for this and then i lost it

171: Do I hold grudges?

not normally i don’t think

174: Best gift I’ve ever received?

this light up cherry blossom tree that sarah got me for graduation and an infinite CD that leah got me when i first got into kpop

175: Do I dream?

yes and either they are weird as fuck or very violent

177: Do I remember my dreams, and what is one that comes to mind?

i used be able to remember my dreams a lot but lately it’s not as often

what comes to mind are the ones that had to do with showers

180: Do I like shopping?

i abhor it

183: What is my spirit animal?

idk

185: If I could master one skill, what would I choose?

to speed draw and have it look good af

186: What is my greatest failure?

attending college

189: Love or career?

i don’t understand why you can’t have both??

190: If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go?

i’d be afraid bc time travel could mess up shit but i’d go to the future to see if the world actually does go through an armaggedon. either that or just see if i do end up being alone for the rest of my life

192: What is “home” to me?

my house???

195: Would I ever want to encounter aliens?

no cause i’m almost sure they would be hostile

198: Zombies or vampires?

……vampires…..

200: Dragons or wizards?

dragons?

201: A nightmare that has stayed with me?

i haven’t had any real traumatic nightmares lately so idk

204: Have I ever had my heart broken?

no i don’t think so

205: Do I like my handwriting?

my handwriting is shitty but i’ve just learned to accept that

207: Worst job I’ve had?

i am a potato and have never had a job

210: What is on my bucket list?

to go to France to see the gothic cathedrals and to go to Japan to see the cherry blossoms

213: Do I use sarcasm a lot?

nooo

215: What is the weirdest talent I have?

apparently i make really good coffee??? but i don’t do anything to it???

216: Favourite fictional character?

Spencer Reid from criminal minds

Walter Bishop from Fringe

Nozaki Umetaro from gekkan shoujo nozaki-kun

honestly i have no idea if i chose the right ones bc towards the middle i kinda got confused

[moonlightfanfics]

FAQ (sort of)

I thought since I've been away for a while, I need to reconnect with you guys so here's some stuff I thought you'd like to know about me😋

(It’s extremely long so it’s all under the cut!)

Name: Maya

Nickname: May-May

Zodiac sign: Leo

Where was I born: England

Where do I currently live: US. (That’s why in my writing I alternate between American spellings and English spellings lmao). Also my accent is fucked ahaha

Book/series I reread: Hunger Games Trilogy

Books I have yet to read: Game of Thrones & HARRY POTTER

Aliens or ghosts: Aliens

Favourite song: I have too many so I'm just gonna do my top 5 (not in order)

Ed Sheeran - Sing

Chris Brown - Forever

The Weeknd - Earned It

Aaliyah - More Than A Woman

Jennifer Lopez - Love Don't Cost A Thing

The last person who hurt me, did I forgive them: In terms of like boys, erm yes, kind of

What am I most afraid of: Deep sea, I have a huge phobia

A good quality of mine: Good listener

A bad quality of mine: Hold grudges

Actor/Actress I trust enough to watch whatever they're in: Actor/s - Sebastian Stan, Evan Peters. Actress - Emma Stone

Favourite season: Spring

Am I in a relationship: No

Something I miss: Watching the twilight saga for the first time lol

My best friend: I have like six, no joke

Eye colour: Brown

Am I excited about anything: Going on vacation this summer

My current obsession: Evan Peters bc American Horror Story

Someone I love: Parents

Someone I trust: Not many

Favourite TV shows as a child: H2o, That's So Raven, Drake & Josh, Wizards of Waverly Place

What do I think about the most: This isn't to be fake deep lol but I'm always thinking about equality, racism etc. I'll just be studying and my mind wonders to it idk why

Do I have any strange phobias: Dogs, I am absolutely terrified of them, oh and also bridges

Favourite hobbies: Going to the gym

Last book I read: It's been an embarrassingly long time since I last read a book, fifty shades of grey. I'm constantly reading fan fiction though

Last film I watched: Friends with Benefits

Superpower I wish I could have: Telekinesis

When do I feel at most peace: When there are no upcoming tests, finals etc

Do I sleep with lights on or off: Off

What is my song of the week: Ed Sheeran - Shape of You

Afraid of heights: YES

Pet peeve: Incorrect grammar

Have I ever had a friend turn enemy: Luckily no, the minimum time I've known one of my best friends for is four years. The longest is 14 years

What is my current desktop picture: A skyline

What fictional universe would I like to be a part of: Harry Potter

Something I worry about: This seriously keeps me awake at night, the idea that I'm not going to get a good job in the field I'm interested in, I'm not going to marry someone who I think is the perfect match for me and that I'm not going to be able to have kids

Scared of the dark: YES

Can I sing: Yes

Something I wish I could do: Shut off my emotions

Where do I want to live: On an island by myself

Do I have any pets: Yeah, a fish lol

Early bird or night owl: I can be both

Story behind my last kiss: One of my friends house party, drunk, big mistake

Favourite genre of music: Hip-Hop

Who is my hero: The person who invented earphones

What makes me really angry: Racism/inequality fucking boils my blood

Kindle or real book: Real book

Favourite sporty activity: Dancing

What was the last thing I bought: Ben & Jerrys lmao

How tall am I: I'm tiny, 5"4

Can I cook: I'm a fast learner

Can I bake: Yes

Do I have more girl friends than boy friends: Yes

Sexual orientation: Straight

Last time I cried: This morning, watching Obama leave the White House

Guilty pleasure: Cookie dough ice cream

Favourite youtuber/s: E and Gray

Favourite game/ app: MARIO Run

Favourite number: 7

Am I religious: No

Do I like space: Yeah, but if I think about it too much it scares me

Do I like deep ocean: HOLY FUCK NO

Am I much of a daredevil: Hahaha no

Do I like clowns: Its not a phobia but I don't like them at all

Do I admit when I'm wrong: Unless it's to my parents, yes

Am I bad loser: No

Forest or beach: Beach

Am I good liar: Yes

Do I talk to myself: A lot

Hogwarts house: Gryffindor

Am I very social: Yeah

Do I keep a journal/diary: No but I am going to start asap, my mom suggested it to me cos she wrote in hers for years and she said it helped her so idk

Do I believe in second chances: Unfortunately, my dumbass never learns so yes

Do I believe people are capable of change: Yes

Have I ever been underweight: Yes

Am I ticklish: I am sooooooo ticklish

Have I ever been on a plane: Yes

Do I have any piercings: Just my earlobes and my nose

Do I want children: Yes, so so much

What makes me nostalgic: Listening to early 2000's music

What colour mostly dominates my wardrobe: Black and gray

What do I hate most about myself: My boobs

What do I love most about myself: My boobs

How old am I: 16

One of my favourite quotes: I can't remember who said it but it's always stuck in head - "if you fall in love with two people at the same time, choose the second one, because you wouldn't have fallen for them if you really loved the first person"

Have I learnt from my mistakes: Ahahaha hell no, still making the same dumb ones:)

Do I dream: Yes, and they're weird af

An experience that has made me stronger: It has also made me more aware and woke, just my ex in general

If I were immortal, what would I do?: I'd learn every language in the world

If I could get away with any crime, what would I do?: Shoot Donald Trump

Love or money: Money

Love or career: Love

If I could time travel, where would I go: I'd find out who really killed JFK

Zombies or vampires: Vampires

Dragons or wizards: Wizards mate, Harry Potter n all that

Do I judge a book by its cover: Unfortunately, yes, I'm working on it though because I've been proven wrong so many times

Have I ever had my heart broken: Yes, it was messy

Do I like my handwriting: I love it ahaha

How do I handle anger: Really bad, I cry and cry and then I turn into an emotionless monster, so yeah really badly

Was I named after anyone: Yeah the poet Maya Angelou

Do I use sarcasm a lot: Ahaha yeah, I get it from my mom

What TV character am I most like (personality): Bonnie Bennett - The Vampire Diaries 

Favourite fictional character: Jon Snow - Game of Thrones

This was soo long but wayy overdue. If you actually read all this thank you so much!!

[what-my-bones-said]

ALL OF THEM WHORE

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? coffee mugs

2. chocolate bars or lollipops? chocolate bars

3. bubblegum or cotton candy? Cotton candy

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you? shy but a good student

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? glass cups

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? I mean probably preppy because of how I dress for teaching?

7. earbuds or headphones? Headphones

8. movies or tv shows? tv shows 

9. favorite smell in the summer? suntan lotion 

10. game you were best at in p.e.? the game where I lost early and got to stand on the side and watch 

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day? right now, cereal. Usually, oatmeal or fried eggs. 

12. name of your favorite playlist? My country playlist on spotify

13. lanyard or key ring? lanyard

14. favorite non-chocolate candy? sour patch kids 

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment? The Things they Carried by Tim O’Brien

16. most comfortable position to sit in? nothing, I am constantly changing the position I sit in. I can’t sit still

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes? My Sperrys or my white crocs

18. ideal weather? Sunny with a nice warm breeze

19. sleeping position? on my side typically but I move a lot at night

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? notebook with a pen-- but usually I write on my phone because it’s convenient 

21. obsession from childhood? umm.. I don’t know? If I had any?

22. role model? My mom

23. strange habits? watching pimple popping videos

24. favorite crystal? Celestine 

25. first song you remember hearing? Zombie by The Cranberries

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather? Bask in the sun and drink

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather? Curl up in a ball and watch tv bc I hate the cold

28. five songs to describe you? That describe me?? Okay. We’ll try. Man! I Feel Like a Woman-Shania Twain. I Don’t Wanna Be-Gavin Degraw. Who I Am- Jessica Andrews. She Keeps Me Warm-Mary Lambert. This is Me- The Greatest Showman Soundtrack 

29. best way to bond with you? Deep conversations, lots of snacks, and good beer

30. places that you find sacred? the docks at mount holyoke, the woods leading up to the docks

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? ooo... khakis, pink button down, and blazer OR a kick ass dress, depending on the mood. 

32. top five favorite vines? “LOOK AT ALL THOSE CHICKENS.” , It’s an avocado! Thanks!”, “I SMELL LIKE BEEEEF”, “THAT’S MY OPINION”, “That’s what good pussy sounds like”

33. most used phrase in your phone? “I love you” & Yikes bikes

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? WOW that’s a low price! 

35. average time you fall asleep? 11:00

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing? The baby one? idk honestly 

37. suitcase or duffel bag? suitcase is easier to carry 

38. lemonade or tea? tea but i love me some lemonade 

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? lemon meringue pie 

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? my senior year for part of our senior prank my friend brought a keg full of mountain dew to school and people did keg stands in the parking lot

41. last person you texted? wifey 

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets? pants pockets 

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? love a good cardi

44. favorite scent for soap? i have a new mango one that I really like 

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero? superhero

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in? sweatpants and a big tshirt/longsleeve in the winter, basketball shorts in the summer. 

47. favorite type of cheese? ooo... I’m going to go with goats cheese

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? A pomegranate-- i will explain only if asked.

49. what saying or quote do you live by? “We have to create. It is the only thing louder than destruction” -Andrea Gibson

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? idk my wife says a lot of funny things

51. current stresses? not being able to fly and see my wife, my kids not being in the classroom for the rest of the year... basically the state of the world.

52. favorite font? I’m a boring hoe that loves Times New Roman... also into Playfair though. 

53. what is the current state of your hands? Dry as hell and not holding my wife’s... so... not good. 

54. what did you learn from your first job? That not everybody has the same opportunities as me and I should be thankful that I was able to get a college education....

also that drive thru sucks and you should appreciate fast food workers bc their job is shit. 

55. favorite fairy tale? Hansel and Gretel is fun

56. favorite tradition? Christmas party at my parent’s house

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? My grandmother dying is my biggest one, and the struggle of having anxiety is one I’m constantly trying to overcome

58. four talents you’re proud of having? poetry writing, I guess I can sing?, and act a little bit?, teaching-- because I feel like it is a talent

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? absolutely no idea.

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? Something like Ouran High School Host Club

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?  “There is no dishonor in losing the race. There is only dishonor in not racing because you are afraid to lose.”- The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein 

62. seven characters you relate to? Tina from Bob’s Burgers, Piggie from the Elephant and Piggie books, Rory from Gilmore Girls, Part of Monica from Friends, parts of Joey from Friends, Linda from Bob’s Burgers, Oscar the Grouch from Seasame Street

63. five songs that would play in your club? Yeah!-Usher, Dancing Queen- ABBA, Man! I Feel Like a Woman- Shania Twain, Maneater- Nelly Furtado, Work it- Missy Elliot 

64. favorite website from your childhood? Addicting Games

65. any permanent scars? A small scar on my wrist from burning myself on the oven

66. favorite flower(s)? Lilies 

67. good luck charms? My wife

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? GRAPE

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? Otters hold hands

70. left or right handed? right handed 

71. least favorite pattern? Paisley 

72. worst subject? Math

73. favorite weird flavor combo? Ketchup and Mac and Cheese... not really flavors but 

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? 7

75. when did you lose your first tooth? no idea

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? how could I ever pick a favorite potato food when I love them all equally? Except tater tots. Tater tots can go away. 

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill? Cactus 

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? Sush 

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? school ID

80. earth tones or jewel tones? earth tones

81. fireflies or lightning bugs? fireflies 

82. pc or console? pc 

83. writing or drawing? writing

84. podcasts or talk radio? podcasts

84. barbie or polly pocket? POLLY POCKET 

85. fairy tales or mythology? Fairy tales

86. cookies or cupcakes? cookies

87. your greatest fear? plane crash

88. your greatest wish? world peace? also to be living on the same continent as my wife

89. who would you put before everyone else? my wife and my family 

90. luckiest mistake? no clue

91. boxes or bags? bags 

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? fairy lights

93. nicknames? my dad calls me gert (like gertrude) 

94. favorite season? fall

95. favorite app on your phone? My homescapes app 

96. desktop background? just the blue windows background. I’m boring and should change that 

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized? three including mine 

98. favorite historical era? Renaissance?